my dear moot. so gallavich are fuckbuddies and the ian leaves and becomes an emt and then what??? how do they get back together? do they like. see each other in the couple years between because of mandy or other people or do they go no contact?? if it's no contact then why do they see each other again?? i desperately need to know. i'm invested in this au definitely more than i should be since i haven't even finished the show yet but like. it's amazing. i'm obssesed

omg hi!!!!!! thank you so so much for the question. i swear im still spinning this au around in my head ive just been so very preoccupied lately but i intend to write about that first night in the bar soon so keep an eye out for that. BUT! i will put the answer to this under a cut because it got longwinded.

so i want to start with why things fizzle out in the first place. they start up very much like canon gallavich - ian is ass over teakettle for mickey, and mickey, while definitely interested, isn't nearly as invested. things diverge from their canon characterization around the time of mick and svet's marriage. ian remains pissed, but rather than fucking off to the army, he stays - and it triggers his first major depressive episode.

and then mickey's like....... dude what the fuck is going on with you. because mickey, at this point, has bigger fucking fish to fry. instead of him being ian's main caretaker during this time it falls on the other gallaghers and mickey's just sort of around, in the periphery, and then when ian hits that manic upswing again, a LOT of the insane reckless shit he does is with or for mickey. but they never hit that deeper connection that we see gallavich develop in seasons 4/5 because they're just too fucking busy

so then ian quits work, and that's fine, but that means he and mickey dont really see much of each other anymore. they try to keep things up for a little bit, but it's just not really convenient since they aren't constantly in the same place, and so they're just kind of like, well whatever.

(they are both secretly very sad about this. but neither of them wants to come out and say that. so they just don't.)

and yeah, they do end up seeing each other a little, because ian and mandy are still friends, and she's probably so, SO tired of his bullshit, because he tells her all of these conflicting feelings he's having. she drops these stupid-obvious hints to mickey, but he's got a thick skull. so mostly she just pesters ian.

and then a little over a year goes by before the next major event - eventually they kind of put each other in the back of their minds, not really forgotten but not a main figure anymore. maybe ian gets a boyfriend, for real. but he still hasn't exactly nailed the balance of his meds, and though he doesn't experience the full spectrum anymore, there's definitely periods of time that...... aren't quite right. so he finds himself in one of those, and he gets off work and, well, that bar he used to work at is kind of close. and he kind of misses that messy thing he had going with mickey. and he drops in.

he gets more than a little tipsy at the bar, hanging around waiting for mickey to come in - and eventually he does. and ian isn't really sure how to approach this, but you know what always worked for him? starting a fight. so he does that. he calls mickey over, brings him outside, and just fucking. socks him in the face. and it does what ian wants it to! they beat the shit out of each other, take a little breather for mickey to ask what the fuck that was about, and in response, ian kisses him. they barely make it inside before their pants are off.

but ian, for the most part at least, has his life on track right now. he can't get involved in organized crime, he's a fucking emt. he has shit to be doing. his brother's a cop, even if a corrupt one. so he leaves that night, as much as it pains him, and puts it in the past. for a bit.

but FUCK! it hurts more this time. it SUCKS, suddenly, very badly. he wants nothing more than to go back again and apologize and start over, start it again the right way. and though ian loves mandy, he doesn't really trust her judgement on this specific thing. so he confides in lip. lip says, no dude, you did the right thing. don't spend more time around them than you need to. and ian takes that advice! for a little while.

another ten months goes by. it's been two years - two years! - since they had a regular thing going. and really? they're still stuck on each other. mickey very nearly reaches out a few times, but svet worries they'd be spending too much time with the gallaghers. and mickey trusts her.

thing is? yev's a clumsy kid. when he's about three, mickey turns his back for all of ten seconds and yev pulls a pot of boiling water down from the stove - and onto himself. it only really gets his arm, but it's a LOT of his arm, and naturally, mickey freaks the fuck out! and like, ive mentioned this offhand before, but he and svet are STUPID protective over their boy. like, would kill for him protective. so he calls 911. guess who shows up?

ian. of course it's ian. so they treat yev and get everything sorted out, but fuck, if watching mickey be a good dad isn't, for some fucking reason, the hottest thing ian's ever seen. and he misses him! by this point, he misses him so goddamn bad. can't get mickey out of his head. so he says, hey, you still have my number. give me a call in a couple days, let me know how yev's doing. i can come check on him, change the bandages.

and mickey calls him that night, actually. ian's like, did something happen, is yev okay? and mickey says, yeah he's fine. do you want to get dinner. and ian says yes, jesus christ, please.

and they're like, actually pretty normal from then on out. they remain ian and mickey, so of course there's ups and downs. but they're ian and mickey again.

I am seriously crying writing angst not Sam in tfp.

From my observation if we fused bay and prime time. Tfp take place one or two years after revenge of fallen, and that incident quite big at same time Sam change into cybertron. And I can guess government want autobots to hide and side Sam part of cybertron government hide him also and and government kind want 'poking' Sam , optimus definitely not like it so he take action and the best action to make government stay away is that isolation, isolated Sam from all humans and he meant all it's meant all. And it's work government stopping poking Sam.

Optimus actually can sneaking to Sam meet his parents but unfortunately mearing is they aliason/ambassador and she very strict and even not like gollway, mearing more fierce to get what she want. So in that situation optimus hands are bound

Until Fowler becoming they new ambassador, and while Fowler is strict , he willing to broke rules and hide things for them (in limited things of course) Fowler considering as 'easy going' , optimus actually planning to Sam meet his parents again but well decepticon active again, the kids also he not sure about Sam meet his parents again after years, optimus fear that Sam parent rejects Sam and lead Sam into more depression.

