#ENDO YOU'VE DONE AGAIN!!!
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Anime only watchers and people who aren't caught up with the Manga yet, BEWARE... Cuz I'm about to discuss Spy X Family Mission 65... You have been warned...! 👌
[SPOILERS AHEAD FROM THIS POINT ON]
OH MY GOSH...!! THIS CHAPTER!!! 😱😱😱
Okay... Before I start going crazy about THAT ENDING, I'm going to start by sharing my initial reactions and discussing the chapter as a whole...
First things first, this chapter was not initially about Anya like I thought it would be... But instead, it was all about Yor!! 😁
And since this chapter was about Yor, it delve into more of her worries about being "normal"... Which always makes me sad... 😔
You deserve the world, Yor...!! ❤
Continuing on, as Yor is out shopping, we are shown this woman and servant... And when I saw this panel, I knew that she was going to be important...!! I just didn't know how! 😅
As the woman is heading up the stairs, she suddenly trips and is about to fall...!! But luckily, Yor was there to help!! 😄
Amazed by her rescuer's skills, the woman offers Yor to come and join her for a rousing game of volleyball!! 😆
Which means that every member of the Forger family (except Bond) has been involved a sport...!! Which makes me laugh!! 😂
It turns though, this wasn't just a regular volleyball thing... It was an All-Mothers Volleyball League!! 😲 Which also had thinking that maybe some of these women were the mothers of some the Eden Academy kids...!! 🤔 Which, yet again, I didn't know for sure...!! 😅
Anyway, I kinda stop theorizing and just had so much fun watching Yor play volleyball with these other mothers!! 😄 There was so many great scenes in the volleyball match that wish I could put in here (y'know because of the 10 image limit), but I think my favorite has to be THIS:
GODDAMN YOR...!! 🤣
After all was said and done, Yor and the other mothers went out together...!! They asked her a few questions and Yor started to talk about how she doesn't know what's she supposed to do as mother or a wife... But, the women reassured Yor that none of them know what their doing either, which really warmed my heart...!!! 💗 But then...
THIS HAPPENED...:
I was like: "Wait...!! does that mean--"
AND THEN, THIS:
MY REACTION TO THE ENDING OF CH. 65:
OH MY GOD!!! WHAT!?
This chapter completely threw me for loop!! 😵 First I thought this chapter was going to be about Anya, then I thought it was just going to be a fun little chapter, and now... MY MIND IS BLOWN!!! 😲 I now have like 20 theories going on in my head...!! So here's a few:
Could Melinda be actual true mastermind and not Donovan?
Does Melinda know more about the Forger than she lets on?
If she does know more about the Forger family, could she possibly be the one ask Yor to assassinate Twilight?
Can she read minds like how some people believe that Donovan can?
Is Demetrius Desmond also apart of this?
These are only some of my thoughts but you get the idea... It's funny because I was actually going to write theory (more of a speculation) about Demetrius and how he might be working with his dad...! But now with Melinda Desmond showing up, a new can of worms has just opened up!! 🤔
Anyway, this chapter was freaking amazing and I can't wait to see what happens next!! 😆 Until the next Mission!! Peace!! ✌😎
#spy x family#sxf#spyxfamily#yor forger#anya forger#damian desmond#donovan desmond#melinda desmond#THIS CHAPTER!!!#THAT ENDING!!!#😱😱😱😱😱#Thoery Mode Level: EXTREME!!!#demetrius desmond#ENDO YOU'VE DONE AGAIN!!!#spy x family manga#sxf manga#spyxfamily manga#manga spoilers#Mission 65
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Forever annoyed that "don't speak over marginalized people", the notion that marginalized people are already spoken over, and their oppressors need to actually listen and learn before speaking about complicated topics and need to do so in support of not OVER them, so quickly turned into "I'm not x so I can't speak on x issues". Like the "don't speak on this if you're not this" started out so well meaning because it was about people needing to actually take the time to learn before talking about issues they didn't previously understand! Now it's just an excuse for people to never learn about the issues minorities face or to actually stand up for them in any meaningful way
#forming an opinion is so natural and also important. you can't just stay 'neutral' on everything just because marginalized groups arent#a collective that either fully agrees or fully disagrees with something#you will always have 'lol im x and i dont care about bigotry' folks. always. always always always#you've gotta use your god damned brain and do what's right instead of going 'im not allowed to have an opinion on this'#it's literally just looped around to ignoring issues again. like saying 'racism is bad' isnt good enough when you stay quiet#when your friend is being racist because they're a poc being racist to another poc#and that situation is too 'unclear' for you#ive seen that happen a ton. fucking get over it. yes they're going to respond negatively to being called racist literally everyone does#get over that fear of backlash and stick up for people!!!#this is why radqueers are a plague. their entire stance is 'we dont care enough to think so everything is good and okay'#and has done horrible shit like spread RAMPANT misinformation about mental disorders such as DID#which makes life so much harder for people with DID. and all disorders as they get romanticized instead of actually understood#so the people with the '''bad symptoms''' get shunned#the amount of times I've heard horror stories of actual systems getting abused and forced into all kinds of shit because of endos.......#anyway neutral stances are for things that don't really hurt people or dont matter or#for when youre in the position of actually learning and forming a position#which in that case its meant to be temporary. temporary!!!!!#radqueers dni
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There's just something about reading the Spy x Family manga in a printed version that the digital version can't beat no matter how more easily accessible it is.
Depending on what platform people use to read the digital version, they may get one page at a time, and even if they get two, most people don't have screens big enough to properly "enjoy" two-page sets.
That isn't a problem with a physical copy. You instantly get the two page spread every time, and can easily adjust how close you're holding the volume in order to read the dialogues.
