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#HELP this is so funny anon
clingyduoapologist · 6 months
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Clings ngl you literally were a transhet icon in my head, i was like haha what a cool guy I'm always glad when transmen are so proud and open about their heterosexuality. You're cis. This is devastating to me clings
You're like that one dude in the video of a world where being gay is the norm and straight a minority wth
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introspectivememories · 3 months
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mister lewis hamilton, sir, how are you gonna go on live television and talk about about how your karting days were the best times of your career and still never say nico's name? not once but multiple times??? oh you mean the karting your did with your childhood best friend nico rosberg? that karting? the karting where you met him? the karting where your families became friends? the karting where you spent months in italy together? the pizza eating contests and torn up hotel rooms? the frosties? the unicycling? that karting???? "i'm over the divorce," says man who is soo not over the divorce.
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nekropsii · 6 months
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I personally hate the beforan trolls because it seems like they were made just to parody the audience of like 15 year olds online in a way that makes it clear the author HATES them. They’re one dimensional and not a single one of them is a good person in any way. Do you feel this way? I just hate reading the beforus part because it feels so hostile to the people reading it.
Hi, I don’t mean to be rude, but this is the funniest possible fucking ask to send to the literal sole and only Alpha Troll analysis blog. Are you new here?
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aurumacadicus · 17 days
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Oh oh oh!!! 37 or 73. Dealer’s choice.
Thanks!
I decided to be nice and went with 73 <3
--
"I am getting real tired of meeting you here," Tony said, and he looked just as long-suffering as he sounded when Steve looked up at him through the bars of his cell. "I'm also getting real tired of everyone but you calling me for help."
Steve opened his mouth, but he wasn't entirely certain what to say. He's called Tony for help the first time he'd gotten arrested, but Tony had looked so bewildered and... sort of offended when he'd arrived? Steve had decided he'd stop calling Tony and just call on his less judgemental teammates (Bruce was a no-go after the second time) to come bail him out. He had no idea why they, in turn, had called Tony up to take on his bail. He always offered to pay them back, and he always showed up for court.
Come to think of it, the judge was starting to look at him a lot like Tony was, Steve mused, rubbing his hand over his mouth to hide an amused smile.
"You know," Tony continued when Steve said nothing, and the smile dropped from his face when he realized he'd actually been waiting for a response. "I understand you're trying to... figure yourself out, or whatever Natasha said. I just wish--"
"I am not trying to figure myself out. I am punching neo-nazis," Steve corrected firmly. "I do not enjoy punching neo-nazis. In fact, I very much dislike the fact that there are neo-nazis to punch."
Tony pursed his lips, obviously unimpressed. "The pictures the Daily Bugle post show you looking quite happy to punch them. It looks a little unhinged actually and I am officially asking you to fucking cut it out for a month. I have a fundraiser for the Maria Stark Foundation and I don't want to spend the entire thing fielding questions about your disdain for the law."
"I've never been convicted of a crime," Steve began, drawing himself up in offense.
"You're Captain America. Who wants to convict Captain America of a crime when you punch a neo-nazi?" Tony retorted, crossing his arms over his chest. "Stop punching people. Find a different hobby. I hear bird watching and crossword puzzles are popular with your age group."
"I'm telling Natasha you think her crossword puzzles make her old," Steve tried again.
"Her gardening hobby makes her old too. Make sure you tell her I said that," Tony retorted, then stepped closer, pointing at him through the bars. "I'm telling you one last time before I put my foot up your ass, Steve. Do things that make you happy--within the confines of the legal system."
It took everything in him not to immediately answer 'no.' He thought Tony might actually break through the bars and murder him. "Okay."
Tony blinked at him, apparently having expected more argument. Steve normally would have given him one, but Tony had proved very protective over his mother's foundation and all the events it held. Steve didn't feel inclined to push his luck. Especially since he was inside the cell and Tony was not, and Tony could leave him here.
"...Okay," Tony finally agreed. He narrowed his eyes skeptically. Steve tried to look as innocent as possible and was rewarded with a sour, "Don't do that."
"Fine," Steve said, contrite expression dropping. "Can we leave?"
Tony continued to stare at him, considering. Finally, though, he huffed, rolling his eyes. "Fine. I sent your court date to Natasha since you broke your phone on someone's face. Please stop doing illegal shit until after the gala."
Steve sighed. "Fine. Can I take you out to coffee? That's not illegal anymore apparently."
Tony whipped around to stare at him again, aghast. Finally, he managed to bark a confused, "HUH?"
"You told me to find my happiness within legal confines," Steve reasoned. "Homosexuality was legalized in New York in the eighties. I looked it up."
Tony stared at him a little longer, then let out a reedy, overwhelmed laugh. "What are you talking about?!"
"Let's discuss it over coffee," Steve tried again, and then, "Or dinner? Whichever you prefer."
