#Fuck i just reread my tags and I think I just repeated what I said sorry about that!!!
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NPD tags are filled to the brim with people repeating the mantra of "narc abuse" not being real and while it's true, it isn't real, we've gotta focus on offering actual help to pwNPD. Destigmatizing NPD is great but let's talk about how to fucking handle it too.
With that being said, here's my contribution on how to prevent/lower the likelihood of a narc crash:
Journal or tell your closest ones about your emotions, even if they feel miniscule. Every negative emotion counts.
This might seem obvious but pwNPD are very prone to ignoring our emotions in favor of getting supply. Look, I know you "can handle it" and "only weak people have emotions" but you're a person and you have fucking emotions. It's more embarrassing to handle the post-effects of your crash than to try to prevent it, trust me.
After a crash happens, reflect on what actually caused the feeling of insecurity/distress that led to it.
Sometimes it's other people, unfair criticism, or both plus our inherent feeling of needing to match a social standard. Try to figure out what caused it and either distance from the trigger or find a way to limit its access to you. Maybe next time, you will be more prepared for the oncoming emotional flow.
Limit who can criticize you.
I guess it's harder for those of us with public pages online but actually limit who the hell has a right to critique you. Not everyone is a good critic. Some people will tell you shit just to upset you. Sometimes people won't be obligated to give you any attention at all. It fucking sucks but limiting the number of people who have the RIGHT to affect you might help. For me, it was a rule: What I think and what my FP think matters, everyone else can disappear.
Find means of reminding yourself how great you are.
Do you need to admire yourself in the mirror? Reread that sexy post you made? Look at your art again? Check the notes on your favorite aesthetic post? Do you need to reflect on how many people have admired you over lifetime or, maybe, how many compliments you heard last time you did XYZ? Be fucking vain.
Overall, narc crash isn't something that one can entirely predict or prevent, but it's how we react to it that matters. Warning your loved ones that you require attention/supply, taking care of your damn body so you don't overexert yourself for others, and being mindful of your own emotional reactions might help.
Not everyone is going to have the mental capacity to stop themselves from overreacting/communicating poorly, but as long as you learn from your past mistakes you should be fine. Good luck.
P. S. I hope you're all big boys and know I do not mean this to be some sort of universal advice. It helped me, and maybe it will help you too.
#𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐖: 📡#npd#actually npd#actually narcissistic#narcissistic personality disorder#narc safe#npd safe#npd advice
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Niaaaa //wailing, heaving, rolling around on the floor
I cannot stress enough how much I adore your works and love rereading all of them from time to time
Am here to ask if you have any more touchstarved hcs,, or thoughts,, im dying over here
Literally starved for content
gn!reader | REG!!! //waving both hands, jumping up and down giggling. Thank U. this is an honour and incredible compliment. scary bc my old works are...old... but Thank u. U mean the world 2 Me. i didn't thoroughly check what hcs i've already said so sorry there's repeats orz
i'm not saying the LIs would all go to the barbie movie but if someone does make art of that please let me know and tag me especially if it has the i am kenough shirt
they ruined my life saying kuras doesn't eat how is he going to join my girl dinners now. /j but i'll continue to believe he can appreciate how good a meal looks! & he can still sit with you and try to get his hands on your favourite meals for you to enjoy :-)
that thing where they do push-ups and kiss you when they come down with...leander was the first one i thought of tbh. but if you aren't able to lie underneath him he'd just ask for the same amount once he's done!
leander doing the thing he did in the prologue where he took his glove off with his teeth every so often just to see your reaction. like if you react in an amusing flustered staring at him kind of way. i couldn't relate personally (lying) (liar) (huge lie)
i'm sorry for my leander bias but if one of his favourite things is MASQUERADES and we don't see him at a MASQUERADE well it's so joever like him in a suit and mask and showing off how he knows how to fit in because of his past and also he can waltz now or something I'm dizzy i can't breathe
ais using 0.5 camera on people while they're caught off guard. him asking you to take a video of the fight For him because he's going to be part of it. vere selfie folder. mhin 5 followers no icon no posts gc lurker.
mhin would stick to enough of a routine that they'd have a specific spot to sit at different places,,, like a cafe or the library or bus... corner. it's one of the corners. and when someone's taken the spot they're thrown off then have to walk around for a new one (not happy about this) but take it back once they leave. you spend enough time together and they start keeping the spot next to them open for you
^ also they'd always order the exact same thing at restaurants. wouldn't like going to a new place because now they have to find a new default order. just like me fr
is no one going to talk about the idea that vere doesn't like snow because he's chained outside and it's cold . to be fair it could Totally be for a less sad reason like how it gets his Fur Wet (valid) but i've been thinking about that possible angst
also his gloves are just. like. ? odd. inverse drawing gloves. claws... but why only the 3 fingers.... btw his outfit means a constant thigh holding opportunity
kuras and mhin having long conversations about alchemy and sharing their findings with each other ;; mhin at some point getting just a Little excited about something and kuras choosing not to comment on it but being happy to see them let their walls down a little ;; o(-(
ais coming into your room and wordlessly lying next to you in bed and when asked if he needs something he says no? with a smile. he was just feeling lonely and wanted to find you
saying "you look like you can't swim" or "you are an odd individual" to any and all of them . something about it is amusing to me
if you celebrate christmas or like the idea of kissing underneath some mistletoe,, i think it's a good thought that you hold one over your head and wait for a kiss Or that Some of the LIs would Definitely do that themselves.
who do you guys think has the saddest birthday celebration (/no celebration at all.) who's relating to girls who spend their birthday alone and crying and be honest with me
rambling but i just want to say kuras's monster form looks sick as FUCK and i'm so excited for it. it looks like whatever left the scar on his hand seems to be there.. in his monster form...? i thought it was a claw but the positioning is under/through the hand so like??. do i have to bring up the significance of that if true
also is his outfit (minus his jacket)...like a jumpsuit... or can i just not tell because of his three (?) belts. that's not how you wear belts btw /lh. and is the sheer part Part of the top or is he wearing something sheer underneath the white. his sleeves are also sheer but the neckline means his shoulders are out . take off ur jacket
also mhin !! i want to know how big they get and if the transformation is sickening to watch and if they're still aware of everything around them and !!! THERE IS A SPINE(?) COMING OUT FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE SILHOUETTE THAT I NEED TO SEE NOW! & i'm assuming the senobium is Shit so even if we do get in there and get 'help' there would be another shitty price to pay. possible bad ending...??
scenes with all their monster forms where you're asked if you're scared and you say no / yes but you care about them and they falter because they didn't expect that
true good ending is everyone meeting at the wet wick and making a toast and laughing and saying this truly was our touchstarved before the credits roll
#touchstarved#touchstarved ais#touchstarved leander#touchstarved kuras#touchstarved mhin#touchstarved vere#redspring pls continue to drop lore. gimme. GImemeeme...#not a single one of these birthdays sound good to me btw. closest to happy is how leander would say all drinks on him for the night#but it doesnt change the fact he has no close friends 💀💀#Im serious about the masquerade scene bc i need to see him in a formal setting. how hes different but still charming/the same in a way etc
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fic/general updates bc i've been so quiet here, feel free to mute my yapping tag if ur just here for the brainrot posts idm one bit <3
dog coded fic ch4 is like 1/3rd done but it's a heavy one so it's taking me a bit aaa bear with me
I MADE MY FIC TAG SO SEXY i added moodboards to every single one. was this entirely self indulgent and unnecessary and an act of unintentional procrastination? yes. did it bring me joy while writing angst? also yes so
i have like 50 asks waiting for me again and I'VE READ THEM ALL OKAY and i've been losing my mind over them oh my god special mention to the anon leaving brainrot for my curtbuckbucky club au... you don't understand what you've done to me. i've almost opened a new doc so many times. i have Thoughts about what you've said and i will voice them and get back to as many other asks as i can soon!! just need an evening to lock in and sit down and reply, and there are so many fun prompt reqs to write too <3
i feel so fucking bad– i have not responded to ao3 comments or comments on my fics etc here for over a month and i reread them all so often and never want to seem like idc bc i DO they mean everything to me, literally the reason i stay motivated to write 😭💗 so i need to also sit down and go thru and reply to all of them, i just get overwhelmed by the love and sit there smiling like an idiot and then i feel the imposter syndrome and tell myself i'll reply later and the cycle repeats JDSGK <3
this week's gonna be pretty busy for me so i might still be a bit quiet, but after that i'm hoping i can get back to more regular brainrot in between writing my fic >:) me treating this like a job HSDGKJ jk i have so much fun here i rly do miss yapping all day :') anyway i think that's all, been making some edits too but i keep getting sidetracked before i finish them and i rly should be focusing on yad(iym) regardless smh! justice for pining bucky fr. but yeah if i'm ever not posting as much, just assume i'm either busy irl or focussing my energy on fic writing bc i'm so serious when i say every minute that i'm not busy irl is spent on these stupid men i'm literally plagued with thoughts of them 24/7 fml
#johnslittlespoon yaps#thx for being chill and patient w my sporadic posting#and for not assuming i'm abandoning fics/projects when i take a while#i promise if i ever am like 'yeah i'm not gonna have the time to finish this' i will post ab it instead of just leaving smth open ended <3
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5, 4, 3, 2, 1
I was tagged by the lovely @cha-melodius 💖
Rules: post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!
Top 5 works I’m proudest of (in reverse chronological order)
1. Soon (Tarlos) because 3,700 words written in 100-word chapters was a challenge, albeit a fun one! There were times when I was tempted to just say “fuck it” and write the rest of the fic as per usual, but I’d said I was going to do it in drabbles, and I’m stubborn and competitive enough to compete against myself, so 37 very smutty, very short chapters it was! I didn’t reread the earlier parts until I’d finished the whole thing and I’m really pleased at how cohesive it was in the end.
2. Let’s Get Physical (Tarlos) because of the coding I learned (thanks @celeritas2997 !) to be able to include Instagram posts and images within the fic
3. What, like it’s hard? (RWRB) because of the sheer amount of time and effort that went into writing that fic, and I think it has some of my best writing in it.
4. what i want (what you deserve) (Tarlos) because taking a fic written by someone else, and writing the alternate pov - without simply repeating everything that was in the original fic - was tricky but fun. Thank you Lola for letting me play in your universe!
5. Feeling kind of sketchy (Schitt’s Creek) because it’s a slightly different style to the way I usually write
Top 4 current wips I’m excited about
Hmm, this isn’t strictly a list of wips as not all of these have actual words typed yet but:
1. (un)professional services, my collab with @welcometololaland - we’re just having a lot of fun!
2. More Tarlos gym au
3. RWRB lawyer au part 3 aka the reveal
4. samba!Carlos (mostly cos the image I have in my head of Carlos in this fic is 🔥 and I wanna write about him)
Top 3 improvements in my writing
This was really hard to come up with!
1. A year ago, I definitely would not have been able to tell a story that is both believable on the face of it, but also as the precursor to a fairly significant twist. See for eg, to the victor, the spoils and you’re all that i need
2. Related, but not quite the same, I think my story telling has improved generally
3. I’m checking my stats less, which is far healthier. Is that an improvement in my writing? Maybe not directly, but it’s related.
Top 2 writing resolutions
1. I’ve said this before, but to use a beta more regularly. I do a lot of beta reading myself so I know the benefits of using one, and I do generally have a friend or two living in my docs and to bounce ideas with. But I know my writing could be improved on immensely by taking the time to have a friend actually beta it!
2. I don’t have to do All The Things
Number 1 favorite line
I’m cheating and this is two lines but they belong together and I can’t split them:
They say goodbye in the watery dawn light, between soft cotton sheets, in a tangle of limbs; writing their love for each other into their bodies with every gentle sweep of their fingers, every tender brush of their lips, every roll of their hips and the press of their bodies together.
They say goodbye in the hush of words whispered into the space that feels sacred between them, reminders of a love that feels infinite and unknowable, and yet a love that Alex knows as surely as if it were tattooed onto his skin for the world to see.
Tagging @paper-storm @actual-sleeping-beauty @strandnreyes @treluna4 @stereopticons @mostlyinthemorning @hippolotamus @cinnaluminum @liminalmemories21 and anyone else who wants to play
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I was tagged by @ladyaj-13!
Rules: List ten books that have stayed with you in some way, don’t take but a few minutes, and don’t think too hard - they don’t have to be the “right” or “great” works, just the ones that have touched you.
The Dalemark Quartet by Diana Wynne Jones
This is technically four books together, but the copy I got was a library bound copy that my mom picked up at the university book sale when I was in 6th grade. It took me three years to read the whole thing because I was so annoyed that each book would end on a cliffhanger and then start with another whole cast of characters. But truly my favourite fantasy book, and my favourite author of all time
2. How to Hide and Empire by Daniel Immerwahl
One of my fav nonfiction books of all time, full of fascinating trivia and connections that all of my friends inwardly roll their eyes at me for repeating in nearly every conversation
3. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
I had to read this for class in high school and I definitely was the only person who found it fucking hilarious. Nobody else that I talk to ever likes this book. Also I lent my copy full of pages and pages of notes to somebody and now it's LOST
4. Love You Bye by Scott Mills
Scott Mills the platonic love of my life. This is such an easy read and so clearly heavily ghost written but I love it so much because I am maybe perhaps Scott's number one fan.
5. Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir
I read this last year and it's the first fiction book I have read in... maybe three years? I'm obsessed. I find fiction to be very boring right now but this series is DIFFERENT.
