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shivasdarknight · 3 months

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Fic Writer Interview

I was tagged by @sheepwithspecs for this! Looks fun, let's go! 🙌 I'm only tagging @starswornoaths and @fiercynnhere because I really lost track of who still writes and who doesn't 😅 So blanket "do this if you see this" statement here - also this goes for any AO3 alternatives people have bailed for given the state of that place right now.

How many works do you have on AO3?

20, though two are exquisite corpses so 18 are all me

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

259,190, though that's bound to jump up because a chapter I've been working on is ~22k rn, and that's just one draft

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos

I gave you dirt, I gave you water, you gave me uncontrollable horniness (108) - this is the second exquisite corpse that I did, and it's a rosemary fic that was more coordinated so I'm not surprised tbh? I wrote two sections for it, but it's so old. title is a reference to Little Shop of Horrors

The Shape of Water (2017) (53) - the first exquisite corpse, both were the same group and this was nonsensical. I wrote after the coordinator, and it devolved fast it was fun to work on. More Homestuck - but this was dirkjake - but it's also old and doesn't reflect my current writing. Take a guess why it's named that.

spare a moment, would you? (47) - oh hey this one's all mine. Yeah is it any surprise that the top 3 are all smut? wolysayle stuff, still like this one, though being a long fic writer and seeing the 4k word one do well is. Something alright.

how long you would wait for me? how long I've been away? (28) - wolestinien for wolestinien week, and this was a higher rated fic because yeah vague smut. I still like it, don't misunderstand, but I've got a different favorite lmao

don't test the tank (25) - the noncanon one because g'raha is no longer in the polycule lmfao. I'm pretty sure that's entirely why it got attention, since all of my non-exquisite corpse fics that have high kudos feature male characters in them and that's just not my focus rn. So it's really unsurprising that my favs have like. 12 and 2 kudos compared to all of the ones above, given they center Ysayle.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to all comments! At least most if I can lmao I like getting them? I also like giving them when I read fics, because idk. Acknowledgement that you saw something, discussing something dear to someone. That kind of thing.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I think probably somehow, silence hurts the most? There's not really any good resolution besides Surkukteni recovering. Ysayle's dead (as far as she knows, shh), she tried to kill someone who used to be close to her and couldn't go through with it, and she's being shuffled off to another conflict while she's still not healed from the last one - even if it's where she had wanted to be, she's still stuck with the wounds from the war she didn't want to get involved in.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Oh, easy: i had a dream about you. It's a fucking rollercoaster of a fic, it's one of my favorites, and I managed to make someone cry :D It's definitely the one that has the happiest ending, because I wouldn't call one-shots really...that? They're set in their tone unless it's a longer fic. Multi-chapter is really the only way I actually like getting a happy ending from something because you had to work to get there.

7. Do you write crossovers?

Well, I used to. FanFiction Dot Net was just...better for crossovers than AO3 tbh? Even though AO3 is better set up for it, most people on there hate crossovers unless it's an AU of something (y'know, like the old -stuck fics). I've still got some of those mentalities from that site in that I've used adjacent crossovers to fill out the cast of things, but most notably would be Inkspill. It's a Bleachstuck fic, but there aren't any Bleach characters whatsoever. It's just the setting and Rose is the main lead. It also epitomizes the fact that I don't like crossovers/AUs where people stick to the OG plot beat-for-beat? Like if you're coming to it as a fan, why do you want to see it exactly but with new faces. Bending the plot to the characters is a lot more fun and you get more stuff out of it (see: a ffx/homestuck AU i was plotting at one point that saw Jake replacing Yuna and Dirk replacing Tidus). But Homestuck was one of those weird fandoms where this kind of thing was encouraged and thrived. Being in XIV, I'm kind of loath to step outside of it because the setting itself has so much going for it that I don't really need to supplement it with anything else - which is hilarious, since this is the game full of crossover events! With those, it's like...I'll supplement other FF titles in the same vein as the game does already (eg: you can tell what era of Allag's rule tech is from based on if it's Pulse or Cocoon tech from FFXIII; Garlemald uses FFVI and FFVII stuff, while older stuff they've appropriated is things like Tactics and FFXII; the FFIV stuff, etc), but all the non-XIV stuff (sans tactics ogre, because POTD is Staying), that just gets a passing reference and not a main focus. The most notable instance of this is how Nier is handled, because while the storyline is canon, it's more of a joke. Everyone talks about it, everyone is confused by it, but I'm never going to actually write them dealing with the crossover because they don't really add much? It's just more funny having a bunch of medieval fantasy heroes trying to grapple with Yoko Taro-ness and breaking their brains over it.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

...hm. I mean, the worst I've gotten on a fic was on Inkspill, where someone decided to get snippy with me because the second chapter is ~10k words. I'd love to find them to show them the word counts of my current drafts lmfao. But actual worse stuff was role play, which involved people tearing apart my writing in private and using it as an excuse to try and get me kicked. But considering I lost the receipts from the person who leaked it, I can't say shit despite one of them being a large ffxiv account who runs an anti-bullying schtick here and on twt so. Yeah.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I definitely write smut, but good god is it difficult to work on. Like, I don't have issues visualizing it, it's just the language. And actually writing the scene out. Makes me so gd awkward, even if it's arguably vanilla shit. Which is admittedly really frustrating, because part of why I do write smut is to try and reclaim that facet of writing from some pretty nasty stuff from a past relationship (no details; very few people actually know the details). So much of it comes from trying to be able to write stuff for myself, but that hesitation is still there. As for what, it's predominantly female focused. As in, you're not really going to see a lot of shameless smut focusing on men (be it m/m or m/f). If men are involved, it's predominantly service stuff for a female partner. Cunnilingus tends to be my go-to, obviously fingering and w/e, but I'm trying to also expand what that means because Surkukteni frankly has had a fair number of flings with trans women and fems. So muffing is on the list of stuff to write (the surkie/cylva fic, stuff with heustienne and venat...), but in general just trying to get away from this pervasive idea that trans fems always have to be tops and have to penetrate their partner. If you're looking for this kind of stuff, I recommend Fucking Trans Women. But either way, most of what I write tends to be a response to stuff I've had to go through + wanting to see other depictions in fanfiction since it's. So often so samey.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not really, but I did have this weird encounter on an AU server where they said that people could just set up channels to discuss their AUs and whatever, but I wanted to distance myself from that group and they really did not want me to delete my stuff. Like, they got aggressive and snapped at me for not wanting people to to use an AU that was fairly personal to me. ...Like, they said it was just a place to talk about AUs, I was never told that their intention was that if you post it, it stays, and free reign for everyone else to do stuff in it. This and the role play server have just really made me never want to engage with Kingdom Hearts ever again.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but I'm open to the idea.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Well yeah, I'm part of two exquisite corpses that I linked above lmao Those are seriously fun, y'all should try it sometime. But aside from that, I tried to with my ex gf but that was. Less actually co-written, and more me doing all the work.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

If we're talking about normal definition of ships, probably Edelgard/F!Byleth. Like, don't get me wrong there's a lot of stuff in XIV that I care about npc/npc wise, but something like Ryne/Gaia is like how I feel about NamiXi in that...I adore them, but I wish they'd been around when I was that age? They're cute, but I was introduced to them as an adult and there's still that disconnect. Love queer teen stuff for the queer teens, but I'm nearly 30 lmfao Obvs I'm extremely deep into stuff like Ysayle/Venat, Ysayle/Heustienne, etc. but that's like. So minor that there's not a lot of community around them like there is with edeleth. But that's what happens when you're a f/f shipper 💀💀💀 But in all honesty, the actual answer is wolysayle. I'm blanket including other peoples' dynamics because I just really like seeing people actually use Ysayle and give her further purpose, but also I'm super deep into Surkukteni/Ysayle and all the nonsense that surrounds it - especially how partners like Venat are involved. I care them, I'm very emotional over them.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

As much as I would like to return to Inkspill, I'm never going to. It's an old fic and if it wasn't clear already, I'm not super interested in writing exclusively about teenagers. I'm also working on a fic that has been shown in snippets and whatever, but I'm hesitant about it because it's. This frustrating fkn thing of the fact that it's Perfectly Goddamned Normal, but people are so weird about it online - both the people who are way too into it, and the detractors. I just want to write about what Surkie goes through from post-shadowbringers to endwalker (which, iykyk what that entails), especially since this Scenario actually allows her to slow down and focus on other aspects of her relationship with her now-fiances, but people get so genuinely nasty about this topic. So even if I enjoy writing it and how it has her navigate her relationships - romantic, familial, and platonic - I'm not sure I'll ever finish it because of gestures.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I'm very good at writing dialogue, and I can't really argue that because I really do enjoy writing conversations between people. I know people are sick of the Marvel irony that shows up in dialogue and so it makes everyone leery of sarcastic exchanges, but sarcasm and banter are genuinely my favorite things to write. I like obnoxious assholes who know what the other's boundaries are, so they can just be as blunt or snide as they like without a wrong word causing things to get contentious. It's a stark contrast between Surkie and Estinien dialogue and Melisande and Ysayle, because the former is two people who deeply understand the other and know when to stop, vs the current stuff which is Melisande picking at every way she can upset Ysayle because she just does not like her. I try to keep speech habits in mind when writing, I also keep track of how frequently someone curses and what expletives they use, and it's just...really fun trying to make it so distinct that you don't need tags to tell who's speaking? Means I've done something right. And - at least, according to my mother (because she does know about my writing) - I'm apparently good at descriptive prose, because it's "very evocative" and "paints a good mental image".

