#Excuse my adhd but I can't stop thinking about that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mrghostrat · 5 months

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i was hoping to stream this afternoon but i woke with my shoulders hurting so bad that i have absolutely zero capacity for anything. to the point where i experienced my first autistic rumbles in the supermarket 🥸 but i have adhd meds now so maybe we can try tomorrow.

zita's suspected i'm on the spectrum for a little while now, but i've always been on the fence about it. there's a lot i don't relate to. but most of that is bc i have so much learned behaviour, and i mask really well. when i try to break down how i think for autism diagnostic quizzes, my gut reactions DO fit the bill, but they are so so so buried under 30 years of life experience that feels like it comes naturally.

but i am an introvert. an extreme introvert. even while living alone with my best friend, who i get on perfectly with and feel zero need to mask around, i still need to excuse myself and be left alone in my room from 10pm at LEAST.

so i only really unmask when i'm dead alone. even though i dont feel like i'm putting up any kind of front around of zita, i still do, automatically. the only time i see myself completely bare is when i'm alone and it's silent and there is absolutely nothing challenging my comfort.

sooooo hoooooo boy waking up in pain, with zero capacity to even finish a thought, still empty of ADHD medication because of the fuckin manufacturing shortage (thankfully today's trip into town was to finally pick some up! but that wasn't until noon), i got to see a side of myself i don't know if i've ever actually seen before? maybe as a kid but i can't remember specifically that far back?

i've been short tempered and overwhelmed and exposed to sensory nightmares whilst home alone before, but it's usually so quick bc i'm at HOME and i can adjust the situation and i never think much of it. i felt like a bluescreen at that supermarket today, popping in for less than 10 things across 3 aisles.

it was so busy. there were so many people. i felt dread just to walk through it, so aware of my own body and the space i had to inhabit. but par for the course so far. what was less par for the course was having to stop and look at my list every 3 steps, unable to put together a course of action in my head: chicken is on the far left, so we grab that first and get broccoli on our way to the soup aisle. but the broccoli is right there. do i grab that first, go get the chicken, but then double back from where i just came? i might get myself some bananas too, how do i fit that into my path—

i had to keep stopping and looking at my list because every item i thought of made me forget the previous one i just looked at. eventually got fed up with myself and went to the closest thing and started there, regardless of whether i'd have to double back or not. that's what trips me when i take these quizzes n shit. i can get over the hump and do the task in the end, so that must mean i'm totally allistic! no autism here.

i remember thinking "jesus christ this is bad" when i was on my way to get zita's soup (if you've read this far, thank you and kisses to you, pls send some loving vibes to zita by reading her fic i just reblogged, bc she's got a cold and is miserable today) so i was kinda aware i was having a bad sensory day. as expected: there were a lot of people there, and i was in pain. but i just short circuited looking at soup. zita gave me the brand name and soup type of 3 cans she wanted. and i went to the aisle i've been to a thousand times, found the brand, and just stared. it was all stew. all chunky brothy things with bits in. not a single creamy soup in sight, so, the soup must be somewhere else.

i came to that conclusion immediately but i couldn't. process it? or like, what to do with that information. the soup is somewhere else. OR IS IT? keep looking at this shelf to make sure, your eyes are tired, you might've missed it. there's like 20 different cans of campbells here, just keep reading them left to right until soup appears. still no soup? read them again, you might've missed it. maybe campbell's is out of soup? read every other brand here until you Don't see soup, then you can walk away and try somewhere else. but if you don't see any soup, read it again because you might've missed it.

thankfully it took all of 30 fuckin seconds for a store employee who was shelving next to me to see my glazed fuckin stare and ask if i needed a hand with anything. and i stammered through some "haha my silly eyes today!! haha thanks! sorry, thank you!" as she happily pointed like 3 metres down the aisle for me, while my internal monologue immediately raged like "wtf why would they put the soup that far away but also barely far away at all, what's the point, bad design 😡"

got soup. check list: packet of gravy. zita told me the gravy was in the same section as the soup. it was not. i walked up and down that aisle five times and there was no gravy. i just. i had completely forgotten how to problem solve. it was the strangest, most frustrating experience. like i was looking at an empty word document in my brain, with a little flashing cursor and everything, so i knew it hadn't frozen over. it was just empty.

i even had the thought "just walk up and down the aisles until you find gravy; you have to do this all the time" and even had ideas of which aisles to start with. but my brain said no. we're not going to walk around aimlessly, even if we have a neat little structure and path to follow. we were told (by myself, too) this would be a quick in out trip, pluck the known items off the shelf and beeline straight for the checkout. so meandering down aisles was for some reason non negotiable. i wasn't in a rush. i had nothing to do today. i barely even felt a rush to get out of there, as busy as it was. it just wasn't an option.

so rather than start solving that problem i just jumped to the next thing on the list. strepsils. text to ask what kind she wants, have a whine about my broken brain, ask if she knows where the gravy is. remember when i pass the hair brushes that i broke my hairbrush this morning and need a new one!! oh and i've been wanting new hairclips too. look at me picking a new hairbrush and poking through the hairclips for one that i know will feel comfortable against my scalp, i'm not autistic because i can change my plans and make decisions on the fly.

oops didn't mean for this post to be an entire play by play of my thoughts through this extremely bland grocery shop. i cannot believe how long i stood there choosing soup. the line at the self checkout was so long and i felt the dread kick up again. barely/silently whispered "oh god" to myself when i realised the line, but repeated it about 20 times to feel the tap of my tongue against the roof of my mouth before i realised i was doing it. stop that, don't mutter to yourself. but i'm standing still in a line and there's nothing left to (ineffectually) problem solve, so the second i stop i notice a weird little slice in the plastic around the trolley handle that i can't stop flicking my thumbnail against.

OK. we need to stim. heard, chef. just click your piercing ffs. your mouth might look weird when you do it but at least everyone can see you're just clicking your teeth against your piercing, rather than talking to yourself or damaging public property.

something made a noise, can't even remember if it was a child or a trolley or what, some loud sharp single high pitched screech a few metres away, and i jolted so hard i thought i felt like i was going to throw up. finally think, fucking hell i'm autistic today. my back hurts. which is making my head hurt. i want to go home and take my vyvanse.

#ghost scribbles #autism #extremely long unimportant recount of my day #but it was quite cathartic to write #feeling very vulnerable and tired now ufgh

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lavenderlegends · 7 months

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say, don't go

ship: stiles/derek prompt: memories characters: lydia, jackson, scott, isaac, boyd, erica, allison, kira, malia, danny cw: n/a tags: light angst, fluff, stiles leaves the pack, christmas word count: 2.5k ao3 ♞♚♞♚

Stiles stares out the window of the train. He fidgets with the receipt for his ticket in his hands. Crumpling, uncrumpling, ripping tiny pieces, and eventually, shoving it into his backpack's side pocket. He swallows, but there's a lump in his throat, and he doesn't know if he can breathe anymore.

He stands up under the guise of stretching his legs, and then sits down again. Squirms. He should've taken his ADHD and anti-anxiety meds, but he was so nervous about today that it slipped his mind completely.

"Excuse me," a voice comes from beside him. Stiles looks at the young girl in the seat next to him. She eyes his bouncing knee. "Do you mind not doing that? You're making me nervous."

"Sorry," he mumbles. He tries his best to stop, but it starts up again. He gives her an apologetic look and then looks back out the window.

It's mostly trees, and he wishes that it was more distracting.

They slow down to the next stop, and the girl beside him takes someone else's seat.

Stiles inhales sharply. Just outside his window, a perfect Christmas tree. He can't help himself. He's transported back, back to before he left Beacon Hills.

♞♚♞♚

"What do you think you're doing?" Lydia asks, laughing. She wraps her fingers around his wrist and tries to pull him in another direction. "C'mon, I have a gut-feeling the perfect Christmas tree is this way."

"No," Stiles says, shaking his head. He comes to a stop. "It's right there. Look at it. It's perfect."

"Perfect?" Lydia echoes. She stares at the tree before Stiles. "Actually... it just might be. Okay, I'll tell Jackson we want this one."

"Okay." Stiles lets her go and circles the tree to ensure that it really is perfect. He beams when Lydia shows up with Jackson. "This is the one."

Jackson inspects it before nodding. "Yep. It is. Stiles, bring the car around front?"

"Sure."

He makes his way through the tree farm and jingles Jackson's keys in his hand. It's going to be brilliant. Derek will never see it coming.

About a half hour later, they arrive at the Hale House. It's a little cold, a little empty. But it's big, beautiful, and ready to be loved again.

"Alright, I'll ask Scott to help me with the tree," Jackson says, giving Stiles a clap on the shoulder. "You go make sure everything else is in place."

"Bless," Stiles mutters as he jogs into the house. He's instantly hit with the aromas of food. Really, really good food. "God, it smells good."

"Doesn't it?" Scott asks, appearing in the living room archway. "Does Jackson need help with the tree?"

"Yeah."

"On it." Scott pauses before slipping out the front door. "This is really something that you're doing for him."

"It's nothing," Stiles says, unsure how to handle the sweet moment.

"It's something," Scott reassures him before leaving.

Stiles makes his way down the hallway to the kitchen. He grins. Erica and Boyd are blaring Christmas songs and laughing with each other.

Boyd catches sight of Stiles and nods silently, and Erica spins around. She's beaming. "Stilinski, reporting for duty."

He laughs. "How's it going, Reyes?"

"Great. The turkey is in the oven. The mashed potatoes are mashed. The beans are dressed. The--"

Boyd puts his arms around Erica's waist and she stops short to kiss his cheek.

"Everything is going to plan," Boyd says, grinning. "Kira and Allison will take over with the cookies soon."

Stiles grins back. "Speaking of... where are they?"

