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#Elain is gonna have such a good fuckin time
acourtofladydeath · 1 month
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WIP Wednesday: Welcome to the Family
Well hello all, I'm back with a WIP Wednesday. A not-so-little tasty morsel to tide you and @secret-third-thing over until her birthday.
If I wasn't already going to hell (which I will be), this fic would seal the deal. It's at the very least sending me a few rings deeper.
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"Welcome to the Family" features Elucien, Berlain, Erlain, etc., etc.... If you can name a Vanserra male, Elain Archeron is doing them in this fic. But why? Find out in the slightly abridged, albeit still lengthy, snippet below....
Lucien groaned, turning his face into Elain’s hair as she teased him. “Settle down love, you know we can’t.” 
Elain moved her head to pout up at him with big doe eyes. “Not even a little?” She licked her lips, leaving an enticing wet strip across her plump bottom lip. “Not even just a taste?” Her fingers traced a line from where they’d been resting on Lucien’s arm down the firm planes of his chest and abdomen. “Not even if I beg?” 
Resisting the urge to give into the very tempting little minx practically crawling up his side, Lucien bit down on the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood. “You know we have to wait.” Hoping to distract his needy mate, Lucien began the slow stroking of his fingers against Elain’s arm once again. “The mating ceremony has to happen first. It’s important.”
Letting out a soft, defeated sigh Elain sunk comfortably once again back into Lucien’s touch and the skillful lines he painted across her skin. “I didn’t realize your family was so strict on no sex before the mating ceremony,” she said, frustrated but content to wait if it meant that much to Lucien. 
His fingers stilled on her arm, chest tensing under her cheek. “Lucien?” Elain asked, looking up at him with questioning concern. “What’s wrong?”
Lucien held his breath for a long moment before letting out a long controlled sigh. “It’s family tradition.” ... “There’s a ritual,” he started slowly, meeting the fierce, cutting Archeron gaze Elain pinned him with that was shared by all three sisters. 
“What kind of ritual,” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest as she sat back on her heels, nightgown draped across her knees. 
Averting his eyes, Lucien ran a nervous hand through his hair, “one where Beron and my brothers have to fuck you before I can?” Lucien phrased it as a question, though it was in fact a harsh truth of being a Vanserra. He looked up under guilty lids to meet Elain’s gaze. 
Though her arms were still crossed in stern confrontation, her jaw had dropped, leaving her mouth wide and eyes even wider at his confession. When Elain hadn’t moved from that position in several long moments, Lucien continued speaking. 
“It’s a rite of passage for us. The parent of the individual to be mated and any elder siblings get first dibs… there’s a whole age order thing.”  ...
Elain threw her arms out to the side in outrage. “Oh, nothing serious then! Nothing that will affect me in the least!”
How will Elain handle the predicament she's found herself in? Coming soon to an AO3 near you... 😈
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lushlovers · 1 year
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C*ntmuffin, J Burrow
summary; you're just having a bit of harmless fun, but joe doesn't seem to enjoy it as much as you are.
warnings; fwb type beat, swearing, joe's actually a dick and a hypocrite, mentions of smut(?), alcohol consumption, lsu!fratboy!joe (yes that needs a warning), cameos from jj and ja'marr:D, literally all the things you'd see at a college party, use of the c-word like twice lolll.
word count; 811
note; ummmm i love lsu joe and i need a frat au because there's so little its criminal. my friend called me a cuntmuffin earlier and i wanted to write about frat joe so.
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If looks could kill, you'd be six feet under right about know. You can feel Joe's eyes burning holes into the material of your best little black dress, he watched as your hips pushed back onto the crotch of some guy you had no clue or desire to even learn what his name was. His hands feeling you up was just enough.
"D'ya wanna come get a drink?" He's slurring into your ear shamelessly, his accent was thicker than it was a couple drinks ago. You nod, grabbing his hand and pulling him behind you in the direction of the kitchen. Glancing in the direction of Joe, his brows raise, looking at you in a way you didn't quite understand or maybe you didn't care to acknowledge.
He scoffs catching the attention of Elaine, who was running her mouth about whatever she could think of, "You okay, Joey?" Her voice is obnoxiously high pitched, almost like nails on a chalkboard, even worse because she didn't understand the concept of shutting the fuck up. "'M fine, thanks. Gonna go get another drink," he murmurs, pushing himself off the wall and quickly walking away before the girl could think to muster a response.
He brought this upon himself when he walked through the door with an overly chatty, but quite pretty brunette cheerleader on his arm. Karma's a bitch and you were gladly playing him back in this game. All night you kept you options open, bouncing between different guys, some of them even being some of his fraternity brothers.
Speaking of, one of his good friends was leaning against the counter chatting up a pretty girl, "Yo, JJ," you heard his voice before he pushed passed you to clap his friend on the shoulder. Justin smiled wide, introducing the girl at his side as Aiyanna, "It's nice to finally meet you, we hear a lot about you," Joe smirks obviously trying to embarrass his friend. It's true though, Justin never shuts up about this girl.
You decided to not join in the conversation simply listening in as you poured yourself a generous amount of vodka and following it with some juice. The guy who's name you still have yet to remember watched you closely, like he was in a trance of some sort. "You're staring," you mumble, tilting your head to the side a small smile playing on your lips. Guys are so easy sometimes.
"Sorry," he stutters, "You're just really pretty." His face flushes, resembling a tomato, as you closely watch his reactions. You hadn't realized how close Joe was to you both until he leans in to whisper in the boys ear loud enough for you to hear, "Should see her on her knees, Blake. Fuckin' incredible."
Blake's eyes grow ten times the size, "Fuck off, Joe," you grit pushing at his chest until he's out of the kitchen and into the crowded hallways. "'M really sorry about him, he's a dick." Not really sorry, the jealousy he was radiating was the hottest thing ever. Now your face is warming at his words, you groan as you cup your face in your hands, no way he just said that to this poor dude.
As Joe walked back over to his "date," he had this shit eating grin on his face, Ja'marr was well aware he was up to something, "The hell'd you do, JB?" He barks out a laugh, shaking his head. "That smirk, you did something." He knows he did, but he's not going to tell him just yet.
The cheerleader looked between both of them confused as ever, "Did-" Joe cuts her off with his index finger on her lips, shushing her. Ja'marr's laughing now, all this time it took for him to do that. Her brows furrow and she storms off to god know's where.
Before Ja'marr can ask again, you are standing in front of them with the biggest crease in your brows and hands on your hips, "See her on her knees? Really, asshole?" His friend gapes, feeling just how angry you were, "It was nothing, babe. Calm down," he reached out for you but you slap his hand away from you.
"Don't 'babe' me, you cuntmuffin." He keels over at your insults, his eyes clouding over with tears as he cackles. "Nothing about this is funny," your arms are crossed over your chest now, huffing you punch him in the shoulder, making him grunt and stand up straight.
"It's just, that's a first, I've never been called a cuntmuffin before, baby."
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fktonofwhatnow · 1 year
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Is anyone else absolutely terrified of how SJM is going to write Elain's book because I AM
I think it's time I finally actually try to put a cohesive post together about the world building of this series because uhhhhh it's BAD.
Ok so, pretty generic epic dark fantasy setting right? Pinnacle of Pinterest fantasy boards with high contrast-low exposure pictures of fancy dresses and knives and men's abs and vague enough cultural references that it's not enough to be appropriation but you know it's ethnic and stolen images of people's dragon age elf OCs--
Anyways, this all ties into Elain, and her powers and stuff. Bc if your world is build just on the aesthetic, your magic system will suffer. It would be okay to not have a thought out magic system, and there are ways to have a vague magic system (e.g, The Chronicles of Narnia, LoTR, stuff like that) that work, but uh... Not if you give every single one of your characters epic magical powers. It... Kinda has to make sense in order for the story to make sense, you can't just pull this shit out of your ass, hate to break it to you. If your magic doesn't have rules, then your world doesn't have rules, and then your story doesn't have rules. And then why do we even care about the conflict, can't the characters just idk, blast their enemies into oblivion, since they can do whatever they want? You see what I'm saying?
Like ok, Nesta's power already makes no sense. I thought Feyre was the most powerful ever but now Nesta is the most powerful ever and I'm concerned to see how Elain is gonna top that.
And the thing about that IS: Elain is gonna have to be the most powerful in her own book right
It's actually an issue I've noticed in a lot of people who make characters: their characters always have to be the best and the strongest. I used to rp with a few friends, and I stopped doing so bc their characters always had to be better than mine, regardless of how good I established my own characters were, or how good my canon muses canonically were. My friends wouldn't let my characters be better than them. (They also always blamed my characters for every misunderstanding like conflict doesn't drive plot and my characters didn't also have thoughts and feelings of their own cough couGH sound familiar Mrs Maas)
In the entirety of ASOSF, I was out here BAFFLED by the amount of time SJM spent trying to prove that Nesta was the new strongest and best ever, while also trying to make sure that we knew that Feyre and Rhysand (mostly Rhysand bc Feyre was preggers uwu) were the still the strongest and best ever, and at some point I was like "why do these people still have problems" bc Briallyn was a plot point for like half a chapter before they straight up kicked her ass and then the next biggest problem was Feyre not being able to have a baby...? I though y'all were the strongest and best ever, can't y'all just reset the entire universe if it suits your fancy JJBA style at this point?
Ok so back to Elain....
Yeah so like, my question is: How is Elain's super vague and cryptic and horribly written poetic "Seer" power gonna top all this? (watch her be the one who can open fuckin portals n stuff just watch)
I would absolutely love it if Elain's book is just a slow(er) paced love(ish) story and it's soft and gentle and we don't need to demolish kingdoms and create portals into the multiverse and find random vague magical items with little to no sound worldbuilding behind them besides a keysmash of a name and another ancient war
It would be so cool if Elain gets to be the one doing the rebuilding, maybe she goes to help the Summer Court out, or maybe even the Spring Court! Maybe she meets sweet new friends and forms long lasting and meaningful relationships! My girl needs to feel needed, and she needs to help those in need.
But watch them have to find even more weird artifacts and stuff that only Elain can control or whatever and there's some new random enemy with no sound worldbuilding behind them either bc SJM Couldn't pull a character plot twist to save her damn life like god FORBID Eris actually have ulterior motives and be like evil or whatever nah we have to hear all about this random new guy who is terrorizing the Night Court now and then there's an ABSOLUTELY ATROCIOUS love triangle/square with Lucien in there bc I guess he really hasn't suffered enough yet and also Gwyn even though she's new BUT Azriel looked at her like twice so its fair game I guess-
Or maybe the whole book will just be about Azriel and how he's into a bunch of kinky shit idk I bet it will be tho-
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minimoefoe · 4 months
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thoughts while/after reading a court of mist and fury for the first time
split into four sections - things I noted down before I started reading, thoughts I wrote down in the midst of reading, thoughts from after i'd finished read and then thoughts after watching a recap vid
before reading
was on tiktok and a pic came up on my fyp of some girl looking all faerie-like and the text said something like 'we want complex characters' 'you can't even handle her' and I was like whatever but then as I was scrolling away I saw the name nesta in the caption so now I'm like oh this coupled with another thing I saw makes me think her and elain are defo gonna become faeries at some point
while reading
I initially did this by chapter but I couldn't be bothered to keep pausing to write stuff so I split it into parts instead. maybe for the next book I should also write the page I'm on when I'm thinking something so it's easier to look back at idk
italics is stuff I've added after finishing the book
part one
so has she not heard from rhysand bc he's been captured or something
tamlin not acknowledging when feyre is up being sick is kinda nasty like bro she died for you, you could at least hold her hair back fuckin hell (the fact that rhys ends up holding her hair back.. dhmu)
feyre doesn't seem happy at all 😭😭
I actually love that feyre is fucked up by everything that happened I feel like sometimes characters just breeze through things and move on but she is just all round having an awful time
no high ladies? okay sexism
lucien's a what? am I supposed to know bc I literally don't 😭 (I still have no idea so.. idk)
rhysand appearing bc feyre is stressed as hell and doesn't wanna get married I'm crying, he obvs did that on purpose to save her
oh I already know the chapters where feyre is with rhysand are gonna be my faves over the stuff back with tamlin and co (the way it ended being basically the whole book omg I won so hard)
feyre is so real getting pissed off with the payment stuff like just reading that shit wound me up. giving away ur jewellery was maybe not a good idea tho idk. best to really have it out with tamlin later and try to fix it idrk (nvm, doing that saved her ass so)
love how often lucien is just third wheeling and makes 'here we go' type comments when mild drama starts happening he's so funny
the 'this how it's done' argument is dumb as fuck don't piss me off tamlin
locking feyre up oh tamlin you smell so bad I kinda hate you
tamlin actually is doing my nut in like you're 400 years old grow up and have a conversation. having feyre hidden away and never telling her anything is an insane way to try and go about things I hope she leaves ur ass. I get that he’s struggling as well but fuckin hell how embarrassing
part two
rhysand soooo cares for feyre like being worried about not feeling anything through the connection, waiting there while she sleeps, desperate for her to banter with him. he's so interesting I love him. leave tamlin for rhys feyre I know you want to
feyre literally being like yeah I wanna stay with you fuck the spring court is craazy like I'm winning so hard
aw sad back stories
odds on nesta and cassian dating
so like.. feyre is fr done with tamlin huh like for a while I was thinking maybe they'd reuinute at some point or she would spend some time being like idk what to do but nah she's done. love that
the flirting with rhys is getting so much more direct like okayyy
azriel ur vibes intrigue me, I am growing very fond of you
amren kinda freaks me out. I like her but also I'm worried she will turn evil or something
cassien is giving emmett cullen but more serious I can't explain it
the only thing I miss about the spring court is lucien
I like the summer high lord
when are they gonna kiss this is KILLING ME
the fact feyre is thinking about painting again oh she's getting better fr
I take back my worries about amren, l love her vibes
we love a feminist king (I think I was talking about him wanting the girls to be able to train lmao)
we've gone so long without seeing or hearing from tamlin/the spring court that I'm like okay surely they need to see each other again and give us some drama, feyre just being able to leave and that's that feels too simple. tho I guess they got the letter and were like okay not much that can be done?? I was kiinda wondering if they wouldn't believe it was from her bc I wasn't sure if they knew she could write but maybe I'm being dumb (no tamlin is the dumb one, not that I was right but like..)
