#Been thinking about some of my Favourite Tropes yet again and just indulging in making some new concepts lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chill-vibes-but-rainbow-panic · 11 days

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7, 8, and 11 from the thingy that you rb earlier

:))

OG List

(I apologize in advance for the long answers, I just love answering stuff like that and I have a lot to say :] )

7. Your favourite tropes to read/write/draw

(I love them all the same, but it is slightly different for each, so I'm making a destinction)

Read: Honestly, kidnapping. I love characters getting kidnapped, and their loved ones worrying/rescuing them. This also includes more-or-less any type of 'going missing'-plot (incl. Char A just running away themselves). Just the feeling of "I have no idea where or how they are, and if they're even still alive", and then the relief when they meet again. Hmmm

Write: 'The world has been cruel and hard to you - therefore I won't be. I want to show you the beauty it has to offer, too <3' This is the best way I can describe it. Characters who've just had a rough time/life being unconditionally cared for and supported. Getting everything their heart has desired for so long. Short: Hurt/Comfort

Draw: While I have yet to draw this myself, actually (because humanoids are hard), any drawing of one character being hurt or scared, while another stands over them caringly and protectively - obviously willing to kick some ass if needed - has me go wild.

8. You hope more people will come to appreciate ___ (a ship, a trope, an episode, etc)

I understand that some people find the market oversaturated by now - that's valid - but still: Redemption

I love redemption so much. I want the story to gently cup a character's face and say "You are broken, but not beyond repair. You can get better, and be happy, and be surrounded by people you love and that love you back." They don't even necessarily need trauma or have gone down a super dark path, I also enjoy: "Character is a massive jerk, and we follow them down the road of being less of a jerk". These are honestly the main reasons both the 'Good Uncle Sly' and 'Apple Cousins' AUs exist.

There are few exceptions I can think of, of villains I'm personally obsessed with, and have not made a version of, where they are redeemed. I look at Reginald Bushroot, and Camille Chameleon, and the Dark Curse - and while for some more than others - there will usually be something at the back of my mind asking: "What if you didn't have to? What if you found love? What if you got to live a quiet, gentle life? What if one day you realized you live in a reality you would never have imagined come true? In a good way? What if everyone could be okay?"

Just

Redemption

11. If you're a writer or artist, what fic or piece of art are you proud of making?

Fic: Family Discount

I was honestly surprised how many people liked that fic. Between 11 fics in total, this one definitely has some of my favourite comments (and it also has a surprsing amount of comments, I didn't expect that tbh). I was a little worried about posting a fanfic chapter-by-chapter, because the last time I tried that I basically (though not officially yet) stopped after one, because I can't write slice of life, it seems.

But so many people got emotionally invested in my writing, and I honestly didn't expect that? But even though I'm forced to take a semi-long break (for exam reasons), it is extremely motivating, and makes me feel that (as vague as it sounds), my stories do do something. How much joy the stuff you make can bring other people, is honestly so cool. Even if it's just a little fanart, or an ask, or a slightly-self-indulgent fanfic :)

I'm proud of having actually got this far, and also having written something me and other people love to read

Art:

I'm actually a little embarassed of this drawing, which I know sounds counter-intuitive to the prompt, but I swear, there is a reason it's here!

This is my first, and currently only drawing of the Flim-Flam-Brothers

I had basically no idea what I was going to do with their designs, and I also only had 60min, with limited tools (because Colormari)

But the thing about this drawing, was that our prompt was basically just "New Years Resolutions". And mine was that I wanted to create more art, without getting bossed around by my inner sense of cringe. Because, while I have absolutely no problem with ranting and rambling and talking about my favourite characters all over the place; as soon as I want to put them into any form of art, my organs feel like they'll turn me inside out. It's the reason this blog has dozens of rambles about how much I love Darkwing Duck, and yet zero art of any of its characters (made by me).

But I made this - and kept it around - even though I knew the characters wouldn't look the best.

So this is the drawing I'm most proud of, because it actually exists :)

#I hope it's fine I talked about so many different aspects. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to pick one lol #But you guys already know that I have many tropes I love <3 #I think you can notice a pattern with them lmao #(Take a sip of water everytime I say “honestly” /j)#Sorry about starting to unravel the inner workings of my mind on this ask lowkey; Anon. Hope you enjoy reading my rambles #And thank you so much for the ask!#ask game #fandom positivity #tropes #other's art #chill's art #long post #swearing #ask for chill

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73chn1c0l0rr3v3l · 1 year

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3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

3. I've written the same transformation sequence a couple of times, but I don't think I've managed just yet. Something about the way the body changes & how it's horny & also scary & also... good. I want to get it right, but I'm not sure what it NEEDS.

4. Nami spoke, and her father’s voice was echoed in it, buried like bones in sediment. “Fruit of my branches, graft of my trunk,” he said, in a voice that was tired and old and sadder than anything Peri had ever heard before. “I am old and I am foolish, and I want to see you again, before I sing to the sky.” She trembled all over, and more golden, sap tears dripped down her face. “You are welcome. You and your wife are welcome in my home. I am sorry for what I said to you, to your wife. The things I said were cruel, and I don't want to die with your last memory of me being of cruelty. I will love her as I love you, for all my days and into the sky. Please, Nami. Come home.”

I am terminally embarrassed by any showing of strong emotion, and the fact that I was able to convey something that was described as actually being fairly emotionally resonant makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Especially with my own entirely original characters.

5. I'd say that I identify the most with Ace in certain respects, but in a lot of ways I put a bit of myself into everyone I write. The main thing I try to do is make the characters entirely THEMSELVES before anything else.

6. Missy is the most fun to write, although I don't write her very often. She is so very sassy and pop culture-y and snarky, in ways that I don't get to often indulge in.

8. I'd say that I like to read wider than I tend to write, but some of that is just because I don't feel like I'm very good at the kind of intense character analysis stuff that I like to read. I really should start trying that next, honestly.

10. I've found that I write a LOT of late night discussions in bed, usually with some sort of inclement weather. It's when things feel the most... intimate, and it's also a state I've been in a lot due to some pretty intense insomnia. I want to convey the FEELING of being awake in that hazy, velvety part of the night, and I like to think that every time I write it I'm a little bit closer.

24. My writing has DEFINITELY changed over time. I've gotten more comfortable with being more... flowery, for lack of a better way of putting it. I enjoy getting metaphorical, and I think I've gotten much better at character voice.

25. The bit where you get to convey whatever is in your head out onto the viewer, however that may be! And when you get to take an image in your head and turn it into something that's not just images or little bits of... something or other, but an actual thing people can comprehend.

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teddybasmanov · 2 years

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I've been thinking lately (my favourite beginning to a post, now isn't it), what's more self-indulgent than self-insert (our beloved activity most of us regularly engage in)? Self-insert isekai*.

The usual flavour of self-inserting still requires you to squint a bit and make an OC in your head. Yes, they might look just like you and be almost literally you, but you have to give it some details and qualities you don't possess (like having an ex named Michael and having used to own a cat or, a little simpler, being able to drive a car). But isekai?That's literally you. No amendments.

Also, a thing you probably don't need to know about me, but you will: my favourite part of the first Echo audio which also hit the hardest is not Gavin and not even Caelum. It's Elliott. Because, yet again, it has that damn glimpse of hope in it.

Why am I telling you all that? Well, because what's a more perfect isekai scenario than waking up from a coma and finding out that all of your previous life has been a dream in which in some intricate ways have managed to incorporate themselves bits of your "real" life. And that handsome if tired stranger, sitting on an uncomfortable hospital chair beside your bed, has a very familiar voice.

So, what do you think the boys' reaction would be in that situation? My favourite is the freelancer waking up to Lasko and Damien arguing who should be beside them now and who should go rest/sleep/eat/study and their first reaction is feeling guilty that they woke the freelancer up (until they realize that that's exactly what they were waiting for). Then while they are finding out the whole memory loss thing, Gavin rifts there, immediately goes in for a kiss and when he pulls away the freelancer says: "So, you must be Gavin?"

There are two more thoughts about this scenario, however, which are slightly less pleasant:

Is there any kind of memory modification magic to help with it and wouldn't it put more weight on the shoulders of our beloved Cam, who seems to be the only person in this damn universe who can do his job right?

If bits of the specific listener's life they remember are true, does it mean that the other storylines are also true? Does that mean that it's now their (your) responsibility to save Elliott and Sunshine and Avior and Starlight and tell everyone about the potential End Of The World, which we know is still a problem in the Prime universe, even if not that urgent?

Why can't I stop being a paranoic pessimist and just enjoy self-indulgent stuff I literally imagine to entertain myself?

Can I count to two? (No.)

Discussion is welcome as always.

*Isekai - basically a genre of manga/anime in which the main character (often a literal nobody so that it's easier for the viewer to associate themselves with the character, but that depends) gets transported to another world (usually by being hit by a truck /hj) and has to survive there. "The chosen one" trope? You bet.

#redacted asmr #headcanons #self-insert #isekai #come on #I'm sure most of you would love to wake in their preferred listener #not to say that my anxious practical self didn't immediately start worrying about study/job problems related to memory loss #we're running out posts to make aren't we #/hj

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iliveiloveiwrite · 4 years

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Surprise!

A/N: AND THE FLUFF TO FOLLOW THE ANGST! I have something close to 20 requests sitting in my inbox and yet my brain tells me to stay up until almost four in the morning writing Draco fluff (that hasn't been requested) because I am a simp for this man. I am getting to your requests, I promise you, I just didn't expect this many! So please be patient with me. And I know I always write Draco as a Healer but I will take this trope with me to the grave. Also, all of my medical knowledge stems from shows like ER so forgive me for inaccuracies. AND on top of this, I’m less than 10 followers away from 700 so thank you all who follow me and deal with my ramblings on a daily basis! As always, I hope you enjoy and I hope you know that I love you all!

Summary: A surprise at work.

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader

Warnings: none - fluff

Word count: 2.2k

It hadn’t been a particularly long shift; long in the sense where time dragged on. It was long in the sense that all he wanted to do was to go home to you.

He had his evening planned in his head; good food, favourite TV show ready, and you – laid between his legs, leaning back against his chest onto his chest for cuddles.

Truthfully, he just wanted cuddles.

But he couldn’t admit that to the Head Nurse Martha as she berates him for sighing for the third time in a minute.

“Malfoy, I love you like my own son but if you don’t stop sighing and go to see this patient, I’m afraid I’ll have to accidently forget your coffee all next week.”

Draco gasps, “Martha, you wouldn’t.”

“Sigh again and watch me, Draco.”

Draco holds his hands up, relenting; not willing to risk his coffee or Martha’s wrath, “Alright, alright. You win – now who’s the patient?”

“Six-year-old girl, severe burns to her forearms from a spilt potion. She wanted to help her mother, bless her.”

Draco takes the chart from Martha; walking towards curtain area five.

Little Jenny had only wanted to help her mum and she had landed herself in the emergency room at St. Mungo’s. She was the perfect patient – did not cry and did not fuss. He cleaned the burns; debrided them and then used ‘Ferula’ to ensure minimal scarring. Jenny’s mother thanked him profusely as they left the curtain area to return home.

For Draco, patients like Jenny are what make the job worth it. They’re what keep him clocking in day after day. It’s the joy and gratitude from parents and family members when he arrives with good news; that yes, he can heal this, no it isn’t life-threatening.

For as long as he can remember, Draco was pushed into thinking a job in the Ministry of Magic would be perfect for him. Decent hours, decent pay, good holidays – what more could you want?

But Draco had never followed the rules; he wasn’t bothered about how long he would have to work as long as it was rewarding; he didn’t care about pay as long as he loved his job. He applied for the Healer training programme straight out of Hogwarts and was thrilled to be accepted.

It had taken years of hard work. Years of all-nighters, exams, stress and his tears but it was all entirely worth it the minute he was handed his full licence and a job in the emergency room.

He couldn’t take all the credit though; you had been by his side through it all. Quizzing him on the flashcards; making the coffee; drying his eyes if it all become too much.

Draco shakes himself out his reminiscing as he’s overwhelmed by a strong sense of missing you. He’s a lovesick fool, and he knows it.

Draco places the chart in the ‘discharged’ section; taking the offered cup of coffee from Martha’s hands. The caffeine addiction had started early in his career, and it was one that Martha and you were happy to indulge.

“Martha, you are my saviour.”

“Draco,” Martha starts, raising an eyebrow, “You are so full of it.”

He laughs, leaning against the triage desk, looking up at the admit board, “Anyone else for me?”

“Eager for more already? You did come back from your annual leave ready.”

Draco ducks his head, “Actually, I was hoping for some more patients to keep me busy, so I don’t turn around and go home.”

Martha chuckles, “You’ve got it bad.”

Draco smiles, “I don’t deny it. Are there any more waiting to be seen?”

Martha shakes her head, “Sorry, love. Everyone’s covered right now.”

He nods, understanding.

“Why don’t you go into the lounge? I’m sure you’ll have left some unfinished paperwork before your holiday.”

“You’re probably right,” He says, draining the last dregs of his coffee. “I’ll head there now.”

“Dear, there’s no ‘probably’ about it. I’m always right.” Martha states as a goodbye.

“Come get me if I’m needed.” Draco replies in parting.

Martha doesn’t reply; she rolls her eyes at the young doctor before returning to her paperwork.

The lounge isn’t a very large room; big enough to fit a few lockers, a battered old couch, a table and a fridge. Used by Healers and Nurses alike, Draco doesn’t think twice before pushing open the door.

Only to freeze in the entryway.

You’re here.

At St. Mungo’s; sitting on the battered old couch.

You grin at Draco; pressing a finger to your lips, telling him to keep quiet as your eyes flash down to the bundle of blankets in your arms.

Draco can’t help the smile that breaks across his face as he tiptoes over to you and the baby.

