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fluideli123 · 2 years

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I liked your post about plural Raph and specifically about the part that maybe Mind is fronting when trying to calm down Raph in Man vs Sewer— we don’t usually see mind front, we know him best as a head mate that raph (or others somehow) talk to. So maybe mind doesn’t like/want to front but gets triggered to do so when Raph is in (specific) emotional distress. I think it could also showcase how Mind is acting as Raph like you mentioned but messing/mixing up by speaking in the third person.

100% would be down for more posts/headcanons about plural Raph. It’s so interesting and makes a lot of sense with what we’ve seen in the show (even as someone that is not really familiar with plural persons he does seem to be heavily coded that way)

I also really like to think that Raph’s family knows and is totally cool with it, but it also makes me wonder if they would want to speak to a specific head mate at times (leo asking for mind Raph)

You’re completely right about Mind fronting! I believe the only time we see them fronting within the series is when they are helping Raph’s brothers and possibly even Raphael himself. As for the reason as to why Mind may not front often have a whole headcanon based on it (and a few other interpretations you can decide if you agree with or not!)

First off, how I explain Mind not often fronting in my Figuring It Out series on Ao3 is that they are an Internal Self Helper! They base much of their energy on caring for the Shard System’s Inner World and systemmates who aren’t fronting, like Red and Savage. They have this catalog within the Inner World that Mind files away information on each headmate, their world, and other important stuff! This also kinda falls into their roles as an Overseer, Archivist, Companion, and Steward.

So, Mind is busy a lot of the time taking care of everything and keeping the System afloat in case something happens. Especially since in the series Red and Savage hate each other (for many reasons I won’t spoil) which causes a lot of shit to happen without Raph knowing about it. Since his only connection to the Inner World is Red unless he’s not fronting. Mind is also the only being Savage trusts because Mind has worked for a very long time trying to gain his trust and showing that they just want Savage to feel safe and remain healthy.

Mind is an important part of the integrity of the system, hence why they don’t do much on the outside! Plus, they’re Front-Repelled! It’s very hard for Mind to front unless a negative or positive trigger is strong enough to force Mind to font. Such as needing to care for whoever is fronting or their favorite music!

Secondly, other reasons are 100% possible in every context! I haven't really dug into looking up different reasons beyond my headcanons, plus I haven’t come across many Systems discussing how some headmates may not front so I’m not too well informed on other possibilities! But I can come up with some on the spot. Such as the fact that Raphael or whoever is fronting may be front stuck/front anchored, leaving Mind unable to. Mind might instead be front repulsed instead of front repelle. Or their system may work by using Front Gacha and Mind just isn’t a randomly selected fronter very often if at all!

In conclusion, I think your thoughts on Mind not liking/wanting to front is completely true and it’s honestly the most fitting answer not only based on my headcanon but also canonly since they seem to be more helper orientated! But this can be interpreted in different ways depending on what you or anyone else may want to interpret Plural Raphael as since each system has a unique experience and there is never just one answer!

For the second part of your question I AM SO GLAD YOU FEEL THAT WAY! I have like- years of build up on Plural Raph just waiting to be released and discussed LMAO. After I get done with my first fic in my series that centers around Leo the next story is literally centered around the Shard System and I’ve wanted to talk about them from the moment I planned out their story in the series! They’re such complex and interesting characters that experience the world differently and hold characteristics that are nowhere near what we see from Raphael in the series, movie, or comics! Obviously in my headcanons there is some overlap because they’re a kind of Median System, but it still doesn’t change the fact that they are just such interesting characters and I love talking about them! I’ll probably make a post about them! Unless you guys ask me specific questions about them (which is honestly easier to do since there’s so much to cover)!

As for your side comment regarding not knowing much about Plurality, I was 100% you at one point! The best way I recommend learning more about the diverse community is by following tumblrs based around Singlets asking questions/posts about systems! I will note that while it’s always good to learn about different communities, unless you’re a part of the community, I don’t at all recommend getting involved in discourse/arguments! If you want to know the Tumblrs I recommend following 100% hit me up in my DMs!

*Cracks knuckles* Okay, to answer your last and final comment on, “if they would want to speak to a specific head mate at times (leo asking for mind Raph)” I just have to say that that is an excellent wondrous brain you have there bringing this up because I’ve actually written about this in my series! Here’s an example from my most recent chapter:

"Oh!" Leo opened his eyes again at the sudden shout, ignoring how his heart jumped and his stomach slightly dropped. "Raph, I forgot I got the list of food facts Red asked me to get from my teacher! Do you still want me to send them to you guys or…?" April politely gestures at the red thread bracelet on Raph's wrist.

[Removed paragraphs]

Raph glances down at the bracelet April had gestured at for a split moment before the body's expression changes completely, lighting up like a kid in a candy shop as the body leans forward towards April excitedly.

"Food Facts, ey?" Red responds, thrilled, voice naturally deeper than Raph's. April grins as everyone else chuckles at his genuine and well-known passion for food.

"Well, I guess I got my answer then," she teases as Red rolls his eyes, smirking as he leans back in his seat, a finger wiping at his bottom eyelid.

It was one of the things Red did when he fronted. He once explained it was because he has a black goop constantly pouring from his right eye in the inner world. When Red fronts, he can still feel it there even though it isn't there when he's controlling the body.

While this isn’t a universal experience within my fic with Mind and Savage, for Red he at least fronts with a positive trigger (food facts)! He has other triggers such as keeping the body/Raphael from harm, so he’ll take control of the body/front when on Missions and someone is in danger. Plus, Red also gets forced to the front when his negative emotions become intense, especially when those emotions are from someone outside of the system, such as Raphael’s family!

I haven’t written the chapter yet regarding Mind and Leo interacting, but it’s 100% a thing in my book! I write Red and Leo having a friendship in my fic, but Mind can have a direct connection to Leo since he’s able to walk into his headspace as seen in Insane In The Mama Train! Plus, I think Mind is like a mother, they have the vibes for it, and I can see that resonating on a fundamental level with the four turtles because of their neglectful father.

So, I think Mind is an important person in their lives as well. I have a headcanon I’m planning to write about in my series where Mind would sometimes front to comfort Raph when Splinter wouldn’t. Singing Lullabies to Mikey when he had some bad nightmares from his Intrusive Thoughts (which is another thing I expand upon in my story/have a lot of headcanon about). And that Mind formed on some basis from the lack of a parental figure in Raphael’s life and because he had to become the parent to his siblings at such a young age. That kind of stress and trauma just kinda helped Mind form over the years, especially when Splinter would become distant and a neglectful parent more and more (which is thanks to his Depression, which is another thing I have a lot in thoughts on and is also expanded upon in my series. Honestly by this point it should be expected everything I say is in my series and something I would 100% talk about when asked).

If you want to keep sending in questions for me to dig deeper into all of this in a more narrow manner, please be my guest! I have a hard time trying to not be so vague so any specific questions are very welcome! But it’s 100% fine if you don’t have any!

Thank you so much for the ask! I can’t wait for more! <3

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imagineitdearies-old · 1 year

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I tried to leave a comment on your new Duty & Sacrifice chapter via ao3 but it wouldn’t go through so I’ll leave it here instead:

Such a good chapter as always.

