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lizziespoem · 7 months

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intimacy of being understood | nanamin ͏⸺ one shot

͏⸺ the intimacy of being understood, untouchable, unique and barely to understand, an hidden act of art reshaped to a favor of the gods, to crawl under the skin that is covering the depths of our hearts, we know so many things, yet we never understand ourselves, and to able to push the skin aside was so simple, yet so magnificent. Perhaps we craved more to be understood rather than being loved, to understand the vulnerability behind every confession, the growth of every movement, the association of connection and progress and the acknowledgment of existing.

and besides all your knowledge, philosophy and intelligence, you never figured out the act of being yourself, you didn't understand how you worked, why you acted like you did and why the thoughts were circling through your pretty head, but nanami did.

the way your fingertips carefully pulled on the simple bracelet around your wrist, the way you constantly yawed to get more oxygen into your lungs, the way you got quieter and your lips got tired of wearing your beautiful smile, the way your eyes followed every single movement to overanalyse every interaction and the way your cheeks blushed as you took small sips of your drink.

"mind if I steal my gorgeous woman for a moment?" Nanami interjected into the conversation of you and some other college’s with one of his charming smiles on his lips, as his he carefully placed his left hand onto your lower back, creasing the silky material of your elegant dress.

No one could ever refuse anything to nanami when he got that innocent charming smile on his lips, the kind of smile that holded his soul, the kind of smile that just needed three seconds to relieve the cruelty of the world and even if the light faded, his smile stayed.

"am I that transparent for you?" you whispered softly with an innocent smile on your lips while Nanami's hand stroked over your coccyx as he guided you outside, between the chatting people, out of the crowed room filled with stuffy air and the smell of alcohol. The other hand of Nanami rubbed over the little beard stubble, which his razor hadn’t caught and the charming grin didn’t faded as his eyes looked down to study you for a brief moment as he speaks up "you don’t need to tell me how you feel. I can see it for miles"

The loudness muffled after Nanami cautiously closed the glass patio door behind the two of you.

"I know it’s difficult for you when all these greedy looks are on you" the tall blonde man said as he watched you leaning your body slightly over the railing, admiring the landscapes and enjoying the calmness, away from all the people, letting yourself feel the comfort you needed.

Nanamin always rejected to be understood and being loved, yet he couldn’t help but fall the crucifixion of being loved by you, the torments of his mental awareness to differentiate the deed of the gods or the practical joke of the mischief devil, since you were everything he had ever prayed for, too good to be a gift of the gods and too innocent to be a sin of the devil. But if I’m between the spectacle of the world and the ever-changing state of things and the inherent fiction of everything, of the false importance exhibited by all realities, he always pleaded to wait to find you, in every myth and fiction, he dreamed among shadows and ruins, crawled through the coldest emptiness till the fullest ecstasy, just to find you.

You were terribly afraid of being known, yet desperate to be understood and Nanami was willing to learn every aspect about you.

"I know it's loud up here and way too bright for you" he mumbled against your scalp before he placed a gently kiss on top of your head, before he leans with his back against the railing studying the way the cold air blushes your cheeks and the dimmed light complimented your eyes.

Almost as if there was hiding a hint of absurdity, the tall man lost himself, forgetting who he was in this blurry reality while the intensity of sensation stunned his senses and all that was clear to him was you, the smudged dark eyeliner and rare blush on your cheeks, the fresh manicure and the elegant ring around your finger he had gifted to you as a promise, the messy hair and the little strands, which float around your face in the light wind. If you were a sin developed by the hands of the devil, Nanami would have fall on his knees and would make any agreement with the underworld, he didn't cared about how many love letters he must write for you, if he had to learn to play guitar to impress you, if he would have to read to you every night or if he had to work for the devil himself, he would do anything for you.

“sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself” a soft chuckle left your mouth, looking up through your dark lashes as your hands clenched around the cold railing and Nanami would've lied if he would denied the emotional chaos you caused inside of him as you looked at him with those eyes.

Obsessively, incessantly, perpetual and with maddering hunger he longed for your heart, manuscripts written down by his dreams about every movement you made to avoid his suffocation otherwise he would never stop talking about you, insane enough to believe it wasn´t enough to see you every moment with his clear consciousness, willing to never sleep again just so he wouldn't lose you from his sight. Nanami was never afraid of heights, yet this love seems so deep that he was afraid to fall, because you gave him something he can miss and now he knows forever what he'll miss when you leave.

A charming grin lifted the corners of his mouth as his thumb brushed over your little wrinkles around your lips “yet I don't know enough of you”

"You don't?" you mocked him jokingly, causing one of you dangerously gorgeous smiles lighting up your face, fading away these obstinate musical tones banging on the glass door as the tall blonde man nodded pensively and stroked with his thumb over your soft glossy lips, smudging a bit the lip gloss from your lips “You're full of passions and talent, yet to blind to see it in yourself, you hide so many beautiful words under your tongue, still you apologize for speaking at all and somewhere in your life someone broke your heart so deeply, that you're afraid of loving yourself, but even if I know a hundred versions of you, there are at least a thousand left to love”

The wrinkles around the corner of your lips illuminate as you placed a gentle kiss on the fingertip of his thumb before he raised his voice calmly again “You know which version I like the most till now is the one that still dances even when the song is long over and the one who, when the world is gray again, paints everything in color again with a brush, who never leaves, even when we argue”

“maybe, there is a version you won't love” you whispered while you looked through your lashes into his eyes and a raucous laugh escaped his mouth as he shook his head “it's so exaggeratedly easy to love you”

And there it was, a kiss so delicate yet vulnerable, godly with closed eyes, helplessly almost like a miserable misery, yet you both had become ravenously hungry for the taste of each other that you weren’t afraid to get burned, two mouths melted into each other, not afraid to swallow the poison of the devil.

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emotionallychargedtowel · 10 months

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Utsukushii Kare master post

With Utsukushii Kare: Eternal becoming available on streaming in Japan and rumors of international streaming distribution on the horizon, I thought this might be a good time to do a roundup post of all of my meta writing on the series so far. There's quite a bit of it. Between the complexity of the psychological themes in this series and my capacity for hyperfocus, I ended up with a lot to say.

In case it doesn't go without saying, this post is subject to change as I continue to post on this topic.

The psychological paradoxes of Utsukushii Kare

This is a series of posts (the current plan is to write three installments) about what it says on the tin: paradoxical psychological dynamics in Utsukushii Kare. These are things about the characters that may seem contradictory at first but can be accounted for by digging deeper into some psychological concepts. These posts are focused on the series (both seasons) but will draw from the movie and from the novel and related stories when they illustrate points about the series.

Part 1: Covert grandiosity and finding status through idealization - A pretty deep dive into 1) the subtle ways Hira shows that while his self-image can be highly negative in some ways, in other respects he feels superior to others and 2) how by elevating Kiyoi’s status and humbling himself in comparison, Hira attains a different kind of status.

An addendum of sorts to part 1: Hira's parents and his self-defeating tendencies - Some guesswork about how Hira's parents could have contributed to his self-defeating personality, with some further discussion of specific self-defeating strategies he uses in his relationship with Kiyoi and elsewhere.

Utsukushii Kare through the lens of pursuer-distancer dynamics and related psychological concepts:

The pursuer-distancer dyad & how it applies to the world of BL - a primer on this psychological concept and how it applies to BL generally, with a brief reference to how this concept applies to Utsukare (also touches on Semantic Error and talks in detail about an example from To My Star 2). This one isn't super focused on Utsukushii Kare but is pretty de rigeur for understanding my UK posts on this topic.

Paradoxical roles; or, I think I finally figured out the pursuer-distancer dynamic in Utsukushii Kare - This post comes after some of the posts listed below but I recommend reading it first as this is really where (I think) I cracked the code on this aspect of the story.