6. Love Thy Body by Nancy Pearcey
The rules said books that have "stayed with you in some way". There's no book that has made me more viscerally angry to read than this one. I hated it. She drew the most outlandish conclusions and made ridiculous leaps. 0/10 the only worse book is probably the one she just published.
7. Death to Deconstruction by Joshua Porter
A theology book that doesn't suck. My roommate bought this for me for Christmas and she got it SIGNED (Joshua Porter aka Josh Dies aka the lead singer of Showbread and the band I stanned before 1D). I read this over a series of weeks at Ikea over swedish meatballs.
8. Catch and Kill by Ronan Farrow
I keep saying that if there's one book I'd rec to Louis it would be this one. Goddamn Ronan is a good writer and it's so good to watch bad men go down.
9. The Black Tattoo by Sam Enthoven
I'm not actually sure this book is good? I tried rereading it a few years ago and I couldn't get through the first few chapters. But I read it for the first time around like 2012 and at the time it was everything to me. I drew weird black tattoos on everything for years.
10. Soft Lad by Nick Grimshaw
Another one I read over a progression of Saturdays at Ikea eating lunch. Both Scott and Nick were part of my foray into finding myself as an adult, choosing what I like and what I want to pursue. Unlike Scott's autobography (as Chris Stark pronounced it), this one definitely felt like it came straight from Grimmy's lips.
Man I dunno who would like to do this! I tag @lululawrence @becomeawendybird @kingsofeverything @louandhazaf
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it's time to play tag games again! today we're putting the "on repeat" playlist on spotify on shuffle and listing the first ten songs that come up. i was tagged by @quensty and i am tagging @prongs1997 @corazonlicantropo @bandedbulbussnarfblat @enterprisery and @holodeckprotocols as well as anyone else who would like to talk about the music they've been listening to lately!
Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy: This is the only song I actually like off MANIA. "I-I was - I was - I was gonna say something that would solve all our problems, but then I got drunk and I forgot what I was talking about" is an incredible note to start on and it only gets better from there. Fall Out Boy is my favorite band and I am out of my mind excited to see them in Chicago.
What Is Dead May Never Die - Ramin Djawadi: I'm actually surprised it was this one and not The Throne Is Mine. One thing about me is that I like listening to classical music while I read, and I was rereading A Song of Ice and Fire recently. Thus: the soundtrack for Game of Thrones. Also, Ramin Djawadi is a fantastic composer. Loved what he did with Westworld and Person of Interest.
I Am Hers, She Is Mine - Ramin Djawadi: We're back on the Game of Thrones soundtrack. Now I'm worried this list is gonna be all GoT. Anyway: I love sad and/or emotional strings. Probably my favorite section of the orchestra.
Daylight - David Kushner: I was listening to this much more recently than the others. "Oh I love it and I hate it at the same time / You and I drink the poison from the same vine" gets me every time. I love daylight imagery, as evidenced by my obsession with the way it gets used in Black Sails.
Warrior of Light - Ramin Djawadi: I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN. I'm gonna have to start skipping these if I want to have any discussion of my music taste at all. Anyway, when I was rereading A Song of Ice and Fire this time I started paying a lot more attention to Stannis and the whole arc with what I'll call "Team Dragonstone" (so, him, Selyse and the other Florents, Davos, Melisandre, etc.) and I thought it was a really interesting look at what could have otherwise been a very boring character but because we see him exclusively through other people's eyes, he becomes layered. To me anyway.
End Titles - Irwin Koshner: This one is the end of The Sound of Music! Which is something I have loved for years, but I recently started revisiting it because of Ted Lasso (and a fic that I'll never finish) who said that.
My Favorite Things - Julie Andrews: See above. Also I had a HUGE crush on her about a year before I figured out that I was bisexual which was a really interesting time in my life. I still do, but I used to too. Top 5 compliments I've ever gotten in my life was about ten or twelve years ago when a family friend told me I sounded like her.
Anna - The Menzingers: My sister just introduced me to this song about a month ago! It's so fun and sweet. Listening to it reminds of reading The Name of the Wind (because she and I did that together as well, right after she showed me this song) and driving around our hometown looking for books and a Mother's Day gift for our mom. "This place ain't the same without you Anna" INDEED
Climb Every Mountain - Peggy Wood: I think we'd all like a dream that will need all the love we can give every day of our life for as long as we live. Enough said.
Kyoto (Copycat Killer Version) - Phoebe Bridgers: This was another one that my sister introduced me to. This song has everything: sad emotional strings. Deep connection to younger sibling. "I wanted to see the world through your eyes and then it happened / Then I changed my mind". You would not believe the number of Succession edits I've seen with this song in the last couple of weeks.
That was fun! I should do it again when I'm fixating on something that isn't a TV show soundtrack. And speaking of, the finally tally of of GoT season 2 skips was: 1. This is what I get for falling asleep to it so much.
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ao3 wrapped [writers edition]
@boogerwookiesugarcookie
look what you made me do <3 (from ao3 wrapped [writer’s edition])
How many words have you written this year?
105,124!
How many works did you publish this year?
22!
What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?
take my revolution. Longest thing I’ve written, practicing pacing was a doozy.
What work of yours has the most hits?
take my revolution
What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?
maybe waste not? I so rarely see any works that have Cobb as less experienced than Din, so I wasn’t sure what the reaction would be
Favorite title you used
hmmmmm ‘burn the heart from you’? maybe?
If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?
I’ve only used song lyrics a couple times, but I think the answer is Halsey. It’s that gay yearning, man.
Pairing you wrote the most for this year?
DinCobb
Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?
Boba/Cobb >:3
What work was the quickest to write?
answered here~
What work took you the longest to write?
answered here~
How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?
14
What’s your longest work of the year?
take my revolution
What’s your shortest work of the year?
secretary
What WIP are you taking into next year with you?
all of them?? lmao
What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?
Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
Your favorite character to write this year?
I MEANNNNNN. Cobb Vanth, my beloved <3
The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?
mmmm probably Boba Fett. He still gives me a little trouble, but I like playing around in his space
What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?
Boba/Omera >:3
Which work of yours have you reread the most?
ooooooh, boy. Might be burn the heart from you, the one in my BobaCobb series where I said “actually let’s get a little weird with it”
How many kudos in total did you get this year?
2,576
Which work has the most comments?
take my revolution
Did you do any collaborative works this year?
Kinda? Most of my gifts that I wrote for others were taken from chat messages and expanded upon. There is also the under the hot July moon series, which I started and then @thrvrnd wrote a sequel too and it’s SO GOOD and i loved it so much i wanted to have our our pieces connected together TT^TT <3
Did you write any gifts this year?
9
Did you receive any gifts this year?
10
What’s your most common category?
in a surprise to absolutely no one, m/m
What do you listen to while writing?
Really depends on my mood and the vibe of the piece I’m writing. Sometimes it really will just be one song on repeat until I’m finished, because nothing else vibes right. Mostly, I match the vibe of the music to what I want the writing to feel like.
Favorite work you wrote this year?
Officially, burn the heart from you. Unofficially, shrouded and that same old song and dance. shrouded gave me room to write out some sweet domestic ideas I’d had for a while, and song and dance was fun because I let them just be stupid as fuck.
Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?
A couple, actually!
1) “Put your softness in my hands.” Cobb tightens his grip on Fett’s hand, just a little. “Let me care for it, and you.” (to touch and feel)
2) Fett is the boulder that the river cannot hope to move, only wrap itself around him and lap uselessly at his flanks. (take my revolution, ch7)
Biggest surprise while writing this year?
somehow i came here for the DinCobb and stayed for the Boba Fett LMAO turns out i love him a lot
#cobb vanth#the mandalorian#din djarin#dincobb#star wars#din x cobb#boba fett#fanfiction#ao3#ao3 stuff#ao3feed#ao3 wrapped#bobacobb
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Fic writer interview
Tagged by the boo @bellafarella
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
116.
I used to have close to 300 but I deleted or orphaned a lot of them (especially the 5 sentence prompts which were like 50 lmao) and some I was just not liking or felt I could've done better or felt like I could add it to another fic instead.
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
340,713 --- damn i didn't even know this existed. I wonder how much it ws before I deleted lmaoo
3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Actions Speak Louder Than Words - Ian/Mickey 753 kudos
I Don't Love You, But I Always Will - Ian/Mickey 723 kudos
Parent/Teacher Conference - Ian/Mickey 712 kudos
Frank Fucking Gallagher - Ian /Mickey 644 kudos
Never Have I Ever - Ian / Mickey 540 kudos
genuinely surprised by these lol
4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Always! Or try my best to. I lovee getting comments. Half the time I write it's just to see people's comments or tags lol. Idk they make me happy (unless they're mean)
5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
Yikes lol well I have several death fics so those? lol
The Highwayman
Skype Calls
If You Loved Me, Why'd You Leave Me?
6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?
Happiest oof...hmm Soul Meets Body where Bucky and Steve get reunited after Bucky gets trapped in the soul stone and they retire? Or the gallavich one where Ian wakes up and Mickey never got arrested (post s5) and they're good.
I have a lot more but those are usually just fluff oneshots not a whole story
7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?
I think I've only technically done one. It was where Mickey gets attacked by a Djinn and basically ends up seeing the mickey version of what Dean saw in the Supernatural episode "What is and What Should Never Be". If I recall Sam and Dean saved him.
oh and the She's the Man Fic I don't remember if it had characters from the movie or not though lmaoo but maybe. I'll have to reread
8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Oh yes. Usually they didn't like where I went with it. (even though i'd make it obvious). Accuse me of not knowing the characters. And that one person that got mad me and @bellafarella made lip too "likeable" ?? weirdos. Always had issues with the shameless fandom with giving nasty comments tbh.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Not anymore tbh. I like putting them in turmoil instead.
10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Actually I think so?? Or they tried it. Def had someone write a fic about my fic which was interesting.
11. Have you ever had a fic translated?
OH yes! A lot of gallavich ones
12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Yes! So far just the Shameless/She’s the man crossover fic with @bellafarella
13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?
Stevebucky </3
14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
All the one in my head but especially 1960's stevebucky, musician stevebucky, and deathfic but plot twist not a death fic stevebucky but like I said they're in my head and have been for yearss
15. What are your writing strengths?
angst lol I used to be really good at description but my brain has rotted through the years lmaoo
16. What are your writing weaknesses?
Grammar. Commas confuse me and dont get me started on ;. Passive voice or active voice (apparently) , repeating words too often. I need to get good at description again and better word choice.
17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
It depends. As long as it's in character and the correct way for it to be typed. Otherwise I'd put "says in ___ " or what not
18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?
Shameless US or a long time ago when I started a fic for Crisis Core but i never got far at all
19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?
Currently none. Ask me a month ago I would've said Tarlos
20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?
I'm too lazy to look through my Ian/Mickey ones but i had a lot of faves there.
My Lakehouse Stevebucky fic is my favorite as of late Distant Lover, One Day I'll Hold You Like the Sun Holds the Moon
Tagging: idk who to tag in these anymore lol so anyone that wants to do it :D
#bellafarella#<3#fic questionaire#stevebucky#tarlos#gallavich#fic writing#slowly but surely getting back into it
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2020 Creator Wrap: Favourite Works
Tagged by @tobermoriansass - I’m so sorry - TWO DAMN YEARS AGO. This is why I am where tag games go to die.
Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!
I repeat, I am tagging no one because I am where tag games go to die.
I know this is two years late, but I’ll still limit this to whatever I wrote in 2020 - which isn’t as much as I thought. Makes sense tho, that was when I was shifting from Maximoff twins to Campaign 1 of Critical Role.
Favourite five of those would be...
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That balance may return - Critical Role, Percy Whump, 34k - AO3 Link
You know when you have an idea and start writing it, realise it’s going to be longer than you thought, stall in a panic because you don’t write longfic and then manage to finish it anyway and have it be (what you think is) a pretty good study of trauma recovery? Yeah. That’s this. I’m incredibly proud of this fic, possibly because I used this fic a lot for my own processing of a few things; rereading this fic I don’t really recognise the person I was when I wrote it, which is interesting!
“Believe it or not,” Anna Ripley says, peeling off a bloodstained glove, “I rather like you alive, Percival.”
She smiles down at him and, with the light behind her, her hair is like a dark halo.
“Chin up,” she says, patting his cheek with metal fingers. “I’ll take good care of you.”
The premise is pretty simple - at some point after the Briarwoods Arc and with no dragons to cause Chroma Conclave Trouble, Ripley captures Percy and proceeds to fuck with him for a while (tw: being creepy, boundaries being crossed, persistent trauma-induced bad headspace, rape) but gets found and Percy freed by the end of the first chapter.
The whole rest of the fic is Percy recovering from that.
Ripley’s Assistant - Critical Role, VM AU, 58k - AO3 Link
Gods, I’m desperately proud of this fic. Proper fucking longfic! The chapter lengths are all over the show (still proud as all fuck of the Anders chapter though, thank you so much to @chamerionwrites for helping me find the right angle to approach it from). Just as with balance this fic is me processing certain things just from a very different angle.
“Percy,” Ripley says. Her hand is tight on his shoulder.
“They’re going to kill them,” he says.
“Yes,” she says. “And they’ll kill you too if you’re not careful. Come with me. Your family will listen to you. Talk to you. Maybe if they tell you what they know and you tell us, they might just live.”
