#GOODBYE MY HOPELESS DREAM | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

luckykiwiii101 · 3 months

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Not So Sugar&Spice And EVERYTHING Nice After All…

(Read till the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I HATE to break it to you but, you’re going to have to get ready to accept that you’re NOT going to live the life of your dreams.

DROP those endless list of desires you’ve piled up over the years or months you’ve spent on this app.

Those years and months speak dangerous words, words that you finally have to hear. But it’s not my fault it’s come to it.

You’re NEVER going to get what you want. Save those vision boards for nap time, because that’s the closest you’ll ever get to seeing them. Yes, in your LITERAL dreams.

Ouch, that’s got to hurt.

“I’ll try to enter the void state again tonight.” Yes. Exactly. You’ll TRY again. And you’ll try again the night after that, and the night after that, and the night after that. And it will NEVER end. You’ve been at it for a while now.

“I’ll try THIS method tonight.” Yeah, and you’ll be looking for a new method by tomorrow. And so on, and so on, and so on.

Same goes for your manifestations.

“I’ll persist later!!!” Yes. Exactly. You’ll persist “later.” Later as in, next week? next month? next Year? Seconds turn into minutes, minutes turn into hours, hours turn into days, days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn in to years, and years turn into decades, and decades turn into small little segments of your tragic little life, spent doing what? Trying? Procrastinating? Sulking? Or living the life of your dreams? Call it Russian roulette, but YOU’RE the one holding the gun to your head.

The cycle never ends. The tragic thing is, it starts with an undisciplined, lazy & hopeless person. And ends with the same undisciplined, lazy & hopeless person.

Why?

Take a wild guess. You’ve tumbled onto tumblr, figured out that you could live the life of your dreams, and did NOTHING about it, other than TRY.

Well, trying was never the answer.

All you ever had to do was just change your PATHETIC assumptions, into more….ideal ones.

Changing your assumptions are COMPULSORY! Not to rain on your parade, but this is a rain parade from hell. Purely tragic. Maybe you’ll start applying to get out of this endless loop.

And sorry to crush your hopeless little dreams, but you aren’t going to get ANYWHERE if you don’t change them. You are NEVER going to enter the void state. You are NEVER going to be a master manifestor.

Looks like that 9-5 is going to land you on highway 95.

Do I have to run you over, leave you bedridden, not able to move a muscle, for you to just PERSIST. Because your mind is all it takes. Nobody asked you to run a marathon. Yet you’re actually running a marathon, in the opposite direction of your dreams.

Well, all I can say is, keep running.

At the end of the day, ACCEPTANCE is all that matters. Accept that you will never have anything you want, or just accept that you already have everything you want.

If this isn’t the wake up call that wakes you up!!! NOTHING will.

All I can say now is, if you’re still roaming this app by the end of February, I feel BAD for you. I’m not saying that’s how long it will take, but if it does, then oof. And we all know one thing about Gossip Girl, I LOVE to wreak havoc. But you’re already doing that FOR me. So thank you, and goodbye. Now say goodbye back, along with your precious desires.

Too bad that your dreams are going to just stay as dreams.

Bye Bye.

(So not you, by the way):

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vadersassistant · 1 year

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Irresistibly Yours One Shot (Darth Vader x Reader)

Summary: (Y/N) has been hiding across the galaxy for a year, attempting to flee her husband alongside Obi-Wan Kenobi, but now it is over. When the Sith finally tracks her down she must make a choice, continue to live a lie or leave with the man she loves. Takes place during Kenobi with altered events. Reader is previously a Jedi married to Anakin Skywalker.

Warnings: Make out session, mentions of sex, slight violence (not towards reader)

A/N: The poll I made landed in a 50/50 between suited Vader and nightfall Vader so I'm giving you the best of both worlds. In which, Vader wears the suit and mask, but he can take it off and looks like the Anakin we know and love.

“You have to go,” I demanded, turning away from the door in horror.

“(Y/N),” Kenobi pleaded.

“He wants me Obi-Wan, we don’t have a choice,” I reasoned. “You know he will continue to harm those people until I come out from hiding.”

“He’s going to try and take you.”

“And I’ll try and throw him off my trail, at least one of us needs to escape.”

“I understand,” he said, after a moment of silence. “Goodbye, (Y/N).”

“May the force me with you Obi-Wan,” I nodded to him, saying the old phrase intentionally.

“You as well.”

I watched him enter the secret tunnels in the back of the workshop before it slid shut, and audibly sighed. I knew it was hopeless, it wasn’t possible to ever escape him. I couldn’t, not with how well he knew me. A part of me didn’t even agree with Kenobi, as he still believed in the Jedi and being heroes. I had changed, and their morals didn’t resonate with me any longer, not since the fall.

My body shook, as I ran as hard as I could once opening the door. It was loud on purpose, everyone standing in the little street seeing me and yelping in surprise. I saw the inquisitorious point in my direction, calling out my action for their lord. I could feel it, even though I couldn’t see his face beneath the mask. I could feel that he was looking at me, the two of us making eye contact for the first time in a year. He was massive, even taller than before and stronger than ever, right on my tail as I fled. I was quick, my legs carrying me into the maze of shipping crates and dirt from afar. I should have been quieter, but I knew that wouldn’t do much. He could track me in other ways, like the force.

His cold presence clung to my shoulders as I ran between the mounts that acted like walls. I needed to throw him off, but I knew it was impossible. He was too intelligent, too quick. His steps were twice as much as my own, the force connection that bound us inseverable. My heartbeat picked up, so much so I could hear it as if it were right in my ear. My hands were trembling lightly from the thrill of fleeing.

“There is no escape,” his modulated voice said, but I couldn’t tell where it came from.

“I’ll never join you,” I whispered.

The Sith was nowhere to been seen. I backed up, returning to my original pace and attempting to find him again in the pitch black, even though his suit was the same color. He hadn’t ignited his saber yet, although it didn’t make much of a difference, since I hadn’t ignited mine in months. In truth, I hadn’t touched a thing related to the Jedi in a year. All of it, including the force, I severed myself from, up until he started hunting me down.

He invaded my dreams, doing everything in his power to get to me. When he came, it wasn’t painful, it felt amazing, too good; feelings I only experienced in his presence. He tried to pleasure me, sooth me and coax me into joining him, promising to save me from Kenobi. He abused our connection from our time as Jedi’s, seeping into my conscious and speaking to my thoughts, ghosting my body with his invisible touch. Every time I thought of him, I thought of the past. I told myself I didn’t love him, but we both knew it was a lie.

“Really?”

I knocked into something hard, strong hands coming around my upper arms. They kept me in place with ease, essentially locking me in my tracks. I looked up and swallowed, knowing I was done for.

“Vader,” my breath was short. I wouldn't call him Anakin.

“My dear,” he said.

“I am not your dear,” I tried to back up, but it was no use. My chest tightened, feeling his thumb rub my skin comfortingly.

“Yet you are weakening in my hold,” he spoke sweetly, opposite of his reputation. If anyone else rejected him, they would be dead, neck snapped, I knew that.

“You’re a liar,” I said unfearingly.

“You are the only one lying here, (Y/N),” Vader replied. “Don’t deny me any further.”

His voice lit a fire across my entire body, smooth yet so deep I could have lost it right then and there. It took everything to keep my composure, a fake stubbornness still trying to hold up across my face. I wanted so badly to do a million different things. A part of me thought to leave, to escape and flee once again. But another part of me wanted to follow him, leave Kenobi behind, and go into the depths of hell.

“I will never join you, Sith,” I used his new title as an insult. “Now let go of me.”

“Your thoughts betray you, my love,” Vader said. "I feel your conflict."

“I hate you.”

“Hate is not an attribute of a Jedi, or you,” he entertained. “You are too caring to hate.”

He was right, always right, and knew me far too well. I sighed aloud, as he still held me and I could just feel the victorious expression through his mask.

“I married Anakin Skywalker, not you.”

“Anakin Skywalker still remains, but only for your pleasure,” he rebutted. “I am here, waiting for you, my dear. You and I can overthrow the emperor, become the galaxies newest destined rulers. Leave Kenobi and set yourself free, do what we both know you long to. We are mean't to be together.”

I looked into his helm, hoping that I might see his eyes through the blacked-out visors. My lips parted just slightly, breathing hitched as my hands rested on the Sith’s chest. You could see it, Vader's muscles breaching the clothes he wore. The armor fitted his broad shoulders perfectly, hands so skilled and trusted. My head dipped, succumbing to what I truly thought.

“I’m supposed to kill you, to try and run away.”

“I know,” he leaned forward, his mask hovering over my head.

“I told myself I wasn’t going to do this,” I my hands turned into fists, pounding on his chest in frustration.

“But you don’t agree with Kenobi,” he finished.

“I don't."

“So, join me, my dear,” Vader coaxed, placing a leather glove on my jaw to tilt my head upward.

I breathed deeply, my pupils slowly dilating while taking him in.

“Take the mask off."

Surprisingly, the Sith didn’t argue. He let go of me and slipped his thumb around the rim of the helm, like he needed to turn something off. A hissing sound followed, confirming my suspicions, and he lifted it above his head carefully, dropping it onto the ground. I watched it fall, clinking on the ground as if he didn’t care for it. My eyes slowly trailed back up, seeing his true appearance in what felt like forever.

His hair was the same length, wavy and brown, yet in the face he had grown so much. His jawline was even more developed, the scar still remaining on the right brow. The most prominent feature was his eyes, gold with red rimming the irises. His gaze was more alluring than before, a look I easily got flustered from. He grinned at me checking him out and let out a sexy and low laugh.

“Still have the same effect, don’t I?” Vader asked, his actual voice being used.

“Even better,” the words formed before I could think.

His robotic arm curled around the back of my head, the two of us enclosed on the space between. I slid my arms between his neck, kissing him deeply without hesitation. It felt like a war between hell and heaven, holding my breath for as long as possible while taking the Sith in. The further we went, the worse it got, to where I wrapped my legs around his lower waist and he held onto my ass. We would take short breaths touching each other as much as possible during it, enjoying as much as we could, the both of us starved from one another.

It was no surprise Vader got the upper hand, trailing his lips over to my cheek and down to my neck. He carried me over to a tower of crates, one sitting alone in front of the stack, sitting me down on it gently. I leaned back as if it was a wall, and sounds slipped from my mouth naturally. They were rare to come by, not having heard them in months, my husband well aware. I felt Vader smile as he got onto the crate as well and trailed his hand up my thigh to my top. He was straddling me, making me feel like I was weak, and it was to die for.

More whimpers left my lips, and I knew what he wanted. The Sith fiddled with the zipper of my jacket, remaining eye contact with me while doing so. I could feel his hot breath against my skin, forcing me to shudder as he started to take my clothing off. I wanted him so badly, feeling his cod piece harden against my thigh, but we both sensed something nearby. The two of us froze, silent as his cloak shielded me from anyone’s line of sight.