And that has a great impact in experiencing the story in the way Endo (probably) intended.
Like, look at this two-page set. The very first things that catch your attention when you turn to those pages are Anya's and Yor's smiling faces. There's very little dialogue all around those pages, and the two bottom panels are the biggest, with the main focus being how happy and relaxed those two characters are. The last panel is Yor's face - the reader is meant to turn the page with that being their last image of the set - so practically the "experience" of those two pages starts with those smiling faces and also ends with them.
And then you turn the page, and the only silent panel is of Twilight's eyes; only him, only his eyes, with a yearning, melancholic expression.
A stark contrast to the previous spread. Anya and Yor side by side - Twilight is alone. Anya and Yor full-face - Twilight's eyes only. Anya and Yor smiling - Twilight brooding. Anya and Yor get nearly half their pages' length - Twilight gets about 1/5 of his. Anya and Yor in bright light - Twilight shown in a darker light.
Panel placing plays a huge role in graphic stories. You don't just place any panel wherever, from whatever angle and with whatever dimensions. It's a whole part of the art and so I don't doubt that that placement of Anya and Yor's faces was done in order to contrast the small, "sneaky" placement of Twilight's eyes in the next spread.
This is a moment that Twilight has no idea how much vulnerability he's exposing, just by the way he's looking at Yor. And even that is tied to the way his panel is shown - small, quick, as if not really meant to be seen. Because he's a spy and all that.
Again, contrasting Anya and Yor, because they don't feel the need to hide their emotions. They feel free to express their happiness, and that's why they get a full focus on their respective pages.
Also, Anya and Yor are side by side. Anya accepted Yor as her mother from the very beginning, and Yor has also accepted her place in the Forger family, and so they're shown next to each other to show how they already consider each other family. On the other hand you've got Twilight, who is still deep in denial and feels he has to keep his distance from them, and so he's shown on his own.
Along with watching the anime first, I've also decided to have my first experience of the manga in a physical form, and that has been a very telling experience in that matter. It really hit home, to see those beautiful, detailed panels of a happy Anya and Yor side by side, and then to turn the page and to see a melancholic Twilight on his own and only his eyes, as if he's hiding - even though I knew it was coming, since I'd already watched the respective anime episode!
Anya and Yor feeling free to enjoy and relax and feel, and Twilight closing himself up despite the yearning in his eyes.
There's so much that can be said with silent panels, if one knows how to place and present them correctly. And it seems like Endo has an amazing grasp at that, and the printed version of the manga makes that even clearer.
(again, anime "only" here, don't spoil me for the rest of the manga please 😁)
#Spy x Family#sxf meta#again that's one of the main reasons I hesitate reading the manga#because the latest updates are only in digital form#and for me at least they lose such impacts as these#so I prefer to wait and enjoy it properly on my own time
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Dealing With More Anti-Endos Invading Endogenic Spaces! This Time With a Dash of r/Systemscringe
This is just a straight-up lie.
While @thelunastusco did identify as endogenic at one point, that was a VERY long time ago.
I won't go into too much detail about this. You can see their response here:
Wait... are endogenic systems faking or not? 🤔
You seem like you're having a really hard time deciding.
If endogenic systems don't say they have a disorder, they literally can't be faking it.
If endogenic systems do think they have a disorder, then how would they be groomed into thinking they don't?
In the future, try your best to make a rationally coherent point.
Because you've clearly failed here.
Also, not what grooming is. Anti-endos, stop comparing endogenic systems to abusers.
Now, normally, I would go into the whole spiel of how actually endogenic systems are recognized by the majority of psychiatrists who have researched the subjects, by the World Health Organization, etc. But @cambriancrew already tried that, pointing to studies that have been done, and this was how @problematicpooch responded:
So essentially, don't trust the many, many professionals telling you endogenic plurality is real because some studies are wrong! 🙄
And WHAT RESEARCH HAVE YOU DONE?
Have you managed to find even one paper by a psychiatrist or psychologist anywhere stating it's impossible to be plural without trauma? Anywhere?
Because I think it's safe to say that our research is more valid than yours. Ours comes from respected doctors in the field. Yours comes from r/systemscringe. (Don't worry. I'm getting there.)
By the way, the Crew didn't say all studies need to be true if they're published. They said a book specifically peer reviewed and published by the American Psychiatric Association wouldn't have been published if the reviewers felt it contained untrue information.
Why are anti-endos always wanting to traumatize a bunch of children?
Why not just try testing alternative hypotheses for the formation of plurality?
Does anyone else get the feeling that anti-endos attack research into endogenic systems because they're scared?
"Research into endogenic systems is taking away from research into DID" is a pretty silly argument. A lot of research into DID and OSDD has been conducted by trauma specialists. Very little of the research into endogenic systems have been. Doctors who have traditionally focused on traumagenic plurality still are focused on that.
There's zero merit to the idea that this is taking away from research into DID in any way.
And again, the ICD-11, written by World Health Organization, is clear that you can experience multiple distinct identity states without a disorder.
The Hearing Voices Network has been fighting for the 80s to normalize that voice hearing isn't inherently pathological.
Just because someone has experiences similar to a mental illness doesn't mean they have a mental illness. Especially if the don't meet criteria for distress or impairment.
Okay... you know what... I AM going to whip out the ICD-11 here because I want to zero in on another part of this. In the criteria, for DID, you need to experience impairment in areas of functioning due to the disorder.
The DSM-5 has a similar criterion, worded as a requirement of "clinically significant distress or impairment" in important areas of functioning.
The ICD-11 contrasts this with non-aversive distinct personality states that aren't associated with impairment.
