#I HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE YET PLS NO SPOILERS
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i’m literally vibrating out of my skin i’m so excited i just spent 100 dollars
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Between new Stolitz content from the trailer and new Damianya content from the latest chapters of Spy x Family I am going FERAL
#i have fic ideas for both and they are chasing me down#i havent seen the sxf movie yet tho so no spoilers pls
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microdosing the gow dlc bc i keep getting so emotional about kratos i feel queasy
#gow anon hi… i miss u…… have u seen or played the dlc yet…… no spoilers pls but lmk what u think….. kk love u miss u muah 🤍#can’t believe i got the double gut punch of the cyberpunk dlc and the gow dlc in the same month… my lifes a movie fr 🙏🏼#and i got a job so bg3…. soon u will be mine….. everyone say thank u to my bestie for letting me borrow his ps5 LOL
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Reverie, (18+)
♡ Pairing: Prince!Hyujin x Lord's Daughter!Reader
♡ Genre: royal au, historical au, love at first sight, fairy tale elements, angst, fluff, eventual smut
♡ Word Count: 18.9k
♡ Summary: Staring out from your window everyday where you live confined, Hyunjin sees you- melancholic, lonely, beautiful; love at first sight. He wants to know you, to take you away from where you remain, doomed to be solitary. Spending your every moment daydreaming about the perfect life, meeting Hyunjin sparks a hope that you'd long since given up on- that your reverie can become your reality.
♡ Warnings: reader has an evil step-mother and step-sisters, involuntary confinement, themes of loneliness, isolation, and emotional + verbal abuse, reader is very touch starved and has low self-esteem from her mistreatment, past + referenced parental death (none are described) as well as having a parent who is sick, outdated marriage traditions, chan is featured and goes by chris, incredibly unrealistic because of the fairy tale romance inspo lol but it's a fun read, i hope!
♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): virgin reader + virgin hyunjin, petnames (darling), loss of virginity, nipple play, oral (f + m rec), unprotected piv, creampie
♡ Notes: hey yall sorry its been a over month since my last post :') i was going thru a lot in my personal life that made it hard to write, as well as i HATED my first draft of this fic so i decided to entirely rewrite it gfsdhsdg but it's finally here after a lot of grief !! I honestly still don't like it all that much but I didn't want it to sit in my drafts any longer or rewrite for a third time so :') anyways i took a inspo for this one from rapunzel and cinderella, as well as a bit from sweeney todd (if you’ve seen the movie pls tell me you see the vision of hyunjin as jamie campbell bower’s character…) + a smidge of romeo and juliet.
♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.
Sighing as he watches the scenery slowly pass him by through the carriage window, a deep frown adorns Hyunjin's face. He's no stranger to traveling, and normally he quite enjoys the break from the typical royal monotony, but this time around he can't bring himself to enjoy the sights that pass him by. The abundant flower fields, the surrounding lush forest on the edges, the perfectly blue sky.. none of them prevent the melancholy from setting in; because waiting for him at today's destination, in a manor just a fair few miles outside the castle city's walls, is yet another girl hoping to be his bride.
He's tired, to put it plainly; tired of meeting girl after girl who cares not for who he is as a person, but what his lineage offers them- and he expects today to go no differently. Why would he after the countless disappointments he's faced, after the myriad of times he's expected a night to end badly, and been proved right? And perhaps it is unfair of him to judge how the afternoon will go well before he's even met her, but his expectations have long since been set.
Hyunjin's royal attendant, who accompanies him to all his meetings and currently sits beside him within the carriage, does his best not to show how the prince's constant sighing grates on his nerves. Royal attendants should always be calm and patient in the face of frustration, and that is what Christopher strives to be; so he speaks to the prince as kindly as his dwindling patience will allow him. "Must you look so miserable? I imagine the girls won't take kindly to the prince looking at them with such disdain."
"Girls? Plural?" Hyunjin asks, groaning audibly when his attendant nods. Great. As if a blind setup with just one girl wasn't enough.. Still, he doesn't need to be reminded to mind his manners. He'll hold himself to the utmost royal standard when the time comes, as he always does- and he tells Chris as such. "I certainly hope so," Christopher responds with practiced ease, "There aren't many demoiselles left to meet, and your father will be disappointed if we return with more outright denials."
"I'm aware," Hyunjin replies simply, frustration still clear in his voice, though he tries his best to temper it. He knows his attendant is not wrong, and is simply trying to look out for him while also keeping Hyunjin's royal duty in mind. It's imperative that Hyunjin marry before his father's illness progresses to the point that he must concede the throne, and it's Christopher's job to ensure that Hyunjin doesn't forget that.
But still.. despite the circumstances begging for urgency, this is not a matter that Hyunjin is willing to bend on. He values true love, romance, genuine connection above all else; and so when he marries, he'll do it for real love, and real love only- even if it means the throne passes him by and goes instead to his uncle. Hyunjin doesn't understand, nor does he care, why the law requires him to marry to take the throne. He imagines it's related to ensuring that the noble line continues- something he ultimately pays no mind to and refuses to take seriously, though he knows he should.
Hyunjin is considered by most of the royal family to be stubborn by nature, a trait his father has told him countless times he gets from his late mother, but Hyunjin himself likes to believe he is reasonable. While he's not entirely malleable, he does act with the country's best interest in heart, and he swallows down all frustration and gracefully does whatever he feels he must in favor of doing what is best for the citizens.
It just so happens that marriage is the one thing on which he will not compromise; and stubborn or not, Hyunjin thinks he should be allowed this one thing. All he wants is genuine love with someone who places the same amount of value in that love as he does, and he never expected that such a wish would be too much to ask for. But either way, all he can do for now is straighten his posture, put on his best smile, and hope that against his expectations, today will bring him the love he’s been searching for.
Similarly, you too stare from your window; though not from a horse-drawn carriage, but from where your bedroom lies on the second floor of your late father's manor. According to your step-mother, a very important suitor is coming to meet your step-sisters today, and she has taken every necessary precaution in ensuring you would be out of the way for the evening. You were used to such treatment by now, and being locked away in your room and ignored for hours on end was no longer something that brought you the intense grief it once had.
Sad to say, it'd become a simple fact of life since your father passed; you were used to the loneliness and the sadness and the grief of having a family that did not love you as you loved them. Truly, you loved your step-mother and sisters, and back then you never would've guessed they secretly abhorred your existence. But your father passed, and with his passing came the truth- that she never loved your father, or you- just what he had; and she was raising her daughters to be just the same.
Against his wife's knowledge or wishes however, your father's will had stipulations she must follow if she wanted to inherit his estate- the most important of which being that she care for you, his precious, only biological daughter, as one of her own until the day you are wed and depart from the manor to be with your new family. Thanks to this clause, your step-mother provides for you; and though it is only the bare minimum amount necessary, it could certainly be worse. You still have your childhood bedroom, all your precious belongings, 3 hot meals a day, and the maids who helped your father raise you still checking in on you.
The maids are forbidden from interacting with you more than is necessary, as your step-mother makes it her mission to make you as miserable as possible within the limitations your father's will provides, but they do what they can. The small talk they provide while filling your bath with hot water, and the snuck in messages written on scraps of paper hidden beneath your dinner tray are often the highlights of your day. You are lonely, but not alone, and that keeps you going on the particularly hard days.
Days like today, where the padlock your step-mother installed outside your bedroom door is ordered to remain locked no matter what, ensuring that you are unable to leave and ruin her evening, or her plans. She intends to find her daughters wealthy, prestigious husbands- men that cannot be given the chance to look upon you, lest they decide they like you more than her biological daughters.
You wouldn't misbehave regardless of whether or not the lock was in place. You're so used to being locked away in your room that even were the lock to no longer exist, you don't think you'd even notice; because you wouldn't ever try to leave in the first place. And compounding on that, you don't think yourself particularly special or beautiful enough to "threaten" your sister's marriage prospects; all you'd do is needlessly subject yourself to reminders that you're lesser than when they inevitably gloss over you.
You simply.. exist. But in your step-mother's eyes, that's your greatest sin. She hates you, and your existence alone causes her great grief. The simple fact that you exist prevented her from truly obtaining what she wanted most; your father's wealth hinged on you being taken care of to obtain. And thus, she couldn't just throw you out and leave you to your fate as she originally intended; so she begrudgingly provides for you, the depth of her loathing coming out in passive-aggressive words, meals resentfully delivered, and a locked bedroom door where she can leave you for a time and pretend her greatest wish is true- that you don't exist.
Staring out your window is how you've come to spend most of your days. Daydreaming, listening to birds sing, watching deer graze and rabbits sprint across the fields and between the trees. You reread your books to the point you could recite them with ease, you fantasize about love and companionship and freedom, and you wonder if there will ever come a day where such joy can be yours. You suspect not; when you do marry, it'll likely be to some terrible man your step-mother chooses on the basis that they continue your misery.
But in the sanctity of your bedroom, inside your imagination and idle daydreams, you can pretend that true love and happiness waits for you. Where you are valued and cherished and adored, where you are wanted and craved, where a life without you in it cannot even be imagined, for it would be too painful for your lover to even consider.
Lost in thought as you are, you almost miss it when the carriage your step-mother and sisters are expecting comes into sight. And normally you would pull yourself away from the window, make sure you're out of sight from whomever exits the carriage, lest whoever your step-mother is having over recognize you. But this carriage is so different from the ones that typically arrive at the manor that it makes you curious.
It's fancy- easily the most extravagant and ornate carriage you've ever seen; not that you've seen many, but the point stands. It's clear that whomever your family is meeting today is no ordinary suitor. There’s a crest beholden on the door, one that seems vaguely familiar, and you wish you could place it as it would assuredly be a hint to who is arriving, but the memory of what family it comes from eludes you.
It’s been so long since you’ve been out to the city, or communicated with families your father was close with, that it's hard to recall the family crests you once so easily recognized. But whatever family it belongs to, one thing is clear- they are surely wealthy and prestigious to afford a carriage this grand. No wonder your step-mother wants you out of the way today; if a wealthy suitor somehow chooses you over her real daughters, that would be her worst nightmare.
You watch with bated breath as a man steps out from the left side of the carriage, a man you can tell from dress alone is some sort of attendant. He works his way around to the right of the carriage to open the door for whoever remains inside- the wealthy suitor being an obvious guess. And really, you should look away and mind your own business lest you risk angering your step-mother, but you can't help yourself. This is the closest thing to fresh entertainment you’ve had (and are going to have), and so you can’t bring yourself to tear your eyes away.
And oh, the man who steps out when the door is opened for him is breathtaking. Even at a distance, he’s positively ethereal- easily the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. And you are certain that, even with your lack of worldly experience, he is utterly without comparison. He’s pretty, impossibly pretty, with long black hair, half of which is tied back by a ribbon, rings adorning his fingers, ornate yet dainty bracelets that seem to perfectly match the necklaces he wears, and beautiful, pure white and dangly earrings that remind you of a teardrop in shape, all of which match his equally embellished doublet.
He looks so very grand, elegant, to the point that you feel absolutely unworthy to even be looking at someone so strikingly gorgeous and well dressed. God, if he chooses one of your step-sisters to marry, someone so clearly wealthy and beautiful and important.. you just know your step-mother will lord it over you as her greatest proof that they are better than you.
The bitter, hurt part of you half wished the man your sisters were meeting today would be boorish and unimpressive, but of course that’s not the case.. And it saddens you, strangely. You like to think yourself above pettiness, and you’d rather experience the world through a lens of kindness despite what you’ve suffered, but seeing someone so utterly perfect going to meet your sisters, and knowing how they will mock you and laugh in your face should he fall for one of them..
Maybe, somewhere deep down, you’re jealous. Jealous, and angry, and hurt, as you’ve always been, but tried not to acknowledge. And it’s not the perceived wealth you’re jealous of, or the possibility of a beautiful husband, but the chance for connection they have that you don’t. That they can meet someone like him and be given the chance to fall in love, while you are forced into isolation and monotony. It isn’t fair, and it never has been, but today of all days is where you feel that injustice most strongly.
You choke on the melancholy, your eyes well with tears that you try to blink away as your hands ball into fists in your lap. You shouldn’t have watched the window today or let your curiosity and boredom get the best of you- all you’ve done is make yourself impossibly sad. You begin to stand from your seat by the window, ready yourself to close the curtains and wallow in your bed for the rest of the evening, when suddenly, you freeze. Your hand unmoving on the curtain, eyes widening with the realization that your sister’s suitor is looking at you. And it's not as simple as a passing glance- no, he is staring at you.
Hyunjin’s eyes widened when he first saw you in the window, at first just passively looking over the manor and taking in the sight as he readied himself to enter, before his eyes fell upon you. And upon seeing you, he became completely and utterly enraptured by your beauty, in a way he’s never experienced with anyone he’s ever met before.
He can’t help but stare, can’t manage to tear his eyes away from your visage even when Chris calls his name. And when you stand to close the curtains, and your eyes travel to him and meet his gaze, his breath catches in his throat, his heart skips a beat before it races, and his face flushes to an impossibly bright pink.
How and why does he have this feeling? How is that you enchant him with just a glance, when others have failed to with much more? You’ve not yet truly met, nor spoken a single word, and yet he feels it firmly- a desire hereto unmatched, that does not follow preconceived notions of what is logical, the kind you would only read about in the great romantic works of playwrights and novelists. A feeling he never expected to be based in truth, but here he is now, feeling it for himself- love at first sight.
And if love at first sight is real and it is true, then he cannot wait to meet you. To learn your name and hear your voice and speak with you until your throats run dry. He’ll devote himself to learning everything about you, to carving your every word and thought into his memory. He wants to learn what it is about your soft, melancholic expression that he finds so entrancing, to discover what it is that causes his heart to stir in ways entirely foreign to him.
“Your Majesty, Your Highness, Prince Hyunjin, Hyunjin-” Christopher tries every way possible to get the prince’s attention, letting out an exasperated sigh when Hyunjin finally turns back to him. He doesn’t even know what caught his attention- when he tried to follow the prince’s gaze, all he was met with was a window with its curtains pulled shut. “My apologies. I just-” Hyunjin starts, taking one last glance at the now empty window before turning back to his attendant. “Nevermind. Let’s just go inside.”
Chris quietly huffs his agreement, quickly offering the manor’s maids who were waiting on them his apologies in Hyunjins stead, as he is used to. He’s accustomed to not understanding what goes on inside the prince’s head, but at least he seems prepared now.. Almost happy, Chris would think if he didn’t know better. Regardless of its origin and whether or not he understands where it came from, he will welcome it- because it really is vital that Hyunjin choose a bride with haste.
The start of the evening goes as predictably as anticipated from that point on- the maids lead them to the great room, offering tea and freshly baked sweets while they wait. Hyunjin politely turns them down while Chris stands a comfortable distance away, there simply to keep an eye on the prince and observe how the arranged meeting proceeds. The lady of the manor enters the room after some time passes, bowing politely and apologizing for the delay before ushering her daughters into the room.
They’re dressed extravagantly, as expected, with expensive jewelry, perfectly laid hair, and tasteful makeup. They introduce themselves politely, though they erupt into quiet giggles afterwards, likely excited that one of them will potentially be chosen to marry the prince. Their mother shoots them a look, and it makes them clear their throats and cease their elated giggling, returning to proper posture with their hands folded in front of them, both smiling at him sweetly. But something’s wrong..
Hyunjin looks between the girls, their mother, and back to the girls, head tilting and brows furrowing in confusion; he doesn’t see the one from the window anywhere.. Shouldn’t she be here? “Isn’t there another?” he asks, and the dame’s eyes widen for a moment, a complex flash of emotions that Hyunjin doesn’t have enough time to fully decipher within them, before she reverts back to her previous calm, inviting demeanor.
“I believe I wrote in my proposal to the royal family that I have two, and only two, daughters. Perhaps there was a miscommunication between you and your men?” She suggests, and though it’s spoken kindly, Hyunjin gets the distinct impression that she wants to shut down any talk of a third daughter here and now. Christopher too is confused, but he apologizes to the dame, insisting the mistake is his fault, though it certainly isn’t.
The dame accepts the apology and swiftly moves on, though the tension still lingers. Even as she begins to talk at great length about how wonderful her daughters are and how lucky everyone involved would be should Hyunjin choose one of them to be his princess, there’s an edge beneath the kindly spoken words that hint towards how bothered his mistake made her. Her daughters too seem tense when he first questions if there is another, though by the time they are allowed to speak themselves all tension in them seems to melt away, instead focusing on singing their own praises and expressing their desire to see the royal castle.
It’s so jarring, tense, awkward, that it completely prevents Hyunjin from being able to focus on a single word the girls say. Ordinarily, he would not bat an eye at someone correcting a mistake in his speech or for having come to an incorrect conclusion, as it is imperative that a prince goes about his dealings with as correct as information as possible. But that being said, the dame’s reaction rubs him the wrong way, especially when paired with the nervous flash in her daughter’s eyes as their bodies tensed..
If he was simply mistaken, it would be natural and correct for her to clear up any misgivings he has about her family and estate kindly- there’d be no reason to address him with such underlying hostility or be on the defensive, as if he’d brought up a point that needs to be fiercely fought against. The emotion that flickered in their eyes, the terse words filled with faux-niceties, the shift in body language.. They suggest to Hyunjin only one thing- that a third daughter is in fact here; and for some strange reason, the lady of the house doesn’t want him to meet her.
But why would that be? The ideas that cross his mind make him woefully unable to focus on anything spoken to him. Maybe you’re already promised to someone else, maybe you’ve been married before and are now widowed, living in your old family home while stricken with grief.. Maybe you’re a cousin simply having a visit that by pure chance coincides with the prince arriving too, or maybe he imagined you somehow. But could that really be? You were so real, that doesn’t seem possible..
“But what do you think? .. Prince Hyunjin..?” One of the girls asks, and when he doesn’t reply, Chris clears his throat and steps forward to subtly nudge the prince, breaking him from his thoughts. “Allow me to apologize. The prince is.. tired these days. He’s got a lot on his plate, as I’m sure you understand,” Chris says, shooting Hyunjin a look that begs him to take the lead and finish cleaning the mess he’s made.
“Yes, I’m sorry. Uhm- perhaps you could allow me a small break? And then I promise you’ll both have my undivided attention,” Hyunjin suggests, being sure to offer them his most charismatic smile in the hopes they’ll look past how inattentive he’s been thus far. They agree easily, giggling and lightly blushing, assuring him a break is good for everyone (which he knows isn’t true, but it’s polite of them, at least.)
This time, he accepts the tea when it’s offered to him, chugging it down in a display that goes completely against the manners that have been drilled into him. He asks to be led to the nearest restroom, splashes water on his face and wills himself to focus on the task at hand. And though it comes with great difficulty, he forces himself to pay strict attention to every word spoken to him from that point onward, though your image continues to exist in the back of his mind the entire time.