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing smut, tbh? Like, I know it's similar to action, but I just can't get it for the most part. I'm also not very good at writing stuff that skims over things to cover a long span of time because I like idling in moments and having things go slow. Jumping from place to place and scene transitions are the bane of my existence.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it's important to at least try. I've run into this issue because my WoL is a polyglot but also has the Echo. Like was mentioned in the tag's post, I use Writing with Color a lot to inform me about how to better handle accents from other languages so I don't wind up with how people like Lovecraft write (because that's embarrassing), but I also try to use what I know to inform sentence structure because people kind of just...ignore that? I'll be more specific: I incorporate various English accents and dialects into what I write to get a better idea of what their voice sounds like, but nowhere in there is that used as a signal to view them as unintelligent the way that XIV (and frankly most English-speaking media) does. Kitase has a thick accent, but it's more Lominsan so it's reflected in his speech. However, both he and Surkukteni speak Hingan (japanese), Doman (ig japanese as well because fkn stormblood), and Rural Doman (chinese). I don't know if anyone's picked this up, but Surkie and Kitase both tend to drop the subject of who they're talking about after a while, and very rarely use self pronouns if talking at length. "You" is also fairly absent compared to a native Common (english) speaker, more so in Kitase than Surkukteni due to exposure. These habits come from Japanese sentence structure and how a lot of context is dropped if it can be clearly inferred. Obviously, it's a habit in English, but not to the same degree. Sign language is in here and a version of it used with the dragoons is prominent to Surkie. That led to a long research stint into trying to figure out how to portray that - and there's no good one answer? So I settled on using [Stuff like this] to show that it's talking, it's formatted as talking, and doesn't have the same flourishes as other speech. This is mostly because of how I format dragonspeak, internal brain buddies, and other things. It's treated exactly like normal dialogue, it just has different tags and punctuation. Otherwise, it is exactly the same to not make it seem like it's lesser to spoken languages.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Kingdom Hearts, but we don't talk about that.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Fire Emblem Three Houses, but HEAR ME OUT. HEAR ME OUT. Yes, I would love to contribute to the femslash edeleth, but my main motivation for an FE3H fic is a New Game+ meta fic. I got the idea from starting a new route and finding that supports and skills could transfer over, so it got me thinking about a looping story involving Byleth - an ever changing person, in presentation, name, and relationships - having to relieve the story of FE3H and trying to figure out how to break out of it. They're more cognizant with each loop, more manic, until it finally splits into the femleth and guyleth. Femleth remembers the fact that this isn't right, Guyleth stands in opposition to her. Femleth ends up with Edelgard and the Black Eagles, Guyleth ends up with Dimitri and the Azure Lions. And it's going to get messy. But I havent really had the energy to write it because it means finishing all the other routes, and doing Black Eagles first has made it very hard to go through Azure Lions. I'm sparing people my feelings on it, but omfg. I just want to go back to Crimson Flower.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

i had a dream about you and you want a better story. who wouldn't? Like, they were the most fun to write (the latter is my active draft), and I just care them. Very proud of these two uwu

#tagged #original #ofc it's my favs that are my lowest read fics 💀 typical

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dirkjakeweekly · 1 year

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Hi! So sorry if this was answered in the DirkJake Big Bang handbook document or elsewhere, but I read over it a few times and still couldn't figure things out entirely:

The calendar says that Writers start to get invited to the discord on Nov. 28. I couldn't find anything that says if or when the Artists get invited on a different date, but there are different art check-ins scheduled for specific dates as well so I was just wondering if you had a sort of idea on if/when the Artists would be invited, because that might give a bit of an idea of how much time they'd have to work on the art, or when they should be looking out for or expecting a response. Even a simple range of dates might be helpful if you don't have a concrete date planned for that.

(I don't mean any pressure by the way, it was just sort of an inquiry to see if there was something I was missing and wondering if there was any clarification available ^u^ I hope the project goes well)

Hi! No worries at all, those are great questions. The last call for artists is December 11th, so apps close EOD then. Artists can expect to be emailed about whether or not their app has been successful early that week and successful artists will be added to the server. There are a sizable amount of artist applicants, so until the 11th it's hard to get a read on exactly how many apps there will be to sort through and how long it'll take to contact everyone individually.

Also with the amount of artists and overlap in what fics people want to pick, it's hard to give an *exact* date for when artists will be able to start. It could take three rounds of sorting for everyone to be finally allocated their fic. But ideally the latest that pairs would be finalised would be January 2nd. Writers are expected to have their fics in a semi-readable state for artists to work with by January 29th, but you'll be paired up and encouraged to chat and work on ideas in the time leading up to that.

Ultimately, the shortest time frame an artist could be expected to work with is between January 29th and March 6th. I've updated the handbook, so hopefully that clears up any issues! Let me know if you've any other questions or if I haven't answered anything fully.

#this is tony answering this ask

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swagfulbrotation · 4 years

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Cyberbully

#homestuck #dirk strider #lil hal #ar #tw noose #swagfulart #tw eyesore #tw eye strain #there's dirkjake if you look close enough

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tomatograter · 3 years

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The Dirkjake Meta masterpost

Let’s clear the most frequently asked question right off the bat:

“Is Dirkjake abusive?” | “Is Dirkjake toxic?”

No. Dirk and Jake’s romantic relationship is based on mutual interest and a supportive friendship established years prior to the events of the main story. What a reader experiences over the course of Homestuck act 6 is how their insecurities boil to an all-time high once the Game is afoot, aggravating some of their worst habits - Like Dirk’s inability to communicate honestly without hiding behind one of his splinters (may they be metaphorical or literal), and Jake’s practiced avoidance in the face of confronting and potentially upsetting one of his friends about their shitty behavior - until it ultimately leads to a breakup. But an imperfect first date does not abuse make. They were both barely 16, under ridiculously stressful and hopeless circumstances (over 5 months trapped inside a dead session populated only by ruin and decay!), and Homestuck ends on a note of reconnection, both of them making the choice to remain close after the immediate danger has been dealt with. I mean, at the end of the credits sequence they’ve made up, are nonsensically playing ball together, and have elected to share a home in the consort kingdom, so I don’t think this is an exaggeration.

Does Rose’s alcoholism in the Game Over timeline mean that Rosekan is abusive/toxic because Rose was not sober enough to consent on a routinely basis and her frequent slurring and fraught grasp on reality canonically upset Kanaya to the point of pushing her to scream? No. They’re teens in an imperfect relationship that is new to both of them, and at the end of Homestuck, they’ve also gone through a more forceful do-over.

Does Jade, June & Dave(sprite)’s friendship turning sour during their 3 year space trip held in extreme isolation, coinciding with jade and davesprite’s breakup, which upsets their dynamic enough that june threatens to beat him with her golden hammer in the middle of a morbid tantrum about how everything sucks mean that they’re not friends anymore and their relationship is toxic now? No. For similar reasons as those cited above.

Hell, the possibility of ‘Davekat’ was deemed abusive when it was still a weird and janky rarepair competing with the other two big Dave and Karkat ships. At the time, both fandom favorites set them up with the series’ protagonist, and Davekat was the ugly duckling. There were arguments about how it was ‘inherently toxic’ because they traded barbs on a daily basis, went after the same troll girl, suplexed one another onto a hard table, and Karkat’s perpetual screaming was cited as an *undoubtedly* grave trigger for Dave’s PTSD, among other threaded squabbles marking them as ‘permanently incompatible’. Through the course of act 6, Dave and Karkat’s bond eventually deepens, and they also end up together. Sensing a pattern here.

Point being: Relationships in Homestuck are not an smooth-sailing affair, never have been, and through the many years of fandom many people have interpreted them in the worst possible ways, but that isn’t a guarantee of truth, just a matter of individual perception.

And now you may be thinking, okay, I’m willing to humor the thought DirkJake isn’t as bad as the 2013 discourse posts written by fellow teens with a limited POV on relationships vehemently claimed it was, but I still don’t see what’s the big deal. These characters don’t make a lot of sense in my brain, individually or together.

Well, what the hell! That’s a topic I’ve been trying to breach for nearly 2 years now. Babbling intro notwithstanding, what follows is a collected list of Dirkjake meta accumulated over the years.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. “Why does Dirk remain interested in Jake in Act 7 and even into the Epilogues?”

2. Dirkjake was never like Tavris (On Jake’s Pesterquest)

(If you’d like an in-depth look at Jake’s PQ route and its major inconsistencies, click here)

3. Dirkjake and Vrisrezi as Narrative Mirrors

4. What would you say is the core of Dirkjake?

5. The “S” in Spider-Girl is for Strider

6. Jake’s Narrative as a Gender-Non-Conforming Gay Man (I’m 100% serious and so is homestuck , actually)

(This also ties into how grandpa's & jake's marriages are flukes.)

7. Jake is a Gender Mimic

8. Did Dirk make up Jake’s romantic feelings?

9. On Jealousy: Jake Wants Dirk to Show His Feelings

10. Was it intentional for Homestuck to never show a Present Dirk/Present Jake log?

11. What’s your favorite bit of Dirkjake dialogue?

12. Okay, Dirkjake guy, What even makes you so interested in Dirkjake anyway? This doesn’t even sound like a real word anymore.

LOOSELY RELEVANT EXTRAS: Jane’s crush on Jake is nothing but comphet (or: Jane as a GNC lesbian), and Jake’s poor treatment as a sexual assault survivor in the homestuck universe. (CSA/SA Warning)

NEW: Dirkjake and the different versions of The Princess Bride (+ and some excerpts)

#meta #homestuck #dirkjake #dirk strider #jake english #long post #dirkjake analysis #dirkjake meta

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callmearcturus · 2 years

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Do you know when you’ll post chapter ten of kill the ones we love? I’ve been looking forward to the dirkjake chapter since you began posting about the au on here and to be this close is driving me bonkers

hee hee I think a saaaaafe bet is Sunday or Monday? it's extremely long, currently 14,500 words, and I want to give it one more full edit before I post it. it covers the same time period as chapters one through nine, except explaining what the fuck Dirk's been doing, so it's important for me not to fuck it up. XD

so try to relax until Sunday, okay? it'll be alright. 8)

#kill the ones we love

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pinktatertots99 · 3 years

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🔥 Feelings on the canon ships of Homestuck?