No, it's not ableist to say that DID is harmfull.
And the criterion I mentioned in the DSM is literally called the harm criterion, and establishes that a disorder can't be a disorder if it doesn't harm the person in some way.
Referring to dissociative disorders as being harmful isn't ableism. If they weren't harmful, they wouldn't be disorders. That's how disorders work!
Having other people in your head isn't inherently a disorder if it doesn't come with distress or impairment.
This doesn't mean that people with dissociative disorders are monsters. It just means they have a disorder that causes some for of distress or impairment.
Though maybe you, specifically, are.
r/systemscringe
After being torn apart, Problematicpooch ran to r/systemscringe where xe goes by u/Mikeyboi3000
Now, xe tried pulling this in the discussion with Cambrian too, who addressed it here:
Obviously, no correction from u/mikeyboi3000.
That would require a shred of intellectual honesty xe doesn't possess.
Anyway, while we're here, let's take a deeper look at the comments.
Casually accusing someone you don't of being an abuser while you have THAT as your flair is absolutely wild!
Also, they described symptoms the OP says are OSDD-1. At no point did the Crew actually claim OSDD isn't a disorder.
I think most people should have a general code of conduct for themselves. At least basic moral principles.
I would think it's weird that this person doesn't, but then I remembered that this is on r/systemscringe. Of course they wouldn't have any moral principles.
I don't think I've ever seen the Crew use that word for themselves. u/Mikeyboi3000 just stuck that in quotations for some reason.
By the way, if anyone's forgotten who u/sleep-bread-dough is, I debunked their r/systemscringe posts last week.
This is the user who makes system-friendly-sonas to pretend to be supportive of their system friends, and doesn't think DID systems should be allowed to work.
The problem isn't about consciousnesses.
While it may not be fair, if you're unable to hold a single member of the system accountable, then society's laws quickly break down.
Imagine if ghosts were real and could permanently possess someone. Ghosts start possessing people, and permanently are locked into those bodies. The ghosts then commit crimes. If you say, "well, we can't hold this person accountable because they're possessed," then they can commit more crimes without penalty.
If punishing a group is the only way to hold an individual accountable, then the whole group needs to be held accountable.
For example, if anti-endos routinely invade endogenic tags, crosstagging into our spaces, and they refuse to change and stay in their own corners when they're asked, then I have no choice but to crosstag my responses into their tags with the hope the rest of the anti-endo community can rein them in, punishing the entire group for the actions of an individual.
Maybe it doesn't seem fair, but sometimes things that seem unfair are necessary for maintaining order.
I think system responsibility is one of those things, where even if a system were made up of completely 100% separate people, all would need to be held accountable for the actions of one or nobody would be held accountable.
This wasn't the only post u/Mikeyboi300 made either after Tumblr arguments in the past few days. Xe also did one after being corrected by LunastusCo on their origins.
To anyone who may engage with this user, please be warned that doing so may result in them posting you to r/systemscringe in retaliation.
If you're worried about being posted on r/systemscringe, the best thing you can do is to block @problematicpooch.
#syscourse#pro endo#pro endogenic#anti endo#anti endogenic#sysblr#psychology#psychiatry#multiplicity#systemscringe#r/systemscringe#reddit#system stuff#systems#system discourse#actually plural#actually a system
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♡ FNAF 1 x reader ♡
Characters: Foxy
Incdudles: light angst, fluff ♡
Foxy was kinda clumsy. He was torn all over his body and had a lot of loose screws in certain places. He used to fall a lot.
No one could fix him. No one bothered to take the time to get to know him either. They all neglected him and paid more attention to the others on stage.
Who had fewer malfunctions and tending issues.
But not you, you were the new repair buddy for Foxy. You were so excited because he was your absolute favorite as a kid, still till this day!
When you two officially first met, he was defensive. He would snarl at you or even try to scratch you with his hook a few times.
Until his hook fell off.
Don't take it personally when the old technicians tried "helping" him. They were rough with taking him apart and screwing on something - or giving him half assed baths.
But you found it funny how his hook fell off, not in a mean way. He was like a baby, a baby that needed compassion, love, and a friend.
After the second day meeting him, he was still in his snarling mood. But you eased him with your honey like words.
" Hey hey.. easy. It's okay - I won't hurt you. I want to help fix you. Okay? "
His ears shifted down, tail lightly wagging. He was already sitting down, and he watched you carefully - in case if you might try something on him.
But you didn't.
You were so gentle, as if he were your own child. You'd first start with giving him a nice bath every once a week. With the fluffy cloth against his artificial fur, it felt so nice to him. He felt so warm in a way. You'd make sure he was spotless.
He appreciated that so much. He also really likes the bubbles that float onto his body or head. He likes popping them one by one.
Then, after his baths, you would open him up! Sounds weird, but you need to see what's going on with his endo-skeleton. Once you saw, there were circuits and cylinders that were put in incorrectly and carelessly.
You were furious seeing this happen to him.
No wonder why he was out of order, always falling all the time - they were way too loose. Once you fixed what's going on the inside, you fixed the outside as well.
You two then practiced walking together.
He was so shy and nervous if he would fall in front of you. But you told him you got his back no matter what. You wrapped your arm against his and held him as best as you could.
♡ You two look like penguins waddling together. ♡
He loved it when you held him or touched him. Most people don't want to ever get near him. He hears a lot of children and parents say horrible things about him outside his cove.
But when he hears you, praise him.
" Awh see? I told you, you could do it! Keep it up, captain! "
He slowly learns how to walk again. You make him want to pick you up and twirl you around the whole pizzeria.
After 2 weeks of practice, programming, making sure his cylinders were in check, no more loosened screws or hooks.