This fic is an AU of canon where instead of Anders as Percy’s tutor, it’s Ripley. Things go a bit differently as a consequence. There’s two more arcs as follow-up, because the healing process is complicated, as well as side fics.
Gods, I’m proud of this fic.
needs not be spoken - Critical Role, Cassandra & Desmond, 1.6k - AO3 Link
A present for the wonderful chamerionwrites, sometimes you have a Thought when a friend mentions characters of interest and you proceed to write something with far more meat to it than you expected. I love the parallels you can make between Cass and Desmond - both shown kindness and cruelty by the Briarwoods, both with reasons to hate or resent Percy, both around the same age (Desmond is said to be around 18, like Cassandra) and Desmond’s fate is kind of left open, though the wiki states he lives.
Some think it strange, that Cassandra, as a Lady, is waited on by a manservant and not a lady’s maid.
So in this AU, Desmond returns to Whitestone with the Emon refugees with a maimed hand and a letter to ensure employment. Cassandra looks at this, realises Percy’s responsible and decides that if a de Rolo wronged Desmond then a de Rolo has to set it right.
And goddamnit, Percy, she’s going to set it right. It’s a character and relationship study from the two, when they’re still new to working with each other, and it’s just lovely and quiet and platonic.
kindness to cruelty - D&D, OCs, Hurt/Comfort, 20k - AO3 Link
So this is what I started to write for an exchange before I realised it had got vastly out of hand, wrote a shorter thing with similar bones to submit for the exchange, and then finished this because why not at that point. It starts with some pretty hefty hurt, the comfort is more slow and emotional than anything else - though there is some actual healing - and there’s some poking about the nature and stances of drow culture and the kind of indoctrination that’d go on from that.
If they keep their word then - perhaps - he can convince them he will keep his.
An adventuring company in the Underdark gets attacked by drow, they take one prisoner because the party member who took them down isn’t down with coldblooded murder, and they all slowly get to know each other. Also, there’s a language barrier.
finds and shall find me unafraid - Critical Role, Percy Whump, 9.7k - AO3 Link
@sparxwrites has an incredibly mean little oneshot called comprehension, and lack thereof where Ripley rapes a Feebleminded Percy where Vex can see. The concept of the aftermath of this didn’t leave me, especially given there’s no way Vex, furious as she would be, would just let it stand.
So I wrote aftermath.
It says something, Vex thinks, that even after the sickly green magic of Ripley’s wand of Feeblemind, after the cells and what Ripley did, after so many things that could so easily leave someone curled in a corner and avoiding all contact, Percy still so clearly trusts her.
The first chapter is them breaking out of the dungeons, Vex cajoling the still feebleminded Percy into helping her. The next chapter is Vex killing Ripley and getting in contact with the others. The chapter after is Keyleth restorationing Percy and Vex gently keeping Percy company. Chapter four is questionably healthy smut and chapter five is after-aftermath.
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Between You and I - Part Seven
Recommended listening - Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge.
This is my 100th post! I was saving it for an update, so here we go! It's a little longer, coming it at around 5k words, but I was trying to build up some story line, too, lol. Anyway! Enjoy this chapter because man the next one is gonna be a mess. As always, thank you so much for reading. I love and appreciate u all.
PS - I literally don't remember what I write so if I repeat things, I am super sorry. But I just get an idea and spend a couple days writing with the flow. So I never go back and reread things. Sorry!
And about the song. It just came on one of my playlists and I was like, hm. This works.
18+ Minors DNI
You sit in the passenger seat of Joel’s truck, the visor down with the mirror angled at your face. He watches with interest as you apply a bold coat of red lipstick to your lips, sticking your finger between them and pulling it out with a pop. His face twitches at the action. He should not find that so attractive.
But you look good tonight. You look good every night, but rather than wait and get dressed at the club, you took your time and got ready at Joel’s place. He’s had to watch you float around in your skimpy outfit for an hour with you telling him no touching. It’s part of why you had to do your makeup in his car. You couldn’t risk him messing it up with his aroused kisses.
You saved the lipstick for last, swiping your eyelids with champagne glitter complimented by thick black liner and false lashes. The lashes were a surprise for Joel, who could not get over the fact that they were, in fact, fake. And yes, you put them on top of your own. A wild concept for the man, but it was endearing.
“God damn,” Joel mutters, his eyes still fixated on you. You stop fucking with the ringlets in your hair and glance over at him. Suddenly, you feel very self-conscious.
“What?” You frown, looking down at your outfit. Tonight’s getup consists of a black bustier corset and skirt accented by red ribbon and lace detail. It’s not your favorite costume, but it accentuates your curves and pushes your breasts up, showing them off. You look hot. At least, you thought you did until Joel spoke. “Do I look okay?” You question him with a soft voice.
“In that ensemble?” Joel snorts, flicking his eyes over your frame, burning every part of you into his brain. Under the dim parking lot lights, you are seductive, almost mythical. He thinks if he reaches out to touch you, you might just disappear. “You look like every teenage boy’s wet dream,” he blurts.
“You say the sweetest things to me, Joel Miller,” you tease, glimpsing back at yourself in the mirror. After adding some setting spray, you’re good to go. Even if there were issues with your makeup, you have no time to make changes. You’re already running late. “Come on, let’s go,” you groan as you open the door.
Tonight, Joel has decided to join you at the club. You were complaining earlier about how much you didn’t want to go, and Joel being the perfect man he is, said he’d tag along. His reasoning was that if you saw him waiting for you in the audience, the night would pass by quickly, and you'd be with him the second your shift was done. You’re not sure about that, but you love the thought.
Ever since you went on your date with him, he’s been more delicate with you. His touches are gentle and affectionate. The words he speaks are wrapped in compassion. And the way he fucks you, well, it’s tender. It’s loving. You don’t want to get ahead of yourself, but his newfound passion torches those embers within you. He’s clingy, in a good way. And his actions are much like yours. Filled with love.
But no, you don’t want to get ahead of yourself.
“I’ll sit you in the VIP section,” you tell him when you enter the familiar building. The sequined walls welcome you back, and the lights have already dimmed to a cool violet shade. You greet Eli at the ticket counter and get Joel checked in, slipping a shiny gold wristband past his watch. Your stomach churns, knowing that it was a gift from Sarah. Oh, if only she knew what you were up to now. You swallow the lump in your throat and put a smile on your face, taking Joel’s hand. “The VIP tables have the best view in the house. So, I expect excellent tips,” you jibe.
“I have to tip you now?” He laughs, following your lead through the club. “Isn’t that prostitution?” You don’t turn around, but he can hear you huff at his joke, and his smile widens. He keeps up as you weave through smaller tables until you reach a bigger raised platform. Velvet ropes drape around the location, and you unhook one, ushering Joel up.
“Enjoy the show tonight, Mr. Miller,” you flirt, leaning over the cords. You swear you can see him blush a little as he relaxes back onto the velour loveseat. You step away for a second before returning, biting your lip. “And yes, you have to tip me. But… I didn’t say how,” you whisper suggestively, shooting him a wink before jumping down from the platform and sauntering away.
His eyes stay glued to you until you vanish behind the purple curtain. Once you are out of sight, Joel exhales through his nose as worry seeps through his bloodstream. The hold you have over him is concerning, and he knows it. Truth be told, you have him hypnotized. And it’s not just your looks, or your youth, or your enthusiasm to do whatever he wants. You are extraordinary. It’s as simple as that. He could live a thousand lifetimes and never meet another soul like you.
He’s not a big believer in things like fate. But that day you bumped into him changed his course in life for sure. How can he not thank the planets for aligning at just the right moment to bring you to him?
Sarah would say it's destiny.
But he can’t think about Sarah. He’s so afraid of her finding out this secret. But the problem is, he wants to tell her. He wants to tell her everything because he’s so intensely connected to you, he doesn’t want to hide it. Sarah is the most important person in his world, and her feelings come first. He wants her to accept his relationship with you because if it comes down to it and he has to choose…
He’d have to say goodbye to you.
Lost in thought, Joel doesn’t realize he’s not alone anymore. Your coworker, Daphne, is standing beside him with a knowing grin on her face as she stares the man down. It’s only when she clicks her tongue that he snaps out of his daze, embarrassed.
“Hey, I don’t blame you,” she says, comforting him. “Our girl looks good tonight.”
“Yeah,” Joel nods in agreement. “She sure does. Did you need something?” He asks awkwardly, wondering how long she had been standing there before knocking him out of his fog.
“Just to take your drink order,” she says cheerily. “What can I get you?”
“Oh,” he frowns, darting around the room for you like a lost puppy.
Daphne must notice because she laughs and snaps her fingers in his face. “She’s behind the bar. I’ll send her back with your drink. Just tell me what you want.”
“Sorry,” he apologizes shyly and orders a scotch, thanking Daphne as she walks away. His eyes fall on the bar, and sure enough, there you are, mixing a cocktail. He smiles out of instinct, and you return it, sending him a little wave as well.
Daphne stops in front of the bar, and he watches the two of you talk. She must say something witty, probably making fun of him, because your head falls back as you let out a laugh with your friend joining in after. Great, he thinks. Made a killer first impression on the people in your life.
“Okay, for starters, that man is gorgeous and I hate you,” Daphne declares, leaning over the bar top, giving you Joel's order. You can’t help but laugh at her comment, agreeing with her. She glances back at him and then smiles brightly at you. “And secondly, he is so in love with you, it makes me sick.”
“Daphne!” You chirp, standing straight in alert and almost dropping a bottle of alcohol in the process. “Don’t say that,” you whisper. “He is not.”
“Oh, please,” she scoffs and turns around, deliberately pointing to Joel who's sitting there staring at his hands. “I know I’m kind of challenged in the male emotions department,” she admits, making you chuckle. “But I know love when I see it. And cupcake, that man is in love with you.”
You glare at her while you get together Joel’s drink, cheeks burning crimson all the way to the tips of your ears. She really said that. And now you can’t get the thought out of your head.
But she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She already admitted she’s bad at reading guys. She obviously has this one wrong. Obviously. Without saying another word, you grab your tray and make your way over to where Joel sits, leaving Daphne and her silly accusations behind.
Joel fidgets while he waits for his booze. For whatever reason, he's feeling nervous tonight. This is your territory. This is your life. And you’re welcoming him in, letting him be a part of it. He's seen you dance before, once with Tommy, but this is so different. It’s intimate in a unique way, and he just wants to make you proud to be with him.
“Your drink, sir,” your sweet voice says as you return to him, holding out a glass and a cocktail napkin. He mumbles his thank you, swiping the drink from your hands and downing it quickly. You stand by with wide eyes, shocked by his restlessness. Once he’s done, he gasps and sets the glass down thoughtfully. “You good, babe?” You ask him, practically feeling the panic that branches off him.
“I’m anxious,” he admits, wiping his sweaty palms against his jeans. “I’m like, really fuckin’ anxious.” Okay, maybe Daphne is on the right track with this whole love thing. But…you can’t be sure. Don’t read into it.
“Aw,” you coo, reaching forward for his hand. He lets you take it, lacing your fingers and giving him a reassuring squeeze. “Why?”
“I have no idea, sweetheart,” he says. “This all feels really personal.”
“Joel,” you say flatly, attempting to hide your mischievous smile. “You’ve seen me naked. Pretty sure that’s more personal than this.”
“I know! How crazy is that!” He all but shouts, a wild look in his eyes.
“Okay,” you giggle, dropping your hand from his. God, he's cute. “Can I get you a refill?”
“I’m okay,” he assures you with a warm smile. “Go do your thing. I’ll be fine.” He nods as you stand there, sizing him up. You still have some questions, but he seems to be calmer now. So you leave him there, needing to attend to other customers.
If only Joel knew how quickly things would change the second you left.
You make your way to a table across from him, socializing with other patrons, taking their orders as you flip your hair over your shoulder, leaning down just close enough so some dick with a baseball cap gets an eyeful of your tits. It’s over the top flirtation, but the guys don’t care as long as you’re paying attention to them. They eat that shit up.
Joel’s man enough to admit he feels jealous of the way these guys watch you. He doesn’t like when they flirt with you, and he certainly hates when you tease back. But it’s a part of the job. He understands this. If anything, it gives him a moment to take a step back and dial down the overly possessive thoughts swimming in his mind. He doesn’t own you. Yeah, you tease each other about it during sex. But you are your own person. He would never be that guy. Unless he's railing you.
But he does have to fight down the urge to knock in their teeth when they check out your ass. Not that he can blame them. Anyone with a sense of sight would be floored by you.
So he gets it. He does. And these men, they’re mostly respectful because even though you and every other performer in here are dressed like pinup girls, it’s a well-established joint with a good reputation. The audience comprehends that, so they keep their hands to themselves and their comments just above skeevy.
Every once in a while, a rowdy client comes through. But that’s when security steps in and gives them the boot so as not to ruin the night for anyone else. You’ve told Joel that those nights are few and far between. And that it’s been a while since an incident occurred.
So when you traipse past the VIP section to a table a few rows ahead of him, everything kind of moves in slow motion as a guy in a suit guides his hand to slap your ass. It takes a few seconds for Joel to wrap his head around the act before his protectiveness kicks into drive. He stands, rage ticking through him, ready to lunge at a notice. He’s halfway over the obstruction of velvet ropes when he hears your voice.
“Excuse me, sir!” You scold, your tone reaching a decibel Joel’s never heard. It garners the attention of surrounding tables, all watching in anticipation. “Touch me again and I’ll have you thrown out,” you snap.
