#I am not emotionally stable enough for this
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ugh hate how I'm actually kinda good at teaching the little distracted kids
#i prefer working with the older kids who do more advanced math#last year i had a calculus student which i liked#but im not horrible at teaching the distracted little kids so my bosses give them to me :(#i am not emotionally stable enough for this#i cannot believe i am getting paid the same amount for this as i was for just sitting on zoom
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MATTHIAS MY BELOVED OUR CROW BABIES ARE GONNA GET YOU OUT OF THERE
#i am not emotionally stable enough for this#shadow and bone#shadow and bone netflix#sab#soc#six of crows#grishaverse#matthias helvar
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I stopped playing otome games for around a year and I come back to ikerev being closed and fucking Dalim having a route??? Excuse me?
I didn't even manage to play any of the through the looking glass routes yet-
Fenrir my boy.... you can't do this to me
#ikemen revolution#ikerev#ikerev dalim#honestly i am having a mental breakdown right now... i am emotionally attatched to this game#ikerev fenrir#fenrir godspeed my emotional support crack kid#i am not emotionally stable enough for this
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it's 1:30 am and i am trying to install optifine so my laptop doesn't fucking die each time i play bloc game, but it's not working. i installed java and downloaded the optifine file but i can't fucking open it. I'm getting this error message that something is wrong with the Optifine file but idk how to fix it
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just got on the wrong train. might cry.
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Thinking about Jesper and Nina as the last of the Crows. Thinking about Wylan, when he dies, and Inej and Kaz have gone already, and Jesper can't contain his grief. He throws himself at Nina, because she has power over the dead, doesn't she? That isn't how it works. But he isn't listening. He begs and pleads for her to bring Wylan back, to try at least—but she won't. She won't, no matter if he hates her for it, because all she can think of is the sight of Matthias and how wrong it was. How wrong to have tried to hold him back, to hold him to her.
She holds Jesper through the night as he sobs into her shoulder. She holds him tight even as he curses her. The both of them know he doesn't really mean it. They only have each other now...
But it isn't only them there.
Someone else is in the room, unseen, and he whispers into Nina's ear. Not her ear, exactly. More so her mind, but he sounds so present if she just closes her eyes. She wishes she could share this through more than translation, so Jesper would be sure... he's okay, he's okay.
He's somewhere else, but he's okay. And he loves you so much, Jes.
Her eyes are full of tears. She keeps them closed as not to let them fall. She whispers Wylan's words to Jesper. She feels him stilling in her arms and keeps on whispering until the words stop and she can't sense him anymore. He had to go, but he'll be waiting. He had to go, but you have time left. Don't rush to him. You'll have forever. It's just for now, so just be patient... you'll have forever. He'll be there waiting.
#wesper#jesper fahey#nina zenik#wylan van eck#six of crows#crooked kingdom#shadow and bone#cw death#soc spoilers#ck spoilers#how do I even tag this#it kinda turned into a drabble so#my drabbles#NO I'M NOT OKAY THANKS FOR ASKING DJKGDJKGD#THIS STRUCK ME LIKE A BOLT OF LIGHTNING#and I am not emotionally stable enough to write this as a fic#so you get it as a feverishly written up post that made me cry#because why did I get so deeply unfixably soul-level kinds of attached to the most tragic found family ever send help#I'm going to go lay in a ditch with my feelings GOOD BYE djakgkj
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The giving tree is so James Potter coded what
Take absolutely everything that I have so that I can be helpful to you because if there’s nothing that I can do for you, then there’s no reason for you to want to be around me and I have no purpose in life.