lucien appearing literally at the end of next chapter lmao I willed it into happening
I was so disappointed when they had to share a room earlier in the book and rhys made a bed appear so they didnt have to share.. they made up for it fr
why didn't feyre feel the mating bond or whatever? bc she isn't familiar with it? bc she's been distracted?
can't decide if she's being too pissed about him not telling her idk like tbh I get why he didn't tell her and for a while it defo wasn't the time. but also I get that being lied to and shut out was a problem she had at the spring court so that kinda thing pisses her off
okay nvm she moved on quick and understood him a bit, I'm glad
I actually hadn't even thought about rhysand and feyre being mates or having mates liike the only time I really thought about mates was the fact tamlin and feyre weren't mates but they were gonna get married so I was like huh what does that mean. but this makes a lot of sense. kinda obsessed
interesting that rhys had vibes she was his mate when she human. is that normal? did he only get those hints bc it was like, fated that she would become a faerie, like have faeries and humans ever been mates????
part three
tamlin you sad evil embarrassing little man !!!!!!
knew her sisters would become faeries
elain being lucien's mate wait that's kinda cute omg they so fit together. I wonder if nesta is cassian's
also like, if elain had never become a faerie would lucien have never found his mate? would he have mated with someone else? would he have still been elain's even tho she was human? can you have more than one mate in your lifetime? I need answers
need lucien to see sense and turn on tamlin idk he seems to know this is insane. liike book 3 give me more lucien I'm BEGGING this is how I win omg
after reading
literally loved it so much
it's kinda wild how I thought the spring court seemed like such a nice place in the first book but now that we've seen all these other places with rhys I'm like omfg how BORING is the spring court fuck that, I'd wanna get out of there too
I love literally everyone that we're supposed to love. feyre, rhys and his whole gang. they're all so interesting
I was missing lucien a little bit and he's the main reason I'm cool with us being back at the spring court
I'm hoping lucien is gonna confront feyre fairly early in book three and she's gonna convince him to stop doing as tamlin says and see sense for like, the greater good but also I'm sure elain being his mate will sway him too
I kiiiinda would love if tamlin lost his mind and went full villain. not that he hasn't lost his mind already but yknow. rn he just feels kinda pathetic and stupid, I want evil vibes idk
I looooooved feyre and rhys' relationship and I loved all the revelations about the bond and stuff. I was simultaneously dying for them to finally get together but also was so obsessed with their vibe and the build to it that I almost didn't want them to finally be together. it was all so good tho like UGH I love them. I think knowing some of that stuff is gonna make book one even more interesting on a reread as well
I'm kinda glad they're apart again ngl bc we all know ships gets boring once they get together and the build up is the best bit so some time apart and a lot of drama will be fun I think
need cassian and nesta to get together. need azriel and mor to get together
there's no gay ppl in these books and I'm wondering how the mating bond situation would work with gay ppl. don’t tell me gay faeries don’t exist omg or what if gay faeries never have mates 😭
I feel like there's no way everyone is gonna survive whatever happens in the next book and like honestly as long as its not feyre rhys or lucien, I'll be sad but it'll be fine. if I had to bet on a death I’d probably say azriel, cassian or mor
azriel > cassian > amren > mor. maybe? idk I love them all
after watching cari can read’s catch up video
I’ve been watching a vid after each book literally bc I wanna sure I had the plot at least mostly understood and also bc I’m very limited to what I can search up to do with these books atm since I don’t wanna spoiled so recap vids are a nice little treat lmao. they do sometimes hint at spoilers tho (like the vid of the first book where she said she couldn’t find fanart of the sisters that wasn’t spoilers so i was like oh they’re probs gonna become faeries) but it’s a risk I’m willing to take
there was a lot of moments where feyre had to say to rhys like hey stop keeping things from me, I didn’t realise it happened so much. and part of me is like hm is that a bit strange like surely after the spring court, him constantly doing that would really get to her but as far as I can remember she gets over it all idfk
the music thing in the first book was so strange to me I was like omg feyre has lost it, so it being explained in this book was cool. I feel like you can tell these books were actually planned out before being published
I’m still not 100% clear on the jurian, miryam etc story like I kinda get it but there’s a lot of names idfk. hopefully I get it enough to understand the next book, or it’s explained recapped in the next book
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bunglebees · 3 years
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random eijirou headcanons
has two mamas who he thinks are very manly!! 
two pups at home, a corgi named rocket and a big bernese named pochi
two younger sisters! 
one of his moms is a die-hard musical fan, so he grew up around a lot of em!! knows a ton of songs and obscure productions which surprises a lot of people
someone: “why can’t i remember who originally sang ‘memory’ from cats??” kiri: “elaine paige!!” them:  “... wh,, wha” kiri: “personally, i like nicole scherzinger’s version tho :))”
has a collaborative playlist he makes his friends put their favourite songs in so he can listen to them while he does casual work like cleaning or laundry or running
takes really good care of his teeth!!
really wants someone to help him when he dyes his hair because even though he’s pretty good at it, he’s still a fuckin’ mess
messy eater i love him sm but he’s a mess. it’s hard with teeth like that!!!
really good at carving pumpkins!! loves doin’ it!!
LOVES horror movies!! actually enjoys watching them alone but would never say no to someone who wants to watch some with him!!
actually, he really prefers watching any movie alone because it’s easier to pay attention! if he’s with others, he’ll be looking at them for their reaction or talking to them for most of the movie!!
usually he watches things with a friend and then watches it again later by himself & realizes he missed half the movie lmao
really really good at midnight’s art history class! even she was surprised!! she asks if he’d like to do an exclusive extra credit assignment after class one day and he turns SO red he’s like ME?? YOU’RE CONSIDERING ME????????? and she’s like yeah mf you’re good at this shit????????
he’s very well spoken in conversations regarding activism but he gets a little too passionate sometimes and ends up becoming slightly incoherent 
likes when he’s invited to girls night because it makes him feel special 🥺
no but in all honesty, he’s really touched and moved by the fact that they feel comfortable around him and consider him a worthy exception into something so “sacred”
he also really likes making things when they do crafts!!!
katsuki texts him every day to remind him to take his medication and he still tears up sometimes
almost broke tenya’s arm once because kiri was in his range when he was in robot mode and instinctively hardened when he saw his arm coming
luckily tsu launched her tongue at tenya in time & pulled his arm away from ei. tenya was Confused and Slightly Damp.
okay so we all know how he Dress Like That, right? like someone’s uncle? like your older cousin at the beach? i think he’s got a GREAT sense of fashion but chooses to dress like your neighbor’s dad because of how often he rips his shit up. there’s no sense in being drippy if it rippy ✊😔
this bitch actually LIKES lunchables smh 
is anyone’s fake bf if they need him to be. he is ON that shit coming out with a backstory & everything
tries to like tea he TRIES HE PROMISES but he just cannot get over the bitterness and leafiness 
he has tried american iced tea. this is the only one he likes. and arizona. but only if he drinks it after mina has because “i dunno it just tastes better man??” “kiri if you wanna kiss me ju--” “THAT’S NOT IT”
loves kids sm, he loves hanging out with them and talking to them and playing with them so u bet ur ass he was excited when he learned eri was gonna be living at ua!!
some of his belongings look like a dog got to them,,. only a small amount are actually because of a dog
him & mina have a day to themselves to hang out at LEAST once every two weeks, but they try for at least a lil bit of time together once a week. they besties after all 
loves high-intensity and adrenaline-surging things!!! he desperately wants to skydive!!
can NOT lie to save his life. he goes full nick miller
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uno-writing · 2 years
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@queer-verse ‘s ask, it just has a lot of specifics for ep 247 so I wanted to put it under the cut :D🍿🥤🍭🍬🍫🧋
!!!!!MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!!!!! !!!!!READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!!
*spoilers for 247 lol*
- " those three are never up to any good" ADCYHFUKGTY DO YALL REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS. NO DO U UNDERSTAND THE IMPLICATIONS
- Wellston has seen them together other than the staircase scene,,,, (p sure those three specifically weren't together in season 1 or 2) their dynamic is established common knowledge among the student body??? I refuse to believe there aren't already jokes abt it.
- this is the first sass squad ep. We got sass squad. Ik it was implied heavily in the art uru released during the hiatus and it's been built all thru season 3 but we Got It, it's Canon
- sera was not as mad as I thought she would be lol
- John and sera mother-henning over eachother while Arlo third wheels? Uru is a gift that keeps giving
- lol arlos sigh and him chilling in the bg he's so done w their back and forth
- on a serious note they care sm abt each other 🥺 sera wants what's better for john no matter what it costs her and vice versa.
- God I hope that dream from 245 wasn't foreshadowing
- honestly ik that someone's ability getting affected is the Chekhov's gun for this arc but I don't want anything to happen to any of my bbys
- I hate Terrence. Fite me I remember him smirking in an ep he doesn't feel bad for what he's doing at all
- poor remi needs a fuckin break
- Arlo called him and sera "we"
- "but I don't want his number" "I don't want yours either" damn they're really dragging out this rivalry thing huh there's gonna come a point where to their individual horror they don't mind eachother's company ~le gasp~ and the bickering is going to get worse b4 it gets better
- Arlo and John have Canonically exchanged numbers
- pfffffft John getting stuck w babysitting Blyke, r we Gon see that Blyke John wholesomeness? (I want to go in depth abt blykes issues but I'm too tired rn)
- seriously tho, y didn't they assign John Terrence? John can track Terrence even when he turns invisible, surely that makes the most sense. Guess they'll use that another time.
- John is the only only one who canonically swears. Love it. One of the reasons I love him. It's so funny too bc we would've been shocked to see him swear in the beginning of the comic.
- there's also been one (1) canon flirt between the main cast
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- hey remember the fandom calling him asslo? Remember when remi called him asslo and that was the first time we got to his close they are? Remember him hugging remi fybdyjfrukbc
- (uru said spoilers when asked abt romance between the main cast so at least we can expect that. Can't wait to see real flirting)
- THE TEXTING ASDFGHJKL
- OFC JOHNS TYPING IS ATROCIOUS AND ARLO IS A GRAMMAR NAZI WE ALREADY KNEW THAT
- BUT THAT SCENE IS STILL SO GIVING,,, " GET A MAP"
- sera's outfit is also gorge. I think we've seen her wear it before somewhere but it hits different in this episode.
- also the way John's blue shirt flairs out at the waist like a fucking tutu is sending me
- doesn't matter what he's doing, that thing is at a forty five degree angle from his body
- ooh also John w his his hand in his pocket isnt something I knew I needed?
- and that last panel? If I was Terrence, I would be running far away as fast as possible.
- another super long episode, appreciation for uru and her team
- there's like five people total who like your posts and I'm tempted to tag them u guys the anons aren't fooling no one
- Boba anon 🧋
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*Flippin Elaine has had to deal with their bs like 3 times before now
*Tbh, I think I’d hate having a strongish healing ability at Wellston
*I don’t wanna get pulling into all the bs lol
*Yeah, Sera didn’t really react to it lol
*I thought she’d be pissed
*But she was just mildly perturbed
*Arlo’s reactions while Sera and John were arguing k i l l e d me
*I think something’s gonna happen with it bc it showed up in 2 different frames all by itself
*It was so funny
*I think another Chekov’s gun is the Ferris Wheel
*I don’t think Terrance feels bad bc this is what he believes is right
*Like it seems like he’s a bit of an extremist for SPECTRE so I think he just believes that taking people’s abilities and putting others in danger is what’s necessary
*Poor poor Remi
*Like seriously
*She just wants this trip to go smoothly
*Arlo and John are like toddlers around each other
*People’s lives could be in danger and the two of you are arguing about swapping numbers
*And Blyke will probs be around Remi the majority of the time
*Why did they not assign John to Terrance???
*Like it makes more sense for Sera to hang around Blyke bc they’re kinda friends
*Plus, like you said, John can see when Terrance goes invisible
*Like I guess Sera sees Terrance as the biggest threat so she wants to take him
*But still, I think it’d be smarter to put John on Terrance
*Like we’ve seen him text Sera and it’s not that bad
*At least we should get some John and Blyke interactions!!
*John wasn’t even trying texting
*So John was probs doing in on purpose to mess with Arlo lol
*It flares out bc his plot armor is so poofy lol
*I think Terrance was also smirking bc he knows how badly it pisses Sera off and it makes him feel powerful
*Like he can make her feel angry and scared for her loved ones and can’t do crap to him while she still wants her ability
*And lol
*I’ve got a lot of lurkers on my blog too that don’t interact other than sending in anon asks (which is fine, obviously. Im just glad peeps enjoy my stuff 😅)
*But yeah, the people that actually do like or reblog are the same for almost every post
*Like I think I’ve got about 7 or 8 regular anons (including you lol) that send asks in at least every other day
*Just bc their asks are similar in the way they phrase things or type
*Every now and then it’ll branch out a bit lol
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highqueenofelfhame · 4 years
Text
acowar reread thread
so i think i’ll update this post every few chapters unless anything super major happens that i want to immediately react to, that way you get my commentary but i’m not totally flooding and flooding and flooding your feed with a super super long post. i think i’m going to edit it under the cut and reblog it every time it gets updated and i’ll also number every update so it’s easy to find where i left off. if you guys prefer the other way i’ll transition back to the other way for acofas.) this is super fun i’ll start doing this for more books if you’re interested, including books i read for the first time. (after acofas, crescent city is next and it’ll be my first time reading it!)
UPDATES UNDER THE CUT.