“Like you have the power to do that,” douchebag in a suit slurs. You brush him off as a drunk idiot, not worth your time until he opens his mouth again and grabs your wrist. “Stupid slut.”
Joel hears those vile words drip from that man’s mouth, and all he can see is red. His fists are ready for destruction. But before he can do anything to defend your honor, you’re yelling again.
“Eduardo!” You call out, tearing yourself away from the man's aggressive hold. He has the nerve to smirk, totally unfazed by your temper.
In seconds a tall, broad man approaches the chaos. He’s dressed in black from head to toe, hair slicked back, not a strand out of place, rigidity in his face. His muscles bulge as he crosses his arms, and his chunky army boots thunder against the floor as he makes his way to you, standing by your side. “Something wrong?” His deep voice asks, and the smirk on the pervert’s face falls.
“This creep won’t stop touching me,” you huff, singling out the dickhead who grabbed you.
Eduardo’s face hardens, and he captures the guy by the suit collar, yanking him from the chair he’d been occupying. The man wiggles in Eduardo’s hold, panic setting in that his drunk mind can’t understand. “No touching the performers,” Eduardo says harshly.
“Performers?” The stranger chortles, spitting when he looks at you. “She’s basically a stripper.”
You roll your eyes and walk away from the altercation, as it's beneath you. Eduardo will override the guy’s last warning and have him kicked from the club any second. You’re done with that.
Footsteps come up behind you, and you know it’s Joel, coming to check on you. You have to admit, it would’ve been hot to see him in action. But if he dared to try, he’d be removed from the premises for beating that guy to a pulp.
“Are you okay?” Joel asks, tugging on your hand affectionately. His spicy cologne fills your senses as he draws you close, examining your face for any type of distress. His warm hazel eyes look you over, and you swear, you’ve never felt so adored.
“I’m fine,” you hum, leaning into his touch. The pad of his thumb skims over your jaw, down the side of your neck where you’re sporting faded bruises. His touch is mild as he outlines the mark he left and goosebumps raise over your arms. You tilt your head up and stand on your tiptoes to leave a faint kiss on his cheek. “Just settle in, relax. I’ll send Daphne over with another drink.”
“Are you sure?” He asks, still concerned for your well-being.
“I am,” you insist, motioning for him to return to his seating area. “I have to get back to work. Go, enjoy the show.”
Joel (hesitantly) does as you say, going back to his area. He thinks about what just happened and how enraged he was, ready to annihilate that guy if needed. He’s always been the protective type, but this was startling. He saw you in danger, and it terrified him. He realizes now just how much he would do anything for you. Anything at all.
Daphne comes around with another scotch, pulling him from his revelation. He thanks her, slowly sipping this one and enjoying the smooth taste as it travels down his throat. “You’re a good guy, Joel,” she states, catching him by surprise. “You’re the kind of guy she deserves.”
A smile tugs on his lips, his insides twisting with a pleasant feeling. He likes that. A guy you deserve. It briefly makes him wonder about the guys you’ve had in your past. But that’s unnecessary suffering.
The night goes on, and much to Joel’s dismay, a young group of men have decided that you are their favorite worker this evening. They toy with you and constantly call you back to their table. You put on a facade and flirt back, just for tips. But it makes Joel uncomfortable. He sees the way they look at you. The way they whisper amongst themselves when you walk away.
He notices how easy it is for you to talk with them. And when it’s your turn to perform, they’re the loudest ones in the room. You smile, and Joel knows it’s your job to be friendly, but with those guys, it comes so effortlessly. He doesn’t like this jealous feeling festering inside of him. It’s rare and unpleasant.
When the night is over, you hurry off the stage and head towards the back to change into the comfortable sundress you brought with you. Joel gets a text from you that says you’ll be out in a few minutes, so he waits by the door, chatting with Eli from earlier. He sees the rambunctious group of guys from before also waiting, probably for you. Fire burns through Joel’s veins when he hears them talking about you as if you’ll follow them home for some gangbang. No, that’s too much. He gives up and decides to wait outside instead.
He waits for you in his truck, radio on in the background. He sings along to the song, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel in time with the melody. He’s carried away, lost in the music, he doesn’t hear you open the door. You slide into your seat with a big smile on your face. And he cringes at what could have you so bubbly. Was it those guys? Wow, okay. He’s acting pathetic. And a little bit like a psychopath.
“Hey, why did you leave?” You question as you lean over for a kiss. His lips aren’t responsive, so you pull back, pouting.
“Thought I’d give you some time,” he says coldly, and he knows that he sounds like an asshole, regretting his tone as soon as he opens his mouth. Get it together, old man.
“Does this have anything to do with those boys?” You smirk, mocking him. Oh, so you saw them. “You have nothing to worry about,” you tell him, leaning over the center console again. You plant a sloppy kiss on his cheek, giggling as you pull back.
“Hmph,” he grunts, pouting like a little kid. This is new. It’s kind of charming, if you’re being honest.
“You know that this job comes with people who want to sleep with me,” you point out ruthlessly. “And maybe I’ll play along, let them wonder, but it’s all for show. You know you’re the only one who gets to fuck me.” Your voice drops an octave, your hand inching up his thigh.
“You sure about that?” He asks, watching your delicate hand grip his jeans.
“Of course,” you purr, dipping your fingers between his legs, scaling up his inner thigh until you reach the front of his jeans. You cup him in your hand, and he bites back a gasp.
“That’s right,” he sighs and slants over, grabbing you by the hair and crushing his lips to yours. He’s dominant, holding you tightly in place, his lips molding with yours. His teeth scrape against your bottom lip, harshly tugging it into his mouth. His kiss is selfish, smothering you while his fingers wrap around the loose curls of your hair and pull. You can hardly breathe as he slips his tongue into your mouth, massaging it against your own. Your fingers curve on his chest, breathing through your nose until you feel like you’re going to pass out. He only lets up when you whimper against his bruising kiss.
“Joel,” you wheeze, sliding your hand up his chest.
“You good?” He asks, breathing heavily alongside you. Still catching your breath you nod, and he accepts that before kissing you again. His hand grasps the back of your neck, dragging you into him as his lips slot with yours, his tongue fiercely flicking inside your mouth. His other hand fucks with his seat, pulling the lever so it slides back. Your lips break apart from his, but he wastes no time tugging you on top of him. It’s a struggle to get into position, the wheel digging into your back and your head brushing against the roof, but you eventually do, settling your thighs over his.
His greedy hands sweep up the length of your curves, starting at your thighs, up your sides, dropping back down to grab your ass. You wiggle against him, attaching your lips to his neck, piercing his skin with your teeth until you feel him groan against your mouth, low rumbles in his throat. His hands make their way back to your thighs, drifting upwards, under your dress. He bunches the fabric between his fingers, hiking the material up, exposing your panties.
“You look so good in blue,” he murmurs, letting his fingers swipe up the front of your core, pressing against the soaked cotton. He rubs you through the soft material, watching your perfect body writhe on top of him. Your head falls back as he presses a knuckle to your clothed cunt, extracting a heavenly moan from your lips.
“Oh, yes,” you say quietly, so low he almost misses it, but he catches the silky sound and pushes your panties to the side, sinking one finger past your slick entrance, then another. You quickly undo his jeans, eagerly pulling out his dick and taking it in your hands. His mouth claims yours again, sucking on your tongue while his fingers pump into your pussy faster. You try to match his pace, squeezing him harder, panting into each other’s mouths as he fucks you with his hand. But your grip on him falters when you feel him hit that delicious spot inside you. “Oh, god, Joel! Right there,” you beg, grinding against his fingers.
“Touch me,” he demands in return, and you shiver at his tone. You comply, getting yourself together enough to jerk him off. You stroke his cock faster, paying special attention to his red, leaking tip, dipping into the slit with your thumb while your other hand works his base. In the dingy light, you can see his precum shining along his dick. And you crave to have him in your mouth. But Joel has other plans.
He rips - literally rips - your panties off, revealing your needy pussy to him. You gasp in surprise, titillated when his rough finger drags through your folds. “Mr. Miller,” you whimper, pushing back on him.
He chuckles darkly and taps your hips. You know what he wants, propping yourself up a bit so he can easily guide his cock into you. You sink down on him, groaning at his thickness as you feel every inch of his hardness brush against your walls. You start off fast, desperate even, rocking on top of him. This isn’t fun, playful sex; it's not even sweet, passionate lovemaking. It’s a quick, dirty fuck to show you who you belong to.
“That’s it, baby,” he growls, “ride my cock.” He has a death grip on your hips, yanking you onto him, fucking you so deep you can practically feel him in your guts. “Look so good on top of me,” he whispers, keening his fingers into your creamy skin. He barely moves, staying almost still, making you do all the work. You bounce on him, gasping with each roll of your hips as he penetrates your sweet spot over and over. He reaches up to pull down the straps of your dress, letting your tits spill out in front of him. He grabs them in his hands, tweaking one nipple while he sucks on the other. You’re in bliss, that blinding gush of euphoria blanketing over you.
“Fuck, Joel,” you moan loudly, grabbing at the back of his neck. You ride him faster, stabbing your nails into his skin, little crescents marking his neck. “Baby, I l-love…your cock.” You curse your tongue for almost letting your true words slip - I love you. I love you. I love you.
“Of course you do,” he mumbles, finally moving and thrusting up into you, making your body rattle against him. “Who do you belong to?” He snarls, his hand shooting up to grasp your throat. His hold is tight, clutching at your trachea, stimulating all your senses until your mind becomes murky. He forces your head to stay up, looking into your lidded eyes. “Say it,” he orders.
“Y-you, Mr. Miller,” you gasp, voice splintering. “I’m yours.” He gives your throat one final squeeze before moving his hands into your hair. Joel twirls your silky strands around his hand and tugs hard, shooting sharp sensations along your scalp. But he wants you where he wants you, head curling back with your pretty neck exposed so he can bite and suck wherever he pleases. You don’t know if it’s the possessive words he mutters in your ear or the rough way he handles your body, but it’s the hottest sex you’ve ever had. With anyone.
“Good girl, such a good girl,” he moans, bucking into your cunt hard and fast, astonished at how you clench around his cock. You're so tight and warm, wet and perfect, he could fucking live between your legs. And you can barely get a word out, only pathetic whimpers with your mind consumed by desire. “This sweet little pussy belongs to me, doesn’t it?” He smirks.
“God, yes,” you manage to choke out, your thighs quivering against his. He impales you hard, watching as you collapse on top of him and bury your face in his shoulder. His strong arms wrap around you, holding you in place as he jerks up into you. He's scalding against you, heating your entire body with delight.
“Yeah, no one else can fuck you like I can,” he grunts, snapping his hips quick, making your worn out body jolt. He's not asking you questions anymore, he's telling you truths. “Those pathetic boys your age,” he scoffs as if the thought of them near you disgusts him. “They don't know how to please a girl like you.” His breath is searing in your ear, blowing against your cheek. "Girl like you deserves to be fucked right."
He’s right, he’s so right. He’s right about all the things - about everything. Joel Miller is so deep inside you, fucking you to the brink that your brain becomes fried. Whatever he says, you agree with it. He is right. You can’t think about anything else except how wonderful he feels buried into your tight heat. You can't even remember what day it is. Christ, what’s your name again?
“I’m gonna cum,” you breathe, shaking on top of him. Your hair is drenched with sweat, adhering to the sides of your face. And your breathing is rapid like you cannot take anymore.
“Not until I say so,” Joel demands, and you cry out in both pleasure and frustration. “You’ll cum when I want you to. Got it?" He asks and you nod. "And I want to hear my name come from these beautiful lips. I want you to fucking scream it."
“O-okay,” you agree, your pussy gripping his cock, welcoming him, taking everything he has to give you. Even if you feel like you're going to crumble.
He uses what little energy he has left to fuck you into oblivion. You can feel his dick twitch inside you, and you brace weak hands on his shoulders, trying to roll your hips as he cums. He shoots deep into your overly sensitive pussy with his seed, fucking you through his climax, painting your walls with his cum. Just the thought of him inside of you brings you closer. And you can’t hold on much longer.
“Mr. Miller, please,” you mewl, biting hard on your lip. “I n-need to cum.”
“You think you deserve it?” He rasps, his hand coming up and grabbing your chin, forcing you to glance down at him. "Does my girl deserve to cum?"
“Uh huh,” you sigh, releasing your lip from your teeth. Joel's fingers tip your chin, pulling you close so he can kiss you. It's sloppy, full of teeth and tongues, but it feels so good.
“I think so, too,” he grins, showing his first sign of mischievousness since you started fucking. “Go ahead, baby. Cum, let me see you.”
“Joel, fuck, Joel,” you moan his name like he asked, reaching up to grab at the roof of his truck, scratching your nails against the material for something, anything, to hold on to. Your orgasm hits you hard. Joel can feel your body trembling on top of him as you release, a sense of pride bubbling up inside.
You're both panting, sticky, sweaty by the time you've come down from your rush. The windows have fogged, the scent of you and Joel lingers in the air, and you feel dirty. But in the best way. Your eyes meet his, and your heart thumps with affection. You love him so much.
He can feel your heart pounding, knowing his is going just as strong. And all of the puzzle pieces come together to paint an obvious picture before him. Those feelings, the overwhelming emotions that took over him tonight. There's a reason for that.
He loves you, too.
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So, I was rereading my old posts and came across a Sukuna one I half-heartedly posted a while back and had a better idea about. The inspo's only slight, but it was still there.