“What are you doing here?” He whispers; holding his hands out for his daughter.

“We thought we’d surprise you on your first day back.” You reply; handing your sleeping daughter over to her father. She fusses slightly at the change but quickly settles back into her dreams.

Draco cradles her in his arms; gazing at her face for only a moment before meeting your eyes, “Consider me surprised.”

“We knew you’d miss us too much,” You tease.

Draco holds his daughter in one arm; confidently cradling her head as he wraps his other arm around your shoulders, pressing one kiss to your forehead and another to your lips.

“Hi,” He whispers, greeting you at last.

You grin at him, “Hey there.”

His daughter shifts in his arms; finding a comfier position. Both you and Draco freeze, watching her so intently. She settles back to sleep in less than second; seeming more settled now that she’s in her father’s arms.

“You’re right,” Draco murmurs, “I do miss you. I’ve been driving Martha mad all shift. She’s threatened to take my coffee away.”

You gasp, “Well we can’t have that.”

“No, we can’t” He says, agreeing wholeheartedly.

You fold your daughter’s blanket on your lap; knowing that she would be warm enough in her father’s arms. “I hoped she would stay awake long enough for you to see her but alas, the minute we got onto the tube, she was fast asleep.”

“I don’t mind; having you both here is enough. I’ve been counting down the minutes until the end of my shift.” He confesses. He has; he’s been watching the clock since he put on his white coat; wishing for time to go that little bit faster just this once so he could go home and cuddle you and kiss his daughter goodnight.

“You sap,” You tease, but there’s no malice. You adore seeing Draco with his daughter. He had been so scared from the moment you told him you were pregnant with her; terrified of the type of father he would be, but the moment she arrived, he stepped into the role with such grace it was hard to believe that he hadn’t done it before.

“Only for you two,” Draco coos.

Draco doesn’t know how long he remains holed up in the lounge with his family. He just enjoys the time he can spend with them before he’s inevitably called away.

Quiet conversation is spoken between the two of you; mindless conversation about anything and everything. You told him how Narcissa and Lucius visited today bringing more gifts for your daughter.

“They’re completely wrapped around her finger.” You murmur, humour lacing your voice.

He chuckles, thinking of his parents who adored their granddaughter – find any and all excuses to come visit. “Who wouldn’t be? She’s adorable.” Draco replies, motioning to the sleeping baby in his arms.

“That is true. She looks so much like you, Draco. I can’t get over it.” And it’s true; she has his grey/blue eyes and is showing the first signs of having his blonde hair. She’s going to be heartbreakingly pretty.

“She’ll have your brains, love. I know it. How many degrees do you have now?”

You roll your eyes at your husband, “Just three. I’ll wait until she’s a bit older before I think about enrolling for my doctorate.”

Draco shakes his head, “My wife – the wonder woman. First for marrying me, then for having my daughter, and now for going back to school. You amaze me.”

“Oh hush. You’ll make me blush.”

Silence falls between the two of you; both turning your attention back to the baby dozing safely in her father’s arms. Draco lost feeling in that arm a while back but he won’t mention it; he won’t ruin this moment with his family. He never thought his heart would be big enough to love; then he met you and he found out that there was just enough room in his heart for one. Then upon the birth of his daughter, his heart stretched again and made room for her. He had loved her from the moment you announced your pregnancy but fell in love all over again the moment he held her in his arms.

He shifts slightly; taking care not to jostle your daughter. “Thank you for coming; I needed this.”

You stroke his cheek with your thumb, “It’s no problem. I missed you too. But you’ll have to thank Martha as well.”

“Why?”

“She sent us a message about two hours into your shift asking if I’d come and see you. She could see that you were missing us.”

“Martha is a wonderful woman.”

“She is. Thank her for us as well. We really were missing you.”

Your daughter coos; all conversation coming to a halt as your attentions fall to her. She shifts again, cooing one more time before falling back silent.

“She’s dreaming,” He says, voice slightly breathless as if he can’t believe what he’s witnessing.

“She is,” Your voice matching his.

Martha pokes her head around the door; heart softening at the sight before her. Draco’s arm wrapped around your shoulders as you both watch your daughter sleep; utterly captivated by her.

It hurts Martha to break up the scene, but she must. A case has come in sure to keep Draco distracted long enough for time to pass faster for him.

“Draco,” Martha calls softly from the door.

Draco looks up, sighing as he realises what her presence means. “I’ll be right there, Martha, thank you.”

Martha nods, greeting (Y/N) with a large smile before closing the door quietly behind her.

Draco hands over your daughter somewhat reluctantly; already wishing to have her back in his arms. You drop a kiss to her forehead before placing her ever so gently into her pram and draping the small blanket over her. Draco leans down into the pram to kiss her forehead too; inhaling the scent of talcum powder.

Draco places a long kiss to your lips before whispering goodbye.

“You’ll be home soon,” You promise.

“It seems so far away,” He whines.

You can’t help the feeling of delight that runs through you; at how Draco wants his shift to end sooner so he can be at home with you and your daughter. In the months since she was born, he’s dedicated himself entirely to role of husband and father. So much so that his profession as a Healer dropped down the list of importance.

You peck his lips, “It’ll be over before you know it.”

Draco sighs, nodding at you. You’re right, of course you are.

You let Draco walk you both to the main entrance; Draco walking the pram until he has to let you go. He wraps you in an embrace; hiding his face in your hair, keeping one hand on the pram.

“I’ll see you at home,” You murmur into his shoulder.

“I’ll see you at home,” He affirms.

Draco watches you walk away; wishing he was walking alongside you. He has to resist the urge to run after you and skive off his entire shift. He forces himself to turn from your retreating figure and drags his feet back to the emergency room.

Draco squeezes Martha’s shoulder when he next passes her at the triage desk. “Thank you,” He murmurs, loud enough for her to hear.

Martha chuckles, patting his hand, “You’re welcome. I remember how it was when I had to leave my eldest for the first time. I think I snuck off to the bathroom enough times to cry.”

“I know that feeling.”

“You’ve got a gorgeous little family, Draco. You’d be stupid not to miss them.”

Draco smiles at the elderly Head Nurse, “Any new patients then? Let’s get me through this shift so I can kiss my wife and daughter when I get home.”

“Aye, aye, Healer.” Martha jokes before handing him a chart, “Eighteen-year-old male; celebrating his graduation from Hogwarts. Too much firewhisky – he fell through a plate glass window, blood everywhere.”

“Sounds like a lot of work,” He muses.

Martha nods solemnly, “It could even take hours.”

Draco takes the chart from Martha, repeating his words from earlier, “Martha, you are my saviour.”

“Go on. The quicker you’re there; the quicker you’re home to your wife and baby.”

Draco grins; skim reading the chart as he walks to curtain area two.

Four hours to go until he was home.

This case wouldn’t take five hours to heal but it would cut a large chunk of time out.

Four hours to go until he’s home with you and your daughter.

****

General (HP) taglist: @the-hufflefluffwriter @obsessedwithrandomthings @kalimagik @summer-writes @lupins-sweater @slytherinprincess03 @mischiefsemimanaged @soleil-amaryllis @masterofthedarkness @bforbroadway @chaotic-fae-queen @peachesandpinks @nebulablakemurphy @haphazardhufflepuff @siriusly-addicted-to-writing @firewhisky-kisses @deafgirltingz @kylosleftbuttcheek @heloisedaphnebrightmore @harrypotter289 @sprvpti @accio-rogers

Draco Malfoy taglist: @cheapglitter @the--queen-of-hell @in-slytherin-we-trust

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lovelivingmydreams · 4 years

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What is a happy ending?

So someone (looks sternly at @rondoel) thought giving me insight in a certain OC of theirs and making me feel things is an okay thing to do. That I won't proceed to write a heartbreaking epilogue to my two part Virgil king story. This one not as long. But still. Enjoy:

What is a happy ending?

"Why happily ever after?" King wondered aloud as He studied their latest piece of art.

No one had ever answered that question for Him. Not in a meaningful way at least. And it never truly stopped bothering Him.

"Your majesty?" Anxiety asked carefully. Probably not sure if he had been meant to hear. King wasn't so sure Himself.

Oh well. He might as well finish the thought. Something interesting might come from it.

"Happily ever after. It's so... boring. Why does everyone like it so much?" He had wondered so often...

Anxiety shrugged. "Princey loved that crap. He hated it when I called out the flaws, though he could be just as bad with plot holes.

It's not realistic at all and... well boring is one word for it." His tone and face could almost be mistaken for dismissive, but King could swear He spotted fondness in the upturn of Anxiety's mouth and a slight wistfulness in the shine of his eyes.

King however was more interested in this more nuanced perspective on the story trope. Answers at last?

Anxiety noticed his king desired for him to elaborate and immediately started fidgeting as he tried to find the words to express his thoughts sufficiently.

"I suppose... everyone thinks that's what they want?" His nerves turn the sentence into a question. "When they are little it's an easy goal. You find the one who'll make you whole, or defeat the villain, or both. And then nothing ever bothers you again.

It's not how life works though... and growing up... I think everyone still has a part of them that wants to hold on to things being that... simple..." Anxiety trailed off and looked up at king curiously. His face strangely focused as if he was looking for an answer himself.

"Simple?" King urged wanting to hear more. Anxiety was so close to making sense. So close to bringing about that wonderful feeling when curiosity was sated. A story complete at last.

"Um... yeah... I mean even I feel a little... I don’t know... it feels right?

When you do the right thing, even when it's hard and you get the stuff you want anyway. And when people who hurt you don’t win. You want the world to work like that. If not for you then at least for the servant girl, who just wanted a night off, or the waitress who just wanted to buy her father's dream restaurant. Hard work, kindness, patience... they should be rewarded right?" Anxiety explained. Sounding frustrated. "And..." he let out a resigned sigh before straightening up and continued more decidedly. "Since the world doesn't work that way... why not escape somewhere where it does?" It was passionate. Perhaps in defense of Roman's favorite thing in the world. Then that fight and righteous defiance fell away in favor of a nostalgic fondness. "Thomas did it all the time growing up," Anxiety sighed before returning his attention to the painting that had prompted the question. A Father's Day movie night.

Hugs and snacks and movies with happily ever afters galore. All of Morality's favorite things.

King had to admit it had... stung to discover that Morality had taken up the role He'd given him even after he betrayed everything that title stood for.

Had he ever felt even the slightest bit conflicted when hearing Roman calling him 'Padre'?

Or was it supposed to be fine, since he thought Roman was the only half of Him who felt attached to him that way?

Had it truly never occurred to him that while he took in the confused Roman, he left behind a disoriented and heartbroken Remus who didn't understand why daddy was ignoring him.

What had he done wrong?

Why did he never get bedtime stories or hugs from dad? Why was he shoved away, scolded, ignored?

Why was he not allowed to play in the imagination with his brother?

The last thought had plagued both halves for years.

Even Roman who had stopped admitting to it to please Morality felt conflicted during story times and hugs to this day.

Telling Thomas that he didn't want anything to do with his brother had hurt more than the bump on his head...

But all of that was in the past. They were gone and their unresolved issues were a waste of His time. He had berated, tormented, Anxiety over this. He would not fall victim to such sentimentalities Himself.

"I see... escapism then?" He muttered, trying to get back on topic and not to show the... somewhat emotional turn His thoughts had taken.

Like His halves, His 'Padre' was gone. He probably never existed in the first place.

And Morality would pay for that betrayal and the way he abandoned Remus and how he made Roman fight to earn his love, only to abandon him as well. His suffering had only just begun.

Not because it still mattered. But... any excuse to justify and fuel His wrath even a little bit more was good enough for Him.

He'd probably avenge slights against his minister simply to feign kinship and watch the traitors squirm under his rule just a bit more. Not that he needed a reason to do anything. But justified rage was so much more satisfying to set loose. Because the targets would feel, deep down, they brought this upon themselves.

"Yeah... there's enough crappy stuff going on in the world right? Thomas... wants to use his talents to make people smile. And while that's cheesy, it's also... well it's him," Anxiety shrugged. King hummed in agreement as He framed the picture and put it away. He'd barely paid attention honestly. The answer was satisfactory. But there was a new question on His mind. As He mused over His minister's attachments to His enemies and how to sever them He recalled something intriguing about his recent behavior.

Anxiety had been pulling away from Morality. Why? What had caused a crack in 'the bestest most dynamicest duoest duo'?

And was this something he could use to forge an allegiance. Or to hurt Morality as deeply as He'd been hurt. Or, ideally, both?

King smirked to Himself as He laid a gentle hand on Anxiety's shoulder. He asked about a drawing of the young side and Thomas. He was pleased to note that His minister no longer shrank away every time He moved in his general direction. He might not be comfortable with His touch yet, but he was getting used to it. Something that would surely get to the others who still tiptoed around Anxiety's boundaries.

Maybe, at some point, he could be made to truly see things His way. To see the traitors for the villains they were. Just the thought of the chaos that this realization would unleash... It would be magnificent.

Morality had forgotten something important about 'happily ever after's.

Bad guys don’t get them. And the victor is always the hero.

It was only right that King reminded him of the shadow side of his favourite ending.

By making him live it.

Virgil knew that it was a bad thing that he found himself enjoying talking about his memories to the king and watching them turn into pretty cool paintings.

He was Anxiety, this was definitely a crisis. He can't relax now, not around the reason of said crisis... but if he doesn't relax a little his thoughts might do something really bad. And if he doesn't do whatever the king wants, then the king might do something bad.

So he had to balance on this weird edge of anxious, but cool with it.

The others were counting on him. To stay safe, to keep it together, to keep King distracted, to find a way to get him to lay off a little...

"Worthless." And... the thing is back.

"Dude, seriously, not now!" He snapped at his... shadow.

King just looked on intrigued. Great. Now the shadow had King's attention.

"Failure," it hissed. Right... King is not his biggest problem right now.