Hyunjin steps out of the manor with a sigh, finding himself entirely drained after his meeting with the two sisters and their incredibly duplicitous mother. Originally, he’d planned to leave before nightfall, but they somehow managed to rope him into having dinner with them, and to say it was exhausting would be an understatement. Now he stands in the light of the moon, deep frown returning as he waits for preparations to leave to be made- because he absolutely refuses to stay here until morning.
As expected, once he broke himself out of his fog and started paying attention to what they were saying, they were incredibly vain and equally daft, and the more he spoke to them, the clearer it became that they weren’t fit to someday sit on a throne. It was extremely obvious that they were vying for increased fortune and pride- and at the behest of their mother specifically. To old herself to marry into the royal family, it seemed she was content to allow her daughters to do the social climbing on her behalf.
Not that her daughter’s are completely ignorant of this plot- he’s sure they’re well aware of the benefits if one of them becomes a princess, and are well instructed and prepped on how best to appeal themselves to a noble’s proclivities. Unfortunately for them, Hyunjin is unlike most nobles, and he takes the task of one day rearing his country very seriously- much too seriously to marry someone selfish, and without grace or tact, nor whom he fails to have a genuine connection with. Beauty alone won’t be enough to win him over.
Saying that however.. He can’t seem to stop thinking about the strikingly gorgeous girl he saw from the window. He feels himself a hypocrite, saying it takes more than good looks to win his heart, and yet still finding himself hung up on the mysterious beauty in the window. He looks up to that window, and sees nothing- the curtains are drawn, the room pitch dark, and there’s a part of him that considers the dame’s words true. There is no third girl, and what he saw was perhaps a phantom, a trick of the light, a mysterious cousin, or..
Well, he doesn’t know what, but he can’t allow himself to continue to linger on a girl that may not even be real, or obtainable if she does exist. "What's going on with you tonight? You never have a good time at these things, but you've been more off than is.. typical of you," Chris suddenly speaks up after Hyunjin sighs once more, and the prince frowns as he looks to his attendant.
A lot weighs on his mind; more than he feels he can even begin to explain. The way Hyunjin's thoughts swim in his head like a whirlpool- can he even begin to express himself in a way that is coherent and understandable to his most trusted attendant? Regardless, he has to start somewhere, and so he tries. “I’m afraid that I’ll never find what I’m looking for. Those girls were.. vapid to say the least. I’ve no interest in marrying a social climber, but.. I am beginning to think that perhaps I have no choice.”
Chris' expression softens as he offers Hyunjin a gentle, reassuring pat on the shoulder. There is little he can do to make the prince feel better about his circumstance, he knows; he often has to remind Hyunjin to keep his royal duty in mind, and though it doesn't always show, he does feel bad that the prince is forced into such a situation.
It can't be easy bearing such a burden, and Chris certainly doesn't envy the struggle to find a bride under such constraints, or the responsibilities that will come to Hyunjin once he is wed. “Well, don’t fret too hard about that just yet. We still have a few more interested parties we’ve yet to meet. And maybe the universe wants to show you the wrong first, so that when you meet who is right.. you’ll know,” Chris says earnestly, trying his best to show the prince support.
"Mm, maybe," Hyunjin mumbles, desperately hoping his attendant is right. He hoped you would be that right person, but if fate deems it right to show him heartache and to put him through trials before happiness can come to him then he will just have to accept that. Chris frowns, but knows there is not much else he can offer to ease the prince's worries; so he instead turns his attention to the carriage to check on the progress for departure.
“Looks like we’re ready to depart,” Chris says after the coachman finishes adorning the carriage with lanterns suitable for the night ride back to the castle, "Maybe you'll feel better after some rest. And if you'd like, we can talk some more about this tomorrow." Hyunjin simply nods, following his attendant to the carriage with an immense weight still on his shoulders.
Despite what he logically knows, he can't shake his sadness over the fact that his burden wasn't lifted this evening, the irrational sorrow that comes from his hopes being dashed- that the beautiful girl he saw in the window could not be met.. But he tries to think that maybe it’s for the best that there wasn’t a third daughter for him to meet after all. Given the influence of their mother, she’d likely have been just as bad as her sisters, and that would’ve surely broken his heart beyond the ache he feels now.
Chris approaches the left-side door first, opening it swiftly and then standing to the side, motioning for Hyunjin to enter first, as is customary. Hyunjin places a hand on the doorframe and a foot on the iron step, ready to step inside in the carriage, but takes one last glance at the manor before he does. And there, a glimmer of hope- the image of you, just barely there peeking through the curtains, the faint light of a candle flickering in your hand.
Though a considerable distance away, he can see your eyes widen when you realize he sees you yet again, gasping and quickly moving away from the window, the light of your candle disappearing with your image. “She’s there!” Hyunjin exclaims, instantly separating himself from the carriage, and taking an unconscious step back towards the manor. “Who’s there?” Chris questions as he follows Hyunjin’s gaze to the window, confused to, again, find absolutely no one and nothing of note.
"I.. don't know who exactly, but she was there, I saw her," Hyunjin continues, and while Chris is still utterly baffled, he does see that the curtains are slightly swaying despite the window being closed- meaning someone was there, and caused them to shift by either touching them, or walking past them. He looks back to Chris, sees the hesitant, puzzled expression, and tries to explain himself in the briefest, but most concise way possible.
“I saw her in the window when we first arrived too! I asked the dame about her, thinking she may have had another daughter, but you heard how she reacted- she brushed me off so coldly.” "Well.. maybe she was telling the truth? It's possible she's simply a maid," Chris suggests, but Hyunjin quickly shakes his head. "She isn't. I assure you, after seeing their maids I wouldn't confuse her for one.. She's entirely unlike any of them."
"Okay.. So she's not a maid. But there could still be a reasonable explanation for everything," Chris says, and oh no, he can instantly tell where Hyunjin's mind is going. "Exactly! So I'm going to meet her, and find out what that reason is," Hyunjin says, wasting no time in walking back up to the manor. “What? How exactly do you plan on doing that when the dame clearly didn’t want you to meet her?” Chris quietly exclaims as he follows Hyunjin towards the direction of your window.
“There’s a trellis near her window, and I intend to climb it,” Hyunjin smiles, as if it’s a perfectly reasonable plan and not at all insane for him to do. “Go back to the carriage, and instruct the coachman to drive it down the road and out of sight. I don’t want the ladies of the house to know I’m still here if they happen to look out from their windows,” Hyunjin instructs, and again, Chris is absolutely floored by the prince. “Your Highness, you- you can’t be serious,” he quietly exclaims again, though he can tell Hyunjin is entirely serious about all of this.
"Just do this for me, please? I need to do this- for my peace of mind if nothing else," Hyunjin tells him, and though Chris still doesn't understand why the prince is so adamant about meeting you, he can see the sincerity and the drive in his eyes, and so he concedes. “Fine, just.. try to be discreet and don’t take too long, okay? And don’t make her uncomfortable!” Chris warns and Hyunjin thanks his attendant warmly before turning his attention back to your window.
He approaches the manor carefully, tiptoeing up to the trellis that will act as his ladder to your window. He places a foot into one of the slots and carefully adds his weight, making sure it’ll hold before he begins to climb it in earnest. He’s never done anything like this, but he knows he’d regret it if he didn’t at least try to meet the woman who so easily captured his heart with just a glance, while desperately, and maybe vainly, hoping he has a chance with you.
Hyunjin knocks softly on the window once he reaches it, doing his best to make it loud enough for you to hear, but not so loud that he would alarm anyone who may be nearby. Though your room is dark, the moon offers just enough illumination through the curtains that he can make you out. And while unlit, you are still holding the candle in one hand, while the other is nervously placed over your heart.
You can't believe this happening- the devastatingly handsome man meant to be wooed by one of your sisters saw you again, and is now at your window? Your heart is racing out of control, you don't know what to do or what to think seeing him there, waiting for you to approach the window, approach him.
You didn't even expect to see him again when you stepped to your window and peeked out; you simply saw lantern light from your window whilst preparing for bed, and it piqued your interest. You wanted to know what was going on, of course you did, so you looked, fully expecting the answer to be guards doing an uncharacteristically late sweep of the grounds, or maids sneaking out to meet the secret lovers you knew them to have.
But what you saw instead was the beautiful man from earlier in the process of stepping inside his grand carriage- and as if sensing you were watching, he turned to the manor, his eyes instantly falling on you. Just as you had this evening, you gasped and quickly shuffled away from the window, blowing out your candle as your heart pounded in your chest. Several seconds passed, and with trembling steps, you stepped back to the window and took one more cautious glance outside, only to see him approaching the manor, clearly intending to seek you out.
You gasped again, moving away from the window once more, mind reeling and pulse quickening. And now he’s here, having clearly climbed the trellis up to your window, hope in his eyes as he looks at you and waits. Swallowing, you carefully set the candle down on your nearby nightstand before you take cautious steps back towards the window, opening it ever so slightly. “May I come in?” he asks quietly, likely recognizing that speaking at full volume would be unwise, “I wish to speak with you.”
His voice is as silky and pretty as you imagined, and it positively jolts you. Everything about him seems impossibly perfect- part of you thinks that you've must've already fallen asleep, that you're tucked in bed and having a vivid dream based on the events of the day. But no, you've never dreamed as vividly as this, and you'd certainly remember if you'd crawled into bed after checking the lantern light from the window.
And that leaves you with a dilemma; the man, as gorgeous as he is, is still a stranger- and certainly you can't just let a strange man enter your room through your window.. That goes against everything your father ever taught you about safety. So you hesitate, observing him carefully for a moment.
And maybe it's just the fact that he's beautiful, or your yearning for connection that makes you want to trust him, even if it makes no logical sense to do so. You can't help but think he looks genuine and sincere, and well.. you can't ignore how desperately you desire to talk to someone, anyone, for more than the brief amount you're allowed to with your maids. Still, even if you crave connection with someone, you should be careful who you speak to shouldn't you?
He notices the hesitancy, recognizes what kind of situation he's imposing on you, and so he speaks up again, "Or I can stay here and we just talk through the window? If that's okay with you." Hyunjin knows he's being unreasonable and getting way too ahead of himself in his desire to speak with you, and it's crucial that he does his utmost to show you that he has no intention of making you uncomfortable.
Really, you should turn him down; but logic has left you, and truth be told you don't entirely trust that he can stand at the top of the trellis and support his own weight for much longer. So, you open your window further, granting him permission to step inside in your bedroom. He crawls in through your window as quietly as he can manage, smiling at you when he's fully inside. His smile is timid, and a bit awkward- this is easily the most nervous he’s ever felt, and he knows he’s going about meeting you completely backwards, but what other choice did he have?
Your mother, aunt, or whoever she is to you- he doubts she would’ve allowed him the chance to meet you. Her words and body language were much too passive aggressive to lead him to believe she’d meet the request to speak with you kindly, nor does he think she'd take kindly to being insinuated a liar. Additionally, it was highly unlikely that she’d willingly and truthfully divulge information about you or answer his questions. And so it led him to this- his fateful first meeting with the girl of his dreams happening within her moonlit bedroom.
He's completely out of his depth and unsure of himself or anything he's doing, but he holds out his palm, offering for you to place your hand in his. You blink, look up and down between his hand and his patient expression, and then you remember- oh, right, proper introductions. The setting is unorthodox, but it seems he still has it in mind to be polite and correct; as much as is possible, anyways.
You hesitate a moment, but ultimately place your hand in his, and he bows to you, lifting your hand to his mouth and placing a chaste kiss just above the knuckle. It's a simple, proper greeting, one that most people your age are entirely accustomed to, but it's been so long since you experienced it that it makes your skin erupt in goosebumps and heart thump erratically in your chest.
And there's the fact that he's jaw droppingly gorgeous- that certainly doesn't help.
You do your best to collect yourself when he straightens back up and looks at you once more. "I'm Hyunjin," he tells you in case you don't know, voice still as soft as it was at your window, a near whisper, "would you tell me your name, please?" This whole thing is entirely out of order and backwards, but you politely curtsey after offering him your name, though it feels silly to do so in your night chemise. And something about the way he looks at you makes your face burn hotter than it ever has.
All he’s heard is you speak your name, but he already considers your voice to be just as pretty as you are- he hopes he’ll get to hear it far beyond this single night. "If I may, I want to ask.. Do you know who I am? Or why I came here today?" He asks, looking directly into your eyes as he awaits your answer. You swallow, the eye contact making your heart skip a beat and pulse climb, but you steady yourself the best you can to answer. "You're.. a suitor who came to meet my sisters. But I didn't know your name until you told me it."
Hyunjin's eyes flicker with unfamiliar emotion as he takes in your answer- he knew it! You're no ordinary girl, nor a housemaid with an unusually lavish room. And what strikes him, apart from the confirmation that you're related to the girls he met downstairs, is what you said about him. You didn't know his name, don't know who he is apart from a potential suitor to your sisters.
He still doesn't understand why you weren't allowed to meet him, but it gives him hope- that if you are unwed, your love can be genuine. You won't marry him for title or wealth or power, but for who he is as a person. In the 4 corners of your bedroom, his name holds no weight, and that's all he's ever wanted.
But he should ask now, before he gets too ahead of himself and breaks his own heart, or lets a leap in logic carry him far beyond where rationality can reach him- ask if you are already promised to another. "Are you betrothed?" Hyunjin asks, and you quickly shake your head, surprised by the way he smiles in a mix of joy and relief to know you are unwed. Is that.. a good thing?
You're not even sure why you shook your head so vehemently when he first asked, as if you wanted there to be no mistake. Why would it matter to him if you are going to be married to someone or not? But something about his smile tells you it matters to him very much, though it is impossible for you to fathom why that could be. "Why do you ask..?" you question hesitantly, unsure of what you even hope to hear in response.
"Since I first saw you in the window, I've wanted to know you," he tells you earnestly, and your heart once again skips a beat. You knew he saw you, and you knew that were he perceptive enough to tell you aren't a maid he'd likely have questions about you or lingering curiosity. But it still surprises you that he shows this much interest- that it's more to him than just a passing question he'd be content to forget about in a day's time.
“Why didn’t you ask my mother then?” you ask him, though you suspect you know the answer. It’s not that he’s trying to solve a mystery or investigate why a seemingly innocuous girl is tucked away out of sight from visitors- and while you’re sure he’d welcome the answers to such questions, it’s more than that. For some strange reason, it’s just you- you as a person that he wants to know.
And you don’t know what to do with that. Your existence is so often ignored and trivialized, you can’t begin to understand why a glance of you in the window is enough to drive him to seek you out. You can’t understand what it is about you that is worth this, worth the curiosity and the climb to your window. Why would anyone want to speak to you so badly? You’re not special enough to warrant this.
“I did ask, and I didn’t like the answer,” Hyunjin says, and you blink in surprise. You can easily imagine that your step-mother would dismiss your existence when asked about you, or say something along the lines of “she doesn’t matter,” or “don’t worry about her, she’s nobody,”- so it’s not that that surprises you. What surprises you is that he heard an answer and not only didn’t accept it, but said he didn’t like it. Why?
Try as you might, you can't understand his motivations. Even if he could tell there was more that your step-mother wasn't telling him, why does he care so much about who you are? All visitors before Hyunjin who have stolen a glance at you either never asked about you, or have accepted her answers at face value, and it made sense that they did- because what reason did they have to push for the truth, or meet you regardless of her wishes?
“I’m interested in you, and I didn’t believe what I was told. I want to know you,” he continues, reiterates his sentiment, and you feel utterly frozen. All you can manage to do is blink up at him, your breath and words caught in your throat. And you realize your hand still rests in his, and you’re sure he can feel the way it trembles- from confusion, from nerves, from the simple act of even being held by someone for the first time since you were a child. But he doesn’t let go, and you don’t take it away- because he’s interested in you, and you want to know what that means, want to cling to the possibility that you can have the companionship that has eluded you for years.
“But.. why?” you finally ask, mind reeling from the possibilities. Regardless of what your step-mother may have told him, there’s one thing that she’s never wrong about- that you’re nobody, nothing, that your existence is a hindrance and you’re better off shoved aside where you can’t impose on her. You used to challenge that thought, but you’ve long since lost the will to fight against it, often finding yourself believing it to be true. And since you’re not special, or important, or particularly pretty, why is he so interested in you? You just don’t get it.
"If you'll forgive me for being forward.. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on. And I know it's presumptuous of me, and perhaps shallow, to want to meet you so badly for that alone but.. I couldn't let the image of you go. I had to take the chance to find out who you are," Hyunjin spills his thoughts freely, making his desires and motivations clear.
And just as before, it leaves you completely stunned. What he's saying.. that can't be right. You? The most beautiful he's ever seen? That feels like something you should be saying to him- Hyunjin is easily the most radiant and ethereal person you've ever seen, but he's saying all this about you?
You're rendered speechless, face burning impossibly hot as the words repeat themself in your mind on a loop. "I've got to go," he continues, slowly letting go of your hand as he prepares to return to the window, "but I want- I hope you’ll allow me to see you again." I hope you'll give me a chance to win your heart, he wants to add, but he's already been much more forward than he'd ever imagined himself to be, and he doesn't want to jeopardize anything that might be budding.
He steps back to the window and you follow, watching as he readies himself to climb back down the trellis he used to reach you. "We'll meet again?" he asks after settling his weight on the trellis, looking back at you with hopeful eyes. It feels foolish, and a bit naive to wish so hard that you'll desire to see him again; all he can do now is hope the impression he made is enough to allow you defy your sense of logic, just as you've done to him simply by looking his way.
You smile softly, the first smile you've shown him, the first you've done in God knows how long- and you nod as you promise him you will. You don't know how it will work or where it will lead, if anywhere, but you think you'd regret it if you didn't at least try. You miss companionship, you miss having someone to talk to, you miss smiling and the feeling of comfort and joy that comes from being close with someone who understands and knows you. You don't want to let this opportunity to have someone in your life slip you by.
Hyunjin's heart jumped when you smiled at him, and he returned the smile brightly as he said his goodbyes, heart still thumping and smile still plastered on his face as he descended the trellis. He looks back to the window, waving to you when he sees you watching from between the curtains, a giddy feeling building in his stomach when you wave back. Following the dirt road away from the manor, he meets back up with Chris at the carriage, happily relaying everything that happened to him on their way back to the castle.
You retired to your bed once Hyunjin was out of sight, but found it hard to sleep following your interactions. Curled up under the blankets, eyes closed and heavy, ready to sleep, but mind racing and replaying the night's events. There's a chance that this is a mistake, but you don't think you'll regret having taken the chance- because the hope and joy you feel now is the most delightful feeling you've experienced since you were a girl, and that feeling alone is worth whatever trouble it may bring your way.
It's hard to explain in words the emotions that come from having Hyunjin close to you. From having just a few short months ago gone from spending your nights restless from loneliness, to now lying awake in bed wondering if tonight will be one of the nights you hear his tap on your window. Going from hardly ever speaking a word, to now talking so much that your throat aches. To never feeling the warmth of another, to lingering touches and reluctant parting of held hands heating your skin.