And well optimus never forget who was Sam, he actually keep remember that Sam was human and not stuck permanent in middle of war. Optimus actually feel guilty that he can give best things to Sam and like it or not optimus feel failed to protect Sam despite all things he did. And when Sam say that he wish they never met it's broke his heart but optimus accept Sam hate to him because he feel Sam losing everything because of him.

it wasn't meant to work out like this.

"I'm sorry Witwicky. It may just be a case they've left the country or changed address or and contact details one to many times and haven't been updated yet" fowler rubbed the side of his neck. The open lack of a answer probably hurt Samuel more. More for his mind to ruminate over in sleepless nights.

Optimus truly wanted it to work. Wanted to give Samuel slight comfort or a fulfilled wish. for his long battle to connect as ambassador for them and human government again to give him something in return. Optimus cant recall the last time Sam asked for something for himself outside of materials or information to aid them all.

Optimus watch Sam's shoulders for the drop of grief, the bend of ache he was no doubt feeling. Primus knows how Optimus felt like that himself. So maybe it was worse it never happened.

"You know" he shrugged, "It happens, hard to keep an eye on everything right? even a hyper surveillance country can loose a few right?" his shoulders raised like he was releasing tension or trying to seem unaffected. By Fowlers own deepening frown Optimus wasn't the only one not buying it.

Samuel seemed to judge Fowlers reaction at loss, he didn't turn back to see Optimus's reaction. Putting his hands in his pockets he twirled to the Hallway only he and Fowler had access to.

Even if Samuel and Fowler had warmed to the children being in the base they seemed content to leave Samuel his own retreat amongst them all.

He shouldn't let Sam walk away, Optimus knew he needed to tell his friend he would keep trying, pushing, reaching out. That he couldn't let Sam think Optimus Prime had put his first Human relation on the backburner amongst new changes to the live they had lived with each other.

"Samuel I-" he was cut off, Samuel didn't even turn around

"OP its okay, I'll be okay" He tried to convey in a soothing tone, something Samuel often only used on Bumblebee. Something in Optimus spark ached.

Sam shot a small nod over his shoulder. one to Optimus and another to agent Fowler with a tight but kind tired smile.

"Really, Thanks for trying guys-" he seemed to stop like he was about to finish his sentence before scrunching his face up and shaking his head. banishing a thought perhaps.

"I think their probably being smart, trying not be tracible to me and this life" The Door closes.

And with it whatever Optimus was using to hold himself straight is cut. and he bows with a deep sense of grief and another tally of failure he's accumulated under Samuels name.

Hi, how are you? Look, this is not a question, but if it has to do with my last question, this is simply contribution to that post from my perspective. First I will talk about Hanako, clearly his language in love is with actions and physical contact, he cannot take his hands off Nene, he is always looking to touch her, hug her, feel that body heat that he does not have, he has not told her. Nene who loves her but we know perfectly well that if he does it for everything he does, he would literally make the world explode for her, this is a double-edged sword, he loves her very deeply, he likes everything about her, he has an intense desire for her, melts for her, Nene has pushed all her buttons and here we go to the bad. Among the buttons are his possessiveness, his jealousy and insecurities, he is capable of locking her up just because he saw fit, he does not tell her what is happening, he knows that he has made Nene suffer or that he could hurt her with his actions but since he was desperate to saving her anyway he did everything he did. Then he also seems to become obsessed with the people he loves, he is very dependent, he does think it is convenient to leave Nene, but Nene cannot leave him, because it would affect him too much. But leaving aside the negative (I was already getting depressed XD) what helps Nene is that it makes her feel protected, loved and appreciated, after a lot of people despised her, it feels good that there is someone who will always save her who can, who hugs her when she is terrified or crying, someone who loves her unconditionally. Now let's talk about Nene, her main love language is definitely time and words of affirmation unlike Hanako's heavy love, her love is soft and light, it is her free love, she would sacrifice herself for those she loves, but she would try not to hurt those people, she loves Hanako unconditionally, she knows that he is dead but she doesn't care, she knows that Hanako has a lot of problems, that she has done a lot of wrong things, but she still loves, She doesn't force him to tell her about his past, she gives him space when she needs it, Nene is the light, she is the star that Hanako needs, it is that sweet part that melts him, how can you tell Nene's love is definitely healthier than Hanako's, all of the above helps Hanako, who would not fall in love with someone like Nene. The bad thing about her is that she continues to feel attracted to other guys, which arouses Hanako's jealousy (which she sometimes does with that intention) and another problem may be her naivety that seems to sometimes scratch Hanako, but I feel that That naivety is sometimes also intentional to deal with the very complicated situations that occur, in addition she is also intense and who knows what actions she can take with the current situation.

I hope it helps you, thank you very much :)

Woohoo!!!! this is incredible!!! Thank you very much for sharing with me!!! It will definitely help me a lot, I need to review some things in the manga too before making the post.

And I haven't forgotten about you, I haven't made the post yet because I don't have time to develop large, analytical or theoretical posts, they are more small posts (which I leave scheduled to publish automatically).