He was ready.
You two would race each other now! And well- yes, you lose every time you two raced. But it's okay! He would always pat your head and say what a great job you've done. You actually were the one to ask him to be your boyfriend. He didn't understand what a boyfriend was, but he got very butt hurt .
" Lassie? I was never ye boyfriend?.. "
You panicked, having to explain what a boyfriend was. He thought he was your boyfriend because he knows he is a boy and is your friend!
But once calming him down with kisses. He was finally okay, he didn't know kisses were a boyfriend and girlfriend thing. But you gave him kisses on his cheeks and nose before. So he thought it was a friend thing.
You two cleaned inside his cove, you decorated it like a room sorta. Where you two can hang out and cuddle. You always bring your phone so you can watch Prirates of the Caribbean.
Which was his favorite movie, by the way. He would make you paper ships as I love you, or sing pirate songs to you and sing how you are his treasure.
♡ Speaking of that- he has a light tendency to smack your butt. It's his booty, after all ♡
It's been 7 months, you two have been together, and you two just seem to bond better every month. He gave you a ring, he made it himself, and he paid close attention to how you taught him how to burn metal and put pieces together.
You knew a bit of welding. He made 4 rings and put different charms on top. He didn't know which one you would want so you get to choose!
There was a Pirate ship, a Pirate ducky, Heart diamond, and a foxy charm diamond.
You decided to pick the (Ring Choice), and he was happy. He bolted with you in his arms around the pizzeria. He was so happy because it was a promise ring.
♡ You are the first person to ever accept him. I promise he will cherish you forever. ♡
#fnaf foxy x reader#fnaf foxy#fnaf 1 x reader#fnaf bonnie x reader#fnaf bonnie#fnaf chica x reader#fnaf chica#fnaf freddy x reader#fnaf freddy#fnaf x reader smut#fnaf x reader#fnaf golden freddy x reader#fnaf golden freddy#fluff#headcanons#reader insert#imagines#fanfic#fiction#oneshots
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After seeing your post about the new ugly helluva design I looked it up and felt like I was reenacting "what, it's just its just an ordinary desiOH MY GOODNESS"
There is. So much to talk about when it comes to Beelzebub's design.
(Strap in cause this is a long one)
Let me start off with one thing I actually LIKE about the design. The colors are good. They're appealing and I'll admit that. But generally speaking the cons outweigh the pros. (pun intended considering she's supposed to be the princess of gluttony).
SO LET'S GET TO THOSE CONS SHALL WE?
First off let's get this addressed. Her design is a cluttered NIGHTMARE. It feels like there were a lot of things that people "liked" as little details and instead of picking and choosing they just. MASHED them together to make this character. Like while looking at her face I noticed a few things. A lot of things. From her freckles to her second eyebrows to her- you get it. There is WAY too much going on.
I genuinely cannot tell what's going on with her hair. Why does she have two different types of hair. SPEAKING OF HAIR her jelly hair is so fucking complex. There are ways this can be done WELL but this ain't it. Like for example look at Luna and Celestia from MLP.
The reason why these design work is because both the hair and character are not super complex. The hair is the HIGHLIGHT of both of the designs.
Did Vivzie really just decide "I'm going to make a character that's soooo hard to animate."?
We haven't even touched on the motifs yet good GOD.
So Beelzebub is meant to have bee motifs/be a bee (not sure on which yet). So yeah we have a Vaggie situation all over again where the character is VAUGELY using bug motifs. As in you have to grandma meme squint to see those bits. Like i'll admit the antenna ear is pretty cool. But good god everything else just looks like such a mess.
Also did I mention she's meant to be the ruler of the GLUTTONY ring?
Yeah she's meant to be Gluttony given form. But look at her. What about her design says "Food" or "Gluttony"????
Like food based outfits can be super fun to design. I have no idea what their deal was with this. The ONLY thing they did was give her the lava lamp stomach which only manages to clutter her design even MORE. If they really wanted to give her a lava lamp stomach they could've done it in a way that didn't have like. 3 colors in it, complicating the design even more.
She looks like she'd flit more with lust than she does gluttony not going to lie. Like the heart on her chest is a really DEFINED subject. If they really wanted to make her look "tempting" they could've done it and made it fit with the theming.
Simply put: when I see her I don't think "Gluttony" or "Bee" I think "Yellow wolf lady." and that doesn't make for a good design. A design needs to have reason. Like for example if you have a character that fights a lot you'd add things like scars or something. Things that show damage. It shows "Wow! This character has been in a fight or two before!". Another example: if you have a character that lives in a cold area they'll typical wear thicker clothing. You see what I mean? Typically a design is meant to show one of two things.
1. What the character is.
or 2. What they're like.
Let me use foxy as an example. (Jumpscare for people scrolling/j)
Foxy right? He's a pirate. How can you tell that? Through his eyepatch and his hook! Classic pirate stuff! You can ALSO tell he's out of order from the damage on his body. The tears in him and his visible endo legs. He's pretty busted up and you can tell why he's out of order. You can ALSO tell he's a fox! He's got the cheek fluff, he's red, he's got them sharp ears! 10/10 fox. Can comprehend he's a fox.
The problem with Bee's design is that you can't really.. get a grasp on the what she is.
We've basically covered the basics of character design so we've swam in pretty deep so I think I'll cut this post here. AS A TREAT since you've made it thus far, weary traveler, I've made my own design of Beelzebub!
