I'm sorry if I've seemed off or distant or any if that. I say if, I know it is an is, there is no if. But if sounds kinder. Regardless, I've been struggling this last week (about 6 days tbh) pretty badly. Hence the not very talkative / deleting my ooc posts bc it feels Bad having the nonsense chatter. Pushing through it but...yeah. it's not anyone's fault so I hope no one's taken it as such. It's just me. But I'm sorry.

Decided to take the leap and post the little fanfic I wrote at the start of the month to AO3. The Yiling Laozu takes a break in the burial mounds. Also, there is a worm.

Arlecchino is a cold person.

(Arlecchino x Reader Blurb)

It's no suprise to anyone. It is simply an objective fact of the matter. She is aware of this. The House of the Hearth is aware of this. The Fatui are aware of this. It's ironic given the nature of her vision, but it nonetheless rings true despite the fire she possesses on her blackened fingertips. She is callous and curt, and underneath her skin there is nothing except frigid ice that envelopes her being like a fitted coat. She speaks with no warmth, acts with the absence of heat, exists in a constant state of cold emptiness--a state in which there is a void inside of her, as if sucking all that is human of her.

Years ago, when she was just a child of the same orphanage she headed, she had naive thoughts of finding companionship, someone who would provide the warmth she sought on lonesome nights. She was barely just an adolescent who dreamed of lying in someone's arms, feel the heartbeat of another so surely, it would remind her that she was indeed alive. For even the briefest of moments, she yearned for someone who would, if not shield, then distract her from the cruelties of this world. She had shed those foolish wishes aside. In the House of the Heart that she was raised in, such notions were admonished, in fact, the wishful thinking was one of the reasons she had nearly lost her life. Never again, she had promised to herself, when she mercilessly beat the backstabber. It was then that she believed when the time came, her tale would end the same way as it began for her: alone. As the years of being a Fatui, then becoming a Fatui Harbinger, hardened her, there was comfort in that view.

That is what she believed in. Until you came.

Iciness wraps her being. It is present in her expression, in her words, in her touch. But that is exactly why she finds solace in your being. Her vision could only grant her a synthetic flame, but, you, you're an everlasting hearth. She melts in your embrace every time she slots herself in your arms, as it feels like a kindling ignited in her heart. It is only with you, that she learns how warmth can be found in.

Arlecchino is a cold person.

It is why you, as a warm one, is perfect for her. You whisk away the most depraved thoughts, ease her of any emotional and mental turmoil, and you do not treat her with the same coldness as the world seems so fond of doing to her. You are her flame, the one that sparks her being and reminds her that she is alive because her heart beats with you, beats for you.

Except you are cold now. It is unfathomable to her how you can be this way when your entire being exists to warm her, but when she touches your skin, you are unbearably frozen. Your body does not tremble like it does when her clawed fingers ever so gently trace your skin. The corner of your lips doesn't quirk up into the usual small smile of yours when she appears in your sight, but they remain ever rigid like the rest of you. Uncharacteristically, your expression doesn't soften with her presence.

You are cold, just like her. And that makes her afraid. Her hand searches for it, prodding your skin for a familiar thumping that is nowhere to be found. You continue to stare at her, unblinking. Here would be the moment where you give her a beaming smirk and you'd cup her face tenderly as if she was glass. And she would let you, because you are her beloved, who has watched her shatter so many times before and wordlessly each shard back together, and it is for that reason that she would lean closer towards your touch.

Because you lie broken in her arms and her hands are stained again with the familiar color of red. Your eyes are glossy and gaze unblinkingly at her. Frozen. Even when you are covered in your blood, you are beautiful, she notes, but oh, so cold that it makes her doubt if you were warm to begin with.

She misses your warmth. Where has it gone? Or has it died along with you?

Her hearth is gone. And as she clings onto your form, her body wracking with a fear and desperation she's never known before, two revelations come to her: that there is no such thing as an everlasting fire, and even after so many years ago, she was right along.

Arlecchino is a cold person. And she will remain always cold.