*work T^T

But, I'll see if I can put together the post this week (let's hope I can) XD

Don't worry, it's still on the way. I've been trying to come back with longer posts for a while, I'll do my best

what is the plot of the partners in crime AU?

hi anon. thank you. THANK YOU for this ask. okay so um

basically it's an au in which, following della's disappearance, a few things happen. Differently from canon

putting everything under the cut because it's A Lot lmfao. enjoy

the fallout is much, much worse. scrooge and donald both really lose their temper and tear into each other, and donald essentially disowns himself entirely from the mcduck clan. think stan saying "as far as i'm concerned, [the kids]'re the only family i have left." at the end of a tale of two stans. (or not, if you haven't watched gravity falls, but YOU GET THE POINT.

scrooge burns through his money bin a lot quicker in the search for della. he's desperate not only to see her again, but also as much as he hates to admit it, he fucking misses donald- but after the mess he made, neither of them are willing to admit that, much less reach out to each other again. their egos are too big for their own good. he needs a mediator to even begin to salvage whatever's left of his relationship with his nephew.

but of course the buzzards stop him eventually. he's forced to accept that della, wherever she is, is either dead or never coming back. and that's when he snaps: he invests so much time, effort, and money into this so-called family of his and this is what becomes of it? he's had ENOUGH (this is a lie, he loves his family deeply and misses them like anything. this is just the point where he starts denying it, suppressing it even "for his own good").

speaking of the buzzards i imagine fowl probably kills off duckworth within that timespan as well to further isolate scrooge, which only fucks with him more. only instead of just isolating him and turning him depressed it kind of backfires. i mean. it definitely does both of those things but he's also incredibly Angry. he's sick and tired of losing people

and what does he do with this feeling of rage? he decides to embrace a life of villainy. he doesn't have to set an example for anyone anymore, and public opinion matters little to him anyways. it's time to put his own spin on things. and as always, he's going to do it all on his own. he's scrooge mcduck, after all, he can do whatever he wants if he works hard enough at it. so he sets to hatching his very first evil plan...and soon discovers he is. absolutely No Fucking Good at hatching evil plans! he's never done this before. he doesn't know head or tail of where to begin. it's almost embarrassing for him, which is silly, after all he isn't even sharing these ideas with anyone...

...until he is! he eventually cracks and approaches his rival, flintheart glomgold. he knows nobody else who's been villain-ing for as long as he has, nobody else who pours so much care into their evil schemes as him (magica does NOT COUNT!!!!!!!1). he reckons he could pick up a thing or two from ol' flinty before getting back to his whole... working alone thing. and of course, glomgold agrees, because who would he be to pass up an opportunity to FINALLY be better at something than scrooge is?

their relationship is rocky at best. they argue a lot! unsurprisingly! glomgold takes every opportunity to rub it in that he's in a position of power here, and scrooge is just... so eager to be done with this all and go back to scheming on his own. but soon he finds out just how much there is to learn. you have to establish a whole new public personality when you reinvent yourself as a villain, it turns out. your own special scheming style! your own obnoxious catchphrase! there's so much he doesn't know. he can't find it in him to leave just yet, because he'll always be haunted by that extra information he never bothered to learn.

that and he doesn't want to admit that they both do grow on each other after awhile. it's a weird sort of rivals to found family situation (not "found family" as in "traditional family structure", not at all, more like a "they're the closest thing they have to family at this point" lollll) if that makes sense??? which, of course, is ironic considering how scrooge swore off the idea of family earlier on... but surely it doesn't count if it's glomgold, he's only here to learn from him, after all. the fact that they proceeded to spiral into dysfunctional codependency doesn't mean anything. Surely. SURELY.

anyway yeah this au seems very serious and angsty and. on one hand YES. IT KIND OF IS. scrooge is going through the HORRORS because let's face it, every au i make has to make the sad tortured old men Even More sad and tortured. but it's also just a nice little excuse for me to put scrooge and glomgold into Situations together and be a little lame and edgy about it. take for example this scenario which i've been thinking about for at least a week but never got to draw because i've been busy with exams

they're very silly actually <3 anyway HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS RANT!!! thank you again for sending me an ask it means the world to me. i have been waiting for an excuse to scream about this au for so long i'm glad people are interested EHEHH

Hi. Not the same anon but the mental health talk with this album has been bothering me or annoying honestly. Like I have some problems with the whole being trapped in a mental asylum imagery too but idk. I don't mind her singing about it cuz we know she struggled in the past. I think my problem with it is everyone's saying how sad this album is yet I'm not feeling any actual emotion about it or what she went through except in some songs..So Long London, The Black Dog I guess. But like it's more in the manic non serious way than I'm actually depressed and wanna die..that I guess I can't really relate to..idk. something like ill crash on the rocks which is kinda dark but it's more in a desperate way I just don't believe really..instead of like This is Me Trying, Hoax or Evermore. I know I can Do it with a Broken Heart is supposed to be more upbeat and jokey I guess and we've all been there so it's fine. But I just wish she had one song that actually explained how bad it was for her and her feelings, similar to Evermore. I'm biased cuz that's one of my favorite songs but still. Also the way she talks about Joes issues..like sometimes it is hard being with someone like that, and I guess she couldn't handle it anymore but she excuses it away by saying she was bored. It makes me feel kinda bad about myself sometimes cuz she would find me so boring and my entire life a waste lol. Also like even if you do work on it, it's mostly still there and even if she did leave, it wouldn't fix all of the issues either..so she didn't love him enough to stay or he didn't love her enough. Like my mom makes my mental health worse at times and maybe it would be a little better if I left, but it wouldn't get rid of it completely either. But literally in the album in the Alchemy, she has the lyric the hospital was a drag and she's out of it now.. because she met Travis and now she's completely fine. She doesn't owe us anything or to talk about it of course but idk why she erased it from her life like in the Time article or blamed some of it on Joe. But I'm glad at least that she didn't pretend that they weren't in love for all that time either. I'm glad she's happy now but I have to remind myself it's okay I'm not as healed as Taylor. Even in the worst time of her life, she had someone falling in love with her lol and now it happened for her again and that was never my experience at all so I need to stop trying to relate to her anymore or compare myself to her I guess. I still mostly like the album though. Sorry idk why I typed all this and I'm really nervous sending this ask. I hope it's okay.