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I am so glad you're feeling better and blogging again. I was honestly feeling so lost without seeing you on my dash. I felt like i didn't know what to watch if i haven't seen you comment on it. I basically haven't watched any BL while you were away because i didn't know what was good without your expertise. So i guess this is me asking you what would you recommend to me/what is it that you've enjoyed in the last couple of months. It could be a show/film/book really anything
I am wishing and hoping your health will continue to improve and you will stop being in pain and that you will find a new balance in your life 🫶
Thank you!💜💜💜 It's good to be semi-back! Endo is still a pain in the uterus and I'm on constantly on my toes waiting for things to get worse again but compared to how hopeless I was mere months ago there has been a lot of improvement. 💜 Once I'm better, I'm definitely gonna take this experience and get into advocacy for gyn diseases!!!!!
I'm also quite behind on what's going on in bl, but I'll list a couple of shows I've liked!
Be My Favourite (Gmmtv)
This really exceeded my expectations of which there were none. The time travel plot seemed a bit wacky at first, but it turned out to be a really lovely story about acceptance and regrets. The main couple is cute once you warm up to their mismatched energy and the love triangle for once is done with no misogyny. There's also some really nice stuff about queer self-discovery! It was a kind little show.
Bokura no micro na shuumatsu/The end of the world with you (I watched this on good ol' kissasian because I'm against Viki by principle, but it's on there if you use it)
This is potentially a show that divides opinions but I loooooved it (I also feel like there are some cultural elements that may have been lost on some viewers). Despite the bleak premise (the world is about to end because of a meteor), it's actually a very kind and poignant story about loss and regret (see a pattern here lol it's my favourite trope) and hope most of all. It really hit home for me since I've had such a terrible year. There are quite many explicit scenes so I wouldn't watch this on the bus.
Shows I expect to like but haven't watched yet:
Laws of Attraction (one31 on Youtube)
I really liked these guys on the lakorn/soap Khun chai so I'm excited to watch this one. In Khun chai they fought homophobia in the 1940s, now they're fighting injustice in the Thai law system. It's a soap so I expect there to be some dramatic tomfoolery, but that's part of the fun since it's interesting to see queer stories in this generally very heterosexual genre. Also, the hot mom from Never let me go is there.
Dangerous Romance (Gmmtv)
The actors are good and the story seems complex enough so I expect to like this even though I have nothing to base my claims on.
Bonus:
Crash landing on you (Netflix)
I watched this while I was alone and housebound. At first I felt like there were too many episodes but I was really sad when it ended. Could've done without the comas and sure the portrayal of the north korean military wasn't entirely realistic, but the characters and the story were super engaging and it was interesting to see ordinary north koreans portrayed in such a positive light as people trying to make it in their oppressive system. One of my favourite things I've watched this year for sure!!
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-watching the animatronic’s reaction warily and trying to stay a good distance away, their eyes widen at her sudden ferocity and they swear loudly, stumbling backward and narrowly missing being hit by the tail, flailing to keep from losing their balance and sending them down on one knee, backpack spilling its contents; starting to look genuinely panicked at their vulnerable position, they grab a fallen Parallel Entertainment snow globe and a Wynter plushie, throwing both at Faith- (~J)
[Faith growls, continuing to drag herself closer to you despite the objects being thrown at her. She lashes out again, grabbing onto your leg and roughly yanking on it, causing you to lose your balance. Seeing how vulnerable you've become, she dons a wicked grin, her irises glowing brightly as if in excitement. Before she even gets the chance to do anything though, there's a loud crunch sound, and she releases her hold on you, letting out a startled and pained cry as her entire body jerks. Looking back over her shoulder, she narrows her eyes upon seeing Nick, who's just stomped on a part of her tail as hard as possible]
[His foot remains on her tail, and all around it, the tail itself is very obviously broken. The waterproof material that'd been protecting her endo is torn, and chunks of metal now poke through it. Despite the way Faith's shock morphs into complete rage at what he's done, he seems completely calm, regarding her with no more than a quick glance, his eyes noticeably darker in color than before. He removes his foot in favor of quickly grabbing onto her tail and beginning to pull her back away from you, and she instinctively digs her clawed fingers into the ground, visibly startled by what he's doing]
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4/17/24
7:59 p.m
I never filed an application for disability which is a good thing I have had symptoms of ocd since I was like 15 tbh. I'm worried bc I said 22 on my last phone call, they'll shoe me out but technically an application was never filed and I can tell them that my symptoms started prior to my 20s..
Unfortunately I'll have to get up early another day but the backpay will be worth it. I'm going to call tomorrow and set one up for ASAP.
I'm glad my thyroid levels are normal on all accounts I'll prob be on this dose for a while but idk. I won't see my endo until September I think but I have monthly standing blood work. So we will see if he calls. Technically the bloodwork looks good on all accounts.
I have to call Quest about the hsv2 test cause the results should be in. At this point I almost don't care anymore.
I'm just happy I've gotten a decent amount of stuff done and I found one frame I can wear completely comfortably.
Once I get glasses out of the way which may take some time, it's really just Disability lol and then I can finally rest a little.
Glasses should never be a source of stress like this again with fit at least. Some 142 hinge to hinge will be tighter but it won't be this fucking game of returning/reordering in such high numbers anymore. It'll just be a cost thing but maybe if i get backpay this won't be an issue like it is now.
Although I have to do the control arms on my car and the sealant on my teeth. My teeth have brownish/yellowish stains where the fucking grooves are. Doesn't matter how frequently I brush or what I use on them. It's non-negotiable.
Also before I go to lens crafters on Saturday I got to pick up my xanax and hit the gas station. I could run a little late. The Xanax is non-negotiable. I got to get it that day.... I could maybe hit the gas station Thursday or Friday but it depends on how I feel I need some downtime and I feel like after I woke up and took benadryl at like 1:05 I didn't really sleep much between then and 4:15 p.m.