PLS PLS IM BEGGING UPDATE COLLARS AND CAGES PLSSSSSS IM GONNA CRY THE CLIFFHANGER OF CHAPTER 4 PLSSS UPDATE IT

no

After years of being told I sucked at drawing by my teachers and peers, I told my brother I wanted to teach myself how to draw in my own style so I can express my headcanons and hyperfixations instead of trying to write when my brain won’t let me. He bought me my very first sketch book and pencils for Christmas which I’ve already decorated, and Tina Ruth Belcher is presiding. Sounds lame, but I’m so proud of myself🥹🩵

Wait wait wait you just watched Marry My Dead Body?!?? I need to commiserate then holy shit. I watched it yesterday because I was travelling and also figured it be a fun goofy film to watch while stuck in transit for hours and then suddenly it was over and I was sitting there in goddamn TEARS. I WAS NOT EXPECTING IT TO BE SO EMOTIONAL. IT MADE ME LAUGH AND THEN ALSO STABBED ME IN THE HEART. I feel like it played me for a fool, but in the best possible way. What a good ride it is :’)

OH MY GOD SAME.

Well, except I was at home and went: "I'll watch this before going to bed, I'm sure it'll be a fun time" and, I mean, it WAS but it also wasn't. Like, after I finished it I just sat there, not knowing how to contain all the emotions I was experiencing. How the fuck was I supposed to sleep after something like that?

I genuinely had no idea what to do with myself (I still kind of don't tbh). I did NOT expect to cry as much as I did. Quite a few things can make me cry but this just hit me right where it hurts. And I didn't expect it, in any way, shape, or form. I was completely unprepared.

It was supposed to be a silly comedy!

But, like, for real? The "my husband" moment? You should have HEARD the fucking noise I made. It was guttural. I was fucking obliterated.

(and oh man, I so desperately want to make people feel that way with my writing. I am so, so inspired!)

Long story short, I'm emotionally compromised and I have absolutely no regrets. I just love, love, love becoming this invested in a story and I'm still neck-deep in feels. It's been two days already but my thoughts just keep returning to this movie, time and time again.

So I'm guessing I'm going to rewatch it in a day or two x'D

Being a writer is weird.

Honestly? Been feeling a little lonely today ngl

my villain origin story is my mall closing barnes and noble for the summer for renovations NOW where am i supposed to write my 9k word old man yuri slowburns

So while I'm going over my fics from last year for continuity (mostly emotional continuity), it occurs to me that, actually, it's not as obvious as I thought it would be how many I wrote with a terrible (but not debilitating) migraine while my neighbors were throwing wall-shaking, drunk-screaming assaults of sound they call parties. I thought it would be! But aside from some typos/formatting stuff and some awkward sentences that I'd have caught in a second pass... it's actually not bad. I'm pleased.

♚— I managed to get a bit of free time on the weekends from training, but since I haven't gotten my official schedule yet, I don't know when I'll be for sure free.

So, I'll get to and queue my replies for the week(s. Hopefully). I'll still be delayed until I find a really good pattern to stick with in regards to life-hobby-work balances, plus everything else I need to do these next 8 months.

Roleplaying is going to be a pretty low priority for me and everything will be thrown in the queue. From my private Multi-muse account to this one, everything will be SLOW. I am trying not to burn myself out too much since I need to save energy for September as well.

Big thank you to those who are waiting patiently for my reply. I know it's been a while, but I'm trying to find a better pattern. It's just going to take a while.

bad news: today might actually be the worst day of my life, no hyperbole

good news: i no longer want to tear out my hair and scratch off my skin and curl up in a ball and cry

.

A WIP of a comic thingy I’m workin on cus I’m impatient. Sometimes you have an OC who’s specifically there to be inserted into universes where Your Blorbo Needs A Therapist. Doc Laanka’s got her work cut out for her with these two…

… kinda.

With everything that's happening with "don't worry darling" and Florence being A QUEEN I miss your input.

Y'all really screwed yourselves because I HAVE TEAAAAAAAAA. Was it worth it to be an ass? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Yeah I said you do you cuz... Well who the fuck am I to tell you not to ya know? Go off tag queen. Run them tags🤙🏻 I love reading it all honestly I was just curious and wanted to peck your brain on it. I hope the night is treating you well. I love your vibe. You deserve someone to match it and run tag shit with you 😌

🤞 here’s to hoping I find someone to run tag shit with me 🤞