First of all, it's a brave thing to share your experience so please don't feel nervous about it, this was a very insightful read (and it's absolutely okay btw!! Thank you for trusting me) and I completely agree with you, at first I thought it's because I haven't played the album in full or just sat with it enough to fully absorb it but it's been a week and I definitely don't think it's her saddest or most harrowing work so far. A lot of times it seems as if she's dangling a dark lyric for shock value and then immediately switching it up with a follow up that's not entirely relevant to the line. Even though a lot of people insist that context is important, some lines still rub me off as insensitive, and despite it (probably) not being her intention the locked up in an asylum imagery comes off as not much more than an aesthetic to me, at the very least. She was much more vulnerable and meaningful in evermore, and I can't help but feel a little cautious of the work she puts out post renegade because it has disillusioned me from my previous perception of her work.

Heyo! I read through your posts on Black hairstyles and got really inspired, so first off thank you for those! It did leave me with a question, though.

What might poorly-maintained Black hair look like? Say your Black character is going through a really bad depression period. Maybe they just lost a loved one in the story you wrote, or they just struggle with mental health in general. But, they're in a state where just getting out of bed seems impossible, let alone caring for their hair. What would be good ways to indicate that?

You're welcome!

Depends on the hairstyle. If you had braids or locs, your roots would grow messy because they haven't been redone or retwisted. It would start to look real bad.

With locs they may get matted, which will take time to detangle and relock neatly. Afros will definitely mat if no one is taking care of it. Maybe even to the point of needing to be cut out, if someone's not willing to put in the time to at least wash and detangle.

Your scalp and hair would look dry and dusty, in need of a wash and some oil. It'll get brittle, maybe fall out. Would probably itch, tbh. Definitely smell bad! Oh I hate the thought lmao.

Idk much else tbh. I've never had a situation go so bad that my hair wasn't being taken care of. Not the way my scalp would literally bleed with my issues. I've had some friends who were going through it point blank shave their hair off and start over when it upset them, which I thought was very cool of them.

UPDATE: 2024

Usually I make these kinds of post around New Years, but this year I didn't really have anything to say. But now we're a month in and I definitely do.

I feel…different, this year. In a good way, I think. I feel like I'm tired of being complacent and riding coattails. This month has been a whirlwind of getting my shit in line. So far I:

handled two serious family crises smoothly and picked myself back up quickly from both

called my health insurance (phone calls have historically been an hours-long meltdown-inducing debacle for me) twice to switch my PCP because the previous one was consistently booked 3-6 months out and she just forgot to mention the inhaler I pulled out of my bag to show her at my first appointment so I couldn't get a refill on it or my nebulizer when I had COVID; that's been getting put off since August of last year

made an appointment with said new PCP for Feb 1, and I'm hoping they'll be able to refer me to a dentist and optometrist because I desperately need both

got back into therapy with an autism/ADHD specialist who can help me manage those specifically after my previous therapist didn't understand why I couldn't just Do It™; also have assessments lined up for both to get diagnoses

pay more attention to my health in general, including diet and exercise. I'm already down about 10 lb

restructured my planner to include a mood tracker and sleep tracker, and have been better about staying on top of it

got Trello up and running and so far it's working really well for me

have been doing my house chores more consistently, namely cleaning litter boxes and taking care of my snakes and tarantulas (roommates have been picking up my slack but they shouldn't have to, they're my animals)

am able to work more consistently on my designated work days; before it was a lot of chipping away and putting things off rather than sitting down and making actually decent progress

am finally starting a tattoo sleeve I've wanted for a very, very long time as a belated birthday gift to myself

am consistently filling stream sketch slots, which means I can actually make money and pay my bills on-time (and a huge, huge thank you to everyone who signs up, I'm pretty sure this is the primary reason I've been able to pull myself out of the hole. Financial stability is a hell of a drug)

This year I wanna try really hard to keep the train moving along this track. If things keep going the way they are, I could potentially make some pretty big changes in the not so distant future. Some things I'm brainstorming:

UnholyFans

merch other than stickers (seriously I have so many designs in mind, I just haven't had the drive to work on them or the upfront capital to order inventory)

more monster/demon adoptables

I would really like to collab with some other artists, it's been too fuckin long

website restructure

picking up my side business (I did literally zero pieces for it last year oof), ideally with a rebrand

get back into conventions and try some new crowds: reptile/exotic expos, tattoo conventions, oddities expos, sex conventions, BDSM groups…

push the stream setup to be more professional

rekindling the spark for my personal stories and headworld projects

more I have written down somewhere but can't think of off the top of my head

And to be clear, I'm optimistic, but also a realist. I know from experience that shit changes and I could hit a massive depressive slump in a month or two and be back to where I was for most of last year. I'm still not going to promise anything I'm not confident I can deliver. However, that doesn't mean I shouldn't try.

I already got sidetracked with this post, so I'm gonna make a second to get to my original point and I'll come back and add a link to this one when I do. But suffice to say I want to try - again - to breathe some kind of life back into my SubscribeStar. I have some ideas in mind, but I want to hear yall's opinions on it too.

Watch this space ♥

Week 1 update?

HI FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!

So i finally got my hands on some wifi!!! It won't be for long and very on and off since its at a relative's place, but its wifi yknow?! Vacation is going pretty decent, but I feel a little off bc of such a big cultural change and lifestyle? It';s almost depressing in a way bc there's so many normal things that should be available to the public here that aren't so it's definitely a change

BUT!! It's going well <3 I miss all of you dearly and I sadly haven't gotten any writing done (cuz i dont have wifi lmao) but other than that, it';s been fun!!