“Obi-wan is near,” I whispered.

“He has come back to try to take you away from me,” Vader said, his hands now placed on both sides so that I was caged in. It was protective, the look in his eyes possessive.

“We must go, you have to have a ship nearby,” I told him.

“I do, follow me,” he nodded.

I slid off the crate, slightly upset we had been interrupted, but there wasn’t time to think about it. Obi-wan would never forgive me if he saw this, and I preferred that I remained on good terms with him. Vader called for his helmet with the force, it quickly suctioning to his hand and then being placed on his head. I kept up with him, weaving through the maze of construction until we got closer to the town. It seemed that most of the Imperial forces had been ordered to leave, Vader having called them off unsurprisingly.

The people that once lingered around were all inside, sleeping away in fear from what happened. Behind all of the buildings was a ship, the shadow of it coming into view from around the corner. It was the infamous Tie-Fighter the Sith always flew in, extremely well developed and luxurious. He lifted up the hatch with a wave of two fingers, offering a hand politely to help me up onto the top. It was only when he got in first and sat down that I realized where this was going.

The ship was small, meant to be a one seater and easy to maneuver. Vader took off his helmet once more before shooting me a suggestive look and patting the inside of his leg. It created little space for me to sit in his lap, but I didn't think much of it, all I knew was that what had stopped before was about to resume.

LMK what you all thought about this. I honestly can't decide which Vader I like more so this was very fun to write

#darth vader x you #darth vader x reader #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x you #darth vader imagine #anakin skywalker imagine #darth vader x y/n

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darling--angst-archived · 9 months

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hmm I hope I did this right :'D

- Where's My love, SYML w/ Dazai :o + romantic !

Where's My Love?

Pairing: Dazai Osamu x Gn! Reader

Type: Oneshot

Genre: Angst

Warnings: major character death, implied suicide, blood descriptions, mentions of death, cutting, implied death.

Synopsis: Dazai always tries to find his lover and when he sees them, he only says a 'hello' but never did he say his goodbye.

A/n: Thank you for requesting! Reader is refered to as 'them' or 'they'. Hope you'll like this! Dw you did it correct! Italic for flashbacks

Event // Ada.Masterlist // M.Masterlist

There was nothing he could feel, he held the cold and lifeless corpse of his lover; just as he did to his dear friend a few days ago. Cold pulse, it was the only thing he could find; coldness, just as who he was before he met them. How hard he tried to find the love they once held in their eyes. He didn't mind his bleeding hand, he could only focus on holding them. His bloodied hand was mostly theirs and a small mix of his. The tears that dripped to his scarred hand made it sting; just like a wound topped with salt. He tried to make their heart beat once again but it was hopeless, they only held him dearly—as if they were fine and smiled before their eyes completely shut; never to open again. He screamed their name at the top of his lungs before he slowly laid their body on the floor, just like they were resting. He walked away, numb tears escaping his hazel eyes. The room was illuminated by the warm sun they once loved, and the crimson blood was oozing out of the three bullet holes on their chest. He tightly clenched his hand, not minding how much it hurt from the wound. The rain started to pour while the bright and orange sunset was covered with dark, thundering storms. He walked away, turning his back on everything, the Port Mafia, Chūya, his crimes, Oda and you.

"Dazai-san? Are you there? Kunikida-san called me and told me to go to work with you." Atsushi knocked on a small apartment room owned by the Agency.

Dazai sat up and looks at his hand again. It was clean, no blood was leaving his body through a wound that once was. A mark was left there, a memoir that the day he got that wound was the one where he failed to save you.

"That dream again.."

A few tears escapes his eyes and landed itself on his hand, just as that day. He wiped them away after hearing Atsushi knock on the door again.

"Yeah I'm here Atsushi-kun!" He said through the door, trying to sound as cheerful as possible though his voice came out dry and hoarse.

"Are you okay Dazai-san? Are you sick?!" Atsushi asks, his tone full of worry and franty.

"Nop! I just woke up so please wait for me in a few minutes Atsushi-kun!" He said in his usual cheery tone making Atsushi sigh in relief. Dazai's words soon registered in his mind, and he began to panic.

"But Kunikida-san will scold both of us for being late!"

"It's fineee! Its just going to be the same old Kunikida!" He tried explaining while ramaging through his drawer, trying to find his bandages.

"But—"

"I'm gonna be quick Atsushi-kun, I'm just going to dress! You don't want me to go to the agency shirtless do you?" He said in a spiteful voice, wrapping his arms, hands, neck and torso with leftover bandages.

"eww no!"

"exactly" Dazai replied before wearing his shirt and vest. He glances at the scar again before opening the door and throwing in his overcoat.

"Let's go Atsushi-kun!"

He skipped to the agency with Atsushi behind him. They got scolded by Kunikida but it the end he was the one that took his hour long lecture and Dazai got punished by him.

The day passed again, and the moon showed in the midnight sky. Dazai was laying in his futon, staring at the dark ceiling, bottles of sake throws across the floor. He turned his head beside and saw them, a worried look was plastered on their face as they looked at him. He knew that his mind was playing games with him, despite that he came to caress their cheek to feel their warmth; but they disappeared, and his hand only met the cold and empty sheets beside. He clenched his fists tight before standing up and grabbing his overcoat and leaving his messy apartment. Walking in the dark streets lighted by the faint moonlight, was something both of them used to do. He gently smiled at the small memory before continuing to walk, he arrived at a small greeny fields in the outskirts of the city.

"Darling! Osamu! Wait up!" They said before panting.

"You really need to run faster my love!" He turned around and saw them with furrowed eyebrows. He chuckled before going to them.

"You're so unfair! I'm on my slippers because you called me and told me it was an emergency!" They pouted, taking his assistance and grabbing his hand for support.

"It is an emergency! I was bored and I missed you!" He pointed out.

"Haii.. whatever.. Don't you dare try to lie to me" They sighed shooting him a worried look before caressing his bruised cheek, and he leaned on her hand.

"What do you mean love?" He sent them a cheeky smile, trying to feign innocence and ignorance.

"Osamu." They said his name in a serious tone, and he only laid his head down.

"I-its nothing" He quietly muttered, getting closer to them, trying to feel their warmth.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here" The hand cupping his cheeks snaked it's way to the back of his head, as he leaned his head into their shoulder.

Their hand slowly and gently patted the back of his head while he hugged them. The silent crickets are the only thing that was heard. He felt scared, he didn't want them to know his line of job in fear that they would leave him. They were a civilian and he was a mafioso—no an executive of the Port Mafia, the rulers of the night. He needed comfort, he wanted to tell them how his friend betrayed them and now the other was dead; but he couldn't, he was afraid of them abandoning him too. Nobody spoke a word, they didn't bother to ask him more, they just waited for him to open up. They gently hummed a tune as they waited for him, their voice was like a lullaby that comforted a scared and crying child.

The event plays on his mind, seeing illusions of that day in the fields, he could not remember what happened afterwards. He put his hands on the pockets of his overcoat as his fingertips got colder and colder. Walking to a small cliff near the ocean, a name was carved in a rock just near the edge, beside it, was a fresh bouquet of roses. He leaned against the grave as he closed his eyes, reminiscing the old memories.

"Hello love... I missed you" He gently smiled, feeling the cold breeze pass.

A faint voice whispered comfort in his ear.

"I missed you too.. tell me.. is that little girl, the one you told me about—Kyoka, I think—is she okay?"

He felt his hair ruffle, as if someone was playing it just like they did. He wanted to open his eyes to know who it was, but he knew that they would disappear just as he looks behind. He knew that he was just thinking how they would respond but he didn't mind it.

"Mhm.. the conflict was over and the Moby Dick returned to the ocean... Kyoka's now home with the agency" He whispered, trying to feel their warm.

"That's good.. How is the agency treating you.?"

"hmm.. Atsushi-kun is as usually kind.—" he faintly smiled.

"—oh, Kunikida tied me to a chair earlier and beat me up because I was late, it hurt a lot. Ouch" He dramatically whispered and they faintly laughed in return. Silence once again came, the howling winds and the clashing waves are the only things that can be hear besides his lone heartbeat.

"Come back to me please.." His voice cracked. He heard no response, he opened his eyes and looked behind to see nothing but a view of the night sky and the dancing leaves. A part of the cloudy sky was clear, showing the moon perfectly, as if it made way for someone to go high above.

"I'll go to you soon love.. and if the heavens forbid it... I'll fight against God myself just to return to your embrace" He sat up and glanced at the grave once again before finally returning to his apartment.

He closed his door and muttered a small "I'm home" hoping for someone to respond. Taking off his shoes and overcoat, he took a blade from his bathroom drawer, and then made himself comfortable in the bathtub. He rolled up his sleeves and sat up, positioning the blade just perfectly on the veins in his wrist. With one quick and deep slash, blood started gushing out of his left wrist. He winced in pain, taking the blade once again, he slashed his right wrist; it was less deep than the cut in his other wrist but nonetheless, it was deep. Blood started to drip to his garments and bathtub, his vision started to blur and he leaned completely to the wall, closing his eyes. At the last moments of his life, he remembered what happened after that day.

"Hey... If you don't want to tell me it's okay, but don't ever try to hide your emotions from me.." They smiled at him, their fingers playing with his hair.

"What do you mean? I don't hide them—" He left their embrace and tried to put on a facade.

"Osamu. You don't need to hide them" They said, walking upfront, their voice was full of calmness, just like a lullaby. Their arms was behind them, their right hand holding their left arm

"Fine... But let me ask you this then." He looked at their back with a serious tone.

"Why did you come in the middle of the night to a cliff just because I told you to do so?" He asked, his gaze following them as they walked forward to the edge, admiring the moon. They continued to hum before they responded to his question.

"Because I love you" They turned around and smiled at him. They put a strand of hair behind their ear, as the wind passed by.

"mmm.." He opened his eyes to see their illusion planting a kiss on his forehead.

"I..finally..found..you...." His voice slowly faded into nothing but air.

It was as if time stopped for a mere second. The pain that engulfed him whole was now only faint. Their warmness returned to him and his vision completely faded to black, submitting to the sleepiness he held after hearing them hum his favorite tune...