Send Me a 🔥+ a Topic, and I’ll Tell You My Honest Opinion About It

god am i gonna need to go with the sequals too? just og or all ships that’re considered canon by the end? whatever i’ll just go in order in what might be the ‘canon’ ships from all three of these categories. this is gonna be fucking long so anything and everything is under the cut. also i’m SO not gonna add hiveswap that can be its own separate ask. so:

roxygen: it’s a cute ship...but the sequal vers is garbage considering how inconsiderate roxy is to john’s feelings and his house burning down like damn rox this is the guy who sat with ya as ya mourned doom rose’s death give the guy some fuckin time himself.

rosemary: also cute ship...sequal versions are fuckin godawful tho. their barely a thing in meat from wha i can gather and then there’s candy...oh CANDY kanaya deserves better fuck this sense of her sayin she’s over it idc if it was off screen, even then half the cast ate stupid pills during that time so WHY must i be surprised that this is wha happens?

dave/kat: i dun like it. in either universe. meat is just perfect gay bois who have occasional deep talks and literally do nothing else while candy they split up thanks to jade which, geez ya guys must’ve been shit to tell her to fuck off like come on. og hs wise i barely consider them canon if we only get pictures and them just being on equal footing on quadrant talk. not to mention dave implied to be crushing on jade and JOHN not karkat, idk where this couple even came from other then love triangle situation with terezi but like, that’s barely much of a reason to become canon. i’d go with em bein pale/moirails more.

jadedave: i’m guessing candy and meat i thought meat implied they were dating but may aswell. so....it sucks but thats because candy and meat suck, meat dave’s basically cheating on her i didnt hear any implication they broke up and she’s like...chill??? and then there’s candy where she literally forced him and kar to break up and dated after dirk apparently died, i do not like the implications of this whole thing. course candy dave is dead and a robot now so...anyways canon wise dave had a crush on her and if jade does like him i’d hope it’s not cause of davesprite cause despite both being dave’s they were different. it’s cute otherwise.

davepetajade: it’s...cute? i guess? idk i kinda found davepeta a bit...idk overwhelmingly overrated? like i know where their popularity came from but readin the series now after all that hype i dont really see it anyways tho it’s basically davespritejade with nepeta in the mix. and idk nothin implied much of nepeta liking jade, or talkin to her much. and davepetasprite is a mesh of both so idk. it’s a ship with cute fanon works of em hanging with outfits but that’s bout it.

janejake: i hate it. legit. this is disgusting and completely throws out jane’s character. like even in the fixed timeline the talk she had with dirk probably still happened on the god bed’s and how she acknowledged wha she thought was wrong on wantin jake’s kids and so on trickster still happened and how she also realized she might’ve overhyped jake. but lets throw it ALL out the window to force jake in an unhappy marriage in both universes and possibly force him to stay in candy due to having tavvy if i’m reading the implications right. even then jake isn’t good for jane either both got their own needs this ship would’ve been sunked in canon and WAS but the sequals are beyond it so maybe that explains it but it disgusts me.

roseterezi: guess in meat specifically. yeah i kinda dont...care for it, like i still cant tell if rose and kanaya broke up or if she just fucked off without breaking up either one is fucked up on kan’s behalf. even then i just dont care for their kismesis it got brought up once and that was it.

jaderose: candy wise i guess even tho it was a fling. it disgusts me still mostly because of kan’s behalf on bein fucked over and both goin through a ‘surrogation’ process without her notice. like fuck this shit the jaderose fans deserve better.

roxycallie: idk if this one’s canon but it’s heavily implied callie lives with roxy least in candy. it’s cute, cant deny it even in og it was pretty cute, dont really care for candy vers tho but then again maybe their not a couple in it idk what’s canon couples anymore.

johnterezi: literally fucked in meat universe and john has kismesis feelings for her in canon. it’s...interesting, idk tho i feel like it’s one sided on john’s side.

ms paint/spade slick: i cant deny it’s cute, he’d least know how to treat a lady but god i’d hope it wouldnt be his only defining trait with her. also want ms paint to call his bullshit out pls and thanks.

dirkjake: honestly i cant tell if their STILL canon in og or not god forbid the sequals. in general though...i dont. i honestly dont really like em together much. they seem like the type to least stay friends but idk bout another relationship would be a good idea for em. maybe later down the line but otherwise canon wise they need a break.

and now for the canon one timer ships this involves any ships implied, uncomfirmed, ex-relationships, crushes, etc:

arasol: it’s cute, best ship. their quadrant was never confirmed but regardless their cute. sol tho in the sequals deserved better then to get abandoned by aradia goddamn.

fefsol: also cute, i live for both of em bein ass’s together.

erisol: oh boi this one...this was...yeah i cant even deny they wouldnt be too healthy, i like lookin at fanon ways tho for em. canon wise tho yeaaaah no these guys definietly wouldnt work.

gamtav: it’s...cute but boi gamzee needs some help i think.

gamsol: -sollux did imply he either wanted a kismesis or matesprit with him in one of the flashes- again same as gamtav.

aradia/equius: BIG NOPE nope nope nope equi that’s weird wha ya did never do it again thank fuck aradia hasnt been around him since.

karterezi: their actually kinda cute, looking back on em they could’ve worked. stupid doomed timeline bullshit.

daverezi: also kinda cute, idk tho if i got flushed for em tho i get more pale vibes but it was semi-a thing.

kanvris: it’s baaaaad kanaya deserves much better and vriska never seemed much the type for cementing into a relationship.

vristav: even worse, like i’d like to thank fuck tav one up-ed her in the end cause fuck wha he had to go through.

karmeenah: it...could be cute? maybe? only iffy part is the ages, i thought the dancestors were like sixteen tho since the kids said they were teenagers even tho they were at the time about fourteen? idk tho if eighteen is considered an adult in alternia or not tho it’s kinda implied to be? anyways tho it’s just off puttin maybe a bit tho.

meenahvris: it’s kinda cute, it was atleast, idk lookin back it does feel more unhealthy.

rufidama: baaaaaad i love rufi but he’s got some bullshit he needs worked out and damara deserves someone better.

rufihorr: just as bad as above, both deserve someone better or atleast horrus does with some therapy on it rufioh i think should just chill on relationships but it’s so obvious their not meant to be.

mitula: it’s cuuuuuute i cant deny it, ...okay fanon vers is canon is barely anything and tula does give more pale implications for tuna but with how protective she was over damara near him it’s sweet, but god do i wish canon tuna gave more feelings for tula.

kantula: it’s...creepy. like it’s so obvious the vantas bois cant communicate well but kankri’s crush feels almost pressuring on tula when he kept goin about them and goin “oh but we’re totally friends and i’m celibate so it’s okay its whatevs” like kan go to a corner give tula some air to breath.

crotuna: BIG NOPE cronus needs to learn fuckin boundaries thirsty fish bastard.

should i even add cro//eri due to the fact he literally asked an eridan out? regardless gross, ew, no, i’ll take the fanon ampora brothers anyday canon i didnt fuckin need that thx.

porrnea: it was implied to be more of a fling. idk considerin aranea’s track record i cant really say i’d trust her in many flushed quads. and porrim seems the type to have hers open and not a closed off thing so idk they got different cases.

aranea/jake: i cant deny it’s fuckin cute, i’d would’ve loved if they tried to do somethin but aranea was definietly uhhh not a good choice for jake. least she backed off when he didnt wanna be kissed but man yeah, it was cute while it lasted.

kurmeu: i cant deny the idea kur forced himself quiet due to hurting meu hurts me in a sweet way but as of rn them bein ‘pale’ and him mind controllin her when we dunno if she’s alright with this or not is...disturbing.

vristerezi: i am HIGHLY doubtful this is canon considering everything but i guess i gotta cement this. i dont see em as canon in og or sequal wise since vris is still gone in both, even then i dont like, see it, i see it but idk man i like em more pale then pail.

erifef: honestly no. both are much too different for a relationship, kinda glad they uh...got cut short cause honestly even their moirailship wasnt healthy what’s to say a matespritship would? on BOTH sides mind you.

rosejohn: thank karkat’s shipping board. anyways, i think their cute cause fuck it rose is a bi-con to me, canon wise probably wouldnt work but i’ll take fanon.

vriseri: kinda glad they got cut short of their kismesis cause boi eridan deserves a better one with how shit vriska was in breaking up with him.

johnvris: it was cute, i cant deny i’m soft over how the two talked things about vriska’s life and john’s it’s just kinda cute. it’s obvious tho canon wise with wha john went through it wont work out. would’ve loved if they became moirails tho but o well canon is god i guess.

spadePM: i dont like much of their implications, would be an unhealthy relationship regardless considerin spade’s flushed and PM’s pitch, they deserve some therapy and other people.

dadbert/momlonde: their cute i like the implications of em, sad they died though, it was cute while it lasted.

meowrails: may aswell count moirails in this shipping mess. anyways their cute, they gimmie sibling vibes course equius early into it was so...not a good moirail.

kurtuna: i guess it might be cute moirails? idk tho with kurloz’s implications it concerns me.

gamkar: as moirails...karkat was fuckin shit at his job i cant sugarcoat it. i get where it’s from he’s not gam’s lusus and shouldn’t be forced to check on him during his time of gettin high and such, i get they were kids, but god gam kinda deserved a better moirail. and then later on in the series it gets more fucked up between kar gettin stabbed by him and both in a pretty unhealthy moirailationship to the fixed timeline where gamzee is just shut into a fridge and kar doesnt fuckin care, like dude, wow. gamzee was bad yeah but damn, harsh a tad.

terezigam: as a kismesis it’s almost disgustingly unhealthy to me and honestly terezi deserved better and gamzee maaaaybe shouldn’t get a kismesis, ever, unless he can sort his shit out -the sequals tho wont do that lol-

minorly gonna count johndave in this: idk if i can see john reciprocating for dave so dave’s crush on him almost kinda hurts, especially since fixed timeline dave’s john is well, dead and our john is probably still different from his john, has angst but man i kinda dont mind it as a one sides crush it’s nice confirmation of dave bein bi atleast.

nepetajasper/jasprose: i cant see it, it’s disturbing i guess. i like em more as friends but jasprose is probably more creepy bout it.

signless/diciple: i think considerin the implications they were fuckin adorable and deserved the best.

summoner/mindfang: it’s kinda sad considerin its implied mindfang’s love for him might’ve been one sided, they could’ve been cute tho.

orphanor/mindfang: probably sounded like the best kismesis’s until he murdered dolorosa.

dolorosa/mindfang: BIG NOPE i dun like the implications.

condence/orphaner: since it’s implied orphaner had a crush on her, gonna say tho big nope considerin condence is a bitch.

condence/lord english: its hard to decipher their relationship in canon, but to cover all my bases it’s big nope to me somethin bout it makes me uncomfy despite both bein bastards.

