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court-jester-stuff · 3 days

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Sharing a room with a not so stranger

Azriel x reader

Warnings?: reader is shorter than Azriel, not beta we die like suriel, kinda rushed? idk it's 23:54 so meh enjoy

Note: the library is based of off the acropolis and what I image Olympus would look like, so is all the rest of the Day Court. pictures from pinterest

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"So sorry to bother you," a voice said from behind you. "Can I ask you for a favour?" Turning around you came face to face with Elain. She was dressed beautifully, a light pink coloured dress with a corset with flowers embroidered onto it, sleeves of the shoulders with on the shoulders and wrist embroidered the same flowers as the corset. Her hair was loose with a few braids which all had flowers in it. Truly you’d be lying if you said she didn’t look pretty.

“That depends on what the favour is of course.” You answered her with a smile. In all honesty you hoped it would be something entertaining, these past couple of days have been fun here at the Day Court but you were slowly growing bored. This whole event was to celebrate summer solstice, the Night Court was specifically invited by High Lord Helion as a means to grow a stronger alliance. A full two weeks of celebrating and getting to know each other.

Elain looked behind her and when you followed her gaze you could see Lucien standing in the doorway smiling at her and giving her an encouraging nod.

“Would you, by any chance, …” she trailed of looking at me with an air of hesitance. Giving her a little push you asked:

“Would I…?”

Elain sighed a little but finished her sentence. “Would you mind if Azriel and I switched rooms?” She paused to let the words sink in. “I would really like to try giving this a chance and we already asked Azriel and he’s fine with it, but only if you are. And I know you two aren’t all that familiar with each other but I would really appreciate this.”

At last she stopped talking to gage your reaction only to see a little smile on your face. “My dear, I would not mind at all. You two deserve this moment to try and see where this all leads you.” She perked up at your words and you could see Lucien visibly relax in the corner of your eye. “If Azriel is comfortable with this all then I do not mind.”

She thanked you and said that they would be sure to inform Azriel of you agreeing before they both took their leave.

Once they did take their leave you started thinking about what you just agreed to. In all honesty you and Azriel hadn’t really spoken in quite a while. As members of the Inner Circle it was kind of inevitable but that still didn’t change the conversations you had had with him.

He never seemed to speak much, especially not to you. Only during the rare times that he would ask for help with an injury would you two really talk. And even then it was mostly you talking to him about how to take care of the wound even though he has probably done so a million times.

You’d always find him looking at you with deep eyes whenever you’d look up from your work. He never really seemed to take his eyes off of you while you were working. Whether he was guarded or something else you couldn’t quite decide.

Outside of that there were a few conversations you had had with the spymaster. But lately that had started to change. You were in the habit of sneaking away during each social event to lend yourself a moment of fresh air before stepping back into the crowded rooms. However these last couple of, hell, years you always seemed to get the company of a certain shadowsinger wherever you had decided to sneak of to.

Not that you mind, in all honesty you couldn’t deny the pull you felt towards him. Each conversation, each interaction left you yearning for more. You wanted to hear him speak to you, you wanted to know who he was outside of this persona he had been given.

Deciding that you should try to make things easier for the both of you lead to you walking back to the room you previously shared with Elain with the goal in mind of tidying up a bit. Once there you put away any clothing that was lying around, noting that all of Elain her stuff had already been moved.

The room wasn’t big by any means, in fact you and Elain had specifically requested a smaller sized room. There was a wall with a huge window opposite of the door with the bed against the left wall and a couch on the opposite side next to the window.

Once you deemed the room clean enough you realized that the room might be cozy for you and Elain but Azriel would have trouble getting comfortable in the bed were there someone else in it. Deciding that there wouldn’t be enough space on the bed for both you while allowing his wings to rest comfortably and without the fear of accidental touching, you made the decision to move a pillow and blanket to the couch. Moving that what was on the night stand to the little table next to the couch.

A knock on the door made you pause. Assuming that it was either Elain or Azriel you went to open the door, only to be surprised by a smiling Helion.

“High Lord.” You said with a small bow of the head. You’ve always liked the man, he was polite and kind. A bit of a flirt maybe but still aware of boundaries. And he ruled his court exceptionally well. All people were well taken care of and very rarely did they find themselves in conflict with other courts. Compared to the Night Court which carried the looming darkness of The Court of Nightmares and Hewn City that was very admirable.

“Oh you, there is no need for such titles. Call me Helion, please.” He chuckled a bit at the formality of it all but still kept a smile on his face as he corrected you.

“Well then Helion, is there anything I can help you with?”

His smile widened a little at your question. His eyes sparkling a little. “I heard that you take care of a large portion of all the knowledge that is stored in the Night Courts library, I must say it is quite the collection. One to be proud of.”

Mirroring his smile you replied with a hint of proudness to your voice. “Yes, indeed. I travel a lot and when I do I can’t help but try to take at least one book with me to further the collection you speak so highly of.”

“Well, the Day Court does have quite the library as well and I thought that I could interest you in taking a look around.” He gestured with his hand down the left corridor.

Your gaze followed the direction from his hand before looking back inside the room. Everything seemed in order for when Azriel would arrive. “Is it just down the hallway?” You ask.

He shakes his head with the same smile on his face that has been there since you opened the door. “Why don’t I show you there, it’s a bit of a maze in here.”

You nodded and walked out into the hallway, closing the door behind you before making your way to the library. The empty hallways were filled with easy going small talk between the two of you before you eventually reached the library.

To say that it was beautiful would be an understatement. It was truly breathtaking. It looked like a place where gods would walk, the high ceilings and windows with no glass allowed as much natural light in as possible. The walls were a cream colour with beautiful paintings on the ceilings.

You should remember to tell Feyre so she could come get a look.

The bookcases were white with golden accents, they crowded the entire room except for the space right before the window. Leaving enough space for several couches and a table surrounded by chairs. Even the wood of the furniture was a light colour.

You don’t know how long you simply admired the space but when you turned around Helion was looking at you with a proud smile and a look of admiration on his face.

He clears his throat and says: “It’s beautiful is it not?” You weren’t really sure what to say. It was beautiful but outside of the beauty of it you were also surprised by its sheer size. Maybe it was the lighting but it looked so much more spacious than the library at the House Of Wind.

“It is very beautiful, I honestly don’t really know what to say. The lighting and colours are so much brighter than those of the ones we have. Even the books match the pale colours. And the amount of books here is admirable. This truly is a fine library.”

“Well, I am more than happy to have shown it to you. Please, feel free to look around and spent as much time here as you please. I’m afraid I cannot stay with you for much longer, duty calls, but rest assured that you are more then welcome in this library. Or even my court.”

You smiled slightly at his words and told him you would keep it in mind. It wasn’t for long before he excused himself and left you to your own company.

You roamed around looking for any books that peaked your interest and finally settled on a handful of them. You found another window with seating space, albeit this on smaller, and settled down on the plush couch facing slightly away from the window.

You don’t know how much time you spend sitting there but when you finally looked up from the third book that you were reading you realized that the sun had set and the sky was now adorned with stars. Granted, there weren’t as many or as bright of ones as in Valaris but it was a sight none the less.

Deciding to call it a night you got up and realised just how long you had been sitting in that same position you stretched and gathered the books you had laying around you. Walking up to the desk you left the books there for someone to find in the morning.

The hallways were quiet now, beside your own steps and breathing there as nothing to be heard.

Ones you had made your way back to your room you were very careful while opening the door as to not startle or wake up Azriel.

When the door was open far enough to slip inside you did so carefully, the room was bathed in moonlight and given the light you could see Azriel’s sleeping figure on the bed. He had moved himself fairly far to the window leaving enough space for a second person to lay down next to him if needed.

But you didn’t need to and getting in the bed would mean having to move his left wing out of the way and you weren’t about to touch the one place that Illyrians loathed to be touched.

Quietly making you way to the bathroom you quickly changed into night clothing and treaded very lightly to the couch. You laid down and when you finally settled you felt something twirling itself around your fingers. Looking down you realised it was a shadow. You smiled at it, mouthing good night before it parted from you to return to their master and with that you went off into slumber.

When you woke up again there was not yet any sunlight in the room. You looked over at the clock on the wall above the door and noted that it was almost time for sunrise. You looked over at Azriel realising he was still fast asleep and decided to take one of the books of your little makeshift nightstand before shuffling to the open balcony.

It must be a dream for winged people to be able to simply fly up to their rooms from the outside without having to first enter and walk both the hallways and stairs.

You sat down on a sofa that was located opposite to where the bed stood so you could keep an eye on Azriel in case he were to awake.

Before long the sunrise started, it was truly magnificent. The colours weren’t simply red, pink and yellow. No, you were sure you could make out nearly the entire rainbow from the sky.

You once again felt a little coolness around your fingers which finally prompted you to look away from the scenery.

“Hello you, we meet again.” You smiled softly at it while speaking in a whisper, mindful of the early time. “What are doing over here, hm? Shouldn’t you be guarding your master?”

It moved around your fingers and palm before deciding to return to the figure on the bed. Looking over you realised you had been caught making small talk with a shadow.

From the bed a tired looking Azriel looked at you with eyes of wonder. “Good morning.” You greeted. “You should go back to sleep, it’s still very early.” Which granted it was. Looking at the clock once more you saw that it read six.

He hummed as if in thought before turning his head into the pillows and stretching. His legs coming out from beneath the blanket and his wings stretching wide. They nearly hit the wall on his right from how wide they were.

He relaxed again before letting himself fall back into the mattress. For a bit you thought he had taken your advice but alas he started turning so he could sit up in bed.

His hair was frizzled and stood a little upright. He had dark circles under his eyes and a sleepy look covering his face. He blinked a few times before moving to sit with his legs over the side of the bed. The blanked had fallen and you couldn’t help but look at his chest, the muscles well defined, quite a few scars, some bigger than the others and a tattoo covering the entirety of his upper chest. It looked just like the shadows that had started swirling around him again.

Curling through his hair and around his ear, likely whispering little things they noticed or deemed important enough.

Deciding the stop gaping at the male you moved your eyes back to the other side, the sunset nearly over by now. Even though only a matter of two to three minutes could have one by the sun had risen fast. Likely a Day Court thing. It shone brightly and you could feel it’s light gently ceres your skin.

Feeling a presence nearby you noticed that Azriel had started moving towards you, yawing in the process before settling down next to you in the sofa.

You sat in comfortable silence for a bit before he spoke. “The sunrise is likely the only thing I enjoy about this court.” You smiled gently at his words before looking over at him.

He was looking at the sunrise with a small smile on his face before he turned his attention to you. His eyes seemed to soften a little bit more when they met yours.

“How did you sleep? I heard you come in quite late and you were up early.” He noted with a small furrow of his brow. Although the gentle smile stayed on his face.

“I slept pretty decent actually. I had lost myself in a book in the library so I was back rather late, I am sorry if I woke you.” You replied back, spoken in soft voices.

He assured you that you had not awoken him, rather he himself were still awake.

“I noticed one of my shadows with you this morning, they don't usually do that. Have they done that before? Because I’ll tell them off if they make you uncomfortable, although I must say that it did not seem that way just now.”