1) chapters 1-5 I’ve read up through chapter five and so far my favorite thing is just how DONE feyre is with literally everyone in the spring court. the amount of times she’s had to like look away and not roll her eyes is just hilarious, her dry inner monologue, she just made a comment about having to remind herself to laugh and not strangle tamlin while they were dancing at the summer solstice and it just is so funny to me. 
i miss rhys. but the few times they’ve spoken through the bond is enough to tide me over. he told her he loved her once and i sighed out loud. i’m such trash for this bitch. 
feyre hijacking the summer solstice ceremony is COMEDIC GOLD. like you kNOW ianthe was fuming and furious and trying to save face the best she could but like hats off to feyre man. her character development from book one to where we’re at in book three is fantastic. she’s not a simpering little girl anymore, she’s a bad bitch and she kNOWS she’s a bad bitch and it’s just.. fucking great. 
i also, as much as i don’t want to, feel for lucien A LOT. i think a lot of his behavior is heavily influenced by how he’s been treated by tamlin for most of his life and i feel genuine remorse from him and the fact that he can like tell something is up but isn’t saying anything just shows, to me anyway, how much remorse he’s genuinely feeling. 
also alis knowing that something is up is just a testament to how attentive she is as a faerie and a friend and i really love that about her.
“I was the nightmare” YAS BITCH. FUCKIN YAASSS.
2) chapters 6-10 feyre is so goddamn clever. the entire time she’s bringing down the spring court she’s witty and fierce and clever and really just iS THAT BITCH, HUH? 
i don’t like jurian but the fact that he still has compassion within himself for his kind despite being literally insane for being just AWAKE and aware for like 500 years is... nice and pleasantly surprising because i feel like you wouldn’t think that of him being that he’s siding with hybern so that he thanked feyre when she tried to get the children of the blessed out of there... i don’t know why i’m bringing this up, it’s just something that stuck out to me and that jurian also vouches (to feyre) about rhysand’s character and how decent of a person he found him to be. it’s just very interesting and i feel like speaks leaps and bounds about rhysand as a person. 
feyre pushing tamlin to explode again... just CHEF KISS. like she really thought of everything. she thought of everything to internally make his sentries doubt him and then completely hate them by orchestrating the ianthe vs sentry debacle. she made herself seem very compassionate and kind and and showed tamlin and ianthe for what they were by doing genuinely so little. like all she did was make them show their true colors on their own and it didn’t take tOO much manipulation. idk feyre is just incredible in the spring court. 
forcing ianthe to hurt herself and molding her mind to make her think she’s always afraid is so much better than just outright killing her.. (if i remember from my last read, it doesn’t hold up, but the thought is there and it’s genius) I also think that this shows a lot about feyre and her character because despite everything she couldn’t just leave lucien alone with ianthe and the unwanted advances. she stayed and fought for her friend (and by extension her mate) even when lucien wouldn’t really fight for her and so feyre is just a fuckin real one like... she’s the kind of friend that you want in your corner. 
killing the hybern twins: glorious. such badassery from lucien and feyre both. 
and i think it’s nice that she let lucien come along with her on her journey back to the night court despite maybe not wanting to but i also think that she knew if she left him behind he could get in serious trouble or wind up dead and so again, i think it says a lot about her character as a person. 
3) chapters 11-15 i’m kind of reading and recapping every 50 pages or so which typically ends up being 4-5 chapters and it’s a good system so far so we’re gonna keep it up! 
the first thing of like, real substance to comment on is lucien saying his father will kill feyre for wielding his power but feyre just responding with “he can get in line.” like her sass is sO GOOD In this book, especially in the spring court chapters.
uhhh big fuck you to eris, i don’t know why people want him to have a redemption arc, he is literally a fat sack of shit that deserves to burn and i’m not sorry for saying so. he’s abusive and cruel and doesn’t deserve like, anything at all. although i will say good on him for balking a bit when feyre revealed she’s high lady. 
CASSIAN AND AZRIEL SUPERHERO LANDING ON THE ICE AND KICKING ASS!! I remember vividly the relief i felt when cassian showed up and was able to fly and i still felt so much victory when it happened again. it’s one of my favorite moments of the book so far and just really gets me. also feyre just dropping the “I’m high lady of the night court” bomb is DELICIOUS and i can’t get enough. i read it like six times. because you know as soon as the illyrians yielded to her that the autumn bitches were like “shit.”
“My love.” kILLS ME. you guys, i’ve only read this book once but i’ve reread their reuniting multiple times because it’s just so soft. rhys is so goddamn soft. he loves her so fucking much. i want rhys to call me my love and lick my tears away. goddamn. 
something i think about a lot is how in acotar when tamlin had feyre alone after months of torture he just tried to fuck her despite knowing things weren’t safe. however, knowing she was home and safe, rhys didn’t try for that immediately. like yes, they kissed, but there was so much conversation before they fucked that it just, says a lot about their relationship. tamlin also always demanded to know everything about feyre’s visits as soon as she was back, not even bothering to kiss her hello but rhys was like ‘that shit can wait’ AND THEY’RE ABOUT TO GO TO WAR. rhys loves her so wholly that he wanted to make sure she was okay before he ever bothered to ask about the spring court and how everything unfolded the last few weeks. idk i’m trash for rhysand, y’all. let’s make that a shirt.
the way that rhys threatens lucien, “i won’t bother to explain it again, and i will rip out your fucking throat.” is so sexy. like how casual it was, so sexy.#ripmythroatoutrhysand
amren being a bedtime story but irl is just a cranky aunt lmao.
nesta’s ferocity is, yes, frustrating, but also so heartbreaking to me. for a very long time i had a really rough relationship with my sister and i can see my own sister in nesta (who, by the way, would murder me if she found out i said this so, kara, if u see this, i love u endlessly and i love nesta with my whole heart) especially nesta’s behavior more so in acofas which i’ll talk more about when we get there. but i just, i feel for her man. she’s been traumatized and life as she knows it has been ripped away from her and some people respond to trauma with bite. and i know it doesn’t make it right or okay but it still just makes me feel for her.
cassian and nesta’s banter just gODDAMMIT SLAYS ME. i cannot wait for an entire fucking book of this shit and an entire book of their back and forth. i think nesta loves him and doesn’t know what to do with it because she’s scared so she’s acting like a cornered animal. like nesta is a snake that will strike when cornered and threatened and i just god i can’t wait for their book. 
elain... broke my heart a lot more than i remembered. as someone in the midst of my worst depression i find myself able to relate to that hollow and empty feeling like...all too well and it struck a cord and i almost cried at how empty she was. 
4) chapters 16-29 there is the whole meeting at amren’s apartment and cassian defends nesta, saying that he understands her actions, her snark, why she is the way she is, and it just honestly reinforces my love for cassian. i don’t have much to say about it but that i just really love the respect that he has for others. more cassian things: feyre brings up again how even broken and literally bleeding out and on the ground with his wings completely shredded he was still crawling toward nesta and reaching for her and trying to get to her. “because i can’t stay away.” fucking cracks my heart open every time. 
i love everything about the first family dinner back together. i love all the banter, i love that nesta sat in and even contributed to dinner conversation a little bit. lucien being so uncertain of the dynamic is hilarious. amren like opening herself up in a way to nesta and telling her that they’re the same, and to make sure her eruption is felt across worlds, i love it. i’m marking a lot more from amren than i thought i would. cassian at one point, he points to az and says “don’t try to blend into the shadows” and it actually made me chuckle to myself because hE DOES THAT. and it’s funny that cassian calls him on it. 
i don’t think nesta gets enough credit (for like anything, we all been knew i’m a slut for her and stan her with my life) but even as broken and angry as she was she did still offer to help explore magic that she doesn’t want and got as a result of trauma so that she can try to help. she isn’t completely useless. and i like that she has backbone and isn’t just a pushover little bitch. (that isn’t directed toward elain. like i previously mentioned, i’m finding that i relate a lot to her in her current state.) i just mean that i’m glad she sticks up for herself and doesn’t just like, do what people tell her to do. ya know?
rhys being so open to feyre pushing back on him about things like, again man. tamlin erupted and got angry, rhys is like “hell, i deserved it.” just, the differences in their relationships and the toxicity that comes from tamlin and the devotion rhys has for feyre is (say it with me) DELICIOUS.
i also like that just because feyre is high lady that the IC doesn’t just like flop over and bend down and take shit (i’m looking at you, spring court.) like cassian isn’t afraid to be like “you pissed me off by sacrificing yourself.” because he cares. LIKE, AGAIN WITH HIS DEVOTION. his loyalty is just so pure. it isn’t blind but it is pure and i just, god i love it. 
also everyone forgets that azriel has a dry ass sense of humor and i don’t see any of y’all writing it into your fics. “In order to fly, you’ll need wings” he said drily. IT’S DELICIOUS. dry humor is some of the best. and i like that feyre is learning more and getting to spend more time with him. 
5) chapter 20-27 this one will be a bit of a dump because i accidentally read too much today so far to try to catch up from my lack of reading yesterday so... oops. 
“Let’s see what names you call me when my head is between your legs, Feyre darling.” ugh. i wish a mans would say that to me. not really. i wish rhys would say that to me and only rhys. maybe rowan. or aaron warner. or cassian. or -- you get it. 
amren is SO FUCKING FUNNY without doing it on purpose. like genuinely hilarious. “she’s fine. stubborn as an ass, but as you’re related, i’m not surprised.” rOAST THEM. also amren makes nesta almost smile and she makes her laugh all in the span of like ten seconds AND nesta almost smiles when amren brings up cassian. coincidencE? i tHINK NOT.
again with rhys soothing her nightmares. like god it’s so good i dont even have to say anything else abt it.
feyre realizing that the bone carver is her and rhysand’s son. SO GOOD. like SERIOUSLY SO GOOD. and this doesn’t matter at all rn but i think that rhysand’s son has the potential to be more powerful than even him but that’s a thing to get into for another time.
EVERYTHING THE BONE CARVER SAYS ABOUT NESTA. also that it’s directed at cassian is very interesting and i think the bone carver knows they’re mates. like i wonder if cassian is seeing what feyre sees: his own son. WOULDN’T THAT BE INTERESTING. “How she calls to you.” also the comment about “what did you wake that day in hybern, prince of bastards?” what did cassian wake. the wording here is interesting and i have... a lot of questions. does anyone else just also really fucking enjoy the bone carver as a character? like he’s excellent i’ve never read anything quite like him.
“nothing about nesta could frighten me” UGH MY NESSIAN HEART CAN’T FUCKING TAKE IT.
also cassian stepping it later when nesta is furious with rhysand about the flying. like, one when he sighs and says she’ll never fly again is just... funny and adorable but how nesta was charging for rhys and he casually stepped in front of her and he talked her down. “It was amren’s fault, of course, but no one believed me. and no on dare banish her.” like just babbling a bit to bring her back down to earth. absolutely fascinating and delicious that it worked, wouldn’t you agree? ;)
court of nightmares is always a pleasure. fuck eris. 
also later at the town house when amren and mor and rhys are kinda going at it a bit and cassian gets nesta’s attention and nesta sidles over to him without questioning it... like. god if they aren’t endgame i’ll never read an SJM book ever again and i wholeheartedly mean that.
so i’ve seen the posts about amren being an angel i’m not sure if you guys have but yeah i think that’s a really solid theory. i think she very well could be a biblical angel because she mentioned that according to some they were perfect, that they laid waste to twin cities (sodom & gamorrah if this theory is correct) and she also mentioned yielding her grace and that she would fall. she also says she was a messenger and soldier assassin for a wrathful god ruling a young world and all of that, in my opinion, lines up with a lot of what is in the bible and what christians believe to be true. so i really really like this theory, i doubt it will ever be outright confirmed, but i think this is going to be my canon tbh. 
elain is.... out of her mind. it’s fucking weird everything she says is so cryptic and odd. like it’s just weird. i don’t think she’s insane and i can’t remember exactly where elain’s storyline goes in this book but like... rn it’s just weird and cryptic and a little unsettling and also interesting that she only really responds directly to azriel because everyone else she kinda ignores but she talks to him. interesting. 
6) chapters 28-49 clearly i accidentally read A LOT so we have a lOT Of ground to cover. 
NESTA WAS TOTALLY CHECKING CASSIAN OUT AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT.
azriel has fucking jokes, man. page 303 (hardcover us edition)  “That pine tree wasn’t there a moment ago.” “Judging by its size, i’d say it’s been there for ... two hundred years at least.” feyre even notes that he has a dry sense of humor and it comes out more when they’re alone. i can’t get enough of it. i wish he talked more. 
“Cassian finished the muffin, licking his fingers. I could have sworn nesta watched the entire thing with a sidelong glance. He grinned at her as if he knew it too.” i just love nessian so much i’m going to point out all of their cute reactions this is turning more into a nessian reaction thread SUE ME.
I think that nesta has a lot of regret and guilt over her life.over how she treated feyre because it comes out when nesta brings up to feyre that she didn’t know she couldn’t read (and again at the high lords meeting when she says they would have starved if it wasn’t for her.) i think she feels deeply and just doesn’t know what to do with it, doesn’t know how to express it. 
When they almost get taken in the library, and cassian gets there and nesta “launches herself at him.” my heart. she was scared and she didn’t care she was just so relieved. like fuck me up that’s the shit i like.
nesta asking where cassian is the moment they get back from the battle in adriata and she was worried and scared for him. later when she does see him i think this is when the mating bond clicks into place. it’s page 398 and she says “You didn’t come to -” and then cuts herself off. they have a really fucking intense moment. cassian takes her hand and laces their fingers and they don’t really say anything for a beat until he says “Next time, emissary, i’ll come say hello.” but his voice is low and rough when he says it. “The world seemed to go utterly still at that interrupted sentence, nothing and no one more so than cassian.” i think this is when it clicks for him. maybe not for nesta but definitely for cassian. 
