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canonicallyobserving911 · 2 years

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Buck & Eddie: Buck said, “Look man, you need to tell me if something is wrong.” or 6 times Eddie tried to tell Buck “I need you!”

Eddie has always had a difficult time asking for help. Instead of asking for it, he internalizes his feelings and tries to do what he said in 3x1 “Kids Today” that his father told him to do which was “suck it up and keep moving forward”. Even though that was the mantra that plagued his household while he was growing up, Eddie was also burdened with a huge responsibility to “be the man of the house” based on his conversation with his father Ramon in 5x17 “Hero Complex”. During their conversation, Eddie explained how his dad was never home and how he needed his dad more than the money his dad was earning. While Eddie didn’t want to grow up and be like his father, it was unfortunate but his actions with his own family showed that he did the exact same thing his father did which was run away from home. He ran to the Army and left his wife and son at home while he was serving in another country. He didn’t come back until Christopher was 6 years old and when he returned his wife left him. Eddie’s parents didn’t provide him with any emotional support and all they did was belittle him for working three jobs while he tried to provide for him and Christopher. Basically, they gave him an ultimatum of letting them raise Christopher while he went off and continued to be a disappointment to them. Eddie decided then that he was going to take his son and start a new life somewhere far away from El Paso, TX. He moved to L.A. to become a firefighter and even though his Abuela and Tia’ were there, he still had a difficult time asking anyone outside of those two for help. When he started at the 118, he didn’t tell anyone that he had a son and he was hesitant to do so when Buck asked him who he was trying to contact by phone in 2x2 “7.1”. After his grandmother broke her hip and Eddie had to find someone else to care for Christopher, he didn’t want to ask for help but Buck was there with him and he learned from Eddie’s Tia’ that Eddie needed help. Buck stepped in without Eddie having to ask for it and from that point on Eddie assumed Buck would be able to anticipate the things he needed without him having to ask for it just like he did when he helped him find Carla. Let’s look at 6 times Eddie tried to tell Buck “I need you”.

Please note: this post only includes 6 times Eddie tried to tell Buck that he needed him and it is from Eddie’s POV. The post from Buck’s POV has already been posted (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: Eddie said, “You never give up, do you?” or 6 times Buck wouldn’t give up on him & Eddie” for more information). There were other times when Eddie tried to tell Buck he needed him but they weren’t included because the list would be too extensive.

3x3 “The Searchers”

After the Tsunami was over and the clean-up had begun, Eddie still wanted and needed Buck to co-parent Christopher with him but he didn’t know how to ask him for it. He was hesitant to return to Buck’s loft due to how they left things once Christopher had been found. With Buck being depressed because he lost Christopher and couldn’t find him after he spent all day and well into the nighttime hours searching for him, when he and Eddie left the VA, there was still a lot of uncertainty. Therefore he didn’t know if Eddie would ever talk to him again. Eddie took a chance and returned to Buck’s loft anyway so that he could let Buck know that he still trusted him with Christopher’s care. The truth is Eddie needed Buck but he was too afraid to say it; therefore instead of saying ‘Babe, I love you. I need you and I want us to continue building our self-made family’, he disguised what he wanted by using jokes and wise cracks when he said, “I will say honestly, you being laid up is working out for me. I mean you’re no Abuela and your half of Carla but you’ll do in a pinch”. Then Buck said, “You want me to watch Christopher?” and Eddie continued with his attempts to lighten the mood by saying, “It’s easy he’s not very fast”. Buck replied with “After everything that happened?” and Eddie replied, “A natural disaster happened Buck.” and Buck said, “I lost him Eddie!” and that’s when Eddie realized how much Buck was struggling with having lost Christopher and then he said, “No you saved him. That’s how he remembers it. Now it’s his turn to do the same for you”.

Let’s be real, Eddie was using Christopher as a shield for his own feelings instead of telling Buck what he really wanted. He wanted and needed Buck for both himself and Christopher but he was too much of a chicken to say it. He wanted Buck to realize how much he loved him and needed him but instead of saying that he said, Christopher was there to save him. When Buck said, “I was supposed to look out for him.” and Eddie said, “What you think you failed? I failed that kid more times than I care to count and I’m his father. But I love him enough to never stop trying and I know you do too.” Eddie was trying to tell Buck how much he loved him and wanted him to get better. He was still worried about Buck because of his embolism, depression, and the fact that he wasn’t eating because Eddie noticed that too when he said, “Here’s twenty bucks for a pizza and if I were you, I’d eat a couple of extra slices because you look like you’re wasting away to nothing”, so he probably figured he could keep both of his boys safe since they would be together. Buck tried to avoid Eddie’s eyes which caused Eddie to place his hand on his shoulder with his thumb on his pulse point and then he said, “Buck. There’s no one in this world I trust with my son more than you.” That was code for ‘I need you babe so please take care of yourself and our son’. He wanted to say ‘I need you to get better for both of us’ but he didn’t and their lack of sufficient communication is what caused Buck and Eddie to be at odds with each other and Christopher was caught in the middle of it.

3x5 “Rage”

Christopher started to have nightmares after the Tsunami which caused him to wake up screaming in the middle of the night. Eddie was exhausted from trying to calm him down so when he went to work in 3x4 “Triggers”, he told Chimney about it after Chimney saw him yawning. Buck was on light duty as the Fire Marshall but he visited the firehouse right after Eddie had just finished telling Chimney about Christopher’s nightmares. Eddie didn’t tell Buck that he had been temporarily partnered with Lena and he didn’t tell Buck about Christopher’s nightmares. When Buck saw her, he got angry and Eddie didn’t admit that he was wrong. Buck felt like he’d been replaced and after he had dinner with Bobby and Athena, he sued Bobby and the LAFD to get his job back. Buck’s lawyer told him to eliminate all contact with the 118 which included Eddie. In 3x5 “Rage” after the arbitration hearing, Eddie punched a guy over a handicapped parking space and got arrested. He called Lena to bail him out of jail and he told her, “I can’t talk to Buck.” after she said, “I didn’t know we’d reached the bail each other out of jail phase of our friendship”. Eddie was angry at the fact that he couldn’t talk to Buck but he was withholding information from him too. When Buck visited the firehouse, Eddie could have easily told him about Christopher struggling with nightmares and about how Lena was his new work partner but he didn’t. Buck didn’t tell him about the lawsuit so they weren’t effectively communicating with each other.