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leoascendente · 10 months

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PAC/ What you need to know about your love life 💞

-Reuploaded and reedited old Pac-

Hi loves! Welcome to this new Pac about something you need to know about your current situation in love. This is an old pac I decided to correct, rewrite and add some more information. As always, take a deep breath before choosing your pile, choose the picture with the place that makes you feel more confortable. Remember to take only what resonates and leave what doesn't. Hope you enjoy your reading 💕

Decks I used: Enchanted love tarot, romance angels oracle, astrodices, love oracle cards, shine from the inside oracle

For private readings click here

Pics are from pinterest, credits to their owners

(top left-> pile 1/ top right-> pile 2)

(bottom left-> pile 3/ bottom right-> pile 4)

Pile 1:

-Where you stand: My sweet pile 1 I see you dissapointed about your current love life, if you are dealing with a love interest right now they have been giving you some headaches. You might feel uncertain in this conection like you don't know in what kind of floor you are walking on when it comes to this person. In some cases, if you already have your partner, you could be feeling like you are the only one making the efforts to keep this relationship going on and you are feeling drained because of this. For singles, you have made efforts to manifest the love of your life, but not seeing any ressults is damaging your hopes about your manifestation abilities and making you doubt of your own power. You got the Sun reversed and what I get from this is that you are unconfortable for how things are going in love for you, your desires in love are not being fulfilled and that got you in a place of uncertain and even hopeless.

-Where you lead: The card of the Judgement tells you to change your perspective about what's going on in your life, you will realize and prioritize differents things you weren’t giving the proper attention. You'll open your eyes to see the circumstances from a higher point of view, some of you will leave this connection aside for a while, a little amount of you will choose a final goodbye to this person. When you know what you deserve you don't accept less than that and I see you embracing that energy of empowerment even if that means leave some people that don't like your boundaries in the past. For singles I see you'll have a click in your mind and you will balance the energy you are spending in manisfeating your person if you are exceding in this, your trust in the Universe will reforce and while it works in bringing you the love of your life, you'll be focused on yourself. You turn the focus into something else that will bring you joy and satisfaction besides your love life, keep with your visualizations and manifesting excersices when you want to because they are really working, but your sight is going to be refocused into something more personal.

-Something to keep in mind: You have an idea or a project in hands, something new you'll like to materialize for your career, it’s related to abundance and prosperity so I assume is about your career. Focus on this idea, leave your love life aside for some time and look for the steps you need to take to make this dream part of your reality, this will open golden doors in your abundance and reputation in your work field. As you make the proper movements the Universe will respond you with blessings for following your heart's desire. Also, if this connection leaves you wounded take the time you need to heal, you might find a reppeated pattern in your relationships related to your inner child’s wounds, see and heal this will help you to attract a healthier love or a healthier direction with your current partner.

As an extra message, I see you want a commited and long lasting relationship. You're are looking for the love of your life, hooking up or one night stand doesn’t fit with you anymore. You are looking for your soulmate/twin flame and you are not willing to waste your energies on people who doesn’t look for the same future as you. You don’t need to worry my dear, you are destined to meet your special person in this lifetime and you will, you got the engagement ring with the paradise card, amazing cards to appear in your spread, this cards tells you that you have a beautiful future in love terms even if you can’t see it now but, for the moment, there are other things demanding your attention. Your inner healing and material stability are the most important things by the moment, attend those aspects and you’ll see how in the most unexpected moment your soulmate/twin flame appears.

-What to do to attract love: Embrace your divinity, my love! That's the most important message in your reading. You are full of magic and this is the perfect moment to adore and praise this part of yourself. Connect with your Divine Femenine to feel more grounded and focused, your intuition will reforce as well. Writting your feelings or starting a journal can be very therapeutical tools for this moment of your life. There’s also a message here about your spiritual life, maybe your guides are trying to approach you or in this specific moment of your life you are being under divine influences. Whatever it is, try to make more space for the Divine in your life, you’ll feel a lot more supported and guided.

Pile 2:

-Where you stand: You don't feel completely sure about the connection you are dealing with right now, maybe you are in the first stages of your relationship and you are not sure about this person's intentions or if it's worthy of the effort a relationship involves. You got the fool reversed with the queen of swords, what means that you are not sure if you should take the leap or faith or stay where you are. I don't see this doubts come from your person's actions, it's more related to your past relationships and the deceptions you had in your love life. You are analizing everything instead of living it and see if this makes you happy, you are overthinking this connection because you might not get along with things being out of your control and I must tell you that this relationship is calling you to trust the Divine process. For my singles, you are not sure of opening up to the world and meet new people, this again has to do with insecurities and wanting to have control over the outcomes, allow yourself to take more risks and go out of your comfort zone, do it at your own rythm but do it, at the end you’ll be thankful and proud of yourself for doing it.

-Where you lead: Things will get better in your love life, honey! You will recieve an special offer from this person to spend time together and reforce your bond, you two will share an special time by each other side. Maybe they have a surprise for you like a little gift you didn't expected, this person have an special talent for romantic gestures and they will try their best to make you trust them. Your connection will be growing strong through time, this person's feelings for you are very real but they are seeing you doubting on this connection and they are scared of loosing you or investing too much of their energies for nothing, they don’t want to get hurt. For singles, you are attracting reciprocated energies, be more lighhearted and you’ll receive the same from the people you cross paths with. You got the 6 of gems, that means generosity in this deck, so open up to new people because you are going to attract kind and loving people on the way, people that share the same vibration as you. Also, I see you got a lot of suitors and admirers you are not caring about and some of them have potential, you don’t need to promise them eternal love but you can let them spoil you with a dinner or a walk together if you feel comfortable, allow yourself to know more people, you may not find in this suitors the love of your life but you can find very good friendships.

-Something to keep in mind: You both know you have something special at hands, you feel so confortable and free by each other's side that you can take as a sign of your soul level conmection. They feel the same as you when you two are together, you both have spent other incarnations together and something inside of you reminds that connection, it’s both of your souls talking to eachother. The card that dropped from the deck is the Soul mate and this card wants to remind you to have faith and trust your process, you are trying to avoid old patterns but is a difficult mission, this is a soul connection and it will bring its challenges too, but they are worthy. You are doing it great even if there are some trust issues, allow yourself to enjoy, this love is completely different from the stories you have experienced before. For singles, again keep an open mind with the people that approach you and focus on the people that reciprocates your energy, you’ll maybe find some flies but you’ll also attract your soulmate, that btw I feel pretty close to you. You are ascending energetically so you probably are purposely healing something within you, you are doing great for if you needed to hear that.

-What to do to attract love: Your guides are very talkative, sweetheart. While I was writting your spread I saw a lot of repeated numbers, maybe numbers repeat a lot when you spend time with your person or will appear a lot when you are about to know the love of your life, take what resonates with you. Try to approach your guides more often, they really want to get close for you to undertstand better their signs when they are trying to tell you something, I really feel they want to comfort you when your fears and doubts of being hurted are overwhelming you, they want to offer their helping hand if you let them. You are leaving behind some past patterns to open new doors for your life, this process can be a little confusing at first but after you make the first moves everything will flow in your love life, take little steps when you can’t take big ones but take them anyway. In a year from now your love life will be completely different and everything you have dreamt of will become true, you just need to be patient. As well this person who is currently in your life has spouse material, don't be scared, soon they will give you clear signs that you are the love of their life and wants to spend all their life with you.

Pile 3:

-Where you stand: The energies around you feels a little weird now, there are strong feelings between you and your person but both of you are overthinking and your minds are not letting you fully enjoy this connection. There's a lot of fear of betrayal from both parts of the relationship and ghosts from the past are hunting you both, but above all that fear you two just can't be far from the other's side, you might don't know what it is but you know there is something powerful between you two. Right now you could be in a distance or you are just having no contact with this person, however the situation is, this person can't get you out of their heart and mind, no matter how hard they try, you appear in their mind in the most unexpected places and times, I see there’s something specific they see often that reminds them of you. They know that you two have something special even if they don't know how to express it, they are in love with you and they are realizing of these feelings they were denying. For singles, you might have options in love but none of them seem to awake anything romantic in you, you don’t feel attracted to them, and if you do, you don’t see their potential as your partners, there’s soething about them that doesn’t seem to convince you.

-Where you lead: The card of The Justice says that there will be a very needed balance in your relationship. Some truth are going to be put over the table, maybe an unexpected encounter that leads to spend time together and talk. Idk what it is but I see an approach between you two, the communications will open to clear up the situation and to see the other person perspective of the relationship, I see a very important conversation here that will clear up the doubts. Don't worry about anything because things are reaching a good ending from the problems, and the doubts are going to be solved and forgotten easilly (If you felt attracted to group 2 I recommend you to read it too, both readings have a lot in common). For the singles, I see you are going to receive a love confess from one of your suitors that is going to leave you speechless, for some of you I even see communication from a crush you haven’t heard of in a while. There’s a shift in the energies you are attracting and a positive change in your luck, if you’ve been working in a glow up you finally manifested it, congrats love!

-Something to keep in mind: You need to balance your throat chakra, my dear. You have so much to say but you are not allowing yourself to do it and that pattern is making you overthink and imagine the worst situations possible, you need balance and grounding to quiet your mind a little. Listen more often to your heart not only to your mind, deep down you know there's something special going on here even if you try to pass it through the logical filter. This person is your soulmate and both of you feel it even if you can't find the words to express it, now is the moment to heal your throat chakra and prepare for that encounter with your person where you can talk freely about what you are feeling, I see your person is looking with nostalgic feelinf to your pictures or something yours. Allow yourself to be vulnerable by opening your heart and say what you've been keeping inside, you'll realize how satisfying it is and will release a heavy weight from your back being honest, this movement will bring stability to the relationship and will open the path for a formal commited relationship.

-What to do to attract love: The most important thing to focus on, is to release any fear or doubts that have been blocking your connection. Idk if somewhere else in the world people say this but in Spain when there's a situation like this, people use to say "you already have the no". It means that you don't loose anything for trying, instead of it, you will gain a lot of personal satisfaction and you'll be very proud of yourself. Turn off your mind a little bit by doing relaxing and creative activities. Also there’s a message here about stop judging and start making decitions from love, respecting your feelings and desires. Be careful with judging others, when we point to someone we have three fingers pointing at us, what we judge on others many times has more to do with us than with others, try not to project over others your own things.

Pile 4:

-Where you stand: Sorry pile 4, I don't have the news I would like to give you... 😔 but don't worry, at the end of the reading things are so much better. First of all let's say that you are very inteligent and intuitive and you've been watching some red flags in your person that have you overthinking about what’s going on. You've noticed some things that you dislike about this connection and you are aware even though you really like this person, I don't see they are toxic or bad people but they have some manners or patterns in their personalities that don’t match with yours. You are thinking too much and you are needing some time and space to reconnect with your inner wisdom, distance can give you more perspective about this situation.

-Where you lead: I'm sorry to tell you that your person is going to give you reasons to be worried, you got the 5 of gems and its literal is anxiety, maybe through their actions or words towards you they are going to make you feel this way. A tower moment for you two is approaching and I see you cutting from the roots this conection after this moment. This connection is leaving you drained and exhausted, you are not sure of what to do and the expectations of the future next to this person are begining to fade. I feel that this person is like a rock, they keep a lot to themselves and don't open up easily, also they are not very comunicative about their desires or expectations about your relationship, they don't get along too well with their emotional world. A tower moment comes to cut this negativity from your life for you to reach a higher level of inner peace, sometimes a ‘no’ in our ideas is a protection from the Universe, don’t let attachment keep you in a place where you are not happy, you deserve better.