“Inwardly, Aemond decided Dragonstone had to be much farther than the maps depicted—or else another world entirely.”

This was my favorite line this chapter! I love when writers write. Like crafting such a lovely sentence to show how differently Aemond & Lucerys think, as well as their polar opposite upbringing.

I’ve commented before that Alicent & Aemond’s mother-son bond is my favorite thing about this fic and was my main draw (and this is still true!) but I can’t help but feel that Alicent’s tears are wasted on Aemond. Helaena is the one Alicent should be crying for and on her knees begging forgiveness from for forcing her into an abusive marriage since she was only thirteen. I like how it’s clear in this fic that Helaena is uncomfortable with her mother for asking her about Aegon’s whereabouts after she forced her to marry him.

I couldn’t feel anything in the face of Alicent’s remorse because all I could think about was her other child who is suffering a much worse fate than Aemond, and who doesn’t even have half the doting and affection Alicent showers on Aemond. Alicent says herself that she tried her best to shield Aemond from suffering a fate like hers, but she never tried for Helaena before forcing her into marriage and motherhood when she was even younger than Alicent had been when she wed Viserys.

Also I like how you showed that there was a moment when Aemond wished his father loved him. By the time Duty & Sacrifice began, Aemond felt nothing for Viserys so it’s interesting to me that that was not always the case.

thank you so much for the kind words anon 😭 i enjoyed writing that sentence (and even more, editing it before posting so it sounded good, lol) so it's super cool it stuck out to you :)

in regards to alicent, i did want to clarify that i've aged people up in this timeline a lot, so helaena definitely wasn't 13 when she married aegon. probably 17ish--though yeah that doesn't change the fact she was married to *aegon* who for sure isn't a great guy in d&s either.

idk if this will ever get brought up in the fic (tho maybe in an alicent pov one day), so I'll just tell you, in my 'verse i imagine it had more to do with alicent being unwilling to let helaena get married off to some distant noble. knowing that aegon had zero interest in his sister, and given that alicent *does* have some control over her son still, she knew she could protect helaena better this way. this on top of strengthening the bloodline, which viserys was all for.

and indeed, in d&s aegon and helaena only have the twins, who were conceived on their wedding night 😂 besides then he's made a pass at her a couple of times when extremely drunk, but that's about it. so even though by our standards it's a sucky awful marriage, given how irresponsible and rude aegon can be, by alicent's standards this was the best choice for both of them. (funny, but i think helaena would agree with that, and it'd be aegon who would disagree)

now, why didn't alicent just marry aegon and aemond? because she guessed (correctly) aegon *would* have interest in his little omega brother, and that terrified her. aegon in general scares her. plus, aemond was already decently protected from getting married off by the time her kids were of age and alicent had to consider all this (aegon 19, helaena 17, aemond 16), because of his scar and general un-omeganess. obviously that didn't hold up forever, and she knew it wouldn't, but alicent views helaena as someone who could be broken very easily vs. aemond as someone who could weather dealing with any situation (regardless of how true that is)

all this to say, it was definitely a calculated thing alicent did, but in this 'verse it wasn't just for the sake of usurping rhaenyra like is implied in hotd canon. hopefully that makes sense! and thanks for the ask, it was fun to explain a piece of how the d&s verse played out inside my head :) aemond's head is very limited lol!

#fic: duty & sacrifice #why did i age them up?#bc fuck grrm lol #also apologies im answering on my phone and it has autocorrect off #so no capitalization today folks #ask me shit

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prototypelq · 1 year

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How would you feel about Nero, Nico, and Patty being a trio in a potential DMC 6?

Hi, dear anon

what kind of question is that? Their trio would be absolutely awesome!

Actually, I think Patty could have easily fit into the 5 crew too - she did call Dante right before the Qlipoth attack so they were in contact at the time, and he did dissappear for a month after that. Perhaps Patty was pissed that he hanged up on her excited birthday rambling, but I don`t think she would hold on to that grudge for very long if she saw the news about Redgrave. It would be strikingly obvious demonic bullshit is involved and that Dante is in the middle of it. Plus, he did get stuck in Hell for some time after DMC2 so the situation could be very familiar to Patty.

All of this is to say, I think Patty can be easily inserted into the narrative of 5. She clearly cares about Dante (I headcanon their relationship and father-daughter one, or at the very least he is a mentor figure for her) and wouldnt idly sit by if something happened to him. Or she could help with the civillian evacuation - one of my favorite things from the anime is that they used the fire alarm to clear everyone out of the building, when it became apparent demons were about to attack. DMC is a series that doesn`t usually concern itself with civillian casulalties, and well, understandable, but particularly in 5 this aspect is brought up a couple of times. You see a lot of human husks lying around the Redgrave, and we know that V felt remorse for them, so devoting a side-character like Patty to help survivors in the background would only work to strenghen this theme.

As for her gameplay, I wish she had gotten Vs moveset but more refined. I like how extremely distinctive V is out of all the other characters gameplay, and think they were really onto something with the summons gimmick, but V is somewhat poorly balanced (who isnt overpowered in DMC though) and much more shallow compared to other characters. I think if it was more iterated upon, had more moves or variety of demons you can summon and better balanced - it would be my dream kit for Patty as a playable character. she also needs a non-sexualised outfit

As for team - I think Patty and Nero would get along like a house on fire (they are cousins), but I feel like she could have something like a rivalry friendship with Nico. Patty would get some custom weapons for herself for sure, but probably won`t like Nico's odeas for "improvements" on them.

And the final part of this very small reply - Nico, Patty and Nero being a potential trio for DMC6, my thoughts are... i have no idea

As my understanding of the series goes - DMC was always about Dante and Vergil, and their conflict. DMC5 finally lets them resolve their differences and shows us that underneath years of separation and trauma, they still want to be brothers, and are willing to work together to achieve that. This IS their happy ending and it is the best ending the series could have gotten. Both narratively and mechanically speaking, there is no higher place to take the twins story. And how do you do a next entry in the franchise that has, by all means, reached it`s happy ending? again, I have no idea.

I would love to see Dante, Vergil, Nero, Patty, Nico and others again, but I cannot imagine what form that may take. From my perspective either the next DMC (if there is one) could be a prequel about Sparda (and it would help to establish some actual demon lore), it could be sequel of the reboot DMC dmc (which has it`s fans, and a story to continue), or a very detached from the main games spin off about the existing characters (Lady, PATTY, Lucia, Trish).

Actually, I`d love to see an 'post-5-twins-return' epilogue-like graphic novel game. DMC could use some more dialogue and a chance for the characters to relax, and not be constantly fighting for their lives or showing off. The anime has already shown us something like that, maybe the upcoming anime will too, who knows. But I`ll take a graphic novel DMC game any day, just to see more character interactions.