You suppose what you can say is that it feels like the hole in your heart is being mended; a void wrenched open by loss and sadness slowly repaired with each clandestine meeting you share. It's bittersweet, sometimes; your melancholy was easier to ignore when you didn't have someone to share your thoughts and feelings with. It’s strange, how gaining what you were missing makes the bad in your life hurt much worse. It awakens a new fear within you- that one day, Hyunjin will tire of you, and you'll be alone once more.
As if knowing your fears, irrational or not, Hyunjin makes it no secret how he feels about you, or what he hopes the two of you may become. Besides, the very reason he first came to the manor was to answer a marriage proposal- so of course he makes it clear how much he likes you. And though you're aware of his feelings, you don't feel any sort of pressure or expectation from him, nor does he ever make you uncomfortable. You get the distinct impression that should you ever reject him, Hyunjin would move on gracefully, even if it weighed heavily on his heart.
All that being said, he hasn't blatantly asked you to be his bride yet, though it is obvious he wishes to. And putting aside what is rational, proper, or logical, you don't think you'd turn him down were he to ask you now. Hyunjin has become the highlight of your days, the hope that keeps you going when loneliness and sadness acutely strike you. He's radiant and intelligent and effortlessly witty; and you can still remember the way his eyes lit up the first time he made you laugh.
You had to clamp your hand over your mouth to stop yourself from laughing too loudly, and Hyunjin's eyes crinkled as his smile beamed. He told you it was the prettiest sound he'd ever heard, that happiness suited you much more than sadness, that he hoped you'd smile and laugh more than you'd frown. And you think as long as you're with him, that'll be an easy promise to keep.
You've confided in him much of your life, your thoughts, and your feelings. He's an attentive listener, as well as empathetic and compassionate. And while you're sure to most it's the bare minimum, it felt nice to be listened to for once; to cry openly without being ignored, or mocked on the off chance you were acknowledged. It was nice to be held and gently consoled as you let out years worth of pent up tears flow out, though by the end you were always greatly embarrassed by your red eyes and puffy face.
Hyunjin, who wasn't fond of your step-mother from the start, liked her even less after you'd explained what you'd gone through following the loss of your father. It was interesting, as well as vindicating, hearing in detail his first impression of her, and how accurately he pin-pointed her personality and motivations. He told you he was used to dealing with people such as her, and his ability to nail her down was proof enough of that.
That's why he likes you, he said; likes that you're nothing like your step-mother, or step-sisters, or the countless other people he's met that hold the same motivations and values as them. There was no denying that his attraction to you started with your appearance, he admitted so himself right from the start, but you believe him when he says he's not superficial enough to marry for looks alone.
Whether you're as pretty as he says you are is still a matter of contention within yourself, but you try not to reject the compliments; especially not when he speaks them so earnestly. You don't find yourself special, but maybe it's enough that he does. And you recognize that everything about your relationship with Hyunjin is unconventional, but you don't dwell much on it.
You never would've had the chance to meet someone normally, and you welcome the solace and joy he brings you just by being near. When you think further upon how close the two of you have become, you wonder if words like "friend" or "companion" are enough. You wonder if this is what it means to be in love, if longing and desire and joy are really as hand in hand as they were always portrayed in your novels.
His tap on your window comes earlier than you expect it to today, elation spreading through your veins instantly as you rush to the window to open it for him. Normally, Hyunjin doesn't come to you until the sun has long since fallen, but tonight he arrives while the last specs of sunset still linger on the horizon. "You're early," you comment simply, a small smile spreading on your lips as he steps his way inside to your bedroom.
"Couldn't wait anymore," he replies, meeting you with a soft smile of his own. Summer brought with it longer days, which meant longer waits for Hyunjin to arrive at your window, and less time spent together before he had to rush back to his home. He pulls you into an embrace, gentle and warm, and you squeeze him tight for a small moment before you allow yourself to melt in his arms.
His hands rest comfortably on your back, lingering even as you pull slightly away to look up at him. "Your hair has gotten longer," you muse, taking a soft strand into your hand and admiring it between your fingers. "Has it?" he asks, having not noticed himself; it's hard to notice subtle changes considering he sees it everyday. "Do you like it?" he follows up, ever so slightly tilting his head as he awaits your answer.
"I do," you reply as you let it fall from your fingertips, now letting your hand fall to his shoulder, "it's pretty." He hums in response, smile turning bashful. Since becoming more comfortable in his presence, you speak your mind more openly, which also means he receives more compliments from you. There's a shyness that lingers, a blush often overtaking your cheeks after an admittance of finding him pretty, or handsome, or beautiful, but it never stops you from saying what you truly think.
Hyunjin is used to receiving compliments; and it's not meant to sound vain, but that's the reality of being the prince. And because he is used to them, he is normally unaffected by such words; but with you it's different. He isn't blind, of course, he knows he's conventionally attractive- but it's the intent of the words that matter. Unlike others he's met, you are genuine and sincere. You don't speak with ulterior motives, you don't say things unless you earnestly mean them.
So, when you say he's pretty, he takes great pride in it; because you aren't saying it out of a sense of obligation or gain. You just like him, and he likes you- that's all there is to your interactions. The affection you share is the realest thing he's ever felt, refreshing and authentic.
You know he's the prince, though he hasn't yet told you himself; you overheard your sisters speaking about it to each other just a few days after their arranged meeting. They were by your door, loud voices carrying and infiltrating your space. You think you were meant to hear it- vain and confident in themselves as they are, you suspect they wanted to rub it in that one of them would marry the prince.
Not that you cared- unbeknownst to them, you already met him yourself, and you’re the one the prince really shows interest in. And his identity shocked you at first, but as you thought about it more, it made sense; his impressive carriage, his elegant attire, the way he carried himself and spoke, why you thought you recognized his family crest- it all clicked.
Given all you've learned about him, what he thinks about the world and what he values, it makes sense that he wouldn't tell you right away, and you don't hold it against him. Going your whole life questioning the motives of others, and perceptively picking up on their dishonesty.. it must be hard. You can't even imagine it.
In turn, Hyunjin can't imagine how hard your own sufferings have been, his heart aching terribly for you whenever you put your sadness to words. There's a strange sort of comfort that comes from it however; your lived experiences being so entirely different, but aligning in just a way that leads you to understand one another.
Still, there were many times that Hyunjin wished the solutions to your problems were easy- that he could just use his authority as prince of the realm to give you your life back. Unfortunately, he thinks his interference would only make things worse for you; wish as he may that he could simply order your step-mother to be kinder to you, there's no way he can do so without great risk to your well-being.
It's frustrating and saddening to realize how little his power can do to help the one he cares most deeply for. There were equally times he wishes he could just take you away from all that hurts you; but until you either agree to wed him, or he becomes king after marrying another, he has no authority over who may or may not reside in the castle.
His greatest hope, of course, is that you'll wish to marry him. He doesn't even want to think about the devastation that will be wrought upon him should you reject him. You like each other, that much is true and plainly obvious, but marriage, especially to someone destined to rule, may not be something you want. And besides that, he's always wanted his marriage to have real affection tied to it- and until he knows definitively where your heart lies, he will be patient.
Though they sound like complaints, Hyunjin actually loves the progression of your relationship. Yes, it saddens him that as things stand now he can't remove you from the source of your pain or change things, but there is an equal amount of good that has come from his experiences climbing to your window.
His heart beats fast and erratic whenever you look at him and smile, your soft, small giggles and sweet laughs make his ears and face burn pleasantly. It doesn't always show, given his natural charisma and learned manners, but you fluster him more than you realize. His brain stutters when you compliment him, his body crawls with goosebumps when you initiate a hug or hold his hand, he unconsciously holds his breath when your face ever comes slightly too close to his own.
Though his father still urges him to bring home a bride sooner rather than later, he has managed to quell his father's worries by describing his affection for you. It's also what allows him to regularly leave the castle to meet you, with Chris himself also attesting to how genuine the prince's infatuation for you is.
And it's moments like this, when you're in his arms and looking up at him with your soft doe eyes and sweet smile that he feels the urge to kiss you the most. Before he can think about it much longer, you're separating from his hold, grabbing his hand and leading him to your bed with a softly spoken, "Shall we?"
It's your routine when he visits to sit or lie in your bed together, talking endlessly until the time comes that he has to depart. Sometimes you fall asleep, in which case he just indulges in the feeling of holding you close, stroking your head until the chirp of birds begins with the start of the sunrise, alerting him it's time to go.
Sometimes talking is too hard, and all you want is to feel him close and let your negative feelings wash away in his hold, and let them be replaced by his warmth. Sometimes you run out of things to say and simply enjoy each other's company in comfortable silence. Oftentimes, Hyunjin just being in your space with you is all you need to be happy.
There's an unspoken hope there that you share- that someday soon you'll be able to fall asleep together, to wake together, to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, for every moment to be spent with the person that rouses your once dormant heart. There’s still part of you that questions if you can really be loved by someone as good as him, but it’s what you hope for more than you’ve ever hoped for anything.
"Wait-" Hyunjin calls softly as you begin to step towards the bed, and you stop, turning back to look at him with a curious tilt of the head and questioning eyes. He swallows, beginning to lose his nerve as you stare at him. He wants to tell you how badly he wants to kiss you, to ask if it's something you'll allow him, if you crave it as much as he does.
"What is it?" you ask, squeezing his hand when you feel the slight anxious tremble. His face reddens, and he internally curses himself for having such difficulty. He once felt it was entirely unlike him to be reduced to such shyness, but you bring it out of him with just a look. "I just.. uh, well-" he starts, but before he can get much further, you hear a sound from the hallway that makes you jump.
"Shit-" you mutter in a harsh whisper, the sound of a metal object clinking just outside your door. Hyunjin doesn't realize what it is just yet, but the sound is one you can instantly recognize- it's the sound of your step-mother taking the padlock into her hands. You scramble to push Hyunjin in the direction of your bathroom as you hear the lock begin to turn, afterwards standing near your open window as calmly and naturally as you can manage.
Hyunjin doesn't have any time to think about what's happening, or to dwell on the sound he heard outside your door before he hears it start to swing open. All he can do is hide himself behind your bathroom door, and pray that whoever is entering your bedroom has no reason to step inside your bathroom.
Your step-mother enters your room with suspicion clear on her face, looking around the room with narrow eyes and scrunched brows. You take a quick, cautious glance towards your bathroom, relieved to notice that Hyunjin isn't in immediate sight. Thank God, you think; you don't know how she'd react to seeing the prince inside your bedroom, and you don't want to find out.
"Who are you talking to?" she asks, taking a stern step closer to you. You swallow down your nerves the best you can as you prepare yourself to answer- you can't give her any reason to suspect you're lying. "I was talking to the birds," you answer, pointing to where a nest of them rests on the tree nearest to your window.
The family of birds are settling in for sleep now that the sun has sunk, and you hope your step-mother finds it believable enough that you'd talk to them as they ready themselves for bed. Her eyes follow where you point, easily spotting the birds beginning to tuck their heads down, and she scoffs. She could've sworn she heard another voice replying to you but.. that'd be impossible, wouldn't it? Who would even be here talking to you?
Yes, though she hates to admit when she's wrong, she was likely just mistaken. The other voice she thought she heard was likely just you supplementing a conversation you wish you could be having with another person. There were never two people- just you, and the lonely life she inflicts upon you. So she smiles, condescending as ever as she speaks, "Yes, well. I suppose that's all you can do."
Your step-mother takes one more cursory glance around your room before she decides she's satisfied and turns to exit your bedroom. You breathe a sigh of relief when she finally steps out the door, and Hyunjin steps out from your bathroom just as the sound of the lock on your bedroom door clicks shut. He recognizes what it is more clearly after hearing the sound of the lock a second time, and his heart sinks at the realization of what that sound means.
"Hyunjin?" you whisper in question as he walks right past you, heading straight for your closed bedroom door. He takes the doorknob in his hand, twists it and pushes the door- and what he feared to be true is immediately confirmed. The door doesn't open, harshly stopped as the lock clanks against the door from the motion of it trying to be opened- you're locked in. Why are you locked in?
When he turns back to you, you say nothing; just look at him with those deeply saddened eyes that twists his heart into knots. "You're.. are you always locked in your room?" he asks, though he dreads the answer- and he suspects he already knows. You feel as if you'll sob if you speak, so you don't- you just nod.
His heart sinks to the pit of his stomach, a complex mix of sadness and rage on your behalf beginning to boil in his veins. He knew your step-mother to be vindictive, vain, materialistic, mean, but this.. It was a cruelty positively unheard of, and he couldn't fathom why anyone would have so much hatred in their heart as to resort to this.
He clenches his fists, takes a breath, tries to quell the intensity of his anger before he steps back to you. Your eyes have fallen to the floor, head hung low, hands balled into fists. Hyunjin softly calls your name once he's returned to your side, and you look up at him, eyes glassy as you blink away the tears that try to form. He wraps his arms around you, pulls you to his chest and hugs you tight.
Your reaction is delayed, the complex whir of emotions dulling your senses, but you eventually return the hug. You hold him the tightest you ever have, your hands gripping and bunching the fabric of his linen shirt. Carefully, Hyunjin leads you to your bed, where he knows you find the most comfort. You crawl into bed as soon as he pulls back the blankets, practically curling into a ball as soon as your head hits the pillow.
Hyunjin lies next to you, pulls the blankets up to your chests once he's settled, holding you once more after you move in closer. You press yourself close to him, curling your limbs around his, clinging to him in a desperate need to stay as close as possible. Head pressed into his chest, he softly strokes your head, whispering comforts to you until he feels your body begin to lose its built tension.
Now more than ever, Hyunjin is firm in his belief that he can't let things stay this way- there has to be some way he can use his power to help you. He doesn't want to walk away after knowing the true depth of all that you suffer, he wouldn't forgive himself if he did. Again, he calls to you softly, and when you look up at him he asks, "Do you want to leave? Get away from here?"
You blink, processing the question and wondering how you should answer. Unfortunately, the answer isn't an entirely simple yes or no. The truth is, you wish you didn't have to; this is your father’s manor, the house you grew up in, and though you've suffered greatly since his passing, you find it hard to let go of the happy memories that came before the tragedy.
Despite that, even if he were still here now, it is true that you'd have to leave eventually; you'd marry someday, and married women always leave their childhood homes behind when they wed. Still, when you think of never seeing the manor again, of never returning to your childhood bedroom or talking again with the maids who helped raise you, you feel impossibly sad.
You wish you didn't feel so tied to your home, but it's hard to let go, even when you know it is what's best for you. Additionally, when you did let your mind wander and think about what sort of life you'd lead if you ran away, you realized you were impossibly scared of the world. You've been locked away for so long that you don't remember the way to the places you once recognized, all your connections have been severed, and getting to the castle city, even if you did remember the way, would take days on foot.
Add the fact that you'd have no money, and no way to prepare food for the trip without getting caught, you never let yourself entertain the thought of running away past the occasional frivolous daydream. Sure, you could climb from your window and leave without getting caught, but you could never convince yourself that it was worth trying.
But now you have someone, don't you? Someone who cares about you, who would help you find your way in the vast world you've been kept away from, someone who doesn't want to sit idly by and let you suffer any longer. All you've done since meeting Hyunjin is hope- and the more you look at him and see how vividly he cares, you think that maybe your hope isn’t misplaced. That maybe the life you’ve always wished for is actually obtainable if only you just try.
"If I leave.. where would I go?" you can't help but ask now that you are entertaining the thought of fleeing from the source of your suffering. Realistically, you know there is no way you can do this without Hyunjin's help, and you're sure he knows this too, but you don't want to ask too much of him. You're thankful to have him to rely on, but you don't want to impose- so it's imperative to you that he offers first, so that you don't feel as if you're burdening him.
"Stay with me," he offers without any hint of hesitation, "even if we never wed, even if you never desire me the way I desire you, stay with me." Hyunjin takes your hands in his, squeezes them in his as he continues, "I promise, you’ll never have to suffer again as long as you are in the castle. Please, leave this place with me.”
Your heart skips and stutters, emotion crawls back up your spine and pricks your skin, hitching your breath. And shit, Hyunjin realizes what he just said- he got ahead of himself, and brought up that he lives in the castle. He wanted to admit the truth of his identity carefully, but now.. well, he supposes if you agreed to leave with him, it would've come out tonight regardless.
Still, he stutters as he tries to explain himself- how it was never intended to be a lie he kept from you. How he doesn't often have the chance to meet people who don't already know his status so when you didn't recognize him, it made him happy. How he enjoyed that you could talk to him without pretense, how refreshing it was to him and how it was exactly what he needed, what he'd been looking for.
You smile, even giggle a bit once he gets really deep into his spiraling ramble of explanations. He stops then, nervously giggling back when you squeeze his hands and tell him to slow down, that you understand him completely. "I knew," you tell him after a moment, "well, not the whole time- I didn't find out until later. But I didn't bring up that I knew because it didn't change anything for me. I never cared that you're the prince. To me, you're just Hyunjin."
God, the relief that spreads through his body at your words- a massive weight has lifted from his shoulders. And the confusion you felt about why someone like him could ever fancy you so much- you feel like you understand more now why he likes you, and it helps ease the burden of your self-doubt. You sit up from the bed, looking down at Hyunjin with a timid, yet eager smile.
"Let's go," you tell him, and he quickly sits up with you, a bright smile of his own plastered on his face. "Right now? You're sure?" he asks, trying (and failing) to hide the excitement in his voice. You nod, and he positively beams, ready to help you with everything you need. You don't have many bags, much less ones suited for travel- so you settle for choosing the largest of them all.
Hyunjin helps you back the things you can't bear to part with; old gifts from your father, sentimental pieces you can't bear to part with, the blanket your mother knitted for you when you were still growing inside- you stuff your bag to the brim with your most precious belongings. It's heavy by the time you're done, and Hyunjin takes it and slings it around his shoulders, promising to treat it with care until it's delivered safely to the carriage. "Are you ready?" he asks after you both approach the window, and you pause, turning around to take one last look at your bedroom.
Once you leave, you'll never be back, and with that comes strange, new and complex feelings. But you think it's more than past time you left this place behind, and made a new place your home- a place where you are free to be happy and to exist without guilt. "I'm ready," you affirm as you turn back to the window, and Hyunjin smiles and nods, giving your hand one last reassuring squeeze before he lets it go to climb out of your window.
Hyunjin steadies his weight on the trellis, and you lean out of your window to check how far down the ground is- and shit, you might be afraid of heights if the way your stomach drops is any indicator. "I'll wait for you at the bottom," he tells you after noticing the apprehensive look in your eyes, and you nod with an anxious swallow. Hyunjin has done this a million times at this point- you can do it too! No problem!
Of course, Hyunjin makes the climb look effortless, but you suspect you won't have nearly as easy of a time climbing down. Once he's finished his climb, he takes a few steps back to see you clearly when he looks up, smiling at you encouragingly. You take a breath to steel your nerves before you take a cautious step out of your window, carefully finding your footing on the trellis before adding your weight- the same way you saw him do it.