"Shut the fuck up," Tony laughed, rolling his eyes, and finally turned to leave. "I'll go tell the officer to let you out."
Steve watched him go, stunned. Then he crossed his arms over his chest with a huff. This was why he preferred punching neo-nazis. They, at least, knew what his intentions were. He could probably give Tony a 'will you go out with me? yes or yes' note and he'd just laugh and say he forgot to add 'no.'
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batsplat · 13 days
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Chad reed on always the entourages creating the drama. I cannot believe that is what caused rosquez downfall but also given the level of Vale's celebrity and the way he carried himself, I can totally believe that it was the entourage (iPad stand I'm looking at you) that brought the end
(about reed's 2020 quotes in this) yeahhh I mean the downfall was caused by a whole bunch of factors, not just any one thing... like all great tragic narratives, it feels inevitable from a global perspective and yet thoroughly preventable in its specifics, with loads of points where you think, 'oh, if things had just gone a little bit differently'... there's this tension in how, in the end, maybe it would've always gone wrong, but a lot had to come together for it to go wrong in quite such a spectacular fashion
reed's definitely correctly identified one of the factors - the entourages, and valentino's entourage specifically. though fwiw, I did cut off the article before reed predicted the marc/fabio rivalry was headed a similar way (this was from 2020, obviously before the arm injury):
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for better or for worse, fabio has skipped the villain arc to head straight to the depressed frenchie arc
regardless of whether this rift would have happened or not, the idea that marc would have gotten a new appreciation for the situation valentino found himself in is at least an interesting one. though if anything, the rivalry with fabio would have more closely paralleled valentino's with the other aliens (new talent coming through, but with the previously dominant rider still a regular winner). now is the time marc's learning what it feels like to come back from a prolonged absence from being competitive at the highest level - and of course with a new superstar simultaneously making his debut
so yeah, anyway, tragedy, you can point to all sorts of strains and pressures and tension inherent to professional sport that were exacerbated by the personalities involved and the influence of the media and the passage of time etc etc. but never mind all that, let's get back to entourages! I know you mention everybody's favourite b-list shakespeare villain, but I'm going to basically mostly ignore him because it's well-trodden ground. yeah, it does help to have one guy who's whispering poison into your ear for a prolonged stretch of time before showing up at your motorhome doorstep with a bunch of telemetry and a dream. and yeah, there were people in valentino's entourage definitely encouraging this path to doom. but what I'm also interested in is the flip side - why nobody stopped him
I would like to submit into evidence this passage detailing the thoughts of vale's mechanic alex briggs. now briggs in this excerpt blames two groups for how things went down in 2015:
the yamaha side (specifically the press group) for not talking him down from the ledge before the presser
the crew chief and other assorted italians on the team for being too "yessy" and not standing up to him
let's briefly (for a given value of the word) focus on the first one. if you're a random yamaha pr person and you see the valentino rossi run to a press conference (given he was late) with a bunch of papers in his hands (well, he's not actually holding the papers in those gifs, but presumably somebody's got them), it's probably a tough ask to expect you to hold up the valentino rossi and ask him what exactly he's intending to do with those papers. also, is he really going to back off because you, random yamaha pr person, have asked him to please not accuse the competition of sabotage? added context is that some at yamaha were aware of what valentino thought about the race at phillip island (which we'll get to in a sec), but god knows if the pr people did. unless he confided in anyone on the yamaha side what the plan was, a lot of them would have been blindsided too - which does come back to the problem of how big a deal valentino is and how maybe you're a little more cautious about questioning what he's about to do with those papers than you would be with somebody else. it does feel like perhaps a bit too much to expect for them to have launched some last-minute intervention, or to even know what kind of intervention they could have gone for beyond low-level comedy hijinks to stop him from even getting to that room. why did nobody from yamaha place a banana skin in his path
but we do know that at least some in yamaha were aware of valentino's great big phillip island sabotage theory, because lin jarvis has very helpfully told us as much (from the post-sepang media scrum):
Q: Do you think it was a mistake for Valentino to [provoke?] Marc so much on Thursday with a very personal and hard attack? Jarvis: There are always many different ways of addressing different problems - Valentino chose to do it in that way. Perhaps that is what provoked Marc into being quite aggressive on the track. I really don't know, you need to ask Marc not me about that. Every action has a consequence. That's life. Q: And did you know before that Valentino was going to be so aggressive with Marc in the press conference? Did you know before? Did you discuss with Valentino about this decision or you didn't know until it happened? Jarvis: Personally, I was not aware of that. I was aware of Valentino's opinion of the race in Australia, but I was not aware... but I was not aware that he would - Q: Don't you think because Valentino at the end of the day is an employee of Yamaha he should discuss before with you about such an important decision, to attack a rider of another factory in such a heavy way [...]? Jarvis: You can't control every incident, everything that happens and you know, generally we have a very good [...] relation, connection with our riders, we talk to them before about things before, but anyway I think this is something Valentino felt strongly about and it was his decision and that's it.