Thank you for the ask! I hope somewhere in this wall of text were some thoughts on answers you were looking for. Have a good day

#dmc #dante sparda #nero sparda #patty lowell #dmc5 #dmc 6 predictions

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charmixpower · 2 years

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I think Aisha killing Valtor is a funky idea

Do I think It should of happened in canon? Kgjdkd not really. Do I still like the concept? Yess

Valtor royally fucks over Aisha and she never gets to pay him back for that

Maybe Aisha is the only one that can use the water stars bc they exclusively vibe with her

But the main reason I like this idea is bc it robs Valtor of any final victory he could possibly have

The personal victory of being defeated by someone who he considers worth the effort of fighting

He doesn't even get the chance to ask Bloom for help, or try to manipulate his opponent bc Aisha doesn't give a shit about what Valtor is trying to sell

He gets to scream into an uncaring void

She isn't naive and easily confused like Bloom

Plus I think it would be a slight relief for Bloom

Imagine having someone out there that killed your family, and wanted to use you that you were connected to via the thing they stole from your sister (?) that died to protect you. They always knew your location bc they can sense you, and you could never forget about how much danger your constantly in because you can sense them

It would be like being stuck in a room with the walls closing in. You can see doom coming and can't do shit about it

Plus Valtor is a much older and experienced manipulator and Bloom is inherently naive due to the fact that she's only been in the magical world for three years

He can very easily shape the narrative around himself and attempt to control how she feels about him, and Aisha coming between that and protecting Bloom from being gaslit and controlled is a good concept for me

I wouldn't want to confront him either fnsnnsnsns

Give the two opposites (Bloom happy to go from a normal girl to a princess vs Aisha trying to go from a princess to a normal girl + water/fire dynamic) some chances to bond a little

Plus I think that Aisha should of gotten at least a little pay back for being blinded ndskdjne just a little, as a treat

I like Bloom's plan from the og, her off the wall nonsense is so much fun bc no one has any clue what the fuck is going on but her, I just wanted to talk about this concept

#rus is talking utter fucking nonsense #winx club #winx season 3 #winx bloom #winx layla #winx aisha #rus chatters #i was watching a nemesis video when this came to me. nemesis are obessed with eachother and to have one killed by a different party is like #the ultimate fuck you #its amazing

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vagandfags · 2 years

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I can kinda see Kirin x Martha happening? Like they are both protective characters they just show it in different ways. Plus Kirin is bluntly honest which is a good contrast to Martha habit to deny and says shes okay no matter. Also there is the whole seeing things in black and white vs marthas understanding. Thirdly martha does stand her ground even when its against people she likes which I feel like after s2 Kirin would respect. I just feel like they could be complimentary together.

This is very interesting and I like your reasons! I can back being complimentary together.

I can see Martha being Kirin's guide to being more calm, like she's dealt with a hothead for a long time (Toni, I love you) (this also can back what you're saying about Martha standing her ground and Kirin respecting her because I could see Kirin being proud that she can do that with her bestie), and Martha had helped Rachel in S1 breathe rather than keep panicking when she was stuck in the ground. And if she can reach Kirin like that I can see him still being his blunt self but be softer than shown so far.

I can also see Kirin giving Martha fighting tips (physically and mentally) because Martha does like to deny things and he could give her the courage and belief that she can in fact survive what is thrown at her. "You okay?" "I'm fine." "Bullshit. Punch into my hands." I can see that happening.

I could see them bonding over helping care for Josh. I know Josh just wants to forget the whole assault (understandable. martha had to change the world in her mind to mentally survive her trauma), but that isn't something you can just forget. And since Kirin already has a bond based around J's assault, I feel like Martha could trust them and if Kirin can help her maybe they both can help Josh. Now I'm just picturing Kirin as their safe place. Imagine the soul power of that trio.

I don't think Toni would approve (at least for a long while) but Kirin would be so protective of Martha that Toni would have to cave and approve.

The only thing that I feel could get in the way (and it would be totally on the writers) is the fact that looks are always going to be at play. I'm not saying because Kirin would find her unattractive (and I also want to say that I find Martha to be one of the prettiest on the show so this in no way is dissing anyone's looks) but I'm afraid that writers won't let the athletic hunk get with someone that doesn't look like Barbie 2.0.

#martha x kirin #kirin o'conner #martha blackburn #the wilds #asks

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kewltie · 2 years

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contains: emotional/verbal abuse & intimate partner violence but not b/t bkdk

izuku left japan to find himself after the death of AM then he come back yrs later, happier and with a new boyfriend, who is completely attentive and devoted to him; he's so good to izuku... too good.

izuku introduces his bf: isao hiroto who is quirkless, working a teacher and is completely normal much to the surprise of everyone because they assume izuku would would to date someone in their hero work but izuku was simply looking for someone who pay attention & care for him. he wasn't looking for anyone special just someone who loves him as much as he loves them ya know? the fact to hiroto is quirkless is a plus because they can relate and understand each other better and hiroto is so kind and sweet to him. he never ask for more then what izuku can give him. so izuku cant be anymore happier then right now because he's quickly making his ways up the hero ranking, he's back home with his friends and family again, out there saving and helping ppl, and he got the world's most perfect bf who is so supportive and understanding of him.

they met when izuku was doing a talk about quirk discrimination at a hero training school in vietnam and hiroto was one of the teachers there. hiroto approached him about his lect on quirklessness and being isolated and mistreated in society and they connected from there. hiroto is also a huge fan of All Might and if he wasn't quirkless he would have followed in AM's steps, becoming a hero and maybe AM wouldn't have die then because he would have the power to save him... if only he had a quirk, if only he was AM's successor which was a red flag if an, but Izuku didn’t see it back then! he thought hiroto was one of AM's many fans like himself and his weird thing about quirk vs quirklessness was just someone who had to worked v v hard to get where he is because the world favors those in power and hiroto had suffered under it like izuku had. so yea izuku felt like they had a lot of in common and they could relate to each other because if izuku hadn't gain OFA, maybe he would have ended up like hiroto, working some place close (training heroes) but far from his dream. they bonded and izuku thought he met his true love.

it couldn't be any more perfect for izuku because this is the life he has always dream of, doing what he loves,surrounded by friends and family and a great and loving partner by his side but the more success izuku has in his career the more chinks in his fairy tale romance is reveal. it started out w small things: hiroto being annoyed when izuku come home late or when he has an emergency at work & cancel their plans, hiroto making lil digs about izuku's friends & colleagues because they're heroes they dont understand the plight of ordinary citizens like him.he e would put a friendly exterior for izuku's friends but criticize them behind their back. izuku felt like he was stuck b/t a rock and hard place because he understands where hiroto is coming from someone who used to be powerless but they're his friends & he KNOWS THEY'RE NOT BAD PPL. so izuku felt like he was balancing two diff lives the him who is out there saving lives and making a diff, a larger then life figure, and the him he was pretending to be an ordinary person with an ordinary bf but both felt neither like him and hiroto doesnt make it easier either.

when izuku missed too many date nights and was supposed to hang out with hiroto and his friends but had to bail midway because of emergency situation that needed him, they had a big blow out about it. izuku explains that they needed him out there so he couldn't leave them hanging.

hiroto spits back ,"I needed you too or am I not important enough for you because i would never bail out on you because of my job!"

izuku says, "that's not the same thing. innocent lives are at stake for me."

and that's when hiroto's eyes darken to something imperceptible. “oh, you're saying because you have a quirk you're so much better than me. what im doing is isn't as important as you!" he shouts, banging his hand on the table so hard it shake.

