catalysts, protectors

“When I first heard it, from a dog trainer who knew her behavioral science, it was a stunning moment. I remember where I was standing, what block of Brooklyn’s streets. It was like holding a piece of polished obsidian in the hand, feeling its weight and irreducibility. And its fathomless blackness. Punishment is reinforcing to the punisher. Of course. It fit the science, and it also fit the hidden memories stored in a deeply buried, rusty lockbox inside me. The people who walked down the street arbitrarily compressing their dogs’ tracheas, to which the poor beasts could only submit in uncomprehending misery; the parents who slapped their crying toddlers for the crime of being tired or hungry: These were not aberrantly malevolent villains. They were not doing what they did because they thought it was right, or even because it worked very well. They were simply caught in the same feedback loop in which all behavior is made. Their spasms of delivering small torments relieved their frustration and gave the impression of momentum toward a solution. Most potently, it immediately stopped the behavior. No matter that the effect probably won’t last: the reinforcer—the silence or the cessation of the annoyance—was exquisitely timed. Now. Boy does that feel good.”

— Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)

You can’t pick Lilia for this. But who is your other favorite short character in Twst?

I like the angry little king boy 🌹

Honestly, there's something about the sheer horror on Spock's face when he thinks he's killed Kirk in amok time that always hits me like a fucking truck.

Now, I know this discussion probably isn't anything new to the spirk community, but jesus christ. Every time I watch that scene, I go from "Oh my god this is so gay. How the hell did the writers and production team not look at shatner and nimoy rolling around in the sand together and go 'yeah seems totally heterosexual' " to "Oh my god. This is so fucking sad."

The pure horror and shock on Spock's face when he snaps out of the fever and realises what he's done (or what he thinks he's done) is so....AAAA

I can't even put into words how it makes me feel, it just makes me so not normal about the show and those two as a whole all over again.

He thought he'd KILLED HIM. BY HIS OWN HAND. DURING A PROCESS HE SEEMED TO BE VERY ASHAMED TO TALK ABOUT AND HE SMILED WHEN HE SAW KIRK ALIVE AND AJAJSJ-

at least we’ll always have Archie: The Musical

Hi, Dr. Berookim. This is, um, Carol Kohl. I hope you're doing well. Savouring life. Um, I'm calling to maybe set up an appointment for a cleaning. My schedule's pretty much open. Again, this is Carol Kohl. Hope to hear from you soon. Okay, bye.

Nadja of Antipaxos + highlights in What We Do in the Shadows Season 5

Okay, but like, why did they have to do the Scooby-doo villain run?!?!

I’m kinda a little obsessed with how we begin at the end of the dinner portion of the date. Buck and Tommy have gone through this whole dinner…they’re on their second pitcher of beer and already have the check. And after all that it’s only when they come to the end that Tommy points out that Buck is a bit tense.

Is it that they’re at the end of dinner and Buck is suddenly aware of the world around them again…because Tommy would have probably mentioned something before right? Is it that Tommy paying has suddenly made Buck aware they are actually on a date? But we can sort of assume that until that point maybe there had been some nervous energy but it had been going well. And now he feels like there are people watching him. It's just so interesting how they decided to write this.

Buck's word salad...his confusion is just so Buck, but Tommy doesn't know him well enough to realize that. It's literally Buck processing and if Eddie hadn't walked in as a literal representation of Buck being perceived, Tommy and Buck probably would have had a productive conversation.

And I'm glad that it didn't all go well. That Tommy got to see that Buck is really still struggling through his discovery of who he is...like yeah he throws that dig at Buck about closets, but also Tommy does understand where Buck is and maybe he's seeing a bit of what Tommy himself went through.

The thing that this does allow is Buck to have some time. Tommy's right, Buck isn't ready. He's freaking out...not about Tommy, but about his very identity. What Buck is, is honest. He's not someone that hides anything from his friends and family. It's hard for him to lie to Eddie and we see that immediately when he goes to talk to Maddie because that's the type of thing that matters to Buck. He's also kinda going crazy thinking about Tommy.

They're handling Buck's story so well. And I love that Tommy cuts their date short without putting any blame on Buck, and that he leaves it to Buck to reach out. His interest is known...he doesn't leave Buck before telling him he's adorable and that he'll see him and we the audience are left waiting for Tommy to come back within the scope of this episode.

And I can't help but think about how if Tommy only allowed himself to be himself after he left the 118, he's only been out about as long as the show has been on and six years going on seven isn't a long time in the scheme of things. It also does this amazing thing to show the contrast between Tommy and Buck because Tommy knew he liked guys long before he acted on it/admitted it. Buck had no clue. Tommy hid it, he lied. Buck can't do that, it's not in him to be dishonest, and it's a true struggle for him.

Buck talking to Eddie about it and coming out to him...it's so beautiful. I love that scene but in the context of Buck and Tommy there's so much in Eddie's support of them and his push for Buck to reach out to Tommy. Eddie has Buck's back no matter what and it's exactly what Buck needed. Not just the support of his best friend, but the truth telling. It's a weight lifted off his shoulders, and not just that but he has advice on how to move forward too.

I would have loved to see Buck trying to figure out what to say to Tommy when he calls him, but what I love is that Tommy is willing to see Buck. There's something so careful about the way that Tommy acts when he arrives at the coffee date. Obviously he's showing up because he's interested in Buck...but he also probably had no idea what was going to happen. He certainly did not expect Buck to ask him to be his date at the wedding. And then Buck places his hand over Tommy's and Tommy puts his hand over Buck's and Buck doesn't care if anyone sees.