note the use of the word "personally", which does leave the door open to others within yamaha (outside of valentino's inner circle) knowing what was going to happen. jarvis, unsurprisingly, comes down pretty firmly on the side of 'well what were we supposed to do'. given that jarvis admits he knew valentino's theory and is hardly a stranger to valentino's modus operandi - after all, he was already team boss at the time of another tense press conference in sepang eleven years prior that took place in the wake of valentino accusing a competitor of messing with him - you do have to wonder whether yamaha could not have tried a little harder to stop valentino. but again, accounting for the power of valentino's status and the power of his character, I'm personally unconvinced yamaha could've done much to convince valentino to change his mind
so then: the italians. a little bit of context - briggs started working with crew chief jerry burgess in 1994 and both of them were on mick doohan's team for all of his five 500cc titles. when doohan's injuries forced his retirement, valentino inherited his championship-winning team upon moving up to 500cc. jb was vale's very first crew chief in the premier class, and him as well as briggs have been working with vale since december 1999. understandably, this is a very tightly-knit group. it is one that made the jump to yamaha with valentino - here's just a quick excerpt (also from oxley's valentino rossi: all his races) about briggs' thoughts on that move:
When Valentino decided to defect to Yamaha, he was determined to have his crew go with him. Only one stayed at HRC. "We first got to know about the Yamaha deal in Portugal, I think [September 2003]," Briggs continues. "I wanted to stay with JB, because I hadn't finished learning what I wanted to learn. "I remember a clandestine meeting in the car park at Phillip Island, about salaries and how everything was going to work. It was really exciting. When I very first started working with Honda the whole group was very much a team. Towards the end we felt like it started to become a bit us and them: the engineers and management, then the mechanics and the riders. They'd sort of got too big for their boots - they'd designed this wonderful bike, so it was like it had nothing to do with us. That made it easier to leave.
and also about the move to yamaha, from the 2020 barker biography of valentino:
But with his trusted crew chief Jerry Burgess and most of his other team members from the Honda garage agreeing to defect with him, Rossi had the crew he needed, not only to win but also to enjoy his racing. It was a heartening display of loyalty and something of a risk for all involved. ‘When I announced to the mechanics that I was going with Valentino they said, “I’m coming too,”’ Burgess later explained. ‘Some of those guys were leaving very secure jobs and taking a big gamble.’
the group also survived the move to ducati (obviously a deeply frustrating two years not just for the guy riding the bike) and the move back to yamaha. but then, valencia 2013, valentino announced his decision to fire jb in a press conference organised for the pair of them. his 2013 season had been deeply frustrating - yes, he had gotten a podium in his first race beating both marc and dani, but after that generally speaking he couldn't come close to matching the other aliens when healthy. he was comfortably the fourth best rider that year, scrapping and clawing his way through midfield battles and having to rely on misfortunes befalling the three title contenders to achieve his podiums and his sole victory at assen. he was considering retiring at the end of the 2014 season once his current contract expired, but wanted to try everything he could to see whether he could be competitive again against the world's very best. and so, he made the decision to roll the dice and get himself a new crew chief, the italian silvano galbusera
now I have to say, personally I have a lot of time for this decision (even if it was maybe not... uh, enacted in the most graceful of manners, given how sudden it was). I come from a sports background where a certain ruthlessness in personnel decisions is encouraged and generally praised - if something isn't working, you should have the courage to make a change, even if it's deeply uncomfortable (including on an interpersonal level). also, while it was a sudden departure, it's not like burgess was that keen on sticking around much longer (again from the same oxley book):
Valentino ended his collaboration very suddenly at the end of 2013. Burgess was shocked but not too much, because he already knew that he was coming to the end of his own career. "When it ended for me I'd already been doing it 30-odd years and I'd told Valentino a few weeks earlier that I wasn't going to sign any more multi-year contracts. I was 60 by then, so I'd go year by year. I'd already signed a contract for 2014, but I would've thought if we hadn't had any more success by then that there wasn't much point in continuing. I felt we would win more races but I was more doubtful about championships. "I'd read enough sporting biographies to know that sportsmen change their coaches towards the end of their careers. It can give them a spike in results but it doesn't change the overall story. Looking back, Valentino's career went on longer than I expected. He enjoyed some success but no more championships and that's what you race for. Of course he was in the unique position of being able to get a factory bike until he retired. He was very special and deserved everything he got."
