Giving the people what they demanded

Today at Erp’s daycare they had Christmas photos taken!  I dressed her in her only holidayish outfit, red and black checked dress/shirt paired with black leggings and her purple tennis shoes (didn’t realize until this morning that nicer shoes might be a good thing to have).  Thanks to the center’s live stream I was able to watch the photographer work with the kids and after using up almost all my 15 daily logins I was actually able to pop on at the right time to watch Erp’s session!  While she wasn’t nearly as obedient as the older kids who followed instructions, she wasn’t completely disobedient either!  Who knows if he was able to get a smile out of her but I’m excited to see the results!  Though, I’m sure we’ll be asked to pay for these?  All they told us was that Christmas photos were taking place today.  We’ll find out! 

@runthemileyourein brought up a good point today about gifts for daycare teachers.  What’s appropriate?  Since it seems like most of the teachers work with most of the kids, I don’t want to get something for EVERYONE but I also don’t know if it’s appropriate to play favorites?  There are two specific teachers I want to get something for.  I’m thinking gift cards or cash?  Is $50 per person a good amount?  Either Starbucks or Amazon, both evil corporations but oh so convenient.  What would you want?  

After four and a half days of having Erp at home (after six days the week prior due to her fever), I was very ready for daycare to open back up yesterday. Remember how upset I was when I first started taking her there last month?  So glad both of us have adjusted so well :)

As mentioned, this past Friday was our Thanksgiving celebration and while I asked Kevin to help run childcare offense, I forgot that him working a night shift the day before meant he’d be sleeping all day.  I started cooking at 7 a.m. and was solo straight up until we sat down to eat around 4ish.  Long long day. But so good!  I love the time management of cooking and how cleaning up in-between dishes gives an extra boost of accomplishment and energy to tackle the next recipe.  Love caring for my family through these acts of service.  

On Saturday I was able to take advantage of Erp’s nap time to Christmatize the house!  Didn’t go overboard and I feel good about the level of cheer sprinkled about.  While I wish we had a tree, it doesn’t make sense to do one this year given the fact that there’s no good place for it to reside and that we won’t be home for Christmas anyway.  My biggest sadness is that we don’t have a mantel so I can’t hang our customized family stockings that my entire extended family has.  Aug’s stocking is being made as we speak/type/read!  

As I spend more time sitting holding Aug, Saki has been eager to also take advantage of my lap which has made for some precarious situations.  I find myself wanting to get a desk that, like, extends up and over so I can type on a sturdy platform while still giving my lap to my babes.  Once my maternity leave ends (in 17 days!!!!) I’ll need to figure out a good system.  Maybe it’s time to overhaul my office again, making it bebe friendly.  

Things to do: 

Christmas Cards:  I got them ordered!  If only that was all to be done.  Now I’m waiting for stationary to arrive so I can get our holiday update letter printed. Though, I think I’m going to take it to like a FedEx/Kinkos to be printed so I don’t waste all our printer ink.  I like to write something customized on each person’s card so that takes time since I have 130 people on my mailing list.  Hoping to crank this out before the end of the week.  

Thank You Letters:  Before I start work back up I reaaalllyy need to finish writing the thank you letters for the gifts we got for Aug four+ months ago.  At least this will be done before 6+ months like I did for Erp?  And 11+ months like I did for my wedding?  Sensing a pattern here?  Improvement!!

Finish Christmas Shopping:  Which I was planning to do today, but here I am typing up a blog post instead.  Whoops. Every year I make individualized calendars for each family (my parents, Kevin’s parents, my sister and Kevin’s siblings) so I need to get on that.  I expect the rest of the gifts to be photo presents which takes a lot longer than clicking purchase on a website.  But that’s all my mom and MIL have expressed interest in so that’s what I’ll do! 

Wrap Presents:  Self explanatory :)

What I’m Watching:  

Just finished Netflix’s Cowboy Bebop.  I didn’t watch the anime so I’m not biased for or against the series, but I really liked it.  I thought it was beautifully made and I enjoyed the characters, storyline, and definitely the music.  I think I’ll next watch the anime so this might completely change my opinion of the live-action version but for now, I’m very glad to have watched it.  

What I’m Listening To:  

Dave Brubeck Pandora station.  

Holiday Troubles

Characters: Aizawa, trans male reader

Contains: Unsupportive family, transphobia, homophobia, misgendering, mentions of a deadname (D/N), mentions of religion and praying, mentions of dysphoria, angst, hurt/comfort, angst with fluff ending. This was written mainly as a comfort fic during the winter holidays but wanted to post this here (originally posted on AO3). Please read with caution as this content may be triggering for some

Word Count: 2K+ 

The holidays were always rough for you, being not only gay but transgender as well. There were the off-putting tension and feelings every time you walked in the room, and the side glances and judgemental glares that were shot your way if you were even caught wearing something feminine and not masculine. Mostly from your parents and family, feeling the obligation that you had to follow gender norms in the hope to not only pass but to be taken seriously in your own identity.

The holidays got a little easier once you married your now husband. He made visiting your family a bit easier and made the holidays in general, more enjoyable for you. This year, unfortunately, he had meetings and a nightly patrol that he couldn’t get out of, so you were left to go to the Christmas family gathering by yourself.

The day came, and needless to say, you were a nervous mess. You dressed up in a suit, something masculine of course to appease your family and keep those comments at bay. Though, you knew you weren’t in the clear as there was still a high chance of being deadnamed and misgendered by family who were unsupportive or others who just didn’t try. Your husband, Shouta, let you know before he left early that morning that if you needed anything at all to give him or Hizashi a call and they would come and get you in a heartbeat. He said Hizashi, just in case he couldn’t be reached, which was fine with you, Hizashi had become a close friend to you.

You arrived at your parent's house a little later than they asked, just cause you were nervous and needed more time to prepare for this evening. You knocked on the front door, adjusting your suit as you waited for someone to open the door, only to be greeted by one of your younger siblings. They gave you a big hug, before dragging you inside where you were greeted by family. Your grandmother was the first to deadname you. She called out as you talked to your uncle, a devious smile on her face as the name rolled off her tongue. You cringed hearing it and so badly wanted to correct her, but if your mother caught wind that you did, who knows what drama may pursue. You endured the conversation with her, as she made sure to drop in your deadname every chance she could get.

“Honestly D/N, you really should stop playing dress up and realize that you are a girl. Your husband would be so much happier to have a wife who knows her place and not some confused girl.”

You took a deep breath and bid your goodbyes to your grandmother as you went to find someone else to talk to. Eventually, dinner was called, and you all gathered around and your grandfather said a prayer. You looked down at your feet the entire time, not really wanting to participate in the prayer. Soon it wrapped up and a line formed into the kitchen to get food. After everyone got food, everyone gathered around and talked, telling stories of things that happened within the past year in their lives, as well as asking questions to others to get the latest scoop. You just decided to eat silently, trying to not participate in the gossip fest happening before you.

“So Y/N, how are you and your husband doing?” Your dad asked before he took a sip of a beer. You held up your pointer finger, signaling that you needed a moment as your finished chewing food before you smiled and spoke.

“Oh, we are doing well! He sends his deepest apologies that he couldn’t make it, hero duties called.” You smiled, taking a quick glance around the room. Some whispers were exchanged, knowing it was about you and Shouta. It was clear that besides your family not supporting your identity, they also did not support your marriage to a hero. Especially a hero who was supportive of you and your identity.

“Honestly, how she manages to keep such a hero man, is insane. Like who would wanna marry some confused lesbian?” One of your aunts spoke out. You gripped your glass tightly, biting your tongue, not wanting to start any issues.

Other family members chimed in to add on to your aunt's comment and soon it became too much. You quickly excused yourself and went to the bathroom farthest away from your family. You pulled out your phone and texted your husband. You told him that you needed him or Hizashi or someone to come to pick you up, as you originally walked, as it was nice earlier prior to the sun setting. You quickly got a reply, saying your husband was on his way, and that he was getting someone to cover the rest of his patrol. You felt a bit bad to interrupt and have him leave his patrol, but god you just needed him right now more than anything.

You hid amongst the rooms as you waited for Shouta to send you a message or signal that he was here. Your mom called out your name, walking down the hall looking for you. The smile on her face dropped as she saw you and grabbed your arm.

“Come on Y/N, we are about to exchange gifts. Stop trying to hide and be nice and spend time with your family. It took a lot of work and effort to get everyone here, like your grandparents who haven’t seen you in ages.” Your mom aggressively whispered at you, as she pulled you towards the living room. You stayed silently, hoping that your husband would be here soon.

Your mom let you go and pointed to a chair near the tree. You sat down and were handed some gifts. You slowly opened them, trying not to draw attention to yourself. The first gift was in a gift bag, and opening it exposed a colorful piece of clothing. You pulled it out and it was a sundress. Although you didn’t mind breaking gender norms, dresses were never your thing, they held too many bad memories and made you dysphoric. You frowned, not having the energy to fake a smile. You felt your mind start to spiral before a voice pulled you out.

“Oh, D/N do you not like it. I made sure to even get the right size and everything. I thought you could put that on and surprise your husband when you go home. Imagine how he would react to see his wife, finally coming to terms with herself.” Your grandmother called out, staring at you the entire time. You went to open your mouth when another voice spoke up.

“Actually, I think my husband looks handsome and perfect just the way he is in the suit he is wearing, but thank you. Maybe we can save the dress and give it to one of my students, I know one of them would get much better use of it.” Shouta’s voice boomed out, making a hush fall across the room. You never heard the front door open, but then again Shouta was very good at staying silent. You looked at your husband, feeling all your emotions and feelings starting to rise to the surface. You caught a dirty look your mother gave you as you stood up and made your way over to Shouta.

He held out his hand as you got closer and held it tightly, quickly bidding goodbye for you both as he quickly led you outside to the car that was waiting outside and still running. “I had Hizashi drive me over, hope that’s okay.” You just nodded at him, not letting go of his hand until you got into the car. As soon as you and Shouta were in the car, Hizashi sped off.

“Heya listener, how did it go?” Hizashi asked out, peeking into the mirror looking back at you.

“I lasted longer than last year, so that’s a new record at least.” You joked, trying not to cry. At least not now, you had to make it until you were home and in bed, with your husband holding you close.

Hizashi talked most of the ride home, while Shouta kept glancing back at you. You tried to listen to what was being said, but you couldn’t focus, so you just looked out the window, slightly dozing off. You woke up to the feeling of being carried, your eyes adjusted as you saw Shouta was carrying you into the house and to the bedroom. On any other occasion, if he was carrying you like this you were bound to tease or crack a joke or something, but in this moment you just stayed in his arms, gripping onto him tightly. Once you both got to the bedroom, he helped you undress and slip on something comfy. After he finished helping you, he quickly changed and climbed into bed, pulling you close to him and holding you tightly.

For a while, you just laid there in his arms, fighting back the urge to scream and cry. Though, after he comforted you and let you know it was okay to be upset and that you could let it all out. In which you did, you sobbed in his chest for what felt like hours. You screamed and sobbed and let out all the feelings you bottled up for the few hours you were at the family gathering. Eventually, you ran out of tears to cry and were only left with your own thoughts. You were overthinking, mostly dwelling on the words your family spoke out to you this evening, and couldn’t help but question if it was true.

“Sho...I’ve got to ask you something, kind of important.” You gently pushed away and sat up in the bed, looking at him. He stared at you, and nodded, letting you know it was okay to continue on. You took a deep breath and went for it, “Am I enough for you? I brought a lot of baggage and trouble into our relationship and I know it can’t be easy for you dating me, specifically with the backlash and comments that get made by my family and others about me transitioning and just. If you were with anyone else, I feel like you won’t get all this drama and I’m sorry I’ve brought so much of it onto you Shouta.”

You watched as his facial expression changed and you quickly looked away, finding interest in anything that wasn’t his face, afraid of what his reaction not only meant but the words that were about to follow. “Y/N, please look at me.” You slowly looked up and he placed a hand on your cheek. “I love you Y/N. I love you for you, you are my husband and I won’t want anyone else besides me. You are more than enough for me. And we both have a lot of baggage but that doesn’t change my feelings for you, we can work through it all together. I meant what I said in my vows and at our wedding and I still stand by it. Forever and always.”

You fiddled with your fingers before speaking up, “I love you Shouta so much, I’m just afraid one day I won’t be enough, cause as silly as it is, I don’t feel masculine or manly enough, that you’ll find more of a ‘real’ man one day and just leave me behind.” Tears filled your eyes and you looked down, just wanting to hide under the blankets.

“Y/N Aizawa, you are absolutely masculine and manly enough. I will never find anyone else or more a man than you. You are all I want, and all I need. I love you so much, don’t ever doubt my love for you, cause it is never-ending sweetheart.” Shouta spoke out, lifting your head up and placing a small kiss on your forehead before pulling you into his arms, holding you close. You just stayed there close, as Shouta whispered sweet nothings into your ear as you drifted off to sleep.

Shouta always made the holidays more bearable, but he also made life in general easier. He made waking up a little easier and helped with your hectic thoughts to calm you down. He truly was the love of your life and the best you could ever ask for. You couldn’t have gotten any luckier to have a husband as sweet and perfect as you. He may not be the number one hero to the rest of the world, but in your eyes and his heart, he was, he was your number one hero.

the wishlist (m) - 4

“What does it mean if a guy talks about your nipples?”

> genre : smut, fluff

> pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (f)

> total words : 4.7k

> content/warnings : back at it again w/ the bff2l; one sided love, lot of pining; sextoys talk; explicit language; ambiguous infidelity ; awkwardness

previous - next

The issue is that Jungkook -and you're not a bitch for thinking that- is a little bit of an idiot.

He can be very smart. He can be wise and present unsuspecting resources and knowledge. He can teach you things you don't know anything about, figure out others you struggle to -but not during stressful times like for say an escape game because during those, he turns absolutely, utterly useless. 

But he is an idiot too. An idiot that sometimes shapes situations and conclusions and ideas in a very peculiar way that is very singular to him.

That’s precisely what happens then. He plays his role right, to its full extent, with great dedication and commitment. Except he missed a memo, misread the script and ends up playing a role that's not the one you planned for him. He believes that he’s your new adult toy provider (as if there is such a thing).

When you think he’s coming over to share a meal or play some game or binge-watch a series you promised to wait for him to experience together, he has a box hidden in his pocket or carried under his arm. 

He has the decency to not comment on it the first time around. He just set it down on the coffee table, between the bowl of chips and the one filled with guacamole. You see the logo on top of it. You recognize the design, reffined, minimalist with the pretty pastel matte colour. 

He probably identifies the shame and the annoyance on your face, painting your cheeks and reshaping your eyebrows, and doesn’t say anything. Simply smiles to himself and starts talking about the series’ new episode that’s about to start. 

It takes a lot of efforts, coming from you, to ignore the conspicuous object sitting just in front and in between you. But eventually, probably because more than a decade of friendship with this guy have grown impressive mind muscles on you, you manage to make abstraction of it. 

It just stops existing for a while until he leaves and you’re curious to see what’s inside. And again you have the same old intentions as before. The same ones.

You won’t use it. 

It’s curiosity. And it's fine for you to be curious because he’s the one buying it and gifting it to you. Why should you be blamed?

Freshly hopped in bed, just done reading the notice hanging over your face, you’re yawning and sending your eyebrows high in interest. Again you won’t use it but it sounds very interesting. That’s when you get a text from him.

Guk

So about the toy!

As if you were waiting for his explanation. As if the conversation got cut short and you were expecting him to pick it back up whenever possible.