#home stuck #hs #the pink one speaks

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borzoilover69 · 11 months

Note

doo youu have a particular lemon dmeon song you connect with jake… or any of the other kids…

On god I have a lot, but lets run through them and why.

Ancient Aliens - Dirk Coded. But in a way that Jake would perceive him, and him alone. The song is about a man in the past meeting a man of the future and being unable to understand him, and that fits Jake and Dirk pretty well. > No sound, just hearts and walls of art

I'm not like you You fly, you burn my eyes, my eyes You speak in my mind Your kind all died when you arrived

Your Imaginary Friend - This is BGD or Autoresponder coded, specifically. I like to think that AR disappears sort of but keeps himself in the web *somewhere* just waiting to pop out of the wings to be silly. Splinters are like bugs there's too damn many of them and the ones that aren't human are hardest to squash.

This hyper world - Also an AR or Hal song, regarding thought patterns of his more mental pattern.

Satirists love song - I remember seeing someone make a Dirkjake animatic with this and it's just a good song. Peak salty Dirk vibes too. I mean look at this. It's a cynical take that their love was all entirely false and satire, and I guess I have a thing about burning and flying over the heads of others,

Our love is a great work of satire A subtle critique Postmodern, a mocking masterpiece Right up there with the Greek Our love is my personal soapbox now A sarcastic affair Exploding with irony and burlesque Right up there with Voltaire Our love is a great work of satire That flew over your head

Fine - Another banger, but one I associate with Jake and the mastering and recovery of the fact that everything will be fine in the end. Whenever I listen to the song, I can't help but think of the credits snaps we got off the kids finally getting happier an Dirk and Jake becoming more comfortable and open with each other, something I love in my mind so much. Plus it slaps so much with the "the sun will marry the moon" like oh.. you're so damn right.. you're so damn right.

Today has a way of scarring your eyes With negative light, but it's a disguise I put on my shades and see through the lies The convenient truth is

Light is on the way, we'll be having a fun time It's such a lovely day, we should pocket the sunshine And never give it back, even if there's a heat wave Or terrorist attack, it will just be a close shave

Nothing worth loving isn't askew - is a Roxycallie song and I won't elaborate. But in a way that they learn to accept the other.

Honourable MENTIONS!! Sweet bod - How do I say that Jake would eat a human body in the way that Hannibal Lecter enjoys his meals without being pushed off the stage.

Two trucks - I'm not going to say anything. But you know.

#asks #borzoi talks #dirk strider #jake english #dirkjake #roxycallie #alpha kids #lil hal

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somebrainfuckedbird · 7 years

Photo

art trade with @burstmuffin I drew their red riding hood dirkjake au!!

dumb process gif under the cut so you can see how I just filter the shit out of everything pffshs

#dirkjake #jakedirk #homestuck #dirk strider #jake english #MUFFIN I LOVE YOUR ART I COULDNT CARE LESS IF YOU CHOOSE TO SPEND10 MIN ON YOUR THING #back to studying for finals sobs #this is v relaxing to draw id love to draw for this au again ;;;;#ples dont look too closely their hands look like diccs

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earthseaborealis · 4 years

Text

New Traditions and Worlds

My @homestuckss gift for @dykeiatrist ! I used “Davekat,” “Jane,” and “Hurt/Comfort” (with a bit of DirkJake) to create a cute little holiday fic! Hope you enjoy it :D Have a wonderful holiday season!!

Also on ao3 (@detective_in_space if the link doesn’t work!)

“Twas the week before Christmas,” Dave started before pausing, “Yo Rox, what’s somethin’ that rhymes with Christmas?”

“Ass? Wait, no, no that doesn’t work… Christmas…” Roxy muttered, “Okay so, like, the only thing I’ve got is Christmas, but you absolutely cannot rhyme ‘Christmas’ with ‘Christmas,’ right?”

“You’re definitely right,” Dave sighed as he scratched out the words in his notebook, “Dude, like absolutely nothin’ rhymes with Christmas words.”

Roxy moved over and rested their hand on his shoulder, “Karkat will appreciate the thought at least. Hey, there are other things than Christmas raps, like festive interpretive dances! Or Festive slam poetry?”

“Well, duh, it’s Karkat we’re talkin’ bout,” Dave laughed, but in his defense, it was true. Karkat would yell and insist that he hated Dave’s most ‘ironic’ gifts, but there was a certain fondness in his tone. Like it was just a whole elaborate game. The edges of Karkat’s eyes would wrinkle as his lips curled into a small grin. A small chuckle would escape, which Dave would obviously point out, and in response, Karkat would punch him (before wrapping him in a hug). Oh god, that was the best…

“Hey sleeping beauty,” Roxy interrupted, as they lightly hit the side of Dave’s head, “Did ya invite me over here just to fall asleep?”

“Nah dawg, I was just thinkin’ about the usual,” Dave brushed their hand aside.

“So,” Roxy drawled, “Karkat?” Roxy wiggled their eyebrows at Dave.

“No,” Dave exclaimed, “Fuck, I mean, no. Hey, do ya know any, like, traditions that people do for Christmas and all that jazz.” Now that was a smooth change of topics.

“Smooth like a baby’s bottom,” Roxy laughed, “But, nah. I didn’t even know Christmas was like a real thing… thought it was an urban myth or something.” Oh, right. Roxy lived in some highly-futuristic society that was enslaved by a fish bitch, but there was none of that oppressive dictatorship on Earth C. Trolls, Carpacians, Humans, and well, any other species were free to chill by the fire and enjoy whatever holiday they wanted. Now that, was what sweet, sweet democracy was about (preach Obama).

“Lit, lovin’ that we’re both oblivious of any cultural traditions… hey, you think one of the Crocker-Harley-English… berts... would know more about this? I’m feelin’ like they’d be all up in that shit,” Dave said, “Oh fuck, I’m so smart. That’s like totally their thing.”

After quickly picking up all his stuff and saying goodbye to Roxy, Dave picked up his phone and dialed Jane Crocker, the holiday expert, on his way home. Wait, oh fuck, what if she was busy? It’s not like he usually talked to her, so was it out of the question? Oh no, maybe he should’ve just texted John...

The phone picked up, “Hello, Jane Crocker speaking?”

“Oh… oh! Hey Jane, it’s Dave… ya know… Dirk’s cooler bro,” Dave started. He shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket and kicked a stray pebble on the sidewalk. Yes, he could be floating around, but exercise was important.

“Well, howdy there Dave. It’s been a while since we’ve talked, hasn’t it,” she chuckled, “Anyways, did you need anything?”

“So, like, Rox and I were talkin’ about Christmas and stuff… and well, we’re both dumb and have no idea what people actually do for it, so I thought you might be the expert on the subject? Because it totally seems like it’d be up your ally,” Dave rambled on.

“Well golly, I’m flattered. It’s been a while since I’ve actually celebrated the holiday, but of course, I’ll help you! Before the game, my father and I had so much fun celebrating… let’s see… Well, I’m sure you already know this, but we’d go out to a farm together and pick out a tree. I’d always search for the fattest tree, and my father would help me cut it down. And then we’d go get Hot Cocoa and pick out ornaments together, and well, oh sorry, I’ve gotten a bit off-topic, haven’t I,” Jane apologized.

“No, no! You’re literally the best… lemme just get a piece of paper to write this on,” Dave fumbled around his captchalogue, and pulled out an old notebook (of course, with Obama on the cover). “Okay cool, I got one, hit me with all that sweet, sweet info.”

“Alright… let’s see, what else… oh, well after we decorated the tree, we’d make and frost sugar cookies and cakes together. Oh! Karkat and you are welcome to come over together sometime and make cookies with me if you’d like,” Jane offered. Hell yeah, she was a literal legend. Roxy and Dirk had the best friends.

“Yeah, dog, we’d love to! I’ll hit you up with a date once Karkat checks the calendar. You know him and… schedulin’,” Dave said as he continued to write down Jane’s suggestions.

Jane chuckled, “Sounds good… and one more thing… My father and I would always put cheesy Christmas music on. That was the best… we’d make absolute fools out of ourselves, but it was so much fun. Literally, we’d just dance around and belt the lyrics… those we’re the days,” Jane’s voice started to crack… fuck… had Dave made her cry? “Sorry…” she continued, “I don’t mean to be so emotional. Oh lord, I’m sorry. I… I hope I helped you a bit, and just, feel free to come over whenever for cookies…”

“Fuck, no,” Dave searched his brain… what would Karkat say… “Sorry for bringin’ up those memories. I know it sucks and all. I’ll give you some time and just hit you up later.”

“Yes, that’d be great… see you later then,” Jane said as she hung up.

Well, shit, Dave had already made one person cry and it was only 11 a.m. Maybe Christmas was just an emotional time and stuff. Jane was cool, though, so he hoped that she was okay. Plus, she gave him some kickass advice, and he was so ready to get his holiday spirit on.

The rest of the walk to his place was boring. Dave tried to come up with some more sick raps for his Christmas album, featuring the new and improved version of “Jingle Bells.” The air was crisp and way too cold for Dave’s Texan roots (he blamed John for the freezing wind), so he was thankful when he finally reached the door.

“Yo, Karkat, I’m home, and I come with words of wisdom from the one and only Jane Crocker herself,” Dave announced as he closed the door behind him. He attempted to throw his coat and hang it up, but it fell clumsily to the floor. He shrugged it off and continued through the cozy lil’ condo, finding his way into the kitchen, where he found Karkat doing a load of laundry. Yes, the washing machine and dryer were in the kitchen… it was only the most ironic, British mom location for them. Dave, being the coolest man to ever exist, ran up to Karkat and hugged him from behind.