-Something to keep in mind: You are surrounded by very loving people, my love. Spend more time with your friends and beloved ones, they will have great advices for you or they can simply be the shoulder to lay your head on to forget about the world, you really need a distraction. If you have little children next to you spend time with them as well, little kids are magical and just their presence can raise the vibration of any place they are in. Get closer to your friends and make activities with them that light your heart up with joy, you'll find out someone very special in your group of friends, you'll realize the good chemistry that flows between you two. That friend could have a secret crush on you and they've been hiding this from you a very long time, they might not be the first person you could lay your eyes on but they hold an oppportunity on their hands to make you experince a love story you would never imagine. Keep your eyes and heart open to new oportunities and allow the Universe to surprise you with this magical story, the best relationships start out as best friends.

-What to do to attract love: Right now you sould focus on your dreams and how to materialize them, think about your future and what you want to manifest in your reality, where do you want to be in 5 years?. You have an incredible mind when it comes to find creative solutions, trust this wonderful inteligence of yours and begin to make a practical plan for your future, a goals list can be helpful for you. Now you have to align your intentions with your actions and chase what you want, don't lower your expectations about yourself and accept what you know you deserve, not less. One more thing to keep in mind is to release any judgement you have, not with the rest of the world like in pile 3 but with yourself, the flaw of inteligent people is that tend to be very demanding and perfectionist with themselves and also tend to have a very harsh inner voice. You are perfect just as you are, nothing needs to be changed, just transmuted into something more healthy and positive for your future. Treat yourself with kindness and unconditional love, you deserve it.

#witchblr #leoascendente #divination witch #tarot #tarotblr #pac reading #pick a pile #tarotonline #tarot reading

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meowzfordayz · 5 months

Text

saying goodbye at the train station

Author’s Note: all relationships are romantic except for Muichiro x Reader — for Muichiro’s, Reader is his older sibling. *Technically* this is not spoiler free, but the spoilers are presented non-canonically (they’re injury related).

saying goodbye at the train station

Hashira x Reader

Word Count: ~2,500

CW: death content, mild sexual content, traumatic injuries

Suggestion Fulfilled: I don't know if you're accepting asks (if you're not I'm so sorry for disturbing you 🥲) but I was wondering if you could do a modern au based on WW1 or WW2 with all the hashira enlisting as soldiers and saying goodbye to their s/o at the train station ⛽...

~faqs~

“Promise me, promise me you’ll come back. Alive.”

You whisper, clinging to his lapels, forehead smooshed into his chest

Savoring the steadiness of his heartbeat

Wishing you could keep it safe with you at home, tucked warm and certain beneath the bedsheets

“I promise, my love.”

“You always protect everyone,” you sniffle, eyes squeezing shut, “So how about you come back and protect me.”

A fierce desperation, a hopeless greed, that perhaps your smile will be enough

“Of course,” Gyomei chuckles lightly, kissing the top of your head, “Anything for you.”

“Must you board the train?”

He only nods, arms aching as he continues holding you, once more memorizing the curve of your body against his, the scent of your hair tickling his nose, the sorrow of your tears dampening his jacket

—

“You came back.”

You’re already sobbing, smile wider than it’s ever been, hands quivering as you rush toward him

“Most of me,” he murmurs sheepishly, “I’m a leg less than before.”

“You’re never less to me,” you declare firmly, “I love you.”

“I hate you for leaving me. I hate, I hate this, this stupid, senseless war.”

You’re glowering, refusing to touch him, arms crossed over your body

“I hate it too.”

He mutters, itching to hold you, loathing how your final moments together are bleeding with strife

“Then why partake?”

“Do I have a choice?”

Obanai sighs, anxiously eyeing the clock behind your head

“You can always make one,” you retort, wiping tears from your ruddy cheeks before they fall to the platform

“Dearest, let us not part on such terms.”

“Let us not part at all!” you’re shouting

“Is this really how you insist on saying goodbye?”

He’s stern, yet soft; tenderly heartbroken

“I don’t want to say it!” “Then don’t,” he gives in, pulling you into his chest in a single, greedy movement, relief filling his lungs when you grab ahold of him, “Don’t say goodbye.”

You whimper, “I love you.”

He whispers, “I love you more.”

—

“I’m never saying goodbye to you again,” you declare, awe and shock stiffening your limbs, your favorite silhouette waiting patiently on your doorstep

“And why is that?” he asks wryly, leaning heavy and tired

You’re cupping his face, delicate and careful, his skin tremoring as you brush over new scars

“If I had said goodbye, would you be here now?”

“Dearest, nothing in this world could ever stop me.”

“I’m so afraid for you.”

“For me?” she quirks a teasing eyebrow, “I can take care of myself.”

“I know, but-”

“But you like taking care of me too,” she interrupts gently, knowingly

“Mitsuri, what if-”

“What if I’m okay, you’re okay, and this is all a dream?”

“This is war,” your voice raises, “You can’t be so flippant about dy-”

“I’m not going to die.”

She sounds so certain, so steady, so-

“Mitsuri, I’m terrified.”

Your bottom lip trembles, wiping the smile off her face, strong arms wrapping sudden and tightly around you, familiar warmth only deepening the ache in your chest

“I know baby, I know,” she murmurs, grimacing to herself, “I’m so sorry.”

“You’re not going to die, right?”

You’re demanding, pleading, begging for her to-

“I promise, baby. You’re not gonna lose me.”

She promises again and again and again

As many times as she can before the train begins to whistle

—

“Don’t scold me,” she mumbles, “But I-”

“YOU DIDN’T DIE!” you scream, promptly flinging yourself toward her

“Well-” she blushes

Your eyes widen, halting on your tiptoes, narrowly avoiding bowling both of you over, “Your arms…”

“I’m-”

“ALIVE, and the love of my life,” you quickly shush her

“You aren’t-”

“Of course I’m bothered,” you reply simply, “You’ve suffered traumatic injuries.”

“Things won’t be the way they-”

“Well obviously,” you shrug, “You aren’t the way you were.”

“And that’s alright?”

“I still love you. I still want to be with you.”

“Baby… I love you.”

“Don’t get into trouble, okay? Be safe, my love. Please.”

“Why are you telling me that?” you snort, raising a bemused eyebrow, “You’re the one leaving.”

“You say that like you have so little faith in me returning,” she quips back

You fix an even stare on her lighthearted expression, shaking your head as your mouth twists

“Hey,” her tone softens, warm hand reaching out for your hip, “My love, look at me.”

Chewing on your bottom lip, you allow Shinobu to tug you into her arms, despairing at the thoughts flickering in and out of sight

“I’m a nurse, I should be safe from most of the fighting.”

“You’re one of few people who would willingly touch fighting, without a ten foot pole,” you retort

She laughs at that, a floaty, mesmerizing sound nestling into your chest, her grasp tightening around you

“How about this, my love: we both do our best to avoid trouble.”

You nod into her heartbeat, fingers clenching as the train’s whistle begins to blow, tears brimming at the reality of the silence awaiting you at home

—

“It would appear you’re as adept as ever at creating trouble,” a familiar voice chirps

Startled, you glance up across the kitchen, eyes widening in amazement

“SHINOBU!”

“I come home in one piece, and this is how you welcome me?” she asks teasingly, body hardened beneath your embrace, yet more fragile than you remember, “My love, the kitchen is, frankly, in shambles.”

“Shut up,” you mumble, “Shut up and let me cherish you.”

“Do not worry too much. I know it will be hard not to, but try. For me? Try to worry only a little.”

“You’re asking a lot of me,” you sigh quietly, eyebrows knit together as you stare into Kyojuro’s earnest gaze

“I ask because I know you are capable,” he smiles softly, thumbs rubbing warm and solid across your knuckles, his hands large and calloused as they encompass your own, “I ask because I worry about you.”

“I’m the last thing you should worry about,” you admonish gently, “I’ll be… safe.”

“And I will try my best to be as well.”

Silence weighs heavy between your hope and his reality, the distinct lack of promise tart in the air as you swallow thickly

“Write to me, okay? And I shall write to you.”

“I love you, Rengoku Kyojuro. I love you.”

“And I love you,” his voice sinks deeply, labored beneath the emotion in his throat, “This, I can always promise you.”

—

“Kyo?” you blink slowly, stunned by your unexpected visitor

“Who else could I be?” he drawls familiarly, “I guess I beat my letter home. I have been honorably discharged due to injury.”

Honorably discharged?

Due to injury?

You nearly gasp, the sight of his bandaged face finally registering, your arms thrown around him before you can even think

“I failed so terribly, Kyojuro. I worried immensely!”

He laughs loudly at your confession, dazzling grin burying itself in your shoulder, melting into your scent, your tears, the quivering of your body

“Ah, well, I suppose I failed somewhat too. I was not… entirely, safe.”

“Clearly,” you mutter, rueful and endeared, inhaling remnants of ash and winter clinging to his coat while your embrace tightens, “But you’re home.”

“You’re so silly. How could I not return to you? How could I even dare?”

“Do not call me silly when you are going to war!” you snap, fingertip pressing harder and harder into his sternum with each emphasis in your sentence

“Fine. Ridiculous.”

The urge to pinch the smugness from his face dissipates as quickly as it surfaces, promptly replaced by a fresh wave of tears as you wrap yourself once again in his arms

“Oh love,” he murmurs, all tenderness at the sudden switch of your demeanor, “I promise you, I could not dare. I will return to you.”

“As you are, or in a coffin?” you sniff petulantly, nose scrunched and dripping, “Because I shall only accept the former.”

“And the former you shall receive,” he answers resolutely, eyes closing against the rolling bile in his stomach, “I love you.”

You want to tell him The world is cruel

You want to tell him Your smile makes it less so

You want to tell him I hate you

But you can’t

Not when he already knows, and still chooses to love you

Not when you know how transparent such lies would be; brittle and self serving; temporary salve smeared over the fears trampling themselves in your head

“I love you more, Sanemi.”

“Idiot,” he says

Impossible he thinks

—

“You’re incredibly annoying,” you mutter, almost breathless as you rush toward his awaiting embrace

“I did precisely as you asked,” he chuckles, final threads of dread loosening at the feeling of your heartbeat, alive and well, pressed firmly to his chest, “Not a scratch.”

“Surely you’re lying.”

“Hm,” he hums noncommittal, smirking as he amends, “Okay, quite a few scratches. But I’m here as I am, as I promised.”

Words dissolve on your tongue, opting instead to kiss his chin, his earlobes, his cheeks, forehead, the tip of his nose, his eyelids, hesitating at his lips as you whisper

“I apologize for ever doubting you.”