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which, look. again, personal bias, but to me it's reasonable to part ways with somebody who doesn't think any more titles are plausible, because at that point it's just somebody who has a very different view on your career than you do and may well not stick around for much longer anyway. also, at the end of the day, jb was wrong! valentino came extremely close to winning another title, and just because he didn't, doesn't change the fact he could have. if it had rained on the 8th of november 2015 in valencia, we might be having a very different conversation. (or if they hadn't changed the bloody qualifying format post-2012.) honestly, if the 2016 and to a lesser extent the 2017 season had gone just a little differently - a working bike in mugello here and an unbroken leg there - he could have been a genuine title threat in two more seasons. in any case, what it does show is that valentino even at the end of 2013 was still as determined as ever, was ready to engage in what was a huge gamble (given how almost all his success had come with the highly decorated jb) on the off chance he might find what it took to win again. this will not have been an easy decision for valentino. here's a write-up of the presser at valencia, that stresses how uncomfortable the occasion was, how surprising a decision it was to jb, but how publicly at least there was a lack of recriminations (which, to be fair, wouldn't be much fun to do in a shared presser):
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(you'll note that the phrasing in the presser about athletes attempting to extend their carrers by changing things up is echoed in what he says in that book interview where he adds that it doesn't change the overall story, again suggesting he didn't really believe valentino would be competitive. he also uses the same phrasing in ANOTHER interview that confirms as much, but I think you get the point.) valentino said at the time, "it was a very difficult decision for me because I have a great history with jeremy. he is not just my chief mechanic. he is like part of my family. my father in racing". this is somebody he'd been working with since age 21, somebody who is not only revered within the paddock for his work with several of the sport's greats but is also a man who valentino obviously has a close personal connection to. meeting for the first time when vale snuck into the honda pit to check out the bike he might ride next season, hitting it off immediately, countless rowdy dinners together, parties, jb and another older colleague sitting back when food fights started, watching valentino grow up, working with him throughout all his big manufacturer switches, all his successes and all his failures... as much as anything else, it's evidence of how strong vale's desire to win was, how determined he continued to be, to make this choice at this stage of his career. and jb was open to the idea (at least publicly) that it might end up being a smart call:
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the 'dirtiest' part of the whole affair is how it was actually carried out - it's not great form to tell your crew chief the day before you end up doing a press conference together to announce your choice. for whatever it's worth, this is how valentino justified the timeline:
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and lastly, which I think is the most key part, is valentino's belief. because at the end of the day, the only reason why he's doing any of this, and the only reason why what was to come was possible at all, is that he himself still thought that he could challenge for another title - as much as that belief had come under strain:
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now what this piece also goes on to say is that nobody believes this will work. nobody believes that firing jb will lead to better results. people expect that this is going to lead to his retirement, quite possibly at the end of 2014. it's worth just remembering sometimes how extraordinary valentino's return to the top of the game post-2013 really was, how it went against how we expect a rider's competitive lifecycle to work, went far beyond the longevity exhibited by any top rider before or since - all while going up against riders who are widely believed to be some of the best to ever do it. valentino beat jorge in both 2014 and 2016, and remains one of two people to outscore prime marc marquez over the course of a season. not to engage in too much rossi prop here, but sepang 2015 can't really be understood without all the frustration that led up to it, to this one golden chance, this miracle that everybody had believed to be impossible (sometimes even valentino). this wasn't supposed to be happening. it was happening. and then, so so close to the finish line, valentino could feel it slipping, slipping, slipping away
but of course, we still don't know whether changing crew chiefs is the key factor that made him competitive again. maybe he just needed a bit longer to get back into the swing of things post-ducati disaster. maybe the bikes just started to suit him better. hey, maybe it was that nifty exercise regime he'd engaged in a wee spot of espionage for so that he could pinch it off his teammate. what we can say, however, is that valentino's choice both tells us a lot about his mindset, as well as (to finally bring us back to the actual point of this post) representing a massive shift in his 'entourage'. this is what briggs is referring to in his quote - the italians. the new crew chief. the people who couldn't stand up to valentino. now obviously, as mentioned above briggs had worked with jb for the better part of twenty years and can hardly be considered a neutral party. here were briggs' feelings on the matter (yeah it's from the same oxley book again, I got it new for eighteen quid which is a very generous price, would recommend):
When JB was out at the end of 2013 it was like losing my mechanic dad. I remember being in the garage when we found out about it. Then they arranged a kind of farewell, a kind of hodgepodge farewell. It was terrible, I didn't like any of it. I was just hiding behind one of the bikes in the garage, crying, going, what's going on here? It didn't seem right to me. I think maybe Valentino thought he would get faster again sooner, but I think it took at least a year to get the taste of the Ducati out of his mouth. I think if he'd stayed with JB we would've won the championship in 2015.
which. look. we don't have time to unpack all that. but. the point is that obviously briggs wasn't exactly a massive fan of the change within valentino's team, and his comments about the 2015 season do have to be read with that in mind. as to whether vale really would have done better in 2015 with jb at his side, your guess is as good as mine. all that being said, a part of me wonders how much losing that grounding presence enabled valentino's late-2015 spiral. maybe not in terms of talking valentino out of the great big fluctuating lap times treachery theory - to state the obvious, valentino got himself involved in plenty of drama during jb's time as a crew chief. jb himself occasionally helped add fuel to the fire in those feuds, like his infamous comment about how he would be able to fix the ducati's issues in 80 seconds that casey still brings up every three business days (the comments were poorly phrased but also somewhat taken out of context, in that jb was talking about a specific set-up problem). he's generally been pretty happy to be forthright about valentino's rivals, for instance this about casey:
My feeling at the time was that Casey probably only had one game plan, and having watched Casey over the years, he doesn't have a plan B. If it doesn't go his way from the outset, it's probably one of the weaknesses that he had through the youth that he had, through the lack of experience that he had. That's not a criticism of him per se, he was still only 22 at the time.
