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bitchiha · 4 years

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Kakashi and/or Yamato NSFW headcannons? I high key love ur blog btw 🥺✨❤

A/N: UHM YES LETS DOOOO THIS I LOVE YOU BTW AND THANK YOU!! <3 Yamato and Kakashi are like.. my favs. So thank you. I wrote for both of them!

Another side note: I decided to post some requests b4 my angsts bc Im almost done them and I can't neglect them anymore. I am the worlds biggest procrastinator, but I am trying my best.

✎ NSFW (Yamato, Kakashi)

Kakashi

I mentioned this before but both him and Yamato are touch starved. The only difference is that Kakashi needs it more. Like Yamato can control himself a little bit at least, but not Kakashi. Like if he’s gone on a mission longer than 3 days Kakashi is losing his mind.

Best horny Kakashi is horny Kakashi after reading his nasty books. Hands down. Man, it just gets him so worked up because he’s not imagining the characters in the books. Noooo. He’s imagining you and him.

Once when he was reading Icha Icha in bed he was reading a particularly nasty chapter I hope you know where this is going... Once the chapter was done he put the book down and looked over at you like all sly and shit. All the sudden he’s like “come sit on my face.” And the way he says it is so like.. idk how to describe it, but it’s like sly and cocky and curious all at once.

First time you ever sat on his face and it was the closest thing that you’ve ever gotten to heaven girl. Like you were seeing stars.

He’s into anything and everything tbh. Wants to try everything he reads in Icha Icha for himself. Which is amazing bc there’s always something new he wants to try. Everytime.

Loves pet names. Definitely calls you a whole dictionary full of them and they vary depending on what you two are doing exactly.

He likes giving oral a lot tbh. Like a lot a lot. It’s probably bc he knows he’s so damn good at it lmfoaoaoao. He’s read this stuff a hundred times over in his books, so he knows how his tongue should be moving and all that good stuff. Wants you to sit on his face all the time bc he likes how good it makes you feel. Also, likes when you are vocal.

Likes lingerie but he will have it off you in 0.5 seconds so he can drill your shit tbh. You’d have to swat his hands away from trying to peel them off, but you can’t keep them away for more than 5 minutes.

Such a tease. He won’t admit it, but he actually likes making you cry when you're getting it on lol. Just a little. It makes him feel like he’s living out a scene in one of his books and it makes him so much hornier. Like he’s probably denied you 10 times now and so you’re just a mess and he gets so carried away. But when he finally gives in it’s the best dick ever. Bye lol.

Will want to do sooo much nasty things in public. He’d actually be good at hiding what the two of you are doing though, for the most part. I don’t think he’d do anything super crazy though. Mostly things that work you up to get prepared for when you two go home.

Has definitely done it with you in a public washroom. Clamped his hand on your mouth so you wouldn’t get caught and girl he rocked your shit good.

Kakashi is both an ass and tits guy, but you know what he likes better? Thighs. Loves having them wrapped around him, straddling him, lol likes his face being between them and anywhere he can grip them tbh. Like even in public he’ll have a hand somehow on your thigh 24/7. Doesn’t matter if their chubby, small, whatever. He. loves. them. Also loves hips.

Doesn’t mind if you ever wanna take the lead. Go down on him after he comes back from a mission. Shower w him, take a bath with him, literally just do it. But take care of him good. He will repay you later.

I don’t think he’s loud. Probably likes giving you validation a lot, but you’ll only get some noises out of him. That doesn’t mean he isn’t enjoying himself bc he is, my goooosh he is.

However, after missions he’s just too tired to stop himself and he will get a lottt more vocal. Plus it’s his tired voice so it’s 10x more attractive. Lots of Groans.

So like I said, he may not be loud but look at his face. You can tell he’s enjoying himself by his facial expression. Like if his eyes are squeezed shut and his mouth is open slightly you are making him see stars. Or if he’s really focused and intent, that’s when he is doing something he just read about in one of his books and boy is he enjoying it. Orrr if hes got a cocky smirk that’s when you know he’s gonna tease the life out of you.

Has dealt with Naruto, Sakura, Sai and Sasukes attitude problems all day. So if you wanna try and give him some at home he will lack the patience. Will be so rough and you’ll like it, but it will hurt to sit down for a few days.

Has 0 self control if you wear skirts or dresses. Like he just wants to put his hands under it. You look so pretty in them too and he can’t stop staring. Has definitely left your skirt / dress on when he’s fucking you at least once.

CEO of making you blush. Gets you flustered all the time. He literally can never get enough of you. Sometimes you’ll just catch him giving you that stare. Or just like checking you out and you’re like: Kakashi we are in the middle of the village control yourself.

You really can’t get him to be jealous. You’ve tried everything and anything but he never gets riled up. He can make you jealous, but he doesn’t do it a lot. I think the only time you can really get him worked up like that is if you unintentionally make him jealous. If he knows you’re trying to, he won’t let it work. But if you don’t know it makes him so flustered. Like if you tell him you’re going on a 4 day mission with Yamato. He’ll be pissed lol. Why the fuck didn’t Lady Tsunade tell you two to go together?? Why you and tree boy?

Then all the sudden he’s making out with you in the middle of your kitchen. Muttering under his breath about how unfair that is. Like this man is gonna have to sit here for 4 days by himself while you’re out on a mission with Yamato?? Frustrated sex lol. Also will definitely leave hickeys. Have fun covering them up on your stupid 4 day mission with yAmATo. <3

Another thing; you’ve done it on every surface possible in your apartment. The kitchen table, the bathroom counter, the shower, every gosh darn wall. Probably even on a chair at your dinner table... What can I say. HES WHORE KNEE

Yamato

You will definitely be eachother’s first times. If you’re with him you’re with him for the long run. He isn’t gonna give himself to anyone like that. Nope, you’ll know you’re stuck with him once he starts to get intimate.

That being said, I don’t know why but I don’t think he’d be very self conscious about himself tbh. Like he’s touch starved as fuck already and so inexperienced so like.. now that he’s experiencing physical contact like he’s never had before my guy is short circuiting. Any touch from you feels wayyy to good for him and he could care a less about anything else when he gets going.

Also, he’s kinda loud - like not the type to scream lol but I mean like .. if you’re making him feel good (literally anything you do makes him feel good tbh), then you will know. Looots of groaning and grunts. Omggg and if he needs to keep really quiet he will probably muffle his moans by burying his face in your neck or tits lol.

I don’t think he’s the type to dirty talk too much or degrade at all. The only time he will really get into dirty talk, being rough and maybe some degrading is if you make him jealous. It only works if you use Kakashi for it and my god you’re asking for trouble if you do

Say something like “wow Kakashi you’re really strong,” or laugh at all his jokes and Yamato will seethe quietly. You’ve got to keep that up for a while to get him super worked up and when you do.. HE WILL DEFINITELY GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT.

When you get home he drilllls your ass girl. Like you’re all teary eyed because he’s been denying your orgasms and now he’s drilling you into the mattress oml. You’re like begging him and sobbing and he’s so fucking mad lol like he doesn’t care

“Stop crying. You thought everything Kakashi said was just so funny tonight, so go ahead and laugh, laugh like how you were laughing with him. Not so funny now is it?” “Think he can make you feel like this? Didn’t think so.”

Will feel so bad in the morning. Like he’ll actually feel so bad. Will make up for it in any way you ask him too. You liked it though and you riled him up on purpose, you won’t tell him though. You 1000/10 do it again. Kisses you all over to make up for it.

Everytime you do, you can’t look Kakashi in the eye for a good week bc you’ll only think of Yamato drilling your ass.

Praise kink 10/10. He will probably be so depressed and will lowkey cry if you degrade him. What he likes is praise. Fucking fuel that mans ego and be a vocal for him too ;) he likes knowing that he’s rocking your shit good.

CALL HIM CAPTAIN like he’s not really into being called sir or daddy or anything like that but my lord.. if you call him Captain.. ugh. It gets him everytime. Also darling too.

Uhm he realllyyy likes when you take care of him after missions. Especially if it’s a long mission or one with Team 7 because that shit stresses him the fuck out. He’ll have so much frustration he’ll need to get out by the time he comes home.

Perch your ass on the couch and wait for him. Bonus if you cooked him food first. Or if you wanna run a shower for him while he eats. He will insist you join him.

Also... He’s not slick at all when he introduces ideas like that, he probably says it bluntly like.. “y/n.. I really want to take a shower with you right now.” and his face would get all red too lol

But after some missions he’s just way too tired to fuck your ass up. This is usually like after most of his missions with Team 7. He will still somehow manage to be horny tho. Like he’s been gone for days and had to deal with moody teenagers the whole time and he would really love if you just sucked his dick rn. That always reallyyy gets him going. Probably will cum fast bc of how good it feels to him tho, but there’s a lot of it y’know. He’d also be loud too. Like too lazy to try and keep it down loud. Lots of groaning.

Like I said, he’s horny as fuck. Literally being around you just turns him on sometimes. Even at home. Like If you wear a tank top with no bra when you’re lounging around, he’s already horny. Short shorts? Hor-fucking-ny!! Sometimes he’ll get embarrassed and hide it from you, but let’s be real you feel the same way about him so it’s fine

Titty guy 100%. I’m sorry but like if you have big tits don’t expect him not to bury his face in them. Always gives them extra attention. Likes when your riding him and their bouncing. Wear Lacey bras, he loves them so much and he will keep them on the whole time so he can just admire it on you.

He doesn’t like the idea of doing anything in sexual in public. He has a reputation to uphold and he is not about to throw it out the window like that no matter how much he wants too. Its frustrating sometimes bc like you could be walking around the village together and he gets a good glimpse of your ass and now he’s thinking some nasty things. Then he’s got a really uncomfortable hard on to hide till you get home.

He gives you splinters by accident sometimes. Like idk how. Especially if youre sucking him off. His hands are gripping your shoulders and you feel a prick on your collarbone and you yelp. He’ll apologize profusely, but he can’t control it when he feels like this so it happens sometimes. You get used to it though. Won’t admit it but he doesnt even try to control it if his dicks down your throat bc.. when you yelp it feels reallyyy good.

I’ve always had a thing for Yamato.. so I kinda went off on this LOOL <3

#yamato #captain yamato #yamato headcanons #kakashi x reader #Kakashi Hakate #kakashi headcanons #Naruto Shippuden #naruto imagines

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justlikeeddie · 3 years

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hey so look okay here i am standing shamefaced outside your door asking you if you wouldn't mind sharing or re-linking if you've shared before the names/numbers of the handful of spn episodes you've watched so i can get a slightly more informed flavour of the show when i inevitably capitulate to reading fanfic without giving up too much of my finite time on this earth to watching multiple seasons of supernatural.

GOOD NEWS - here are All Ten Episodes of SPN I Have Watched So Far, In The (Correct) Order I Watched Them. They are also rated for gay angel content, which tbh is mainly what I’m watching for, for the benefit of anyone else who may be in a similar situation.

15x20 Carry On - I maintain that watching the finale of this show first is the funniest thing you could possibly do, if you’re happy for it to be a completely incomprehensible experience. Witness Dean getting nailed to death. Cas content: 0.5/10, for one line in which his memory is briefly invoked at some kind of pie festival the Winchesters are attending

1x02 Wendigo - I only watched this because I was coming off a Due South jag and I thought it was funny that Callum Keith Rennie was in a very early episode. This is probably only worth watching if you too want to check in on how Callum Keith Rennie was doing c.2005, and/or if you are interested to see what the two leads looked like before they became the exhausted 40-year-olds in most of the gifsets, though I imagine there are probably better S1 episodes to do that with, not that I know what they are. Cas content: 0/10

4x01 Lazarus Rising - this is the Castiel introduction episode, although he only shows up in the final scene, and most of the rest of it is prime Men Stand In Rooms Talking To Each Other. When he shows up it’s good though. Cas content: 5/10, and all 5 of the points are for making the line “I am the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition” somehow even more intense than it looks written down

10x05 Fan Fiction - I maintain that trying to understand the first 200 episodes of the show by skipping to the one in which a girls’ high school puts on a musical summarising everything that has happened so far is the funniest thing you can possibly do. This episode is stupid, but I do recommend it, if you can stand to hear the word “Destiel” come out of the mouths of the actors. Cas content: 2/10, in that he isn’t in it, but he’s being played in the musical by a teenage lesbian, which seems Right

4x16 On The Head of a Pin - watched this in an attempt to watch “a good Cas episode”, although the (interesting) conceit of Cas experiencing doubt for the first time was overshadowed by the discovery that this show thinks that the way angels fight is that they just punch each other. Sure. Cas content: 6/10, not enough interaction with Dean, but strong points awarded for the beginnings of a crisis of faith and also being forced to his knees with a bloodied face

3x11 Mystery Spot - @the-omnishambles (who watched the first few series of the show in the 00s) kept telling me this was the one good episode she could remember. This was literally the first episode I thought was great from start to finish, and the knowledge that this show is capable of an episode that is good all the way through makes almost every other episode so much more of a shame in comparison. Anyway, this is a Groundhog Day conceit and it’s genuinely very funny. Cas content: 0/10

