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bunnys-kisses · 2 months

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trust - astarion ancunin

pairing: astarion ancunin x fem!reader rating: 18+ tags: pwp, smut, outdoor sex, intimacy & love, missionary, sappy & sweet

Oh how times had changed. Astarion was a new man, more of a man than he was for the past two hundred years. He was no longer a captive to a sadistic vampire master who only saw Astarion as a means to capture prey.

And it all changed because the vampire spawn made the acquaintance of a young traveller. If Astarion had a bit more malice in his heart he would've killed you or at least tried. But you showed him a kindness that he didn't understand at first.

'Why me?' He'd often think to himself when you proved that there was no malicious intent with your actions. If he wanted to be free from the curse of a spawn, then you'd help him with his goal. It took him a while to get adjusted to the freedom.

But Astarion was a curious man. The way a moth is curious when nearing a flame. He wondered if he'd get burned, or worse, fully disintegrated. Dust from your simple touch.

“I want you.” He said softly one night, his voice low in your ear, “Will you join me tonight?” His slender fingers caught strands of your hair. It was an old seduction tactic, but it wasn't to find food for his master. It was to indulge in passion for himself.

You looked over to him. Your eyes met his, you were captivated by the red of his eyes. You could only describe them as rubies, but you knew they held a lot of heartbreak. Only one look at his back gave you all the answers you needed.

“Astarion.” You replied, “Do you want me to join you?”You fully turned around. There was a slight height difference between you two so you had to tilt your head to look at him, “Do you want me, or do you want to feed?”

He frowned, “Of course I want you, why wouldn't I?” He leaned in closer, “I want to know what our party leader tastes like. You freed me of my strings, darling. I am no puppet to no master. If I want you, it's of my own free will.” His expression softened.

You reached for him and touched his face. His skin was cool and soft. Part of you expected it to be like marble the way his features were carved. Your gaze quickly dropped to his lips before you made eye contact once more. You dragged your touch down to his chest and placed your hand over where his heart was.

If it was still beating you wondered if it would be racing. Questions of Astarion's mortal place died on your tongue, bringing up the past would only ruin the mood.

Just as Astarion was curious about you, you were curious about him. A high elf turned vampire, a magistrate turned spawn. A creature of the night with an insatiable lust for blood. So many questions yet so little answers.

“Tell me again you want me.” You said.

He leaned closer, he crowded into your space as he said softly, “I want you. I want all of you, darling. I want to know what you feel like inside and out. I wish to devour you whole.” He pulled away, his hand took yours, “Is that enough convincing?“

You frowned, ”I am trusting you, Astarion.“

He chuckled, ”That's the first I've ever heard that. I don't think anyone has ever trusted me.“ He took your other hand, his fingers locked with yours, ”This will be exciting then, Trust.“ You could see the hint of a smile on his lips. You were inclined to smile back.

You gave him his freedom. You ripped the chains from him and gave him the choice to determine his own life. You could not heal his vampirism, but you could care for him. Maybe make him believe he wasn't a monster.

Trust. There was a nice ring to it. Trust between two willing parties and as he led you through the thick of the woods, you were more than willing to see how deep the trust ran.

The moon hung heavy in the sky as if it was threatening to drop on the earth. It cast a light across the land as you stepped out from the woods and into a clearing.

You held his hand tighter when you heard the call of an owl from the top of one of the trees.

”I'm certain an owl won't hurt you, darling.“ He led you to behind a grand rock, ”If It does, however. I'll slit its throat.“ His smile grew before he took you by the face and pulled you in for a tight kiss.

You tensed for a moment, your eyes widened before you relaxed into his touch and melted into the kiss. You held onto his arms and further the kiss. You could hear your heart racing in your ears. This was a strange feeling.

You had been intimate with men before. You were no stranger to their anatomy. But there was something enthralling about Astarion that you couldn't put into words. He was unlike any other being you had known.

He shuddered against your kiss before he pulled away, his breathing was a tad heavier. He sank with you down to the grass. The boulder obscured you both from viewing. It allowed you a little more privacy.

No owls had to see what you two were about to do.

”I've become addicted to you, my dear. I had been in a cage for so long and you freed me without a second thought.“ He took your face in his hands and he gazed down at you, ”You could've easily made me your slave. But instead you are more than willing to put a stake through the heart of my master. We have killed for each other and quite frankly, I'll continue to kill anyone who gets in our way.“

You wrapped your arms around him delicately, ”I want you to be a free man, Astarion. Even if I want to, I could never tame you. It would be like taming the great North Star, it's impossible.“

He chuckled softly, ”Getting soft on me now, aren't we?“ He tried not to feel the tug in his chest from your kind words. Maybe it was a desire to be in control and not collapse from the weight of your kind words.

You moved his hands away from your face and you held both of them to your eye level. You kissed his cold knuckles, all of his skin was smooth and soft. He hadn't aged a day in over two hundred years. You closed your eyes, ”You are the brightest star I can see.“ You opened them once more to meet his gaze, ”I would follow you to the pit of hell if it meant being by your side.“

Astarion looked at you, with minor shock across his face. He turned his head briefly to compose himself before he looked back to you, ”I think you'll be leading me to hell, darling. But it shall be much warmer with you by my side.“

You two kissed once more. Slowly you were stripped of your clothes. You parted so he could get your armour off of you along with the clothes underneath. Soon your items laid around you. You pressed your bare chest up against the front of his shirt.

The softness of the material tickled your breasts and paired with the cool air, your nipples grew hard. You exhaled deeply as you propped yourself up against the rock. You could feel the heat lingering in your face.

You could feel the heat intensify as he began to strip himself. You had seen Astarion nude before, you have seen all of your members nude at one point or another. It was the reality of being so close together. But under the pale moonlight, he looked less like a monster and more like a divine being.

Carved from the highest quality marble, the lines of his body enticed you. You swallowed as your eyes reached his hardened cock. Your hands dug into the green grass under you. It was impressive, sizable but not intimidating. To see it that close was far different than seeing it from a distance as he bathed in the river.

He noticed your gaze and reached down to touch the top of your head. His hand combed through your hair as he said, ”No need to feed my ego, darling. I know what you're going to say.“

You looked up to his face and straightened up, ”I didn't say anything.“

He laughed, ”You don't have to, I can see it in the lines of your forehead.“ He rubbed his thumb against the creases to smooth them out, ”I guess you want me as much as I want you.“

”I want you.“ You confirmed.

He got down to the ground quickly and encroached on your space once more. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, mindful of the scars on his back. The kiss you shared was more heated then the previous ones.

The time for affection was over as lust emerged. It heated your body as you both laid in the grass. His hands explored your body. He ran fingers across your own scars. He felt every curve that you possessed, he felt the moles and the raised scars from your dedication to training. You heard him hiss into the kiss as he grew more aroused by the feeling of you so close to him.

In over two hundred years he never had the fortune of a lover like you.

He laid you out on the grass, he gazed down at you. He kept himself up as he dug his hands in the grass under you. He took a moment to admire you. He had seen many mortal nude during his time on this planet. But there was a connection between you two that he couldn't deny. It wasn't sex for the sake of a meal. It was sex built on a foundation of trust.

For the first time in a long time, Astarion trusted you. In his eyes you could do no wrong.

If he was a star, then you were the angel that hung him up in the night sky.

”My darling." He said softly as he grabbed you by the waist and rested himself on his heels. His cock stood at full attention as he rubbed it up against your cunt.

You covered your face with his hands, “Astarion.”

“Don't hide yourself from me. I want to see how I make you feel.“ He replied as he reached to your face and pulled away your hands, ”Don't make me pin them down.“

You swallowed, ”You don't have to."

"Good.“ He replied softly. He brushed his cock up against your wet slit. He exhaled sharply from the feeling. It made his cock twitch with excitement. He soon guided his cock into your sweet sex.

He tried to pace himself so as to not cause you discomfort. He kept his eyes on you for any signs of pain as he sank further into you. His jaw tensed as he felt the warmth of lust spread from his gut. Soon he had every last centimetre inside of you.

You had taken him so well. He leaned down to pull you into a tight kiss, his hands were back on your hips as to guide them up and down his cock. You let out a high pitched noise that was muffled by his lips on yours.

”You feel divine, darling.“

”Shit, Astarion.“ You replied. Your heart drummed in your chest, your breathing was heavy as you laid in the soft grass. When he thrusted up into you it felt like his cock was pushing your insides up into your throat or maybe it was your heart trying to make a quick escape from the amount of pleasure you felt through your body.

You'd dare to say that your intimate encounter was romantic. Two bodies together in the depths of lust. He leaned over you and you wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him into a kiss. In an effort to keep both of you quiet as you rutted like animals.

He played with your breasts as you tighten your legs around his waist. The sounds of your love making filled the open night air. You were thankful that you were far enough away from camp that there wouldn't be any curious members trying to seek you two out.

As if Astarion wasn't going to let the others know in his own sly way. Especially in front of Gale, who he thought had his eye on you. The vampire could have a jealous streak run through him like a splash of light in a dark sky.

Your hands roamed his shoulders, your fingers dipped low enough to touch the scars on his back. He melted into your touch, a sign of comfort towards your hands on him.

When he broke the kiss, he continued to thrust inside of you.. His eyes met yours once more, ”You look lovely under me.“

You reached out for him and held his face as you moved in time with his thrusts. You replied, ”I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.“

”Good.“ He said, 'Because I have no intention of letting you under another man or woman. For as long as your heart beats, you will be mine.”

You leaned up to kiss him on the nose. It was so intimate as you replied, “That sounds good to me.” Then you two kissed once more as you felt yourself nearing climax.

Hands roamed, bodies moved. Lust filled the night air as the two of you made love under the moonlight. A life with the vampire didn't seem so horrible. You tightened your legs around him as he rocked back and forth against you.

Your heart fluttered at the feeling of intimacy between you two. Trust was all you could think of. It was the adhesive that kept you two together, that and an undying, unwavering commitment to one another.

Astarion, the vampire and you, the mortal, rutted against one another in the dead of night. You gripped onto his shoulders as the intense feeling of climax flooded your bloodstream and made you light headed.

You yearned for the release. You wanted to orgasm on his cock. You could feel the grass stick to your sweaty back as the two of you moved together. The gentle sounds between you two as the urge became stronger.

You were no longer alone in these travels. You didn't only have a party to rely on, but also a vampiric lover who wanted nothing more than to devour you. You were his; mind, body and soul. But he too was yours in the same way.

Matched in wits and skill. Fighters till the end. The thought excited you. What would become of your future?

With another searing kiss, you both climaxed in each other's arms. You clawed your nails down his arms as his grip bruised your hips. With a final thrust, he finished inside of you. He marked you as his, and the thought made his body run hot.

When he pulled away, he looked down at you. He said with a smile, ”Forever mine.“ Before he pulled out of you and laid beside you in the grass.

Your breathing was laboured as you laid next to him. You could feel his cum stick to your inner thigh as he spooned you. You held his hand as he held you by the middle.

His lips grazed at your neck. He sighed with content, ”I could turn you tonight and we'd be together until the sun melted the earth.”

You chuckled softly, “How about we finish our quest first. Then we can spend eternity together.”

He replied, “I can be impatient. But I will be patient for you, my love.”

You relaxed into his arms and felt your eyes grow heavy, “Good. Now let's kill Cazador.”

He chuckled, “Of course, my dear.” Then laid one last kiss onto your heated skin. He was scared at the thought of seeing his master again. But maybe, just maybe, with you by his side, he'll gain the courage to break himself fully free of the chains he carried.

If you believed he could be free, then he'll trust you and believe it himself.

#bunny writes #baldur's gate #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #bg3 #astarion ancunin #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion x you #astarion #astarion smut #bg3 astarion #baldurs gate astarion #astarion bg3 #bg3 fanfiction

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tavina-writes · 4 months

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I have been pondering the recent rash of "post canon NHS and LXC would never ever reconcile bc even if NHS wanted to have Er-ge back, LXC would never ever forgive him for [insert reason of choice here]" type of posts + the "do you think NHS thinks very hard about how much Da-ge would hate him for becoming [the way that he is now] by choosing to seek vengeance" type of posts, and I think fundamentally the reason these posts do not jive with me is that we have no indication, in the show or in the book that uh, NHS gives a shit about either of these things very much anymore?

The first type of post is predicated on the assumption that LXC's forgiveness or lack thereof some some sort of either extension of mercy (which NHS obviously does not deserve <- or so assumes the post) or some form of punishment (which is obviously the correct answer) but the last scene we get with NHS both in the book and the show make no indication that this is a thing he wants? Or cares about? Book NHS has *sauntered off* with his little hat trophy and Show NHS walks off screen after saying something along the lines of "What is my responsibility I won't shirk, what isn't my responsibility I won't care about." Now, arguably, show NHS is having a worse go of it emotionally, but shows no real inclination or interest in either apologies or making up and being friends again with LWJ, LXC, WWX, or other people. Book NHS seems pretty pleased with the outcome of the events as a whole?

The second type of post is predicated on the fact that NHS finds Da-ge's judgement a horrible burden to bear at this stage in the game, which! He might! But again especially in the book we get no indication that he has any fucks left to give about what Da-ge may or may not have wanted since Da-ge is dead. In both the show and the book, NHS went about revenge taking very specific and complicated actions with the desired result of JGY dying, but he certainly took the scenic route getting there, which, he didn't need to? As I've written about before, JGY didn't see him as a threat. If he wanted JGY dead he could've arranged to poison JGY's tea like, 10 years ago and had done with it instead of his complicated Rube Goldberg life ruining scheme. If he is still sickly anxious about how Da-ge might feel about the scheming and the trouble causing and the whole everything, that's certainly possible, but he must've decided it was worth it anyway regardless of that, and I don't know that it necessarily would've changed just because he got what he wanted at the end.

