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thatfreshi · 8 months

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"Unlucky Draw" (Uni AU p. 15)

There's finally some fluff guys!!!!!!!!!

tw - anxiety, discussion of weed

Since Halsin's little break-up escapade happened, you actually do get the chance to see Astarion later that night. As of recent, he's been throwing himself into his thesis project more and more, to the point where most of your time hanging is spent with him looking through books and asking 'do you think this sounds right?'

"You know you can take a break, right?"

"I could, you're right, but then I'd just be wasting time. And I'm not allotted much time to work on this."

The two of you are comfortably sprawled across his mattress, like teenagers at a sleepover. You roll over and shut his laptop.

"C'mon, you've been staring at that paper for like two hours."

"And what else should I do, my darling Tav? Maybe stare at the ceiling in silence? Or scroll mindlessly on my phone until I don't feel like moving anymore?"

"Ugh, no! I don't know, take a coffee break. You're probably not going to sleep anyways."

Your best friend almost looks peaceful like this, wrapped in a cozy sweater and sweatpants, always wearing long socks because he gets cold too easily. You find yourself lingering on the thought longer than normal, wishing he could feel that comfortable warmth all the time, wondering it might be like to share in it.

"Tav, are you listening? God, maybe we should just stare at the ceiling in silence."

"Sorry, just spacing out. What were you saying?"

"I was saying, how I should probably cut back on the caffeine."

"Really? Astarion Barista Ancunín, are you turning your back on your beloved espresso machine?"

"Look, I'm not happy about it, but I've been far too anxious as of late. My nerves are on fire constantly, jumping at every little noise I hear. It's irritating, to say the least."

"I thought being caffeinated was how you dealt with the insomnia though?"

"Oh it very much is, which will become a problem soon enough, but I just can't be this nervous constantly."

It's something that you've definitely noticed, how quiet and fidgety he's become recently.

"You considered smoking weed? I know Gale says it helps him zen out, especially when it comes to art stuff."

"Nope, makes me paranoid."

"Damn, unlucky draw I guess."

"You're telling me. I smoked one time back in high school, couldn't sleep for hours, kept thinking someone was out to get me or something."

You start to get lost in the peace of the moment again, the fact that you're able to talk about shit that doesn't matter, how the light from the bedside lamp hits his eyes just right...

"Are you alright? You seem, out of it."

"Sorry, just thinking about what Halsin said to me."

"I can't believe he just broke things off like that, without a reason."

You swallow hard.

"He, he said it's because he thinks you like me? And that he doesn't want to get in the way of that?"

There's silence for a moment, that you jump to fill.

"But that's not true right? We're just friends, I don't know where he would've gotten that idea from."

"Right, I don't know either... sounds like you dodged a bullet with him."

"Yeah, probably so."

God, has he always looked like this? Damn Halsin, damn all those things he said, damn Gale for even playing into it. You remind yourself that Astarion's right, that this doesn't need to get any more complicated than it already is, that he has enough on his plate.

"Now, am I allowed to go back to my thesis now? Or do I need to have more mandatory break time?"

You playfully sigh.

"I guess you can do productive things or whatever."

"Well, in that case would you like to come read what I have?"

"I'll look at it, but you have the cool narrator voice, you have to read it to be like a professional author."

He rolls his eyes, and you go to sit next to him, looking at the thousands of words he's typed at this point. Astarion starts to read it out loud, editing tiny things as he goes, forever a little perfectionist. After a while, the voice becomes too soothing, and you fall asleep there next to him, letting your head hit his shoulder.

"Tav?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees you knocked out, clearly exhausted. He doesn't stop reading though, worried if he does that he'll somehow ruin the sleep he's let you stumble into. So he spends the rest of the night rereading out loud and talking to himself, occasionally asking you things that you don't answer. After many hours pass, and the wee hours of the morning arrive, along with the clock turning to say five AM, he puts his laptop aside, and asks you one final question.

"Why do you insist on pulling my heartstrings the way you do?"

And it falls on your sleeping ears, never truly getting through.

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #fluff #x reader #freshiau #gale of waterdeep #halsin

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crazycookiemaniac · 15 days

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You know what? If anyone is concerned as to why I don't have a "real" job like most people, not that I owe anyone any explanation, I guess I should talk about this a bit. So, to anyone who cares:

First off, finding a job is not as easy as it seems. There is so much more than just handing in a curriculum, being interviewed so you can then, maybe, get hired. What about your experience? What about your confidence? What about your knowledge? And so on forth.

You can't just find a job because you want to. And, as a matter of fact, not everyone wants to work for companies to make the rich even richer, anyway.

I grew up being very naive. I never paid attention to what happened around me. I could barely make friends due to a bunch of circumstances that I don't think is necessary mentioning here, but I've always been a very lonely person, deep down.

I remember clearly watching my mom do the math on her notebook to see if the money she got was going to be enough for the month. I remember clearly how much I wanted to help her pay the household bills, and one of the first things I did when I turned 16 (age I could legally start working with my parents' permission) was try to become an English teacher at a small English school that was pretty far from home. The owner of the school, who said I was "undergoing training" to teach according to the school's method, never gave me a single penny for over a month that I wasted working for free until I realized he was using me and quit.

And then I kept trying. And trying. And trying. Worked for almost 4 months as a cashier at a retail store, worked as an eyebrow designer for almost 2 months, tried several different university courses, as well as other short courses over the time. I kept trying to find myself in anything and everything at the same time. I could never stay at one place for too long.

Meanwhile, during all these years... ever since I was around 12... I've never stopped drawing.

Art is the one and ONLY thing I've never given up on. Art is something I love so much, I've never wanted to even think about selling it because I firmly believed that what's made with love should be shared and not sold. But life made me realize that I didn't belong anywhere that didn't have a paper and a pencil.

Art is what I do. It's the only thing I can do. Christ, it's the only thing I LOVE to do. And even though I would love to have a second job, to learn more things... I don't have the confidence I can do anything else.

I've grown to know that I have ADHD, Bipolar disorder, and OCD. Since the end of 2020, my mental health severely deteriorated, and I had to go to a mental hospital in 2021 and 2022, as well as I had to go to a part time hospital in 2023. Because of everything that went on, my financial situation got really bad, so I've been trying to pay everything off with what I gain from commissions and donations I eventually get.

See, you don't have to like me. Feel sorry, much less. But some people need to understand that some things are just not as easy as it seems. Everyone walks their own path in life. I'm walking down mine. It's hard, not just for me but for everyone, but I'm doing what I can.

I'm not proud to ask for help all the time. I wish people would only commission or donate to me because they like my work, and not because they feel sorry. But I don't have any other choice. My family can't help, so I have to do what I can.

So, please. Try to understand that I'm doing the best I can.

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astrid-sama · 3 months

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Chrollo Lucilfer x Kurapika

Hi, sorry I haven't posted anything lately. I hope you enjoy.

Most children learn what a soulmate is through stories told by their mother, but Chrollo has no mother and learns what a soulmate is by accident.

He remembers when he found an old storybook among the waste of Meteor City, it told the story of two lovers who after facing a thousand difficulties finally manage to live happily ever after, that was the first time he heard about soul mates, and how he deals with all beautiful things and falls in love with them instantly.

He was born without the mark of a soulmate but he kept telling himself that he had to be patient, that he just had to wait.

Every morning Chrollo had the habit of checking his arms, hoping that something had happened during the night, but every time he woke up his skin was always the same and the more time passed the more he began to believe that perhaps he didn't have a soulmate.