He kisses you softly, tasting like the color of autumn, holding you as gently yet fiercely as a spring breeze

“I’ll come back for you. I promise.”

“I don’t believe you,” he mutters, wriggling in your hug

“Do you mean that?” you ask lightly, chin resting delicately atop his head, refusing to release him

Sighing, Muichiro hesitantly pats your back, eyes squeezing tightly

“Mui, I’ll come back for you.”

“How about you stay,” he retorts, mouth twisting, “If you leave, then you’ll-”

“Be okay. I’ll be okay.”

“What if you can’t find me?”

Your heart clenches at the drop in his tone, tears welling when he finally returns your affection, his arms angry and lonely as he clings to you

“I could find you anywhere,” you declare, “I love you.”

“What if other kids bully me?”

“Then I’ll find them too, and beat their asses,” you smirk

“That’s not very nice.”

“Well neither is bullying my younger brother.”

A gentle sob rocks into your chest, the train’s whistle cutting through wet silence, a chorus of crying children and weeping guardians growing loud in the background of your little world

“You’re coming back?”

“Of course.”

“You won’t forget me?”

“Never.”

—

“Mui?”

Someone unrecognizable yet achingly familiar turns at the sound of your voice, his limbs long and wiry, face more slim than you previously recall

“Ready to go?” you smile softly, outstretching a nervous hand toward him

From stillness to full sprint, Muichiro launches himself at you, the brightest grin matching yours as he shouts giddily

“YOU CAME BACK.”

“If I die, will you remember me?”

“You won’t die,” you scoff

“No guarantees.”

You meet Giyuu’s somber gaze with your own wry expression, his hands cool as you clutch them to your chest

“Tomioka Giyuu,” you begin sternly

“Hm?”

“Do you want to die?”

“No.”

“Then, you won’t,” you shrug, pressing warm kisses into the dryness of his knuckles

“Ever?” he asks, deadpan humor surfacing as the tension in his shoulders loosens

“You know what I mean.”

“Your faith in me is incredible,” he murmurs, tugging away from your grasp to cup your cheeks, thumbs tracing the outline of your lips with a trembling sadness, “I can only hope to repay you adequately.”

“There is nothing to repay,” you smile faintly, nuzzling into his palms, “I love you.”

“And if I die?” he whispers

“Then I will remember you fondly,” you promise softly, “With my heart, body, and being.”

—

“I suppose I didn’t want to die,” Giyuu says abruptly, snowflakes stark and glistening in his hair, nearby lamppost illuminating the relief and darkness etched into his cheekbones, “Although I did, quite obviously, lose an arm.”

“I suppose that is quite obvious,” you squeak in the doorway, eyes wide with shock, “You’re home.”

“Are you disappointed?” he questions carefully, fingers curling away from their desire to caress you

“Disappointed?!” you exclaim, “No!” head shaking profusely, “I just didn’t expect you to return so soon!!!!!”

“Well, losing an arm quickened the process.”

“Why aren’t we hugging?” you demand

“I’m wet and cold and you’re cozy and dry. Allow me to-”

He doesn’t finish his sentence, swallowed by the heat of your embrace as you fling yourself at him, tears dampening him further as you sob into his shoulder

“Tomioka Giyuu, I love you.”

“And I love you,” he finally grins, “I love you to the moon and back again.”

“Take care of each other. When one of you feels low, raise their spirits. When one of you feels angry, listen to their feelings. When one of you is in danger, come to their rescue. You are my brave spouses, my brilliant partners. I trust I shall return to all of you, whole and sound.”

“Tengen.” “Don’t leave us!”

“Must you go?”

He smiles softly, kissing Suma’s forehead, caressing Makio’s cheek, squeezing Hina’s hand

“Please, Tengen, take care of yourself.”

Nodding at your request, he slips a light finger beneath your chin, kissing you gently as he murmurs

“As you wish.”

You cling to Makio as he kisses Suma, hugging Suma as he kisses Hina, sniffling into Hina’s shoulder as he kisses Makio, lungs heaving from the smoke and bitterness hanging in the air, grateful for the haven of love wrapping itself around you

“If I perish far from home,” he says quietly, “Then do not grieve for the rest of your lives. Thrive for yourselves. Your livelihoods are more precious than mourning a single soul.”

“Tengen!” Suma wails

“How can you be so nonchalant?!” Makio cries

“Don’t ask that of us!” Hina protests

“You’re wrong, Tengen. We are precious to you, just as you are precious to us.”

Meeting the steeliness in your gaze, Tengen chuckles lowly, chest full of warmth and belonging as he shakes his head fondly

“I love you endlessly.”

“And we love you!”

“We love you too!”

“We love you infinitely!”

“We love you, Uzui Tengen. Take care.”

—

“TENGEN!!!! YOUR EYE?!?!?! YOUR HAND?! WHERE IS ITTT?!” <— Suma

“SUMA! You can’t just ask him that-” <— Makio

“Tengen?! He’s home??!!” <—You “TENGEN!!!!!” <— Suma

“I trust you all took care of each other?” <—Tengen

“HINA WOULDN’T LET ME COOK.” <— Makio

“Makio burnt dinner twice.” <— Hina

“I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!!!” <—Suma

“We survived.” … … … “Somehow.” <— You

“[y/n] kept us together.” <— Hina

“Barely.” <— You

“It was difficult without you.” <— Makio

“Really?” <— Tengen

“Actually. We thrived.” <— Hina

“... oh?” <— Tengen

“Especially without you and your flashy biceps. ” <— You

“Heyyy.” <— Tengen

“Group hug!!!!!” <— Suma

#hashira x reader #preferences #ww2 au #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #gyomei x reader #obanai x reader #mitsuri x reader #shinobu x reader #kyojuro x reader #sanemi x reader #muichiro x reader #giyuu x reader #tengen x reader

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duahauuoplanh · 4 months

Text

Do you know what I really fear? Having a dream in this hopeless world. I fear my resolve will grow weak because of that vain hope. That I might hesitate and falter to do what must be done. So I bid you goodbye.

#gyeongseong creature #han so hee #netflix #I put my heart into every gifset I’ve made

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ghostofhyuck · 1 month

Text

NCT Dream as Taylor Swift songs. (angst version)

AN: Another NCT Dream as Taylor Swift songs ;> enjoy!

Mark Lee ; Back to December

And then the cold came, the dark days When fear crept into my mind You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

Starting strong with Back to December. CRIES. Mark is so Back to December-coded, like literally. He's that guy that you'll love at your very worst that's why you regret breaking up with him. Like!!! He was there for you, he gave all of him to you and you ended up hurting him. And your breakup with him was so HARSH that you know that you hurt him so much, and as much as you two are civil, you know that there is a wall between you too. CRIES AGAIN.

Huang Renjun ; Cardigan

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs The smell of smoke would hang around this long

Okay but, in this scenario, Renjun is your cardigan. He's a hopeless case of falling in love with someone who could never love him back. And as much as it hurts him, he still ends up going after you whenever you need him, and it didn't matter to him!! Because he loves loves you so much even though at the end, he might thrown again like an old cardigan.

Lee Jeno ; Say Don't Go

Why'd you have to (why'd you have to) Make me love you (make me love you)? I said, "I love you" (I said, "I love you") You say nothin' back

Idk how to describe how much Jeno fits Say Don't Go so much. He's the type who will lead you onto something, whisper those sweet words, and will make you feel like he loves you so much. But then he doesn't, and you're there helpless, wondering if all of it are real. And to stop your daydreaming, you walked away first BUT you waited for him to chase after you, but it the end, he didn't and it hurts you so much.

Lee Donghyuck ; Would've, Could've, Should've

I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign I regret you all the time

I know Would've, Could've, Should've's meaning is different BUT HEAR ME OUT. I chose this for Haechan because it fits him so much, something about being a relationship with him can be a destruction of you too. You were clueless of yourself when you're with him and when you two broke up, you're left ruined because of him!!! And years passed and you thought you're alright, but the wounds are still open and you couldn't do nothing about it.

Na Jaemin ; Champagne Problems

I never was ready, so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

It's a YOU problem with this one. You love Jaemin so much, he's everyone's ideal man and a perfect husband material. It's just, you're not ready for marriage and family. So not only did you rejected him, but you also broke up with him because you know that it's for the best. So you watched him from afar, engaged to a girl who probably suits him better than you. She'll be a perfect wife for Na Jaemin.

Zhong Chenle ; You're Losing Me

I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

I think Chenle suits You're Losing Me because I feel like he's the type who's very confident with his relationship, and while it's low-maintenance it slowly fades away. There's no sparks, no more thrill, and you two are slowly becoming strangers living under the same rooftop. He becomes clueless, and you're on the verge of giving up fighting your relationship with him. Until one day, you did. You broke up with him.

Park Jisung ; Happiness

Haunted by the look in my eyes That would've loved you for a lifetime Leave it all behind And there is happiness

Happiness is so underrated tbh. Jisung is happiness-coded because it felt like a breakup that ended up civil because you two knew that your relationship is not working anymore. And as you two separate ways, there's relief and happiness. But still, there's a price of it, and that is your relationship with Jisung.

#nct dream #nct imagines #nct dream fic #nct #nct fic #nct x reader #nct dream imagine #nct scenarios #nct angst #nct dream angst #nct dream imagines #nct dream reactions #nct mark #nct jeno #nct renjun #nct haechan #nct jaemin #nct chenle #nct jisung

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meat-wentz · 1 year

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see in my head it’s like: you need him, i could be him. the way your makeup stains my pillow case like i’ll never be the same. sometimes i just want to know what it’s like to be you. don’t mind me i’m just watching you two from the closet wishing to be the friction in your jeans. isn’t it messed up how i’m just dying to be him? nothing comes as easy as you. wear me like a locket around your throat. just like kisses on the necks of best friends. i’m hopelessly hopeful, you’re just hopeless enough. i’m not going home alone cause i don’t do too well on my own. i’m just the covers on top of your bed. i’ll keep you warm and won’t ask where you’ve been. you’re the only place that feels like home. tell me you’d like boys like me better in the dark lying on top of you. and this is you and me. and me and you. until we’ve got nothing left. collect the bad habits that you couldn’t bear to keep. a teenage vow in a parking lot, til tonight do us part. i love you in the same way there’s a chapel in the hospital. kiss away young thrills and kills on the mouths of all my friends. cut it loose, watch you work the room. i wrote a goodbye note in lipstick on your arm when you passed out. best friends, ex-friends till the end, better off as lovers and not the other way around. when i’m home alone i just can’t stop myself. pushed up the window to kiss you off. do you remember the way i held your hand? under the lamp post and ran home this way so many times i could close my eyes. the truth hurts worse than anything i could bring myself to do to you. i love everything about you that hurts. some nights it gets so bad that i almost pick up the phone. i sleep with your old shirts. i’ve traced your shadows on the wall now i kiss them whenever i’m down. but i will never end up like him, behind my back i already am. oh, darling, i know what you’re going through. knowing how heartwarming it is inside your skin. why can you read me like no one else? always you make my stomach turn. don’t you remember how we used to split a drink? it never mattered what it was, i think that our hands were just that close. i just need enough of you to dull the pain, just to get me through the night til we’re twins again. write our names in the wet concrete. were we ever friends? there’s nothing more cruel than to be loved by everybody but you. we said we’d never grow up. would you read my eulogy? i will never ask you for anything except to dream sweet of me. scar-crossed lovers. forever. i ripped myself apart, i’ll be whatever you need me to be. i cut myself down to be whatever you need me to be. so let’s twist the knife again like we did last summer. what is there between us, if not a little annihilation?