So far the shadow had only been mildly annoying even quiet for the most part. But clearly anxious thoughts made it remember it could be a pain in the behind. And worst thing is it got to Virgil even more because it laid out his true fears for King to see and use against him.

"You... you are just... you're just a thought. You can't hurt me." Virgil insisted.

Thomas could deal with his irrational fits. Surely he could manage this thing, right?

"Monsssster," the shadow hissed. No he didn't think that anymore!

"Guardian!" Virgil bit back. Patton said so, Logan said so, Roman said so, Thomas said so... why cant he just believe them?

He found himself struggling to breath again. The thoughts... they were real now... what if they could hurt him...? Can he die? What would happen to Thomas?

"Begone!" Virgil snapped out of his near attack at the sudden outburst from King.

What...?

He looked up just in time to see a flash of metal and shadow's dissolving figure.

"It'll reform later," King muttered as he sheeted his sword.

"It became too bothersome. You should not let your creations have power over you young one. You are their master, don't forget that," he instructed calmly, not looking at him.

Did he just...?

"Return to your business now, I find that I am in need of a break," he then declared as he walked away, still not looking back.

"But..." he came to a halt. "Should you wish to finish our gallery... I might be willing to indulge your presence later."

Virgil didn't quiet know what to do, so he bowed, just in case the king could see it somehow. "Y-yes my king. Thank you," he stammered hurriedly.

When he looked up, the king was gone.

And Virgil ran. He needed to find Lo and Pat before the shadows returned.

His thoughts were a confused mess... he hadn't imagined that right?

King had really stepped in to save him instead of letting Virgil's punishment, gift, curse, whatever run its course...

And then he left it up to Virgil to decide if and when they'd finish up.

There was probably some messed up reason behind it... but still.

Virgil wasn't stupid though. Even if saving him had been a purely noble impulse, King hadn't undone his 'gift' to make sure it wouldn't happen again. Telling him to put his foot down with 'his own creations' didn't really count.

King still messed up real bad and would have to do something pretty impressive to make up for all of that.

And Virgil was pretty sure that it wasn't just his pessimism talking when he thought that the king was no where close to wanting to make nice with any of them.

Or not for the right reasons anyway.

He shook his head. He can worry about all that later. Right now he has to find the others. Before King runs into one of them.

Virgil's trip down memory lane might've been deemed 'entertaining' or whatever, but he hadn't be around for whatever had happened to make the king be out for blood in the first place.

He didn't want to find out what King's idea of 'having fun' was when it came to Pat, Lo or even Janus. Whatever they did, it was still his duty to protect Thomas. Physically, socially, mentally and emotionally. Whether he wanted him to or not.

And not even King was going to stop him from fulfilling his purpose.

@antiredhuman you wanted to be tagged if I wrote more for this au so here you go! Hope you like it!

#ts sides #sanders sides #king au #honestly i think Thomas is having a burnout #everything is too complicated to think about #and he escapes in a mindset of when things were easy #but he cant not have anxiety #it makes sense

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kyluxtrashpit · 3 years

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2020 Fic Recap

I really like writing these and 2020 has been a HELL of a year, so here we go lmao. It’s been a wild ride for sure

Total wordcount: 88 109 words (note: I’m subtracting the ‘sorry I didn’t finish this, here’s a summary of the remaining plot’ that I published for a fic in a previous fandom from this since it’s not relevant here). Overall I wrote less than last year, but given all that happened in terms of the world and personally and fandom-wise and all of it, I don’t feel too bad about it lmao. I also have a lot of WIP words of half-finished things and some planning and such so I feel okay with this

Favours, 4906 words, posted Jan 4

This was a weird one cause this is a two chapter reader insert fic, the same story but told with both Phasma and Hux. I originally wrote this for Phasma, but later decided it would be easy to tweak into a Hux story (which it was lmao) and figured people might like that, so I did both. I had fun doing it, even if this is kind of a very small niche ship and trope wise

Know Your Shadow, 5022 words, posted Feb 16

Ah yes, here we are, the first foray into renben, a ship I had NO idea would grab me so hard but here we are lmao. I’m not done with them either yet, don’t you worry. There’s something about the corruption angle I really like, also Ren is HOT, and it’s also interesting to think about Kylo truly getting to find himself and be who he wants to be. Canon didn’t really satisfy on this, but the concept still interests me and it’s what had me writing this fic. Also, Ben losing his virginity to an older man like Ren is just *chef’s kiss*

Public Indecency, 3719 words, posted Mar 1

And my second renben! This was partially inspired by art and partially by just the idea of not giving one single fuck, and how thrilling that must be for someone like Ben to experience. Ren and the KOR truly do not give a shit and it’s really beautiful in a way. Plus some hinting at found family with the KOR. Ngl, Ben/Kylo finding his place and acceptance with the KOR makes me so Soft and there’s so many words I could write about it. Plus public sex is very hot lmao

Beautiful, 3254 words, posted Mar 8

Back to kylux, and this one was an old WIP I started back when the prompt was first posted on KHK in like 2019 or something. I got stuck on it and then left it for a while. I was digging through my old WIPs, looking for something that might catch my interest and boom, this one did, so I finished it and then posted it. I quite like the fic and it’s a bit more in the ~classic~ style. It’s also always a good feeling to get an old WIP done lmao

Choose Your Destiny, 5077 words, posted Mar 20

More renben and this was my fix it fic for ROKR vol 4. I talked about this more on twitter at the time and why I found the story as it was unsatisfying, but ultimately it’s really just a case of rushed writing and playing into established bad writing (e.g. showing a fall from grace by having someone kill someone eviler than themselves). I also really liked Ren and I felt like Kylo didn’t really get to have enough agency in like... any of it. His motivations were weirdly absent as well, despite this being ostensibly about him. So I wrote this, which I think handled how the story should have gone a lot better and, plus, it’s got smut!

(Okay and the rest are behind a cut for length)

Show of Devotion, 2479 words, posted Mar 28

Renben once again and this time, I mean, it’s all inappropriate use of lightsabers lmao. I was looking at the Ren and was like ‘wow that is SO phallic’ and then the horny brain turned on and, well, here we are. I also wanted a side of found family with the KOR and I think got that with this. It’s horny. It’s fun. What more could one want?

Aural, 2729 words, posted May 12

Okay this one... I have absolutely no excuses for lmao. I’m not even sure where the inspiration came from, I just remember I was in an online work meeting that was boring and the entire sequence of events played itself out in my head. It was all I could do to focus on work for the rest of the day and not immediately write this cursed creation lmao. The worst part was I’d been totally blocked on writing since March and this, THIS, was what eventually broke out of me. In case you haven’t read this one, it’s ear sex. Hux’s dick, Kylo’s ear. No, I don’t know the logistics either. But hey, I had a blast with it, both in terms of writing it and the reactions lmao. Someday I gotta write a follow up involving a nose too

Missed Chances, 10 749 words, posted Jun 7

Ah yes, this is the point where my renben met my kylux and created this absolutely enormous peanut butter cup of a fic lmao. It really was supposed to be like half the length it was, but alas, it was not. Also cockblocking kylux was SO hard, they wanted to fuck SO bad, but I had to stop them, the story demanded it lmao (and people in the comments were MAD, which is always excellent). It’s also when my renben series really started to have like, an overarching plot (aside from the modern au fics which I’ll talk about later). I even still have more instalments planned

Free Use, 6971 words, posted Jun 23

Another one that turned out far longer than initially planned, and also my most popular fic this year! I’m both surprised and not cause like. It’s a complete smut fest + my heavy headcanoning of the personalities of the KOR. People like smut, but I also feel it’s kinda niche considering how deep I’m in for the KOR lmao. So idk, I guess the smut won out. I did have a lot of fun with this one and there’s a lot of characterization thought put into each KOR, so it was really nice to see people loving that as much as I did. Canon gave us crumbs, but I just used them to make meatballs

Eat You Up, 1573 words, posted Jul 5

There’s not a lot to this one, it’s really just renben rimming cause the sexual dynamic with renben is so fun. Kylo/Ben is inexperienced yet eager and depraved enough to impress Ren, which is something considering I think of Ren as Very Experienced lmao. I really do love this ship; it’s a lot of fun to play with

In the Vents, 2002 words, posted Aug 3

Ah and this was my first piece for the stuck inside event on twitter, which I had a lot of fun with. Stuck fetish is one I’ve always wanted to explore, but never had any concrete ideas for. This event led to me finally getting to have Kylo stuck in a wall (plus more as well), which was fun. Also I spent far too long thinking about Hux’s vent contraption set up cause I knew he would never let Millie go anywhere that might hurt her, so I had to come up with a way to make the vent safe and here we are lmao. Hux being an engineer and also the most extra cat owner in existence worked out very well indeed. This was also the start of my creativity boom near the middle-end of the year that uh kinda burned out in a not so great way, but I’ll talk about that later lmao

Distraction, 3658 words, posted Aug 6

Another for the stuck inside event and another kylux/renben sandwich! Also featuring the KOR this time! Listen... it’s a gangbang, it’s got renben, it’s got kylux, it’s got Kylo getting stuffed from all ends... this is the kind of fic that, to me, is pure indulgence lmao. I had a tremendous amount of fun with it

Entrapped, 3484 words, posted Aug 8

So this was also for the stuck inside event (yes, I wrote 3 fics in about a week lmao - I don’t know how I did it either) and it’s darker than the sort of things I usually write. I enjoyed exploring something like this though, something outside my usual purview. It didn’t perform super well, but tbh the dark ones rarely do so lmao

Pit Stop, 1505 words, posted Aug 31

Welp, this is just an excuse for watersports lmao. I like piss, what can I say? And I’ve done it to kylux, so I had to do it to renben, and the modern au ‘need to pee on a road trip’ seemed like the perfect opportunity for it. Not much to say for it really

The Deal, 2431 words, posted Sep 3

Ah and this one here was the first for the throwback event I ran on twitter! The event itself ended up kind of being tainted by drama from one singular person who kind of ruined it by being a jerk for literally no good reason, but I’m not going to talk too much about that. Even with that, I still greatly enjoyed it and this piece might be my favourite from it as a whole. Kylo Amidala, political scandals, neither of them being nice... ahhhh yes, it definitely brought me back lmao

Devotion, 1929 words, posted Sep 10

Another for the throwback event, this time with Emperor and Hound dynamics which, unf, yes, I will literally never get tired of it. I really had fun with every fic from this event and this one was great because I so rarely get to write real action scenes, even if they’re in a flashback here. That and the dynamic itself really made it fun

To Be Wanted, 10 473 words, posted Sep 16

Ah yes, and here is my KBB for the year! I did a minibang this time, as, well, everything was going horribly wrong around the time of sign ups and I thought a mini would be more realistic. I think I was right on that and I’m glad I did it, even if I was torn at the time. The idea itself is one I’d been thinking about for a while. I can’t remember if I thought of it after seeing the leaks for tros or after watching the movie itself, but it’s been with me for a while and while I dithered over whether or not to sign up this year, the idea came back and was just perfect for a minibang. Plus I got an absolutely amazing and wonderful partner, which is really what makes the experience of doing bangs so great. I love this fic, I LOVE the art for it, and the whole experience was definitely a highlight to 2020 as a whole, both overall and in terms of my fandom/writing experience this year

Floss Me, 2033 words, posted Sep 21

My third for the throwback event and also the dental fetish fic I’ve wanted to write for a while now lmao but could never figure out a scenario for. As some of you may remember, 2018-2019, I went through some pretty horrific dental stuff and ultimately I think it kinda gave me a fetish lmao. Also I feel like there may or may not have been a kinky flossing prompt on one of the prompt sites at some point, but I looked everywhere and couldn’t find it so. But anyway, it was a fun fic for a kink I think is quite underrated tbh

The Cost of Certainty, 2541 words, posted Sep 25

My fourth and final piece for the throwback event, and this one is also a contender for my favourite piece from that event. I have always loved the idea of Hux being a serial killer and this was a perfect excuse to write it. I’d also recently finished a rewatch of Hannibal and, well, you can see where this came from lmao. I love writing tension and it was just very fun all around. I almost wish I’d done something like this as a long fic but tbh I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed writing it as much

Huxloween Drawings, 676 words, posted Nov 1

So this isn’t a fic but rather the drawings I did for huxloween, but people wanted them on ao3, so posted they are. Now, I mentioned above that I had this massive creative boom in Aug-Sep, but that it burned out rather badly. This is when that happened. I got into this place where I just... felt like everything I made wasn’t wanted or needed in the fandom. That everything I like is so unpopular at this point that I should just give up and leave. That I’ve spent all this time and energy over the years trying so desperately to get people engaged and so few ever cared and I just... ugh. It was bad. It was really bad and definitely partly fuelled by the bullshit that someone brought up regarding the throwback event (and I still believe that they are the sole cause of it’s poor reception). I, uh, am doing better now and still working through it all but it was a really rough time. But I found myself still wanting to be creative so I decided to draw. I am not good at drawing. I am not an artist. But that’s what made it fun: I went into each drawing knowing it wasn’t gonna look great. That wasn’t the point. So I never got upset about it. I think it helped me a lot tbh and I did really enjoy it and I’m glad I did it

Unconventional, 7243 words (in progress), updated Dec 20, first posted Nov 18

So the next part of me trying to fix the bullshit in my brain creativity-wise was to post the first chapter to this fic. This is a piece I’ve been working on since 2016-2017 (I don’t remember exactly when, but it was pre-TLJ, and I’ve gotten a new computer since so I don’t have the original creation date of the document) but I could just... never get a plot together for it and ever since I abandoned a fic in my old fandom (and this year I finally posted the ‘sorry this isn’t getting finished, here’s a closure summary’ chapter), I’ve been hesitant to post WIPs before being at least 80% done. So I said fuck it, I’m gonna post this and not be scared. Is this fic complete? Nope, but the plan is starting to come together. Do I know exactly where it’s going? Nope, but I don’t need to. Is it self-indulgent as all hell? Absolutely. I love this fic and I love this story and I love the concepts within it. So I posted it and tbh, it really helped. And I think this, combined with my writing break where I drew for 31 days straight lmao were really my saving graces here

Test Run, 3661 words, posted Dec 31

And now my final fic of the year! Which is a ship I honestly wasn’t super into (I don’t hate it, it just generally doesn’t do much for me) but then I did that thing where I thought ‘hmm but could it be written in a way that I am into?’ which, in my experience, always leads to me writing exactly that. Which is what I did here lmao. I’m pretty happy with it though and despite it being very strange to write, as I really had to work to get these two to get where they were going lmao, I had fun with it. I honestly doubt I’ll write more of them, but I’m glad I wrote this one, and I think it’s a good experiment to close out the year with

What have I learned?