izuku flinches because even though he's used to seeing violence in work but in his own home is something else.it was just an outburst, hiroto doesn't mean it, izuku reasons, just like how he didn't mean to hurt hiroto with his words. it's a misunderstanding.

it happens all the time because right afterward hiroto looks regretful. "im sorry i shouldn't have yell. i promise i wont do it again." he hugs izuku and whispers platitudes and apologies into his ears until all the warning bells in izuku are silence and all izuku knows are the love and warmth in hiroto's arms because sometimes the ppl we love hurt us but they dont mean to, it was an accident. it's ok, THEY'RE OK.

the thing is it's not like hiroto doesnt know what it's like to date a hero or that izuku cares deeply about his work and about the ppl he help but hiroto twist it into something that izuku has to feel guilty like for not being able to be a hero properly and keep his bf happy. izuku feels so much guilt about it that he takes hiroto to AM's grave and revealed his secret to him about AM, how he didn't get his quirk late but he inherited his quirk from AM so he always feel like he got something to prove like he's carrying AM's legacy on his shoulder. that's why he cant devote so much time to being there for hiroto. he hopes his explanation would bridge the distance b/t them and come to an understanding why izuku is the way he is... but hiroto upon finding the truth that IZUKU was quikless like him BUT got lucky to be chosen.

the inferiority complex, that hiroto quietly tucked inside of him all this time, stirs because here is izuku who was born quirkless and dream of becoming like a hero like their idol all might but was lucky enough to be pick by AM and became one of the best heroes in the world. izuku is famous and much loved by the world, he gets to save ppl and ppl KNOW his name and how he is just because izuku was lucky... while hiroto had to work super hard just to get where he is and even then he couldn't ever become a hero because he wasn't LUCKY. HOW IS THAT FAIR??!!!!

zuku had hoped by revealing (some of) his secret, he would be able to connect with hiroto and have him understand him better, it would smooth out the wrinkles of their relationship except it make it 100% worst now because hiroto feels izuku doesn't deserve the life he is given. he loves izuku's kindness and empathy but he resents the status and privilege his quirk had given not even recognizing what kind of horror and trauma a kid like izuku had gotten into when he inherited AM's legacy on his small shoulders back then because hiroto is fucking narcissist.

so it begins: hiroto plays into izuku's guilt and weakness, making izuku feels like he's not a good lover, that he doesn't put any effort into their relationship, that hiroto is doing all the work and that hiroto loves him but izuku doesnt do enough. it's manipulative AF. the thing is izuku cant see the red flags when hiroto never hits him. he'll yell when he get angry but who doesn't yell when they're angry riiiiight?? and he'll slam the door or punch the wall but NEVER hit izuku so how can he abuse izuku when all he does is make izuku feels bad. he'll guilt trip izuku when izuku want to hang out with his friends and doesn't invite hiroto along even though hiroto make it very clear that he doesn't like izuku's hero-friends because he think they're looking down on him because he's a civilian and quirkless, inferior to them.

so izuku hang out with his friends less and less because he doesnt want to upset hiroto. hiroto takes care of the house, making him dinner, and does so much work for their relationship so why cant izuku CATER to him just this once? it's not like hiroto is asking too much. even when hiroto is angry, he does it because IZUKU MADE HIM DO it if only izuku didn't make him so upset look at how much izuku HURT HIM by not listening and obeying him... all these things fucked with izuku's head, have him believing that hiroto is trying so hard to make them work.

after every fight, hiroto is always extra kind and attentive to him. he would take him out on a date, buy him a new AM figurine, and watch the new hero flicks that izuku always wanted. "sorry, you know i love you. i really dont mean all those things i said." his apologies always sound so sincere... but it happens again and again. the tension build up b/t them, he get increasingly hostile then their bubble burst into shouts and broken vases and "this is all your fault, you did this " then the "im sorry, i love you, you know". its a cycle and izuku doesnt know how to get off of it because 90% of the time hirito treats him really well it's just when izuku doesnt do as he say, then he'll get pissed and izuku feels like he's walking on eggshells around him because he doesnt want to make hiroto unhappy.

It’s like when ochako invited him out to celebrate her making into the top 20 and hiroto doesnt want him to go even tho all his friends are there. izuku wants to see them badly but hiroto make it clear it's her or him. it's extremely tough but izuku chose his friend in that moment. he only went there to congratulate her and hang out for like 30mins then make an excuse to leave just because he didn't want to upset hiroto any further, saying goodbye to his LONGTIME FRIENDS who are all looking increasingly distressed by izuku's strange behavior lately. izuku goes so HARD to accommodate hiroto's feelings too but it's still it isn't enough because the moment he got home their bedroom is a mess and all his stuffs are outside because clearly izuku CHOSE his friends over their relationship; he doesn't care about hiroto at all.

izuku tries plead with him like he's the one in THE WRONG while hiroto is like, "you're always like this. you dont care about our relationship and don't put any effort into it so how can anyone love you? you're so lucky that i even care at all because who would ever put up with you?"

it dregs all izuku's fears & insecurities up because hiroto knows exactly where to twist his knife deeper because he believes no matter how much success izuku has he will always be that anxious, insecure and helpless boy before all might found him. he didn't have anything before ALL MIGHT. the thing is hiroto is WRONG v v v v wrong because izuku's strength and courage was enough to moved all might but hiroto doesnt know that and doesn't want to believe that izuku was worth something for all might to choose him out of everyone else... even hiroto himself.

if this was any other situation or any other time in his life before hiroto he wouldn't have easily believe in those filthy lies but hiroto had dig his claws into him and made him feel so worthless and helpless that izuku believes in every damaging single word that hiroto had spoken. so with the words "who would ever put up with you?" playing in his head, izuku tries desperately to repair their relationship and make promises that obey hiroto next time because isn't that what it means to be in love, to accommodate each other's needs and accept their flaws?? which IS BULLSHIT but izuku is too far gone and warped by hiroto that he believes he wasn't being a good partner and nobody else could ever love him like hiroto who DOES SO MUCH for him already. he's just not doing his part so he got to work harder to please hiroto and do better.

so izuku becomes more withdrawn from his friends and family. he goes to work then hurry back home to hiroto. he lets hiroto monitor him his cellphone just to know where izuku is at all time so he doesn't worry ya know..?? and ask hiroto permission just to eat lunch w his friends. his friends start to notice it ofc and one day when ochako and tenya forcibly corners him to talk to him alone. "tell me you're alright," she demands. they want to know what's going on with him and his bf and hiroto has done anything to him??? and izuku just laughs it off.

how could hiroto ever do anything to him??? hiroto may get mad and hit things but never HIT him and every little words that hiroto sharpens the knife against him may hurt but he isn't wrong. izuku just need to be better. and his friends immediately realized how toxic that is. they tell him to break up with hiroto because IT'S UNHEALTHY AND SHITTY the way he makes you feel. a relationship shouldn't be built on who put the most effort and what can you get out of it, he's making izuku miserable and dependent on him and izuku doesnt even realize it. izuku argues that's not true because HIROTO LOVES HIM. he does so much in their relationship and izuku cant even do one little thing like going home early to him is just izuku not committing to their love, but his friends ask him sincerely w all their heart: "are you happy like this?"

and izuku stops, eyes wide and he chokes with so much emotion. "i-i dont know." he shakes his head. "i dont remember what that's like anymore. i always feel terrified when im home like im going to do something to set him off because everything i do is wrong."

his friends sigh and drag him into a hug. "it's okay, it's okay. we'll figure this out." izuku for the first time feels like at ease in the arms of his friends.

then he got back home later that day and hiroto is FUCKING pissed because izuku didn't txt him where he was the entire time. izuku tries to say he had an emergency at work so that's why but hiroto can read him like a book just demand where he truly was and when did izuku got use to lying to him even tho this WAS the first time but he's like you lied this once so who said you never did before. so it put the guilt back onto izuku's shoulders.

izuku tries to say i was just meeting my friends it wasn't a big deal but hiroto is like YEA your FRIENDS WHO HATE ME, they prob told you to break up with me right??? izuku flinches and hiroto smiles like a shark scenting blood.