You won’t entertain him.

You

I said not to buy me this.

Guk

You never said that! You said something about me being crazy but never about buying one again

Because you're mostly made of petty bitch material, you scroll higher quickly, wishing to find something, any text that would corroborate what you’re saying.

You don’t find anything though. Because you never actually told him to not buy you other toys by text, and now that you come to think of it, you probably never did out loud either because you didn’t fucking know that he would even consider doing so.

It’s not even Christmas anymore. It’s not your birthday. There’s even less of a valid reason for him to get you this therefore, of course, you did not explicitly warn him not to, you didn’t think it would be necessary.

You

It’s not even my fucking bday why???

Guk

I told you the lady at the shop

But who the hell is that lady?

Guk

She talked about a lot of products and they all seemed cool and because you liked the other one I thought I’d get you this one too

You

Jungkook

This simple response says a lot, you hope he can read between the pixels of his screen the desperation, the irritation, the frustration, the silent insults. 

Guk

Listen it’s super cool it's supposed to mimic the touch of a finger

Jungkook then proceeds to explain to you how it works. The original idea being a system with a tiny ball rolling under a silicon skin, to place on your clitoris to have the illusion of a finger's touch. And it’s interesting and innovative surely and sounds intriguing as in, you wonder if it’s accurate, but you’re tired and it seems like you’re wading in some sort of swamp you can’t escape from. There’s a fire burning your skin from your cheeks to your chest. You’re both hating this conversation and unwilling to just draw a final period to it. This asshole.

You

I can read

Guk

So you opened it already??

There’s a bunch of excited emojis that follows his last message and fill up the empty space your lack of response leaves. 

Why and how can he be so eager?

Here comes the delusional part of your brain. It’s a very wide, very deep hallway covered in bookshelves filled to the brim with stupid interpretations and beliefs and sometimes even memories you’ve shared with him. Often next to the laters are pinned an article from a teenage magazine or the jacket of a romance movie, specifically there to validate that yes, indeed, it must have meant something. 

The door of that corridor just creaked opened. You can discern the sound, you can feel the particular atmosphere without even having to take a step through. 

Is it really that normal to be so excited about that? For him? As a friend?

It’s the most frustrating part: you are friends. Friends who supposedly can tell each other everything. Friends who can ask each other anything. 

You should be able to talk about it. Just ask him. If there’s anything behind this whole mess, if he means to tell you something, if it’s wholly mindless, if there’s no hidden agenda.

It should be fine. There’s only trust and affection in this friendship. 

You are still too scared, you are terrified that he’d start linking dots, ask himself some new questions, potentially answer them himself, and have you all found out.

You'd have your barely well-worn cover thrown completely away. 

You send the blank emoji. The one with even the eyes closed. It summarizes your actual state pretty well, speechless, relatively annoyed. 

Guk

She said you could try it on other parts of your body too

Guk

At first

Guk

Like on your lips or your nipples

You want to die.

Now.

No, better, you wish to have never been born. 

Why is he talking about your nipples? Why?

And through all that, you still feel like something is wrong with you, along with your feelings. 

Turns out you are so overwhelmed by his clueless inadequacy, you need a good half an hour and a random shot of tequila to get through it. When it’s gone and exhaustion of a long day and alcohol have knocked nervousness and panic out, you fall asleep, forgetting about answering his outrageous last texts. 

“What does it mean if a guy talks about your nipples?”

Min's finger stops midair, above the cash register she's been working on. She needs a good minute to get back to her senses and while you wait, anxiety invades you. Maybe you should never have brought it up. 

But this question, the torturous thing is slowly killing you.

Min finally turns her head to you, eyes squinted and eyebrows drawn low. She sucks in her pretty red lips before opening them to start formulating, with it seems a certain struggle, an answer. 

“I don’t think I quite understand.”

It’s a pretty straightforward, relatively easy question. That’s what you'd want to say but you’ve reached the state of bashful regret and decide not to press it. Some things are better just left alone. 

“Who talked about your nipples?” She ends up asking the one thing you wished she wouldn’t because there is no way you’re giving his name. 

“Doesn’t matter.” You mumble, turning around slightly, getting back to the task you were here, paid, to do -wipe the shelves clean and not talk about your “““love””” life. 

“I think it does. You wanna know if it means something? Like the guy's into you?”

“Something like that.” Your cheeks are aflame now. No doubt about it. You silently curse at your manager who refuses that you don’t wear the ugly hat that holds your hair back because having a curtain of hair to hold behind, as a help to keep some of your remained, sparse dignity would have been peachy. 

“What did he say exactly?”

Silence. You’re not elaborating. She sighs, defeated. 

“Well, I suppose... he’s considered the fact that you have boobs. If it’s a straight guy, that’s a good sign, I guess?” She shrugs.

You don’t like the answer. It’s exactly what the wrong, defective part of your brain, the one directly wired to your heart, wanted to hear. 

She doesn’t even have the context, anyway. It doesn’t mean much, doesn’t hold much power in your court of sensibility. 

She stares at the side of your face, clearly attempting to drill holes in your head to try and find some answers. You’re awfully silent, have said too much yet not enough and she’s dying to know the whole story. You won’t give in and she can tell. There’s no way you’re sharing the whole thing. The most, probably, probative point of the whole story: the sex toys. It’d turn her into a devastating tsunami of nonsense and misinterpretation and drown you in its wake and you can’t, when you’re already struggling to stay afloat, allow that.

Tag list: @fangirls94 @realswimshaddy @safi4x @pnkd @somewhereinthestarss @kpopfandomftw @kai-kai-bookshelf @pasteljoonie @ggukkieland

A/N: Don’t forget to click on the next button on top, two parts are being posted simultaneously :)

BROKEN ROSES - DAMIJON

Summary: Damian hated Valentine’s day more than anything. Jon thought it was romantic, he wanted Damian to be able to appreciate the holiday just as much as him.

Warning: fluff, angst, mentions of blood and Damian beating up a thug while Jon’s a cutie. 

A/N: Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! I, much like Damian here, don’t like it very much but me and my mututals decided to do a little secret santa for Valentine’s day and I got Ms. @screennamealreadyused​ and went with a little Damijon 

I know it’s not my usual writing but I thought I would post it nonetheless, I hope you all enjoy! 

Word Count: 4k

Valentines Day had to be one of the silliest days of the year. 

It was simply an excuse for couples to get out for the night and go on a date or drop the kids off so parents could have a night to themselves. To put it lightly, it was just a day that forced pressure on boyfriends and girlfriends to waste money on chocolates and roses. Not to mention it left all those who were single feeling lonelier than ever. 

It wasn't like Christmas where you got to spend time with family or Halloween where you could dress up and go party. Even St. Patricks day was better than Valentine's Day. The holiday was something that was easy to dread as it rolled around each new year. Holiday, if you could even call it that. 

Maybe the reason that he hated it so much was because every couple he knew soaked up the twenty-four hours of pure romance. If they were truly in love, they'd spend every day of the year treating each other like they would on the fourteenth of February.

Single people everywhere found themselves alone in their room or making a desperate attempt at a bar to find someone for the night. It was pathetic, almost. Why should they feel the need to suffer just because they hadn't met their match yet? Why should those lucky enough to fall in love get to celebrate? Didn't they have enough already? 

The other reason he hated it so much was because he never had a reason to understand it. Never in love, never feeling loved by that one person that was supposed to mean everything to him. Never being brought flowers or gifts because someone was so head over heels in love that they wanted to express it in every way possible. 

Valentine's was just another day of crime-fighting and sore muscles. A night of saving couples from greedy thugs or saving young women who had the unfortunate of running into desperate men. A night of coming home with bruises and an empty room. A manor that was far larger for just three people. 

Selina was meant to drag Bruce out on some extravagant night in the town on Valentine's day. Dick and Kori had their own plans in San Francisco. Tim and Steph even wanted to go out on a date even if their relationship had been anything but stable at that point. Jason himself probably had some sort of plans to lounge around a bar until a woman joined his side. 

That left Damian home alone in a massive manor with no plans and a  heart filled with hatred. He'd spend another night of saving lives just to feel like something was missing in his own. There was always something missing. Something that kept him up at night wondering what the big deal about love really was. 

He dreaded the next day. 

"It's ridiculous! Why would anyone want to come up with such a silly way to spend your day?" Damian's cape snapped in the harsh winds. The cold winds felt as if it was cutting through his skin as he ran across rooftops. Another night of Gotham's winter, another night of taking down worthless thugs. 

His face burned with the cold. Joints sore as he jumped down the emergency stairs on the side of an old building when hearing screams. He could barely feel the hits on his knuckles when beating up the fool that tried to fight him instead of running. Only when he remained on the ground, blood pouring from his nose did Damian stop. 

"I think it's cute," Jon finally spoke up. The drastic change of Jon’s words and the scene before them nearly made Damian snicker. "Mom and Dad always go out on dates, he buys her flowers, makes breakfast. They've been doing it forever. How could you hate a day that's supposed to be filled with love?" 

"If true love really exists," Damian pulled his grappling gun from his belt and shot it up to the building ahead. He landed on top of the roof once more, waiting for his friend to join him. "Why does there need to be one day to express it? Why not every day?" 

"It is every day, Robin," Jon tried to explain. Trying to explain something like this to Damian was like talking to a brick wall. He refused to see the joy in it and wouldn’t admit that someone could love a little extra on a designated day. "When someone's in love every single day is dedicated to make them happy - even when you don't even realize that you're doing it. You don't get to see what someone's like when they're in love. Your parents..." 

Damian narrowed his eyes. There was love between Bruce and Talia, at one point in their loves. It was never true love - no, it was far from that. It was a love of power, strength. Nothing like how Clark and Lois were. If Bruce was lucky, he would finally have found that in Selina - or if he didn't fuck it up before he got the chance to find out. 

"It's idiotic." 

Damian would never admit that he was envious. There was no reason that he needed to waste time being in love, yet there were moments that he wondered what it would be like. The devotion that one had was something that wasn't forced or expected, it was gained over time willingly. 

Being in love was something that he wasn't trained for. His mother never taught him that growing old didn't have to be lonely. He didn't know what it was like to fall asleep next to someone he trusted or waking up just the same way. No one told him what it was like to be in love, and at that point, he didn't care. 

"It's romantic," Jon corrected. He should have known not to bring up the dya with Damian. If there was anyone in this world that was going to hate Valentine’s Day, it was him.  "You just don't want to agree because you've never been in love before." 

"And you have?" Damian scoffed. Jon might have been surrounded by love, but that didn't mean anything when it came to the real deal of it all. He hadn't experienced being in love just the same as Damian. Neither of them knew what it was like - so why did he feel the need to defend it so much? "What does a kid know about love?"

Jon's bottom lip curled into a pout. The cold air didn't seem to bite nearly as harshly as Damian's words. You didn't have to be old to experience love. Kids of all ages experience different kinds of love and all of them were just as valid. Damian, as badly as he didn't want to admit it, had experienced it too. 

It wasn't the same as true love - not like his parents or Dick and Kori or anyone else that he knew. True love didn't come from family, it came from finding yourself in another person. Sometimes, Jon wondered if he found that in Damian. 

><

The morning of the fourteenth, Damian woke up grumpy. He glared at the breakfast Alfred made for him and even more so at the red and pink scattered on every screen in Gotham city. The little sleep that he had gotten that night was poor, starting his day off bad enough as it was. It only got worse as it progressed. 

Surely the kids at his school would be excited throughout the entire day. He heard his classmates speak of their crushes or who they wanted to hand out cards to all week and it was beyond disgusting to hear about. He wanted no part of it, but by the giggles and gazes of most the girls in his class, he was bound to be. 

Damian scowled as he found yet another rose tucked away in his possessions. The entirety of the day he had found them. The first was in his locker at school. Just before the first period as he collected his books he had noticed it sitting on the top shelf. No note, no sign of breaking through the lock, just a singular rose. 

He saw the girls that fawned over him giggle at the sight of the flower. His guess that it had been from one of them and that they had asked a teacher to open it up to place it in. Loose petals fell through his books and his whole locker smelled of perfume. Without a word, he shoved it back in, hearing the crack of the stem from his aggression. 

The next had been in his desk at third-period class. He hadn't pulled it out, not wanting to give the satisfaction to whoever had put it there. They were going all in, he had to give them props for that. Nonetheless, he was still angered at the idea of someone falling into the scheme of Valentine's and putting its effects on him. 

Damian wasn't interested. At all. 

The third was one that had been tucked into his backpack. He wasn't sure how someone had gotten it there considering his bag had been with him for most of the day. It joined the rest of the broken flowers that were shoved in the back of his locker and not to be looked at again. 

Whoever had the silly idea that he had to be a pawn in this ridiculous holiday was going to suffer, greatly. Damian was not about to participate in the day's events of someone trying to either profess their love or admit a crush. He wanted no part of any of it - especially on that specific day. 

The ruined roses were scrunched up in his hand as he walked towards the car that Alfred was to drive him home in. Red petals trailed behind him. Alfred was standing just outside the car, waiting for Damian to arrive. His eyes were glued to the flowers, curious about where they had come from. 

"A secret admirer, Master Damain?" Alfred cocked an eyebrow. Damian said nothing, though the scowl on his face grew - even more so when the back door was opened for him only to reveal yet another. It rested on the leather interior, this time a small note attached to it as well. 

"What's this, Pennyworth? Who put that there?" 

"I'm afraid I don't know, I've been standing here this whole time," Alfred had been just as confused as Damian. How had someone managed to sneak into the car while he was standing right there? The young boy hesitated before snatching the note off the seat - likely it was from the same person who had scattered them around all day to find. 

However, the paranoid side of him was ready to believe that it was one of his enemies trying to forsake him. The note was typed, no clear sign of who could have left it. If Damian was weary enough, he could run it for fingerprints back at the cage, however, after reading it, he believed it to simply just be the same secret admirer he had all along. 

Happy Valentine's Day, Damian! I hope your day was filled with love <3 xx

Damian cringed at the typed heart. If someone wanted to tell him of their feelings, they should say it to his face rather than these cryptid roses - and most importantly on any other day of the year. He wouldn't accept it. 

><

Damian grumbled as he walked through his empty home. Just as expected, it had been cleared of all residents, leaving him by himself on the ever so blessed, Valentine's Day. His ribs were wrapped from his night of patrol, a bruise just under his eye, and his ankle was sore from a bad landing. 

The entirety of his night out he had been saving unfortunate couples, finding a plethora of flowers shoved in trash cans, and many retched window views. He was fine without Bruce for the night, though he would admit that activity was higher than usual. Damian's body ached from the extra hits he had gotten, even after his hot shower. 

A poorly made sandwich was held between his teeth as he scrolled through the tablet in his hands. Bruce's location was halfway across the city, just as it had been the whole night. Whatever he and Selina were up to that night, he wanted no part of knowing. 

Besides, his mind had been preoccupied with the roses that he had received that day. They were scattered on his desk, only one of them remaining fully intact. It wasn't that he was curious as to why they were sent to him - it was obvious being the Wayne heir and all. However, he hadn't talked to anyone at his school for them to put in this much effort for him. 

The whole night that he was out he was distracted by who had gotten him the roses. Damian had become even more annoyed at the secret admirer. 

A tapping came from his window. Damian took another bite of his sandwich and tossed the tablet onto his bed. The dimly lit room made it hard to see who was knocking on his window this late at night, though there were only so many people that could get into the manor's grounds anyway. 