Overall, I think as a fandom we think a lot about like "will and should this relationship ever be repaired or similar to how it used to be?" and "does this character deserve/not deserve the forgiveness of people they've hurt or abandoned?" which can be interesting questions! I do feel like these are often taken as "is a character morally good (deserves to be forgiven) or morally bad (deserves to rot in hell forever never forgiven ever ever)" and based entirely on if Character is the meta writer's blorbo. Under this paradigm the concept of "Character did bad things to get exactly what they wanted and were happy about that and no relationships were ever repaired and the emotional detachment of people they used to care about no longer matters to them!" is uncomfortable.

It's just that for NHS I've increasingly come to the conclusion that canonically, I don't think NHS thinks he has anything to apologize for, nor is he super interested in being forgiven! He got what he wanted the way he wanted it to happen. Which is potentially supremely unsatisfying but I think is very sexy as a narrative concept.

#like for the record #nie huaisang IS my blorbo #and I like a good reconciliation fic and nhs is feeling some kind of way about everything fic like #at LEAST as much as the rest of us if not more #but these POSTS I keep seeing mostly serve to bludgeon him with the 'punishment' of LXC's unforgiveness or NMJ's judgment #as a means to say he was wrong and should repent and probably shouldn't've murdered JGY or something #I don't think this punishment works canonically because he appears to give no shits about this anymore #anyway #meta #my meta #nie huaisang #nie huaisang my beloved

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hina-hina · 1 year

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König and the reader with the best friends to lovers trope. This trope is 🤌 and I want the fluff and cuteness overload. Maybe the reader is in another unit? Dealer's choice on that one.

This is one of the BEST tropes with König, Thank you for requesting!! I hope you like it!! ヾ(^▽^*)))

I took a couple liberties with this one but I hope you like it nonetheless! Also, a lot of this post is based off his biography from warzone, but of course I could have still gotten stuff wrong so I'm sorry about that!

|| König Having a Best Friends to Lovers Trope With Reader ||

Warnings: Tiny bit of angst,

Gender-Neutral!Reader // Romantic

This trope with him is just(❤´艸｀❤)

I imagine that both of you enlisted together

You were the first person he told about his plans to volunteer for the German Armed Forces

You, of course, tell him you are going with him

He tries to talk you out of enlisting but you refuse to let him go alone

You both try to become recon snipers but only you get selected for the platoon

You can tell König is hurt by not being selected due to his size

But he won't dare let you onto this, making sure you know that he's still happy for you

Despite the two of you being in different platoons, you still spend almost all of your off duty time together

You two do missions together often and he loves knowing that you have his back even if he can't see you

Imagine he's in a fight with an enemy and they get the upper hand somehow

A shot rings out, the enemy dropping dead and falling from where he had been pinning König

"I got you, big guy," your voice crackles over the coms

He just swoons

The others on his team would tease him about it and he's is infinitely glad his mask hides his face

Also imagine if the sniper hood he wears was originally yours

Imagine you comforting him after the Urzik hostages were scared of him

So, imagine their so scared of him and they refuse to go with him and you just start yelling at them to get them to go and your tone spurs them into action

Later, he thanks you but says you didn't have to do that

You hug him and say, "They don't know you like I do. Your not scary to me, König."

And that's the moment that it hits him that maybe he doesn't just love you as a friend

He would feel super guilty about this however

You were such a good friend to him and he didn't want to ruin it!

But he couldn't help it, he just realized how pretty you were and how you were always so nice and stuck up for him

Definitely had a whole ass crisis about it

Gets super blushy when you talk over coms because your voice gets super low when your focused

He gets teased a lot by his other teammates

When he gets recruited by KorTac, he is so scared to tell you

I mean, you guys got into this together and he doesn't want to leave you

He would be inclined to turn it down until you convince him to take the opportunity

You would place your hands on his cheeks and smile softly, "We will always be best friends, no matter how far we are from each other. I love you, König."

His heart soars and plumits at the same time because he thinks he just got "friend zoned" but also you said you loved him

So, he end up going but you two have video calls and send letters often

I imagine he confesses after you get hurt

He learns from a member in your platoon that you were shot while on a recon mission and were hurt badly

He immediately asks to take leave to go see you, halfway begging, halfway arguing with his boss

He is eventually granted this and he immediately goes to your bed side, taking your hand into his

He hates seeing you in the hospital bed but he won't move until you wake up

When you do eventually wake up and ask what he's doing there, he can't help but just spill his guts about his feelings

"Bärchen, I was so scared for you. I know we signed up for this and we are going to get hurt, but I just have to tell you, just in case. I love you, more than a friend. You can hate me if you want, but I won't stop loving you. I-I'm sorry."

Your face softens, reaching out a hand weakly to grab his face, "Oh, honey, I could never hate you. I love you too, big guy."

His lip trembles and he just can't resist hugging you anymore, but he's careful to avoid you wound

He stays with you until your released from the hospital and then he stays on leave to take care of you

The two of you collect like rocks or other things you find on the ground to give to each other

Imagine having friendship bracelets from before and you two still wear them after getting together

The two of you share an apartment because there's no point in having two if your going to spend your leaves together anyway

You wishing each other good luck before the other goes on a mission

Likes to hold your hand in public spaces because he gets nervous in crowds

Brags about you and vice versa

People get so confused when you two are together because it's just like, soooo many inside jokes

And König is like a whole new person, way less quiet when your around because you help give him confidence

The two of you catalogging each others scars .·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·.

You two are just a straight up power couple

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hoony2k · 3 months

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FIGHT CLUB

Summary: You discover why Sunghoon is always mia during the weekend so you decide to visit the sketchiest place in the city to see him in action- too bad Sunghoon has other plans.

PAIRING: Sunghoon x reader

GENRE: not so platonic friends, fight club au, fluff, crack,

WARNINGS: slight mentions of shady stuff, its a fight club au but I have never seen fight club, I yap a lot before sunghoon shows up, blond sunghoon, self indulgent, blond sunghoon, sunghoon.

WORD COUNT: 2.4k+

NOTE: hi everyone! lore : this was originally written for jeno but was banished in the dungeons until sunghoon dyed his hair and I felt things. This has been close to my heart for a long time and i really loved the idea more than the execution but hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

It's stupid. One of the stupidest ideas you've ever had in your life. Despite your last-minute planning and caution, it's still stupid, you weren't thinking ( you still aren't ) but you refuse to go back home without completing your mission, a simple "in and out" after you're done sightseeing. Before the stars decided it was your fate to go through this ordeal, Heesung said you deserve an award for being the "biggest idiot in the world" and you think he's right.

No one inclined towards their rational side would do this alone. Thank God love is blind.

So, here you stand, in a large room lit up by two dangling bulbs that sway due to the vibrations in the ceiling and three neon signs that cast the remaining dim light, staring at the rowdy crowd in front of you.

It's noisy, the crowd is bouncing like a single organism, blaring with cheers and screams, so loud you can't understand your thoughts and there's a constant ringing in your ears. It's the feeling you get when you dive into a cold pool and water licks your ears and blood rushes in your veins before you swim upwards and break the surface tension.

You take a deep breath to prepare yourself and mould into the pack of bodies. Immediately, your shirt feels too sticky, your body squirming as a reaction to the humid stuffy air and sweaty bodies around you.

Suddenly, you want to shrink to escape the uncomfortable, overstimulating sensations around you, everything is happening all at once. Or perhaps, going invisible would somehow cure the sense of isolation that spreads subtle fear in you, but you made your choice to enter alone in an unfamiliar environment when you ignored the beware signs plastered on the basement doors.

Your grip on the plastic cup hardens hand tremors along with the vibrations that are now flowing in the ground. Everything is far too shaky and you splash a bit of the drink onto your fingers. You have no idea what the drink is nor do you plan on taking a sip. It's just an accessory, an illusion to blend in and look casual. You think you're doing a great job at this despite your prior dilemma.

There's a man's voice bursting through the speakers, effectively hushing the noise in the large room, everyone waits silently, no one nudging or pushing anyone.

You think you're getting a whiplash at how the crowd's obedience contrasts with their anticipation and actions. The man's voice booms again, it echoes in the vast room, demanding attention.

"And now presenting, a young man who flew from Japan, Haruto!"

There are some cheers, barely a few people you can count on your fingers, someone in the crowd boos, and the rest stand uninterested in the Japanese boy, their eyes darting around, pretending to be nonchalant about their distaste for him. You almost feel bad.

The Japanese boy appears to be unaffected by the lack of enthusiasm. He checks the pale yellow bandages tied around his wrists and palms and flexes his fingers.

The announcer continues "In a raw battle against the fan favourite-"

Immediately, girls with artistic smokey makeup and intimidating smiles lose control and begin giggling and shouting in glee, their bright lips split to show their pearly teeth, and they nudge each other in a similar pattern. The crowd's enthusiasm returns tenfold and inch by inch, people begin levitating towards where Haruto stands as if placed under a spell. There are no ring ropes to stop them, hell, there isn't even a proper ring, only three large mats that look like they've witnessed multiple crimes.

"-the one and only, Park!"

Everyone in the room starts yelling and cheering louder than ever, and the announcer's voice dies under the noise- it's overwhelming, this sudden wave of ringing makes you dizzy and you almost regret coming here. But you're no coward, sure, you're way out of your comfort bubble and have ignored Heeseung's numerous warnings, but you're on a mission and you need the front seat. Not his fans or admirers, it has to be you watching Park throw fists and hopefully win.

You discard the full cup on a table nearby and once again begin to dig your way into the tightly packed crowd. It's worse than before due to people linking their arms like a giant human chain. Friends are glued together by the hip and you're scared someone's going to fall onto the large blue mat where the matches take place.

Nonetheless, you scoot past a man bulging with muscles, stacks of us dollars in a death grip while he yells loudly, spit flying everywhere. You wince and begin to move toward the left.

Why do people get so obsessed with these things?

You wonder if Sunghoon's already on the battlefield, fixing his bandages or mouthguard or whatever it is fighters do before a fight. You croak out a tiny " excuse me" as a tall girl harshly elbows you on accident. She merely glances at you with a tight-lipped smile and focuses her intention back onto the match uninterested in you. You wonder if she's looking at "Park".

Shoving the menacing thought away, you slowly force yourself towards the centre of the ring- or an excuse of a ring, just three worn-out mats placed next to each other, not even taped together. Had someone fallen mid-fight, they'd scrape their knee on the concrete.

The mats look too old, with lines engraved onto them from being used and the dark blue colour is faded on a few sides, leather ripped from previous matches. You think about how dirty and unhygienic it would be to come in contact with it, forget the ground.

Then again, nothing in this place says clean, it's a sketchy room in a sketchy alleyway that's locked up by a fenced door. In the morning, it's got two men always surrounding it. Everything is dark, posters of advertisements- some ripped- and graffiti linger on the walls and you're sure that the group next to the 'out of order' washroom is high.

This isn't a place you would ever come to, but desperate times (falling in love) can change people so here you stand. With only two people blocking you from seeing Park you curse at your height, but ambition runs in your veins. You slither between more disgustingly warm bodies until-

There's an unignorable sensation of being choked as someone pulls the hood of your sweatshirt and you're being yanked backwards. The wind successfully knocked out of you and whoever is behind you is slowly pulling you back into the crowd, their grip isn't loosening any time soon and you can feel your lungs about to explode. You wave your arms around but no one spares a glance, they're happy to occupy the vacant space you left.

Finally being pulled out of the crowd gelled together, your vision blurs when you're roughly turned out to lock your eyes on the culprit who glares at you with thick furrowed brows.

Before you stands Park Sunghoon.

If you couldn't breathe before, you're suffering from asphyxiation right now. Your arms feel like they weigh a ton, lungs seconds away from collapsing.

His eyes bore into yours, yet something was so sickeningly sweet about them, raw honey-brown eyes that held the secrets to the entire galaxy. They gaze into your pair, his gentle eyes have swirls of anger in them but wait-

There's a ringing in your head that sounds like Heeseung saying "I wish I never introduced Sunghoon to you" and you shove it away.

That's not it though, when you finally break contact and have a good look at the boy you realise, to your horror, that his hair is no longer silky black that you've grown to love.

Blond.

Sunghoon is blond.

Park Sunghoon is blond.

This is it, this is how you die. The purple and pink neon light cast a glow on his sculptured face and God, you think, he's heavenly. What a perfect way to die. His skin effortlessly glows, the gentle slope of his nose curves ever so elegantly and the tips of plush pink his lips curl upwards. The beauty marks decorating his face like glitter are shining. He's truly a sight for sour eyes.

Unlike his gentle eyes that glare, the first words that tumble out of his moisturised lips are,

" Sorry for being so harsh. The girls would have pushed you onto the mat. They kind of love that Park guy."

Your brain finally begins to restart and has two epiphanies at the same time, one, the fan favourite ' Park' is not your Park Sunghoon but a random guy Park that you suddenly don't care about anymore and that the unfortunate soul you were thinking about a few minutes ago could have been you. Your sly mission is a failure because you were not sneaky in the slightest and also because you could have gotten injured.

Sunghoon is an angel that God blessed you with you conclude.

Noticing your silent manner, Sunghoon mistakes it for hidden anger, fumbles with his slender hands and repeats "I'm really sorry for being so harsh."

You want to tell him that you forgave him the moment he dyed his hair blond but you don't want to come off too strong. You also realise that endangering your life by coming into a disturbingly dark neighbourhood that had abandoned buildings, neon as the only source of light and rowdy people, with no friends or plan and a phone with 20% battery was worth it. No matter how utterly stupid your plan was, the love of your life stands before you.

You quickly respond, moving your hands around casually and letting a simple smile show, " No! I'm good. I come here a lot!"

Your response is too happy and too quick and you pray he lets go of your lie.

He quirks a strong brow upwards and you can feel your mind going haywire. His voice is raspy but somehow so so silky you want to drown in it. Mirth glittering in his eyes, willing to let you play your game.

"I come here all the time. Pity how I never saw you."

You awkwardly move your hands around again and exhale through your nose. Trying to brush off his comment as if it didn't mean much.

'"It's-I…I came back after a long time. Yea."

Sunghoon snorts at your reply, nose crinkling, " And that's why you looked like you were going to jump straight into the match?"

An angry blush explodes on your face and before you can scramble to lie a bit more, he continues by asking.

" Are you here to watch Park?"