You descend much, much slower than Hyunjin did, impossibly terrified of losing your footing and falling to the dirt below. When you finally reach the bottom, you let out a massive sigh of relief, and Hyunjin pulls you into a hug, beaming as he squeezes you- he's proud of you, you think.
His joy adds to your own, so much so that you can't help but show it. Leaning closer, standing on the tips of your toes, you kiss his cheek- a way to tell him thank you, to show him how much you like him, and to convey how happy you are with him. He blushes ever so slightly as his smile grows, a giddy feeling once again building in his stomach.
"When all this is behind us, and you're safe at the castle with me.. Can I kiss you?" he finds the courage to ask, your face flushing as you smile and nod. "I'll look forward to it," you tell him, and you raise your pinky to him, intending for it to be a promise. With a soft chuckle, he interlocks his pinky with yours, happily solidifying the promise.
"This way," he tells you shortly after, separating your pinkies to take your hand in his, and lead you to where the carriage awaits him down the dirt road, and away from the manor. You take a final glance back at it as you walk with him, whisper goodbyes to all the things you'll miss, to your father most of all.
As the carriage comes into sight, it really sets in how real all of this is- how with this night, your life will become completely different. You wonder how everyone will react when your maids enter your room in the morning and find that you aren't there- part of you is sad you can't bid them goodbye personally, but you hope they'll be happy for you and wish you well.
You hear the coachman call to Hyunjin's attendant as you step closer, informing him with surprise in his voice that he is back earlier than expected- and with you. His attendant, who you know as Chris, and have heard many stories about, steps out of the carriage with an almost bewildered expression. He certainly wasn't expecting this to happen tonight.
Hand in hand, Hyunjin continues to lead you up to the now open door of the carriage, with Chris standing next to it. "Are you..?" he asks tentatively as he looks between you both. Together, romantically, you infer him to mean. "We'll discuss it later," Hyunjin says, turning to offer you his usual warm, reassuring smile before he looks back to his attendant, "for now, I'd like you to formally meet the future princess."
Living in the royal castle is something you never would've believed would ever happen to you, and it became your reality in the strangest of ways. To think that a beautiful man came to your window in the night, that said beautiful man wanted to marry you, and was the prince of the realm of all things.. It was confounding how you ended up here.
There's part of you, that even having known the truth for months, still can't seem to wrap your head around Hyunjin being the prince. You suppose it comes down to knowing something and seeing something being entirely different- because though you knew, you never, until now, saw him in his element, so to speak.
Watching him interact with the world behind your small scope was as enlightening as it was affirming; you saw a new side of him, but it was a side that was still firmly Hyunjin. He was eloquent but opinionated in royal discussions, he was kind and grateful to his workers, he was stern when something needed done, but never cruel or overly demanding- again, all you could think was that he’s perfect.
Was Hyunjin getting ahead of himself when he introduced you to his attendant as the future princess? Maybe. But though you haven't said it aloud, you think you fell for him harder since coming to the castle; and being the princess, while a stressful endeavor that requires you to intensively study politics and speech, will be worth it to stay by his side.
The parts of Hyunjin you've come to love the most are the parts you realized are reserved only for very few to see- the part that is wittier than political discussions will allow, who is secretly a bit dramatic when things don’t go his way, a hopeless romantic who clings to the ideals of literature.
And further beyond even that, are the parts of Hyunjin that are for you, and you alone; where natural charisma melts away into bashful sincerity. Whose soft, affectionately spoken words are said with an equal mix of earnesty and boyish timidity. Whose graceful confidence is intermixed with the subtle complexities of shyness and the seeking of your approval.
All these aspects combined are what make him so special to you, and you will be forever grateful that after all the suffering you’ve endured, you are allowed to love someone as good as him, and are loved by him in return. And thanks to his help, not only do you live a life you could have only ever dreamed of, but are adjusting quite well to that new life.
Some things are the same, such as having kind maids who helped you settle and attended to your needs, but then there were things that were entirely different from the life you lived before. You have your own attendant now- a sweet boy that Christopher vouched for named Felix, who Hyunjin affirmed you would be able to trust with your life, as he does with his own attendant. And truly, Felix did quickly become someone you felt like you could rely on and trust; oftentimes, he feels more like a best friend than a royal attendant.
Though he makes sure you stay on top of your studies, and fulfill all tasks you need to have done, you can also easily spend hours giggling away about various things- like how Chris is so serious but also a secret softie underneath, about your relationship with Hyunjin, about Felix’s secret crush that he hopes to confess to after preparations for your wedding to Hyunjin are concluded.
It’ll still be some time before that day comes, as apparently the king is sparing no effort in making it an extravagant event to remember- his only son is being wed, after all; it’s worth the kingdom celebrating to the fullest extent possible. You try not to think about the life you left behind, but you often wonder if your step-mother and sisters have connected the dots between your disappearance from the manor, and the announcement of the prince’s wedding.
If not, she’s certain to realize once the day has arrived; because all reputable families of the kingdom are invited, and she never turns down a royal invitation. The offer to rescind their invitations came up, of course, but you declined- because there’s a part of you that sincerely wants this to strike your step-mother in the core of who she is, and make her reflect on herself. And if it doesn’t, well.. You’ll find some satisfaction in seeing her appalled and infuriated that you’re thriving despite her meddling in your life.
Currently, you and Hyunjin still reside in separate rooms because unwed couples sharing a bed before marriage is deemed inappropriate- not that either of you care; it doesn't stop Hyunjin from sneaking to your room at night, in much the same way he did when you lived back in your father's manor. Sneaking across balconies, quietly climbing over each and every banister until he reaches your room- it's a far cry from the "proper" way a prince is expected to behave, but when it comes to the whims of his heart, he pays no mind to such expectations.
What was once a knock at your window is now a careful tap to the glass of your balcony door, where Hyunjin stands and waits with a shy grin for you to greet him. You never lock the doors, as you're sure he knows- but regardless, he always waits for you to come and let him in yourself. It's just the same tonight- he softly knocks and waits, smiling when he sees you rise from your bed to come to the doors.
"My darling," he greets you sweetly when you open the door, taking your hand and kissing just above the knuckle as he bows to you. You've experienced the greeting what feels like a hundred times over at this point, but it never fails to raise goosebumps on your skin; especially when he looks up at you and smiles before he straightens his back and stands tall once more.
Instead of inviting him inside, you step past the door to stand on the balcony with him, the cool breeze refreshing after having dealt with the heat of the late summer sun prior. He wraps you in his arms, wasting no time in tilting his head down to capture your lips in a soft kiss. His lips on your always fill you with just as many butterflies as the first time, his hands finding their way to your waist causing you to shiver.
"I've missed you," he breathes against your lips before he kisses you again, and you hum as you return the kiss, wordlessly agreeing with the sentiment. Preparing for the wedding makes you both incredibly busy these days, from dress fittings to studying in your case, and readying to ascend the throne in Hyunjin's.
With hardly any free time to yourselves, this is how Hyunjin ensures he gets the chance to spend at least some time with you. Sneaking over to your room, no matter how exhausted the day has made him, because now that you're in the castle with him, he can't go a single night without seeing you, feeling you, at least just once.
And normally, he would follow such a kiss with conversation- ask about your day, what you did and how you're feeling, what preparations for the wedding were done today, etcetera. But for whatever reason, right now he just wants to keep kissing you, over and over again, for as long as you'll allow him.
Maybe it’s because the last few nights he hardly got to see you for more than a few moments, leading to greater longing. Maybe it’s because the wedding looming closer makes the reality that you’re together feel so much more real- you’re his, and he’s yours, and there’s so much beauty in being in love, in promising that you’ll remain together no matter the years that pass or challenges that come.
Your arms wrap around his neck, your body pressing closer into his, and it’s almost criminal how much that simple of an action makes his head spin. You’re a clingy lover- not that Hyunjin minds by any means; he loves it, in fact. He loves feeling wanted and desired by you, and the way you crave and seek out his touch; the problem, so to speak, is the way his body reacts to your close proximity. It’s.. an indecent reaction- one that he has to do his best to contain, lest he do something improper and act gracelessly.
Still, you tempt him- with doe-eyed looks, pouting lips and gentle caresses to bare skin. He desires you, wants to lay your bare and look upon every inch of your body, to feel you naked beneath his fingertips- but he can’t, not yet. And so instead, he has to make a conscious effort to not linger on such thoughts, to swallow them down until the time is right. But the more time he spends with you, the more difficult a task it becomes; and now, after having gone a handful of days not being able to see him for more than a few passing moments, you cling to him more than usual, making the need inside him impossible to ignore.
You drive him utterly crazy with a simple touch- and he wonders how much of it is a conscious decision, and how much is executed simply by instinct. Do you realize just how deeply you affect him, or do you act purely on what feels good and right to you? Maybe it’s an equal mix of both- enjoying the effect you have on him, but also thriving in the euphoria that touching him makes you feel.
You haven’t gone much further past passionate kissing and idle, yet purposeful, groping of each other’s bodies, as Hyunjin tries his best to be proper and “follow the rules”- in which having intimate relations whilst unwed is wildly improper, and against everything he’s ever been taught. But when the wind blows your robe partly open, and he sees nothing underneath but your soft white lingerie, he can’t help but recall that such rules have always been pointless to him.
Hyunjin has always followed his heart before considering consequences and what is "right." So, if you're in love, if you want each other more than words, if you know you're going to be wed soon anyways, why should he hold off from following what his heart desires? Nothing about your relationship with one another has ever been conventionally proper, nor followed pre-established rules and notions, so why hold himself to such things now?
Do you think and feel the same as him? He suspects you do, but tonight he intends to find out for sure instead of wasting any further time questioning the depth of your intent, and considering conventional rules above his feelings. His hands squeeze your waist as he turns you both around, pressing your backside against the sturdy balcony banister, the sound of surprise that leaves you muffled by his lips that have still yet to part from yours.
"I want you," he says after pulling away from your lips, though still close enough for you to feel his breath directly on your skin, "more than I fear is allowed." There’s a fear there- that the depth of his longing is entirely one-sided, that the way in which he craves you goes unrequited, that the longing you feel doesn’t go past its current boundary.
Hyunjin rests his forehead against yours, eyes staring straight into yours in a way that makes you feel equal parts vulnerable and warm. "Do you want me too?" he asks carefully, setting aside his nerves and uncertainty, his hands trailing over where the wind tousled your robe and exposed your shoulder.
"Say no, and I'll stop right now. We'll move on as if this never happened until you're ready to discuss it," he continues, hand pausing where the strap of your bra lies, uncovered thanks to your partially fallen robe, "but I need to know- if I am allowed to want you as badly as I do, and if you return these feelings." He watches your reaction attentively, unconsciously holding your breath as he waits for a hopefully favorable response.
You swallow, heart nearly beating out of your chest as you open your mouth to speak, and you're certain that Hyunjin can feel the goosebumps rising on your skin- goosebumps that exist solely because of him, and not at all from the late night chill. "I want you too," you respond, and you can see the way relief and excitement wash over him. A million promises and "thank you"'s linger on his lips, but instead of speaking them aloud, he pours them into his kiss, letting his body do the talking for him.
His hand travels away from your shoulder, down towards your waist, where your robe is held together with a loosely tied ribbon. The anticipation makes you shiver, and when you feel the knot come undone, you pull away to allow him the chance to look at you. It's utterly nerve wracking being this exposed, and you don't feel the least bit confident in yourself- but at the same time, you know how much Hyunjin reveres you, and so you want him to look.
While it's still a struggle to believe all that he sees in you, you know this is something he'll sincerely love. From the very moment your touches started to become more intimate he has craved this sight of you, and you grant him the opportunity to stare as much as he wishes to. You leave him breathless for a moment, and for quite possibly the first time, you watch in real time as something shifts inside of him.
The look in his eyes changes, first from awe as he unconsciously sucked in a breath, to utmost, almost overwhelming desire. He takes you in his arms and lifts you up, and you instinctively cling to him with a surprised squeak. His hands hold you up from under your thighs, and you wrap your legs around him while tightly holding his arms. He places you on the thick banister, and you shiver when the cold iron makes contact with your skin through the thin material of the robe you’re wearing.
He kisses you with fervor, his tongue sliding past your now parted lips. Comfortable with your position and Hyunjin’s strong hold on you, you move your hands from his arms to his face, holding it as you invite his tongue further inside your mouth. One of his hands continues to support you and hold you close to his body, while the other slips your robe further down, until it falls down your arms and pools at your elbows.
Another breeze rolls by, and you shiver once more, this time fully feeling the chill. Your thin, almost sheer lingerie does nothing to hide how hard your nipples have gotten, allowing Hyunjin to see them clearly when he pulls away from your kiss and glances down. He licks his lips as he stares at them, lets his free hand move away from your legs and up to your chest, palming one of your breasts over the thin fabric of your bra.
You gasp when his fingers brush your nipple over the fabric, and Hyunjin drinks in the way your body reacts to the near overwhelming sensation his fingers grant you. Your hands fall back to his shoulders, gripping them tightly as your body squirms. "Does it feel good?" he asks, this time watching your face as he rolls your nipples between his fingers, attentively watching the way your face changes.
Biting your lip and closing your eyes as you nod, your legs instinctively try to close together but are unable to due to his place between them. The soft, near whiny gasps you let out are intoxicatingly sweet, a sound Hyunjin could easily imagine himself becoming addicted to. He kisses you again, lingering on your lips and briefly muffling your whines before he trails down your jaw and to your neck, where he places wet, open mouthed kisses.
His touch makes you hot- so much so that the cool breeze no longer affects you the way it had moments prior, your shuddering coming solely from the way he's making you feel. He slips a hand inside your bra, touching your nipple directly now, the pad of his thumb rubbing over it in rhythmic strokes. He can feel your thighs tremble and squeeze him, still desperately trying to close together, driven by the innate need to seek friction.
You don’t outright say you need more, but your body does more than enough to tell him- and so Hyunjin dips his hand further down, slowly traveling between your bodies, over your stomach until it reaches its destination between your legs. He doesn’t know what to do, really- but he’s nothing if not a romantic at heart, and he lets that guide him onward. Following the romantic fantasies that often played in his head, he brings his lips back to yours, sensually kissing you as he rubs your heat over your panties.
It's so wet- much more than he ever could've anticipated. The fabric, that was already so thin and nearly sheer to begin with, has become almost entirely see through and now sticks to you uncomfortably (though Hyunjin’s hand is proving to be a perfect distraction from the discomfort.) His own fingers become slick even without direct contact, and it excites him as much as it drives his curiosity. What do you taste like? Is it okay for him to find out, or is that too far?
He wants to know, desperately wants to know- “Can I taste you, please?” he asks in a soft, pleading tone; it’s okay if you say no, he’d never question your limits, but fuck, he really wants it. You let out a breathy, eager “yes,” to which he responds with the most breathtaking smile. You watch with bated breath as he begins to trail kisses down your torso, leaving a few lingering touches to your nipples and stomach on his way down.
Hyunjin helps you slide off the banister, hands securely on your hips and guiding you forward, closer to him. He completely kneels down in front of you, presses soft kisses to your inner thighs as he guides one of your legs to rest over his shoulder. You lean back against the banister, your hands holding it for support while his hands rub over the back of your thighs and to your ass. He holds you there, occasionally squeezing, and you can feel him smile against the meat of your thighs when it causes you to squirm in his hold.
You watch his tongue dart out from between his lips, wetting them before he finally brings his face closer to your center, giving you a curious kitten lick over your panties. That alone is enough to make you jolt, and he squeezes you a bit tighter in response, trying to help you stay still while he explores the newly accessible parts of your body.
He can’t think of a single thing he could compare your taste to, but he loves it, an involuntary noise of pleasure rising from his throat. He quickly grows dissatisfied with small, careful licks- he needs more of you on his tongue, needs to taste you directly. But rather than separating from you and wasting precious time getting your panties off you, he decides it's a better idea to simply pull them to the side.
Your balance falters for a moment when he moves his hand away from your behind to shift your panties out of his way, but he’s quick to bring it back and continue to hold you once his tongue has once again met your core. Your grip on the railing tightens, head falling back and eyes fluttering closed as you let out a low moan. You never expected to be experiencing your first time with something like this outside, on your new balcony of all places, but you can't deny that it excites you.
It's fun, exhilarating, almost freeing- something that would've forever eluded you had you not met Hyunjin, and fallen in love with him. And oh, you’ve never felt anything as good as his tongue between your folds. You divert your gaze back down, mesmerized by the sight of him between your quivering thighs, and he too is mesmerized- by your taste, by the way you drip on his tongue, by the way you gasp and cry out when his tongue finds your clit.
He alternates between swirling his tongue around it, and giving you long, flat licks, both of which drive you crazy with need for more. You try your best to not let your noises get past a certain volume, teeth digging into your bottom lip almost painfully, hands desperately clutching at the banister as your body involuntarily trembles. It doesn't take long for Hyunjin to find the pattern you like, what motions cause you to cry the loudest despite your desperate attempts to contain yourself.
Your stomach rapidly tenses and contracts, your moans quickly turning into high-pitched whines as you’re driven closer and closer to release. You’re dizzy, mind practically floating with immense pleasure, your hips unconsciously rolling into his face as you seek sweet, blinding relief. Hyunjin’s cock throbs painfully in his trousers, straining against the fabric that has now grown tight around him, but he ignores it, completely focused on you.
He looks up at you from between your legs, watches the rapid rise and fall of your chest as you take desperate, panting breaths, sweating clinging to you in an ethereal sheen. You take one of your hands off the banister, instead burying your fingers into Hyunjin’s long hair. He groans against you, unexpectedly enjoying the way you slightly tug on the loose strands.
The feeling in the pit of your stomach grows in intensity, your eyes rolling back as he flattens his tongue and lets you grind against it as you please. You let go of his hair when you feel your orgasm start to peak to clamp your hand over your mouth, wanting to avoid waking the entirety of the castle with your moans if you can help it.
He squeezes you once more, does his best to hold you upright as you lose yourself to the feeling. It feels so good you almost can’t breathe, the tingling that starts in your spine spreading throughout your entire body, as mind numbingly euphoric as it is overwhelming. He doesn’t separate from you until he feels your thighs relax and legs go limp, carefully removing your leg from its perch on his shoulder, holding you steady as he rises back up to his feet.
It takes you a moment to return your senses, only just barely registering Hyunjin talking to you as you blink away the fog of pleasure muddling your brain. He’s asking things like if you’re okay and if it felt good, grinning when you nod and answer him with meek affirmations. When he kisses you, you can taste yourself on him, and it somehow adds to just how amazing you feel.
It’s in that moment, where he’s stroking your cheek while kissing you, tongue exploring your mouth and sharing the taste of your release with you, that you decide you want to return the favor. Mirroring what he’s done to you, you let your hands wander his body until they meet the waistband of his trousers, where you slowly undo the buttons. His breath hitches when you sink to your knees, anticipation rising in tandem with his nerves.