Familiar blue eyes and a mop of black hair that didn't resemble his father's grinned at him. Damian rolled his eyes but opened the locked window for his friend to enter. 

"Isn't it past your bedtime, Kent?" Damian scoffed. It was already nearing dawn, whatever he showed up in Gotham for had to have been important. Usually, it was Damian making late-night trips to the Kent farm to drag Jon somewhere, this had been a strange turn of events that he had to admit he hadn't expected. 

Jon pulled himself into the room. He rubbed his hands together, cold after waiting outside for longer than he would like to admit. His eyes immediately met the broken roses on Damian's desk. A frown grew on his face at the thought of Damian ruining the flowers the moment they were in his palm. 

He picked up the broken roses as Damian threw on a sweater. The blast of air that had entered his room left him chilled. Besides, he didn’t need Jon to see the bruises that he had gotten that night. Whenever he saw Damian injured it always had him worried. 

"You broke them," Jon's jaw trembled. A beautiful piece of nature that had been wilted with death. Damian was just the same. A beautiful soul that had been raised in horrendous ways leaving him tainted with darkness. He deserved better, just as the roses had. 

"Some fool left them in my possessions," Damian rolled his eyes. He returned to the tablet, this time looking at the news that he had missed while he was out. Jon stared hopelessly at the roses. The once beautiful petals, now crushed and missing. Maybe broken flowers were a clear sign to a broken heart. 

Jon felt his own fall with the weight of Damian's grudge. He should have known better than to leave mysterious flowers on the one day of the year that Damian hated the most. Why would he believe that he would actually care - or even more so believe that it was him. There was no love in him on that day. 

Hell, it was hard to believe that there was any love in him on half the days. 

"Fool," Jon scoffed to himself. Nothing but a fool to Damian, even without knowing that it was him that left the roses. His eyes sealed shut, tears brimming against his lids but refusing to let them fall. He could have easily walked away from this. Jon could have not told Damian that it was him that left the flowers, that he was the helpless fool that had fallen in love with his best friend. 

Walk away and no one gets hurt. Walk away, and hide his feelings forever. Jon was tired of hiding everything about himself. He couldn't tell people that he was the son of Superman. He couldn't use his powers in front of people without them figuring out that he was Superboy. He couldn't even tell his best friend the nature of his true feelings. 

Maybe he was a fool. 

"Someone went through the time and effort to give you these and you couldn't even care less?" Jon set the roses back on the desk. His arms crossed over his chest as he stared down at Damian. He only shrugged. "How can your heart be so filled with hate when all people do is give you love?!" 

Damian's eyes narrowed. Jon might have been vocal about his spontaneous plans when out in the field, but not like this when they were stuck in civvies. Whatever got him upset like this must have been important. 

"Why do you care?" 

"Because you never accept when people want to care for you!" Jon threw his arms up. "You always try to make it out like you don't need anyone, there's nothing wrong with needing someone! Even Batman needs his friends and family so why can't you just admit that you don't want to be alone all the time?" 

"I'm perfectly capable of being on my own, clearly. Attachments are simply a way of holding me back," Damian got defensive. He stood up and jabbed a finger at Jon's chest. The last kind of lecture that he needed was one about love. Love was the last thing on his mind when he lived the life of Robin right alongside the Bat. "Attachments hold everyone back, it's a weakness." 

"Attachments, love, it's what gives people strength, Damian" Jon thought just like his own father. Love was what kept him human, love was what reminded him to never cross that line no matter what. It should have been the same that kept Damian from crossing that line once again. Instead, he took after his own father thinking that he could do everything on his own. 

"I'm tired of looking at you and only seeing a broken boy who's scared to love someone. I'm terrified that you're going to forget that there's people in this world that care for you and you're going to make a sacrifice that you can't come back from! You're more than just a mask Damian, you're a friend, a brother! You're a son.

"Stop thinking that you have to do it all on your own. You're not a grown-up, you don't need to grow up alone. You have Bruce, your brothers... you have me, Damian. You'll always have me, even if you don't want to admit it." 

Damian was silent. His thoughts were like a maze trying to figure out just the right path that would lead to the meaning behind all of Jon's words. The outburst, the sadness at his roses, the fear in his eyes that he had when mention the thought of losing Damian forever. 

Jon had left the roses. 

Jon Kent. His best friend, partner against crime, the one person outside his family that he could trust. He had left the roses for Damian throughout the day and was forced to listen to him bash the idea of it all. Horror struck his face, not for the fact that he had left him, but that he had completely insulted the idea of the broken roses. 

Why did Jon leave them to begin with? To try and prove a point about Valentine's day? Did he plan to do it before even knowing about Damian's opinions about the holiday? If he didn't, what was his motive? 

Damian felt like a fool. He was the son of the world's greatest detective, how did he not know that it was the one person he was closest to? He should have paid more attention at Gotham Academy, maybe then he would have seen Jon sneaking around. 

"Why did you leave them?" Damian asked in a quiet voice. The silence that had occurred between them was borderline painful. Jon had been anxious about what Damian was thinking about and he was right to. How could he expect that he wouldn't figure it out. 

Jon trembled. His hands shook at his sides, breath shaky. Everything could be ruined. A spontaneous idea that was brought to life out of love could be ruined with hate. He couldn't lose Damian, not now, not ever. He meant to0 much to him. 

"I wanted to give you a reason to feel loved on Valentine's Day." It was the partial truth. He did want Damian to see that the day wasn't a reason to hate, it was a reason to love, to feel love or to give it. Jon couldn't bring himself to say the words so desperate to escape his throat. 

"I wanted you to see that you didn't have to hate on a day that was meant to be filled with so much love. You deserve love just as much as anyone else Damian, I hate seeing you think otherwise. You're not broken, you're human. It's okay to feel things. Do you know how hard it is to know that the person you love doesn't want to be loved?"

Jon's voice cracked. Tears welled in his eyes as he watched Damian's emotionless face set in stone. Weak fists hit his chest. Damian grabbed his fists before they could hit his chest again. His grip wasn't rough, though his eyes still held no feeling. 

"I'm sorry," Jon whispered, head hung low. There was no reason for him to feel sorry, he had done nothing wrong. Yet, under the judging gaze of Robin, he felt the need to apologize for expressing himself. However, it wasn't just his own behavior. He felt the need to apologize that Damian had grown up without love, that he believed that he wasn't capable of such a primal emotion. 

Damian dropped Jon's fists. There was a moment that he thought that he was going to pull away. Damian threw his arms around Jon, pulling him tight against his chest. Though he was more confused than ever, he knew one thing: he cared for Jon, always. 

"Broken roses for a broken person." Damian had never seen himself as broken. He was born to be the best, to be undefeated. He was born to lead, to be the best warrior that the world had seen. Coming to Gotham, one of the worst cities in the county, he had found that maybe he was broken. 

Jon was right, he had been raised to see love as a weakness. Love was nothing but a hostage and he wasn't about to fall in a trap. Damian loved his mother, his father. He reluctantly loved his brothers, but it wasn't the same kind of love that Jon was talking about. 

One day he would understand what it was like to be in love. One day he would accept that love wasn't something to be scared of, it was something to embrace. Damian would know what it was like to be in love, just as his parents, his brothers, his friends. 

"You're not broken," Jon repeated. His fists gripped into Damian's shirt as he accepted the hug. Warm breath fanned against the older boy's neck that sent a chill down his spine. His instinct told him to move, to get away and remain safe. His heart told him that he was safe. 

He was broken. A hopeless boy that didn't know what love was. However, if there was one person that would show him the way, the right way, it was Jon. His roses that day were broken and missing petals. Thorns pricked anyone that decided to come near. 

Broken roses could be just as beautiful when the right person found a way to avoid the thorns. 

-

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💀Wed 28 Oct ‘20🏡

Zayn is back, Louis has pink hoodies (sort of), Liam is tik tokking like a pro, Harry feeds fish, Simon Cowell’s surgery recovery has stalled and is going poorly (great! couldn’t have happened to a more deserving human), but we’ve got too much real news to waste anymore time on that asshole! 

We ended last night with ZAYN SINGING TO US!! Beautiful black and white footage of beautiful Zayn and his perfect voice; he shows us little snippets of himself crooning James Bay's Hold Back the River and Paolo Nutini's Last Request (not for the first time on this one, he did this song before in the lead up to Icarus Falls... more on that in a minute) while reading lyrics off his phone, captioned 'Cover Sessions.' Good god but I have missed his ethereal warbling! The post alone is an unexpected blessing and a gift but the implied promise of more to come?? YES PLEASE I CANNOT WAIT. Some wonder if it could be for a Spotify Sessions, others are screaming about how Icarus Falls' drop was preceded by weeks of black and white cover song videos on instagram (when asked at that time if he was releasing something he said “yes why else do you think I'd be on here singing for you??” LOL, adore this man, but also, hello!) Anyway yesterday we got not only music and the promise of more to come, but also interaction! He chatted in comments, offering a coy 'maybe' to a comment saying 'acoustic', posting laugh cry emojis at his own jokes (“no YOU stop”), and sending love back to his happy zquad, who were of course overwhelmed and over the moon. He's cut his hair off but with all he's given us today can we be sad? It's a small price to pay. James Bay reposted the cover of his song-- “nice one man x.”

Then, Louis officially dropped his Kill My Mind Lyric drop (on the 28th!!!):  the lyric being represented is “the devil in my brain”, and it is indeed a skull with a tophat over a cauldron. The new stuff features the cute little logo embroidered on various black cold weather wear items (including a sweater!) and says 'lyric drop 2' inside the collar of the shirts. BUT! There’s more! We’ve got some more wavy walls hoodies in pink lettering, as well as fuzzy red lettering and a marble red and pink design. Love it! However, it was discovered that this new merch does not ship to India or LATAM (except Costa Rica) and honestly?? RUDE!! Louis’ LATAM fans are the FUCKING BEST (no I’m not biased wdym???). They do, however, ship to Vatican City for some reason so catch the Pope in his Walls merch! Louis did respond to this issue on twitter, though, and said, “I’ll get more info on this ASAP. Anywhere else?” so dioceses all over the world will soon be able to rock out in their KMM merch. Celebtm also came back for round three to tell everyone that they were removing themselves from the narrative until January (good riddance), but not before leaving a message from Michael Straus (ugh) to Louis and his “son” (the quote marks are theirs, not mine, in case you’re wondering where they stand on the issue). Straus’ last hurrah included claims that Briana gets a direct deposit from Louis (or his team) on the first of every month, spends it all immediately and is left destitute for the rest of the month, and that neither Briana nor Freddie have health insurance. He then offered to help Louis get custody of Freddie. Um, right. I’m sure his help would be invaluable. Also, we all agree that he’s a liar and likely doesn’t know shit and is trying to make himself seem like the hero instead of the gross misogynist he is right? 

A story was also released about Harry’s car breaking down in the UK over the summer. He did what anyone would do (I suppose?) and knocked on someone’s door to see if they could help. Well, it turns out their daughter is a fan, so they invited him in for a cup of tea, and allowed him to snoop around her room. They even took a picture of him feeding her goldfish! The photographer who took the picture is (coincidentally?) a professional, who has worked with Kasey Musgraves before. The fan did not get to meet him, but he signed her album, and left her a note promising to meet her at a concert, which he would be inviting them to. Harry has done some other cool things in the last few days (being politically active IS cool), and has started filming DWD in Palm Springs. He was spotted by a fan (though no pictures were released) and he signed her phone cover - it reads “Golden” with a little heart. 

Harry also ignited discourse by *shuffles papers,scratches head in confusion* his endorsement of Joe Biden? Well, there were a few layers to this condemnation. The first were the people who... thought he might be a Trump supporter and were disappointed that he was not? Well, uh, clearly they have not been paying close attention, because this man has been seen this year in a BLM rally, has shouted “fuck Boris, fuck the government”, and has waved multiple different pride flags (including the trans flag!) at his concerts. IDK how that screamed Trump supporter to some people. And then there were the people who were angry that he captioned the tweet “I would vote with kindness”. The words I have seen thrown around are “disingenuous” “privileged” and “this is not enough.” Well! Harry has often been criticized for encouraging fans to simply “vote” without talking specifics; now he's endorsed a candidate, just as requested! And while no one actually LIKES Biden there is no question (in any world except absurd fandom wank circles) that this endorsement is the correct one out of the viable candidates. He is not saying that Biden is himself kind, which yes would be weird, he is saying that voting for Biden is the kinder choice and you know what? He is correct. If you think that we at 1ddotd are gonna condemn him for taking a stance against a fascist, uh, THINK AGAIN!

It was confirmed that Liam’s mystery collab is Dixie D’Amelio, of tik tok fame, and I’m going to refrain from commenting until I hear the song! Liam continues to lean into both Christmas and Halloween by doing his spooky tik toks and NOT putting jump scare warnings in ANY OF THEM, thanks so much for that one Liam, love it loads! His fun, spooky, dorky ones (in full AWESOME looking makeup thanks to MUA Abby Roberts who’s quickly becoming a regular) are amazing though, and I will miss it when Halloween is over. And Niall was on the Elvis Duran show, mid-golf game with his cousin actually, to talk about them about his concert, the venue, the cause (calling his crew “like family”), and calling out the government (go Niall!)! He ALSO took to twitter and said, “I wish I could vote”. He would also not be voting for Trump, in case anyone actually needs that spelled out.

Good Omens - “Risks and Consequences” (Rated PG13)

Summary: Crowley surprises Aziraphale with a surprise skating excursion on Christmas night during a suspicious snowstorm. (1436 words)

Read on AO3.

“You do enjoy shoving me headfirst out of my comfort zones. Don’t you, my dear?” Aziraphale asks, warily watching his husband strap a stiff black boot to his foot. 

“Poppycock,” Crowley grumbles, struggling to unknot long laces he accidentally macramed while attempting to navigate the rows of eyelets and hooks. “Consider this an adventure.”

“This is certifiable! You do know that?”

“How? You’re an angel! What on Earth could happen to you?”

“A great many things, I imagine,” Aziraphale replies. It’s a thin response. Crowley can tell Aziraphale has a thought, a vivid one, of something plausible. 

Something that has him concerned. 

Crowley stops messing with the skate and looks into Aziraphale’s face. Aziraphale's gaze ducks and dodges, bouncing from his hands to his knees to other random things inside the confines of Crowley’s Bentley. But Aziraphale can’t avoid Crowley’s gaze, nor Crowley himself, for too long. “Sometimes, I feel as if, one of these days, I’m going to snap my fingers, and nothing will happen. Heaven will have found a way to make me mortal or …”

“Or abandoned you altogether?”

Aziraphale nods sadly. “Yes.”

“I get those thoughts, too, sometimes,” Crowley admits, going back to fixing his angel’s skate. “Too often, really. Which probably explains why you use your magic so rarely, and I use mine all the time.”

“You’re always double-checking."

“And you’d rather not know.”

“Losing my powers wouldn’t be the worst part. Inconvenient, yes, but not terrible. Abandoned by Heaven …” Aziraphale's words drift off, but their meaning lingers, clinging to Crowley's heart and building like the snow outside their windows.

Crowley winks at his husband, trying to get him to smile, to laugh, to roll his eyes and groan Oh Lord! “It’s not so bad ..."  

“... once you get used to it. So you keep telling me,” Aziraphale teases, gifting his husband with the tiniest of grins, gone all too swiftly. “Are you truly afraid of being abandoned by Hell?”