He is nine years old when he feels a burning pain creeping up his arm and hand.

For a moment there is only the hot, throbbing pain but then, when he lowers his eyes to check his wound, time seems to stop.

His heart begins to race and he can't help but feel a warm sensation in his lower stomach.

There on his right arm there is an expanse of flowers that have not yet bloomed, a symbol that somewhere in the world his soul mate, the other half of his soul, has just been born.

For as long as he could remember, Chrollo had always dreamed that one day his skin would be adorned with flowers and now that it has finally happened he can't contain his happiness.

Chrollo knows that children of Metor City like him are not allowed to dream of things like soulmates, he knows that for those who are condemned to live among the garbage like him, a soulmate is nothing more than a burden, a weakness to use against him; but despite everything he still allows himself to fantasize and smile.

Then suddenly a thought hits him, will his soulmate ever be able to accept him for who he is?

His soulmate is probably with a loving family, with plenty of food and warm, soft clothes, but he has nothing, dresses in old torn clothes and eats scraps.

His soulmate will go to a nice school and maybe even learn the art of music or painting.

He looks at his hands and finds them full of cuts and calluses, they are the hands of a murderer, of a thief, certainly not those of a child.

He stopped being a child a long time ago.

He looks down at the old, hole-filled sweater he's wearing and realizes that his soulmate was very unlucky to be destined for someone like him.

Despite everything, Chrollo waits for the moment when he will meet his soulmate, waits for the moment when the flowers on his skin will bloom and he will finally be able to taste the most complete happiness.

That night he softly kisses the flowers on her wrist and whispers "I love you" hoping that wherever his soulmate is he can hear it.

Chrollo discovers what having a soulmate entails when he meets Shalnark and Uvogin. They are the perfect example of soul mates; in some cases they are the opposite of each other while in others they are so in tune that Chrollo began to think they could read each other's minds.

Shalnark and Uvogin are very lucky, they found each other very quickly and, being both from Meteor City they had no problems regarding what they had to do to survive in that hell they called home.

Chrollo envied them so much.

It had been years since his mark had appeared and he still hadn't met his soulmate.

At first he had hoped that he might be somewhere in Meteor City, so he had spent his days looking for him without getting any results.

While waiting to find his soulmate, at night, when no one could see him, he began to fantasize.

"What color will his hair be? And what color will his eyes be? Will he want to talk about books with me? Will we be like Shalnark and Uvogin?...-

Even though thoughts about his soulmate made him feel a warm feeling of happiness, he knew, in a corner of his mind that he tried to keep hidden that there was a possibility that they would never meet, or worse, that his soulmate despised him.

-We should take the job! They promised us a lot of money! We could even keep some for ourselves, I heard that their eyes are more beautiful than any ruby, they would make great collector's pieces!-

-Shut up Uvo, it's the danchou who has to decide-

Shalnark said as he tried to silence his soulmate. Uvogin laughed and gave Shalnark a kiss.

Scarlet eyes, Chrollo had never heard of them before some slimy rich guy asked the phantom troupe to bring them to him.

They belonged to a people who lived isolated in the mountains, the Kurta clan; their eyes turned a deep red color when they felt strong emotions.

Scarlet eyes were considered one of the wonders of the world, it was said that they shone brighter than rubies and that the red of their irises was more intense than blood; some believed that their irises were red due to their connection with the devil, others believed that they were proof of their divine descent.

Everyone agreed on one thing, those eyes were beautiful and there were certainly not a few people willing to pay millions to have them.

Chrollo was instantly infatuated.

He tried to imagine that he was holding in his hands that treasure that no man had ever been able to have; he imagined their intense and indescribable color and their beauty which they say leaves you breathless.

From the first moment he saw them he had felt an irrepressible desire to possess them.

He wanted them, he wanted them so much; and he would have them because he always gets what he wants.

-Danchou what do you say?-

He was brought out of his thoughts by Nobugawa.

-Let's get them all-

The air is so thick with the ferrous smell of blood that Chrollo can almost taste it as he makes his way past the destroyed huts and the tortured, eyeless corpses.

In the distance he can hear the agonized cries of those who are not yet dead.

Most of the members of the phantom troupe are in the main square, some were busy counting their loot, others are carefully placing the eyes in jars to prevent them from being damaged during their escape and still others (Feitan) are searching some survivors to have fun with; it is clear that they have found their prey when, in the distance, a loud scream is heard followed by a disgusting snap (a neck being broken probably).

By the time he gets to his target, the boss, his shoes are caked in mud, blood and guts and Chrollo can feel a headache just thinking about how much of a hassle it will be to clean them.

He dips his fingers into the pool of blood that has formed around the lifeless body of the tribal leader and uses it to write a message on the robes of the kurta.

-We took what we wanted, if you come looking for us we will kill you.

P.T -

A few weeks later Chrollo wakes up, even before dawn, in immense pain.

It doesn't take him long to realize that the excruciating pain he is feeling is not physical but emotional.

It's such an overwhelming and oppressive sadness that he feels like he's falling into a gigantic abyss made up only of pain.

He feels as if his soul has been torn to pieces and there is a huge weight on his stomach that doesn't allow him to breathe; he immediately leans forward and tries to catch his breath.

He only realizes he's crying when a tear falls on the back of his hand.

Shortly after the tears come the sobs, Chrollo puts a hand over his mouth not wanting to be heard by the crew.

He can't remember the last time he cried, it's been too long.

Some of his sadness is replaced first by amazement and then by hatred as he realizes that what he is feeling is only a reflection of what his soulmate is feeling.

He gnashes his teeth and clenches his fists in anger, he swears, he swears on everything he knows that he will kill the bastard who made his soulmate feel such pain, he swears that he will make him suffer so much that in the end he will want nothing more without death.

He lies down with the tears that still don't stop falling and the sobs that still shake his body; he lifts his sleeve and gently kisses the flowers on her wrist "Don't cry my love, everything will be okay. When I finally find you I won't let anyone make you suffer any longer"

Chrollo knows that his words cannot have reached his soulmate, but after having uttered his reassurance he feels when the boulder on his chest becomes slightly smaller and he feels overwhelmed by great happiness at the thought that perhaps it was him himself.

Chrollo is not afraid.

Even when the chains wrap around his body and he is dragged away, into the back of a speeding car, he is not afraid.

The beat of his heart remains calm and constant, he has lived surrounded by death since he was a child, the thought of dying does not disturb him in the slightest.

He remains calm even when he senses the chain user's plan to use him as a hostage to blackmail his companions.

The spider is strong, he has faced a thousand difficulties, a thousand opponents, one stronger than the other and they have always been victorious, he knows that they will be able to live without him.

He may be the leader but the user of the chain is a fool if he believes that the spider will let himself be broken by his death.

He has no value as a hostage.

He hopes that his companions do not give in to the demands of the chain user.

He hopes that his companions remain faithful to their promise and put the phantom troupe at the top of their priorities, it is the spider who has to survive, not him.

Chrollo didn't expect the user of the chain to be a woman.

He would never have imagined that Uvogin's killer was so thin, so physically weak; but on reflection, it is precisely its delicate and fragile appearance that makes it so dangerous.

-What do you have to look at?-

-Nothing, I didn't expect you to be a woman-

-Did I say I was? Don't be fooled by appearances. Be careful what you say though, your every word could be your last-

Chrollo raises the corner of his lips slightly in amusement.His captor won't kill him, or at least he won't while his friends are in the hands of the phantom troupe.