Will you like what you see? It’s not something he’s ever worried about before, but now he finds himself awaiting your reaction anxiously. Wanting to spare him the late night chill, you don’t pull his trousers and underwear all the way down, instead just pulling down enough for his cock to spring free of its confines. And, wow- it’s much longer than you expected, as well as mouth-wateringly pretty, the vein running along the length utterly entrancing to you.
Pre-cum leaks steadily from the tip, and you curiously stick out your tongue to taste it as you wrap your hand around the base of his cock. He hisses and softly gasps, twitching and throbbing in your hand that is so much softer than his own. You quickly move on from small, careful and curious licks to swirling your tongue around the tip, sometimes stopping the movement of your tongue to press wet kisses to it.
His pre-cum smears over the tip and all over your lips thanks to your kisses, and it’s easily the most erotic thing he’s ever had the pleasure of seeing. And God, when you look up at him through your lashes as you kiss him, your pretty lips wet and glistening because of his release- he has to make conscious effort to not let out a visceral groan.
After a few more soft, wet kiss, you open your mouth and flatten your tongue, leaning forward on your knees, using your hand to guide his cock into your eager mouth. His body shudders as he groans, the more you take of him into your mouth, the more he struggles to restrain himself. Hyunjin leans forward, grabs the banister for support while he watches you try to work him in past your limits- taking him in until you gag, retreating just long enough to recover before resuming, trying to take him further than last time with each attempt.
Tears prick the corners of your mouth, threatening to fall with each additional inch taken down your throat, but you refuse to concede. He brought you such unimaginable bliss- and you’ll do anything to make him feel the same. Just as Hyunjin had done, you proceed purely on instinct, staring up at him as you finally succeed in taking his entire length into your mouth. And fuck, the sight of you- how is he supposed to retain composure after seeing you like this?
Grip on the railing tightening, his eyes roll back when you start bobbing your head along his length, the sound of his cock sliding back and forth in your mouth creating impossibly salacious wet sounds. Saliva drips from the corners of your mouth, down to your chest and thighs, but you continue on, paying no mind to the mess you're making on yourself.
For the first time, you hear Hyunjin speak with an utter loss of composure- no smooth charisma, no eloquently crafted line of dialogue; just pure, pleasured rambling. "Darling, I can't- feels so good, I-" he cuts himself off with a curse, biting his lip as he feels you caress his throbbing vein with your tongue. He’s never felt so good before, and he’s so close- but what is he supposed to do? Release in your mouth? Is that even okay?
He intends to ask, opening his eyes to look at you as he does, but oh- the sight of you instantly causes the words to die in his throat, the sight of you paired with pleasure he feels is just too much for him. He cums with a moan, loud and pretty, his cum gagging you as it shoots straight down your throat. You pull away seconds later, releasing him from your mouth with a pop, swallowing the cum that lingers on the back of your tongue as you wipe your lips clean with the back of your hand. You look up at him next, taking in the sight of your normally elegant lover looking so debauched. He’s breathless and utterly disheveled, but still so impossibly perfect.
Hyunjin helps you to your feet after he’s collected himself, pulling you into an emotionally charged, sensual kiss; lips parted, tongue seeking yours. He lifts you up once more, deciding that both of you have spent more than enough time on the balcony, continuing to kiss you even as he carries you inside your bedroom. It makes the walk more precarious, but neither of you care, absorbed in one another as you are. And maybe you should feel some amount of shame for having pleasured one another in such an open space, but it’s the furthest thing from your minds.
All that matters is Hyunjin; how he makes you feel, and how you make him feel. Lying you on your bed as gently as he can manage, he finds his place between your legs as you fall to your back. His hands find the waistband of your panties, and you lift your hips to help him slide them off your body. Your robe is the next thing to be removed in your flurry of impassioned kisses, followed by your bra, and all of Hyunjin’s clothes.
“Love you so much, my darling,” he breathes against your skin between his kisses to your lips, hands roaming your body, “want to be inside you.” You pull away enough to see him clearly, your eyes finding his even in the dark of your room. “I want it to,” you admit softly, heat rising to your face, “I love you, Hyunjin.” He smiles, brief and timid, before he kisses you again, slipping one of his hands between your thighs to feel your heat with his fingers.
He rubs his fingers between your folds, and you let out a shuddering breath, body trembling with anticipation. You’re still so wet, and Hyunjin can’t help but involuntarily groan when he imagines what you’ll feel like wrapped around his cock. He takes his cock in his hand, smears your essence along it to get it wet, glancing up at you after he aligns himself with your hole. You look apprehensive, and he’s immediately worried you’ve changed your mind and want him to stop-
But when he offers, you quickly shake your head. You’re nervous, that much is true, but you want this- everything you experience with Hyunjin is new and beautiful, and you’re certain this will be too. And every time you’ve been hesitant, or scared, or anxious, he was there for you; he held you and listened to you and helped you find not only the courage to be where you are now, but your self-worth too. You love him, you trust him- and what better way to show him the depth of your love and trust, than to offer yourself to him, body and soul.
With one last affectionate kiss, a softly spoken promise to always take care of you, he begins to slowly push inside you. You both gasp, sensitive from your prior orgasms, the effect profound even before he’s all the way inside. There’s a slight discomfort at first that quickly gives way to tingly pleasure across your body, the sensation effectively stealing the breath from your lungs. Hyunjin clenches his jaw, breath growing more labored, his cock twitching and throbbing inside you even when his body is completely still.
He leans back down to you once your hips are flush together, wraps his arms around you, pressing your body against his. You wrap your arms around his neck, while he holds you under your shoulders, kissing you as he experimentally rolls his hips into yours. Each roll of his hips is slow and purposeful, as is each kiss you share. You understand now, why sex is often referred to as making love- because there can truly be no other way to describe the moment you share, and the feelings that come with it.
When he pulls away and looks down at you, his heart races even faster; you’re so pretty, beautiful- with your hair fanned out around you, the moon shining through your balcony doors highlighting the sheen of sweat in the most ethereal way. All he can think about is how much he loves you, how lucky he is to have you, how good you are to him. You’re perfect, utterly perfect in every conceivable way- and he knows you’d say just the same about him, would still find new ways to compliment him once you ran out of words.
Despite the languid pace, it doesn’t take long for Hyunjin to feel close again- he’s already cum once, and the sensitivity he feels from it in combination with the way your walls squeeze him is impossibly overwhelming. He squeezes you closer, his chest pressed against yours, his face burying its way into your neck. You can tell how close he is, from the way he twitches and throbs inside you, to the way he gasps and moans close to your ear.
Wanting to cum again with him, you move your dominant hand between your bodies, finding your clit with your fingers. When Hyunjin feels what you’re doing, he separates from you enough to watch, looking between your bodies to watch the way your fingers move. Your walls start to squeeze him tighter as you work yourself close to your release, and he can’t help but groan, hips picking up speed as he chases his orgasm with you.
Your noises grow louder once he picks up his pace, and you’re sure the guards outside your room have realized what’s happening- but neither of you can bring yourselves to care about containing yourselves anymore. You cum in tandem with one another- Hyunjin first, a strained groan of your name passing his lips as his cum shoots deep inside you, the feeling of it sending you over the edge with him.
Both of you are breathless and hot, with hearts thumping the hardest they ever have, but he kisses you regardless, paying no mind to his desperate need to catch his breath. He brings one of his hands to your face, caresses it as he kisses you, and still after he pulls away. He looks at you with such pure affection, soft admissions of love and tender care softly spoken for only you to hear.
Even after he carefully pulls out, he sticks close to your side, holding you close in his arms, refusing to leave you to go back to his own room. This is his place now- with you, listening to your soft breaths and stroking your head as sleep begins to take you. His own eyes quickly grow heavy, your warmth inviting, and he knows he’ll soon fall asleep with you. He whispers his affections, his love for you and how happy he is, knowing that this night is just one of many perfect nights you’ll continue to share in the future.
network tags: @skzstarnet @ksmutsociety
#ksmutsociety#skzstarnet#skz x reader#hyunjin x reader#skz smut#hyunjin smut#skz scenarios#skz imagines#skz fanfic#mdni + divider graphic credit: @cafekitsune
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One thing I love so much about "The old guard" is that in comparison to other action movies I've seen so far, there's characters that have actual personalities that are vital to the plot and why the characters are doing what they're doing.
major "The old guard" spoilers if you haven't watched it yet pls do. It's on Netflix n a second part is supposed to come out soon (it's already made but there's no release date yet but stiiill)
Idk if anyone noticed that yet and correct me if I'm wrong but I noticed that n needed to share because especially for the older group of immortals it pecomes so clear why they keep going (taking Nile out here because the entire movie is just about her, getting used to it and she isn't in the same situation as the others yet).
But Andy is doing everything she's doing because she feels responsible. Her entire struggle in the beginning is, that she feels like her work isn't doing any good. She wants to stop because the "projects" she works on don't seem to work out so obviously she's discoiraged but as soon as anyone in the group is in danger she immediately jumps to being the leader of the group again ("I will get them back whatever it takes" , "I always go first").
Nicky is the optimistic one of the group and believes that everything happens for a reason, which he keeps reminding everyone of as encouragement. He keeps doing what he's doing as long as he has faith that there is a reason, even if he doesn't know it. I think for him it's the most obvious because it's part of most of his dialogues with the rest of the group "everything happens for a reason boss", "it's like it was meant to be [....] like fate", and it also shows in a lot of his other scenes even if he doesn't outright say it (like the scene in the lab when he beings up going to Malta even though they're captured right now, once again showing how he's optimistic and believes that things will eventually work out).
Joe does everything he does for the principle. This is shown in smaller ways but i really like how they kept subtly putting it into his actions. Throughout the movie he mainly seems chronically pissed off, however we gotta consider that the movie shows a time frame where people are mainly doing things that harm him or the people he cares about in some way, which he obviously deems as wrong so getting back at them is just all about the principle. There's no arguing or reasoning with him because he is set in what he believes in and will fight for justice even about the little things. We can especially see that later in the movie in the final fight in the lab. This shows especially in the line "you shot Nicky...you shouldn't have done that" followed by him, killing the guy he just spoke to, like- Nicky is alive and well, the guy's immortal there was never even a slight risk of him dying but it's the principle. Also that he wants to leave Booker in the lab for betraying them, his last line in the movie of "she's not asking", which basically translates to 'you fucked up so now you owe us, deal with it' or just the entirety of the van scene. Obviously the whole "what is he? your boyfriend?" was just supposed to be some homophobic joke but, once again he asked so he's getting an answer. It's just the principle.
And Booker tries to do all he does for the people he loves, yet all the people he loved are dead and as we can see in his dialogue with Joe ("You and Nicky always had each other.......") and the first scene of all of them interacting, in which he doesn't interact with the group much or hug any of them, plus the fact that he's the youngest out of all of them, he doesn't seem to see himself as part of the group. He can't really find a reason for anything he's doing like the others do because while Andy will always feel responsible for the people around her, Nicky will most likely never lose his faith and Joe will always find something to be pissed off about, Bookers children are dead and any people he gets attached to will eventually die, which therefore disqualifies them as a safe and constant source of motivation. And the fact that he is aware of that but cannot find another reason to live for makes all of his actions so much more understandable and also really heartbreaking. To him his immortality isn't about responsibility, reason or justice it's just about hurting "just because we keep living, doesn't mean we stop hurting". So obviously he'd want to stop it.
I just rewatched it and it's so nice to see the dialogue and the character dynamics and really get the characters actions, which makes the plot like 10 times better. Generally I just really love this movie and I need Netflix to release the second one NOW because that cliffhanger was atrocious.
#please tell me this fandom isn't dead yet#i know it's been years but i believe in us#this is a movie about immortals the fandom cannot die after 3 yrs#the old guard netflix#the old guard#the old guard andy#the old guard nicky#the old guard joe#the old guard booker#meta#the old guard meta#long post
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
How many works do you have on AO3? 14
What's your total word count? 613,957
What fandoms do you write for? Mainly Supernatural but I want to branch back out into some of the other fandoms I love
Top 5 fics by kudos: Necessities for Survival (WIP): 428 kudos, Winter's Spider (WIP/on Hiatus): 265 kudos, A Supernatural Adventure (WIP): 152 kudos, A New Way (WIP): 121 kudos, and Skin Deep (WIP): 57 kudos. Notice the pattern yet folks?
Do you respond to comments? I try to but I know that I don't get around to answering them all
What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don't have very many fics that are completed, so at the time of making this I can't really answer this question.
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Again I don't have many completed fics, and the ones that I do have completed have kind of happy endings but I wouldn't call them the happiest.
Do you get hate on fics? Not that I have seen, but I do have the comment moderation on for if that should ever happen as I do not check my AO3 inbox all that frequently
Do you write smut? I've only recently started, so there are only two of my fics that have some form of smut in them
Craziest crossover? None that I would necessarily call the craziest but I have some that cross over with Marvel and one that is a crossover with the TV show Lucifer
Have you ever had a fic stolen? I did have one stolen back in my publishing on Wattpad days, but I have yet to see any evidence of my AO3 fics being stolen (pls don't let be the thing that jinx's me)
Have you ever had a fic translated? Haven't had the opportunity or the pleasure yet
Have you ever co-written a fic before? I'mma pull a Doctor Who and say spoilers 😏
All time favorite ship? That is a tie between Destiel and Drarry
What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Uh I'd have to say maybe Winter's Spider. Mainly because at one point I wanted to give it a complete rewrite in order to flush certain things out but I've just never had the energy to do it
What are your writing strengths? I'd have to say world building and fight scenes, I do pretty good at those
What are your writing weaknesses? Staying in the same tense while writing, I'm all over the place with that (sorry to my beta reader for that)
Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I think it's cool, but translations at the bottom would be appreciated (this is not meant to be hateful it's just that google translate is kinda unreliable 😅)
First fandom you ever wrote in? I can barely remember half of the things I've written in a current fic after I've written and published them, I have no idea what was the first fandom I ever wrote in. Cause again, I started on Wattpad and ended up deleting most of my old, sucky works
Favorite fic you've written? That's like asking me to pick my favorite movie, there are too many
To pass on the fun I tag @anyreiart, @celestialstarlight27, @avonlady42, @friendofcarlotta, and @thefastestqueeralive. Sorry to those of you who didn't want to be tagged! I am only following so many authors on here (which is not many, sadly)
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hi i like your dreamling actors au A LOT and i was wondering if you'd share more snippets about them 👀. mainly i would like to see more of dream falling for hob yet being more of an asshole the more he tries Not to be one, while hob is like "why does this guy keep searching me out just to be a dick wtf". idk i just like your actors au alot haha and would love to see more <3333
Hi friend! I'm so happy you love the dreamling actors au as much as I do!! And ofc I'd be more than happy to give a few snippets of Dream and Hob's lowkey one-sided enemies to tentative friends to lovers timeline.
I'll focus more on the start of the relationship here because everything else is a major spoiler for the fic hihi
Lights, Camera, Action posts: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
Dream and Hob's first movie where they played romantic leads was, ironically enough, a queer reimagining of A Midsummer Night's Dream. I'll let you figure out which of the two main couples they played ;)
Dream said to Hob that he took to speaking in iambic pentameter really well for "someone who wasn't classically trained" and Hob took that personally
Meanwhile Dream in his mind is like "that was my best compliment i hope he appreciated that." oh Dream. sweet baby boy no...
Hob meeting Dream was a classic "never meet your heroes" kind of set up. Although he wasn't a rabid fan, he deeply admired Dream as an actor
He still admires Dream. No matter how rude Dream seemed to be, Hob couldn't say that he wasn't good at his job. As long as the cameras were rolling, he could get lost in their little world. Dream knew how to pull you in once the story starts and Hob, despite his dislike of Dream, allowed himself to be pulled in every single time
One time Dream bought donuts for the entire cast and crew of one of his movies with Hob. Whether intentional or by happenstance, Hob didn't get a donut. He knows he shouldn't be petty and upset over a single donut but he IS and he will DIE on that hill
There is a very specific incident that happens about 6 movies in with Dream that changes Hob's perspective of him (what it is Exactly is a spoiler hihi)
Hob has never seen Dream eat or drink outside of filming. Like ever. Even during supposed lunch breaks, Dream spends his time reading and/or taking a nap while leaning against the wall – standing up.
Hob would be a solid 6 minutes in a blooper reel. Dream's never forgotten a line therefore has never appeared in any blooper reel due to his own slip-up. Hob did catch him try to hide a snort behind his coat sleeve once though.
Hope that gave you a nice glimpse at dream aka most awkward man in existence who can sleep standing up like a horse and recite his lines from a script after three passges but can't tell his handsome co-star hob that he miscalculated the amount of donuts he was supposed to bring last time and he would have run all the way to the nearest dunkin' just so hob wouldnt feel left out
save him pls
#dreamling#the sandman#hob x morpheus#morpheus x hob#centennial boyfriends#dream x hob#hob gadling#dream of the endless#lights camera action: sky's dreamling actors au#asks
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UHM. sorry another post. can we also just talk about. Oppenheimer. I KNOW I KNOW EVERYONE'S BEEN TALKING ABOUT IT ALREADY AND I'M LATE TO THE PARTY. but hear me out ok. i needed to mentally prepare myself for the pain AND the smartness lmao. I'm dumb guys, i needed to fully understand the movie. NOW SPOILER ALERT FOR ANYONE WHO HADN'T SEEN IT TOO. (yet)
Yes it's absolute genius but it feels weird to call reality “genius”. What I want to say is just that i think everyone should watch this movie. It reveals a lot of stuff about atomic bomb, the why and the how behind it (obviously) but a lot of other things too. it talks about morals, guilt, the complexity of literally creating an atomic bomb that could cause worldwide destruction (in Oppenheimer's view) and agreeing to it being dropped in Japan's cities but not wanting it to be used then. because it's quite literally. DESTRUCTION. that morality of Oppenheimer was questioned so much throughout. Guy developed severe PTSD - i could just see it. Flashbacks. THE EXTREME NOISE AND THE TICK-TICK SOUND MY GOD. “President, i still feel the blood on my hands” - my God that line made me shed a few tears. ofc it was going to. i honestly didn't know how Oppenheimer would react after the bombing but on noticing his expressions, body language and just the complexity it was weighing on his mind i could clearly see it all. When he admitted to it i was just like “ofc you're gonna feel it you mf”.
I can totally understand people not watching this for their own mental health but i genuinely think people should see this creation. cause like. it's reality, it's history. i knew about the atomic bombing but literally never knew about the man behind it. (or men) idk how to explain it i just really think people should read about it, just know about it just like Einstein's theory of relativity. because that was something that Einstein really proposed irl. do y'all understand what I'm trying to say through this nonsense? I'm blabbering but yeah I can't express it.
lastly, the ending broke me when i understood it. Oppenheimer's sentence, roughly; “albert, i think we have destroyed the world with it, after all” and then his vision of the earth being swallowed whole by never-ending fire. AND THIS WAS BEFORE THE REAL EVENT HAPPENED. My God. The significance. also to think that Lewis Strauss really thought Oppenheimer's and Einstein's convo was about him. Lol. Not everything is about you, self-obsessed asshole! misunderstandings could really make a man act. hatred. that's what's happening though isn't it? war is still raging on (yes I'm talking about the ukraine-russia war, the israel-palestine conflict) . (btw, free palestine. if you're pro-israel pls get off my channel. )
Oppenheimer's vision is pretty much real. We're fucking destroying the world.