Pursuer-distancer roles & attachment style in Utsukushii Kare, Part 1: Hira - In-depth discussion of Hira's role in the pursuer-distancer dyad, his attachment style, and his personality

Pursuer-distancer roles and attachment style in Utsukushii Kare Part 2: Kiyoi - In-depth discussion of Kiyoi's role in the pursuer-distancer dyad, his attachment style, and his personality

Re-evaluating pursuing & distancing in Utsukushii Kare season 1 - super detailed post working out my thoughts about pursuing and distancing in season 1

On the way Sakai Mai (the series' director) uses seme left, uke right framing and its significance in BL and other Japanese media:

Using an example from the s2e1 with the girl who hits on Hira at a party (via a reblog of a gifset from @nanons)

On the way Sakai flips Hira's and Kiyoi's position in the frame in two versions of the same scene and what it tells us about its significance

How the persistent/cute trope plays out in Utsukushii Kare season 2, plus related overanalyses of the big season 2 finale kiss:

The persistent and the cute (how "persistent" and "cute" are code words with specific meanings in BL/yaoi/other drama and manga genres/Japanese culture more broadly)

Analyzing the season 2 finale kiss in light of seme left/uke right framing and the persistent/cute trope (in a reblog of a gif post by @nanons)

Reblogging @bl-bracket to lobby for the season 2 finale kiss, with more overanalysis

Fragrance nerd discussion:

This bittersweet fragrance - on the significance of osmanthus/tea olive in Utsukushii Kare season 2, with additional information on the possible significance of the fragrance of osmanthus and perfumes that are either osmanthus soliflores or feature prominent osmanthus notes

Posts on specific season 2 episodes:

initial thoughts about S2e1

Additional (informal) thoughts on s2e1

S2e1 rundown

Hira's incongruous/misaligned affect at the end of s2e1

S2e2 rundown

on S2e2, including pursuer-distancer dynamics and seme left, uke right

Utsukushii Kare S2E4: “face me straight on” (mostly discussing relationship dynamics pointed out in topic-specific metas)

on Utsukushii Kare: Eternal:

Kiyoi and Anna: on Kiyoi’s friendship with Anna and its significance for his personal growth

#utsukushii kare #utsukushii kare meta #utsukushii kare analysis #utsukushii kare season 1 #utsukushii kare season 2 #utsukushii kare 2 #utsukushii kare eternal #utsukushii kare: eternal #hira x kiyoi #japanese bl #jbl #my beautiful man #psychology of bl #pursuer distancer dynamic #attachment theory #attachment style

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etherealmach1ne · 2 months

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- Intro Post ⋆｡°✩

| Hello! My name is Max/Bee/Star or V1 and i am 19. This is primarily my otherkin/personal blog, however ill probably post whatever. ^^

i'm an artist and occasional animator, i also do livestreams every so often. i love drawing robots or fanart of things i like, i also draw furries. I am autistic, adhd and likely (quiet) bpd.

i am agender, my pronouns are they/he/it/bot. i do not mind most gendered terms (although i tend to prefer the masc ones, there is exceptions) so you can use he or "look at the little guy!" the way you would if you saw a little robot wearing a fancy hat. Im also Greysexual and Queer.

My Kins/Kintypes (will go more in depth another time)

Robotkin/Machinekin - Nonspecific, i feel this with anything that could be referred to as a machine, electronic or mechanical. Although with robots im most attached to ones with non-humanoid faces. This was the first kin-thing i discovered about myself!

Angelkin - i believe this is also nonspecific, but im most drawn to multiple winged ones, the statues of angels, or depictions of them being abstract like beings of pure light.

Fictionkin - v Here is a list of my fictional character kins v

Starscream (Transformers) - My highest(and most intense) kin, mainly G1 starscream or similar versions (earthspark and some comics). He is incredibly important to me. Skyfire also plays an important comfort role to me because of this kin, I do ship them so i am incredibly attached to them both.

Bumblebee (Transformers) - Much less intense of a kin, i mainly kin G1 or the bumblebee movie version (or similar ones in some comics once again)

V1 (ULTRAKILL) - Realised this kin at the same time i realised i was robotkin! Was also a very intense kin, however its calmed down as im hyperfixated on starscream/transformers at the moment.

Questioning/not sure

Starkin - This may link with Angelkin, as i do see stars and angels as connected/appearing similar.. not sure.

Birdkin - Same thing, i do very much relate with having wings. some of their behaviours i also feel attached to, but im unsure if its just because i associate them with other kins..

Deerkin - Ive had certain shifts that seem to align with deer, ive always been quite drawn to them.

Foxkin - i connect a lot with the way foxes act and used to identify with them a lot in my early teen years, some shifts ive had could also align with them.

Interests (some, at least..)

Transformers (current special interest) | Robots/anything mechanical (also special interest)

Space/Sci-fi | Character analysis (or overanalysing..) | Art/Animation (of course)

(Any kind of) Science ( i am not smart enough to understand it fully but im autistic enough to find it exciting regardless /hj)

Video games in general (ULTRAKILL, Undertale/Deltarune, Fnaf, Splatoon, Portal, to name a few) | Phasmophobia/Lethal Company/Among us

Clowns/Jesters | Markiplier (his videos and his projects) | Good omens

Other

With fictional kins i do tend to feel discomfort with doubles (people who share the same kin) however you can still interact, i do try to look past the discomfort.

DNI if youre a weirdo (proship, homophobe/transphobe, racist, ect.)

i'll likely never post anything entirely nsfw here, but im not sure about suggestive stuff,. it will be tagged if i do, so if you dont want to see that it should be easily filtered out! i'll likely leave it all below a "read more" anyway just to be safe.

Dont be shy to interact! whether its to ask questions or anythin!

#intro post #blog intro #transformers #otherkin #fictionkin #starscream #ultrakill #machinekin #robotkin #angelkin #about me #looking for mutuals #looking for friends

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thetwelfthcrow · 6 months

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the best part of the fortnite articles wasn't even posted

Theres one with like 3 paragraphs going in depth about how lando was actually calling lewis "lulu" instead of "lewlew" and was "mocking and demasculating him" by "equating his name to that of a female's." (this is also inaccurate, for anyone who has fallen for it, because I've seen this idea floating around a few different socials). i wasn't feeling well mentally and had the day off, and i watched the whole stream. he ALWAYS referred to the lewis characters as "lewlew," usually in a very fond/excited to see them way/tone.

then this same article tried to claim he had his character bow at lewis' feet to make up for the mocking and i just — yeah. yeah. he meant to do that. that explains why he was so embarrassed he covered his face and looked away from the stream for several moments lmao.

and then don't even get me started on the oscar "mortally wounding" lando claim. that's based off nothing lando has ever said. he was disappointed in himself for making so many mistakes in Qatar, but he was never disappointed in oscar for doing better. He's mentioned Qatar and congratulated oscar in every single season in review video I've seen. This claim is based off some shit brundle was spewing. which is why i am once again, begging for all of the "British bias" bullshit to stop when it comes to non-merc drivers. Like there's a British driver on the grid who actually had the worst season of his career (I'll give you a hint: his name isn't in this message) and basically came last of the drivers in top teams that people had high hopes for, yet you still have brundle and sky calling him a future WDC and an imminent threat to lewis while basically throwing a #LandoNorrisIsOver party. The whole thing is quite funny.