-You will not kill me, not with your precious friends prisoners of my spiders-

-I advise you to be silent, I'm not so calm as to ignore your provocations-

-That girl's prediction didn't mention any of this so it's just an insignificant event-

He internally smiles at the irritation and hatred he is making the chain user feel.

It's his way of avenging Uvogin's death.

However, he is not lying when he says that for him this is an insignificant event, he has found himself involved in so many dangerous situations, in so many murder attempts that for him this is nothing more than a normal afternoon.

-Do I have to explain it to you? I consider this situation an afternoon coffee break-

Before he knows it a strong punch is thrown against his face.

The impact is so strong that his head almost hits the glass.

He can taste the ferrous taste of his blood in his mouth, but despite this he continues to smile.

Then suddenly a hot, throbbing pain begins to feel strange on his arm and, the realization of what has just happened leaves him stunned, for a second he feels nothing, he can't move, he can't speak, the only thing he can do and look into the crimson eyes of the chain user, no, the eyes of his soulmate.

Chrollo had long fantasized about how his meeting with his soulmate would happen, but certainly such a scenario had never occurred to him.

As he looks into his soulmate's eyes he sees emotions running across his face, amazement, uncertainty, doubt and finally hatred.

He can't really explain why but the mere idea that his soulmate, Kurapika, hates him makes him feel a deep sensation of pain.

In less than a second Kurapika rolls up their sleeves to reveal their soulmate marks.

Chrollo is entranced by the sight; on her skin, where once there were only small buds, there is now an expanse of wonderful flowers with a color that varies from white to red.

-No! It can not be true!-

Chrollo is jolted out of his thoughts by Kurapika, his voice so low that the words nearly escape him.

He takes his eyes away from the beautiful flowers on his skin and focuses on Kurapika's face.

For the first time he gets a good look at him, his blond hair so shiny it could be mistaken for gold, his lips that seem so soft and tempting Chrollo to kiss them, his long eyelashes and finally his beautiful eyes the color of blood ; as he loses himself in that scarlet glow Chrollo understands why, when he heard about the eyes of the Kurta clan so long ago, he had become infatuated with them and had longed to possess them.

Now those eyes are filled with unshed tears and Chrollo can practically feel his heart sinking into his chest.

Because no matter how ashamed he is, inside he's still the nine-year-old who kissed his soulmate mark and dreamed of the moment he would find the person the universe had decided was perfect for him.

Kurapika regains his composure quickly, sits back, turns his head away and refuses to even glance at Chrollo.

Kurapika continued to avoid him.

Even when he had started to take off his disguise the only thing he had done was force Chrollo to remain facing the wall without saying a single word to him.

- Chain user, you know it's not very polite to ignore your soul mate like this -

-You are not my soulmate!

I would rather die than accept that the universe has decided to destined me for a monster like you-

Throughout the speech Kurapika had kept his gaze fixed in front of him and a calm and constant tone of voice.

A normal person would have been fooled by Kurapika's false cold facade, but he wasn't.

He had immediately noticed all those little signs that showed Kurapika's true emotions; he had noticed how Kurapika's hands were shaking and how his eyes were starting to glaze over with unshed tears.

-Denying the evidence is useless. That feeling I felt when your skin met mine for the first time was something incredible and I know you felt it too. Also when we touched each other for the first time the flowers on our skin bloomed. You can deny the evidence all you want but the reality still remains this-

-When... -

-... -

-When you exterminated the Kurta clan, what did you feel! When you mercilessly killed men, women and children what did you feel! Did you even briefly think about all the pain you would cause, or did you only care about the immense amount of money you would earn? -

With every word he spoke Kurapika seemed to fall apart more and more; at the end of his speech tears had begun to fall freely down Kurapika's face and his voice was broken and full of sobs.

The sight made Chrollo feel an indescribable pain in his heart.

The mere idea that it was he who had made his soulmate suffer like this made him feel immense hatred towards himself.

-I can't say I feel guilty for what I did because it's not like that,... -

Kurapika has his jaw clenched, his fists so tight his knuckles turn white and his nails dug so deep into his palms that Chrollo can see beads of warm blood fall to the floor.

-But I can assure you that if I had known that my actions would hurt you I would not have killed a member of the Kurta clan even under torture -

After hearing those words Kurapika's expression seemed to soften if only for a moment.

-From the first second the soulmate mark appeared on my skin, I fell in love with you. Every night I fantasize, what you would be like, what we would do together, how we would meet; and finally I would kiss the flowers on my wrist and whisper that I loved you. There wasn't a day I didn't hope to meet you, there wasn't a day I didn't love you. When you were grieving, probably from the death of your clan, I tried to console you, I whispered words of comfort to you and hoped that wherever you were you could hear me and you were better. That day I promised myself that I would slowly and painfully kill whoever it was that made you suffer and now finding out that I caused you that pain makes me feel so bad that I want to skin myself with anger-

Tears had now started to fall from Chrollo's eyes too.

Or how he hated himself at that moment.

-If I knew that killing me could make your pain lessen even just a little I would let you do it, I deserve it, but we both know that my death would only make things worse. I won't ask for your forgiveness because what I did to you is unforgivable but if one day you decide to give me a chance I will show you that I am not just the monster who killed your clan-

Chrollo has no idea how it started but now his and Kurapika's lips are sealed together in a kiss.

Their kiss tastes like salt because of the tears and contains all the feelings they are both feeling, pain, anger, regret, hate and finally love.

Their kiss deepens and their tongues move in sync against each other.

Kurapika's hands are wrapped in Chrollo's hair, while Chrollo places his hands on Kurapika's cheeks and catches a stray tear with his finger.

After separating, they stare at each other breathlessly for a few seconds until their moment of intimacy is interrupted by Kurapika's companions who announce Pakunoda's arrival.

#hunter x hunter #chrollo lucilfer #kurapika #chrollo x kurapika #soulmates #hunter x hunter fanfic

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queer-reader-07 · 5 months

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if you would allow me to be sappy on main for a moment, i think there is something so powerful in choosing to fall in love with the world and with the human story.

i can't speak for everyone, but i know that i went through a period in my life where i was nothing but cynical and nihilistic about the world. i had convinced myself that nothing mattered, that if the world fell apart before my eyes it was what we deserved.

but here's the thing, cynicism isn't sustainable. you are never going to be able to find joy in this world if you convince yourself everything sucks and there's no joy to even be found in the first place.

yeah, sometimes the world does suck. sometimes all i want to do is curl up in a corner and sob because i'm violently scared that my loved ones won't come home safe because they dared to exist as themselves in this world. i cannot put into words the levels of fear i felt for my mom's safety during 2020/2021 when anti-asian hate spiked in the US, i worried everyday that she would not come home because how dare she exist as an asian woman in this country. when anti-trans legislation started picking up steam i was, and still am, scared for the safety of myself and all the trans people i know. the world sucks sometimes, people suck sometimes. but i refuse to let myself give up.

i want to believe in beauty of the world, i want to be able to revel in the fact that we are alive, that i am alive. and that our being alive means that we can create beauty and wonder and joy.

i get to enjoy the art that people create, because oh how special is it that we create art? that i can open my phone and read beautiful words crafted by people oceans and countries away. that i can bask in the beauty of the drawings and paintings people so kindly share with the world. that i can walk into a library and be surrounded by generations of stories that i have the privilege of reading. that i can go to a concert and experience the transcendence of live music.

