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sugarwithtea · 1 year

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Fluff, check! Now it's time to hurt me with some heartbreaking angst lol I'm not ready

Can I request from the angst list #99 “It could’ve been worse, we could’ve fallen in love." with this Yoongi?

Or you don't have to use the picture at all, whatever you do will be amazing I'm sure! 🤩

i'd rather die | myg

more than a year has passed and now you need to confront your husband, even if it means endless pain for you, or not?

pairing : husband!yoongi x reader

rating / genre : pg-13 // angst, arranged marriage au

word count : 2.8k

warnings : swearing, kissing, drinking, crying and shouting.

authour's note : yayy. my first drabble from the milestone game :) this was an absolute treat to write rlly!! still i feel like the end is a little bit rushed? unedited, as always! prompt — "It could've been worse, we could've fallen in love." from this list.

mood : honsool - agust d & 死ぬのがいいわ - fuji kaze

masterlist

The tears won't stop.

You could feel yourself slipping away and had to take deep breaths to ground yourself to reality. Your mind was whirring with possibilities of what could have been and you try hard to shut them out, to not let them affect you now.

Yoongi was sitting at the bar with his phone in his hand, and swirling the glass of whiskey with the other. He still hadn't noticed you standing at the door with the paper in your hand, he still hadn't registered the heavy breaths coming from your direction.

So, you compose yourself, wipe your tears with the sleeve of your dress and enter the room where he sat all alone.

"Yoongi."

"Hm?" he doesn't look up from his phone and you take painfully slow steps towards him.

"Yoongi." you call out again, in your no-nonsense voice and he finally looks up.

In a still moment, you see various emotions flash through his eyes. From the ease and comfort to the tinge of surprise at last fading into the color of concern.

"Y/N?" not a question of why are you crying, a question of just your name. As if he is asking if you are still there or have already slipped away.

"Mom called."

"And? Is everything alright?" He is on the verge of fretting.

"18 months have passed already." and time stills as you see him straighten up, the look of concern overshadowed by one of realization.

18 months and 7 days ago, to be precise, you had tied the knot with Min Yoongi, the CEO of Min Technologies. Your parents had set you up with each other with the wish of an heir. Yoongi had a very unstable reputation, especially among the chaebols, and you were considered to be an outcast. So the best idea they considered was to put you two together, to save some face.

Your parents had kept your wish of becoming a writer instead of joining their company and you had been grateful for them. But they were no strangers to the ways of the higher class and they knew you needed to do something to retain your position in their circle. People gossiped, talked ill about your family and evidently, the words had affected your parents to a big extent. One that made them put a condition over your wishes to pursue your dreams.

You were meant to marry someone till your 27th birthday, someone who was approved by your family. Failing which they would be taking the matter in their own hands. Two and a half years ago you turned twenty seven, and two years ago they took you to a dinner with the Mins.

The stakes were, as they said at that time, not so high. You both were meant to marry each other, or else Yoongi's position as the CEO would be dissolved by the board, and your career taken away by your parents.

They had also given you an out. Which you don't know was beneficiary to you or not.

You both were expected to conceive an heir within 18 months of the marriage, failing which the marriage would be respectfully dissolved along with your respective careers. So basically, it was a threat.

A threat you failed to take seriously.

As now, 18 months later, you stand in front of each other, heirless, and with no sense of direction with your life.

It wasn't a sad marriage. You had your moments, ones which brought you close to each other. With the first few months spent bickering, you had become friends till your 1st year anniversary. But it was slow paced. And none of you were willing to have a kid in a loveless marriage.

A Loveless Marriage.

Or a marriage with you hopelessly gone for him in every way possible, but still restricting yourself from flinging yourselves in his arms and letting him know.

"Are, are those divorce papers?" his trembling voice breaks you out of your reverie and you look down at the papers clutched tightly in your hand.

"Yes."

He stands up slowly, taking his time. His eyes don't leave yours and you both stand at a hand's distance, his hand still clutching his seat for support and yours the paper for everything but support.

"Y/N." His voice is not more than a whisper, and you will your tears to not fall down.

"Hm?"

One thing which you were not sure about, was what he felt. Yes, you both had almost kissed the night you got high in your balcony, and yes he never forgot to cook you your favorite dishes whenever you were not in a good mood, and yes he even removed all the tulip vases from his billion dollar estate after finding out about your allergy the night of your marriage, but they were all things he did while staying completely closed off.