Warning/Tag:: 18+, fem-bodied reader, noncon, slight talk of the supernatural, monster-fucking (Sukuna in his true form), degradation, name-calling, size-kink, overstimulation, spit kink, pet names (includes: doll, little one), a hint of a CNC kink
Note:: Sukuna is forever condescending, don't take his compliments to heart
You didn’t like to think too much about the supernatural occurrences that happened around your apartment. Other than the slight inconvenience of it all, it never really affected your everyday life. Sure, ruined lipstick smeared across your bathroom mirror and your eating utensils being moved randomly were a little much, but easily overlooked when you considered just how much you spent on the place. Not that you couldn’t afford a better place, what with your occupation and all, but as your late grandmother always said; the easiest way to have lots of money was to avoid spending it. Then again, if she knew where your money was coming from, she’d no doubt call it filthy.
Not that it mattered much to you. You minded the business that paid you, and being a camgirl paid you very well.
"I'm just saying," your friend always complained, "if you're making good enough money, you can get out of your totally haunted apartment."
"It's probably nothing to worry about." You placated. The annoying tricks and pranks were just that, and it's not as if you planned on living there the rest of your life. Everything would be fine.
Except when it wasn't. Especially because some humanoid, four-armed, two-faced, monstrosity was laying across your bed, barely covered in his kimono as if he ran the place. You stood at the entrance of your room, toothpaste foam still sitting on the corner of your mouth and your toothbrush beginning to slip out of your hand. You were just getting ready for bed, dressed in an oversized shirt and some mini-shorts.
The monster seemed pleased with your reaction, leaning forward with an awfully smug smirk on his face, eyes squinting as his mouths grinned devilishly, bringing attention to the tattoo on his face. You supposed the strawberry blond--almost pink really--hair would have taken points off the intimidation factor, but just his blood-red eyes were enough to stop you in your tracks. He was attractive in a terrifying way, a 'living on the wild side of things' way. If he was human, he might have actually been someone on the street you'd be attracted to.
“Ah, so you can finally see me,” he hummed, voice almost slurring, “I was starting to think my efforts were in vain. Be grateful, little one, that I’m so patient.”
You quickly wiped your mouth, placing your toothbrush in the cup on your dresser. You slowly looked around the room for any sign of breaking and entering. There were none. “W- how did--who are you?”
He stood from the bed, hunching over just a little to keep from bumping his head against the ceiling--look at that, the small extra for the high ceilings did come in handy--and walked over to you, stopping you in your tracks. He doubles, almost triple you in size and you take a step back. You looked almost like a rabbit, eyes focusing on the most dangerous thing in the room in case you needed to run. Poor thing just didn't know how trapped you already were.
His large finger curved around your chin, tilting it uncomfortably to make eye contact with him.
“Ryomen Sukuna. King of Demons. And you have caught my interest.”
“Me?”
“I prefer not to repeat myself, little one.” His voice is gruff, and it’s your first sign that maybe this man--demon--thing—isn’t the most patient creature on Earth. “That little… profession of yours, it’s intriguing. You certainly keep me interested in my pastime.”
“You’ve seen my…” Well, that’s a little embarrassing. This all-powerful creature not only noticed you touching yourself to millions but also happened to make a hobby out of it. “Why are you here then?”
“Simple, I want you to submit yourself to me. Put your body to good use.”
"Ah, so you wanna fuck me." He raised his eyebrow, but the interest still painted his face.
"Crude, though I guess expecting you to be a little bashful was an oversight; but yes. I want you. And I'm not asking."
You stared up at him, keeping eye contact as you took deep breaths. Slowly, carefully, you hold your hand out. Sukuna raised an eyebrow at you as you tilted your head expectedly. “Well? Pay up.”
“Excuse me?”
"Even with my life in danger, I'm afraid I won't be doing anything for free, sir. Sorry."
Your blood ran cold in your veins as his red eyes glowered at you, almost glowing in the dim lighting of your room. Your room seemed to grow colder with his mood and you shivered.
"You expect me to pay you?"
You swallowed, clearing your throat before boldly saying, "Yes. I do. It's my job."
Your hands were starting to shake, and despite the resolve in your eyes, the fact that Sukuna could--and probably would-- kill you without so much as a second thought made you wanna curl against him and beg for mercy. But you had your pride, goddammit. And even though your grandma didn't approve of a lot you did, you knew she would at least love you for that much.
Instead of moving his hand and snapping your neck like a twig for wasting his time like you thought he would, he twitched your head side to side, taking in your expression before humming. Before you could even blink, you were on your back. He was sitting in front of you on his knees, and you were folded in half on his lap; both your wrists were trapped in just one of his hands, another of his hands pushed one of your thighs against your chest, the other forced around his waist.
Even with your foot planted on his hard chest, you couldn't even attempt to push him away.
You gasped when his third hand roughly grabbed your cheeks, making you look at him. You started to swarm, and he looked excited at the steady increase of your heartbeat.
"Do you really think you have what it takes to deny me? That I'm giving you a choice?"
Through labored breaths, you answered: "I… I thought we were doing business."
He raised an eyebrow, both intrigued and annoyed. "I have you trapped under me and you still have the nerve to mouth off?"
You let out a shaky laugh, tears starting to form in your eyes regardless of how hard you tried to keep them in. "It's the adrenaline. Sorry."
In the back of your head, you could hear a voice that vaguely sounded like your friend begging you to just be quiet, but you figured you were probably going to die here tonight anyway. Besides, you seemed to make a habit of saying the wrong things at the wrong time, you think it might just be ironic justice that it's what gets you killed.
Instead of the blood-curdling screams being thorn from your throat as Sukuna ripped it out, the only sound that rang through the room was Sukuna's laugh. First muted between his lips then shifting into a deep belly laugh. His eyes are wild, wide with dangerous wonderment, and his smile terribly wide, showing how sharp his teeth were and the warning bells rang louder in your ears. You were so occupied looking at his canines that you failed to register his fourth and last hand was on you until it reached under the hemline of your shorts. You let out a gasp when his fingers slid against your clit down to your opening, the rough callus on the tip in complete contrast with the smoothness caused by your slick.
“Is it all that adrenaline that’s making you this wet, or are you just accustomed to being ready for anything like a slut?”
You jolted, cursing your sensitivity as he massaged your clit. It wasn’t even the entire situation that had aroused you, but with the only sexual attention you received coming through the screen, there weren’t many times that you had been touched by another person. Having his hands on you, pressing against your skin, and maneuvering you however he pleased was just what your body needed to get you in the mood.
“I’m not a slut!” you yelled. He didn't care to respond. He removed his hand from your shorts long enough to pull them off before returning to part your folds and play with your clit.
Wiggling your hands, you hoped that he would loosen his grip on you, but it did nothing. In fact, it made Sukuna hold you a bit tighter, wanting to watch you struggle more. He normally wanted absolute submission from what he wanted to claim, but the show of defiance was almost fun to him; a shocking difference from what he was used to. It reminded him of the past when demons ran free without the worry of priests and purifications, where he’d have the privilege to actually conquer. He licked his lips as you struggled to keep the pleasure from showing on your face; as if you couldn’t fathom enjoying this. He decided he wanted to see how long you could keep that up.
He pushed one of his fingers into you, not caring that just his one finger was about the length of two of yours. He started at a slow pace, wanting to feel your walls pulsing as they tried to quickly get used to his fingers. Heavy breaths accompanied by faint moans leaving your parted lips as he moved. You continued to squirm, but now for a different purpose, wanting his finger to press more firmly against that spot that sent shivers through your entire body. You cursed yourself for looking for pleasure on his fingers.
He smirked at the shaky breaths you made when his hand moved from your face to sit against your neck. “That feel good? You can tell me, little one.” he mocked, pressing against your inner walls to prepare you for another finger. "You should thank me for being so kind, preparing you like this."
You bit your lip to try to keep your voice in, eyes shutting to block him out, not wanting to indulge him by showing him how good you were feeling. Not that he didn’t know it. The way you cant your hips against his hand was needy, almost as if he wasn’t moving fast enough for you, was telling enough. Still, he decided to play your little game.
However, the soft moan that escaped your lips when he pressed against the side of your neck let him know that he was winning. Not wasting a second, he inserted his second finger. It forced a pained moan out of you, toes curling against his chest as your body tensed from being stretched with almost zero warning. You let out a curse when his fingers curled up, increasing the speed as he fucked them into you.
He ignored your pitiful whimpers asking him to wait, back arching as you tried to scoot away from his fingers, already feeling overwhelmed yet not close to coming. You could feel your eyes water as your body begged for a break; you couldn’t even wrap a hand around his bicep to ground yourself.
“S-Sukuna… please it’s--I can’t.”
Just as you thought, he didn’t listen. Blinking a few times and feeling the tears run down your cheeks, you saw Sukuna’s face; condescending, pleased, and aroused beyond belief as he watched you fall apart around his fingers. It’s like he enjoyed the idea of ruining you.
“It’s just two fingers, doll. Are you telling me you can’t even take that? What a worthless whore, after all.” With a laugh coating his words, he sped up the movement of his fingers, and you choked on a moan, a sob quickly following after.
“Y--! You don’t exactly have the most normal fingers!” You struggled to muster. The leg at his waist curling around him and pressing your heel on his back. You briefly wondered if you had enough strength to attempt to kick him, but the hand at your throat moved to grab your ankle, inadvertently pulling you closer on his lap. It was then that you felt the imprints of something large and thick on your ass and lower back, and you shivered.
Sukuna leaned forward, pressing an open mouth kiss against your neck, making sure his teeth scraped against the surface, almost as a reminder that your life was in his hands at the moment. “Hmm, so you still have a bit of fight left in you, do you?”
You refused to answer, biting your bottom lip as hard as you could, too concerned with trying to stay quiet to worry about the threat of drawing blood. For the first time since Sukuna pinned you down, he clicked his tongue in annoyance, one of his hands returning to your face and forcing your jaw apart.
“I grow tired of this damned habit of yours.” Before the irritation could truly settle on his face, he pressed a hard kiss against your lips. He shoved his tongue in your mouth, almost suffocating you with the need to keep his lips against yours. He was brutal with his kiss, almost as if he wanted to hurt you. But you couldn't tell if it was because he didn't realize his own strength in regards to you or if he just didn't care. He gave you no room to breathe, tongue domineering as it claimed you. You tried to bite him, but Sukuna pressed his thumb in as well, hooking it against your molars, and tugged as a warning, disregarding the tears falling because of him.
You let out a groan as he sucked your tongue into his mouth before pulling back. He looked at you as you fought to catch your breath, and was aroused at your tear-stained pitiful face and bruised lips, still held open by his thumb. For a moment he looked like he was contemplating something before gathering the spit in his mouth and letting it drip on your tongue. He moved his thumb to place against your bottom lip and looked at you expectantly.
You swallowed as best as you could as you felt heat rush through your body, the pleasure almost painful as it continued to bottle up.
Sukuna could feel the arousal thumping through his body as you shakingly opened your mouth to show him. "And I didn't even have to tell you what to do. What a good little thing you are."
You knew he didn't mean it, not in the way that should make you tingle, but with the way he just kissed you breathless and his fingers quickly bringing you to your peak, your waterlogged brain couldn't tell much of a difference at this point.
"Haah, Sukuna, 't hurts!" Your body started to tense so much it hurt, your stomach felt tight and you wanted to scream because of all the sensations going through you.
"Poor thing, you wanna cum?" He sounded smug, but you were too focused on trying to calm your nerves before you lost your mind.
"Please! Sukuna, 's too much! I can't—!"
"Then come."
If you thought Sukuna was kind enough to gently work you through your orgasm, you were sorely mistaken. His fingers continued their brutal pace, forcing you through your orgasm, even as your overstimulated body tried to twist and turn away from him. The tears running down your face are almost in tandem with the erratic beating of your heart. The moan you let out bounced against the walls of your apartment and Sukuna reveled in it.
As you came down from your high, Sukuna moved away from you. You shook uncontrollably and you pressed a shaky hand against your lips, embarrassed that you'd been so loud. You wondered if your neighbors were going to complain about you to the landlord in the morning. You wouldn't blame them if they did. You covered your eyes and tried to control your breathing, allowing your body to relax for a moment.
A quick moment was all you were allowed, because soon Sukuna grabbed you again, pinning you under him as he aligned your hips with his. Tired, you looked at him, eyes drinking in the fact that he'd stripped himself, fixated on the tattoos lining his pecs and abs. Your legs parted for him, tensing when you felt his cock brush against your clit as he shifted.
"You'll only be taking one of my cocks tonight, but next time, I'll expect you to take both."
Your eyes widened, quickly looking down when he placed his cock--one of them--against your lower belly, the other pressed against the curve of your ass. It reached just below your belly button, and he was thick enough that if you were to wrap your hand around it, your middle finger and thumb wouldn't be able to touch. It was intimidating and he expected you to take two of those the next time he came?
He smirked, hand holding his length against you, drinking in the sight of his thick shaft on you. "This is how far I'll be, little one."
"It won't—"
"It's going to fit." The look he gave you meant business. He wasn't taking no for an answer, not that he had since the beginning. "I didn't work to open you up only to not fuck you. I'll make it fit."
Sukuna was pleased to see that even as you complained about his length, you sat still as he lined himself up against your hole. You laid down completely, willing yourself to relax as the head of his cock slid against you, toying with your clit then pressing against your entrance.