(this is about laguna seca 2008 and how he helped valentino win that race, including in plotting out vale's rather ruthless tactics - which casey was of course not exactly a fan of.) or these. uh. harsh comments about dani from spring 2010:
Q: Is that atmosphere or track knowledge? Is it like the Spanish finding something extra at the racetracks in Spain? JB: Well, therein we show the weakness, don't we? If you can get up on that weekend, on the technical racetracks of Spain, why can't you get up on the technical racetracks like Australia, where the Italians do? Lorenzo is a guy who will and does. Stoner has been able to get up on tracks all over the world. Unfortunately, Dani Pedrosa's into his 6th year in MotoGP, and he's won 8 races, Jorge Lorenzo's two months into his 3rd and he's won 6. It's night and day between those two, is the way I see it. Dani's an extremely fast rider, but a shockingly poor racer. Q: Were you surprised at Jerez [2010] when Pedrosa fought back when Lorenzo passed him? JB: When did Dani fight back? With two laps to go, and he didn't even get close enough to try to come back. Dani has never been a fighter in races, he's a lovely kid, don't get me wrong, but you can see that Lorenzo, having Pedrosa in front of him, it was never going to be the way he was going to finish that race. He was going to finish on the ground or he was going to finish in front of Pedrosa. That's the sort of race that we want, we had that with Biaggi and Valentino, and from history with Schwantz and Rainey. All the good riders have always had somebody they have had to put the target on the back of. It was Doohan and Gardner, and Doohan won that battle hands down, and I think Jorge Lorenzo's going to win this battle [with Pedrosa] hands down.
kind of a dick! so his attitude to valentino being valentino has generally been a) well having enemies is good, actually, with an added slice of b) good luck to his enemies :) - see also this quote (from the barker biography) in the context of the gibernau rivalry:
And that made Rossi even more dangerous, as Jerry Burgess pointed out: ‘Valentino is the sort of rider I wouldn’t want to get angry. He can take you apart on the track.’
so yes, jb is also perfectly brutal in his own right, as you presumably have to be to work alongside valentino so closely for so long. he is, however, also somebody valentino has a massive amount of respect for, somebody who helped turn him into a legend and is responsible for a lot of vale's success - not least, of course, in the pivotal move to yamaha. he was replaced by a man of a far far lesser stature in the sport, one who presumably would have been grateful to valentino for the biggest job he was ever going to get. if briggs is right and there was a shift in valentino in 2015, surrounded as he was by italians (derogatory) who could not stand up to him, who allowed valentino to insist on war and peace on the pit boards, to focus more and more on things that had nothing to do with riding... it would be going a little too far to say that valentino was missing an adult in the room given he was, in fact, in his thirties and should have been capable of being that adult. and who knows what jb would have said or thought or done about the great big childhood hero deception theory. but sepang 2015 was the culmination of a lot of things, including a pressure cooker of a season that grew more and more tense and put more and more stress on everyone involved - perhaps for none more so than valentino. maybe, just maybe, if he'd had somebody around him with fifteen years of experience in handling him, who could have just occasionally told him to knock it off, to concentrate on the racing, to keep things simple (always jb's defining philosophy), to maybe not get so wrapped up in the great big spanish collusion theory...