"i knew it," he says, "your friends just want to ruin us. they see the two of us together happy like this and they want to get rid of me because they think im not a good match for you because im quirkless and not a hero like them. they're fucking prejudice against ppl like me."

"that's not true," izuku argues. "they're not like that at all! they're good ppl who are worry about me." hiroto just stares at him. "why should they be worry, huh? do i hit you? or hurt you physically in anyway? how can i a quirkless nobody like me ever touch the no.1 hero?"

"you could easily fling me to wall and break my bones with just your fingers. Im defenseless against you. i cant even do anything to stop you. you're the one who has all the power in this relationship, izuku," hiroto tells him. "im just doing my best to love you but you like to make me into the bad guy."

"it's because you love playing a hero so much that there must always be a bad guy for you, huh?" hiroto demands, stalking toward him. "this is why it's impossible to love you, izuku. you make is SO DIFFICULT but i put up with it because i love you but it isn't enough for you right?"

izuku steps back, eyes downcast. "n-no, i never thought it like that. I just wanted to see my friends and they said." he pauses. "they said we're not good for each other, but i-" he hears a crash and looks up to see hiroto threw the AM's figures he bought to the floor.

"WE'RE NOT GOOD FOR EACH OTHER?" hiroto shouts. "your friends think we're NO GOOD?? THEY DONT KNOW ANYTHING about us so what right do they have to assume this?!" he starts breaking more and more stuff around their room and izuku feels helpless like he cant do anything to stop it.

izuku is the no.1 hero, fought so many villains, and has the most powerful quirk in the world but still in this moment right here: he's afraid, terrified that he's going to piss hiroto up more because that's how much influence hiroto over him. it's not about strength it's about power.

there's a clear and distinctive power imbalance b/t them. to outsiders izuku's success, fame, and fortune make it seems like he has the upper hand and dictate the pace of the relationship but in reality hiroto is the one who has all the power and control over izuku's life.hiroto manipulated and fucked with izuku's head enough that he thought he was choosing to give up all but it wasn't never a choice, it was coercion. he made izuku thinks he's doing all of this out of love that he cares so deeply so why cant izuku does this ONE lil thing for him.

"I'm sorry, im so sorry hiroto. i promiose i wont listen to them because i know you love me and i love you and we're going to get through this together," izuku begs, putting the blame on HIMSELF even though its not his fault and that's how he has manage to keep izuku in line.

so later, izuku in order to please hiroto tries not to engage w his friends outside of work and avoid hanging out w them which is one of the isolating measures that make izuku feel increasingly alone like there's nobody else he can turn to and develop a dependent on hiroto alone. when his friends prod him about it, izuku says: "we're trying to work it out so pls do not interfere." which is a huge red flag but hiroto hasnt done anything 'illegal' technically because he hasnt hit izuku or lock him up so they may not like what hiroto is doing but it's not illegal. a lot of what constitutes as abuse is still perceive by many ppl as more a physical issue so izuku not have any bruises or cut on his body just make him not a victim in other ppl's eyes even though THERE'S CLEARLY A PROBLEM and izuku is being emotionally and verbally abuse.

so izuku's life now revolves around his work, hiroto and occassoinaly he gets to see his mom. now, hiroto has no problem with inko as she's just a civilian even w a quirk and her quirk isn't even that 'special' so she doesnt pose any threat to him or his place in izuku's life. they often visits her and they just have dinner together where hiroto plays the part of the perfect bf and son in law. he's kind and generous and willing to do anything to make izuku happy, so how can inko not be moved? and he's quirkless so he understands where izuku came from. when they're with inko are like the perfect couple together so sweet and loving that inko never notice that there's anything wrong. it's not her fault for not noticing the signs that her son is trapped in a volatile and toxic relationship because they convince her they were happy.

izuku doesnt want to lie to his mother but he cant bear to tell her how miserable he is and how hiroto is basically running his life and he feels like a puppet under his strings because she looks happy about his relationship... but it's only because she thought he WAS REALLY HAPPY too. at home he feels trapped & walking on barefoot on broken glass in his own home as he dance to the tune that hiroto sets in order to please him. then when he's w his mom he feels like a doll propped to act out a lie in order to sell his mom the story of this perfect happy couple. only at work when he's out fighting villains that he feels a sense of safety and comfort because hiroto can't touch him here so he throws himself into work because it all he has left and katsuki starts to notice izuku's increasingly erratic and almost suicidal behavior in battle.

the thing is it wouldn't take katsuki this long to notice izuku's strange behavior if he didn't spend most of the months that izuku came back transfered to another region because he couldn't stand the sight of hiroto and izuku together as he is in love with izuku. katsuki wanted to confess to izuku right out of UA but izuku went overseas to figure himself out and be the hero he wants to be so katsuki was willing to wait for izuku come back to properly confess and chase after him but izuku came back with hiroto and that ruined his plan lol.

unlike izuku's friends & colleagues who really doesnt have any particular strong feelings toward hiroto, he's just a normal nice dude, positive or otherwise, katsuki made his dislike of hiroto v v v clear to everyone because he sees right through hiroto's nice guy image and bullshit. a scum can recognize another scum, katsuki thinks bitterly. he knows he doesnt have any right to izuku as he yet to earn it but this bastard is such a fucking fake. he pretends to be a gentleman in front of them but his eyes look upon them with contempt and thinly disguised hate.

despite how pissed he is about izuku's new bf, he's trying to be a better person to deserve izuku so he had to separate himself from the couple and go to another region to cool off and not like ruin izuku's happiness even tho during that time katsuki left izuku became miserable. if izuku can go oversea to find himself so why cant katsuki temp take resident in another region to sort out of his feelings and come up with a plan to win over izuku's heart without like murdering hiroto lol. he's not running away or giving up!!! izuku is basically it for him.

once he make up his mind one something/someone not even heaven or hell can move him from it. he's a stubborn old dog with his fav chewed up toy that he didn't know how to treasure back then and now it belonged to someone else but he cant let it go either, or doesnt want to. so he spent more than half a yr traveling around japan and working with different agencies and heroes just to grow and improve himself enough to come back as someone worthy of izuku. katsuki is thriving in the new environment and learning so much that he's ready to come back now. except when he came back it's to an empty eyes izuku who seem lost all life in him. he's so, so pissed because he's been gone for half a year and this shit happened without him there. none of their friends could do anything to stop it?? he's just so angry at them but mostly at HIMSELF.

if he was there he could have put a stop to this shit, he thinks as though to reassure of himself that he hasn't fail izuku too. his first thought is to immediately confront izuku and demand him to leave hiroto already because clearly hiroto is rotting izuku from the inside out. he's not good for izuku!! katsuki so angry that he, himself, had LET hiroto fucked with izuku's head like this as though izuku is his responsibility.