You beamed slightly at his words. “I don’t mind at all, in fact they are rather nice.” You smiled a little brighter as some of them immediately darted towards you, some playing with your fingers other roaming around, a few even went into your hair.

Azriel looked slightly startled as they did this. “I think last night while I went to lay down was the first time. Whichever one it seemed to have wanted to come say goodnight to me.” You thought for a bit, admiring them before realisation hit you. “Wait, actually, I think they might have done that before. Back during Solstice a few of them curled around my arm when I passed you. I completely forgot about that.”

You looked over at him and he seemed to be deep in thought, his brow was really furrowed now and his smile was no longer. When he didn’t seem to snap out of it you placed your hand on his wrist.

He blinked in surprise before looking at you hand on him which had him frowning once more.

You removed your hand before clearing you throat. “Sorry, I would have taken your hand but you seem to always shy away when people do that. I shouldn’t have assumed that your wrist would be any different.”

He looked up at you expression unchanging. He opened his mouth to say something right as a knock sounded from the door. You looked over at it before deciding to go over and see who it was. You looked back over at him to see him still staring. You gave him a little smile, after apologizing again you stood up and made your way to the door.

You opened it just after another knock sounded and were surprised to see your own High Lord.

He looked slightly surprised by you before giving a smile. “Well good morning, it seems our dear Azriel is in good hands then.” He chuckled softly, mindful of those still sleeping.

Just as you were about to ask him what was wrong or what he had meant you felt a hand on your waist. While the other grasped the door besides your head.

“Can we help you Rhys?” Azriel sounded kind of agitated, a clear difference from simple moments ago. You couldn’t help but wonder if it was because Rhysand was here or because you touched his wrist.

“Not necessarily, I simply wanted to check in on you both. I had heard from Feyre that Elain and our dear Azzy here had switched rooms.” He said the last part while grinning at you.

Before either of you could say anything else Azriel decided that the High Lord and his brother had overstayed his welcome. “If you aren’t here for a decent reason could you let us be?”

He surprised you with that but the high fea before you seemed unbothered, maybe even pleased.

“Of course, of course. I wouldn’t want to bother you two. Remember that meeting we have at nine.” He barely finished speaking when Azriel pulled you back into him begore closing the door.

You both stood there for a moment until you decided to turn around. Only then did you notice how close he really was and how very bare his chest still was.

After a second of standing in a daze staring at his chest and tattoo you seemed to come back to reality when you moved backwards a step, which in turn caused your back to hit the door. You looked up and Azriel followed your step until his arm was pressed into the door above your head.

He leaned in slightly while you tilted your head upwards to try and look at him properly. If you didn’t know better you’d say he was blushing.

“I don’t mind you touching my wrist. Or my hand.” He paused while looking at you. He leaned in even more, noses nearly touching. “I never mind when it’s you.”

You both held eye contact between each other until his gaze flicked over your face as if searching for something. Eventually he pulled away and you smiled at him, hoping he couldn’t hear the loud drumming of your heart.

Later you found yourself once again in the library. Azriel left at eight, presumably for the meeting Rhysand was talking about. And given that you were once again alone in your room and that you could read the books you had with you you could read another time you decided to return to the library.

A good portion of the day had passed, before you knew it the empty plate upon which the dinner that one of the helpers had given you had been cleared and replaced with coffee.

You finished yet another book and decided to try and find a book you had been looking for for a while. While strolling through the aisles you couldn’t help but have the feeling that you were being watched.

You wondered if it was something alike the House or Byraxsis. Although you doubted that something as ‘terrifying’ could be found in the Day Court.

Not to lie you had always enjoyed the presence of Byraxsis, you would read to it after a long day. And sometimes, just sometimes they would ask a question or ask for a book you could read.

You missed them sometimes, although the same cannot be said about Cassian.

When you reached for a book you noticed that you were once again joined by a little shadow. You smiled at it before returning to looking for your book.

When you were about to enter another aisle the little shadow decided to pull you a different way. You ended up three aisles down from where you were going. The little shadow kept going before stopping before a specific bookcase. You looked around it for a bit, curious at what the littlz thing would want to show you and that’s when you saw just the book you were looking for.

When you went to thank the little one, you realized that it was nowhere to be found.

Shrugging it off you decided to focus on the matter at hand. To get the book that was placed about a meter and a half above you. You tried to reach it by standing on your tiptoes before someone reached out above you to take it of the shelve.

You immediately recognized the scars on the hands, the siphons and the little shadows that had once again decided to dance along your skin.

Lowering your hand you turned around to see Azriel leaning over you in the same way he had been that morning. Except this time he was smiling softly, it tugged on a heart string to see him smile like that. Gods what you wouldn’t do to see him smile like that more.

“A bit short aren’t you.” It wasn’t a question as much as it was a tease. You huffed but smiled and thanked him for the book. But just as you went to reach for it he held it out of your reach. The smile on his face widened at your playful glare. You reached for it again but this time he held it above his head. So you decided to step closer until you were practically chest to chest and place one hand on his chest and raise one to reach for the book.

He seemed surprised by your boldness and movement that his arm went slack and you managed to lower it and grab the book.

You smiled at the look on his face and patted his chest. You took a step back.

“I’m surprised to see you here. Wasn’t expecting it.” You said softly to respect the space.

He shrugged and smiled. “Maybe I wanted to read and saw a damsel in distress.” You laughed a little, denying being a damsel or in distress. He leaned in closer with is head and upper body and added. “Or maybe I just wanted to see you.”

You flushed at that and he laughed quietly, deciding that you were red enough he gestured for you to follow while he offered his arm. Which you took.

He led you to where you had sat yesterday and took a book of his own. He sat down besides you on the couch and started reading.

You finished your book rather fast and decided to read another and another. As did he, only he didn’t read nearly half of what you read.

Once it started getting late, and both of you began to get hungry he announced that you should be retire to the bedroom. You obliged, still you toom the books with you to the front desk so they could be placed where they needed to be. He smiled at you once that happened and once again offered his arm.

Back in the room, you both decided to wear something more comfortable. Azriel had once again ditched his shirt and opted for loose black sweatpants instead of his leathers.

The food was delivered to the door and you both ate in silence until he spoke up.

“Why did you sleep on the couch tonight?" You raised your head from your food and blinked at him. “I mean there was enough space for us both and as much as it is pretty that couch does not look comfortable.”

You smiled perhaps a bit sheepish and said: “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, you had already moved so for to the right and still there was little space. I definitely would have touched you, which I thought you were uncomfortable with. And I would have had to move your wing and even now that is a boundary I will not cross. Especially not in your sleep.”

He smiled softly at you and his eyes softened. “I wouldn’t mind you sleeping in the bed with me. Not at all.”

And so that’s how you ended up next to the shadowsinger. It was well past midnight and it appears that Azriel had found sleep, the same could not be said for you.

The blanket had little weight and was very thin. But getting out of the bed would mean waking Azriel zo you bared with it.

After a count you turned your head to Azriel to find him already looking at you. Startled at first your eyes widened before turning into a smile to match his own. You turned on your side to look at him better and did he look good.

His sleepy smile paired with that dammed look in his eyes.

“Why do you look at me like that?” you asked.

A beat passed, then he sighed and said: “Because you are simply stunning.”

A blush crept up your face. “So are you, dammed handsome truly.”

You thought that he would laugh or say something back but instead his face faltered. It hurt to watch that, you frowned and wondered why that happened. Did he not believe you? Does he think you’re lying?

No, that’s not possible, I mean look at him. But his smile went completely and you felt such dread seeing it ago, and that’s when it happened.

Snap

…

“You…. You’re..” You weren’t sure what to say. It’s like your entire world got flipped upside down.

“Wait, you can feel it?” He said, leaning on his elbow. Your mouth opened and closed before you nodded with disbelief. He knew?

His smile started returning before he started reaching for me. Although he stopped abruptly, he looked at his hands and before I knew is I had taken them in mine and placed a kiss on the knuckles, the back of them and both palms.

His eyes glossed and his voice sounded so little as he asked: “You don’t mind? You don’t mind that it is me that is your….” His voice trailed off at the end.

“I do not, truly I am utterly delighted.” You took the side of his face in your hand while guiding him to lay back down. “I am more than happy to be your mate, Azriel.”

His eyes scanned mine for a lie, a single hesitation and when he found none he said upright and brought both wings to the correct sides. He gestured for me to sit up so I did. He laid back down with now the wing beneath me.

I hesitated and he told me once again: “I don’t mind when it’s you.”

So begrudgingly you laid down on his arm atop his wing while the other draped over you, along with his arm and shadows. The added weight was welcome and so was the warmth against the chilly air.

“How long have you known?” You ask.

“Remember Solstice two years ago, when we were having one of our conversations again?” You nodded. “And how all of a sudden I had to make the worst excuse ever to leave?” You nodded again.

“Well, you had said that my shadows were adorable and you called them ‘little ones’ ande then it just… snapped. I panicked cuz I did not know what to do, I almost spilled it all right then and there but I felt like you deserved better… or at least for it to be natural. Honestly even before the bond I really liked you, you should ask Rhys and Cass. They have some stories of me trying to impress you and it going terrifically wrong.”

You laughed and stared in wonder, you mate is a dork. And you love him. So you told him just that.

“I would love to het to know you better, truly. But know that even before and now still, I love you. My mate is such a dork and I’d love to hear all the stories.”

His arms wrapped around you tighter and the shadows seemed to do the same. And so you both laid there in each other’s arms.

#azriel x reader #azriel imagine #azriel fanfic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x you #azriel #acotar x reader #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #my writing #i did this around midnight don't judge me #good night now

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aihoshiino · 2 months

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chapter 145 thoughts!

what even was this chapter, y'all. i'm getting a migraine.

While it certainly wasn't actively bad, it basically hits on enough of the issues I've been having with the Movie Arc that if you've been reading my chapter reviews lately, you could probably write this one yourself. Weird pacing, skipping over interesting parts of the movie, continued framing of AQRB as a shallow gag and failing to follow on any of the implied development from or literally any referenced fallout of the kiss in 143? It's all here, babes. It would ultimately just be boring and redundant for me to go over all that at length again, so I won't.

I will however say that I'm pretty disappointed we're blasting through what had the potential to be some really interesting bits of postmortem characterization for Ai, even filtered through 15YL. I don't mind the manga breezing past scenes we saw firsthand but like… how did Ai react when she realized she was pregnant? How did she feel, especially given that Spica once again emphasized her longing for a family of her own? IDK. The way the story is suddenly jolting forwards in these last few chapters and skipping such huge chunks of Ai's life ultimately feels very strange and I don't know what to make of it yet.

Everyone reacting to Crow Girl's acting was pretty funny though I'm kind of exhausted with Ruby's Gaga-For-Oniichansensei Gag Character flanderization. IDK if my tolerance for it is just decreasing or if it really is amping up, but at least in the 125-137 stretch I at least got the sense that they could be in the same room and have a normal conversation but ever since 139, it feels that bit more relentless. I imagine this would be less irritating if we knew how the aftermath of 143 had played out but it really seems like the manga is going to drag this out until we're all old and grey.