Honestly, this year was a clusterfuck lmao. 2019 wasn’t great for me either, but we all lived through this and it was certainly An Experience. I think what this year really helped me focus on was what made me happy. I ended up in some dark places and I don’t want to go there again. It feels repetitive to say that, once again, I have learned that writing what I want is key when I say that every damn year, but tbh I think 2020 underscored it even more so. Spite as a motivator, when used to much, smothers the spark of creativity and the joy of creation. The most important lesson I learned this year by far is to not let that take the driver’s seat. A dash here and there? That’s fine. But as your main motivator? That’s just not healthy. And I need to work to keep it from consuming me like it has been for too long

Goals for 2021?

So last year I didn’t set any hard goals and boy, is it a good thing I didn’t, cause I achieved none of them lmao. I didn’t write more words (though I did write more individual fics, and the word count gap between this year and last is about the size of the difference between a big bang fic and a mini bang fic so really, I think I did okay), I didn’t even write a single fic for BTHB, and, to be really honest, I did not manage to keep my love for writing alive the whole time. I was in a really dark place a few times this year, but that drop in Sep-Oct was the worst from a creative standpoint. I feel like I’m mostly out of it now, even if I still have some work to do maintaining it. I’m hopeful for the future in that regard. The only thing I really did accomplish was that I feel positively towards all the fics I wrote; I’m happy and proud of all of them

So what is my goal? Honestly, I feel like every year I have to relearn the lesson of ‘write what you want, have fun, be self-indulgent, fuck expectations, etc.’ and my goal this year is to not have to relearn that again, but to keep that energy and carry it with me for the whole year. I realize I may have to put some effort in there, but I’m okay with that. I don’t know what 2021 has in store, but if I can just keep my passion alive and not fall into that pit again, I’m calling it a win

#kylux #renben #hey I'm not late this year lmao #it's been an interesting one that's for sure #anyway I'm happy with all my fics this year which is good #but I need to keep working at keeping my head in the right space #which will likely take some practice #but I'm off to a good start #and I have good feelings about the future in that regard #so here's to a 2020 full of writing about kylo getting railed to high heaven #and to a 2021 full of the same!#my fic #long post #shut up nerd

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six-of-ravens · 3 years

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It’s that time of year again, folks! Time to play “which plot bunny will I choose to feed and nurture into a Camp Nanowrimo?”

The contenders are:

Fern Story - a mysterious girl runs away from home, changes her name, and turns up in the small town of Arrow Springs with only what could fit in her car. She quickly becomes wrapped up in the disappearance of a local girl--Puck Stephenson--who seemingly wandered out of her house one night never to be seen again. Meanwhile, Fern’s upstairs neighbour Lola, is convinced Fern and Puck are inexplicably tied together and takes Fern under her wing while she investigates. This is the “written while dissociating to Lights (Bassnectar Remix)” story which has turned out somewhat better than I expected. I have about 8k written of it, but all of that could benefit from a rewrite to bring it in line with the plot, which makes it a great contender.

North 3.0 - literally the 3rd rewrite of North. Would make sense as I’ve been doing some worldbuilding for this story recently and I think I have a better grasp on what it should be, but I’m also not convinced it needs another full rewrite. Will have to reread North 2.0 and the list of changes I’ve come up with since and see how I feel.

Kina and Patricia rewrite - camp nano from last year. Patricia, a lonely college student and amateur paranormal investigator, stumbles home drunk and injured in the dead of night to find petty thief Kina hiding in her closet. In exchange for not calling the cops, Patricia forces Kina to become her assistant for the summer as she investigates a series of bizarre kidnappings that have happened around the city. Honestly i LOVE this story, but last year I either didn’t write enough plot or rushed through what I had and ran out of story, so it needs a second try

True Crime Podcaster - a mildly famous podcaster sets out to investigate the story of a girl from her high school, who walked out one day covered in blood, never to be seen again. The problem is, no one else seems to remember this, and the girl herself seems to have vanished. Been toying with this idea for a while now, but I’m not sure if I have enough for a whole story yet. Still, it’d be a fun plot to pants, which I haven’t done in a while...

Vincent in Exile - a scandalous minor member of a royal family is exiled to an overgrown, abandoned estate, and condemned to live there until, by the king’s standards, the estate flourishes. But he has no skills, resources, money, or assistance, except an old flame who sneaks back into the country--a somewhat skilled doctor hoping to avoid his own exile to the battlefields of the north. The two must face all manner of challenges--cooking, rats, feral trees, and maybe even the fae--as they attempt to restore the ancient, crumbling manor. I’m not so sure about this one. It’s mainly a self-indulgent way to engage all my favourite tropes, and I don’t know if there’s even 50k words worth of story here, but it’s fun, so it’s going on the list.

Dark Academia Thing - two rivals are accepted to the phd program at a prestigious, remote college. Both struggle to get their lives back under control as they prepare to rehash their cutthroat rivalry, but what they’d believed to be the battle of the century pales in comparison to the scandal, corruption, and magic lurking in their new school. Q: steph is this just an excuse to write gratuitous wlw rivals-to-lovers? A: no of course not why would you say that?

#if yall have a favourite let me know #it's such a toss-up right now and writing this post just made me love all these plots even more

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paper-n-ashes · 3 years

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Which of your fics?

Thank you to @safarigirlsp and @hopeamarsu for the tag! The writers block gremlin has been tormenting me as of late, making me feel pretty down, so I hope going over some of my writing might give me some confidence to push through.

Which fic got a better reaction than you expected?

I would say Here, simply because it truly was the most self-indulgent, written for myself thing I ever typed out. And I struggle with fluff, so to get a positive reaction to a sweeter story was really warming.

Which fic is your funniest?

I am, uh, not naturally funny. So my writing tends not to be either. I think I’ve popped in a few comedic things into Calling The Light, because Poe as a character is much easier to write in terms of funny quips, and the Knights of Ren characterisations I went with added a few little lighter moments of hilarity. But hey, maybe I’ll make myself a challenge to explore my comedic side? Please someone help me do this.

Which fic is your darkest/angstiest?

Calling the Light, Only to Vanish into Darkness, ticks the angst box. Dead set. Writing a love triangle is just angsty trope city. The yearning, pining, jealousy, betrayal, heartbreak, all of it. ANGST. I haven’t delved into anything viciously dark yet, but that might change as I get more daring.

Is your absolute favourite?

CtLOtViD is my passion project, and the Poe and Kylo characters are still the most enjoyable for me to write, so it’s hard not to put that as my favourite. The only thing I’ve worked on longer is my nursing degree. It thrust me into fanficiton writing, brought me to an incredible international best friend, and introduced me to so many kind and talented people. I owe it everything.

Is your least favourite?

I only have a couple one shots/series, and I’m pretty happy with how they all turned out, and CtLOtViD works well as a whole but UGHHH some of the chapters I hate with a burning passion, mostly for how I still, to this day, can’t get them exactly how I want. *cough* 22 and 28 *cough*

Which was the easiest to write?

Under the Radar. Which, after whining I couldn’t write reader insert, was the first time I tried it and... it was so much easier than expected. All of it came so smoothly, knowing I was writing it specifically for someone else as a gift. I really had fun with that one.

I’ll also say Chapter 38 of CtLOtViD surprised me with how much easier I found writing about a sub!Kylo and a tinge of blood play. THAT was a surprising revelation.

The hardest?

Chapter 41 of CtLOtViD. HANDS FUCKING DOWN. I agonised over that fucking chapter. I’m not in my strongest element with action scenes, so that was a struggle. Making Old Republic Star Wars lore sound interesting and coherent was also way more difficult than I ever predicted. And look, it is legitimately one of the most important chapters plot wise and my perfectionist ass lamented for so damn long over how a huge plot bomb was going to be dropped. This chapter ripped me a new one and I’ll never forgive it.

Which fic has your favourite line/paragraph?

I have two.

From Chapter 39 of CtLOtViD

“The gravity of fate had forced us in each other’s orbit. Clinging so close together for this brief fragment of time. But something told me, in the deepest chasm of my mind, our paths were destined to diverge again.”

From Here

“Words were fickle. They could be misconstrued. Altered by tone. Changed by moods and attitudes.

There was no differing interpretation. No miscommunication. The definition explained merely by the feeling invoked from every action each of you made.

Two people. Expressing love in the most basal way in existence.”

Which fic have you re-read the most?

I’ve had to re-read CtLOtViD billions of times to ensure I’m not forming any plot holes. In terms of the reader insert stuff, I would say Consequences, because damn if I don’t love a simpy Charlie Barber and straight shooting Santiago Garcia.

Which one would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?

If you can possibly endure a canon-divergent Star Wars longfic that isn’t reader insert, I would love anyone to give Calling the Light, Only to Vanish into Darkness a chance. If reader insert is more your thing I’d definitely start with Under the Radar or Here.

The one you’re most proud of?

It’s hard not be a little proud of a collection of 50 chapters I’ve poured my heart and soul into, so CtLOtViD takes the cake here. I’ll never undertake a story like this again as long as I live, and the hundreds of hours of writing have been almost too overwhelming and effecting. I could have given in so many times, not thinking it was good enough or worth it to continue, but I’m still here, typing it out. So... yeah... just happy to have not thrown it in.

Tagging a few who I would die to hear talk about their beautiful writing, and who have inspired me immensely.

@tlcwrites @roanniom @princessxkenobi @foxilayde

#look at me babbling on #talking about myself makes me ITCHY

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thesunnyshow · 4 years

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Name: Emmy

Writing Blog URL(s): @pastelsicheng

What fandom(s) do you write for?: NCT

Age: 19

Nationality: Canadian

Languages: fluent-ish in English, French, Urdu, Hindi, Pujarati, Punjabi, Arabic (listed in order from languages I can speak/read/write in, to languages I can't write/read/speak but can understand)

Star Sign: Aries

MBTI: INFP-T

Favorite color: I like most colours but I always just say purple

Favorite food: Khow Suey. Idk how to describe it in English but it’s like noodles that you mix with like thick yellow curry and chicken tarkari, and you can put fried onions on top and what I call samosa crumbs (basically the crunchy dough you use for samosas, it’s like the dough fried alone and you just crush it and put it on top), and I add a bit of ketchup too cause its noodles and it's so good

Favorite ice cream flavor: Cookies and cream, or just basic french vanilla

Favorite animal: I love most of them hahah but I will say elephants

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering?: Coffee most likely but I love tea more

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): Open my own cafe

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose?: Control time

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you?: No thank you I don't want to live through this again

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken?: 100 chicken-sized horses because I heard chickens eat people so uhhh no thanks

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been?: The overachieving nerd/student council president. That’s literally what I was

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures?: Yes. Aliens and ghosts and demons, they’re all real. Not fairies and vampires and werewolves tho.

Do you have a role model? If so, who?: There’s definitely people I look up to and try to learn from for various things, but I don’t think I have like one solid role model

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know?: I used to be a tomboy when I was a kid, and probably still am deep inside

When did you post your first piece?

January 2020

Why did you start writing on Tumblr?

I found it easier to gain feedback and find an audience of readers on Tumblr, plus the site was just easier for me to navigate compared to like Wattpad

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why?

I write anything I feel like writing, and am open to trying new stuff. I just won’t write smut. I don’t feel comfortable writing or reading it

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc?

I write x readers

Who is your favorite person to write about?

I don’t have a favourite person, mainly because I pick people based on who I think would fit a certain concept best. I guess my favourite would be y/n LOL because y/n is in every fic and I put myself into their character.

What inspires you to write?

I just like writing. I get a lot of ideas of stuff I want to write, and as a kid I wanted to be an author, but that obviously isn’t happening anytime soon so I just write fanfics. They’re easier to write because characters are already developed for you, and they don’t have a word limit to how long and short they need to be compared to actual OC fics

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most?

Anything that relates to normal people, I enjoy writing. I like to insert my own experiences and thoughts in my stories so I write scenarios that I can imagine myself in or things I’ve experienced already, stuff like that

What do you hope your readers take away from your work?

I just want them to enjoy what I write. I’d like for my fics to be memorable, but idk if they are lol

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively?

I just don’t write. It’s bad but I don’t want to write something that I don’t like so I don’t force myself to write when I don’t feel like it. If it takes me months to get out of that rough spot, then oh well. I don’t want to force myself to do anything that would make me hate writing, since it's one of the only few hobbies of mine.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful?

Most successful is murder replay. My favourite is an unreleased fic that I’m still working on. It’s pretty self-indulgent, and I talk about internal conflict with sexuality and not knowing what you really want, alongside being insecure and having mental illnesses. It’s angsty but it’s one of my favourites because of how much of myself I’ve poured into it

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose?

It’s the same. Aside from the character being a real life person, fanfiction is the exact same as prose because it’s completely original ideas and thoughts, completely original sentences, and in general just the exact same as original prose. There’s like no difference.

What do you think makes a good story?