When he began actually pushing his cock into you, you let out a shocked yelp, tensing while your hands automatically moved to push against his shoulders. He disregarded you, continuing even as you clawed against his thick skin, raking down his chest—not that your nails caused much harm to him.
"Ugh! Wait—fuck!"
"You're so loud," he scoffed, pulling your stiff legs apart and opening you up for himself.
You wished he'd prepped you more. As much as his pace and thick fingers hurt, it really didn't compare to his dick; not even your thickest dildo was as much as Sukuna was. Admittedly, the pressure against your already pulsing walls was nice, but every time he moved it painfully reminded you that Sukuna was making you adjust to him, not letting you. The thought did help you loosen a bit more, but Sukuna could tell he wasn't going to get too far with you as you were, even with the shallow thrusts he was currently doing.
You let out a soft cry as something slimy and thick danced against your inner thigh before moving to your clit. You look down to see a tongue hanging out a mouth on Sukuna's stomach. Your head fell back against the floor with a small thump and you moaned softly. Right, you thought, monster... demon or whatever. You couldn’t find the strength to worry about it, though, since it lapped at the nub, sending pleasant shock waves up your spine while Sukuna split you open on his dick. It wasn't too long after that he finally bottomed out, holding you still as you squirmed to try to get used to him inside you.
"What'd I tell you?" Sukuna asked, snapping his hips one good time and smirking when you cried out in pleasure, "You take it just fine, my little whore."
That thrust was the first of many, and soon he was pulling out all the way to the tip before pushing inside you.
Your mouth dropped open and you couldn’t keep the moans from leaving your mouth. After the first few thrusts, the drag of his cock inside you felt amazing, and you moved your hips in small circles against the tongue. You grabbed his forearms, trying to ground yourself while giving you leverage to thrust against him as well, chasing your pleasure. Sukuna let out a growl, placing one of his hands against your lower stomach and effectively pinning you down. His hips slowed to a stop as he looked down at you.
“And what do you think you’re doing, little one?”
You whined, wiggling against his hold. “Sukuna, please move.”
“Fucking yourself on my cock? What a desperate little thing you are.” Two of his hands moved to your hips while the other two circled behind your back, pulling you up. Your chest pressed against his as he sat back on his thighs. As he moved, you looked down to see the tongue returned back into its mouth.
You looked at Sukuna curiously, moving your hands to grip his shoulders. “But I thought you wanted me to give myself to you?”
“No,” his grip on your hips tightened, slowly lifting you off his cock until only a little was still inside you, “I said I wanted to fuck you.”
With that, he pulled you down on him, making you ride him faster than he was currently fucking you. Although, to say you were riding him would imply you had any control in the matter. He was using you like you were a sextoy, thrusting into you without any abundance or regard to you at all. It seemed like the loud moans were just a plus to him. He pushed another bruising kiss against your lips, drinking in your moans.
You wrapped your arms around him, hoping that your grip on him would keep you in control when you felt another orgasm building, but Sukuna might just be trying to fuck the sense out of you. He swapped out his quick thrusts for slower, harsher ones, thrusting in you and rolling his hips, molding himself against your pulsing walls. Your body tensed and without thinking, you sink your teeth into Sukuna’s shoulder. He groaned as his hips stuttered, thrusting out of rhythm for a second before he resumed.
“How cheeky,” he smirked, one of his hands moving to the back of your neck, wrapping around it harshly and yanking you off of him. “And here I was, thinking I’d treat you nicely.”
You didn’t think two or three slow thrusts would qualify as being ‘treated nicely’, but your mind was miles away at that point. His rapid thrusts returned, and when his hand covered the loud moans escaping your mouth, you knew he planned to finish himself off without any more distractions. You wondered if you should move against him, attempt to speed up the process, but considering his earlier reaction to you rutting against him, you didn’t think that was wise. Besides, considering how he didn’t even want to hear you moan, you figured you were all out of favor, so you had no choice but to take it.
Satisfied with your submission, Sukuna loudly growled. He threw his head back at the feeling of shooting his cum inside you, filling you up as you screamed against his hand. Just as he coated your walls with his cum, you could feel his other dick let out a stream of cum against your ass and back.
He held you still, pulling you flush against him as he used you to ride out his orgasm, a pleased hum rumbling in his chest as he felt you quiver. Your body started to ache almost immediately, and it didn’t help that he kept you sitting on his cock with no sign of moving whatsoever.
“U-uh, Sukuna?” Your throat itched uncomfortably as you tried to talk. A bath and a cup of warm tea definitely had your name on them. Sukuna certainly wasn’t going to take care of you.
He shushed you, a sharpened nail running up and down your spine. “I just gave you a gift, little one, it’s best you don’t waste it.”
Despite your better judgment, you closed your eyes and willed yourself to relax. Letting Sukuna use you was as physically taxing as you expected it would be, and if he planned to repeat this certain act, you were going to need all the rest you could possibly get.
#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk#jjk x reader#tw dubcon#sukuna ryomen smut#sukuna ryomen#ryomen sukuna#sukuna x reader#sukuna smut
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Do you have any recommended spn fics? To be restored is consuming all of my non fenario brainspace
This is in no way an exhaustive list - @jewishcharliebradbury is the one to go for that - but these are some favorites of mine, please always heed their tags just in case!
Putting it under a readmore because I'm a wordy bastard:
Sky Verse by starandrea: Angelic civil war! The crispest, most in-character dialogue! Vast, sprawling worldbuilding! Dean and Cas get together and are very bad at it for a long time! This series obsesses me the way other people are obsessed with dta (which I have not read for fear of commitment but fully intend to eventually).
To Be Restored by serenetyfails: You mentioned this one already but it's worth repeating - it's my favorite trans spn fic that I didn't write myself. Cas's transmasc identity is handled so carefully and so competently, Dean flips out in a way that's both in character and still kind to him, and Sam and Rowena are wonderfully fleshed out. I think many people would look at the premise and worry it's either misogynistic or fetishy, but it's neither, it's such a love letter to Cas's well-earned masculinity. Also, I'm obsessed with Rowena knowing and being buddies with a lot of trans women witches :)
Talk Therapy by shara: This is one of my favorite 'Dean is bad at asking for things' fics, it deals with his inability to want things past what he can give to others really well. I also appreciate that not everything in their relationship is fixed just because they're together, although the amount they love each other is always obvious.
Epilogue by JayneL: A weird little time travel story that is NOT a fixit for endverse, but is exceptionally kind to endverse Cas anyway. It aches very badly. I remember it being pretty trippy but also having to sit and look at the ceiling a while after reading it.
The Love Story of the Runner Up by Margo_Kim: Cas dates a normal human man with a good soul for a little while before he gets with Dean. Both of them know it isn't for forever, but they look after each other anyway. Told through the lens of story-swapping between gay friends and written with so much care & love. (You can thank @okologie for finding this one and making me read it despite my reservations.)
where the weeds take root by deathbanjo: Everyone recommends this fic but it's for a reason. Probably the best post-retirement fic there is, and definitely helped me form the neural connections to write Fenario, haha, I can't recommend this one enough. The complicated Dean and Sam issues are held with just as much weight as the Dean and Cas ones, although both are handled gently.
you and me in the war of the end times by stickthelanding (@tallahasseemp3): Alma knocked it out of the park with this one. THEE shotgunning fic. I've reread it more times than I can count, it has the loveliest atmosphere. I want to gnaw on this prose, said with love!
A Drinking Song by Balder12: Endverse snapshot. This one is mostly just bone hurting juice but it's one of my favorite characterizations of them - sometimes I find that endverse stories either make Cas way too soft or fucked up in a way I find goes too far in a direction I don't agree with, this one feels pitch perfect.
Everyone Is Trying to Get to the Bar by Balder12: All time fave angel true form fic!!! It's deliciously weird and fun, definitely a mind-melter. I only read it the once but sometimes I think about it and get a funny little shiver.
Tall Grass by aeli_kindara: This is another 'universal favorite', but also for good reason. Extraordinarily tender, it's my personal favorite Cas-grows-a-garden post canon story, especially because it manages to write a jealousy plotline that doesn't make me want to bite and kill. Dean's voice is exactly right and everything unfurls with this tender inevitability, idk how else to describe it! It also ends on a final image that's so lovely it's seared into my brain.
Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx by pantheon_of_discord: Nobody does vignettes like supernatural writers. I love the way the road feels in this one, and how carefully picked each moment is. A string of pearls, this fic.
There's Only One Sure Thing That I Know by blinkiesays: Dean and Cas get trapped in the midwest by a curse that doesn't let them leave the state, and they want to break it until they don't. Being trapped gives them an excuse to want to settle down, but the route they take to get there is, of course, circuitous. This one hurts a little because it takes place while Sam is dead, but it isn't gratuitous in its sadness. Sweet and melancholy.
the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo: FAVE FAVE FAVE FAVE. I push this one at everyone I can. I'm extremely picky about 'Dean's self loathing' fics, mainly because I think it can veer easily into melodrama, but this author weaves Dean's self hatred and his anger together very seamlessly, in a way that feels real to the show. Also, Cas is perfect.
sweeter coming from my hand by perilously: A story that I liked before Nov5 and withstood the test of time!! Dean and Cas get married/soul-bound in order to both remove the Mark of Cain and fix Cas's grace. Features a formative scene for me where Cas expresses worries about if he has a soul and Dean raps knuckles on his chest, going, "knock knock, sounds like a soul in there." If you like this one, perilously has many good fics that are just as in character.
On Labor by a_good_soldier: I very nearly couldn't finish this one, but not because it's bad, haha. The premise just makes me want to tear my clothes in mourning - Dean knows Cas is in love with him, after getting him back from the Empty, and decides that he should give him what he wants without realizing that he wants it too. Dean performatively dating Cas while trying to talk himself into liking it (not knowing that he does actually like it) is exactly the kind of convoluted bullshit Dean's internalized homophobia would do to him. Nauseating and spectacular. Sticks in your brain for weeks.
canticles by 2street2car: An excellent 'weird girl best friends' fic. After striking out at the brothel, Dean decides to treat Cas to the "first date experience" himself, since the guy might die the next day. To sum it up succinctly: the rituals are intricate. And dirty dancing is referenced!
we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon: As the author states themself, this fic is a love letter to California - it's a road trip casefic that's so rooted in place, the setting is rich and lush and the atmosphere makes me ache, and not just because it's set in my home state! I saved this one for last because this is another prolific author who has many stories I come back to again and again (Sweet Home and Love: A Retrospective are particularly good), they really don't miss. Usually when I read fic, it's a mad dash to the finish, but I took my time with this one. I highly encourage you to do the same :)
#dear god. ok. this got long#if u want more recs i mean it alie is Thee fic reccer i trust#but these are some gems i carry around w me :)#nathaniel.txt#answered#fic rec
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some latinenatural for my benefit mostly. read the first two chapter on ao3 aqui
Dean was still wearing a big smile when he finally kicked his boots off at home. It took everything he had to finally let Cas leave his Baby, wanting to keep pulling him in for one final kiss after another. Cas now knows what “Otro Besito.” means. Enough so that every time he heard it, he rolled his eyes, but he always leaned in. Until finally, he closed the car door and promised to text Dean tomorrow.
Cas’s number is now saved under an angel emoji porque Dean es un romantico first and foremost.
“Apenas estas llegando?” Dean looked up to see his Tio sitting on the couch with a novela playing on the tv. “Como te fue?”
“Awesome.” Dean picked up his boots and walked over to kiss the top of his Tio’s head before heading to bed. Ignoring his fake protesting of the affection. “Me voy char un baño.”
They asked about Cassie in the morning, and Dean made up some casual date, a believable one, but told them they were probably better off friends anyways. It made it harder to think of excuses to sneak out at night but working for Victor at night made it easier for Bobby not to question him.
He wished he could tell them about his actual dates. Talk about Cas’s stupid two left feet and his beautiful smile. He wished he could talk about the way Cas looked, eyes squinting and head tilting como un pajarito when Dean spoke more than three words in Spanish. But he loved it so much, and just getting those good morning texts from him made his days so much better.
[Read more under tag <3]
It was Monday again when Dean walked by Cas’s house with the raspados.
“Mi Angelito,” Dean wanted to reach and kiss him, but eyes were still watching him. So instead, he reached down and handed Cas a grocery bag filled with Tupperware. “I brought you a real lunch so you can eat it instead of just some ice.”
Cas had admitted that he came home for his lunch break to see Dean. Giving him no time to have an actual proper lunch, and Dean won’t have any of that. Su hombre va a estar lleno y feliz con su comida.
Cas took the bag in shock before handing it back to Dean. “No, Dean, I can’t take this.”
“I woke up extra early to make it for you y no lo quieres?”
“¡Si te quiero!” Cas reached to touch Dean’s cheek, blue eyes watching Dean’s reaction as he quietly added, “Mucho.”
Dean swallowed hard before taking Cas’s hand and giving it a quick little kiss before letting it fall. “Cas, cariño, I was talking about the food. I said ‘no lo quieres’ not ‘no me quieres’. Do you hear the difference?”
“Oh.” Cas stepped back and looked at the plastic bag in his hand. “Then I um-thank you.”
Dean chuckled, stepping forward to wrap Cas in his arms for a quick squeeze. “Ay, pendejo.”
“Dean!” Dean could picture the roll of the eyes without even looking at Cas. He tried to hold in his laughter as he pulled away just a little, just enough, so their faces stayed inches away.