#thinking about jennifer’s body x peterick and am being killed immensely #jbfob #text

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noxarcanaart · 1 year

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flight risk chapter 10: “goodbye, my hopeless dream” is up 🎸💼 @sayesayes and i wish you a happy painsgiving i mean thanksgiving!!!

(we promise this fic has a soft romantic happy ending. a few more chapters to go babes)

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lucistarrrrs · 2 months

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THERE'S A HOLE THAT YOU FILL

Genre: Drama

Summary: Darcy is a dreamer and his friends support it but his family is against it. His father wants to crush his dreams.

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Part 1 | Part 2

A young boy was walking to the bridge looking down at the river he turned around and saw his friends standing there looking at him "Darcy... don't do this...we can report your father's abuse to you just don't take your life" Darcy's friend said to him. Darcy just smiled at his friends.

Seren shouted in concern, "Darcy! Step away from that edge. You don't have to go through this."

"that's right, we're here for you" Leora said in a softer tone. Darcy spoke, his voice almost breaking "thank you for your concern, I will forever cherish our friendship."

Seren and Leora tried to approach him. He was just one step away from falling. As the two got closer, Darcy took one final step. "Damn it!" Seren ran to catch him. Seren caught him by the collar of his shirt. Despite Seren's effort, Darcy still fell into the river. Darcy isn't known for his ability to swim, so he almost immediately sank. Aurora went after him. She swam ashore while carrying Darcy.

Darcy coughs and breathes heavily, looking at Aurora. His eyes were wide filled with anger "Why... Why did you save me!?" Darcy screeched and banged his hand on the ground. Aurora looked at him worriedly. Darcy has tears in his eyes, he was a mess-- wet clothes, wet hair, and his eyes vividly red due to the constant stinging pain of his tears, as it falls down to his cheeks. Darcy's eyesight started to blur due to the flooding of his tears.

Seren ran towards him and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pushing him against the wall. "SEREN!" Leora and Aurora yelled at him "What the fuck are you thinking jumping of the bridge again!! Don't you value your life at least a little?! Don't you value us, your friends?!" He growled as he repeatedly slammed Darcy against the wall. Darcy was surprised by Seren's outburst. Darcy's heart sank when he heard Seren's words. He was starting to regret his actions but the feeling of hopelessness still remained inside him.

Darcy and his friends heard a car come to a stop. He was taken aback by the fact that his older brother was present. "'Darcy... and companions'". The final moment was bittersweet for Darcy's brother. Seren, Leora, and Aurora scolded Darcy's older brother.

"What are you doing here Calhoun?" Leora said, crossed her arms and squinted her eyes Calhoun looked at Leora "Well I just need my dreamer little brother" Calhoun hissed at Leora before walking towards Darcy just as Seren let go of Darcy.

Calhoun looked at Darcy as he cups Darcy's chin "Father was right Darcy you should let go of your stupid dreams" Calhoun hissed again and tightly squeezed his cheeks. Calhoun released his grip on Darcy's face, revealing a mischievous smile. 'Oh, DarDar, you didn't call me Cally anymore' Calhoun smirked, ruffled Darcy's hair, and walked back to the car. "Now come on Darcy, our father is waiting for you...at home" Calhoun's tone was dark as he opened the passenger seat for Darcy as Seren, Aurora and Leora just standing no idea what to do.

"Goodbye Darcy, I'll see you at school tomorrow." Aurora waved goodbye to him. Darcy got into the car while Calhoun got into the driver's seat. As the car started its engine, Calhoun started to drive Darcy looked at his friends looking worried and he felt something bad was about to happen like always.

"Did our father instruct you to separate from your friends?" Calhoun criticized Darcy, and Darcy perceived an unusual and gloomy atmosphere around him, so he remained silent.

As they arrived at the mansion, Calhoun and Darcy saw their father waiting for them. "Darcy... I've been waiting for you" The tone was disliked and aggressive, Darcy just remained silent. "Calhoun you can go now, I will teach this son of a..bitch a lesson" Darcy's father stood up and wrapped the belt tightly around his fingers. As Darcy retreated, he was halted by the wall. He glanced at his father. The portrait of Lucifer falling from the heavens hangs on the wall as Darcy's cries and pain are audible.

Calhoun and his brothers heard Darcy's punishment. One of the brothers asked, 'Should we help him this time? His scars and bruises are getting worse. If our mother discovers this, Calhoun will be punished as well" Calhoun sits in his study and continues his work, completely ignoring his second oldest brother. He sighed and glanced at his brother.

"Ariticus, we shouldn't provide any assistance to him. Disobeying our father's rules is unfair. Calhoun answered and stood up. He headed towards the long window and observed the family portrait. Ariticus let out a frustrated sigh and let Calhoun contemplate his own actions.

In the family portrait, Calhoun's mother was shown smiling with gentleness, a beautiful face, gorgeous blonde hair, and blue eyes like diamonds, as she carried Darcy asleep in her arms. Calhoun paused to breathe and glanced at the nightstand, one of his brothers, and Darcy held a duck plushie all the time.

At Darcy's room...

The maid was attempting to be gentle and repair his bruises while Darcy cried uncontrollably when his father punished him. 'It's okay, my sweetheart. It's gonna be okay,' the maid consoled and wiped Darcy's tears. The maid caressed Darcy's hair and hummed a lullaby as he cried in her lap, and he felt safe around the maid like his mother singing it for him when he was a child.

While she was on her lap, Darcy fell asleep and the maid wrapped him in blankets before giving him a kiss on his forehead and the maid left Darcy's room and continued her work.

Darcy had an item of his mother's pendant that was slightly glowing, but it faded out. His eyes were wide and shocked, he sprang up quickly and breathed heavily, despite his red eye color.

Taglist:

@delusional-mushroom @homie-xidal @ilovelyneysm07 @lxkeee

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin lucifer #lucifer morningstar #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer morningstar x you #lucifer magne #charlie morningstar #oc #stories #original character #hazbin alastor #lucifer x reader #drama #angst #angst with a bad ending

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welldonekhushi · 7 months

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Till We Meet Again

Timeline: OG!Modern Warfare (this is a flashback of when Scarlet and Soap were young before they met together in the army again)

Pairing: John "Soap" MacTavish x Samantha "Scarlet" Wright (OC)

Note: A short snippet I made when Soap and Scarlet were separated. Yes, it's sure a bit angsty but heartwarming at the same time! So, I hope you like it *sniff*

"Will you come back?" Scarlet looked at the teen, with worried eyes. John turned around, clenching his bag tighter and looked at his parents packing his stuff in the cab, not sure if he could answer Scarlet's question, but only responded with a hopeful smile, wishing he'd find a chance to see her again. He turned back and walks towards the girl, caressing her face.

"I can't be sure when, lass.. but when it's the time. The day, and the moment. Maybe.. you might see me, and I'll see you."

"But I hate waiting." Scarlet furrowed her eyebrows, casting her head down. "And without you, it feels empty.. I don't think my life would ever be the same again." She sniffed.

"I don't want you to be thinking about me all the time.. you know currently your studies are necessary, right? And besides, all the teachers have utmost hope in you. Also, you have your dream to fulfill, ain't it?"

Scarlet nodded. "Have you decided your regiment yet?"

"Hmm, not yet. Maybe once I go through military school, I'll absolutely clarify where I belong."

".. ah, I see. Well, whatever you'd pick, I know it's one of the best of them all." She smiled, weakly.

John smiled, and looked at Scarlet for a while. Damn, who said he also wasn't going to miss her too? For all the years they've spent together as kids from now proper teens, now separating from each other to pursue what they want. Despite Scarlet wanting to go into the defense as well, she was still behind from Soap so she needed more time to finish her education and then enroll herself in the military as well, undecided what regiment to choose further as well.

"So.. is this.. a goodbye?" Scarlet asks weakly, and hears the cab's horn.

"John! You're going to be late!" His father called him.

John looked back at Scarlet, giving a heartwarming smile, as he gently grabbed her hand, rubbing it. "I guess it is."

The two stared at each other for a while, and instantly, Scarlet came to give John a tight hug, as if she didn't want to let him go.

She tried not to cry much, and John hugged her back, also trying not to shed tears as well. He pulled back from Scarly, and then began to walk away from her, leaving the grip on her hand slowly. The hopelessness on Scarlet's face, seeing her best friend (really, Scarlet? bestie?) was now leaving for the military, not even sure when he'd come back. John waved her a "bye" and began to leave, but Scarlet suddenly stopped him right there.

"Wait!" She cried out, and John raised an eyebrow, and Scarlet ran inside her house, quickly grabbing something before going back to him. John was confused, but then Scarlet came back, with something behind her hand. Scarlet smiled as if this gift was something special not just to him but for her as well.

"If you ever miss me.. then always keep this with you." She gave a blanket to John, making his eyes widen a bit. It was the blanket, which the two always used to cuddle and warm themselves with, and John gently carried it like a souvenir. He looked at Scarlet, with a hearty smile.

"Thank ya, Scarly. This.. was really needed."

Scarlet smiled, and slapped his shoulder, and so did he, and they laughed and chuckled like idiots. When it was now time to leave, John ran inside the cab, and opened the door, looking at Scarlet one last time, and winked, leaving for school. Scarlet just stood there, watching John slowly leave her eyes, and he peeked out of the window, screaming out: "To infinity and beyond!"

Scarlet couldn't do anything but laugh, as John left, and her smile died down. She shook her head, and saw her mother, who sees her daughter looking upset at her friend leaving. The option now was to head back home, as Scarlet did.

#cod #call of duty #call of duty fanfic #cod mw #call of duty modern warfare #cod mw2 2009 #john soap mactavish #captain mactavish #oc #oc story #original character #my oc #call of duty oc #samantha scarlet wright #soap x oc #oc x canon

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cornertheculprit · 1 year

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okay kind of long post incoming because i've just now figured out how i want to word this. i made a little post a while ago saying that i think maya started to consider phoenix her family when he insisted that he would help her in 2-2 despite her thinking that she killed someone and gave him her magatama and that i think phoenix started considering her as his family when he realized she was kidnapped and his vision started going gray and blacking out in a way it hasn't ever done for any other character and while i could make an entirely separate post detailing maya's side of things i'm going to focus on phoenix for now. i don't know if this is a proper analysis or something i'm just rambling lmao

okay. as we all know. phoenix does not believe in people unconditionally unless they have given him prior reason to do so (like edgeworth and mia). this exchange that happens in aa1 is, i think, the biggest example of him admitting it out loud:

Phoenix: I'm going to believe in you two until the end.