(sorry if you got 2 messages like this, my internet keeps being weird so i wasn't sure the first one sent)

jesus fucking christ people are DELUSIONAL. i suddenly feel a lot better about overanalysing max/lewis as a ship, compared to people saying lando using a nickname is demasculating. i mean - lando is called lala by his cousin, i'd reckon he's got lewlew from it.

they are OVER analysing NOOTHING here. he didn't bow down he fucking clicked to make his character duck and then got flustered bc it looked like his female character was giving head to lewis lmao.

lando's the best fucking teammate on the grid. never seen anyone as supportive of his teammate as him. i think im not getting your lines but it might be bc i'm tired. and yeah british bias is the worst of all of them. even viaplay's dicksucking of max is nothing in comparison.

oh yeah my favorite british driver! how dare you speak truths about him. it's so fucked up to me how the british media is so fucking negative about good drivers (also w lewis' 'this is lewis' second season without wins' or something post like HELLO he's also a 7 time wdc) or how they (like everyone, really) keep underestimating lando. if i were british media i'd be embarrassingly proud of my countrymates. every mistake they make is fine dw you're the best and every good thing they do gets praised into the heavens. but no, of course they only do it with mr Public Relations. and not mental-health awareness lando or activist-for-everything and also the only black guy on the grid lewis.

fucking tired of F1 journalism. can they all collectively stop? scrap presscons too, only give us post-race interviews on the paddock and then w everyone and done. i'd be happy. all drivers will be happy.

#Anonymous #F1 journalism (derogatory)

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l-e-morgan-author · 8 months

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Love in Hands Made For Gentleness

One of the themes in this book are the different forms of love, and - like many others - I think about the Greek words to ensure I explore it the way I want to. It's an interesting thing to think about, how each form of love is manifested, and is something I hold very close to my heart, because after all 'these three abide, but the greatest of these is love'. Given that both faith and hope are also crucial elements (hope gets more of a talking-about, but that's inextricably tied into faith as it is for me), it's important that I don't forget about their greater counterpart, love. I wanted to break it down and discuss a bit about how the different forms of love are displayed.

This necessarily involves spoilers, so if you want to scroll right past and remain unspoiled, feel free to! (And yes, I do indeed overanalyse my own works, what of it?) Also note: trigger warnings consistent with the book itself, since some of the topics discussed may be distressing (if you find discussion of topics like suicide distressing, a) please take care of yourself, and b) this probably won't be the book for you).

So in no particular order:

Philia

Philia is the love of friends, platonic love. This is really where Vaniah and Anneka start out, in a way - very good friends, very affectionate, and entirely platonic. Before we get into the more complicated feelings as they grow closer after their marriage, one of my aims with this book is to emphasise the importance of platonic love, as well as its depth, and that it absolutely doesn't need to romantic to be very close and extremely important to the people in it. For Vaniah, Anneka is the most important person in his life, even before their marriage.

Eros

Eros is the interesting one here to me - the passionate romantic or sexual love. It's definitely important to this story and these characters; Vaniah has some trauma around all of this to work through, but ultimately, they're married, they're going to be doing married people shenanigans. (Not on page, don't worry. There'll be discussions around that topic, as necessary, but since it's not a topic I really want to touch for personal reasons I doubt it'll have a great deal of page time.) It's important, but most of the hints around it will probably be accidental; I know I've shared excerpts that are just them playing around and being silly, and certain people look at them and see sexual undertones I never intended. Ah well.

Agape

Agape is the most important love here, I think - the self-sacrificing, selfless love. It's unconditional, and very much represents the bond between Vaniah and Anneka as it heals. Both are willing to do whatever it takes for the other to grow better and closer to God, at least in theory, and over time that translates to wanting their own healing in order to stop grieving the other person (more relevant for Vaniah than Anneka). At a certain point with a lot of mental problems, I feel like one stops caring about healing, and it's a struggle sometimes to remember why you would try, because it's easier to just exist and not try to improve. Over time, though, Vaniah and Anneka help one another to heal from their respective problems. They won't go away completely, of course, but whatever they can do to help, they do, and I love them for it. Anneka, for instance, is very willing to hear about dark, graphic thoughts and see some very graphic things, if it will help Vaniah (like when she helps him to care for self-inflicted wounds, which understandably deeply upsets her). Despite how it may make her feel, she's determined to continue to love him no matter what, and that's something she emphasises, especially when he gets existential and at one point even suggests she should divorce him and let him die by his own hand. (She refuses, reminds him of her love and God's love, and pulls out verses to support her point.)

Storge

Storge is the familiar love, love of family. This is one most represented by Anneka's bond with her brother, Ben. While Vaniah has two siblings, one is already dead by the start of the story, and the other, Susan, doesn't get a great deal of page time. Because the story is told from Anneka's point of view, the two most important male characters are Vaniah and Ben. Her relationship with Ben mimics my own bond with my siblings. I wanted him to be her protector, to some extent, until that role is handed more to Vaniah. Though she can stand for herself, Anneka still needs the love and support of her family and friends, just like we all do. For Vaniah and Anneka, the support and protection goes both ways.

Mania

Mania is another interesting one, and not one I'd really considered specifically until writing this post. As part of his mental health journey, Vaniah sometimes veers close to obsession, or stumbles into it completely. He is at times violent, but never towards Anneka, only himself. There's a spice of codependency as well, as they both know he would have committed suicide years earlier if it hadn't been for her, and at times, at his lowest, he resents her for it. There are a lot of toxic emotions tied up into this relationship, but together (and with the help of others from their church) they work through it and out the other side.

Ludus

This is another form of love I hadn't considered until writing this post, but I'm glad I did. It's an integral part of Vaniah and Anneka's relationship, and serves to lighten the admittedly heavy tone of this book. They have a lot of fun together, even despite the terrible darkness that sometimes assails one or both of them, and it's important to remember. It's also tied into the banter between Anneka and Ben, which can sometimes be pretty similar to the way Vaniah and Anneka interact. But they absolutely can't be sad or depressed all the time, because that would be a terrible book to read. I need to work more on putting this in, and the balance between light and dark, so that it doesn't feel jarring or confusing, or different to the tone of the rest of the book.

Pragma

Pragma is an enduring love, and it's extremely important to their relationship. Both Vaniah and Anneka have to make compromises to make things work, and as they mature and heal from their traumas and disorders, they learn to work together better, and the codependency they previously experienced is transformed into a strong, healthy and abiding bond in Christ.

Philautia

Oh look, another one I hadn't expressly thought about before this post! Philautia is the love of self. This one is interesting because it ties into my opinion that both 'self love' and 'self hatred' are expressions of self obsession, which isn't really a very good thing, obviously. At the start of the story, Vaniah absolutely can't get past his feelings about himself, his guilt over what he was forced to do or chose to do, and the way he perceives himself at that point. However, as it progresses, he learns to forgive himself (there's one scene in which Anneka argues that God has forgiven him if he has repented, and he bitterly retorts that all he needs to do is forgive himself, for he has repented a thousand times), and finally to move on after years of feeling stuck in one place. This is only really possible after he hits the lowest point and attempts suicide, and finally makes the decision that he will never end his own life, no matter what. He eventually reaches a point at which he is less self-obsessed (tying it in to the development of agape love as well), and is able to look more outwards without obsessing over his own behaviour; he doesn't love himself, but he has learned to accept himself and to largely stop punishing himself for his own existence, which is what is tied into his significant habit of self-harm. (Which he does eventually manage to stop completely; I'm not sure that's entirely possible for some or even most people, at least given how established it is as a coping mechanism for him, but there might be a little bit of wishful thinking helping this one along, and that's okay.)

So those are the different forms of love as expressed in this story! I could probably talk a lot more about them if I sat down and thought about it for even longer, but I really shouldn't. I have an exam to study for. God be with you.

In a slightly edited form, this post will also be available on my website, lemorganauthor.wordpress.com, shortly. (Edit: the post is now available at this link which I hope works because I've never done a hyperlink on tumblr before.)

#hands made for gentleness #vaniah #anneka #love #writeblr #microdosing on marketing #my writing #analysis #please feel free to reblog and whatnot!