"break up with him," katsuki insists, having corner izuku one day after right after work. "cant you see he treats you like shit!"

"kacchan, what right do you have to demand me to break up with my own boyfriend?" izuku asks, voice unflinchingly steady but his words are sharp as a knife because the truth cuts deep and bloody. "you weren't here all these months so how can tell me you know he mistreat me?"

startles, katsuki is taken back by the coldness in izuku's words. in that moment he doesn't look like someone who was emotionally beaten down by his bf. he was deku, the no.1 hero, all might's heir, and the greatest of their generation yet... katsuki sees the tremor in his hands.

"you cant tell me this is what you want." katsuki sneers. "when was the last time you hung out with your lil nerd squad? do you even have a fucking life outside of your asshole of a boyfriend? and dont think i didn't notice you recklessly throwing yourself at every villain. you're deku! you dont have to settle for this crap!" katsuki says. "you can leave him anytime. you dont have to let him hurt you." which has good intention but ripe with victim blaming mentality because it implies that izuku willingly accept is situation and chose to live like this.

most of the time the ppl around us who loves us means well but they're not in the our shoes so they dont understand what it's like to be emotionally entangled and manipulated like that. there's so much more to it then 'just leave' because they got it your head and convinced you cant.

Izuku's eyes are watery against the accusatory tone of katsuki's words. it may not be what katsuki meant but it's all he hears. you deserve it. you brought this on yourself. you can leave anytime but you CHOSE to stay with him. this is your fault. you deserve to be unhappy. "kacchan, while i appreciate your thoughtfulness but you don't know anything. please dont interfere with my life anymore. you're just an outsider," izuku states. he's so angry and hurt but even when he's that upset he gently and cruelly let katsuki down; it's kindest rejection.

katsuki is left stunned as izuku walks out. he didn't stop him. he legs wont move and the words are clogged in his throat. he felt he has been majorly wrong and misunderstood izuku but he cant refute what izuku had said; he has no right to interfere with izuku's life. they're (ex)childhood friends, classmates, & colleagues but what else? nothing really. he's not one of izuku's idiotic bffs or his partner on the field like todoroki. in some way hes no better than a stranger but he couldn't leave this well enough alone. couldnt leave izuku alone.

so he go at it another way, going right to the fucking source and uproot it. he stalks hiroto's school and pulls him right out in the middle of class much to the shock of everybody. he drags him up the roof of the school and demands him to, "stay the fuck away from deku."

katsuki is all grown up now, he'd learned his lessons and can claim maturity as his badge of honor after so much hard won fights but in some way he's still that dumbass reckless rid w zero thoughts in his head because only deku can reduce him to this lvl of juvenile and instinct.

“Or?" hiroto asks, unimpressed even in light of katsuki's anger. "I'll kill you," katsuki threatens because he's a dumbass and the thought of a person of his rank and stature threatening a civilian doesn't even hit him because he's too furious to care. "i dont want to see you near him."

hiroto smiles thinly. "you dont get to make that kind of demand. this is mine and izuku's relationship, we get to decide. there will be third partying here."

"you fucking dont deserve him," katsuki growls. "you're a pile of shit trying to stain the sky with your stink."

"A monster in a human suit pretending you're better than all of us but we all can see the ugliness that runs underneath. you don't have any right to stand by side deku." katsuki sneers.

hiroto's eyes darken and he clenches his fists, but the smile never left his face."oh, if im a monster than what are you? because I know what you did Bakugou to him in jr high," he says coolly. "izuku had told me about it. we're more alike than you think."

Katsuki freezes, feeling like an exposed nerve. "i'm not like you at all, you sick fuck," he protests.

"ah, your wrong then," hiroto muses. "from one monster to another, i can why you loved hurting him. izuku cried so prettily doesn't he? he must have cried so many times because of you. i wonder if i was the one who told him to jump back then would he have done it instead."

witho hesitation katsuki punches hiroto right into his arrogant face. the hit sends hiroto to floor and blood spurts all over as katsuki breathes heavily, adrenaline running still as bloody grins stretches across hiroto's face. hiroto got him, read him like a damn open book.

the door suddenly slams open as several ppl rushes in. "Dynamight-san, what are you doing to Isao-sensei?!" they demand, catching the sight of hiroto's bloody face and katsuki's raised fist. and it's in that moment that katsuki realizes he played right into hiroto's hands. fuck.

katsuki forget that someone like hiroto who managed to trapped izuku and kept him away from everyone is really, REALLY good at manipulating situations to his advantage. hiroto has no quirk and isn't capable of even defending himself against him but he's fucking smart. he understands ppl on a very personal and intimate level as though he can pick out all the little cracks that ppl try to hide. that's how he got into izuku's head. it's not that izuku is mentally weak that hiroto managed to do it but he preyed on the weakness in ppl's heart. just like what had happened to izuku, he's doing the exact same thing to katsuki, just in a very different way. he dug into katsuki's biggest regret and the scar that had never heal even though izuku had long forgiven him for it. hiroto knew exactly what he was doing to hurt him.

so katsuki had punched him in a fit of anger and got arrested for it because even if he's the no.2 hero, you cant go around PUNCHING PPL that's an assault. katsuki is taken to the police and questioned why he would punch a seemingly harmless teacher but he remains silent. if hiroto press charges he could easily be punish by the hero commission, greatly fine and even have his license suspended temporary, and his stellar reputation get marred by the fact that he ASSAULTED A CIVILIAN because who can trust a hero who go around punching innocent ppl?? but katsuki doesn't say a single word in his defense. "that bastard deserves it," are his only words because he doesn't want to implicate izuku in any way. izuku's story shouldn't have to be made public when he already had his choices taken from him so this shouldnt be one of them.

so katsuki expecting there will be significant consequences for his action but he was released from jail later that day with no charges press much to his shock. when he's finally out of the station, izuku is right outside waiting for him. "are you alright?" he asks, looking katsuki over.

katsuki had expected anger from him at least after how shitty their last interaction went and the fact that right after that he went and punched izuku's boyfriend... "aren't you pissed?" katsuki says instead.

"that you hit my boyfriend or that you interfered after i specifically ask you not to?" izuku tilts his head curiously, a small smile cresting on his face. last time izuku had smiled at him it right before it cut him opened with his words but this time it feels real, whole.

"yea," he says, no point denying it now. he was reckless and stupid. he'll do it all over again if he could and he says: "i regret that i hurt you but i dont regret punching him."

izuku's smile spreads wider. "though i wish you didnt but i dont any expect less from you, kacchan."

somehow those words relieve whatever heaviness had lingered in his heart. he wasn't afraid of what his actions would mean for his career or image, but he was dreading having to face izuku's disappointment. that look could cut a grown man down, and it had done that with katsuki.