When the 118 went grocery shopping for the firehouse, Buck had been stalking them so that he could apologize for filing the lawsuit. Eddie and Lena hadn’t made it to the area where the rest of the 118 and Buck were standing but when he did, he became angry and started in with “Yeah, what did you think was going to happen? The lawsuit was bad enough but you told your lawyer everything about us, personal things”. Then Buck said, “You’re supposed to be truthful with your lawyer. Why are you so pissed at me?” That’s when Eddie lost it and started yelling, “Because you’re exhausting. We all have our own problems but you don’t see us whining about it. No, somehow, we just manage to suck it up. Why can’t you?” Chimney stepped in and said, “That’s kind of harsh. It’s not like the guy asked to be crushed by a ladder truck” and Eddie glanced at Chimney then back at Buck and said “No but he filed a stupid lawsuit and now I can’t even talk to you because of it. Do you know how much Christopher misses you? How could you because you’re not around.”

Once again Eddie was using Christopher as a shield to say what he really wanted to say, which were the things that were true about himself. Eddie missed Buck too but he was too scared to admit it and even though he felt like Buck abandoned them just like Shannon did, Eddie should have taken some of the blame for their lack of communication. He didn’t tell Buck about Christopher’s nightmares nor did he tell him about Lena so since Buck’s not a mind reader, Eddie shouldn’t have expected him to just know what was happening. Eddie wanted to tell Buck how much he needed him but he internalized all his anger and it exploded which caused him to yell at Buck inside of the grocery store. Their argument had nothing to do with the lawsuit because Eddie wasn’t going to lose anything when Buck won except for his connection to Buck. He was the last firefighter hired at the 118 which means the only thing he would have lost was Buck as his partner; therefore the amount of anger he was harboring towards Buck wasn’t justified if they were just friends. Eddie was yelling at Buck like he was yelling at his boyfriend. He had way too much passion and anger for it to be just an argument between friends/brothers/bros or a bromance. Bobby and the LAFD had the most to lose from Buck’s lawsuit. Eddie should have spoken up and told Buck how much he needed him but like usual he hid behind Christopher. Buck and Eddie wouldn't make up after their argument in the grocery store until Buck apologized twice, once in 3x6 “Monsters” and a second time in 3x9 “Fallout”.

4x14 “Survivors”

Eddie was shot by a sniper in 4x13 “Suspicion” and Buck saved his life in 4x14 “Survivors” by pulling him underneath the firetruck, lifting him off the ground and placing his body inside of the firetruck. He was instrumental in saving Eddie because he kept pressure on his wound and talked to him to keep him alert. After Eddie woke up from his coma, Buck visited him at the hospital and told him “I think it would have been better for him (Christopher), if I was the one who got shot”. That troubled Eddie because he realized Buck still didn’t believe he was valuable enough for anyone to care if he lived or died. Then Eddie devised a plan to tell Buck about the change he made to his will more than 1 year prior which included him listing Buck as Christopher’s legal guardian if Eddie died. When Buck came to pick Eddie up from the hospital, Eddie asked him if he had a minute to talk and Buck said, “Is everything alright?” and Eddie proceeded with “Yeah, I just uh, have been meaning to talk to you about something”. Then Eddie proceeded to explain how he’d changed his will after The Well incident and Buck was shocked. He couldn’t believe how much Eddie trusted him to take care of Christopher but the truth is Buck was already acting in that capacity while Eddie was in the hospital so all Eddie’s will did was legalize something that was happening anyway.

After discussing Christopher’s other living relatives and if they would legally fight Buck for custody, Buck asked Eddie why he took so long to tell him about it and Eddie said, “Because Evan. You came in here the other day and said you thought it would have been better if it were you who had been shot. You act like you’re expendable but you’re wrong”. Let’s be clear, this was Eddie’s way of giving Buck his heart and trying to tell him ‘I love you’. He wanted to tell Buck he needed him but as usual he used Christopher as a shield. Eddie wants to be in a romantic relationship with Buck but he still hasn’t been able to say the actual words. At the time, they had already been co-parenting Christopher for 3 years and the two of them had practically been in a relationship for all of season 3; therefore it shouldn’t have been difficult for Eddie to just tell Buck how he really feels about him. Of course he waited to long to tell him because right before he was getting ready to be discharged, the woman Buck had been pursuing finally told him she wanted to be with him. Buck was no longer available and Eddie missed his chance again just like he did before he got shot. If he had went ahead and broken up with Ana in 4x13, Eddie would have been single and he could have verbally told Buck in the firetruck on the way to the hospital how much he loved him instead of using their silent conversation. They are in love with each other and have been for several years but they won’t say it out loud. Eddie needed and wanted Buck to be in a romantic relationship with him so they could get married and raise Christopher together but he missed his chance.

5x4 “Home and Away”

Buck got punched in the face for trying to protect his sister’s whereabouts from her boyfriend Chimney and even though he was in a relationship at the time, he called Eddie to come over and take care of him. While they were talking, Buck told Eddie, “He just doesn’t know her the way that I do” and Eddie responded, “Or you don’t know her the way that he does. When you think of your sister, you see this person who you’ve always looked up to. The woman who’s taken care of you. But maybe that’s not who she is right now. This time, she’s the one who needs taken care of.” This was Eddie’s way of trying to tell Buck how much he needed him but as usual Buck didn’t understand what Eddie was trying to tell him; therefore Eddie’s message got lost in translation. Eddie was trying to say, ‘Buck I’ve been taking care of you and Christopher for the past 3 years but now I’m broken and struggling to keep it together. I need you to take care of me because I haven’t been able to survive since The Shooting. While I look ok on the outside, on the inside I’m barely holding it together. You told me to breakup with Ana and I did because you were right, it wasn’t fair to her but you’re still in a relationship and you’re not there for me. Are you ever going to breakup with her so that we can finally be together?’ Eddie wanted Buck to know that he needed him to take care of them but Buck missed it and since Eddie didn’t say I need you in a way that Buck would understand, he really couldn’t blame Buck for missing it. Buck was too stuck in his own mindset about being abandoned by his sister so he missed the warning signs which was foreshadowing for 5x13 “Fear-O-Phobia” when Eddie had a mental breakdown. After their conversation happened the distance between them began to widen and they weren’t communicating like they had been in the past.