“Jesus fucking shit Dave! Are you trying to give me a blood pusher attack?” Karkat screeched as he jumped like fifty feet in the air (okay maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but it basically happened).

“Nah dude, you wouldn’t dare be all anime protagonist on me and faint. Like, imagine me runnin’ to cradle you in my arms while you murmur ‘I’m goin’ to have to kawaii the shit out of your desu.’ Literally, imagine that” Dave rambled.

Karkat groaned at this, “Stop spending time with Dirk. You’re turning into a shitty weeb Karkat said as he pushed Dave away.

“I can’t help it… it’s who I am,” Dave clutched yo his chest and fell to the ground, pulling the other boy down with him. Karkat’s words. The worst weapon of all.

“I’m going to go live with Kanaya and Rose,” Karkat grumbled, falling to the ground as dramatically as possible (making sure to land on Dave with as much force as possible).

“Like you’d do that,” Dave scoffed, “She’s worse than me. Plus, is you did, we couldn’t be all romantic and celebrate human holidays together. C’mon dude, we gotta act like a high school couple. Get all up in each other’s space and kiss under the mistletoe. Oh, speakin’ of that! I talked to Jane, who is literally the best, and she was like ‘oh Dave! Check out this super lit tradition I did back on the o.g. Earth. Like, you get to cut down a tree and decorate with the most ironic ornaments.’”

“Sound detrimental to the environment and a waste of time. What’s the point of celebrating a fucking tree,” Karkat asked.

“Dude, it’s a pine tree, which is superior to all other trees. Besides, it’s about family and friends. I mean, I never celebrated Christmas with Bro, but you can’t just diss Karen like that,” Dave said, using his best white mom voice.

“Fine whatever. I’ll celebrate your dumb human holiday, but I call picking out the decorations,” Karkat bargained as he stood up and dusted off his pants (getting rid of Dave’s germs).

“Hell yeah, deal! Get your coat on, we’re gonna get a tree and bring it in our house,” Dave exclaimed, quickly getting off the ground.

The boys quickly got ready and we’re out the door, hopping into their car. Dave has gotten it because well, basically of all Karkat and his friends could fly. He has listened to Karkat’s complaining enough and invested in an older, used minivan. And man, did he love the thing. Hey, maybe he’d become a car person after the holidays were over.

Dave was about to drive to the nearest park with a saw, but Karkat demanded that he call and ask Jane first. Jane recommended a small farm in the middle of nowhere, and with the use of a GPS, they eventually found their way there (after a few hours of trial and error).

“Jane said that fat trees were better, but honestly, I’m lovin’ this tall ass one right here. I mean look at it. It’s taller than the Empire State Buildin’… wait, is that still a thing? Like an Earth C Empire State Buildin’?” In Dave’s defense, it was a totally valid question. Like, did Earth C have the same seven wonders of the world? Who knew.

“Shut the fuck up. We’re here for a tree, not imperialism,” Karkat groaned, “And besides, our house isn’t big enough for that.”

“But Karkat, the economy,” Dave whined, “But like, what about this tiny one… it reminds me of you, short stacks.”

Karkat shoved him, “And the other reminds me of your flat ass.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment… since you're lookin’ at my ass and all,” Dave pulled down his Stiller shades and winked.

“Shut up, you fucking twink. Let’s just celebrate your weird human holidays and get the tree,” Karkat grumbled as he attempted to pick up the tree.

Dave doubled over laughing as he watched the 5’3 troll struggle, but once Karkat shot him an angry glare, he rushed over to aid him (with his huge muscles, of course). “Nice, I can feel it pokin’ me through my mittens. Ten out of ten would recommend.”

After endless trial and error, the pair managed to carry the tree to the register and on top of their car, a red minivan that Dave had picked out.

“So,” Karkat started, “We just put a tree in our block and decorate it? And then some creepy old man flies around the world and gives presents to children by putting them under the tree?” His eyebrows furrowed as he attempted to understand human traditions.

“Dude, I can’t even explain it. Humans can come up with some weird shit when they put their minds to it,” Dave laughed. The rest of the car ride consisted of Karkat rambling about trollian traditions. Their hands managed to find one another and rest comfortably on the center console (Dave, of course, kept one hand on the steering wheel at all times… hey, safety is important).

Their next stop was the local hardware store. It was owned by a sweet, older Carpacian. In all honesty, she reminded Dave of the Mayor… a kindred spirit whose goal in life was to just lead and help make others happy. She made the place seem like the opposite of a place to buy tools. The place was decorated with festive garlands and cheery music rang through the air. Dave waved at her as the pair walked towards the Christmas section.

“So,” Dave drawled, “What kind of ornaments are we lookin’ for? Personally, I wanna find a dick shaped one… for the memories of cockscotch. Bless that game.”

“This is a family store, dick-muncher! And we’re getting triple-f ornaments! Family fucking friendly!” Karkat screeched, marching ahead (but not before grabbing Dave’s hand and pulling him along).

“Fine, fine, I get it… gotta make our house grub friendly, for when John comes over,” Dave snickered as they walked the ornaments aisle. Who knew there were so many different variations in fucking decorations? You had some for your Karens, poor college students, newlyweds, too many to count. Karkat busied himself with the… glass ball? Well, whatever that kind of ornament was called.

“These are nice,” Karkat noted, showing Dave a set of jade glass baubles (haha, like Kanaya).

“But like, dude, they’re so borin’,” Dave whined, “We gotta spruce this tree up… get it? Spruce is a kind of tree.” Dave chuckled at his own dad joke. Shit, he was hilarious.

“Hey, I’m just trying to make this actually look nice. We’ll get other colors too, and “spruce” it up, as you say,” Karkat said as he went back to check out the boring ornaments. Dave, on the other hand, went to look at the children’s ornaments on the other side of the aisle. Most of them were new pop culture things that Dave didn’t recognize (God was he growing old). However, there were a few that grabbed his attention, and obviously, he was gonna have to show these to Karkat.

“Yo, dawg. Check out these cool little fuckers. They’ll make our tree look mads cool,” Dave opened his hands to reveal a bunch of little crab ornaments. They were cute and not boring glass balls. Plus, crabs were like Karkat’s thing… he’d definitely appreciate them.

“Crustaceans? Don’t you just know the way to my blood pusher,” Karkat rolled his eyes, “Just put them in the basket before I change my mind.”

Dave threw his fist in the air and gave Karkat a side hug, “Hell yeah, you won’t regret this. We gonna get so festive up in this joint. All the moms will be beggin’ to check out the coolest tree in the neighborhood, which if ya didn’t catch on, will be ours.”

“You got me. I’m only doing this to make Carol jealous. She fucking deserves it,” Karkat chuckled. Yes, Dave knew he was doing swell when he made Karkat laugh. If only he could give himself a, well earned, golden star.

“Dude yes, I fuckin’ hate Carol. C’mon, let’s get more lights. We gotta make this flashy and blow a fuse, speakin’ of which… do you know how to fix a broken fuse? Because I do not wanna call Dirk over to fix it for us. He’ll be like ‘Dave, I’m just tryin’ to celebrate the holidays with my darlin’ boyfriend… have I mentioned Jake’s ass? Damn, lemme just rant about that and never actually fix your broken utilities.’ Can you imagine the pain, Karkat,” Dave lamented? He loved his brother, don’t get him wrong, but he did not want to mess with Dirk this close to the holiday season.

“I can, actually. Remember what happened the week before Jake’s birthday? Dirk is batshit crazy, but he gets it from you,” Karkat smirked as Dave feigned an offended expression, “Now, can we stop talking about his love life and actually pick out some decorations?”

The pair still had one more destination before they could go home and relax, maybe even decorate the tree… but knowing themselves, they’d probably wait until Christmas Eve to put the new lights and ornaments up.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so glad you two could make it,” Jane said as she opened the door, “I’ve already got everything out, so all we have to do is bake and decorate cookies… and perhaps eat a bit of dough.” She ushered the two inside.

“Hell yeah, you’re the best Janey,” Dave said as the pair put away their coats and walked to the kitchen with Jane. Everything was so clean, especially when compared to their house. Karkat would always fuss about his habits, but Dave felt a sort of comfort in the messiness. So what if there were shirts thrown on the floor and an unorganized stack of papers on the kitchen table. It built… character.

“I’ve never had what you humans call ‘cookies,’ but thank you for having us,” Karkat added.

“Oh please, it’s no problem. I love baking, and I especially love helping people get into the holiday spirit,” Jane said. The trio fell into a simple routine once Jane showed them the recipe, helping the two boys when need be. Dave filled the silence by rambling under his breath about whatever he deemed important, while Karkat concentrated on making his cookies perfect.

“Hey look,” Dave exclaimed while holding up one of his doughy creations, “It’s a Karkat angel! A Kar-Angel… a Karkat Van-Angel!” His cookies were shaped into gingerbread men with nubby horns and an uncharacteristic smile.

“And I made a Dave-Cookie… oh wait, it’s just a blob of dough, my fucking bad,” Karkat retorted, going back to rolling out his dough.

It was a long process, but after a few hours, the boys had successfully made their first batch of Christmas sugar cookies. A few of the cookies weren’t burnt on the edges, but they were delicious nonetheless. Jane demanded that the pair take home their creations, as she didn’t have enough room in her cabinets for more holiday desserts.

“Goodness, thank you so much for coming over and making sugar cookies! I haven’t had this much fun since… well, it’s been a while. Feel free to come by and help me whenever you all would like,” Jane chirped.

“Of course, Janey,” Dave replied, “You best bet we’ll be back for some more goodies! Gotta get my housewife on. I can’t be accidentally poisoning Karkat with some undercooked cake.”

“You’ve poisoned me with every meal of your’s, except the Kraft Mac and Cheese, but only because Roxy helped you,” Karkat spat.

“Oh well, we certainly can’t have that. I’ll be seeing you both again soon then. Have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful new year!”