His tone has changed, he sounds like he's trying not to be nosy but like you, he fails.

A match made in heaven.

You sigh solemnly and decide to let the cat out of the bag, there's no use in continuing your lies, it's respectful of him to not embarrass you or call you out and maybe your heart feels weaker than before.

Amid preparation, you look down at your worn-out tennis shoes, they've got mud from when you walked too fast down the stairs.

" No. I came to watch you. I thought Park was you, Park Sunghoon" You confess, still unable to meet his eyes.

Sunghoon looks genuinely surprised by the response and his reaction confuses you. His forehead creases and he tries to hide how swiftly his eyes widen with a fake cough. He rolls his shoulders back and shrugs casually as a reply to your statement. You don't follow what he means.

Then, as quickly as it conceals his vulnerability, Sunghoon lets go of his cool act and relaxes his guard but still, the shock and relief sends waves in your body. Somewhere in the conversation, the noise around you two has become muffled and practically non-existent.

His dark brows pinch together, nose scrunched upwards and mouth open in a small oval. He leans closer to speak but quickly closes his mouth as if he's debating whether his next words will offend you. He looks around and shoves his pretty hands into his blue jeans.

"You realise there are other Parks right?"

He sounds incredibly smug but his expression remains neutral, hesitance in his shaky eyes. There's no way this is the same man who brings hell on the dirty ring.

You weakly argue back with a quiet "Shut up." And he laughs at your flustered state. You want to whip out your phone and record it but you felt your phone buzz a while ago which means it's dead.

Sunghoon looks around again, his right hand appearing to push his blond hair back, bringing the expanse of his forehead under the pink hues. He turns to gaze upon you, half-lidded eyes that stare into your soul and cause a shiver up your spine.

"Since I'm the Park you're looking for, wanna get out of here and eat? My treat."

He sounds confident, tone so velvety. You find yourself instantly agreeing automatically, head nodding before you verbally agree.

The reaction is immediate, Sunghoon's lips stretch to smile at you, dimple peeking. Adoring his pretty smile you can feel the world move beneath your feet.

In the end, it didn't matter if you weren't able to shift into a fly and flutter close to the match or if your lack of comprehension skills made you risk your life for the wrong Park. The Park of your dreams is right there, arm outstretched with his hand waiting to cradle yours. None of the cons or "what ifs" matter anymore. It doesn't matter if he sees how you thread the carefully mapped-out line of so-called friendship. It doesn't matter how he fights the urge to scold you for ignoring his caution to specifically avoid this area. It doesn't matter if you don't question why he spends most weekends here, doing who knows what, for reasons unknown to you and his friends.

What matters is the moment at hand, how right now you and the love of your life are going to escape the crowd and spend an evening enjoying the company of one another.

Outside, the sky is dark and clear as you left it and Park Sunghoon is a huge star that drapes itself around the blanket night sky.

He burns bright no matter where he is. He finds you no matter where you go, and your path always leads to his. Just how it was destined to be.

thank you for reading!

please do not edit/translate/copy the work. all ideas are original.

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vampirevatican · 2 months

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Milgram and The Court of Public Opinion.

this analysis will be about milgram's voting system, nuance and a whole lot of my own opinions mixed with eng fandoms translations, theories, and observations.

t1 = trial one / t2 = trial two

mv = music video

vd = video drama

voting and verdicts:

voting forgiven/unforgiven or innocent/guilty from the standards milgram sets for us (including es) isn't enough or easy.

being that milgram is set towards the court of public opinion and judgement can come from:

"sensibility, morality, ethics, legality, preference, taste, or sexual inclination..."

we end up arguing semantics, trying to find specifics in the crimes and making the best judgement possible. although in doing that the only conclusion anyone can come to is innocent when all is considered.

if we were doing it based on guilty and innocent then 5 are guilty, 2 are guilty on technicality and 3 are innocent

just in case you're curious, in guilty to innocent order as i just stated.

haruka, muu, amane, mikoto, kotoko, shido, fuuta, kazui, mahiru and yuno

it'd be over so quickly. but this... is milgram.

nuance/the grey area:

as the undercover song says, can you really judge them?

002. yuno, as for now, doesn't have a reason. ofc in western (american specifically) public opinion or at least those who view abortion as a choice. she's been innocent from the start. this is her autonomy, her choice, even if she's 18. i won't deny she is so young to be doing sex work, or more specifically compensated dating, and yes it may be common in japan but that doesn't take away the age being factored into what she decided to do. it wasn't for money and she has a good home life. with how analytical and cold she can be, im assuming her desire to be loved in this way comes from somewhere and she's become jaded towards actual relationships. opting for the material and superficial. even without pitying her, she'd still be forgiven/innocent since t1.

001. haruka did it for attention. with how he's coded - intellectual disability - and his mother being extremely neglectful after a certain age which prevented the possibility of his growth in intellect (understanding cause and effect/actions and consequences, along with many other things) it's easier to claim he's innocent. even more easier to forgive him due to this and extremely so if looking at it from his view point, albeit flawed. killing = attention = "affection", even if that attention/"affection" is negative it what he wanted. for someone, anyone to acknowledge him. he's innocent/forgiven because of his circumstances but if he's forgiven then he's being told it was his only option, and he was right, when the fault is on his mother.

003. fuuta was only trying to call out liars and scumbags. he is well versed in the court of public opinion, but he has never seen or experienced a result that lead to someone's death. looking at the undercover mv, then we can see he possibly doxxed his victim. if we take a nuanced approach here then we'd be looking at how he feels after the fact. he remembers the victims name, the fear in his eyes in his t1 and t2 mv, his voice drama after the first trial, him not approving of violence as a solution are all evidence of him feeling horrible. if he could go back, if he would've known. sure he did question why he's there instead of the people who actually killed the victim, but he also recognizes that he lead the charge. his innocence/forgiveness comes in the form of recognizing his actions were wrong. him being guilty/unforgiven is the action in itself.

004. muu is a love/attention reason. she's always been adored, admired, and cherished. she's always had her way. she also has never had to face heavy adversity. sure she was a bully, the queen bee, and a drama queen but didn't her school's culture allow her that? infact with us/es forgiving her, in the second trial song she claims as such, she'll always be queen. and for the t1 mv she says, "my 'im sorry' spells aren't working anymore." which leads me to believe that she's cried and apologized so many times that her old friends couldn't believe her. not forgiving her affirms to her that "two wrongs don't make a right" but forgiving her says the opposite to her. if she's to be forgiven/innocent the blame is tossed to the school, not her, but she won't see it that way.

006. mahiru is another love case, romantic, and in a roundabout way she never committed a crime in the first place. from the voice drama and interrogation q&a slips, we find out that she's a sheltered girl and loves/idolizes soap opera and shoujo mangas. from her mv's we see she romanticizes everything, especially with her t1 mv. she's innocent because of not actually committing murder and forgiven because this is her first love, she wouldn't have known that it was toxic and messed up.

005. shido is a love case, but for family. im thinking son because of a theory i saw, but either way when looking at it with nuance it gets heavier here. is taking from brain dead patients to save someone wrong? are the brain dead really dead? in my opinion yes, but that's the crux of the situation right? same goes for all the other inmates in this court of public opinion. he can be innocent from the view point that brain dead patients are already dead, and forgiven for his motive.

007. kazui did it in hopes of a dream, righting a mistake, being free. although he deeply regrets it, although he says he loves his wife? that love is mainly platonic. from his second trial mv, we see that he met her through his job - most likely police officer - so they had some kind of amicable relationship through their job. he only married her out of societal obligation, and noticing she liked him. not to mention in his t1 mv he says he messed up from the beginning. he is innocent because his crime is indirect, and forgiven because being gay isn't a crime and the regret he feels shows he never had negative intentions.

008. amane did it out of obligation. now, listen to me. i know she's literally 12 and was raised in a cult but notice how im stating the motive of each of these as they are from being stated in vd or pure observations from the mv's. now to any grown up it's self defense, but also imagine having gone through the worst hell imaginable all because you did something "wrong" stated by the adults around you. wouldn't the revenge be sweet? justice in its purest form. now take that and double it down with what you were taught. amane is not only forgiven/innocent because she was just a child, but because of the circumstances surrounding the murder.

009. mikoto (miko from here on) did it out of pent up stress an emotions, in turn creating john (koto from here on). miko is innocent without a doubt, and no i am not taking on the theory he actually did it til we get trial three. if koto was supposed to be his protector, and if he was born from a sudden explosion of pent up anger then (at least to me) it makes sense that he reacted the way he did. imagine being a corporate slave - no actually double it down, again, with growing up always trying to keep the peace. miko has a habit of laughing when he's upset. he laughs it off in hopes that things get better, his vd affirms this and even his mv after that. miko's smile that shifts to an extremely tired expression right before koto is born and a mirror shatters, right at the start. an intolerable stress from working so hard he grew grey hairs, cried himself to sleep, and yet continued to work, hold it in, and endure. the fault isn't on him or on koto. it's japan's work culture and the endure it mentality. koto is innocent/forgiven in the sense of motive. miko is innocent/forgiven because he's never killed to begin with.

010. kotoko did it to save the innocent. though she doesn't deal in nuance, much like fuuta. a key difference between the two is kotoko chooses violence because the justice system failed her. infact she's been hunting down the awful criminals of the world so much that she even has a covered bulletin board with pinned strings on it. on top of that, from the interrogation cards, we find out she dropped out of college and she was studying law. she'd be innocent for what she was seeking to do, in the court of public opinion, many would agree that awful people deserve a murderous punishment and she'd be even forgiven with that same reason. the nuance appears when considering the criminal, the crime and the reason. factoring those in then she can easily become guilty and unforgiven in the eyes of many, see the results after t1.

when it's all said and done:

they all had their reason, it all has a reason. who are we to say their crimes weren't just or fair? we're the judge, the jury, the executioner, and warden. in milgram whatever we says goes.

i'd love to see them all innocent, but at the same time do each of them deserve that? are their ideas being affirmed a detriment to them or their saving grace?? will they kill again?? will some of them be able to get the therapy and treatment they desperately need??? will they go back into society with an improved outlook on life or will they remain the same?

ofc i already have who i'd like to see forgiven and have already forgiven them myself, same as you reading this and those in the jp fandom (where it originates)

anyway. moving forward please vote with this in mind, and check out the audio dramas i beg you all. i hope that there are nuance voters and voters with sympathy but with how amane was guilty in t1, i have a strong feeling it's not gonna end well. but if it does, you'll see me rejoice.

#milgram project #milgram analysis #milgram #haruka sakurai #yuno kashiki #fuuta kajiyama #muu kusunoki #shidou kirisaki #mahiru shiina #kazui mukuhara #amane momose #mikoto kayano #kotoko yuzuriha

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forestdeath1 · 1 month

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What traits do you think Sirius is attracted to? Like what would his ideal type be like?

(don't be afraid to go into extensive detail about it 🩷)

His ideal type... James.

Actually, it might not seem obvious, but for Sirius, it's important that people accept him for who he is. He might not realise it, but that's the filter for whether he'll have close relationships with someone. Showing complete acceptance of him as a person, without trying to change him, and genuinely loving him for who he is – that's the first thing that needs to be in a person. Otherwise, Sirius just won't open up. So, it's either full acceptance and liking Sirius just the way he is, or à la poubelle (And this is despite his deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy and the desire to be useful)

The second crucial condition is that the partner must earn Sirius's respect. RESPECT. Sirius must want to respect them. See them as an equal partner, no less.

Despite Sirius showing care for those he loves, I don't think he'd be attracted to someone who needs to be protected all the time. Sirius cares for the weak (like animals) and those under his protection (like Harry), but his understanding of caring for Harry is specific—it's not motherly care like Molly's, it's about providing resources and opportunities for him to become stronger and overcome challenges. Sirius has a deep-rooted aversion to human weakness in general (this isn't the case with animals because they genuinely depend on humans, but in Sirius's view, humans always have the potential for action rather than just having pity parties. It's a deep respect for the concept of being Human, for their ability to make choices and their potential. He believes that Humans are capable creatures, and it's only individuals choose to give up their agency, which diminishes the very idea of being Human. This is a pretty tough and harsh view of the world, but you can see it in him right from his first appearance in PoA.)

I see two types that could attract him (of any gender), one he'd simply get along with and spend a lot of time with, and the other who could be with him for the long haul.

The first type is easy-going, cheerful, able to handle his mood swings, finds his humour amusing, and can pull him out of the occasional melancholy he falls into. Someone interested in many things, active, and an engaging conversationalist. They don't create drama or get overly emotional if Sirius does something "wrong". This person can easily and flexibly navigate Sirius's boundaries just by being themselves. They're open-minded and free from stereotypes and limitations. They don't take offence at Sirius's jokes and humour; they take everything lightly. In general, they're airy, flexible, confident, attention-grabbing, bright, cheerful, and not overly concerned with questions of morality and correctness, but fundamentally a good person.

The second type is someone quite tough and strong. Also not inclined to drama or hashing out relationships, but with very firm boundaries. If they have a quarrel, it's a real fight, not just shouting. Sirius is definitely drawn to strength in another person, and there's potential here for serious relationships and to hook Sirius for years. This person is a bit edgy, and there should be something dark about them? I don't know how to explain it correctly, they shouldn't be evil or morally wrong, but they're definitely not a soft, tender flower. Very independent. They won't sigh over Sirius and won't look at him with puppy-dog eyes, but they'll definitely express their desire passionately. They're equals in everything, or maybe even better at something. Perhaps this person should have some unusual interests. Very passionate. Very. They have an animalistic sexuality. Sirius is more submissive in these relationships. And they might not be exclusive and could date others simultaneously, but they'll always come back to each other.

And the third type–James.

Well, alright, there might also be a fourth type, someone calm, thoughtful, perhaps with some challenges in life and difficulties that they faces stoically and without complaint, etc etc etc, but I'm tired of writing, sorry. I'd love to read your versions!