#oppenheimer#oppenheimer 2023#christopher nolan#j. oppenheimer#atomic bomb#oppenheimer spoilers#reality#history#father of the bomb#free palestine
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LEIGH'S RIDICULOUSLY BIG TBR/TBW LISTS
like i mentioned before i am too busy/hesitant to actually consume a lot of new media (or at least be able to focus on it) so i'm critically behind on so much stuff. don't judge me pls :S lmao
anything in bold is something that i've begun but not finished :P tagging @snow-in-the-desert bc you expressed interest in seeing the lists!
TO READ:
The Love Hypothesis - Ali Hazelwood
The Hurricane Wars - Thea Guanzon
Winter's Promise - Christelle Dabos
The Stand - Stephen King
North and South - Elizabeth Gaskell
The Nightingale - Kristin Hannah
Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
Work - Louisa May Alcott
Don Quixote - Miguel de Cervantes
Dr. Sleep - Stephen King
The Secret History - Donna Tartt
The Last Duel - Erik Jager
Portrait of a Lady - Henry James
The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
The Age of Innocence - Edith Wharton
The Great Mortality - John Kelly
Dead by Sunset - Ann Rule
Dracula - Bram Stoker
It's Lonely at the Center of the Earth - Zoe Thorogood
The Great Influenza - John M. Barry
The Monster of Florence - Douglas Preston
The Lottery and other stories - Shirley Jackson
Helter Skelter - Vincent Bugliosi with Curt Gentry
White Noise - Don DeLilo
Icebreaker - Hannah Grace
She Is a Haunting - Trang Thanh Tran
This Thing Between Us: A Novel - Gus Moreno
Parable of the Sower - Octavia E. Butler
^^ This is an incomplete list--I know there are others but these are the books I've bought over the past couple years and have not yet finished/ready. They are stacked on my desk and around my room, silently accusing me of neglect. I wither in shame. The rest of the list escapes me currently. This also doesn't include the tbrs currently on my e-reader since I can't remember where it is to see what's on there.
MOVIES/MEDIA TO WATCH:
Any Adam Driver movie that isn't on Netflix (House of Gucci, Annette, Paterson etc.) I have seen the Last Duel, Blackkklansman, This is where I leave you, Marriage Story, White Noise, Frances Ha and a few others). I know Ferarri is in theaters right now but I've kind of developed a phobia of theaters since 2020 :S
a ridiculous number of documentaries/video essays on youtube that I do not have the energy to go look for right now
Fall of the House of Usher (I love Mike Flanagan's work but I'm still hooked on Midnight Mass and Daddy Father Prewitt)
The Haunting of Bly Manor (I know everyone was obsessed with this and I meant to watch it but I was reading the Turn of the Screw when it came out and didn't want to get spoiled for it so I avoided it like the plague and finished the book but never got to watching the show)
Blue Eye Samurai
The Beguiled
Ugly Betty (I'm actually on season 2 and it's charming and funny but holy shit the amount of body shaming/slut shaming/ homophobia in this show. definitely a product of its time.)
Anne with an E
Fleabag (never finished it but thought it was amazing)
What we do in the shadows (have seen all but the most current season)
Reservation dogs
The Batman (2023)
Black Swan
The Crown
Band of Brothers
Demon Slayer
Whiplash
Wolf of Wall Street
Birds of Prey
Downton Abbey
Peaky Blinders
Nimona
Drag me to Hell
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Queen Charlotte (halfway through but haven't finished. i hate things that make me cry when i watch them so i have to be in a very specific mood to watch emotional heavy things)
Lady Bird
The Banshees of Inisherin
BARBIE (*ducks thrown rocks* I'll get to it, i SWEAR) (but i'm amazing at avoiding spoilers at this point i still know very little about the movie)
Men
Pearl
The Invisible Man
The Turning
Succession
Suspiria
Promising Young Woman
Shiva Baby
Luca
The Green Knight
Licorice Pizza
Bullet Train
The Menu
Women Talking
Knives Out + Glass Onion (*ducks more thrown rocks*)
Paddington 2!!!!
SHadow and Bone (honestly I lost almost all interest in reading/watching this once I heard the hot villain dies. BOOOO)
Carol
That one newish show with Adam Scott that looks super liminal and sci fi i can't remember the name
The Killing of a Sacred Deer
Oppenheimer
Killers of the Flower Moon
Guardians of the Galaxy 3
M3gan
Turning Red
Everything Everywhere All At once
Nope
Barbarian
Just like the book list, I'm sure there's many other titles I'm forgetting to put here. I actually have branched out and watched a fair amount of new movies this year so i'm going to keep it going! and here's one more list just because this is fun
Stuff I watched or read in 2023 that I loved/recommend (with the caveat that not all of this came out in 2023): (and i'm not including obvious stuff like Spider man across the spiderverse)
White Noise
Don't Look Up
Living in the Time of Dying (documentary on Youtube. It is HEAVY on existentialism and the science/data on the current state of climate change. This WILL ruin your day so I'm warning you now. Definitely don't watch it today. This really affected me and I cried for a long time after watching this but it is incredibly important to keep in mind.)
Blackkklansman (i had to watch this with the volume on the lowest setting bc of all the n words being dropped so frequently lmao but goddamn this was so good and funnier than i expected.)
DIMENSION 20: Burrow's End!!!!! As well as The Unsleeping City season 1. Neverafter and A Crown of Candy are probably at the lower end of the list but I still love them. (thank you to @rogueimperator for cluing me onto how amazing D20 and Dropout are. <3 this is a whole new world lol)
Midnight Sun :)
7. Christine and the Queens - Redcar les adorables étoiles Full show on Youtube. I was supposed to see him live in October but he got injured and had to cancel the rest of his tour :( but this album and the video are incredible! Slight warning for semi nudity.
8. Game Changer on Dropout. he's been here the whole time!
9. The 1975 live at Madison Square Garden. I was lucky enough to see them twice this tour with my twin sister and we had an absolutely amazing time. They always put on amazing shows and this particular tour/their latest album meant so much to us. Even our younger brother has come with us for some of these shows so it's something we all share. (Last time they came to Chicago in 2022 the venue was too small so they didn't have the House set with them so we didn't get to see it in action until this year) Sex and The Sound will always be the perfect closers for their shows and I get so emotional every time I hear them. Core memories for sure.
10. Puss in Boots: the last wish. this seems like another obvious answer that i probably could have left off but this gets an honorary mention because our family cat was diagnosed with advanced bone cancer in August, and we had to put him down very soon after that diagnosis. We spent an agonizing week tending to him and cherishing every last second we could get with him. I've been fortunate enough to never experience the death of a pet until this year, and i almost wish we didn't have any pets at all because I've never felt such excruciating grief. He was a fat, grumpy orange boy with beautiful yellow stripes and a little yellow mustache. I was trying to distract myself and found this movie on Netflix and watched it, then recommended it to my sister (who is actually Thomas's owner but we all shared him) though I warned her the movie did deal with themes on mortality. We all watched it together the night before his final vet visit and Tommy was there with us on a comfy pillow. I hope he approved of the movie, because now any time I think of Puss in Boots i think of him. <3
I could add more to this but my eyes are tired and I'm wired up from coffee. I know this is long as hell so sorry but I had fun making it! I'll probably keep coming back to this post in the future to cross out what I've watched.
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DID Movie Review
Facts -
Movie name: What if it Works
Date of Release: 2017
Fiction or Nonfiction: Fiction
Was there a diagnosis of DID? Yes, but in the movie she calls it Multiple Personality Disorder
Was the person with DID presented as evil for having DID? Nope!
Major Trigger warning list:
-Childhood Sexual Abuse(nonexplicit, but there is a flashback shown)
-Attempted Sexual Assault
-an emotionally abusive relationship/manipulation
-Nonexplicit sexual scenes
-Ableism(the main characters called crazy, insane, generally insulted for having obvious signs of mental illness)
-Sudden angry outbursts/yelling/swearing
Subjective Review(this is how I felt about it) -
Personal triggering scale from 1 to 10 (1 being not triggering at all, 10 being a badly overwhelming experience that might cause personal harm): 1-2, (the climax scene may be more triggering as there’s the attempted assault)
Personal relatability scale from 1 to 10 (1 being unrelatable, 10 being OMG THAT’S ME!): 9!
Personal avoidance scale from 1 to 10(1 being eager to get on with it, 10 being impossible to finish): 1
My interpretation of the media(Includes spoilers):
Have you ever wanted a movie on DID that took the disorder seriously, but was still fun and light and romantic? Well What If It Works is the movie for you, then. It’s non-triggering and warm and gently funny, but it also takes the severity of mental illness very seriously. Something I see lacking in a lot of mental illness media, of it swinging one way with the evil/scary route, or the other, where it’s portrayed as a joke.
Onto the plot!
Adrian is an.. Auto-technician of sorts(? He’s into cars and technology and combines them to go vroom vroom pls don’t judge my simple mind) and he has a severe case of OCD, where most his rituals have to do with being kept clean and an extreme fear of bodily fluids. His OCD symptoms ramped up to a debilitating degree after a harsh breakup, and he since won’t contact anyone and has a tendency to fall into his ways and keep to himself. He’s socially inept and it makes me think he’s neurodivergent in a way too
He runs into Grace, first with his car, and next when she(as G at the time) bursts into his therapy appointment, thinking he’s the therapist she’s meeting with, and dropping essentially her own meet-the-alters/list of her sexual escapades. Here she starts talking about her boyfriend Sledgehammer, who seems like a bit of a dick
Sledgehammer is the man G’s in a toxic relationship with, as well as the top dog of their street art group. He’s setting up to have an exhibition, with G/Grace’s artwork being the centerpiece.
When Adrien starts stumbling more and more into Grace’s life, he inevitably starts learning about her parts in a very casual and respectful way that I really liked. He mentions going on a research binge after Grace asks, ‘How do you know about Parts stuff?’ (I’ve yet to see another movie call them Parts :0 ) She feels a lot more relaxed around Adrian and tells him a lot about herself, including her inner world(!!! Again hadn’t seen this much in movies), what roles her parts play, as well as the earliest trauma she remembers(a CSA memory with her babysitter) I loved that he firmly told her it wasn’t her fault.
They have a brief scene where we learn that they’re both extremely touch-adverse after G comes out to try and seduce Adrian, possibly to scare him off. (Adrian’s extreme fear of bodily fluids, Grace’s extreme fear of affection). Even after his outburst and wanting to hide away, he offers to take her out on a friendly/sort of date.
The more Adrian wants Grace in his life, the more strides he makes towards healing. In turn, Grace finds she’s communicating more inwardly and getting more in touch with her parts. Neither party is reverting their mental illnesses overnight, but their great strides are something to feel pride for and its so nice to see!
As Adrian keeps coming into her life though, Sledgehammer starts getting more apprehensive about his girlfriend wanting to be around another man. An art institute in Edinburgh offers Grace an exhibition of her own through Sledge, but he denies it for her both to keep her for himself and make sure she can’t succeed without him.
Around the same time, tensions rise as Adrians ex girlfriend comes back to lay her woes on him about her going to be married. Her extreme insecurities have seemingly always lead to her actually encouraging his OCD behavior and ‘keeping him crazy’ to make her feel normal. Something something she’s getting something medical done and she’s using it as an excuse to come back into his life
Tensions rise, there’s an outburst, but Adrian and Grace are obviously falling in love and aching for eachother from their situations. G tries to break it off once and for all with Adrian by breaking into his home with Sledge to have ~the sex~ there, and it seems to be a breaking point for him and they stop talking
Until after Grace’s messy breakup with Sledge, who comes in a rage to her apartment and drags her inside to be assaulted. Adrien is in the middle of one of his rituals, and can’t make it out the door, so he takes his car and bursts through the wall to save her. She’s already knocked Sledge out, but the act of his heroism that he couldn’t make for his ex drives the emotional point home and they finally admit being in love with eachother and wanting to touch genuinely. We see them in the last shot holding hands :D
I wanted to write the whole thing out like this because there’s a lot I wanted to say about it! A lot of really great representation for mental illness and communication and healing and therapy, which is hard to find all in one movie.
I really loved that these two people with mental illness, even debilitating, are worthy of love and not being alone. The therapist gently guides them towards leaning more into their love and sexuality and insists its healthy to. Them both breaking free of their abusive relationships by their own strength but also for eachother, is extremely satisfying to see. You really end up rooting for them both and I love love love this movie!!
What they got Right in my opinion: Where to start!! Hmm
-Controversial take: I don’t think Adrian’s depiction of OCD is a bad one. Yes it does lean into the (sometimes seemingly nonsensical) cleaning trope, but it’s said that the director based his OCD off her brother’s own experiences. Personally, my sibling went through a really extreme phase of their trauma-based OCD that really mirrored this depiction as well, right down to the washing things to an extreme and wearing gloves and even changing their gloves every time they touched something. I don’t know enough about OCD, but I don’t think it’s fair to label it as inaccurate just because it’s an extreme case. Some people really are ruled entirely by their mental illness and that doesn’t make them less worthy of love or space to exist, even in fiction!
- Oh in the start of the movie, Adrian runs into a group of drag queens and even though he’s very inept in conversation, the drag queens are not shown to be predatory and not portrayed as a joke beyond Adrian just being really awkward around them(but we find out hes just an awkward around anyone really). I just thought that was really nice
- Grace calls her parts parts and I find that really neat!
- Grace describes having an inner world (A house, where she can usually see all the rooms(not all the time) and have a vague awareness of all her known parts. There’s a heart-shaped clock at the top, which gets referenced in her art and various panning through the film. Maybe related to loosing time when switching?)
- Grace has an awareness of her trauma and that she has ten parts, and none of this is explained explicitly and I find that really really refreshing. She’s been in therapy for a while, she knows where she’s at. The audience doesn’t have to be in on everything and that is so sooo cool!!
- Grace is working towards final fusion!!!!! It’s not something her therapisy pressured her to go for, but a clear choice that she’s been working towards over time. Mag-fucking-nificant I love it!!
-G is such a striking representation as kind of a persecutor-protector part, or at least a part who has ‘puffy confidence’(A term I coined for me and my friend, about parts who ‘puff themselves up’ to appear stronger and bigger that they are. Spike is like this too in the movie) Her hypersexuality is portrayed really well. I actually really liked how she went into how disgusted they felt afterwards in a very dissociated way? I 1000% have parts just like G.
-Grace’s touch adverse and hyposexuality felt really accurate too. The inability to be intimate or even want to be touched really hits home with me. I love that the costumes are very telling of how she’s doing. The more layers she wears reflects her comfort levels. They don’t immediately come off for Adrian, either, but instead in the end scene we see she’s wearing one of G’s layers too… ugh I could ramble on this for hours
-The substitute belief/symbolism that Little held about drawing red teapots as a means of communication was extremely accurate. I found it even more so as Grace talk about it bluntly like she knew at one point, then gets confused when it actually shows up in her artwork. Her amazing friend even suggests it’s a means of communication and I liked that a lot
-described coconsciousness!!! The fact that not every switch(in fact hardly any) are blackout amnesiac
-Not DID but I liked how they portrayed manipulation with the ex girlfriend and Sledgehammer. The need to make their partner small and trapped with themselves out of insecurity is classic abusive behavior and it was handled really well in two different ways
What they got Wrong in my opinion:
- I do think some of the OCD episodes were a bit ridiculous and Adrian shouldn’t have been surprised his car didn’t work after washing it very destructively. I can see the logic that drove him to doing it initially, but wouldn’t he knowwww afterwards? I think regre rather than surprise would work better?
- It’s called Multiple Personalities by the characters, but I almost wonder if this was a choice to touch base on what people know about the disorder more commonly and just move on with it rather than a misinformed choice, because the director herself knows it’s called DID.
Would I recommend this to someone with DID to watch?: YES!!!! Yes yes yes!!! In fact, I’d even recommend you show it so someone who you might want to tell more about the disorder but don’t have the words for doing so yourself. It’s a lot softer and easier to swallow than other DID media without making a joke of it
I would also recommend you listen to this interview with the director about her intentions with the movie, because they really come from a place of personal experience and absolute love and goodwill towards people with DID and OCD. You can listen to it >>Here<<
#what if it works movie#dissociative identity disorder#dissociative identity disorder media#otherwise specified dissociative disorder#actuallydid#DID in media#did movie#bunnidid reviews#sorry this one got a bit long i love this movieee#please watch this movie its rlly good!!#theres a free low resolution version on youtube and i believe otherwise on amazon? not sure#if you're looking for the Least Triggering Movie this ones probably it
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Hear me out, hear me out, hear me out.
A BLACK (personally feeling a Blk girl who is half Caribbean half AA from the American South but that's just personal semantics) girl is blessed with power to control and be one with Water by Mami Wata or any other Black folklore spirit/figure tied to water or the ocean.
She keeps her powers underwraps because she ain't tryna be some world renowned hero. She becomes besties with Riri and Shuri (dont know the story to how but she is)
NAMOR POPS UP AND THE MOVIE HAPPENS (pls dont give me any shit for what details have happen I havent seen it yet but I've gather enough reviews and some spoilers to know enough for know)
Now we know Shuri cant get her get back for the sake of her people and she gotta be nice to the rest of the world.
BUT WATER BLESSED HOMEGIRL DONT🗣🗣🗣
So shawty slide up to Namor like: "... aye... you leave my homegirl and her country alone. We keep my ppl all over the diaspora straight and your ppl straight. And we fuck up ERRYBODYELSE day with the power of the water. Or I can fuck yo shit up, permanently for what you did to my homegirl with no fall on her."
Now we know Namor taking the deal real quick (and he might even get him the Black Queen that can kick his ass I hear all these folks saying he down for)
So Wakanda (and the rest of the African Diaspora sans 🤚🏻South Africans and any remaining 🐁 colonizers) is safe while Water Blessed Homegirl and Namor get that Get Back that all of us Black and Indigenous folks been craving for literally centuries.
The End😌😌😌
#im tispy rn dont mind me 🤭#black panther#black panther: wakanda forever#Blackgirl reader lol#wakanda forever#BP fanfic#OC#marvel would and never tho#somehow#ive once again came back to my folklore roots#once again i am thinking about my first obsessions which was Black mermaids from AA folklore#Namor#we all win
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tell me about a piece of media you haven't seen anyone talk about :]
I hardly ever hear people talk about Given :(
It’s an anime and manga about this band called Given (hey that’s the name of the show!”) and it’s gay as hell and I love it for that. All the couples are mlm (wish there was a wlw shoved in there somewhere but whatever) and all these poor boys are so sad
The main character Mafuyu, starts as this really quiet kid and his eventually boyfriend Uenoyama starts to teach him how to play the guitar Mafuyu carries around with him but doesn’t know how to play.