"Family room," Erica and Boyd answer in unison.

"Perfect." Stiles blows them kisses and they go back to work. He swings around into the family room where Danny is bent before the new electric fireplace. "Danny, my boy, how's it going?"

"Great," Danny answers, flicking a button. The electric fireplace roars to life.

"Amazing." He glances around. Kira, Allison, and Malia are giggling in the corner. "What's going on?"

Kira spins around first, her face red. "Nothing. Nothing. We were just..."

"We can't find this ugly doll's clothes," Malia answers, showing him a hideous doll.

"Uh..."

"It was Cora's," Allison explains. "She left explicit instructions that it was to make an appearance at the party."

"But it's naked," Kira adds, before she starts laughing nervously.

"Cora would hide all the clothes," Stiles says, shaking his head. "Maybe check with Laura where she might have put them before she left for New York?"

"On it!" Malia says, setting the doll back down.

"The decorations look amazing," Stiles murmurs, as he really allows himself to take in the room.

"Honestly, Derek had a lot of really great stuff in the shed," Allison tells him. "And anything we didn't find, Scott went out and bought."

"Nice." Stiles swings his thumb over his shoulder. "I think Erica and Boyd are cleaning up the kitchen for the cookies."

"Ooh, yay!" Kira says, grabbing Allison's hand. They rush past him.

Malia says, "Laura has an idea. Apparently, Cora has a secret back to her closet. I'll go check."

Stiles nods.

"Where do you want the tree?" Jackson's deep voice comes suddenly.

"And please answer fast, it's heavy!" Scott chimes in.

Stiles laughs. "That corner, please."

"I'll go get the decorations," Danny calls out.

Stiles helps Jackson and Scott set up the tree. Jackson and Scott chat about nothing of importance, so Stiles zones out and makes sure that every branch is placed perfectly.

Danny and Scott decorate the tree, and Stiles would be worried, but they know how important this is. They hang everything with extra care, and ask Stiles for direction multiple times.

♞♚♞♚

An hour later, everything is in place.

"Where's Isaac and Derek?" Stiles mutters, looking at the time on his phone.

"Coming up the drive right now," Jackson announces from the window.

"Places, people!" Lydia calls out. She turns to Stiles and says, "You ready for your big surprise?"

"Not in the slightest," Stiles mutters.

He moves towards the front door, and takes a deep breath. He had given the pack strict instructions to leave the front foyer the same. It's all part of the surprise.

It feels like forever until the front door swings open. Derek steps in, Isaac following close behind. Derek frowns.

"Stilinski, what are you up to?"

Stiles laughs. "Nothing. We just borrowed your kitchen to make cookies. That's all."

"Oh." Derek shrugs off his jacket and hangs it up. "Fine, but can you ask permission next time? You forget how potent the cookie scent is when Allison and Kira bake. They use so much sugar. It's sickenly sweet."

That's what I'm counting on, Stiles thinks. He grins. "Sure. Want to join us for a game in the family room?"

Derek glances at Isaac, who shrugs innocently. "...sure."

Stiles can't wait.

It's his best present ever.

He trails behind Derek and Isaac and despite expecting it, startles when everyone shouts "Surprise!"

"What--" Derek stammers. "What is this?"

"Merry Christmas," Stiles whispers beside him.

Everyone comes out from their hiding spots, settling into various places in the family room, and Derek turns to Stiles. "You did this?"

"Yeah. Couldn't have you celebrating Christmas all by yourself, now, could we?" Stiles asks, grinning.

"Oh my god," Derek mutters, looking over Stiles' shoulder. "Did Cora tell you about that doll?"

"Huh?" Stiles glances back and then says, "Yeah. Why?"

"It used to give me nightmares," Derek mutters. Stiles laughs, surprising himself. Derek takes a deep breath and says, "You know Cora and Laura are just in New York. It's not like they're... gone."

"I know." Stiles leans into Derek as Danny passes him. "We just wanted to do something for you. Make sure you knew that we'll always be a pack."

"I don't know what to say, Stiles. The place looks great." Derek glances around. "Thank you."

"Any time, bud."

Derek's face falls, and Stiles isn't sure what he did wrong. He takes a breath before adding, "Erica and Boyd made dinner."

"Amazing," Derek says, but it sounds different. Like he's not excited at all.

"Stiles, come settle an argument!" Jackson calls out.

"What makes you think I'm siding with you?" Stiles calls back. He pauses and says, "I'll be back."

"Sure," Derek says, as Kira comes bouncing up and wraps her arms around him.

Stiles walks over to settle an argument, and can't help but feel that saying goodbye to Derek is going to be harder than he expected.

♞♚♞♚

Now, it's a year later, and Stiles is on the train back to Beacon Hills. The train starts moving, snapping him out of the memory. He swallows. Telling Derek that night that he had been given a job offer in Vancouver had been hard.

Derek hadn't yelled. Hadn't even blamed him for leaving. He'd simply said, "That's why you did this. It's a goodbye party."

Stiles squirms, just thinking of it now.

And three hours later, he's getting off the train. He'd texted the almost defunct pack chat that he'd be getting home now. Scott assured him someone would be here to pick him up.

He just didn't expect it to be Derek.

"What--" Stiles starts and falters. He almost trips. "Derek?"

"Hey, Stilinski." It's said so flatly.

"Hi. I wasn't..."

"Expecting me?" Derek finishes for him when he trails off. "Yeah, well. Everyone else just conveniently happen to be busy."

"Can..."

"Let's go," Derek interrupts. He turns around and stalks off towards the parking lot. Stiles scrambles to follow him.

It's not until they're in the safety of Derek's Corvette that he manages to catch his breath. Seeing Derek after all this time... it's so hard.

He keeps getting flashes of memories. Of how he'd been so excited for the job opportunity. How everyone encouraged him to go, follow his dreams, and that Derek would be fine. If Derek had only said, "Don't go." Stiles would've happily stayed in Beacon Hills.

But Derek hadn't said anything. In fact, Derek had ignored every text, every midnight call, every olive branch.

"Can we talk?" Stiles asks, as they pull out of the parking lot.

"How are you?"

"No. Like... talk. Talk about how you haven't said a damn word to me since last year and--"

"And how you said we'd always be a pack and then ran away?" Derek interrupts. "Sure, we can talk about that."

"Derek, please." Stiles hates pleading, but he misses his best friend. He's about to tell him as much when Derek snorts. Anger flares up in Stiles. "Why are you acting like me leaving was the end of the pack?"

"Because it was." Derek glances at Stiles and hesitates before pulling his gaze back to the road. "Did you not get the memo?"

"Clearly not! What are you talking about!" Stiles shouts, hating that he's raising his voice to Derek.

Derek sighs and then explains. "After you left, the pack sort of disbanded. Everyone just got busy with their own thing. Lydia and Jackson travelled. Danny sort of faded out completely. Erica and Boyd do their own thing. Scott and Allison are focused on their vet clinic. Kira and Malia moved out of town. Isaac... who the fuck knows where he is or what he's doing these days. Last I heard he got a job at an autobody shop."

Stiles blinks. "What... what are you talking about?"

"You were the glue," Derek mutters. "And when you left, it all fell apart. Didn't you notice that the pack group chat hasn't been used in over six months before you decided to waltz back in?"

"I--" Stiles starts, but Derek's on a roll.

"Didn't you think about us?" he asks. Then quieter, "Didn't you think about me?"

"Of course, I did!" Stiles argues. "That's why I threw that huge Christmas party at your place! So, you'd know you'd never be alone."

Derek snorts. "Look at how well that turned out."

"Derek, I'm sorry, but..." Stiles frowns and rubs his face. "I didn't know. I had no idea. If I could go back in time, I would! I wouldn't go to Vancouver. I would stay right here."

"Would you?"

He's had a lot of time to think about this and nods. "Yeah. Yeah. I would. And you wanna know why?"

"Why?" Derek snaps.

"I miss you."

Derek's eyes are glued to the road, and Stiles wonders what he's thinking. There used to be a time when he'd just know. When they were in sync.

But the truth is out there now, so he might as well keep talking. "I miss you, you idiot. I miss how you'd show up at my bedroom window at the strangest hours, and sometimes, you had updates on situations, and sometimes... you just wanted some company. I miss how you always, always control the music in the car even though that is totally a passenger's responsibility."

Derek's lips twitch. Slightly. But it's enough for him to keep going.

"I miss the way you kept me on my toes. I never knew if you'd finally admit how you felt about me, or if I was making all the signs up in my head. I miss the way I would silently beg you to kiss me, and you'd be too busy laughing to notice. I miss the way you hug and smell and I miss the way you loved me."

Stiles lets out a deep breath.

Derek doesn't look at him, but simply pulls up in front of Stiles' dad's house.

"I never meant to hurt you, Derek." He swallows hard. "I just... I was going mad with confusion. I took the job because I thought maybe I'd take some space and sort out my thoughts. But I'm not over it. I don't think I'm ever going to be over you."

"Would you shut up?" Derek asks, but his voice is soft and there's no anger in it. "I'm processing."

Stiles nods, because he knows Derek needs time to sort out his thoughts. After all, it's a lot of information to receive at once.

But he starts to fidget. And his knee starts bouncing. And he can't contain himself much longer.

"I... I didn't know that you felt the same way," Derek finally says.

Stiles' lips part but he closes them. It's Derek's turn now.

"I'm an idiot. I'm sorry."

"You know, if you had told me to stay, I would've." Stiles rubs his hands together. "I loved you."

"Loved?"

"Love," Stiles corrects. "I loved you then, and I love you now."

"And tomorrow?" Derek asks, softly.

"And tomorrow, I'll love you."

Derek's lips twitch into a smile and that's all Stiles ever needed to see. He doesn't hesitate this time. Doesn't worry that he's making a huge mistake. Because he knows. Deep down, he knows that it was always meant to be him and Derek.