A writer who enjoys what they’re doing. It doesn’t matter your skill level or your language skills, or whatever. If you are passionate about what you write, then it will be evident in the story, and it will be a great story. There’s other things like the story idea and genre, but that’s all dependent on the reader. What I think makes a good story is different from what someone else thinks makes a good story. But in general, it’s the author that makes it good. You can tell if the writer really liked what they were doing, or if they were just writing for the sake of throwing words on a document and then calling it a day.

What is your writing process like?

Get an idea. Make a doc with that idea. Either immediately try and develop details, or leave the idea as is for months, maybe years. After developing the details, write the beginning of the fic, a few scenes I really liked, and then call it a day and never open the document for a few months again lol. Then I wait until I’m in the mood to write for that specific fic, and then I will write as much as I can. Finishing fics is a struggle, I’ve yet to finish my longer ones lol. I have a terrible writing process. The only way I really finish is if I already told my followers i will post it and theyre all waiting for it. Then I feel bad leaving people hanging and so it motivates me to finish. But yeah once I actually finish it, I throw it into grammarly and some other editors, fix stuff up, and publish.

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story?

Doubt it. Once I’m done with a fic, I’m done. I don’t really want to go back and change anything. Even the longer fics that I love, I get sick of them and so I just dont want to touch them once they're done.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand?

I’m a huge sucker for childhood best friends to lovers lol. I have gushed about this on my blog a few times. Just the fact that you know someone for that long, and even been through arguments and times of not talking to each other, just to still come back to each other, thats real love even if its platonic. I’m just a sucker for that stuff. I also really enjoy anything that I, as a normal person, can relate to so high school AUs, college AUs, platonic AUs, anything real life based. There’s no tropes that I can’t stand, just tropes I don’t find interest in or don’t read much.

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you?

Depends on how long i took to write the fic. If it’s a short piece ranging between a few hundred words to maybe a couple thousand words then I don’t really care much because chances are I didn’t take long to write it. My pieces that are longer than 5k, I care about because those are usually the ones more close to my heart, and the ones I spent way more time than necessary working on. Even just one reader telling me they enjoyed my story makes my day

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)?

I know murder replay which is my current biggest story blew up, and I feel like part of it was because of the frequent updating I did. I kept a schedule and made sure to stick with it, even changing parts of the story to fit feedback from readers. Consistency was definitely key, and also engaging with readers. Replying to all their reblogs even if it was just tags they added, constantly expressing how grateful I am, stuff like that because it makes people feel that they’re validated as well. And I guess the general idea/trope of the fic was interesting to people too

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged?

Yeah lol. It’s definitely something I hide from everyone I know in real life because I dont want to be looked down on.

Do you think art can be a medium for change?

Yes!! Art defies boundaries set by language, especially visual art. Stories are a good way to express things to people who don’t understand why something is the way it is, it’s literally what has been done by humans since the start of time. We pass down stories explaining things.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself?

Yeah, sometimes when I felt really burnt out, I felt I had to post an update or something just so that my followers got what they kinda signed up for when they followed me. It was partially just the pressure I put onto myself I guess because my followers are always supportive and understanding when I say I cant post an update. I’d also say in general there’s a part of me that wants to write for others too. I would be lying if I said I only write for myself because that’s not true. The whole reason I write and post is because I want some reader interaction and feedback, and if I truly did only write for myself I wouldn’t be posting.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times?

Not yet! And I hope I don’t have to experience that lol

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr?

Nope. No one does. It’s something I wanna keep to myself. Even some of my other internet friends don’t know.

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers?

I purposely send a bunch of messages because I feel bad leaving people on read so I just keep sending hearts and stuff to express my love but also just so that you can end the convo when you feel like.

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there?

Go for it! It might be scary to get criticism, but I promise there are way more nice people on Tumblr than there are mean people. In fact I haven’t even interacted or met with a mean anon or person on here yet. Also the only way to really start is to go for it. I get anxious too every time I post something, even now, and honestly its just a feeling ya know. Its just chemicals in your body. So don’t stress, and if you always need someone to boost your ego and promote your work you have me!

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr?

Nope

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey?

The memorable ones are Mimu, Nini, Gwen, Philo, and Krystal who were supportive of murder replay. Also sunflower anon and peace sign anon, and recently Jo has been really supportive.

Pick a quote to end your interview with

“...the universe is basically like a machine. I don’t know who made it, if it was the Fates, or the gods, or capital-G God, or whatever. But it chugs along the way it’s supposed to most of the time. Sure, little pieces break and stuff goes haywire once in a while, but mostly . . . things happen for a reason.” Leo Valdez in The House of Hades (so technically Riordan lol)

BONUS: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL

Interested in your very own episode of The Sunny Show? Find out how to apply here.

#@pastelsicheng #thesunnyshow #featuredauthor #episode 19 #nct

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izumisays · 4 years

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dear yuletide author

Thank you so much for reading this and taking part in this wonderful annual conspiracy! 

First of all, I hope you have a lovely time! If any of the fandoms below pique your interest, I’m delighted already, and ready to hear all the stories you want to tell.

Fandoms: Chihayafuru, Nirvana in Fire, Thunderbolt Fantasy

As for reading preferences, I’m happy with a wide variety of tones and genres, of any rating, ranging anywhere from lighthearted antics to dramatic casefics. But the core of all the stories I love has always been character interaction and interplay of their competences.

How the characters play off each other and bring out their best/worst, how they’d react to a divergence of events, how true they’d stay to themselves in a different setting – I love fanfiction for allowing us to reconnect with our favourite stories time and again by asking these questions. And there are so many ways to do it! To name a few favourites, I’m always game for POV hijinks, a missing scene, a casefic, canon expansion, backstories and what-ifs.

You may notice that quite a few of my requests lean towards shipfic – those, too, are welcome in a variety of tones – but I also tried to include openings for gen ideas if that’s your jam. Additionally, while it is not usually my top interest, I don’t have anything against AUs if there is something that you are itching to explore: I tend to enjoy them for a new aesthetic that fleshes out the favoured character dynamics in a new light, or a fusion that redefines the playing ground to allow the characters to exhibit their core competences in new and exciting ways.

I would be very grateful if you could avoid a/b/o and similar kinktropes, played-straight soulmate fic, and character interpretation that runs contrary to their core values. If in doubt, please reach out to me on anon - the askbox is open!

CHIHAYAFURU: Mashima Taichi, Wataya Arata, Suou Hisashi

You don’t have to include all three characters, but I’d love to see a fic that explores the connections between them better. I’m up to date with all manga scanlations.

Wataya Arata/ Mashima Taichi

In the immortal words of Henjin Meijin, Arata is that person for Taichi whose opinion makes or breaks him. (His wording may have been different, but if I go rummaging into the chapter archive to find the exact quote, I’ll end up binge-rereading year three into the night again, and then where would my Yule sign-up be?) (On that note, what kind of a MASSIVE LOSER waxes poetics about Taichi’s boyfriend problems to Taichi’s MOTHER, whom he JUST met? Suou Hisashi, that’s who.) Needless to say, that paramount opinion was not always great, and neither was Taichi’s general wellbeing.

Good news is, Arata is confident in his manliness, and he has no problem acknowledging Taichi’s ridiculously pretty and not too bad at karuta these days, and he’s also moving to Tokyo. Taichi’s definitely pretty and has an apartment in Tokyo, where a country bumpkin of paramount importance may possibly stay over until things are sorted out… eventually. Hint hint.

Jokes aside, I pine for the dynamics between the two of them. I nearly lost it, reading the Meijin semifinals — and if you can show me a person who saw them bawl as they crawled into each other’s laps on Japanese national television and didn’t bawl in response, well, that person is sure not me.

I’d like to see a story that lets them build and explore that connect. I do not object to eventual OT3, but I think Chihaya is on a quest to find her own footing and pursue other goals at the moment, and I’d really like it if she was allowed to do this (join forces with Shinobu to drag karuta into a professional league, girl!). I’d like to think that in that space, different bonds and relationships can develop and strengthen, starting with Arata and Taichi.

Taichi the overanalyzer, the hardworker and the looker, the golden boy who at some point surely hit that red button, meme-style: you will be perfect at everything, you will have everything, except the one thing that you want above all. Arata appears to be his perfect foil: steady and serene where Taichi’s scrambling and flawed, adorably awkward and disarmingly sincere where Taichi’s groomed, smooth and miserable about his own deceptions. But they don’t see it like that! And they keep tripping each other up so beautifully!

I’d love to read your take on them growing closer and hopefully smooshing their faces together. Roommates in Tokyo? Long-distance friends? Figuring out how to tell your flatmate you’ve been in love with him since you were 12? Established relationship while hijinks happen? AWKWARD THIRDWHEELING WITH SUOU?!

On that note:

Suou Hisashi & (or / - wejustdon’tknow.gif) Mashima Taichi

I cannot believe that ridiculous man. Did you see a grown ass adult swoon because his unrequited disciple I mean not-friend I mean Taichi just up and went to meet his relatives??? To help reconnect them?? One can do things like this?? What next, being able to make phonecalls like an adult??

Does not compute.

I was there, Gandalf. I was there when the story first indicated that we might be getting an unlikely team-up of the world’s weirdest Meijin and Tokyo’s most miserable overachiever. But even in my wildest dreams I did not dare hope to see them sprawled on the carpet on a humid summer afternoon, Taichi comfortable in his own skin and Suou, erm, probably not very comfortable with his fascination :D He did not sign up for this. He, a grown ass man in what must be his early twenties, is too old for this youthful seishun sakura bullshit. And yet it is he who mournfully accosts Taichi’s mom to talk about how this other boy is paramount in Taichi’s universe. He who gets offended because Taichi knowing how to adult and work the social ropes is too sexy and competent. He who finds something compelling in the painful struggle of genius and skill.

Arata - Taichi - Suou

For maximum indulgence of yours truly, bring those into one place. Arata coming to Tokyo and finding Suou a fixture in Taichi’s life how?! Suou being infinitely pissy at the Fukuyi upstart and yet dragging himself to socialize with the boys regardless like a totally-not-pathetic adult with a social life of his own? Arata being mildly puzzled about the antagonism, but in there for the sweet snacks?

You tell me! I delight in my anticipation.

NIRVANA IN FIRE: Mei Changsu, Xiao Jingyan

Is this a complex, narratively inevitable historic tapestry strangling people with its treads, full of delicious politicking and identity porn? Yes, it is.

Is my burning – nay, primal – desire so simple as to smoosh two faces together and watch them kiss? Yes, it is :’)

I mean, I will obviously not say no if the kissing is giftwrapped in the said tapestry of beautiful, politicky plot, but the fever I can’t get out of my system is this: LET THEM KISS, GODDAMMIT. LET THEM BE HAPPY. I welcome canon divergences, alternative endings, fix-its, insert eps and codas where it looks like they would have kissed (erm, or at least confronted each other in a way that would inevitably end with them making out) if only Mei Changsu wasn’t so caught up in self-loathing and fluffy foxfur coats, and Jingyan didn’t talk too loudly about his so dead, so very dead beautiful ex to hear Mei Changsu weep stoically into his beautiful white furs.

I adore Prince Jing. He is 90% cheekbones and 20% heartbroken pouting over his so very dead friends, and all of it noble and awkward and stubborn and deserving of happiness. Mei Changsu is ridiculous, and capable, and twisted into pretzels of his own creation: not above gloating over his enemies while daintily dipping cookies into his tea, he gets too caught up in weaving the tapestry to notice he is a part of it. Pull him off his high horse, Jing! Render him helpless by being yourself! Do something about being hopelessly charmed with each other, through resentment, loss, bitter pining, and narrative inevitability! JUSTKISSALREADY.gif!!

THUNDERBOLT FANTASY: Rin Setsua; Sho Fukan

I LOVE THIS SELF INDULGENT WUXIA NONSENSE AND I CANNOT LIE!

Sanfan is a mixture UTTER GLEE and deep fondness for the genre staples, self-aware and masterful playthrough of all the wuxia tropes in the book, and one goddamn well-constructed story. It plays the tropes straight, calls them out with a knowing wink, walks the tightrope between the two with panache, and just as you are relaxed and enjoying this trapeze show, it grins cheekily at you, sets the discoball on fire and pulls a bunny out of a hat. It’s DELIGHTFUL and fun and lovingly crafted, just like a good passion project should be.

I want anything that capitalizes on the absolutely hilarious dynamics between Rin Setsua and Sho Fukan (and while personally I end up using the Japanese versions of their names more often, please feel free to go with the Chinese names if you prefer). Sho Fukan does not want any of those heroic quests, he’s the human equivalent of been there, done that mood, and he just wants to REST and hopefully dump a bunch of magical murderswords someplace safe. Rin Setsua is a Totally Respectable and Non-Villainous Member of Society, of which he will inform you firsthand in the most high spoken and verbose way possible, and maybe even produce paperwork that has definitely not been tampered with. He harbours no ulterior motives, ever, and does not trail behind Sho Fukan for any reason beyond the pleasure of his company, and his mission to personally victimize and cockblock every morally derelict villain in two countries, by no-one’s request.

Whether you go shipfic (yiss!) or canon levels teamup circus (also yiss!), don’t hold back your horses. Everything about this is Extra, and should continue to be so <3

I am okay with both expanding the canon and playing with AUs/crossovers/fusions for this one, provided they retain the character dynamics. I love the extended cast as well: any characters including the Seiyou gang (and on that note, if you want to write the Seiyou backstory for Shou’s gang that has no Rin in it, you’re welcome as well), reappearance of the familiar faces from Touri (read: Rin’s victim list, past, future and present), original characters lined up and waiting to be screwed over (guaranteed) and rescued (the administration does not bear any responsibility etc etc).