"Ngk ..." Crowley’s shoulders bounce a shrug back and forth as he thinks over his answer “... nah. Not really. They've already tried to exterminate me once, haven't they? It’s the consequences that come with it that would really suck: being mortal, having no powers, growing old …” Crowley’s eyes meet Aziraphale’s - melancholy blue eyes exposing those same fears, a subject his angel hasn’t felt comfortable bringing up before tonight. He still doesn’t seem comfortable with it, tight-lipped as an oyster. “But let’s not talk about that now,” Crowley suggests. “Tonight is for having ridiculous amounts of fun. Stirring up a little mayhem.”

“We’re going to get into trouble,” Aziraphale laments. “With the humans, I mean.”

“Nonsense. They'll never even know we were here."

“There are security cameras everywhere!”

“When was the last time you got caught doing anything on CCTV? It would be all over the Internet if you had! I'll fix it. You'll see.”

“By wasting another miracle? Or do you have a small army of rodents positioned on light poles, waiting to do your bidding?”

“Besides,” Crowley continues, overlooking the jab at what was one of his more masterfully executed, if not elaborate, schemes, “I’m not sure this is actually illegal. As long as we abide by all traffic laws and posted speed limits.”

“Where did you even get this idea?”

“From YouTube. The youths do it - barrel down frozen roads wearing bicycle helmets and hockey skates.”

"You're getting your evil ideas from children?" Aziraphale tuts. “Aren’t you supposed to be the bad influence? Not the other way around?”

“No shame in finding inspiration outside your own head.”

“Yes, well, I hope you skate better than you drive.”

“Oi! I am an excellent driver!”

“I know two rabbits and a squirrel who might disagree with you.”

“That wasn’t my fault! You’d think they’d know to get the Hell outta the way of a moving vehicle!”

“Speaking of which, we’re going to get hit by a car.”

“What car?” Crowley stops fiddling with Aziraphale’s skate to wipe down a fogged window and take a look around. Beneath the glow of the street lamps, he sees nothing but snow - a veil of flakes wafting down from the sky, pushed into swirls by the frigid wind. “No one’s out here! It’s three in the bloody morning after one of the worst storms London has had in years! You’d have to be insane to be outside!”

“My thoughts exactly,” Aziraphale mutters. “Bit early for a storm like this though, isn’t it?”

“Uh … maybe,” Crowley says, abruptly returning to his task. 

“London isn’t due for snow until January.”

“Is that so? Strange.”

Aziraphale's brow furrows as he watches his husband focus intensely on basically nothing. “Crowley …”

“Wot?”

“Are you responsible for this?”

"Wot would make you think that?"

"Crowley. Look at me."

Crowley's head slowly lifts, eyes aimed everywhere but Aziraphale's face. At one point, he even closes them, assuming that, behind his dark lenses, Aziraphale won't notice. 

But Aziraphale does notice. Even if Crowley were speaking to him from a completely different room, Aziraphale would notice.

Because, for a demon, Crowley happens to be an atrocious liar.

“It’s Christmas night!" Crowley pleads, unable to hold back any longer. "The perfect time for a lock-yourself-indoors-and-get-sloshed sort of snowstorm, a'right?"

“So why are we not inside getting sloshed then?”

“Because this is something I’ve wanted to do for a while! And I was gettin' tired of waiting for Mother Nature to accommodate. Plus, with climate change and global warming, nothing's guaranteed, is it?” Crowley moves on from Aziraphale's right foot and begins sliding his reluctant left foot into its skate. “Live a little!” 

“I aim to live a lot, which specifically requires avoiding activities such as this." Aziraphale pauses his complaining to watch Crowley work, beyond curious what was going on inside his husband's demonic mind when he hatched this plan. "So," he says, working through the mystery out loud, "you conjured up a snowstorm, froze the streets, are in the process of strapping these awful contraptions to my feet ... would you like to tell me why?”

"Do I have to?"

"It would be nice."

"I'm a demon. I'm not nice."

"Crowley ..."

“Alright! It's because I wanted us to be together like this." 

"Like what?"

Crowley sighs. "Like humans. And do the stupidly wonderful things humans do when they’re in love: take moonlit strolls, hold hands, kiss in the rain, all that sappy shite. Humans go skating at Christmas! It's, like, number three on their list of Yuletide activities. It's almost a requirement! Even if they can't stand steady in regular shoes, they go skating. And they cling to one another, and they laugh, and they kiss, and I … I didn't want to take the chance that if I waited, I might miss ..."

Nothing's guaranteed, Aziraphale thinks as he watches Crowley sink in on himself, head bowed over Aziraphale's feet, curling as if he wants to disappear. And Aziraphale begins to understand. 

Crowley has been a ball of anxious energy for as long as Aziraphale can remember. Aziraphale doesn't blame him. Crowley has been tiptoeing through minefields since the beginning - making innocent mistakes and paying huge prices for them. As supernatural entities, it's easy to get lulled into the false sense of security that nothing bad can happen to you. 

But that's not true. 

Not at all true.

Because even a demon and an angel with magical powers aren't anywhere near the top of the food chain.

Crowley destroying Ligur with Holy Water proved that.

So did his belief that Aziraphale had been extinguished by Hellfire.

The fact that he hadn't been didn't prove Crowley wrong.

Hellfire would most definitely annihilate his angel from the face of the planet.

Crowley and Aziraphale helped save Earth for humanity, but every day, the humans work harder and harder towards their own destruction.

Nothing's guaranteed. 

Not for anyone.

"If you don’t want to go skating, that’s fine. I know it’s risky. Probably the last way in the world you’d want to discorporate."

"I can think of worse ways," Aziraphale says with a chuckle.

"We can go back to your bookshop, make hot cocoa, listen to your gramophone or ... or something.”

“The biggest risk I’ve taken is sitting right here with me. And that’s worked out so far. For 6000 years, as a matter of fact. I don’t mind taking another one. Just … try not to let me fall.” 

“Just hold on tight.” Crowley scoots down the bench towards his husband and wraps his arms around him. “I promise I won’t let you fall.”

Mr. Lawyer (2) - N. Horan Imagine

thanks so much for everybody’s support on “Mr. Lawyer”! after a whopping FIVE requests for a part two were sent to me, i felt it was only right for the story to continue and (maybe?) end on a happier note ? who knows ?? guess you’ll have to read and find out. here it is, part 2 of “Mr. Lawyer”

It had been a total of one week since her fight with Niall and due to her “failure of having an established online presence” (Y/N thinks of it more as an accomplishment) she had been named “Mystery Woman” by every celebrity gossip site that acquired the photos. In her younger years, Y/N never pursued the idea of posting “candid” photos portraying some nonexistent life she had seen most people claim to have. It was never in her disposition to be in the spotlight, something which her 24-year-old self was grateful for. It helped her maintain her confidence and focus on other aspects of her personal life like her work.

 Another thing she had taken for granted in her time of ignorance was the age of her boss, who was wise enough in her years to not seek out entertainment news on her television and guiltily watch it, and also take notice in how Y/N displayed herself in the office.

Her boss sought for people like her, Y/N discovered through an email her boss sent replying to the girl’s sudden ask of a week off due to “personal reasons” she would rather not explain but clued an injury in her excuse. Despite the vagueness of the plead, her boss commended her honesty and work ethic when giving her approval. Needless to say, the conversation concluded much better than the girl had imagined, and made her spirits lift somewhat. But the seven days of solitude were hard. On the first day, she woke up with her cheeks tight from dried tears and runny mascara. The swollen ankle complemented the look and also helped Y/N confirm that the night prior did indeed happen. She wasted the day on her couch with a bottle of wine, replaying the memories until they all became fuzzy and blended like that of a fever-dream one could not wake up from.

Day two was where she began questioning why it was so important for Niall to keep his identity such a secret. She remembers his answers to her that night, still. She could hear every twinge hitting his heart as he spoke his apology and gave his reasoning. Looking at all of the photos of both of them on her phone was unnecessary when her brain held every moment for her. The picture Niall took of her in a white button-down of his, panties just peeking out beneath and his mid-calf socks sagging down her ankles at she posed with one of his few very nicely made guitars. When they spent Christmas early at his house and exchanged gifts and kisses under a mistletoe, the camera on her phone caught glass-encased records Y/N never thought to mention, let alone paid any mind to.

She remembers a particular morning waking up to the sound of Niall humming a particular melody she secretly recorded solely because of how angelic the notes sounded with the water pattering against the porcelain to harmonize with it. She could not clear it from her head for the rest of the day and, upon bringing it up to him later on, Y/N recalls the shrug and innocent smile he gave when he told her he “made it up.”

By the end of the night, she was blaming herself for not seeing the signs sooner.

On the fourth day, she discovers that the photos of the debacle could not hide from everybody. Her mother called her that day to scold her, saying she had to find out what her own daughter’s boyfriend looked like through a Facebook post. When the expected questioning of why she was on the cover of a magazine at a grocery store was asked, Y/N lost all answers for herself and hung up the phone with a meek excuse to “explain later.”

The following day, her friend begins texting her incessantly with an update on why she thought Niall looked so familiar when she sent a photo to her a few days ago. At first, Y/N could only chuckle and shake her head, riposting if her friend had gotten in trouble with the law recently. Her friend sent a question mark back and went on to say she does not remember where she saw him. Now she was sending links to his music videos she happened to stumble upon that morning.

It was painful, but she watched them. She bought his album with little regret and listened to every single song, and then kept the most somber one she could find on repeat until her phone ran out of battery.

The week flew by fast, but Y/N could not say she was not thankful. She felt it was a sign of the world that her sulking was over. That morning, she felt that a regular at-home cup of coffee would not do and decided to start the week off right with her usual at the small café near her apartment. It felt like déjà vu walking through the door and hearing the small bell lightly tinkle above her. She was stood in line for five minutes, wearing a tee-shirt of another oldies band her little cousin would decree “vintage” when a tap arrived unannounced to her shoulder. She spun around, and the man behind her sent a kind smile and compliment her clothing shirt. Though the accent was still distinct, it was all too similar and had Y/N’s heart beating faster.

He was unbridled in his advances, asking what would seem like too soon to a watchful stranger if she was single. Normally, at seven in the morning on a Saturday (coffee or not), she would be firm in her stance and spew an answer out with no hesitation and regrets. But Y/N would be lying through her teeth to say that it went that way. It went quite the opposite actually and ended with Y/N stumbling over her words and managing to sputter out how her situation was “complicated.” It was so unlike her to answer even she was unsure of and left the girl asking herself in her spot if she had been sucked into a different dimension that night her love life all went to shit.

The man somehow convinced her to spare a few more minutes of her time as the two waited for their drinks after ordering. She composed her thoughts and better explained then that she had just broken it off with someone. She was going to mention that the “breaking it off” part might be temporary but was still jammed on where she stood with the situation. Hell, Niall had not made any form of contact with her since that night, so how is she to know if he is finding himself in the same place?

“I understand completely. Sorry if I was a bit forward back there, it’s just…”

“No, it is okay I get it. And if I weren’t so conflicted with things right now, I would probably say yes to date with you, but—”

Then, Y/N was floored as the man before her began to laugh. It was a combination of hysterics and a bit obnoxious in its tone, which left Y/n with furrowed eyebrows.

“Oh, no.” He held his hand up to her. “Do not get the wrong idea…”

“Y/N.”

“Y/N, I am already with somebody.” Once again, her forehead creased, and she was befuddled. “I am asking for a friend. He is kind of in the slumps at the moment because of this girl…it kind of sounds like you and him are in the same boat. I’ve been trying to see if any of my friends were up for meeting the guy and help him get over her—”

“By a one-night stand with a stranger,” She scoffs, disbelief now coating her face. “I hate to break it to you, but that is not how you mourn a relationship.” Y/N rolls her eyes and begins to pivot to see how much progress had been made on her drink.

“No, no! It is not like that at all, trust me! I just…I feel like just meeting somebody would take his mind off of it. Even if it does not go anywhere, the lad could use another friend. Especially one who understands what he is going through at the moment. And Y/N, you’re ticking every single box right now!

“What do you mean?” She spins around to face him. “As far as I know the only thing we have in common is our relationship status.”

“I happen to know he loves classic rock, specifical bands such as these.” One of his hands rise to the sleeve of your shirt and pinches the cloth, giving it a small tug.

“That all?”

“Well, you’re both pretty stubborn, too.” He murmurs. Y/N raises her eyebrows and sends a scoff in his direction. Before a biting comment could slip from you, your name was called. The man stayed nearby as you met the barista at the register for your total. As she reached for her pocket, she lets a few swears out beneath her breath from the absence of her wallet. The man notices this and swoops in immediately with his card in his hand.

“I got it—"

“No, forget about it.” Y/N interjects, turning to him. “You don’t have to do that.”

“No, I do actually.” He hands the barista his card before you could reject his offer once again. “Because you’re gonna do something for me.” He says, a satisfied smile gracing his lips as he pockets his card back into his wallet.

“Excuse me?” “Look, I’ll be having a get together at my house this weekend. Nothing big, just a few mates of mine coming over. But my friend is going to be there, so you need to come so I can introduce you.”

“Why would I agree to that?” Your hand wraps around the warm cup and brings it up to your chest.

“Because you seem like an honest gal. Someone who would return a favor and keep her word.” The compliment was sincere as far as she could tell. A few moments of silence fell between the two, and Y/N found her eyes bouncing between two-floor tiles in contemplation.

“This guy? Would…would you say he’s an honest person?” She was hesitant in her question, but the idea kept captivating her. As much as she wanted to deny it, she knew tonight would be no different than the last seven. She would still hear Niall’s laugh echoing in her head, and images of him flashing through her dreams in her sleep. None of the old methods she resorted to in college are working for her anymore.

“He’s the most truthful person I know.” Y/N looked up into the man’s gray eyes, swimming with hope. She wanted to feel like that again.

“What’s your name?”

“Lewis…Capaldi.” He answers. Y/N nods at the new information.

“Okay Lewis…” she proffers her free hand to him. “I’ll meet him. This one night only.”

“That’s all he’ll need, I swear.” Lewis exchanges his phone number with her, and without any further questions, they departed.

By the weekend, Y/N was finding herself flooded in regrets. She felt like she was betraying Niall in some way, despite no clear definition being set on their relationship since their quarrel. Tears were pricking her eyes on her drive to Lewis’s house at the thoughts of how hypocritical she was being. Not even two weeks ago had she blamed her boyfriend for not being honest and hiding from her, and here she was driving to a stranger’s house to meet a potential partner.

She knew that the information of Niall doing the same would make her ballistic with heartbreak. Even more, than she was feeling at this current point in time. Why in the world did she think this would be a good idea? She was only minutes away from Lewis’s front door when she hurriedly pulled over to the nearest gas station. Her hands were choking the steering wheel with strength so great her knuckles were becoming pale. Her heart was pacing erratically and felt uncontrollable. Screams were trying to crawl their way out of her throat, but she was determined to keep pushing them down with each nervous gulp. 

She had not felt this panicked since she excused herself to the restroom at the dinner place. She remembers the counter’s hard edge left deep, red lines in her palms from how hard she was gripping them, and she had to continuously throw her head back for fifteen minutes to keep the tears balancing in her eyelids from trickling down her face.

Maintaining her breathing was difficult, and almost seemed impossible when Lewis began ringing her cellphone. Her eyes locked on the small clock on the radio. She was nearly fifteen minutes late to a get-together she promised to be present at.

She answered the call, shaky hands, and a lump in her throat. She could only hope Lewis would do most of the talking throughout the call.

“Hey, you’re still coming over right?” He sounded urgent.