Spoilers from here on out, pls go watch it/read it it’s worth it
WE LATER FIND OUT THAT THE GUITAR WAS MAFUYU’S DEAD EX BOYFRIENDS AND HE WAS IM A BAND WITH 2 OF THEIR MIDDLE SCHOOL FRIENDS AND MAFUYU HAD A FIGHT WITH HIM AND THEN YUKI (MAFUYUS BF) OFFS HIMSELF AND LITERALLY ANY MENTION OF YUKI HAS ME IN SHAMBLES
The whole show has a lot of metaphors where you play music with the people you love. One of the first lines of the show is “I later learned that what I was strumming were his heart strings” and later when Uenoyama pushes Mafuyu too hard (mentally) the strings on Mafuyu’s guitar break again. AGAIN THIS POOR FUCKING BOY NEEDS SO MANY HUGS
There are these other characters, Akihiko and Haruki, and I love them to death. I love AkuHaru but OH MY GOD DID THE MOVIE RUIN THEM
They got better but WOW WTF WAS THAT. I still love them, but AGHHHH damn you Akihiko DONT HURT MY BOY LIKE THAT
My favorite character is Akihiko’s ex Ugestu though, UGHHH HES A BITCH And also so gender….
“Bye bye, Akihiko” lives rent free in my brain HE DID NOT NEED TO CRY LIKE THAT-
Anyways I haven’t seen the new movie yet but I have all the volumes of the manga that are out (WELL I LOST HALF OF THEM BUT THEYRE SOMEWHERE) and the manga is finished so I know what happened but UGHHHH I love given. I love given to death.
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I FINALLY HAVE THE CHANCE TO WATCH NOBITA'S SKY UTOPIA
I'm going to go ON A RANT BELOW SO OFC SPOILERS AHEAD
OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL I NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD
SONYA
SONYAAAAAAAAA
WORST DESIGN OF A NEW CHARACTER YET
HE LOOKS CURSED AAAAAAAA
it's like they can't commit on a new art style. They tried to emulate doraemon's design because he's a cat robot from the same century as him BUT THEY ALSO WANT TO MAKE HIM LOOK ATTRACTIVE BY FORCING THE NEWER ARTSTYLE (like the one used for Luca in Nobita's Chronicle of the Moon). The same artstyle can also be seen in the three sages but they can just say they are supposed to be beautiful and they emulate adults (ive seen that the adult characters other than the one from original doraemon are drawn differently since 2019 ish maybe) BUT AT LEAST IT LOOKED... NOT AS CURSED AS SONYAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. PRODUCER PLEASE JUST STICK TO ONE ARTSTYLE AND COMMIT TO IT. I CANT BEAR LOOKING AT HOW WEIRD SONYA BE LOOKING IN SOME FRAMES.
AND THIS IS A GENERAL COMPLAINT BUT EVER SINCE THE 2019 MOVIE THEY'VE GONE FURTHER AWAY FROM THE ORIGINAL ART STYLE VISION AND IM??? KINDA FURIOUS ABT IT???? IT DOESNT SCREAM DORAEMON ANY MORE YOU KNOW??? I KNOW YOU WANT TO MAKE THEM MORE MARKETABLE AND GOOD LOOKING BUT- NOOO???? PLS NO????
okay now that's out of the way let's talk about the plot.
I FUCKING LOVE THE PLOT. It's giving midsommar. It's giving the tip of the iceberg of how easy it is to fall into a cult trap and become a cultist. Usually if fujiko fujio wrote this they'll make it seem like the paradapia creator is the one in the right (bcs honestly fujiko fujio kinda gives off eco fascist stink. i've talked abt this before). So I'm glad that from the start they are already portrayed as an ominous community that seemed to be hiding something more. They tried to make it seemed like that paradapia creator is also suffering that's why he needed to make paradapia but i think bcs of the run time they did not really flesh out the reason and other things are happening so there's no room left for sympathy towards dr ray, and i LOVE THAT. No need for any sappy sad backstory for a fascist villain i'd say, no matter how important he thought his reasons are lol go die in jail.
Oh. Yea the run time. For the first half it was paced very nicely. Paradapia started to look even more unsettling with ominous shots and dialogs. However for the last half of the movie it become completely rushed. The rebel characters (Hannah and Marimba) was used as walking lore dump for the audience to understand how paradapia became to be instead of showing more things that make them seemed different. I guess it's because they ran out of run time (the movie was only 1 hr 47 min). Not much scene to be emotional with. When a thing happen it quickly jumps into another thing, not letting the audience to cry much bcs?? SO MUCH SHIT IS HAPPENING??? Nobita become the last piece of the paradapia project (literally why? never explained) somehow a whole island can fit into a plastic bag (why designed the trash bag as a plastic bag anyway? there's already and existing gadget for that), sonya died, sonya didn't die, oit there's dr ray getting surrounded, end scene? There's not even much of chase scene. Not even a chase scene with the big bad villain happening. They've used it for Marimba's scene (the action scene in this one was... let's say they definitely blew more budget here), and a chase between sonya nobita doraemon and marimba through the time hole. OH AND LET'S TALK ABOUT THE CHASE SCENE WITH SONYA BECAUSE-
THIS SCENE HAD ME IN A CHOKEHOLD. for almost the rest of the movie there's going to be ambient music btw (weird choice but ok). and when important scenes happen the music will stop, dead silence. only the important characters talk and their voice is going to be crisp and loud. this scene started cheesy, the usual doraemon tells sonya he has a heart too and in this scene he'll started to get swayed and then when he was about to lower his gun- BAM THE THREE SAGES THREATEN SONYA THEY'LL DISPOSE HIM AND MAKE HIM NOT PERFECT ANYMORE AND THEN LIKE A PAVLOVIAN CONDITIONING HE INSTANTLY PULLED THE TRIGGER AND SHOT DORAEMON AND NOBITA DOWN LIKE BROOOO??!?!?!? I cant explain it any better it's truly an experience IT'S SO HEART WRENCHING GHRHHHHHHGRRRRR I LOVE THIS ONE SCENE THE MOST
AND WHAT I HAVE THE MOST PROBLEM WITH IS-
why is he not in more scenes?- No. In fact, WHY IS HE JUST NOT BECOME ONE OF THE MAIN CAST THIS TIME?
Bro this movie is literally about being HIM. Nobita kept whining and wishing "man i'm soon gonna become like Dekisugi" FOR ALMOST THE ENTIRETY OF THE FIRST HALF. THAT'S HOW SELF CONSCIOUS THE WRITERS ARE WHILE WRITING THE STORY. BECAUSE. THIS. IS. ABOUT. BEING. PERFECT. SCHOOLBOY. LIKE DEKISUGI.
FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK WE WERE ROBBED IMAGINE THE PROBABILITIES. And if the director said they dont want dekisugi to finish the problem quickly, trust me he cannot. He's a child who doesnt know much regarding doraemon's gadget and the villain is literally a fucking cult. No matter how perfect or smart someone is, a cult will still have their way to make others join them. In fact, it'll be even more interesting because that means Dekisugi's skillset will make him even more vulnerable since he'll thought that he found his people along with paradapia's citizens. ISN'T THAT INTERESTING OR IS THAT JUST ME???? AND MAYBE IT'LL HELP MORE WITH EXPLAINING PARADAPIA'S LIGHT AND HOW IT WORKS? I mean let's say the paradapia light radiate "perfection" and the key is Dekisugi whose name literally means "too fucking good at everything" and nobita is immune to the light because??? idk he's already perfect as is??? that's so cheesy but at least it'll explain how the light became to be and why it's important to go to the gangs hometown???!! FUCK ME AND MY WISHFUL THINKING HONESTLY. WE CAN'T HAVE ALL THE GOOD THINGS HUH
I want to cry in this scene, honestly. But like I said the pacing is too damn quick and the viewer (me) didnt have enough time to process wtf is happening. It's quite brutal too with how Sonya forced others to leave him by SHOOTING THEIR TAKECOPTER??? Well we already know beforehand that the air pilot suit have parachute attached BUT STILL. Watching Doraemon still insisted on being with Sonya until Sonya had to shoot his takecopter..... I can see now why there's an influx on the sonya x doraemon fanart for like, last march-april. And i think it'll be much more harrowing if sonya stayed dead but hey guess it's still a kid's movie so in the end he'll get to live and guess the sonya x doraemon ship will be sailing smooth (i shouldnt... but i really want to... oh god.... will i add another ship in my ship list.....)
okay i think that's it for now. Oh and i wanna draw nobita in the paradapia uniform.... i saw someone did it first and did a blue archive AU tho.... i still want it.... hhhhhhhh..........
hannah also gives off suletta vibes... cutiee.....
#doraemon#doraemon spoiler#nobita's sky utopia#sonya#minamoto shizuka#takeshi goda#honekawa suneo#nobi nobita#hanna#dekisugi hidetoshi
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hi!! i just wanted to let you know that i started reading cherry magic in july last year after seeing the anime announced on toyota-sensei's twitter! i couldn't even rlly translate the announcement myself without the help of google translate LMAO but her illustration of them looked so sweet i had to snoop around. more than half a year later. i am no longer normal and my brain is fully rotted over and i think of those two nearly every waking moment!! your art, along with so many others feeds me and your translations are So Appreciated thank you for doing gods work. i usually don't get super involved in fandom or w/e other than consuming fanart or fics so the fact i find myself actually drawing them is so new to me...idk cherry magic really is so refreshing and it's just nice as an adult to see a mature relationship between two working adults. there are callbacks to childhood or childlike behaviors or interests sprinkled throughout the manga's dialogue and i always appreciated how they weren't seen as embarrassing or immature to embrace or learn from as an adult, but encouraged or seen as a valuable part of balancing work, life, and love. idk it's def one of the more subtle and less expanded upon parts of it but i love how adachi's and kurosawa's love of manga, though seen as a children's activity (from how kurosawa thought people saw it) was actually one of their first mutual hobbies. it's also interesting to see how many things about kurosawa's psyche are remnants of ideas probably for a lack of better wording, were taught to him from an early age. his self-image, how he tries to uphold certain societal standards, etc etc. im glad he found refuge in adachi that way. im sorry for rambling for so long but i've just been thinking about these two so much ldks
anon pls u never have to apologize for rambling abt my fav guys of all time, u should actually talk w me about them more i want to hear ur thoughts !! the eng speaking fandom isnt that big (or at least i dont get to interact w a lot of ppl personally) but its fun making art and doing the translations for my blorbos so im happy other ppl enjoy it too 🥺
and yess everything u said abt the childlike/immature stuff krdc enjoy like the fact that their interest in manga and stuff is never made fun of or anything (which would be ironic anyway since theyre In a manga themselves fdkjskf) but actually one of the things that gets them closer is So good augh?? (also spoilers for the radio drama if u havent seen it yet, but to me one of the best changes they made was changing the port scenes setting to an anime con instead like Yeah!! theyre little nerd guys of course theyd attend a con!!!! that plus how they both like watching animated movies and playing games too like its a very specific thing to Me but that relatability w stuff i do myself makes them both feel a lot more human? if that makes sense)
also w kurosawas whole deal its Definitely a longterm thing hes had for a while, and in canon its mostly been his friendships/relationships that affected him (probs the most clear in ch45 my beloved) but from the way the meeting w his parents went theres for sure a lot of parental/family pressure involved too?? this is going into hc territory but i have like a whole Thing brewing in my head about kurosawas and maris relations w their parents and how that affected their self image and all growing up too and i rlly wanna make stuff for it someday (idk if anyone would be interested but id probably do it regardless so fkdjksjfk)
#the full idea actually is for a whole mari spinoff as like a fic or smth bc i care her immensely . but that is ambitious even for me lol#i have Thoughts about these siblings though like their issues intrigue me so bad. so much wrong w them i need to pick apart#and similarly w adachi being a child of divorce like! thats got to have influenced him right. i Have To Know#i think about these charas a normal amount as u can tell 👍#my answer
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NATLA Ep. 1 "Aang" thoughts
It might not be the Avatar but it's still an Avatar show which means I'm giving it the respect of not doing anything else while watching, so I'm not gonna liveblog, as such. BUT, I do have many many thoughts after just episode 1 so before I proceed I'm gonna digest a bit and do a word vomit of those thoughts. Maybe I'll get around to a more in-depth and critical examination later after watching the whole thing but for now, a few thoughts here and there. Spoilers inbound.
The opening
The first huge difference is of course how the whole thing kicks off. Trust me, despite having been a huge ATLA fan for over 15 years I'm not trying to approach this in a way where I automatically shit on everything the new show changes. It's a different era, different medium, different audience. Well, in a way. So some changes are outright necessary and, in some cases, even good! Therefore I don't automatically roll my eyes because we don't open with Katara's narration and the Southern Water Tribe. Modern audiences, Netflix audiences are more fantasy savvy than Nick's target audience in 2005 so it makes sense to open with the war's beginning. I'll even take the Sozin scene, though it feels a bit wrong, in a way, to introduce a character like him so early on. I wanted to say, without much sense of threat, too, but it's not live action movie Ozai levels bad and we do get our arguably most brutal scene when Sozin straight up burns an earthbender from pretty much inside out. This level of violence is something I'll perhaps get into more in another post but long story short, I think it's the right amount. This ain't a Nick cartoon anymore but it's also not gratuitous. What it is, is war.
Part of the opening is the intro, of sorts, a twist on the beloved opening sequence as narrated by Katara. The twist itself, I'm okay with, but I have Feelings on Kyoshi being our narrator that are again for a more in-depth look. In short, it makes no thematic sense for it to be the Avatar from before the last to narrate this. I know Kyoshi is the fan favourite, pun intended, but that's all the justification they have. If anyone other than Katara, who is done dirty by taking her narration away btw, it should be Roku. You know, the actual last Avatar? Having it be Kyoshi is fan service as much fans are symbolic of her. Bad pun, I know. I haven't seen ep 2 yet but do tell me we're shifting to Katara, pls pls pls. Another gripe I have is the title, "Aang", since the OG show has such beautiful symmetry with its first and last ep titles but this is a nitpick. Also, nothing to indicate that this is the season of water? Titling the seasons after the elements matters very much.
And then, just when I think we're jumping to 100 years later, we meet Aang. I'm already going into more detail with thoughts here than I intended but I just do not like how we drag this on and on. Show Aang's backstory and the details of the attack later, mid-season. Yes, like the original did it, because the original did it for a reason and that's to not info dump in the very first episode and have sloppy exposition that would have felt more natural had it been delayed for later. We don't need to know everything about the world and the role of the Avatar right away. I do like how the Aang and Gyatso relationship was established but we didn't need All That, and we could have had the vast majority if not all of this as a flashback later on. Random idea, but maybe even in the episode where Zuko's backstory is covered. I'm really innovating here, I know. I'll explain why this was too much in another post, maybe, but for now I'll say the positive that I do think these scenes are done well, I just don't like their placement. And I don't like what we're doing to Aang's ch in terms of his responsibility and role so far, such as him not actually wanting to Run Away run away, but I'll wait and see where they take him for the rest of the season.
Wolf Cove
Omg what, the Southern Water Tribe? Finally. The ch who started off the whole thing in the OG appears 21 minutes into this episode, almost the length of an entire ATLA ep. So far, the sibling dynamic is Fine. Again a bit too heavy on the exposition but what can you do when you cut Katara's opening narration about their family and tribe. Some things I take issue with include the way Katara breaks the iceberg open, i.e. lack of feminist rage and in general her lack of strong presence in this first installment. It feels like they're trying to give Sokka more but you can showcase Sokka without making it feel like Katara is less of a presence, less of a driving force, and frankly more of a kid than she is in the OG. I do like her and the actress, her interactions with Aang and role in the story just feel lacking so far. And then they actually include her intro word for word, just said by Gran Gran! Like yeah we know Katara tells the story like Gran Gran told her but damn, straight up theft.
I'm also not satisfied with Kanna's place in the story. Her breaking the news to Aang feels flat and devoid of the tension that was present in the OG where Aang and Katara put two and two together on their own. Also no goodbye to Gran Gran? No big sendoff to her grandkids? No speech about destiny? Disappointing. What is done well is the sense of dread when the Fire Nation ship arrives at the village and Zuko's whole entrance, that's good. But again, he and Iroh give away way too much way too early about his mission and banishment and such. You guys, you have a whole season to get into it, why rush. I have a fear as to why they're rushing but we'll see. It just feels like a rookie mistake to try and shove so much into the first ep. We get it, the world is so much bigger and these chs so much richer than they first seem but that's the point, the audience will watch and learn as the season goes on. Just because Avatar has all this lore way beyond the first installment doesn't mean we have to go back to Wan and explain everything before we can head to the North Pole. I joke and exaggerate, but there were times I rolled my eyes at the dialogue. Again, not Shymalan levels bad but that is not where the bar should be.
Overall
I have less to say about the Southern Air Temple as it is quite brief, all things considered and because we already got so much of it before even making it to the present. I do think it's funny people thought the live action would let the story breathe more just because the eps are longer because look, here we are, three 23 minutes eps shoved into less than an hour with expanded stuff from the very beginning. This is not it breathing more because there aren't 20 eps to work with. They have a lot of content to get through and as a viewer you can feel it, which doesn't bode well. The whole script does have this first/second draft smell which is sus, when this thing has been in development since at least the end of 2018 and the OG eps it's based on just turned 19. Yeah, that's right, nineteen.
As for things like the visuals, the costumes, the acting, the score, bending, I think it'll make more sense to pass a judgement at the end of the season. Besides, what I'm most interested in is the script and I don't pretend to know much about things like costuming. First impression, it looks good. CG is a bit stifled at times but I like how oversaturated it often is, especially with the nations' colours. It's probably the closest we'll ever get to Avatar in live action and I'm okay with that, since I still believe they should stick to animation anyway. But yeah, good. Nothing mindblowing and bending so far but I'd also rather it didn't try to razzle dazzle with just flashy CGI and no substance. As is, there's not too much substance so far anyway so I'm waiting for subsequent eps to be more confident in what they're doing, whether that's building on or steering from the source material.
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Falling Away With You | Ch. 33
Sebastian x F!Reader and M. Rasmodius x F!Reader
Rating: Mature/Explicit
Chapter Summary: Seb's plotting something. 👀 You also make some new acquaintences.
Author’s Note: After the small continuation of last week’s chapter, this one’s got a small time skip (like, a few weeks at most) and serves mainly as set-up for what’s to come. I like it a lot ^^ I hope you do too! Take care x
Edit: This was written and posted <i>way</i> before 1.6 was released, so I have no idea if the event CA added is at all similar to what I wrote in this chapter and the next one. Just wanted to give y’all that heads up ^^ (and pls don’t give any spoilers, I have yet to experience that for myself!!)
Table of Contents + Work Summary
Check it out on ao3!