THAT SAID, this chapter does confirm that Aqua's hoshigan stayed white after that chapter and… eh. Who even knows what that means lol. It does at least imply that his talk with Ruby has brought him back to Baseline Aqua but Baseline Aqua is still a guy with every single mental illness on planet earth so I don't know if that's the world's biggest W quite yet. It certainly implies an improvement over double black hoshigan but… again, with Aqua being so totally cut off from the readers this whole arc and no idea of what happened in the aftermath of 143, it's impossible to make a meaningful guess as to wtf is going on with Aqua right now.

Oh yeah, uh. This chapter also I guess constitutes the reveal of how the AQRB reincarnation happened. I guess LMAO. Honestly, I don't have much to say about it other than it feels like a bit of an anticlimax for me? The idea works fine, the execution just left me… idk. Whelmed at best, underwhelmed at most. I feel like this backstory and the implied deep fondness for GRSR -> AQRB it implies doesn't really like up with the personality she displays in the Private arc but like, I kind of feel like she was tossed into the story without Akasaka having a clear idea as to what her role was even going to turn into so maybe that's not a surprise LOL

I will say I'm glad this seems to quash the theory that Aqua and Ruby were secretly capital-G Gods, instead framing it as a Tsuru no Ongaeshi type return of kindness to two otherwise mundane people. There was some fun fan theorizing around the idea, but for me personally, Oshi no Ko is most interesting when it focuses on that aspect of the story Akasaka highlighted in an interview recently, of human relationships being warped by the entertainment industry and I think an explosion of the emotional stakes to the cosmic scale of AQRB (or tbh any of the characters) being Secretly Gods All Along would be a bit of a shark jump for me and would really shift away from what I like about the series most.

That's kind of it for this one…! Not really a lot to say about this chapter, which is why most of this review was me explaining why I didn't have a lot to say about it.

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #chapter reviews #onk spoilers

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helloalycia · 11 months

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the boy who cried wolf // alicia clark

summary: when you piss off Alicia without meaning to, the only way to get her attention is to 'injure' yourself. Of course, everybody knows the story of the boy who cried wolf.

warning/s: mentions of fake blood, injury and stuff to do with your eyes (AKA eye drops, idk if anyone is squeamish about this, but here's the warning just in case).

author's note: this is a drabble to me but a full blown imagine to others haha, either way i hope you like it! just a lil cute one for our fave zombie slayer <3

wattpad / masterlist

I played with the keyring in my hand, spinning it around on my finger mindlessly as I kept my eyes focused ahead. I was on guard duty, seated at the top of our gate with the perfect view of the land ahead, just in case anyone tried to enter the stadium. I didn't mind the job, but it was definitely a little boring at times, especially when I was on my own.

"You look like you'd rather be anywhere but here."

I glanced over my shoulder, rolling my eyes playfully when I saw Nick Clark climbing up the ladder and taking a seat in the chair beside me.

"Nah, I was just anxiously awaiting your arrival, you just mean that much to me, Nicholas," I teased.

He grinned, shaking his head with amusement, before looking ahead. "So. Anything happening?"

"As quiet as it always is," I filled him in. "Which is a good thing, I suppose."

"Not even a squirrel?"

"No squirrels today," I replied with a chuckle.

We caught up with each other for a few minutes, making small talk, before it went quiet. I thought it would stay that way, a comforting silence, but then Nick spoke up again.

"So, apparently you and Alicia aren't talking," he said, and when I looked his way, he had a cheeky smile on his face like this was all he'd wanted to say the whole time.

"She isn't talking to me," I corrected him knowingly.

"Right, right, of course," he agreed, playing along.

"I would happily speak to her, but she's being immature," I said with a shrug, crossing my arms.

He quirked a brow, intrigued. "And why's that? What happened?"

I shrugged again. "Beats me. She's been acting like that a lot lately."

He snickered, looking ahead again. "You guys act like kids sometimes, you know that?"

"She acts like a kid," I corrected him for the second time, making him laugh. "All I did was offer to go on that supply run in a few days and then she just flipped out on me! She does it every time I offer as if I'm insane to want to help. I go, she pouts, I come back, then she gets over it. But it's getting old now, Nick, c'mon. You'd think she'd get over this whole routine of hers."

"Hmm," he hummed in agreement. "And is Hannah gonna be on that supply run?"

I furrowed my brows, confused. "Hannah? What's she got to do with this?"

Hannah was just some girl who lived at the stadium, a nice friend to have around. I didn't understand why she was relevant to this.

He smirked, amused. "Just answer the question."

I sighed, wondering where he was going with this. "Yeah, I guess."

"And was she on the last ones you went on?" he continued knowingly.

I quirked a brow. "Yeah, that's kind of what she does."

He hummed again, this time with a stifled smile, and it was driving me up the wall.

"What?" I pressed. "What does that have to do with anything?"

He glanced at me sideways, lifting an eyebrow. "When was the last time you were in a relationship, Y/N?"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," he confirmed, and for some stupid reason, I entertained it.

"Well, I haven't had time to be in one since the world went to shit," I told him truthfully.

"So, what – three years?"

"Damn," I realised, leaning back in my seat. "It's been a while, but... yeah."

He snorted, trying not to laugh. "That explains so much."

Growing tired of his games, I smacked him on the arm. "Hey! What's that supposed to mean, idiot?"

He rubbed his arm that I know definitely didn't hurt, before leaning in slightly. "Look, I don't usually like to get involved in my sister's life and relationships, but I like you, okay? And I think you'd be good for her."

My eyebrows knitted together, the confusion on my face clearly evident, because what was he talking about? Alicia and I were best friends, that's all.

"Dude!" he suddenly said, startling me, and slapping me on my arm. "She likes you!"

I raised my eyebrows, not expecting this in the slightest. Alicia liked me?

"She's jealous, you idiot," he continued to explain. "Every time you go on these supply runs with Hannah, she's jealous that it's not her going with you."

I swallowed hard, shaking my head, refusing to believe it. "But I– I mean– I ask her if she wants to come– but–"

Nick groaned quietly, fed up. "She doesn't like that you're always with Hannah when you're not with her."

I blinked, needing a minute to process what he was saying. All this time Alicia liked me? Out of my league, headstrong and super smart Alicia? Stunning, makes me weak in the knees with a simple smile and has the prettiest eyes I've ever seen Alicia? No, that couldn't be right. Could it?

"D'you like her back?" he asked when I didn't speak.

I hesitated, eyes meeting his curious ones before looking away. As much as Nick and I got along, he was still Alicia's brother. Would admitting I liked his sister not be extremely weird?

"Don't think of me as her brother," he said, practically reading my mind. "Just your friend. C'mon."

My palms were suddenly sweaty and I found myself exhaling slowly, trying to find words.

"I, er– yes, I do," I admitted, avoiding his eyes because it was still embarrassing and I'd never really admitted it aloud. "But it's Alicia. It's just a crush, not an actual possibility."

He snorted. "You may wanna reconsider that..."

She liked me? I couldn't believe it, I was amazed, excited and nervous all at once. This was quite literally the impossible to hear.

"You should talk to her," he encouraged.

I should talk to her. Now that I had confirmation – kind of – that she liked me, too, maybe I had a chance. Nick was right! I just needed to–

Wait. Alicia hated me right now.

With a defeated sigh, I shook my head. "She won't even look at me."

He let out the most dramatic groan ever. "Jesus, do I have to do everything around here?" Glancing at me, he added, "I'm sure you'll figure it out. Please, for God's sake, figure something out. It's annoying watching her pout."

I pressed my lips together as another silence fell between us. Maybe he was right and I would figure something out. I had to, after all. Because Alicia liked me.

A smile curled on my lips and I tried not to let my giddiness get the better of me.

She liked me.

Naturally, all I could think about were Nick's words for the rest of my guard shift, and they continued to rattle around my brain well into the night when I was finally able to go to sleep. When I awoke the following morning, I knew what I had to do. It had been so long, too long, of me hiding my feelings and pushing them away. But not anymore.

No, now I was going to tell Alicia how I felt.

I tried to find her at breakfast, spotting her at a bench with Nick and Luciana, looking a little tired but otherwise content with eating her scrambled eggs.

"You got this," I mumbled to myself, before heading over there to speak to her. When I stopped by the bench, I smiled down at her. "Alicia, hey. I–"

But I didn't even get to finish greeting her because as soon as she realised it was me, she rolled her eyes and left, taking her tray with her. I raised my brows, surprised, and watched as she left the area altogether. I knew she was annoyed at me from yesterday – jealous, as Nick had said – but not to this extent. Okay, maybe it made sense considering she always acted like this, but I didn't want to mess around anymore.

Nick and Luciana trying to stifle their laughter is what made me look to them questioningly. I frowned, giving Nick a look.

"Try harder?" he suggested unhelpfully.

I closed my eyes, groaning to myself, before knowing he was right.

After finishing my usual morning chores, I attempted to find Alicia again. Every time she got into one of her moods, the length of them varied. Sometimes she'd ghost me for all of the days leading up to the supply run and other times it could be over within a day. Maybe I'd get lucky and she'd be over it by now.

Madison kindly pointed me in the right direction, telling me that Alicia was working first aid today, so I immediately headed over to the medbay, hopeful that I might finally be able to confess the truth to her.

Upon spotting the door to the medbay, I sucked up a breath and knocked on it. After a moment, it opened and I was relieved to see Alicia.

"Hey," I started with a small smile, still unsure whether she was annoyed at me or not. "I was looking for you everywhere and–"

"Are you dying?" she cut me off with a blunt tone, eyes narrowed.

"No, but–"

"Then go away." She closed the door in my face before I could even register what she'd said.

So still annoyed then.

Chewing on my lip, I turned around and tried to think of a way to speak to her, or even just have her attention for more than a few seconds so I could tell her how I felt. If what Nick had said was true, then maybe this would make things right.

That's when someone walked past with a bandaged arm and I got an idea. She was working first aid today and there was no way she could ignore me if I was injured...

Trying to dial down my prideful grin, I approached the door to the medbay barely an hour later. Though this time, I had the genius idea to appear injured. All it took was a little ketchup dribbling down my hand and I knew she'd have to give me the time of day.

I knocked on the door yet again and managed to keep the smile from my face, wanting to play the part of victim as realistically as possible. When it opened, Alicia was surprised to see me again, especially with my 'bloody' hand raised.

"Oh my God, Y/N, what did you do?" she asked instantly, her moody resolve fading as she seemed to forget that she was supposed to hate me.

Ushering me inside, she led me to a bed to sit on, keeping my hand elevated and already grabbing some bandages.

"Silly mishap with a knife," I lied, feigning pain. "But now that I've got you–"

"Wait," she interrupted, pausing, and her eyebrows furrowed over curious green eyes as she sniffed the air. Suddenly, her eyes fell to my hand. "Is that ketchup?"

I swallowed nervously. "No."

It was silly of me to think I could trick one of the smartest girls I knew, especially when her irritation returned and she began to glare at me.

"Alicia, it's not–"

She licked my hand, the ketchup coming off with her tongue, and I pretended to be offended as I snatched my hand away.