or maybe it wouldn't have mattered! maybe we're getting cause and effect all wrong here; maybe valentino was deliberately fashioning his entourage into one that was only going to give him positive feedback. maybe he would have just stopped listening to jb, maybe the very decision to fire jb makes it clear he was no longer interested in what jb had to say. it's a tragedy, after all! maybe it was always going to go like this. maybe it was always going to end like this
speaking of entourages, marc's manager played a bit of a cameo role in fanning the flames just a little further (article from marca, 26/10/2015):
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alzamora obviously will be somebody valentino is familiar with, having raced him in 125cc and also having just coexisted in the paddock over the years. valentino could of course be lying, but idk, why would he? he's already made his case by this point, and what if alzamora were to contradict him? if it's true and this conversation did happen, you do have to say it's a spectacularly unhelpful intervention from alzamora. even if marc was mad at valentino, why the hell are you telling valentino this AFTER sepang 2015? what's the plan here buddy
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^ 1999 world champions: alzamora in 125cc, vale in 250cc and alex criville in 500cc. people think motogp lore is complicated but if you know like, five guys, you're set for about twenty years of drama
which does get to the heart of the matter - a lot of these people have big egos and their own agendas and they love to run their mouths. they like talking a big game and getting involved in things they really shouldn't be getting involved in. is reed right that these people in the riders' entourages 'created the drama'? well, no, I think the two men at the centre of this particular tragedy were plenty capable of doing that themselves. nevertheless, you can point to how professional sports (and motogp in particular) forces you to rely heavily on a small group of people to keep you sane at the centre of the storm, and the risks that can emerge when that small group collectively unmoors itself from reality. you can point to the perils of fame, both in making your reliance on your inner circle so unnegotiable as well as in providing you with the status and power and ego to ignore anyone who might wish to change your mind. you can point to specific figures in this story who managed to incite the conflict between the two of them, as well as how the pressure cooker competitive environment they were operating within helped set up the ultimate catastrophe. you can point to how valentino lacked anyone with the power to stop him - both in the direct sense of forcing him to reconsider and the indirect sense of commanding his respect enough to make him see sense. maybe, just like in 2004, valentino had simply been "looking for an excuse" and he was always headed down this path. or maybe if somebody had just held him back a little that year, kept him focused on his riding, maybe if the right person had intervened at the right time...
maybe, maybe, maybe. that's why it's a tragedy
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rougepancake · 9 months
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Hear me out Makima being a ABSOLUTE girl fail like attempting to understand slang and be romantic but she just looks so silly (I have a love hate relationship with her) -👾
AHAHANWJW NOT THE GIRL FAIL LOL
I could see it though-
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“Elephant shoes.” Makima says out of nowhere, turning the page of her book confidently as she waits for your response. Meanwhile, you’re sitting next to her, jaw hanging open in absolute confusion.
“What?!”
“What?”
“You-“ You cut yourself off with a heavy sigh, still clearly confused. “What the hell..?”
“Someone told me that it was a subtle way of saying I love you.” She looked up from her book, her eyes meeting yours. “Was I misinformed?”
“Well. It looks like ‘I love you’ if you mouth it to someone. It doesn’t exactly mean that.” A nervous chuckle escaped you as you watched her brows furrow slightly.
“Olive juice.” She looked back down at her book and continued to read, reaching over for her cup of coffee slowly.
“WHAT?!”
“What?”
“Who is telling you these things?!” You had to force yourself to stop smiling, and your voice even cracked as you held in your laughter.
“Himeno.”
“Oh boy…” You had to turn your face away from hers so that she wouldn’t see how funny you found her predicament. “See, that’s also one that looks like ‘I love you’ when you mouth it to someone.”
“I see.” She paused briefly to take a sip of her coffee. “Well. I flove you, Y/n. I’m going to use my unmatched rizz to show you how much I love you.”
“MAKIMA!” You choked on your air and laughed loudly, tears forming in your eyes. “J-Just give it a break. pLease-“
“I guess I didn’t understand the assignment.”
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magpod-confessions · 25 days
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i'm a fucking idiot and I didn't actually realize that Agnes Montague and Annabelle Cane were different avatars. until yesterday.
i've finished the show.
twice.
.
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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year
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I have so many ideas but none of them can be put into words, all I can do is just wheeze as they come along🤣
Also remember how wordy and flowery Teyvat speech/dialogue is? ADD THAT TO THE FACT THAT TEYVAT HAS ITS OWN LANGUAGE---
Reader can understand the basic speech which is why they are so blunt (I love this idea so much 🤣) and can piece together an idea what the person is talking about.
*insert random person talking about a commission with a long ass backstory*
Traveller & Co.: *understands completely and making plans to retrieve said commission*
C!Reader: (They said they had a cart.... a bunch of hilichurls appeared... dancing?.... they want us to dance fight the hilichurls???? Dance off???)
Actual story->The person's cart got ambushed by a group of hilichurls and taunted them by dancing around it.
....... it doesnt always translate well
Also imagine Reader heaeing random names and overthinks it as a word instead of a name.
Example: Pantalone means pants in Philippine English (sorry not sorry Pantalone)
Tsaritsa??? Oh do they speak russian there??? - reader
Capitano -> captain in some countries
(I once mistake Sandrone as Sandalone and I just went "... ehh??? Standalone? Sandalone as in Sand Alone???? Sandal (Flip flops)????
