On Writing: Fangs vs. Tails
So if you were dropped in as the protagonist in a paranormal romance isekai, which would you rather deal with? Vampires or fox spirits?
...Some may suspect this is a trick question. Anyone who’s poked folklore a bit knows it’s at least an open-ended one. There are lots of different kinds of vampires, worldwide, and probably half as many different kinds of shapeshifty foxes. (Who may or may not be fox spirits/fox demons. Foxes are tricky that way.)
Even if the isekai is a takeoff on medieval Europe, you could still have a fox spirit/vampire faceoff. Just do a search on Reynardine.
Granted, the smart answer would probably be, “none of the above, I’m running off to Tahiti, bye!” Nice idea, but given Tahiti’s inhabitants include both French and Chinese, the foxes and vampires probably beat you there centuries ago, and are on the beach sipping midnight mai tais.
Your next best option might be the dark and brooding demon/vampire hunter, but they have a habit of pulling It’s Not You It’s My Enemies, and leaving you high and dry. Or worse, it actually is their enemies, and you end up in a Damsel in Distress or James Bondage situation. If you’re not horribly killed, turned, or otherwise suffer a Fate Worse Than Death, so they can get their proper story motivation for a Roaring Rampage of Revenge.
Right. Door number three, please.
Here’s where it gets situational, and highly dependent on which folklore, and even which era, you’re dealing with. These days the Korean gumiho is usually portrayed as a liver-eating fox monster that can become human - if it can refrain from eating human flesh for 100 days. (So no pressure, right? Right?) Yet up to and at least partway through the Joseon Dynasty, there were tales of helpful gumiho, or easily-tricked trickster ones, who weren’t out to eat anybody. Likewise in some areas of Eastern Europe vampires might be mostly harmless outside flattening crops with hail and scaring the horses. They might be nearly indistinguishable from human beings, to the point of siring several children on their widows. (Or at least that’s how the widows explained having more kids. I’m not going to judge.)
Personally I think the question of, is this a living being, would be one of my first considerations. Even if the relationship were purely platonic and chaste, it’s not healthy to be with the dead too long. (Yes, this can include fox spirits - some are fox ghost spirits.)
Second consideration, are they going to eat me? I like all my bits where they are, thanks.
Third, are they a good and moral person? This one specifically can be tricky, because even the best and wisest of benevolent foxes serving Inari still loves a good prank. Also, a vampire doesn’t really qualify as a vampire if it’s not feeding on life-force from something. Maybe they hunt animals. Okay, so do we. But if they start draining plants so the crops die in the fields... that may not hurt people directly, but it still puts human lives in peril.
I suppose the best option would be to get your hands on enough anti-supernatural weaponry so you can tell all those paranormally romantic types to get the heck off your lawn. And definitely out of your bed. And don’t come back without an invitation!
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Yao: *fixing his clothes* are you ready team D?
Su she: *hands A-Yao his fan* yea Huangdi.
Xue yang: why can't Huaisang pay his own dowry to grapey and emperor peacock.
Yao: for courtesy reasons, Chengmei. And it's a historical moment for my empire and Zixuan's.
Su she: love you, Huangdi.
Mo xuanyu: just admit that Huaisang is broke. We all know, Yao gege.
Yao: yes, sadly he is. Don't tell him I say so though.
Su she: other than broke hauisang! You look very gorgeous, Huangdi.
Mo xuanyu: always do!
Yao: thanks sweethearts.
Xue yang: Jiggy, I think A-Qing is turning into a simp.
Yao: huh. *fixes hat and hair* maybe he got that from you.
Mo xuanyu: *snickers*
Xue yang: noo Jiggy! She's a bigger simp than me.
Su she: Song'er and A-qing have some cute chemistry going on.
Yao: I totally agree.
They're the best of friends. And Song'er takes good care of her.
Xue yang: oh for real?? Did she really get a rich guy. Lol. A-qing has taste.
Yao: Chengmei, they're just friends.
Xue yang: for now, Jiggy.
Soon she got to learn how to be Wang fei.
Mo xuanyu: and how to be a Dianxia's wife.
Yao: don't rush.
Everything is up to Song'er. And both are friends.
Mo xuanyu: but we're your besties and your simps!
Yao: haha. If these two start dating, would you give A-qing shovel talk?
Xue yang: yes. And harder! She can't embarrass me by discarding a fine, well mannered, handsome, rich prince of hulijings.
Mo xuanyu: of course not. She's fab.
Su she: nah, we only give Lan lips shovel talk.
Yao: would you give Song'er shovel talk?
Xue yang: no, he's a polite guy. He's mini boss Dianxia! And I don't want to be killed by you or punished by Song'er's bodyguards.
.
Su she: Dianxia is perfect.
Mo xuanyu: Yao gege raised him well.
Yao: yes indeed. And no one can touch him.
Mo xuanyu: Dianxia is untouchable untouchable!!
Xue yang: yup.
On the other side,
Rusong: *going to meet up with Ayao*
A-Qing: rich gege!! Yo! Rich gege! Where are you going all dressed up?!