Thank you for taking the time to read the letter, and I’m greatly looking forward to reading your story — and hopefully, getting to chat about these ridiculous and wonderful characters post-reveals :)

#dear creator letter #yuletide #yuletide 2020

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kuroopaisen · 4 years

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HEY it’s me the anon from a few days ago that told you they’d panhandle for the in between crumbs 👨🏻‍🦽 i read pt 1 again while i ate lunch after work and omgncnsms i forgot how much i loved them lowering their walls (and the hesitation that comes w sharing something personal,, tbh not me i just be sayin shit sometimes yk MFNSNSN) but i rlly wanted to ask how long the writing process took you (in general and for this fic), what order you wrote all the scenes in (1/2)

and your favorite scenes from the fic 🥺 or rlly anything you want i love hearing ppl talk abt their writing 🥺🥺 i might send more asks as i inevitably reread the series tho LMAO i woke up today and told my best friend (who’s been lobbying for me to watch more than half of season one,,,, My Bad) that i was rereading this fic for The Serotonin 🤝🤝 also to avoid confusion i’ll call myself pan anon for now!! (2/2)

PAN ANON that’s so cute!! real talk, thank you for showing so much interesting in this fic? it’s my lil baby, and honestly hearing that you’re literally re-reading it is so wild to me,,, i have trouble conceptualising it? but thank you so so much you’re so sweet :( i’m so glad i could provide you with that precious Serotonin, that’s all i want to do,,,

you’ve given me the space to ramble so ramble i did,,, and therefore it’s under a cut fklfds i’m so sorry but also thank you so much (if you do want to ask more questions, don’t be afraid to! although this is,,, v long so i completely understand flkjsklfj)

how long the writing process took

in general: depends on a lot of factors, to be honest! how inspired i am, how long it’s going to be, how developed the idea is,,, generally, I tend to work on fics when I’m inspired to do them, or i won’t touch them for a long period of time. so, it’s hard to give an exact timeframe.

for example, iwaizumi’s birthday fic (ataraxia) was banged out in about a day? concept, writing, everything – mainly because i was on a timeframe, but also because it’s a relatively simple fic. simple premise, gentle but simple emotions, simple outcome. and, because i was inspired (see: under pressure), it was easy to get it all out. albeit ataraxia wasn’t beta’d, which is a bit of a problem for it as a representative of my writing ssjfdklj

something like brat, a more thought-out piece, it might take a week depending on inspiration? brat particularly inspired me (and i wish i’d turned it into a multi-parter now, tbh), so it was easy to get into.

for something like this or little changes, it takes a bit longer? little changes took about three weeks from conception to end product! which leads to…

for this fic: this fic was a bit weird in that i had the idea in my head for a few months? sort of,,, little scenes, and the desire to write something about kuroo and nekoma’s manager, incorporating the theme of ‘an in-between kind of love.’ the actual writing process, however, probably took two weeks?

the first week was pretty lax, and then the second was a whirlwind. It’s honestly sort of a haze because I would write for hours straight? i don’t know what happened, and a lot of the first draft was not good by any means, but yeah. that was one wild week.

poor ren (@/w-yuren – if you haven’t checked her out, please do! she’s the auntie of the fic tbh) proofread all of it over the course of a week because i wanted to get it out by a certain date (i didn’t end up meeting this deadline but Oh Well).

what order you wrote all the scenes in

i didn’t have a particular order!! i would just go for the scenes that i felt most inspired to write. for this fic, it was the scenes that took place more around the middle that i tended to gravitate towards? i found it surprisingly difficult to write the beginning (probably because by the time i got there, i had their dynamic established in my head – meaning that them being strangers was difficult to parse), and i put off the ending because i didn’t quite know how i wanted it to end (the original plan had them going to university – the slowest of all burns).

favourite scenes

so one of my favourite scenes was the one where the reader is having a breakdown in the gym; i didn’t end up doing it as well as i would’ve liked, but it gave me a space to explore some emotions i haven’t really had the chance to in my fics yet. it’s a mini-example, for me, of how cathartic writing can be – before this i’d only written a short daichi fic featuring a reader who had anxiety.

being able to tease out those emotions, but having them received willingly by kuroo, was soothing? and i also enjoyed that it gave me some space to give kuroo his own development, too; we don’t know where his mother is canonically, so divorce is certainly possible. and, speaking as a child of divorced parents, that sort of thing really affects you – often more than you realise. getting to explore that concept without making it the main point of the fic was enjoyable, in some way? it feels like the wrong word, but i can’t think of a better one.

i also enjoyed the scene where kuroo’s feeling down, and both kenma and the reader notice. bc this is a fic and not a full-blown novel, the relationships both kuroo and the reader have with other characters inevitably fall to the wayside, so i enjoyed every opportunity i had to explore the dynamics with other members of the nekoma team. and because kuroo and kenma are so important to each other, it was a joy working out how that’d factor into moments like this (especially since we don’t tend to see kuroo be down, you know?).

I also enjoyed the “ethically sourced” scene just because they’re being such Dumb Teens and i thought the dialogue was naturalish?

i also like the scene at the end of part 2, because i like exploring how we conceptualise love versus how we experience it. kuroo’s very much trapped between the two in that scene, and i think it’s very much something a teenage boy would contend with. especially because the way he conceptualises romantic love makes it something scary, something that could threaten the relationship they currently have.

and finally, i really like the final scene for two main reasons. one, because they don’t need to say “i love you”; they both know. and they know, because they exchange the “i wouldn’t be who i am today without you,” which speaks to their friendship and how they’ve affected one another. it’s also the culmination of both of them realising that it’s okay for them to feel multiple kinds of love for one another, and one doesn’t transcend or smother the other.

two, because it’s a moment of genuine, comfortable vulnerability; something that they’ve always offered each other in one way or another, but it’s usually been one of them comforting and supporting the other. but in this scene, the vulnerability is shouldered by both of them (the reader betrays her vulnerability by giving him a thoughtful present, and kuroo betrays his vulnerability by tearing up and making his confession).

honestly i had some lofty ideas that i don’t think i totally made good on, but i like these scenes because they gave me the opportunity to explore emotions that i find very interesting, or that relate to my own experiences with love; it’s always been a very strange grey area for me, and since i like to write for catharsis, the in-between was an opportunity to reflect on that!

i love the friends-to-lovers trope because it focuses on that interplay between different ideas of love, but in a mundane context, what does that mean? how do you draw the line between the two? should you draw that line?

so i’ve rambled a lot (looking at this wall of text,,, i’m so sorry) but thank for you for letting me indulge myself aslkjd my vocabulary is very limited and i hope i don’t seem like a Tool.

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noconcernofyours · 4 years

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Pinning Down My Kind of Movie

Warning: Wanky, self-indulgent ramblings about Hollywood auteurs to follow

A couple of days ago, I sat down with my housemate to watch Miami Vice (2006) directed by Michael Mann (Heat, Collateral) and starring Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx. Since we moved into our place, my housemate has gradually been exposed to my taste in movies, and the other day, sat in front of a strung-out Colin Farrell ordering mojitos to ‘Numb/Encore’ during an undercover sting, he finally confronted me with a crisis-inducing statement: “You know, I can’t figure out what your kind of movie is.”

If I am to be totally honest, it doesn’t take much to send me into an existential tailspin, but this observation got me thinking enough to want to sit down and write about it, so here we are. My name’s Daniel and I love movies! When I was a teenager, I was certain I wanted to be a film critic, so I started writing in earnest. The problem was I wasn’t that well rounded as a viewer. I confined myself to the world of comic book movies and Disney animation. I turned my nose up at pretty much everything else before realising that I didn’t actually know much or have much to offer about film. Instead, I turned to music criticism because that’s where my knowledge base is.

That being said, I still loved movies, and as the years have gone on, I have been rapidly expanding my film knowledge and broadened my horizons extensively. I got called a “film buff” for the first time recently, which really shocked me. I still don’t feel well-watched enough, or knowledgeable enough to fit a moniker like that. Maybe it’s imposter syndrome, but I really feel like I have a way to go yet.

My Letterboxd bio includes the phrase “admirer of film nerds”, and I think that admiration informs the entire way I look at the world of film. I read a lot of reviews and listen to a lot of podcasts by smart, unpretentious film obsessives like David Sims, Griffin Newman, Katey Rich, Karen Han and Bilge Ebiri, but that same admiration also informs the kind of films I enjoy the most. In confronting the statement from my housemate, I realised that while there are some genres I gravitate to more than others, my taste in movies is largely defined by the extent to which I can pick up on a single authorial voice driving the film. A director, writer, actor, composer or cinematographer who has a real, obsessive love for their craft whose influence and personality can be felt in every layer of a film’s construction. Franchises are a different beast, but it’s usually the entries in a franchise that feel like passion projects for individual filmmakers that I love the most, which is why Iron Man 3 is by far my favourite Marvel movie.

Over the last few months I’ve started building a fairly extensive Blu-Ray collection. I love physical media because I like to have a tangible representation of the art I love, but it also allows me to physically organise my thoughts about film rather than moving things around on a spreadsheet or in my head. It has also had an effect on how I watch films. Spending money on a film makes me feel more obligated to watch it through to the end in one sitting, to not be on my phone at the same time and to pay closer attention. It’s also made my approach to picking the films I watch more considered. I’ve been hunting down the films I haven’t seen by directors I love, fuelled by newfound completionism, and I’ve been subconsciously prioritising this kind of auteur-driven mindset in a way that has revealed, over time, who my favourite filmmakers are.

So, with that in mind, let’s transform this meandering, self-indulgent think piece into a meandering, self-indulgent listicle. Here are the filmmakers that have changed the way I watch movies:

Christopher Nolan

I know this is a bit of a film bro cliché, but I promise I’m not one of those film school douchebags who’s convinced they’re going to be the next great big budget auteur. Like a lot of other people my age, I discovered Christopher Nolan through the batman movies. I was taken to see The Dark Knight by my parents when I was 10 years old, not having seen Batman Begins, and it blew my mind. For years after that, I was one of those arseholes who had a terrible Joker impression that I whipped out at parties, until I became aware of the cliché and never did it again.

In the years since I’ve watched all of his other movies and gained a new love of Interstellar and The Prestige – movies that taught me a lot about the authorial voice and interweaving a central theme into every element of a film. I also learned that just because I find it annoying when the same tropes turn up in every Quentin Tarantino movie, recurring tropes throughout a filmmaker’s catalogue aren’t universally a bad thing.

The Coen Brothers

Representation is important. The tough thing about watching films from an auteur-driven perspective is that so many of the most important filmmakers in Hollywood are approaching their films from a white, Christian, male perspective. Scorsese is a particularly difficult director for me to appreciate because so many of his films are overtly informed by his Christianity. My Jewish identity is the most significant aspect of my identity, so naturally I’m always looking for films made from a Jewish perspective, overt or otherwise.

Whilst the Coen brothers don’t always make movies about explicitly Jewish characters or subject matters, their Jewishness always comes out in their writing, particularly in the totally undidactic way they approach the subject of faith in almost every film they’ve made. Their approach to God, fate, spirituality and religion is never one of moralising certainty, but rather a questioning one, which is a fundamental aspect of Jewish existence. I feel represented on multiple levels in the films of the Coen brothers, particularly in Inside Llewyn Davis which is my favourite film of the last decade, in ways that other directors could never manage. For the same reasons I will forever be excited about the potential of the Safdie brothers.

Stephen Spielberg

Whilst the Jewishness of Stephen Spielberg is a major attraction for me (Catch Me If You Can, his moody Christmas movie, comes across as weirdly Jewish to me), the thing that has solidified the guy as one of my favourite filmmakers is his approach to telling true stories. Unlike the Coen brothers, it’s Spielberg’s self-assuredness and didacticism that fuels my love of his work. His spate of recent, politically switched-on, historical dramas (Lincoln, Bridge of Spies and The Post) are all incredible achievements in effectively giving quiet dramas about people talking in rooms the tension and stakes of great action movies.

It’s the obvious thing to say at this point that Spielberg is one of the few genuine masters of the cinematic language, but while most will point to his massive, populist movies of the 80s and 90s as the definitive examples of that, I would point to his spottier late career with its moralising and earnestness as where his most exhilarating work lies.

Michael Mann

I like that Michael Mann is uncompromising. He makes films which, based on premise and star power, should be commercial knockouts, but they almost never are. He has an incredibly clear sense of self, and like Nolan has a lot of frequently recurring tropes in his films. Michael Mann makes films about Men Making Tough Choices™. He builds detailed, intensely researched worlds and he loves crime!

There’s something special when a filmmaker can tread the same ground over and over again and never convey the same central message twice. Nearly all of Mann’s movies are gritty, neo-noir thrillers with an obsessive attention to detail, but all of them deal with a totally distinct existential question which runs through every element of the film, from meta casting to set design, to music, to Mann’s pioneering use of digital photography. I’m just obsessed!

Stephen Soderbergh

Soderbergh is a hill that I’m going to be climbing for quite some time, I think. This is a guy who is relentlessly prolific, taking on a ridiculous number of roles on set himself, and working so fast that he often churns out multiple films in a year. With limited funds and a determination to watch movies legally, my progress through Soderbergh’s filmography has been slow, but I’ve loved every one I’ve watched so far.

As much as I love the guy’s mastery of the heist movie, and the way he slips those story telling devices into a lot of his non-heist stories, I think what really gets me about Soderbergh is the way his filmmaking style always seems to feel tooled towards portraying his characters with as much empathy as possible. Often his films are about people working or learning to empower themselves and coming to terms with their own identities. Anyway, go watch Out of Sight! It’s a damn masterpiece!