He raised an eyebrow at Cas as he asked, “What? Ya no me quieres?”
Dean could see Cas’s wheels turning in his mind as he mouths the words Dean just said to him. The blush on his cheeks growing as the realization hits him. “Me. You said-yes! I mean, si! I mean, yes or whatever!”
Dean was sure Cas had no idea what he was saying. It’s not like he said amo. No, Cas said quiero. It was the less intense version of ammo, but still,l it relatively meant the same thing, and Dean wasn’t sure if he was ready to repeat it.
“Quiero un beso.” Dean says instead, wanting to rest his forehead down on Cas’s but restrains himself. The hug was already pushing it out in public.
“Dean, my brother is home.” Cas looked at the house behind him before looking back at Dean, eyes sad, but Dean only smiled back at him. His hand reaches to pinch Cas’s cheek gently while he winks at him.
Te quiero. Es lo que quiere decir pero ahorita no es el momento. It’s too early for that. Ahorita, Dean está feliz nomás en tenerlo. No tiene que decir nada. No tiene que decirle a nadie que se está enamorando muy rápido de un güero con ojos más azules que el cielo. Más brillosos que una estrella. Más hondos que el mar.
No. Dean didn’t have to tell anyone que se está enamorado de los pies a la cabeza. It’s fine.
Dean lifts his hat enough to scratch his sweaty hair before he jumps back on his bike. “Pick you up later then?”
Cas nods as he holds the grocery bag tight in his right hand before lamely waving at Dean with his left.
Dean leaves with a loud ring of his bells.
A month of sneaking around goes by with Dean asking Victor to tell Bobby he was working for him during his date nights. It was obvious Victor knew, but Dean was way too scared to confirm it. Either way, Victor agreed to help him sneak around and didn’t push for details.
Though he always eyed Cas like a challenge whenever he came around, Cas never seemed to notice as he was caught up rereading the same menu he has been looking at for weeks.
It was a Thursday night that Cas called to ask, “So what are we?”
Dean was in the middle of mopping the bathroom stalls in the office building, with Bobby doing a different one on the same floor. Sam was somewhere throwing away the trash from the offices while a few other folks that worked for his Tio cleaned up whatever they had to do. The only sounds in the offices were vacuums and music coming from someone’s speaker.
“Cas, I’m kinda busy working right now.”
“You said I could call Thursday nights cause you get bored.” Fuck. He did say that. “Unless you don’t wanna answer.”
“It’s just…no es algo-”
“English, Dean. I can’t read your expressions over the phone.” Oh, so that’s how he catches on.
“Exactly! It’s not something to discuss over the phone. We can go out tomorrow and talk about it.”
Cas didn’t say anything but Dean could hear him moving some stuff around.
“Cas?” Dean pushed the mop bucket out of the bathroom as he finished. Trying not to think about how here Dean was, working late as a janitor while Cas was staying late at his fancy corporate job. Fuck, si piensa mucho en eso se va a volver loco. “Cariño? Andale Angelito, don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Then talk to me.” Dean hears Cas make a loud and tired sigh. “Mira, que suspiro!” He teased.
“Dean, I don’t know-Ah! Fuck!” Dean hears Cas’s phone fall against something hard. Dean’s heart raced, not knowing what to do.
“Cas? Castiel!” Dean calls to his phone, already abandoning his bucket to start jogging to the door to drive wherever Cas was, even though he didn’t know where that was. “Contestame, cabron!”
Dean stops when he hears Cas awkwardly laugh through the phone. “Oh no, I’m sorry. I usually never stay this late. I’ve just been behind the last few weeks.”
Dean couldn’t hear what the other person said, but Cas sounded fine, so Dean took a breath of relief.
“Dean?”
“You scared the shit out of me.”
“I’m sorry. The janitor walked into my office, and it scared me. I didn’t realize how late it was.” Dean can already picture Cas running his hand through his hair. “Don’t think I didn’t hear you call me…cabron.”
Mierda. “Well, you scared me! I thought something-Don’t do that!”
“Dean,” Oh, good. Cas was smiling. “I didn’t think you cared so much.”
“Shut up.” Dean heard the echo of his own voice. “Oye, cariño, take me off speaker! I don’t wanna hear myself.”
“Sorry, but I need my hands to pack up my things. But please, continue talking about how much you care about me while I do so.”
Dean grumbled, “I’m hanging up.”
“But te quiero!”
“You can’t keep using that against me, Angelito. Es tu culpa.”
Cas was silent for a second before Dean heard, “Excuse me. If you’re done, you can just-Sir? Hey!”
“Cas?” And before Dean can panic again, he hears a familiar voice call his name from the other end.
“Dean?”
Dean’s heart sinks as the voice echoes in his mind. Dean’s head falls into his hand as he starts to shake just a little before answering. “Sam. Tell me where you are.”
#sorry to leave you like this but i had to post it now or I'll never finish this story#next part most likely this weekend and that will be that!#again sorry for my bad spanish pero google docs sucks man#and i can read spanish pero not write so well#okay excusas over#latinenatural#sobrenatural#destiel#deancas#fic#destiel fic#destiel fanfic#destiel au#wormstachwrites#my writing#yes i do realize it is a bad timing with the dash but what can we do#i lack patience#but once again if you have a word you wanna know you can google or leave in the comment and i will do my best to explain#though you are better off asking google but 'pies a cabeza' is head over heels btw#so niceeee
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so @itsinjustbeing made this post and @mochadean added the tags and I wrote a little thing about Dean studying for his GED.
The humidity surrounded him like a thick coat, seeping into the kitchen through the window screens, barely held at bay by the old fan whirring about two inches from Dean’s face. He wiped at his face with one hand, the other pushing down at the page he was reading, trying to stop the flapping page from flying away and taking the prep book with it. He was just on the verge of finishing the chapter, pen between his teeth as he ran his finger down the page when he heard the car pull up. Within moments he was up, the book flipped over and shoved far away from him, his own hands around a half-assembled rifle. By the time the screen door slammed shut he looked, for all intents and purposes, like he was just taking care of his weapon.
It was a moment before he heard the tell-tale sound of Bobby’s thick boots scuffing the floor and he sagged slightly, the tension draining out of him even before Bobby came into the kitchen and spoke
“You can put that down, boy, it’s just me.” He came in, groceries on one arm, a takeout bag on the other. “Brought dinner. Get your shit off the table and we can eat.”
“Thanks.” Dean put the rifle down sheepishly, and picked his book back up. He piled it up with the notebook he’d been writing in, the three different pens and the odd blue highlighter Bobby had found in a drawer somewhere that made up his studying tools. He dropped them down on the couch before coming back to join Bobby.
They ate in a comfortable silence for a bit before Bobby spoke up.
“I told you this morning. Your dad’s halfway across the country, he’s not coming back for another few weeks. Trust me, there’re plenty of jobs up there, and he’ll want to take them.”
“Yeah, I know.” Dean answered around a mouthful of food. “I know that, he called last night.”
He’d picked up the phone, listened to John tell him about the job he was on, coughed a few times into the phone to try and make it convincing. Bobby had been skeptical of his plan at first, pretending to be sick to get the few weeks off without John realizing what he was doing. But Dean knew his father well enough to realize the moment Dean wasn’t going to be helpful John would be happy to drop him on anyone who’d take him, and understood him well enough to know that despite Bobby’s comments to the contrary Dean’s father wouldn’t get too worried when that sickness extended longer than a week or so. He chalked it up to his father wanting him to be tough. Trusting that Dean could handle whatever came after him, be it vamp or virus. It was a sign of his father’s trust in him and of course that only made what he was doing worse.
“So, there’s no reason to go throwing books about.” Bobby said.
“Yeah, I know.” Dean repeated.
Bobby looked like he was going to say something else but thought the better of it. Neither of them was very good at talking, but both of them understood the full unsaid conversation that hung in the air between them. Dean looked away, around at the cluttered room, down at the scratched table, anywhere but Bobby’s face. They lapsed into their regular silence until it settled again, back to comfortable.
Dean crumpled the trash up when they’d finished, throwing it out while Bobby took out a six pack and took one out. Dean reached for one, getting his hand slapped away.
“You done with what you wanted to do today?” Bobby asked in a tone that made it clear he knew what the answer was going to be.
“No.” Dean said it anyway, slumping back in his chair.
“Well then.” Bobby stuck the rest of them in the fridge.
Dean rolled his eyes but retrieved his books from the couch anyways, setting himself back up at the table and trying his best to refocus. It was hard, his mind kept trying to run in a million different directions, all directly away from the path the book was trying to take him. He’d been doing alright before but his mind had taken the break as a cue to shut down all functions responsible for understanding the numbers on the page and how he was supposed to be solving them.
This was why school was Sammy’s thing.
Still, Dean wanted to do this. He didn’t know why, knew he could never defend his case for it, but Dean wanted his GED. Even if right now his brain was fighting him about it. It wasn’t that he was stupid, he picked up on most the lessons in school easily enough when he was able to attend and even studying on his own, when he was able to keep his head down, when he got really drawn into the material, he was able to do fine. But now, suddenly he was faced with the practice questions and half of what he thought he’d known had flown right out of his mind. Fuck. Maybe he was stupid.
He sighed, flipping back through the chapter, trying to pin the knowledge back down, lock it up so it couldn’t fly away again. He was vaguely aware of Bobby working the phones in the background, his voice melding into the rest of the background noise, mixing with the old fan, the creaky chair he kept moving about in, the mosquito who was always just out of reach. Suddenly that whine was all he could focus on, unable to force his attention on anything else. He reread the same paragraph twice without taking anything in, the persistent droning impossible to ignore. He pushed his chair back, determined to find it and put an end to it. He tried to swat it but it was quick, darting out of the way every time. He waited another moment, until it seemed settled on the table before he swung his book down, crushing it with a loud, heavy thud!
For a moment there was blessed silence.
“Dean? What’s going on in there?” Bobby called from the other room.
“Nothing!” he answered back. “Mosquito.”
“So ya killed it with a hammer?” Bobby asked, coming back in. He took a moment to take in the scene. Dean, standing above the table, frustrated frown still on his face, the book slammed down onto the table face down, the back flipped over to reveal the past owner’s graffiti. He stared for about a second before he picked up the book, shut it and put it aside. He walked over to the fridge and took out another couple of beers, offering one to Dean.
“I didn’t finish.” Dean said.
“You’re finished for tonight.” Bobby said, gesturing for him to take it.
“You don’t think I can keep going?” Dean asked.
“I don’t think you should. You’ve been at it all day; you’ll be at it tomorrow. You’re not getting anything more done tonight.”
Dean took it wordlessly, stepping out of the kitchen out onto the back porch. Bobby followed after, sitting on the bench pressed against the wall.
“This is stupid.” Dean said finally. “This whole thing, me trying to study for this, lying to my father, it’s stupid. I can’t do this. I shouldn’t be doing this.”
Bobby waited until he was finished, taking a long drink.
“You done?” he asked. “With that little pity party of yours?”
“It’s not a pity party!” Dean turned back to face him. “I can’t even study properly, couldn’t even finish the section today.”
“So, you’ll finish it tomorrow.” Bobby answered. “You’ve been studying non stop since you got here, got your head bent over that book and takin a break right now aint gonna undo that. It’s just gonna let you focus tomorrow.”
“And if it doesn’t? If I fail, and this whole thing was just a waste?”
“Then we’ll do this all again I guess.” Bobby shrugged. “Listen boy, you’ve had a lot of stupid ideas. This is one of your rare sensible ones, don’t go screwin it up now by just giving up.”
Dean just shrugged, cracking open his beer and sitting down next to him. Between the two of them hung his agreement, his apology and his gratitude. Between them hung Bobby’s support, his acceptance.
Tomorrow he’d keep studying. Next week he’d take the test. And then it’d be over or they’d do this all again.
#my writing#mini fic#char: dean#char: bobby#'family don't end in blood' - sam dean and bobby#spn#spn fic#mine
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Fic Recs!
Since I'm on hiatus, I've finally had time to do some reading, and I thought I'd give some fic recommendations, since I won't be posting for quite a while. These are my absolute favourites!
(I'm splitting this into two posts — one for JayDick and one for JayTim — because now that I'm finished with the first half it's quite long)
JayDick
A Love Triangle With The Same Person
By: Chrystie, kate882
Word Count: 10,031
Summary: Dick might have a bit of a thing for Jason, one of Red Hood's criminal underlings. But he's also already a little in love with Red Hood.
→ Identity porn! Who doesn't love identity porn? Very cute and sweet.
Everything I Know
By: epistemology
Word Count: 12,360
Summary: Red Hood is a little bit in love with his partner, Nightwing, who has a huge crush on Jason Todd, the hot bookstore owner, who is actually the Red Hood, who is too busy being in love to notice Dick Grayson, who's actually Nightwing.
Jason and Dick fall in love with the wrong versions of each other, and things become complicated fast.
→ More identity porn, but this one is a lot more sort of missed connections, plus it has bookshop owner Jay who was never taken in by Bruce! It really has you begging SOMETHING to happen to somehow make them see that THEY ARE EACH OTHER, THEY ARE THE ONES THEY LIKE. AHHHH IT'S THE SAME PERSON. And when it finally does happen, it's so sweet and satisfying. (I recommend checking out their other fics too! Lots of sweetness.)