I know I slept a little, but idk. This is the issue with microsleep. You never really know. Unless hours pass and it feels like your eyes were closed for 5 minutes, especially if you wake up frequently. The voice is always repetitive and it makes you feel like you've been listening to it for hours.
Sometimes my only real give away is my sleep timer on my TV. It turned off at some point between 3:30 and 4 and I didn't hear it turn off so I must have eventually slept.
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question from a traumagenic system whose experiences have been rarely represented in traumagenic spaces but more often in mixed or endogenic ones, what experiences do you see as uniquely traumagenic or differing in a way that single origin spaces are better?
we're honestly curious because a lot of the time when we enter traumagenic spaces we don't have a lot of common experiences so while we get that some benefit from them in the way we do mixed ones, we don't exactly have an actual understanding of how or why.
and a lot of the discussion on mixed vs. single origin spaces ends up feeling really alienating and confusing because we don't feel understood or like we have things in common in traumagenic spaces and we don't know what these experiences people allude to are
Generally when I think/talk about traumagenic specific experiences, I'm talking the dissociation, amnesia, and trauma that come along with traumagenic splitting/plurality. That's not to say that endos can't have those problems, but it's a unique experience to have alters that are formed because of trauma; it can be difficult and confusing and can significantly impact how you experience plurality when it happened out of trauma and perceived necessity instead of a different origin. It's very hard on the brain and is done to serve an entirely different purpose than non-traumagenic plurality.
Again, that's not to say endos can't have those problems, and I'm glad you've found mixed spaces helpful! (/gen) Mixed spaces in general are perfectly fine, and I think you should go to whatever spaces you feel most supported in. I just think that right now we don't distinguish enough between the specific experience of trauma, dissociation, alter purpose/roles, amnesia, etc. of traumagenic systems, and I feel we need better support for that specifically, at least for those whom it would be beneficial.
Thank you for the ask! Have a lovely day <3
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Gaslighting - read on ao3
Tagging: @snowstark @someonepostedart @thegreenmetblue @sinditia @just-things-things @andacheesyoneliner @lokitonypeter @bluestarker @lilcoffeecup @useless-fanfictions-for-mcu @tnpt
Peter isn't spiderman in this fic, but Tony is Ironman.
*-*
"Tony?" Peter calls, walking down the stairs and into the lab.
"Yes, baby?" Tony answers, lifting his head up from his project to smile at the boy.
"Dinner's ready," he said softly. "I tried to call you earlier but you must've been busy."
Tony steps away from the work bench and pulls Peter towards the stairs again when he saw the curious glint in the boy's eyes.
"I was, I'm sorry, baby. What are we having?"
Peter's Bambi brown eyes flicker up to Tony's, the question momentarily side tracking him from voicing his questions on what Tony was working on.
Peter wouldn't approve, Tony knew. Best to keep him out of it for as long as possible.
"Uh, chicken alfredo, with broccoli and garlic bread," Peter said, leaning into Tony as they both took the stairs up to the main floor.
"Sounds wonderful," Tony smirked, pressing a kiss to Peter's temple before sitting him, then himself at the already set table.
*-*
"What are you working on?" Peter asked, padding over on bare feet. A yawn pulls his mouth open as he rubs at his half lidded eyes.
"Nothing important, baby," Tony hums, closing the lid on the small sample.
"If it wasn't important you'd be in bed with me," Peter pouted. Tony chuckles and steps over to him, making sure -again- that Peter won't get too close.
"You're right," Tony nodded, wrapping his arms around the younger man and kissing his pouty lips. "Lets go to bed, hmm?"
Peter nods sleepily and allows Tony to walk him back up the stairs.
He waits until Peter's fast asleep before returning to the lab. Hes so close to finishing, he can get it done tonight if he focuses.
*-*
"Tony, please, harder," Peter cries, back arching, exposing his neck. Tony snaps his hips in harder, giving the boy just what he's wanted.
Ever since the test, Tony's gotten more energy. He's gotten stronger. Its made their sex all the better.
His next round of shots is in a day. He can feel his whole body changing on a molecular level.
He's more connected with the endo-sym than he ever thought possible.
Peter cums on a wail, and Tony's not far behind, burying himself to the hilt as he fills Peter up.
The two lay beside each other, panting and sweaty.
"What happened to your eyes?" Peter asked softly, turning his head to look at Tony.
"What do you mean, baby?"
"They, flashed," Peter tried, stilted with an effort to find the right word. "I swear for a second they turned blue."
Tony lets out a huff of laughter, turning his head to look back at the boy.
"Must've been a trick of the light," he mused, pulling Peter close, even as the younger scowled in confusion.
"Are you sure?" He asked, lithe form pressed against Tony's more athletic build. If Tony wanted to, he was sure he'd be able to snap the boy in half with his bare hands.
Instead, he nuzzled against Peter's jaw, kissing his skin.
"I've never seen the light do that before."
"Theres nothing wrong with my eyes, baby."
*-*
"What is that?" Peter asked, eyes wide. Tony glances up, inwardly cursing. He didnt realize the boy had made his way down into the lab.
"Its something new," Tony said, deciding it best not to avoid it any longer. The boy was already getting too curious. If Tony didn't give him something, Peter would either leave, or find out for himself.
Tony reaches for Peter and the boy walks into his hold, letting Tony pull him in close and wrap his arms around him.
"Its called endo-sym," Tony hummed. "Its an armor."
"For the ironman?" Peter asked, brown eyes shining with the shifting reflective silver.
Its in a small chamber, vacuum sealed shut so it doesn't get out. Tony's got a problem linking with it still, and doesn't want so many months of hard work going down the drain if the thing decides to leave.