"you're not angry then?" he presses just to make sure.

"oh, im angry alright," izuku says, and it quickly dashes any further hope that katsuki had. "but im more angry at myself for putting you in this awkward situation where you felt like you had to take action. it's my fault."

katsuki feels the horror set in as though he's watching the demise of his own heart. "don't," he says, shaking his head. "you're not responsible for my own stupidity stop trying to make excuses for me. i fucked up i know but i'll pay whatever consequences come my way."

"well." izuku smiles wistfully. "you don't have to worry about that now. hiroto wont be press any charges now or in the future."

katsuki cant contain the surprise in is voice. "are you fucking serious? that bastard doesnt look like the type to give up an advantage point."

“hiroto and i came to an agreement so he dropped all charges against you," izuku explains as though it was that simple. Katsuki catches old of izuku's wrist. "what did you promise him?" he pauses. "what the fuck did you have to give up?!" he demands, heart beating frantically.

izuku looks down at the hand wrapped tightly around his wrist. "he give me 6months to tie all my loose ends before we go oversea. he doesn't want to stay here in japan anymore so we'll be leaving again."

Katsuki lets out a shuddering breath. "do you /want/ to go with him?"

"does it matter?" izuku responds, voice low as he gently removes katsuki's hands from his wrist. "i can help people anywhere. it doesnt have to be only in japan."

"yes, it fucking matters," katsuki hisses. "he cant take you away without your permission. I--" he chokes. he wants to say, i cant bear to see you leave again. those years you were absent didn't dull the feelings. stay. please stay. but he knows those words would only shackles izuku instead here instead of a choice out of his volition. katsuki wants izuku to stay because he wants to.

so he keeps his mouth tightly shut even though his hands burn with the urge to reach out and touch, anchor izuku here with him again. being an adult is so fucking hard sometimes because what he want isn't always something he can have. and he never want to force izuku to choose. izuku already had so many aspect of his life controlled and choices taken from him that katsuki doesnt want to be another monster lurking around him. sometime he wonder if he's any different to hiroto but then he think of this moment where he let his silence speak for itself.

"if you want to go abroad again then at least tell me it's of your own choice," katsuki says. izuku shakes his head.

“i'm not leaving. my career and life is here so are all my friends and family." his eyes soften at katsuki. "and you're here too kacchan. I dont want to go."

"then what about your deal with hiroto?" he asks, breathless with the thought of izuku choosing to stay even if it wasn't for him. "you said you promised to leave with him in order not to press any charges against me. are you telling me now you're not going to follow it through?

"do you trust me?" izuku asks suddenly, voice dropping an octave in urgency.

katsuki nods like it's as easiest thing to do and many way it is. izuku already has katsuki's heart even if he doesnt realize it yet so trust comes to him as easy as breathing if nothing else.

"you were right before," izuku admits, lips curling into a pitiful excuse of a smile as his arms go around himself. "im not happy and i cant keep living like this under hiroto's thumb. i want my life back, so give me some time and i'll seize it from hiroto's grip. I /will/."

katsuki has been witness to izuku's many hard earned scars and seen him at his best out in the field fighting countless of villains but in this moment right here, his small figure holding himself tightly with a resolute gaze; izuku has never look stronger. he doesnt doubt him.

But it doesnt mean he has like it, esp knowing that izuku is going at this alone. he ruffles his hair irritability and heaves a reluctant sigh. "ok, but you have to tell if you need any help. i dont care what the fuck it is, you have to let me know. promise me," he insists.

izuku seems taken back by vehemency in his voice, but he readily agrees if only to get katsuki to stop worrying. "alright, i promise." this is enough for now. izuku had ask for his trust and he'll give it even as he watches izuku's back getting further away from him.

the days and weeks after that katsuki and izuku never interacted again outside of civil conversations in a professional capacity out on the field. hiroto often come to izuku's agency to drop or pick him up. they're not always together but hiroto always make his presence known. to the outside world the hero deku is in a loving relationship with a humble and sweet teacher and he's still dominating the jp hero ranking but to katsuki and the rest of their friends have to quietly watch izuku become an island onto himself of only him and hiroto.

it was difficult to stay away and not interfere with izuku's relationship as promise but katsuki gris his teeth and force him to do the same. he quietly keeps an eye on izuku just in case because he may trust izuku but he doesn't hiroto to not go complete fucking psycho one day. patience has never been katsuki strong point but best thing in life take a whole lot of patience and effort and katsuki has already made his commitment to izuku till his last breath, so he waits and waits as promise until one day izuku's ordeal is finally bare out to the world.

it starts and ends with a press conference. no.1 rank hero deku calls upon them and the reporters and news agencies flocked to him for any enticing news that deku could release except what he says there on that day shock the entire world because it was so COMPLETELY unexpected.

"My name is midoriya izuku," izuku begins, "or deku as you know, and i am an abuse victim." he pauses, then, corrects himself, "an abuse survivor and this is my story." he starts telling how he met hiroto, the red flags he didn't see, and how hiroto had him and the world fooled.

the entire conference last 2 full hours as he go into explaining his relationship and the falls out of it to a stunned crowd. he had video, audio recordings, and txt msgs that date every incident between them all in vivid details. it was ugly, raw, and izuku's life out in display. the threats, emotional damage & verbal abuse he had endured. the lies that hiroto fed him that no one could ever love him and how nobody would ever believe his story if the truth ever got out because how could the most powerful hero in the world ever be abuse by a quirkless civilian? that's the first lie they'll ever tell that you have to be fall into a certain demographic and stereotype to be a victim but anyone can be abuse. it's not about physical strength, gender, class, or quirk but it's about the power and influence the abuser wields over their victim.

izuku explains that he has never been physically assaulted by hiroto but the emotional scars that he'd left behind on izuku cuts just as deep as any wound. the way ppl assume that abuse only happens when someone kick another is wrong because there's so much more than that. the abuser can get into your head and fucked with it, make you feel worthless and helpless without them so you're dependent on them for security and happiness. they dig into every little insecurities and weakness that you have so that you feel like you cant live without them. he take control over your life till you dont even know the decision your making is out of your own volition or to please him. everyday you live as though you're about to drown & he's the only thing keeping you from it but he's also has his hand around your throat the entire time.

this was what it's like to live with an abuser. this was izuku's life up until 3 days ago when izuku gathered all the collected evidence he had and reported hiroto to the police. so he's here today to to inform ppl that izuku is not alone in this, theres plenty of cases like him. not all of them will have an ending like his or maybe they haven't gotten out of their abusive relationship yet so he wants them to listen to his story and hope that they too can find the courage and strength within themselves to seek help and remove themselves from that toxicity.

the silence that followed izuku's story is deafening, but his story is an unvarnished truth in its sincerity. izuku never stumble or hesitate over his words but the way his eyes are drawn downcast and he tried to hide the slightest tremors at the most explicit part of his story. those are hard to fake, harder still is the fact that anyone in izuku's position of prestige and fame would ever lie to being a victim especially as soon as soon the story came out there's an outcry of disbelief and the mentality of someone of izuku's caliber can be ABUSE.

everyone has their opinion on it. there will be supporters as well as doubters and those who has yet to make up their mind but izuku doesnt care because his story isnt meant for public consumption is for those ppl who are quietly suffering like he did, it's they he want to reach.

after watching the conference in his own home, katsuki desperately wants to reach out to izuku but doesnt know if it's ok or if izuku even want to talk not after literally exposing his scars out in the open for everyone, but before he can make up his mind izuku decides for him. someone is at his door and katsuki goes to open, annoyed at being disrupted, only to see izuku and with his bag of carry-on.