I've put up every mention, tag game, and fic I've been tagged in in drafts so I can get to it another time! I'm just catching up now, but hopefully soon I'll properly go through everything!! Thanks for still tagging me in stuff <333

ANYWAY <3 If i haven't replied to a message i'm super sorry and i swear i'm not ignoring anyone, i just genuinely don't have wifi and the power goes out sometimes :/ Please keep sending me stuff though so I can go through it when I can !!!

MWAH MWAH MWAH

-Clem

im actually in love with your age swap au so if you could spare any details about it i'd love to hear!!

omg I'm happy you like it! I wish I spent more time on it because I do love it but it comes and goes in phases for me, like most of my aus tbh fidgsidfjgsdf

idk there are sooo many little things i love about this au!!!

dustin accidentally keeps befriending children and the others will not stop making fun of him for it - first steve, then robin and barb, then eddie - its embarrassing at this point. never mind these guys are all in high school by s4, still embarrassing.

its very important that y'all know that Steve is Lucas's rookie freshman on the varsity team, and that Lucas was at least part of Steve's motivation for going out for the team in the first place

the au is endgame elumax because more fics need to be elumax imo

finding out elumax is a thing definitely rearranges Nancy's 14yo brain. very much a "gee Lucas, why does your mom let you have TWO girlfriends??" age swap nancy has.... too many feelings

I honestly felt weird killing off 12 year old Barb ngl so she gets her own fun plotline that starts in s2. this was also in part bc I needed someone to fill a specific role in s3 and was like oh wait this is a good solution

the party are all part of the high school DnD club, but it's literally just called the DnD club or something similarly generic, age swap Eddie is very put out that the club doesn't have a cooler name and keeps petitioning to change it

arguably, the fact that the party is older in s1 means they should probably have better weapon making abilities more akin to the canon teens and the age swap monster hunting trio should be working with stuff that is much less affective BUT much funnier if 15/16yo Lucas is like nah we're going to fight the government and the demogorgon with nothing but my fists and my wrist rocket, meanwhile baby nancy steve and jonathan still have the nail bat, lighter, and shot gun

just lucas with his wrist rocket even at 16-17-18 is very important to me

honestly its very important to this au that while some things are objectively funnier with the ages reversed (all of the stoncy love triangle drama, jancy being 13 and showing up at murrays door like hi we want to whistle blow, 13yo casanova steve giving 16/17yo never been kissed dustin dating advice) it's also just like, really depressing some of the stuff that happens to the age swapped teens as kids instead (barb getting taken by the demogorgon, the russians, the billy shit tho that goes a LOT differently in the age swap au)

anyway thanks for asking like i said i love talking about this fic even if i haven't been focusing on it much recently

probably should have posted this last week but forgot. but here is everything i listened to last month. very fruitful! i haven't taken in so much new stuff in years. alas, everything in red was a new listen for me and under thee cut is a rough outline on what i enjoyed and thought was mid. if anybody has any suggestions for this month i am pretty much down for anything :)

thee really, really good:

every wand album. especially golem, ganglion reef, plum and perfume. i'm still going fucking mad on listening to those even now – they're just so good. scratches such a deep itch i didn't know i had laying dormant. haven't spent enough time with 1000 days or laughing stock, unfortunately but they're great too! nearly 400 scrobbles since 16th of march, for what its worth. also help desk is great... literally NO misses from them wtf.

same goes for the one cory hanson album i listened to (the unborn capitalist from limbo) which felt like a dream. i'll get to his other two at some point during this month at least.

a silver mt zion's he has left us alone but shafts of light sometimes graces the corner of our rooms... was definitely something. like a long winded dreaded cold nightmare of desolation and isolation. it's fucking beautiful. easily an all time fave now but not something i would routinely come back to, that's for sure, for better or for worse.

otherwise great:

white reaper is pretty neat, i really enjoyed the roughness of white aura the most of the select things i listened to. what's really funny to me and important that i note is their spoon-adjacency and how they're elektra signees now. spoon walked and got dropped so white reaper could run. they paved that way. impactful icons much... but yeah i'll get to their two elektra albums at some point too. their new single is neat though!

finally getting to cola after having them in my mental back-burner for the last 2 years was good, too. i was a HUUUUUUGE fan of ought back in 2019 and deep in view does pick up nicely from where they ended with room inside the world. tim's vocals have refined so nicely over the years. it's a good listen. again, new single also great!

along with cola, thee oh sees has been on my mental back-burner for awhile too. floating coffin was the best of the three i listened to (can anybody guide me on where to go with their discog because it is so dense.) hammered/ing the everliving fuck out of minotaur, too.

goon was great! need to spend more time on them. but they're similar to wand and vibey as fuck. heaven is humming is the one, though. same goes for meatbodies, i see they have a new album so i'll get to that eventually too.

the mid:

the post-expo 86 wolf parade albums are sooooooo ugh. cry cry cry being the worst of the two, and worst of their discog overall. contains nothing that makes wolf parade, like you know, wolf parade? depressing and so boring... thin mind was more-or-less the same but it had at least some distinct wp elements.

lala lala's the lamb is so disjointed and quite messy. i didn't hate it, but i didn't enjoy it either. at times it reminds me of chastity belt (not a negative) but i don't see me returning to them any time soon.

menomena's i am the fun blame monster was nothing to write home about and i didn't even finish it lol. just think it's funny that two members have projects with members of the national – really didn't expect that.

the i forgot about this one:

kelela's cut 4 me... i put this on while extremely high and fell asleep shortly after. only put it on after trying to listen to thin mind which i got two tracks into and thought was one of the worst things i'd ever heard and had to turn it off before i ruined it for myself.

if u read my wall of text umm thank uuu ??? here is a cat pic as reward

Now that the prologue is done, I can't thank the fans of this series enough.