It was dark by the time they were home. Karkat and Dave both felt the sleepiness enter the body, as they kept yawning. It was too late to decorate the tree, so it was leaned against a corner. The pair immediately plopped down onto the couch and put on a holiday classic, Tim Allen’s “The Santa Clause,” which Dave argued was the best Christmas movie known to mankind, trollkind, and carpaciankind alike.

“Y’know, I never imagined that I would celebrate Christmas. Like, dude, that shit was mads uncool,” Dave said out of the blue, interrupting the beautiful sound of Tim Allen interacting with CGI reindeers and kidnapped children.

Karkat groaned, “Well, me either, yet here I am, celebrating a dumb holiday for dumb human grubs.” He was just trying to enjoy this wonderful holiday film, but with Dave, silence didn’t last long. In a way, it provided comfort to the pair. He knew that Dave absolutely hated the silence, as it reminded him of his Bro. For Karkat, Dave’s endless rambling allowed him to take his mind off of his worries. It was an odd relationship, one that had taken years to achieve, but here they were… they had made it, yet Karkat knew there were still shaky moments for the two of them. Like now, for example. The pair both would jump around certain barriers, trying desperately to aid one another, while still attempting to not dig too deep.

Dave rested his head upon Karkat’s thighs and snuggled into the pile of blankets, reminding him of their time on the meteor, “Y’know, I wouldn’t have this whole thing any other way. ‘M glad my first Christmas is with you, instead of Bro.” His words are slurred together and slightly muffled, and Karkat can’t help the stupid ass blush that creeps onto his face at the sound of them.

“Fuck that guy,” Karkat spits. After a moment, he starts again, this time with a gentler tone, “And it’s nice to have you here too, no matter how fucking dumb your endless rants may be.”

Dave could almost hear Dirk whispering “Tsundere” in his ear as he chuckled, “Awe, love you too, KitKat.” He sits back up, nearly smacking the top of his head into Karkat’s jaw. He looks away for a second, briefly hesitating, then leans in, closing the distance between the pair. It’s just a brief peck, but it leaves the two of them speechless. Dave looks at Karkat through his shades. A light brush coated his cheeks and his lips curled into a small grin.

Karkat pulls Dave into his side and looks towards the corner of the living room, where their small, fat tree is leaning against the wall. It was empty and in desperate need of attention (aka Crustacean ornaments). Filled with a sudden burst of energy, he paused the movie and stood up, pulling Dave with him, “Get off your lazy ass and get fucking festive. We have a tree to decorate.”

#hsss2019 #homestuckss #dykeiatrist #homestuck #pesterquest #hiveswap #karkat vantas #dave strider #davekat #jane crocker

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mandlien · 4 years

Text

See You By My Side

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: It's been three weeks since Dirk last talked with Jake, back in that platform as they witnessed the birth of a universe. After pressure from friends, they decide to have a talk about what went wrong. Honestly, this time. DirkJake Week Day 1: Boy Idioticy / Nostalgia.

@dirkjakeweekly

Figured I would try my hand for the first time in writing them. Gosh, was it hard, and I’m pretty sure i didn’t get it right, lmao. Still, had fun, and hope people like it anyway.

ao3

Or read more below.

When you knock on the door to his Can, you can faintly feel your hands trembling. It’s hard to breathe, somehow, the anxiety and nervousness of the moment making you feel a little ill.

It has been three weeks since you last talked with Jake.

In that platform, before the birth of the universe, you and Jake talked. Things had seemed awkward, but not irreversible. He had laughed, a nervous giggle, and you had blushed harder than a bishounen anime protagonist. It had made butterflies fly in your stomach. You promised each other to talk again, when there were less people around you.

As much as you told Jane you were over him, you don’t think you are. Even in those two minutes, it had been obvious, how much a non-trickster Jake could still affect you. Worse, somehow, without the pressure of being the cool boyfriend, or AR needling you.

The next weeks had been busy. There was a lot to construct and organize, in order to make Can Town. The carapaces were natural builders, but the humans and trolls were planning how the town would be organized, and you had been rather occupied with the electronic and mechanical part of the process.

After two weeks of not seeing him anywhere, you searched for someone to give you news. Talking through Pesterchum seemed too… direct, somehow. What if he wanted to be alone for longer?

When you talked to Roxy about it, she promised to talk to him.

“No, but-,”

“No buts! I’m just going to see how he’s doing. He hasn’t really talked to me or Janie in awhile either. I’m worried.” She said, nibbling her lips. “He had been feeling really down, before we god tiered, and then he got captured by robo-Jane… Who knows what happened while he was captured.”

“You don’t know?” You tilted your head, curious. “Jane didn’t talk to you about it?”

Roxy grimaced. She looked to the side and clenched her hands together.

“Jane really doesn’t want to talk about it. Her face closes off every time I mention it. So, I stopped trying. And…” She looked at you from the corner of her eyes, a little worried moue in her face. “Back in my timeline, we were separated in different cells. I mostly dealt with Dog-mama. By the time I got out, Jake had exploded in a hope bubble and was screaming even worse nonsense than usual. I never discovered how exactly that went. From what people told me, the changes made to the timeline shouldn’t have changed what happened there, but who knows.”

You clear your throat and try to think of a way to change the subject. Roxy always looks worried when she mentions being from another timeline to you, like you would somehow reject her for it. Like you could.

The fact that your Roxy got killed cuts something deep within you, some whisper of how you failed her. Still, it’s pretty obvious that this Roxy is still your friend. The recent events for her may have been a little harder than for you, but her heart was still of the same girl.

You wonder if Jane can see that.

“Roxy… Jane hasn’t been treating you differently, right? For being from a different timeline?”

Roxy’s face became somber.

“I don’t think so, Dirk. I mean, the first time we met in the dream bubbles, she seemed okay with it. Sure, we were both sleeping at the time… But even after that, in the platform and all, she seemed fine? It’s hard to know, what’s happening in that girl’s mind. She can’t stop moving, you know, trying to help however she can. It’s hard to know if she is keeping me out because she doesn’t see me as Roxy, or if it’s because of trauma, or what. Is it bad, that I hope it’s the later?”

“Maybe a little,” you say. “If it is, I don’t blame you. But I wouldn’t worry about that. You’re very Roxy to me”.

She smiled. You’re trying to be a little more appreciative to her, a little more honest with your thoughts. It’s very hard.

“Thank you for being here for me, Dirk. Losing everyone was so hard. I almost gave up for a while there. I guess if it wasn’t for Terezi and John, I would have. Imagine losing all this! Callie, and Jane, and Jake and you! Rose and Dave! Even the other kids. Old and potential new friends. Even if we’re a little broken right now, I can’t help but have a little hope.”

You smile at the memory, feeling strength return to your limbs. She had managed to talk with Jake and apparently whatever she said had some effect. He sent you a message, asking for you to visit. Asking for a talk.

The idea of talking honestly with Jake about what happened while you dated makes you very nervous, but you are willing to try. You really don’t want to lose him.<hr />

Jake looks handsome. He’s wearing the old outfit, the one he used on their expeditions, the little shorts and the green overshirt on top of a grey one featuring his symbolic skull. He has a big smile on his face, hands behind his back, and anyone else would think he’s ecstatic to see you. You know the signs, however; he is probably fiddling with his fingers where you can’t see them, one of the usual signs of his nervousness.

His eyes are trained on your chin, another usual sign of anxiety for him. He rarely looks people in the eyes most days, and you never asked him why. It doesn’t bother you overly much, because it’s pretty obvious when he is paying attention and when he is not. And he is very focused on you, right now.

“Dirk! So glad you came to visit. Come in.”

You walk inside and glance around. It was strange, how lived in it already felt, considering how, according to Roxy, he was only assigned his can a few days ago. Strange plants and rocks littered the space, with a rather big blue mushroom in the center of the room, and in the corner of the room there is an old mattress on the floor, full to bursting with bed sheets on top of bed sheets. On the other corner, a copy of Jane’s sofa, but with a quilt on top of it in green.

Jake glances around him and fidgets, nibbling his lip. You feel a pang of warmth curl in your chest and try to not think about the blush that is probably filling your face.

“I know I don’t have much stuff yet! The use of the alchemiter is still rather restricted for personal use. It uses too much energy, I guess! Specially for me, who has little powers to speak of”.

You rather doubt that. The fact that Jake has potential has never been blind to you, even before you figured out your group would gain literal superpowers. The fact that he is linked to hope only makes you more sure. This is all discounting Roxy’s account of a “hope bubble explosion”, of course. Jake’s ability to believe in stuff he shouldn’t was what made you fall in love with him in the first place.

But the fact he doesn’t really have control over those powers probably does make it harder for him to use the alchemiter, in this post-grist era. These days, everyone must use their powers to pay the price for items. Roxy, of course, linked to void as she was, was usually working near the alchemiter, making stuff for people.

“Man, if you don’t think this is lived in, you should check my can. There’s like, just the mattress there, for real. Meanwhile, you have all this cool shit all around the place.”

“Oh, that’s just stuff the salamanders gave me,” he says, his smile a little more real, his hands no longer behind his back. “They really seem to like me, for some reason. I’ve been spending a lot of time with them, when I’m not working.”

You look at each other, and you never wanted him more. You ache with longing, to be held and filled to bursting with his smile, his hopes and dreams. When you were with Jake, there were a few months, like in the eye of a hurricane, where things felt calm, and you had been happy. The only things ruining your mood were AR and you own sense of future doom, of how you ruined everything you touched, so surely you would ruin this too somehow.

A moment of pure awkwardness passes between the two of you, before Jake jumps, probably remembering his nonexistent gentleman manners. He turns, this time heading to the sofa. He glances at you.

“Sit with me?”

You nod and move your feet forward.

“Sure.”

In silent agreement, you both sit beside each other and glance towards blue mushroom in the center of the room. It’s easier, to talk about it while not facing him.

“We should talk about it.”

“Must we?” He whines, and you watch him from the corner of your eyes as he holds his knees to his chest, clutching them.

“If you don’t want to talk, that’s okay, I guess. But I think I need to.”

For a moment, as you glance at him, you catch his eyes, and both of you jump, looking forward again. Your cute ex-boyfriend caching you watching him shouldn’t make you this nervous. But this feels all new, somehow. A new experience.