4x02 Are You There God? It’s Me, Dean Winchester - I thought that since Cas didn’t do much in the first episode of S4, maybe he started doing more in the second episode. He doesn’t, and this episode is boring, apart from literally the final scene (again), when Cas shows up to tell Dean he should show him some respect, which - according to most of the fanfiction I’ve consulted - sends Dean sexually insane. Cas content: 4/10, and all 4 of the points are for nobody realising they should have cut this scene if they didn’t want billions of words of Dean being dommed by an angel to exist on the internet

4x06 Yellow Fever - this is another silly episode, because by this point I was getting the hang of the fact that the silly episodes seem to be the most watchable. Dean gets a ghost disease (?) that makes him scared of everything. It’s pretty funny. Bonus points for a scene where he is hit on by a (male) deputy sheriff for literally no reason. Cas content: 0/10

5x03 Free To Be You And Me - this is the “Bert and Ernie are gay” episode, in which Cas shows up in Dean’s bathroom because Dean is The Only Person Who Will Help Him, and Dean agrees to help him but also insists on being present for his first sexual experience. Seems a bananas decision to make Cas very awkward about sex - rather than just uninterested in or intellectually curious about it - if you don’t want to make it clear that angels can fuck, do fuck, and might want to fuck Dean. Also seems a bananas decision to have Dean appear to fail in his extremely solemn promise to get Cas laid, if you don’t want to make it clear that he presumably just had to sort Cas out himself in the car afterwards. Cas content: 8/10, two points removed for not showing whatever happened in the car afterwards

5x04 The End - this episode was the second one that I thought was good from start to finish, so honestly it’s great to know that the show managed this at least twice in the 320 chances it had. Anyway, in order to convince Dean to do what heaven wants him to, another angel projects Dean into a vision of a nightmarish, post-apocalyptic future in which Dean has become a ruthless killer, Sam has been possessed by Lucifer, and Cas has got into yoga, orgies, and weed. I thought at least some of this was a joke every time I saw it referenced in a shitpost, but it isn’t. Cas content: 9/10, point removed purely because he’s not in the whole episode, but he’s high, sad, and dressed in a big baggy shirt when he is. Bonus points for the canonical creation of a self-contained AU for people to write depressing but very explicit fanfiction about. Extra bonus points for the insanity of airing this episode directly after the Bert and Ernie one.

#focusfixated #replies #spn

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seokmingiggles · 3 years

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65 song lyric prompts. (+ requests are now open!)

Happy three-month anniversary of me posting my first fic! To celebrate, I’ve decided to re-open my requests! This time, I’m opening requests for drabbles only (so I’ll be writing for pieces approximately 0.5-2k in length). As I am still in the middle of my semester, I do not want to have longer requests on the back burner to worry about (and I have far too many wips, too... remind me why I’m doing this again?).

Something else that I’m doing differently this time around is supplying some potential prompts to include with your desired member (or group if you’d like a surprise pairing; I enjoy doing that, too!). I will mention that the lyrics listed below are entirely optional to include in your request.

If you do decide to include a lyric in your request, I will either use it directly in your story or as a concept to determine the overall tone of the fic. (What I mean is, don’t be surprised if your chosen song lyric isn’t explicitly mentioned in your requested piece!)

The lyrics listed below are a blend of fluff and angst; feel free to include a specific genre in your request, too, if you’d like! And this is a friendly reminder that I won’t write anything regarding incredibly sensitive topics or NSFW. Here is my request faq page if you’d like a refresher!

(Lastly, here’s a quick shoutout to @woozisnoots for supplying me with the last three song lyrics on this list. Thanks again, Alex!)

"Those three words now are home." Broods; Four Walls.

"Come and kiss me slow." Niki; Spell.

"You'll be my best friend until we grow old." Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea Cutler; this is how you fall in love.

"So pull me tight and close your eyes." Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea Cutler; this is how you fall in love.

"I want to embrace you like I did then." Seventeen; Habit.

"I want things like they were before." 88rising, Niki, Phum Viphurit; Strange Land.

"The starlight of the day we saw together." Tomorrow x Together; Magic Island.

"The smile that you gave me." Billie Eilish; i love you.

"There's nothing stopping you from leaving." EDEN; love, death, distraction.

"Hold my breath another minute." The Japanese House; Lilo.

"Every move was just habitual." The Japanese House; Lilo.

"I keep looking for something even though I know that it's not there." The Japanese House; Maybe You're the Reason.

"We don't touch anymore." The Japanese House; We Talk all the Time.

"And all the ideas, and the hope I'd never ask him for, I'll throw them away." dodie; Cool Girl.

"And I'm kissing pillow lips, drunk off saccharine potions." Niki; Pandemonium.

"I won’t take you for granted because you loved me as I am." Seventeen; Fallin' Flower.

"I met you, and I realized that everything has a reason." Seventeen; Fallin' Flower.

"In my heart, it’s only you." Seventeen; Thanks.

"I'll disconnect and keep the heart safe; I replicate emotion." Chase Atlantic; LOVE IS (NOT) EASY.

"I remember your eyes in the moonlight, but I only get to see you in my mind." Daniel Schultz; Bad Company.

"Those little curls on the back of his head bouncing as he steps out of my life, forever." Tom Misch; Movie.

“Two lovers in this mystic dream.” Tom Misch; Movie.

“But would you realize what you meant to me, or was it mystery?” Tom Misch; Movie.

"But when I reach for you, there's just a supercut." Lorde, Supercut.

"In the starlight so blue, remember evenings so yellow." Miles Cameron; Caged Bird.

"I no longer dream of you, but your shirt's still in my dresser." Miles Cameron; Caged Bird.

"Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new." Arctic Monkeys; Do I Wanna Know?

"Thanks for listening to me out of pity." Gallant, Panasonic.

"Say what you want, but I've seen a million faces, and not even one can compete with watching you." Gallant, Céline.

"You are the sunlight that rose again in my life." BTS; Euphoria.

"When you called me, I became your flower." BTS; Serendipity.

"You're something like an angel; you do something to my mind." Pink Sweat$ (feat. Joshua & DK of SEVENTEEN); 17.

"I find solace riding in your front seat ‘till morning." Dizzy; Joshua.

"Think about your lips and the way they kiss; there's so much I really miss about you." Sam Smith; For the Lover That I Lost.

"Guess we'll never know all the beautiful things we could be." Sam Smith; Forgive Myself.

“I love that it's not hard to be in a place where laughing's easy.” Still Woozy; Goodie Bag.

"We don't need much outside of us, do we?" Lauv, Alessia Cara; Canada.

"The way I feel and the way we kiss, swear that nothing else in the world exists." Lauv; Invisible Things.

"Close your eyes; if you're tired, lean on me for a second." TAEMIN, WENDY; Be Your Enemy.

"And I know I like to draw that line when it starts to get too real." Troye Sivan; Talk Me Down.

"Just like the tall sky, the chilly wind, the vast ocean, you’ve become a part of the scenery that I take for granted." Seventeen; Smile Flower.

"We mess around, and laugh too loud, and make the sounds we try to hide when people are around." Conan Gray; Comfort Crowd.

"Flowers bloom even in the falling rain." Hwasa; LMM.

"Will I get to you a little faster if I was the snow in the air?" BTS; Spring Day.

"Wait a little bit, just a few more nights; I’ll be there to see you." BTS; Spring Day.

"But we're the greatest they'll hang us in the Louvre." Lorde; The Louvre.

"You asked for my heart, but I didn't know where to start." The Weeknd; Nothing Compares.

"And I know you don't love me so, but please say it once before I go." Matt Maltese; Even If It's a Lie.

“I hope it’s you they put me in the ground by.” Niki; Around.

"Collecting my thoughts just to keep them on inside." Thomston; April.

"I'm surprised when you kiss me." King Princess; 1950.

“You’re beautiful, that’s what you are, and I still don’t know how we fell in love.” Jeremy Zucker; orchid.

“I ask you just to hold me, hold me tightly, hold my body.” Wet, Body.

“I will lay down by your side; I will keep an open eye while you stare into the Sun.” Jeremy Zucker; hell or flying.

“Listen carefully, winter; you made me bloom. Now I will send forth my blue aroma with my branches; I'll show you that there's another sky.” Younha, RM; WINTER FLOWER.

“Some things stay, and some things fade.” Rei Brown; Wouldn’t It Be Great.

“I find her silhouette dances in the corners of my mind.” Rei Brown; Wouldn’t It Be Great.

“And in spite of it all, you’re still my everything.” Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea Cutler; emily.

“So do your worst to me.” Bruno Major; Just The Same.

“I don't need to take your heart; you keep yours, I'll keep mine.” Niki; Lose.

“I'm brittle at the parts where I wish I were strong.” Niki; Lose.

“Inside my blue dream, I want to hold you even if you say we can't.” J-Hope; Blue Side (Outro).

“Heaven is in reach; does your heart skip a beat when I'm gone?” PARADISE RISING, Fern; Kaori.

“Sometimes is just sometimes, and you know, sometimes never stays.” khai dreams; Sandals.

“I only feel alive when I’m breathing in your air.” pretty havoc; goddess.

#requests #open requests #prompt list #lyric prompts #seventeen #seventeen x reader #bts #bts x reader

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elliethesuperfruitlover · 3 years

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its gonna be an oolong night

A/N: Yes, I’m still alive. This is for a character that literally nobody is familiar with, and I honestly don’t care at this point. He’s wonderful, attractive, and my god great character yes yes yes. Mat x reader.

Warnings: smut, oral sex (fem! receiving), major teasing, like more than usual for me, but somehow still soft like what the fuck

I also know that a lot is going on right now, fandom-wise, and here in the US.(i swear to god one of these days im just gonna start throwing hands at the police) (or just the world in general.) But here’s some smut to take your mind off that, at least for a few thousand words.

Tag List: @super-unpredictable98, @seanfalco, @seancekitsch, @bisexualnathanyoung, @neuroticpuppy, @misskittysmagicportal, @ghoulsbuddy, @magic-multicolored-miracle, @the-freckled-luba, @maerenee930

“Come on, it’s not that bad. It’s literally just a dosage cup full.” he said, leaning the small cup towards you. Mat was testing a new brew of coffee, one he made this time. Although you loved and trusted him, sometimes he didn’t have the best execution.

“Sir, you have no idea how much anxiety I’m gonna be having if I have like any of that.” you reply, slowly backing into the corner. You look around for any type of escape, and it seems as if the side door in the kitchen was the only option. As Mat dove forward, you spun to face the door, and placed a finger on the handle.

“One move and I’m gone sir. Not permanently of course, the dick’s too good, but you know I have places to be. Food to eat. Arson to commit.” you say, half-stern, foot inching towards the door.

“Ugh fine. At least I know that I’ve been fucking you right this entire time.” he replies, downing the coffee before throwing the small cup in the sink, walking towards you. The sun was out, and he was simply glowing in it. Especially after that work out with Craig, dear lord, that man was looking scrumdiddlyumptious.

“You always listen. I have no idea if it’s because of your anxiety, or that you drink your respect women juice every morning. But what can I say, you know your way around.” you mutter, letting him come from behind you in order to hug you.

“I don’t think I’d want it any other way. Finding the body’s secrets and enjoying them together. Are you purposely trying to get me to fuck you on the couch, because I will.” Mat whispered into your form. You could feel him press his hardness into you, and a few thoughts passed through your head.

Do I want this man to fuck my brains out? Yes/No

Am I going to have to clean the couch, bed, counter, and or kitchen table afterwards? Yes/No

Will he make/give me brownies afterwards? Yes/No

But I have work to do??? Do That First, And Let Him Tease You Through It/Ignore

“Okay, fine, I’ll let you fuck me afterwards. But you can tease me throughout, it’s always an option.” you mutter, turning around to see the half-smirk on his face.

“Oh, you’re going to struggle, mama.” he said, putting a record on, Keys of Life, as expected.

“We’ll see.”

And fucking see you did. You couldn’t get a fucking break from this man’s fucking hands. He was observing you while you folded laundry, and would purposely brush his hands with yours when you handed a new article of clothing to him. You were washing dishes practically attached at the hip. It took you a good hour to get all of the housework done. Of course, it would’ve gone much smoother if Mat wasn’t sitting on counters like a cat, mind, counters that you were trying to clean.

“Yay, you’re finally done!” Mat cheered, climbing towards you from the end of the bed, gently tugging your pants off. He kissed up your calves, and breathed in deeply once he got to your hips. He let the sigh out, and got to work on treasuring your legs and thighs.

You took a deep breath, and got distracted in thought for a moment. Mat always treated you like, well a queen. Waking up in the morning to cook before he goes down to the shop, and letting you try new recipes. He even let you go back into the kitchen to tour it once. Although, Pablo headbanging wasn’t what you intended on seeing. Nevertheless, you wouldn’t take it back for anything. Mat’s wonderful, and he made sure everything was as it should be. Well, most times at least. It gave you a warm, fuzzy feeling, and you came back to the realm of reality where Mat was finishing his rounds, fingers threading a trail to your underwear.

He also tugged those off, and without a second thought, your legs spread further, and Mat gently kissed along your slit, then using his fingers to separating your labia. Your head sat back on the pillow as his tongue made itself familiar with you once more. His hands came up to hold your hips to his face, and you had half a mind to squeeze his head with your thighs. Tiny, lewd noises filled the once-quiet space as Mat went to town on your pussy, like he hadn’t eaten in days (thats a lie, he ate you out during a work call the night before). His nose gently nudged your clit, and you gasped. He smiled against you as one of his fingers came to toy with it, rubbing gentle circles. You sighed at his touch, but then the fucker began teasing.