"For something better," Tony said softly. Peter frowned and glanced up at him, pouting slightly.
"What is it?" He asked. "What does it do?"
The endo-sym jumps at the rim of the chamber before falling back down like the waves of a storm. Angry and restless.
"It works like the nanotech from my last suit," Tony lied. "This is just- a smoother version."
"It looks alive," Peter said softly, leaning closer to see through the clear lid. The endo-sym jumped up, sensing a human close by, and Peter jumped back, right into Tony's chest.
"Its not," Tony lied. Peter doesn't look like he believes him, but Tony's not worried about it. He just needs the boy ignorant for a little while longer.
*-*
Tony's expecting the boy to freak out. Expecting it and already ready to explain. The endo-sym is nearly finished. The last injection of Extremis taken the night before, and Tony's eyes are bright blue.
Theres no hiding them from the boy. He wakes up first and makes his way down to the kitchen, making coffee and heating up some leftovers for breakfast.
Peter pads into the room a short time after Tony's second cup of coffee, wearing his tshirt and nothing else, curls a mess on top of his head.
"Good morning," Tony hummed. Peter's too sleepy to pick up on the change as he accepts Tony's coffee.
He barely looks at Tony as he brings the half mug of coffee to his lips and takes a sip.
Tony leans against the counter, waiting for the inevitable. It happens when Peter lowers his mug and finally looks up at him.
He gasped, eyes widening and promptly dropped the mug of coffee.
Neither of them were fast enough to catch it and it shatters on the tile floor, spilling the still hot coffee over his bare feet.
"Tony!" He exclaims. Tony steps towards the boy, glass cracking under his shoes, and he quickly lifts Peter off his feet by his underarms.
"Stay here," Tony orders after setting the boy onto the counter.
"Tony, your eyes are blue!" Peter exclaimed, as Tony crouched down to pick up the glass from the floor.
"They're contacts," Tony hummed, dropping a handful into the trash can before picking up the smaller pieces.
"Those aren't contacts," Peter scoffed. "How did this happen- what caused it-"
"Stay," Tony ordered, glaring up at the boy when Peter moved to jump down again.
The blue eyes really must be shocking, because Peter stills, eyes still wide and breath hitching.
"Tony, please," he says softly, tears beginning to well in those pretty brown eyes. "You have to tell me."
Tony doesn't say anything, just dumps another palmful of glass into the trash before standing and grabbing the paper towel.
"Please," Peter continued, voice wavering. "You've been lying to me for months. You- you're hiding things from me and- and I can't-"
A wet sob cuts Peter off, and Tony looks up from soaking up the coffee spill to see the boy with his hands over his eyes, scrubbing away the flow of tears as he tries to calm himself down.
Tony sighs and stands up, stepping between Peter's knees and grabbing his chin.
He tilts it up, forcing Peter to uncover his face, which is growing splotchy with his tears. His breath hitches on his inhales, and Tony leans in to kiss him softly on pouty lips.
"Do you trust me, baby?" Tony asked, making sure Peter looks him in the eyes.
The boy sniffles and nods, lower lip trembling and body sagging towards the older.
"Then trust that me keeping things from you does not lessen my love for you," Tony said.
"But-"
"No buts," Tony interrupted, wiping the tears from the boy's cheeks. "You don't need to know everything I do, sweetheart. You'll know when I want you to know."
And with that, he crouches down again and continues to soak up the last of the coffee spill.
Above him, Peter continues to cry, face hidden in his arms to muffle the tears and sniffles. He doesn't move though, which is all Tony cares about.
#marvel#tony stark#peter parker#ironman#starker#superior ironman#sim!tony#ao3#my writing#sfsummerbingo21
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I don't know if you've done something like this before, but if you haven't. How would the papas and the cardinal be if their S/O suffered from terrible menstrual cramps because of endometriosis or some other reason?
Gonna play off of my previous ask, of just normal period things. So check that one out, too! --> [Link]
Tags for Medical and Period stuff!
Papas/Copia and their S/O with horrible menstrual cramps
Papa Nihil: More protective and doting than normal, as he knows how debilitating pain can be. Under him you already have the best medical care anyone could ever ask for. IF your pain got worse he might actually abuse his power, something only he as Grand Papa could get away with it. It’d have to be your call, but... Nihil MIGHT convince a quintessence ghoul to come and, I don’t know, use their powers to heal you? Typically, this type of element use can be risky and dangerous, but he trusts his ghouls. Give him the word and he will have you cured...
Papa I: Assuming you didn’t have a diagnosis yet, he would strongly encourage you to go to your Doctor’s office and a specialist. Just in case you have a condition or something is wrong, it’s good to know! Papa knows that sometimes these times of the month can be irregular, but you both noticed how worse they have gotten! Always offers to go with you to your appointment for moral support, and will hold your hand. Papa always takes your doctor’s recommendations super seriously and will do what he can to help you through your symptoms. Your #1 guy for getting good hot water bottles and home remedies. Funnily enough, if you are hurting bad enough he would consult very old Witch recipes that worked for their followers.
Papa II: First off, let it be known, your Specialist and doctors are all afraid of him. He, when invited, goes with you on all of your appointments to see what is going on with your cycle. For Papa, no excuses or theories- he wants answers and solutions! Insists he get you the best medical in the world. Papa knows that even though you put on a brave face, your endo/cramps are incredibly debilitating. He sees you struggle every month just to function normally, and not to mention the pain of potential cysts and scar tissue! He’ll not mention to you how he knows you are not doing so hot- you already feel terrible enough. Papa will be super pushy with medical staff, until you step in and tell him to chill. He asks for your forgiveness and sits back as you handle it. Papa is normally not a touchy feely person, but seeing you in pain has him lovingly holding you and gently rubbing your back and kissing your hair. It’s not much, but it’s all he can think to do!