5x11 “Outside Looking In”

Eddie quit his job in 5x10 “Wrapped in Red” and as usual he used Christopher as a shield to hide the real reason why he was quitting. While Christopher did have nightmares about his mother, the real reason Eddie left was because he was scared and had been since The Shooting. Buck wasn’t around like he had been for the two of them in the past so Eddie was barely holding on. He tried to keep it together after the Hostage Situation in 5x6 “Brawl in Cell Block 9-1-1” but when he looked at Buck with hopeful eyes believing he would follow him home, he was disappointed when he didn’t. That’s when Eddie knew, Buck had moved on so to try to stop his heart from breaking any further, he pushed Buck away and isolated himself. He and Buck were still talking but their relationship wasn’t anywhere near the place it had been before The Shooting.

Buck brought his girlfriend to Eddie’s house for dinner and Eddie tried to show Buck that he did all the cooking just for him, Buck missed it again. Eddie took the dishes into the kitchen and Buck followed him. They had a conversation and Buck said, “You don’t have to pretend with me” and Eddie told him to “Move on” because he had. Eddie lied when he said he’d moved on but he was trying to cut Buck loose so that he wouldn’t drag him down with him. Eddie hated his new job; he wasn’t sleeping and he missed working with Buck every day. When he told Buck to move on, what he actually wanted to say to Buck was ‘I need you and I miss you. Are you ever going to come back to me like you did after the lawsuit? We talked about how I wouldn’t be able to make it if you left me again so what am I supposed to do Evan?’ Eddie continued to isolate himself and the distance between him and Buck widened even further until Eddie gave up after he saw Buck having fun at the bar. He internalized it all and that’s when he believed he’d lost Buck forever which caused him to go to Bobby to get his job back. He was trying to save his self-made family when he told Bobby he wanted to come home but when Bobby said no, Eddie lost it just like he did in the grocery store. He was angry and he lashed out at Bobby; therefore Bobby told him to go to therapy just like he did in 3x8 “Malfunction” after he learned Eddie had been fighting in and illegal fight club and had almost killed a man.

5x13 “Fear-O-Phobia”

Frank, Eddie’s therapist, gave him an assignment which included Eddie contacting the people he served with while he was in the Army. When he contacted them, he learned they had all died which caused him to lose it. He was alone and he didn’t have anyone to talk to about it so instead of returning to the fight club, he punched the walls in his bedroom with his bare hands and smashed all his bedroom furniture with a baseball bat. Christopher heard it and instead of calling 9-1-1, he called Buck. Buck rushed over and broke down Eddie’s bedroom door to get inside. Once he was inside, he saw all the damage to the walls and furniture which caused him to quietly panic since he thought Eddie might have done something to harm himself. When he heard Eddie crying, he rushed over to him and asked, “What’s going on?” and Eddie said, “They’re all dead!” After Buck got Christopher situated in his own bedroom, he returned to talk to Eddie but Eddie had moved from his bedroom into the dining room.

They talked and Eddie explained to Buck how Frank told him to reach out to the people he served with in the Army and that’s when he learned they were dead. Buck asked Eddie, “What are you afraid of?” and Eddie replied, “That I’ll never feel normal again.” Here’s the thing, Eddie does have PTSD and has had it for a while but the key thing to remember is Buck had been there almost every time in the past, since Eddie joined the 118, when someone asked him about it. Buck would divert the conversation, like he did in 3x15 “Eddie Begins” when Christopher and Carla were at the firehouse, so that Eddie wouldn’t have to deal with it. Also Eddie was struggling with the fact that he lost Buck and he didn’t know how to deal with that on top of having to deal with his PTSD. He needs Buck just as much as Buck needs him so they were both suffering. Buck was clinging to a woman he didn’t want to be with and Eddie was trying to hold onto the remaining memories he had of the time he and Buck were building their self-made family. The difference between this time and all the other times Eddie tried to tell Buck ‘I need you’ was Buck finally got the message. He stayed with the Diaz boys and helped Eddie every step of the way. He even used his girlfriend to get information about Charlie (the boy Eddie went to help the day he got shot) so that he could help Eddie get past his breakdown. He took Christopher to school, called Bobby and asked him to stay with Eddie so that he wouldn’t wake up alone and he was there after Eddie’s therapy sessions just to listen in case Eddie wanted to talk. Eddie’s belief that Buck would automatically know that he needed him finally came into fruition. They were The Buckley-Diaz Family again and by the end of 5x18 “Starting Over”, Buck had finally broken up with his girlfriend. Eddie didn’t have to try and tell Buck he needed him this time, Buck understood and remained by his side the entire time to help him heal. He even organized a family outing for the three of them to go to Equine Therapy.

Eddie and Buck are madly in love with each other and they are the loves of each other’s lives. They can’t imagine a life without one another so when something happens that prevents them from talking to the other one, Eddie loses it and isolates himself (Read blog post “Buck & Eddie: Eddie panics about losing Buck” for more information). Eddie shouldn’t expect for Buck to be able to read his mind but he should expect for Buck to be there for him and Christopher, especially after Buck apologized a second time in 3x9 “Fallout” for abandoning them. Things between them will be different after they become an official romantic couple because once they are CANON, they will have to depend on each other even more than they already do now but the difference is there will be an even stronger unspoken understanding between the two of them. They won’t have to use underlying meanings to get the other one to understand what they need because they will be able to anticipate it and they will not have to wait for the other to ask for it. Will TPTB make them a CANON couple in season 6? Only they know the answer to that question.