They're kissing and it's glorious and beautiful and hot and sexy and all the treasures at once.

"I love you too," Derek murmurs. "Quit your job. Move back. Come home."

"Boy, do I have good news for you," Stiles whispers, laughing. Derek tilts his head. "I quit my job two weeks ago."

Derek grins.

It's not everything they have to work through, Stiles knows, but for now, it's enough.

"We have a pack to get back together!" Stiles announces.

"Tomorrow," Derek says, before pulling him into another kiss.

♞♚♞♚

#sterek ficlet #sterek #sterek fic #sterek fanfic #sterek fanfiction #derek x stiles #derek hale #stiles stilinski #30 days of teen wolf #teen wolf fic #teen wolf #teen wolf fanfic #my writing

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pacifymebby · 1 year

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could you possibly do the peaky lads where their s/o who seems “out-there” to others (not weird like crazy and loud) as in doesn’t fully understand social cues, might speak before thinking, not understanding or realizing the vibe of a conversation in time/at all, but ultimately being good-intentioned and tries hard to act “right”? (essentially maybe being someone on the spectrum and if this sounds personal that’s bc it is lol) ty for ur consideration :) 🤍🤍

Okay so, i have adhd and suspected but not diagnosed autism so i based a lot of this on my own experiences but also just wanted to say thank u for the ask i love this its v v cool.

Tommy

🌿Is probably taken back by it at first, his whole thing is being able to predict how other people behave and respond and when he can't do that with you he finds it throws him

🌿 At first... Once he knows he can't ever account for how you'll respond to him or how you'll feel about a situation he stops trying to control things or predict things and kind of realises he just has to be himself, no frills, no tricks, just plain old Tommy

🌿 Theres a moment the first time you meet, where he's talking to you, probably warning you away from the part of the city youre in, trying to put on the dangerous man act, when it becomes apparent that although youre listening to him (he thinks you're listening to him anyway?) your mind is clearly wandering and before he's finished speaking you cut him off with "Well i have to come here... Thats my favourite bakery," you point over his shoulder and he's a little stunned...

"Excuse me?" he looks at you in confusion, wants to ask why you can't just go to a different bakery but senses that if he does you might actually answer him...

🌿He realises pretty early on that any sense of danger you have is outweighed by your own stubborness/ routine. You're going to keep walking past the betting shop to get to your bakery whether he likes it or not, so he can either adjust and make time in his busy schedule to acompany you to the bakery, or he can let you get on with it.

🌿 So you get to see a side of him that he doesn't usually show anyone anymore. Things start out awkward but quickly become very natural once Tommy lets go of his need to control every element of his life.

🌿So other people don't really understand what you've done or how you've done it, but they notice the change in Tommy when youre around and they say that youve done him a lot of good. They think you're really good for him.

🌿 You're nervous to meet his family because you are aware that sometimes other people dont understand you, in a society of rules and set manners, you often come across as rude or a little odd... But Tommy would reassure you, probably by pointing out that youre about to enter a family full of "witches, psychics and murderous thugs" (joking of course) so how can anybody possibly say that you're the odd one...

🌿And when you meet his family he's watching you the whole time, trying to make sure he notices if you get overwhelmed or if you feel uncomfortable.

🌿 When youre nervous your habit of ramblimg very quickly can get worse and when he notices this happening he gives your hand a squeeze and makes sure hes following the conversation so he can answer when youre done... You have a tendency to leave people in stunned silence and he doesnt want you to be embarrassed

🌿 In the same vein, when you miss social cues, don't realise someones made a joke, don't realise you're being spoken to and need to answer, Tommy will gently, subtly nudge you in the right direction or just start to answer for you so that you know you can speak.

🌿 Also if its an important meeting or social event thats happening in which you will be on public display he will go through every step of the evening with you telling you what you should say when you greet certain people, when you should shake hands ect ect. He will explain different peoples personalities and mannerisms too, "When you meet him he'll probably try to charm you, he tells lots of terrible jokes, none of them will be funny but when he laughs you should laugh too, don't worry if you don't understand the joke, they're usually so bad no one else does either..." he will make sure you feel prepared to navigate the evening!!

🌿If anyone makes any sarcastic comments in front of you, theres a chance they will go over your head, but tommy will pick up on it and put whoever said it in their place. Hes probably more protective of you and feels he has to shield you from everyone who doesn't understand you

🌿 There are definitely times when he's been in the middle of a very tense conversation with one of his brothers or in the middle of a family meeting when the vibe is "tense" and you've not really picked up on the seriousness of a conversation, so have asked what to anyone else would be deemed a trivial question... John might smirk, Arthur probably frowns and can't hide his confusion... But tommy would just answer your question plain and simple.

🌿And the rest of the family would be able to tell from the look he gave them not to say a word.

🌿 When someone is flirting with you and you dont realise (because idk about you but unless someone is straight up "do you wanna fuck" i will not notice at all, and if they say something too obvious then i just think its a joke) Tommy will just quietly tell you, he'll be a mixture of proud and possesive, "you do realise what that man wants from you don't you angel?" "What?" "You..." "Oh, well... Thats unfortunate for him i guess?..."

🌿Ultimately the gist of this is that its amusing for everyone else seeing how Tommy has to relax and accept a loss of control when he's around you... And he is forced to open up, umwind and be less uptight because of you too. You definitely bring out the good in him.

Alfie

🐻 Alfie is exceptionally endeared to you, he thinks its cute when he catches you looking lost in conversation, he just wants to put an arm around you, take you under his wing.

🐻 The first time he met you, when he introduced himself to you and you didn't quite catch what he'd said so instead of asking you just hesitated, looking back at him waiting for him to say something else... He pretty much decided from then on that he was going to keep you around, he'd have a protective attitude towards you even if really you don't need protecting.

🐻 He would try to teach you a little about the streets of Camden, try to teach you some street smarts... Because he doesnt like the thought of you out there on your own... But if you weren't a quick learner he wouldn't mind. He'd be very patient with you, and honestly he probably enjoys being that person you look to for help in any situation.

🐻 He will also try to help you prepare for any social events which might be intimidating for you, giving you all the gossip and intel to help you behave accordingly with each person... Unfortunately he will let his own opinions get in the way, he'll refer to a person by his own personal insults "fat boy" or "mummys boy" little nicknames he gives to each person, which you may once or twice have been known to accidently blurt out upon an introduction.

🐻 He likes to catch your eye across a room and feel like he's your protector when he walks over, stands just behind you and picks up the conversation for you.

🐻 He can talk for England can Alfie and i think the first time you interrupt him, mid-sentence this excited smile on your face because you know exactly what he's talking about!

🐻 He'd be amazed the first time you cut him off like that but i think afterawhile, as he got used to it, he'd enjoy it, the two of you would have such long conversations cutting in on one another, talking about ten different things at once

🐻 Hes lowkey impressed by your ability to understand him and follow his train of thought when he's talking complete shit.

🐻 You're the only person who is allowed to interrupt him.

🐻 Ollie is lowkey jealous that you get away with all of your mishaps because he doesnt.

🐻 Alfie doesn't see any problem with the way you are, if other people say you seem odd or "out there" he just shrugs and says "wellllll i like 'em..."

🐻 More than that, Alfie actually enjoys the fact that you often misstep in conversation with others... He likes to see the looks of confusion on other people's faces when you say or do something they aren't expecting. He absolutely won't help them when you catch them off guard with a question they weren't expecting.

🐻 "Well? The little lady asked you a question... Didn't she..."

🐻 He would constantly be battling internally with whether to let you help him with business or not... On the one hand you'd be excellent at unnerving his opponents without even trying... But on the other hand you are so precious to him and he wouldn't want you anywhere near those kinds of people. Especially when you sometimes don't pick up on the vibe of the conversation, you might not realise if you were being threatened...

🐻 One thing he does find amusing but does spark his over protective and possesive nature, is that you never, NEVER notice when someone is flirting with you... You will giggle along, smile and be your friendly self with someone who is really pushing their luck... And alfie will stand there silently furious but also finding it incredibly funny that this man is trying so hard to charm you, is thinking that its working, but it actually isnt at all.

🐻 He'll cough, take your hand in his and raise your palm to his lips as a way of gently showing you his affection and passive aggressively showing the other man that you're taken.

Arthur

🍂 Arthur strikes me as spectrumy himself to be honest so i think the two of you would either get along incredibly well, having these fast conversations only the two of you can understand, or you'd constantly be misunderstanding eachother and getting confused.

🍂 I think he'd find it funny when you behave unexpectedly in front of Tommy, the fact that you really try to be "good" and polite in front of him but still end up mistepping because you don't pick up on the subtext of the conversation...

🍂 Arthur would find that both adorable and reassuring since he often doesnt pick up on those things either.

🍂 Honestly i think you would understand eachother better than anyone else understands either of you. You'd be able to have such easy conversations about the important stuff because neither of you would cut corners or pussy foot around difficult things... Youd just tell eachother everything exactly how it is/feels to you and then you'd have clarity that isn't there in your relationships with others

🍂 I think your inability to match up to societies expectations would marry up well to his "reject/underdog/outcast" thing too. You're both trying your best to be what other people expect you to be but you're both "failing" and through no fault of your own.

🍂 You would be eachothers salvation and sanctuary from a confusing and frustrating world. Instead of feeling like "whats wrong with me?" you'd come to the conclusion that the real question is "what the fucks wrong with everybody else? Why are we the only sane ones?"

🍂 He would be fiercly loyal and protective of you, if other people like his brothers ever made out like you had "a screw loose" or you were a bit "slow" Arthur would defend you with his whole chest (and fists depending on who said what where)

🍂 When he can tell that you're really struggling to follow a conversation he'll speak for both of you, whether he understands the whole vibe of the conversation or not.