Kathryn Bigelow

Kathryn Bigelow’s career is full of insane ups and downs, but as far as I’m concerned, despite the difficulties she’s had getting her movies made and seen, she has three unqualified masterworks: Point Break, Strange Days and The Hurt Locker. On this list of directors, Bigelow has perhaps the most stylistically varied body of work, but her best work, much like that of other directors that I find myself drawn to, is largely concerned with obsession. Her characters are deeply flawed, but unwaveringly driven. What I love is that despite her drastic genre change from pulpy action thriller to hyper-realistic docudrama, she’s managed to hold on to that fascination with obsession, and an acute, outsider’s understanding of masculinity and its fragility.

Kathryn Bigelow has had to adapt to keep working, but because of that, she’s managed to develop a voice and a personality that is versatile enough to withstand her career shifts, but strong enough that it hasn’t been chipped away at by the difficulties she’s faced as a woman in Hollywood.

So, what was the point of all this?

Honestly, there wasn’t one. This was a piece of self-indulgence that allowed me to navigate an idea over which I was obsessing for a little while. That being said, I think if I had read something along these lines a few years ago, I would have delved into the world of director-focused movie watching far sooner. It’s hard to quickly and easily define the role of a director in contemporary film, particularly due to the ever growing influence of studios, but in the world in which the above filmmakers operate, the director has final say over all the creative decisions involved in putting together a movie. For me, the most exciting films are the ones that clearly and effectively communicate a single creative voice. Sue me, I love auteurs.

#miami vice #auteurs #christopher nolan #the prestige #the coen brothers #inside llewyn davis #stephen spielberg #the post #michael mann #collateral #steven soderbergh #out of sight #kathryn bigelow #the hurt locker #filmmakers #Jewish film #wanky bullshit

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hawksonfire · 4 years

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2019: Year In Review

Seeing as how this is the first year that I’ve really written a lot (or anything at all), I thought I’d try out this ‘year in review’ thing.

This year was the first year (ever) that I’d really put my words out into the world. I was honestly terrified to post my first work on Ao3 - what if no one liked it? What if I got hate for it? And worst of all, what if it was terrible?

I’m glad to say that none of that even came close to happening. I’m so lucky to have fumbled my way into the Marvel fandom, specifically the Winterhawk portion of it, because it’s just such a welcoming place. Everyone I’ve met has been so welcoming and uplifting, and I can honestly say that there are a few people (everyone) that come to mind who I hope will be with me for years to come.

Back to fic - At the beginning of this year, I had one fic on Ao3 - a 2018 Kinktober fic. At this very moment, I have 100+ fics with over 380k words between them. I’ve written fic for people, gotten fic from people, and posted stuff just for the hell of it. 2019 was a good year for my wording progress, and I can only hope that 2020 beats it.

Accomplishments under the cut! :)

Stats

Word Count: 380,035

Fic Count: 130

Fics

Captain Cockblock - a Winterhawk fic in which Steve is constantly cockblocking Bucky and Clint. It was the very first thing I posted in 2019, and I can genuinely say that I was terrified.

Revenge Against Captain Cockblock - the sequel to Captain Cockblock, in which Clint and Bucky (and Sam) get revenge on Steve for the way he kept cockblocking them. First sequel!! I was excited about this one.

Aggressively Progressive - a Stucky fic where Steve tells the press (and other assorted people) exactly what he thinks about the not vaccinating your children (among other things).

How It Should Have Gone - This fic. God, this fic. This was really the first multi-chapter long fic that I had attempted, and I had no idea how it was going to be accepted. It’s set before, during, and after the first Avengers, and in it, Steve attends university, falls in love with Clint and Natasha, and saves the world. It’s canon-adjacent, and I swear this is probably the fic I am most proud of to date.

Steve Rogers: Unapologetic Slut - A 5+1 fic I did as part of the BDBD slutty!Steve challenge. It was definitely a ton of fun to write and as a bonus, it introduced me to the 5+1 trope which I can now say is a favourite of mine.

there is a house in new orleans (they call the rising sun) - A birthday fic for the amazing @kangofu-cb (even though it was late) because she deserves all the nice things, dammit.

i need something to believe in (throw my hands up to the ceiling) - I realized one day, that my best bro @flowerparrish has literally written so much fic for me (check out zir Ameriwinterhawk series, aka, the ‘pornathon verse’ and this Amerihawk sex pollen fic) and yet, somehow, I had not written zir a single thing? This could not stand. So I made my amazing friend choose a whole bunch of prompts from a list, then slammed together a bunch of them into one 68-chapter long fic to be updated as needed.

Events

MCU Kink Bingo Round 3 - Somehow, I am unsurprised that the very first event I joined this year was a kink bingo. A series of 16 works of various ships and kinks.

Clint Barton Bingo - Clint has always been one of my favourite Marvel characters, so as soon as I saw that this bingo was accepting sign-ups, I had to do it. And I did! It resulted in 19 works from the first round (and more to come from the second round) with Clint being paired with various Marvel characters (but mostly Bucky).

Mandatory Fun Day - At this point in the year, I was fully inside the Winterhawk dumpster. The lovely mods over at @mandatoryfunday provide weekly prompts for us Winterhawklings to enjoy, and although I haven’t made a fill for this in a while, I definitely enjoyed the ones I did make and hope to make more in 2020.

Star Spangled Bingo - Yes, another bingo. I think this was my third one, but there were plenty more to come. I had a lot of fun participating in this one!

Bucky Barnes Bingo - Bucky, next to Clint, is another favourite character of mine, and I am so glad that the mods over at @buckybarnesbingo decided to do a second round in 2020. They can count on my sign-up, for sure.

Stucky Bingo - While it’s only got one fic so far, I’m definitely planning on writing more for it. XD

Captain America Reverse Big Bang: A Tail of Two Idiots - This!! This was my first RBB and I was incredibly lucky to be paired with the amazing @astaraiches-oisinn. She created some gorgeous art of Steve and Bucky at a dog park, and somehow I managed to write nearly 31.5k and post it on time! But I could not have done it without her, love you bb <333333

Winterhawk Reverse Big Bang: Main Attraction - holy fuck, y’all. I’d been a massive fan of @kangofu-cb and her words and art for a while at this point, and when I found out that we’d been paired together for the RBB? I’m pretty sure my screech broke windows. She was an absolute joy to work with and I’m glad to say that we’re now friends (we’re friends, right CB? Please let me have this) and she brightens up my day whenever I talk to her.

MCU Rarepairs Bingo - Again, there’s only one fic here but I’ve definitely got some fics planned for it.

Winterhawk Bingo - Alright, look. While I am well aware that I join too many events (no one can stop me) I am also aware that I like to run things. Thus, Winterhawk Bingo was born. It’s been a joy to run and a joy to participate in, and I’ve made even more friends for me to love with this event.

Kinktober 2019 - This was my second year in a row doing Kinktober, but I had way more fun this year because I opened up the prompt list to a bunch of my friends and followers and offered to write them a kink of their choice (or five). Definitely going to be doing it again that way in 2020.

Marvel Bingo: oh, the good ol’ days - This series is absolutely one of my all-time favourite things that I have ever written. It starts off with Clint/Steve, but as the stories progress, Bucky joins the squad for eventual Steve/Bucky/Clint, or my all-time OT3: Ameriwinterhawk. This series has 24 planned fics, with 20 so far completed. I was aiming to blackout my Marvel Bingo card, so let’s see if we can’t hit that goal, shall we?

Winterhawk Wonderland: noticeable - Hawkie’s first gift exchange! I had a super great time participating in this event (run by the lovely mods over at @winterhawkwonderland) and I can’t wait to do it again next year (if they choose to run it again)!

Marvel Trumps Hate - I signed up for my first charity auction! Look forward to those fics in 2020!

Marvel Reverse Big Bang - Technically, posting is in 2020, but the majority of this event took place in 2019, so I’m counting it.

Fics for Events (that I’m particularly proud of)

Lime Blossoms - While technically a fill for Bucky Barnes Bingo, Clint Barton Bingo, MCU Kink Bingo, and Star Spangled Bingo, this fic holds a special place in my heart. It’s very soft, and it also happens to be the fic that I jammed four different bingo squares into.

Whatever You Want - A fill for the Soulbond square of my Bucky Barnes Bingo card. Winterhawk, of course, but with a twist. Clint has two soulmarks, and they end up being Bucky and the Winter Soldier.

Safe - This fic holds is very special to me because in it, Clint is asexual. He has a crush on Bucky but doesn’t know how to go about doing something about it while making his boundaries clear. As an ace person myself who hasn’t always had the best luck with that, this fic was basically me holding up a flashing neon sign going “THIS! THIS IS WHAT I WANT!”

Flags - Another ace fic, but this time with ace!Bucky! Clint helps him as Bucky tries to figure stuff out. It’s basically pure, self-indulgent fluff.

All Bark, All Bite - Ah, yes. Werewolf!Clint and Vampire!Bucky. This is absolutely what kickstarted my obsession with supernatural AU’s, no doubt about it.

i walked with you (once upon a dream) - Another birthday fic! This one was for a friend of mine who isn’t on Tumblr, but she absolutely loves marine life. SO! Of course, I wrote her a 5+1 fic with mer!Bucky and pirate!Clint that somehow turned into 16k words of basically pure fluff.

topsy turvy and upside down - This was a fill for the Mandatory Fun Day prompt “Clint as the Winter Soldier”. God, I had so much fun with this fic and I wrote all 7k of it in like, a day or something, because the words would just not stop flowing.

anything, anything - This. This was written for @flowerparrish as a part of Kinktober, and I honestly have no idea how it became an ace!Steve sex pollen fic, except that it did. I definitely plan to write more ace fics, and more sex pollen fics, and more ace sex pollen fics.

i ain’t proud of my address (in this torn up town) - Affectionately referred to by me as Demon!Clint, this fic will absolutely be updated and completed. At some point. But I give you my word.

That’s all, folks! That sums up my 2019! Well, the fic portion of it anyway. I made so many new friends that I hope stick with me for a long while, I got so many new ideas for fics I plan to write in 2020, and! I learned a few things about myself along the way!

Things to expect from me in 2020:

- Events. So many events. All of the events.

- Fics. SO many. A few for events, a few not.

- I guess you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?

#hawkie writes #year in review #ohhhh goddddd so many events #fuck #and more to come this year #why do i do this to myself

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doctors-star · 4 years

Note

1, 9, 15, 19, 40 (if you would) :)

ta! x

ask me questions

1. describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

easy peasy - i’ve long been compiling a bingo list of my favourite tropes which feature time and again in my work. it would, therefore, contain at least one repressed british man attempting, with difficulty, to emote. it would also require a few characters to love them, and know them, and not mind their terrible repression too much. just unbearable fondness between two lovers, or more commonly three, or between friends in a found family. real self-indulgent softness.

already answered 9

already answered 15

19. stephen king once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. do you have a muse?

recent google searches: what actually is a muse i mean i know but also maybe i don’t?? who will free the man in stephen king’s basement

i don’t have a muse. the only extent to which one person inspires what i write is me, at myself, going write this idea, because i want to read it. people (like you, dear heart) give me prompts, but that’s really all.

40. write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).

when pressed, you requested in adoration. i prefer the real ending, which is probably just as well, but here’s another one.

alex’s aunt is a rather magnificent lady: tall, sharp, and feathered with lace at every possible point. he forgets, sometimes, the extent to which she fills a space, and to which his cousins tend to fade into the background, washed out by her aggressive presence.

“it will not do, alex,” she tells him, an excess of cut glass in every bitten word. “i shall not have you here. what were you thinking, seducing miss bexleigh away and not making an honest woman of the girl? she’ll not marry now, if it gets out that she ran off at your coattails and escaped unwed.”

“will it? get out, i mean,” alex says with a guilty flush of worry.

edwina sniffs, turning her dismissive gaze upon her cup and saucer, but her daughter georgiana catches his eye and then, ever so slightly, shakes her head. alex settles a little better; he should hate to cause elsie bexleigh any trouble. “regardless, alex, you must come away at once. there is to be no taking after your mother’s side of the family, you understand? i dare say no-one wanted enough of your uncle laurence to mind him squirrelling himself away out here, but-”

“mama!” both alex and edwina turn in some surprise to georgiana, whose grip has gone terribly tight upon her teacup. alex is glad that peter and ruth are out in town today for fear of their terrible righteous, defensive fury being meted out upon the relations, but that georgiana would turn he had not forseen. “you mustn’t be so rude! alex shall stay here if he pleases; he is a grown man. you haven’t the right to insult his relations and command his actions.”

“and you have the right to speak to me thus?” edwina shrieks. alex is left simply watching the argument unfold between them, powerless to do ought but cradle his rapidly cooling tea in one hand and watch the verbal volleys fly. “i have given you children everything! raised you myself and bought you everything you might need - and this is how i am repaid?”

“we were children then, mama, but we are not now,” georgiana says with astonishing calm. she had always been quiet and calm in alex’s recollection; when not away at boarding school she had kept largely to herself in the library and left miriam to dress and fuss and gossip with their mother. he should not have known such calm strength in her before, nor suspected it angled in his defence. “mama, we have stayed long enough. alex will not go, and nor must he. we shall, therefore, leave him; he has work enough to get on with.”

edwina, to alex’s ever mounting surprise, does go, blustering all the while into the warm summer day. georgiana pauses, however, when he drops an awkward finger into the crook of her elbow and she turns to him, waiting. “i - thank you.”

she tilts her head. “do you know how awful it has been,” she asks conversationally, “with neither you nor miriam at home to bear her? i fear that had been building for some time.”

alex’s heart goes out to his cousin, and despite himself and the inevitable complaints of his lovers finds himself extending to her the same invitation that elsie had so gladly taken up. perhaps his farm shall be made a sort of purgatory, to shake the influence of modernity and especially his own relations.

georgiana laughs, though. “certainly not, alex. i am no farmer, nor keen to become one; i like the town, and its society; i dearly like to dance and see plays; i would be surrounded for my whole life long by tall buildings and their interesting inhabitants. you should not like me here, reading all day and complaining of terrific boredom and unchanging society.”