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endlessreruns · 1 year

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(Cassie Steele) [The Planner]. Please welcome [Evangeline Cruz (she/her)] to Huntsville, WV. They are an [30]-year-old [VISITOR] who lives in [THE COMMUNE]. You may see them around working as a [1st Grade Teacher].

Name: Evangeline Cruz

Nick-Names: Eva, Vanjie

Face Claim: Cassie Steele

Age: 30 (updated age 31)

Gender/Pronouns: cis woman, she/her

Orientation: pansexual

Commune Visitor

Gatherer

Occupation: 1st Grade Teacher

Languages Spoken: English, Tagalog, and Spanish

~~~

Born in San Diego the younger half sister of Dahlia

Doesn't remember anything about California though as the family moved to El Paso, Texas when she was 1.

Eva did cheerleading in junior high and high school, and did pretty decently in her academics.

Was voted prom queen at her senior prom

When she was 18 she was the maid of honor at her sister's wedding.

Started her first year of college during the winter instead of the fall with an undeclared major before deciding on earning a degree in Early Childhood Education.

She was 24 when her sister and her family went missing after they'd moved to West Virginia

Eva moved from Texas to West Virginia to try and help in the search, but eventually it was called off and the Cruz-Dutton family was declared likely to be dead.

After this loss Eva fell into a deep depression and what started as one drink to try and forget turned into multiple drinks...every day until she found that she didn't know how to function without one.

At 26 she started getting help for her addiction after she wound up pushing away everyone that had been trying to help her, and she was left with no one.

When she was 27 she went out to the area where Dahlia had gone missing on her big sister's birthday, finding herself soon in some little town called 'Huntsville.'

After settling into the town she took on a job as the first grade teacher at the elementary school. It was through this that Eva learned that this was where her lost family was when her nieces wound up in her class.

Eva wound up moving into the commune a year after getting to Huntsville, having moved in because of someone she was dating at the time. While they are no longer together, she decided to stay at the commune.

She still struggles with her addiction, but has been doing better. She makes attempts not to drink, but she refuses to punish herself or make herself feel shitty if she does have one.

#intro: eva #huntsvilleintro

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aapsychelpaso · 1 year

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Breaking Stigma: Overcoming the Fear of Seeking Help for Mental Health Issues

Breaking the stigma surrounding mental health is crucial to improving overall wellness. Mental health issues can impact anyone at any time, and seeking help is a crucial step in achieving better mental health. Unfortunately, the stigma surrounding mental health can make it difficult for individuals to seek the help they need. At Alfredo Arellano TMS & Psychiatric Clinic, we understand the…

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#Alfredo Arellano TMS & Psychiatric Clinic #Anxiety #Breaking Stigma #Depression #El Paso Anxiety Help #El Paso Depression Help #El Paso Mental Health #El Paso TMS #Mental Health Stigma #mental health support #Personalized Care #Psychiatry El Paso #PTSD #TMS treatment

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houstonnurseattorneys · 1 year

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hakesbrother · 2 years

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greysspiritual · 2 years

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Hills pet weight management

The stars aligned for the pups from El Paso three days before their flight. So far, the agency says, at least 13 have done so. The agency recently set a “genetic objective” of at least 22 cross-fostered pups surviving in the wild to breeding age, or 2 years old. Dens are identified by GPS and radio telemetry data, which is available because about half of wild Mexican wolves wear radio collars. The agency’s main approach today is flying zoo pups - with their more varied genetics - to the high desert within two weeks of their birth, driving them into the mountains, hiking them to a wild den, placing them in a litter born within 10 days of the zoo babies and hoping the wild mother “fosters” them. In 2018, a federal court ordered Fish and Wildlife to better manage the wolves’ dire genetic state, which threatens their health, reproduction and long-term viability. Every Mexican wolf alive today is a descendant of those seven wolves.Ībout 380 Mexican wolves live in zoos and other facilities in the United States and Mexico, and they are inbred and, in scientific parlance, “genetically depressed.” The 200 or so in the “experimental population area” where the federal program’s rules allow the wolves to roam, straddling Arizona and New Mexico, are even more so - on average, as related as siblings. Later, two other captive wolves would be determined to have distinct genetic lineages. The last wild wolves, five straggling survivors, were captured in Mexico and taken into captivity in the late 1970s. Across the Southwest, they were hunted and trapped in campaigns often aided by the government. But settlers’ livestock provided a new option, one that nearly doomed the canines. They are smaller and browner than their Northern Rockies relatives, although scientists say it is likely they intermingled when wolves roamed the continent, before European settlement.ĭeer may have been Mexican wolves’ main food source back then. Mexican wolves are North America’s rarest subspecies of gray wolves. TOP: An adult Mexican wolf is seen in an enclosure at El Paso Zoo, as workers prepare to retrieve pups for the cross-fostering program. Its feet, studded with petite claws, stuck straight out. “We’re going to see if anybody has to potty,” Milne said, rubbing a cotton ball soaked in warm water between one pup’s hind legs. For the next several hours, these wolves were between mothers - their birth mother in El Paso and their wild foster mother in New Mexico - so Milne would have to do it herself. Newborn wolves do not urinate and defecate on their own their mother licks them to stimulate the processes. Soon, she was pulling on rubber gloves and reaching into the carrier. “Rarely is conservation so hands-on,” said Vikki Milne, the zoo veterinarian, over the blast of the plane’s air conditioning. So, for now, the agency has placed much of its hope on the tiny, furred shoulders of “cross-foster” pups like the trio on the plane. Fish and Wildlife Service, which spent $2.8 million managing it in 2021, stopped introducing adult wolves, which ranchers and some officials say are more likely to be habituated to humans and be aggressive. The recovery program is contentious enough that the U.S. And humans remain an enormous threat - poaching, cars and encounters with cattle have caused the deaths of nearly as many Mexican wolves as the number roaming the wild today. Ranchers argue that wolves ruin rural livelihoods. Risks to the pups abounded in the rolling peaks below, and doubts about whether all the effort was worth it flourished far beyond.