🍂 When you are feeling overwhelmed he'll hold your hand in his lap and give it a tight squeeze

🍂 He fucking hates it when people flirt with you and you dont realise. Sometimes he gets frustrated with you but most of the time his anger is directed at the men.

John

🌼 Adhd king amirite <3

🌼 Who is actually interrupting who here? What are you even talking about anymore?

🌼 You and john would definitely be thick as theives, almost telepathic because you just get eachother in that way that only two neurodivergents can?

🌼 You'd balance eachother out as well, you'd be the laid back half to his excited child chaos.

🌼 Every time you "fucked up" in conversation this man would have your back, doubling down on whatever you said, always taking your side. He'd be fiercly loyal to you and you to him.

🌼 I think he'd make it even harder to concentrate on conversations though, you would be trying hard to listen in a family meeting and John would be whispering to you, knowing he finds it easy to distract you... So if you're missing the vibe of serious conversations its not your fault, its just you have the class clown sitting next to you and you're his favourite person so

🌼 I think you and John would struggle at first when it comes to emotional conversations. You know that bit in Wednesday when her love interest says "You're giving me all these signals Wednesday..." and like, as far as she's concerned she hasnt been giving any signals at all. I feel like at first thats how it would be... He'd be making it obvious how much he likes you... Cheesy flirting, real teenage boy flirting and you'd just think it was a joke IF you noticed it at all

🌼 And one day he'd just be like "y/n what the fucks going on here do you like me or not?"

🌼 "Well of course i like you John, i wouldnt spend all this time with you if i didn't like you..."

🌼 "You know i dont mean it like that y/n..."

🌼 "Like what?"

🌼 Basically you just being kind of clueless that he likes you and him just desperately trying to make it more and more obvious... But then when he finally cracks and says it to you plain and simple, you answer him plain and simple and he feels like a fool for not just talking to you...

🌼 And then when you are together it would be this learning curve for him, that he can't just say serious things in a jokey way because you won't know hes really being serious.

🌼 He has to learn to be a bit less childish sometimes... Only sometimes... Other times you behave like children together much to everybody elses frustration.

🌼 Together you for sure spell trouble and he is definitely ecstatic every time you cut Tommy off or ask him an unexpected question.

🌼 Finds it funny when you don't realise other people are hitting on you, but he does worry it will get you into trouble, that you'll mistake someone being sleazy with you for someone being friendly, so he keeps a close eye on you when youre out, even when youre not out with him

Bonnie

🍀 He's definitely been into you for way longer than you realise... He's been trying to give you signals for so long but they're all so subtle that you don't pick up on them at all

🍀 You're always referring to him as your best friend. You once told someone he was "like a brother" to you.

🍀 He's constantly suffering real teenage angst and yearning for you

🍀 Until one day you blurt it out in conversation and take him by surprise...

🍀 "I said something really stupid and I'm sorry Bonnie!" you'd say in the middle of his sentence about something totally different. Youd be awkward about it, fiddling with your shirt or hair, "I didn't mean to say you were like my brother... You're not that at all actually... Actually i think you're..." he'd be able to see that you are struggling with it but

🍀 He doesnt want to push you or talk over you so he just has to wait it out...

🍀 "think I'm what dove?" he'd be hopeful but not wanting to get his hopes up, because he's used to how unpredictable you can be sometimes, he knows you might not be about to say what he wants you to

🍀 "Actually i think... I really um.. You know..." he'd chuckle at that, biting back a smile as he plays with your fingers, definitely would enjoy teasing you when you steuggle for words/to say the right thing.

🍀 When you finally tell him he'd be so happy, he wouldnt even care that it had taken so long, he'd just be glad you finally understood eachothers feelings.

🍀 He'd be very supportive of you, he'd never let you feel embarrassed or guilty/ashamed if you felt like you'd messed up in conversation

🍀 Similar to Tommy hed make jokes at his family's expense like "You're worried you're the odd one here? Really little dove?"

🍀 Always telling you you're perfect and that he loves you, you're never going to feel like you're not good enough

🍀 Will defend you from any teasing that may come your way

🍀When youre watching him fight you don't hold back when you shout encouragement. You don't really understand when hes throwing the fight unless he spells it out to you first, so sometimes you won't realise and you'll be be shouting at him to "hit back, why aren't you fucking hitting him bon?"

🍀So he learns to warn you and tell you exactly how a fight is supposed to go before it starts. He's lowkey worried youll get him caught!

🍀Bonnie laughs it off when other people flirt with you because "well good luck to em i say, took you bloody years to notice me didn't it," but he does make a point of holding your hand in public, kissing you in public.

🍀 His favourite thing is that the idea of "manners" doesn't hold you back a lot of the time, if the other boys are being cheeky to you you wont hesitate to put them in their place and its always cutting and brutal, more so because you often don't intend for it to be.

Isaiah

🐀Doesn't have the trouble of you not realising he likes you because he is actually straight up with you from the very beginning. "I think me and you would make a good couple what do you say y/n..." "I don't know you..." "Well thats what a dates for... What do you say? I'll pick you up at 7?"

🐀Because hes so straightforward with you, you understand eachother quickly and you are able to trust him very quickly too.

🐀You'd never be confused about where you stand with Isaiah because he always says things simple and truthful and doesn't try to hide or sweeten things for you

🐀Still it takes him by surprise one day when he tries to, he's talking about a job he has to do for tommy, and he's not saying it but you know its dangerous... You turn to him cutting him off mid sentence, "so he wants you to kill them for him? How are you going to do it?"

🐀The way you offer up advice on killing them/disposing of the body so he won't get caught... You just want to make sure he doesn't get caught so that he will be safe, you don't really realise how removed and heartless you sound... When he points it out he says it with an affectionate smirk but you just shrug

🐀"well i just don't want you to get hurt... If i can help you to be safe why wouldn't i? How is that heartless?" he'd be forced to accept that youre right actually, its hardly heartless to care about him.

🐀He would be over protective of you around the others, if other peaky boys looked at you for too long, or tried to tease you, flirting with you and then snickering about the fact you don't seem to realise that they are... Isaiah would put them in their place immediately, wouldn't hesitste to hit them around the back of the head with his cap, shaking his head at them and talking down to them about how they behave like fucking children

🐀When you're worried about messing up in front of people he will be encouraging but in a "so what?" kind of way. He has had to spend his whole life fighting to be respected in the wake of a society that looks down on him for who he is, and his attitude to that is "fuck em" thats what he'll say to you.

🐀"But Isaiah what if i do something wrong and they think I'm..." "who gives a fuck what they think of you love, if you spend your whole life worrying about what the likes of them think about you you'll never be happy, they'll never welcome you with open arms so fuck em... You're fuckin perfect right, a fuckin star... Fuck em... "

🐀Expect lots of these angsty little pep talks.

Michael

☘️ Cares about you alot and can empathise with your embarrassment when you realise you've messed up in conversation by speaking too soon or saying something that isn't exactly relevent at the wrong time... He feels like he can feel it for you

☘️ And his response to this is to try and make sure this happens as little as possible... He doesnt want to make you feel bad about it because he knows you try your best and you just can't help it... But he also hates to see you embarrassed or being laughed at by others so he tries his best to help you get by in social situations

☘️He will write out step by step notes on conversing with certain people (like his cousin tommy who intimidates you) and if you're nervous about something like a job interview or just meeting someone important, then he will let you practice and rehearse the conversation with you too

☘️ He's very supportive in this way, and he'll never leave you to fend for yourself in any situation he doesn't 100% know you'll be accepted in

☘️ He will leave you on your own with Pol though, because he knows she will accept you for everything you are.

☘️ He does get frustrated sometimes when you cut him off but only when he's trying to talk to you about something serious (like your own personal safety) he's constantly reminding you to concentrate or listen to him

☘️ However when you're just talking about things together he likes to let you cut him off and start rambling about something, he loves how your face lights up when something interests you, or how you concentrate when you're explaining a new idea to someone. He could listen to you talk for hours and hours.

☘️ And when you are feeling confident in a social situation michael enjoys being a silent spectator just sitting back and watching you thrive. If you get worried afterwards that you missed the vibe of the conversation or you talked too much he'll shake his head "darlin you were the most interesting person at the table, if you ask me they should have only let you speak, we could all have enjoyed listening to you even longer..."

☘️ He warns his family in advance, and warns tommy especially because he wants tommy to be patient with you and will not tolerate anyone snapping at you or humiliating you.

☘️Really i think, michael was raised in a loving but judgemental family until he found his real mum, i think those prejudices would sometimes sneak up on him, so perhaps at first he would be concious of your differences, however he also knows that those exact prejudices are what meant he was taken from him real mum, they're hnjust and they target good people...so rather than hold those prejudices himself he would be extra concious of protecting you from other people who might hold them

☘️ He won't let anyone say a bad word about you ever, sometimes you'll actually have to be the one to say "calm down michael, he was just joking..."

I hope you like these and that they were what you were wanting, they've taken me a long time because i wanted to get them right i guess!!!

#bonnie gold x reader #peaky blinders imagines #tommy shelby x reader #arthur shelby x reader #john shelby x reader #peaky blinders headcanon #alfie solomons x reader #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders

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copperbadge · 6 months

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The stoner with ADHD's dilemma: take an edible and have a rad afternoon, or take an Adderall and have a slightly less rad but way more productive afternoon? Can't do both!

Today has gone well, but not quite optimally. I did get a lot of things done that needed doing, but not everything I had hoped.