His tongue would get within centimeters of your clit before retreating back down. You were very tempted to reach down to hold his head where you wanted. You thought it out for 0.5 seconds before reaching down and gently pressing his head into your sex, adjusting your hips as to where they’re slightly off the bed. He looked up at you, glaring, as he let you have your way with his head...for the time being at least.

He lapped at your excretions, almost disgustingly so, but every noise that come from below further fueled the fire. The burning, aching fire in the pit of your gut that wanted nothing more than to absolutely be ruined by (or to ruin) your lover, as well as the bedsheets that you’d been occupying. For short moments of time, you focused on the feeling of his dreads on your thighs before another intrusion made you gasp out loud, making your hips stutter against Mat’s face, losing their up and down motion. Mat’s fingers were more than skilled at getting where they needed to be, and as you felt them (yes, them, he works quick) scissor into you. Your walls contracted when he moved his mouth over your clit, sucking roughly. Those fucking sounds drove you over multiple waves, but the big one was yet to arrive. You were getting extraordinarily close, and on extremely short notice. You couldn’t make head nor tail of Mat’s fingers or his tongue. All you knew was more and more pressure right where you wanted. The flat of his tongue just needed to move like an inch to the left-

oh jesus fucking christ~

Your legs squeezed around Mat’s face as you came, and you screamed to the heavens, head thrown back. Angelic, almost, except maybe God won’t let you in for this moment, right here in particular. Mat came back up with the bottom half of his face covered in slick, eyes blown with lust.

“Every time you properly give me an orgasm, I swear 5 extra years get added to my life.” you mumble, catching your breath.

“Mm, and well deserved. You taste so fucking good, I need even more time to cherish you.” he replied, shedding his shirt.

You admired him from your spot on the bed for a short moment before the sex gremlin in your brain leaned forward, urging you to kiss your partner. He reciprocated, and his arm found its way back around your body as the two of you made out. Mat’s hard-on pulsed against your thigh, even through those fucking boxers, you thought, as Mat detached from the kiss, moving his way to your neck. He nipped at a few spots, and kissed over your clavicle before finally taking off his last article of clothing, and you contracted once more upon realizing that this man, truly was yours. He wouldn’t be this tender and caring with anyone he found (on second thought, mans does have horrible anxiety, so-). But no, he usually wouldn’t eat out some stranger, then ask them what their favorite surprise flavors in cupcakes are. He wouldn’t carry them to bed after their day was too exhausting to even want to life another finger. He wouldn’t come over and smoke, and talk over records with just anyone.

“I know you’re thinking about something. Come on, my penis is a simple being, it’s not a deity.” Mat says, chuckling afterwards.

“Right... let me just call the pp doctor real quick. In reality, I was thinking about how good you are to me. But please, do feel free to stick it in, I’m waiting sir.” you reply, letting Mat line himself up before he gently sheathed himself in you, causing your head to tip back once more. Mat also let out a beautiful, guttural noise of his own, furthering your own want for him to fuck your brains out.

Mat gently pulled back before starting a decent pace, making sure to let you adjust where needed, and tucking his head into your neck. You looked over to his back, and stare at his ass before deciding to actually focus on the pleasure you were experiencing in that moment. Your hands rested on his back as you gently clenched and unclenched, thinking of nothing more than being absolutely wrecked and fucked out by Mat, letting your thoughts wander to the dirtiest, most filthy parts of your brain. Once you were done practically creaming at the thought of being ruined, Mat groaned against your neck. He was almost whimpering, and beads of sweat formed on his forehead, and his muscles gleamed in the sunlight, which peeked through the blinds.

You just so happened to look down at where Mat was slamming into you, and it was such a wonderful thing to see. There was cream practically streaming out of you, and the spot underneath you was soaked, a good sized puddle of release surrounding your bottom. Mat wasn’t even fully pulling out anymore. That didn’t even matter though, he just felt so good. Too fucking good. The sound of him fucking you into the mattress was so good. So much better than the toy in the bedside drawer. It worked wonders, true, but my god, Mat did you so well. Could never hold candle to him. Mat was getting louder, and the almost full-bladder feeling built inside of you, but that was for another time. Although, the sheets can’t possibly be ruined any further. Anyway, Mat was about to fucking mating press you into the goddamn mattress.

You clenched, and gasped loudly as Mat hit that one spot. The definite, all-in spot that made you see stars when tapped correctly. Your nails dug into Mat’s back, much to his liking, and he drilled you into the mattress, legs held by his hands, and all thoughts thrown out of the window. He was openly praising you, how good and tight you felt, and how he wanted to *shudders* fill you up while he gently, but somehow so roughly made love to you. A few more loud moments passed, and you ground your hips upwards, making sure that somehow, you remained dominant in your own sense. Mat sped up impossibly, hips moving like a blur into you. He reached his end, and cried out, hips pressed directly into yours as he came. His eyes were closed, but he looked so fucking good, head thrown back, chest glistening with sweat. He collapsed next to you, breathing heavily. You contemplated getting up, but Mat always got a smidge clingy after his orgasms, so you were you wrapped your arms around him, in an odd sideways hug. Minutes passed, and you were fighting sleep, and resisting the urge.

Once you were almost out, you heard a muffled noise from besides you.

“Sorry, didn’t catch that.” you muttered. Mat moved his head from the pillow and said something very honest.

“I want you to sit on my face. You didn’t get a chance to orgasm again, and I want you to have as lovely of a experience as I did.” he replied, and you were a deer in headlights for a moment. A very aware deer, but like sir, I need some reference. Don’t tell me to pop, lock, and drop it on your face right after I just held my legs in one spot for like 30 minutes.

“Fucking get to it then.” you purred, hips hovering above his face

He waited only seconds to begin absolutely devouring you, nose buried in your pussy. You barely even had to move your hips, as was getting into every spot you needed him to perfectly. His tongue seemed to move a mile a minute, getting all of the best places it could find. You were afraid of what was to happen if he was too quick. Poor thing would need a good five minutes of warning. You fully let go of the tension in your body, and let Mat work his magic, hands holding onto your ass extremely tight, sure to leave bruises.

You screamed when he landed a slap to your ass, harder than usual, and you were just moments away from another wonderful climax. At this moment in time, you wished that you had a mirror on the top of your bed, so that way, you could see everything. It would be so perfect for so many tender moments in time. Or less tender, more rough and “chile, we shoulda got the roast out at 4:45, but it’s 5:25 moments”

Your brain just go happened to think about looking down, and Mat’s blissed out face, mildly flushed in comparison to other moments. You moved your hips just one touch to the right, and it caused you to orgasm on his face. Quite messily for an observer’s eye. Yeahhh, you should’ve warned him about that. Mat wiped his face off, and smiled, kissing your thigh as you fell to the opposite side of the bed. You laughed it off, and almost immediately knocked out.

“You could’ve told me about that, y’know.” Mat said, the next morning. He was brushing his teeth, and preparing to open The Coffee Spoon up for the morning.

“It would’ve ruined the fun. Who doesn’t like a bit of spice added to their coffee, hmm?” you retorted, watching as his eyes drifted over to yours in a somewhat happy, somewhat “oh my god, the fucking nerves of that pun” way.

No matter, because there would be a lot more surprises where that came from.

Mat, for reference:

Masterlist

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idaisa · 4 years

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Major spoilers for everything, but I have a point...

What is with everything having to have a bitter sweet ending all of a sudden. From Game of Thrones turning Dany into a maniac, because, why the fuck not even though there was like 0.5 of a lead up to it, to End Game literally killing off the guy who, if he had survived would’ve had the greatest story arc in the history of cinema (Ironman) and now, The Rise of Skywalker. I know not a lot of people have not seen it, and I’m sorry, MOVE ON from this post cause now I’m gonna get super spoilery. To have these three new movies come out, like I get it the technology is there, why not make new Star Wars movies. And the first one was great, it had nostalgia, it had tragedy, it set things off really well because it brought people in and created a foundation on what we were comfortable with. The second one had so much potential because it had so many places to go, but instead we go this fanboy esk movie, made by someone who clearly doesn’t understand the fans, but whatever that’s for a different rant, and now we have the Rise of Skywalker. A movie that was supposed to fix the problems of the last and also finish off a 9 movie saga. What I got felt like it was doing damage control for the last, and thus didn’t have time/space to do what it was originally meant to do. It shoved a out of fucking nowhere villain (they could’ve made JarJar the bad guy and I’d feel like it came from about the same place) but there was a ray of hope, there was one character who if they did him justice, I would’ve been fine with every other mishap. And that is Kylo Ren/Ben Solo. A character who again could’ve had a very impressive story arc. Starting of a sith, murdering his own father, haunting a young woman who slowly motivates him to question his path in life. This third movie could’ve been his redemption and reward for being good, but you know what happens? He dies. After a brilliant scene between him and his father he goes to save Rey, YES redemption moment offered. Then he fights off his Knights of Ren and faces Palpatine by her side, YES redemption asked for. But then when Rey dies, and he is left with a future without her he uses what is left of his power to bring her back to life, they kiss (yay for those Reylo fans because this movie gets flirty between them REAL quick) and then he dies. She is left alone in the world and he doesn’t even get a force ghost moment with his mother and Uncle. He gets nothing. He saves the girl, he rejects the darkness within himself and he gets nothing.

And yes it could be argued that he saved the person he loved the most, and got a kiss, but even his very soul doesn’t find afterlife happiness because we see NOTHING.

Side point, the relationship between Padme and Anakin was more satisfying to watch end. OMG FUCKING SHOCKER, but seriously, they fell in love it was forbidden, she gets pregnant and with is decent into the darkness, you watch the purest of things, love, withstand that. Who does Padme ask for? Anakin, who does Vader ask about? Padme. And yes she dies, but it served a purpose, to set the twins off, and to add to Vaders mixed emotions about everything. Sure she died stupidly, but still I felt it gave more to the plot than Ben’s death. Ben’s death felt like, a hero of this series (and yes by the end of this he is a goddamn hero) didn’t win. How amazing would it have been to see the contrast, Anakin turns dark, looses the person he loves the most, Ben turns light and gets to be with the person he loves the most, I AM JUST SAYING THERE WAS AN OPPORTUNITY HERE! And they missed it. Keep in mind I’m not a reylo fan-girl, but if you’re going to give us that relationship, then actually do it.

So my problem with this is, what are we trying to say here? that you can do terrible things but still redeem yourself, sure, but will you see any kind of happy ending here? no, you don’t even get to go to the equivalent of Jedi heaven. And when you’ve invested years of your life watching and following a potentially great moral story here, it’s unsatisfying. Now I am not one of those people who will trash a movie, set fire to all my merch and call it a day. But like how I felt with Endgame, what was the point of all that? why do I feel so deflated and unfulfilled by this story? Because I grew up with films that gave you trials and tragedy but they (for the most part) let the good guy win, and live happily ever after. Rey doesn’t even seem that well off, she finishes the movie, again in a fucking desert. I’m just being hit with these movies and tv series that I invest large chunks of my life into and I’m feeling like in the end I get punched in the gut for my loyalty and it kind of sucks. My favourite trilogy is still the original three. And in some ways I guess this new one beats out the prequels as well. But I just feel like fans, who invest their money, time and emotions into your stories, deserve better. It doesn’t have to be roses, sure he could die and it would say that sacrificing yourself for the one you love is important. BUT HE DIDN’T EVEN GET A FORCE GHOST, he didn’t get that in soul redemption and WHY, what would it have done to the plot to show him as redeemed as Vadar. I just... I feel like there are happy endings and there are endings that make a point, there are endings that teach us lessons and there are endings that satisfy us. Not everyone is going to be happy, you can’t impress millions, but don’t leave me feeling like I could do better. Don’t leave me feeling like some of the good guys don’t win. The thing I loved about the origional trilogy is that it gave you a villain, a real villain who kills potentially billions through out his life (planets and all) turn around and say no to that darkness. And you know what he got? fucking peace, he got to move on to the afterlife redeemed and at peace. And I just think if you are going to kill off Ben fucking solo, an actual skywalker, call the movie the RISE OF SKYWALKER (hinting at some kind of ascendance for him), then maybe you want to give the last SKYWALKER who sacrifices himself for the greater good of lets face it EVERYONE, afterlife peace.

Maybe they’ll do an extended version, change the ending, who the fuck knows, but for now, like with those other franchises, I feel like my persistent loyalty was not rewarded and that kinda stings.

#tros spoilers #got spoilers #enggame spoilers #reylo #star wars #star wars the rise of skywalker #rant #Disney

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manifcst-o · 4 years

Text

PERSONALITY EXPLORATION

OOC.

I wasn’t sure if Bishop was a Sagittarius or a Leo so I searched up a horoscope quiz. The results are inconclusive...

...but maybe he is a Leo. Yeah I think he is a Leo.

**original source unknown**

Listed below are (depressingly accurate) traits from each sign of the zodiac. mark off the ones that apply to you, and see which one you are most like. Use X if you completely agree and / if you somewhat agree.

ARIES. (MARCH 21 - APRIL 19)

[ ] you have a tendency to not finish things you start.

[ ] you are very conscious of what people think of you, and you let it impact you deeply.