#Except people still care about you even if you have nothing left to give them because that’s how healthy relationships work#Also why on earth is the giving tree such a sad book#Like I am not emotionally stable enough for that amount of angst#marauders era#marauders#james potter#remus lupin#sirius black#peter pettigrew#james & peter & remus & sirius#moony wormtail padfoot and prongs#regulus black#jily#jegulus#jegulily#platonic prongsfoot#james potter coded#The giving tree#marauders sad#James potter sad#james potter kinnie#sunseeker#starchaser#flowerpott#sunflower
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not you just casually dropping the most heartwarming and soft ramattra drabble known to a humanity🥺 THE ‘BELOVED’ KILLED ME AHHHH i feel like he would give in eventually and slip in the bed with you, holding you close and comfort you (he thinks you will get better soon this way). so I did a little sketch for you :3 also messy hair ramattra please consider!! anyways, get well soon Kat <3333 I hope you feel better already!!!
i… 🥺 this is so sweet, oh my god.
He absolutely would give in and come cuddle, but oh, his messy hair 🥹 I love this so much…
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not scar finally winning, five seasons in, because it came down to just him and his ally. not him winning because his ally didn’t want to kill him, didn’t want to win. something something everything comes full circle in the end
#ALSO I LITERALLY SCREAMED WHEN I SAW WHAT GRIAN PUT IN CHAT#like holy shit i was not emotionally stable enough for “shes dead scar. you won.” FROM GRIAN OF ALL PEOPLE#am actively going insane thanks :)#was not expecting scar and pearl to become narrative foils but im certainly not complaining!#secret life spoilers#secret life
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POV you are a fly on the wall while my besti and I discuss serious topics at the kafić… i was talking to my (serial monogamous) friend and we were talking abt online dating and how it’s such a bizarre concept to me. Like if i don’t see you irl - in my head ur in my phone yes i care about you but there is only so much a facetime can do. being friends is different i must say that obviously it is … don’t piss me off. anyway to me it’s way too convenient and low maintenance and just doesn’t feel like a real relationship… we have an argument and u put phone on DND and now the argument is over until further notice. I don’t know i am old school and traditional (won’t talk astro but saturn in 1h) but you couldn’t give me enough money to make any online dating profile really i would rather skin myself alive i am not cut for todays dating lifestyle i need to meet someone traditional normal way and talk to them eye to eye … maybe i am just under the impression bc i finished normal people yesterday (i get the paul mescal hype… he was actually the reason this discussion started) Anyway good seventeen comeback day are we excited i know i am…. 😁😁😁
#i mean to her i said something much more harsh but you don’t need to know all that 😌 don’t worry kittens 😁#maybe it’s my ace aro aura 🙏 or the feeling i will never care about someone 🙏 or maybe i am just emotionally stable enough to know#what i want or don’t want 🙏#anyway she agreed obviously also and she has much more experience than me#tt
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me thinks I should reread TID
#Do I have the time to reread TID? Absolutely not#Am I emotionally stable enough to reread TID? Also no. However it will get me to start writing my fics#Annotate her like a shakspere play#Look I need content#I will be howling on main if I do thar
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please i can't handle another brokeback
#pedrito#the loml#please let#silva#and#sheriff jake#have a good ending#otherwise i will in fact k myself#i am not emotionally stable enough for a second#brokeback mountain#or a#the power of the dog#also#why is#ethan hawke#just in everything lmao#pedro pascal#strange way of life#cinephile
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how to not be overstimulated
#put music on - some of my very favourite stuff - and oh! it is making my hair stand on end! in not a good way! i am now on edge and i#don't! know! why!#if only all this would make SENSE >:(#no apparent trigger that i can perceive#back to our regular i want to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeee apparently#and there's no REASON for to be feeling like this it would be so much easier if there WAS#i want to do so many things but they involve Textures and No#knitting? i want to finish my cloak! im les than a row away from the border itself! excited! and its maybe at times getting cool enough i#could wear it! but the mere thought of perhaps i should knit to calm down sounds Too Much! because knitting has Texture!