but i also get to experience the beauty of nature. i get to watch as the clouds turn pink on my early morning drives to school. i get to take photos of the cherry blossoms in the few weeks that they turn pink in the spring. i get to look out my car window on a clear day and see the mountain grace us with her beauty.

i am alive. we are alive. why should we waste this life wallowing in cynical despair?

i have to believe in the world. i have to believe in the human story. i have to hold onto the hope that life is worth living and that things will get better. i am reminded of that hope every time i see art that makes me feel alive, every time i read a book or a poem or a story that makes me feel like being a human is a beautiful thing, every time a song transports me into a new world. i am reminded of that hope every time i talk to my friends and am reminded of why i love them so deeply. i am reminded of that hope every time i learn something new and feel the joy of new beginnings and new experiences wash over me.

i hope. and that is a powerful thing. it is a powerful thing to hope and to love and to believe. to hope for a better world. to love the world. to believe in the world.

a friend told me recently that i love and care for humanity fiercely and gently. and i think that's the root of it all. i don't just love my people, i love people. i love the human story, i believe in the human story, i have hope for our story.

it is powerful to love and believe and hope when you exist within a society that wants to beat you down. it is powerful to love and believe and hope when you are the "other" in the social order. it is powerful to love and believe and hope when you used to think you were not worthy of those things.

it's hard to love and to hope and to believe. but i have to, for my own survival. i have to allow myself to fall in love with the world. i have to allow myself to believe. i have to allow myself to hope. because for so long i didn't allow myself those things. and i think that is a powerful thing, that i can allow myself those things now.

#this ended up much longer than i'd intended #woops lol #i just love the world and the human story and art #love is powerful #hope is powerful #and don't let anyone tell you otherwise #love #radical hope #radical love #personal #musings on love #not good omens

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sniffanimal · 6 months

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I watched all 60 minutes of the Beatboxing Puppy movie (Our Drawings: Princess Movie (2023) on YouTube). Somehow the creator managed to cram every art discourse talking point from the last few years into this movie and still have time for beatboxing puppy and like 4 other extremely musical numbers. I'm talking touching on: AI art, copyright and trademark, tracing, art styles, art as a career, corporate art, art styles, art education, art for passion vs money, teenage alcoholism, commissions, you name it. And maybe it was all a coma dream...or was it? 😱 Also including some iconic lines like

"Get your filthy hand away from me. I don't believe in premarital handholding."

"Girl we be knowin how to draw."

"Beatboxing puppy."

"Are you drinking oN sChOoL PrOpErTy??"

The protagonist has an English accent in the prologue and an American accent the rest of the movie, which she explains in her first accent that she loses it when she moves.

The protagonist's sister is just named Pillow

There's a self insert of the directors mascot

there's an annoying little European boy

I honestly can't tell you what level of irony vs sincerity this is on. it's clearly a labor of love regardless. I also am still not sure what the message or stance the creator had for it. I think that art is worth it as a career as long as you're not a sellout? honestly it wasn't clear. didn't feel like a waste of an hour but certainly didn't feel like an hour well spent either, so next time you have an hour, watch Our Drawings: Princess Movie (2023)

#badger rants #our drawings princess movie

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glamphantasm · 2 months

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thank you for the tag @melverie - I'll be answering these as the person behind the damaged oc, who usually inhabits @hostilemakeover territory

15 Questions Tag Game

01 - Are you named after anyone?

Nope. Literally was given "the only name your father and I didn't argue about." - the exact response I got.

02 - When was the last time you cried?

Actual deep sobbing? I can't even remember. Tears? Ugh. Playing P3Re right now. It's wrenched a couple out of me.

03 - Do you have kids?

I have dogs. And about a million oc-types.

04 - What sports do you play/have you played?

Softball as a kid. I think that was about it?

05 - Do you use sarcasm?

I'm sorry, is there other ways of communicating?

06 - What is the first thing you notice about people?

i tend to do a general sweep over them. whatever catches my eye is different for everyone - sometimes height or hair, other times an accessory or an attitude.

07 - What's your eye color?

Blue. Pale-boring-blue.

08 - Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies. I have a thing where I'm like... not great with happy endings. They make me roll my eyes too much. A good moderate ending though? A+

09 - Any talents?

I'm an excellent mimic - accents, tone, all that. I cook really well (although I think that's more of a skill - I've done it for like... ever. probably longer than a lot of y'all have been alive), I'm told I'm an excellent leader. I think that's a lie.

10 - Where were you born?

New York - upstate. not city. there's a LOT more to NY than the city, I promise. I grew up opposite Toronto on Lake Ontario for anyone who knows the geography.

11 - What are your hobbies?

Uh. Spending way too much time thinking of fictional men. That's the main one really. Gaming. I'm looking forward to the latest FFXIV expansion, and I'm kind of a whore for Persona mainline games. I try to read, but untreated massive stupid mental issues have made that almost impossible.

12 - Do you have any pets?

2 dogs! One is a gigantic labrador retriever (seriously - I grew up with these beasts. he's the tallest one I've ever known, and at 110lbs he is SKINNI), and an 85lb ball of attitude wrapped in black and white fur. The genetics claim he's pitbull/akita/pyr/chow... but I dunno if I believe it. he's an absolute freak though.

13 - How tall are you?

5f7. so, like... idk. 170cm? is that about right?

14 - Favourite subject in school?

Art and English/Literature. I loved French until I got a horrible teacher.

15 - Dream job?

I don't dream of having a job. I dream of finding an enormous drum stuffed full of cash that will allow me to waste my life chasing pleasure and fun instead of working.

tagging: anyone who wants to <3 (low/no pressure tags to @arklayraven & @daemonicdorset)

#thank you for the tag!#ask games #now y'all can find me on my main tumblr

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chuckwon · 1 year

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Concept: Jack Kline was turned into an Ostium

And looking at how the Ostium was used in the season finale further underscores what will be needed in the future for the story to move forward, and for Jack and his family to heal.

Let's go through it:

LATA: Our box has a name. They call it the Ostium.

CARLOS: Oh. Latin for "an opening in the body." What, didn't any of you guys ever go to Sunday School? ...So is that thing organic? Is it a mouth or... [chuckles] any other kind of hole?

LATA: Let's just stick with a mouth, please.

ADA: So this box eats monsters?

–SPNWIN 1x07, "Reflections"

–––

ADAM: It's one of my ribs, dude. Everything can contain the spark of the divine, but this puppy? It's packing enough punch to create life. Or, in your case, destroy God.

SERAFINA: Jack, making your vessel strong, reclaiming your human soul, it was... it was all preparing you for this.

JACK: What'll it do to me?

ADAM: Start an elemental chain reaction. It fuses your soul and your grace into a... Like a...

SERAFINA: Metaphysical supernova.

DEAN: Meaning what?

ADAM: You'll collapse into a living black hole for divine energy. One nothing can escape—not the darkness, not God himself. But once it starts... you can't stop it. So, don't use 'til game time. You dig?

–SPN 15x17, "Unity"

–––

Dean: All that prep work we did to turn Jack here into a cosmic bomb? Oh. Well, it turned him into sort of a power vacuum. He's been sucking up bits of power all over the place.

–SPN 15x19, "Inherit the Earth"

–––

"A living black hole for divine energy" / "a power vacuum" is akin to how the Ostium functions. (And remember that Chuck orchestrated this outcome.)