"Alicia, that is not hygienic!"

"Oh my God!" she shouted, before slapping me on the arm hard. "It is ketchup! I can't believe you!"

I sighed, my pretence failing. "Okay, maybe, but–"

"You're an idiot!"

"–but you you wouldn't speak to me!" I continued desperately. "I'm sorry for lying, but it was the only way to get you to listen to me!"

She scoffed. "Well, guess what, I'm not. And you can't make me, Y/N. Now go."

"Alicia, please–"

"Now," she warned, eyes sending daggers my way.

"If you could just give me one minute–" I tried once more, and she groaned in response before leaving the medbay herself, knowing I wouldn't.

I sighed yet again, disappointed and impatient. Wiping the ketchup off my hand and cursing myself for my stupidity, I wondered if it was time to just give in and let her moodiness simmer for a while longer, like always. Maybe when she calmed down I could tell her the truth about my feelings.

When the day of the supply run finally arrived, I hoped it would also be the day Alicia stopped ignoring me. Especially considering I didn't go on it and so her whole reason for hating me wasn't applicable anymore. But of course, she still didn't speak to me and there was nothing I could do about it.

Having no choice but to busy myself with more chores since my best friend didn't even want to be in the same room as me, I was helping Nick build a structure for a shed by the kitchen area. It was his fault I was in this mess, kind of (not really, but it was easier to blame him), so he was subjected to my endless rants about the whole situation.

"...and I just think you were wrong, Nick," I was saying with a sigh. "She doesn't like me, not like that."

"Oh, she definitely does," he assured me with full confidence.

I resisted the urge to glare at him. "Did you actually hear her say that word for word?"

He snorted. "As if she'd admit that." I sighed inwardly, shaking my head, and he continued, "Look, she'll come around. She's just being petty."

"I know, I hate petty Alicia," I grumbled to myself.

He laughed, distracted by prying out a screw with a hammer, but he was clearly struggling. "Wait, I can't get this out."

I went quiet as he attempted to yank it out with the back of the hammer, but it wasn't budging. I was going to offer to help him, but before I could say anything, he suddenly pried it out with a start. Unfortunately for me, the screw flung out of the wood and back into my eye, making me yelp in pain.

"Fuck, Nick!" I shouted, immediately covering my closed and throbbing eye. "You arsehole!"

He panicked, eyes widening as he dropped the hammer to look at me. "Oh my God, Y/N, I'm so sorry! Let me see, shit."

I breathed out slowly, hoping the pain would go with it, but my eye was watering and it hurt too much to blink.

"C'mon, let me see," he said gently, grabbing my hand.

I let him pull my hand away, forcing myself to open my eye and wincing at the stinging in that area. He scrunched his face up unhelpfully.

"It's going red really fast," he said with uncertainty, taking a careful look.

"Yeah, because it fucking hurts," I complained, before closing my eye and covering it with my hand again. It probably wasn't helping, but the pressure gave me something else to focus on.

"We need to go to the medbay, come on," he said, grabbing my hand and leading me there.

"Oh yeah, let's go see Alicia who hates my guts," I mumbled to myself.

When we reached the door, Nick didn't bother knocking as he opened it and led me straight inside. As soon as Alicia turned to see who it was, her eyes narrowed.

"No way, we're not doing this again," she said firmly, before attempting to push us out. "No more ketchup, stab wounds, gun shots, whatever you have planned!"

"I'd love to say I had a better trick up my sleeve, but I'm not joking," I told her as Nick stopped her from getting rid of us. "Your brother is just an idiot."

"Hey!" Nick exclaimed.

Alicia, who looked like she didn't believe us in the slightest, sighed and looked between us. "Fine. I'll entertain this for a minute. Go on. What's the problem?"

I smiled awkwardly, before removing my hand and opening my eye with a grimace. It mustn't have looked good as she dropped her attitude and widened her eyes.

"What the hell happened?!" she asked with concern, stepping forward and grasping my face gently to get a better look at my eye. "Nick, what did you do?!"

Admittedly, the contact drew the breath from me, making me forget how to speak. Then she slightly turned my head and I flinched at the pain in my eye, coming back to reality.

"It was an accident to be fair," I defended him. "He was pulling out a screw and it just happened to hit me in the eye."

Alicia's worried eyes flickered over to mine, jaw clenched, before she rolled her eyes with irritation.

"It'll be okay," she assured me, as if biting her tongue. "It just needs some saline solution, a compress and some painkillers."

Nick nodded. "Awesome. So, I'll leave you to it then! That okay, Y/N?"

I glanced over to see him smiling sheepishly at me, awaiting my confirmation.

"Bye, Nick," I said, making him give me a thumbs up before departing.

Alicia scoffed to herself before pointing to the bed sternly. I took a seat at the edge, holding my eye comfortingly as she went to look for aforementioned items. I may or may not have snuck in some cheeky eye rubs, hoping to relieve the itchiness that I couldn't quite seem to abate no matter how much I blinked, but Alicia noticed without even turning around.

"Stop it," she ordered, back to me, and making me jump.

"It hurts," I whined, but lowered my hand.

"It's gonna hurt if you keep rubbing it," she mocked in the same voice I used, returning to me with supplies in her hand. "It's irritated, you moron."

I pressed my lips together, knowing I shouldn't say anything to further piss her off, especially considering I needed her help before I got a stupid eye infection from Nick's mistakes.

She began to squirt some saline solution on to her hand to test it out, and I couldn't help but quirk an eyebrow with thought.

"Were you seriously not going to help?" I asked, referring to when she was about to kick me out before.

"Can you blame me?" she asked, not even glancing up at me. "You're the boy who cried wolf, Y/N. Or the idiot who thinks ketchup doesn't smell like ketchup."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Once. And it was only so I could talk to you."

"Whatever," she said sharply, before nodding at me. "Lay down."

I did as she said, though I wasn't going to let this opportunity slide. "You don't need to be upset anymore, Alicia. I didn't go on the supply run with Hannah."

She clenched her jaw but didn't say anything. Instead, she leaned over me with the saline solution tube and held it above my eye. Just as she squeezed it to drop in, I instinctively closed my eye, feeling it hit my lid.

"Y/N!" she said with a scolding tone, and when I opened my eyes, she was glaring at me.

"Sorry, sorry," I apologised nervously, eyes unable to look away from the tube. "It's scary!"

I was never good with eye drops or anything that needed to go in my eyes, so this was truly a nightmare.

"Quit being a baby," she muttered with annoyance, before returning to her position above me again.

"Sorry," I said again, before blinking a few times then looking up at the ceiling. "At least you're talking to me again."

"Stop talking and let me do this," she instructed impatiently.

I sighed, humming, before trying to distract my thoughts from the tube that was awfully close to my eye. This time, however, when Alicia squeezed it, the drop landed in my eye.

"Keep your eye closed," she said, not quite annoyed but not quite empathetic either.

I did as she said, then felt her fingertip on my lid, gently rubbing over it to massage the solution in. It was only for a few seconds, but again, the mere contact had me forgetting what was going on.

"Up, c'mon," she said, and I opened my eye to see her packing the solution away.

I pushed myself into a sitting position, immediately feeling the corner of my eye watering.

"My eyes are watering," I told her, blinking a few times.

"Shame," she said without pausing, and I wasn't sure what to do, but then she groaned quietly and grabbed a tissue, holding it out to me.

"Thanks," I said, accepting it and watching as she packed away some things with a pent up aggression. It was beginning to amuse me the longer I watched.

"Are you really that jealous?" I asked with disbelief, patting the corner of my eye dry.

She paused, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

I tried not to laugh as I held her steady gaze. "Jealous. Of Hannah."

She scoffed harshly. "As if I'd ever be jealous of that ever-present, clingy girl."

"Uh huh... then why are you so annoyed at me for going on supply runs with her?"

She rolled her eyes before going to the opposite side of the room to wet a cloth at the sink. "I'm not."

I gave her a knowing look, even though she was avoiding meeting my eyes. "Alicia."

Again, she rolled her eyes, which I caught as she returned to me with the damp cloth.

"Put this on your eye," she said, changing the subject. "You're done."

I lifted the cloth to my eye, relieved at the cold compress, but the pain was still stuck behind my eye. "It still hurts," I told her, whilst trying to read her expression, but she was good at hiding how she felt.

"Fuck, the painkillers," she mumbled to herself with frustration, before turning around to get them.

"Look, I just wanted to say that I don't think Hannah is that bad," I continued, whilst she was distracted, but she only snorted in disagreement. "She's just being nice."

"A little too nice," she mumbled to herself, but I heard it loud and clear, and it made me smile to myself.

Maybe Nick was right after all.

"I don't like Hannah like that," I assured Alicia.

Playing dumb, Alicia asked, "Why would it matter if you did?"

"It doesn't, I suppose, but I'm telling you just in case it means you'll talk to me again," I told her truthfully. "Because I miss you, Alicia."

Alicia stopped her searching and sighed, shoulders relaxing as she did. From behind, I could see her rubbing her face before she turned around, expression softened and free of anger.

"Maybe I've overreacted," she realised regretfully, still not meeting my eyes. "I just–" Catching herself, she shook her head and grabbed the painkillers from behind her before returning to me.

"You what?" I asked curiously.

She forced a small smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I'm just being overprotective. You're my best friend and I've got to look out for you. Hannah didn't seem right. That's all."

"Is that it?" I asked, watching as she played with the painkillers in her hand distractedly.

She nodded, but I saw the disappointment. "Yeah."

I stood up, lowering the cloth and throwing it on the bed. "Nothing else?"

Confused, she glanced up at me. "What else could it be?"

I swallowed hard, wondering if this was it. Should I tell her? Was Nick right? Should I make the first move?

"Well?" she pressed, eyebrows furrowed.

I needed her to admit it.

"Why do you think Hannah isn't right for me?" I asked, searching her eyes.

She tried not to pull a face. "Well, for starters, she knows nothing about you."

"Seriously?" That was a new one.

"Yeah, and don't get me started on his flirty she is in public," she said with an eye roll. "It's just gross."

I clenched my jaw, trying not to smile with amusement, because how had I not see this before? The pure jealousy? Her usual bright eyes were darkened as she spoke of Hannah, matching her slightly pink cheeks. Adorable.

"It's true!" she defended once she saw my humoured expression, only serving to deepen the blush on her face.

"Okay, okay," I played along. "So, what is right for me, if not her?"

She shrugged and began to pour me a glass of water, clearly not appreciating being put on the spot.

"Oh, no, c'mon, you have to have some ideas," I encouraged, a smile forming on my lips.

She handed me the glass and some painkillers, which I busied myself with as she spoke.

"I don't know, I guess somebody who isn't annoying for one. Someone who knows you. Someone who isn't irritating to be around."

"Someone who isn't clingy," I added, repeating her words from earlier. "Someone who isn't ever-present."

"Yeah," she agreed, crossing her arms and staring at me with an unreadable expression. "Someone who isn't overzealous."

I hummed in agreement. "Someone who gets my jokes, right? Someone easy on the eyes and fun to be around."