“No, I…” He sighs, and then rests his head against his knees. His voice sounds muffled. “I think I should, too. I think I have a problem with avoiding situations that make me feel bad, that involve possibly hurting people I care for. And, I don’t want to do that anymore. It just seems to make things worse later.”

He sounds sad, unsure. It was something you had realized, during the session, but it was different, somehow, to hear him say it. It messes with your heart.

You look at the mushroom and can only see those days where he ignored your messages, left you in the lurch, desperate, just because he was afraid to tell you how he felt.

“Jake. No matter what the result of this conversation is, I still want to be your friend. Just. Even if you think something may hurt me… be honest, please. I want to know the truth.”

“… Okay. I’ll try.”

“Then, let me start.” You say, your voice even. “I’m sorry.”

He looks at you full on, his mouth open. You look back at him.

“What for?! You did nothing wrong.”

“I was too afraid of being alone. Of being abandoned by you. So, I acted like a needy little bitch, because I wanted to be besides you every moment of every day, until you inevitably grew tired of me.”

Jake flinched and grew silent.

“You can’t deny it now, huh?”

Jake frowned at you, his eyes blazing.

“Now listen here, Mister Strider, don’t you go putting words in my mouth. While I can’t say the constant messages didn’t worsen the situations, they for sure weren’t the reason I ran away!”

“Then why did you?”

Jake shut up and looked at the ground. You watched him, not looking away now. He squirmed, sensing your gaze.

“You know what I think I did? I think I sent you many, many messages over the years where I suggested something between us of a more sexual and romantic nature. And I think eventually, instead of telling me to stop, because you were uncomfortable, you gave in to my pestering, because you thought it was easier to suffer in a relationship with me than telling the truth and hurting me.”

“But- but that was AR. You were never that explicit and flirtatious with me. I mostly noticed because of him and the Brobot, to be honest.”

“Ah, yeah, the Brobot.” You say, darkly. After Dave’s first conversation with you, he had been in your mind for a while. “The robot I sent you to beat you up from surprise attack positions. That I controlled from a distance. That I abused you with.”

Jake’s face, full of confusion before, now fills with righteous fury.

“Cheese and fucking crackers, Dirk, what’s that about?! This talk about abuse and pressing me into the relationship! Stop with this nonsense!”

“Why, if it’s the truth?”

“It friggin well it’s not”, he says, face red, teeth gritted. “Don’t you dare talk about yourself like that!”

You reared back, surprised.

“Me?! This isn’t about me, it’s about you!”

Jake jumps out of the sofa and starts pacing in front of you.

“It fucking is about you when you start calling yourself an abuser! I won’t stand for you hurting yourself like that! You’re my best friend!”

He runs his hands through his hair and looks at you a little helplessly. You calm at the look, old instincts to help him rising to the surface.

“Then talk to me. Tell me about your side of the story. Why did you agree to date me? Did you even want me? And if it wasn’t my messages, why did you leave?”

Jake looks at you with wide eyes, and glances to the side, hugging himself. He looks unsure, now, all his previous anger gone, a temporary thing.

He takes a breath, and then looks at you in the eyes.

“I’m sorry, too, you know. For my side of the things.”

Jake shuffles until he is on his side of sofa, and seats again. He is looking at his hands, clutching each other.

“You know, when we were young, I would joke with you about dating you if you were a girl. And, I never thought back then that, maybe, that hurt your feelings. I just…”

“I never blamed you for that, though,” you say, confused. That was such a long time ago.

“But I think it still affects you, now.” He says, darkly. “Not just that, though. I spent years confused about what I felt about you. I realize, now, that I would insinuate things and then back away. Because, how could I like both boys and girls? Sure, you liked boys and I was okay with it. Because, if Dirk Strider, the smartest and most brilliant person I know, was gay, then despite what all my movies told me, there could be nothing wrong with that. But you were also from the future, following future cultural things and such. The only things I knew for sure was what I remembered from my grandma’s lessons, and what I learned from movies and comics. And my grandma never talked to me about boys.”

“I didn’t mind you liking boys, but I minded you liking me. Because it made me wonder and think about things the fella I thought I was, wasn’t supposed to think. I wasn’t supposed like boys. That wasn’t part of my role. Especially because I knew for sure I liked girls, so how could I like both? Isn’t that wrong? Selfish, somehow?”

He looks at you with sadness in his eyes, his face full of regret.

“I even talked to Janie about it, you know. God, I was such a dunderhead. I realize, now, after knowing the truth about her feelings, that right after I pressured her into saying she felt nothing for me, I asked her if it wasn’t strange to date you. That must have hurt her a lot.”

You wince and promise yourself to talk to Jane soon.

“I… don’t think there is anything odd, about liking both genders. If Jake English does it, then there could be nothing at all odd about it.”

Jake smiles at you, fleetingly.

A moment of silence passes between you. You look at him as he recollects his thoughts, rearranging them in his head.

“About the Brobot thing…” He says, and looks at you, his mouth firm. “You know that was one of the best presents I ever received in my life, right?”

Behind your glasses, your eyes widen.

“What?” You say, choked. “But you complained about him from the moment you received him!”

“Well, sure,” Jake rolled his eyes. “But that’s because you have this urge to ruin the fun out of everything, Dirk.”

“What- what do you mean?”

“Do you remember, why I wanted a fighting robot in the first place?” he says, patiently. “I wanted a fighting robot because I wanted some fun scrums. The truth is, I rarely left my room in those days, and when I did, I was really fucking scared, because I was tiny, and weak, and I had monsters that could swallow me in one bite, or fucking step on me. And while in my fantasy that would, of course, never happen, because I was the best adventurer ever, slayer of monsters, I was self-aware enough to avoid leaving my room.”

“And I loved action movies. I loved how cool the actors looked, how they could make everything look purposeful, full of grace and strength, even if it was just make-believe. And I though you were really cool, with your katana and fighting experience, even before I discovered you were from the far flung future and fighting robots. I wanted to be just like those actors, and just like you.”

You blush, and scratch the back of your neck.

“So, even though I didn’t say it like that, didn’t admit it to myself, what I wanted was something that could be safe, but still provide me with a challenge. Something that would make me feel like that rugged adventurer I was always talking myself up to being. And you mostly provided that. You poured over that robot, constructed him with care, and sent him piece by piece. I was really happy that you would dedicate such a long time to make me happy.”

“The only reason I had to dislike the Brobot,” he said, annoyed. “Was that you made him a fucking chore. I couldn’t go a day without fighting him before he would ambush me. He never really hurt me, sure, just some scrapes, but sometimes a man just wants to rest on his home and watch movies, and what’s the problem with that? But you made him a training tool, and that sucked.”

You… never thought of it like that.

“Sure, all that training ended up paying off in a huge way during our session. I was strong enough to fight from the get-go, unlike Janey. But the thing is, Dirk, you were constantly trying to push me into what you believed would be a better stronger version of myself! And while it was nice to think you believed in me, you were also treating me like I’m one of your robots that you can just, update. And maybe that works with you, but I know at this point that I can never really be as cool as you. You constantly push yourself to be better, faster, stronger, smarter, and I just want to have fun.”

“Wait, what the hell are you talking about? About not being cool. You’re super cool.” You say, confused. You cringe, thinking about how obnoxious you were with Jane and Jake back then. After your talk with Dave, you think this could be a legitimate problem of yours. Maybe you’re just too used to only having robots around you.

“No, I’m not,” he says, snorting sadly. “I’m a joke. All there is to me is hot air. Still, I so wanted you to admire me. And while all of you liking my looks was kind of flattering at the time, I wanted more than that. I wanted to be seen as the rugged adventurer I thought I was, the man I was hyping myself up to be to you guys, the man that survived the island full of monsters from a young age with his wits, and strength, and the distant support of his friends. I wanted to be a leader worthy of our group.”

He was clutching his hands, tight, his nails cutting into his skin. Two tears fell down his face before he started full out bawling into his hands.

You tried to grab his hands before he hurt himself, and he curled further inward, hiding. You tried to hug him instead.

Jake released the position and hugged you tight, desperate, his cries echoing besides your ears.

“I’m not a man, Dirk! Hell, I’m not even a boy! I don’t know what I am!” He cried out, his voice wretched with pain. “I can’t measure up to you, and I’m so, so sorry. I thought I could, but I can’t. It hurts too much, Dirk. I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to hurt my friends, and punch girls in the face! Sometimes I just want to hide from the world and be a fucking coward! Because the world is scary, and painful, and I just want the bad things to go away.”

You feel like your heart is ripping apart, listening to him cry. The last thing you ever wanted in the world was to pressure Jake like that. You didn’t think you were doing it.

You remember your talk with Dave, the realization that maybe being uncool wasn’t bad. Your talk with Jane, the realization that Roxy never knew all the things you thought about her and would never know if you didn’t tell her. That, maybe, even if it was painful to say such things out loud, it would be better than her thinking you didn’t care for her.

You grip him tight and gather your courage.

“I…” You try to say, but the words are stuck in your throat. You never told him the truth. “I… love you. Jake.”

He tries to stop crying for a moment, the hiccups still stuck in his throat. Your shirt on the shoulder is full of snot and dried tears. It’s more than a little disgusting.

“…What?” He says eventually, voice still a little broken.

“I love you.” You say, and somehow, it’s still as hard as the first time. “I never told you that, right? Never told you my feelings.”

He grips you securely and rests his hair on your shoulder, where he had been running his nose before. That’s kind of disgusting. You ignore the implications and focus on the way his hair tickles your neck, sending goosebumps down your spine.

“Really?” He asks, and his voice is tiny. Unsure. “I wondered.”

“You did?”

“Yeah.” He sniffed. “We met after you ignored me for a whole day as I tried to desperately talk to you. Instead, AR messed with me until I ended up kissing your bloody head. And then we met, and you never wanted to just… spend time with me. You wanted to go on expeditions, and hunt for treasures, and go up on the echeladder, but when I implied we could stop and watch a movie, or do something fun, or just… cuddle, you never were very receptive. Every time I mentioned movies, you would always mention how bad my taste on movies was and say something disparaging about one of my favorites.”