“Yeah...well—actually maybe not.” Y/N squeaked out in her shaky breaths. Lewis’s “what” was demanding and gave her the feeling of a child disappointing a parent.

“It’s just—I feel so…this doesn’t seem like a good idea, Lewis. I mean, I haven’t even spoken to the guy and he probably doesn’t even know I’m coming over.”

“Of course, he doesn’t! If I told him he wouldn’t have agreed to come over. But he’s starting to cave…been trying to call this girl all night and we’ve had to check on him and keep him distracted. You need to come over, please Y/N! We made a deal! Please, just five minutes. That’s all I’m askin’ of ya.”

Y/N bit her lip, unsure of how to respond. In her haste of guilt and impulsive movements, she ended the call with Lewis and tossed her phone into the passenger seat. Her hand reached to clutch the stick and her phone began vibrating again. It was face-up, illuminating the car with a photo of Niall’s face.

Her hand reached over and declined the call.

She put the car in reverse.

The fourth ring was interrupted with the sound of a voice asking to leave a message. Niall muttered a small “fuck it.” He rose from the couch, refusing to pay attention to the football match displayed on the large television his other friends were entranced in. His figure meandered into the kitchen silently, where he found Lewis glancing down to his phone.

“Hey man, I think I’m going to head out—”

“What?” Lewis looked up from his face, observing Niall’s uninterested expression. “No, come on lad, you got to stay longer. I just…ordered pizza!” His downtrodden mood did not keep a small chuckle from leaving Niall.

“Okay…I can come next weekend for pizza. I just don’t feel well, tonight.”

“Look, lad. I know some girl broke your heart but if she turned you down then clearly she was not worth it.”

“No, she was. She still is.” Niall claims, a stern tone overcoming his voice as his blue eyes pierce into Lewis, the mild irritation in them becoming apparent. They drop a few moments later, along with his hard expression softening. “I was an idiot.”

“Okay, I know that was not right of me to say since I do not know what happened. But you just…you have to stay. Just a little longer.”

“Why? What’s so important?”

“A friend is coming over that I want you to meet.” Lewis blurts. Niall absorbs his words, and also takes in the sheepish smile adorning Lewis’s face. Niall’s hand comes up to rub over his features as a sigh leaves him.

“Why…why would you—"

“Because you two are almost exactly alike. There are so many things you have in common.”

“Well, I had a lot of things in common with Y/N too,” Niall states, growing more frustrated by the second.

“I know, but…hang on. What’s her name?”

“Y/N,” Niall repeats, his heart sinking as her name fell off his tongue again. He missed how it felt good when he said it. A light knock on the door breaks the two away from the conversation, but both men meet each other’s eyes with knowing looks.

“Great! Absolutely fuckin’ wonderful. Tell me, what is so great about this girl, huh? Does she know almost every Springsteen song by heart? Can she recite scenes from awful movies verbatim? Will she agree to go out with me for six months only to end it because I lied to her about my entire fuckin’ life because I was a selfish, judgmental bastard? Tell me, is she gonna forgive me for it? Because that’d be the only difference between her and Y/N. And I’m gonna bet right now, whoever is behind that door won’t come fuckin’ close!”

“Niall—”

“In fact, let’s go see this bird! What brilliant girl did you bring for me to shut down, tonight hmm?” Niall strolled over to the door and swung it open, to see Y/N, her mouth agape and eyes wide. Lewis lived in a safe neighborhood, with beautifully constructed houses. But Niall knows the door is not soundproof and Y/N must have heard every single word.

“You mean that?” Her nose flared, and tears brimmed her eyes. It would have been painful for Niall to witness, but the way her lips curled up and her eyes brightened when she continued to gaze at him was the only tell he needed to know they were droplets of joy falling from her eyes. All Niall could muster was a nod, still in shock that she was stood in front of him. After regaining his composure, he cleared his throat, now gravely from his previous volume level he had not planned on reaching with Lewis tonight.

“Y/N, I am so sorry. I was—”

“I love you, idiot.”

“What?” Niall’s brows furrowed at her response. And his answer came in the form of her arms locking behind his neck and drawing his head down for their lips to finally connect. He was an idiot. But if Lewis’s words were true, he was as honest as idiots come. And how could she let that go?

click HERE for my masterlist!

Hello folks, I’m sad and don’t want to @ anyone but do want to be sad unto the public void so I’m writing this post instead of sending any DMs. Which is to say, don’t interact if a depressed Marie is something that’s gonna kill your mood!! Can’t seem to make a read more on mobile so might want to speed scroll

But anyways. I’m the kind of tired that makes me very nauseous, the kind of nauseous that makes me think I’m hungry, only eating makes it all much much worse, so it’s truly just a cycle. Especially since it’s painful, which makes it harder to sleep, when that’s already hard enough. It’s a race against time before I become too nauseous to bother even trying to sleep, really, but here I am, writing this anyway.

And none of my family gifts are wins this year. I can just feel it. I got my sister something she actively told someone to buy her, so (assuming I got the right model, please God let my father have been right when he told me which to get) I know she’ll at least like it, but she basically told me to get it for her. So that’s mediocre by default. I got my mother a small ceramic box that near perfectly matches a lot of the pottery she displays in the kitchen, but I don’t know what she’ll put in it, and I can already hear her like “oh, thanks... what am I going to do with it?” now. I got my father a scented candle, which should be decent as I know he likes frankenscence and I know he likes scented candles, but it’s hardly *special.* And my brother. I did crochet that Among Us Next Gen amigurumi I posted about a while back. Finished it today. It’s decent, I guess. FAR from perfect, and now I’m doubting whether it was even a good idea in the first place. Fuck I hope he likes it. I hope he recognizes it when he first sees it at least. Damn. Fuck. His Thanksgiving gift was the worst of that set, too. I just got done wrapping them using the last of the family Christmas wrapping supplies, so they’re all merely passable, like I couldn’t even give the wrapping my all. Like, did I even fucking try? Do I even care about these people? I couldn’t have cared even just a little? Fuck. I feel like such a negligent daughter and sister.

And I’m leaving tomorrow. Fuck. Yeah, I shouldn’t have come in the first place, I know, and I knew. My relationship with God is suffering under my feeling of guilt, and I haven’t even started working with that whole mess yet, so fuck, I guess I’m a bad fucking Christian too. Also bad citizen of the world. Fuck.

When I think I’m a horrible friend, there is a specific list of irrefutable times I look back on to prove to myself that I’m not. But most of them are from 2 years ago. Have I really not been a decent friend in 2 years? Fuck, maybe the one who told me to my face that I’m negligent before I shut her down and she ghosted me was right after all. Maybe she was right. Why the fuck did I think she was wrong? I’m not even done shopping/crafting gifts for any of those guys either, and it’s literally Christmas Day now. I let myself fall behind. Didn’t I care enough? What the fuck is wrong with me?

Normally when I come here, it’s like my other life was a dream, and this house is the only reality. This evening, though, it’s felt like the exact opposite. Like this, here, now, is the dream. Like I’m not even awake. It feels like one of my hyper realistic dreams. Like Oregon is the only reality and I’m hallucinating all this. It’s very disconnecting. Making me feel even worse.

Fuck, what am I doing with my life?

Fuck, am I going to have a meltdown in public tomorrow?

Fuck, how do I expect to make it through work on Saturday?

Damn.

Fuck.

I’m inattentive, negligent, apathetic, disconnected, unreliable, irresponsible, disorganized... fuck. Fuck, what’s even left of me? If I’m not a genuinely loving person and I’m not responsible and I’m not organized, what, pray tell, what is even left?

I can’t believe I’m still behind on my friends’ fiction. I can’t believe my AF queue is near to running out and I haven’t gotten to refilling it. I can’t believe I haven’t written anything in so long. Do I even care about writing? Couldn’t tell from my actions. I can’t believe I’m less than one book away from finishing my Goodreads goal and I still might not make it. I can’t believe I’m behind on my bullet journal again. I can’t believe I waited until Christmas fucking Eve to finish my brother’s gift. And for what? What was I doing with all the time that should have happened in? It’s not like I’ve watched a ton of TV or played any video games for longer than about 20 minutes in the morning. It’s not like I’ve done much socializing. There are friends I’ve ghosted to a disgusting degree, what the fuck is wrong with me? Where does my fucking time go? I only work 3 days a week, what the fuck? Why the fuck do I think I can do grad school?

There are many more such thoughts running through my head, but I grow weary of writing them all down. Tumblr might be dead enough that no one will ever see all this, and that may be for the best. As I said. Felt like needed to tell someone, but didn’t want to @ anyone, especially not now of all times. God knows I need therapy, but, well. Well.

Let us pray I sleep some of this off, I suppose. And that if any of it is true, that I think on it more productively in the future.

The Cure for Spiritual Lethargy

(This is not a Christmas post, though it also applies to Christmas)

It is December and all around me I hear Christmas songs and see Christmas decorations. This is the time we usually talk about God’s great gift, the gift of Sis Son! This post is about God’s great gift, but more specifically this post will focus on our response to God’s gift. When we think of the birth of baby Jesus, of His eternal humiliation to live and die in this sinful world, do we stop to think about what our proper response should be? I do, I often think about this. In my post Reflecting on my life - 2020 (and also Who I am) I mention how I grew up as a believer. This means I do not remember learning about Jesus, I always knew. So Christmas and calvary are stories that I have known from my earliest memories. This presents a unique challenge for me because how do I react to a story that I already know? Maybe some of you are on a similar boat. You know the story, so this extraordinary story, one that has the power to transform lives, becomes rather ordinary due to familiarity. I can’t change the story, I shouldn’t. So how do I keep it fresh in my heart? How should I react to God’s desire to be with me? (I have several posts on God with us)

In this post, I would like to outline some things we can do to keep our relationship with God from growing stale.

Blow the trumpet in Zion, And sound an alarm in My holy mountain! Let all the inhabitants of the land tremble; For the day of the Lord is coming, For it is at hand: - Joel 2:1 NKJV

There are so many different things related to Jesus coming. How are we supposed to feel?

“Now, therefore,” says the Lord, “Turn to Me with all your heart, With fasting, with weeping, and with mourning.” So rend your heart, and not your garments; Return to the Lord your God, For He is gracious and merciful, Slow to anger, and of great kindness; And He relents from doing harm. - Joel 2:12-13 NKJV

One of the things we are called to do is to turn to God with our whole hearts. This cannot be done outwardly only. Cold formalism and religiosity spell spiritual death. Never trust your dress and behavior, those can be shaped by outside pressures. What is the state of your heart? Do you long for Jesus? Of is Jesus just a cultural artifact in your social and personal life?

Can I be completely honest with you? This next part concerns me. This next part troubles me, personally.

Blow the trumpet in Zion, Consecrate a fast, Call a sacred assembly; Gather the people, Sanctify the congregation, Assemble the elders, Gather the children and nursing babes; Let the bridegroom go out from his chamber, And the bride from her dressing room. - Joel 2:15-16 NKJV

As you probably know, I am a pastor, a spiritual leader. Yet I have no idea how to sanctify the congregation. I can blow a trumpet, I can call for a fast, if it wasn’t for COVID I could even try to gather the people and assemble the elders. But here is the thing. How often are we willing to do this? When was the last time you tried fasting and praying? When was the last time you were concerned with your standing before God? I am not talking about your good works or obedience. I am talking about your love for God. Do you really love Him? If you do, how often are you concerned about His mission for your life? How often are you concerned about showing your love for Him through all that you do? Do we come together as a church, as a family, and seek God? Is that how I sanctify the congregation? Do I encourage and invite everyone to humble themselves and seek God?

If you keep reading, Joel 2 is not all doom and gloom.

“So I will restore to you the years that the swarming [k]locust has eaten, The crawling locust, The consuming locust, And the chewing locust, My great army which I sent among you. You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, And praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; And My people shall never be put to shame. Then you shall know that I am in the midst of Israel: I am the Lord your God And there is no other. My people shall never be put to shame. - Joel 2:25-27 NKJV

God ultimately promises restoration. Ultimately God provides for His people. My concern here is not with God. My main concern is with me being asleep in my relationship with God, and not even realize that my love for Him is growing colder each day as I simply go through the motions. My understanding of Joel is that there was a great need for spiritual reformation before the people would be ready for the day of the Lord.

I believe we need faithful men and women, who are sensitive and obedient to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and the teachings of the Bible, and will proclaim this warning to the world. God gave us prophecy in the Bible for a reason.

And so we have the prophetic word confirmed, which you do well to heed as a light that shines in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts; knowing this first, that no prophecy of Scripture is of any private interpretation, for prophecy never came by the will of man, but holy men of God spoke as they were moved by the Holy Spirit. - 2 Peter 2:19-21 NKJV

Do we seek the knowledge of God more than all hidden treasures? Do we count it “better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold?” (Proverbs 3:14) God is willing to reveal to us the great things of the kingdom.

The secret of the Lord is with those who fear Him, And He will show them His covenant. - Psalm 25:14 NKJV

So, are we are seeking God, at all?

The Birth of Jesus

Think of the Christmas story. At the time of Christ's first advent the priests and scribes of Jerusalem, who had access to all the prophecies, might have recognized the signs of the times and proclaimed the coming of the Messiah. The prophecy of Micah designated His birthplace (Micah 5:2); Daniel specified the time of His advent (Daniel 9:25).

God committed these prophecies to the Jewish leaders; they were without excuse if they did not know and declare to the people that the Messiah's coming was at hand. Their ignorance was the result of sinful neglect. - The Great Controversy 313

Today, we have the Bible available to us. We all have access to the word of God. Yet how much time do we dedicate to its study?

Could Christians become so absorbed in their ambitious strife for place and power that we lose sight of the divine honors given us by God? Do we get so caught up chasing after worldly things that we forget our responsibility of sharing the gospel and helping those in need?

Imagine this with me.

People have been waiting for the Messiah since Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden (someOne is coming). The elders of Israel should have been studying the prophecies concerning Jesus. With profound and reverent interest they should have been studying the place, the time, the circumstances, of the greatest event in the world's history—the coming of the Son of God to accomplish the redemption of humanity. All the people should have been watching and waiting that they might be among the first to welcome the world's Redeemer.

“But, lo, at Bethlehem two weary travelers from the hills of Nazareth traverse the whole length of the narrow street to the eastern extremity of the town, vainly seeking a place of rest and shelter for the night. No doors are open to receive them. In a wretched hovel prepared for cattle, they at last find refuge, and there the Saviour of the world is born.” The Great Constorversy p313

Imagine, God is born among us, and we miss it.

The majority of the people were distracted. The religious leaders were seeking earthly power and honor and missed the most anticipated event in the history of the world (up to that point). This season, as we think about the birth of Jesus, this ought to be a sobering thought. The majority of people missed the birth of Jesus.

Imagine the angels with me.

Imagine heavenly angels who had seen the glory which Jesus shared with the Father before the world was. Now imagine these same angels looking forward with intense interest to His appearing on earth as an event filled with the greatest joy to all people. Imagine the angels who were appointed to carry the glad tidings to those who were prepared to receive it and who would joyfully make it known to the inhabitants of the earth.

This is unbelievable! But Christ had stooped to take upon Himself human nature; He was to bear the infinite weight of misery as He would make His soul an offering for sin (Isaiah 53:10). Nevertheless, the angels desire that even in His humiliation the Son of God might appear before men with dignity and glory befitting His character. Would the great men of earth assemble at Jerusalem to greet His coming? Would legions of angels present Him to the expectant company?