She nodded in agreement, relieved I was understanding. "Exactly."

It was too easy, I could almost laugh.

"Someone who makes me smile," I continued. "Someone who can be there for me." She was nodding as I spoke, and then I said, "Someone like you?"

"Yes, exact– wait, what?"

I chuckled as I put the glass to one side, taking in her stunned expression and red face.

"What– why would you say that?" she asked, attempting indifference, but I could see right through her.

"You know, I didn't really think that jealousy could be the reason," I commented, ignoring her question. "I truly wouldn't have suspected it in a million years. Not with you, Alicia. Confident, outspoken Alicia. And definitely not for someone like me. But when Nick mentioned it, it made sense. I mean, he knows his sister better than anyone, right?"

She opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water, nerves visible from the the tightened crossed arms to the complete and utter silence. "What are you talking about?" she finally asked, the words barely escaping.

"You like me," I said to her straightforwardly. When she didn't speak, I quirked an eyebrow. "You do, don't you? That's why you've been annoyed at me for hanging out with Hannah."

She didn't speak, nor move, and in fact looked a little scared, despite trying to hide it.

"It's okay," I told her quickly, not wanting to worry her. "I like you, too. A lot, actually. Which is why it's sucked when you ignore me."

She frowned, looking down at her shoes.

"If I had known you felt the same, I would've said something," I admitted, eyes unable to look away from her. "I wasn't trying to make you jealous or anything. I was genuinely just hanging out with Hannah because she's nice. Yes, she can be a little flirty and clingy, but it didn't matter to me because I don't like her like that. The last thing I'd want to do is annoy you or upset you, Alicia, and I'm sorry if I did that."

She sighed, shaking her head. "No. You don't need to apologise. But I do." Finally, she looked up and I was relieved to see her expression, no longer irritated. "I've been immature, ignoring you like I have. I'm sorry."

I smiled a little, holding out my hand towards her. Thankfully, she accepted it.

"Bygones?" I asked.

She nodded, letting me squeeze her hand gently.

"You still haven't said if you, you know," I added, a playful smile tugging at my lips.

"What?"

I gave her a knowing look. "You like me."

She closed her eyes, breathing out slowly, before meeting my gaze. Green eyes softening beautifully, she said, "I like you. Happy?"

Grinning, I said, "Ecstatic."

She rolled her eyes, but a smile ghosted her lips.

"So, does the injured girl get to ask her very cute nurse on a date or is that against the rules?" I asked lightheartedly, taking a step closer and not quite letting go of her hand.

"Oh, shut up," she muttered, shoving me in the arm.

I laughed at her embarrassed expression, beginning to appreciate this flustered, nervous version of Alicia. If I'd known I had this much of an effect on her, I would've done something sooner.

"So, do you want to go on a date with me?" I asked with a bit more seriousness.

She pursed her lips, eyes flickering between mine, before nodding slowly. "I'd like that."

I couldn't stop smiling. "Awesome."

She suddenly pointed a finger over my shoulder, to the door. "Try not to walk into a wall on your way out, yeah?"

I snickered, but didn't move a muscle. Even though my butt-of-the-joke vision was definitely a nuisance right now, I could still see enough to admire how beautiful Alicia looked right now.

"Alicia?"

She lifted a brow with mild annoyance, as if expecting another joke. "Yes?"

"Can I kiss you?"

Once again, she was stunned, eyes looking everywhere but at my own as she tried to find her words. "I– sure. Yeah."

I stifled my laughter and leaned in to kiss her, having wanted to do so for a long time now. She kissed me back, falling right into it, and any nerves she once possessed were gone. Instead, she was full of confidence, hands falling into my hair, and my heart was thumping way too loud for her to have not heard.

Finally, I had told Alicia Clark how I felt, and it had paid off.

#alicia clark #alicia clark x reader #alicia clark x you #alicia clark imagine #alycia debnam carey #fear the walking dead #fear the walking dead imagine #ftwd #feartwd

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seiberries · 1 year

Note

i have another idea 🤭 but i just did one so definitely don’t feel like pressured to do this i’m sure writing these are hard! what if bachiras gf (or if u prefer tor wrote gn that’s fine too) is a bit sensitive, like she watches sad videos on tiktok about animals or something like how would he react to her just crying over smth little? IDK IF THIS MAKES SENSE 😭😭 but again don’t feel like you need to do this the first request i sent you did so well and i’m sure it’s tiering so don’t force yourself or anything, take care i hope you’re having a nice day!! 🫶🫶🫶🩷🩷🩷

AHH I JUST SAW THIS NOWW!! here it is, sorry it’s so late :,)

bachira meguru : sensitive fem s/o hcs

warnings: none!! just fluff 💕

you were waiting in the bedroom for one bachira meguru. he had left you for a moment, unwillingly, to get some snacks for the movie you had put on.

the film had been paused, leaving you bored. you sought a solution on your phone, through tiktok! because it was entertaining, you thought.

big mistake, you’d learn in a while.

after scrolling through the app a bit, you came across a video with a white cat as the thumbnail. you proceeded to watch, smiling at how cute the animal was. you had no idea what the tiktok was actually about, besides the adorable animal.

a voiceover plays after a few seconds. “this is snow’s transformation.”

the video continues, showing a montage of the days that passed for the feline. it was a video documenting the transformation of a stray cat, who had originally been injured and sick. it ended showing the cat, snow, finding a home with loving owners- happy and healthy.

a tear dropped from your eye, then another- until you were full on bawling. your boyfriend just so happened to walk into the scene, his mouth hung open in shock.

the boy put the food down, rushing to you with questions spilling out. what had happened in the five minutes he was away? bachira’s usual light and easygoing self had disappeared the moment he saw your face, becoming uncharacteristically panicked instead.

you continued to sniffle, pointing to your phone that had dropped on the bed during your crying session. bachira watched the tiktok.

he laughed and engulfed you into a hug, pressing you on the bed with his larger stature. you were way cuter than the cat to him.

”but s/o, isn’t that something you should be smiling for?” he spoke, wiping your tears as he glanced into your puffy eyes.

”oh well, if you’re gonna cry, cry to me, okay? ~ or, i’ll cry with you instead!” he continued, sounding oddly determined as he said the last bit.

you laughed, and bachira sighed in relief. he’d much rather see that expression on you. seeing you cry, no matter what the reason, will never sit right with him.

even for a video that almost made him cry too.

#blue lock #blue lock x reader #blue lock x you #bllk #bllk x reader #bllk x you #bachira meguru #meguru bachira #bachira meguru x reader #bachira meguru x you #meguru bachira x reader #meguru bachira x you

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eluxcastar · 1 year

Note

Can we please have more Papa Pierro doing Papa Pierro things?

Papa Pierro doing more Papa Pierro things

── ୨୧：pierro & reader

୨୧﹑synopsis :: just some more brainless fluff

୨୧﹑genre :: fluff

୨୧﹑content :: gn reader, child reader, pierro is your dad when you’re holding the torch correctly, not proofread

୨୧﹑words :: 1230

I loved the first Papa Pierro post so thank you for giving me the excuse (my friend would call this phenomenon what no Father does to a mf). this is once again late because I got busy ngl I'll try to be more on top of posting I'm just trying to sort out my registrations stuff with the club I'm playing for and stuff 💀 Idk why I feel I need to justify it LMAO anyway my cat is sitting on my lap rn sleeping so I legally can't get up send help

I swear I am getting to my requests in no particular order I just also have spontaneous ideas in between requests which I still wanna do (ﾟ▽ﾟ*)

all papa pierro posts

you like to play on the couch he at some point put in his office solely to go to sleep on when he becomes too tired to work, and since he's obviously not using it during this time he doesn't mind someone getting some use out of it. coincidentally you also like to sleep there, for whatever reason he's not sure, but you sure seem to be having fun with it and he's not eager to stop you entertaining yourself. you wait for him on the nights he's away on expeditions in there.

when he is there however you always seem to slink off there and he suddenly looks up to find you staring over the edge of his desk, little hands gripping the edge to hold you up on your toes. conveniently you pick the times he's trying to fill out battle report's and he's never particularly keen on you seen that or the letters he writes to some of the families of the deceased, quietly changing the paper he writes on as inconspicuously as possible to be something boring like finances or maybe even a letter about the prying little eyes of visual eavesdroppers hovering over his shoulder to the Doctor.

he knows you've seen it when you squeak and go running off back to your seat on the desk, and he chuckles a little knowing he wouldn't let Dottore in the same building as you if he could have it his way, let alone pass you off to have him steal your fingers and toes.

you've always liked his Harbinger coat, whether to hide in or sleep with when you get drowsy waiting up for him. he always takes the time to come tuck you in, bundle you up in the coat he removes for you and kisses your forehead goodnight. he doesn't particularly like to let you sleep in places you might be uncomfortable, but the thought of watching over you and the far off hope he might eventually get tired enough to come join you in sleeping under that coat is enough to convince him to let you stay.

on the very rare occasions he does get to go to sleep with you, it's usually because he doesn't want to wake you to take you home or just because he so tired the thought of walking that far with a child in his arms makes him want to drop dead. he tries not to stir you as he lifts you from your resting place, laying you back down sandwiched between him and the back of the couch to keep you from falling off. you shift and squirm to get comfortable, rubbing your eyes for barely a second before falling back to sleep the moment your makeshift blanket lands back over you and you're comfortable again.

without fail Pierro wakes up to you firstly, missing and secondly, bouncing off the walls again. there's always someone you've found who may or may not have fed you and helped you put your coat on so that you don't get cold. there's been several times a snowball has hit him square in the face and you giggle from Tartaglia's side as he goes beet red from being caught acting like a child, though you think it's the funniest thing ever.

this ties into your other habit of building snow forts when the snow is thick enough, often substituted with blanket forts which you try to convince him to come read with you in, though it's very dependent on whether he has time and how late it is. on the days he has time he's happy to awkwardly try to fit in your blanket fort where the book you want him to read awaits him. Pierro always makes sure you have your pillow and blankets all in place, cuddled up to your favourite plush so that you're all set up and ready by the time you inevitably fall asleep and he has to carry you to bed. pyjamas on, teeth brushed, hair all taken care of. you've usually picked your book out and sometimes you don't even bring a book and ask him to tell you stories.

he just can never quite bring himself to take down your little blanket forts, and he feels bad if he has to do so when you fall asleep in them in order to get you out. the floor is just no place to sleep and you'll wake up grumpy without a good night's sleep. sometimes it falls down accidentally, whether by some outside force of bad foundation he can't tell--he's not exactly raising an architect. on those days Pierro will rather begrudgingly put away your fort folding the blankets and fixing the pillows, picking up the toys you take in there to play with. he dares not send you to bed without your favourite one since you learned how to hold and point--a little plushie Sandrone made for you in the image of a hydro Abyss Mage.

you like those for some reason, you always want to go touch them and always have to be told no. he's too protective to let you take the risk it'll by some miracle like you.

short legs don't carry you fast enough, though you seem to have no problem with running about like you're competing in a race every other time of the day, only when he tries to take you out somewhere do you want to be picked up, and you're getting heavier but is that going to stop him from carrying you around on his shoulders so you can see everything and pretend you're on top of the world? absolutely not. anyone who thinks that needs to get their head out of the clouds.

he's not ashamed to let you run a bit of a racket around headquarters especially if you're waiting for him for some reason or are so full of energy you get too much for him to handle, promptly getting told to run around the hallway a couple of times and find your way back when you've calmed down and can go back to playing quietly. it's the closest he comes to losing his temper when you're being distracting, but he knows why and that realistically speaking you're probably bored and just want to go play.

you have friends or a least he certainly hopes you do, though perhaps your Father being Director of the Fatui Harbingers is not helping that endeavour…but since you never mind wandering around on your own, he leaves it be and doesn't interfere, though he knows he may jeopardise your chances as people don't really like the idea of incurring the Fatui's wrath, though he discovers that Tartaglia's little siblings took a liking to you, perhaps the consequence of both being watched over by Pulcinella. though he oftentimes cannot see eye to eye with Tartaglia, he can get along with him to let you play with his siblings, play with him on rare occasions.

to be honest it would be nice if he could just spend all day playing with you instead, watching you drawing your little pictures and able to read you every book you want, walk you to school every day. even if you say you don't mind and he knows you're starved for attention sometimes, and soon he'll make it up to you.