[x] you’re impulsive and spontaneous.

[x] you are very headstrong and hard to sway.

[x] you are more likely to take your own approach to something rather than go by conventional methods.

[x] you’re not afraid to say what you think, but sometimes you forget how what you think might make other people feel.

[x] you are young at heart.

[x] you love to experience new things, even though you bore of them quickly.

[ ] you can be very jealous.

[x] you know how to make the best out of any situation.

7/10

TAURUS. (APRIL 20 - MAY 20)

[ ] you are very possession-oriented, and have a hard time sharing your belongings.

[x] you are extremely affectionate.

[ ] you have great tolerance, and it takes you a lot to reach a breaking point.

[ ] but when you do, it’s disastrous.

[ ] you like to take things slow and know what you’re getting into.

[ ] you have never been one for change.

[ ] you can’t stand to be challenged.

[ ] you have a firmly set comfort zone, and it irritates you when people tamper with it.

[ ] you are especially reliable, and you are always there for people who need you.

[x] you always keep your promises without fail.

2/10

GEMINI. (MAY 21 - JUNE 20)

[ ] your dominant trait is absolutely your love of communication.

[ ] you are naturally a very curious person, but since you flutter from one thing to another so often, you aren’t one to appreciate the deeper aspects of an experience.

[ ] you are all about logic. things need to make sense to you.

[x] you are very restless and active, in both body and mind.

[ ] you tend to be two faced.

[ ] you are a very critical person.

[ ] you are a cynic.

[x] you thrive on change and hate being in the same environment for an extended period of time.

[x] once someone betrays you, you have difficulty trusting them again.

[x] you are very unpredictable.

4/10

CANCER. (JUNE 21 - JULY 22)

[ ] who you are as a person is deeply affected by your childhood.

[ ] you are very in touch with emotions, to the point where you can almost instantly tell how someone else is genuinely feeling.

[ ] you need a place you can call your own, which is why you value ‘home’

[ ] you love kids.

[ ] you are very affected by other people’s problems, and have a knack for putting yourself in the shoes of other people.

[ ] you dislike confrontation.

[ ] you have always valued your heart over your mind.

[x] you hate being told what to do.

[ ] your moods are very fluid, as you are very sensitive.

[x] if you like someone, you accept them into your heart just the way they are.

2/10

LEO. (JULY 23 - AUGUST 22)

[x] you would move heaven and earth for the people you care about.

[ ] you would never consider yourself petty.

[x] you are naturally a very generous person.

[x] for you, there is nothing worse than losing.

[x] in arguments, you come across as stubborn and hot headed, but you just want to justify your actions and explain why you believe you’re right.

[x] you set very high, occasionally unreasonable expectations.

[x] your ego is the size of a small planet.

[/] unlike Gemini, you dislike change, and would much rather have stability in your life.

[x] one of your talents is making people feel special.

[x] you love being in the limelight, and it roots from a need to be appreciated.

8.5/10

VIRGO. (AUGUST 23 - SEPTEMBER 22)

[ ] you like to dream and fantasize, but in the grand scheme of things, you are realistic and won’t waste time on the impossible.

[ ] you know exactly what you want, you just don’t know how to get it.

[ ] education is very important to you.

[ ] all you really want is to feel useful.

[ ] you never lose your cool.

[ ] you second guess yourself a lot, and majority of the time, you don’t think you’re good enough.

[ ] you don’t mind going the extra mile, even for people you don’t really know.

[ ] you are not overly emotional, and you sometimes perceive them as messy, embarrassing or even a weakness.

[ ] you are deep and reflective.

[/] you would rather be lonely than settle for less.

0.5/10

LIBRA. (SEPTEMBER 23 - OCTOBER 22)

[x] you are very laid back and you don’t mind a lot of things.

[x] you are fascinated with people, and you love to understand others.

[ ] you dread hurting other people’s feelings.

[x] you are very charming.

[ ] you would rather look at life through rose-tinted glasses than acknowledge the negatives.

[ ] you are very focused on balance. if someone pushes you, you will push them right back.

[x] you are indecisive.

[ ] you wish more people would give peace a chance.

[x] you become annoyed when you spot unoriginality in others.

[x] you will never forget to let the people you love know how much you care about them.

6/10

SCORPIO. (OCTOBER 23 - NOVEMBER 21)

[x] if someone tries too hard to control you, nothing will hold you back from rebelling.

[ ] you are vindictive.

[ ] you prefer to keep your feelings to yourself.

[ ] you can see right through people when they lie to you.

[ ] you can always be trusted with secrets. always.

[ ] you are horrified of being made vulnerable.

[ ] you have complete control over your emotions. people only see what you let them see, and you prefer it this way.

[/] you do not desire approval from anyone; you’re content to do your own thing.

[ ] you can be pretty blunt.

[ ] people often say you’re a mystery.

1.5/10

SAGITTARIUS. (NOVEMBER 22 - DECEMBER 21)

[x] you’re a risk-taker. you’ve never been afraid to act on a hunch.

[x] you love to learn and gain knowledge. wisdom in general is something you find very, very respectable.

[x] freedom means the world to you.

[x] you’re not a dishonest person, and very rarely will you take advantage of someone to get what you want.

[x] a lot of people think you have a great sense of humour.

[x] you are very carefree by nature, but occasionally you tend to be careless.

[ ] you don’t freely hand out compliments, but when you do give them, you mean them.

[/] you love a challenge. if something comes too easily, your interest in it will disappear.

[x] you are very enthusiastic about life.

[x] you are generally upbeat and happy-go-lucky.

8.5/10

CAPRICORN. (DECEMBER 22 - JANUARY 19)

[ ] you are very reliable, but you have a hard time relying on other people.

[ ] you don’t know how to ask for help.

[ ] you finish everything you start.

[x] you hate making mistakes, no matter how small.

[ ] you don’t like talking about your deeper emotions, and you get really irritated when people try to make you.

[ ] you are far more complicated than people believe you to be.

[ ] you may come across as harmless, but you are tough as a keg of nails.

[x] you like to be in charge of everything in your life.

[x] you always stand your ground.

[ ] a trait you hate to see in someone is vulnerability, and you might find yourself taking advantage of someone who tends to play the ‘victim’ role.

3/10

AQUARIUS. (JANUARY 20 - FEBRUARY 18)

[ ] emotions can be scary for you.

[x] you are a walking contradiction. you want freedom, yet you want protection. you want to be alone, yet you want the laughter and adventures that only other people can bring you.

[x] you are not the jealous type.

[x] you are an inventor. you live in today’s world, but think in tomorrow’s world.

[x] you rebel for the sake of rebelling. you love to shock.

[x] you won’t change for anyone. someone must either take you as you are, or stay out of your path.

[x] you like to listen to other people’s opinions and views, even if you disagree. you aren’t at all unreasonable.

[x] no matter how close you get to someone, there will always be a part of you reserved for yourself.

[/] much like leo, you expect less than practical things of people.

[x] you’re more interested in being a friend than making more friends.

8.5/10

PISCES. (FEBRUARY 19 - MARCH 20)

[/] you are very artistic, to the point where you can’t keep it in. art is your life.

[ ] you have no emotional boundaries. you feel practically everything.

[/] you are very, very open minded. you would never put anyone down because of their beliefs.

[ ] you have your head in the clouds maybe too often.

[ ] you want a fairytale romance.

[ ] sometimes you tend to see things less as what actually happened, and more as what you wished happened instead.

[x] if you’re excited about something, you become a dog with a bone. you could talk about it all day.

[x] you are capable of surprisingly biting sarcasm.

[ ] you have a hard time accepting criticism.

[ ] you hold onto people who are bad for you.

3/10

#rdr2 oc #rdr2 rp #rdr2 roleplay #bishop;about #<i didn't think aquarius would be a contestant in this #<and it sound really fitting too #<but i just feel like bishop is a fire sign #<leo feels like the closest

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kinetic-elaboration · 4 years

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April 25: Thoughts on The 100 2x10

Twenty years later, I return with Ep. 2x10: Survival of the Fittest.

This commentary is NOT pro-Grounder or pro-Lxa.

I last watched in January and I have literally no idea what’s happening lol. I mean, I do because I’ve seen the whole thing enough times but still. Like specifically.

One of Netflix’s warnings for this show is “fear.” I CANNOT.

The idea of Arkers and Grounders perhaps meeting in certain ways pre-canon is interesting (the suicide by earth idea) but then the story just becomes one of yet more Mindless Grounder Brutality and I get bored. Like I’m sorry this is truly the most boring civilization ever imagined and I cannot believe we’ve been asked to care more and more about them with each passing season.

The lost possibilities of Bellamy & Lincoln. Also of Lincoln, in general? Someone who tried so hard to be something other than what he was taught to be.

Also, his story is basically confirmation that he became obsessed with Octavia because he was illegally spying on the cool Sky People and then ran into a Pretty Girl and that was just that on that.

The underworld. They’re not subtle.

Mmm-mmm my favorite set. Indra looking badass as per usual, giving her warriors a pep talk. And Kane with friendship heart eyes like “I’ve found my new BFF!!” (This is truly how I read the expression on his face.)

“Only our Guards are armed here.” Lol okay but does anyone really believe Indra travels with ONLY two knives on her person?

I’m generally a Jaha apologist but I cannot stand him in S2, primarily because his whole thing is based around him caring about “the Grounders’ land” in this realllllly awkward native peoples parallel, as if this was supposed to make him sympathetic when (1) there is literally no evidence at all that the Sky People occupied Grounder land in s1 or are occupying it in s2 and (2) he is advocating abandoning the main characters to death, the main characters are a bunch of teens, and literally no one calls him out on how disgusting that is. The only thing he’s right about is that the Grounders are terrible and Kane’s boner for them is ridiculous, but still.

Is there a Grounder named Michael? Lol.

“My shock baton’s got your back” probably isn’t intended as wildly inappropriate adult man hits on teen girl flirting but........ I dunno how else to read it.

Murphy > Grounder I said what I said.

That woman in the background of the fight with her eyes wide like ‘oh heavens! oh my!’

Kane’s here trying to be like stern dad keeps his kids in line for the sake of peace and Indra and the rest of the Grounders are like... fucking crickets. So ridiculous. So immature. Keep your own bitches in line Indra.

I completely forgot that Mountain had multiple airlocks and thus just, you know, opening the doors wouldn’t do anything. Makes sense, I’m just dumb.

Clarke > All Grounders and seeing her show respect to Lxa or anyone, even if it makes sense in context, just irritates me.

Clarke: *gives several very good reasons why sending large numbers of Grounder warriors into the Mountain will do literally nothing but lead to more casualties.* Grounders: *raaaaa I hate being told no, let’s just attack!!! ATTACK!*

“He shouldn’t have attacked my ship.” Honestly I think part of why S2 Clarke is my favorite is because I really identify with her, surrounded by idiots, just doing her best to get fucking anything done and done right.

“You’re very brave under the Commander’s protection, aren’t you?” DUDE. DUDE. You literally just reminded everyone that this five foot tall blonde teenage girl roasted your brother and several hundred others alive and you think the commander’s protection is why she’s brave? She’s brave because she’s smarter and tougher than you, duh.

And after all this Lxa’s like “Quint’s right.” Um he’s truly not though??? Ugh, the stupidity irritates me.

“Hook up” for “alliance” I am DYING.

Kane is absolutely the worst faux-father figure. Encouraging Octavia to get her ass kicked by idiots who are training for no reason...

And then this bitch (Quint) tries to kill Clarke as if that were even remotely a good idea... what if you were successful? What then? Lxa would torture you for like 100 days and then kill you start thinking things through.

I miss Byrne in that she was annoying but at least had, like, a perspective and purpose, BUT that was a cool death scene. A good sort of shock.

“Work detail” is such an odd phrase, like... one would think....everyone works?? It seems to be code for “mop some floors.”

I’m gonna be honest, the search for the CoL was the clear weak point of S2 for me but Murphy & Jaha are an interesting pair to share screen time.

Murphy: hesitates to accompany Jaha to Wells’s grave until he sees the possibility of getting a firearm of his own, then falls in love. You had me at ‘can hold a gun!’

They really are wasting bullets. Those are...kinda a finite resource? Also you’d think that these literal members of the Guard (based on their jackets) already know how guns work.

Kane really is devoted to this I’m Your Daddy thing, huh? “Look at me, shooting this gun, I’m so cool--don’t you want to be cool like me? I can teach you.” (And O in the back sharpening her sword like she knows what she’s doing.)

I don’t get how Mount Weather could influence Grounder legend given that they’ve known about Grounders for less than a generation, and they tend to destroy anyone they capture, not, like, release them back into their villages? Cool idea though!

Octavia, the secret weapon, exploitable by both sides because she knows both sides, is an interesting path SOMEone at SOME point should have gone down, or should go down, like in fic. Just putting that out there.

See, literally, what did I say? Quint does not even succeed in killing Clarke and he’s sentenced to death in 0.5 seconds. You gotta think ahead man!!

Lol I’ve seen this how many times and only now am I hearing that the word “Pauna” (which I’ve also been mispronouncing) is in fact in the episode. I always thought that was extra-canonical.

Pretty hilarious that Clarke, attempting to run away from the Irradiated Gorilla, leads everyone right to...the home of the Irradiated Gorilla. AKA the National Zoo.