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goldfish-or-smthing · 1 year

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im going to count and list and then probably overanalyse the shakespeare references in season 2 because i have to do something with the english i learnt in school right?!

just finished episode 2, so far we have:

2x01 - "a shakespearian fucking tragedy" (said by nate) 2x01 - "it's like saying macbeth in a theatre" (said by ted) 2x02 - "perchance to dream here" (said by beard) 2x02 - "heavy is the head that wears the crown visor" (said by doc sharon to ted)

without much in depth thought these all kinda have the connection of sleep: "heavy is the head.." is from Henry IV (it's technically "uneasy is the head" but is generally quoted as heavy) and is from a speech about the characters insomnia as a war approaches, "perchance to dream here" is from Hamlet- from hamlets classic "to be or not to be" monologue, and obvs has a connection to sleep and a major theme of macbeth is sleep.

which is interesting, but then again shakespeare wrote a lot about sleep so it could be a coincidence...

the shakespeare references could also all be hinting at nates betrayal at the end of s2 since thats a theme that shakespeare wrote about in almost all of his plays. then again i cant help but feeling like the references probably mean more than just that.

see you tomorrow for more of me overanalysing the shakespeare references in ted lasso! (probably in more depth because the more references i get the more i can hopefully find some sort of pattern?)

#maybe one of the writers just really likes shakespeare #im excited to watch 2x03 tomorrow to see if there are any more epic shakespeare refs #i can think of two more off the top of my head in s2 but im sure theres more #ted lasso #nathan shelley #coach beard #doctor sharon

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onbeinganangel · 1 year

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artists self rec! when you get this, reply with your favourite five arts/sets/edits/gifs that you've done, then pass on to at least five other people. time to shine and spread some self-love and appreciation 🥰 <3

omg sia, hi!!! it feels so special to get this question from you, the very first person i ever chatted to when i first fell into the drarry rabbit hole 💛💛💛

i’ve not embroidered fic recs in a while (though i have just finished a GORGEOUS commission i can share soon!!) but i think about it a lot. so this is gonna be a bit of little end of the year introspective look at my work. here are my favourite five embroidery projects i’ve done:

fic rec for almost heaven by M0stlyVoid

(original post here) — i just love how this one came out! i love the simplicity of the hands and the wee plait that i made! i fucked up my entire back doing this in 6 hours because i’m a mess but i still think it was totally worth it. this is also responsible for my obsession with embroidering hands (may it live forever) so, again, totally worth it!!

fic rec for Running on Air by eleventy7

(original post here) — this fic will never not be special. these were a lot of work but they remind me of a very special summer and autumn of sitting in the park embroidering and i love that they’re a set of two, with the iconic landscapes. i just love how they are different but complement each other! it makes me think i’d love to make more matching sets actually 👀

3. fic rec for Who we are in the shadows by Quicksilvermaid

(original post here) — i think i love this one specifically because of how experimental it is. i love the gauzy base fabric, the cotton wool, the textured moon. i keep meaning to play with fabric more and haven’t done it as much as i wish, but i really enjoy looking at all the textures in this one

fic rec for Among Ancient Pines by Theartfulldodger

(original post here) — talk about texture!! this was one of those that took AGES and a lot of patience to keep going and going and going with the same bloody stitch. a lot of textile art is trusting the process, and this one put me through it a bit. i love the end result so much though! it's so colourful and bright and i love that i even made the wee trees at the bottom work, which was terrifying after spending so many hours on the base layer haha

fic rec for The Last of What the World Left You by xanthippe74

(original post here) — i mean, look at this wee fella, how could i not love him to death 🥺 i LOVE filling in colour with long and short stitch. satin stitch is satisfying but i just love the depth and dimension long and short stitch give pieces. until this piece though, i'd never dared do it in darker colours! i think it takes a lot more finesse and you can lose a lot of detail with the darker thread. i took a chance because i really, REALLY wanted to embroider HIM specifically for xanthippe's fic, and the effort absolutely paid off. i am no longer scared of darker colours and he makes me smile every time i see him

this got super long to no one's surprise but it was a pleasure to look at these! i think i tend to overanalyse (and worry over) my writing a lot more than i do my embroidery so this was really fun! thank you again <3

#embroidery #fic recs but i embroider them?#m embroiders #qs and as

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shitminds · 2 years

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It’s Really Not That Deep: The Overanalysis of Literature in Systematic Education

Or: Why Lord of the Flies is Not About Intrinsic Evil

I’ve recently reread Lord of the Flies after first reading it at school a few years back.

The copy of the book I read has a little introduction about Sir William Golding and his philosophy that inspired Lord of the Flies. It went on and on about Biblical ‘Good’ and ‘Bad’, the regression of human civilisation, intrinsic evil and all the pessimistic bs you covered in ninth grade English Lit.

But despite its repetitiveness and uselessness, I gained a bit of information from the intro about Golding's biography that I was not aware of: he was a commander in the English Navy during World War Two.

With that in mind as I read the novel, I started piecing together a little idea: Lord of the Flies is not about how humans are undoubtedly shitty, but rather it’s a reflection of how war and conflict breed unfettered hopelessness.

I’m not going to go into what I think the themes and allegory in Lord of the Flies deliver- that’s a whole other post -but rereading the novel absent of any encouraged ideology really does completely change the way you think about the literature you read in school: what if I wasn’t told at 14 that humans must be under strict societal rules, otherwise chaos would fester as shown in this Great Classic, but instead learnt the effect and manifestation of war on literature and philosophy? But no, every little bit of lotf told us that without a-to-z civility handbooks we will all dig ourselves into deep anarchy and barbaric tribes

Reading a book written seventy years ago and being told to look for a message that has already been delivered to you pre-read is pointless if what is being taught is interpretation.

So, if not the free interpretation of literature, what did we learn from reading all those mandatory pages? I think nothing is a close answer.

Usually, the subtext you were meant to look for is just a reinforced idea of what the literature should mean- that is, there are incorrect and conversely correct interpretations. In addition, this singular interpretation of the literature is overanalysed to the point of meaninglessness. This analysis happens in the name of in-depth reading and recognition of literary devices, metaphors and style, but really it is a surface reading that lacks creativity and encourages all but model-answer-brain-rot.

I don’t think that the Humans Are Bad reading of Lord of the Flies is necessarily incorrect- there shouldn’t be right-and-wrong in literary understating, especially in your ninth-grade reading of X classic- but it shouldn’t be pushed as the only way to read the novel. And this, of course, applies to all other works of literature. As long as you can justify your interpretation of unstated philosophy, themes, metaphor and all else, your interpretation shouldn’t be dismissed.

TL;DR: Secondary school English sticks to a one-dimensional understanding of timeless literature and then milks the shit out of it until you are literally scraping for whatever symbolic bullshit that will get you an A. It is not how we should introduce people to meaningful stories.

PS. This is me shit posting. I am bored and it is summer. This is obviously not an academic analysis and I am also very bad at writing so yk, I encourage social niceties

PSS. I’ve read this back just now, and I realise I make very little sense, but anyway this exists and it shall stay

#books #reading #novels #book review #analysis #words #lord of the flies #literature #schools #education #school system #shit post

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still-a-morosexual-help · 2 years

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Previous anon discussing the depth and lore here!

Read your response and I gotta say I still don’t completely agree, but I see where you’re coming from. Just wanna clarify that I do think Obey Me is one of the better otomes imo, but I just don’t feel like all decisions (ie facial expressions, lines) were exactly made with as much thought as you express (don’t get me wrong tho, I’m not saying the devs don’t deserve any credit or praise for decisions or writing). The best way I can explain it is when a teacher is analyzing a blue curtain in a film as “expressing sadness” and then the director saying he just liked the color blue— that’s kinda how I see the fandom’s analysis to the Obey Me plot. I do agree that it’s important to pay attention to details, but personally with *some* things, it feels like an over analysis. But of course that’s just me (and i enjoy reading it anyways lmao)!! TLDR; story is great, but it could be better lol. ANYWAYS sorry for rambling so much, we can agree to disagree on some things </3 still love you

Oh yeah definitely! Sometimes a blue curtain is a blue curtain. God, I'm not saying 0M! 's got some amazing depth or whatever😂😂😂 and I'll definitely be the first person to admit that I overanalyse things ( *cough*mammon's panic attack in the cupboard*cough*im so sorry michael i was just playing around and having fun i didn't mean to make people hate you before you even appeared*cough*) but it's also got more depth than people give it credit for

And while I don't think there's some deep analysis or reason behind the lines & expressions, you also don't just put lines or expressions in yknow?