RHYSAND RIPPING TAMLIN’S ABILITY TO SPEAK AWAY LIKE YES WE STAN A MOTHERFUCKING KING. fuck tamlin. fuck eris. and fuck beron. also nesta defending cassian in the high lords meeting (page 438, because beron calls him a bastard.) again, i’m just saying, she’s defending her fucking mate i can’t deal. feyre also exploding in the meeting and rhys just being like “You’ve proved your point, my love.” SO DELICIOUS. “I made her high lady because i love her. her power was the last thing i considered.” like fucking hELL that is how you treat your woman.
after the meeting, helion being like “You handing eris’s ass to him will be my new fantasy at night, by the way.” DELICIOUS. fucking hilarious. 10/10 recommend helion as a high lord and a mans we love to see it. 
also cassian being so concerned when nesta starts to have that feeling about the cauldron being used before the wall gets shattered.he didn’t doubt her feelings for a second, i mean no one did, but he was completely unyielding when he sensed her fear and immediately looked for any sign of an immediate threat.
nesta saying she’s never worn pants and cassian saying “i have no doubt you’d start a riot if you did.” he’s thinking bout that ass. also cassian giving her a quick lesson in defense before they yeet off to the human lands to see graysen and his family. IDK I REALLY LOVE NESSIAN OKAY?!
7) chapter 50-the end. i accidentally finished the book. oops. 
super intersted in nesta’s powers and if she is a witch. i can’t remember acofas at all and if nesta’s powers manifest in that book but i’m eager to see if the fracturing of the cauldron didn’t effect whatever powers she took from it. i think that could also be part of what ultimately is wrong with her on top of all the trauma. 
nesta helping cassian after that first battle when his wrist is hurt. she didn’t take no for an answer and helped him and it was just really soft until mor showed up and cassian pulled his hand away. i’m conflicted about what it means to be totally honest. what it means for his feelings for nesta and what it means where mor is concerned. i don’t love how morrigan treats nesta and cassian’s... relationship? but i don’t dislike mor. i think she’s dealing and coping and has her reasons that we will likely find out about. 
“Only you can decide what breaks you” is something i’d like to get tattooed. i dont really have anything else to add to it. 
i was sobbing during rhys’s battle speech to everyone. i dont rlly have anything else to say about it other than i’m emo. 
nesta saving cassian. again i don’t have shit to say about it other than like it makes me so emotional.  she just started blinding screaming, hoping that he would come. i can’t even begin to think what his death would have done to her.
the bone carver smiling at feyre before he did hits a very specific piece of my heart and i’m not sure why or what but i had chills all over my body. 
cassian telling rhys to let him return the favor/repay the debt. HURT. another thing i cried over. like shut the fuck cassian AIN’T NOBODY DYIN TODAY. 
tHE Nessian moment to end all nessian moments when they would die together. like big fucking wow. you can’t tell me they’re not mates. that they don’t love each other despite how complicated all of it is. like cassian is so soft in the most unique way for her because he knows she bites and he lets her and he bites back and i just think it’s what he needs.
“tell the high lord to leave out a cup for me” AMREN SHUT UP. like fucking christ i teared up then too because i really really love her character. she’s unique and funny and dry and cranky and i just love her so much. 
i’m tired of rhys sacrificing himself. there, i said it. i cried like a fucking baby and of course he woke up being a snarky little shit.
i love the end of this book. i don’t know what i’ll do with myself until january when the next one comes out. i’ll probably go back to the other format for my next read through because it’s easier and less longwinded and i think you guys liked the other way better. anywho, thank you for coming along on this lil journey!!
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as a classic cats fan what did you think of the 2019 movie?
FOREWARD: i have full respect to those who enjoyed CATS 2019 and show their support and engage in that part of the fandom. rock on. very truly, honestly, sincerely, i hope you have a blast and create and share and have the best of times. welcome to the fandom, it’s great to have you here; thank you for joining us and i really, really do mean that from the bottom of my heart and soul. it really makes me happy that CATS has become something good for you like it is, and has been, for so many of us. i’m ecstatic to see the fandom expanding and i’m so very serious about that.
unfortunately this is the time to jump ship if you don’t want to hear any more complaints about it. thank you and ilu all and once again, welcome to the fold, i love that you’re joining us and y’all being here honey butters my toast xoxo
there was a 2019 movie?
runs hands down face
from the very first sneeze of an idea of doing a CATS movie went around being speculated in what.. 2012?? i have been against it because i knew it wouldn’t be done right. what i really wanted, really hoped for, what the fandom very honestly deserves and STILL does to this day and beyond is another honest, no dances cut, full on professionally shot video of the stage production again.
i’m still putting my hand to the cold glass and pulling my thin shawl around my shoulders as i gaze past the rain blurring the dreary world outside and sighing a tremendous, weary sigh because Hamilton is getting a full professionally-shot stage movie...... and CATS likely won’t ever.. and how cruel that is.
(not hatin on Hamilton, btw; im just old and bitter LOL i have zero hard feelings towards Hamilton and honestly good for them for getting that done, they deserve it)
so...... listen. i appreciate the thought and commitment to making a CATS movie. i think the biggest thing that busted my balls about it was the use and execution of the CGI cat people. ofc this is a big thing in a lot of opinions. but i’ve always been sitting here like....... 
there are... decades of fanart. decades of productions and photos and costume design. but the fan. art. did anyone go in and look at it? artists have been drawing these characters a wide variety of ways, but when it boils down to the anthropomorphic take on it, i thought it was pretty damn clear how good it could look. i feel like they should have been diggin in the CATS art trenches all this time, all these years, and really taken all these artistic interpretations very seriously to heart. 
it felt like a slap in the face when they overhauled nearly everyone’s design/look to the point where i don’t even know who i’m looking at. and listen, i’m here for redesigns, don’t get me wrong. i dug Jason Derulo’s Tugger design. i dug Idris Elba’s Macavity base idea because he was made a shorthair and clearly all source material says otherwise? and where’s the ginger, mate?? 
(NOTE: in the b’way revival the new Macavity costume is easily 99% black in contrast to the original design in which the costume was 95% red and orange. stark difference. “Macavity’s a ginger cat” contradicts the revival costume a bit since, again, it’s largely black. so in its defense, the costume’s red/orange accents are well placed and the black pays more tribute to the “very tall and thin” aspect he’s supposed to have. (the old costume was wild and hairy, it kinda puffed him out a bit, esp with the much fuller and taller wig.) the revival wig is more on par with main wigs, and it has that coppery color, the makeup is simplistic (as it needs to be added on to Plato) and the color use FOR base Plato brings out the red and etc etc etc. i like the revival costume; it didn’t go overboard on the reds and oranges, it was sleek and powerful, and oh my god you’ve got fingergless gloves with fucking fringe there is a MANE wiht FRINGE who designed that bc i gotta kiss em and offer a piece of my heart and soul)
everything felt muddled, disorganized, foreign, and god why did we do Jennyanydots that why please why are the cockroaches people please are you all ok in production? blink twice if you need help
oh yeah and the fat jokes. i think we were supposed to be getting over that but ok
very interesting thing with Macavity kidnapping the potentials. kinda dug that. fuck it up, Skimbleshanks
and speaking of fuckin Skimbleshanks you have no idea how much of my shit i lost when he started the tap number. i was over the MOON. GOOD shit, FUCK yeah, GO OFF and it was brilliant, absolutely beautiful
ALSO when i heard Judi Dench was gonna be in it i was really hopeful she’d finally play Grizabella. what a fucking treat that would’ve been. she was set to debut the role in the West End, then she tore her Achilles, so Elaine Page replaced her and the rest was history. i’ve really wanted to hear/see her Grizabella. :(
(and briefly on the topic of Grizabella i’m kinda not here for the trend of younger actresses in the role just hhhhhhhh kinda takes away and misplaces her whole vibe and story imo)
i just.. i didn’t understand some of the plot changes like how Macavity was up in everyone’s bs tryna force himself up to the Heavyside Layer, it was silly, and yeah i shouldn’t take CATS so seriously even with the longtime fan background but 
gestures helplessly
y’all fr?? 
there were a lot of super questionable decisions across the board and all that has already been gone over by so many people a dozen billion times. on one hand, i’m glad CATS got some exposure. on the other, :( not like this
however, on a very good note (other than skimbleshanks bless him): let me tell you how EXCITED i was that they used the original Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer arrangement. what a fucking pleasant surprise. HELL yeah. i LOVE that arrangement and i’m tickled to pieces that it was chosen.  good shit. good shit.
tbh as Serious and Bruh Calm Down this might all sound, it’s honestly no skin off my teeth. it’s a frustration, sure. i’m so very tired.  i’m disappointed. i didn’t have any specific expectations about it, just a lot of hopes. maybe too many hopes.
being a longtime CATS fan i know as well or even better than other people what a fucking dumpster fire the show is LMAO it’s wild and it’s ridiculous and god it doesn’t make any sense, it has a plot and it has no plot and everything about it is so horny and it’s the greatest fucking thing to ever happen to me
i obviously have a lot of feelings and history with CATS, and 2019 did not “ruin” anything for me, it didn’t “taint” anything about it, despite everything i’ve complained about i don’t consider myself a purist. (ok. except about the revival choreography. some things are more sacred than the vatican.)
i don’t dig 2019 as a whole. i don’t want to completely disregard it. there are bits and pieces i did like and that i can appreciate. i wish it wasn’t done that way. i just wish we had gotten a true blue professionally shot, no dances cut, honest portrayal of the stage production. 
but hey it is what it is. at the bottom of it all i’m just glad there are new people coming in and taking a look around. it’s nice to see a resurgence of the fandom. it feels really good to see more people here and loving it. i missed CATS and the CATS community. it feels so good to be home.
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packsbeforesnacks · 4 years
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Talk Too Much || Blanche & Winn
TIMING: Saturday, May 30th, 2020, Late Night LOCATION: Dell’s Tavern PARTIES: @harlowhaunted & @packsbeforesnacks SUMMARY: Winn comes clean. Blanche wants to drink. WARNINGS: Extremely brief mention of assisted-suicide-by-hunter.
Blanche was still irritated with the whole Winn situation, but if she were being truly honest with herself, she just didn’t have enough energy to be truly angry. No one had died, and at the end of the day, none of it mattered. It was a string of unfortunate events that were, for the most part, corrected by Winn coming back. If anything, the bigger headache was going to be with Ariana and Noah and any of his other possible-wolf friends that he left behind and not with her. She pulled into Dell’s parking lot, parked her Jeep and asked for a booth to settle in. Winn wanted to talk, and she didn’t know how responsive she’d be, but she would at least try to not lose her shit like she had with Theo before… She had just been browsing the cocktail menu she saw Winn. Leaning out of the booth, she waved. “Hey! Winn. Over here.” She gave him a strained smile. “I hope you know I’m getting the biggest burger there is.”
Winn could be honest: He was frustrated with the chain of events that had unfolded in his absence. Noah had clued him in, and the pack’s general sentiments had solidified that Noah hadn’t been in the minority. But, really, aside from Noah’s special case, Winn could handle the pack’s anger. It had been a stupid miscommunication, but it was his stupid miscommunication. He could fix it. What he couldn’t fix, what ate at him, was Blanche’s trust in him. Winn slid into the booth, across from Blanche, and smiled tentatively. “B, you could buy out Dell’s and I’d pay for every cocktail, every inch of grease to make you a burger of your dreams.” Winn sighed, rolling his neck. He needed to be drunk for this; he couldn’t possibly be drunk for this. “I slept through half the day, the entire pack doesn’t trust me, my father I guess lives with me now? But, Blanche, I’ll be honest. I don’t give a shit about any of that because I am so scared you hate me now. I know it’s selfish. But I��” Winn glanced down at his hands, hesitant to meet Blanche’s eyes. “If you don’t want to… be around me. I understand. That’s one answer I don’t have for you tonight. I don’t… I don’t know what happened, after you threw me. But,” Winn looked up, “I am going to find out. It will never happen again.”
Blanche opened her mouth to start talking, but Winn started in on the serious things before she could even start with some mild small talk. She faltered, unsure what to say for a moment as she rubbed the back of her neck with a low sigh. She supposed she was supposed to feel bad, but all things considered, her emotions were a little fried. “Winn, I wouldn’t have met you here if I didn’t want to be around you,” she said pointedly. “I like free food, but not that much. Come on.” Tucking a strand of pink hair behind her ear, she considered her next words carefully. “I heard the words ‘loss of control’ being thrown around a lot,” she said finally, with a shrug. She remembered, vaguely, Winn’s wolfish form coming at her with some sort of bloodthirsty look on his face. That was the only reason Blanche was able to differentiate the first attack from the second, though she was still a little peeved he hadn’t told her he couldn’t understand human words. Noah was right, they were both morons. “And no, it won’t happen again, because we’re not doing that again. You want to spar with me? I get to punch you in your big, dumb human face and hopefully no one will scare me so bad that my brain thinks I have to chuck you across a clearing and into a tree. Which— Sorry. Again. Truly. I didn’t mean to.” And even if they did that, it would preferably be around the New Moon. She frowned slightly, and ran a hand down her face. “I’m sorry that the pack is angry with you, too.”
Winn couldn’t help a small smile from forming on his face. Not quite dopey, but not subtle either. They could work through this. “Naw, B. I can take being thrown into a tree. Uh, or… Physically, anyway?” He laughed, weakly, as the server came over to take their orders. And, Jesus, was everyone in this town brutally attractive? The guy could be a Pine’s brother. Winn leaned on his hand, scratching at his chin. “Well, not… all of the pack? Just mostly. And I prolly deserve it. I should’ve left the note somewhere smarter. I should’ve replaced my phone before leaving town. I should’ve checked my account or my email to make sure weird shit wasn’t happenin’. It was… I don’t want to make excuses. But a lot of shit went down, and me freakin’ out and comin’ at you was not the weirdest — or worst — part of my week. And given that it was extremely bad… Anyway, I’ll get to that, but: You’ve got nothin’ to be sorry for, far as I’m concerned.” Winn scratched at the wood of the table, nervous. “But, uh— Sorry. I don’t mean to be a bummer, just didn’t want… I know shit’s not great, with you, so maybe this is a dumb question, but: How’re you checkin’ in?” He’d explained the concept to her before, a while back, but this was the first time it felt… right to use it, instead of just chattin’. This felt more… not formal, per se, but different. A boundary that he needed to respect.