Ĭonservationists have sued the government over its Mexican-wolf management, which they and researchers say ignores science and sets the animals up for failure. Their destination was the den of a wild wolf pack in the New Mexico mountains, where it was hoped the pups would be adopted into the pack, their genes bolstering an inbred population and helping to restore an apex predator and perhaps eventually providing a link in a chain of wolf populations stretching from Canada to Mexico. The pups had been whisked from their birthplace, El Paso Zoo, two hours before. They were flanked by a veterinarian and a zookeeper, chaperones for this leg of a precisely choreographed operation. The pups were protected by a soft pet carrier and kept toasty - 78 degrees, an attached thermometer indicated - by hand warmers wrapped in a towel. Their worth, as some of the newest members of a critically endangered species, was immeasurable. Their weight was less than three pounds each, their 10-day-old eyes still screwed shut. In a private plane soaring 26,000 feet over pine-swathed mountains, three tawny Mexican wolf pups slept.

#Hills pet weight management

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marjaystuff · 2 years

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Guest Review: The German Wife

The German Wife

Kelly Rimmer

Harper Collins

June 28th 2022

The German Wife by Kelly Rimmer has a unique perspective. It delves into forgiveness, family bonds, choices made, both good/evil, right/wrong, prejudice, and relationships during the 1930s and 1950s. The story shows the deep flaws and frailty of Germans living under Nazi rule.

The novel is inspired by the true story of Operation Paperclip: a controversial secret US intelligence program that employed former Nazi scientists after WWII and had them live together with their American counterparts.

“I live in Australia, about an hour and a half from the Parks Radio and Telescope Observatory. They had a festival in 2019 to commemorate the role the Parks played with the moon landing. They relayed communication and telemetry signals to NASA, providing coverage for when the Apollo spaceship was on the Australian side of the Earth. While I was there, I visited an exhibit about the US space program. I saw how there was a line that said how German and US scientists worked together starting in 1950 in Huntsville Alabama to help the space program. I was determined to learn how that could happen and wanted to know about Operation Paperclip.”

There are alternating timelines, settings, and narrations. The story begins in Berlin during the 1930s where Sofie von Meyer Rhodes and her academic husband benefit from the military ambitions of Germany’s newly elected chancellor, Hitler. Jürgen Rhodes is offered a high-level position in their burgeoning rocket program. Although they fiercely oppose Hitler’s radical views, it soon becomes clear that if Jürgen does not accept the job, their income, their children, and their lives will be taken away.

There were three German couples that represented different views: Jurgen and Sophie, Claudia and Klaus, Lydia, and Karl. “Lydia and Karl were not open about their Anti-Semitism in the early days of the Nazi regime. I put in this book quote, “The Nazis didn’t make people like Lydia and Karl anti-Semitic. They only uncovered what already existed.” They very quickly got swept up in the Nazi party agenda. Jurgen and Sophie are reasonable people who do feel guilty because they are complicit. Claudia and Klaus did take a stand refusing to join the Nazi Party. It cost them, but they had dignity. Lydia/Karl were pure Nazis, Jurgen/Sophie were reluctant Nazis, and Claudia /Karl were not Nazis.

Sofie and Jurgen beloved Jewish friend, Mayim lives with them at the beginning of the Nazi regime. But as the years pass, they know that Mayim must leave because Jews are no longer accepted. Through Mayim’s eyes readers get a glimpse into the Nazi atrocities, how many Germans were sleeper Anti-Semites who came out of the woodwork after Hitlers’ rise to power, and how the Jews try to flee to different countries to escape the prejudice, threats, and killings.

The other setting in the 1930s is El Paso Texas where the Davies family is struggling to survive on their farm. Between the depression and the terrible drought Lizzie realizes her dream of staying and becoming a farmer is no longer a reality. Her brother Henry enlists to fight the Germans during WWII and she marries Calvin, her best friend. But theirs is a marriage of convenience with no intimacy whatsoever.

“I wanted to write about the intersection of a small town in America with the German families living in WWII. 2019 was the end of a three-year drought in Australia. Everything was covered in dust, wary and draining. It was hard on people mentally who feel completely powerless. When I looked at the timing of when all would meet in Huntsville, I decided to have these characters living through the Texas dust bowl. They are very devoted to their families. Lizzie has seen the War through Henry’s eyes who was a veteran.”

Twenty years later, during the 1950s in Huntsville Alabama Jürgen is brought from Germany to America along with other German scientists to help America start their space program. This is where Operation Paperclip comes into play. Many of these scientists are Nazis, worked in the SS, and ran labor camps, yet, had their German past in Germany completely wiped and became thriving American citizens. He is eventually joined by Sophie and their two youngest children. But they must struggle with their past as many Germans are not always welcome in Huntsville. Lizzie and Sophie’s life interconnect when Calvin and Jürgen, both scientists, work together on the rocket program. Both Lizzie and her brother Henry, who suffers from PTSD after seeing the Nazi atrocities, are hostile to the Rhodes family. The story shows what happens when resentment, prejudice, rage, and acts of violence along with denial come together.

This is an emotionally complex plot that shows how hate can fester, grow, and destroy people’s lives. This thought-provoking novel delves into choices people make because of obligation, fear, force, or a willingness to turn a blind eye. It is a riveting tale of morality and how far someone will go to be able to live their lives, both figuratively and literally.

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sellfurnitureonline · 2 years

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Pets have been an important part of our lives. They become members of our families and bring companionship and a sense of security to our homes. They provide unconditional support and love for many people and have proven to be very beneficial, reducing depression and increasing a person's overall happiness.

There are many different types of pets, some people like dogs; some are interested in cats and other in birds. Snakes and spiders are also becoming increasingly popular with today's lifestyle. No matter what type of pets you have, you just need to make sure that you love them and take good care of them, because pets are some of the greatest things in life that you can have.