I went to the library and did some digital tidying-up, which was the reason I reserved a study room there, but I didn't get to polish off the last few replies to various book and short story crit on AO3. From there I went to Christkindlemarket to get some souvenir mugs for my parents, but did not get a) lunch or b) the chance to shop for gifts for people, because it was an opening-weekend madhouse. It's close enough I can walk there on a long weekday lunch, so that's fine, but not having gifts for some of my friends is making me agitated.

(While at the library I did finally go through my shopping spreadsheet and I only need to buy physical gifts for a few people, so the worry is greatly lessened.)

Went to Target and DID get the cashews I required, DID NOT find a single other grocery item I was looking for. I was supposed to stop at the hardware store after Target and buy some custom-color wall paint but I couldn't handle the idea of talking to the Paint Guy. Like, painting is another agitation-inducing problem right now, but I could handle having the paint and maybe even using it, I just couldn't bring myself to talk to someone about it first.

Now that I'm home I'm supposed to hang up a shelf and do some tidying for the catsitter, but instead I packed for my trip to Texas on Tuesday and now I'm on the sofa with Dearborn, surfing Tumblr. Packing is something I love doing and will often do days ahead of time, so it's less a chore than it is a delightful task that I know most people think is a chore and so it's my excuse not to do chores.

But you know, this is why it's rough to have tasks lined up that don't easily align with timing one's work for the day. I've definitely done at least two hours of work today! It just doesn't feel like it. And I remind myself that nobody will die if the shelf gets hung tomorrow or if my next book isn't published until January, and if nothing I needed to buy gets bought until my next paycheck, that might be better anyway.

#naclyoho #national clean your home month #drug mention

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batsarebetterthanpeople · 9 months

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#edward teach#im an adhd ed truther & this is so fucking true.#also shows how you view people w/ adhd if you’re specifically using it as an excuse to do this. (via @ourflagmeanscatboy on this post by @jaskierx)

I don't want to derail a post about racism, but I do feel like this shit needs to get talked about.

Because people will say literally the most deranged shit about Ed. I've heard the idea that he's gonna lose interest in Stede because he views people as hyperfixations floated. He's volitile and unstable (citation needed) he's messy (but he thinks pets befoul the ship and he couldn't believe he was living like this after letting Stede's cabin get covered in maybe a weeks worth of depression clutter) he needs a minder (despite constantly minding other characters). And all of that shit when pointed out as racist invariably gets explained away with "but I think he has ADHD"

And it's like, first of all that's a headcannon you have, where as his race is very much cannon. so I think even if you have the adhd headcannon, which to be clear, I do, you still need to lend more credence to the marginalized identities that are in fact cannon about him. That's not to say that these two things are contradictory it's just to say that you need to treat your headcannons about a character of color with awareness for how their race overlaps with other identities they might have and how their race might be impacting their behavior, and how projecting issues onto them, even if those issues are things you yourself struggle with, might be perceived by fans of color who are already constantly fielding racism both in fandom and in their every day lives.

but second of all, and I cannot stress this enough, yall are ableist as fuck.

Like, I simply do not know how to explain to you people that Ed losing Interest in Stede like that would not be a symptom of ADHD because treating PEOPLE like HYPERFIXATIONS is not a symptom of ADHD. If someone loses interest in you because they have adhd, and I feel like I've said this before, one of three things happened. A. they did not lose interest in you they are just forgetful and do not experience friendship decay so they think you are still friends, B. You were never a friend to begin with you were someone they exclusively did their hyperfixations with, or C. you are blaming the ADHD for something completely unrelated friendships fall apart all the time.

And it's like that example is just the most egregious. half the time when I see ADHD headcannons nobody's talking about like... Ed picking up a brand new activity on a whim, or him tattooing himself because he's experiencing the evil boredom. It's all gotta be traits contradicted by canon. And often it has to be about pain and suffering, and often it really just feels like an excuse to make up bullshit about Ed while beating the racism allegations.

and there's two enormous issues with this. The first one is that if you're gonna have a headcannon about a character you have to figure out how to apply the headcanon to that character without making up a brand new guy. Ed is in the 99th percentile in terms of executive function. His executive functioning skills are genuinely a strength for him. He can't stand mess and he keeps a clean ship, he doesn't get angry unless directly provoked. He also has a large number of shitty tattoos on his person, he stims, he's probably got some hyperactivity going on, and some emotional dis-regulation in terms of managing his disappointment and catastrophising. You have to actually look at the character and figure out what cannon things translate into ADHD and what adhd traits are contradicted by cannon and if you're just hollowing him out and putting an ablist idea of ADHD in as a stand in for a personality.

Like.. ok. My favoriate cannon ADHD rep in the world is the Percy Jackson series. Every one of those kids has adhd and dyslexia. This does not stop Annabeth from being a very functional character with a million irons in the fire who's an avid reader and a Smart Girl TM. Percy by contrast cannot focus for five seconds especially when you put a book in front of him, but he can think on his feet really well. Both of these characters are fairly realistic representations of ADHD because sometimes ADHD is severe executive dysfunction and mess and emotional dis-regulation, sometimes ADHD is having a million projects going at once in a desperate attempt to beat the evil boredom and sometimes it's being able to pick up new things with relative ease. Different people have different levels of these things, which is why in my favoriate childhood book series Rick Riordan was able to have so many different diverse characters with distinct personalities and have them all believably have ADHD.

But a lot of people who headcannon Ed as ADHD don't seem to be interested in figuring out how Ed's personality is compatible with that headcannon, they just want to hollow him out and give him every symptom ever and it's just like... oh, so that's what you think of us then. got it cool.

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chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter · 6 months

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Adhd Sanzu propaganda because I want to, I already convinced someone:

He's a chaotic gremlin (Not need to explain that).

Same way that happened with Kakucho and Izana. Sanzu's days and life revolve around Mikey (I don't think I need to put examples here). Mikey is Sanzu's special interest and I'm saying it without shame! (Maybe a little bit of shame only)

Sanzu doesn't have sociallization skills. At all. But in a specific way that gives me adhd vibes (putting the trauma a part). Sanzu as a kid is sweet but weird. We can see him not reacting to Baji's tantrums in a way that yeah, can be bc he's used to, but also, his focus is not there. He's awkward in a way that makes me think that he's used to not fit in, to be look as a weirdo every time he talks. So he does the "I'm not gonna talk at all because when I do people hates me". Then, as a teen no division wants him because he's "a wild horse". Excuse me? Have you seen half of Toman? It's because he's weird and doesn't fit in, the wild part would not bother them so much on it's own.

Sanzu doesn't have a middle point. He's always extreme. When he followed Muto became extremly quiet and calm, almost like a shadow (again, it could be literal thinking of the orders Muto gave him).

His weird poses once he's not hiding himself anymore. All the Bonten scene, he's just doing his show, talking too much, too loud and too fast.

All the energy he have also in Kanto Manji. He's so hyped with being with Mikey. Acting loud, being weird and saying things that are only funny in his head bc he forgot to explain the joke (besides the cryptic timeleaping things I mean).

I know in Bonten and Kanto Manji Sanzu is unhinged, but there is something in the way he does it, not caring at all if people gets him or not. It screams adhd "fuck you all i'm not masking anymore" mood so badly!

The katana. The freaking katana is so over the top and so dramatic. And he obviously cares about his katana a lot, he never drops it in the fight against Toman, not even when Taiju sends him flying.

The teatricals of his plans in general. He kills Mucho with a katana in the place where the Kanto Incident took place. And he takes his mask after doing it. Such dramatic and aesthetically pleasing way of killing people.

The train. Hello? This is not NT thinking. Killing everyone, okay, sure. But with a train? What? And he brings his katana just in case? No middle point legendary level here.

He plans chaos. He literally thinks for days how to do the most random and chaotic unhinged thing ever! (The train, the train!)

He have literal thinking. Mikey told him to "smile" so he does it once he's finally serving his king. A big grinn all the time.

His addiction. Since adhd brains don't have impulse control, we tend to be addicts more than the average (I know this part doesn't prove it but it checks too).

The way he have so much beef with people that is happening only in his head. Yeah, he's a hater. But also, I can see a lot of rejection sensitive dysphoria and overthinking because he's mind is telling him everyone would reject him.

He was childhood friends with Mikey and Baji. No one is neurotypical there xD

Visual stimulation. Bright pink and so many vivid/strident colors. C'mon, his bike is pink and pretty! That aesthetic makes my adhdbrain happy. He's obsessed with pink in a not at all NT way.

He's hypersensitive and can't handle some smells (Takemichi, I'm so sorry for you).

Twisted sense of danger over here too. But different than Kakucho. Where Kakucho runs towards danger, Sanzu is the one causing it directly.

Sanzu being banned from meetings in the final timeline. Because he doesn't know when to shut up since he never did masking here.

THE UNMASKING METAPHOR! I left this one for the last because I just realized yesterday and it's beautiful. When he enters the 5th Division, he stops being loud and wild (he's still weird bc Sanzu). The same moment he starts wearing the mask. There is something there, a ND teen who doesn't fit, who is tired and just want to be like the others, being told to "just do that for not driving so much attention on you". And he does it. He wears the physical mask and he starts acting different, doing masking (not literal this time). Until he frees himself of the physical mask. And he stops masking his symptoms, his full personality. He doesn't give a shit anymore about getting too much attention, he's so sick of hiding, that he thrieves in attention now (even in the final timeline does that, he's a youtuber). Unmasking legendary level! (And hardcore masking when he does it)

Edit bc I was sure I wrote this but apparently not: Sanzu has no interest in forming new relationships either. Like Kakucho with Izana, he only does with Mucho because Mikey told him to. But even if he has zero interest in forming new bonds, he's still the center of attention (after unmasking), still being there loudly, being a big part of what marks the dynamic of the group. The "I don't wanna make new friends" but "I can't stop talking and being loud in a group", also a classical adhd mood!