“I’m trying to not make it a habit. Throwing people, I mean,” Blanche said, running a hand through her hair. The server came and went and she let out a low sigh as she settled back into the booth as she listened to Winn. They could go over should haves and could haves for hours, though she didn’t particularly want too. It was a waste of time, especially when they could easily move on from mistakes and do better. Especially when no one had died. Even the feud between herself and Adrien seemed so small in the wake of Bea’s death. Adrien and Blanche could hurl cruel words at each other all day, every day, but at least they were both still alive. At least they were there so they could do that. The thought made her want to call him, but she knew he still needed space from the explosion that happened with Regan. She looked at Winn and just gave him a shrug. “Things are shitty,” she said. Checking in was harder and harder — she just wanted to forget and be numb to it. She had told Adam that it was easier that way. “Possession sucked. I’ve been staying with Nell because I can’t stand feeling a ghost near me for too long. It’s been a thing.” She gave another shrug, not willing to go into it. “Are you going to tell me where you went that made your week so weird and shitty? And, uh, for the record, I’d also like to address the killswitch thing as well, if you don’t mind.”
Oh, right. Honesty. That pesky thing that Winn had committed to, with Blanche and Noah especially. “This is going to be… a long story,” Winn warned, hand around his water for when he inevitably needed to pause. “So, uh. You don’t know… a fuckton about my past. That’s… by design, or was.” He stopped himself. Okay, he could be less confusing. “I was born Winthrop Linton Zhou, don’t say a fuckin’ word, and grew up in Falls Church. My dad, Daniel Zhou, taught at Georgetown for years, and my mom is, uh, Congresswoman-then-Speaker-of-the-House? Elaine Delacour. We like Dad. We have… extremely mixed feelings on Mom, to say the least. I, um, went to college, went through some shit, got the Bite, and then a couple years later… killed a Hunter, in self-defense.” He sighed, remembering that both his dad and his former partner didn’t blame him, and they thought he’d been in the right — that Winn didn’t need to carry that guilt quite so heavily. “Shit got… weird, from there. I was in a pretty dark place. And, uh, I… actually don’t remember a lot. I’m pretty sure that I was a wolf for, like… a lot of the time for the next year. But then there’s a whole other year, and… Anyway, more on that later. I ended up in Europe in early 2018, took on Winn Woods as an assumed name, falsified some documents, and eventually applied to school here. Couldn’t tell you why, to be honest. I’m— uh, well, okay, so that answered exactly none of your questions, but I’m gonna pause here, ‘cause I can see you steamin’ like a tea kettle.”
Blanche sat there in silence for a long time, staring at Winn with a mixture of… Well, actually, she didn’t know. Disbelief? Not quite right. And she wasn’t sure she was angry either. Blanche didn’t come in swinging with her “#TRAGIQUE” backstory either because as much as they all liked to make fun of their personal shit it was still personal and there were things that hurt. Things that couldn’t be glossed over in a joke. If Winn didn’t want to discuss his background that was his prerogative. She sat there digesting the information. At some point, the waiter came and went with their drinks. Blanche had a water and a lemonade because she always wanted both and it was easier for a second to watch the little lemon slice floating at the top of her drink than think about the information that was just dumped onto her. Blanche took a big drink of water. And then a big drink of lemonade. …. And then a big drink of water. And then a big drink of lemonade. And then she rounded off with a - guess what - big drink of water. And then, she folded her hands in front of her, and looked at him. “... Asdmgph.” Oh, good going, Blanche. Real intelligent answer. Sure using that college experience to help you out there. So, she tried again. “.... Winthrop?” Oh, that was an easy one to start with. “You have a problem with me calling you Winnifred when your name is Winthrop?”
Admittedly, Winn thought this conversation was going to go worse than it had. He expected anger, or yelling. But no. Blanche just stared at him, well, blankly. And drank a truly gargantuan amount of liquid, taking in water, and lemonade, like a fish in Georgia. And then short-circuiting, like a fish in Georgia when you dropped a toaster in the water. Okay, jokes. Winn could do jokes. Blanche and his entire relationship was built on a cornerstone of gentle ribbing, because both of them were ridiculous. That said, “I said don’t say a fuckin’ word about the Winthrop thing. I haven’t gone by that since I was, like, five.” Winn remembered cryin’ on the first day of kindergarten to his dad, beggin’ him to not make him go by Winthrop ‘cause all the other kids had such cool names, and they thought he was gonna be mean ‘cause his name sounded like an oil baron. (Granted, it was his grandfather’s, so… not far off.) “And I didn’t say I had a problem with you callin’ me Winnifred, I just thought it was lazy, Blanche.” He pointedly didn’t make a joke of Blanche’s name, needing her to realize this conversation was still, like, fairly serious. “Uh, also my dad’s a fox?” he tried, eager to move on from his name or what had led him to White Crest. “Like, um, not a literal. Like, a supernatural fox? Huxian-called-by-the-Japanese-kitsune kinda fox? He has tails. It’s kinda rad.” Winn, no.
“Okay, Winthrop,” Blanche answered immediately, grimacing slightly. Apparently, she had two settings at this moment, and one was watering herself like a plant and the other was, well, being a dick. “Sorry.” Blanche frowned slightly  at the mention of his dad being a … fox. Furry genes. She had to swallow the word whole, before her eyes widened as she looked up at Winn in horror. “I’m turning into Adam,” she groaned quietly, running her hands down her face as she leaned over the table. God. Okay. Reroute, Blanche. Be serious a moment. She took a few deep breaths, and then looked back at him. “Huxian?” Blanche repeated. “Fox. Right. Okay. Cool cool cool cool cool cool. Cool. That’s cool. Like a werefox? … Don’t answer that.” Blanche shook her head. “Keep going. I’m assuming there’s more?”
“Um,” Winn started, and then stopped. “I— Yes. There is. So, I should… backtrack a little. My week itself was, like, fine. It was… getting back, that made it weird and shitty. Noah was mad. I think we’re okay, but he was mad. Everyone thought I abandoned them, ran away, or, shit, was dead. I’m… I don’t have a right to be mad about it, but I am, a little bit, and it’s not your fault, ‘cause I didn’t know and I should have been clearer and I— I’m doing it again.” He took a deep breath. “Adam is my killswitch. Which means, like, if I ever… hurt someone, during the Full Moon, then I trust him to make it painless when he takes me out. I don’t— The pack would try to protect me, but that’s not who I am, not who I want to be. I became a werewolf by choice, but I won’t become a killer. Accidents happen, I get that, and I don’t— I’d protect any of them who did something, but, for me, I just… If Adam didn’t do it, the guilt would kill me. I— Um, I know I said I’d answer questions about that, but, I’ll be honest, I really don’t want to talk about it. It won’t happen. If it does, you can’t stop me.” His voice had gone hard, taken on an uncharacteristically cold tone, almost emotionless. “Blanche, I really need you to bear with me here.” It was his first time saying it aloud, first time admitting to, well… admitting to the truth. What was probably the truth. “I don’t have all of my memories.”
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dyscrasia-eucrasia · 4 years
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Part 1
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"Hey, uh, so we're Bacchus," the lead singer said, leaning into the microphone. Immediately, Angel doubted the rumors he'd heard. No way this guy was related to Marius. He had none of Marius' charisma. He hunched his shoulders, spoke softly, and stumbled over his words. His long hair looked like it hadn't been washed in a day or two, and he had a ratty goat beard. He wore an Iron Maiden shirt that, even under the bar's shitty stage lights, looked extremely faded. 
Sure, he was wearing fuzzy pants and a pair of curled ram's horns that looked especially realistic, but that just made him seem even more like a weak imitation. It was like he'd chosen curled horns specifically to throw people off the fact that he was riding on Marius' coat tails. 
The drummer looked even more out of place. She was a sturdy-looking woman, with long blonde hair cut into blunt bangs. She hadn't even dressed the part of a member of a heavy metal band, wearing an anime t-shirt and jeans. 
And that was it for the band. No bass player, no keyboardist. Just drums and a guitar. 
Angel leaned back against the bar, thinking to himself that this was gonna suck. 
The lead singer looked back at the drummer and nodded. She counted off on her sticks and the crowd got a little quieter. 
And then the entire bar was hit by a wall of sound. The drums were wild and frenetic, some of the best Angel had ever heard. But they paled in comparison to the guitar. The lead singer was absolutely shredding it, going faster and harder than anyone Angel had ever seen live. The bar erupted into cheering, and a scuffle of moshing started down by the stage. 
Then the singer opened his mouth and began to sing, and Angel felt like he would've been knocked over if he weren't leaning against the bar. The singer's voice was a deep baritone that reverberated across the venue. Angel wasn't even hearing it, but feeling it rattle his sternum. 
The singer finished a verse and launched into a wild guitar solo, his hair flying around him as he banged his head to the beat. The awkwardness of his introduction melted away, and he became a commanding figure on the stage, despite how slim and gangly he was. 
He straightened again, grabbing the mic, and launched into a harsh growl that came up from his chest. The crowd went absolutely wild, and Angel's head began to spin. It was like he was drunk, but also like he was horny, but also like he wanted to grab someone's head and smash it into a brick wall. He could see down in the mosh pit that elbows were flying, faces were getting bloody, and no one seemed to care. 
The band went through an entire set, but time had stopped meaning anything at some point and all the songs bled together. Angel could pick out some of the lyrics, things about gods and monsters and heroes. It was messy and violent, but at the same time somehow painfully erotic, and the audience was hooked on every line. 
Then, suddenly, it was over. "Thank you," the singer shouted into the mic, "like I said, we're Bacchus, thanks to Rattlesnake for having us open for them, they're great guys. We'll be up by the bar for the rest of the night, come buy a shirt or buy us a beer or something, ya fuckin' animals." 
That was right, they weren't even the headliner act. The rest of the bar screamed in excitement for Rattlesnake, but for Angel, it was like a spell had broken. All the awe and energy he'd felt was sapped away in an instant, the minute the band left the stage. Who the fuck even cared about Rattlesnake, anyways? 
He could see now why there were rumors that the lead singer of Bacchus was related to Marius. Marius' style was different, more polished, more theatrical, but they had the same sort of resonance to their voice, and similar guitar work. Not like they were copycats of one another, more like they came from the same musical family. 
Angel slumped onto a bar stool, exhausted. He hadn't even joined the pit - it would look pretty bad, showing up for work with bruises - but he still felt like he'd been beat within an inch of his life. 
He was just thinking about leaving when he looked over and saw the band's lead singer - he was hard to miss, towering over even the biggest of guys - down at the end of the bar, ordering. Based on the way the crowd had reacted to him, Angel would've assumed he'd be swarmed by fans, but he was pretty much alone. A quick scan of the crowd showed that the drummer was sitting at a merch table, chatting with someone, but her side of the table was a ghost town, while a large knot of people were in line for the Rattlesnake side. 
Angel had never actually approached any musicians after shows. It just seemed too needy, too parasocial. He was approached by enough weirdoes after work himself to not want to put someone else in that position. But the lead singer was magnetic. Angel couldn't understand how he wasn't surrounded by people begging for his attention. 
He got down off his barstool and made his way over to the singer. 
"Hey!" He shouted at the bartender above the noise. "Whatever he's having, I'll pay for it," he pointed at the singer. "And give me one, too." 
The singer looked genuinely surprised by the gesture. "Hey, thanks dude," he shouted. 
"Great set," Angel shouted back. "I'm Angel, by the way." 
"Demie," the singer replied, holding out a hand. Now that Angel was right next to him, he realized just how big Demie was. He was built like a twig, but he stood at least 6'6", if not taller, and his hand was like a shovel. It completely enveloped Angel's when he shook it. 
"What was the name of that third song you played?" Angel shouted. "That really fast one?" 
"That one's called 'Wrath of Mars," Demie hollered back. 
"It's really good," Angel shouted. 
"Thanks. I wrote it for my brother, actually." 
"Your brother wouldn't be Marius, would he?" Angel shouted as the bartender put two pints on the bar in front of them. Mars, Marius. Angel felt like he was connecting the dots.
"Uh… yeah, actually," Demie said. His skin was dark - not tanned, but more of a deep olive - but Angel thought he saw his cheeks go a little red. 
There was an explosion of shouting from down by the stage as Rattlesnake took the stage. 
"These guys any good?" Angel shouted, pointing a thumb over his shoulder to the band. 
"Yeah, I mean, if you like country-metal fusion," Demie shouted back. 
"Sounds weird." 
"It is." 
The band started up with some twangy guitar that sounded like something out of a spaghetti western. It wasn't really doing it for Angel. They didn't sound nearly as good as Bacchus had. 
"Hey, uh," he put a hand on Demie's shoulder, standing on his toes to be closer to his ear. "You wanna go outside for a while? I'd love to hear more about your band." 
Demie gave him a quizzical, 'you serious?' kind of look. He glanced over to the merch booth. His drummer was pretty much alone, messing around on an old smartphone. 
"Yeah, sure," he said, grabbing his beer first. 
"So you're really related to Marius, huh?" Angel said as they stepped out of the bar into the cool spring evening. 
"Yeah, he's my older brother," Demie replied. 
"So… what, is this like, some kind of sibling rivalry? Your brother made it big so now you're trying to catch up?" 
"Fuck no," Demie muttered as he took a swig of beer. "Nah, Mar taught me how to play the guitar. We used to all be one band, me, him, and Elaine. We all got the offer to sign with Maggot Records but I backed out at the last minute, and Elaine wouldn't agree to move out West and go on tour without me." 
"So, Elaine… that's your drummer?" 
"Yeah."
"Is she like… your girlfriend…?"