#♡ — anon visit.#✦ — headcanons.#✦ — fluff.#pierro #genshin pierro #pierro x reader #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader

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kewpidity · 7 days

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Okay So i had a brain blast about my ship with alastor so this is gonna be the Definite Kewpie x Alastor Ship Post that covers everything i have so far about it ↷↷↷

so this whole thing starts because somehow someway i get a demon attached to me as a kid, a toddler even, dont really know how or why, but because of this my whole life growing up is plagued by insane near death experiences all orchestrated by this demon (this is based on some real shit in my life btw, not to sound superstitious or anything and i dont even think i believe in demons of any denomination but there was some Weird Shit going on, i might talk about it someday) and by the time im an adult ive tired everything under the sun to stop these things from happening- different religious practices, spells and charms and rituals and so on and so forth im at my god damn limit im so tired

eventually im pushed to try to fight fire with fire, and end up summoning Another demon to try and idk cancel out the old one? make a deal to keep me safe? not sure What my plan was but i'd come this far and i didnt know where else to turn

well the demon i summoned was alastor. he wasnt even my intended target, in fact of demon of his power shouldnt really be able to be summoned at all under normal circumstances, and would require someone with a ton of power of their own to pull it off (havent decided if this is something i managed to do because of all the varied rituals etc mentioned earlier, or some dumb luck) and that alone is kind of intriguing for him

tbh he hasnt been summoned in a While, its something that got lost to time and he kinda assumed it would never happen again, and even when it happened before he would usually just kill the person without bothering to strike a deal, cause even people who did manage to do it usually werent strong enough to do it safely

but hell has been kinda Boring lately, the hotel hasnt given him as much entertainment as he had hoped (this is like. mid season 1, and with the understanding that the story stretches way longer than the breakneck speed the actual show takes) and he sees this as an opportunity for something interesting to do for a while

when he hears what im looking for, he's gotta laugh about it- there's no way this other demon that had attached to me would give him any trouble, and this was a great way to guarantee he get another soul when i eventually died anyway, so he offers up this deal:

for a few hours a day he gets complete control over my body, a full on possession to do whatever he wants with that time.

obviously im hesitant, but we go back and forth on it a bit before deciding to make the deal with some ground rules (like he cant do anything thats gonna get me killed prematurely for example- after all im doing this specifically so i dont die by another demon's hand)

so we strike the deal! no all he has to do is get rid of that other demon and my soul is as good as his! its not that simple tho of course- he's not sure how the demon is accessing the living world, and figures its likely similar to what he's doing- somehow tethering himself to the living world, while their actual physical body is still in hell, so he needs to figure that out on his end, and it ends up being a more difficult task than previously expected- so he could be dealing with something older and more powerful than he realizes.

he'll figure that out later tho, he's got living stuff to do! at first he's v dismissive when i ask him what he could possibly want to be doing with my body, like what was he even planning to get up to, but he cant keep me completely in the dark about it cause im still sorta There when im possessed- its a bit like lucid dreaming where you're aware that you're dreaming, but not quite aware enough to control what you're Doing in the dream, and over time i become more and more present the longer he's possessing me

so eventually he admits that he's curious about what happened after he died- he was a bit of a celebrity when he was alive after all, he's sure it would cause Quite a stir when it was revealed after he died that he was a criminal- a moonshiner for one, but a serial killer and cannibal! he wants to know if there was a media circus, where he was buried, wants to visit his old stomping grounds, and so on and so forth. this leads me on all kinds of adventures through the deep south, the dusty aisles of libraries and newpaper archives, old graveyards, and so on, all the while we keep getting more comfortable and close despite ourselves

and eventually i realize that he isnt actually interested in what happened to himself after his death, he's actually using all this to try and find out what happened to his mother. she was Not a local celebrity, and his infamy was so large that it eclipsed most of the people he knew in life, so tracking it all down was kind of a hassle. but he was and is a mama's boy, and he wanted to know if she lived a good life

now all of this eventually winds down to figuring out why there was that first demon attached to me, probably some fucked up nonsense a little while back in my family tree or something (tbh im not sure how much i want to focus on the how and why but we'll see) and we get that settled finally as well as finding out how alastor's mom's life played out and put him at east there, and all that's left is to simply live my life until i die, where i'll go to hell and alastor will have my soul to keep (we're v cozy at this point and quite comfortable cohabiting a body and mind space so he's not particularly eager to completely break the tether until my time comes)

and the thing about sharing a mindspace with something extremely dangerous and powerful that has just enough sway over the world around you to keep you safe in a bad situation, or even fully take over your body to get you out of it, is that you feel v confidant most of the time and fear isnt really something you deal with anymore, so i frequently go wandering around the woods at night for example because im sure nothing can really touch me when i have a demon for a companion

a demon in your head cant protect you from a bullet however, and maybe i should have known better than wandering the woods at night during deer season, and maybe the unholy aura i had around me hit the moonlight just wrong and the hunter thought he was aiming for the silhouette of a creature with antlers, and then i was dead

and then i wake up in hell

if this was a fic, at this point it would be like the 'part 2' (and who knows if i iron it out enough maybe i Will write it sometime) and im not sure exactly what i want to do about it just yet obviously it would loosely follow the canon of the show, just with a lot of extra stuff thrown in. maybe in 'part 1', we didnt actually Kill the other demon, just broke away from it, and its still in hell somewhere, fuming about losing my soul, or maybe finding out about his mom actually did Not put alastor at ease- maybe his actions made her life very difficult and now he has to deal with knowing that and i can use that as a catalyst to him getting redeemed to see her again in heaven, not sure yet!

but i do know a big part of the interpersonal situation is that we dont share that mindspace anymore, we're just physically There Together and tbqh its really difficult to cope with. we both got so used to it that we feel like something's missing now, and we might even go so far as to try to find a way to reestablish that mental link, or maybe there's still echoes of it lingering, but only if we're asleep or something like that

like i said, still ironing out the hell part of it all, but thats what ive got! much to think about much to think about

#proship selfship #proselfship #selfproship #❤ Blood and Velvet

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vhagarswar · 9 months

Text

Daeron returns home shitpost.

Daeron:*returns to King's landing*

Daeron::)

Daeron that night: *asleep in his own rooms*

A door: *slammed*

Daeron: wtfff

Aegon, wearing his hobo cloak: Greetings brother.

Aemond, also wearing his cloak but his is is made of quality fabric: *silence*

Daeron; Hello. I- what is going on?

Aegon: It is time brother.

Aemond: *annoyed*

Daeron:??

Aegon:

Aemond:

Daeron:

Aegon: ask me what it's time for please I have other things to do unfortunately.

Daeron: Time for what?

Aegon: to get It wet.

Daeron; to get what wet?

Aegon: awh he's so innocent bless his innocent mind uwu adorable.

Aegon: *demonic voice* we must corrupt his soul

Aemonds mind; kittens and puppies. Meow.

Aegon: it's time to become a man

Daeron: you want me to kill someone?!

Aegon: what? No. Why do you both think of murder 24/7 what is up with that?!

Aemond: it's the traumas.

Daeron: we are at war

Aegon: fuck the damn war I wanna do something fun and hang out with my brothers!!!

Daeron: Fine. Lets go to a brothel I suppose.

Aemond:*as a big brother* ah he can't use the words whore house.

Aegon: we'll teach him soon enough.

The three of them; sneak out of the castle

Aegon: I can't believe we pulled that off

Daeron: security sucks here

Aemond; agreed.

A deep voice: You have all forsaken me. You have betrayed me. You will all perish

A cloaked figure:*approaches*

Aemond: gods is this..

Aegon: father?

Daeron: wait we have one?

The cloaked figure:*giggles*

The cloaked figure:*reveals herself*

Helaena: I heard you all sneak out. Why didn't you invite me with you? I love late night outings!:))

Aegon:

Aemond:

Daeron:

Helaena: where are we going? Is there food? I like night food. Did anyone bring coin?

Aemond; it is dangerous for you to be here

Helaena: what danger is there for me surrounded by my brother's and the fiercest warriors of the realm?

Aemond:*blushes*

Aegon: are the warriors with us right now?

Daeron: she means us

Aegon: o.

Helaena: so what do we have planned?

Daeron: they were planning to go to a bro-

Aemond: Brother! Our plans have altered last minute remember

Daeron: what but you all promised me-

Aegon: one day, young apprentice. One day.

Aemond: I was never called your apprentice

Helaena: I'm getting bored here

Aemond: i suppose we could take her to see the night Market. That is entertaining.

Helaena: SHOPPING YIPPIE

Later

A witch: do you wish to know your death child?

Helaena: no, do you? I see you hanging from the ceiling of your own house your own neck cracked and twisted-

Witch: *gawks*

Daeron: damn

Aegon, holding four cups of wine and handing it to his siblings: I got everyone a cup. Drink up quickly the night is young.

Aemond, watches someone swallow a sword: that's just a waste of the sword

Daeron: can't imagine it tastes good as well

Later

Music plays

Helaena: I wanna dance!

Aegon; fine

Helaena: No I wanna dance.

Helaena: Aemond?

Aemond, blushing: yes my queen?

Helaena: you want to hold my bag when I dance with Daeron?

Aemond:*demonic mjttering* yes of course

Daeron and Helaena; dance

Aemond:

Aegon: where did he learn to dance as that?

Aemond; can't have been with us

Later

A hobo:

Aegon: who the fuck is that

Aemond; idk keep an eye on helaena. He smells of horse piss

Hobo:???

Helaena: O, hello Ser Criston!:)

Daeron: hello! *unaware who criston is*

aemond and aegon:*gawk*

Criston: *removes his hood and looks at Aemond*

Aemond:*looks away*

Aemond; we can explain

Helaena: Daeron wanted to see King's Landing so we took him out.

Criston: during the hour of the owl? Are you aware how this could have ended for all of you?

Helaena: Please sir criston. *puppy eyes and dark magic*

Cirston: Fine but I stay. You need someone to watch you all.