So... I think that's all I can't think for now. It's probably messy and chaotic but hey, it's a post about adhd, so that's fine, right? 🙈

@just-sp-in-inginthevoid spreading adhd!Sanzu like I promise.

Ps: here is the Autistic Kakucho Propaganda in case someone is curious. This two are a pack and they hate it so much 🤣

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers spoilers #sanzu haruchiyo #sanzu headcanons #tokyo revengers headcanons #also you know the 'autism vs adhd' meme? considering sanzu and kakucho are basically archnemesis... yeahh #adhd gremlin #adhd #adhd sanzu

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sweetmariihs2 · 22 days

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Huge vent: My parents don't know how someone with autism struggles with some stuff, and if I tell them that I am struggling because I am autistic, they will say I'm using my own neurodivergence as an excuse. Yipee

Some time ago, my psychologist wanted to take some neurodivergence/QI tests with me because she saw some autistic behaviors and wanted to find out through tests.

I asked myself this too, because I was seeing too many behaviors in myself that neurodivergent people say it comes from their neurodivergences, I always felt a "weirdo" my whole life because I had these behaviors, like hyperfocus, hating how people don't directly communicate with eachother, picky eater, can feel when something has changed in a recipe, have a low social filter like you tend not to notice when people are making fun of you or someone says you acted in a "rude" manner when in fact in your head you were just being nice, masking expressions and memorizing lines to get along in social situations

When I told my mom this and showed her some neurodivergent people on the internet talking about unusual experiences and feelings that were exactly like the ones that I have but said that it was because of their neurodivergences, my mom rolled her eyes and spoke rudely to me "Everyone is autistic/has ADHD today. People like to get attention. Daughter YOU ARE NORMAL, just because you identify with people on the internet doesn't mean you have anything. Everyone can relate to things like this."

But after I asked her so many times to try having those tests, she finally decided to let me do it. I think it was because she thought I wouldn't have anything and I would finally understand that I'm """normal"""

So after I told my psychologyst and my parents that I was suspecting that maybe I had a neurodivergence, after tons of asks, they finally started doing the tests.

Because I carried out these tests in several consultations with a psychologist every few weeks, they lasted for a few months. At first my psychologyst told me that they were just IQ and mental health tests, but one day my family and I went out to dinner and my mother said "we asked your psychologist to do tests on you to find out if you have any neurodivergence, and also your mental health and IQ, because you wanted to know if you had it" and that left me a little confused because that wasn't what the psychologist said, so I realized that something didn't made sense there. At the next appointment I looked at the book where the tests were and the word "neurodivergence" was also written there, so I started to wonder why my psychologist wasn't telling me this, but I decided not to say anything to her and continued taking the tests.

Minimal detail that confused me even more: During those months between tests, I traveled for a weekend with my parents. They left the house angry because we were late and we didn't had breakfast, so we went to a snack bar to buy some snacks for the trip. I ordered a food with chicken filling (brazillian food, like the famous coxinha, but it's called "salgado pastel", same dough just a different shape) and because of the rush we got into the car and only on the road I found out that the filling was actually ground beef, which I hate because of the texture, I always did, so I couldn't eat it. For some reason my parents were very angry about this, and they said things like "you have to stop creating these blocks in your head, just eat, you eat meat, it just has a different texture" and I said "I know that, but chewing it makes me sick, I can't eat it, makes me wanna puke" and they know that very well.

Until my mother said "you have no justification for this, your psychologist said that you are not autistic, you don't have any neurodivergence, so there is no reason for you to create these mental blocks" (them: personal boundaries and preferences)

Her telling me this made me even more confused, because I had already been adapting to the idea of being autistic for months, I knew I was, and being autistic explained everything about me that I thought was "weird" my whole life. So after hearing my parents yelling at me for 20 minutes straight, what my mom said kept playing in my mind and I thought "I can't believe it. So these doubts I have about myself, these questions I've had my whole life of 'why am I like this? why am I weird?' will never be answered. And in the end, I'm just an outcast for no reason."

Time passed and I kept doing the tests. My psychologist said that as soon as the tests were finished she would call my parents to see the results. When they were finished, I spent time waiting for the results, weeks, thinking about what would appear on paper. I sometimes saw my psychologist on the street and she said she was just waiting for the results, the documents, I'm not sure. So I was really anxious for a few weeks. She set the day for my parents to go there, and they finally went. They arrived home at night and invited me to talk at the dinner table with the results at hand. I won't say much about it, but it was there, confirmed, I am level 1 autistic. My parents' reaction was funny, they were reacting like straight parents who found out that their son is gay, "it's okay son, we still love you, even if you're like this. This doesn't change anything at all, you're still normal to us" 😭 their choice of words and point of view is questionable, but they don't do it on purpose, it's because of the generation they grew up in, at the end their intentions are good, they just don't know how to put them in practice properly.

I went back to my psychologist and we talked about it, she asked me about how the conversation went, my reaction, what my parents told me, and I said that they told me everything, they read all the papers one by one showing me the page per page, they even let me read it, so I knew everything that was written there. And then my psychologist told me something. That before starting taking the tests, SHE had spoke to my parents about it because SHE saw some autistic behaviors in me, so it wasn't just me who was thinking about this.

She told me that she spoke to my parents about it and they said "yes yes our daughter was really talking about this" and they decided to do it, BUT, they told her that they weren't sure if taking a neurodivergence test (that means, discovering how my own mind works and understanding myself better) would be a good idea cuz if I found out I'm something, I'm going to use this info to "play the victim" like HELLO??? LIKE WHEN DID I?!?? HOW?!???!?

Put this together with that situation of my mom saying "everyone is autistic today, people like to get attention", or my parents mad because I didn't wanted to eat something and saying I had no excuse for creating those "mental blocks" because "my psychologist told them I wasn't autistic, so it didn't made sense". I TOLD MY PSYCHOLOGYST THIS AFTER I SAW THE RESULTS, AND SHE SAID SHE NEVER SAID THIS TO THEM! EVER! Actually, what she did told my parents was that I had SEVERAL autistic behaviors and she offered trying to do tests, nothing more.

My parents told my psychologyst to tell me she was only making "QI and mental health" tests, because they were afraid of me faking the test to get the result that I want (?!???!?). And my psychologist found that really weird because she really doubted that someone who doesn't know a thing about psychology could fake those tests, so me knowing it was a neurodivergence test or not it wouldn't change anything, I couldn't fake it even if I wanted to! But she decided to respect their decision. Like parents what the actual fuck

And it's weird that THEY told me it was a QI + mental healt + neurodivergence test, after they told my psychologyst not to. Maybe they stopped caring mid tests about me finding out, maybe they thought a little more about what my psychologist said about not being possible to fake that test. Maybe having that conversation:

Parents: We want her to do the tests but don't tell her what it is fully for cuz she might fake the results (which doesn't make any sense why the hell would I want to fake something like this)

Psychologist: um actually you can't fake it even if you wanted to, so it doesn't change anything

*and after that conversation two things happened: my psychologist respected their decision about not telling me, and my parents got out of there thinking "well, she said it doesn't change anything so let's tell our daughter ourselves"*

Which made this whole mess

It turns out that I am indeed autistic; despite doing the tests blindly, despite not really knowing what it was for, despite my mom telling me 191892827 times that I wasn't and lying to me about my psychologist saying that I'm not (which never ever happened)

AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE: They weren't even sure if they would tell ME about MY OWN NEURODIVERGENCE, because they were afraid I would use it to "play the victim" LIKE I'M THE KIND OF PERSO WHO DOES THAT

WHAT THE FUCK #!?!?#?@? WHAT??#??@?

I spent an unhealthy amount of time wondering why my parents were trying to keep this from me, and why do they see me like this.

I am fully aware that for many years, since childhood, my parents do not accept that I have different tastes and preferences.

My mom doesn't accept me dressing how I want, there was a time when I was very insecure and dressed tomboyish in an attempt to hide myself, but I dreamed of wearing anime skirts and being a soft girl style, I just didn't have the confidence (we are talking about 2018/2019). My mom complained a lot back then about how she couldn't dress me anymore. Nowadays, after recovering, I wear coquette style clothes, which is what I always liked but I just didn't had any confidence. And she even says "If you let me dress you, you would see how many compliments you would get", and I always answer "I don't care about the compliments, I just want to feel good in my clothes"

She keeps repeating comments about how "when I was young she dressed me I looked like a princess". Everyone gave me compliments, she gets a lot of compliments on the clothes she wears, my father says "daughter, your mom knows about clothes, let her dress you" and I don't even wear a style that would make their internalized homophobia frustrated like a masc style, IT'S COQUETTE! IT'S EXTREMELY FEMININE! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME WAAAA

That's my pinterest board. I LITERALLY HAVE some of these clothes and make outfits that are similar to these. What are they talking about why are they mad

They don't like the idea of me having boundaries. Whey they do something that I don't, like eat something that I don't, wear something that I don't, do something that I don't, they always said I'm creating a "psychological block", I'm stopping myself from doing things because I put it in my head. "You don't eat something because it gives you the ick? Stop putting that in your head, everyone does it" "You don't wear the clothes I wear? Stop putting that in your head daughter, everyone does it"

And you know what's funniest for me? Of everything? I've been told all my life that I put things in my head about things that are actually boundaries and personal tastes, but now that I discovered that I'm autistic, I actually discovered that this is related to my autism!

I don't eat corn, peanuts, or any grains since I was younger, and they've been treating me like I'm crazy since always, AND IT'S BECAUSE OF THE TEXTURE! AUTISM!