"What? Fuck, no, she's my roommate. We've been friends since we were like ten, she's like a sister." 
"Sorry, sorry," Angel laughed. 
"S'cool," Demie said, continuing to drink. 
"So… I know you said it wasn't a sibling rivalry, but I gotta admit… I think you two are actually better than Marius." 
A crease formed between Demie's eyebrows, but otherwise his face was static. On stage, while singing, he'd been overcome with energy and emotion, but off stage he came off as extremely stoic. Had Angel met him in any other context, he never would've guessed he was a singer, his voice was so monotonous. 
"Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of your brother. That's the whole reason I came out to this show, I'd been hearing rumors that you were related to him for months. But he's really… Marilyn Manson, y'know? Really focused on the aesthetic. He's a good musician, but you've got the better voice and better guitar skills." 
"Thanks," Demie said, shifting his feet awkwardly. Angel couldn't help but look down at them and wonder. He'd seen those goat-feet high heels before, and they looked uncomfortable as hell. He had to give Demie props for wearing them even after he got off stage. That was dedication. 
"Hey, don't take this the wrong way," Demie said, "but you really don't seem like the kinda person who'd like our music." 
"What does someone who likes your music seem like?" Angel asked. 
"I dunno, like… all those Viking looking motherfuckers." 
"No offense, but you don't really look that much like a Viking yourself." 
Demie snorted. "Fuck no, I'm Greek. I fuckin' hate all that Nordic shit, like half of them are Nazis. And their mythology fucking sucks." 
"Y'know, I thought I made out something about Odysseus in one of your songs," Angel said. 
"Yeah, it's only like… the invention of Western literature, or whatever," Demie said, then drained his pint glass.
"No, it's cool. I liked it. Most metal bands sing about Satan or their D&D groups, it's cool to hear something different. I mean, I expected you to sing about Satan, but…" 
"Nah, man, Christians fucking took Satan from the Greeks. They had to find a way to get all these Pagans to stop believing in their Gods, so they made Pan into Satan. They took Hades from us, too. Like the Jews, they don't even have an afterlife, that was all the Christians trying to absorb Greco-Roman Paganism." 
"Wow. I didn't know that. I mean, I'm Vietnamese, so I know about Christianity and colonialism, but I didn't know about the Greeks. That's wild." 
Demie opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by a shout coming from the door. 
"Jesus Christ, there you are!" The stoutly drummer, Elaine, had popped her head out the door. "I got work in the morning, we gotta get shit into the van and hit the road. Come help me with the drum set." 
"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," Demie groaned. He turned back to Angel. "Nice talkin' to you, man." 
"Yeah, a pleasure. Hey -- you wanna exchange numbers? You're a cool dude, maybe we could hang out sometime." 
"Oh. Uh… I don't actually got a cellphone, I just got a shitty landline. And I live way out in the sticks, like an hour away." 
"Hey, no, that's cool, no pressure--" 
"Actually, uh…" Demie looked over his shoulder and cupped his hands around his mouth. "HEY! ELAINE! YOU GOT A PEN?" 
"Yeah? Why?" 
"Toss it over here!" 
Elaine grumbled something inaudible but fished a pen out of her jeans pocket and tossed it to Demie. He caught it out of the air and gestured for Angel's hand. 
"I know people hate using the actual phone, but if you wanna call, feel free," he said, scribbling a set of digits on the back of Angel's hand. "Nice meeting you, man." 
With that, he turned and headed back towards the door, his goat shoes clicking on the concrete patio. 
Weird guy, Angel thought. He'd never really met anyone like him. But a few things were obvious - he was talented, he was interesting, and he was definitely gay. And that was enough for Angel to want to keep talking to him.
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paracosmshq-blog · 7 years
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hello ! i'm really interested in this rp and in rocky aaa i was wondering if you already have an example app for the hosts regarding the interview ? also, would it be possible to make a reservation ?
hi ! we don’t have an actual example at the moment (tho if anyone who applied for a host is comfortable with me posting theirs under a read more here, lmk ! otherwise i’ll whip up one for an npc in an hour or two !) but we have answered a few things about the host questions in this tag ! and we’re absolutely happy to hold off on accepting rocky until you get your app in ! all we need is a name or alias you intend to apply with and an estimate of when you’ll have the app in !
UPDATE: our lord and saviour liv is lettin’ us use shiloh’s as an example ! it’s under the cut !
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01. what do you think of your world ? what do you think of your life ? how do you feel about your current situation ?“i think my world’s pretty fucked up, if you really wanna know. or are you just asking to be polite? either way, it’s a fucking joke. elaine’s somehow got the whole world wrapped around her finger while she, barbara, and vaughn participate in history’s smuggest fuckin’ circle-jerk of all time. meanwhile, you’ve got me, rocky, and giselle out here busting our asses just to keep everything running smoothly. and now we’ve lost alexis and rachel? i don’t know what i’m expected to think of my current situation when it seems like we’re losing our best people left and right, and rocky’s losing his fucking mind trying to keep things running while we pick up the pieces. and it’s not like we can trust the police to help us out, either, so, y'know? it’s fuckin’ great. love it. this is all a fucking mess, jesus christ.
“i don’t know. that’s probably not entirely fair. i guess some stuff’s all right? like, god, i wish i hadn’t lost that goddamn internship, but maybe it’s for the best. it has me with rocky way more often, and giselle, too, instead of smarm-ing my way through the ranks with mr. mulani and his employees at stuffy holiday parties where the punch isn’t even spiked. shit’s been better since barbara left, too – don’t you dare tell giselle i said that, though. sure, at first it hit us all pretty hard, but if she’s happier like this, then fine. we don’t need someone like that on our side anyway. really, everything that’s happened lately has probably happened for the best, so i doubt there’s much more to say, really. things might seem shit at first glance, but underneath it all, it’s really all for the greater good, or whatever the fuck you wanna call it.”
02. what if i told you that you and everyone you know were built to gratify the people that pay to visit your world ? how would you feel if i told you that your sole purpose is someone else’s pleasure ? how would you feel about the people here to use you ?“i think i’d probably go catatonic. what do you even mean? i mean – god, i’d say those people probably are into some sick shit. if my life and existence are supposed to bring people pleasure… i wouldn’t ever want them in my bed, let’s just say that much. it seems to me like if someone was gonna pay to visit a world for their pleasure, there’s gotta be better choices than this place. that’s all i’ve got to say about it.”
03. what do you value above all else ? what lengths would you go to in order to protect the things you love ? what is your ideal world ? what would you do to make this happen ?“i value my family – my chosen family. i value rocky, and giselle, and everyone with us. they’re all i have – they’re all i need, too. god, what lengths? i already lost my fucking internship, which could’ve been my key to finally escaping a hand-to-mouth existence, all because i couldn’t give rocky up. not that i’d ever want to, even if someone asked, but… isn’t that enough? doesn’t that answer that?
"that’s my ideal world, too, i guess. one where we aren’t hiding out in dingy houses in deadtree because we’re too fucking scared of sycamore city to operate out in the open. rocky won’t admit it’s because we’re scared of the moons, but, i mean – they’re fucking terrifying. i would see sometimes how vaughn’s dad would send a coupl'a guys to try to talk mr. mulani into some shady deal while i was working there, and let me tell you – those guys could make hulk hogan piss his fuckin’ pants. i want to live in a world where i don’t have to go to sleep missing another one of our own – we’ve already lost two, and i don’t know if any of us can stomach another death. we’re like a family, y'know? it’s like losing a sibling whenever this happens. i’d do just about anything to make it happen. i’m already constantly keeping an eye on rocky and giselle, it can’t be much more work to try and keep the others safe, too. they’re my family, i already told you. there’s nothing i wouldn’t do for family.”
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comeliashawnae · 5 years
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Sneak Peek
“Finally” I thought to myself. “It’s happening, it’s finally happening. I’m finally getting my dream job.”
I sat nervously in the lobby, waiting. I’ve been waiting for 3 years now, an unpaid internship for 1 year while working part-time at fast food restaurant. 2 years of working 3 different odd jobs and making friends with each boss to build up my resume. I’m finally done waiting.
“Michela Harley” said the secretary
“Yes,” I said standing excitingly
“She’s ready to see you now.” She said with a smile.
I walked past her desk and into the office, and there was my new boss, Ms. Elaine Blaze.
Elaine Blaze is the first and only woman to fully own and operate her very own office building. Not a 200 foot skyscraper, but a five story building in downtown Nashville was still a big deal. Elaine Blaze is a self made millionaire from publishing her own magazines. Four magazines, bridal, fashion, fitness, and nature, and they’re all operated from this very building. A publishing and marketing company with ties all over the country and she’s looking to build internationally, and I am going to be apart of it.
“Michela , so good to see you.” Said Ms. Blaze standing to shake my hand.
“Great to see you.” I said shaking her hand firmly with the biggest smile on my face.
“Well have a sit, lets get to business.” She said pointing to a chair. She pulled out a book from inside her desk. “Now your portfolio is absolutely amazing. Some photos are simple, but I don’t look at simple as safe. I look at it as practical. You have to know the basics, and you do.”
“Thank you” I said still smiling.
“But what I love precisely is this one,” she said turning my portfolio to me. It was a photo of a woman hanging upside from a building, that was a favorite of mines as well. We almost got caught trespassing for that. Well worth it to be sitting in this office right now.
“Just perfect, I love that you’re a risk taker. Exactly what I’m looking for.” She said with a smile. “But, of course, you do know this more then just taking pictures. I’m a seller. I own four magazines and they need to be every store all over the world. I have over 40 journalists. That’s 10 interviews per magazine. They talk to important people that everyone what’s to know about. That’s how we make the big bucks.” She said with a smile.
“But you, my lady, will be my fitness photographer.” She continued. “For that, the real cash is by promoting. We promote the fitness gear, the exercise equipment, the energy drinks, you name it. Yes that also means you will be taking the advertisement photos as well. We have sample products, we market them, and you take the award winning pictures.”
My smile just wouldn’t fade away. How could it? Top designers from all over the country come to be in her magazines. And I’m going to be apart of it!
“The job requires major traveling, hence why I never really target anyone with children. I fully understand that everyone has a life outside of work, but to pull someone away from their children six months out of the year is unfair. Reasons why I specifically target people like you. Young, eager, and hungry.”
“And I am truly grateful” I said.
“As am I for you and the ones before you.” Ms. Blaze said with a sincere smile. “Again six months out of the year is a long time to be away from someone, my last three employees left because they were ready to get married and start families, which they all had a right to do. But to make things easier for those already married or in committed relationships I’ve decided to help with the distance.”
If she’s saying what I think she’s going to say this day just got so much better.
“For the past two years I’ve made an exception. My offer to extends to spouses or boyfriends or girlfriends. Some photo shoots they will be allowed to attend, for you that’ll be more enjoyable since the meetings you’ll attend will last an hour tops.”
“That sounds perfect” I said eagerly.
“I see that you’re very excited,” she said with a smile “That’s a good thing, but still go home, think about it. Talk it over with whoever, get all your affairs in order.”
“My boyfriend and I have talked about traveling for years, getting paid to do it. This is a no brainer.” I said no longer able to hold my enthusiasm.
“Just what I love to hear.” She said standing from behind her desk. “It was pleasure seeing you,” she said reaching out to shake my hand again. “But seriously talk it over and let me know by Friday.”
“Yes ma’am” I said shaking her hand. “I might call you tomorrow.”
I left her office smiling ear to ear. I can’t believe this is happening. At 29-years-old I have a salary job. At 29-years-old I have a career. 4 years in college, while working full time then cutting it to part-time to do my internship, 4 years in grad school, while working full time. Any free time I did get went to doing freelance photography and graphic design. No more of killing myself. Its finally happening.
I cannot wait to tell Benson.
My boyfriend, Benson Varr, and I have been dating for 3 years. Can I say that we met at a difficult time? I can. I had just finished school, starting my second internship, with a job, it was a lot happening. But here we are 3 years later. Every breakdown and stressful situation he was there. No more of that. We’ll practically be on vacation. This day is perfect.
I made a stop at our favorite Chinese bistro and got all of our favorite dishes then made a stop at the liquor store and grabbed two bottles of wine. This is amazing. I can’t believe it. He can finally quit his job. No more struggling, we can just live. This is truly the best day of my life.
I got home and realized it was still early, he wouldn’t be home for another hour. Good I have time to spruce up our apartment.
I poured the food into some metal pans and throw them in the oven on low. I vacuumed the living and around the dining area. Cleaned off the table and pulled out some candles from the kitchen drawer. Pretty fancy for a Tuesday. I checked the clock again, he should home soon. I should change, just something simple, don’t want to get to fancy. He’s going to be so happy.
I rushed to the bedroom and got into some leggings and a sweater then I heard the locks on the front door open.
“Hey baby,” I said coming out the bedroom.
“Hey,” he said not really looking at me and throwing his jacket on the couch. “What’s for dinner?”
“Oh almost forgot,” I said rushing into the kitchen to turn off the oven. “All our favorites.” I said walking to the dining table with a pan.
“What’s with the candles?” Benson asked.
“Well,” I said bringing in the second pan and a bottle of wine. “I have some exciting news. You know my interview was today?”
“Interview for what?” he asked.
“Blaze Publishing.” I said, slightly annoyed, “I’ve only been talking about for a month now. My old career advisor was still emailing about potential job offers. Saw they had a mail clerk position open, thought it’d be smart for me to apply, as away to get my foot in the door. She was even sending samples of portfolio around.”
He shook his head.
“Two weeks after I applied my supervisor from the print shop had signed a 3 year contract with Blaze Publishing passed my name around and got me a meeting with the head agent. I’ve literally talked about this non stop.”
“Sorry, long day,” he said taking a seat at the table and helping him self to a glass of wine. “Well how’d it go?”
I let out a sigh but smiled. Nothing can kill this mood.
“Well, it went exactly like I thought it would it.” I said sitting down next to him. “It went better actually. Baby she offered me the job. Elaine Blaze, herself, offered me a life changing career.”