Lie To Me, Darling
By: Chrystie, kate882
Word Count: 19,214
Summary: Officer Dick Grayson is undercover in the infamous Red Hood's gang trying to track down the man behind the helmet. With his former partner killed for being found out, there's a new guy in the gang to take his place. Jason doesn't seem like the average new gang recruit, and Dick may be getting more than he bargained for trying to get close to him.
→ Okay, ngl I JUST now noticed that this one is by the same people as the first one, and I specifically didn't want to put multiple fics by the same people (just say I recommend checking out their other stuff, but not rec separately), but it's too late now and I don't have a 7th JayDick fic to recc that isn't also an author repeat, and I don't want it to be uneven.
But ANYWAY. This one will fuck you up, I can't lie. Unhappy ending, but if you can brave that, ohhh it's so good. It's so damn sweet whilst the good times last, even though you know it's only temporary and it's all going to go to hell at some point... man. It hurts. But it hurts so good. It's beautiful, and I personally think it's worth the pain.
Two Birds on a Wire
By: empires, pentapus
Word Count: 20,565
Summary: Dick asks Jason for help on a case. Jason should have never agreed.
→ It's probably laughable that I'm reccing this, since pentapus is one of the authors and their art is like huge in the JayDick fandom, and the fic has more than 22.5k views, which seems to be quite a lot as far as JayDick fics go. But in the event that you haven't read it yet... This is actually the very first JayDick fic I EVER read, it introduced me to the ship, and I just reread it and it's still just as amazing, what a winner to start out with!
The dynamic between Jay and Dick, the way Dick gets so into his undercover role, Jay's emotional turmoil, the action — it's all just absolute chef's kiss! It's so hard to write action well, and these two made this fic so engaging!
All Soulmates Final, No Refunds
By: empires, salvadore
Word Count: 38,900
Summary: Mystic Waters Grande Hotel sells itself as a luxury soulmate retreat with all manner of couple’s activities. The cost is high, and all is not as it appears on the hotel’s grounds. Dick and Jason go undercover as newlywed soulmates to find out what’s behind the rash of missing persons. And dig up old feelings in the process.
→ (Since empires was collaborating with two different people of the different fics, I don't count that as a repeat).
Well firstly, this is a rare Batman!Dick JayDick! And secondly, yes, one of the ubiquitous soulmate AUs. But with some very interesting twists! Also, like TBOAW above, the action in this is amazing, and absolutely had me on the edge of my seat. Similarly, their undercover personas were lots of fun, and it was very fun to see them push each other further and further with them.
Secrets of the Sea
By: ParzivalHallows
Word Count: 42,711
Summary: Being a merperson was dangerous enough, but being a merperson captured by pirates? That's got to be one of the worst fates for a merman. Merman Dick Grayson is captured by a slave ship, where he meets Jason Todd, who's a slave on that ship. Together, the two plan an escape. However, they need to put aside their odds first, which is very difficult for the two stubborn men.
→ I have to give you fair warning first, this one is incomplete and hasn't been updated since 2017, so I don't think it's ever going to be finished (but it can't hurt to leave a nice comment!) BUT WAIT, DON'T SCROLL YET, hear me out. It's really good, okay. You do need to mind the warning tags because there is major character death (not Jay or Dick though, and since it's not complete I'm kind of choosing to believe that they're not really dead and later in the story it actually turns out that they managed to survive).
There are a lot of grim things in this story, it's really about survival, but the worldbuilding is fucking phenomenal, and the author drew me right in. The descriptions and the action and emotion, the unexpected magic that they have to figure out? It's all so cool and well done.
Steady On Forward
By: JayseHasNoGrace
Word Count: 96,287
Summary: Dick Grayson's life has never been easy, but he'd like to think it's been going better lately. He's been operating mainly out of Gotham again for almost a year, and has been in a steady relationship for just over. He knows where he stands with crime-fighting, and the family is all on pretty good terms, considering.
Things are really going pretty well.
Unfortunately, the balance doesn't last long, and old horrors from Dick's past end up dredged up alongside new ones.
This is a story about love and family, but equally so about trauma and healing from it. Please heed the warnings in the preface.
→ Alright, the final JayDick rec, the longest, and the darkest. But wait, again, don't scroll! It's also by far the most hopeful AND FLUFFY. Now, the author is NOT fucking around about heeding those warnings, there's a shitload of them and it's really heavy, hard shit. Do not get me wrong, this fic is going to HURT you. But by the end, it's going to have felt so cathartic, and you're going so feel soft and hopeful and whole. I don't know how they did it, but it's SUCH an emotional rollercoaster. Another commenter on AO3 (mach5plus1) said it better than I could:
I gave this fic my whole heart, it took it, smiled and said “awwww, I’ll take care of it!“
Then started putting pressure on it and I told it “ouch, that hurts”
The fic kept smiling and put more pressure until a piece broke off (last chapter)
and then another (this chapter)
The fic keeps doing it until my heart is shattered into pieces and it’s standing over each shard with a frown saying “oops” (the upcoming chapters)
Then, after finding each piece again and picking them up, the fic will slowly push each piece back into place.
By the end it’ll give my heart back a little different, but somehow better than it was when I gave it away.
It will crush your heart, but it will lovingly patch it back together by the end, I promise. If you can read it without getting triggered, I thought everything was well handled, and it's so worth it. (I recommend checking out their other JayDick fic too, they only have one, but it's a fluffy romcom, so if you need a break after this one, that's there!)
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Unexpectedly Bitten
Vampire!Henry Cavill x Reader
Summary: Your ex gets into some trouble with Vampires, and his mistakes lead the bloodsuckers back to you. After seeing you, one vampire gets a little attached and he’s taking his time deciding what he plans to do with you, but whatever it is, you’re not afraid. In fact, you might just be a little attached to him too.
Warnings: cursing, smut, violence. (Count on spelling mistakes or repeating words too often. it’s very likely.)
Notes: Folks I did my very very best. I am so bad at chaptered fics, it’s insane. But I tried. As always, Let me emphasize this: there is little rhyme or reason to the way this story is broken into parts.
This is a Vampire!Henry x Reader story where each chapter, while chronological, is a different conversation or event during the course of their evolving relationship.
p.s if anyone knows the maker of these gifs let me know and i will give credit.
Words: 1628
Part 4: Heartbeat
Henry had agreed to entertain you for the night, waiting a few hours before he left again to find bodies. You played cards, having nothing else to do, and chuckled when neither of you could figure out who was worse at the game. You’d shown him a new one; one your mother taught you that you never developed the skill for but thought Henry might find amusing. And he did, though he had a hard time understanding it. But you were just happy to have him around with a smile on his face rather than the more recent stressed out scowl.
“This game makes no sense,” Henry joked as he tossed his losing hand on the table.
“Not according to my mother, but she’s dead now, so unfortunately we won’t ever get private lessons.”
Henry’s smile dropped at your words and you instantly regretted them. “How did she die?”
“Um,” Your eyebrows pinched as you recalled the day you were left alone in a life where you already had little. “Bad deal with a witch.”
“A witch? Where did she even find one?”
“She heard the whispers and went where the rumors claimed,” You said, fiddling with the stacked deck. “My dad had died, and she thought a deal with a witch for his soul would be smarter than going to a demon.”
“I’m sorr—” Henry began, but paused the instant Chris barged into the dining room. His fingers tugged at his blond hair.
“What?” Henry asked just as a knock sounded at the front door.
“Elec.”
Henry’s shoulders tensed as he stood so fast the table nudged, and when you did the same, walking to him, you couldn’t help but notice how he slightly pushed you behind the wall of his body. “Now?”
“I saw him at the gate,” Chris looked from Henry to you and back, and answered the unspoken question hanging between them with a shake of his head. “There’s no time, Hen. He’ll smell her after the hours you’ve been in this room. Y/N,” He calmly said to you, “Keep your mouth shut, ok?”
You nodded, then jumped at the rumbling knock that had Chris heading out of the dining room to the front door a few yards away, you and Henry trailing behind. “It’ll be fine,” Henry said, but you weren’t sure if he was trying to reassure you or himself.
Chris opened the door with a deep breath and moved aside to allow a vampire, black-haired and red-eyed, to step into the entryway. He was built smaller than Henry or Chris, decorated in what appeared to be modernized attire from the 1800s, and had a confident smirk on his face that made your stomach turn. He opened his mouth to speak, but a quick scan of the room and a sniff halted him, and his blazing eyes connected with yours instantly as if you had some beacon above your head.
“Human,” The small vampire said, acknowledging your presence without shock or concern. Almost as if you were just an inanimate decoration in the corner of the room.
Henry moved a little more in front of you when he sensed you flinch from behind.
“And it’s still alive, how interesting.” Elec’s boney hand reached out. “Come here, pet.”
“Back off Elec, she’s Henry’s,” Chris said before Henry could let out a defensive growl.
“Why can’t we share the feast?” He said, never breaking his stare from your face. “I’ve come quite a long way, and we always used to share. It’s the least you could do for a member of the Lord’s court. Unless…” He grinned at Henry, long fangs poking out. “Unless you’ve become one of those vampires who fucks their food before they eat it.” He placed his scarlet glare on you again. “Though you are a pretty thing, aren’t you? I’d have you myself if you were like us.”
“She wouldn’t want you.” Henry snapped.
Elec rose an onyx eyebrow. “So, not only fucking his next meal, but very protective of it too.”
“What have you come for, Elec?” Chris asked, attempting to draw his attention away. “You haven’t visited alone in years.”
“Just thought I’d stop by, see some old friends, reminisce a bit…maybe share a delectable, little meal,” He wet his lips, “But since I am so blatantly unwelcome, I’ll share the bit of news I have for you and go.”
Henry ticked his jaw. “And that would be?”
“As the newly appointed hand of the Lord, I am here to inform you he will be here in seven days. Make your preparations. And be sure to eat her before he comes, or she will be taken as an offering,” He said, nudging his head in your direction.
Henry looked as if to protest, but before he could, Chris said, “Understood.”
“Good,” Elec spun on his heal, but stopped just before passing the threshold, turned his head to the side and said, “Be sure not to get attached to it, Hen. Think of the trouble it’d cause,” Then, “See you in a week, gentlemen.”
Elec stepped out into the night, blending in with the darkness as Chris shut the door.
“Do you think he’ll tell him?” Henry asked Chris, the grip on your arm you hadn’t noticed before now, tightening.
Chris rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know.”
------
“Henry…” You began, watching him stare into space. He’d dragged you into his room after Elec left as if the space between the dining room and the front door was now tainted with bad energy. “What he said--”
“Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter,” He replied without looking your way. “You won’t ever see him again.”
“You’re worried.”
“It’s fine, Lamb, ok? I promise.” He wasn’t trying to snap at you; you could tell by the way he winced when it was too late to take the words back, but he was distraught and couldn’t contain it.
You stood from the bed and made your way over, reaching for this hand. He flinched unexpectedly when you touched him, like he had been in his own little world and the bubble surrounding him popped when he felt your skin on his. He met your eyes. “Thank you,” You said, lightly squeezing his fingers. “For defending me.”
He’d been cryptic after the day Elec visited; not answering the questions that would help to fill the blank spaces in your mind. But you needed those answers, at least for your sanity.
The worry he failed to hide from you momentarily melted away. He raised his other hand to your face and cupped your jaw, rubbing his thumb along its edge. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
‐----------------
You were too determined to find them that it distracted you from the book in your lap, and by the tenth time you’d reread the same sentence, you gave up. You stood, threw the book in the unoccupied chair with a little too much ferocity, then marched your way back to the spare room he was sleeping in while you stayed in his. You didn’t even think on it, didn’t consider what he could be doing, so when you shoved the door open without knocking, you immediately regretted it.
His hair was freshly damp, his body covered in little water droplets that traced the curves of his muscles as gravity pulled them down, with a towel barely held around his hips by one hand. He paused when he saw you and his lips parted in surprise, much like your own.
The flush of your cheeks matched the heat that now flowed through your veins at the sight of him. “Um…” You swallowed. “I—"
Henry sharply inhaled, but it was loud enough to shut you up and soak the room in silence, until he said “I can hear your heart beating,” His eyebrows briefly knitted together in a twitch of shock and confusion.
He wasted no time walking towards you, making you back up until you had nowhere to go. Bright, blue eyes never left yours, and when you were good and trapped, Henry dropped the towel without a care so he could place his hands on the wall either side of your body. You didn’t dare break his stare or try to run.
“It’s pumping awfully fast, Lamb,” He whispered with a twinge of awe.
“You’re…naked.”
“Mhmm.” He glanced at your lips and removed one hand from the wall so his fingers could graze along your cheek and jaw before settling at the curve of your neck. He didn’t seem to worry the way you did over his lack of clothes. It seemed to be the last thing he cared to waste a thought over, like it was the least important detail in what was happening between the two of you now.
“So that’s—” You swallowed. “I mean—"
“If you’re scared,” He moved closer, “Then don’t look down.”
“Of course I’m not scared of you.” You said so softly it was almost a whisper, suddenly unable to look away from the hypnotic way his lips moved when he spoke only to you.
“No. Just of parts of me.” He smirked.
“I’m not scared of any bit of you.” You tore your eyes away and met his own again. “But I need to know what’s happening. After everything, I still don’t know what you want.”
Delicately, he trailed his fingers up and down the length of your neck, stopping only to savor feel of your pulse. “Little Lamb, I thought…I thought if you knew what I wanted, you would run for the fucking hills, but,” He paused, slipping his hand under the neckline of your shirt to place his palm over your thumping heart. “Maybe you wouldn’t.”
---
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