Oh wait its Sandrone" ".... as in Sand and Drone??--)
-Vine Boom
VINE BOOM ANON MY BELOVED 💖❤🧡💛💚💙💜✨️✨️
Gif is me writing u anything ever:
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AHFLALA FERRRALLL I STG I ALSO THOUGHT ABT THIS!! WHY U COULD ALSO BE BLUNT BC U ONLY GOT THE BASICS 💀 RIP
Man theyre written language looks so scary to learn, kinda like when I looked into trying to learn Mandarin/Japanese (and even Korean), the letters r just inherently so different i was so intimidated
And u dont even read it like left -> right like English
Omg i tried to reply to a arabic comment on my art post once, and i felt so acommplished when i finally was able to type "اشكرك (thanks)" but like, i had to put it on the OTHER SIDE OF THE TEXT BOX, LIKE ALIGN IT TO THE RIGHT INSTEAD OF HOW U KNOW ENGLISH IS INHERENTLY ALIGNED LEFT, IT WAS SO TRIPPY-
Going thru genshin life only understanding minimal words of anything anyone says is honestly how i feel like ive been playing Genshin LMAO
Those analysis videos/lore are saving a bitch's life out here
PANTALONE IS ALSO RLLY CLOSE TO SPANISH FOR PANTS I KNOW WHAT U MEANNN LOL
UR ENDLESS CONFUSION FOR SANDRONE PLEASE ANON U DIDNT EVEN GET IT RIGHT THE FIRST CORRECTION IT JUST KEPT GETTING WORSEEE 😂😭 SAME THO
That would literally be you in genshin tho, like i could easily see it being like, back to back misunderstandings 😭😭
Like u think u got it right (Oh so his name is Rex Lapis, wait what? Morax? Ok his name is Morax...?? What??? Zhongli??? WHO IS THIS MAN-)
.
JFC first they gotta have a whole different language (like u saw in game)
And ON TOP OF THAT THEY CAN TALK FOR 10 MIN STRAIGHT ABT THE WEATHER OR SOME SHIT??
No... just, no.
U quickly decide u like what little bits of language u could pick up so far, which just results in,
U guessed it, simple speech and short fragmented sentences (or broken Teyvatian)
U cant even bring urself to care when u give half the characters a heart attack and send the rest into laughing fits
No fucks given, they wanna make this extra hard on u by being wordy on top of a new language,
Yeah u dont care what comes out of ur mouth anymore
Also, since everybody is raised in Teyvat very few ppl dont know the language, which once again brings us back to ancient/older deities/creatures who have a more simplistic version/outdated version of modern language
.
Omg getting stuff mistranslated bc u cant understand it all/only keywords sounds like hell but also rlly funny
Traveler/Paimon: "Alright, yes, all is well. We will accept this comission, and depart soon."
You: "...they want us to?? Dance fight?? Hilichurls...???"
Traveler just stares at u half in pity, half trying to hide their amused smile, Paimon is giggling
The commissioner is shook bc a supposed ancient creature?? Just accepted?? Their simple commission?? And u think they want u to dance battle???
.
PLEASE U MISTRANSLATE THE HARBINGERS NAMES RIGHT TO THEIR FACES
Signora: "You shall rue the day you crossed the Fatui mortals!"
You: "Lady we don't care, just fight us."
(Signora just means 'Lady')
Signora: *offended gasp*
Traveler/Paimon trying to stifle laughter
Raiden Shogun jaw dropped a little
.
Pantalone: "What a pleasure to finally meet you traveler, and thine wonderful companions!" *little bastard smile*
You: "And it was awful to meet you, Pants."
Pantalone: 😶😧😡 "Pants?! HOW DARE YOU NOT EVEN GIVE ME THE MOST BASE RESPECT, AFTER I GREETED THEE SO KINDLY-"
.
Oh its so funny, everytime you talk about Childe you always phrase it like he's an actual child bc u thought everyone was just calling him a little kid for some reason (u dont know how Teyvat ages work, he could be for all you know!)
Not very long, but Vine Boom anon your brain >>>>
Ur ideas r so on point, i love them sm
That makes perfect sense why u could be talking blunt too, like an in world explanation really
For you, all the desserts🥰 🤲🍪🍨🍰🍮🧋🍦🍡
Cheers,
🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘
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decarbry · 1 year
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a frequent visitor
#boku no hero academia fanart#Yabureme Aizawa AU#nomu aizawa#shouta aizawa#principal nezu#this is a response to an anon but it had a second prompt so I didn't want to answer it and then forget about the second one#but ya Nezu is one of the faculty that comes by super often when Yabureme is in Tartarus#there's always been a powerful mutual trust between these two before he was taken and Nezu only wants to help#the first time Yabureme is in Tartarus he is completely unresponsive but Nezu visits him every few days anyway in an effort to get#a response out of him. it doesn't work#but during his second stint in Tartarus he's more lucid and Nezu becomes a huge comfort as Aizawa is rediscovering himself#he's the reason Aizawa eventually relents and agrees to see his class again. he is totally resistant to the idea bc he knows he hurt them#MULTIPLE times. plus he was barely their teacher so he shouldn't be that big of a deal to them right? they knew him for like a week#when Yabuzawa is his own free agent again Nezu helps him bear the weight of his trauma and they bond over shared experiences as experiments#canon Nezu and Aizawa are cute and funny and wholesome bc of the whole cuddle-in-the-scarf thing but it's way deeper than that#Nezu is one of the only ones that Aizawa knew respected him for his abilities as a teacher vs just his useful quirk. Nezu gave him his job#and believed in him so much that he let him do whatever he wanted in pursuit of teaching students who would live longer#and less foolishly. Nezu/Aizawa are friends and value each other a great deal thanks xoxoxo
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fluffypotatey · 11 months
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I wanna add that sun isn't what Wukong's surname means so he has a moment of "... that's not what my name means." while Macaque is internally strangling younger him for taking the opportunity for a freaking pun.