Larry: Us two?

Maya: Edgeworth and... who else? You mean me right?

Larry: Nah! He means me! Right, Nick?

Phoenix: Yeah, you, Larry.

Maya: Not... me?

Maya: ...

while it clearly hurts for maya to hear i think it makes sense. they've known each other for a very short time at this point and phoenix does, at this point, have more reason to trust in larry than he does maya (even though that trust seems pretty much revoked by the time aa3 rolls around because of larry admitting he was the one who stole the lunch money that caused the class trial at the end of turnabout goodbyes but i digress). while they're still in the process of quickly becoming good friends and while maya does seem to have grown attached to phoenix more quickly than phoenix to her (presumably because phoenix had defended her when no one else would) it's clear that phoenix isn't quite at the point she is. HOWEVER! according to rfta he also gets so depressed at the fact that she went back to kurain village to train that he literally doesn't take a single case for two months until he meets someone (ema) that reminds him so much of maya that he can't say no. fast forward to aa2:

Phoenix: What's wrong?

Maya: Are you sure? I mean, I'm guilty! I'm a murderer!

Phoenix: No one's decided that yet.

Maya: But I did! I killed that person... with these... two hands...!

Phoenix: That's enough, Maya.

Maya: It's hopeless! If you defend me, you'll lose, I'm sure...

Phoenix: Stop it!

Maya: ... ...Help me... Nick, help me... I'm scared...

Phoenix: Don't worry, I will. When is the trial?

this exchange is interesting to me because it's at this point that maya holds him back from leaving and gives him the magatama. their friendship, even though they've only just been reunited, is strong enough that phoenix insists that no one's decided WHO the killer is yet even in the face of maya admitting she thinks she's done it. but the thing IS—phoenix doesn't explicitly state he BELIEVES she hadn't done it. and when the topic of belief does come up later in the case, this is what ensues:

Maya: Um, Nick...

Phoenix: Yeah?

Maya: Why do you believe in me? Why do you think I didn't kill Dr. Grey?

Phoenix: ...Because of something Mia told me.

phoenix says out loud that the reason he believes wholeheartedly in maya's innocence (NOW, mind you) isn't because of his belief in maya's character, it's because of mia's words: spirit mediums can't dream when they channel. and he wholeheartedly believes in mia, which means that he now wholeheartedly believes in maya's innocence by EXTENSION.

and then farewell, my turnabout happens. and again, the minute he hears that maya's been kidnapped, his eyesight goes grayscale and starts fading like it doesn't do for any other character in the series:

Phoenix: (M-My sight... Everything's fading away... Maya... Maya... Maya's been kidnapped!)

and suddenly, phoenix is doing everything in his goddamn power to try to get her back. it's to the point that even the people of the gallery start turning against him when he attempts to pin the blame on adrian andrews to buy some time. it's even to the point where MIA, of all people, starts looking at him with seemingly genuine disapproval and not just her usual exasperation when he fucks up in court. and the only thought running through his head?

Phoenix: (This is to save Maya... This is to save Maya... Even if the whole world turns against me, this is one fight I can't give up on!)

Mia: ...

and then the case is over, and maya and phoenix have this exchange (as well as the happy little picture which always make me want to combust so i'm putting it in this post because look at them):

Phoenix: M-M-M... MAYA!

Pearl: Mystic Maya! Mystic Mayaaaaaaaa!

Maya: Oh, Nick! I knew you would come through! You got Engarde convicted, like I knew you would... And on top of that, you even rescued me!

Phoenix: Well, of course I did! You know I would never desert you!

and it's DIFFERENT when phoenix says it this time. when he told her he wouldn't abandon her all the way back in aa1 it was different. it was when she thought she'd been abandoned by everyone and phoenix compared it to his own past and made the decision to stay by her side through that trial partly because of that (and partly because of the fact that she was mia's sister). this time, when phoenix says he would never desert her, he EXCLAIMS it and states it like it's a simple fact of life. he would never desert her! that's all there is to it! and from then on things change. aa3 is known for its phoenix&maya moments for a reason: the banter is hilarious, the dynamics sublime, and if you didn't really see it before, you REALLY start to notice that you're getting hit with the wacky friendship/sibling-like shenanigans (maya whacking phoenix over the head with the shichishito is, of course, the first thing that comes to mind, but there's so so so many more moments) now. the conversation of "belief" between them starts in the stolen turnabout, where pearl starts crying and tells phoenix she'll never forgive him for taking ron delite's case. but when he asks maya about it?

Phoenix: And what about you...? Are you OK with me taking Mr. DeLite's case...?

Maya: Y-Yeah... I'm fine, Nick. I believe in you.

Phoenix: ... *sniffle* (I think I'm going to cry.)

she believes, wholeheartedly, in phoenix. and later, of course, bridge to the turnabout happens. you see how phoenix quite literally knocks larry (who he once said he'd always believe in) out of the way despite larry's very rational protests that the burning bridge was too dangerous to try and cross in his effort to reach maya on the OFF CHANCE that the murderer had fled to the other side. despite the fact that phoenix, just hours earlier, had been so terrified of the bridge that he needed literal time to recover after crossing it. and when dahlia-as-iris starts trying to pin the murder on maya....

Dahlia/Iris: I saw her commit the crime with my very own eyes... And then I cleaned up the area to try to protect her.

Phoenix: OBJECTION! Th-That's ridiculous! Maya could never do such a--

INSTANT dismissal. INSTANT refusal. it's not at all like his rationalizations (and his trust in mia over maya) in 2-2. he BELIEVES, wholeheartedly, in maya. in the fact that maya could never kill anyone. and the thing about it is that his belief in maya didn't come from some grand showcase of saving him like mia and edgeworth did—it was the product of years of friendship. throughout the entirety of the time that dahlia tries to pin the murder on maya, phoenix refuses to even CONSIDER the idea:

Phoenix: (I still can't believe it... The idea of Maya cornering someone at knifepoint! It's just silly!)

bridge to the turnabout even ENDS with maya saying that phoenix is one of the feys now. she calls herself his big sister TWICE and the only objection he has to it is that she was trying to claim that SHE was the older one and not the other way around. he (as shown by the end credits) literally ended up sitting under a freezing waterfall with her for the special course spirit training despite not being a medium at all. it's very clear by the end of the trilogy that phoenix and maya are absolutely irreplaceable in each other's lives, no questions asked.

so. overall. i think the moment that the dynamic between phoenix and maya shifted from "good friends" to "family" is actually different between the two of them. for maya, it was near the beginning of jfa, when she gave phoenix her magatama after he refused to let her admit she was guilty without a fight. for phoenix, it was near the end of jfa, when maya was kidnapped and he realized that he'd do anything to save her. and i think this shows throughout the entirety of trials & tribulations. i don't have a proper ending to to this or anything they're just my blorbos and i love them so much

#GAHHHHHHH. EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT THEM I WANT TO EXPLODEEEEEEE #phoenix wright #maya fey #ace attorney

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 9 months

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Trimax Thoughts Vol. 5 Pt. 3

Here we go again. (Gah I'm so behind sorry guys) More thoughts on Vash's no good, very bad mental health, this time focused on trauma symptoms and his uncharacteristic lack of foresight and planning when it comes to confronting Knives.

[ID: A panel from Trigun Maximum Volume 5. Vash is hunched over among the rubble. He is not drawn in extensive detail, being merely eyes, an open mouth, spiky hair and a mass of feather-like projections covering his whole body and culminating in a single large wing protruding from his back. End ID.]

Again, this is going to get a little heavy, and became quite long. You have been warned.

(Sorry, the image of fluffy Vash has very little to do with anything... other than the fact that he is actively having a breakdown in that scene I guess. I just really wanted to include that panel. Lol.)

To start with, at the very beginning of my read of the manga, I commented on how Vash clearly demonstrates some pretty textbook avoidant behaviours. Then I took note later on of Vash's concerning lack of self-regard, resulting in little thought being given to a future for himself after confronting Knives.

Well. It gets worse I'm afraid. 👍

Vash displays enough clear signs of trauma in the manga that I am convinced he actually meets criteria for a PTSD diagnosis (specifically surrounding July). I'm a student in this field, not a professional, but I'm going to loosely run over the trauma symptoms he displays. <-This is important for the point I am trying to make.

Category 1: Intrusive Memories

Flashbacks - Yeah, all throughout Volume 5 as the memories of what happened all come rushing back at once (with Hoppered and Meryl unfortunately caught up in his trauma-induced breakdown. rip you two I am so sorry)

Nightmares - A bit harder to say. There aren't nightmares about July it seems, on account of his having forgotten the event. He dreams about Rem frequently though, it can be assumed, only for her to be wrenched away from him shortly before waking. This was in Volume 1 of Trigun.

Severe Emotional and Physical Reactions to Reminders - Volume 2 of Trigun, shortly before Fifth Moon. Vash freezes in place when he spots the doctor, which clearly triggers some kind of faint recognition and sense of horror. He doesn't notice Knives approaching until he is right in front of him.

Category 2: Avoidance

Of Thinking/Talking About It - Vash notably doesn't actually question anything to do with July, which you would think he would, if he can't remember anything. He just knows that the city was destroyed and Knives was there - up until Fifth Moon, I don't think there was any doubt in his mind that it was Knives who was responsible. After this, he spends two years in hiding, out of fear of himself and a lack of desire to engage with reminders of his past.

Category 3: Negative Changes

Hopelessness - For a guy who wants people to have hope... he doesn't allot much to himself... :(

Memory Problems - The core issue before Vol. 5. Vash had no idea what happened in July. He even blocked out part of Fifth Moon.

Negative Self-Opinion - "I should never have been born." "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" :(

Difficulty Maintaining Close Relationships - Always leaving people without saying goodbye. Still rarely calls Meryl and Milly by their names. People have to chase after him if they want him around.

Detachment - His go-to when everything gets too much. See the Leonof fight for a good example.

Difficulty Experiencing Positive Emotions - "Ya always smiled all cheerfully, but it was so empty it hurts just lookin' at ya."

Category 4: Physical/Emotional Reactions

Always on Guard - He can't use his real name most of the time. He trains all the time; has to respond quickly to ever-present danger.

Self-Destructive Behaviour - ...it's Vash. :/

Irritability/Angry Outbursts/Aggression - Very much so. Anger is a driving motive and we see this flare up whenever Knives is so much as mentioned. He even gets uncharacteristically short with Meryl when she tries to stop him from confronting him, and Vash does not tend to be very rational or composed in situations where he is genuinely angry. <- I will be coming back to this point.