(l think the only time you can get accidental expressions is in live action - where someone isn't meticulously planning out every line of a person's face. Like obviously in cartoons there'll be a lot of times where the fandom overanlyses an expression but at the same time even if the fandom is digging too deep that expression was a deliberate choice on the creators' parts)

At least in my experience you don't - if a character changes their facial expression between one sentence to another because they're talking to a character they're close with vs one they're not (eg: asmo in the s2 example I gave in the previous post when he spoke to Solomon vs Diavolo) then someone made a deliberate decision to make that expression change

Like if a line or expression is there it's because the devs added it, which means at least some small amount of thought went into its placement. Obviously not every line or expression has a deeper meaning but you can usually tell which ones do by whether or not they stand out compared to what the character will normally say/do or compared to what the character is currently saying and if there's a sudden shift in their expression triggered by a shift in the scene (eg: who they're talking to/ who arrives in or leaves the room etc)

Eg 1 : These 3 screenshots follow each other and are (obviously) about the same topic

Talking to Diavolo

Talking to Solomon

Eg 2: Usually when Mammon calls Luke a Chihuahua

If he's teasing/deliberately saying it to be an asshole, he's smiling:

If not, his expression usually fits what he's feeling/saying,

when casual:

when angry:

when exasperated:

But this is his expression after Luke interrupts their serious yet secret discussion with Simeon, where up to this point Mammon was angry, worried & upset:

Specially after going through so many "high"/"large" emotions, he instantly becomes uncharacteristically blank/stoic when Luke barges in

Eg 3 :

After MC commands 6 of the brothers in one swoop and feels no adverse effects while Solomon & Diavolo know that their magic is going out of control and destroying things. Solomon asks about how they feel after controlling the brothers for the first time and is his usual smiling self. When MC leaves though his expression drops. And this is significant because

a.) We rarely get to see the characters' expressions after MC leaves

b.) Solomon's always so smiley that any change is very noticeable

c.) There's no dialogue box that appears and usually a character is not kept on screen for that extra second like that since they're either immediately switched with another character or the scene ends and the screen turns black

Eg 4 :

There's also expressions/dialogue that's repeated when a character is feeling the same emotion

a.) Lucifer goes "..." when he's worried (eg: when Mammon runs away from home, when Mammon starts acting upset/distant after being forced to act like an angel - both in devilgrams)

b.) Mammon goes "..." when he's truly upset (eg: when MC's day to leave draws closer, when MC kisses Lucifer - both in the main story)

So yeah, not every line/expression has some deeper meaning but there are lots of moments like this ^ where it can't be anything but a deliberate placement on the devs part and that's what I was talking about in the previous ask

But yeah at the end of the day to each their own and I'm more than happy to agree to disagree I just needed a place to talk about those ^ examples with screenshots because they're some of my favourite moments in OM! writing wise

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kirisaki-daichi-scenarios · 3 years

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a discussion of jabberwock with team interaction hcs + deeper nash analysis

for anon who asked "Can we get some headcanons for jabberwock members or like headcanons when they're together? (its okay if it was jason or nash only)" and made me realise it's about time i get these guys' personalities down

note before we start: cause i didn't know their names until i wrote this

zack is the bald one, allen is the one with a headband, nick is the other white guy apart from nash.

team hcs

nick gets bullied for being under 6ft, but not by jason

nah good old jason teases all of them for being short fucks, emphasising that they’re all 5ft tall in comparison to him

he 100% lifts things out of the others' reach and then laughs for ages after when they try get them

unfortunately though, they’re all used to this and now just ignore him. either that or nash stares at him so intensely jason actually repents and hands it back

zack’s another one with a very good glare, but he’s used it too often on jason and it’s since stopped working.

also jason gives me ‘straightens his back as much as possible when getting measured so he’ll measure in as 7ft’ vibes

oh and he thinks he could wrestle a gator and win. i’ve got no explanation for that except for the fact you can't tell me it's ooc.

allen’s very protective over his white headband - it’s his lucky item - but he’d never let anyone know that

he’s confident in his abilities like the rest of them, but there’s nothing wrong with wearing a headband just in case

(nash knows anyway)

they watch nba matches together and do not shut up once throughout the entire match - lots of jeering, booing each other if someone criticises a player they like, lots of “i could do that”, lots of “get your fucking hand out of my popcorn do you want me to punch you in the face” etc

they used to all live together, but nash has since moved out. he was sick and tired of trying to make people do chores, as the only one who kept their room clean.

yeah the others’ house looks like a heap of trash but also very much “where’s my toothbrush?” “it’s in the third coke can by the orange peel behind the sink” *silence* “yeah thanks” *a minute later* “who the fuck has been using my toothbrush”

they’re all “bro your dribbling sucks why are you on this team loser” to one another, but also very protective (aka arrogant for one another) if anyone else Dared to criticise one of their teammates

then again, what kind of person would criticise jabberwock

half of the time he spends with jabberwock, nash is a Single Mother TM trying to get a bunch of man children to behave; the other half of the time, he's just as bad as the rest of them

i talk about this a lot but i get the feeling nash is an exceptionally hard worker, but at least he gets to let his hair down around his teammates sometimes

nash is also the only person jason thought was truly ‘strong’ at first sight

and nash is also the only person who can beat jason in a fight, and also the only person who can get nash to train, and also the only person who can.. [etc. you see my point].

(n.b jason calls himself the ‘almighty me’, nash says that ‘even god can’t beat me’. point made.)

you know how jason silver’s motto is “I have never thought”

imagine him proudly stating that, before zack adds with a straight face, “yeah cause nash does it for you.”

in short, the team would fall apart without nash.

although the team’s communication and coordination is very fine tuned, nash is the guy who keeps everything in order off the court to prevent what is essentially a team of aces ('main characters', if you will) from falling apart

they hang out together a lot, but do all have other friend groups that do not overlap

team bbqs

unofficial rule not to criticise anchovies on pizza because the one time nick did, nash snapped

however pineapple on pizza is fair game, even though zack quite likes it

more than once, jason has brought a girl home and nick has stolen her attention away with effortless trick shots, funky ball manoeuvring etc

more than once nick has had to trek to nash’s place (with a black eye) at midnight to have somewhere to sleep

do you see a correlation?

oh and everyone in the team has been walked in on by nash when they were naked with some girl

nash has absolutely no shame

he apologises to the girl with a charming albeit insincere tone, and then remains standing in front of the bed/couch until his teammate does what he expected of them

usually it involves not having come to practice

allen learnt a few (emphasis on ‘few’) words of japanese before they travelled to japan and was disappointed that he never got to use them

that said, one of those words was hentai

and now a quick analysis of some panels

a) so there's at least one player who wasn't underestimating vorpal swords. if i were to overanalyse, i'd add that nick's wearing a hoodie (possibly athletic wear) whilst nash has a 'fancy' shirt on; perhaps nick wasn't expecting them to be going to host clubs instead of chilling/training?

b) i know what you're thinking: "how can you say nash is a hard worker when he didn't want to practice for the match". i reckon he was still pretty high on the complete and utter success of their previous match, that plus being around girls, encouraged him to have a more 'jason-y' personality. (either that or fujimaki didn't want to add too much depth/realism into nash's character bc he's unequivocally the villain, right? and obviously this helps with the plot and the jabberwock bad geniuses gom good geniuses rhetoric.)

earlier, i mentioned how nash is the only one that could keep the team together, and is thus the undeniable head of the team; here's a clear example. you can see both jason and zack have no interest in continuing - if anything, there's disgust in their faces, kinda just saying "we spat on all of japan, now we can go home". whereas nash won't allow for the slightest of possibilities that there might exist a team stronger than them, and hence agrees to the match. the key thing here is that the others do as he says without too much fuss.