Rusong: I'm going to uncle Zish's place. Him and A-Die are going to renew their alliance.
A-Qing: ohh. How are they going to do that??
Rusong: they're going to marry uncle Sang to uncle Jiang, and also exchange dowries.
A-Qing: how does that work, rich gege. I don't understand.
Rusong: uhh...it's like how you gave me a sachet and I gave you some hairpins. It made our friendship and alliance stronger right?
A-Qing: yea!
Are you trying your politics on me?? Omg!
Rusong: no, Xiao Qing.
Anyways, how's the staff?
A-Qing: they're good for now. And I'm I'm friends with Xiao wei so.
But I don't really need them.
Rusong: why?
A-Qing: cuz I'm not rich like you.
Rusong: ohhh, you don't need to be rich to live comfortably.
A-Qing: I see. Anyways I'm not really accustomed to it. But thanks again.
Rusong: do you want to come with us, A-qing? It might be boring here, you alone.
A-Qing: of course!!! I would love to go anywhere with you! *hugs arm*
Rusong: *heart racing* delightful!
A-Qing: yay! Rich gege!
Rusong: A-Die.
Yao: Song'er. You look lovely. And especially with your hand fan.
A-Qing: heyyy Jiggy!!!
Yao: hi A-Qing.
Xue yang: look who's clinging on to Rusong. Little simp.
A-Qing: I'm not afraid to bite you!
Rusong: can A-Qing come along, A-Die? I think she might be bored here alone.
Yao: sure she can come, Song'er. *smile*
Rusong: great.
A-Qing: Emps. You don't need to arrange an extra caravan for me. I'm riding with Rusong!
(Emps* short for emperor)
Yao: sounds like a plan.
Mo xuanyu: awwww.
A-Qing: thank you, Emps!
Yao: *smile* let's go.
A-Qing: *hugging Rusong's arm* you're the coolest Emps, Jiggy.
~~~
Peacock empire 📍.
A few people were in attendance.
Entering, the Hulijing emperor, Hulijing prince, team Dimple and Miss Qing of Yi City.
Xue yang: why aren't I Yang of Yi city. She got fancy titles. Hmpf!
Su she: delinquent of Kuizhou.
Xue yang: I like that one, hehe.
Zixuan: Foxy!
Yao: Xuanxuan!!
Zixuan: heehee I mean greetings *bow* Hulijing Huangshang.
Yao: *bow* greetings to you Peacock Huangshang.
Jiang cheng and Hauisang: *in the corner*
Jiang cheng: look at them two. Acting cute and formal.
Huaisang: their cuteness are a distraction.
Jiang cheng: definitely.
Huaisang: *goes to A-Yao's side*
Yao: ah you look stunning, Huaisang. *hugs shortly*
Mo xuanyu: finally do.
Su she: he doesn't look like Huangdi.
Yao: well, Xuan Huangdi. I'm going to let my harem member, Nie huaisang of Qinghe Nie marry your harem member. Also, we all know his horny tendencies.
Huaisang: hey!
Zixuan: lovely. But you're still working for me, Hassang.
Or else I'll sell you to team dimple.
Huaisang: *imagining himself as a team D attendant*
Xue yang: Huaisang, can you remove the fierce corpse's tongue for me. My hands are full.
Mo xuanyu: do you always look like you were hit with something? Or is that just your face.
Ugh.
Su she: go to jail. You were rude to my Huangdi.
Huaisang: NOOOO!!!
Zixuan: what is wrong with you?
Yao: we're in front of an audience, Huaisang. Have some conduct.
Zixuan: ehem. I'll let my harem member. Well our harem member. Jiang cheng of Yunmeng Jiang to marry Huaisang.
Yao: Xuan Huangdi.
Zixuan: yes Yao Huangdi.
Yao: for the dowry, I'm ready to offer a fox spirit defence force, who will protect you, a variety of rare weapons, 3 million golden taels, some Jade ceramics the put around your mansion and a field of roses. And for Jiang cheng, you don't have to pay tax in Yunping anymore. As well as I'll gift you a lotus field.
For both of you, I'll give you 25 caravans each.
Zixuan: brilliant. I do accept.
Thank you Huangdi.
I'll give you 4 million golden taels. One of my golden Peacock feather, a spring mansion in Dongying, because I know that you love dongying a lot. And lastly I'll give you a whole peach blossom forest! Peacock spirits are already guarding you and Jingjing Huyao empire.
And as for Huaisang. I'll gift him an expensive fan collection and a few art supplies. All imported. Other than that I'll gift him a broom.
Yao: do accept, Huangdi. Such beautiful gifts.
Jiang cheng: did those Huangdis just made themselves richer.
Huaisang: yup.
Yao: darling it's called politics.
Yao: anyways. Huangdi is so kind.
Zixuan: no Yao Huangdi is too kind.
Yao: oh you!
Zixuan: you always have the sweetest gifts.
Yao: you have a lot of taste, Huangdi.
Zixuan: thank you, Huangdi.
Yao: aren't you two going to get ready. We have a ceremony to start!