Having a Pet can be very rewarding, but it is also a big responsibility. We see many people are adopting pets these days. Children often beg their parents for a pet and they do adopt pets for the sake of enjoyment but many people forget to treat them in a correct way. This should not be done! You need to make sure that your animals have a couple of things so that they can live a good life. Leadership and affection are some of those.

Mostly people are worried about from where to buy or sell pets. Pet sellers are charging so high these days that a common man can't afford. Moreover, searching for a pet from one shop to another is also a hectic and risky job. So pet lovers just don't worry, there are so many online sites where you can search for a new pet, Buy & sell pets and adopt a pet. Some sites are paid while some are free. These sites provide relevant information about pets along with their photos and videos. All you need to do is quick survey.

Adopting a pet is a good way of helping animals. It is a wonderful option for adding a canine friend into the family. There are several animals that have no homes or people to care for them. When a pet is adopted it should be a life long commitment, and not something you can just dispose of when you get tired of caring for it. Pets are creatures too we can't make their lives worse.

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385bookreviews · 2 years

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1.53.2 Aristotle and Dante Dive Into the Waters of the World by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

SPOILERS

Pages: 516

Read Time: 2 hours and 55 minutes

Overall Rating: ★★★★★ Storyline: ★★★★★ Dialogue: ★★★★★ Characters: ★★★★★

Genre: YA Fiction

TWs for the book: Homophobia, transphobia, racism, death of parent, mentions of s*x, depression, cussing, smoking, drinking, AIDS epidemic, protests, break up, grief, deadnaming/misgendering (accidental and purposeful), slurs (f slur and n slur), violence, bullying, religious content, murder, panic attacks, pregnancy, discussion of war, sexism, mild discussion of conversion therapy, confinement

POV: First person; Aristotle

Time Period/Location: 1988-89 El Paso, Texas

First Line: Everywhere I turned, everywhere I went, everybody had something to say about love.

The second installment in the adventures of Aristotle and Dante, two young gay boys in the 80s, proved, in my opinion, to be just as masterful as the first. The story begins with Ari and Dante enjoying their last summer before senior year as a couple. They go on a camping trip where they have sex for the first time. They make friends with Cassandra, Susie, and Gina. They face pressures of keeping their relationship a secret, watching other people’s bigotry unfold, and dealing with the weight of what the AIDS epidemic might mean for them. Dante’s mother has a son, Sophocles, and Ari reconnects with his sisters. The weight of his brother’s murder of a trans woman and his subsequent imprisonment when Ari was 6 weighs on him, and he decides to take a trip to Huntsville with his father to visit him. His brother is violently homophobic and calls Ari slurs, treating him horribly for the entire visit, but Ari leaves incredibly happy and at peace with himself, no longer left pining for the brother he never had. He continues to connect with his father more and more, however, the day before New Years, tragedy strikes when his father has a heart attack and dies in his arms. He suffers through his grief, but not alone, as his friends and his family are there for them and he grows as a person. He graduates high school, helps another friend of his come out to the rest of them, but then realizes some problems with Dante when they both get accepted to college, Ari to UT Austin and Dante to an art school in Ohio. Dante also is accepted for a summer art program in Paris, which he tries to turn down to be with Ari, but Ari insists that he goes. He is hurt by this, accepts the invitation to the program, and breaks up with Ari before he leaves. Ari refuses to accept this, and flies to Paris to confess his love, and admits that he was going to ask Dante to marry him even though they legally can’t. Dante accepts, and the two share a kiss in the Louvre and the book ends.

Aristotle Mendoza: Aristotle really is a wonderful narrator of this story. The entire book is from his very thought out perspective, and most of the book is insight into his opinions and feelings. You watch him grow as a person and accept things and learn things and experience things he wouldn’t have in the first book before he met Dante and accepted that he was gay. Aristotle’s way of looking at things is really beautiful and meaningful, and it gives such a newfound perspective on every aspect of life, not shying away from difficult topics.

Dante Quintana: I see a lot of myself in Dante. He’s an artist, driven by emotions, and with a wiseass mouth. He is constantly a comedic relief, and his banter with Ari is refreshing throughout the book, even in serious moments. Unlike in most romance novels, you can see through Ari’s lens that he is a deeply flawed human being, just like everyone else, and while Ari is in love with him, he isn’t held to a higher standard.

Cassandra Ortega: I really love what Cassandra adds to the book. Her relationship with Ari is a really beautiful “enemies-to-friends” scenario and she really helps push Ari to grow as a person. She helps Ari learn to interact with a friends as a very solitary, introverted person, and they are always there for each other. She has a lot of very brilliant dialogue, and, for a book written by a man, she is a perfect example of a strong young woman unafraid to speak her mind.

Storyline: While slice-of-life books such as this usually have trouble holding my interest, this book was different. There was never too much time spent lingering on any particular moment. The narration and dialogue were really gorgeous and it cut right into the heart of what it really meant to be human.

Representation: The book centers around Aristotle and Dante and their mlm relationship, really going into the struggles of being gay in the 80s. Their friend Julio comes out as gay at the end of the book (with Ari’s help). Cassandra’s brother was gay. Ari’s aunt Ophelia, who is often mentioned, was a lesbian. While returning home from their camping trip, Ari and Dante meet a woman who’s son died of AIDS and she gives them one of his paintings and a poem he wrote. The person Ari’s brother Bernardo kills was a transgender woman. However, Ari struggles with deadnaming and misgendering her whenever he speaks of her, however, does go to her grave and leaves flowers with the name Camilla attached to it. Almost all of the characters in the book are Mexican.

Summary: Overall, this book was downright beautiful. Benjamin Alire Sáenz has a really unique writing style that’s enjoyable to read and really makes you think about life as a whole.