Imagine, all of heaven excited about the birth of Jesus, meanwhile here on earth, virtually nobody, is anticipating this incredible event. Everyone is just going through the motions…

Imagine the angel, disappointed, about to return to heaven and report that no one was available to receive the good news. Then at last the angel discovers a group of shepherds who are watching their flocks by night, and, as they gaze into the starry heavens, they are contemplating the prophecy of a Messiah to come to earth and longing for the advent of the world's Redeemer. Finally! Here is a company that is prepared to receive the heavenly message! And suddenly the angel of the Lord appears, declaring the good tidings of great joy. Celestial glory floods all the plain, an innumerable company of angels is revealed, and as if the joy were too great for one messenger to bring from heaven, a multitude of voices break forth in the anthem which all the nations of the saved shall one day sing: “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” (Luke 2:14)

“Oh, what a lesson is this wonderful story of Bethlehem! How it rebukes our unbelief, our pride and self-sufficiency. How it warns us to beware, lest by our criminal indifference we also fail to discern the signs of the times, and therefore know not the day of our visitation.��� - The Great Controversy 315

But if you’re familiar with the story you know that those shepherds were not the only ones that the angels found watching for the birth of the Messiah. In a distant land, there were also those that looked for Him; they were wise men, rich and noble, the philosophers of the East. As students of the natural world, the Magi had seen God in His handiwork. They then studied the Hebrew Scriptures and learned of the Star to arise out of Jacob, and with eager desire they awaited His coming, who should be not only the “Consolation of Israel,” but a “Light to lighten the Gentiles,” and “for salvation unto the ends of the earth.” Luke 2:25, 32; Acts 13:47.

What does this story tell you about God? These men were not Jews, yet, they sought light, they sought God, and light from the throne of God illumined the path for their feet. What a tragedy that the priests and rabbis of Jerusalem, the appointed guardians and expounders of the truth, were shrouded in darkness. And how wonderful that the Heaven-sent star guided these Gentile strangers to the birthplace of the newborn King.

Jesus came not just for the Jews, not just for the middle-east, He came to save all.

When Jesus was born as a baby, the Jewish religious leaders should have been the first to lift their voices and proclaim the birth of Jesus, the first to warn the people to prepare for His coming. “But they were at ease, dreaming of peace and safety, while the people were asleep in their sins.”(Great Controversy 315)

Jesus described His church like the barren fig tree, covered with pretentious leaves, yet destitute of precious fruit. There was a boastful observance of the forms of religion, while the spirit of true humility, penitence, and faith—which alone could render the service acceptable to God—was lacking. Instead of the fruit of the Spirit the church was full of pride, formalism, vainglory, selfishness, and even oppression.

Israel, at the time of the birth of Jesus, was like a backsliding church who closed their eyes to the signs of the times. God did not forsake them, His faithfulness did not fail them; but they were the ones who departed from Him, and separated themselves from His love. As they refused to comply with the conditions, His promises were not fulfilled to them. 

This is what happens whenever we neglect to appreciate and improve the light and privileges which God bestows. Unless we follow on in His opening providence, accepting every ray of light, performing every duty which may be revealed, religion will inevitably degenerate into the observance of forms, and the spirit of vital godliness will disappear. This truth has been repeatedly illustrated in the history of the church. God requires of His people works of faith and obedience corresponding to the blessings and privileges bestowed. Obedience requires a sacrifice and involves a cross; and this is why so many of the professed followers of Christ refused to receive the light from heaven, and, like the Jews of old, knew not the time of their visitation. Luke 19:44. Because of their pride and unbelief the Lord passed them by and revealed His truth to those who, like the shepherds of Bethlehem and the Eastern Magi, had given heed to all the light they had received. (The Great Controversy 316)

Now as He drew near, He saw the city and wept over it, saying, “If you had known, even you, especially in this your day, the things that make for your peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes. For days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment around you, surround you and close you in on every side, and level you, and your children within you, to the ground; and they will not leave in you one stone upon another, because you did not know the time of your visitation.” - Luke 19:41-44 NKJV

Mistle-NO!

This story was originally posted as part of a secret santa event on wattpad, but I really enjoyed writing it and wanted to share it with you all. This Christmas fic doesn’t necessarily have a specific timeline, so feel free to use your imagination! I hope you enjoy!

“So whaddya think?” Kai finished, looking expectantly at his girlfriend. Skylor chewed her lip in deliberation. Spending Christmas on the Bounty sounded wonderful but...

“I don’t know, Kai. I’m just not sure it’s a good idea for me to be away from the restaurant for that long...”

The master of fire’s face fell. He reached across the table they had snagged in the back corner of the restaurant and squeezed her hand.  

“I understand… I can’t imagine how hectic things have been for you lately. You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

“I probably haven’t,” she admitted, making a face, “We’ve had so much to do. Processing our catering order for that charity ball, getting everything decorated? And there’s been way more reservations than usual – everyone in the entire city seems to have forgotten how to cook for themselves, I swear… it’s been pretty overwhelming for all of us lately.” Kai frowned.  

“Wow, you really can’t catch a break, can you? Tell you what. If I got the gang to come in and help you get everything prepped on Christmas eve, do you think you could sneak away for awhile?” he offered. Kai was willing to do pretty much anything if it meant she’d say yes.

“I…” Skylor offered, not fully sold on the idea. There was so much to consider –

“Please?” Kai begged. If only he was as good at making puppy eyes as Lloyd was…. The master of amber sighed.

“I’ll see what I can do… It does sound nice…”

“There’s my girl. I promise we’ll make this work.” He assured her.  

______________________________________________________________________________

Skylor sat in her car, waiting for Kai to respond to her text. After spending the morning at the restaurant making sure everything was ready for her absence (with the help of numerous ninja), the master of amber had made a quick pit stop at her house to shower and grab presents for everyone. Now she just needed someone to let her onto the Destiny’s Bounty, as she had no desire to try and scale its sides in the freezing cold snow.  

Tap! Tap! Tap! Skylor jumped slightly at the sound before looking up from her phone to see Jay standing just outside her door. She rolled her eyes and climbed out of the car.

“Hey. No Kai?”  

Jay shrugged.

“He’s on kitchen duty... Which basically means he’s trying to keep Cole as far away from the kitchen as possible to he doesn’t give us all food poisoning again.” he disclosed.

“Oh,” she laughed, “he’s really that bad of a cook?” “Trust me, he is. C’mon let’s get you inside. It's cold out here.” the master of lightning told her.

“Sounds good to me. Care to help bring these packages inside?” she asked, unlocking her trunk. He grabbed some of the bags inside, careful not to dislodge the tissue paper.

“Sure thing!”

Together, they walked up the gangplank and onto the deck of the flying ship. The warm air inside was a welcome reprieve from the frosty December air.  

“Wow, you guys did a great job with decorating this year!” Skylor commented, admiring the Christmasy atmosphere that exuded from every corner of the Bounty. Jay grinned. They had all spent a lot of time making sure everything looked perfect. This was at least in part due to the fact that Kai had been in a panic over having his girlfriend spend the holiday with them for the first time, but that wasn’t something Skylor needed to know about.

“Thanks! Decorating the Bounty together is a long-standing tradition.”

“Nice. So, uh. What’s all this green stuff everywhere?”  

Jay narrowed his eyes at the offending foliage.

“Ugh, Cole and Lloyd must be up to their old tricks again...” he muttered. Skylor stared at him, confused.

“Huh?” “It’s mistletoe. Every year, Cole and Lloyd put mistletoe literally everywhere so that they can take embarrassing pictures of Nya and I when they catch us off guard. I guess they wanted to include you and Kai this year, too.” explained the master of lightning.

Wow. I’ve gotta admit, that’s awfully creative of them. And... a little scary. I didn’t realize they could be so devious,” Skylor admitted, “Should we stick these presents in the living room or something?” she inquired, ready to find the rest of the gang.  

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. I’m sure Kai is dying to see you by now anyway.” he agreed. She rolled her eyes at the light teasing, though she didn’t really mind. It was nice to be included in this chaotic family of elemental masters. Even if she wasn’t quite sure how she felt about the mistletoe. They wandered into the living room, greeted by the sounds of Kai, Nya, Lloyd, and Cole debating the pros and cons of several Christmas movies.

“All I’m saying is that if you’re not gonna let me help with the cooking, I should at least get to pick what movie we watch in the meantime.” Cole complained. The smith siblings glanced at each other.

“We already told you, your cooking stinks and I don’t think-” Nya started as Kai said, “Oh, hi Skylor!”

“Hi.” Skylor greeted, crossing over to the tree so she could put down the gift bags. Jay followed her. Unfortunately, it was then that Lloyd noticed a slight problem.

“Uh, guys? I hate to be the one to tell you but... You might not wanna look up right now...”

“What? Isthereaspider?” Jay asked in a single breath, panicking.  

“.... No. No spiders...” the green ninja assured him. He looked relieved until Lloyd added,

“Just... Cole, it kinda looks like our prank might have backfired this year...”

Skylor and Jay both looked up. Kai facepalmed. There was mistletoe hanging daintily from a bright red ribbon directly above them.  

“Seriously, you guys?!” Jay protested. Nya looked like she was trying to hold in laughter.  

“Sorry. You know the rules, Jay.”  Cole said unapologetically. The two victims glanced at each other. This was going to be awkward.  

Wanting to get the moment over with, Skylor leaned over and kissed Jay’s cheek before pulling away a split second later. Their faces were both flushed as they hurried over to their prospective significant others.  

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry -” Jay repeated over and over again until Nya shut him up with an actual kiss.

“You’re an idiot.” she declared.

“Huh?”  

“Your face. That has to have been the funniest thing I’ve seen today... Did you really think I was gonna be mad at you for that?”

“... Maybe a little?” Jay stated sheepishly.

“Oh Jay...” Nya said, laughing as she hugged him. Skylor and Kai watched with bemused expressions.

“So that was...” the redhead began.

“Don’t worry about it, Sky... this sort of thing happens all the time. It didn’t... weird you out too much or anything... did it?” her boyfriend asked, regarding her carefully. Skylor shrugged good naturedly.

“Nah, I figured something was bound to happen. I’m just happy my first Christmas with you hasn’t ended up being totally boring.”

“Oh, well in that case... You won’t mind if I do this!” Kai stated, kissing her.

‘Mmm... this is shaping up to be a pretty amazing date.” she stated, happily leaning into him. Things may have taken an unexpected turn, but she was happy to be where she was, regardless. Spending Christmas on the Bounty was definitely going to be an experience she’d never forget.

let’s try this again shall we? also that should say ‘single level’ not single reference, i had fixed that typo before i posted and lost the original but never mind

-

It’s a while before Ronan notices, to be honest.

Socks just aren’t something he pays that much attention to; his own, or anyone else’s. They’re just...there. He doesn’t even really have a specific sock drawer. It’s more of a mixed bag drawer, full of sweatpants, PJs, boxers, and socks. His only prerequisite when reaching for socks in the morning is that there’s two of them. Whether or not they match is irrelevant.

So when Adam, home for the summer, mentions that he thinks some of his socks are going missing, Ronan doesn’t think too much about it.

“You sure you didn’t just leave them in the drier?”

“Pretty sure. I checked, and then I double-checked.”

“Oh well, I’m sure they’ll turn up,” Ronan says, then drags Adam’s attention back to more important things, like making out on the sofa for hours.

A couple of weeks later, Adam brings it up again, and Ronan tries to suggest other explanations.

“Maybe you accidentally left a bunch of socks at college?”

“Not a chance. They’re getting washed and dried as pairs, but when I come to empty the machine, a sock from each pair has gone, every single time. I’m gonna run out at this rate, I’ll have to get more.”

“You can always wear mine, Parrish, I don’t care. Or I’ll dream you up some new ones, easy-peasy.”

Adam frowns. “Yeah, I guess. It’s just...weird. It’s only my socks. I don’t get it.”

Strange as it is, Ronan still thinks weirder things have happened to them, so again it doesn’t rank too high on his list of priorities. It’s just one of those things, an unexplainable story to laugh about in the future.

After one afternoon spent working in one of the barns outside, Ronan returns to the house in the early evening and heads straight for the kitchen. Adam has returned from work, and is standing with his back to Ronan, leaning on the counter before him and watching the coffee machine do its thing.

He’s clearly been back a while, because he’s wearing sweats and a baggy t-shirt, and he’s had a shower and a nap if the way his hair’s sticking up on one side is anything to go by. But it’s his socks that immediately draw Ronan’s eye.

On Adam’s left foot is a sock in the colours of the bi pride flag, and on his right is a sock of Ronan’s, a red one patterned with multi-coloured dinosaurs. They were a Christmas gift from Matthew.

Adam doesn’t immediately realise Ronan’s there what with the coffee machine gurgling away, but as Ronan pads over he senses him a second before he reaches him, turning his face a half-inch and smiling.

Ronan tugs lightly at the sleep-stretched neck of Adam’s t-shirt and presses a lingering kiss to his bare shoulder, before wrapping his arms around him. “You look so fucking adorable,” he murmurs into Adam’s hearing ear.

Adam doesn’t verbally respond but he melts into Ronan a little, tilting his neck to allow access for Ronan to kiss a line down it the way he knows Adam likes.

“Nice socks,” he says, and it’s this that finally prompts Adam into actually speaking.

He turns around and lifts up his bi-stocking-ed foot. “See!” he exclaims. “The other one’s disappeared. I now don’t have any matching pairs of socks in this house and there is definitely a conspiracy at play.”

Ronan snorts. “Yeah, okay, this is getting pretty weird,” he allows.

Adam narrows his eyes. “This isn’t you, is it?”

“Huh?”

“The socks, Ronan. Is it you?”

“Adam, why the fuck would I steal your socks?”

“...Yeah, okay,” Adam says, visibly deflating. “I didn’t think you had a foot fetish as well as a hand kink.”

“Hey.” Ronan lightly pokes the tip of Adam’s nose. “Rude.”

“Sorry.” Adam sighs. “I just...I really, really don’t understand what could have happened to them.”

“Have you tried asking your tarot cards?”

“You’re hilarious, you know that?”

“I try.”

The rest of the summer passes in a wonderful blur, far too quickly but with as much fun and love as they can possibly squeeze into the days. No more of Adam’s socks go missing, but he refuses to replace any until he gets back to college, not wanting to risk them going walkabout at the Barns.

The day before he’s due to leave, he has one final shift at Boyd’s, an easy afternoon of oil changes for one last influx of cash. His bag is packed and waiting by the door in the hallway so it can be easily thrown into the car in the morning.

Ronan’s in the kitchen preparing a farewell feast worthy of champions when he hears the sound of something heavy being dragged across the floor coming from the hallway. He stops chopping potatoes and follows the sound, stepping through the doorway just in time to catch sight of Adam’s duffel bag being pulled up the stairs.

He rounds the corner so he’s standing at the bottom of the stairs and looks up to see that it’s Opal who’s making off with Adam’s bag. She freezes when she spots Ronan, drops the bag strap and darts the rest of the way upstairs to her room, slamming the door behind her.

Sighing, Ronan puts Adam’s bag back by the door and then follows Opal up the stairs.

He knocks on her door. “Opal?” No response. “I’m coming in, okay?”

He hesitates just in case she decides she doesn’t want him there, but when there’s still no reply he opens the door and scans the room.

He doesn’t immediately see her and feels a brief flare of panic that she might have escaped out the window (an alarming prospect as they’re on the second floor), but then he spots her sitting in the corner, facing the wall and covering her face with her hands.

She looks like she’s put herself in a time-out. Or that she’s counting for a game of hide-and-seek.