The final step of Jack's transformation in 15x17 and the way the Ostium is activated are also similar:

Adam's rib, containing extra "spark of the divine," was placed in Jack's palm and he absorbed its power. After his initial explosion outward, Jack was then turned into a vessel that acted as a vacuum for divine power.

When an item was placed on the Ostium–like a rock from the Akrida's world–it absorbed the item, which determines what powerful beings the box "eats" and where it sends those beings when activated.

Both Jack and the Ostium were also wielded as weapons.

Which, of course, this show condemns explicitly:

LATA: So you had a friend stuck in a cycle of violence, and instead of helping him, you wielded him like some kind of weapon?

–SPNWIN 1x06, "Art of Dying"

And, with Joan / the Akrida Queen, we saw what happened to a hunter who absorbed monster essence: she became corrupted.

JOAN: What I decided was that the monsters weren't the problem, kid. Mankind is the problem. They always need saving. And Hunters are the ones who end up paying the price with our lives. And then what do these rescued humans do with their precious second chance at life? They waste it… kill each other, beat each other down, destroy our planet. Monsters have it right. Humans are nothing more than food.

LATA: Is that you talking? Or is it the monster essence that's powering you?

MARY: The monster essence drove her mad. She became so obsessed with making sure that Hunters were protected, and she believed the only way to do that was to wipe out everyone who needed saving.

–SPNWIN 1x13, "Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye"

(Joan is also a dark mirror for Dean, but that's a separate meta topic entirely.)

With how Jack is acting in 15x19 and the SPNWIN finale (and as part of Chuck Won as a concept), something seems to be wrong with him along those lines.

So in regards to the Ostium, what was the solution the team used in the season finale? What did they need to defeat the Akrida Queen?

ADA: The Queen is about to sing her swan song. We can't rewind this tape here.

CARLOS: Wait. What if we could rewind the tape? Metaphysically speaking, if you know what I mean.

–SPNWIN 1x13, "Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye"

–––

CARLOS: Well, whatever you feed it creates a portal connected to that object. So we fed it the rock, and it was able to shoot the Akrida back to their world.

MILLIE: So, if we feed it the journal and trace the sigils in reverse, the Ostium can bring here whatever was tied to the journal... the Mystery Man, if he's even alive.

–SPNWIN 1x13, "Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye"

They reversed the polarity of the Ostium to try to summon Dean, which required using the journal–something “personal” and “clearly connected” to him, as Mary said at one point.

Now, of course, the result when they used it on the Ostium was that it gave the team the Impala rather than Dean for plot reasons. However, the point holds: Dean's journal was the key to metaphysically rewinding the tape and getting the Ostium to release / return what it had absorbed.

That journal was filled with Dean's thoughts, which we got throughout the show in the form of the story he's telling / narrating. They're the healing lessons repeatedly demonstrated by the 1972 gang that Dean has to use in his own life to free himself from the trap he's in, break the cycle of violence, and get his own happy ending.

So, follow the through-line:

The Ostium and Jack are seemingly similar. Just like Dean's journal was used to reverse the Ostium and get it to release/return what it absorbed... The lessons inside of Dean's journal are what’s needed to reverse the polarity of Jack’s transformation, getting Jack to release the God power he absorbed too.

And what are those lessons in Dean's journal? Ah, well, that's what The Winchesters (the story Dean is telling) is dedicated to showing and telling us. That's the function of the entire show.

To highlight a few mirroring moments relevant to the topic at hand:

TONY: You're scared of your own son?

ADA: I'm not scared of you. I... you are my son, and I love you.

TONY: If you love me, you would've told me the truth.

[...]

ADA: I... was wrong to lie to you about who you are, and I was even more wrong for not believing in you. I know you're not your father. You're not the worst parts of him. You're not the worst parts of me. You're just... you're my... You're Tony.

–SPNWIN 1x05, "Legend of a Mind"

----

MAC (possessing John): Why did you give up on me?

TRACY: I didn't know how to help you. I was scared.

MAC: I was scared too. I needed my family by my side.

TRACY: I know it's about ten years too late... but I'm here now, and I am so sorry.

LATA: It's not too late, Mac. You can still break the cycle.

–SPNWIN 1x06, "Art of Dying"

–––

MARY: Because I still want to get out of hunting. I really do. But it's not gonna be at your expense.

–SPNWIN 1x06, "Art of Dying"

–––

Mutual honesty, apologies, and forgiveness between Dean and Jack are the vital place where they must start. After all... Jack went through with his transformation and later with the corrupting absorption of God power simply because he was desperately trying to earn Dean's forgiveness, something that was repeatedly emphasized throughout season 15. The cycle remained intact instead of broken, and that's why they lost.

So saying that they need to reverse the polarity... What does that mean? It means that their family needs to have emotional release for there to then be the cosmic release of God power, so that that power can be put back out into the universe and no longer have personhood.

Only then will they break the cycle of violence and be able to be free of Chuck's influence once and for all.

You don't need Jack and Ostium parallels to understand and know this about the story. But I do think it's neat, further enhances the overall themes, and once again supports the fact that a Chuck won plot / what happened to Jack was deliberately being centralized! :)

#the winchesters #spnwin meta #the winchesters meta #chuck won meta #chuck won theory #jack kline #spnwin finale #spnwin 1x13 #the ostium #chuck won truthing #me actually posting meta??? it's a fucking miracle #hi everyone I've been learning video editing so I haven't been writing all the meta pieces I still want to do about this show smh #my meta

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maleyanderecafe · 7 months

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Kimbark Street (Visual Novel)

Created by: AspenGlen

Genre: Horror

Kimbark Street is made by the same person who made Infatuation and just like before does a good job showing the horrors of a yandere. You actually play as the yandere in this one, so you get to experience first hand what he does. There are about four different endings that you can get, and I really think that @aspenglen outdid themselves in this game from the UI to story to art.

The story starts with a radio talking about the disappearance of Kennedy Smith, as he was a respected hero, believing that he simply left the town. The main character turns off the radio, stating that he got what he deserved. He seems very surprised and happy that he has succeeded. He hears someone in the snow, realizing that he had been caught, before cleaning himself up to meet his love, Annie. He meets Annie in front of Kimbark Street. He thinks about all the wonderful things about Annie, only to see Chuck talking to her. Chuck is a local politician and seems to have said something to Annie, making the main character get very angry. When he returns home, Chuck had sent him a note telling him to meet up at the bar. While going there he tries to think of a distraction so he can get rid of him. He meets Chuck in front of the bar before they both go in. Chuck and the two talk, revealing that the main character was an admiral back in the day and the two argue. Chuck eventually reveals that he knows about what he did to Kennedy.

If he decides to intimidate him and blackmail him about ditching his draft to the military since he's going into be running for office in town. The two make a deal for an oath of silence and Chuck ends up winning the election. John ends up marrying Annie, and while Chuck tried to find the missing bodies, he never did. When Chuck died, John ended up burying him to rot as well.

If he decides to intimidate him and threaten him physically, he punches Chuck, but ends up going home afterwards. While stalking Annie and Chuck, he ends up getting arrested and sent to prison. Upon getting out, he kills and guts Chuck to take Annie back.

If the main character decides to create a distraction, he will smash his pint against the floor, causing a ruckus in the bar, before bringing Chuck outside and bludgeoning him to death on the side of the wall.