Quotes: “There have been explosions in the universe for billions of years---explosions that give birth to a world breathing with new life. The universe creates. We live on a planet that is a part of that universe. Everything is connected and everything belongs. Everything that is alive carries the breath of the universe. Once something is born---a dog, a tree, a lizard, a human being---it becomes essential to the universe and never dies. The earth does not know the word ‘exile’. Violence begins in the dark and stubborn riots of the human heart. The human heart is the source of all our hate---and all our love. We must tame our wild hearts---or we will never understand the spark of the universe that lives within us all. To live and never understand the strange and beautiful mysteries of the human heart is to make a tragedy of our lives.” “’God has no face but yours. God has no face but mine.’ Were we all the face of God?”-Aristotle “Don’t ever let the hate rob you of the life you’ve been given.”-Jamie “Dante, I have so many things going through my head sometimes. It’s as if the whole world is in chaos and it’s all living inside me. It’s as if all the riots in San Francisco and New York and London and Chicago---all those riots, all the broken glass and the broken hearts, are cutting up my own heart. And I can’t breathe. I just can’t breath. And I want to be alive and happy. And sometimes I am.”-Aristotle “We can do this. One of these days the world is going to be very surprised by the things we accomplish. But we won’t be. We won’t be surprised at all. Because we will have learned by then what we have in us.”-Cassandra “Between the living and the dying is the loving”

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madamewriterofwrongs · 3 years

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Hey! I've never written a prompt before, so I don't really know what I should be suggesting, but could you do your otp having a really heartbreaking moment where they realize The Dealbreaker and they have to decide if it really is one? or if you're feeling something a bit more lighthearted, could you have one have to carry the other home (injured, drunk, or other reason) that's just kinda cute fluff?

So first I just want to say that I really appreciate this prompt. I did a call out back in November asking for writing prompts because a colleague had passed away and I needed a distraction. I got a few prompts form mutuals which is always lovely to see but I want to say thank you for reaching out even though we might not be blogs that interact all the time. You saw someone in need and you just offered to help in some small way. So yeah, I really appreciate it.

Also, of course, I feel I should apologize because you sent me this prompt in November and it is now the end of June but I'm just glad I found some time and inspiration to fill this prompt.

This is also a little angstier than I think I initially intended but I promise there is a hopeful ending because I don’t do sad endings.

Enjoy!

More Than Strong Enough to Take You With Me

9-1-1/Buddie

Read on Ao3

Some distant memory of crowded bars with sticky floors and exchanging sob stories for loud songs struck Eddie with the realization that he never expected to be in a place like this ever again. He thought his days of coming to pick up his drunken friends at whatever dive they’d found themselves in had ended the night he left El Paso. In fact, he recalls making a vow that he wouldn’t surround himself with people who drank their sorrows and caused a scene. Like so many things in his life, Evan Buckley was the exception to the rule.

“Eddie!” He spotted the man near the end of the bar, tossing one hand in what might have been a wave at some point. “You made it.”

Even through his annoyance, he couldn’t help but smile fondly at his friend’s excitement. “Hey, Buck.”

The woman behind the bar, however – a broad shouldered woman with curly hair and the patience of a broken alarm clock – was less enthused by Eddie’s entrance.

“Hey! You were supposed to call an Uber, not invite your buddy for another round.”

The former medic raised his hand in an attempt to sooth the situation. “I am his Uber. Has he closed out?”

“Yeah.” The woman waved her rag at him dismissively. “Take your boyfriend and get out of here.”

Eddie kept his face neutral, hoping – praying – Buck hadn’t heard her comment, but the gods of bad ideas were pressing heavily on the other man’s shoulders.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” He spat, even as he allowed Eddie to manhandle him to a standing position. Buck was steady enough on his feet that he could shuffle to the door but with his entire weight pressed against Eddie, it felt more like dragging a sack of potatoes across a tacky floor.

It was already just after midnight but if the journey from the door to the truck were any indication, tonight would be long. Every step had the consistency of wet sand, dragging Eddie’s companion further down and with it, his heart and patience. No matter his sympathy, no matter his fondness or loyalty for the man at his side: Buck was heavy. He was also moments away from passing out and the fact that he hadn’t said a word since they’d left the bar was more than a little concerning. He knew Buck had the capacity for long silence (for contemplation, depression, punishment, and so on) but there were a lot of things left unsaid between them. Eddie knew better than to bring them up while he was reaching over his friend to secure the seatbelt he was incapable of tightening himself. Buck should have been biting his ear off with all the things on his mind and yet, he remained silent.

He was quiet as the engine roared to life, as they drove through the streets of Los Angeles – the radio tuned to an audibly low country station and the streetlights illuminating the cabin like the mid-day sun. When they pulled up to an open spot across the street from Buck’s apartment complex, Eddie glanced over at his friend and barely withheld his sigh. Buck’s head was hung low, fairly floating above his chest as though he might fall into it at any moment. His eyes were half-open, slowly blinking. The rising of his chest was steady but faster than his medic-minded musings would like.

If he was being honest, he was surprised that Buck had called him. There was never any doubt that he would come to his friend’s aid – and Buck had to know that – and while he was relieved to know the trust between them was still intact, he found himself nonetheless surprised. After years of therapy and reassurances, he still needed to be reminded that sometimes, one argument (a hundred arguments) wouldn’t be enough to break a bond.

His first priority, however, was not to forgive or to ask for forgiveness. It was to make sure Buck was safe. However, that would involve exiting the vehicle and manhandling his friend into his apartment while enduring a silent treatment that could rival his son’s. It was worse now, as they stood in the elevator and Buck clung to the fabric at his back, when there was no more ambiance from the outside world to mask the thoughts in his head. Climbing up the stairs to the loft bedroom was no easier, hefting the man against his shoulder as they took each step together. Still: Buck said nothing.