Look the only thing I really have to say about this entire story line is that it’s pretty clearly only here to make sure Clarke, the main character, has something to do in an episode that isn’t really about her, like it’s straight up Filler just like the Bellamy Scales a Cliff episode, and it’s dorky and laughable and awful CGI and I get that--but I still maintain that the concept of “animals from the zoo survived and are still out there in mutated form” is cool and we should do more with that, as a fandom.

Also....moose? How’d that get there??

“Leave me” Lexa says, as if it weren’t incredibly easy for Clarke to save her. Like...why do you give up so easy all the time??? Grounders are weak. The slightest thing happens and it’s either “Time to kill you” or “Time to die.”

Murphy, unimpressed by the beauty of Earth.

Completely forgot that elder Murphy’s name was Alex. Put that one in my back pocket.

This Jaha and Murphy scene at Wells’s grave is the best of a fairly lackluster episode. “Clarke sugar-coated it for you, didn’t she?” “Good can come out of even the darkest acts, John.” “Camp You is that way.”

(Also...when did Clarke get a chance to talk to him? Was this over video in S1? I guess it must have been since she’s been busy in S2.)

When Kane lets Octavia fight the Grounder he is 100% doing it for himself and the alliance. He’s using her.

And somehow this is the ONLY time Octavia lost a fight. I wish the show had acknowledged more, as it does here, that tenacity is a great virtue but it’s not the only virtue. Also the Grounders truly are canonically terrible at what they do.

My favorite O characterization is when she’s just a blank slate for people to write on because she never was able to create a personality for herself. Because I think it’s the most true to her backstory, which seems only intermittently relevant imho. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” “I would like to be stronger,” hence “I shall get beaten up.”

*Sings* Lxa is a terrible leaaaaaader!!! Getting all up in Clarke’s head trying to tell her that caring about not constantly killing people is..............somehow.....................bad??? Lol.

This scene here where Lxa provides the groundwork for the Ai-in-Commanders thing, is probably where the show began its downhill slide. Don’t get me wrong, I love S2 as a whole--most of this nonsense didn’t really come up until S3--and S3 itself has good ideas, including the AI thing, but they were just realized so badly...... Makes me sad. We could have had so much more!

“Don’t be afraid, death is not the end,” is like......the least helpful thing to say. Yet again, Clarke uses her brain and figures out an actual plan, as opposed to “die heroically” which is really all the supposedly genius Lxa ever has. “Die heroically” or “Save own ass at others’ expense I said what I said.

I’m so salty.... I can’t even believe myself.

I enjoy the Indra and Octavia relationship.

So I’m going to say that I always assumed, and still basically assume, that the reason Indra chose Octavia for a second is that she really did think there was something special in her when she saw her fight. Like that’s all. Just like she would with a Grounder kid who wanted to be a warrior. But I think it would be interesting if she’s thinking just as Kane is: that Octavia is a useful bridge between the two peoples, that perhaps, she could get something from her. (Counter spy?)

“No one gives anything without expecting something in return.” Early John Murphy philosophy synthesized.

What the fuck is Jaha eating? Little...food pellets.

It’s true that he’s being cynical but it’s ALSO true that Jaha is withholding important truth from him and ultimately, arguably, using him.

“You didn’t give a damn about us. You still don’t, that’s why you’re not fighting for this kids in Mount Weather.” SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT. THANK YOU MURPHY. MVP of this ep.

“I was pardoned, slate wiped clean, I’m still treated like dirt.” The treatise of the Ark AU thanks.

More patented Murphy nose rubbing.

Murphy and Raven, both pulled in, to some degree, by cultists.

Murphy and Octavia, both manipulated by more powerful adults for their own ends.

Jaha is so... he has all these peace and love, everyone is accepted, nice ideas and beliefs and faith, but he also does not care at all about sacrificing a few here and there. He may remember Alex Murphy but he doesn’t really care, he’s not really haunted. Remembering is like a courtesy. He may miss his son but he still ultimately believes, even hearing how utterly stupid Wells’s death was, that it was worth it for some unknown greater good. And he’s willing to give up on people who aren’t even dead yet, just write them off as an acceptable loss, even though they’re his people and a subset of his people to whom he owes a particular debt, and still consider this sacrifice, not even yet made, to be worth it for this bigger plan. There are a lot of things I respect about Jaha as a leader, and surely in a universe of terrible leaders he is not the worst, but this is his fatal flaw, what keeps him from being good. Real leaders do accept that losses will happen, as Lxa says, but they don’t seek out losses and they don’t merely catalogue them and then move on. They feel them, and accept responsibility for them, and carry them forward.

No I am not talking about Clarke, although within this universe, she comes closer to the ideal.

The story line with Lincoln, Bellamy, and the Reapers is like nightmare fuel if I think about it too much.

Indra, with the tiniest slice of meat possible on a huge plate: “Eat! Get strong!”

Kane, trying to be sexy and seduce a new friend: “Thank you.”

Kane and Octavia are talking and Indra is just in the background, sitting on a tree stump, brooding in the most photogenic way possible, very ‘google earth, always taking pictures’ of her.

I’m sorry but I can’t stop seeing Kane’s whole demeanor in literally every scene of this episode as like “Attempted Daddy.” Not in the paternal sense.

“You’re asking me to be a spy?” / “I’m asking you.......... yes, to be a spy, that’s exactly it.”

Objectively ridiculous for Octavia to think the Grounders are her people but, I get it, she’s desperate for people of some sort.

“There’s a million ways to die out there” should have been the title of the series. More accurate than “The 100.”

“If it’s not your time than nothing can kill you” IS everything infuriating about Jaha in one line. Saying ‘it’s just what was meant to be’ is a pretty easy way to avoid responsibility for anything, ever, and it’s extra sketchy from someone who, as a leader, knows or should know that his actions have consequences for other people, sometimes life or death ones. I mean...everyone but he and Murphy did die searching for the CoL.

We REALLY need more fic that utilizes Jaha as a weird guru type.

“You wanna stop being treated like a criminal then you have to stop thinking that that’s all you are.”

Here, Clarke comes up with yet another smart idea. How many is that in one episode? She’s too smart, guys, just too smart.

That said, the first time I watched this ep with my mom (the second time in general for me, the first time for her), when Clarke explained her ‘release the Grounder prisoners’ plan, she was like “...Duh? I thought that was already the plan? Isn’t that what Bellamy was going in there to do?” Basically most people on the show < Clarke < my mom.

The tragedy of Lincoln’s addiction story line really does get to me.

I’m a little insulted on Bellamy’s behalf that he was marked Harvest lol.

I just watched the episode and I heard them explain their plan... but I still don’t really see how it was going to work. Like just... cause chaos and let Bellamy run inside? Kind of feel like someone would have caught him at some point, and also--doesn’t that run a significant chance of getting Lincoln killed? Oh well. It all works out eventually. Mostly.

Anyway, not the greatest episode, but it had its moments. The Jaha and Murphy story line was good, and I actually enjoyed the Octavia, Kane, and Indra stuff more than I thought or remembered. But it’s always kind of a bummer when one or both mains get lackluster filler plots--and in this case it really was both--I mean, Bellamy’s was important, but it wasn’t very long. And none of my faves: no Mount Weather, no Jasper and Monty, no Raven.

It still fucks me up that Liz Phair wrote music for this show.

#the year 2020 #2020: fandom thoughts #2020: the 100 s2

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leona-laughs · 5 years

Text

may ‘19 favourites

MUSIC:

highway to heaven (NCT 127): part of the “SUPERHUMAN” album releasing May 24, gives off a “stargazing at night” vibe and the music video is simple but beautiful

jamais vu (BTS): as a Jin stan, I’m very proud of Jin’s growth as an individual and artist (the vocals really jumped out)!! I once looped it and accidentally studied for 3 hours straight.

spinning top (GOT7): the second album I’ve heard where I loved all of the songs, the first being 7 for 7, also by GOT7. though it was a tough decision, my ultimate favourite from the album was “ggeut” (meaning “the end”). plus, all members participated in producing and songwriting!

DRAMA:

he is psychometric: starring Park Jinyoung (from GOT7) and Shin Yeeun (from A-TEEN). quick rundown: the main character has the classic “tragic and mysterious past” but the cliché ends there, as he is also able to read memories through touch. he uses his powers to uncover his past, and the plot never fails to disappoint, with unexpected plot twists at every corner. (l definitely recommended it to my friend who likes animes with action/fantasy. disclaimer: I am not responsible for any tears shed)

BOOK:

arming and disarming (a history of gun control in Canada) by R. Blake Brown”: though I intended to read this for an English assignment, I found myself reading sections I didn’t need to out of pure curiosity. this book was really insightful and gave me a better perspective on Canadian gun issues, tracing back to colonial history and relating gun violence to things like gender issues. I definitely recommend this book, whether it be for pleasure reading or for learning something new.

OTHER:

changli fluorescent highlighter: appears to be exactly the same as the stabilo swing cool highlighter. I have a lavender version that isn’t too neon (I prefer pastel highlighters), and I may need to purchase a new one after exams.

pilot frixion ball (black, 0.5): as someone who makes mistakes often, an erasable pen was the solution to nearly all of my problems. it’s light, pretty, and not flimsy at all. however, sometimes it railroads, and I found that I went through this pen relatively quickly. fortunately, it carried me through my titration lab, so I suppose I owe my good mark to it. I’m also looking around for a refill, as I’m trying to reduce the plastic waste I generate. (see: summer ‘19 haul)

#nct 127 #nct #he is psychometric #bts #army #nctzen #review

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wannawrite · 6 years

Text

Best Of Both Worlds

who?: Wanna One’s Park Woojin

genre: 🌸

type: scenario

word count: 4.3K

TW: coarse language

blog navigator.

who said love and evil don’t mix?

love-hate! AU

I have so much to say about this AU

⁃ admin l

disclaimer: pictures used do not belong to me and credit goes to their original owners everything that is written here is purely fictional DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERING

“Excuse me? What the hell did you just say? I dare you to repeat that shit again!” Your steely glare bore into the sarcastic hazel orbs of Park Woojin’s.

Aka the most annoying person, you had ever encountered.

Woojin sighed and casually repeated his sentence. “I really like your, yes, your best friend, Clara and yes, you should help us get together.”

The words took your brain too much time to process, too much time functioning around Park Woojin.

“Wow,” you drawled. “I lost brain cells trying to comprehend your words so bye, time for me to leave.”

The most, you managed to amble two steps away from him before e caught your elbow.

“Let me go you idiot! Or I’m going to yell to this whole neighbourhood that you bullied me!” You threatened, beyond angered.

Reluctantly, Woojin released his grip on your arm.

“Why should I even help you? Clara has a heart of a puppy! She can’t even harm a damn fly! Why her?” you groaned, picturing a harmful image of Park Woojin and Clara together.

He was the embodiment of the devil while she was the angel who was in charge of the choir in heaven. As a couple, it would be awful.

Disgusting.

Woojin beamed happily. “Because you love your best friend and you want her to be happy,” he explained like he was stating the obvious.

Giving him a once over - just in case he changed in 0.5 seconds, you decided that he was definitely not cut out to be boyfriend material, let alone Clara’s sort of boyfriend material.

You snorted. “She’ll be miserable with you! What kind of guy pours his milk into a bowl before the cereal. Uncultured! Strike one!”

Woojin frowned, teeth gritted. “That was one! time when we were 8 years old!”

Then, as if a light bulb flickered on inside his rather dull head, he smirked. “Don’t you remember when we were 8? And you had this massive crush on Lee Daehwi?”

A hot red seared your cheeks at the mention of that day. The day Park Woojin embarrassed you in front of all your neighbours at the monthly barbecue. Back then, he was the only one who knew you had a crush on Daehwi.

How? Woojin stole your diary in kindergarten, deciphered your illegible handwriting during nap time and discovered your secret crush.

What a gentleman.

“You better shut your mouth before I rip out your vocal cords, sew them back then slowly snip the seams one by one!” You growled threateningly. At least, you hoped to seem more collected than you actually were.

The imagery is really starting to take its toll on me.

“Do you always have to be so graphic?” Woojin rolled his eyes. “All I’m asking is for you to put in a good word for me. What have I done to you?”

Done to me?

A perfectly cut nail jabbed its way into Woojin’s chest accusingly. “You? What have you done to me?”

“I mean, you invaded my privacy when we were kids. Told the whole neighbourhood and the Lee family that I had a crush on their son! Then everyone spent two years thinking I was a slut because you claimed I kissed two people in an hour!”

Woojin took one look at your finger on his chest and flicked it away. “Talk about harassment now.”

You wanted to scream in his face and perhaps tie him upside down to a tree.

Woojin was such a jerk! Helpful next-door neighbour my ass!

You stormed ahead of him, eager to arrive home. Just breathing the same air made your head spin. Slamming the door in his face seemed perfect.

“That was when we were kids! I’ve apologised!” He yelled from behind you before stretching his long legs and catching up with you.

“Sure.”

A sigh left Woojin’s lips as he dramatically pinched the bridge of his nose in mock despair. “Fine. I have a proposition anyway.”

“I’m not interested,” you shot back, boredom filling your tone.

“It involves Lee Daehwi,” he hummed casually.

Those three words. Someone’s name. Those were enough to make you freeze, and cause your heart to pound.