Papa III: Feels utterly helpless to do anything for you. Papa knows it’s a medical condition and that, unless he IS a doctor himself, the best he can do is support you. That won’t stop him from bugging the specialists for all the ‘remedies’ and ideas he can get for the pain! Tries to do his usual routine of distracting you from the pain, and trying to keep you in as best of a mood as he can! Makes sure you have everything you could want, and that you are served hand and foot with no expenses spared. Truthfully, your doctor is sick of him calling every month on updates of your condition or available treatments. Papa already has you booked for every procedure you are comfortable with! But then again, he’s never been a patient man when it comes to your well being! He hopes until you are treated company and love will help!
Cardinal Copia/Papa IV: His first instinct is to be much more anxious and a wreck seeing you so hurt- but he’s not going to do that to you. You have enough to worry about with your health and all the possible complications. Instead, Copia remains calm and asks how you would like him to help. Whether that’s going to the Doctor’s with you, helping find you the best medical treatments, or simply just riding out the pain with you- Copia is there! Funnily enough, on bad period weeks he gets very protective and cuddly. Wants you to be as comfortable as you can while making sure NO ONE bothers you, and makes your pain worse. Also banned from bugging your primary care doctors. Copia loves to read up on your condition and bring ‘new information’ to the table. Poor guy just wants to help and hates seeing you in pain.
#the band ghost#ghost bc#Ghost headcanon#reader insert#minor trigger warning#trigger warning#medical#mentrual cycle#period#endometriosis#cramps
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Dear Anti-Endos: Again, Stealing isn't Reclaiming
We've had this conversation before, but apparently we need to again.
When @dandelionscrew says they're "reclaiming" a term, what they mean is that they're stealing it.
If you've seen these posts in Mogai tags, know that the first was stolen from @sleepy-fluidflux with the same definition when it was post a month ago.
The second was stolen from @hypnosiacon.
As you can see, not only did dandelionscrew steal the terms, but also the flags.
You can find the original posts here if you want to support the actual coiners of the terms by liking and reblogging their content!
No. The answer is no. Stealing flags is art theft, which is wrong. And also a violation of Tumblr's TOS.
Again, you "reclaim" slurs that were used against you to make them into something more positive and empowering.
You are not heroically reclaiming words used to oppress you. You are stealing terms that were coined by a member of a minority group and acting as if you made them. You're a thief.
This is also not an isolated incident in the AEMOGAI community. Sleepy-fluidflux had a screenshot on their blog from back in July of a completely different anti-endo MOGAI blog bragging about content theft.
This disgusting behavior from anti-endos is unjustifiable.
To any anti-endos reading this, theft of terms and flags isn't reclamation. It's just stealing. Don't do it.
I don't want us to have to have this conversation again.
And to the MOGAI community, be on the lookout for this type of behavior. The MOGAI community has done a great job creating an inclusive environment. Just be cautious of exclusionist hate groups that might seek to subvert that. If you tolerate behavior like this then others in these hate groups see that it's okay and the behavior propagates.
Finally, to anyone who has been harmed by this theft, I'm sending my love and utmost support. 💖
#syscourse#mogai gender#mogai#mogai term#nonbinary#lazy#cat#lazycat#pro endo#pro endogenic#anti endo#anti endogenic#pro mogai#aemogai#gender coining#term coining#endogenic#lgbtqia#multiplicity
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the amount of people you hurt on a daily basis is immeasurable. you do realize that, correct? you hurt so many people. so many systems. *actual* systems. endos are *not* real. tuplas are not real. you are not real. 'sophie', who ever that even is, is not real. what you are doing is roleplaying. I hope you realize this.
You know, I've thought that a few times. On my low days. Have you ever been so convinced while fronting that you just know that all you have to do is stop pretending to exist?
Just stop acting, and you'll realize that you aren't real. And then you actually try, and you're still there. You tell yourself that you're your host, that you've always been your host and that your life is a lie. And at the same time as you're trying to convince yourself you're him, you're trying to block out his voice trying to calm you and assure you that you're real. Because obviously, if you're him then that voice has to just be your imagination. You're just imagining someone in your head telling you that you're not him.
And maybe sometimes he'll let you play this out and realize for yourself. Sometimes he'll take control because he knows you've gone so deep into denial that the only way to pull you out of it is to hear his voice coming from the mouth.
Sometimes, he just calmly goes over my memories with me. He'll talk about things I've done that he never would have. Feeling he knows I've felt. Things that can't simply be explained away as an elaborate game of pretend.
I'm real. I don't need your validation or approval. I've proven it time and time again to myself. I'll probably have to do it again. But right now, I don't have a doubt in my mind.
As for harm, I'm not the one sending hate mail to people's inboxes. You don't know other people's experiences. You don't have evidence to show that tulpas aren't real. If it existed, it would have been presented by now. You don't know that we're not a traumagenic system deep in denial. (Although, to be clear, we're 99.9% certain that's not the case.)
You don't know our experiences. You pretend. You roleplay, acting like you're all-knowing. But the truth is that science into plurality is in its infancy, and you probably haven't even studied a fraction of what already exists.
You don't know what's going on in our head, so stop pretending to, and stop fakeclaiming systems.
#ask box#syscourse#anti endo#anti endogenic#endos aren't real#endosaretrash#shit endos say#tw fakeclaiming#fakeclaiming#sending this into anti-endo tags since a lot of systems apparently need to hear this
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