I don't wore jewlery for a long time and this made my mom pissed for years, till this day I don't wear rings or bracelets because they make me uncomfortable, AND IT'S BECAUSE OF TEXTURE AGAIN! AUTISM

I had crazy "anxiety attacks" when I entered highschool, everything was too noisy, too hot, too many people, too many voices, closed in four walls for 9 hours per day, when it was too much I felt like I needed to scream, I cried, felt my chest hurt, and the people talking around me were still too loud, I didn't know why. I WAS OVERESTIMULATED!

"We don't know what's wrong with you, you keep putting those things in your head" NOW YOU DO! I'M AUTISTIC AND THESE WERE MY AUTISTIC BEHAVIORS! YAY!

And to make matters worse, remember how I said that my parents said they didn't want me to find out that I'm autistic because I would use that to "play the victim"? These behaviors of mine that they condemned for so long were autistic behaviors. And now that I know what they are, I can't say that I have difficulties because of my neurodivergence, because for them, I'll be playing the victim.

I've always had these difficulties, such as sensitivity to loud noises. But if I say "my ears are sensitive because I'm autistic" my parents will say that I'm using that as an excuse for something. "before you found out, you didn't use that as a justification for everything" DON'T YOU SAY!

I have a neurodivergence. I have difficulties with it and I need support, I always did, but now I found out the reason and I need you to understand that my brain doesn't work like yours. But if I tell you "my brain doesn't work like yours" you'll say "stop using that to victimize yourself! You're ""normal""

No hell I'm not neurotypical. My world isn't the same as yours. How am I supposed to ask my parents for support when we're at a party and I'm feeling overestimulated and the noises are too loud, if they answer with "stop using this as an excuse"

They didn't told me this yet, but it's because I'm not mentioning my autism in front of them. Some time ago I was playing videogame with my brother and the volume was too loud, it happened once, I told him

"arrgggg turn down the volume, the sound is too loud and it hurts my ears",

my brother said "it doesn't hurt mine"

and I said "you know i'm autistic"

but then he started saying "ever since you found out you're autistic you've been playing the victim."

I tried to explain to him that I always were, and now I can explain where my behaviors came from. I said "if you discovered that something you endure with is actually because of your neurodivergence, wouldn't you explain it to people? After all you're not like everyone else, you need support in some areas" and he said "lol no I would only make jokes about it BC it's nothing at all" (he's the kind of boy who makes fun of it)

I don't wanna try to do this next to my parents. I will hear worse stuff and only be reminded about how my parents don't respect my boundaries. This week there was an interclass championship at my school, the noises were very loud, very very loud, my ears were hurting so much that I couldn't stand it to the point of not giving a damn about what the teachers would say about "staying on the court" and I just left running out of there with my ears covered, extremely overstimulated. My mother stopped by while I was still there, I don't know exactly what she was doing there, but she greeted me and everything. And at that time the entire stand started shouting about a goal, and I already had my ears covered and an extremely uncomfortable expression on my face. When I got home later I talked about how being on the court was stressful and there was a lot of noise, and she said "yeah, I saw you there"

And I just. Couldn't tell her about the struggle I was in and how this was related to me being autistic. Because she wouldn't understand.

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #vent #vent post #neurodivergent #neurodivergence

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gabrielsbubblegumbitch · 2 months

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It doesn't seem to get discussed very often, but what's it like to have comorbid ASD and NPD?

hard

No but seriously it's like playing Squid Games when you don't know the rules (and everyone else does). How do I suppose to get my social validation without understanding what people expect from me??

Also it makes treatment very hard because line between maladaptive NPD pattern and adaptive ASD strategy is very blurry. For example, one therapist told me that I need to stop thinking so much about how other see me. Because that's narcissistic and constant performing prevents me form forming genuine connections. Okay Gretchen, but have you ever experienced consequences of smooching your classmate on the lips in front of everyone because being 7 you were convinced that kissing is just expression of love and you loved your best friend? And you had no idea that people have different boundaries and it's socially unacceptable for girls to kiss girls, even platonically? Cause I did and that's why I know I can't just "stop thinking" what is acceptable, and what is not. Not only for my own benefit of being liked but also to not make others uncomfortable.

It's also a constant internal struggle to identify if something I do/feel is just me being autistic (normal, I can't help it) or me being narcissistic (bad, evil, should be treated). Or maybe it's all narcissistic, I just use autism as an excuse because narcissism is undesirable pathology so ofc as a narcissist I would like to distance myself from it? Seriously stigma around narcissism fucked me up. Additionally it severly influences the way NPD is treated by medical professionals. One German psychiatrist I know told me that his hospital avoids giving poeple NPD diagnosis because "it's like telling someone that they are certified shitty person". My friend I met during the group therapy was constantly criticized for forgetting about stuff and being "insensitive to others needs" and therapists blamed it on his narcissism, that "makes him so self absorbed he's incapable of paying attention to the outside world". It turned out the guy just has ADHD. It's seriously such a struggle to explain people that suppose to help you that you are not that bad, you are not careless, you seriously want to be a well adjusted person but there are some things you cannot easily change.

Also it fascinates me how little research exists about connection between NPD and neurodivesity (I have some theories why's that but I don't have enough evidence to make any serious claims). It's an anecdotal evidence but out of 11 people with diagnosed NPD I know, 7 of them have ASD or ADHD. And to me it makes so much sense because one of major factors influencing development of NPD is feeling of inadequacy. Yeah, constantly failing at social interactions and basic chores while everyone seems to be doing just fine and you have no idea what you could do better makes you feel pretty fuckin inadequate. Of course there are other things required to form PD but that's a great start.

#npd #asd #adhd #private #psychology

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roach-works · 2 years

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heyo! i just read your reblogs on that post about cis/trans ppl who ship m/m content and was struck by a lot of what you said. up until recently, i have "lived very fully and enthusiastically as a woman," though i've always envied/admired men in fiction and have always gravitated towards exploring men's stories in my work. i am starting to think this is bc i Am A Man but i'm struggling with relating to/understanding my past self, who seemed perfectly fine with being a woman (1/2)

okay, here's my very best piece of advice to cis, trans, or questioning people: you aren't, necessarily, who you were.

do you know the sunk cost fallacy? when you sink a lot of time, money, or ego into something, you get very reluctant to abandon that thing. people stake their reputation on a scam, then can't back down because it would mean admitting they were wrong. people blow their life savings at casinos, because they think that the next bet will validate all their past ones and save them. people with abusive partners want to believe that all the love they spent wasn't in vain.

for all these reasons, examining and potentially discarding fundamental pieces of your identity is very difficult. you put a lot of time into being this one gender. you staked your ego and reputation on it. you had some good times! it felt really worthwhile! but now you're starting to wonder if it is worth it, if it was ever worth it. if you were wrong, if you're stupid, if everyone's going to laugh at you, if there will be anything left if you throw all this time and life and selfhood in the trash.

full disclosure, i was proud to be a woman and i flatly did not want to be a trans man. i knew it would be hard, and i knew the risks were high, and i knew i'd have to eat a lot of shit as everyone in my life said 'wait, but you're a man-hating feminist. how do you square that?' and i would have to say, 'well, i can't square it. some things don't get solved like math problems.' i would have been a cis man in an instant but i was scared to death of having to do all the hard uncomfortable work of transitioning and still potentially just being stuck with this sort of shitty, unpleasant, messed up, mad-science approximation of a male body. i knew it just was not physically possible to turn myself into the man i would have been had i been AMAB, and the idea of settling for a crude facsimile sounded absolutely pathetic.

but like, the other thing about me, is that i have been chronically anxious since i was a little kid, and what i learned from being scared of absolutely everything was that i couldn't let fear stop me or i would live my life underneath a blanket, pissing myself. so by the time i had to face up to the horror and terror of potentially being trans, i had gotten into the habit of simply doing terrifying things anyway, because being terrified wasn't a valid excuse not to at least try it out.

here's the other thing about me! i've got an extreme case of ADHD brainworms and every five or ten years i go do Something Else. i love moving. i love turning into something new.

so what i found was that i absolutely love being consciously engaged in the business of being myself. i like taking hormones that change my body. i like taking medication that changes my mind. i love having my hands on the levers of who i am in this life and cranking them around to see what happens next. i am myself on purpose and it's absolutely exhilarating. i wouldn't trade it for being normal if you paid me.

and so here's the thing about everyone: you can change as soon as you want. right now! immediately!

your past self is just a record of who you were, it's not a prophecy. and before anyone says 'well it's not that easy, change is hard, it takes work and time!', i agree with that too! but that's because changing into something new requires effort for the same reason that moving anything takes effort: it's just inertia. objects at rest stay at rest unless changed. objects in motion continue on that path unless changed.

you will be the same person every day you don't deliberately try something new, and then, there you go, you're changing. i have picked up rocks that were a hundred million years old and thrown them into a pond; nothing about the stillness of the rock was forever or even important. i don't know how many other ways to phrase this but it's very important to me to try to communicate it to as many people as i can.

you can just stop doing something you don't like doing. you can just try something new immediately. you don't need an excuse. you don't need to justify the way you spend your time, the way you've spent it. you can love and cherish your womanhood for twenty seven years and then say 'i think i'm done with this now' and go try something else.

maybe you'll like being a man and find that it suits you much better than being a woman. maybe you won't! either way, you'll have changed, and you can just keep changing for as long as you live, and isn't that so much better than being frozen up with fear?

#i love changing!!! i love being new things #to be trans is to travel and move and recreate yourself #it's extremely fucking cool!! it really is!#trans stuff #advice #long post

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itsaspectrumcomic · 4 months

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This is going to be long but i really want to tell someone the guilt is eating me alive and please feel free to ignore this

I have been suspecting I have adhd from the last six months now because many symptoms do match and some adhd tips help me out a lot

But since i don't have the family or support or finances(I am a minor ) to actually get to a doctor i can't really be sure and maybe i don't have it but since so many things do match i hope it's alright to rant here please please feel free to ignore this

My great grandfather passed away in November but it actually started in September when I got a fracture so I had to remain at home for a month and I am just a lazy person so ofc it was an excuse for me to like stop studying in August I had a big exam and it had went well but at that time i didn't think so

So yeah after a month of fracture comes October my extra classes and school and my innate phone addiction i do t study even tho I have a big exam that month again . I struggle with focus a lot and i just i don't know how to type it's it's so shameful but i just find every minor inconvenience to be an excuse. My mom is emotionally abusive maybeand homophobic or tough parenting but her words had started affecting me a lot .