I love this show. I love the care being put into this story.

In some ways, I wonder if Tula is Brennan's chance to revisit some of the feelings Caramelinda struggled with. Both are women who lost their partner and had to deal with the fallout in ways that asked them to de-prioritize their own feelings and well-being.

At some point for Caramelinda, pushing it down meant trying to love Jet and Ruby in ways that prepared them for the heartbreak and hardness she dealt with without letting them into the hurt yoked around her own neck.

Tula, I think, shows us how kind and gentle and loving that desire to protect can look like before it turns brittle and alienating between parent and child. Caramelinda kept her love for Lazuli buried; Tula is burying her kids in her love for Geoffrey. At the center of both, I think, is a simmering wound and anger.

Caramelinda's was dragged out of her by a greater grief; I can't help but wonder if Tula's, too, will only fully emerge after she loses something more precious than her husband. Or will Lila and Jaysohn lose her and inherit the way she holds her anger under wraps? Will their love of her turn into a memorial clouding the anger underneath until it's too late for them, too?

Just watched The Big Bang Job again today and I rambled about this in an earlier post reblog but it deserves its own post..

The way Eliot dresses makes so much more sense after meeting Moreau and his goons. He rejects all notions of being anything like those well dressed men in their suits again. So blank and uniform, just another soldier in Moreau's private army.

That's why his shirt is always untucked, sleeves rolled up, collar unbuttoned. Not to mention the hair - the biggest rebellion is his hair. A constant reminder of who he is now that stays the same, no matter what he wears.

And it just makes me think how this is such a good representation of the identity crisis he went through (and let's be real, is still going through).

Eliot used to be one of those men. He had his hair short, wore the tailored suits and carried the guns. He didn't accessorise. He suppressed every aspect of an individual personality in order to fit the role that Moreau had for him.

Sure, we're not blatantly told all of those things in the show, but we can infer, simply from looking at Moreau's goons and how they're presented.

Seeing Eliot surrounded by those goons in the pool scene is more than just showing us the threat to Eliot and Hardison - and also the threat that Eliot and his reputation present. It's about showing us the demons of his past, the nightmare that he doesn't want to go back to. Eliot had alluded to his past before but it's been nebulous. Now, we finally see that past take shape and it's hideous.

But Eliot didn't stay like that. He got out - he got free - and he has been reclaiming pieces of himself ever since. Until, finally, he's the evolving Eliot that we know and love. He prefers to dress casual and relaxed, with strong reminders of his roots throughout. He keeps his hair long and loose - not military regulation, not 'professional' as far as male standards go, not even convenient for fighting. It's all a way of stealing himself back, and making sure the differences between who he was then and now are stark and vivid.

I could keep rambling but this is already twice as long as I intended. Just ... Eliot Spencer. He still doesn't view himself as a better man, never mind a redeemable man, but he is. When compared to those goons, his transformation is clear as day.

What, I’m supposed to be normal after hearing Bobby voice his deepest fears out loud to Athena? Fears he probably hasn’t even talked about in therapy or even fully internalized? Fears that Athena only said yes (to the cruise, to the marriage) only because Bobby asked her in a way she couldn’t refuse. Fears that he’d lose Athena and this family the way he’d lost everything before? Bobby voicing that now that he thinks their lives are ending, that he put Athena in danger when she didn’t want to be here (in this cruise, in this marriage), and Athena’s only regret being that there’s no time to tell Bobby how much she loves him and wants to be here with him? How all her fears of not having anything to say are now about running out of time with a lot left to say? How they were prepared to die together but still fought till the very end and would’ve kept fighting to get out there and be with each other and their families one more time? Yeah, I’ll be normal about that I guess.

Something I like about Leo is that he’s honestly really chill? It’s easy to remember the moments where he’s being obnoxious or excitable but I feel like most of the time he’s incredibly “go with the flow” and has an overall affable demeanor.

"...but you have no idea what I lost in that fire..."

I know it's such a cliche at this point to the point of garnering eye rolls, but we really cannot lose sight of the fact that 2x97 is the Most Episode of All Time. You cannot ignore Essek in that episode, obviously, but honestly the fact that that happened only serves to highlight how buckwild everything else was. That was when Veth got her body back. That was when Caleb first directly set his sights on Ludinus. That was when Fjord tried to ask Jester on a date and instead ending up thirdwheeling Yasha and Beau, who WERE essentially on a date. That was when Jester locked Sharpe on the balcony. That was when Cad got Beau SO high and Fjord was forced to babysit. That was when Fjord and Yasha told Marius he had to kill someone to stay on the crew.

If any ONE of these things had happened on top of the Essek reveal, it would've been notable or memorable, but no, the BREADTH of unhinged happenings in that episode is actually stunning.

I can’t get over the fact that we’ve never, not ever, seen Colin Robinson this vulnerable before (excluding his year of youth where he didn’t have his memories).

We’ve never seen Colin tell the others he’s suffering, hungry, tired, or hurting. We’ve never seen him ask for help, because he always seems so self sufficient.

So when he hung off Nandor and begged him to “take me home. I wanna go home,” my heart melted for him on the spot