He had started making a plate for himself as I was talking. Which had me slightly annoyed again.
“Wait, this is the job where you’d be traveling?” he finally asked. At lest that means he’s listening.
“Yeah.” I said “6 months outta the year. Not straight, but yeah lots of room service and suitcases. All expenses paid for.”
“6 months?” he asked surprised.
“Yes”
“Mi, 6 months?”
“Ben, what’s the problem?” I asked.
“Baby 6 months,” said Benson “6 months. To where exactly?”
“The agent told me Germany for 2 months, maybe 3.” I said. “There’s an athletic company trying to sponsor people in the European circuit. At least 5 different people have confirmed there spots. There’s going to be lots of photoshoots. Lots of opportunity to truly brand myself as a real photographer. Not just an ole timey tourist shop worker.”
“But you loved that job.” Said Benson.
“Yeah I did, what I didn’t love was the $8.50 an hour. That wasn’t gonna keep these lights on.” I said.
“What about the print shop?” he asked “You just gon leave?”
I let out another sigh and looked away. He does not listen to me at all.
“I gave them my notice last week.” I said not still not looking. “I literally came home and told you that.”
“Mi work has been crazy the past couple of weeks, you have to repeat shit like this to me,” he said getting up from the table.
“Or you could just fuckin listen to me when I talk.” I said finally looking back him.
“Mi, you talking about leaving the country, what about the apartment? Your family? Me?” he yelled.
“Like I said,” standing as well, “If you would just listen and not interrupt I was getting to that.”
“Your mother would really want you to leave the country for 6 months?” he asked.
“I’m not asking anyone’s permission. I’m an adult!” I yelled. “But since you asked, yes she’s quite happy about it. I called her as soon as I left the office. She started crying. She’s happy her daughter is finally reachin her goals. I’m reachin my goals Ben. I thought you’d be the littlest excited.”
“Excited? Excited?!” he yelled “Mi you talking about leaving me to go fulfill some childhood fantasy.”
“No, I was asking you to come with me.” I yelled.
“Come with you?” he asked
“Yeah, Ms. Blaze is a multi-millionaire. She can afford for someone’s boyfriend to come along for a few photoshoots.” I said turning back to the table and pouring myself a glass of wine. “You sure know how ruin a nice evening.”
“Well what about the apartment?” he asked “I mean we just renewed the lease 3 months ago.”
“We could sublease it to my sister. She works 2 miles up the road, and I know she’s ready to leave daddy’s house.” I said with my back to him.
“What about my job?” he asked “I’m just suppose to leave cuz you said so.”
I put my glass on the table and turned to face him.
“Benson are you serious? Are you fucking serious?!” I said loudly. “You hate that job. You bitch about it every day. I’m offering you the chance to leave it and you’re bitching about that too. What the hell is wrong with?”
“What’s wrong with me?” he yelled.
“Yes,” I yelled back “What the hell is wrong with you? I’m offering the chance to travel and explore and you’re telling me no!”
We both got quiet and stared at each other in a tense silence.
“I’m not abandoning you Benson,” I said “I’m trying to start a life with you.”
“Start a life?” he responded “What marriage? Kids?”
“Duh” I said.
“You went and got thing put in your arm and now you wanna start a family? You so backwards.” He said.
I shook my head and looked at my arm. A few months ago I had gone three days without taking my pill. I was so busy with my jobs that I just forgot. As a precaution I just took them all the next morning, but my period was late. He was just as nervous as I was, if not more. But three home test and an ultrasound confirmed no pregnancy. Then my doctor suggested semi permeant birth control. An armband requires no surgery, it was a simple procedure and it’s good for 3 years. I love Benson, and I know he’ll make a great dad, like I’ll be a good mom. Just not right now.
“We both agreed on this.” I said, “We both agreed that we weren’t ready. I came home and we talked about it before any decision was made. Its not like I got an abortion.”
“You a trip” he said.
“Really?” I yelled “I’m a trip, when just a month before the pregnancy scare I said we should get a dog. An animal shelter came to the print shop needing banners and flyers made for a festival for rescues and I said we should get one. What was it that you said?”
He rolled his eyes and turned away.
“Oh you don’t remember?” I yelled “Let me remind you. You said that we barley have time and energy for ourselves and that bringing a dog into our home be irresponsible. That it would be unfair and selfish. That’s why we didn’t get a dog. But a human infant is less responsible. Makes perfect sense Ben!”
“You know what, I’m not in the mood for this.” He said grabbing his jacket from the couch. ”How bout I stay at my moms tonight,”
“Yeah you do that.” I said. He walked away slamming the door as he left.
I went back to table and grabbed the whole bottle of wine and went to the bedroom.
“He’s such an idiot.” I said out loud. This seems to be all we ever do anymore. Fight over the smallest things. Everything, even something great like this turns into a fight.
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TRANSCRIPT for Episode 1.06 “Robin’s Penne Bolognese” (PART 1/2)
ACT I
[INTRO MUSIC]
ELAINE: Hello and welcome back to Elaine's Cooking Podcast for the Soul. I am your host Elaine Martínez, and tonight...well, tonight listeners, in the interest of open communication, I've been feeling a little blue. I suspect it may be the temporary lockdown in place across LA making me a little stir-crazy...I've been stuck this dental office for the past three days. Or it could be the lean rations and the ongoing ban on bread. I don't know, sometimes I think it's just the death of most my friends and family after the rapid, haphazard exchange of nuclear weapons by now-extinct government bodies all those months ago...I hate to complain, but I know there might be other people feeling a little down, so thought it might be worth sharing. We all have ways of coping with sad emotions, but the best way for me is by cooking up something good and talking to myself! Today, however, I'm getting a little outside that old routine. Oh, I'm still cooking up something delicious, but this time around I'll be talking to a lovely new guest by the name of Robin Jones. Welcome, Robin! 
ROBIN: Hello, Elaine!
ELAINE: Robin, it is truly a pleasure to see you. Now we were once tangential acquaintances…
ROBIN: Yeah, I was your barista! Saw this babe every day for their chai tea latte. And now I get to hang out where you work! I didn't even know you were a dentist! Although I guess in retrospect, your scrubs and insistence that I use your #1 Dentist mug makes a little more sense.
ELAINE: Oh, I've missed those chai lattes, and I've missed your energy. Still have the cup though! See?
[CERAMIC MUG HITS TABLE]
ROBIN: Sick.
ELAINE: Well, what are we cooking up today, Miss Robin?
ROBIN: Firstly, before we get in too deep, I do prefer gender neutral pronouns such as they, them, or just Robin.
ELAINE: I hope I didn't offend you.
ROBIN: Nah, you didn't know! Now you do. Still prefer she and her?
ELAINE: That is correct. And secondly?
ROBIN: Secondly, let me just say when I heard you were doing a post-apocalyptic cooking podcast, I was like, okay, but there are only two ways to eat canned meat as far as I know: hot or cold, right? But then I remembered two very magical words: Penne Bolognese.
ELAINE: Italian!
ROBIN: Yup. The recipe I brought with me is a modified version of other, better versions. It uses only a can of diced tomatoes, a half cup of lentils, some tomato paste, a handful of illegal spices, and my least favorite noodle, the freaking tiny tube-ish one.
ELAINE: I see. Well your candor is much appreciated.
ROBIN: Sure sure, that's like my thing. Hey. Remember when you were talking about being sad and lonely?
ELAINE: Just a few moments ago?
ROBIN: Yeah.
ELAINE: Yes. Why?
ROBIN: Is that, like, the same as feeling bummed?
ELAINE: Maybe. What does feeling bummed feel like for you?
ROBIN: You know, bummed. For me it's like this engulfing wave thing that happens to my heart every once in a while when I remember everything I've lost. My mom, my sisters, my cats, my bluetooth earbuds...It feels like my heart is being squeezed, but also like I'm plummeting from the top of a roller coaster. But it's not fun at all.
ELAINE: Sounds like...and I am just a dentist and not a licensed therapist, psychologist, or medical doctor...but perhaps you are describing a panic attack brought on by feelings of sadness and isolation? 
ROBIN: Nah, I wasn't panicking at all though. I was just chilling in the abandoned Russian deli I've been living out of, sitting on the counter, eating some Sour Punch Straws and thinking about life.
ELAINE: Sure, but--
ROBIN: Like, for all intents and purposes, it was a pretty regular day.
ELAINE: My own anxiety has many triggers. Sometimes it seems to pop up quite randomly and can really lay me low.
ROBIN: Woof. Thank god I don't have that.
ELAINE: Right...Well, Robin, what I'd like to suggest is that you continue talking this out with a licensed therapist--I used to know many. But these days everyone of that ilk has been rounded up to work on those semi-sentient advertising robots.
ROBIN: You mean the Ad Ministers? Those things are...
ELAINE: Terrifying?
ROBIN: I was gonna say 'dope,' but yeah they're pretty fuckin terrifying.
ELAINE: Indeed. So since real methods of dealing with our declining mental health is temporarily unattainable, why don't we work through this by way of having a little fun cooking up some food and enjoying one another's company?  Why don't you share a little about this delightful dish with us!
ROBIN: Cool, I'll just like tamp those feelings down for now. Gimme a second.
ELAINE: Please, take your time.
ROBIN: Cool, all set. So for the dish there are basically two elements uniting here. We've got a real chunky tomato-ey sauce.
ELAINE: Plainly stated, I love it.
ROBIN: And we've got a noodle. 
ELAINE: Penne, to be precise.
ROBIN: Ugh, don't get me started. This dumb-looking tube is by far the least popular noodle, and it's impossible to trade at the ration swaps. Even wheat fettuccini noodles pull higher rank than this guy.
ELAINE: It is a very boring noodle. Let's get started on this sauce! Afterwards, we'll rinse out the pot and boil up the penne.
ROBIN: The sauce! Oh man, Elaine. I've really worked this one out. It's a huge step up from your regular jar of marinara. Lots more flavor, tons more protein. 
ELAINE: Ooh, and we certainly are not in a position to turn down protein.
ROBIN: No, we are not. So the sauce is real  simple. I brought with me a can of diced tomatoes. Will you open that?
ELAINE: Of course.
[CAN OPENER GRINDING]
ROBIN: And I guess I can get this hot plate thingy fired up...It's like a camping stove, huh?
[GAS/WHOOSH OF HOT PLATE]
ELAINE: Exactly. It gets that pot hot extremely fast. 
ROBIN: Perf. Just throw those tomatoes right on in, Elaine.
[SIZZLE]
ROBIN: And then we'll fill that can there with some water and add that as well. May I?
[WATER POURING]
ELAINE: Oh my. I never thought of using the water pick for cooking before.
ROBIN: Well, if we're gonna do this on top of a dental chair, we might as well use the whole hog, right? 
ELAINE: Very resourceful. 
ROBIN: Great. So we can just let that pot get hot...you weren't kidding. This thing works fast.
ELAINE: It is always an extremely high flame, and a very thin pot. 
ROBIN: Well alright. I guess it's time to add the tomato paste--just a squirt there, maybe a tablespoon's worth.
[SQUIRT AND SIZZLE]
ELAINE: Done. I'll just stir that in.
ROBIN: Great! And now we get to add all the illegal spices and herbs I bought and stole
ELAINE: So much candor.
ROBIN: It's my signature Sogbop spice. 
ELAINE: Sogbop. I can't say I have ever heard of that before.
ROBIN: Oh sure, that's because I made it up. It's a teaspoon each of salt, oregano, garlic powder, basil, onion powder, and parsley. All these herbs together make SOGBOP. It's like instant Italian.
ELAINE: Bellissimo!
ROBIN: Totinos! Pizza Roll-eys!
ELAINE: We should stop. We may be getting accidentally culturally insensitive.
ROBIN: Can I do one more?
ELAINE: No, we should return to the dish.
ROBIN: You're right. Anyway, I wanted to do that thing they always do in cooking shows where they have tiny little glass or ceramic bowls with the dosed out amounts of spice. But I just threw them all in this baby food jar here instead. Sorry it's less elegant. 
ELAINE: Not at all. I feel like a cooking show that is sustained without a visual element is entitled to certain shortcuts.
ROBIN: Totally. So at this point, the sauce is smelling pretty damn nice. The thing that's gonna make this an almost-Bolognese, though, is these lentils. I brought red lentils this time around, but brown lentils work fine too. 
ELAINE: Looks to be about half a cup.
ROBIN: Yup. We pour these bad boys in.
[LENTILS POUR]
ELAINE: We are nearing the capacity for this small one-quart pot.
ROBIN: And I think I'm gonna push it by adding even more water. 
[WATER SPRAYS IN]
ELAINE: Very nearly to the brim. 
ROBIN: Don't worry, the lentils will do their thing in a minute.
[WATER POURS OVER, SIZZLES]
ELAINE: If you say so. How long does it take to cook?
ROBIN:About ten or fifteen, I'd say. High flame, thin pot, right?
ELAINE: Right. Well perhaps we ought to take a quick break. Listeners, when we return we will be checking in on this delicious-smelling Bolognese sauce, boiling up some noodles, and conquering our anxiety and depression!
ROBIN: That's a tall order.
ELAINE: We'll start with the penne Bolognese and see if we have time for the other stuff.
ROBIN: Sounds good.
ELAINE: We'll be right back. Please stay still and do nothing, or other government-approved activities.
END OF ACT I
INTERLUDE/AD BREAK
ELAINE: Okay, listeners, please bear with me. As you probably know, every local business was assigned an Ad Minister--those patrolling android robot thingies? Anyway, I've locked mine in the lobby storage room because it's been playing this unbearably dull ad for that nondescript item nonstop all week, and--
AD MINISTER: Don't like this ad?
ELAINE: Oh...no, not really. I just--
AD MINISTER: I have heard every commercial. Generating new ad...ready.
ELAINE: Wow, great!
AD MINISTER: Lonely, but could be not blemishes! Have a local, organic body pore to leave you feeling full for hours! No money down, no soy, and NO sad. Happy here with kid-approved now! Try be and so good. Smooth, care, crunch. 