No, we haven't hit any particular follower milestone. The story has just begun. And most of you haven't given me any sort of financial support to help me out, either. (And that's alright! I haven't asked, lol.)

I'm thanking you for just being apart of the audience.

I started PB in a little blue notebook during the summer of 2015. It was originally meant for my eyes only. And a big part of the reason why was that, when I googled things like "Special Ed makes me feel bad," there wouldn't be much of anything coming up. There were Quora forums! A couple of YouTube videos. Articles here and there.

But it wasn't a lot. Not enough to help me out for long. And it only hammered the idea further into my head that I was alone in what I endured. As I got older, grew up, and away from the program and people who took my disabled youth, I constantly felt this urge to talk about it. What SpEd had put me through. What I'd lost. What I'd seen & heard. The things I did and didn't learn. Even though I was never a very open kid, let alone teenager.

I hated that no one was talking about it. And how nobody knew what happened to kids like me behind closed doors. At 13 and 14, almost none of the new friends I made had ever heard a life story like mine. And I've always found that wild: I had a LOT of friends! (Still do!)

So I kept drawing it out. Kept working on the story in notebooks, sketchbooks, my friends' DMs, and anywhere else words could go. Sometimes, my family would catch glimpses of the concept art. Sad sketches of Matthew crying, freaky drafts of Monster, or tense moments between what would become Class 7-C.

And one of my parents would be like, "Why is your art so depressing?" They'd roll their eyes. And they'd add on, "People's parents aren't gonna like it!"

No, I never told them what the story was about. I never even told them it was a children's media (because it kinda isn't! I'd personally put PB as 13+?) These were judgments made with just one glance at computer papers covered in pencil strokes; sketchy and shapey little kids who didn't look like they were having fun.

I knew they were wrong. But the audacity still pissed me off. There aren't many times where it's appropriate to boss somebody else around in how to tell their story, you know? Not only that, but I also worried about not having an audience back then. Sure, all my friends loved my work. But at the time, I was the only one who'd really experienced anything "Special Education" in life. Thus, these were General Ed kids watching it unfold. Able-bodied eyes and (as far as I knew back then) neurotypical minds, watching and learning from whatever I made.

And I liked that. But that wasn't the only group I wanted to be seen by. I wanted disabled people, especially youth in their teens and twenties, to see it. That's my primary audience. And shit like that made me wonder if I'd ever find it. Had me second-guessing myself a little, you know?

But I shook it off. It's like that thing teachers always say in class. "If you're confused or have a question, ask: whatever it is, you probably aren't the only one thinking it!"

And I searched for stuff like PAPERBOY, hadn't I? Yeah. I had. So by that logic, other people definitely would be, too.

So I stuck to my guns, and... check it! Y'all showed up!

One thing I've noticed ever since publishing part 1 is that the PB Nation is pretty damn devoted. You guys have been patient, passionate, silly, and unapologetically yourselves since the get-go. And the response to every old promotional comic or post I've made has been OVERWHELMINGLY positive and curious. I've gotten fucking fanart, man! More than once! I've had the honor of meeting a few of you in person already! And for the ones who haven't caught me out with my friends in New York, believe me, I REMEMBER who comments what.

By the way, you guys should spam my comments more. Fuckin' love that shit. SPEAK TO ME, lmao. Even if it's like, the most irrelevant PB question ever. Keyboard smash in my comment sections. Send me disability reels you like. Tell me what you wanna see from the story. Whatever, as long as it doesn't bleed into parasocial territory!

I've gotta have one of the best audiences out there. So thank you! For just... being around. Here's to hoping y'all enjoy the journey we're aboutta go on.

Grims Quarry was a sparkling beacon to the rest of Tinefell Bay as to what could be achieved if the community came together and worked at it. Port Promise was taking note and had already passed a neighborhood action program to modernize the area and a green initiative was in the pipeline if Colleen's source were to be believed.

As Colleen approached the old Fitz Motor factory, a very handsome man waved. "Hello," he called. Colleen didn't know where to stare. The dilapidated building, which should probably be torn down and the lot repurposed, or the very dashing man before her. The building won out.

"Hi, Mr. Richards? I'm Colleen Gosnoll. We spoke on the phone. You've definitely got yourself a project here, haven't you?" She extended her hand for a firm, yet friendly handshake. She didn't know why she was trying to impress this man, but here she was.

"The name is Andrew. Do you mind if I call you Colleen? I can't thank you enough for coming out on your day off to see me. Would you like a tour of my ramshackle new home?"

"Colleen, is fine. A tour would be great, and while we walk you can talk and tell me just what troubles you're having with our permitting office." The pair started through the once grand entrance of the Depression-era entrance.

"So I got the zoning office to help convert this lot from industrial to residential/commercial. You see, I'm an artist and I'm going to use part of it as my studio. I like to put my art on things that would otherwise be considered trash. I do traditional art as well and have been blessed with several opportunities to work with some very high-profile companies, but my passion is repurposing things and turning them into art." The conversation continued in this vein throughout the tour. Colleen learned about Andrew's background and his ideas for the space and by the end of it, she was very excited to help him with this project.