You cleared your throat and tried to appear nonchalant in front of Woojin, hoping he would not notice.

“Okay,” you groaned reluctantly. “I’m listening now.”

If only your complete infatuation allowed you to tune out to whatever Woojin would propose.

Hell, who would make a deal with the devil?

“How fickle of you. I’m wondering if Daehwi even deserves someone like you,” Woojin commented, a teasing smirk on his lips.

Annoyed, you kicked an innocent stray pebble on the sidewalk, wishing it was Woojin’s face.

“Get on with the deal or I’m backing out.”

The boy put his hands up in mock surrender, faking shock. “Woah, okay.”

Surprisingly, he obeyed.

“I’ll set you up with Daehwi, if you help me get into Clara’s good books.”

“You make it sound like-“

“You don’t even have to help me until your ship is sailing,” he cut in hurriedly. “Who else would you go to? I’m Daehwi’s best friend and your next door neighbour, so perfect !”

It sounded like the most perfect proposal in the world. But Woojin wasn’t from this world. Far from it. Down under.

However, because of my stupid adoration for Lee Daehwi, I’m going to give Woojin a chance.

And Clara sleep paralysis.

But how bad could it be? It’ll be a win-win situation at the end.

Hopefully.

Clara’s a strong woman, she can handle herself. Like this, I can also regulate Woojin’s behaviour around her, maybe even sabotage it.

Thoughts like those filled your mind as you weighed out the pros and cons.

You chuckled quietly to yourself and offered Woojin an outstretched hand.

“I believe you’ve got yourself a deal.”

It was way past visiting hours at your house, after dinner and the time when the whole family was doing their own thing.

For example, you were holed up in your room, watching the latest drama on your laptop and grinning like an idiot.

That was when your father knocked on your door and announced that someone was here to see you.

Eyes narrowed in suspicion, you padded out to the living room to meet your uninvited guest.

“You!”

Your jaw fell open in disbelief and shock, a finger instinctively pointed accusingly at the person sitting on your sofa.

“What are you doing here?” you hissed, clearly frustrated, mildly annoyed Woojin had to see you in your lazing around outfit.

“Well, hello to you too. I feel so welcome here,” Woojin replied sarcastically.

While you were in your comfiest t-shirt and shorts, Woojin was clearly dressed up for a night out. That fact alone made you worried.

Plopping yourself into space next to him, you asked once more, “What are you doing here?”.

Woojin grinned like the Cheshire cat, wide and proud. “Someone I know is throwing a party tonight and...Daehwi will be there. Facts only.”

“And if you’re lying?”

In all honesty, you wouldn’t put it past him for lying.

He scoffed. “Why would I be? Our pact starts today. The faster I get you and Daehwi together, the faster I can get Clara.”

Woojin stretched out a hand, eyes almost challenging you to grab it. “So, party or no?”

Taking his hand, you shook it. “Give me a while, I need to change and tell my parents. Drinks or whatever are in the fridge.”

Daehwi. Daehwi. Daehwi. He’ll be there.

“Impossible,” you muttered under your breath, scanning the crowd frantically for any sign of Woojin or Daehwi.

Half an hour after losing Woojin, he was still nowhere to be found. Sure, he had instructed you to wait in the kitchen while he fetched Daehwi but he was taking way too long.

Plus, the kitchen began filling up with hungry drunkards and you figured it was time to scram.

Even though this party could be considered ‘small’, you weren’t exactly familiar with any of the faces.

Who even threw this party? Their snack selection sucked.

“Y/N!”

Finally!

Pushing through the crowd, you reached the other side of the house, from where Woojin was calling.

“Damnit! Don’t you know how to pick up a phone?” He flashed his phone screen in your face, the device was calling yours.

“Sorry. But you, you took way too much time to fetch him,” you fired back. “And, I called you twice as well!”

Luckily, Daehwi noticed your presence and decided to break the ice.

“Hey y/n, good to see you. Woojin never mentioned you would be here tonight,” he said with a smile.

“Hi!” You glared in Woojin’s direction to ask for help. “Uh, I love giving surprises so, here I am!”

You swore he facepalmed.

“Uh, I love parties and all!” You added much to Woojin’s horror.

To your relief, Daehwi only chuckled in amusement.

“Oh my god! Guys, it’s MY song! This is MY jam and...it’s time to dance! Come along,” Woojin shouted, dragging you and Daehwi to dance without waiting for replies.

“Oh, I didn’t know you listened to Taylor Swift,” Daehwi murmured. Woojin paid no mind to his accurate comment.

Woojin didn’t. As his next-door neighbour, all you had heard for the past few nights were pop and rap songs with the occasional ballad thrown in.

“Guess he’s trying out something new,” you added, trying to seem casual and composed.

In reality, your heart was going to leap out of your chest.

Quite a graphic scene.

Suddenly, Woojin announced that he needed a drink, or saw someone he knew, whichever excuse came first. He left you and Daehwi in the centre of the dance floor with a wink.

Shit! That prick knows I can’t dance!

Act composed. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

“I love this song,” you said, attempting to groove but ended up stepping on someone’s toes.

“Um, looks like you and Woojin have similar tastes, haha! Y’all must spend a lot of time together,” Daehwi responded, somewhat unsure of how to react.

Crap!

“Oh, nah.” You quickly tried to brush off the assumption. “We’re just neighbours. You know that. You’re my neighbour too. Wait, why am I telling you this. You already know this. I-“

Ahh, the rambling.

Inhaling deeply, you calmed down and gathered your words properly.

“Sorry for my rambling. I think the party has me a little woozy,” you explained sheepishly.

People began to jostled you around, so you ended up finding your spot on the sidelines. Daehwi trailed after you.

He shook his head in, disagreeing. “Don’t be.”

Then, his thick brows furrowed with concern, eyes searching for any signs of distress. “Are you okay? Do you want me to call Woojin? You should be heading home if you’re feeling unwell.”

This is why he’s so perfect. He is THE sweetest man on this planet and no one can change my opinion.

“No!” The yell was a little too loud, causing a couple of odd looks to be thrown your way. You hastily made up a believable excuse, trying to smile flirtatiously, “Uh, I just got here. Besides, we just met!”

“I’ll be taking that away from you.”

In one swift motion, Woojin had swooped your cup of ‘whatever it was from the kitchen bar’ and throwing it into the trash.

You blinked twice at him, almost unable to believe what had just happened. “Woojin! Wha-“

Daehwi looked relieved to find Woojin. “Thank god you’re here! Uh, I...oh! Youngmin hyung!”

He looked to you, then to Woojin and back to you. “If you don’t mind...”

Woojin nodded in ‘Youngmin’s’ direction, grabbing a hold of your elbow. “Go ahead.”

Your mutter was incomprehensible.

“I guess, I’ll see you guys around! Nice meeting you here! Drive safely!” Daehwi bid the two of you goodbye with a wave. He disappeared pretty quickly into the crowd.

“Do you want to stay?” Woojin gestured to the most happening place of the party. Sighing, you rubbed your temples and shook your head, kicking the trash bin on the way out.

When you were seated in Woojin’s car and definitely out of earshot, did you begin to spill the short encounter to your friend.

“He asked me if I was okay!”

“He does that all the time.” Was his muted reply. “...But good job, I saw you guys talking.”

Woojin took a left down the lane.

A scoff left your lips. “Of course, until you interrupted us and threw my drink in the trash.”

He remained nonchalant with his answer. “Okay. Whatever that was had reached your brain and you were acting like a malfunctioning Ken doll. I saved your ass from embarrassing yourself in front of Daehwi.”

Reclining into the plush leather seat, you nodded playfully. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

With another turn, Woojin cleared his throat. “So, about our deal...”

“Yeah, yeah, Clara and all.”

Honestly, no bones in your body were excited to introduce Woojin to Clara. Even though she had witnessed your ‘banter’ with him, she never knew who he was. Plus, she was the nicest type of friend who thought of everyone in the best possible light.

Most people.

Woojin? Definitely.

Settling on her contact, your finger hovered directly above the illuminated blue button.

Text or call?

“How about next Saturday, a double date, bbq place next to the library?” You suggested.

“Double date?” Woojin questioned, brow quirked.

“Yeah, you, me, Daehwi, Clara. She loves barbecue by the way. I’ll say you suggested the idea,” you said, throwing in ideas as they came.

A smile broke out on Woojin’s face, so wide it made your heart flutter. You reached over and pinched one of his cheeks.

“You’re blushing,” you sang with delight.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Woojin admitted without hesitation. “Barbecue?”

“Text sent!” You confirmed happily, nearly tossing your phone to the back seat.

“Let’s get it.”

You: hey Clara, caught a fever, not coming to school so help me tell everyone, okay?

Clara: omg :((( i hope you get better soon and I’ll drop by later. Get some rest now💖

Right after you received her reply, you sent a heart back and threw your phone across your room.

The fever had really gotten you all worked up. It was incredibly annoying that your immune system picked and chose the times to malfunction.

Such as a fever two days before you were scheduled for a double date!

Wonderful.

The thought of cancelling the date mad you blush hotly with anger and frustration. Maybe you cried once or twice thinking about how the ‘breaking the news’ scenario would play out.

All you could do was to wait for the fever to subside then sweet talk your way into your parent’s approval. They would feel uneasy.

You hissed, retracting a hand away from your forehead that burned like hot coals.

Well, nothing could materialise unless the fever broke.

Sulkily, you slipped under the blankets again and hoped for rest to come.

Somehow, you wondered if Woojin had noticed your absence from school, or whether he noticed you hadn’t left your house that morning.

The fever must have severe impacts on your prefrontal cortex. Who would think of him? Why do I want him to notice? Do I want him to care?

At least, you managed to quietly slip into a serene dream.

“Rise and shine, brat .” A voice rang, echoing off the walls of your brain.

“Get up! You need to wake up! Your forehead’s burning, you have to take your pills!”

Mum? But,,,mum doesn’t swear and she’s meant to be at work. Clara? Clara never swears! Besides, she has tuition today. Neither of them have deep voices...Dad is at work too...

Woojin?

Wait, it could be Daehwi?

Trying to guess the person from voice alone was a seemingly easy task for a person whose brain wasn’t being eaten up by a fire.

Strange, it placed Woojin on the list too.

“What,” you whispered, unamused.

Claps sounded through the atmosphere, and a sarcastic voice followed suit. “Fantastic! Sleeping beauty has awoken! Though, I must say you look much more like the beast when asleep.”

At that comment, your eyes flew open and you leapt up to confront the intruder.

“Park Woojin! What are you doing here?”

Isn’t this the second time in two weeks that he has adventured into my house? First my living room and now my bedroom?

“Woojin! Now, I have to disinfect my whole house because of your germs!”

With a gentle push on your shoulder, you fell back onto your bed. “Relax,” Woojin said. “I come in peace.”

He gestured to his mysterious metal tureen, a teddy bear and a balloon. “The notes are from your friends. Clara got you the balloon and, I bought you the bear.”

Weirdly enough, you felt paper wings of tiny butterflies flap in your stomach and heart begin to thud.

“Oh,” you muttered wordlessly, accepting his teddy bear.

Woojin then proceeded to offer you the container of chicken broth stew, saying how he spent hours broiling it. He also managed to brag about his excellent chef skills.

After which, he presented a folder of all the work you had missed, with a sticky note of instructions. It was neatly organised and even had colourful sticky tabs.

“Clara collected the work and asked me to deliver it,” he clarified.

Clara’s handwriting was a whole lot neater and more cursive than his boxy letters.

Still, you played along, not wanting to put him in a spot.

“Why are you doing all this for me? You really didn’t have to.”

A part of you was reluctant to hear the truth because Park Woojin came up with the most ridiculous reasons ever. But the other half wanted to know if this meant something, at least platonically.

For a minute, Woojin distracted himself by looking anywhere but in your direction.

“You idiot,” he finally snickered. “I still need my favourite wingman for Saturday. Can’t have you bailing on me.”

You sort of knew he was joking and truthfully, it made a whole lot of sense. Yet, why did it somehow hurt?

Sensing the shift in your mood, Woojin grew anxious. He gave your shoulder a pat. “Hey, all that aside. I came here as your next door neighbour and your friend. You can call me anytime.”

Reassuring.

His words were so reassuring.

Friends.

We were friends now.

Maybe you were sick and ignoring his usual stupid, goofy side and tapping into the soppy, emotional perspective but you appreciated this unseen side of your new friend.

“Thank you for caring,” you expressed with gratitude.

He gave a charming boyish nod before enveloping you in a bone-crushing hug.

Woojin looks like the kind of guy to give good hugs

A glance at the clock told you that you were five minutes late to the barbecue place.

The main reason: the cool, calm, playful Park Woojin was having a total breakdown in his bedroom

First, it was about the colour of his shirt. Then, how he did his hair and how many earrings he should wear.

The past hour or so was spent on you trying to encourage and reassure him.

“Cheer up! You always look amazing in everything and you’ll look even better when you show off your cooking skills! I know you can make a mean fried rice!”

“But, what if-“

“No buts! You can do this! You’re Park Woojin! And, you have me! The best wingman in the world!”

Your energetic pep talk seemed to have calmed his nerves for the time being.

Meanwhile, you received text updates of food Daehwi and Clara had ordered.