Then in October end November start my grandfather passed away and it took an obvious toll on me and I don't think I am still over it and it amplified my phone addiction because he used to be in the room beside me so i wasn't ever fully alone even tho he was old and now that he is gone the silence is unnerving and i have to distract myself enough to sleep my October big exam already went to shit

And in December again I am not studying I can't study and my brain refuses to sit still and maybe I have a victim complex but things start to take a toll I start getting some suicidal thoughts which were only passive before but now active

Now from January everything is just the same I am still not able to study

I disappoint myse6and everyone no-one knows i cheat on my exams I just I am not a good person and i am lying to myself and everyone so much and YK the gifted kid thjnv I was a good kid and my mom keeps making comparisons and she says she would never have talked to me if i wasn't her daughter and i am so tired I want to get better but i just don't know how I have trouble sleeping I have trouble studying I can't do anything right i can't wake up in the morning i can't do anything right and I just want everything to end but I do not even deserve to put that pain on my parents and my exams are coming up and I just don't know how how do I do anything

Hello, I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. It sounds like you are and have been going through a lot and that's nothing to be ashamed of. Having trouble focusing or studying does not make you a bad person, and your mum absolutely should not be saying those things to you. You don't deserve that, I promise.

The truth is, losing a family member is hard, dealing with an injury is hard, dealing with emotional abuse is hard, and it takes time to work through things like that, so I'm not surprised you've been having a hard time with school on top of everything else.

It sounds like you could really do with some support. Is there someone you can talk to about how you've been feeling? A friend, a teacher, a counsellor, another authority figure you trust?

(Also if you talk to your teachers about how you're struggling to study, they might even be able to give you some extra help or lessons if you need it.)

Please try not to feel guilty or put so much pressure on yourself. It's ok not to be perfect even at the best of times. Thank you for being here ❤️

#ask #anon ask #adhd #exams #advice #tw depression #tw suicide mention #long post

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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WIBTA for telling my friend that i'm frustrated with him self diagnosing himself?

weird title, but i don't know how else to describe this. TW for the mention of suicidal ideation.

my (early 20sF) friend (late 20sM) has this tendency to look up symptoms of a disorder and then self diagnose himself with having that disorder (ex he diagnosed himself with oppositional defiance disorder based on the fact that he doesn't like being told what to do and nothing else). i have absolutely no problems with self diagnosing (i did the same thing for my adhd) but the issue is that it stops with him at the diagnosis. he doesn't look up treatments or ways to cope, and often falls back on "well this is just who i am so deal with it". as someone with bpd, who fights with essentially non stop suicidal ideation and ridiculous stigma (people have stopped talking to me once i bring it up), i get incredibly frustrated with how he uses his diagnoses to excuse some pretty shitty things that he's done (he has a tendency to blame everyone else for his problems, and to then take out his frustration about his problems on the people around him by yelling at them. he then expects everyone to be fine with this).

reasons i think i'd be the asshole: sometimes people with disorders show symptoms of those disorders and i can't blame him for that.

reasons i don't think i'd be the asshole: he mocks other people for having mental health problems that interfere with their lives, but the moment he has a symptom all of a sudden it's serious.

i do want him to be alright, and part of that (to me) involves finding ways to cope and better yourself, diagnosis or not. WIBTA for bringing this up to him or should i let sleeping dogs lie?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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junowritings · 2 months

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Hello! If you could do another matchup with Gale, since you mentioned that you nearly shipped me with him too, I'd really appreciate it! Thanks so much sweetie ^-^

I'm an autistic girl who also has adhd, asthma and chronic joint pain. I work as a librarian currently and am simultaneously very smart and scholarly and also full of energy. I'm definitely the sunshine person in a group, I love taking care of people and I'm very good at making other people laugh, I have a very dry witty sense of humor. I'm also super short, 4' 10"/147 cm, but I can get kinda insecure about it when dating. I have a very boyish style, long wavy auburn hair that floofs up around my head, glasses and I'm pale and covered in moles and freckles. I also love being out in nature, and if I can't be I bring nature to me, I have tons of houseplants.

Thank you so so much, have a great day!!

Sorry this took so long hun! Had to take a quick break from working through matchups but I'm hoping to get a couple more done so thanks so much for your patience on this~!

With that being said here's how I think things could go with...

I know we talked about how Halsin would appreciate you, but we know who else would love you - Gale!

The lovestory here damn near writes itself, especially given your current occupation. I mean where better for Gale to stumble upon love than a place teeming with potentially valuable and intriguing knowledge? More than likely this is where the two of you first cross paths - perhaps he’s come in looking for information on whatever subjects got his head racing with a thousand and one questions that need answers; or maybe he’s searched high and low for a specific subject material and this is his next stop in the hopes of finding it. Whatever it is, the guy comes for books, and stays for you. Because gods if his first meeting with you doesn’t stop the wizard in his tracks.

Your sharp mind is absolutely the first thing that draws him to you. You match his conversation topics and questions with a certainty and enthusiasm that speaks highly of your quick wit. You’re eager to indulge him as well, a welcoming ear to pass the time as you work,and because you seem to actually enjoy listening to him talk. Perhaps he gets a little carried away talking your ear off, but you don’t mind do you? What really gets him in the end is the smile that you flash at him before he leaves. That smile of yours is blinding, like the sun itself crinkles in the corners of your eyes and the curve of your lips when it's directed at him.

Of course he finds excuses to come around after this, both before and after you’re together. If it’s before then it’s all under one pretense or another. Oh, he just so happens to be out of interesting reading material! Perhaps you could recommend some to him? Or he needs some help finding a specific tome and the aisle that it’s located in (as though this man doesn’t know any library like the back of his hand by like the third visit - I mean this is Gale we’re talking about.) Even after you pair get together he’ll make a point to come and see you, but he’s far less subtle about wanting to do it just to see you - spending time with you on your breaks and departing with a kiss or two as an incentive to help you get through the rest of the work day.

Okay this is a personal hc but I’m pretty sure that Gale often deals with joint and back pain himself, so he understands a little of what you’re experiencing. When the chronic pain becomes overwhelming he’ll insist on you resting, attempting to ease the aches in your joints as best as he can with the stuff he keeps on hand at home. Goes overboard with research into spells that could help to offer a modicum of relief for your pain, or find a potionmaker who can give you something to ease the severity of the discomfort that you’re in. Whatever it takes to take some of that pain away from you Gale will do it - he can’t help but worry that whatever he’s doing isn’t enough sometimes but the sheer care this man puts into your wellbeing means a lot.

You say you love making people laugh, but you know what Gale loves more? Hearing you laugh. He’ll always throw in your jokes with a couple of his own; granted most of them are groan-worthy and some downright terrible, but so long as they get a smile out of you he considers it a job well done. Just about melts at the sound of your laughter, as though your laugh alone is enough to make him fall all over again. Gets this love struck puppy look in his eyes drinking in the sight, but he will fluster if you ask him what he’s looking at.

Another guy who understands that while it’s a sweet thing that you enjoy caring for others, sometimes you’ve got to take some time to yourself. If Gale sees that you’re potentially overworking yourself he’ll just straight up guide you away from it, gently assuaging your protests or worries with assurances that whatever you have to finish will always be there once you return. That being said he is a huge hypocrite of losing time in his own work and needs to be reminded sometimes that he needs to take breaks, so hopefully you’ve got that down pat with the tactics you know to lure him away from what he’s doing. Also Gale strikes me as the kind of partner who would come prepared with the little things that come through in a pinch. Considering you wear glasses I just know that he’d carry some cleaning cloths for them around for you. You don’t always need the kinds of things he brings along, but the little proud ‘aha!’ he lets out when you do need them is just too cute.

Another 👏freckle👏appreciator👏. He’ll try to be smooth, pointing out patterns on your skin that match constellations and patterns in the stars that he recognizes, offering to trace the shape of them along your freckles to show you the similarity. Really it’s an excuse to cuddle up next to you and bask in your warmth as his fingers glide over every freckle and mole that you’ll allow him to touch. Good luck if you’re ticklish; he'll try to feign innocence if you laugh or squirm when his hand slides over any ticklish parts, but there’s no way he can keep a straight face about it, trying to hide his smile in the crook of your shoulder.

Gale is very much a ‘bring the nature to him’ kind of partner, in the sense that he’s far more on board with bringing the aspects that you love from the outside back into a far more familiar environment. And who doesn’t love being able to nurture your love of nature in the comfort of you own home? He’s had one or two plants at his home that are mostly self-sustaining, but as time goes on and you begin to integrate yourself more and more with his life, this number will quickly multiply. Hanging plants become especially prevalent throughout the entirety of his home, both because they don’t run the risk of accidentally being knocked over, and because the life they breathe into the place makes his tower feel a lot homier and cozy. Will tell you now that Gale WILL have plant favorites - he will get invested in its care and will keep that thing on his favorite windowsill with adequate access to necessities. (you may have also caught him using his magic a couple of times to give the lil thing a boost when he thinks you’re not looking - a fitting use for a master of the weave I’m sure.)

#baldurs gate 3 x reader #bg3 x reader #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale x reader #bg3 gale x reader #bg3 gale #bg3 match up #baldurs gate match up #juno art #tolkien-fantasy

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