"You know, my grandfather worked for Fitz Motors his entire life. He loved it. He was a mechanical engineer for them and he loved the work. I'm glad that Fitz has been righting their past transgressions against our communities and their effects on our environment. I can't think of a better way to honor that effort than by transforming one of their old factories into a place that will create beauty."

"So, you think we can do this? We can get the permits issued and get this ball rolling?"

"I do!" Andrew's exuberant reaction to her answer made Colleen happy that she'd taken time out of her weekend to meet with him. Monday was going to be a busy day.

Hi there *puts chocolate cookies on your desk*. I adore your art sooo much and am very happy to have found your blog. I enjoy painting, but haven't done it for a while - when I had an idea I didn't have time and the other way around. Do you have any recommendations/tips how to start painting again? I would be very grateful for an answer.

Thank you, thank you so much <3 I know this message is a few days old, but I wasn't ignoring you! I was just really flattered and also trying to figure out what I wanted to say

This message means a lot to me, and thank you for reaching out.

I understand the struggle. I completely fell away from drawing for years. 5 or 6 of them if I have the count correct. between moving and the pandemic, depression and lack of time, and finally being in a fandom that wasn't all that welcoming and wasn't actually making me happy...it was difficult to find any kind of joy out of creating something for it.

Stepping back into the drarry fandom after 15 years of being away, wasn't just a breath of fresh air, but an (embarrassingly) healing experience for me. Heal Thyself was funnily enough the first fic I read because I needed a hit of astolat and that was her latest posted work.

There was so much beautiful fic and art just overflowing from the drarry community that I was inspired for the first time in years. It definitely helped that they've all been kind and welcoming :D

I feel like my main tip is going to be horribly cliche, but I would say to find a work you feel passionate about and try to create something for it. I was in the middle of reading book 4 of The Mirror of Ecidyrue and the scene where Draco is showing off his magic for Harry at the quidditch world cup was so vivid for me that I was thinking about it for hours before I finally caved and pulled out my tablet. I spent a good week on that piece just relearning how to draw and falling in love with it again. I'm entirely self-taught so it doesn't come easy sometimes.

That fic in particular has painted very vivid pictures for me, but it's also been so nice to know that it wasn't just that story, because this fandom is so talented.

Having the time is fortunately a drawback that I don't have to worry about at the moment. I am unemployed right now, so I know I have more than most on my hands. But I guess a big thing I do is put on a tv show or movie or youtuber when I draw. It's usually something I've watched before, or something I don't have to be visually engaged with at all times. Often, my husband will have Critical Role or a Dimension20 campaign playing, which can be inspiring as well.

The background noise is helpful and I don't feel like I have to give it 100% of my attention while I work or sketch.

SKETCHING. the HPtober event that bosh put together has been so helpful. I don't do enough sketching, and this has really shown me that I should engage with it more. It doesn't have to be perfect, and I don't have to throw down 100 colors of paint and make the light in Draco's hair be perfect. Sometimes, keeping it simple is not only better, but it can help you get faster and help fix problems with form or lines just with repetition. Honestly, I'd say the sketching I've done this month has probably been the most helpful tip I've used all year. Drawing Harry's hair over and over and over, has made it easier, because I find his messy hair frustrating to draw.

I'm not sure if this list will be helpful. I know it's not comprehensive, and I can't really give proper tips because I wasn't formally trained and I'm not sure what a professor might have told me...but even if it's only a little bit, I hope something might be useful.

I've had this post sitting in my drafts from around the middle of December, since it had gotten to the point where I'd basically done no substantial art for a good few weeks; and now staring at this post again at the end of December with an unfinished commission on my iPad that I'd hoped I'd have done by the end of November - I thought it would be a good idea to logically think about how to deal with things in the near future, and subsequently make a decision which is painful but also the right one for me right now.

Things aren't really going well currently, alongside a few medical issues in the family, and work and not sleeping well being the sorta base problems I've been dealing with for a few months, I've not exactly been feeling much of anything recently and it's just getting worse. Anxiety and depression is a general thing that I've lived with for years, but right now it's just kicking my ass in a way I haven't experienced before and I'm floundering so much, I'm just floating through days and barely remembering them, and I'm aware I'm disassociating a lot of the time and I feel like I'm drowning-

So I need to step back from art, to take at least one thing off my plate so I'm not extremely stressed over something I thoroughly enjoy.

FYI There are event prizes that I will 100% honour, those aren't going to be put aside. And the two commissions I have going right now will be continued till completion.

Yet as for general commissions and my own art overall, there's no motivation there. I hope to hell there will be a love for it soon (and dammit I'm sure there will be) but right now I'm not exactly enjoying much at all, art is just a thing that I usually love so much - it's what I use to relax, I used to do it for hours in a day and love every second and now, I think I've done maybe two hours of it over the past month overall?

Know that I am so, so damn sorry, god I just hoped that I'd be better by this time but I've never felt worse - I'm so sorry that I'm having to step back from commissions that people would have been excited for, I'm sorry that you've trusted me with your lovely ideas and I'm just not able to provide them anymore

If you do have a commission slot with me, and are willing to wait until I eventually decide to open my commissions again, then do message me and I'll put you on a list for the first slots I have available when I reopen them

This will definitely not be forever, I promise it won't because I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have art in my life. But consistently telling people that I'm unable to honour their commission slot as a new month rolls around is in no way fair, not when there are many artists that have their commissions open and can provide a service that I'm currently unable to give

I'm going to spend an hour or so getting in touch with those who have commissions with me and giving some big apologies, but this is just an umbrella post to keep people looped in as to why I'm probably not going to be active much with posting art or the like, I'll be back, I will, but I need time away from things and I'm very sorry