If he decides to gut him in front of the school and hang him, the next day he goes to meet Annie, who is in shock after seeing Chuck's gutted body in front of the school. The main character, John, corners her after, wanting her to say his name. When Annie can't remember him, he admits that he killed people for her as he's exasperated that she's forgotten him. He ends up killing her and carving his name into her eyelids.

If he decides to bury him where he buried Kennedy, then he successfully gets away with it, as he's buried him in a burial ground of the unmarked graves along with the three men he's killed. As now he's gotten away with it, he goes to meet Annie, introducing himself as John. He mentions that he knew her during the war, since she was his nurse. She doesn't seem to remember him as she's tended to a lot of people in her time in war. As they talk we learn that Annie wanted to continue being a nurse after the war, but couldn't stand looking at blood anymore and became a teacher instead. John admits that she saved her life, thankful that she tried so hard to save him despite everyone treating him like wasted space. The two talk about their family, then with Annie talking about how he wanted to find a specific soldier and why he moved here. The two end up eating out together, leading to the two getting married, and him getting away with all of his crimes.

First things first, I think it's pretty cool seeing a yandere story in an American historical setting. Generally the types I see are either more European centered (basically most iseakis) or more Asian historical (so Chinese, Korean or Japanese). The setting is in Wred, California in 1949, which does explain the outfits and general attitude of the town people there, seemingly having a lot of them come back from war. Despite being a short game, I think that Kimbark Street was able to capitalize on the feeling of being in the time through not only it's artwork but also it's UI as well, since it gives off a more dusty (I guess it's called) look. There is a glitch in the menu since I can't go back if I press the settings button, but other than that it seems mostly solid.

John as a yandere in the traditional sense, with his tactics of murder and wanting to wed Annie, but it does work with the setting of the game. To me, I always love reading or playing games that have the story from the yandere's point of view because we get to see just how twisted they are and how they think. John is very violent and jealous, gutting his victims and bashing their heads against walls, cutting messages into people but can also be very manipulative as well. It fits as his persona of a soldier, a person who is willing to be brutal while still trying towards his goal. I imagine he learned how to gut while surviving out in the wilderness as a soldier. It's interesting to see that he always "wins" in one way or another, even in the worst ending where he's jailed, he still gets out 10 years later to kill Chuck and take Annie. Chuck just always ends up dead in these situations- shouldn't have confronted him in the first place.

Overall, a very nice game created by Asper. If you are interested in the setting and plot of this story, please try it out! I think it's very good for what it is.

#Kimbark Street #male yandere #yandere #yandere boy #recommendations #completed #visual novel

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constellationmelody · 7 months

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I wasn't gonna wait until I got home to listen to the new Midnight Burger So I listened to it while at Worked. Thankfully It was not a busy day so I had little interruptions, and Wow! I've heard it was a 3 hour episode but didn't believe it until I saw the update. That’s a lot. I need to sit down for a bit and think it over. I REALLY love it, I have a lot to say about it but I need to listen to it several times to get everything I want to say. There's several parts of the episode that were heartfelt, and heartbreaking and finally a happy ending that ended with a question mark.

In short, I'm happy for Ava for 'changing', She went from 'I hope to never see you again' to 'Don't leave' (The lady is finally showing interests outside of her scientific pursuits). Leif and Bertbert undeniably share a deep connection, akin to soulmates, and I adore the nature of their relationship. Hear hear Terric for telling Clem that punishing herself ain't gonna fix what's already problem, That was another beautiful segment(This guy is living such an interesting life). Almost got mad at Bertbert until she explained why [spoilers](Damn Teds). Never thought we see (Captain)Alice again. Finally! We now know Clementine's true name!

When I imagined Leif imitating his older versions of himself, I imagined him gesturing his fingers to talk like the kid, Danny, from The Shining when "Tony" was taking his turn to speak.

Although It was long, everything was balanced, no time was wasted and everyone had their time to shine. It doesn't feel long when you are enjoyed listening to it. If I weren't doing my school art project, I would've taken my time writing it in depth. There's stuff in there I need to relisten to. To the people who follow me, I can't recommend you this podcast enough. It's genuinely a good show.

Nearly lost it at work when one of the Privateers' name was Fred Fredburger. I love Grim Tales.

#Midnight Burger

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victoriacoffee · 3 months

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Hey guys! Uh I felt like I should say something about the fandom

// mentions of self harm, suicidal ideation

This is gonna be long, sorry!

Heyyyy, sorry I've been so uhhh hardly active online...I've been trying to come back to posting online and stuff just idk it's been a pretty rough several months and every time I think my motivation is back enough it disappears. I'm currently tryna work things out in therapy as a result of how bad certain things have gotten in the last few months, I'm not gonna say what it was but based on my writing with a lot of focus on self harm and suicidal ideation, you can probably guess.

At this point I think I'm about to just not even bother logging into twitter anymore and pretty much use this and ao3 and pinterest and stuff (maybe occasionally instagram idk tho that place kinda sucks). It would probably help me be more active on here tbh since yall seem not really do a lot of the things that make my mh worst XD

Alright, anyway I'm currently editing a few different fics I've been working on for a while, several of them decided to be in the 50-100 page on google docs range whether I liked it or not, so that and my current disasterous working situation is why it's taking a ridiculous amount of time. If I had a functional posting schedule, ig I wouldn't be an ao3 user. I was gonna include a statement in one of them about this, but I decided this needed to be said here first

So I don't think I plan on leaving the dsmp fandom no matter what happens at this point. The average length of interest in a fandom is like what 10 years? Idk I heard that from some yt. If so, I'm approaching the halfway mark with the dsmp, which is insane to think about, and I don't plan on jumping off that train any time soon. The stories were intriguing and the cc's and their characters and music and stuff have gotten me through the lowest points of my life, so it's very hard to forget that.

Even if the cc's turn out to not be great, I still have their characters, and I'm not willing to give up this coping mechanism just yet because I feel like not having one when everything else in my life seems to be going to shit wouldn't be that great

I see it like if you liked a character in a movie and the actor that played them turned out to be bad, would you still like the character? I would.

cc!Wilbur turned out to be a shitty person. His song about being a wanker and a fucking waste of time was in fact spot on. Fuck that guy. I'm done with his stuff but I'm still gonna write his character

There are a lot of things erupting on twitter right now, I'm not sure what's going on and I do Not have the mental fortitude to find out at this point. I can't say I believe everything because after the Dream situation last fall...I'm just holding off my judgement for now. I'll probably go looking once the dust starts to settle but right now it's all a huge mess and everything is up in the air

I can't guarantee anything at this point, but I will most likely continue to write c! stagedduo and most likely draw and crochet them. I do not have another coping mechanism and the brainrot over the story of the dsmp will likely not go away

Uhhh really sorry I keep falling off the face of the earth, but I think I'm back now. I don't know what the future holds, but this is probably gonna become about the only social media i use now and I think i might just make an alt account or something for my other art so i can stop posting on instagram all together hopefully. Everytime i open that app it makes me more sad and then I never get around to opening this

Due to the severity of what I mentioned earlier, I'm just going to say that I'm not feeling like *that* right now, I feel like I'm actually very gradually starting to get out of the not great mental state I've been in for basically since high school, but I'm not gonna let twitter and the potential of social media harassment fuck that up, so from now on y'all are gonna be like 90% of my social media interactions most likely and I'm not gonna let whatever the hell twitter does in the next few weeks take my favorite characters from me.

I love c!Dream and c!Punz. Their dynamic is excellent be it drunz or stageduo. I'm gonna keep writing them.