another thing to note is nash's reference to harakiri. now what can we make of that, alongside his proficiency in japanese, in relation to his character? the way i see it, he's either a weeb or possibly has some japanese lineage. (you could spin that even further and say his mother was japanese, taught him the language, then abandoned him, and hence his almost excessive hatred/mockery of the japanese people.) (is that why he wanted to do another match in japan..?)

just a quick point. "thanks to him" - jason isn't so superior as to think that he could win this match effortlessly without nash's support. links pretty nicely with my earlier idea about how nash is the only person jason has always considered 100% strong.

yet another point about how nash is the strongest of the team in pretty much every way you can think of. you know how scary/powerful you have to be to shut jason up (after he's getting real pissed from being prevented from scoring?)

i personally think this is a pretty important panel, though i've never seen anyone mention it before. did nash grow up training in a professional basketball training situation, as opposed to growing up playing streetball like i suspect the others did? well, to answer that question, imma bring in another panel.

here we see visible rage on nick, zack and jason's faces - they can't accept their loss, which is fair enough. but i'd argue that nash's face seems to depict sadness more than it does anger like to rest of them, look at how downturned his mouth is - and he's looking away from the 'camera', as if hiding his shame.

when you combine that with what he says here, i have no doubt that this is someone who has experienced some proper lows in basketball - as would be expected from someone who's played 'properly'. he's possibly not even a prodigy like the rest of them - compare jason's motto with his. "i have never thought" versus "do not suppose opportunity will knock twice at your door".

there's various lines of thinking you could design with this - he might have been trained by alex (hence, himuro having heard of jabberwock, though he should have known of a team as popular of jabberwock regardless), he might have grown up with professional basketballer parents etc. but here's my own little theory:

nash received serious basketball training from early on - maybe because his parents were living vicariously through him, or maybe he always loved the sport and wanted to be no1. so there he was training away, but, as he grew older, it started getting all a bit too much.

he didn't want to dedicate his entire life to basketball. after all, his hobby is water sports and his speciality is boxing; that's a lot of different things to be keeping up with, whereas the pipeline for promising athletes demands people focus solely on basketball. as a result, nash become bitter: stopped attending practice regularly, got in trouble for trash talk of increasing severity, etc.

result was he was kicked out of the program.

only when he was no longer playing basketball again, did he realise how much he missed it. and hence he got into streetball, where he was tremendously successful as someone with so much training, 'elite skills', and the overly confident attitude to boot.

then, one fateful day, he met jason and the rest is history.

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aroclawthornes · 3 years

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Blooming Brilliant, an Aroace Willow Park Manifesto

[id: a gif of a heart locket opening. One half of the locket displays a picture of Willow Park from The Owl House, winking and making peace signs with her fingers. Blue and yellow stars surround her. The other half reads "willow park my beloved." /end id.]

Greetings! It’s me, User Aroclawthornes, and instead of working on all the time-sensitive homework I have I sat down and wrote an essay explaining why I think Willow Park OwlHouse could plausibly be read as aroace, and why it would be a thematically enriching interpretation. I’ve never written anything like this before, so it’s oddly formal, a little pretentious, and contains a lot of qualifying language, but I'm confident that it gets my point across. I’m not intending to speak over other interpretations of Willow or assert that it's the only true way to read her, but it's a headcanon I find interesting, and I think there’s a lot of evidence to back it up, between certain elements that Willow’s arc employs to some good old overanalysed symbolism. If you're aspec, I hope this is validating; if you're not, I hope it's interesting; if you don't care, scrolling past it is quick, free, and easy.

Some disclaimers on terminology: I’m speaking from an aroace perspective, and so when I say “aspec coding” I’m generally referring to both orientations as a catch-all - a lot of the coding surrounding Willow could go either way. I’m also going to be talking about commonly accepted “aspec” narratives, but I’m aware of the limitations of this insofar as my experiences are only a single facet of the diverse range of aspec people in this world, so anyone who wants to add or argue anything - respectfully - is encouraged to.

Analysis below the cut!

The Thing About Plants

I’m not going to pretend that an association with plants is historically indicative of aspec coding, because, frankly, there haven’t been enough aspec characters to establish it as a convention, and it’s also a fairly wide-reaching branch of symbolism. However, I am going to propose that lighthearted comparisons between asexual people and plants (however misguided on functions of plant reproduction they are) are fairly common elements of budding ace teenage humour, as are related quips about photosynthesis.

[id: a screenshot of Willow from "I Was A Teenage Abomination", depicting her sitting on the ground while casting a spell over a small, pink flower. /end id.]

I’m also not going to claim that the colour green Belongs To Aromantics, and therefore that All Plants Are Belong To Us, but in tandem with everything else I’m about to cover, the connection between Willow and plants seems like a fairly plausible nudge to a relatively common element of aspec humour.

“Half-a-witch” Willow and the Late Bloomer Experience

[id: a screenshot of Willow with glowing green eyes, from "I Was A Teenage Abomination", depicting her summoning a mess of thorned vines. /end id]

Willow is literally nicknamed “half-a-witch”, in reference to her supposedly incomplete state - this is a sentiment eerily reminiscent of the pressure to find one’s “other half”, which affects aspec - especially aromantic - people particularly profoundly. She’s considered a late bloomer, someone who hasn’t reached the societal milestones of growth at the expected age, and who is derided and considered immature as a result of this perceived failure. However, we quickly discover that Willow is, in fact, an exceptionally competent and powerful witch - taken out of the restricting frame of the Abominations track, she’s able to grow into her own, “complete” person, therefore proving that she was never really lacking in anything in the first place. Like real-life aroace people, she was perceived as limited and immature based on the expectations and judgements of other people, but Willow was never deficient in anything, least of all herself.

[id: a screenshot of Willow and Luz from "I Was A Teenage Abomination". They are holding hands - the former is laughing with her eyes closed, and the latter is grinning, while covered in abomination goop. /end id]

As far as symbolism goes...the track Willow is initially put in literally requires her to conjure up another humanoid entity, with the expectation that she will therefore prove herself to be a whole and mature person. Only with this ability, she’s told, will she be successful and happy as an adult. The shapelessness of her attempts at conjuring an abomination reinforces this connection in my mind - if I may reference this quote from Ducktales 2017‘s (absolutely stellar) A Nightmare On Killmotor Hill, in which the protagonists explore their own subconscious fears via. the dream realm, for a second:

“I think that’s supposed to be my romantic interest, but I’m too threatened by the concept, so it never takes shape.”

A lot of young aroace people find themselves in situations where they attempt to convince themself of their interest in someone in an attempt to be “normal,” or end up lying in response to family members or friends’ questions about crushes. While Willow’s abominations, first and foremost, represent the expectations from her school, classmates, and family to be a successful, “complete” witch with a profitable future, I think that with an aroace interpretation of Willow they could also very easily be read as representing some latent insecurities over a lack of attraction, or pressure to find a significant other.

(I’m not condemning Willow’s dads, by the way - they seem like perfectly lovely fellas, and I’m confident that they were doing what they thought was best for her. They’re certainly very quick to drop everything to assure her future in Escaping Expulsion, so obviously they care about their daughter very much.)

Greens, Blues, and Yellows: Colour-Coding Willow Park

A while back, I made this post comparing Willow’s palette to the aromantic and aroace flags:

[id: a screenshot of a post depicting the aromantic and aromantic asexual flags, colour-picked from images of Willow in her Hexside uniform and casual dress respectively - these are overlaid on top of the flags. The caption reads "observations on willow park". /end id.]