Ronan sits on the edge of her bed. “Opal. Look at me.”

At length, she lowers her hands and turns, pinning him with those big eyes, wide and unblinking.

“Why were you trying to hide Adam’s bag?”

“Because he can’t leave if he can’t find it,” she says slowly, as if she thinks he’s being very dim-witted on purpose.

“But he’s gotta go back to college. You know that.”

She shakes her head adamantly. “He went to college last year.”

“Right, but we talked about this, remember? It’s four years. And he’s already done one now.”

“Three more,” she says sadly.

“I know. It sounds long. But it’ll be like last year. He’ll go and then he’ll come back.”

She crosses her arms, petulant. “So long...”

“It feels like it sometimes, yeah, but that’s why we call him, and why we visit, and why he comes home as much as he can.”

Ronan understands separation anxiety all too well. It’s hard to comfort Opal when he feels very much the same. But he supposes one of them has to be the adult in this particular situation, and the task has fallen unenviably to him.

Opal finally deigns to come and sit next to him. “Won’t he miss us?” she asks quietly.

“Course he will, we’re fucking awesome,” Ronan says, and Opal finally quirks a smile. “But he’s worked really hard for this and he’s learning loads of cool stuff at college. So we can’t hide his stuff even though we’re gonna miss him, okay?”

Opal sighs. “Okay.” She hops down and reaches under her bed, pulling out a cardboard box. “Do you think he’ll need these as well?”

Ronan peers inside to see that the box is full of socks. Adam’s socks, to be exact. Mystery solved.

He bursts out laughing, and it’s a while before he gets his breath back to speak. “Did you think Adam wouldn’t be able to go back if none of his socks matched?”

“What else is the point of matching socks?” she asks, genuinely curious, and this sets Ronan off again.

“Ohhh, brat,” he says, wrapping an arm around her. “Don’t ever change.”

Adam is both pleased and confused when he gets home and is presented with his missing socks.

“Where did you find them?”

“Uhhh...” Ronan stalls, looking to Opal, unsure of how much she wants him to say, or if she even cares at all.

Adam notices the exchange and smiles at her. “Was it you who found them?”

Opal nods slowly. “They were...out...side,” she says unconvincingly. “I think Chainsaw took them.” Then she nods emphatically, happy with this excuse considering Chainsaw won’t be able to defend her own honour. “It was Chainsaw.”

Ronan supposes that just because he doesn’t lie, doesn’t mean Opal’s incapable. Adam smiles again, and there’s something knowing and wistful in it. He can likely now guess that Opal’s the true culprit, but he won’t call her out on it. He’s good like that.

“Well thank you,” he says, straightening Opal’s skull-cap. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Opal beams and kisses the back of his hand before scampering off outside to torment the local wildlife or whatever else she does for fun.

Adam steps into Ronan’s orbit and kisses him, slow and gentle. “I don’t know what I’d do without you either,” he murmurs.

Ronan grins at that. “I think you should only wear odd socks from here on out.”

“Y’know what, it’s grown on me.”

Birthday Prompt - Curious Taylor

Today is a very special day, Taylor Swift turns 30!! To celebrate I decided to take some tumblr prompts and write some gay short stories with a birthday theme!

Happy birthday, Taylor (hope you never read these!)

Prompt: Five times Karlie fails to properly hide/lie about Taylor's birthday present and one time she didn't fail.

Thank you for the prompt @verytamenow

Read it on Ao3 or on Wattpad

It's not that Karlie is bad at keeping secrets exactly, it's more that Taylor is an extremely curious person...And okay, maybe Karlie isn't the best secret keeper, but that honestly is only half the problem, the other half being Taylor's complete inability to resist a challenge, implied or actively discouraged, doesn't matter.

If there is a case detective Swift is on it and she knows exactly how to crack her suspects, especially if said suspect happens to be her poor wife.

--

The first time Karlie failed to properly hide Taylor's birthday present she genuinely thought she'd be able to keep the secret, she thought she had a good plan and a good hiding spot.

That was until Taylor decided to "Christmas clean" their whole place (on December 10th!)

In her almost feverish quest to get the apartment clean from top to bottom she promptly found the one-of a-kind collector's edition Deadpool Omnibus mixed in with Karlie's Cat Woman comics at the very back of the highest shelf (the one Taylor couldn't even reach without a chair) of the bookcase in the living room.

Karlie came home to find it triumphantly placed on the kitchen table accompanied by a post-it note.

I fucking love you ❤️

She promptly re-hid it, swearing under her breath and reminding herself to tell Taylor that she fucking loves her back.

Taylor still had the decency to act surprised at the birthday party, Karlie loved her for that.

--

The second time Karlie failed to properly hide Taylor's birthday present it was all Karlie's fault.

Taylor had gone to get the mail and came back waving a postcard only to find Karlie wrapping her birthday gift in plain sight on their bedroom floor.

Karlie (furiously blushing and muttering under her breath) attempted to shove the gift (wrapping and all) under their bed and hastily stood up to greet her wife.

"Hey, what's that?" She asked way too quickly and snatched the postcard out of Taylor's hand.

"It-it's from Austin in the Maldives...What...Were you doing?" There was a glint in her eye telling Karlie she knew the answer to her own question very well.

And yet you had to ask you smug, adorable little shit.

"Just, just wrapping...Joe's Christmas present!" Karlie said and for a second she thought she may have saved the situation, until Taylor squealed with delighted laughter.

"Aww, what are we getting the little dude this year?" Before Karlie could stop her Taylor has bent down and dragged the present out from under the bed by the wrapping paper, when she stood there holding the little cheesy book of love poems meant to be part of her gift that year Karlie had the nerve to mumble, in a defeated, tired sort of tone, "Dentastix..."

And at that point she really only had herself to blame.

--

The third time Karlie failed to properly hide Taylor's birthday present Karlie had resorted to hiding Taylor's gift at other people's places and Andrea had promised to keep mum, only she couldn't stop Scott.

They were sitting around the Swifts kitchen table eating dinner on a Sunday in December when Karlie's father-in-law suddenly spoke.

"So, - excluding a new Polaroid camera, of course – what would you like for your birthday, Taylor" His daughter never having been one to miss (blatantly stated) details blinked a few times in disbelief and then very slowly said, "wait, why are we excluding a new camera?" Andrea and Karlie had both frozen mid-bite and Scott looked like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

"Well," He started, bravely soldering on, "I thought maybe-You, I mean-"

Just like that she turned to Karlie, grinning. "Baby?"

Karlie shook her head almost violently, "Nope!" She exclaimed, but the singer had her poor father in her sights now, "Dad, did Karlie-"

"Holy shit, I am so sorry, my big mouth, huh!" Scott started and Karlie could do nothing but laugh. "It's alright," She reassured, "it's impossible to keep secrets from this one anyhow."

"Don't we know it!"

Thanks, Chatsy

--

The fourth time Karlie failed to properly hide Taylor's birthday present curiosity almost literally killed the cat, or more accurately, the owner of the cat.

Karlie had hidden Taylor's birthday present on top of a cabinet in the living room one even she couldn't properly reach without a chair. Thus there was no way Taylor would even happen to see it until she got a frantic phone call from the singer. Frowning at her phone (Taylor usually never called when she knew Karlie was in a meeting) Karlie excused herself to the room full of Kode With Klossy investors and stepped outside.

"Hey Daisy, I'm a little busy, can I call you back in-?"

"Karlie," the voice on the other end said and she sounded panicked, even close to sobbing.

"Karlie, I can't get Benji down, I'm not even sure how he-"Taylor's story was rudely interrupted by a loud thud that for some reason caused her to shriek deafeningly loud right in her wife's ear.

"Taylor!" Karlie shirked back, alarmed now, "Tay, what happened, are you guys okay?"

"Benjamin, he somehow got on top of the cabinet in the living room, I have no idea how...anyway he pushed something down from there and it almost hit me...I'm sorry babe, I think maybe I'm going to need a new birthday present, this one appears to have shattered into a million pieces in my hair..."

"Shit!" Karlie mumbles, letting out the tiniest sigh, but keeping all traces of disappointment over the ruined gift from her voice and focusing on the problem at hand. "Are you okay? Have you tried getting on a chair and lifting Ben down?"

"I-I would, but now there's red stains and glass all over the floor...And me..."

"Sorry!"

"That's okay, thanks for the wine!"

--

The fifth time Karlie failed to properly hide Taylor's birthday present Karlie started to wonder if faith and the universe had seriously began conspiring against her?

It was the morning of Taylor's birthday and Karlie was stoked, this year she'd actually managed to hide the present all the way up until the actual day!

...Until Taylor innocently posted a picture on social media. It was a simple selfie of the two of them, ready for the night's party. It was cute, Taylor in a nice dress and classic red lip pressing a kiss to the cheek of a beaming Karlie. That was until the comments started flooding in.

Swiftie13: Hey @taylorswift13 ask @karliekloss what's on the dresser behind you lol

Annielovestaylor: I spy a birthday gift, nice wrapping @karliekloss #Relationshipgoals

Kaylortrash67: What the hell @karliekloss? You gotta hide @taylorswift13's present better!

Asdfghjing4kaylor: I hope that's a gift Taylor just forgot to open, that's not a very good hiding spot @karliekloss

Disaster was a fact and Karlie had no choice but to hand Taylor the present on live video where a slightly tipsy Taylor announced:

"She's the worst at keeping secrets and hiding gifts, but I love her so much, you guys!!"

--

The one time Karlie actually managed to properly hide Taylor's birthday present it came as a bit of a surprise to her too.

It was the morning of Taylor's 32nd birthday and Karlie had awoken before her wife to a churning feeling of discomfort in her stomach.

About three hours later she woke Taylor with a soft kiss.

"Hi," She whispered, "Happy birthday, baby!"

"Mmm, happy birthday to me!" Taylor mumbled sleepily and looked ready to turn back over and go to sleep, until Karlie spoke.

"Umm, I actually have a little surprise." Karlie revealed and suddenly wide awake Taylor sat up in bed.

"Oh, really?" She smirked and Karlie swallowed a little nervously. Picking up on this Taylor reached out and touched her wife's cheek in reassurance, "You look nervous," She observed, "why? You know I always love your presents!"

"Yeah, actually I love this one too!" Karlie reveled and attempted a shaky version of her trademark sunshine smile.

Taylor raised her eyebrows at this, "okay," she said slowly, "now you're freaking me out, spill!"

"Okay, well," Karlie nodded, "you're getting your actually prepared, wrapped present tonight at the party, but-"

"This one wasn't prepared?" Taylor interrupted curiously.

"In a way, this was actually even more prepared than the other one, I just, well, I wasn't sure I would be able to give it to you today specifically, but well..." Karlie put a stop to her own ramblings and took out what she'd had hidden behind her back ever since she sat down in front of Taylor on the bed.

A few second passed as Taylor stared from Karlie to what was in her hands and back again and then at the same time they both burst out crying...And laughing.

Taylor swallowed several times before she shrieked, in-between sobs and laughter, "Don't-don't touch me with your pee!" Karlie quickly threw the "present" to the floor and caught the incoming Taylor in her embrace as they rolled over on the bed in a pile of joy.

"We-We're going to be mommies!" Taylor all but yelled and pressed a few tear stained kisses to Karlie's own wet cheeks.

"We are!" The model exclaimed and held her wife close, "Happy birthday!"  

Three Things I Took Too Long To Learn: My Film2Future Awards Ceremony Closing Speech

As some of you are already aware, I’m on the board of a nonprofit called Film 2 Future which works with underrepresented and underserved high school students around the greater Los Angeles area to teach them filmmaking. The students we work with come from communities so geographically close to Hollywood, but a million miles away in terms of opportunities. Our students learn the technical and creative aspects of filmmaking, such as how to pitch, write, produce, direct, and edit, with the goal of placing each student into college or a paid position within the entertainment industry.

Here’s a 2 minute overview.

At the end of the year, we throw a screening and awards ceremony for these students and their families, and invite our friends in the entertainment industry to attend. This year, our students got to see their projects - projects they wrote, directed, edited, and produced - screened in front of showrunners, producers, known actors and directors, writers, advertising executives, VC partners, and Fortune 100 brand managers.

Honestly, it was pretty fucking rad.

As part of the board, I was invited to give the closing speech at this year’s awards ceremony. I never intended to post that speech here - both because it’s written to be spoken out loud, and because I’d written it directly to the students whom I’d seen put so much work into their projects. However since that event, I’ve had a dozen people email me to ask if I could send them this speech, so I decided that perhaps it was worth posting online after all.

I hope you enjoy it, and if after reading it you feel moved to help us in our goal to inspire and empower diversity in a new generation of filmmakers, I’d love to hear from you.

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Barrett Garese. I’m a board member for Film 2 Future and responsible for developing last year’s VR and new media curriculum with Rachel. And it’s my absolute pleasure to be able to offer a few parting words before we wrap up tonight.

To the 25 students who are the reason we’re all here tonight: I’ve seen all of you at work and I’ve seen the results of that work. Some of you I’ve seen grow as artists over several years; some of you I met for the first time this year. All of you have shown acumen, intelligence, creativity, and drive.

And there’s something I realized I’d said a hundred times to other people, but that you deserved to hear directly, from me to you: I am so damn proud of you.

Here’s the bigger thing: I believe in you.

I believe that you have the capacity to be professionally successful in the entertainment industry and the willingness to do what it takes to make that happen. I believe in you as individuals who can continue to learn, grow, and impress me and every other professional in this room. I believe that I will one day see your work in my living room, on my phone, on Hulu, and at the Arclight, and I believe that I may one day be working with or even for some of you.

I believe in your potential, and I believe in you.

I’m what you’d call a late bloomer, and what I sometimes call an idiot who takes way too long to learn simple lessons. But there are some advantages to being a late bloomer - mainly that you can stand in front of 25 students with a ton of potential, and give them a few shortcuts that might help them avoid your dumbass mistakes and maybe smooth the road to their success. And since Rachel told me I only have ten minutes before she drags me off stage, I’ll keep it to three points.

—————

The first piece of advice I have to offer is something I didn’t learn until I was 25 when my boss yelled it at me: no one will ever give you permission to succeed.

I had been working there a year and a half, waiting for someone to recognize my work. Waiting for permission to pursue something I desperately wanted to do. Waiting for someone to offer up advice and guidance without me asking for it. Waiting for ... something to happen.

But no one is ever going to give you permission to follow your dreams, or to make something that’s never been made before, or to do something better than they ever could. No one is ever going to give you permission to dream or to create or to make something so beautiful that it changes a stranger's life forever.

No one’s ever going to give you permission to stand up and say “My ideas have value.”

So unapologetically take up space in the world and in other people’s minds. Don’t apologize for wanting or trying or working to create something beautiful or to build a better world, and for anyone who tells you it’s not your place, understand that their fears and anxieties and regrets are not yours to inherit.

No one will ever give you permission to succeed, so stop waiting for it.

————— Second, we’ve taught you how to tell a story, now go find your voice.

None of you knew how to make a short film until you did it. Now you do. Your next one will be better, and the one after that, better still. Your next job is to find what makes your voice unique.

Yes, everything is storytelling, no matter whether you’re writing or directing or doing sound or color or music or editing - it’s all storytelling. But your voice is what transforms something from paint by numbers to fine art.

There’s a reason no other film looks like a Del Toro film there’s a reason you can identify Aaron Sorkin’s dialogue in a single exchange. There’s a reason John Williams and Roger Deakins and Toni Morrison carry the legacies they do - and if you don’t know those names or why they carry that weight, congratulations - I just gave you some homework to do.