"We are friends now.'' he had said on the night of your birthday, ten months after your marriage, and treated you to a lovely dinner. But that's what you both ever were, friends. He was like a closed book and you trained your mind to perceive all his acts as platonic.

You look up at him with tears lining your eyes.

"Is this the end?"

All you do is nod. Not able to trust yourself to form coherent words.

In front of your eyes he falls back on his seat, still as a rock but his chest heaving and hand falling limp at his side.

"Really?" his voice doesn't shake this time, but you think you can hear the tremble.

"What other choice do we have, Yoongi?"

Even if for some reason, your marriage is prolonged. But what's the good out of it? You trust Yoongi, but you cannot trust him to not break your heart. You need to put up a strong front to break out of this arrangement, or else you'll be doomed to eventual misery, because even if his feelings for you grow later, you don't know what will happen. You can never be too hopeful and hurt yourselves.

"We can try to pursue them. To not break it off. To-"

"But why?" you splutter with wide eyes. "Why do we need to be together, Yoongi?"

He looks at you as if you offended him and a moment later, his head falls into his hands and he mindlessly starts grumbling at your outburst. You try to catch some words and all you can are 'I will lose everything.'

Now this angers you. You both were going to lose everything. He at least doesn't have to move. You'll have to get your old place back, and meanwhile stay with your parents with them hovering over you like vultures. You will lose the place you had made your home for more than a year, you will lose the job you had to fight everyone for. You will lose him.

"Really, Yoongi? You think you will be the one to lose everything. You think I am also not getting the bad end of the stick? You think it's only a matter of 'I' and not 'We'?" you almost shout at him and take a step backwards.

"Y/N." he looks up at you with his eyebrows furrowed.

"What? I am not getting anything good out of this. I will lose everything. A place to live, a career, my dream, my freedom, every fucking thing. I'll have to go back to my parents' house for some time and endure everything they will put on me for getting out of a marriage they so thoughtfully arranged." Your outburst has you gasping for air and he visibly flinches at the last word.

You take a few steps back, trying to compose your voice. Through your almost blurred, red vision, you see him standing up, his face set into an emotion that screams defense, interrogation, curiosity, and whatnot.

"Yoongi it's not only you who is going to suffer-"

"Then why are you so keen at getting out of this marriage?"

"What?"

"Why" he takes a step towards you and you take one back,"do" one more, "you" he is almost in front of you now "want to get a divorce?"

"So that you can set me free, from this relationship we so painfully call 'marriage'". you say in a level voice and glare at him.

"Weren't you going to lose your freedom, if you'll have to return back to your parents' house?"

"Atleast I won't have to pretend." you finally shout at him, with your body trembling and hands waving in exasperation.

His face blanches at your words. His hand which was pointing at you falls down and now he takes a step backwards. Your heart hurts when you see the same feeling flash through his eyes.

But it's the truth. You're tired now.

"Pretend what?" his voice is again shaky, and a whisper.

"That whatever is there between us, is okay, and we are all good."

"We are not?" you almost don't hear his voice, almost miss the question his completely mute voice asks you, vulnerably.

"Are we? Yoongi?" you take a deep breath when he goes back again, hints of tears lining his eyes and breath frantic.

You notice his fingers twitching at his side and your heart picks up its pace. It's one of his anxious traits you had picked up on. He was nervous, he was anxious, he was fucking on the verge of panicking.

"Yoongi, calm down." you take a tentative step towards him and he looks up at you with pure brokenness.

"Think of this positively," you try to console him and your next words are something that comes out mindlessly and it hurts you to say them.

"It could've been worse, we could've fallen in love."

A thunder ripples through the sky outside the window and the curtains swerve a little bit, letting in cold moonlight and illuminating Yoongi's face in the dim yellow light of the room. His features are shock ridden and immensely contorted into an emotion you vaguely make out to be,

Hurt.

"What?"

"I, we. It's good, it's better, you know." you stumble through your words as a lone year slips out of your left eye, and also his. But still you continue, "If we had fallen in love, it would have been hard to give this up. It's good that emotions are out of the way. Now all we have to pick up are the pieces of our broken dreams and not our," he inhales sharply at your words,"not our heart."

"We, we can get a way out. We don't have to end this. They are our parents. They, they will u-understand if we pursue them." he mindlessly mumbles, frantically, and you feel the oncoming panic once again.

"But why would we do that? Instead, let's find people we love. You can work your way up to the top again, Yoongi. Don't worry."

"You don't understand, Y/N." he is still mumbling and you realize he is drunk. He had been drinking. It's not a good time to have this conversation. You again take a step back.