Helaeana: Yess!

Helaena at some point: you know what we should do?

Daeron; *asleep*

Aemond: no? What should we do my queen?

Aegon: careful aemond I can hear your voice switch between regular Aemond and aroused demon

Helaena: Haha you're funny aegon aemond is as a sweet little brother to me:))

Aemond::(

Helaena; we should get matching tattoos

Aegon: that sounds cool let's do it

Aemond: what kind of tattoo

Helaena: a spider wearing the crown of Aegon I drenched in blood and with "We light the way' under it.

Aemond; I stand corrected that sounds cool

Aegon:*drags daeron as the three of them go find a tattoo person*

Helaena after the tattoos are finished: Oh you are all so handsome

Aemond, looking at his tattoo

Aemond; Uhm he made a mistake.

Helaena: No I changed my mind. I wanted a unicorn instead.

Daeron: It's not the worse

Aegon: What the fuck are you talking about there's a unicorn on my arm

Daeron:*walks up to a village maiden and shows her the unicorn*

Aemond: No way

Aegon: it won't work

Daeron and the maid: hit it off

Aemond:

Aegon: *in tears* my apprentice has become the master. Impossible.

Helaena::)) I'm so glad we got to do this. A positive memory between us all

Helaena:((

Aemond: I will never understand women.

Helaena: so you guys still want to go to the whore house or not?

Aegon and aemond:*nearly choke on their drinks*

---

This is what brainrot looks like

#house of the dragon #aemond targaryen #aegon ii targaryen #helaena targaryen #shitpost about aemond #house of the dragon shitpost #daeron targaryen

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indecisive-dizzy · 23 days

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Hi I’m bored in class so have random oc drabbles lmao

Flora has notebooks ful of small doodles she does sometimes when she’s bored. Wally and Daisey are the only two that are allowed to look at them

Flora loves telling scary stories, she tells the story of La Llorona every Halloween

Holly loves stuff animals, but she’ll never admit it. Eddie bought her a star themed teddy bear for her birthday, and she still has it to this day but she’ll never admit she liked it

Kiko totally does clown performance in her free time, mostly to get money on the side but also because she loves entertaining people

Me thinking the first time Kiko and Barnaby met, Barnaby was struggling with a stand up comedy routine and Kiko made jokes in the crowd to help him out

She does the same when Latter performs his poetry, he’s trying and she wants to help

Flora lets Wally play with her hair. I can totally see him just messing with it when he’s bored. Flora definitely messes his up in return

I can completely see Honey just asking Howdy if he’s a good person. He’s desperate, begging to hear that he can be a good person and that it isn’t too late for him to change, but Howdy can’t tell him that he can. He’s just quiet

Anyways Honey goes to Lizzy’s hotel once it’s built

Lizzy steals people’s snacks. She steals snacks from Howdy and blames Barnaby

Daisey totally tells Eddie he can come to them and stay whenever he needs to, mostly cause they cannot let him stay in that tiny post office alone when he’s upset

In a universe where Daisey lives in a different neighborhood and just calls Eddie regularly, they really dislike the neighbors for not appreciating Eddie and all his hard work, along with excluding him. They just wanna go there and give them all a piece of their mind >:(

Aaaaaaaaaa I hate school I wanna go home :(

Doodle notebook <3 everyone needs one good for her

Holly! I want to gift her a plushie,, a penguin perhaps idk penguins are cute

Kiko and her side clown gig is great,, I'm sure Barnaby appreciated the help to it's gotta be one ruff crowd for him to struggle!

LATTER MENTION!! EXPLODES 💕💕✨✨💥💥

cough sorry he's been,, on my mind <3 I am unwell,, he craves any positive attention so Kiko helping is very appreciated,, oughh Him 💕💕 Latter 💕💕💕

oh,, oh Honey,, poor guy,,

Lizzy! You gotta pay for those! Smh Barnaby can't pay for all those he's gotta have enough jokes for his hotdog!

Yes Daisey please help this poor mailman,, they're such a good friend he needs some company

#i am!! filled with energy!!#the kind where i scream at my phone in delight!!! eeeeeee!!!#and wiggle bc Stimming ✨#i love these!! your lil guys are so fun and neat!!#im gonna go feral now! (jam to some Tunes)#school is exhausting! i hope you have a good rest of your day/night tho :)#neon child #dizztalkstoomuch #welcome home ocs #not my ocs

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ilikecheeseandchocolatee · 2 months

Text

Kinda vent post? Like not really but it’s just me rambling. Read the tags before the post tho (very important!!!!!!)

I’ve decided to hole up on tumblr for a while because no one here knows me so I can be weird and mentally I’ll without judgement.

Today is a day. Like i can’t describe it as “the worst” day out of the recent bad days because honestly it was quite peaceful. But it was bad in the sense that my mental health is seriously kicking my ass and like. I like playing Bin Weevils, i love my bin pet whom I’ve named Unicorn, i love playing with her. I love watching Big Hero 6 the series, i love watching miraculous ladybug. I love watching Thai dramas. I love playing my towers of Hanoi thing (i time myself a lot, it’s 8 rings) and i love the toy thing with bubbles like you push it in and then flip it around and push it in again and it makes a satisfying pop sound idk what it’s called. I love all of those things but i tried to do them to cheer myself up but then i just didn’t wanna do any of it. Not even the popping thing. I just ended up laying in bed with a pillow wrapped around my head to make me feel better. After months of being better I considered downloading Township again, which is a game i play to make myself less suicidal. Which i have been recently. Except this is NOT a good time because A, the game is super addictive and I’ll be stuck on it for AT LEAST a week before I’ll be able to pull myself off it. And B, my A Levels are next month and i haven’t actually covered my entire syllabus yet. I have a month to teach myself all my subject material AND prepare myself for the exam and as of right now im doing none of it. Because i get up late and when I do I just stay in bed and don’t have the motivation to do anything.

My mental health is REALLY kicking my ass rn.

But i did cheer up today. Because of the stupidest thing. I read the Elon Musk deposition and it was so ridiculous in some places that i laughed. Yes, i read the entire thing. It has so much entertainment value and i highly recommend it for those who are bored. And because of that i cheered up for the few hours that are left of my day now.

So then Bigil was gonna be on TV and i wanted to watch it because it looked cool, so TV time. Bigil is a Tamil movie released in 2019 (correct me if I’m wrong about this) and it’s about football and empowering women and it’s a really good movie. And it has one of my favourite actors so that was a plus. I also cried like 3 times during the movie because some parts are SO EMOTIONAL. i doubt anyone reading this will watch Bigil but spoiler alert anyway: when the dad is stabbed and he jumps out of the train, that was the first time I cried. Because Michael jumped out of the train to Delhi and cue action scene where he slaughters all the people that killed his dad, doing exactly what his dad had NOT wanted for him. He had wanted him to go to Delhi and be a national football player and never become a violent gánster like himself, but that’s EXACTLY what Bigil did the moment his dad was stabbed. He jumped off the train. And beat everyone up. And it was breaking my heart.

Spoiler alert again: the second time I cried was when the second MIA player was having her story told where that chuttad smashed her face with what i think was an egg filled with acid? And it was just so fucking heartbreaking I can’t talk about it. And the third time I cried was when another player was dumped out of the back of a Jeep in a fucking sack and when they opened the sack she was barely conscious and she’d been forcefed huge amounts of cocaine. That just probably made me break down (/nsrs) it was so horrible and heartbreaking.

I did cry again at the end of the movie but that was crying from joy because it was a good ending and it cheered me up immensely.

Unfortunately when the movie was over it was already like 23:20 for me so now i don’t have long left I should sleep. It’s 00:49.

But yeah my mental health is kicking my ass in terms of my academic endeavours and i really don’t appreciate that. Idk what to do to get myself to function normally again. My mom’s being super supportive of me now that she knows I’m mentally ill, but it still sucks because at least, before she found out she wasn’t so worried about me. After the doctors told her she broke down crying and ever since then she’s way too worried for me. Which is probably justified right now actually because it’s been so so hard to not kill myself. Im literally making exact plans in my head which is NOT good. And i keep zoning back in to realize that im singing a song in my head, and they’re like tunes of the muffin man rhyme or like some pop song but my brain’s using “i wanna die” and “im gonna kill myself” as lyrics. Which is. Disturbing. I didn’t think I’d be like this again after I was started on medications.

It was very sinister this morning zoning in and realising that im singing to the tune of the muffin man. “Im gonna kill myself, gonna kill myself, gonna kill myself” with all the cheeriness of the original rhyme. It was just. I’d say traumatising but in this case it’s my own brain giving me that trauma.

That’s really not something I want to do to myself.

I seem to keep alternating between “i wanna die because i don’t deserve happiness” and “i wanna die because i don’t deserve all the bad stuff happening to me”. Like brain, pick a side. Why exactly are we dying. Is life a good thing or not. Am i happy right now or not. I genuinely desire to know. What exactly is making me want to die.

Even if it’s mental illness, like what is it stemming from exactly. Okay my autism clinician said that i went into depression because of my autism and at the time I disagreed with him but recently I’ve started thinking maybe he’s not wrong, he’s right but not because of the reasons he’s thinking of. I know me being different from everyone else pisses me off a lot because i just want to fit in you know. Feel like i belong somewhere. And maybe the frustration of never having that is making me depressed.

I just. It’s different to what I’ve thought my entire life. Memory issues kick my ass too but for as long as I’ve known, in middle school i thought I was going crazy BECAUSE i wanted to kill myself so bad and that’s not a normal thing. Clinician hypothesised that i wanted to kill myself because i thought I was crazy? Okay maybe but idk. I’ve always believed the former but. What if the clinician is not wrong. Like what if I thought I was different and that’s why i wanted to kill myself, which led me to believe I was crazy. Like i knew I was different but i don’t think I paid that much attention to my difference. Like as much as the fact that people hated me and i hated myself. It is so so weird wanting to kill yourself when you’re barely conscious of the concept of death. I was a child. No child deserved that, not even me. With all the bitchiness that i had ih me back then. Even I didn’t deserve feeling like that at such a tiny age.

Every since finding out that im depressed and autistic, I’ve tried to help myself in any way I can but idk HOW. I’ve tried so many things that I’ve grown immune to practically every method I can think of. I go outside look at the sun look at trees touch grass and shit and all I can think is “im sweating. I wanna die.” I go to a public library and sit there in the midst of hundreds of books and i think “I’ll never be able to acquire all of the knowledge this library holds. I wanna die.” It rains. “My socks are wet. I wanna die.” I listen to upbeat music. “I wanna make an AMV of this so bad and i still haven’t made all the AMVs I’ve planned. Wanna die.” I listen to sad music. “Life is sad. Wanna die.” I literally will watch a show that i LIKE and ENJOY and that makes me HAPPY, but a couple episodes in i just turn it off because it’s not hitting and there’s no point. Like in the past idk decade of being depressed I’ve tried so many things that now i just feel immune to any motivating thing I come across. Now the things that motivate me are unconventional things like the Elon Musk deposition of today.