#sirius black #sirius black meta #the marauders

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tallerthantale · 3 months

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What Does Aziraphale Actually Believe, Part 9: They Know Not What They Do

This is a series of my takes on what Aziraphale believes through the timeline of the show. It is all my personal interpretation, and I am happy to hear others. You don’t need to read them all in order, but know that I am coming from a perspective on Aziraphale’s machinations that can be difficult for people without a psychology background to follow without the first two as a primer. The quick version is that Aziraphale has a set of beliefs that exist in some form or another within his mind. However, at any given moment, only some of them exist ‘with awareness.’ The context of the moment will determine what lives on the surface and what stays buried outside that awareness, whatever arrangement best prevents a threat to Aziraphale’s sense of self and makes whatever he is inclined to do feel right.

While I have been going through the timeline, there have been a few points that have been put on hold, that I’ve promised I would circle back to later, because I needed to integrate a lot of information from different points on the timeline. Now is the time for that integration. I need to more seriously address the question of how Aziraphale can still believe angels are existentially good in the abstract, with all that he has seen them do, while also believing they are acting against the wishes of God.

If angels are good by definition and don’t have a choice in their moral alignment, how do they end up committing morally reprehensible acts? If Aziraphale uses his own continued ethereal status to prove to himself God is fine with his actions, wouldn’t that also prove God is fine with all of the other angels’ actions? Not exactly, and the reason takes us all the way back to the opening of Season 1. The first point I promised I would eventually get back to was a question:

What happens if Aziraphale thinks he isn’t supposed to know what God’s will is, because it’s not for him to understand, but he also thinks that he does know it? What are the consequences of having knowledge he isn’t supposed to have?

Responsibility.

I Slithered Here From Eden

The design of the universe (according to Aziraphale) is letting humans choose sides between good and evil. That is a choice that humans make, and celestial entities don’t. But at what point did humans get that choice?

They had to have knowledge of good and evil first. As far as philosophers tend to frame things, it’s only really free will if you know what you are doing with informed consent. By eating the apple, Eve and Adam gave that knowledge to humanity. Now that humanity has the knowledge of good and evil, they have the power to make a choice, and the responsibility to choose good.

One point I glossed over at my first look at Eden is that Aziraphale was on apple tree duty. He failed that mission in a big way. While there are fun speculations about Aziraphale being distracted by the sexy snek, I wonder if he had a hard time with the idea that knowledge of good and evil was bad. When discussing the human’s transgression, Aziraphale weakly says, “It must be bad… … otherwise you wouldn’t have tempted them into it.” It’s not a compelling argument as to why eating the apple was bad, and frankly, there isn’t one. The most compelling argument I could give is that lacking knowledge of good and evil shields people from responsibility to do good, and it might be kinder not to burden humanity with that responsibility. I think during their conversation at the wall, Aziraphale won’t see things that way because that would hit too close to home.

When Crowley encouraged Eve about the apple, Crowley was just looking to stir up trouble, and was surprised they were punished so harshly. From Crowley’s perspective, I would imagine the apple as a precursor to the real temptations. Crowley argues his points logically, he is not on the ineffability train. How do you make a logical argument about what is fair and reasonable to someone who has no concept of good and evil? You’d have to teach them about good and evil first. Crowley makes arguments that are built on meaningful concepts of right and wrong frequently. They are not alien to him.

When Aziraphale takes on the worldview that the universe is set up to allow humans to choose between good and evil, he is tacitly endorsing the idea that Eve and Adam eating the apple was part of the Ineffable Plan. This was originally Crowley’s idea, though it may have just been sarcastic. Aziraphale has taken it on for real. Now the humans are choosing good and evil.

'The Right Thing'

Aziraphale has asserted very confidently twice in the timeline that choosing is for humans. Not celestials, just humans. I’ve talked about how this is self serving for him, it means he is good by definition. It makes his place in the universe make sense, it gives him a sense of self and purpose. It also has major downsides, in that it makes him consider Crowley existentially evil independent of his character and actions, which makes a mess of how he treats Crowley. It also risks entrapping him into considering the other angels definitionally good, and believing that whatever they do is definitionally 'the right thing'. The instability of what Aziraphale believes situation to situation lets him spend most of his time avoiding the downsides of any particular belief system, he mostly pulls them into focus when they are useful, and forgets about them when they aren’t.

When I’ve brought up ‘choosing is for humans’ before I glossed over a key question. Why is choosing just for humans? Not in the sense of what motivates Aziraphale to believe that, what does he think the reason is? By the Edinburgh framing, why don’t celestials have the capacity to choose that humans have? The answer: they never ate the apple. They have no meaningful knowledge of good and evil. The institution of heaven is a rigid hierarchy. Angels and demons only know what they need to know to follow orders. They have no opinions on ethics or grounded morality. 'The right thing' is a term of art for the heavenly code of conduct. 'The wrong thing' is a term of art for the demonic code of conduct.

Something shifts in Aziraphale's relationship to humanity at Edinburgh as he is confronted several times over with scenarios he can't help but notice demonstrate that the normal day to day heavenly code of conduct, 'the right thing,' is absolutely not in keeping with what he would personally understand to be morally good. It was not a one off instance from God that could be a test, the issue was the system. He was forced to acknowledge Crowley knew what was morally right better than he did, and that he knows what is morally good better than the other angels do. Aziraphale's biggest leaps forward happen when he is forced to admit he does actually have an opinion that is his own.

I think for the audience, the absurdity of 'the right thing' and 'the wrong thing' being terms of art is most pronounced when demons are tasked with doing 'the wrong thing' because God represents Herself to will it. When Crowley 'destroys' Job's goats and children, his permit is signed by God. Crowley understands his assignment as given by God. Does that make it 'the right thing'? No, it's outsourced to hell because the aesthetics are wrong, and if it's been given to hell to do, that makes it 'the wrong thing' for Crowley to do it. Does that make it 'the right thing' for Crowley to refuse? No, because the code of conduct for the angels it to let it happen, and Crowley isn't an angel anyway. The correct thing for Crowley to do is 'the wrong thing,' that God want's him to do. (Aziraphale doesn't believe that is what God wants in that case, but he does believe that God generally wants demons to do demonic things.)

These terms have no relationship to what is actually morally good or bad. However, the knowledge from the apple does have that grounded relationship. Humans need that connection to have that real choice, and be accountable for that choice. Celestials are following orders, they aren't 'supposed' to be making choices, they are 'supposed' to do what they are told. Knowledge of actual good and actual evil has no value to their professional role. Aziraphale continues to think that ignorance is how things ought to work all the way to the 1800's, and even as he shifts to wanting the other angels to have the depth of that knowledge, he can plainly observe that they don't.

To be clear, this isn’t to say that celestials are not able to decide to do things, but rather that as Aziraphale sees it, their actions cannot be judged in a way that impacts their moral alignment. The angels aren't responsible for the misalignment of heaven because they don’t know any better. Their actions don’t make them less existentially good, because they are too ignorant to make informed choices. Same with the demons. I don’t think Aziraphale would consider any of them to have chosen evil, because they didn’t have knowledge. Fate put them in the evil role, and they do what they are told. Choosing sides is for the humans, and they are only able to do it because of their ability to know the difference between good and evil.

As we move past Edinburgh, Aziraphale understands that the angels, near universally, are maintaining a system that doesn't let humans choose freely thee way he would believe in, and thus they are maintaining a system that he believes isn't operating as God would want. As a practical matter of staffing, it would make a mess of things if She turned them all into demons.

Aziraphale can use his maintained ethereal status to prove to himself that he is on good terms with God, because he is the odd one out. If Aziraphale is in the wrong, and heaven has the right of it, it doesn't break the system to fell the weirdo angel going off on temptation missions as a treat and salivating over demon décolletage. If everyone else is wrong, the remedy for that has to be learning, growth, education, and training, not leaving Aziraphale as the last angel standing.

Unconditional Forgiveness

The second time Aziraphale argues choosing is for humans, it isn’t an argument about ability anymore. He wants all of the angels to join him in deciding not to choose a side, in taking a caretaker role over the system that lets the humans choose. He presents this plan to the archangels, offering them a way forward that would move them away from ignorant obedience and us vs them thinking, into a world of layers and depth.

They are not prepared to go along with Aziraphale on this, lacking his 6000 year long character arc of developing knowledge of ethical complexity. Uriel accuses Aziraphale of thinking too much. When Aziraphale shouts at the archangels on their way back to heaven, he calls them ‘bad angels’ in the tone someone would use to say 'bad dog.' It is an expression of them being ‘bad at being angels’ yes, but it is also an expression of their lack of depth, lack of thought, and lack of understanding. It is a condescending dismissiveness of their capacity to make valid decisions. I don’t think Aziraphale retains any animus towards them after the scene ends, because they don’t have enough knowledge to be accountable for their actions.

When Crowley confronts Gabriel in Season 2, he points out that Aziraphale wasn't there for his execution. He never witnessed Gabriel tell him to “shut his stupid face and die.” That's true, but I honestly don’t think it would make a difference to Aziraphale. Aziraphale also does not retain the resentment for Michael’s role in Crowley’s failed execution that Crowley has for Gabriel. I don’t think that comes from a lack of valuing Crowley, but instead speaks to Aziraphale’s unwillingness to apply accountability to celestial entities. Gabriel hasn’t eaten the apple. Michael hasn’t eaten the apple. Forgive them for they know not what they do. Automatically, no hesitation. Without knowledge of good and evil, they are not responsible.

But That's For Them

I have talked about how Aziraphale doesn’t believe everything he can believe at once, and his potential beliefs often contradict themselves. Aziraphale has a lot of shame and self doubt for someone with developed strategies on how to be certain his choices are good by definition. (Not an uncommon phenomenon IRL, but still an ironic one. People develop the strategies because they feel a need to have them.) He puts an enormous burden on himself to do the right thing, compared to the instant and absolute forgiveness he grants to the other angels. Aziraphale does gloss over his own mistakes, but not by forgiving himself. He does it by burying the shame out of his awareness because he can't forgive himself.

Over time Aziraphale has become more settled into comfortably believing that he can intuit God’s will in ways the other angels... I wouldn't say 'can't,' but at the very least, don't. Along with that comfort, he has developed his own senses of what is morally good, and morally bad, and those opinions diverge from how the concepts are framed by heaven and hell. He can also observe that the other angels have not developed these concepts. Gabriel has a preference for getting what he wants, Michael has a preference for order, and Uriel woke up this morning and chose violence. They have personalities, but no moral compass. Post Edinburgh Aziraphale typically considers himself to have knowledge of good and evil that the other angels do not have. Given that he is correct, I am willing to forgive him the arrogance.

Aziraphale understands that ‘wrong’ as defined by heaven has no substance. What he sometimes forgets is that he personally does have substance. It is uncomfortable for him to know that, because the weight of responsibility is tied to it. When he is told to do something he cannot do, or abide by something he cannot let stand, Aziraphale believes he has knowledge of good and evil, because he needs to own that knowledge to justify going against the party line. When it kicks in, he feels the weight of the responsibility to make the morally right choice, and he feels the horror of all the other angels being on board with the morally wrong one.

The moments where he goes against heaven and the rest of the angels because he thinks that he understands God’s will and that they don’t are not Aziraphale at his most self righteous. Quite the opposite, he usually seems hesitant and ashamed. He has knowledge of good and evil, but he doesn’t think he is supposed to have it. Most of the time he wishes that he didn’t. Aziraphale is very good at suppressing knowledge he wishes he didn’t have.

The evidence isn’t always visible, but Aziraphale has metaphorically eaten the apple. So has Crowley, although I don’t think Aziraphale believes Crowley was responsible for his fall. I think modern Aziraphale is fully onboard with the idea that God felled Crowley into a martyr as part of a larger plan. The other celestials haven’t eaten the apple. Yet. Saraqael and Muriel are probably on their way, but I don’t think Gabriel and Beelzebub are. They went AWOL for love, not for principles. For Crowley and Aziraphale, as grand as their love for each other is and has been, their principles always came first. That is what they love about each other.

To Shades of Grey

At Uz Crowley was a demon who goes along with hell as far as he can, and Aziraphale was an angel who goes along with heaven as far as he can. To the extent that they experienced a choice, it was finding ways to be as conformist to their jobs as their principles would let them. Post agreement, they tend to stray as far as they can get away with. Their principles would allow them to be more conformist, they just don’t want to be. They aren't trading and gambling on their professional assignments at the Globe because Aziraphale got asked by Gabriel to allow an atrocity in the name of heaven, or because Crowley got tasked with killing children, it was because neither of them felt like bothering to ride a horse up to Scotland. There is no rock vs. hard place dilemma there.

At first Aziraphale hides behind believing that he is too definitionally good for doing Crowley's assignments to be 'choosing' anything, or creatively reframes his understanding of responsibility to not feel his actions are impacting the outcome. After the church bombing, something clicked when he allowed himself to know he was in love with a demon. He let himself know he was choosing to meaningfully stray from the expectations of what it supposedly means to be an angel.

In 1941, Aziraphale offered a toast “To Shades of Grey.” At this toast, Aziraphale let himself understand that he and Crowley do have a degree of choice, and the shades they each choose are not pure. The responsibility is something he really doesn’t want to engage with most of the time. The option is there though. If a decent set of situational beliefs can be cobbled together, Aziraphale can believe that he and Crowley are human aligned enough to choose a little, deciding to become a bit grey, and with that comes the responsibility and accountability that the other celestials don’t have.

I think the choice of their shades of grey needs to be understood relative to their respective defaults. Aziraphale represents a default white that decided to become light grey, and Crowley represents a default black that decided to become dark grey. We can understand this as Crowley preferring darker shades to Aziraphale, and while that is true, I think it is very misleading. Crowley is choosing the lightest shade of the options available to him, and Aziraphale is choosing the darkest shade of the options available to him. I don’t think that is lost on Aziraphale. It is one of the tragedies of their miscommunication that Aziraphale believes Crowley to be the better one, while consistently saying sentences a reasonable listener would assume mean the opposite.