This was very long winded, whether you read it or not, thank you so much for just enjoying what I do! It always means the world to see the support I have for my art and I'm sorry I have to let you down like this

I'll still be here, active over socials, just a lot quieter, and hopefully getting better

I hope you all understand 💙 love you all, and again, I'm extremely sorry for this situation 💙💙

im sorry if you dont believe in Shifting and find the story I'm about to tell you silly, but so far you're the only blog I think would care about this

so I've been a fan of the monkees since I was a little girl, and I've ALWAYS had those stars in my eyes for Micky, and I graduated High School the year all that Shifting stuff got popular, so I tried it out (it didn't work the first few times) and then, I shifted to The Big Bang Theory universe, and realized all the power I had with this!!! so I got to writing my script. how it went? well, I was the fifth member of the monkees. I was born 1944 and knew how to play lead guitar and drums. I was contacted for an interview about a tv show and got the part. I was the fifth monkee, and I had written down selfishly that Micky would fall for me...and we did. for each other. he was a great man,,, truly perfect. everything I thought he'd be and more....my life there was so long. I made the mistake of putting in my script that I wouldn't wake up till I died, and I had no safe word. I was in there till the monkees reunion tour in 1997 because I got in an accident-i'm pretty sure I didn't die though, all that happened was a car collision. I don't think that would've killed me. but I woke up and had the most painful, saddening, heart-wrenching realization that none of that was real. I had kids and friends and micky,,,and I had fallen into a depression that I couldn't even tell people about because I was acting like a widow!!! my roommate thought a family member died!!! I still haven't told anyone this, but I thought it'd be okay to share this with people on the internet through you. thank you for letting me share, yes, it still hurts.

first off, thank you so fucking much for sharing this with me, i truly am honoured that i was the blog you thought of to share this with.

secondly, whether i believe in shifting or not, i can definitely see that this was super huge and important to you, and it has had a very real impact on your life. and for good reason! this is so fascinating, and so heartbreaking man, what an intense experience! i can’t even imagine what it would feel like to essentially live out a dream life only to wake up and realize it hadn’t actually happened. i hope you are doing okay, and i hope sharing this has maybe helped you to heal a little!!

Happy New Years!

Oh, hi! Well, uh... ahem. As you probably know, I, er... haven't updated Ask Void since, what, before Halloween?? Awkward, I know. Deepest apologies for that.

Now, don't worry, I didn't abandon Ask Void due to any sudden distaste for my short sad skeleton scientist, nor is Void's story getting completely left in the dust; I love my small skelly boi too much for that.

No, the real reason you haven't seen anything of Void is because I realized one autumn evening as I was pacing the living room holding a mug of apple cider and contemplating sowing the seeds of destruction and chaos onto this mortal plane that I realized that an ask blog isn't exactly the medium I want to utilize to tell my Void-boi's story; an ask blog is a medium that simply far too much whimsy and slice-of-life built into it to tell the story of someone with so much plot and character development potential like my depressed Void.

Void needs something that can really convey that 'Void' feel, and something I won't feel bad for breaking away from the happy fun times 'let's mess with Void' hours to suddenly go 'Oh but wait he has trauma actually'.

I don't regret making the ask blog though, it really helped me hone my character for Void, and I absolutely adored drawing the comics and writing for him. Oh, and don't worry, Ask Void will still be here! I'll basically be archiving it and effectively putting it aside in the pantry, which you can always look in to reminisce! And of course, we'll be addressing the asks ya'll sent in during my exceedingly unannounced hiatus (Again, sorry about that)

For everybody who wanted to know what was inside the house:

The GUAAHSTER GAENGGG set up a lovely chandelier in his house to help with the gloomy lighting! Void definitely probably appreciates it.

For that one lovely person who gave Void glasses that don't need tape:

Ok, he really appreciates these. Thank you!

For that one person who sent that ask likely intended for when Void was in Waterfall saying he seemed rather 'down in the dumps':

He appreciates that too; I wonder how long it's been since Void dusted off the old 'sense of humor'?

While the Ask Void universe may be set aside, there is still something that remains of it, and that would be the liminal space in between our reality and that of the Multiverse, where all of our ideas are in that incubatory stage of 'not quite there yet', and where our lovely Liminal!Void and Strawberry!Void live, as well as a reflection of myself. Their ask box isn't going anywhere, so feel free to still send asks to them if you wish; and of course, you may send asks about anything else in general that you want, from the smallest "avocado?" to the largest "What is the meaning of life?"

So, I imagine you're wondering; what is going to happen to Void's story, then, if it won't be told in an ask blog? Well... I'm still figuring it out, but you're all overdue for a solid answer.

Me and a few friends, including but not limited to my friend @emikaat, are figuring out how it'll be told, but I'm at least 90% certain that I think I'm going to write it in a book; I was contemplating a comic for a little bit, but hoo boy, that would be so much effort and commitment. I mean, I love Void, but I don't think I'm going to turn him into a lifelong career, you know?

So I think the best way to go about it would be to write a book for it and then go through my hyperfixation-addled Void drawing cravings separately. I'll figure it out, don't you worry.

Now, I'd just like to take a moment to get sappy and sentimental and say thank you to all of you who stuck around this long for my silly little ask blog for my extra-little skeleton. I really appreciate it, and Void couldn't get as far as he has without you. If you stick around just a little longer, I'm sure we're going to get to places even more exciting! And in the meantime, have this lovely peek at what the idea making process for Void's story looks like...

Luckily, this only shows the ominous conspiracy board and not the mess of crumpled papers, candy bars, and the exasperated artist on the floor contemplating existence