YOU ARE SO RIGHT ANON 😂😂😂😂
Wukong, very confused still and probably a little concerned: Mac….you do know my surname doesn’t actually mean the sun….right?
Macaque, doing everything in his power not to run away from this conversation: obviously :)
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ahhh angst to fluff moment where we have a nightmare about FL going feral and attacking us and we wake up next to him scared shitless. FL tries to chitter and buzz at us in a way that says it’s okay but bc you just had a nightmare about him you bolt out of bed and he immediately starts whining cause he thinks you’re leaving him :’3
Then he finds us in a corner of another room just curled in on ourselves and we’re scared shitless of him like a cornered animal for a hot second before he’s super gentle in trying to soothe us. it works and möth cuddles in the corner with you :’33
ehehehehe *rubs my silly hands together* angst to fluff is my JAM let's DO THIS
you're not thinking properly when you finally claw your way out of the nightmare and lurch awake, wheezing in horror. the jostling wakes your dear Foul Legacy, chirping tiredly and sitting up to nudge you curiously. he whines in concern when you jump, slowly turning to face him and oh- oh he hates the look on your face, the look of someone scared out of their wits. he tries to hug you, to tell you that everything will be okay, but all you can think of are claws and fangs and tearing flesh and bone, your mind going a mile a minute
with a yelp of fear you scramble out of bed and rush down the hall, away from what your frazzled mind sees as danger. Foul Legacy wails as your footsteps become fainter and fainter, untangling himself from the covers to run after you- you're not leaving, are you?? please don't leave!!
but when Legacy does find you, huddled in a corner with your head buried in your knees, he softens, slowly kneeling beside you and letting out a quiet trill. he whimpers when you initially flinch away, holding out his hands but not touching your skin, and when you hesitantly lean a bit closer he moves to gently ruffle your hair. you let out a hiccupping laugh, playing with his fluff in return, and Legacy eagerly presses his face into your palms, purring like a motor when you scritch behind his horns. he ends up curling around you, his head in your lap as you lean against the wall with a yawn, eyes growing heavy. the nightmare has been chased away, replaced by comfort and warmth, your hand wrapped loosely around one of Legacy's claws
you fall back asleep as the sun rises in the distance, but this time, it's with a smile on your face
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skeletalheartattack · 8 months
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Releases pikmin creatures into your home
What will you do?
probably have sex with them i guess
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oh fucm *slides my hair back and sprays perfume into my mouth* agh agh cough fuck wrong thing *sprays that other shit into my mouth then pops my shirts collar* what's up lil mamma. how about we find a quiet place to sit and make the whole place wet... EUGH!!! what's all this then!!
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anon. anon. what do i do if she's a milf
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elizakai · 1 month
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You are a girl then? that’s happy :)
w-😭
no-i
(fym ‘that’s happy’ HELP ME)
bless you, anon, but no 😭
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oifaaa · 1 year
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I feel like Tim's ego is more realistic than him being a punching bag like fanon makes him out to be. Tim is like. that friend that genuinely cares for you but they think they know best and will overstep and do things for you without asking and be offended when you don't want it. he's good but he's needs to work on it, you know?
I mean isn't that basically how he got the job as Robin he literally showed up at Dicks place of work never met this man before and still decided that he was gonna convince Dick to go back to being Robin bc he knows best he's such an intitled wee shit god forbid anyone give him advice no no no
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kunipuppy · 9 months
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Not really a request but kinda is if you're into it. Being suffocated by the massive daddy milkers of Ais and Leander at the same time just for one night. Even if it's all a fever dream mc is having after waking up for the 6th time in Kuras office after another near death experience. Would anyone even survive being double teamed by them? Probably not and if they did any sanity they had is gone.
HEELLLOOOOO IM CRYYIINGGGGGGGFF. ANON YOU ARE SO REAAAAALLLLLL HELP MEEE
Kuras: … i treated you last night
MC, leaning on the desk and holding their ass, in pain: okay peepaw did you ever have a monster and insane mage tag team you? i didnt think so
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bananacatmeow · 13 days
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why do you always type in caps its so annoying bro like please act mature for once
??? what have i done to you lmao
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