To The World

The toast is offered by Crowley. Crowley, who argues with God over Her treatment of humanity. Crowley, who gave humanity knowledge of good and evil. Crowley, who paved the way for saving Job’s children. Crowley, who convinced Aziraphale to work to alleviate human suffering, and give a way 90 guineas. Crowley, who convinced Aziraphale of the need for humans to have equal opportunity. Crowley, who convinced Aziraphale to try to derail the Great Plan. Crowley, who convinced Aziraphale to stand up to the Institution of Heaven. Crowley, who just before this toast predicted their peace wouldn’t last.

To the World. Their home together. Their future together. Their choice together. Their responsibility together. Aziraphale believes they are committed to defending the earth together. And, he believes that is what God wants them both to do.

Part 9/10

#good omens #good omens meta #go meta #ineffable spouses #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #aziraphale #what does aziraphale actually believe

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scoobydoodean · 2 months

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in regards to the john abuse post- for sam there's a scene in season 8 where that crazy hunter says something to the effect of 'I KNOW john would've taken you boys out to the woodshed for this' (which is. slang for a specific thing) and sam immediately explodes on the guy and shoves him into the wall. sure he's stressed about dean in that scene but a friend of his dad's mentioning his dad hitting him was clearly what made him snap in the moment. it was clearly something sam was sensitive about. considering the age and demographics of the characters (and writers) I can't help but wonder if maybe the winchesters are the sort of people who think corporal punishment and physical abuse are somehow two different things. like, it makes more sense than not that an ex marine in the 80s and 90s with a drinking problem who's constantly scared about his kids getting killed while also putting them in dangerous situations would probably spank them. so I wonder if the reason sam and dean had such different reactions to max's abuse in season 1 was because as much as he hated what john did there werent like, broken bones or anything involved, and he could justify that its not like john was beating them for no reason, versus dean who had a lot more responsibility placed on him and clearly went out of his way to hide things from sam. it is interesting to me that as sam gets older he sort of forgives john with a 'he tried his best' mindset and seems to remember him more fondly, while dean eventually settles in a place of 'I love him but I can't forgive him for my childhood'. srry for rambling.

Context

That would be Martin in 8.09 "Citizen Fang".

Glad your dad wasn't around to hear that. He'd have a mind to take you both out the woodshed and show you what's what. Half inclined to do it myself.

I can't say I have the same interpretation of that scene or Sam's reaction. Like I said, I don't begrudge anyone building the physically abusive John interpretation, and I think this can easily fit into that list of suggestive moments. I don't necessarily understand Martin's phrasing in the same way. Maybe it's worth it to translate my view of Martin's wording here into a little plainer terms (as a certified U.S. southerner, I feel qualified to do this 🤭):

"Your father would be very disappointed in you if he heard that conversation between the three of us. It would upset him to the extent that he would wish he could punish you as if you were still children instead of grown men. It is as if you have forgotten the simplest lessons—the ones you learned about the world from your father as you grew to adulthood. If you're going to act like uneducated children, perhaps I should treat you as such and become your new father so that I can re-teach these childhood lessons."

We do hear from Dean at the end of 2.03 "Bloodlust", that John had a very dogmatic stance on monsters, and I think this phrasing from Martin makes sense in this context, whether he does or doesn't also mean to imply specific punishments he knew to be carried out when they were young. (I don't personally feel "taken out to the woodshed" has to be so literal, and my google searches seem to agree?) Martin already actually hit Dean--I don't know that he means he actually wants to go back to literally hit Dean some more, though I suppose that's possible.

To be mindful of the context here and exactly how Sam reacts... this is right after Martin knocks Dean unconscious for opposing them about hunting Benny. Sam was immediately on edge when Martin knocked Dean out. Sam went along with it in the aftermath because it got him closer to what he wanted (Benny dead) but he didn't like it. Martin's actions plainly illustrated that he's a loose canon. Sam, having brought Martin into the hunt, is now seeing shit hit the fan as a result of his choice to involve a hunter he knew to be unstable (with the added sting of Dean having called out Martin's instability earlier in the episode—a reflection on Dean being the better judge of character and his lack of trust in Sam's reasoning being warranted—a thing Sam is sensitive about). Martin is not even a little conflicted or uncertain about the completely unhinged thing he just did to Dean, and he's got a clear sense of seniority, believing HE is the leader, and not just Dean—but Sam also is a dumb little kid who should do as Martin says.

If there are two things Sam Winchester hates, they are 1) His unilateral choices having disastrous outcomes that Dean predicted would happen and 2) being treated like a little kid... and Martin goes double or nothing with this line (and mentioning John also in the mix most certainly invokes, at the very least, the origin of Sam's follower/leader false dichotomy).

Sam's response to Martin is telling—a reminder that HE is the leader, and that Martin is under HIS command and better fall in line:

You listen to me. I brought you into this. I can bring you out just as easy. So the only thing you're gonna be inclined to do is shut up and follow my lead.

Basically, I think for me personally, this one can go in the suggestive evidence pile, but I don't find it any more convincing than the other things that have been mentioned. I'm not trying to tell anyone else how to think. I think your interpretation is reasonable. I think there's two reasonable conclusions here.

#8.09 #season 8 #martin #the flannel business #john #i dont deserve what he put on me #we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone

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moomeecore · 20 days

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hey, i hope this isnt rude, but i value your thoughts on betty (and simon!) and i think about your various analytical pieces often.

so i hope this isnt too vague, but. ive been thinking about the ways betty and simon might differ from each other, specifically in the way they view...everything. do you think one of them has a 'sees the big picture but misses the small details' view and the other has a 'gets lost in the details, cant see the big picture' view? im not sure if they differ here, or if they are both the 'gets lost in the details' but going opposite ways...?

FINALLY getting around to awnsering this. i got sick so it took me even longer than i thought it would (had to wait until i could retain coherent thoughts)!!

Ok So, a lot of this is extrapolating (esp for betty) and goes very into more of a headcanons and Personal Interpretations area than a, like, canon analysis. in part bc the show dosen’t give us a ton of content of these characters (i mean, there’s plenty of simon content as ice king but im talking about pre and post ice king simon here). but yea im just gonna ramble. dont take this super seriously btw guys. again a lot of this is just personal Interpretation yknow

SO i think simon is definitely a “gets lost in the details guy”. at least like, overall. that man overanalyzes things until he goes into a state of paralysis and then he just passes out. in some ways he might better about this post being-freed-from-the-curse, on the basis of "had to survive the apocalypse by thinking on his feet", but also worse about it bc of the lasting impacts of having been ice king. because one of the Big Things about ice king is that he almost never thought anything through and just did things as soon as he thought of them. i think simon probably really wants to be Not Like Ice King and so might be scared of making choices too fast or acting too impulsive. i imagine he’s very worried about behaving like ice king and thats something thats in the back of his mind most of the time, impacting his confidence in his own choices & actions. but also f&c sorta shows that he has that issue of trauma responses causing him to have emotional outbursts and make quick decisions. so thats something to keep in mind.

i think he's, like stuck in a state of being scared to do things without thinking really hard abt them but then sometimes he does that and then he usually regrets it and feels really awful afterwards. not always guilty-awful even. f&c seems to show him feeling angry a lot. to me simon deals not just with guilt over being ice king or recovering from being ice king or Having strong reactions to things or making choices he regrets… but also with Anger At The Situation - a lot of feeling confused and not sure what to do and overwhelmed, i think . (i like that they let him be angry and frustrated, not just sad and depressed. i think this is very realistic to trauma related emotional responses)

the other thing abt simon is he tends to follow other people's lead on a lot of things. i think he just likes not having to deal with the pressure of making decisions. he seems more inclined to lead around f&c than around, like, finn, though. and betty. but i think that’s in part because he was taking on a protector role w them. but yeah. he does a lot of crazy shit in f&c but very noticeably does not really act as a lead decision maker. until they get to the vampire world and they get attacked for a second that man is yelling orders and breaking a chair over his knee and pulling out a pocket knife to carve it into a stake lighting fast. which i loved that. i loved that he gained so much confidence from being in Panic Mode when confronted w vampires Because those where something he had to deal with in the apocalypse when raising marcy. he had to know what to do for marcys sake. other than that tho he's usually making suggestions at most. and agreeing to do scary crazy shit lmao . EXCEPT he decides on his own in secret to try and contact golb . hehe (motivated by wants to see his wife)

(it also seems like when he feels more confident in something he's much more capable of making choices. (makes sense) he wasnt paralyzed by anxiety when going on that research expedition with betty, probably because he was literally getting a phd (or had a phd, the show was so weird abt that) in that subject. makes sense he knows what he's doing. and also is interesting bc in ep2 of fionna and cake when he goes on an Adventure with finn he's very scared and nervous, but then talks about how he "used to be quite the adventurer in [his] day", which fits into the theme f&c had w his character where he feels out of place and less confident bc his whole ass profession isn't really relevant anymore, and everything is so different from how it used to be. so yeah. current simon has even less self confidence and confidence in his own decision making than Back In The Day simon bc of that)

id like to say that…. i think that the fact that it took betty only a few years to summon and eldritch god to free simon from his curse meanwhile it took simon 12 years to get to the point where he kidnapped a guy to use in a summoning ritual to talk to betty is interesting. bc i really do think they both love each other, and are both obsessive and co dependent. but betty went off the deep end so fast, meanwhile simon took a lot longer to do something comparatively Less Evil for betty. i think that a lot of this is because simon is just less confident in his choices, more nervous about making decisions, and *slower* at making decisions. in part because of a obsessive focus on details (i also think a buncha other stuff contributed to the difference in how long it took betty vs simon to do differing levels of fucked up shit for eachother but Yeah that’s the relevant part.)

i wouldn't say betty is a "think about the big picture, ignore the details" person though, necessarily. maybe compared to simon she is, but she's still a huge fucking nerd. she's an academic! to me she's someone who takes issues and situations that are more subjective and translates them into concretely structured language in order to guide herself through what actions she should take (my friend responded to this with “so what youre saying is betty took a philosophy class and was like ‘aw yes! Math!’” and yeah that is exactly what im saying)

i feel like canon sort of implies this, and definitely doesn't Not Imply It, but i also think canon didn't flesh out her character very well, so in a lot of ways im making my own assertions. but i think she's the type of person who likes to view things in ways that are ....not necessarily less complicated, but more concrete? like she can handle an uber complicated math problem with ease, but the way a math problem is complicated is entirely different from the way a social interaction is complicated, you know. and she's way better equipped for the first one.

so, basically, i think betty would be like: Dosent see the bigger picture.... but in a different way from simon, where instead of getting caught up on and overwhelmed by all the little details, she picks a specific angle to view the situation and then focuses on That, often to the detriment of viewing things from a wider, more complex and nuanced perspective. so better at seeing the bigger picture than simon, but still can miss a Lot…

i also feel like she leans towards viewing things as "identify a problem/issue, then find away to eliminate it" and "identify a goal, and find a way to reach it" . like i feel like she'd tackle social and personal situations in this way. it's not like she can't do things for fun or anything, but like, if she upset simon she'd go into Solving A Problem Mode and be like: “The issue is Simon Is Upset. The goal is Make Simon Not Upset. First i have to identify Why simon is Upset, and then how to make him Not Upset. This is The Current Goal I Must Complete.” like, not in an abstract sense. like shes literally narrating that to herself. i think she likes to focus in on "what's wrong here and how do i fix it" as opposed to dwelling on emotions and exploring nuance. (which may be a contributor to how she ended up in that “there’s so little me left anymore” state by temple of mars: she was so focused on Fixing the Problem that she didn’t allow herself to really process her feelings too deeply and that took a toll on her mental health.)

simon is maybe more aware of nuance, which could be part of why he gets caught up on details because he's like "this CANT be properly categorized into something more straightforward, there's actually a billion TRILLION little details and that is stressful". like simon desperately wishes things could be simplified down more but is usually like "actually no, a million things are happening actually". he's like me he would get upset if asked to rate his pain or feelings on a number scale at the doctor (i can’t do that shit for the life of me. Those things are far too complicated to put on a number scale in my eyes). meanwhile betty just will force things into concrete categories and steps and factors that Make Sense To Her with intense fervor and if she starts to have a "this is too complicated to address" moment she feels threatened and then tries very hard to reprocess things in a way that is easier, or just does her best to ignore the things that make stuff too complicated to address

i think betty tends to view things in medium-sized chunks that incorporate some but Not All details in a situation, and that she cares about small details and being thorough but feels like accomplishing the goal is the most important thing, so is willing and able to make a quick decision if she feels it's the only choice. like. she had a limited time before the portal closed, and she chose to jump through it, because she thought "the problem is that im not with simon. simon is on the other side of the portal. ill go there" it's not that she doesn't like to think things through. she loves to think things through! its just that OVERALL she is a Doer who wants to solve the problem and thinks taking action and doing something is way better than sitting there and missing an opportunity. betty will think through the details if she has time, but if she doesnt, she just breaks things down into whatever is most easy to digest and process, and then takes the option that seems.like it will get the most desired outcome based on the available info. and also shes just very confident and headstrong. and THATS. why she punched bella noche

In my eyes betty likes having rules and defined, structured processes about what to do or how to deal with stuff. and she dosen’t really like changing those. she's very autistic. she hates change i think. so does simon. but i think that simon would be more likely to be like: the change in situation is so upsetting that it's making it harder to think and process things, so he just gets overwhelmed and has an even harder time addressing whatever is happening or comprehending it. meanwhile betty is quick to try and find the easiest way to rerout her thinking to fit the new change, she's just really fucking pissed off and stressed out about it (part of this to me is she hates feeling powerless & hates feeling like she might fail). she copes with changes in her surroundings by finding a way to connect the changed situation as well and as fast as possible with her pre existing methods of tackling situations. i think bettys also worse at handling changes in people than changes in situation. to quote my friend when we where texting about this “Situations dont have feelings”.