It seemed like the two of them hit it off well in the short time they had been sitting at the same table. Their casual banter got on your nerves more than it should have.

Yet, your mind was more preoccupied thinking about Woojin.

He had barely uttered a word to Clara.

Deciding that enough was enough, you kicked him in the shin under the table.

“Ouch!” He exclaimed. “What the hell?”

“That’s...not...how you grill meat, Woojin! Let me teach you how. I think food is an essential part of a conversation starter, don’t ruin it,” you warned through gritted teeth.

“Hey! It's not like you do any better in cooking,” Woojin shot back, clearly not getting the message.

Clara smiled sweetly and awed. “These two argue like a married couple! How cute!”

You picked up the scissors and gave a little ‘snip-snip’. “I’ll chop off my ring finger before he ever proposes!”

Clara motioned for you to calm down before whining about your dramatic ways.

“I think they’re funny,” Woojin suddenly defended. “I-I mean...it’s fun to challenge someone.”

Daehwi and Clara exchanged not-so-subtle looks.

Oh no.

They think that this ‘double date’ is for them to wingman us! Plus, they do look like they enjoy each other’s company.

Woojin would be so crushed! I need to warn him.

“Woojin,” you coughed. “I think I left my...wallet in the car. Could you come with me to get it?”

Wordlessly and with shaky hands, he passed you the car keys. You swore you saw him suck in a deep breath when your fingers brushed.

You felt sparks too, you were just better at concealing them, for the sake of Clara and Daehwi.

Woojin couldn’t stay here alone. What if they get the wrong idea and interrogate him until he is forced to reveal our pact? That’ll end his chances with Clara forever!

This pact was so stupid!

But it did give me some of the best moments of my life. Woojin bringing soup over, going to parties together...

“Uh, I forgot where we parked the car.”

Groaning, Woojin got up from his seat, back to his usual self. “Seriously? I suppose it comes with age. Your skin looks a lot more wrinkly than before.”

Yes, he was back to his usual self.

“You’re insufferable! I can’t believe it,” you grumbled, quickly steering both of you out of the shop.

Out of sight, you filled him in on how the current, dire situation. But that didn’t faze him one bit.

“Hello? Woojin! You have to talk to Clara okay? Giving her a yoghurt smoothie every day isn’t going to suffice!”

You continued to talk once the car came into sight.

“Besides, you were so nervous about meeting her! Chill, calm down. Now’s the perfect time to use all your charm on her!”

“I like you.”

You stopped dead in your tracks, jaw dropping open as you locked eyes with Woojin. Surely, he’s kidding.

Right?

It has to be his confession for Clara. That’s what he’s so nervous about! He just needed to rehearse with me.

A half-hearted laugh let your lips. “Woojin, don’t play with my feelings. At least give me a warning before you practice your confession on me.”

He glanced away then looked straight into your eyes.

“Hey, Clara,” he began confidently.

You offered a thumbs up for encouragement.

“Don’t get me wrong, I think you’re an amazing person but, it isn’t working out between us-“

A frowned etched into your face and you reminded that it was love confession, not a breakup scene.

“I like your friend, y/n. So, please help me tell them to stop being so dense!”

I. Like. You.

What the hell.

“You don’t have to tell me anything now, or ever. I just wanted you to know,” he said. “Come on, let’s go back before they finish lunch.”

“Why do you like me?” you blurted out. “I mean, we hated each other from day one, remember?”

He shrugged, his cute shrug. “You are a lot different from the version that I ‘hated’. I think getting to know and understand you made me realise how much I enjoyed being together.”

“As for Clara, I was infatuated, we talked about it on one of our many yogurt smoothie encounters. She...likes someone else anyway, but I’m not hurt or anything.”

Even though your face burned and your head hung low, every single bone in your body was bursting with joy.

“I don’t know what to say,” you finally admitted.

Truthfully, your whole Daehwi crush had died down the more time you spent with Woojin. Daehwi was a good friend and Woojin? Well, you had to work that out.

“Can I get back to you on it? We live next door, we can talk any time,” you suggested shyly.

Woojin burst out laughing. “Woah. You gon’ break my heart just like that? Bold. I like it.”

Ahhh, my favourite side of Park Woojin is back.

Snickering, you fought back. “Can’t wait till I set your hair on fire and you’ll feel what it’s like to be...roasted.”

“Oops, forgot you feel that all the time whenever I’m around.”

Woojin rolled his eyes and smirked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Funny, but you’re the one always getting clowned. Remember that time I threw slime into your hair, you never realised and your crush had to point it out to you? History can repeat itself today.”

Damn, now I’m going to lie awake tonight thinking about that incident.

“You better take that back before give you all the burnt meat today!” you declared. “God, I can’t stand you!”

Chortling, Woojin wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer. “Watch out for cars. Your blind ass is going to get run over one day.”

He leaned down to whisper in your ear, leaving a shiver running down your spine.

“You know you love me.”

Two fingers gently pinched his cheek in response.

“Please. I love barbecued meat more than you. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

But secretly, once he was looking away, you grinned, stretching from ear to ear and your heart never felt warmer.

#admin l #wanna one #wanna one scenarios #produce 101 scenarios #park woojin #produce 101

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svtfool · 6 years

Text

have your cake (and eat it too) // mingyu

genre: fluff

summary: chan challenges mingyu to a bake-off, and mingyu isn’t going to lose.

it starts, as most things in the dorm do, as a challenge.

and mingyu isn’t usually the competitive one in the group; that’s coups and minghao and soonyoung and sometimes jeonghan, but everyone knows that a) you can’t expect mingyu to save you a share of food and then insult his cooking skills, and b) you can’t insult his cooking skills and then challenge him to a contest to see who can make the tastiest dessert because for one thing, cooking and baking are by no means the same thing, and for another everyone knows the oven in the dorm is fucked.

anyway, that was chan, and that was two days ago, and mingyu is now covered with gelatin powder and cursing darkly under his breath as the pot of water bubbles and boils over, pretending not to notice jun and the concerned glances he keeps throwing in mingyu’s direction. it doesn’t matter that the deadline chan had set them is in six hours; that’s plenty of time to absolutely decimate whatever disgusting concoction chan’s made and rub his smirking face in it, and mingyu is absolutely not bitter about the fact that he’d asked not only minghao but also wonwoo and dokyeom to help him and been told in response that they were already helping chan. dino’s been getting a bit too big for his boots lately, anyway. mingyu isn’t bitter at all. not one bit.

jun casts another concerned glance over at him. mingyu scowls; he knows jun would be more than happy to help him if he asked, and more than capable, but chan had at least three people helping him and mingyu was going to emerge triumphant without help, dammit. also, he’d learnt an english proverb recently: “too many cooks spoil the soup”, and he was looking forward to holding that over chan’s head when mingyu inevitably won.

as mingyu’s muttering incoherently at the custard-like mixture in front of him, he notices jun do a double take at his phone screen before slipping out of the room, speaking rapidly into his phone in mandarin. he frowns, but thinks nothing of it.

his phone pings with a notification suddenly, and mingyu glances over at it. minghao’s name pops up, followed by another text. mingyu ignores it, curious as to why minghao, normally one to condense all the information into a single text, had texted him twice in a row but still feeling miffed enough about the contest thing to be petty about it.

he’d regret it later when minghao inevitably never let him live down his pettiness ever, but he was going to win this thing and rub it in not only chan’s face, but minghao’s, wonwoo’s and dokyeom’s too.

the mixture begins simmering, and mingyu turns the heat down. the recipe says to let it cool for around half an hour while making the frosting, but joshua can’t eat frosting because it’s too sweet and mingyu wants everyone to respect him as the undisputed cooking god. he steps back to wipe his brow, eyes the fridge and the countertop beside it where he’d dumped about half the fridge’s contents onto the counter to make space for the pie he was currently making.

there’s a pack of jun’s jelly snacks lying on the very top of the pile of evicted foods, and jun wouldn’t even notice that they were missing because he keeps literal bags of the stuff hidden around the dorm. mingyu’s got time to spare (he’s just going to make a strawberry jelly topping instead of frosting), and besides, he deserves a treat for all the stress he’s been put through for the last few days. he’ll just eat one or two and put the pack back where he found it, no harm done. right?

mingyu’s on his phone, scrolling through instagram as he waits for the cheesecake batter to set in the pie case. a lazy chuckle escapes him as he watches a video of a puppy chasing its own tail, likes it, saves it to his favourites.

and then jeonghan wanders into the kitchen, and mingyu freezes.

jeonghan freezes too, as though sensing his terror (mingyu read somewhere once that dogs and other animals can smell fear and despite what anyone else might say, mingyu knows jeonghan was a bloodthirsty chihuahua in his previous life), and they stare at each other for a while, wide-eyed, before jeonghan seems to rule out bodily harm or threat, and lets his gaze wander. jeonghan looks mingyu over once, then glances down towards mingyu’s thigh and–

“don’t tell jun!” mingyu shrieks, because he knows jeonghan’s seen the mountain of empty jelly snack cups and he really, really doesn’t like that look on jeonghan’s face.

“hm?” jeonghan hums offhandedly, as if he doesn’t control whether mingyu lives or dies by his own hand. seppuku is preferable to being the source of jun’s disappointment, but mingyu knows exactly what dish to make for jun to abate the storm of his sulking when jeonghan inevitably tells him about mingyu’s betrayal.

“please,” mingyu breathes, hands up in surrender, “don’t tell jun i ate all his jelly.” the silence stretches on as jeonghan pokes a finger into one sculpted cheekbone, pretending to think, the jackass. mingyu battles between wanting to throttle jeonghan and succumbing to the ‘best of mingyu’s life compilation’ that’s currently playing in 0.5 speed in front of his eyes.

“alriiiiight,” jeonghan sing-songs, an all-too-familiar half-grin pulling a corner of his mouth up. mingyu braces himself – “as long as you come with me. i have something i want to show you.”

mingyu’s blood runs cold. “but– but, but i! haven’t, yet, finished making. my pie,” he finishes lamely, knowing full well that none of what he’d just said made any sense.

jeonghan rolls his eyes, a martyred sigh leaving him as he casts his gaze up to the heavens dramatically. “okay,” he says, and mingyu shoots to his feet, darts towards the fridge where his beautiful, beautiful cheesecake has been setting, and the slowly simmering strawberry glaze just waiting for its shining moment.

the cheesecake pie looks heavenly as mingyu stows it smugly in the fridge, grinning to himself as he closes the recipe on his phone before setting a timer for half an hour. the strawberry jelly topping is smooth and bouncy, and constellated artfully with edible flowers. “chan, that twerp,” mingyu mutters to himself, “he’s going to regret challenging me.”

he thinks he hears jeonghan hastily stifle a fit of giggles at that, and aggressively ignores him.

half an hour passes excruciatingly slowly; jeonghan’s typing away furiously on his phone as mingyu tries not to chew at his nails. he really wants to know what minghao sent him.

to no one’s surprise, he doesn’t check his phone, stubbornly glaring at the drawing he’d done of bongbong last week instead. it’s hanging on the fridge, dokyeom’s dumb bird magnet fixing it to the sleek metal. minghao had helped him draw it, giggling in that punch-drunk way of his when mingyu had sneezed and sent his pen skidding across the table. mingyu scowls, turning his glare to his phone, which tells him that there’s thirty-six seconds remaining, and then glancing over at jeonghan, whose fingers have momentarily stopped flying across the keyboard of his phone. they stare at each other for about a minute and a half, mingyu trying very hard not to quail under jeonghan’s knowing smirk before mingyu remembers his cheesecake.

jeonghan prods at mingyu, hard, his bony fingers digging into mingyu’s side as they walk down the abandoned hallways of their company’s building, and it’s only a god-sent miracle that stops him from screeching and throwing the cake in his face. seething, mingyu whirls around to face the older man. “what the heck, hyung!” mingyu whisper-yells, unsure himself why he’s whispering, except maybe that it’s the middle of the night and the members have a bad habit of falling asleep in the practice rooms.

jeonghan grins brightly at him, stopping in front of him by one of the practice rooms, and mingyu kind of wants to kick him just so he can see that smug smile slip off his face. he makes a show of checking his watch then, one finger raised like he’s waiting for something. “what,” mingyu hisses finally, and jeonghan’s grin only widens. waits a beat, then two.

“midnight,” jeonghan whispers back, eyes bright. “happy birthday, mingyu.” and then he swings the door open and pushes him into the practice room.

immediately, he’s assaulted on all sides by shouts and the obnoxious tooting of party horns, the cheesecake snatched from his hands before he has a chance to protest; it’s chaos, absolutely nothing is happening and yet everything is happening, and mingyu’s so confused. then, the chaos assaulting his ears sharpens gradually into “happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to–“

“mingyu–“ “mingyu-hyung–“ “mingoo-yah–“ “you greedy punk–“

“happy birthday to yooooooooouuuuuuuuu!” and then there’s cake being smeared in his face and he panics momentarily before realising with no small amount of relief that the cake is chocolate and not cheesecake, which reminds him–

“chan, you little punk!” he screams, trying despite a grin to fight the cake-covered hands away. “i win, you twerp!”