They look like the cc's but they still very much exist separately of them (irl Dream isn't getting tortured by irl Quackity and Sam or anything lol).

So whatever ends up happening, imma be here most likely. So for those of you who'd like to join me, hey! For those of you who can't take it anymore, I understand.

Oh and for those of you who've been drawing/writing/whatever any cc's who are currently accused or exposed or anything, I encourage you not to delete or destroy your work, you worked hard on it! If you don't wanna look at it rn, put it away for now. If it's character based especially! Don't let the actions of others or the vitriol of twitter take away your favorite characters!

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stacywaters · 4 months

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Just Pretend (BEOMGYU) CH3 - New Moon

We slow as we come up on a red light.

"So... where are we going?" I ask

"You'll see" He answers.

He makes a left turn. As we continue down the road, fewer and fewer cars are seen. Finally, he slows into a small parking lot with no cars in sight.

"We're here!" He announces.

This time, I open the door for myself and step out onto the asphalt, breathing in the chilling night air.

We begin walking through the park, treading slowly over gravel paths. Our steps synchronize at a steady pace, but my heart is still beating rapidly.

The moon's glow brightens his side profile, eyes gazing down at the path before us and a subtle smile painted on his face. I didn't think about how difficult it would be to spend all this time with him, him whom I don't know all that well. I didn't calculate the struggle of pretending to date him, but making sure he knows I'm pretending. In my head, I'm not pretending. Not at all.

"So, why this park?" I ask, "I mean- it's a very nice park! Really! Just... why this one?"

"My house is near here, so I come here a lot" he answers.

"Cool, cool"

He exhales deeply, "but, I guess it also means a lot to me because it's the only place I can be..." he pauses in thought, "myself"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's not like I'm not myself with others, like at school, but I'm not fully honest either" he elaborates, "I'm still trying to make people like me. Still trying to hold up the expectations on me"

I think about it for a second. Expectations, what expectations? Isn't he perfect?

So I ask, "What expectations are on you?"

He goes silent. Was that the wrong thing to ask? He sighs, "I don't know"

"I mean, what image do you have to hold up? You're already perfect. Everyone likes you"

"That image. The image of this perfect guy with perfect friends and perfect grades and... and," he stops, "and a perfect dad"

Wrong thing to say! I keep my eyes away from him.

I start, "sorry, I didn't know"

"No, it's okay, you wouldn't," he replies, "I just can't imagine anyone looking at me and thinking I'm perfect. I'm such a mess" he laughs.

"You seem perfect to me. Seriously, your hair is better than mine and I spend so long each morning styling it" I joke.

"I do have that," he chuckles.

"You absolutely don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable with it," I say, "but what did you mean when you were talking earlier? About your friends and your dad?"

"Oh," he pauses.

"It's okay if you don't-"

"No, it's fine. I uh-, my dad gets mad because my grades aren't the best, but it's not like I'm being lazy. I guess it doesn't help that I'm trying to pursue music, he never was one for art. Always thought it was a waste of money"

"I'm sorry. That's hard, he just doesn't understand where you're coming from" I reply. I wouldn't have expected that, I can't even believe he's okay with telling me all this!

"It's just... do you ever feel like people don't understand you? Like they don't even try?" He asks, looking at me. We make eye contact. And this time, I don't break it.

"Yes" I answer before looking away, "all the time. Whenever I talk to others at school, they never really let me in"

"Really?" He asks.

"Yeah. Everyone just kinda assumes that I don't want friends. But even when I try, they never really... get me."

"Exactly. My friends don't either" He says.

"What about Yeonjun? You seemed like you were great friends earlier"

"I mean, I enjoy talking to him. But I feel like... he has better friends than me"

"Aren't you all one friend group?" I question.

"We all hang out together at school" he says, "but... I feel like I don't quite fit in with them. Like if I keep my head down, they let me tag along. But I-, I try not to be too much myself because I don't know if they'd like me if they really knew me"

"Maybe I would" I said, though it came out more as a question.

He glanced at me in shock, before it settled in a smile.

"Maybe"

-------

As we reach my front door, I pause and turn to him. He stops on the steps to the deck.

"I had a good time" I say.

He looks down as his lips tilt up, "yeah, I'm really glad we did this"

"I know that we were just doing this as pretend," I whisper, "but I think this is the first time, in a long time, that I've really had fun with-, with a friend"

He looks into my eyes for the last time that night and says, "yeah, me too"

#beomgyu imagines #beomgyu #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu oneshots #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu scenarios #beomgyu x y/n #beomgyu series #choi beomgyu #beomgyu fake dating #txt fanfiction #txt x reader #txt fluff #txt x you

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negative-speedforce · 2 months

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1, 3, 4, 11, 13, 15, 26, and 30 for Onnie and Laila please?

YESSSS I FREAKING LOVE GETTING ASKS FOR LAILA SHE IS MY BLORBO-

1. Do they sleep with a stuffed animal? If they have multiple, who’s the favorite?

Onnie hasn't had any stuffed animals in years. Eobard made her get rid of them all as soon as she was like, 12, because he thought they were developmentally inappropriate for her age. She had a frog named Tedward (some weird amalgamation of Ted and Edward) and that was her favorite as a kid.

I... don't think Laila is even aware of what a stuffed animal is, considering that she was raised from infancy to be the Empire's weapon. Athena's probably not much help with that one, since she grew up on the streets and having toys falls to the wayside when compared to things like food and shelter.

3. Ask them to describe their love interest.

"Pippa is... an idiot. I can't stand her, she drives me insane, but I can't help but be strangely drawn to her. She's obnoxious, and I really wish she'd back off, but something about her is just so endearing. Maybe it's that she manages to bring back to life the part of me I thought died a long time ago. Or maybe she's just kinda hot."

"Athena's ruthless, reckless, and I never lose the feeling that she's going to backstab me. But she's the only person who's ever given more than two shits about me in my life, so hey, what the heck? Not like I have much else to lose anyway. I'm pretty sure I care a lot more about her than she does about me, but even if this is a short ride, it's a good ride, and I'm not getting off."

4. Do they look good in red?

Onnie looks fantastic in red, so long as the shade's not too orangey. Shades closer to orange (and orange itself) tend to bring out the olive undertones in their skin in a bad way, making them look kinda yellow and sickly.

Laila doesn't look good in most shades of red, except the darker ones, like burgundy and maroon. Bright colors tend to clash with her already near-translucent pale skin, making her look even more pale than she already is.

11. They’ve won the lottery. Spend, or save?

Onnie: Save it all. She's already rich, there's not much else she wants or needs.

Laila: Spend some, save some. Her and Athena aren't exactly poor, but there are some things they'd like that are a little out of budget.

13. Name one thing their parents taught them.

Onnie learned how to be a killer from Eobard. He taught her everything- where the best places to stab someone are, how to rip out someone's heart with your bare hands, how to snap people's necks. Insert Onnie having the sudden "Holy shit I had a bad childhood" realization here.

Laila doesn't have parents. Being a clone, I guess you could technically say that either the parents of her donor are her parents, who she's never met, or the woman who raised her, but anyone calling Nyx a mother would be absolutely insane to say that, since the relationship that Laila (and Pyrrha, later on) had with her was one-sided, conditional, and both emotionally and physically abusive.

15. What would they consider a waste of time– other than school or work?

Onnie considers friendships and other relationships a waste of time. Since they (in very rapid succession) lost their girlfriend, accidentally killed their best friend, and then Jessi faked her own death (which was believed to have been a suicide), Onnie is kinda afraid to open up, but through a lot of mental gymnastics, she thinks it's because she's better than everyone rather than just plain trauma.