Like. Betty has so many skills. so much knowledge. but isn’t great with people. And she gets to know people and figures out how to understand them and then THEY CHANGE??? ILLEGAL. and so… like…this is literally her whole thing with simon!! elements seems to imply that betty originally views things as "simon is cursed, i have to fix the curse". but when she makes an attempt to meet simon where he’s at and try to interact with him as ice king, she is unable to handle it. she is upset that he is different, so much so that she concludes the only way to view things is to see them as separate people, even though it was implied that she wasn't doing that before! she was approaching it like he was Simon With Memory Loss…..but then she does her villain betrayal scene and now she's all "things will be back to just me and simon, and you won't exist" . meaning before she directly started interacting with him, she was able to view him as simon, but when she did interact with him for an extended period of time and found out how different he had become, she felt so threatened by this that the only way she could handle it was by switching her view in order to not have to confront the idea that simon could have changed that much. it also meant switching her view to a place where she would be okay hurting simon. but when he starts to protest, get upset, ask what's wrong, and worst of all, insist that he's worthy of respect, that starts to stress her out and she has to talk out loud to herself to reassure herself that she's doing the right thing

and in that scene simon goes "i don't know who this simon guy is, im ice king", which i think is a Big line - he's responded to simon in the past, but doesnt always. Like. he's inconsistent in whether or not he's aware that's a way of referring to him, which makes sense bc he seems to have memory lapses where he remembers things fine one minute and forgets them the next, them remembers about them way later. anyway having him say that simultaneously provides a Confirmation of bettys new perspective, but it also… isn’t meant to. i feel like, to the audience, its saying that "simon has changed so much, he's entirely different now. and this is the way things are, and betty should accept this, but she cant" . to betty its telling her she’s right, but that kind of sucks, because she’s not totally sure how much she wants to be right (she dosen’t want this to be simon, but she also dosen’t want simon to be gone)

(i think the idea of betty Swapping her perspective abt simon during elements as a coping strategy to deal w the panic of What If Simon Is Different + the moral dilemma of potentially hurting him fits nicely into the "betty has bpd" interpretation . my girl is splitting)

(also ik many people interpret simon and ice king as Literally being entirely different people but tbh i think that is way less interesting and doesn't make a lot of sense with the canon. but also ik this is partially because what people consider to be "different people" is subjective. like it depends somewhat on ur perception of identity and stuff. also having different interpretations is valid and fair and all that - and adventure time is often very loose in its text and there’s lots of ways to interpret it. but whatever man im just saying my feelings and That is and Always Will Be the Same guy to me and i think that perspective is waay more interesting to explore than simon getting possessed by an alternate personality or whatever. so im just going under that interpretation….. i think some ppl would perceive the "im ice king" line as being a conformation of them as separate people but to me it's a more abstract representation of the idea that a Drastic Change has taken place that Cannot be reversed!!.... which. Ok eventually it is but tbh i doubt they even knew how they'd end the show by this point and i still think in the context of elements it still works very well as a way driving home both how betty is Not Handling the Situation Well while also making you empathize with her bc u also know how hard that must have been for her to hear)

i think betty is very person-oriented in a unique way!!she's codependent while also being low empathy, introverted, and in many ways socially inept, which is an interesting combo! i really get the vibe that she has always struggled socially and had trouble fitting in, so attaches really heavily to people who she does feel a connection to, and works really, really hard to maintain the relationships she has. i like to think she’s scared of rejection…

i think simon is much more empathetic, emotion-driven, and in tune with others than betty, but i also think he can be Very bad at actually understanding other people on many levels - like with his obliviousness to betty being interested in him romantically until she spelled it out for him, or to the impact of bettys earlier sacrifices. simon also, with the mission to get the crown in f&c, despite his empathetic nature and love for his friends, does not seem to consider that putting the crown on would upset his friends. This shows a "focusing on one thing and missing something else" scenario, and perhaps more of a "thinking abt the big picture" (saving f&c's world) over the details (friends would be sad) thing. so that's interesting. (although i think part of this example in particular stems from his self hatred preventing him from really thinking that his friends would be upset if he did that. but in a sense it is focusing on big picture over details). So theres some nuance there i think

BUT Anyway, i think this issue probably is mainly with him struggling to read people, or fully understand others perspectives, despite caring deeply about people and feeling Upset when he can tell other people are Upset. he cares and he feels very emotionally connected to people, especially people he cares about…. he just isn't that great at picking up on things sometimes. (also. Worth noting, i think its def shown that while simon may be very caring towards his friends and is a generally nice and approachable, well meaning person who wants whats best for other people. He still is very capable of Hating People and Doing Bad Things On Purpose. Don’t want to ignore that. also hes very desensitized to bad things happening in many respects lmao. So its not like hes just always super nice and caring and amazing. He still murdered choose goose to death and That is via the power of choose goose being annoying and Simon Loving Betty)

Betty also struggles to understand other people but instead of being downright oblivious to certain things or being unsure and nervous she finds relating to people and understanding their actions and emotions to be actively difficult and makes an active effort to understand people in a bit of a scientist-looking-at-a-subject way. Which can be helpful sometimes and less helpful other times. like. it's good that she has a way to navigate social interactions . but also that way of addressing things isn't always conductive to a healthy relationship, especially when she doesn't really let simon in on the fact that she's making these sort of analyses where she's like "what will maximize Simon Being Happy and how do i accomplish this" sometimes to her own detriment. simon is just like "wow betty is so confident and good at knowing what she wants" meanwhile betty is like "i will make the best choice For Simon" betty i think is better than simon at reading people but not good at Empathizing With Others Emotions or really Understanding or relating to the emotions behind their actions .

she also is shown to, despite caring So much about simon, not be very considerate or caring towards others (not the same as being low empathy & etc dw im not equating them. Its just on the topic of How She Views Others!!!). To be fair, we don’t see nearly enough of her interacting with people besides simon, but i like to think that she just sorta struggles to really care about and have compassion for Random People but deeply cares about those she is Really close too (but as far as we know, thats just simon)

OVERALLi think they see the world very similarly in some ways and very differently in others and it's an interesting balance. also they are both Autistic. In cconclusion !!

betty

likes to break things down into concrete concepts because she struggles to comprehend more subjective and nuanced experiences, especially in social situations + Feels more comfortable approaching things from a “scientific” perspective because it is familiar and easy for her to navigate; threatened by uncertainty and comforted by things that are more straightforward and well-defined

doesn't dwell on things a ton (esp not as much as simon) because she's very goal-oriented and focused on the Now. she wants to get to the next step. that often then means ignoring Her Own Feelings Or Needs if she deems Other Things to be more relevant or important than them (not good for your mental health) + this also means she’s better at making quick decisions! she cares about details and prefers to have All The Relevant Info but is willing and able to cut things down to a “wider-picture” that helps her make whatever choices will help her achieve her goal - that wider picture just may not always be the Full Actual wider picture.

struggles to put herself in other people's shoes - finds it easier to view herself as an outside party with the goal of achieving the ideal outcome in a social situation. In general has low empathy and struggles to understand/relate to others feelings, which impacts her perspective on things and how she handles/views situations.

(not really mentioned earlier but idk where else to put it:) i also think she has that Autism Trait where you focus in on a specific goal you want to achieve and struggle to focus on anything else until it's accomplished (and that that sort of thinking pattern happened with curing simons curse). where you put off doing anything, even things you could do, until something that you Need to happen (according to your brain, not the real world) happens. Betty put off being person until simon was saved. she put Everything on hold until she accomplished her mission. and this is in a way a form of not seeing the bigger picture, because its overly focusing on a specific thing at the expense of others

(bettys better at balancing seeing the details & the big picture in a sense, but more like. she picks a medium sized chunk of what is going on and focuses on that and acknowledges details when able to but is willing and able to make split second decisions based on little info and is confident in doing so. but whereas i think simon might have more of a "sees the whole big picture but then gets caught up on the details" thing going on, i think betty just straight up focuses on One Portion of something, of varying sizes, which could or could not he considered a "detail", but then almost completely ignores everything else, viewing things as individual challenges or events that need to be addressed before anything else can be)

simon

is someone who really likes to think things through, and can easily get hung up on details and can easily get overwhelmed by those details and sent into a state of anxiety-fueled-spiraling or decision making paralysis

this is worse probably for Current simon because he’s also Trying To DIstance Himself from his identity as ice king, and as ice king he had no impulse control and thought things through very little. so simon likely puts even more pressure on himself to think things through! unfortunately hes also Going Through A Lot Emotionally and sometimes that’s too much and he Dosen’t think things through and just acts on how he’s feeling. And that makes him feel Worse about himself and just Everything in general

he is more confident with his decision making skills if he feels more prepared/knowledgeable on the subject at hand or is taking on a caretaker role (like with marcy, or f&c). but currently he dosen’t have a lot of that going on so that kinda sucks for his self confidence.

simon is better at empathizing with people than betty & at creating connections with others & is more caring towards people he dosen’t know that well - and so may consider Other People more in his perspectives on things. But on the other hand hes not always the best at reading people or understanding their perspectives, even if he feels emotional connections and cares about people, so he can easily overlook other people’s struggles or perspectives within an issue - even if he cares deeply about their wellbeing (very relevant to his relationship with betty)

he’s generally more emotion driven than betty, and dwells on & ruminates about his feelings, sometimes to the point of obscuring his understanding of a situation or his ability to engage with it. On The Other Hand this means he at least acknowledges how he’s feeling meanwhile betty is like “im classifying that as irrelevant information until further notice” lmao.

he’s better at understanding nuance & subjectivity than betty but this contributes to his habit of getting-overwhelmed by everything & Overthinking

(simon focuses on details over the big picture overall. he easily gets caught up in details and panics. he traps himself in cycles of worrying about details that can paralyze him when making decisions, and so prefers to not have to make choices. BUT simons "paralyzed with fear of making decisions" state can often be overturned by the power of Having Strong Emotions and his decisions may be Less Good because of the power of not being great and understanding other people. he's very emotion-driven and currently suffering from a billion mental health issues so sometimes all that gets in the way of his natural over-thinking. hes got a better understanding of nuance than betty & is better at Empathizing with others and more considerate but not all too great at reading them or recognizing others Feelings or Behaviors)

I THINK I REPEATED A LOT IN THIS. AGAIN, KIND OF JUST RAMBLING. HOPEFULLY IT WAS SOMEWHAT COHERENT

#text #asks

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rogers-the-musical · 9 months

Text

I’ll never understand how people can think Steve putting down the Shield and going back is slandering his character.

All he’s wanted, besides to fight, is to go home, to have Peggy, to have his date. Yeah, they’re not sweethearts yet when he leaves. But the relationship he has — my goodness, it’s so unique and special. Their bond over being “less than”. The way Steve looks up to Peggy, tries to do right by her; and the way Peggy sees Steve’s goodness and steers him in the right direction to express that is amazing.

Steve and Peggy are both incredibly good people - but for Peggy, sometimes she needs the the inspiration and hope that someone like Steve gives her, as someone who’s seen so much bitterness in the world. And Steve, who is so good through and through, doesn’t always know where to put is good heart-how to express that with his actions, what the right thing to do would be.

Steve fought the biggest battle he could. He helped people. He suffered. And one thing the snap did teach him, was that both he and Natasha needed to “get a life.” Not because Avenging is bad, but because it’s a job. As Tony would say, it’s not the end goal.

There will always be another fight. Steve knows that. I know that. We all know that. But Steve recognizes that sometimes self-care, and retirement, are okay. He was depressed. He was weary. He was oh, so tired. He’d just fought the battle of a lifetime - perhaps the biggest battle in the world - and he left the world in good hands, with people he knew would take care of it. As for Bucky, I think we get enough characterization to understand that he is on his own path. We know they talked beforehand, and we know Steve wouldn’t have left someone who desperately still needed or wanted him. They would always be best friends. But for the growth of them both, it was time to part.

The rest of this mess really depends on what theory you take. For me, I’m more inclined to go with the same-timeline theory, because it makes more sense, and I like the idea of him being Peggy’s husband the whole time. But then, there are so many questions to bring up - according to the writers, there’s a lot of unknowns about the stones. If none are removed from their timeline, how can Steve create a branch reality? Maybe he tries to change things, helps Peggy with SHIELD - because why wouldn’t he? What if the outcome we get is as good as it is, as @melliabee said once, because of Steve’s involvement? What if it would have been worse?

Or what if time is just far too dangerous to mess with that explicitly? We don’t know what happens when you try to change something without taking out the time stones. Does it just backfire, in some loop where that’s always what happened? Or what if the “once scenario” in which they win against Thanos all depends on staying in that timeline? What if a single change - such as thawing his other self out- assuming he even knows where he is - makes it so that he’s no longer in the future in said branch timeline, and Thanos wins? What if everyone dies?

The writers said that their thoughts are that since there are two Steve’s - one in the ice and one not - he knows that everything will be okay, because he knows where frozen Steve is going and what’s going to happen.

And I think Steve would have recognized the dangerous of trying to change anything massive, and took that as a sign to rest.

And finally, for Peggy-for dear Peggy, who spends years grieving him and even longer moving on - can still love him while living her life. She can still miss him and change, but I don’t think either of them changed in any ways at their cores. They are still enough of the same people, that it would make sense to see a Steve come back ten years later to the best and most influential person of his life, and for things to still work out. And Peggy - having moved on, having started a whole life without him - could see the chance she has been given, understand she is getting a choice she might not have gotten, and decide that yes, she still loves him; and yes, she still wants him, so why not continue her work and allow him to continue to inspire her, perhaps in more ways than just his memory did?

I don’t understand the issue here. People saying Steve took away Peggy’s life are in the same way saying that he shouldn’t go back and try to rescue Bucky (which, in another branch, assuming it was safe to do so, he would have); because Bucky faces a lot of growth in the future. Why take that away from him, just as he would be taking Peggy’s growth away from her?

At the end of the day, Peggy moves on. But still, she loves him. Getting him back doesn’t take away that pain or growth, just gives her another chance at this choice in life-the choice to receive him back; the choice to get to know him, as the person she has become and as the person he has become, while still understand they’re the same at their cores; it’s the choice both she and Steve have always so desperately wanted.

So, then, I don’t think we can really complain too much.

Is it a good ending? Yes. A slandering one? Not so much. Every soldier has to return home sometime, and at the end of the day that is what Steve is - not even just a soldier, but just a good man moving on with his life.