#piano? it has Sounds! and there's a slightly worrying trend beginning to emerge that piano makes me Feel Emotions! and it's been like at#least five times where ive gone to play the piano to calm down which helps to some extent but also helps to remove a numb feeling which is#overall good emotionally but it has ended up with me harming because i can't Deal with the Emotions! and i dont think this is a very good#trend! i could get out my colouring book i was given for my birthday and see if that helps but that also has Sounds! pencil on paper sounds#i could write but id have to work out a different scene because i cannot write the scene im up to rn bc it's hard enough when im#emotionally stable bc neither character knows what to do or say!#so many things i *could* do! i could go for a walk! too Bright#i could do All These Things If Only I Could#am i just making up all these difficulties and is it just my own stupid brain that's inventing things? Who Knows!!#and it's so unfair that eating makes everything *worse*#it shouldn't happen that way#it just shouldn't#i just want to die so bad#i wont do anything#not permanent i mean#tw suicidal ideation#tw sh#for the record i ate a meal like an hour and a half ago and ive hydrated#personal#im just so tired and pathetic and messed up :/
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THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM
#the bad batch#bad batch#season 2#I AM NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THIS#commander Cody#captain Rex#if Cody dies in this I am ending everything#I cannot handle this#I am not emotionally stable enough or prepared for this
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Girl help i am being consumed by boredom
#i cant consume submas content in this headspace and i am wary to let my thoughts wander#yeah im not doing that#i may just go to sleep but... :(#what the fuck do i do man#i am not going to respond to the siren call of the submas tag lmao that's for sure lmfao#not quite emotionally stable enough for that yet
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Darling (Unto Death) • [AO3]
A/N: Mind the CW, because this one is born of me thinking a lot about Jesper becoming a powerful Grisha, enough so to join the pantheon of Saints, but of course, outliving Wylan, and just how he would deal with that as an immortal being. There is so much hope and determination and promise woven into this, but it is still and all a story exploring death and the afterlife, so keep that in mind.
Prompt: I asked @waterloou to hit me with some Hozier lyrics and they promptly wrecked me with "Francesca" and "In a Week." :')
CW: Themes of death, loss, and grief (with a hopeful spin), plus some religious trauma showing through the cracks
At the end of the world, alone, Jesper knows it was worth it.
He knows, as well, it is an end as much as a beginning, and this deep ache, this apocalypse, this absence of Wylan will not be forever.
No, Jesper cannot die. He has figured that out now. Grisha do not die, or rather, they do not have to. Those who lean into their power, who drink deeply of the well of it—they wake to find one day that first crack of light above them, and they realize, in time, they were born each one like butterflies inside of a cocoon.
This mortal shell, this brittle body is only that.
His spirit is more.
Wylan’s death makes him break free entirely, makes him spread his wings so fast, they tear. He has to sit with this a hundred years at least—repair the damage, repair his heart. It is a hundred years past the end of it all, but he must believe—there is everything ahead of him.
Ahead of them.
Because he’s alone, but just for now.
It’s the end of the world, the beginning of something—
Might just be a universe. He thinks he can make one. He thinks that, for Wylan, he could be as a god—better, though, than those who’ve ruled them. He knows now that gods are real, but Saints are names.
He’ll take these horrors and re-shape them.
Make a world, call Wylan to it—
Make a safe place for his spirit, and for both of them to—live? No, life is limited. He knows that now. But he knows, too: he could be limitless. He will be. He can exist as long he chooses—
He can exist—and more than that—
He knows that Wylan… Wylan still does. Not alive, but he exists.
Whatever “Saint” now holds his spirit, they will find they cannot keep it. No, Jesper gave his heart to Wylan, as Wylan’s own heart beats in him. That is the rhythm he creates to and the rhythm his steps match. Whatever Saint holds Wylan’s spirit now—
They won’t know Jesper by his footsteps, descending down below.
The patient ghost of Wylan, though, will know he’s come, at last.
#wesper#jesper fahey#shadow and bone#sab fanfiction#my fanfiction#my writing#my drabbles#wesper fic club#me sitting down to write this like 'am I emotionally stable enough to write this' and the answer was maybe djkagjkdg#now what do I do with all these FEELINGS huh??#write more????#yeah#yeah I'm gonna write more#lmao
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