The grey-and-green aromantic flag has long been the accepted mainstream symbol of aromanticism, and, as the above post - and many others - demonstrate, Willow’s palette reflects it near-perfectly. This could easily be a coincidence, owing to the palette of the standard Hexside Plant Track uniform, as well as her hair and eye colours - which are obviously supposed to be reflective of her plant-related abilities. However, given how fond of employing hidden meanings The Owl House has shown itself to be, I don’t think it’s far-fetched to claim that there’s at least a chance that her palette was constructed with the flag in mind.

The latter is...a bit more problematic for me, although it’s fun to joke about. The blue-and-yellow aroace flag was only created in December 2018, relatively late into The Owl House’s initial production, and it’s still relatively obscure, although on the rise in popularity as the accepted aroace flag (I only recently started using it myself), so I don’t know if Willow’s casual wear is enough to verify the presence of any deliberate subtext. I think it’s a fun coincidence, however, and (as was pointed out in this post) it’s cool that these blue and yellow stars surrounding Willow occur in the same frame as Luz’s bisexual decor:

[id: a photograph of Luz, Gus, and Willow, all surrounding a disgruntled-looking Principal Bump. Luz has flowers in the colours of the bisexual flag decorating her hair, while Willow is surrounded by bright blue and yellow stars. /end id.]

also seen above: powerful bi/aspec solidarity

Conclusion:

Do I genuinely believe that Willow is being deliberately written this way? If you’d asked me, say, two months ago, I’d have said probably not - as far as queer representation in kids’ cartoons has come, it has a ways to go, and focusing on transgender characters seems like a more obvious (and equally invaluable) route to go down. I can name maybe five explicitly aspec characters off the top of my head, two of whom have been written as alloromantic and/or sexual in adaptations or continuations of the source material (I have...some grievances with 2005 Doctor Who). But the emergence of Raine, an explicitly nonbinary character on Disney Channel, has given me a little spark of hope, and so, even if it’s never confirmed, it’s comforting to be able to see a character with such strong elements of aspec coding and think to myself, just maybe, that there might be some intent behind it.

I also...really want to see interesting things done with Willow. We’re halfway through Season 2, and despite some promising setup for her arc in the Season 1 finale, she’s sort of been left by the wayside lately in favour of developing the more “plot-relevant” characters, such as Luz, Amity, Eda, and Hunter. Frankly, I think it’s a disservice to her Season 1 development, despite how much I adore all the characters I just listed - beyond any personal motivation, the prospect that Willow could be aroace adds a lot of sorely-sought depth to her, and, as detailed, a lot of this has already been set up in her earlier episodes. I just...I think it’d be neat. Rarely do you get a kids’ show so brazenly queer in its themes as Owl House, and aspec people deserve to be included in that.

Willow would also be great aroace representation because, well - those five or so aspec characters I mentioned being aware of are all white or “raceless” (...also written as white, basically), and so an aspec Asian character would be a really lovely step forward in this area. Additionally, all the characters I referred to are also conventionally skinny, and Willow is not only fat, but written in a way that doesn’t treat this feature as a caricature. People who are more knowledgeable on these topics than I are absolutely free to make additions, as is anyone who feels like I’ve left certain details out.

tl;dr: Willow’s association with plants could be read as a cool nod to aspec humour, her “late bloomer” narrative is eerily reminiscent of some common aspec experiences, her palette speaks for itself, and it’d be really cool if we could diversify the so-far fairly bland sphere of aspec representation.

I’m going to conclude this by linking Rose by The Oh Hellos, because they’re my favourite band, they share The Owl House’s initials, and I also think it’s a good Willow song. Peace out.

youtube

#the owl house #willow park #pspspspsps you will read my 1.5k word aroace willow essay #hooting #meta #willow #aroace willow manifesto #fuck it. this is getting posted

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fluffmonger · 4 years

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The Pelor Theory

Or, I’ve spent way to much time overanalysing this, but have this anyways.

So, it’s here at last, Caleb’s big arc, or at least the beginnings of it, and oh man am I stoked. Caleb has had these loose ends dangling for a long time now and Liam has continually been dropping little hints as to the Big Secrets, always very cryptic. Now, this might seem a bit out of left field, but given things like the Moon Theory, hey! Might as well go wild yeah?

Imo, one of the biggest loose ends and mysteries we’ve got regarding Caleb right now is his time in Vergesson Sanitorium, and especially who was the woman who healed him? Why did she do so? So… my theory.

Let’s start at the beginning. Why was Caleb even sent to Vergesson? In his words, “I broke a bit.” He claims he doesn’t remember much of his time there, that it's all kind of a blur for him, except for the woman who healed him. (This is important, we’ll come back to it). It's very clear from everything said in 18, and then expanded on in 49 and further about his scars and Trent’s goals that Caleb was abused and heavily traumatised. That alone, on top of the guilt and stress of hearing his parents dying screams would be enough to break a man.

However, I don’t think it’s as simple as that alone. (continuing under the cut for length)

Trent has placed false memories into the heads of many of his students, brilliant students who from a mechanical standpoint, we can assume have pretty good stats. Beyond that, none of them seem to have realised at the time that their minds were played with magically. Most spells of that nature tend to leave a target aware to a degree if the deviation is too sharp from normal. However, Trent is likely an Enchantment wizard, who specialises in mind fuckery via magical means, using the 14th level feature Alter Memories, which allows an Enchanter to charm people without the noticing or remembering that they were ever charmed (it's utterly terrifying y’all, super abusable).

A very common and powerful spell, that Matt has absolutely used before, is Feeblemind. We know Lady Briarwood had the spell, and used it in her first appearance. We know she was part of the assembly, once long ago before being kicked out. So it's not improbable that Trent also has access to it, and would make use of it. Feeblemind, in short, reduces a creature's intelligence and charisma scores to 1, and prevents them from casting spells, using magic items or even communicating. It is only possible to try to save against it every 30 days, and vs an Archmage’s spell save, with a modifier that low there's no way to get out of it outside of magical intervention.

So where does this leave us?

Caleb broke, after suffering through severe abuse and being manipulated into killing his parents

Caleb, despite having a Keen Mind, cannot remember his time in Vergesson, except in flashes and fuzzy moments

Caleb was very likely subjected to Feeblemind, which he’d only be able to escape via magical means.

Which brings us to the woman. Caleb says that she arrived some years after he broke, and was another patient. She laid her hands on him, and not only was the worst of his mental illness lifted, but his memories were restored to their original state, before Trent altered them. When looking at spells that can remove a Modify Memory and a Feeblemind, the only two that fit the criteria are Wish and Greater Restoration. Wish is a super rare high level spell. It’s unlikely that someone would use it on Caleb, a lost and broken former Volstrucker, even if there's stuff we don't know. If it was a wish spell, that opens up some very intriguing possibilities, however I am not willing to put money on it. However, Greater Restoration is only a 5th level spell. It is available to bards, clerics, druids, certain classes of warlock, and artificers. Of these, I think it's most likely that a cleric is the one who healed Caleb. Why?

Well….

We know Caleb grew up in Blumenthal. Blumenthal is a small farming town outside of Rexxentrum. Its most notable feature is a giant statue of Pelor, the Dawnfather. Liam has stated outright that Caleb, Astrid, and Eadwulf all “walked in the light of the Dawnfather” as children, in his Narrative Telephone story, which he confirmed to be a metaphor for Caleb’s childhood and school years. We know his father was in the military, a low ranking soldier of some sort, and the Dwenadalian Empire honours Pelor as a God of War, and he’s the patron of the Righteous Brand. We know Trent pushed the idea of “Empire Over All,” Caleb stresses this aspect very hard, but we also know that he doesn't believe in anything anymore, when questioned about his feelings re: his training in ep 49.

Pelor is a god of light, previously mostly shown as the patron of Whitestone in CR 1, which makes sense given Whitestone was founded by displaced Dwendalians long ago. He hasn't played much role in CR 2 as of yet, however, the final fight with Obann takes place in his cathedral in Rexxentrum. One of his major symbols is that of a burning brand or brazier that takes the place of his head in depictions.