#Avengers Endgame #Steve Rogers #Peggy Carter #Steggy #sorry for the length I just got off on it lol

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sevensoulmates · 2 months

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Hi there 👋 may I have your opinion on this? Because I feel like it's the general consensus that Eddie may not be all that unaware of the way his feelings towards Buck runs deeper than friendship right? he has been stocking his feelings away in this little glass box he is so careful holding close to his heart, and he doesn't really have to examine those feelings because he firmly believes Buck is straight right? and then Buck's new revelation will be crashing down on him like:

while Eddie is running away from queerness.

And I absolutely can't wait to see Eddie overanalyzing every past and future interaction with Buck under this new light and be like:

I'm so ready for this development 🍿🍿🍿 and I've always wondered if the reason it feels like Eddie was always making heart eyes at Buck was a Ryan thing, like he was playing the character the way he wants or it's him being directed to do that acting choices. Hopefully we will now soon.

Finally, do you think they will be addressing the couch theory again, at some point or will they brush it off?

I've been reading your last meta again and again (and I will do it again) still daydreaming about 7x04, still on cloud nine, total bliss 🤗

Sorry for the delayed response. Had a busy work day today. You've actually touched on one of those things that I go back and forth on a lot when it comes to Eddie and that is the idea of whether or not he is aware (on some level) of his sexuality and/or feelings for Buck.

I've seen some great arguments that he is aware but not able to COMPREHEND his feelings, and simply packed them away. And I've also seen some great arguments on Eddie not being aware at all and having just repressed it all so deeply that even though he feels his feelings, he's never allowed himself to think about what they actually mean. There's a lot of overlap in the two arguments and I think there's some truth to both.

A good friend of mine Zee @tawaifeddiediaz presented me with an interesting thinking point which is the possibility that Eddie may have realized his feelings for Buck on some level at the time of the shooting in the season 4 finale but due to the traumatic nature of the event, repressed them alongside his other feelings regarding that event, which I am inclined to agree with.

Personally, I hesitate to say that Eddie is consciously aware of his feelings/sexuality at the current point in time because then it makes me feel weird regarding his actions with dating Marisol. That's a large reason why I'm pretty certain Eddie isn't aware, or at least fights back against his feelings so hard that he's unknowingly overcorrecting by dating women.

Because if there's one thing about Eddie it's that he is almost always existing in a state of denial in one way or another. Denial about the reality of what his relationship with his parents was like, denial about how unhappy his relationship with Shannon was, denial about the fact that Christopher does not NEED a mother to live a good life, denial that he deserves happiness, denial about how deeply the war affected him, denial about how he feels regarding being with women. It's just denial, denial, denial with him. So I guess on some level in order to exist in that perpetual state of denial, one has to at least be aware on SOME level that there IS something to be in denial about, right?

I'm open to whatever the writers have in mind up their sleeve for Eddie. Now that they have the freedom to go down this route if they want, I trust they'll do it well.

As for the couch theory, I think people need to stop thinking about it as something that was introduced in season 6 and needed to be conclusively wrapped in season 6. I think it was more so meant to be a series-long metaphor for "once Buck finds his home, he'll have found where he needs to be". And that's really what the couch metaphor means to me. So, no, I don't really think the show needs to have Buck be like "hey, Eddie, want to go pick out a couch with me?" Instead, I think they can just have Buck, Eddie and Christopher sit on the couch in Eddie's home altogether once Buddie is canon and that would be more than for me to feel like the "couch theory" was satisfied.

#911 abc #buddie #eddie diaz #speculation #analysis #911 speculation

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give-soup-please · 2 years

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Hi!! Can i request how the narrator would react to a reader with abandonment issues (romantic)?

Narrator and Reader with abandonment issues

However bad you’ve got it, I can guarantee the narrator has it worse. If you look at his actions post skip button ending, themes of loneliness and companionship crop up a lot.

He’ll be delighted that someone has the potential to become so attached to him. Depending on where he is in his stage of character development, he may even use it to his advantage. Recovery from trauma comes in odd stages, especially where he’s concerned. The sliding scale of worst to best behavior goes as follows.

Phase one: “It’s quite funny that you think I’d ever leave you behind. Neither of us will be going anywhere. Ever.”

Phase two: “I’m not like the others, reader. I’ll never abandon you. It will be grand, just the two of us, always together. I can’t wait to spend every waking moment with you.

Phase three: “I’m quite flattered, really. Yes, I can very much see that we’re both going to enjoy keeping each other company. It’s a relief to find a like minded individual.”

Phase four: “Well now, I’d be quite glad of the companionship. Thank you.”

After developing past phase four, he’d focus much more on reassurance.

“Reader, I actually do enjoy spending time with you. I see no possible reason why I’d make the choice to leave you behind.”

And, “I know I joke about going away on occasion, but really, why would I want to abandon someone whose company I enjoy so much? That makes as much sense as Stanley loving that… Ridiculous bucket.”

When the narrator is romantically inclined, he’s much more gentle about it. “I love you, reader. I’ve never desired for us to be apart, even for a moment. Especially on your bad days. Why would I wish to leave the side of someone as precious to me as you?”

Again, depending on which stage of character development he’s at, how severe his abandonment issues are will vary wildly. He can range from being cripplingly attached to you, all the way to being able to leave for short periods of time before rushing right back to your side.

But chances are, the narrator also struggles with these things, and will need reassurance as well.

#the narrator x reader #the stanley parable #tsp narrator #tsp #headcanon #answered ask #stanley parable #narrator #tsp narrator x reader

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antianakin · 2 years

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So I normally am pretty willing to follow Lucas's intentions regarding Anakin and the Jedi in terms of how Anakin was selfish and greedy and the Jedi were perfect and did nothing wrong ever at all, I am!

But then Lucas says that Anakin was "fine" in Revenge of the Sith, that he's still a kind person by then, that the person he is in Revenge of the Sith is the person who was still overall good because that's the person he gets to be seen as when he dies.

And uh. This is where we differ.

Because unlike Lucas, I care about the Tusken massacre and I don't consider that just an unfortunate stepping stone towards a WORSE crime in a few years. I don't consider the Tusken massacre something that Anakin can just brush under the rug and move on from and still be considered a good person.

Anakin's not a good person in TCW, he's not a good person in ROTS. The moment he makes the choice to kill an entire village of PEOPLE, up to and including children (and likely also elderly and possibly infirm), he's not a good person anymore.

But I don't think Lucas entirely considers the Tuskens people himself. We as an audience are meant to SORT-OF see them as people because we're meant to see what he does as dark, but I think in some ways you're also supposed to sort-of agree that the Tuskens are kind-of animals. Like this is about the same level of sad as if Anakin had gone out and killed a wolf pack, up to and including the puppies simply because they would grow into adult wolves. Is it a lot of violence, some of which was unnecessary? Yes. Is it truly an unforgivably dark deed? Eh, it's not as bad as if he'd killed a HUMAN family, they're still just wolves after all.

But 20 years out from Attack of the Clones, with the ways newer creators are attempting to revamp the Tuskens and re-examine them and give them more humanity in stories, Anakin's actions then look worse and worse. Equally as bad as what he did to the Jedi three years later. It wasn't a temporary foray into a little bit of darkness that he managed to come back from, it was his first major step into being a dark side user that he clearly continues to utilize over those three years. We see Anakin more and more inclined towards violence first, towards black/white us/them thinking, that ultimately coalesces in his choice to murder Dooku on the Invisible Hand and then obviously Order 66. But his final choice to become a Sith isn't made as a good man suddenly choosing to be evil.

It's made as an already selfish, greedy, evil man choosing to make the evil stuff official. Before, he was sometimes doing good things, and sometimes doing evil things (which, let's be clear, makes him still overall an evil person, he doesn't get to get away with occasionally being evil just because he occasionally does some good things), and now he's just choosing to go full-time with the evil deeds and take the title that goes along with that.

ROTS Anakin is Dark the ENTIRE WAY THROUGH. TCW Anakin is Dark the ENTIRE WAY THROUGH. He's already a mass murderer, a mass child murderer, who consistently does choose violence and selfishness and possessiveness over being a good person. He is already someone who will consistently choose the easy path over the one that requires even an OUNCE of emotional labor on his part.

Lucas's racism towards the Tuskens means he can see ROTS and TCW Anakin as still, overall, a good person. Yes, he made a mistake, and he occasionally still lets his anger overtake him a bit, but overall still a good buddy good pal good friendo who is so totally nowhere NEAR being a real bad guy!

But these days, that no longer flies. Anakin is not an overall good person after the Tuskens, he's a Dark Side user. He sometimes uses it less, sometimes uses it more, but he's pretty much always pulling from the Dark. He's fighting "on behalf of the Republic" but he's also often ANGRY at the Separatists, he HATES the Separatists, and uses those feelings to give him strength when he fights. He's possessive of Ahsoka and massively attached to her, he's attached to Obi-Wan, attached to Padme, and practically spins apart into nearly going full Dark Side every time any one of them is in danger. The moment Anakin decides to give in and massacre the Tuskens, he's gone. He's a Dark Side user, so he's not a good person.

When he becomes a Sith, he doesn't change or become a different person, he just gets demonstrably WORSE. Significantly and noticeably WORSE, because now there are zero attempts to control it or channel it into anything remotely resembling the right thing to do, there's just Darkness, and evil choices. Every choice he makes is another Tusken massacre.

#star wars #george lucas #tuskens #tusken raiders #anti anakin skywalker #anti anakin #anakin critical #anakin skywalker critical #racism tw

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boltlightning · 7 months

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writing pattern game

tagged by the splendid @tortoisesshells, thank you kindly <3

Rules: Share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able and see if there are any patterns! (i am a rebel and using two sentences where relevant)

landfall (potc + dragons) Summer arrives bright and quick. Morning mists roll off the water, through the trees like ghosts, and up the guardian cliffs of Port Royal, pillowing the small town that lies sleepy beneath the rigid shadow of Fort Charles.

tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow (baldur's gate) “I think I need to go to camp for a while,” Karlach says, breathing heavily.

steadfast and dependable (potc, marriage au) If there is one word to describe her husband, Elizabeth has learned that it is steadfast. She has a number of other choice adjectives for him as any wife does, a side effect of the contempt that familiarity breeds, but she cannot deny that he is reliant.

ashes, ashes (final fantasy vii, advent children au) For all its roughness, Edge is a welcome sight after months of living in Kalm. The city’s sprawl, tucked beneath the shadow of the continent’s ancient rounded mountains and the still-smoldering ruins of Midgar beyond, is a crop of seedlings sprouting from scorched earth.

windfall (potc + dragons the prequel) Norrington leans back on his heels as he examines the battle before him, taking a rare breath.

on fastenings (potc, norribeth) “Having trouble?”

there stands an ancient grove (hadestown) Fall comes when Persephone calls for the train.

till the long days, chapter 30: epilogue (assassin's creed ii, greek mythology death loop au) The journey that brings Ezio to Altaïr’s library has lasted decades. It began with his death, and by completing it, he will receive the rest of his life.

beyond this morning (potc) As the heat of the day wanes, lush breezes off the sea sweeping relief upon the town at last, so too does the excitement.

monsters of men (potc) The Endeavor sails a day behind the Flying Dutchman, following the handy trail of destruction through the pirate-infested waters.

patterns:

goddamn do i love to talk about sunlight and scenery

it's difficult for me to jump directly into action, and this illustrates that pretty clearly

lots of short sentence openers followed by a long, more descriptive one. i used to do the single pithy sentence-as-paragraph opener for EVERYTHING and i'm very glad i've moved past that

the concept of long days was never easy to explain. it would be deeply unmarketable as a new adult fantasy novel

tagging @thesumdancekid @graysongraysoff if you are so inclined!!!! and of COURSE anyone who wants to yoink this is welcome to do so

#tag game #*fic #(sorta)#someone take commas away from me

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sabraeal · 10 months

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The Strong Pack Thrives, Part 1

[Read on AO3]

Sequel to The Lone Wolf Survives

Hardly two steps into the breakfast room and the scent assaults her: pork sausage with fennel and garlic, some root vegetable-- potato perhaps-- fried crisp and spritzed with lemon, charred tomatoes with spring onions, a milky sauce of indeterminate spice but what is there is certainly a lot. There’s more besides; an entire basket full of muffins calls to her, as well as small danishes laid out on a tray and topped with generous helpings of jam and custard. But none of those pastries cling to her nose, overwhelming her with choice. Eisetsu’s table had never been sparse, but this morning--

Well, no one would ever guess that they had all spent almost an hour trying to scrub char and pitch and dirt from their skin last night, or that what remained of her clothes had been resigned to the furnace, not the laundry. Thank goodness they’d thought to change before riding out after Ryuu; Eisetsu was no alpha to begrudge her a ruined gift, especially if the ruination was in his service, but still-- she would have spent all breakfast, wondering if she should bare her neck.

“Good morning, Shirayuki,” he calls out, his usual sunny smile sedate. It’s habit to ask if there’s something the matter-- or, more pressing, if there’s anything she can do about it-- but she remembers the woman locked in the suite upstairs, still wrangling with the after effects of Touka Bergatt’s long-term attentions, and bites it back. Obi hadn’t had time to delve into the details of just what happened at the masque, but it didn’t take much to gather that it hadn’t been the joyous reunion Eisetsu had hoped.

“Ah, yes.” She bustles over to breakfast, attempting to be chipper enough for the both of them. “Good morn--”

“Shirayuki!” The chair legs screech across the parquet before Zen catches himself, half risen from his seat. “Ah, I mean. Mistress Shirayuki. It’s pleasure to see you.”

A lord does not rise for a commoners. An alpha does not rise for a beta. And a prince, well...there is a reason why Zen coughs, awkward, before shuffling his chair beneath him. Eisetsu, for his part, only tilts his head, sending a curious glance her way.

“Good morning, Your Highness,” she replies with as formal a bow as she can make with a plate in her hands. “Lady Kiki. Sir Mitsuhide. It’s an honor to dine with you this morning.”

