So my bike was stolen from our garage last night. My beloved, custom, carbon fiber, most-expensive-thing-I-own-aside-from-my-car bike. I just found it listed on FB marketplace. Shit is about to go down.

Spotted this in a second hand bookshop and the whiplash I felt was so strong that I think I’ve discovered another 12 stages of grief

It's Danny's first time doing his taxes, and he's reaching out to an online friend to help him. This is how he discovers that as far as the rest of the world is concerned, Amity Park is a barely contained zombie outbreak.

He'd made an online friend, Bart, and they played video games a lot.

Danny's fulltime job is inventing alongside his parents, and as that makes him self-employed (he doesn't work for his parents just next to them), this makes his taxes a little...scary. And it's his first tax season.

He reaches out to Bart, and asks if he knows anyone who files as self employed and if they'd be able to give him some guidance.

He can't ask his parents because, apparently, they've just been throwing random numbers on the papers and have no interest in actually doing them. Danny would like to do this properly.

Also he would like to know how his parents haven't been arrested? Questions for later.

So he shoots a message to Bart, who's apparently in the middle of some sort of sleepover with all of his old friends. Bart assures him that it's fine, and they'll all pitch in to help.

They just need to know his city and state so that the nerd of the group, some guy named Tim, can look up local state and city tax law.

When he tells them he's from Amity Park, there's no response for a good ten minutes.

What follows is a barely legible request for a phone number to call, and a group of people on the other side shouting and asking how he's avoided dying in the hellscape zombie apocalypse that is Amity Park.

Danny has no idea what the other shit means, but he's not about to dodge a chance to make a dead joke when he has one.

"I mean. If you wanna get technical, I didn't. Is...that something that'll effect my taxes?"

OR: The GIW has been lying to keep the Justice League and Justice League Dark out of Amity Park by declaring it a Disaster Zone, stating that not only is there massive pollutants in the air and soil, but that the undead run rampant and are barely contained. The wording they use, however, is a little weird upon closer inspection. It never specifies zombie, and it never says what pollutants. Danny's not super interested about that, though; he just wants to pay his taxes so that the IRS doesn't kill him in his sleep.

This always got me laughing for three whole years straight since I first read it

i dont think fandom people who only think about male characters and only create content for male characters are like horrible misogynists but i do think they often have some shit they need to unpack. like how can you , for example, play life is strange and the only thing you come away with from that is you want nathan and warren to fuck nasty. how can you watch birds of prey, and the only thing you come away with from that is you want roman and victor to fuck nasty......... like idk! idk! i just find it strange especially when people will engage with media Specifically about women and then put no effort in to empathize or care about them, sometimes even going far enough to say they HATE the female characters and that theyre bitches... IDK!!!!

I think the death weirdos should hang out

You know, when Tommy's video marrying Tubbo came out I remember someone saying that the fact that they said their vows out loud in front of someone who could legally officiate marriages would already make them legally married in some places, but learning they actually signed the paperwork so they are actually, honest to god, legally married because of a fucking video is something else

I can’t remember if Andrew ever canonically pulls Neil in by the grating on his helmet but

i refuse to believe that boycotting is hard. my favourite thing in the world is ordering maccies after a late night at work/a concert/getting drunk. yes i do miss it sometimes. but the other night i ordered from a small place near my house instead and it was the most orgasmic burger i've ever had in my life. i very rarely say this but fucking suck it up people are DEAD

tim, drunk and coerced into a game of two truths and a lie with jason, dick, and steph: okay ummmm i— haha. i have the highest body count in the family, Lobo has a contract out on me and… PFFT i’m dating a guy

jason, also drunk: well the gay thing isn’t news but i call bullshit on the body count, you’re like 15. the fuck did you do to get Lobo after you?

steph, the only sober one, eager to sow chaos: oh Lobo would never kill Tim, they’re buddies. they’re going out for disc golf on saturday.

dick, possibly the drunkest: tim. tim what do you mean you’ve got a body count higher than B’s. our father is a slut.

tim: nonono Bruce doesn’t kill :( that’s his Ruleeee

jason: TIMMERS. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’VE GOT A BODY COUNT.

tim: ahahaha do you guys have any idea how many assassins i’ve blown up?

steph: TIM. WHAT

tim: [cartoon explosion noises]….KERPLOOEY

i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.

i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.

anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.

Brennan pulling out Real Test Papers and a Real Two Minute Timer is one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen on this show

every time I think about my gender I get confused so I simply stopped thinking about it. it is not my problem

come on simon

Definitions for the purpose of this poll:

Clone: An artificially created, perfect copy of yourself

AU self: A version of you from a parallel universe, almost identical but with some differences due to diverging or alternate experiences

Doppelganger: an unrelated normal person who just happens to look exactly like you

–

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

Prompt 215

Danny has found himself as a cat. And there’s good news and bad news about it. The good news is that he’s a magical cat or something similar, seeing as he has two tails and can go Very Big if he wants to. Bad news? He’s pretty sure they’re in a different dimension now. 

Cute news, both Ellie and Jordan are itty bitty kittens and utterly adorable, he would murder for them. They’re so tiny! Like, yeah they got physically de-aged before all this so they could properly pass as his kids- along with part of Dan’s parole- but this? He could hold them in his hands if he still had them! 

Alright! First things first, find a shelter and avoid the destroyed buildings along with whatever destroyed them in the first place. Then he could figure out if this is an accident or some sort of forced vacation. But shelter first.