We have every reason to believe that, as a child, Caleb likely worshipped Pelor to some degree. Additionally, his given name, Bren, means “to burn” in german. Liam has said there's a deeper meaning behind it, however. In the artbook, there's a curious diagram that says “Brennan”. It is set up almost the way we see certain spell circles set up, and within are Roman numerals for 8, 13, and 17. 13 is the age Caleb was when he went to Solystryce. 17 is the age at which he killed his parents. 8 would be a likely age for beginning to show magical potential. I'm still not entirely sure what's happening with that, however, Brennen as a name has several potential sources. In old Gaelic, it can be traced to names meaning sorrow or tears or raindrop/drops. In old english it can be traced to a word meaning Burning Hands, which keeps the fire theme and is very interesting indeed.

Back to the point at hand…. Caleb likely has associations in the past with Pelor, though now he doesn't believe in or worship the gods or the Empire (and in the empire, the gods are but an extension of Empire, really) and there is a deep secret behind his name, and there is more he isn't telling us. What reasons does trent have for keeping him locked in Vergesson when he was already broken and useless? Who would go in just to save a broken man? What is Caleb not saying? I posit that Caleb, Bren really, has some deeper connection to Pelor, which he may not be aware of entirely. There is something about Caleb worth saving. Perhaps he was born on an auspicious day, or with a certain connection in place? Whatever it is, he is important enough, that a cleric of Pelor faked madness or revolutionary sentiment long enough to get into Vergesson themselves as a patient, and then used Greater Restoration on Caleb at least once, but possibly twice, and then faked madness as part of their cover. They are most likely not dead and may or may not still be in the asylum. And I absolutely think we’re going to start seeing these connections pop up as we move back into Caleb's arc, and exploration of the depths of Cerberus.

So tldr, I guess?

Caleb was magically affected by Modify Memory and Feeblemind, and his own mix of neurodivergence and trauma

Caleb was placed in Vergesson after breaking/being controlled in order to be monitored and possibly experimented on to some end of Trent’s

Caleb was later healed by someone who found him, likely using Greater Restoration, which cured him of the magical interference.

This person could have been many classes, but the most common and easiest to see fit into the Empire would be a cleric

This cleric likely served Pelor, and healed Caleb specifically due to Caleb having a connection to Pelor

The nature of this connection is mysterious, but absolutely important, and will play a role in this upcoming arc, if I’m right here.

#caleb widogast #bren aldric ermendrud #trent ikithon #pelor #the dawnfather #dwendalian empire #cr meta #cr theory #critical role #critical role theory #critical role meta #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #the mighty nein #cr2 #cerberus assembly #this may be a bit of a reach but im personally into it #also i know i project re caleb and religion but hey

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partywithponies · 4 years

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This is your regular invitation to join my Flambrown discord server!

Here's some reasons why you should:

We are all very cool! 😎

You want to have in depth discussions overanalysing the tiniest details? We love those!

You want to make memes and shitposts all day long? We love those too!

Your favourite Father Brown is the BBC show? The books? The 1974 TV show? One of the films? One of the radio shows??? One of the foreign language ones????? No problem! All are happily talked about!

You only know about one version of Father Brown, or have read/watched very little at all? NO PROBLEM! Join the discord server and we can hit you up with links for all versions!!!! (apart from American TV movie Sanctuary of Fear, RIP. I'll find it one day)

Do you have another gay ship/queer headcanon you like from Father Brown, or any gay ships/queer headcanons for literally any other fictional detectives? Brilliant!! We want to hear about them! No show/book/ship/headcanon too weird or obscure!

Do you want to get sucked into some incredibly convoluted Flambrown-centric AUs? Then oh boy do I have the server for you!

#tasha rambles #father brown #flambrown

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icharchivist · 3 years

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ok i’m out of my liveblog tag now so lmao, highlights! sorry for the small gbf spam before it’s time for it

but yeah so i feel strongly for the Lamorak’s storyline. Like i go more in depth there about why i really love the Wales brothers storyline for personal reasons (......... which ironically if you follow me for a3, is the same reason i love Gekka so much)

but one of the thing that blew my mind with it is that like, I love doing theories and meta right? but the fandoms that get me the most worked up for that are.... generally frozen? like if we don’t count characters studies like i do for a3, i’m talking, actual theories like i do for dgm, or, hxh, which are all saga i made extensive Meta for, are all stuck in hiatus and we have little advancement on the stuff i can meta about. There’s DA that’s a bit different because there was at least one book that made my brain goes brrr and all but aside from that, i rarely get new content for the sagas i theorize about and so i get used to it, and i even less get direct answers that proves or disproves my theories.

but the fact gbf is always getting out some content meant that ultimately i had to face my expectations and metas in the eyes

.... and the Lamorak’s storyline was basically telling me “hey you were right to expect me and also you were right about everything bestie”

and like. The absolute VALIDATION of it all???

For the year i was into gbf about i was talking all the time about Lamorak to whoever would hear me. A character we only had seen in flashbacks at this point, before and during the incident that caused the major trauma both of his brothers went through and had to overcome as adult. And for a year, i would talk about everything we know about this kid, how he was before his mother’s death and how he would have coped with it, and how he would realistically appear again in the plot again.

i also remember theorizing something totally unrelated, knowing that Gawain was linked to the Wales storyline because he “blackmailed his influence into it” and back then i theorized that it could be something linked to Lamorak and “wouldn’t it be wild if Gawain and Lamorak knew each other actually” and it was totally a crack theory that was having very little foundation for it.

And then Lamorak was namedropped into the newest Percival FE and i kept thinking “okay next event Lamorak will happen. he’ll be there. I know it.”

......... and turns out. I was right. I was trying so hard to manage my expectation but here he was introducing himself in the Gawain centric event (at the time the Gawain involvement in the Dragon Knight saga was a secret kept in his 5* FE!! it was his first time into the Dragon Knights event!!), while also dropping in that indeed him and Gawain knew each other. And all of that while filling a fate i did expect of him and theorize about.

It was like. so wild to me. More than just seeing Lamorak again which i had wanted for a lONG TIME, it was that the way i interpreted and read Lamorak made so much sense that it was the plan. That ended up being the plan.

even for stuff like DA where i still get content to examine, i don’t have answers yet, just more clues and more questions.

but GBF told me “hey you were right about those things”

And it’s so validating??? to think that all of my overreading, all of my theorizing, all this time i spent rambling on and on.... was because i caught the right clues, or, if they hadn’t planned this far, that i understood the character enough to be able to reach the same conclusions as the writers when it came to deciding how he will join the story.

Like i always think i read too far into it, that i’m getting my expectations high, that i’m wrong and i’ll be disappointed. and since i am not in sagas that get answers, i am constantly pushing down my expectations. (which is also why a3 is soothing bc characters analysis don’t come with the crushing expectation of theories lmao). So Being told that actually this is exactly how it was meant to be? for once i have an answer to my overthinking and it rewarded me for it. Unparalleled.

So yeah the high from the Savior of Dalmore event is unmatched. I will never forget it. Also the fact i managed to go in totally unspoiled and not knowing Lamorak was in it.

So that’s basically “10 times i overanalysed pieces of media (and One Time they told me i was right)” the event story. Forever vindicated.

#ichablogging gbf #ichablogging 4kishi #anyway. what a day. Was already one year ago huh...#eDIT: WITH ALL OF THAT #I FORGOT I HAD THEORIES FOR H//Y///PMI///C #THAT GOT CONFIRMED AFTER I STOPPED FOLLOWING IT CLOSELY #my power actually #gbf is the only one in which i was still involved when it was confirmed i guess???#man i completely forgot about how much i used to overthhink h//y//p///mi///c #and the fact it got enough content to confirm everything i thought #well... on the band i was focusing on lmao but well #one day maybe i'll get back....#i was just too exhausted with the hunting for translations stuff #anyhoo

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