A raised eyebrow from Rugilia’s lord warns her that she has perhaps laid it all on too thick. Obi is a knight of the Royal Circle, an aide to the prince of Clarines; as high as the rest of them ranked, both by blood and inclination, they were his close colleagues. And if she were his, er...

I think I mentioned-- even now she fells the rumble at her back, the hot breath washing over her ear --that alphas like to take care of their mates, Miss.

...Ah, whatever she might be, she would know them. Not well, but enough that she wouldn’t need to bow and scrape. Ugh, this one little lie had seemed so simple when it was just between her and Obi, but now with Zen here, and Kiki, and Mitsuhide-- it’s unwieldy. Every action must be calculated, joy rationed in every smile, and--

And she’s saved from much more of it by a shuffle in the hall. Or several shuffles, perhaps even a scuffle, each one far more awkward than her own, until somehow all the jostling ejects both offenders through the door.

“Lord Tsuruba!” Eisetsu calls out, a hair too loud for the room. “And, er...Lord Tariga...? What a pleasure for you two to join us.”

Side by side, the differences between them are stark; not simply because of Tariga’s braid and Tsuruba’s scar, but because of the way they hold their faces. Similar features mold to distinct persons now that she can see that Tsuruba wields a bland politeness like a shield, making each twitch of his nose or lift of his lips a full expression in itself; or that Tariga’s brows naturally settle at a quizzical angle, like a constant question caught is between his teeth, ready to fall with every breath.

And yet, despite their expression, their scent shifts to a similar shade of skeptical, dubious that their presence at this table could be anything but tolerated, that their duty to attend might be anything but a burden to those already seated.

Ah. Shirayuki rubs at her nose. Strange. She’s not use to so much from a simple sniff. Perhaps she’s simply overstimulated; Eisetsu’s spread is far more pungent this morning, most likely to impress the alphas in the royal party-- or at least, who he assumes are alphas. Still, it pales to the banquets at the palace; there may be a glut of scents, a veritable feast for the nose, but it lacks the complexity of what the castle kitchens put out.

Or maybe, a traitorous part of her whispers in her ear, it has something to do with last night.

It’s-- it’s impossible. It’s not as if she hadn’t-- if she had never--

Well, a beta may not fly into heat or fall into a rut, but Shirayuki had certainly put a hand between her legs before. A few times, even, when the nights ran late and her mind still paced the lab’s floors, composing notes that wouldn’t make it to the page until morning. Something to...to ease the way to sleep. To shut off.

Ah, but in that carriage, shutting off had been the furthest thing from her mind. His hands had skimmed up her thighs, and she had wanted to-- to--

Do something. She hardly knew what, but seeing Obi there across from her after, unfinished and undone--

Her hands had itched, her lips stung. We can do more later, he had rumbled, too low, and--

Clink.

“Shirayuki!” Eisetsu springs to his feet, blinking owlishly at where she stands. “Are you quite all right.”

She glances down, and, ah...the plate rests in one palm, and in another, a piece of it, broken in the shape of her grip. “Oh, goodness! I’m, ah...”

When she dressed this morning, grimacing at the marks she could only hope a high collar would cover, the choice had not felt convenient let alone fortunate. But now, with heat flaring over her chest, threatening to spill up the column of her neck, she feels...armored, if not precisely comfortable. Protected, from scrutiny, at least.

“Please, don’t worry yourself.” With a wave of his hand, a footman appears to take it from her, scurrying it away into the kitchens. “I’m sure it was just...badly thrown. Flawed before it even came to the table!”

“Right.” Considering the expense for gilded dishware she would hope not, but there’s hardly a better explanation. “I just...is Obi coming down to breakfast?”

Zen blinks at her. “I was about to ask you the same thing.”

“My thought exactly, Your Highness.” Eisetsu’s mouth curves impishly as he tucks in behind his meal. “You are the one with the best opportunity to inquire as to his, mm, morning plans, aren’t you?”

As if the insinuation wasn’t enough, Eisetsu glances around the table, expectant. He’s anticipates their knowing looks, that the royal party will gleefully seize the opportunity to tease Lilias’s most famous lovebirds--

But it is only met with a quizzical silence. Zen’s narrowed gaze darts between them before he ventures, “What's that supposed to mean?”

“If you’re looking for Obi,” comes a soft voice from the hall, “I think I might be able to provide some assistance.”

They’d arrived here last night, all squeezed in on one carriage bench, pressed shoulder-to-shoulder like sardines in can-- him, Miss, and their little pup. No reason for it either; Master had hopped in with Eisetsu without a whisper of warning, Miss Kiki and Sir keeping pace on either of side of them in case of trouble. So they might have taken up the whole cab, letting Obi stretch out his cramped legs and letting the air carry away Miss’s troublesome scent. It’s just--

It felt right. Charred and dirt-stained and foul-smelling as they were, the moment he’d thrown himself to the cushions and Ryuu had followed, burying his nose in the rent beneath his shoulder, Obi felt...

Home. It was home. And Miss piling in on the other side, the sweet scent of her still there, strong beneath the smoke and soil--

His cock twitches, the mattress rising to cradle it, to give it far more attention than its due. He shifts, just enough that his groan is lost in the labyrinth of the pillow’s down, but it doesn’t help, doesn’t do anything but make him wish her soft skin was beneath his neck. Reminds him that he could sink his cock as deep as his teeth into something warm, into something that sighed at Miss’s pitch--

“Obi?”

It’s an effort to lift his head, to even turn enough so that he can see who shuffles at his bedside. His senses are addled by her scent, searching for it, yearning, but-- but the one in his room isn’t hers. Isn’t one he knows, not at first, not until his eyes finally focus and he’s met with blue in a moon-pale face, dark hair no longer long enough to tumble over his forehead. No, it’s cut to look just like his. In the market, a woman asked whether they were brothers, and he--

He needs to focus. “Ryuu...” Haah, his mouth is parched. “What...what are you doing here?”

Big eyes blink at him in a face he can’t quite reconcile to the shaggy mop of a kid he caught under Miss’s desk all those years ago. The one who hadn’t climbed a tree or caught fireflies or had a growth spurt that made his legs ache. The one who used to smell like the stockroom, herby and indistinct, like he caught a whiff of it through an open door, and now--

Now there’s a musk to it, a hint of something deeper. He’s changing; no, Ryuu’s growing up, and Obi’s not sure into who. Someone better than him, that’s for sure. “Breakfast.”

The smell might be different, less herbal tea and more...forest floor, but it’s soothing. Like a cool compress to a fever, the first stirrings of his rut eases. “Where at?”

If it’s one of those informal grab-and-go businesses, he might be able to make it. Just throw his loosest tunic over this whole situation and stuff his pockets full of food. In and out and no one the wiser. “The usual room.”

Which means the informal dining room. Same as the formal one, but no dressing up required. Grabbing encouraged, but not the going. “Right.”

Intimate, is what Eisetsu liked to call his breakfasts. Table right up close to the spread so everyone can comment on what is and isn’t going on a plate. Best seats in the house to witness his ever-growing situation while he got his bacon and eggs.

Damn. He’d really been hoping for a handful of that sausage. Betas keep their table bland-- they don’t know better, really-- but it was recipe from the old count’s time. Man might have been a bastard, but he sure knew how to spice a--

“Obi.” Ryuu stares at him-- no, through him, brows angled like arrows over his nose. “Last night you ate quickly and left.”

It was that or break his hand to keep from feeding Miss from his plate. Kiki had offered her half a scone and he nearly jumped the table.

“You don’t smell right either.” Those wide eyes squint, suspicion caught up in their corners. A knowing he’d rather the kid not have. Not about this. “Are you feeling unwell?”

There’s a stress on it, unwell. Like the way Sir said indisposed when Kiki spent three days locked in her room after Sereg, or Miss said unavailable when Yuzuri made the whole wing smell like butter and citrus.

“Me, pup? I’m in top form.” He gives his chest a rap, just to prove it. “That perfume rattled me a bit, I’m not too proud to admit it, but everything’s right as rain now. Problem is--” he leans in, conspiratorial “--it’s getting crowded around here.”

His mouth fouls up into a frown. “Do you need more suppressants? I made another batch before we left. I can get them now.”

“Ahh. No, no.” There’s nothing those can do for him now, not with a rut so close even his bones feel heavy, begging him to find someone to hold his weight. “I just. Need a bit. Just a day or two to clear out my nose before I play the good omega again.”

“Uh-huh.” Ryuu hasn’t gotten as far as he has at Lilias without knowing a lie when he hears it. But he’s also got experience in keeping secrets, and Obi knows: he’ll keep this one too, so long as it’s safe. “You’ll let me know if you need something. Or Shirayuki?”

“I’ll tell you.” That’s the last thing he needs right now, having her in here. But her scent... “Hey, Little Ryuu, do you think you could do me a favor?”

“Which is why he’s still in his room.” There’s a tightness around Ryuu’s mouth as he speaks, a grimace concealed through movement. He’s keeping something from them, holding something back, and by the way he can’t quite meet her eye, Shirayuki knows it’s not about the crowd.

“He’s not coming, then?” He nods, tight and quick, before turning to the buffet, plate already in hand. “Maybe he’s finally able to relax.”

The muffin drops from between his tongs, rolling across the table before he stiffly picks it up. “Maybe. He definitely slept.”

Guilt stings her nose, sharp and strong as vinegar. She wants to press, to ask just how he might know that for a fact, but Zen’s snort interrupts her. “That one? I bet. He’s practically nocturnal.”

“I don’t think sleep is the issue here,” Kiki hums, her smirk tipping into a wry slant.

“You know how he leans against a wall with his arms crossed sometimes?” Zen leans toward Ryuu, a grin stretched across his lips. “He’s actually sleeping.”

This time when heat gathers at her collar, it’s not pleasant. No, this time her stomach roils, and the flush spreads like steam, right up to the tips of her ears. “That’s--”

That’s because his work keeps him up at night, she manages to snap her teeth around just in time, and then by morning you expect him to sit at your heels.

It takes a breath-- several, all of them under the table’s intense scrutiny-- for her to catch herself, for her to calm enough to say, “I mean that he’s able to relax now that all of you are here. With you around, he doesn’t have to worry...”

About keeping me safe. She glances up at Eisetsu, his curiosity politely perked. “He’s had a long few days, I mean.”

“Oh, I bet. He’ll emerge sooner or later.” Zen smiles at her over the rim of his teacup. “He’ll sneak out of his room, prowling and hungry for lunch.”

“Oh.” Ryuu blinks from his position at the buffet. “He told me to bring him some kind of sandwich.”

Kiki’s brows lift. “A brazen request for an absentee.”

“He put in his appearances last night,” Mitsuhide reminds them, slicing into a thick piece of ham. For one, bright moment, she believes he might be on her side, that he might defend Obi as well, but then he adds, disgruntled, “Maybe he thought that would earn him brownie points.”

“Clever.” Kiki hums, unimpressed. “Give up time now for a little time to himself later.”

Zen glances down the table, smile brimming with his usual charm. “I do apologize, Lord Eisetsu. He’s usually better behaved.”

“Oh, it’s, ah, no trouble at all.” He spares her a startled look, a question she can’t possibly answer brewing in his eyes. “Last night the man told me himself that he planned to spend half the day in his chambers. Well deserved too, if I say so myself.”

It’s with a theatrical sigh that Zen settles back in his chair, the barest hint of a smirk lingering at the corners of his mouth. “Well, what do we think? Should we forgive him? He did inform the master of the house.”

Kiki sips, too delicate, at her tea. “He certainly laid the groundwork.”

“Agreed. However--”

“I don’t think Obi needs your forgiveness.”

It’s not until every eye at the table swivels her way, aristocratic eyebrows all raised to their loftiest arches, that Shirayuki realizes that she’s spoken. That it was her foot that has come down on the neck of this conversation. But now that she has, it’s too late to stop, to keep the words from spilling out like a tea kettle boiled too hot.

“He has spent the last week getting to the bottom of a conspiracy that none of you knew anything about until after we--” Shirayuki hauls herself short of, we told you. Eisetsu has proven himself a trustworthy ally, maybe even friend; she would hate to ruin it by informing him that the prince of Clarines had been a guest in his house without his knowledge. “Last night he not only delivered the culprits to you, but a key witness, and on top of that, saved...”

It’s impossible to put into words what Ryuu is to her. To them. How frantically her heart had raced when they found that bookmark in the forest, the terrible tearing in her gut as she traced the bloody patterns of their secret knock.

“Shira--” There’s the smallest scrape of a chair as Zen makes to rise, his hand lifting off the table to reach out to her, but--

But one curious glance from Eisetsu keeps him in his seat. Because, of course, to him Zen is merely her lover’s lord, an acquaintance that only reflects the favor he must shower on Obi.

“Ah...” There’s an apology in Zen’s eyes, but it’s only for her. “Of course, Miss Shirayuki. We were only teasing. Force of habit. For an omega, Obi always gives as good as he gets.”

Right. Because that’s what they know him as: an omega, an easy and eager target. Not the alpha who bows his head to earn his place. Not the man who--

“If you would excuse me.” Her chair screeches back as she stands, the room suddenly too small, too hot. She glances at Eisetsu. “My lord?”

He blinks back at her. “O-of course, Shirayuki. Was the food not to your liking? You’ve barely eaten--?”

“No.” She can’t bear to look at any of them as she says, “I’ve lost my appetite.”

“Shira--” Zen catches himself. “Miss Shirayuki, do you need someone to--?”

“No, I’m fine. Just...” She shakes her head. “I need space.”

Shirayuki’s hardly more than a few steps from the hall before she collapses against the wall, tearing at the neck of her dress. She’s sweating, cold and hot at the same time.

“What,” she gasps, pressing her head into her hands, “is wrong with me?”

#obiyukibingo23 #obiyuki #akagami no shirayukihime #snow white with the red hair #my fic #abo au #ans #yes it is BACK because the bingo gods LAUGH in the face of my PAIN #and also because there is a handful of ladies who would not let me rest #this chapter is mainly set up for what is going to come after #more of it than i initially planned!#BUT HERE WE ARE #because if i'm gonna write abo i'm gonna make people suffer PLOT

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