“but - aunt edwina-”

“worries rather about money, presently. it’s why she wanted you married so well, and away from this rather risky venture. money and status mean security, alex, and she would have you and i quite secure from the vagaries of life, with enough to live comfortably with, oh, let’s say, three children after the deaths of all earners in the house, hmm?” georgiana’s eyes are as aggressively sharp as her mother’s and keep him pinned and awkwardly squirming, as if she’d caught him breaking a favourite vase and lying about it. “she will not like either of us, presently, for working so hard against her best-laid plans for you, but i shan’t need to retire to devon, thank you. i shall be married shortly, in fact - though mama doesn’t know that yet. i don’t know if she shall like him, for he’s a little common and rather silly, but he has a strong and prospering business and he dotes upon me terribly. i could be quite happy with him, and free of my mother in very little time at all.”

“and that is enough?” he cannot help but ask the question - ruth and elsie have shown him just how often women settle rather than succeed. despite their childhood, in which they were not friendly and had little to do with one another, and their present estrangement into a curious familial acquaintance, he would have her do better than settle.

but georgiana nods. “to be loved and free, in the place where one wants to be: can any person ask for better? alex - perhaps we shall not ever be friends, for we are not alike and we are, in truth, barely acquainted, but i do hope for as much for you. i hope you’re happy.”

alex smiles and presses her hand. “i am. i hope you’re at least half as happy as i am; for these people are my family, and i love them dearly.”

georgiana’s smile quirks out of politeness into genuine amusement. her mouth curves like alex’s father’s does in the photograph, and he does love her a little for it - for this shared amusement and history and joy. “i can see that. you’re all smiles - it suits you.”

she is right. ruth and peter come rushing back as soon as the gossip reaches them and finds him, sundrenched, in the doorway, wearing a grin that he cannot, at present, seem to shake.

#ohoho! you thought you were safe to dislike the aunt!#that the cousins were evil-stepsister types!#that i might at some point cease my endless crusade to give one and all a happy ending!#but no get rekt #you asked questions other people had also asked so as reparation you get this chonky boi #this is actually just me flexing the family tree notes i had and then barely used #i shall not be stopped #this is your captain speaking #relentless self-promotion

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creativity-is-rebellion · 4 years

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Top 10 Favourite Movies I Have Seen (So Far)

How to Make an American Quilt (1994)

I’m not sure exactly why, but I have always had a thing for intergenerational movies that go back and forth in time, which I think that this movie does superbly. You get to know each of the character’s backstories, and it is also a coming-of-age film where the main protagonist must choose a path and be happy with the one she goes down. This was a film I would watch again and again as a teenager when I was sad (movie marathons were always the cure for my blues back then). More recently, there are other reasons why this movie appeals to me; I can relate to Finn’s thesis-writing (I know it’s frustrating and easy to distract yourself from), and I can also relate with her dilemma in choosing what kind of future she will have. Also, Winona Ryder can do no wrong. Winona forever.

The Joy Luck Club (1993)

Another intergenerational film, I think it does a great job of juxtaposing the difference between parents who immigrate to another country and their children who do not really understand the sacrifices they have made to actually get there, which can cause rifts and divides. It does this specifically with the Chinese culture in mind, which is fascinating in its own right, and quite different to the US, which is where they immigrate to. The daughters who try to understand their mothers are able to bridge the divide when they are able to empathise with where their parents are coming from, by the parents telling them tales of their origins. My favourite character is hands-down Ying-Ying St. Clair, whose backstory is definitely the most tragic. In China, Ying-Ying was happily married to Lin-Xiao (Russell Wong) with a baby boy in China until Lin-Xiao abuses her and abandons her for an opera singer. Overwhelmed by her depression, Ying-Ying begins to dissociate and accidentally drowns their baby son in the bathtub during one of these episodes, which haunts her ever afterwards. Years later, she has emigrated to America and suffers from trauma of her past, worrying her new family, including her daughter Lena. When she is able to get Lena find her voice and to leave her own abusive husband, Harold. I have nothing but love for this film, which breathes life into Amy Tan’s equally beautiful novel. This film adaptation does the novel proud; It’s well-acted, well-told, and simply just heart-warming.

Sinister (2008)

I love myself a good horror movie, and Sinister flips the script by starting out as a crime mystery before going bananas and introducing Mr. Boogie (or Bughuul), a pagan demon who manipulates the lives of children, having them kill their families, until he can consume the child's soul. Ethan Hawke, who both directs and stars in this film, does a phenomenal acting job as washed-up crime author Ellison Oswalt, who moves his family into one of the homes which was the scene of one of the ‘crimes’, where a whole family has been massacred and one child is missing. It isn’t long until he finds a bunch of 8mm tapes in the attic, which represent the equivalent of snuff films, detailing previous family massacres occurring elsewhere. Seriously, some of these 8mm tapes are both difficult but strangely thrilling to watch, due to their haunting quality. It takes him a while before he becomes aware of Bughuul, who he discovers hiding in the corner of one of the tapes, and who he is able to get to know about with the help of a rookie cop and a professor. The ending is also a delicious twist, and indicates the inevitability of not being able to escape evil. Seriously, it’s a must-watch, as it breathes rare new life into the tired horror genre.

Insidious, Chapter One (2010)

Another worthy 21st century horror addition, the Insidious franchise (especially the first film) delivers some great twists, and creates a rich universe way beyond any ordinary haunted house or child-plagued-by-demon trope, by introducing some genuinely scary characters (The Lipstick Demon, Doll Girl, and the Bride in Black, anyone?!), and also introducing The Further, a dark and timeless astral world filled with tortured dead souls and nightmarish spirits. I love the twist that the end of this movie delivers, and also the appropriate jump-scares throughout. It is yet another horror movie that breathes life into a somewhat tired genre. 10/10, I highly recommend this movie, even if The Lipstick Demon looks kinda like Darth Maul, lol.

Reality Bites (1994)

Although it’s kind of aged badly, due to advancing technology, this movie was one of the first to introduce the idea of reality television, whilst also capturing the zeitgeist of Generation X, with it’s rather nihilist message about life after college, and the trials and tribulations of growing up. Some of the characters (especially Lelaina and Troy) are self-indulgent, immature, intellectually snobby and navel-gazing, but you root for Lelaina to succeed because she is played with enough sympathy by the amazing and incomparable Winona Ryder that we believe she deserves better. This is one of the reasons I hate that she ends up with Troy, even if he is the broody bad boy we are all expected to swoon over. Seriously, he treats Lelaina so badly that I just want to punch him in the face. It also has some great side characters, like Vicky, who works at The Gap, but is scared to find a real job, and Sammy, who is gay and afraid that he may have HIV. It is also relatable for me as a Millenial who graduated from university when the Global Financial Crisis (GFC) hit, making it complicated to find a good job, mirroring the recession that these characters graduated into. I love that it talks about pivotal Generation X issues, as well as universal issues that encompass growing up and moving into adulthood. Also, again, Winona forever.

Candyman (1992)

Candyman is a horror film that subverts horror movie expectations whilst still managing to deliver some great scares. Being set in the long-gone notorious Chicago housing projects Cabrini Green, a name synonymous with vice, violence and murder, and a place which instils non-supernatural horror in an individual all on its own, tells the story of thesis student Helen, who is researching urban legends, and through her participants, she learns the story of Candyman, a vengeful rendition of the classic Bloody Mary, who will split you from groin to gullet with his hook for a hand if you say his name five times in the mirror.

The people who recount this legend go on to recount a notorious murder that has taken place recently in Cabrini Green which has been attributed to Candyman, and Helen chooses to investigate the claim. Helen rationalises that the residents of Cabrini Green use the legend of Candy Man to cope with their stressful daily lives. Before visiting Cabrini Green, Helen and her research associate decide to test the theory by saying ‘Candy Man’ five times in a mirror, but nothing happens, at least not yet. In real life, the murder rate in Cabrini Green peaked in 1992, the same year that Candy Man was made. Candy Man himself (played with great aplomb by the legendary Tony Todd) doesn’t show up until around 44 minutes into the movie, but when he does, he steals the show with his dangerous charisma.

In total, Candy Man subverts 3 horror rules: Number one, that you need to have a high body count to keep audiences engaged. By doing so, it stretches out the tension for as long as it can. Number two, there is a Black antagonist. There were some issues addressed by Black critics that this depiction played into some racist stereotypes, such as the idea that Black people need a White saviour, that Black people are especially superstitious, and that Black men prefer to pursue White women. But one could say that Candy Man is more a depiction of the White fears associated with Black poverty, and specifically, White Liberal fears that Black poverty can’t be helped, despite their best efforts. Helen doesn’t mean any harm (some may even call her an ally), yet she dies anyway.

By making the antagonist Black, the film becomes about so much more than just visceral horror, it is about societal, racial and historical horror as well, albeit told from a White perspective. It also plays into the fear that Black people, through no fault of their own, could be killed for no reason at all but panicky neighbours. Finally, number three, this film is more sad than scary; sadness tends to be the most common negative emotion that I experience, so I am drawn to movies that have something to say about it. The only reason Candy Man gives for wanting to kill Helen is that she demystified him, which seems pretty petty and vindictive. She is also supposed to resemble his long-lost love that got him killed in the first place. When Candy Man kills the psychiatrist in the movie, it is literally the only on-screen proof we have that Candy Man isn’t just a figment of Helen’s imagination. Candy Man, like my most favourite horror film, The Shining, begs the question: Are there really supernatural elements at play here, or is the main character simply going insane? Phew, this was more than I planned to write, but I guess this film is complex enough to warrant it. See it for yourself.

Final Destination (2000)

As time wore on, the Final Destination franchise became more well-known for its gruesome deaths (and tired plot) than anything else, but the first addition was a fresh take on the inescapability of death, and the vengance Death Itself may take if you screw with his Design. The first 15 minutes of the film are truly thrilling through the main character Alex’s premonition, and the wait after the gang have been kicked off the airline for the plane to blow up without them on board. Seriously, that scene gave me aerophobia more than any Air Crash Investigation episode. What follows are some truly twisted, macabre domino-like deaths that prove that Death has a wicked, dark sense of humour. That every character in this franchise dies eventually is kind of disappointing, and definitely places Death in this franchise as possibly the most diabolical villain in all of the horror genre (move over, Jason and Michael and Freddy). The mysterious undertaker played with delightful maliciousness again by Tony Todd adds to the mystery of understanding Death’s Design. and the reality that no matter what the survivors do, Death will eventually come for them, really adds to the overall hopelessness and nihilism of the whole situation. The way that the last film of the Final Destination franchise, which is really a prequel to the first film, rounded out the franchise really well, and provided a twist as good as the original film was epic. If you are going to watch any of the films in this franchise, I cannot recommend the first and last film enough.

Now and Then (1996)

I love this film more for the cheesy, feel-good memories of my childhood it gives me. Christina Ricci is also one of my all-time favourite actresses (I absolutely loved her as Wednesday Addams), which just bolsters this movie in my eyes. Thora Birch does a good job as well. But seriously, I can pop this movie on any time and it’ll just make me instantly happy for a simpler era. Even if I wasn’t born in the 60′s or 70′s, there is a lot to relate to about bridging the gaps between childhood and the inevitable teen cross-over. I mean, who didn’t have seances in graveyards with their friends as a 12-year-old girl? No-one?! Just me then. OK. Ahem. I think my favourite character was hands-down Gabby Hoffman’s Sam, who is trying to cope with her parent’s divorce in a town and time when divorce is unheard of. I like that her grown-up character played by Demi Moore is a successful writer, and is also the narrator of the entire movie. If you want to watch a truly feel-good movie that promotes feminist ideals, this movie is for you.

IT: Chapter One (2017)

Since I watched the 1990 TV miniseries in 1992 at the tender age of 7 (my parents never monitored what I watched - which sometimes led to some gnarly nightmares), I have been waiting for a worthy remake. I, like most of the aficionados that watched the miniseries, loved Tim Curry’s rendition of the demonic entity of IT, but weren’t quite happy about the spider ending. If you’ve seen it, you know what I mean. You may be asking why I haven’t included Chapter Two that came out this year (2019), and the reason is, despite Bill Hader’s wonderful performance as the grown-up Ritchie, a cameo by Stephen King himself, and more screen-time for Bill Skarsgaard’s scary clown, the ending here was also disappointing. IT’s true form just doesn’t seem to translate well onto screen. It was adequate. Meh. Anywho.

IT Chapter One, however, is awesome. Instead of jumping back-and-forth in time like both the mini-series and the book did, it focuses on the well-acted ‘Loser’s Club’ as kids, and is truly scary like this story should be. The bully Henry Bowers is truly sociopathic, and Bill Skarsgaard as IT truly nails the fact that IT is so much more than just a killer clown. The death scene with Georgie at the beginning of the film is quite subversive and daring, as it actually shows you the death of a child in all its gory detail. My verdict? Watch the first with gusto, but do not expect anything great from Part Two. Part Two has to exist for continuity, but the first film outshines the second installment in every way possible.

Lady Bird (2017)

For an Indie sleeper film, this story is fantastic as both a coming-of-age film and a depiction of separating from your parents and becoming your own person. Ladybird’s mum is overprotective, and Ladybird needs to break free, whilst also trying not to cause a permanent rift. She’s a different kind of gal, sensitive, intelligent, artistic, and so not meant for a dead-end small town. Her transition toward independence is extremely relatable to me, as I grew up with an over-bearing, interfering mother myself. Also, it’s set in 2002, the year I graduated, with adds to my feelings of nostalgia. It’s the relatablity of Ladybird that makes it so re-watchable to me. I grew up in a dead-end town, was creative and different to my peers, and went to a fancy private school that I didn’t fit into as well. So Ladybird is a cinematic delight as you see her progress to something more hopeful in the future. A must-watch.

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