Like the good friend he reassured himself he was, Eddie sat him on the edge of the bed, bracing his shoulders to carefully hold him upright before diving down to untie his shoes. Buck let himself be guided back onto the bed, shuffling when requested but moving no further. The frown that had been drawn on his face during the journey home had deepened into a scowl and Eddie struggled to hide his own developing grimace. His hands worked clinically to keep from shaking as he removed his friend’s pants but kept his socks on – because Buck likes to sleep with them on, his mind supplied information he hadn’t known he’d retained after all their years together. And still: Buck said nothing.

Eddie carefully pulled the duvet cover up to his waist, tucking the corners around his chest out of fatherly habit and resisted the urge to kiss his forehead for the same reason.

“Why am I not enough?” Buck’s voice was harsh and quiet from spending so long in silence but Eddie heard him nonetheless.

It was a question he sensed was coming and yet it cracked his heart as easily as though it were the first shot to begin the battle. Despite the wound, he knelt beside the bed to reach his friend’s eyelevel.

“Buck, you are more than enough, I promise.”

The firefighter slowly turned his head and the sorrow in his eyes shattered Eddie’s heart completely.

“Nothing I do is enough for anyone to stay – I’m not enough for anyone to stay.”

He clenched his fist to keep from reaching out and brushing a hand over his friend’s face. He looked so much like the scared and hopeful boy he’d heard about from Buck’s retelling of his childhood. The kid who just wanted someone to reassure him that he was loved and wanted now that his big sister was gone. He looked so young. But Buck wasn’t that kid anymore. He was grownup, now, and he was loved by so many and so much. Eddie knew all too well the demons that were making their false accusations in his friend’s head.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Buck. Because it’s not true.”

The firefighter shook his head, hair falling across his eyes as he burrowed deeper into his pillow. “Maddie left, and Abby left, and Ali, and Taylor, and now…” his voice fell away with a crack but Eddie knew who he meant. It was the reason he was in this position in the first place – for the most part, at least. Maybe Buck would remember his sadness in the daylight and maybe he would purge it with the morning tide, but right now, all Eddie knew was that his friend was hurting.

“Maddie came back, remember? She didn’t mean to leave and she came back. Your girlfriends, they left, but that’s a reflection on them not you.” Leaning against his elbows on the edge of the bed was as close as Eddie would let himself come. Any closer, and he might give in to the temptation that would only make their situation worse. “They don’t know what they’re missing.”

“I wasn’t enough for you.”

Knowing the words were coming and feeling each syllable pierce his well-crafted armor, were two very different sensations. In one, he could pretend that logic and reason were constant companions and that his answer could soothe their hearts. In this, his fingernails dug into the bedsheet, willing himself to remain stoic in the face of heartbreak.

“Of course, you’re enough for me.”

“Then why did you push me away when I tried to kiss you?”

It was a question his heart had been asking him for months. It punished his lack of answer by replaying that night over and over again. Sitting on the couch, drinking water because tomorrow would be a long day and neither could afford a hangover. At times, they sat in silence, at times Eddie spoke of nothing and everything in an effort to keep them both distracted. At times, he simply listened as Buck spoke of things that tore him apart. And then he’d leaned forward. And then Eddie had placed a gentle hand on his chest. And then Buck had gone to bed.

“Buck, your dad had just died, we were getting ready for his funeral.” The look of embarrassment and hurt on his partner’s face had been etched into his ribcage, the wounding stinging with every heartbeat. Despite his own heart’s protests, Eddie didn’t regret his actions, merely regretted the outcome. Days of uncomfortable silence, wayward eyes, and half-smiles were endurable so long as Buck knew the truth – which, apparently, he didn’t.

“When we do this, it won’t be because one of us is emotionally vulnerable, or hurting, or drunk. It will be because we’re on the same page about what we want and we’re both ready.”

For a moment, there was more silence as Buck processed Eddie’s words for what they were. It was a privilege to look into this man’s eyes and see the flicker of hope reignite in the midst of so much darkness.

“When?”

Eddie exhaled with a small smile, glad for the knowledge that Buck, through his drunk and exhausted mind, had truly heard him. In a moment of weakness, he surrendered to the urge to swipe his finger through a wayward strand of blond hair.

“Yeah, when.”

As though he’d spoken some magic spell over the man, Eddie watched Buck’s eyes as they fluttered and closed. His breath slowly steadied and evened out, and his heart seemed to settle. Still, Eddie stayed leaning against the edge of the bed, a fond smile growing on his face. He’d meant what he said – whether Buck remembered or acknowledged any of this in the morning remained to be seen, but he meant it nonetheless. What he felt for Buck, what he wanted for a relationship with him, scared the crap out of him and yet, the anticipation that bubbled in his chest was one of excitement rather than terror.

When.

It could be that Buck would wake up tomorrow and decide they were both ready to move forward together (though that was highly unlikely given the amount of alcohol he’d consumed). It could be they would never be on the same page and would continue to dance around one another for another twenty years as partners (he also doubted he would have to wait that long). He would wait, though. If Buck was it for him, then he’d wait fifty years. The smile on the other man’s face as he drifted off told him he felt the same.

However, some time in the next fifty years, Buck would awaken with a massive hangover and more than a little embarrassment about his actions. His partner’s comfort and safety was, as always, at the forefront of his thoughts. So, he quietly jogged downstairs and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge, and searched the upstairs bathroom for the bottle of ibuprofen he knew was always stashed in the cupboard, and laid both on the bedside table.

For just a moment, Eddie indulged in watching Buck sleep, content to listen to the sounds of the world dampened by the noise of his friend’s snores. He remembered a time when Christopher had complained about Buck’s snoring from the couch and Buck had insisted that he hadn’t been that bad. He couldn’t wait to inform them of his own opinion and crown a victor in the eternal debate.

“Eddie?” He should have expected that the peace of the moment would be enough to pull Buck from his slumber. One thing he’d learned from a very early time in their friendship: Buck could find Eddie in a crowded room. How could he not sense him when he was so close?

“Yeah, Buck?”

“Thanks for taking care of me.”

As the man finally settled into slumber, Eddie smiled fondly and whispered: “Always.”

#rousse #cj answers things #cj writes things #911 fox #911 on fox #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie fic #911 fic #drunk confessions

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