Laila considers training non-Force Sensitives in the Jedi arts to be a complete waste of time. Athena's asked her multiple times to try teaching her to do some of the things that Laila can do, like the gymnastics and meditation and stuff, but the most Laila will show her is how to use a lightsaber- weapons are pretty universal, after all.

26. Talent or effort?

Onnie: Talent

Laila: Effort

30. What would they do if they knew it would be forgiven?

Onnie would probably cry. They've been repressing a lot of emotions for a very long time, and any show of weakness could get her in trouble with Eobard, so if she knew it would be excused, I think Onnie would finally let go and feel those emotions.

Laila would tell Athena that she loves her. She'd never say it to Athena's face, especially since Athena kinda scares her and let's be real, she's not even sure if Athena even is capable of caring about a person other than herself. However, if she knew that it wouldn't ruin their relationship completely, Laila would tell Athena how she felt.

#ask revan #oc shit #practically-an-x-man #laila salibun #onnie thawne

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riddles-hedgehog · 7 months

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Incoming vent: cuz I'm a ball of stress rn

I'm trying for a job at the movies and the apps so confusing by the time I figure this shit out i do believe they will stop hiring RIP COME ONNN...

I need a job . But also something better than retail fuck retail I been working retail for years it sucksss and also, I been awake cuz idk? Adhd maybe? And just cleaning my room like a crazy person lol maybe I'm a nervous wreck I definitely am. I haven't been replying to stuff as quickly as usual cuz I been so stressed... I haven't had a job in a while cuz I been feeling... idk like I suck at everything so why try? I keep quitting or getting fired when will the cycle end.. ugh.. it's just very discouraging yah.. so I'm nervous I'll screw up this job too like the others..yah. part of the reason I haven't been even looking for a job in a while is that. Im glad my mom is being patient w me. Cuz my anxiety and depression gets the best of me at times. Those close to me know that too well... yahhh.. I get depressed and yah. Anxious too. It's bad sometimes. Real bad. I'm glad you guys are patient w my stupid ass too. Thank you. <3 I'm trying so hard to adult lol and to keep it together for you guys...I don't even drive yet I'm too scared.. im.. yah in trying to push myself more. I used to go to college too. Need to go back and get a REAL career one day. I do hope. That's a whole nother story..college.. I can't go til I get a grant.. cuz I lost my scholarship for quitting too many classes and 1 bitchy professor failing me cuz I'm too shy in class. Fuck them. Yah. Anyway. Yah. That's discouraging too so much to get nervous about. That asshole professor even threw away my paperwork stating I'm autistic and need help and I'm shy esc. All about my autism. I got the paper from my school counselor who told me to give the papers to my professors. But that 1 bitch prof. one threw it away right in front of me. Fuck em. Hate em so much. Theatre class was a waste of my time.yet I passed mythology class the professor for that LOVED me . So yah. Theatre guy was biased af. I also passed art. And that was HARD AF i had to take extra trips to get extra credit but i did it and prof loved me. Theatre guy was the only bitch who hated me. Like i even did extra credit trips for Theatre for them yet. Yah. Im unfavored apparently idk. should have reported them to the dean like everyone told me to. But i didn't like a dumbass lol. Now it's too late so rip. I'm going back eventually for zookeeping or voice acting cuz tbh choosing is hard. But ya I'll get a grant. I'm trying next year. I'm gonna try driving next year too. I'm pushing myself to adult.

-jax

#jax speaks #tw vent

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copperbadge · 2 years

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Hey Sam!

Thank you for sharing about your journey with your adult diagnosis of inattentive type ADHD. It led me to understand and (for the moment) self diagnose myself with the same thing (my brother says he might have the same thing too!).

I can't remember if you speak about experiencing it, but for me Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria especially was a revelation, and explains SO much of the intense cringe and people pleasing drive I experience. So does the lack of full awareness of my body moving through an environment.

Like you, I think I've done well in school (and then grad school) because of a possibly high intelligence level - it was never NOT a struggle to meet deadlines etc.

Unlike you though, I don't have a job that matches my background, and being unemployed thru COVID did a real number on my finances. I'm back living with my parents. And while my mom agreed that I have a real bad memory and didn't finish things I start, she didn't agree that I have ADHD. I realise that's because I hid so much from the world about my struggles with focusing and TCBing, not to mention my imaginary fantasies (always preferrable to real life). I was so desperate to appear 'normal'.

I'm in my 40s now, and single, and I'm... angry.

I wonder how different I and my life might've been if I'd been diagnosed earlier. If I were a boy and had hyperactivity, I probably would've been diagnosed immediately. I got good grades and went to a good university and got a good job (well, at least until COVID) and so it just seemed to everyone that I had it together.

Don’t get me wrong. I'm not ungrateful for my life and its opportunities, but it's heartbreaking to realise I've spent half my life not living up to my full potential - and even worse, just hating on myself the whole time! Believing my mom and thinking I was just lazy.

I was not the person I could've been if I'd been performing at max through my 20s and 30s. I did not live the life I was meant to live - the life I could've lived.

At least now, because of you, I've had a total paradigm shift, and am undoing decades of self-hate.

Thank you Sam. You changed my life because you chose to share yours.

Hey, I’m glad I could help! Even if (for both of us) it’s a bit of a mixed blessing.

I haven’t spoken much about RSD, I think because it’s the part I have the most trouble accepting I might be dealing with; I’ve posted a bit about it here and I just...really don’t love it conceptually and I don’t at all like my attitude towards it. I wish I could say I’m processing it but I’m mostly ignoring it, for now. Perhaps eventually.

I’m sorry you’ve had such rotten employment fortune recently; it’s rough to have to move back in with your parents when you don’t want to, especially when the disability aspect is as fraught as it is for you (and for me as well). Hopefully you and your brother can find some common ground and be a bit of a support for each other, but I know how sibling relationships can go too. For what it’s worth, while my work is very suited to my disposition and some of my training, I actually went to school for theatre arts -- giving up a career in theatre was a real rough process, and I still feel bad about it sometimes. I’m grateful for the education I got and the experiences I had, and I do love the job I have now, so I try not to feel as though I wasted my college education and graduate school time on it, but every once in a while I wince when I think of it.

I think it’s extremely natural to be angry; a lot of people I’ve read about and know personally, who’ve had later diagnoses, feel the same as you do. I think I’m fortunate in that sense that I don’t feel angrier -- or perhaps I will eventually, someday. Tough to know if it’s acceptance or denial, which is funny given they’re on opposite sides of the tired old five-stages trope. In any case, the anger I have is very old and I’ve dealt with it a long time. Could life have been different if I’d had more attention earlier in my education, would I have made different choices if I’d had more information and support? Perhaps. But I already knew that; the unfairness of my childhood was already pretty plain to me, and I’ve done my best to deal with and accept that. Which is helpful when you’re faced with a reiteration of it, as it were.

But I’m also glad that you feel like things are shifting, that you’re able to start unpicking the unfairness of a late diagnosis and the justifiable anger you feel around it. It’s the attitude to have, for sure, the idea of undoing the self-hate. Keep on at that, concern yourself with yourself, and let the anger at others be a byproduct of the work, something you know you’ll eventually shed. (Even if that’s tough to do when you’re living with them.) Good luck -- and keep at it!

#sam has adhd

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