ELAINE
...okay. Well, back to the show!
[MUSICAL TRILL]
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@rhetals tagged me and boi do I love that bc you're literally the only person that tags me
Rules: tag 10 people you want to know more about (I don't know that many people or who would even do this lol)
Name: Eden
Gender: Non binary
Star sign: Libra
Height: 5'5 because I am tiny child
Shuffle your music, list the first 6 songs:
1. Wake the Dead - the Used
2. I'll Be Good For You - *NSYNC (that's how they capitalized it I'm dying)
3. Home - Three Days Grace
4. I Thought She Knew - *NSYNC (Ok I don't have that much *NSYNC on my Spotify why they calling me out like this)
5. Peace or Violence - Stromae (eyyy, ish my boi, Stromae)
6. Rain - Breaking Benjamin (i literally never listen to this song bro, I just dump whole albums on here. I'm surprised none of my P!AtD or FOB showed up bc I have all of their songs on here and that's a lot)
(I just have to say that #7 was It's Gonna Be Me by *NSYNC and why is Spotify pushing *NSYNC on me so hard)
Middle name: Elaine Marie, bc I'm so extra I have two stereotypical white girl middle names
Grab the nearest book to you and turn to page 23 line 17:
Ok so like the closest book to me (any book close to me) is a notebook I'm writing in - there is no page 23 (haven't written that far) and the last page, line 17 is blank
There are three that are the same distance away so here's three!!!
1. " ...proper and others didn't and most didn't care. Is that the... " - If I Die in a Combat Zone by Tim O'Brien (This is a memoir about when he was drafted into the Vietnam war. Very good. I stole it from my eighth grade english teacher.)
2. "...brought about. Why, in a world where fighting was supposed to..." - Sasuke's Story by Masashi Kishimoto and Shin Towada (I didn't know Kishi actually worked on the story books. Hmmm....)
3. "You could, like, call her from jail, and she'd be like, 'Well,..." -Klepto by Jenny Pollack
Ever had a poem/song written about you?:
I had a kid (stalker) in middle school that used to "write" songs about me and leave them in my seats and shit. His mistake? He gave me the lyrics to one of my favourite songs at the time. I hated him - everyone was always on his side. I asked him to get out of my personal space on the bus (he was leaned way over the back of my seat so he could talk with me, when he could've, like, maybe not do that?) And when he sat back and looked dejected everyone called me rude and was all like "how could you do that? He's so nice, maybe you should give him a chance" like, no, Michael, I am NOT giving him a chance, I told him multiple times I wasn't interested and he decided that meant he could follow me home like tf was wrong with that kid? My parents were on his side, too, and I hate everything.
Last time you played air guitar?:
Tonight, in the thrift store - I was trying to show how to use the paper guitar thingy.
Who's your celebrity crush?:
I don't have one - closest one is Stromae but it's not a crush, that dude just fuckin rocks, man.
A sound you hate & a sound you love:
My pets licking themselves. Don't do that next to me. I love the sound of music (lol) bc it holds so many emotions? I dunno, I can get really hyped up for any kind of music, besides country bc I'm sorry but I can't get past my hatred for it.
Do you believe in ghosts? What about aliens?:
Oh, do I believe in ghosts. The last time I was at my mother's house was the first time in a long time I could sleep there without the light on absolutely losing my kind bc of ghosts. I have no opinion on aliens bc I kinda dont care. I mean, I guess? It makes too much sense for there to be none.
Do you drive? Have you ever crashed?:
I don't drive, my dude.
Last book you read?:
In its entirety? It's been fucking years, my dude. Not even books I really like. Last one I read seriously was - Ok, I've been looking for 20 minutes since I forgot the name of the book and I cannot find it. It's about a gay couple saving a kid and it takes place in France - very basic breakdown of the book but oh well
Do you like the smell of gasoline?:
I almost passed out and had a wicked headache after smelling just a hit so I think it would be safe to say no at this point
Last movie you watched:
I. Dont. Remember.
Current obsessions:
Naruto and Sasuke if it wasn't obvious. Kind of P!atD and Stromae's music, but not that big
Worst injury:
The breaks stopped working on the bike I was riding halfway down a steep hill and I crashed into a brick wall and fucked up my face. It was the first time I crashed into something study and fucked up my face.
Do you hold a grudge?:
...i would like you to read the poem/song thing again and ask yourself if I, a high school graduate, who is still salty about something that happened in middle school, holds a grudge. Bc I do.
In a relationship?:
Yes, with my boi @thevoir
@boolivia do this bc I wanna know what you think your worst injury is lolol
Also thevoir bc I already tagged you
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Part 24
Demie gripped the door handle with one hand and the door frame with another as he heaved. He'd cleared out most of his stomach contents already, at this point he was just trying to clear the bile from his throat. He pulled his hair to one side of his neck and coughed, hacking and then spitting into the dirt. Then he just sat there, half of his body outside of the car, trying to get his breathing and heart rate back under control. 
"Hey, um…" Angel said from the driver's seat, "you okay?" 
Angel placed a hand on Demie's back, gently rubbing it. Demie had it together enough to think that that was kind of gay, but not to actually tell Angel to knock it off. 
Besides, it actually felt kinda nice. 
After waiting a minute to make sure that he wasn't going to puke again, Demie heaved his body back into the passenger's seat and shut the car door. Angel moved his hand so that it was resting on the center console. He let Demie sit there in silence, gathering his thoughts. 
"I can't do this, man," Demie finally said. His words came out sounding like sandpaper. "Sorry. I just can't do this right now." 
"Hey," Angel said softly, turning in his seat to get a look at Demie, "it's okay." 
"Sorry, I knew you wanted to go to this thing, but I just can't do that right now." 
"It's alright," Angel said, his voice still low and gentle, "really. It's okay." 
No, it wasn't okay. Not to Demie. The thing was, he wanted to go. He really did. He'd never actually been to a music festival before and it sounded cool. He wanted to actually experience being in an audience at a show, instead of just playing them. He wanted to do normal things like normal people. 
But as soon as they'd left the town limits of Billy Brook, it was as if there were a million eels swirling around inside his stomach. His heart was racing, his head was pounding, and he felt dizzy even though he was just sitting in a car. And hanging over all of that was the inescapable feeling that something bad was going to happen. 
It was like the anxiety he got at shows, but ten times worse. At least with shows, he could step out on stage and know that he was protected by the plausible deniability of wearing a costume. And that he had the power to control everyone in the audience. 
Being an audience member, though, he wouldn't have either of those things. Worse, what if human musicians had a power like he did? He didn't have any proof that they did, other than videos he saw of performances where people in the audience were going crazy. What if someone was able to control him like he controlled his crowds? What if they made him do something stupid or violent? 
What if they made him do something to Angel? 
He wasn't sure which thought scared him more - that he could be influenced into hurting Angel, or that he could be influenced into something like that guy that he'd punched at that one show. 
For some reason, it never occurred to him to think that maybe Angel could be influenced into assaulting him. The gay panic only went one way. 
"Do you wanna go home?" Angel asked. His tone was so patient, so understanding. He made Demie feel so safe. 
"Nngh," Demie moaned, thinking. No, he didn't want to go home. He didn't want to go home only twenty minutes after leaving. He didn't want to walk into the trailer and have Elaine say that she'd told him so. 
"Do you still want to go to Charleston? We don't have to go to the festival, we could go hang out at my place or something private like that." 
"NNNNNNGGGHH," Demie moaned again. No. No way. He absolutely did not want to go to Angel's home. That felt dangerous. Like something would happen there that he couldn't take back. He wasn't sure what exactly could happen, but he just knew he didn't want it to happen. 
"Okay, so… do you maybe want to get something to eat?" Angel asked. "There's a gas station a little ways down the road, they have a diner attached." 
"I can't exactly go in there," Demie mumbled. 
"You don't have to. I can get something to go and we can eat in the car." 
Demie reached up and gripped his horns, pulling them up. It didn't really do anything, but when he got headaches he swore it helped relieve the pressure in his skull. It had become a nervous habit when he needed space to think. 
"Nnnghh… okay," he said, slumping back against the seat. He was shaking; maybe something to eat would do him good. 
"Okay," Angel said, starting up the car again. 
It took them about ten more minutes to arrive at the gas station. It was a run-down little place, the pumps about a decade old and the diner straight out of the fifties. Demie and Elaine had driven past it before numerous times on the way to shows, but they'd never stopped there. There was another station in Billy Brook that was cheaper. 
"You want anything specific?" Angel asked. He parked in the spot furthest from the entrance. Probably, Demie realized, to keep him out of sight. 
"Mm… water. And just something vegetarian." 
"Got it," Angel said, unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of the car. "Be back in a few." 
Demie grunted in response, watching as Angel headed towards the diner. Angel had worn a tank top, and for the first time, Demie noticed that he had angel wings tattooed on his back. That was fitting, he supposed. 
Angel disappeared inside, and Demie was left to sit there alone. Angel had left the radio on, and the band they'd been listening to switched to The Cure. Demie wrinkled his nose. This was a band he knew - his brother liked them - but that he didn't really care for. He wasn't sure how to change it, though. Angel's car had a fancy touch screen, not the simple tape deck that Elaine's van had. Besides, Demie had seen Angel control the music from his phone when they first left, and he was pretty sure Angel had taken his phone inside with him. 
There was nothing to look at except the diner, so he stared at it. It was one of the silver train car-looking diners. Demie had never been inside of one, but he liked how they looked. There was something very iconic about them. 
He reached down to grab his backpack from where it sat between his feet. He unzipped it and pulled out his Polaroid camera, aiming it carefully so that the hood of the car wasn't in the picture, and took a snapshot. The camera spit out the picture and he waved it briefly before letting it settle to develop. 
He had been sitting there staring at the picture for who knew how long when the driver's side door opened and he jumped. 
"Settle down, it's just me," Angel said, slipping into the car. He carried a styrofoam to-go box and a cardboard drink tray with one styrofoam cup with a straw, and one paper coffee cup.
"Sorry, all I got you was a salad," he went on. "They didn't really have anything explicitly vegetarian, and I wanted to get out there as quickly as I could. I get the feeling gay folks and people of color aren't really wanted in there." 
Demie took the box, glancing at Angel's arm, and then at his own. "What do you mean, 'people of color?'" He asked. "I'm darker than you are." 
"Yeah, no, it just means anyone who isn't white." 
"Your skin is white, though." 
"It's just an expression," Angel said with a sigh. 
"Hm," Demie hummed, opening the box and digging out a plastic fork. He didn't really get it, but then again, there was a lot of human stuff he didn't really get. At least, he blamed it on humans being weird about things, and not on his very sheltered upbringing. 
"I didn't know you had a Polaroid," Angel said, nodding to the camera in Demie's lap. 
"Hm? Oh, yeah," Demie said around a mouthful of salad, "I've had it since I was a kid." 
"I like it," Angel said. "I know people who have the digital kinds now, but they aren't as cool as the old ones. Can I see it?" 
"Yeah, sure," Demie said, handing the camera off to him. 
Angel turned the camera over in his hands as Demie ate. Then, without warning, Angel lifted the camera to his face, and pointed it at Demie. 
"Smile," he said with a grin, snapping a picture. 
"Dude, hey!" Demie threw up his hands as the flash went off. He reached for the photo to snatch it out of Angel's hands before it developed, but Angel threw up an elbow to ward him off and held it far away at the other end of the car. 
"Ha!" Angel laughed, shaking the photo off as the image came into relief. "Omigod, you look hilarious." 
Demie could only sort of see the photo, but he could see that he was shoveling lettuce into his open mouth in it. He shoved Angel's shoulder and sat back in his seat. "Dick," he said. He never took pictures of himself. 
Angel handed the camera back to him, but held onto the photo. 
"Do not keep that thing," Demie said. 
"Oh, no, I am absolutely keeping this. I'm gonna pin it up on my photo wall." 
"You like taking photos too?" 
"What? Oh, no, they're all of myself. You're getting the distinction of being the first non-Angel photo on the Angel Photo Wall." 
"Fuckin' narcissist," Demie snorted. 
"Nothing wrong with a little self-love," Angel shot back. 
Demie poked at his salad some more. "Do you have any other tattoos?" He asked after a little while. 
"Huh?" 
"The wings," Demie jerked a thumb towards his own back. "Saw 'em when you got out of the car. You got any others?" 
"Oh. No, not right now," Angel replied. "I can't decide on anything that I'd like enough to put on my body permanently. Besides the wings, of course. Why? Do you have any?" 
"Nah," Demie said. "One of my cousins knows how to do stick-and-poke, he always offers to do some at the Bacchanalia, but… same, I can't think of anything I want permanently on my body." 
"What's the Bacchanalia?" Angel asked. "Something to do with your band?" 
"Mm, kinda," Demie said around another bite of salad. "Everyone in the area who worships Bacchus - Dionysus - gets together once a year and we throw this massive party. Basically everyone just goes into the woods and gets real drunk and has a lot of sex. We named the band after our God." 
"That sounds…" Angel tapped his mouth with his fingertips, "that sounds so pagan, but also so, so hillbilly." 
"Yeah, whatever. It's a religious thing." 
"No, that sounds fun. I wish my religion was getting drunk and having sex in the woods." 
Demie opened his mouth, but closed it very quickly. He had considered inviting Angel to the Bacchanalia, but decided better of it. Again, he didn't really trust himself when it came to losing all control if Angel was around, though he wasn't sure why. He told himself that he just didn't want Angel to get hurt, even though there generally weren't any fights at the celebration. 
"Hey," he said, changing the subject, "can I take a photo of your tattoo sometime?" 
Angel looked at him, arching an eyebrow. "Why? I mean… sure, but why?" 
Demie shrugged. "I dunno. Only so many interesting things to photograph out in the woods. It'd be cool to have a picture of a person." 
"Yeah," Angel said after a moment. "Yeah, of course." 
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