I don’t have time for this stuff right now. I need to study. I need to get past this and i need to get into university this year and i need to do so many things. And it’s a lot. I don’t have time to sit and slowly try to make myself function again. What i need to do is study. And fucking plane tickets or whatever.

Honestly when I go back to England this time I’m probably not gonna be able to stop myself from becoming violent if anyone at school pisses me off even once. And i probably don’t want to stop. The nice people won’t piss me off it’s only the gaands that will piss me off and they definitely deserve some kicks to the ass, accounting for all the times in the past 2 years that they’ve pissed me off.

Swearing in Hindi feels so freeing like no one will be able to tell I’m calling them an ass or a dick. They’re just sounds to generic white people. I could say it with a sweet tone and they wouldn’t be able to do anything because even if they think it’s a swear they can’t prove it because they don’t know Hindi and im saying it to them nicely anyway. Imagine saying “tere baap ke chuttad se nikla hua gadha” in a sweet voice and them doing absolutely nothing about it. Actually yes, im gonna do that if only to give them hell for being dicks during year 12.

Okay i feel better now with my new game plan. I might even work out again so I can put my karate skills to use. Im never seeing anyone from that school again, might as well go out with a bang.

Unconventional motivation to keep living. 👍

Anyway yeah it’s 01:15 i should probably go to bed now.

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itsjaywalkers · 3 months

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honestly i used to find the hate anons soo funny bc like 'aww did my silly little au abt two characters i like upset you?? :(( so sad 😞😥 what will i ever do now that you don't like the ship i write for my pleasure' but nowadays they just piss me off. bc like how entitled do you have to be to go into someone else's ask box. and just like send them hate for not doing something you want. like the hating actually requires them to go out of their way???? WHAT is their problem like. i actually want to know the thought process behind sending anonymous hate to someone for having fun and sharing their amazing content in the first place

im not in many fandoms but even in the ones im in i've NEVER seen fandom writers and artists get treated so horribly. genuinely pisses me off bc like. you guys are actually so sweet?? im not that into marauders fandom rn but i've read many of your works (especially your pandalily btw. im in love with them) and they're all so lovely!! and so are you!! i hope you have a wonderful day and that any ppl that think sending hate is okay slip on a banana peel or something idk

i totally get what you mean nonnie and honestly . kinda same . i mean i'm mostly indifferent to them, they don't affect me much, but i fucking hate seeing my friends (or any authors/artists really) get hate for their work. makes me feel downright murderous. bc you're right, i've been in so many fandoms, and ofc there's always assholes, but never in my life i've seen this amount of . awfulness directed at ppl for simply making art of the ships and characters they like??? it's so baffling to me. and i genuinely don't get it. there's also a lot of . couples and hcs or portrayals of certain characters i despise and yet i never get the urge to send the ppl who do enjoy them hate?? i mute or i block, maybe complain about it to my friends IN PRIVATE and i curate my own experience. like almost everyone i know does. i don't understand these ppl's problem i really don't

but well, i guess i've reached my limit + grown bored of these trolls bc i've been deleting and blocking the stupid asks they keep sending me. i'm not entertaining them anymore. they can continue being as hateful as they want, but not in my space thank u <33

anyways I'M SO HAPPY U ENJOY MY PANDALILY SO MUCH god they're my girls, i've been thinking about them a lot more lately, i need to continue with all the violence sequel bc i'm going through serious withdrawals.. you're soooo sweet, i hope your day is/was the fucking best and i'm kissing u so soundly on the forehead MWAH

#asks #anons

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oscar-fastri · 4 months

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🏎️💨 THE FORMULA 1 TAG GAME! 🏎️💨:

tagged by @lestappenforever (i'm also very late to this oops?)

1. Who or what got you into F1?

simple answer: ao3

long answer: football summer break in the summer of '23 left me bored and bereft of entertainment. i was browsing on ao3 for stuff to read and somehow landed in f1 rpf and that was the beginning of the end for me

2. Who was the very first F1 driver you supported? Do you support them now? Have your opinions on them differed or stayed the same since then?

lewis hamilton :3 i knew of his existence before i got into f1 because of a feature he did with time magazine so i think i always felt a bit of loyalty to him? also because he advocates for causes i'm passionate about. he's still one of my favorites and i have a lot more context and knowledge about him/his career now!

3. Who’s your current favourite F1 driver?

it's a four-way tie between max, charles, oscar, and lewis. i never said i could choose for shit 🤷

4. Is there a driver pairing or pairings you support? What made you attracted to that pairing in the first place?

*climbs onto a table* LESTAPPEN MY BELOVEDS <33

i came for the enemies to lovers and stayed for the lore, poeticism, and homoeroticism 😌

ok but like actual driver pairing-wise... i'd say charles and lewis or max and oscar. i think it would be interesting to see some of the biggest talents on the current grid (and my favorites) match up against each other!

5. Do your parents, siblings or relatives have a favourite driver?

no one i'm close irl with watches f1 :( i do have a baby brother that i'm slowly brainwashing into the sport though!! his current favorite would probably be max (i'm guessing cause he's a toddler and i have no clue what he's saying half the time) but he loves ferrari in general. (really proving seb right here oof)

6. Do you have any favourite races? Are there any that stand out to you the most?

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH tbh idk :( none of them from this year really stand out and since i'm a new fan i haven't watched any other year!! from 2023 though i really liked interlagos :3

7. Do you have a favourite circuit? Can be from the past or from the current calendar.

also have no clue because i haven't seen all of the circuits. will get back to you later.

8. Have you ever been to an F1 race in real life? Feel free to tell us your experience going to one if you like.

not yet :3 but hopefully i'll be able to go to one of the european races this year!!

9. Have you ever met an F1 driver in real life?

n o p e. though fun fact if i ever did i would be able to talk to 15/20 of the current drivers in their native language hehe

10. Do you have a favourite F1 car? If so, what is it?

rb19 or w11 ✨

11. Do you have a favourite one win wonder?

blerf idk. i would say oscar except i don't think (and i hope) he won't be a one hit wonder, but at this point in time he's only won one sprint, so i'll still say oscar on a technicality?

also i'm not well-versed in f1 history so i don't even know that many one win wonders lmao

12. Do you have any favourite quotes from the F1 world? This can either be inspirational or hilarious.

so. fucking. many.

"i don't want to mature, i'm happy where i am" - lando norris

"just leave me alone, i know what i'm doing" - kimi raikkonen

"i am stupid, i am stupid" - charles leclerc

"i have it printed out" - torger wolff

"i don't think anymore, i stopped thinking a long time ago" - charles leclerc

"yeah it's on purpose" - carlos sainz jr

okay yeah! that's it *fingerguns* tagging @solaireverie @rinador @scientistsinistral and anyone else who wants to do it!! i'm late af so. have fun lmao

#av.spills #av.friends

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brandycranby · 1 year

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HI HELLO. I HAVE QUESTIONS! ok so obviously all about my newest obsession raccoon hybrid!reader. ONE. do the others know about stevie's new pet (? is that what we call her idk imma go w this bc it makes the most sense in my brain unless you have a better title)? like is tony aware theres this precious girl hiding out in steves rooms? do bucky and same know about her i must know. TWO if they do know about her how do they react? how does reader react to them knowing about her?

eeee thank you for all the questions 🥺🥺 i’ll try to answer these as best i can, it got kind of sociological and political honestly 🥲 i wish i could loosen up for ridiculous fanfic

a note ig, idk if i want to call her “pet”, both in and out of the AU. that does largely bring up the idea of owners and i don’t know if thats somewhere i want to go since the concept of being "owned" could be jarring for some readers. “companion” may be a better term and it’s even preferred in universe. “pet” would be an outdated term for a hybrid who exists as a live-in partner/entertainment (but technically they are kinda… pets)

ONTO UR QUESTIONS under a cut bc it's too long

they will eventually find out. unless no one ever visits steve’s quarters or notices how he orders extra extra food and spends more time in his room alone. I mean, bucky at the very least would be suspicious lolol sam would also get dragged along into investigating. they might even help steve keep his secret but she’d eventually get bored and sneak out. might go crawling around in the vents and end up bumping into clint who’s just 👀

there are rumors of a compound cryptid going around for a few weeks or months. thor brushes it off, has shared peanut butter with the “horrors” during late night snack time and didn’t know. natasha probably knew from the very beginning bc steve isn’t subtle and she Knows All. tony is the last to know ofc. bruce is concerned about hybrid welfare and is surprised that there's one here???

A lot of “how they react” and “how she reacts” really depends on the status of human-animal hybrids in this universe. A brief history:

for creatures to be treated as sub-human despite having human characteristics/appearances, it would mean that they’ve occurred naturally in the wild for some time and have been incorporated into human society as high class companions or status symbols but largely not.

glossing over a lot of historically linked phenomena like ✨british imperialism✨, the industrial revolution, capitalism, and rapid population growth, hybrids would eventually become victims of not only hydra but also other shady groups who either want to 1) capitalize on breeding and marketing hybrids or illegal trafficking/prostitution, 2) develop super soldiers that are hybrid-based (an alternative route to the serum), 3) or are just fucked up mad scientists who want to experiment on things that wouldn’t technically land them in legal hot water

bc hybrid laws are weird and complicated and i need a real lawyer to help me develop these (except i won’t bc this is strange lil au and i can’t dedicate my whole brain to it). as a whole, i don’t think it’d be strange for countries in the 21st century to have hybrid rights passed as legal regulations. they can talk, they can think for themselves, yes they have animal behaviors and special needs, but they are largely sentient and deserve to be called legal persons.

They can work and do things on their own but i think it’d be a very specialized field like dog hybrids working as TSA assistants bc they have good noses or cat hybrids being preferred dancers for ballet performances. Their role as companions are still relevant, bunny hybrids are cute and very nervous which make them less hireable as a barista for example but are ok for companionship.

(very vague term honestly, this ranges from the traditional lady’s companion role where they’re paid to just live with someone, babysitters/nannies, domestic partnership, to being caregivers or sugar babies 👉🏼👈🏼 also not sure how they'd get hired for this? word of mouth? registery?)

Raccoon hybrids exist but kinda.. aren’t useful in a field or are as desirable as companions. They don’t take orders as well as dog hybrids, are far too mischievous, and aren’t as aesthetically pleasing. Their common stereotype as pests have led to raccoon hybrids living mostly off-grid or as wanderers. This means they have more independence than other hybrids that live as pets but it also means that it’s not uncommon for them to be arrested or disposed of because of complaints.

Again, real life in the US is kinda terrifying right now. What is a right depends on state-to-state legislation. So while hybrids may have full rights in New York, the situation in Texas may be much worse where they are treated more like animals than persons. More horrors: possible open season?

All the Avengers would do their best to accommodate her and make her feel safe in the compound. Maybe they didnt think Steve would have gotten a hybrid on his own but ofc he'd pick one out of a garbage can 😌

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i spent way too long on this 😭😭 thank u for loving my writing aaaa 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 u have no idea how happy that makes me, i write such sappy and soft stuff sometimes

the fic: the berry sweetest

#brandy answers #yiiiikesmish <3 #my asks #raccoon hybrid!reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers self insert

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