Overwhelming Guilt or Shame - ...again. It's Vash. :/

Other Complications that can Arise:

Depression (this should go without saying. he's fighting so hard to feel every scrap of fleeting joy he can)

Suicidal Thoughts and Actions (I went over this before. These have cropped up in almost every volume so far and I expect this to get much worse)

Eating Issues (This appears to be Stampede specific, but I thought I'd mention it anyways)

So, uh. I hope this is enough proof. He clearly does have severe trauma, and well, that's not really a surprise, considering what actually happened. Vash inadvertently killed an entire city's worth of people. Absorbed them, even. Deeply traumatic for someone who doesn't want to hurt anyone at all - but this is not the only part of July that was traumatic.

Let's go back to the aggression part of the response - the "fight" aspect that sometimes arises when put in stressful situations that reminds one of their trauma. See, Vash's anger is something we as readers see a lot in the story but that's because we primarily see major scenes where he is pushed to his limits. In all actuality, for those parts in between, he's a chill and friendly guy. Does he get irritated? Quite easily. Does he always have a bit of simmering resentment in him? Sure. But this is not the explosive kind of rage we see when he is confronted with Knives. Usually, Vash is more prone to introspective melancholy or bitterness than violent rage - for as much as we see it, the latter is actually rather uncommon.

So, too, is the way he "confronts" Knives. Vash is typically very in control of himself; he's confident with his skills, clever and adaptable, and generally speaking, very good at planning out his next moves. In a gunfight, for as much as he would prefer not to be wrapped up in it, he is in his element. Even when there is uncertainty, he still eventually takes decisive action. ...except where Knives is concerned.

[ID: Two screenshots from the Trigun manga. The first is from Volume 5 of Maximum. Vash aims his gun with a serious expression and says "I've finally caught up with you... Knives." Knives looks at him, taken aback. The second image is from Volume 2 of Trigun. Vash shouts as he raises his gun rapidly to aim at Knives, blurred with quick vertical lines to make the speed of the motion obvious. His expression is furious. Knives looks at him, part of his face shadowed, again, looking taken aback. End ID.]

...hello? Sir? Why are you just pointing your gun and like. Not doing anything? Like he keeps aiming his gun and then just... holding it there. Even Vash in Stampede fired on Knives' weapons. This guy, for all his rage, hasn't unleashed a single shot unless the situation forced him to. In fact, Vash's entire wording surrounding Knives and how he is going to stop him is also extremely vague. He says things like "settle the score" and "send him to hell", which, to me, initially implied killing him... but Vash has no issue using the word "kill", and he never actually says that about Knives. He says he's going to stop him, but fails to actually specify how. I cannot stress enough that this lack of foresight is actually deeply uncharacteristic of him.

But here's the thing.

[ID: Part of a panel from Trigun Volume 2. Vash's thoughts are set on a white background. They read "We... I... should never have been born." End ID.]

He switches his wording here. The subject of the sentence changes from "we" to "I". Even in his mind, he can't muster that kind of sentiment about his brother. He's angry with Knives, even hates him... but I strongly disbelieve he actually wants him dead. Knives is his brother, man. That still means something to him.

You might be wanting to pause me here and ask why I framed the confronting of Knives as an aggressive response due to trauma, as opposed to just vengeance/retribution for Rem and for July. Yeah, well, there's an interesting contrast to be made here. Look up at the two confrontation images again.

Before July, Vash is level-headed when confronting him; angry, but in control. After July, he is yelling and openly bitter and wrathful. There's even a difference in him looking for information on Knives and his associates. In July, he's just asking around. There's none of the darkness we see in the series proper. By contrast, his mood does a sharp turn after July whenever Knives is so much as mentioned. More than that, there's this, too.

[ID: Knives stands facing Vash so only the back of his head can be seen. His head is next to Vash's gun. Vash looks startled. A speech bubble shows two exclamation points. End ID.]

...Vash is... actually scared here. Knives is approaching him and he's frozen due to the feeling that something sickening happened, even though he's the one holding the gun. July was stressful and terrifying for Vash even before the angel arm went off, and dare I say, already traumatic.

Vash knew two things in that scene, and pretty much only two things:

His arm was transforming uncontrollably, something he had no clue prior to this it could even do.

Knives wanted him to "release" his power, which would "swallow" everything in the place they're in. Clearly Knives intended harm to others with whatever power lay dormant in Vash.

This is already a terrifying situation - body horror on top of the certainty that something horrible is about to happen if he loses control - and it shows. He is visibly panting and struggling with the exertion of trying to suppress it, and Knives is not helping in the slightest by asking him piercing questions like he is, taking advantage of Vash's vulnerability here to make him tip over the edge and somehow admit that it was all a lie and deep down he feels the same as Knives. Now, notably Vash doesn't deny occasionally feeling hatred for humanity - he just tells Knives to "stop it". But Knives, instead, doubles down with his questioning.

This is not the only time in this scene Vash has tried to get Knives to stop. Knives does not stop at Vash's distress. Vash tells him to stop, he doesn't. Vash points his gun at him (again, he doesn't fire), and Knives still does not stop. In a last ditch attempt to reason, Vash somehow psychically transmits the faces and feelings he has towards all the people who were kind to him - you can see some of the residents of July, Ship 3's Luida, Doc, Brad and Jessica, and probably others he's met on his travels. Knives loses it and shoves him on to the ground.

I think Vash was well within his right to take self-defensive action here - and indeed, I really think that's what happened when he fired the angel arm at Knives.

Look, I really like it when intentional mistakes are made and characters have to deal with the consequences, and I think there are scenes in which this can apply to Vash (namely, I can think of more than a few drawbacks to his passivity in early Trimax, and his conflict with Wolfwood holds a lot of complexity on both sides)... but I have to be real honest with you, I don't think this is one of those times. I disbelieve this was a fully conscious choice on Vash's part.

For one, we've established Vash does not actually want Knives dead. Second... I may just be reading into this too much, but again, there's something in the way the eyes are drawn.

[ID: A set of panels from Trigun Maximum Volume 5. Knives is drawn with an intense expression; he looks confident, but there is a "thump" sound. Knives looks down, brows furrowed and sweating, to see the barrel of Vash's angel arm pointed at his chest. In the last panel, a gap between Knives' fingers reveals one of Vash's eyes, blank and devoid of iris or pupil. End ID.]

I'd initially thought the blank eye thing had to do with the release of Vash's power from the angel arm, but that appears to not be the case. It doesn't coincide with the charging of the arm - the arm is active and charged past the point of no return here with Vash's iris and pupil still visible during Fifth Moon, and we see Vash's eyes blank well before the angel arm forms in Volume 5, when he is undergoing intense flashbacks to the destruction of July. Vash's eyes even go blank when his powers are not active at all - again, during the start of his flashbacks.

[ID: A set of screenshots from the Trigun manga. The first is from Trigun Volume 2. Vash's eye, with iris and pupil and a welling tear, can be seen between Knives' fingers, as Knives screams "Destroy them all! Vaaash!". The second is from Trigun Maximum Volume 5, where Vash is hunched over on the ground as his body sprouts feathers and lines appear on his face. He is in clear distress and his eyes are blank. The third is from Maximum Volume 4. Vash screams and throws his head back. A close up of his eye shows it is blank, welling with tears. End ID.]

I am about 80% confident, give or take, that the blank eye thing pertains to Vash's mental state - as in, how mentally present he is versus him being out of control and checked out of reality. He needs to be snapped out of it - thoughts of Meryl and how she needed help, Elendira's intervention... but there was nothing to snap Vash out of his panic and that flood of raw emotion during July. It was a spur of the moment automatic response - the angel arm is a gun, Vash is very confident with a gun to the point its basically instinct, he's being pinned and trapped and something he doesn't understand and can't control is happening to his own body, people might be about to get hurt - he wanted it to stop.

Unfortunately, the worst possible consequences were a direct result of his desperation. Vash's automatic attempt at self-defense took out an entire city and swallowed all the people within it.

I do think that if it was self-defense over an active choice, the outcome would be pretty much the same and doesn't weaken the scene. For one, this would mark pretty much the only time we see Vash act in close to pure self-defense. He has such a disregard for his own safety, it's incredibly heartbreaking to think that the one time he actually did try to defend himself, it resulted in such a horrible tragedy. It might explain why, after remembering bits and pieces from Fifth Moon onwards, he becomes even less compassionate with himself and even more prone to just... taking the pain. Second, the effect is the same as if Vash chose to fire the arm consciously, because due to Vash's terrible sense of self-worth, self-defense is not a reasonable excuse to him - even though it was a traumatic experience for him, even though he would likely understand someone else in his position, he is going to treat himself as though the blame lies solely on him, regardless of the automaticity of the action itself. Vash blames himself and whether or not the reader determines his actions to have been automatic or conscious, he is going to treat himself the same either way. He is going to forever carry that guilt with him no matter what the intent behind the arm's firing initially was.

With the context of July now, I don't think I can believe that his lack of willingness to kill is purely Rem's influence anymore. I think Vash truly, honestly, does not want to harm or kill anyone; his abhorring of (in his eyes) unnecessary violence is genuine. (This does not mean he never gets angry or hates people - we know he can and does!) But it's like there's a middle step between Vash's anger and Vash getting close to lethally pulling the trigger, and that middle step is "stop it".

Stop doing this. Stop hurting people.

Stop. Stop. Stop.

When faced with someone who wants to hurt others, who actively causes harm and won't listen to reason, Vash becomes dangerously hyper-focused. The closer that person is associated to Knives, the less control he has over his own anger, and the more he goes on the warpath. The problem is though, that Vash has made a promise to Rem, sure, but also he really doesn't want to hurt people, but then he also wants it to stop, and when your options are limited, sometimes the fastest and most effective way to make it stop is... to just kill the person. And I strongly believe this is why, in the heat of the moment, his usual calculated actions become less well thought out and almost vague, because... well... he's fighting with conflicting pieces of himself. His morality and his bleeding heart make him want to spare people, but that explosive aggression that is primarily a trauma symptom (!!!) is demanding he take immediate action to just make it stop.

That's really what it boils down to. All that aggression and emotion comes bubbling out of him, because he's just so tired... and because that's... well. Trauma.

(Yes, I will comment later on how Knives' anger is just as much a trauma response, but I'd like to have a little more info on him before I analyze too much on that front. Kind of fascinating how their go-to reaction is anger for the both of them, but put towards wildly different goals. These twins can fit so much mental illness in them.)

#i don't know if this makes sense anymore. just take it lol #anyways you ever feel sad? i definitely felt completely normal and not at all that way when writing this (sarcasm)#trigun #trimax #trigun meta #vash the stampede #trigunbookclub #call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective.#storyrambles

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