“no you don’t!” chan screams right back, somehow directly behind him. mingyu yelps and falls over, dragging at least two members with him. “we haven’t even tasted it yet!”

and there’s cake and cake and more cake and chicken and burgers and so much food it seems impossible that they could finish it all but mingyu knows it’ll be gone by daylight, and they chug soda and juice till they’re bloated and gassy and giggly, and at the end of it all, when they’ve all had a slice or three of mingyu’s cheesecake pie, chan concedes a grudging defeat and mingyu screams triumphantly in his face before doing a lap of victory and soda-induced hyperactivity around the practice room, screeching “HA!” like a pterodactyl at minghao, wonwoo, dokyeom and a snickering hansol before spinning off, giggling madly, and continuing to stuff his face and his belly as seungkwan and woozi, cackling loudly, watch the chaos from the safety of a corner.

it’s the best birthday mingyu’s ever had.

#seventeen #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenarios #admin hui #sebeuntin #seventeen imagines #mingyu #kim mingyu #mingyu fluff #tbh this is a mess but im kind of proud of it??#i had no idea where i was going with it and it sHOWS #happy_MINGYU_day #!!!!#will i ever post anything that isn’t a) a birthday post or b) tooth-rotting fluff #stay tuned

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charmingyourheart · 6 years

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Craving by Helen Hardt

Rating: On a scale of how much better it is than Fifty Shades: 0.5

Verdict: I'm not craving anymore of this

Archetypes: The Nurturer & The Lost Soul

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Synopsis: After being left at the altar, Jade Roberts, a graduate lawyer is looking for a fresh start. She finds solace at her best friend’s ranch in Colorado not expecting to find love. Talon Steel is broken. Having never recovered from a childhood trauma he has trouble forming attachments with others, women in particular, that is, until Jane comes into his life.

Craving is the first book in the Steel Brothers Saga which has been labelled as the “new Fifty Shades”. Such sentiment, however, fails to fill me with confidence. In terms of it being the new Fifty Shades, it was only marginally better and as a standard romance novel, I hated it.

Jade Roberts is the daughter of a supermodel. Described as smart, busty, and incredibly beautiful, she suffers an inferiority complex when it comes to her looks - so much so that much of the books deals with her self doubt, both about her career and her appearance. Jade is newly single and coming off the back of the most humiliating moments in her life.

Talon Steel, yes that is his real name, is the second Eldest of the Steel brothers. He is ex-military and carries with him the baggage of a deeply disturbing childhood trauma that has left him with what the reader assumes is post traumatic stress disorder, though it is never explored deeply nor does this book give you closure on that. He is misanthropic, sexual opportunist with a heavy dose of anger management issues, not exactly fodder for a romantic lead.

I’m just going to dive right into this one because there truly will never be enough bleach to scrub this atrocity from my mind. This was actually one of the worst books I have ever read, though as I said it is marginally better than Fifty Shades, and I’m pretty sure the audiobook of this could be used as an effective torture device.

There was just so much about this book that drove me crazy. Firstly, Talon. It’s interesting to note that he is on the only sibling of four to be named a dark, brooding sort of name, and yes it feels super out of place. The nice, non mentally ill brothers, have perfectly normal names like Ryan and Jonah, but oh no we have to be sure that we know how different and troubled Talon is, even though it is rammed down your throat at every opportunity. He reads as an actual serial killer.

Secondly, there is Jade herself. She has the emotional intelligence of a four year old, is labelled as a “genius” yet doesn't do anything to prove that, and she has sex with someone who constantly degrades her. Yet we are supposed to view her as this wonderful woman who puts the needs of others above herself, which is again rammed down our throats more times that she puts that mug of tea in the microwave.

Speaking of repetition you are never allowed to forget that Talon is damaged and has built walls around himself to keep people out. You’re supposed to sympathise with him, but he is written as a grade A asshole that reads more like a parody than a real human being. Some people are damaged and that’s fine, but when you are constantly being reminded of his sexual exploits and his “walls” you begin to want to beat his head in with a bat.

The dialogue was laughable and read like a child trying to imagine what adult relationships are like. The sex scenes were cringe inducing and had me dry retching. And the constant kitchen encounters were really weird, really creepy, and made me want to take out a restraining order on Talon. Honestly, with lines like this who could resist such a book:

And I was lost. I could never resist a face toucher. I loved the feeling of being so treasured by someone. I wasn’t laboring under any delusions that Talon Steel treasured me, but oh, the touch of his calloused fingers on my bare cheek… I was in heaven, floating on a magical cloud.

You are never allowed to forget that Jade is Marj’s best friend, is waiting for her Bar results, and that tea relaxes her. All these points are repeated time and time again. The author even repeats the same words over and over again. This is just a quick example of it;

Craving Count: 3

Use of the C-Word: 8

Mentions of Jade’s breasts/nipples: 55

A lot can be forgiven in a book, paper thin plot, awkward phrasing, two dimensional characters. However, the one thing that can never be forgiven is a cheap ending that exploits something so awful. At no point in this book did I want to continue, though I did have a strong compulsion to throw my Kindle across the room.

Not only were the characters unlikeable, but the story went nowhere with no resolution at the end. I can see the appeal of these sort of books but they categorically are not for me.

Recommendation: If you enjoyed Fifty Shades you will enjoy the Crossfire Series by Sylvia Day

#Craving #helen hardt #steel brothers #Volatile Opinion #Honest React #bleach won't cut it #the only crime is this book #romance #literature?#bookblog #bookblogger #kindle #bookblr #adult bookblr #reading this so you don't have to #sorry not sorry #sian reviews

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jupiterreed · 6 years

Text

(The days that followed)

It’s a casual sort of sinking, a perennial mudslide beneath the once rosy bottoms of your feet, a head-first collision and you don’t see what you’re crashing into but you can imagine once you hear the sound of the glass shattering and it’s almost a choir. The sirens pouring into the fizzling distance. Flashing murder-red behind your eyelids. Feral red, confused red. The red of eyes in paintings of the devil. The red of the inside of my thighs, blooming ghastly and slightly swollen. Most definitely swollen. It’s like diving blind-eyed into monster-infested waters and it’s everything it’s rumored to be, krakens and megalodons and you want to slip away but you’re chained to the bottom of the sea and it’s your worst childhood fear, the Jaws theme ringing ominously in your head. It’s dreaming of coral reefs wet with your own blood. Gasping for air and coming up empty, coming up slick-clean and robbed of your will to live. The first month was waking up with a night terror sitting upon my chest, the woman with craggily skin and fingers like barbed wires. I was incapacitated and breathing dirty ocean water. The first month was a panic attack in a Burger King bathroom stall and meeting a German boy on Tinder who told me I was pretty in a strange way. It was being touched for the first time and feeling my body flinch in unprepared protest, soldiers flanking my stomach lining, cherry bombs exploding in my chest and scorpions scratching at my throat. When he left he told me he didn’t like my septum piercing that much and I told him to fuck off. No longer intrigued by the glossy allure of cancer sticks disguised as cherubs. Impolite girl, angry girl, Britney’s 2007 breakdown. I come pre-packaged and licked by the moon. I am what I am. Foolish fever, selfish retch. Unlovable wind, intolerable myth. I know I’m not enough, but enough is no longer quantifiable.

The months after were a barrage of broken light bulbs, rat-traps, temptations of guzzling chlorox in the basement and offering my body to the fruit flies. It was hair pulled from shower drains and afternoons spent in unmade beds and fighting the urge to change my name and flee to the Himalayas.

Lately my lungs are propellers but there’s nowhere to land, nowhere to uphold temple, Bermuda Triangle days circling the hips of void. I’ve been aching to talk about the longing. How I want and want and want. But I never know what I need. I need to be suffocated by the skin of another. I need closure. Rituals of death in department store parking lots. All those girls with their high-pitched voices and soda pop laughter, calling me the girl whose name no-one can ever pronounce, and what does it mean anyway: sorrow, daisy, fool? I’ll be honest for five minutes because the lies are piling up like dried up moths beneath my bedsheets. I’m jealous, I’m canine. I want to turn into a wolf at night and maul them all. Go back to simpler times when cruelty made sense and their smiles got trapped in ribcages and nobody ever questioned the meaning of things. I still remember we threw slumber parties for roadkill and brought our bodies down in the middle of the street to emulate the feeling. I remember feeling smaller than the microorganisms of misery milling at me. I remember the vintage dress I bought off of eBay and the look on his face when he saw me in it for the first time (and maybe reverence never belonged to the gods anyway). I twirl around in it and for 0.5 seconds I get to feel like a garden variety princess and the sky turns stale and black coffee pours from the heavens and my hands are satellites again. (But then I wake up and everything I’d ever wanted is still too far away and the peach dream is over.) Did you know how often the average human has thoughts about death? Gosh I’m so fucking tired of having to try. Call me sloth, call me chimera. I can’t move. I’m sinking further and I can’t move! It’s all in your head. The rinds of darkness. That rotten pomegranate smell that grew ever-so familiar. The blood I found in my best friend’s bathtub, how it took up an entire block, crippled the air with rot. She stopped calling me. It’s been over five months now and we haven’t talked. Part of me wishes she’s dead on the side of the road somewhere, because the happier possibility would be too unbearable. I know, I’m terrible. When the anger settles and the upset hightails it out of my windpipe all I’m left with is the dull drone of cicadas and an impaled conscience.

He comes over again and this time I ask him to leave with citrus in my eyes. He makes sure to make note of all the skin I’ve peeled from around my nail beds and I make sure to let him know that the next time he comes around, I’ll be biting my fingers off too. Maybe I’m just afraid of what he’s capable of turning into, like the kindergarten boys who step on the helpless ants that trail the sidewalk just to feel a little bigger than themselves, like the grade school boys who TP the principal’s office and peg poor Jimmy from homeroom upside down by his underwear outside the boy’s locker room upon rumors of being gay, like the high school boys who bring their father’s guns to school to impress the pink-lipped prada girls who have no idea what they’re getting themselves into. Like the sound of Camilla’s shriek and the final bullet bouncing off a multicolored wall advertising a false sense of safety.

Maybe I’m afraid of me, how these days my chest is a beehive and my heart a winged animal. The depression is a pyramid scheme, my blood vessels pop candy reverberating the same old fucking mistakes over and over until I’m left lifeless, pickled, taxidermied. My dad tries to call me every 2 days but the disappointment in his voice is getting larger now and I think about how I could scoop it clean with a pickaxe or let it fester, let it grow sentience and a sense of belonging. I tell him I’m sorry even though it’s useless and tastes like spoilt milk. I tell him I’ll try even though I know I won’t. Not hard enough. I’m still disgusting, stagnant. I feel like I’m on the world’s slowest carnival ride and the lights are dimming all around me. It’s sitting cross-kneed in a bomb shelter as the world implodes around you, it’s falling asleep on a train once you’ve missed your stop, it’s the circulatory system of a star puking up whatever’s left of its glow. That was before we began killing ourselves over the aesthetic, before the taillights of his car came alive and turned into fireflies. Before I was girl incapable of living. Before long-sleeves and the concussions we received from 7-11 slushies and picking at the scabs under your chin as if you could tame flowers there. I was restless and so very bored, I’d stare at my reflection in mirrors for hours and take knives to my zits, pierce the skin like cake. But proper girls don’t ache that way.

I kept losing myself on empty park benches and in the back of grocery store aisles and across the street from the airport where escape awaits. I remember calling her up, it was raining and it would continue to rain all week (at least over me), I was cold and shivering, my clothes pressed to my skin like I’d been trapped in a spiderweb of my own design. I told her the truth, that I wasn’t strong, that I’d never been. That sometimes giving up felt deceivingly like winning. Like getting out, scot-free. Like shelter from a nuclear winter. I fell victim to the temptation of teeth in September and spent way too long communing with ghosts, cracked my forehead open on the bathroom shelf, turned my blood into an altar. What I’m afraid of is waking up one morning with the brevity to go through with it. My roommate walking in on my body lying on the floor, the expression on my face so peaceful it could be mistaken for sleep if it weren’t for my bloodied wrists exhibited like vines. Self-inflicted, self-stormed, self-destructed. But I want to make it through, dammit! I want to be good!

(The day before I killed myself)

I imagined the colors were brighter than I remembered them, like they were screaming or had been for years and I was only just noticing the extent of their turmoil. I took my neighbor’s dog, Buster, for a walk and she smiled at me, old teeth yellowed, close to ruin, but her eyes still echoes of her baby days. They were forecasting more rain on the radio, nothing obnoxious or inconveniencing, not an inkling of a storm - more like, the kind of weather that feels like a kiss to the back of your neck: pleasant, quiet. The slightest prickle. I remember I spoke to my mother on the phone and she asked me if I could fetch her some carrots from the store on my way back home. I told her I’d be home late, and she didn’t argue. She rarely ever does these days. I made the familiar walk to school, I absorbed faces. All these people I would pass who I would never get to meet. What does that even mean, to meet someone? Do we ever truly meet anybody? I’ve been growing familiar with emptiness, like my whole life’s been leading up to this fabled meeting I’ll one day have with someone, someone who will walk into my life and change everything. I think my soul is waiting to be met. Except that day will never come, nor that person. And I’ll never know what it feels like to forgive myself or to succeed at something other than breaking my own accident records, or whether my ex-best friend will ever try to get in touch with me again. I’ll forget the colors. I’ll forget I existed. I’ll forget - everything.

The Day Before I Killed Myself (And The Days That Followed) || j.r (please do not remove original source)

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