Huaisang: one question. Why did you buy me a broom?
Zixuan: what do you use a broom for, Huaisang. Obviously to sweep my floors.
Huaisang: *scoffs*
Yao and Zixuan: uncultured.
Yao: at least Jiang cheng is normal.
Zixuan: yea he's so fine. And powerful.
Yao: yup. And do you see how he takes care of A-ling?
Zixuan: aww yes! Huaisang could never take care of a child.
Xue yang: the way to the emperors heart is to take care of their children and be hot and powerful.
Su she: yup.
Mo xuanyu: that's why we helped take care of Song'er. And Yao gege needed the help anyways.
Yao: Zish Huangdi. Jiang cheng is favored by both of us. Why don't we make him a personal general. Like he can defend us whenever someone wants to attack our empire.
Zixuan: good idea, Foxy. It will be done.
He'll be under the order of the peacock and fox.
Jiang cheng: ugh, Yao Huangdi, Zixuan Huangdi. I'll do my best. But I'm sort of honoured.
You know I always have to compete with that shameless Wei wuxian.
Thank you I guess.
Yao and Zixuan: *smiles, then stretched out their hand*
Jiang cheng: oh come on! Fine.
*kisses their hands* I'm honoured, you two.
Xue yang: it's ok to call them divas.
Mo xuanyu: gosh I see it now. They are divas. But I like it. And I'm a diva too so.
Yao: the staff will get them ready for the wedding. But first, can you two confess your love for each other?
Zixuan: if you cancel, we're still keeping the gifts.
Huaisang: yes! I love Jiang cheng! And had a crush on him since when we were in the cloud recesses.
Jiang cheng: I....I...kind of.
Ehem. How to put this....I fancied him too. His personality is alright. And we did get drunk together one time.
Huaisang: awwww Jiang cheng. You remembered. *cries*
.
Rusong: uncle Zish.
Zixuan: aw hi Song'er.
Rusong: congrats on the historic event.
Um...this is my friend A-Qing.
Zixuan: *raises brow~ scanning to see if she's wife material for Song'er*
A-Qing: you're a very scary peacock.
Why the hell are you staring at me like that. As you know peacock, I'm very rich.
Zixuan: how am I scary? Anyways, it's a pleasure to meet you.
A-Qing: do you all talk like that! It makes me nauseous! Peacock, do you curse? Can I teach you how to curse?
Xue yang: A-Qing! Don't scare the peacock!
A-Qing: what's your favorite curse word.
Yao: *eye twitch*
Zixuan: *confused*
No darling, I don't use profanities.
A-Qing: huh, what a fancy word.
Do you just turn into a peacock and shit on people's properties. Wait no, those are pigeons. My bad.
Zixuan: *whispers* Yaoyao.....Help me...
Yao: A-qing, this is my brother, Zixuan. The peacock spirit emperor. Those kinds of things aren't his interests.
A-Qing: oh. Sorry sorry peacock Huangdi.
Zixuan: it's fine darling. And you're Song'er's friend.
A-Qing: xue yang is my guardian.
Zixuan: ah, explains a lot. You're playful just like him.
A-Qing: yea! so you and Jiggy are close.
That's cute.
Zixuan: yes.
Yao: we are.
A-Qing: ohhh. I see. You both are fabulous divas.
~~
The wedding!!
Jiang cheng and Hauisang: *wearing red*
Officiator: perform the three bows.
Yao: *opens fan* such a beautiful couple.
Zixuan: indeed.
A-Qing: you two emperors are crazy and are divas. But I like it.
Su she: Huangdi looked ethereal in his wedding robes.
Xue yang: for real.
Mo xuanyu: does huaisang really have to look like a tomato.
Officiator: you two are now married. Congrats!!
Everyone: *clapping for them*
Yanli: congrats, A-cheng.
Jiang cheng: thanks jiejie.
Huaisang: yippeee!!! We're married!!!
Mingjue: Yao Huangdi!! I hope this doesn't end up in a disaster. You better monitor them to see if nothing happens.
Yao: everything will be fine, Dage.
Zixuan: *blocks A-Yao* Foxy....I mean Huangdi doesn't have to listen you.
Mingjue: why?!
Zixuan: because he doesn't work for you.
*opens fan*
Mingjue: is this some kind of strategy to be richer?
Zixuan: no! It's to strengthen bonds.
Yao: it's an emperor thing.
Zixuan: look, Hassang and Jiang cheng are happy!
Huaisang: *snuggling Jiang cheng*
Jiang cheng: *feeding him jiaozi*
Mo xuanyu: I hope you leave Yao gege alone after this.
Jiang cheng: leave him alone. Wuxian lookalike.
Xue yang: you guys are rude!
Rusong: congrats uncle Sang and uncle Jiang.
Huaisang: thanks Song'er.
Jiang cheng: thank you Dianxia.
Huaisang: who's the chick?
Rusong: oh this is my friend, A-Qing.
A-Qing: xue yang said I popped out of him.
Huaisang: ew.
Xue yang: have some respect!! It was historic!
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