Your voice is equally unique. It comes from a mix of of your experiences, your influences, and your dreams. It’s every album you loved and why, and every film that you couldn’t stop rewatching or thinking about. Every show that made you go “just one more episode and then I’ll go to bed.” Every day you’ve lived, and every night you’ve dreamed. That’s the formula that comes together to bring your voice to life.

It will take time to figure out what makes your voice uniquely you, but that work - your work - is worth your time. There are some stories that only you can tell. I mean that collectively, but also individually. There are some stories or sounds or feelings that are yours alone to share, and that the world will never know unless you bring them into being.

Your voice has value. Your ideas have value. Your experiences have value. Your lives have value.

So find your voice - because the world deserves to hear it.

—————

“On a long enough timeline, your success rate approaches 100%.” This was a quote from an old grizzled cinematographer on the first feature film I ever worked on. I was 22, and had been promoted from being a PA to a lighting assistant, which meant that I was promoted out of the air conditioned video village and into dragging heavy and expensive lights around in the hundred degree August heat. I asked him if he had any career advice and that’s what he told me: on a long enough timeline, your success rate approaches 100%.

It seemed so profound that it wasn’t until I was 32 that I realized he’d just told me a really fancy version of “don’t give up.” But it’s true - half of success is just outlasting your competition. Of choosing to not give up. Over time, that stubbornness becomes what we lovingly refer to as “experience.” You’ll learn a hundred different ways to do something, and you’ll learn the best way to do a hundred different things. You’ll make mistakes, fix them, and then make newer, better mistakes next time. And people will begin to rely on you, and hire you specifically for that experience. But how you spend your time is a choice you make every day.

And that’s the third piece: time will pass either way - how you choose to spend that time is what will determine your life’s direction.

My mother died last year on Christmas Eve. She was too young, and too smart, and too wonderful, and too good of a person to deserve to die from cancer at 69, but she did. She deserved more time.

I spent the last three weeks of her life at home with her and my dad and my brother and her friends - the best way I’ve ever chosen to spend my time. In the quiet moments between visitors, we talked a lot about Film 2 Future, and what we hoped would come from all the work that we as a board and you as students put into it.

My mother would have loved to be here tonight. She believed in the idea that art could change the world and that artists were almost magical, able to put pictures and ideas into other people’s minds, and to affect the emotions of strangers at a distance. I loved her a lot. And I miss her a lot.

She also believed in you. That your voices had meaning and you had stories worth telling. That other people would underestimate you, but that you could change the world. The computers you each received earlier this year were a gift from her, because she believed you each deserved the opportunity to prove her right, and that you would need the right tools in order to do so. And she’s right. You do deserve the opportunity. And I expect that in time, you will prove her right.

It may take a year, or five, or ten - but that time will pass either way. I promise you that you are worth making time for. That your dreams and ideas and goals and desires are worth making time for. Those have value too and you owe it to yourself to give those the time they deserve. And on a long enough timeline, your success rate will approach 100%.

Those are the three things that I took too long to learn: that no one will ever give you permission to succeed, that your voice has value, and that time will pass either way. I hope that in sharing them, maybe I can help you skip ahead a bit.

—————

Every single one of you has earned my respect. Every single one of you has earned my effort. Every single one of you has earned the professional courtesy that means when you reach out, I will respond. None of us who work in entertainment have done it alone. Along the way every single one of us had people who helped us. Who gave us advice, or notes, or who helped us with projects, or made phone calls on our behalf. You have the same. Look around you. Look around at your peers. Look around at your mentors. Look around at everyone in this room - they are here for - and because of - you.

You have an army behind you. And we believe in you.

We have also invested in you. We have invested our time, our energy, our knowledge, and our networks into you and your future. And like any investment, we expect a return on that investment. Our payoff won’t be with money, but with doors.

One day you will work on films, or tv, or vr, or commercials, or music, or something brand new that’s just a wisp of an idea in the back of someone’s mind today. That door will open for you. And my sincere hope is that you don’t slam it behind you, but that you hold it open for others to walk through.

That is my one request of you: in exchange for our help, hold the door open. Make it easier for other people to be successful. If you need a selfish reason, then tell yourself that it’s because the more people that see you as the fulcrum to their success, the more favors you will be owed; but the reality is that the more doors you hold open for others, the better the world will be.

And maybe, over time, with enough open doors, and enough new voices who never stopped to ask permission, the entertainment landscape will look a little less like me and a lot more like all of you.

You have already done amazing things. We are all proud of you. We all believe in you. But most importantly, we can’t wait to see what you do next. Thank you.

——————

And to the rest of the gathered audience, we believe in you too. Because while these students made the most of the opportunity to learn and grow and create amazing projects for professional partners, that opportunity is dependent upon the generosity of our corporate partners and our individual donors.

We’re in this beautiful screening space because Hulu has worked with us for almost two years now, lending us their space and their people and their time. Thank you, sincerely.

We had a space to learn this summer because Steelhead and Deutsch lent us the use of their facilities as we brought in a frankly absurd number of speakers every day. Thank you for giving us a home base.

We work hard to help change the future of 25 students every year. Every year we provide transportation, two meals a day, and two hundred guest speakers. And every year we start from scratch in order to do so. We find a location. We book speakers. We bring on production staff and equipment. We cannot do that without your help. Your donations - corporate and personal - go directly towards building a better future for our students. And let me tell you what that future looks like:

In just four years we’ve started to build a real pipeline into the entertainment industry. We’ve taught 125 students across five programs, and have former students working in paid positions on Glow, Vida, Mayans MC, and Brooklyn 99 amongst dozens of other shows and films. We have helped our students earn more than a million dollars in college scholarships. We’re asking for your help to continue this mission. If you’d like to donate, please see our very helpful PAs. If you’d like to help in other ways, by providing paid internships or sponsoring a student, or equipment donations, please find Rachel or Simon or Samata or me after the show. We’d love to talk.

Either way, please take the time to congratulate our students on their hard work. What you saw tonight was the result of untold hours of blood, sweat, tears, and creativity. Of panicked days and sleepless nights and impossible odds and triumphant successes. If you’ve ever put a production together, you’ll know that every production feels like an impossible task at times, and each and every one of our students deserves your respect for making such amazing work.

But the biggest reason you should meet these students is so that one day you’ll be able to tell your friends and children the story of when you met these filmmakers and producers and DPs and sound designers and editors way back when, and how you played a small part in their future success.

Thank you for coming to the Film 2 Future 2019 Awards Ceremony.

The truth about vampires

Let’s start off with some basics. What’s your name? Rachel How old are you? 35 What’s your hair and eye color? Green eyes, brown to teal hair. How tall are you? 5′6″

What’s your relationship status? Married Alright, enough of that. Let’s move on to the random shit. What’s your favorite song? Mayonaise by the Smashing Pumpkins, Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton and In Your Atmosphere by John Mayer. What does that song mean? What is the message behind it? They are all pretty different theme wise, but all three really evoke a feeling. Is it your favorite because you relate to it, or do you just like the beat? They’re all more guitar heavy than having a beat, the lyrics and overall feeling the songs provide are what really get m, though. Have any pets? If so, what are they and what’s their names? I have a dog named Finn, and a cat named Mateo. Have you ever met your idol? If so, were they nice or were they kind of an ass? I don’t have an idol. What’s your favorite method of gaming? (PC, Xbox, Playstation, etc) Either the Switch or my laptop. Xbox is fine, but I guess I prefer a handheld type device.  If you’re in college, what’s your major and why did you pick it? I am not in college. My major when I attended varied between visual communications, education and IT. I didn’t choose nor graduate. How’re you doing today? Meh, theres a lot going on around me with people I care about. I was talking to a friend earlier about how most people are stressed or unhapy this time of year, which is really not my experience. I love buying gifts for others, decorating and baking, so this is generally a good time for me. What color are your bedroom walls? Ugh, like a pastel yellow. I really dislike the color. I have painted some grey paint splotches on one wall to see which one I liked most, but I’ve never gotten around to actually painting. Describe your favorite shirt. I don’t know that I have a favorite. I typically wear a shirt I got from John Mayer’s last tour the most- its got a cool fish and cat graphic on it. Use this space to tell someone off. I’ve no one to tell off. What’s your view on smart watches? Cool or a waste of money? I have one. I like it. I really like watches in general, though and I feel a little sad I don’t wear the analog ones anymore, but I’d miss the functionality of the smartwatch. What is one poster that you have hanging on your bedroom wall of? I don’t have anything hanging on the walls in my room. We have slanted ceilings, so there isn’t even enough space for a poster. My room was covered in band posters as a teenager, though. How many times have you moved in your life? I lived at home til 20, lived with my first roommate til 25, a townhouse with a friend and my now husband for a year, an apt with my now husband for 4 years and now our house for 5 years. If you moved, do you like where you are now better than where you were? I’ve stayed in pretty much the same area, but living in our house is definitely better than the one bedroom apartment we were in. What’s your favorite color and why? Grey. Darker earthy tones. Do you have a calendar? If so, what’s the theme? Nope. Just use my watch/phone. Have any famous person’s autographs? I do on some concert tickets from when I was younger. Do you draw well? Depends on your perspective, to my non-artistic friends, they think I’m amazing. The artistic friends, probably just roll their eyes lol. What type of cell phone do you have? iPhone X. Should you be doing anything else right now or are you just bored? I finally finished the wedding I had been editing and the only other project I have right now is the paint by number of our dog I got for my husband as a gift, but he’s here, so it has to wait. Finishing that wedding was a huge weight off my shoulders.

If you’re in school/college, what’s your favorite subject and why? Not in school. Maybe now that I’m done with the wedding I’ll start exploring some learning opportunities. Are you a cat or a dog person? Why? I would’ve always said cat until I got a dog. There are a lot of things about dogs I was really not into, but I love my dog so much. Personality wise, I’m more of a cat person, but in practice I like dogs. Tell me about the plot of your favorite book. I have several. One has a ghost that rings a bell around a mounted moose’s head. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses. What do you think about horror movies? I like them. I’ve seen a lot of old ones. Back in the day, my mom and I would go to Blockbuster and I’d get a different horror movie every week. If you love them (I do), what’s your favorite? Nightmare on Elm Stree is a classic for me. It Follows is probably the one that fucked me up the most. Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? I’ve got all my gifts purchsed except for the hub. He sent me a ridiculous wish list that included a suit of armor and a castle and then decided he didn’t want any gifts this year. I’m running out of time to figure something out. Do you do Black Friday shopping or wait for Cyber Monday? Neither. I’m definitely not going to go out on Black Friday and deal with all those people for junk I don’t need. As for Cyber Monday, I don’t really pay much attention to any of the deals and don’t really buy more on that day than I would on any other. Have any mental illnesses? Not encompassing enough to get any kinda of diagnosis. What’s your favorite word and why? No idea.  What is the most expensive thing you own, and what is it? My car? I mean, I don’t outright own it yet. Singular item, my MacBook or iMac, I guess.  Did you buy that item yourself? Yes, I bought the macbook and iMac after I left my job at Cassano’s and needed a new laptop since my previous one was owned by the company. Where do you work and what is your position? *I am currently unemployed. How often do you cuss? A fair amount. Maybe just a little bit more than whomever I’m talking to. What type of car do you drive, if any? I have a 2012 Volvo s60. Are you happy with it? If no, what’s your dream car? I prefer to drive my car than my husbands, but I’m like 50/50 on liking it. Right now, my dream vehicles are the new Land Rover Defender or an Audi Q8. Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Which ones? I have Instagram, Facebook LinkedIn and Tumblr. I very rarely post on any of them. I use snapchat a lot, though, if that counts. What is your favorite genre of music? My Spotify year end review said I listen to Pop, Rock, Indie, Folk and Emo the most. In that order. Does your family have holiday traditions? If so, what are they? Nope. My fmaily just barely cobbles themselves together for major holidays. If you’re in a relationship, are you happy with it? Sure. People are breaking up around us, and it really makes me appreciate the relationship my husband and I have, even if it doesn’t always feel like its going as well as it is. How long have you been with your significant other? Just hit the 10 year mark. Do you like psychology? (It’s my college major). Nah. Never really been something I’m too interested in. What is something your state is popularly known for? College football I guess.  Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what’s the coolest thing you made? I do. I recently drew a bunch of Dungeons and Dragons monsters to use as ornaments on a tree in my dining room where my husband and his friends play Dungeons and Dragons on Sundays. I’ve made some painting as house warming gifts or nursery art for friends children that they’ve hung up and thats nice to see. Do you watch sports or do you think they’re overrated? Nah. Not really a fan. What’s one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn’t deserve to? Meh, I don’t know that I want to hate on any specific occupation. The extremely rich do bother me, however, with how much money they make, often at their employees detriment. Do you straigthen your hair? Not usually. I have more lately, since its getting long again. I’m more likely to do the loose waves thing, though. Ever dyed your hair a color that isn’t natural? (blue, pink, etc) Yes, it is currently teal. How’s your relationship with your parents? Relationship with my mom is okay, none with my dad. Do you still live with them or do you have your own house? I live in my own home. What’s something you are currently saving money for to buy? Hmm, nothing. The couple of items I want at the moment, I asked for on my Christmas list. Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? Nope, I’ve never smoked. Ever done drugs? Nope. Tell me one of your worst habits. Picking at my cuticles? What’s a weird quirk you have that no one else you know does? No idea, I kind of doubt that theres something I do that no one else ever does. If you game, what type of headset do you use? I don’t ever need a headset. What type of computer do you own, and do you like it? I have a MacBook Pro. I used to have an Air and I loved it, but my husband talked me into getting the Pro instead and I regret it.  What’s the thing that annoys you the most? When my husband asks google to make his cellphone ring at max volume without even trying to look for it. Today, it was in his pocket. What brand of TV do you have? Samsung. Are you excited for Christmas? (It’s December 1st today when I made this) Kind of? I love how cozy my house feels with all the decorations.  Tell me about your favorite vacation you’ve taken. We went to New York for my birthday/anniversary/Halloween 2 years ago. Tell me something cool about yourself. I am not cool? Did/do you get good grades in school/college? Not in my middle school/high school years. What’s your ringtone on your phone? Vibrate. What’s your favorite store to shop in? The internet. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy and why? I have no idea. I’d probably sit on the money for a long time and then once I finally broke the seal, buy a bunch of stuff. How long have you had a Bzoink account? Don’t have one. Ever been to Field of Screams? If so, what’s your favorite attraction? Nope. Do you own a Polaroid camera? I have an Instax camera. Do you have hardwood floor in your room or carpet? The two bedrooms upstairs have carpet, but the rest of the house is hardwood. It’s a Saturday night, what are you typically doing? Relaxing at home, most likely. Doing a crossword puzzle, probably. Do you have a lot of friends or do you not have any at all? I have a couple. What’s your all time favorite movie and why? I don’t know, really. I watch the Iron Man movies and Thor Ragnarok the most these days. How many blankets do you sleep with at night? A sheet and comforter. What’s the last TV show you watched? Did you enjoy it? The Mandalorian. I do enjoy it.  Do you prefer cable TV or do you use Netflix? We have cable, but never really watch it. Everything we want to watch is only Netflix or Disney+. What is your dream job and why? I have no idea. Need to get to thinking on that. Do you think you would be a good therapist? I do. I think I can listen to people and help them come to their own answers pretty well. What’s your favorite brand of clothing? I don’t know that I have a favorite. Anything that fits well and has a lot of sales lol.