“Oh, dude. I didn’t realize that. Mostly, I was just... worried. That you didn't want what I did, that I was pressuring you into it. And I thought you liked the expeditions”.

“Of course I did. They were exciting, and spending time with you was fun. But they were also tiring. I think they would have been more fun without the schedule you made.”

“Maybe, yeah. And… I’m sorry about AR. And about ignoring you that day.”

“It’s okay,” he says, whispering. “It hurt a little at the time, but I think I paid you tenfold by ignoring you for days, and then only talking to you while drugged out of my mind”.

“Did you ignore me because of this?” You ask, you voice also a whisper.

“In a way. I was tired, you know. The constant work, the pressure of wondering if you even liked me, the bleakness of our session… Months on end without progress… And I think my brain just, isn’t like yours, Dirk. We react in different ways to people constantly by our sides. You clutch them close, and I want to get away for a little while. I get tired, of constantly being besides someone. And the further I got away from you, the harder you clutched and the harder I tried to get away. And then I just… ignored your messages. Because I was tired and suffocated by it all.”

You remember, sick with yourself, with the benefit of hindsight. It hadn’t been all at once. For a few weeks before Jake disappeared, he started going more silent than not, his eyes becoming distant, the tasks more mechanic. It was why you started to propose more expeditions, more time together. And the more time you spent together, the more distant he grew, the more desperate you were, until one day he just left you, alone, a mess, and ignored your messages for days.

Jake releases you from the hug and leans back. You try for a moment to stop him, but then lets him go. He looks into your eyes, his eyes still a little glossy, but now there is a tiny smile on his face.

“I never blamed you, you know. For AR’s messages. Sure, they made me mad, and unsure, but that was because they made me wonder! About you and me. It and Brobot both. After defeating me in the initiate mode, Brobot would try to hug me, and hold hands with me, and I knew you had programmed it. It made me mad about Brobot those days, because it made me fucking confused.”

You blush and look to the side.

“I also didn’t like how AR would try to fake being you. And I know you had a part in that! That makes me annoyed, actually.” He says, a frown on his face. “But I think it’s a little unfair for you to take AR’s taunting and sexual crudeness as your responsibilities! Sure, it was full of that talk about how it was just you stuck in a machine. And maybe it was. I don’t know, now, considering our powers. But I think it eventually grew into a very different being. And you taking responsibility for his actions also takes away his autonomy.”

“I could have silenced him, though. Turned him off, maybe.” You say, uncomfortable. Your last confrontation with your Auto Responder, before he became one with an abomination of nature by mixing with that troll, was unpleasant, and it filled you with guilt.

“I would respect you a little less if you did!” He says, his smile a little wider. “I remember you telling me once, how as it’s now reluctant creator, since you put it in such a terrible situation, the least you could do was make sure to never silence it, since it was the only way for it to communicate with the world. You were very kind and honorable, in my opinion. Mostly, I think I would have liked to know what he said that you agreed with. It seemed that it was most things, because I know you read our convos, and yet you never told me what he said that you disagreed with. At some point the two of you even became a little mixed up in my head, I never knew what schemes were your’s or his.”

You reach out until you’re both holding hands. Even as the shiver goes through you again, an expected reaction to his touch and to his proximity, you feel no urge to kiss him. Somehow, this moment, full of honest care, feels more precious than any sexual action could be.

“For all that you talk about not being as cool, I think you’re super cool.” You whisper. “You’re smart, and you can be right canny about some things. You were super important in a ton of the tasks we had to fulfill while on the session, because you’re really good with puzzle and spatial challenges. You saved my ass a bunch of times. You’re not focused on what will be the most expedient, but what will make you happiest, and I admire that. For all that you seem to ignore me when I babble about things you think sound silly, and boring, you always seem to remember what I said the next time we talk. I wish I could look at things and wonder at them, believe in things with no substance or proof. It would make me happier, I think.”

He gazes at you in surprise.

“… you think I’m smart?”

“Yeah? Why is it a surprise?”

Jake pauses, his expression hard to read.

“Just… a lot of people have said to the contrary recently. It made me a little doubtful.”

“Who?” You ask, surprised, but also a little angry.

“Not now, Dirk. Later we can talk about this. Now, it’s about us.”

“Okay,” You say, uncertain. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, about everything. About Brobot, even if you think I’m not at fault for him. About not talking with you about AR, about pushing you so much during our session, hell, pushing you into being this version of you I had in my head. You don’t have to act like a man, or like me, or whatever to be cool, man. I like you a lot, and I think the things that makes you unlike me, makes me like you more. And, you know, if I’m the smartest person you know, you should absolutely believe me when I say you’re super smart.”

Jake snorts softly and smiles even softer. His eyes are enchanting, fixated on your face, and you grip his hands a little tighter.

“You know, Dirk, I don’t know much about love or anything like that. Love rather scares me, I think. And, I don’t know that I love you, not like you love me. I... don't know if I can love like that." He says, the ending very quiet, a little ashamed. "What I knew, back then, was that in the movies and comics, guys like me are supposed to start dating around this time. And feelings are strange, and complicated, but I knew I always liked to talk to you. I liked seeing your color fill my screen.”

“I could have dated Janey, maybe. But I think we would both have been very unhappy, because I’m not sure I’m the right person for her, or her for me. And I think I made a great choice, when I chose you, before everything went wrong. Because, though I didn’t rightly know much about love, I knew it would be a completely new adventure, and I trusted you to have my back in it. I... wanted nothing more than to be with you.”

Jake stops, glances at the side for a second, his cheeks red.

“My love may be different, or wrong, I don’t know. I just, can’t imagine a universe without you guys in it. You, Janey, Roxy, and even Callie, who I’m not that close to… you guys are the best things in my life.”

Your heart is jumping in your chest, and your face is very red. You don’t know much about love being wrong or not, or how platonic or not Jake actually feels towards you, especially considering he compared it to the love he had for all your friends. But, if he really felt so strongly about so many people, and he still chose you to date…

“I’m not sure about it being wrong, Jake,” you whisper. “It just sounds rather special, doesn’t it? That you have so much love to feel.” It made you feel special.

Jake smiles and caresses your hand. You spend a moment in silence, just holding hands.

“I think, I feel a bit better. Not everything is resolved, but… we did rather good, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, I guess we did,” you say. “But what about now? What about us?”

Jake looks to the side, pensive.

“I guess, I don’t really want to date right now, Dirk. We seem to have resolved some things, sure, but things are still weighting in my mind, and I still have things to resolve with… other people.” He says, a strange intonation in the end. You squeeze his hand in concern, and he squeezes back. “But, maybe, eventually… we could try. At the moment, I think I just want a friend, Dirk.”

“I… can do that.”

You’ll need Karkat and Dave to seat on you on the days you’re more neurotic.

“But you need to continue being honest with me. And I’ll do the same.”

“With your emotions too?” He asks. “The reason I managed to be honest, was because I could see you were being too. When you just hide what you’re feeling all the time, you’re hiding what you’re feeling from me too. And I never want to doubt your feelings for me.”

“I… yeah. I’ll do that”.

You two hug one last time, now a calm one, peace filling you up until you feel like bursting. As you release him, you glance around the room, and everything is the same it was before, and still, somehow different. The world feels different now. Brighter.

You look at your hands, just in time to see the light floating over you skin retreat to their original source.

“Oops.” Jake says, blushing. “Sorry for the lack of control”.

“No worries.” You grin. “Show me to the door, Mr. English?”

He laughed and stood up, bowing like a butler on butler island.

“With pleasure, Mr. Strider.”<hr />

Not seen on this fic, but it still happened:

- Jane running herself haggard trying to avoid thinking about the Incident, i.e. that time she got mind controlled, threatened to rape one of her friends and then killed of another friend. And avoiding Roxy because she feels a little excluded from the tight duo that is Roxy + Callie.

- Roxy and Callie being totally open to the idea of a triad, if Jane wants to join them.

- Davekat being meteorstuck, and so, they’re rather happy right now.

- That time Dave and Karkat sat Dirk down and demanded a little more emotional honesty, because Dave literally Can not Deal with an emotionally closed off Dirk after experiencing Bro. Dirk is Trying, by the gods, but being open with your feelings is Hard.

- Jake moping because Dirk hasn’t searched him out yet, after one whole week, and maybe he doesn’t want anything to do with him after all?? Also, salamanders dogpiling Jake, because it’s Very Nice to be around Jake when you’re a salamander, or a reptile in general. Also, giving him little gifts.

- Roxy feeling doubts about her status in her group as Not Original Roxy, even as she does her best to ignore that feeling and try to repair the group into one.

- Roxy approaching Jake and pressing him into inviting Dirk over to talk. “After you ignored him for days for being pushy, you really think he’ll try now?? You need to be the one to invite him.”

- “You do know that Jane may have been hurt for a while if had explained upfront how you felt about her, but it would have been a million times better than what actually happened, right??” Roxy says, because Jake totally knew about Jane’s crush, and he really hurt her by ignoring and being intentionally blind to it.

- Jake waits a whole ass week, with more moping, except he also talks to Jade about it, and they both commiserate on How It’s Hard to be Honest about things that could hurt others. “Lying or being obtuse hasn’t really helped us before, though. It seems it only hurts the situation. Maybe we should try being honest???” Jade probably says. “Traitor” Jake says, pouting.

- Jake, crying to Brain Ghost Dirk about how he totally ruined everything by crying all over Dirk. “There, there” BGD says, absentminded, as he floats besides his kinda-boyfriend and reads manga. “The man doesn’t mind”.

- Dirk floating all the way home, in cloud nine, before he arrives and realizes he totally forgot about his cried upon shoulder, and then cringing in disgust. Oh yes, Dirk Does Mind. He needs a shower, like, now.

#homestuck #dirkjakeweek2k20 #DJWK20 #dirk strider #jake english #roxy lalonde #dirkjake #fanfic rec #homestuck fanfic #my writing

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