Prev | Next
Seb and I watched It Howls in the Rain first during our lil’ horror marathon, followed by Midsommar, because Seb’s never seen it. It’s still just as beautifully fucked up as I remember it being. It’s his turn to pick a movie again, and while he’s searching for our next watch on his new laptop, a thought pops into my head.
“We should go on a date.”
He looks at me with a grin briefly before turning back to the screen. “Yeah?”
“Yeah! We haven’t been on, like, a ~proper~ one, y’know?”
Seb pauses his fingers and furrows his brows in thought. “That’s true… I hadn’t really noticed, to be honest.” He looks at me. “You have anything in mind?”
“Not really,” I shrug.
Narrowing his eyes, it looks like Seb has an idea after a beat of thought. He doesn’t say it though. “I’ll take care of it.”
“O-oh?”
“Oh!” He looks back at his screen, determinedly scrolling while avoiding the question. “I’ve got our next one.”
I giggle at the enthusiasm, then dramatically whine at his pick. “Tremors?”
“What’s wrong with Tremors?!”
“Sooo corny…”
“In a good way!”
I sigh. He almost sounds offended, so I’ll give him this one. He’s allowed to like one of the cheesiest horror films I’ve ever seen if he wants to. “Yeah, I guess so. If we’re both still down for another after this I’m picking something corny too, then.”
“Whatever,” he rolls his eyes. Seb leans down to kiss my forehead, and before he can fully pull back, I meet his lips with mine.
Situating myself back against Seb’s chest, I nod at the screen. “Start it up, nerd.”
______________
Sebastian > you busy tonight?
< I’ve been doing some work at Magnus’ place but I can dip if you need
< why, what’s up 👀
Sebastian > think you can be over here by like 6?
< sure, need me to bring anything?
Sebastian > warm clothes and Cannoli
Sebastian > mom’s gonna look after him later on
< wym, what’s going on?
Sebastian > it’s a surprise :)
< love how vague you’re being ;—;
< but *fine,* i’ll be there
I get up from the cozy, velvety couch, popping a bookmark into the big doozy of a read I was working through, and I set it on the shelf before heading upstairs.
Magnus and I still have yet to really do much aside from studying and whatever, but we’ve been seeing each other a bunch more for my training and shit over the past few weeks. Lotta reading, potion brewing, and creepy hikes into the woods for meditation and spellcasting practice. We tried some teleportation too, but I just can’t get the hang of it.
It’s been exhausting, but it’s really fun!
We also haven’t gotten jiggy, as Seb called it. Just because there are feelings there and I have Seb’s permission doesn’t mean I’m trying to rush into anything. I haven’t even told Magnus about my agreement with Seb yet, either. Don’t want him to feel pressured.
Plus, I mean… the whole will we/won’t we has also been exhausting yet fun, in its own way.
As I trek to the entrance of Magnus’ main room, I hear a feminine voice that I don’t recognize. It’s deep and sultry, having a little bit of a lilt to it, but she talks with an overabundance of enthusiasm. I didn’t know Magnus had company besides me... I peak my head around the corner, not showing myself fully yet. Wanna get a feel for the atmosphere before barging in.
Magnus is leaned against one of the counters near his cauldron with his arms crossed against his chest, mostly hidden by his black cloak. His ankles are lazily crossed below him, and he’s nodding along to a woman in front of him. His face seems riddled with concern. Can’t tell if it’s a more serious discussion than it sounds like, or if he’s just pissed about something.
The woman is tall — like, Seb’s height, probably — with pointed ears poking past her long, pin-straight, golden-blonde hair. Her skin is fair, and she’s wearing a velvety and form-fitting black gown with flared long sleeves. She has a gorgeous figure, jeez. The fit is topped off by a textbook stereotype of a witch’s hat: big, pointy, and black, with a purple ribbon around the base.
She was talking very animatedly, using her hands to emphasize certain words, up until now. She suddenly came to a halt.
Magnus’ eyes widen as they dart towards me, and I watch his Adam's apple bob as he swallows and tilts his head upward just a bit. It looks like he’s holding back from saying something – maybe a warning? – and the witch in front of him continues to stand still.
My own eyes widen, then flicker between him and the woman as my brows furrow.
“What’s up?” I silently mouth at him. Next thing I know, the witch vanishes. I flinch, not having expected such an abrupt exit.
“Oh, you’re a cute one, aren’t you?”
“HOLY SHIT!”
Nearly pissing myself, I pivot my body to the source of the voice that just murmured into my ear.
Here stands the woman that was just with Magnus a second ago, observing my shorter figure behind ocean blue eyes and a coyly tilted noggin. She has a beauty mark under her left eye, but it looks drawn on, unlike my friend’s. Her painted lips, a deep purple on the top and lighter on the bottom, are framing a toothy grin. She’s taking me in like an animal would their prey.
God, she’s super hot…
“Oh, you think so?” Her heavily lined and shadowed eyes redden into the same deep shade Magnus’ do when he’s feeling things.
“Damnit,” I groan under my breath, burying my face in my hands as I realize there’s another telepath in my life now. “Please get out of my head…”
I hear Magnus nearing us as she lifts my reddening face from my hands and into hers, turning it a bit. “That’s no fun,” she tuts as she inspects me. Literally treating me like an object…
“Camilla.” Ohhh, it’s her! That makes sense. ”Release her,” he sternly commands. Whoa. Hearing him talk like that about me makes my tummy flip.
“So protective,” she cheekily responds with an eye roll. “Is this that little apprentice you told me so much about?”
Free from the lady’s grasp, I look at Magnus, feelin’ a little tickled that he told his least-favorite colleague about me. Still antsy though, my hands fidget with the ends of my hair.
“That would be her,” he sighs, his angry red glare softening as he looks at me. As he comes to a halt diagonally from me, he provides a formal introduction. “(Y/n), this is Camilla.” He noticeably stiffens again as he looks towards his colleague.
Hearing her voice, I focus back on the blonde. “Razzy has spoken very fondly about your work.”
“R-Razzy?” I do my best to egg him on, brain-to-brain, now that I’ve gotten a bit better at that.
I still can’t read people's minds, and might never be able to; but I’ve all but mastered the art of invading ‘em with dialogue, at the very least.
My orbs and grin both widen as I slowly turn towards Magnus. He looks down at me beneath fiery red irises. I’ve never seen him so angry.
…I’m sorry but he looks sooo hot like this holy fuck.
“Don’t you dare…”
Oh god, he sounds hot too!
I gnaw my lip, my smile probably looking more menacing now as I ready myself to eventually test out the nickname.
“He says you’re quite promising. Very intriguing, considering how green you are,” Camilla continues skeptically, seemingly none the wiser about my private discussion with the wizard. “Even brought you up at the last council meeting.”
“Oh! Seriously?” My head whips between them. “Magnus,” I address him, my eager eyes landing back onto his. “That’s, like, a huge deal, no?”
From everything he’s told me about the council, I’ve concluded that they sound intense. Very private in their affairs, but more reputable than most magical associations out there, essentially serving as Ferngill’s arcane overseers. They work with The First Slash, too – masters in their own field – putting their differences in methodology aside to focus on keeping the republic safe.
If I’m on their radar, that would mean huge things for my arcane career, I guess? Feels weird to put it like that, but it would be accurate at that point.
“It is.” Magnus’ lopsided smile looks proud as he adds, “They’re quite impressed with what you’ve accomplished, my de—“ he clears his throat before correcting himself. “(Y/n). I was waiting to inform you, alas—“
“‘My deeear,’ perhaps…?” Camilla quietly and curiously puts it together, tapping her chin.
D-does… does he not usually call people that? I feel my cheeks tingle a bit just at the thought that the title might solely be reserved for me.
Magnus sighs, seeming annoyed. Camilla then announces, “My business here is done. I’ll let you two enjoy yourselves,” she purrs with a wink in my direction.
My (e/c) eyes bulge while my cheeks darken further, both at the implications and at how pretty she looked doing that oh my GOD.
In a naught attempt to stop her, Magnus calls after the witch. “C-Camilla, we’ve yet to discuss—” He exhales in defeat, “Aaand she’s gone.”
Poofed away just as quickly as she has when she teleported behind me.
“She’s… a lot.” I wave my hands a little to shake out the stress of that interaction.
“Indeed she is, that blasted woman... Brimming with talent, but positively infuriating.”
I lean back against the wall, careful not to trip over or tilt the potted tree at my side. With my fingers clasped behind me, I inspect the wizard. Failing to hide a grin.
“What’s the matter?” he asks.
“…Nothing, Razzy.” I wiggle my eyebrows for added effect.
Magnus fucking growls as his eyes shift to a bright crimson again. Oh my god. Oh my GOD. “I wasn’t joking,” he confirms.
“N-neither am I,” I squeak and stutter. The unfortunate wombo-combo. I look down and scrunch my nose. “Shit,” I laugh hushedly to myself.
Since our discovery those few weeks ago, there’s been a drastic increase in flirtatiousness between the two of us. I’d say every time we meet, we get one step closer to… uh. Getting jiggy. God damnit Sebby. The dude completely infected my brain with that phrasing.
There are more passing touches now. For example, Magnus will sometimes absentmindedly play with my hair as we work together, even tucking it away for me if it falls into my vision. Likewise, I might catch myself looping my digits through his as we walk to our training sites, when he opts not to teleport us.
There’s also been an increase in lingering eyes and stolen glimpses, both of us often getting caught in the act of checking the other out.
Magnus even says and does shit just to try and fluster me now. Random compliments here and there. Some innuendos where he can afford to sneak ‘em in. Faint goosebump-inducing whispers against my ear, as he watches me brew a potion or whatever.
Can’t tell if it’s the spirits at work with their partner in time bullshit or if it’s just me, but it’s getting harder to resist him every fucking day.
All that to say, I’m especially feeling it right now.
In the present, it’s Magnus’ turn to form a mischievous grin. His eyes darken and scan me and he draws near, my face and ears burning up.
“Everything alright? You sounded a tad disheveled, for a moment.”
Magnus stops just barely in front of me as I nod my answer at him.
“How uncharacteristically timid of you,” he quietly coos, bending down a little to accommodate for our height difference, and taking my chin in his hand. “Cat got your tongue?”
Oh come on, bro! That should not have been as hot as it was.
I squeak again, fuck, shaking my head as my vision trails away from Magnus’ prying eyes. My heart’s beating so frickin’ hard. Yoba, I wanna kiss his stupid smirking lips…
“Um,” I breathe. I clear my throat before murmuring, “I just came up to see if you wanted to go over anything else.” Good, straight to the point, (y/n). Don’t wanna bust a move just yet. “I’ve gotta head out early today.”
I finally meet the elemental’s gaze again, and after a moment of visible contemplation while his eyes simmer to maroon, he shakes his head. “No, I won’t keep you if you’ve other affairs to attend to.”
“Cool,” I smile as he backs up a bit, returning the expression.
I take note of the way my cheek follows his hand for a split second while it draws away from me, and mentally scold myself. Unfortunately, I’m also made very aware that Magnus noticed it too. He hums out a soft laugh at me for it.
I make my way to the door, grabbing my jacket and tossing it on. “Any wild and crazy plans for you tonight?”
“But of course,” Magnus plays along, escorting me the few feet I traveled. “In fact, I’m already fashionably late for a mixer with some shadow people.”
“As if you’d willingly go to a mixer,” that term feels outdated somehow, “ya hermit.” After slipping my boots over my feet, I kneel to tie them.
“I would!” Magnus defends. “I jest now, but shadow people tend to have a playful vigor that I often find hard to turn down.”
“Sounds like it would be more fun to go to a shadow person party than a human party…”
”Indeed it is,” he chuckles. “Much less chaotic, believe it or not. Little Krobus holds one in their sewer every Spirit’s Eve — Festival of the Mundane, they call it.”
“Seriously?”
“Mhm.” Nodding and helping me up, Magnus continues, “They dress as how most mundane do, similarly to how the mundane wear costumes in poor resemblance to elementals during the holiday.”
I try imagining it, and can’t help the brief fit of giggles I break into. I can just imagine a bunch of blobby, ink-black, vaguely human-shaped figures dressed as the citizens of Pelican Town, pretending to be us. Dancing like Emily, maybe trying to skateboard like Sam or jump rope like Jas…
“That’s so adorable, oh my god.”
“It is. I could consult Krobus about bringing you this year, if you’d like. You’ll need a convincing disguise, as many of their friends won’t take so kindly to a mundane in their presence, but I’m sure Krobus themself would be delighted to meet you.”
I nod enthusiastically. Even with how socially anxious I get, I’m so obsessed with the idea of befriending a shadow person, now that I know they’re not all that terrible.
After patting myself down to make sure I have everything, I put two dorky thumbs up for Magnus. “See you soon, wizard.”
Snorting as he sees me out, Magnus responds, “Until next time, mortal.”
______________
I’ve really gotta get a cat carrier of sorts.
I’m trekking my way to Seb’s house, trying to balance a tote on one shoulder, a backpack around both, and a very wily Cannoli in my arms.
He doesn’t wanna be held right now, but I don’t have a leash or anything that would ensure he doesn’t just run off somewhere. He’s perfect when it comes to staying on the farm despite technically having the freedom to go wherever, so it makes me wonder if he isn’t comfortable to be outside and off familiar territory.
“Just a little longer,” I mumble against his head.
It’s starting to get dark earlier now, so I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear a rustle in a nearby berry bush. Cannoli and I both stop and stare at it, expecting the worst. Why now, with my cat on me, is something freaky happening? C’mon, man…
The bush rustled again, and a short, stocky figure pops out.
Cannoli and I yelp.
Then, the figure does as well. We’re all solidified in place for a moment before it takes a step towards me, just barely lit by a nearby lamp.
I breathe a sigh of relief, realizing it’s just Linus.
Huh… I’m having a lot of interactions with people I’ve never, like, actually spoken to lately.
“Oh— I didn’t mean to startle you!”
Giving Cannoli some comforting neck scratches, I shake my head. “No, it’s fine! I just didn’t expect to run into anyone out here.”
“I often do my foraging during the daytime, but it’s tougher once we get to the colder months,” Linus casually explains while picking some blackberries from the outer branches of his nearest shrub. “Sorry if I’m in your way”
“Not at all, I’m just passing through,” I smile. “D-do you forage often?” I timidly ask, genuinely curious. I’ve always wondered about the quality of all these wild berries, but haven’t had the balls to just pick and eat any of ‘em.
“It’s how I feed myself.” I frown, and the man quickly assures me, “I live the way I do by choice. I hope you won’t take pity on me.”
“Oh! I didn’t mean for it to seem that way.” I shake my head again. “I didn’t know that, though, it sounds pretty neat.”
“I agree,” he calmly smiles.
He has the same soothing and friendly aura my grandpa did… it’s really nice. No wonder he and Magnus get along so well.
“Anyone can learn to survive in the wild. I think we all have the hidden urge to return to nature,” he says, “It’s just a little scary to make the leap.”
I nod. “For sure. It’s really intimidating.”
“It’s rewarding if you can adapt.” He moves onto a new bush before beginning his goodbye. “Sorry to cut this short, but I need to gather as much as I can before it gets too dark.”
“Sure, no worries.” I start to walk again, offering him a good night.
“Thank you, young friend.” Aw! “You as well.”
As we part ways, I wonder if Linus’d be interested in a home cooked meal every here and there. I imagine that even if he lives in the wild by choice, he might still appreciate something warm and made with care from time to time.
As I emerge from the backwoods and stumble down the hill to Seb’s, Robin is heading out of the house. Perfect. I barely have the hands to be able to open it myself right now.
“Oh, hey there!” She waves, holding the door open for me.
“Hello!” I wave at her with Cannoli’s paw, jogging lightly to catch up. “I have no idea what Seb’s plan is, but thanks for offering to look after this little guy.”
“Me neither, just said you two might be out late.” She pats Cannoli, then me. I despise the content sigh I let out as her palm reaches my scalp. “Just make sure the lab’s locked up before you let the cat loose anywhere.”
I give Robin a curt nod. “You got it ma’am.”
“Have fun, ya rascals.” She makes sure to scruff up my hair a bunch before departing.
I snort and roll my eyes. “Yeah, you too.”
When I’m heading down to Seb, I once again make eye contact with Maru. This time she’s leaving the lab, rather than working inside of it. I can’t wave back this time because cat, so I give her a smile and hope my point gets across.
Once I’m at the bottom of the steps, I tap the door with my foot. “Oy, help!”
“Comin’,” I hear Seb shout from the other side.
When he opens the door, Cannoli practically pounces on him from my grasp. Seb lets out a tiny yelp.
“What the hell, dude!” I look up at Seb. “You okay?”
As he pries Cannoli’s claws out of the fabric of his hoodie, he nods, laughing. “Yeah, just scared me.” In a quieter voice, he holds the fuzzball’s face up to his. “Hello to you too, fucker,” he mutters before giving the cat a kiss on the nose. He’s so adorable.
“Spill it, nerd,” I command dramatically as I plop all my stuff down and shut the door. “Where we goin’?”
“Not big on surprises, eh?”
“I like surprises!” I frown, “I just wanna know what I’m getting into so I can mentally prepare.”
“Sounds pretty anti-surprise, if ya ask me.”
“Well, I wasn’t asking.” I tap my head and waggle my eyebrows.
“Fair,” he laughs, setting Cannoli down. As I take out a toy for the little guy to occupy himself with, Seb starts to explain his plan. “So, you know about the Night Market, yeah?”
“I think so…?” I furrow my brows, trying to rack my brain for distant memories. “Is that the thing with the boats and shit?”
“Yeah, it is. It’s usually out here, like, mid-January-ish. Buuut they’re set up on land in Calico this week,” he grins. “They have food stalls and games and shit, too. S’like a little carnival. More room for them to set up in the desert than over at our docks, I guess.” He fidgets with his nail polish a bit, shyly continuing, “It sounds like something you might like, so I figured we could go check it out…?”
I’m fucking beaming. That sounds so fun!
“Hell yeah, dude!” I nod enthusiastically. “This is gonna be sick.”
“Thank fuck,” he mutters to himself. “I’ve never really done any proper dates before, wasn’t sure if I planned it right.”
“What do you mean? You’ve had exes besides Sam, no?”
“Eh, kinda?” He shrugs. “Did a lot more messing around than actual dating.”
“Getting jiggy?”
“Precisely.” He reaches for my hair. “Here, you’re a looking a little skrungly.”
“Ugh, I forgot about that.” I lean into Seb’s touch. “Your mom gave me a new ‘do on her way out.”
“She did a shit job.”
“At least she knows how to do her own nicely.”
Seb’s lips curve up, as if fondly thinking of her. Makes me feel fuzzy. “Yeah, I’m thankful she passed her good hair genes down to me.”
“…How mad would you be if I told you she’s just as much of a MILF as Jo—“
He stops running his fingers through my hair mid-stroke and tugs. Mmm. A serious look suddenly plasters his features. “I will break up with you.”
Damn. I know it’s a bluff, given the grin he’s very clearly trying to hold back, but I ain’t takin’ any chances. I don’t shy away from casting him a shitty smile. “Gotcha.”
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