"What?" cautiously, slowly you ask. Because even if you know his state, the red and blue you see in front of your eyes is way too opaque to let you see through it. You are in a blind state, while he is in a drunk one.

"I, I can't lose this."

"Again you are saying this? It will be okay. Oh my god why don't you understand that-"

"I can't lose you."

A whisper spoken into nothingness but it makes everything around you halt. What did he just say? He can't lose you? Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?

"Huh?"

He looks away, at the window, tilts his chin up, and smiles wistfully.

You are confused. Very much. But his eyes crinkle at the ends and the air hits his face softly, caressing his hair that falls on his face. Your chest tightens up when you look at him seeming so lost, nostalgic, and in-

"I love watching your smile. It's a habit for me now. I love when you stand up for yourself in front of your parents. I feel so proud. Like yeah," one more tear falls from his eyes and his face contorts into a little bit of pain as he mindlessly points in your direction and continues,"that's my wife."

"Yoongi what-"

"I don't think I'll ever be able to bring tulips into my house again. I'd rather die than smell them and remember your pain-ridden face. If you go, I don't even know how I'll cook again."

The spinning of the world seems to come to a halt. Realization crashes over you in waves and your mind whirs to make sense of the words he has been speaking. If he means what you think he does. If it's real. You don't think you can absorb reality so well. You don't think you can see the one thing you always wished for to be true this painfully. It must be a mirage, yes it m-

"I love you."

You fall down on your knees.

Tears stream down your face but within a second Yoongi is by your side, with a shrill call of your name.

You don't hear anything but your heartbeat loudly in your ears as he wraps his arms around your trembling figure to keep you up straight. He presses your head against his chest carefully while you hiccup into his shirt, gasping for air.

"It's okay. It's okay. You are going, it's okay. We will be good. I'll manage. Don't, don't cry. I am sorry, I am so sorry," he cries and cries,"Y/N, don't cry because of me. I am so sorry for putting this upon you. Please go without any pain or worries. Or anger for me. I beg you to forgive me bab-"

"I love you."

You feel it. You feel how he goes completely still against you. You feel when you snake your hands around his torso, bringing him back to life. You feel when he tightens his arms around you and brings you even closer, if possible. You feel the ringing in your ears. You feel it all too well.

"Y/N?"

"I love you oh my god. I was scared. I thought you didn't love me. And I was tired of pretending I didn't, so I," you whimper and his trembling cheek rests atop your head. So you sigh in his comfort and continue,"I thought walking away would be the best thing."

"I am sorry."

Yet again?

You pull away a little bit to look up at him.

"Why?"

"For making you feel like this."

What does that even mean? You furrow your eyebrows when he tips his forehead against yours.

"You made me feel safe, Yoongi. You made me feel like I was living in a garden with nothing but the sweet essence of the flowers and the cool breeze of bliss. You made me feel like myself."

A tear makes its way down his closed eyes.

"But I also made you feel unsure, insecure. I made you feel like you had to walk away from me for our sake. I am sorry."

You laugh at the irony of the moment. A while ago you were sorry for chaining him into a meaningless bond and now he is sorry for making you feel sorry.

"Please don't-"

Your lips swallow his next words.

His grip on you gets tighter when he comes down from the shock of your lips on his. You tug at him and start moving your lips against him slowly, carefully, worried he might break under your burden if you give him too much of it. He sighs into your mouth and reciprocates your actions with a new found vigor. His actions are similar, slow and careful. But heavily sprinkled with the ingredient love.

Heaven falls upon you as you feel yourself getting lost in his taste. Your tongues are out of the picture but still you feel like you might die by the intensity with which your whole body lights up with fireworks. His lips swallow any traces of pain from yours and his grip on you keeps on getting tighter as if you might slip away any second if he lets you loose. Which you might, cause you cannot feel the ground beneath your knees. You recognise the whiskey lingering over his lips faintly and almost cry out.

But alas, even heaven is not forever and you break away to catch air.

He smiles at you, with traces of tears on his cheeks which no longer are significant. Still, you wipe at them with your thumb as his eyelids flutter shut.

"Love." he sighs as he calls you.

You. His love.

You laugh through your tears when you say your next words.

"You can never get rid of me, hubby."

He opens his eyes and nudges your nose with his endearingly.

"I don't even want to. Wifey."

— hii. i haven't proofread it, because i was way too tired today, but i really hope that you like it hehe!!

🧸 please let me know what you think of this by reblogs, comments and asks, as feedback is highly appreciated as always. 🤍 (also, no taglist for requests)

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