"hi, kacchan," izuku greets. "can i stay with you for a couple of nights?" he looks nervously past katsuki's shoulders. "i didn't have anywhere else to go. Ochako and tenya had offered me to stay with them but i couldnt trouble them since they worry about me enough." he press his lips together for a moment. "but i think in reality i couldnt stand to see them look at me with pity. i dont want them to be careful around me.”

"and you think i won't do that either?" katsuki asks like a total idiot even though that isn't want he meant to say at all. izuku smiles sheepishly. "you can be kind but you're not gentle at all." Katsuki frowns as though not understanding, but he drags izuku in anyway.

and that's how bkdk ends up rooming together as izuku takes a break from work to slowly recover from his ordeal and escape the hyper spotlight on him currently. his friends and family often visit him and katsuki is always, always there by his side supporting him through it. his week is spread out with morning walks, a therapy session, a domestic violence support group, visit to the bookstore to read on the latest books, and then he goes home to katsuki preparing dinner and ranting about some stupid villains fucking up. it's quiet and lovely.

there's no specific law aim toward ppl like hiroto because the domestic violence doesnt really apply to manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse witho 'physical' proof but izuku has a restraining order against him and made sure hiroto's face and name is recognizable as his own. hiroto always wanted izuku's fame and now he has it as the entire nation knows him now not just as deku's ex boyfriend but his abuser. he cant work or do anything without ppl recognizing him. this is izuku's punishment for him even though katsuki thinks that's a little too easy.

if katsuki has his way with hiroto he would be 6ft under LOL but even though izuku had been through so much shit by hiroto, he did used to love him after all and this is his final act of mercy, but maybe that's another weakness in him that hiroto managed to dig his claw in.

“do you think im weak for letting him off that easily?" izuku asks katsuki one day as they take an evening walk around katsuki's apartment. it's becoming their thing now, just walks as they share about their day. katsuki doesnt need to know who the 'he' in this question is.

he stops, frowns, and pinches izuku's cheek. "you fucking idiot, who said that? the fact that you are able to not completely destroy him like i would have done make you stronger than any one of us. not a lot of ppl would find the strength to show mercy to the one who hurt them."

izuku rubs his redden cheek and smiles softly. "kacchan, when did you become so nice."

"im always nice." he snorts. "you said so." I

izuku laughs, easily and lighthearted that it feels like he can breathe for the first time in a long time. "i did say that, and i truly mean it."

"thank you, kacchan," he says, looking at katsuki's sheepish face. "im thankful that you let me stay beyond the first week after what had happened. you didn't have to do that. i know you didn't sign up for this."

"shut up," katsuki snaps, but his tone is undeniably gentle. "nobody can predict that your ex would turn out to be a complete psycho, so yea i didn't sign up for this but im here and i want to be," he snarls, then he looks away as his face heats up with his next words. "and you can stay however long you like... forever even."

izuku's breath hitches. he suddenly drop his gaze to the ground and fumble with his fingers. "i-kacchan, i'm-" katsuki clasp his hand over izuku's own. "you dont have to give me an answer now. i can wait. i've been waiting since UA so i can wait however long you need."

it's not a proper confession and izuku is still full of scars and wounds that has yet to heal but katsuki will wait. recovery is a long winding road and katsuki will be him in every way as long as izuku allows him. love will come after, step by step and breath by breath.

#bakudeku #not!fic #this topic is a personal thing for me #i always wanted to talk about it but i wasnt sure i was ready #hopefully im able to convey everything i wanted to express

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grapecaseschoices · 9 months

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I am still struggling in how to define why people have stuck around Hiyam for so long [especially since Black Women dint get yhe pass white men do, si the fact that she hasn't learned and been katowed would be off putting. Plus no one really likes the relentless jackass, regardless of race or gender] and how much of an asshole and when is she as well as what and when are her soft spots.

I'm struggling with this as well, since my my second mc is also black and not a man, so I've been trying to develop their personality a bit more but I am also struggling to define this. Because I think about the fact that white people in the entertainment industry often don't get the same pass white, cis men do when it comes to how they behave and as you said people don't tend to enjoy being around a jackass. My second mc is not intentionally mean, they're just very blunt and honest with what they think and doesn't really like to be in the in the spotlight but they can appear to be mean/an asshole to people who they don't know. I got 42% on the hated/loved stat when it came to fans so I think you're doing better than me djndjdj. I might try and flesh them out a bit more and see what happens. I have another mc who's the exact opposite when it comes to my other mcs personality, they're outgoing, easily adaptable to situations, and goes with the flow of things; this is the first mc that I came up with with so they're a lot more developed than the second mc. It's really interesting to see the contrast between my mcs. I might end up creating more lmaoo. Infamous is truly giving me brain rot. This is the first time I've created more than one mc for an if game or fleshed them out all. 😩

Sorry for the late response! I had work! And then I've been tired. Even now my brain is on "dysfunction", so this probably will be a mess.

I feel you on the last. I mean I've created multiple MCs before but this is the first time I've had them so pre-decided. Unless they're an old MC I'm reusing [and even then], I usually decide as I go. This is the first time I pre-created MCs before really even trying the demo. So it is new territory for both of us, homes. But we shall figure it out. Thats the beauty of creating, right?

Haha. Hiyam got higher than that - even though they decided to play the villain - I THINK because I decided she WOULD stop and sign autographs before the photoshoot. It came off favorable to her, of course -- even if the reason is partially selfish. Lmao. Mostly selfish. [Hiyam believes the attention is due! But she also realizes there is a relationship there that she needs to foster. IE, if these fans have tye good sense and taste to be HER [and the bands] fans, shouldn't she reward them? Ejbshshe.

So it comes off nice but it is really her securing her bag/feeding her own ego. Maybe that's a sort of balance you need to find for your character? Make their more ... unsavory tendencies work for them almost as much as it is a block for them.]

And I agree. Seeing the contrasts are fun. Not only in personality, but what comes easier to you with one vs the other. Like you said, time developing can have a lot to do with that. This is when you question how you can maybe make a certain aspect make more sense to you [if THAT makes sense? That sentence feels weird. That said, I've realized sometimes you're thinking oh I don't know this or can't figure it out because idk that character as well but then it turns out it is just yhe new character is keeping le secrets jsjdbdv]

I will say, one thing I do like is outside maybe the fans / media, the main characters [and the npcs] tend to treat asshole characters the same regardless of race or gender -- IG. Not that it helps me really, because I'm still struggling on why Rowan hasn't pubted her [actually this play through did help me a little. ]

Maybe I'm worrying too much for nothing.

#anon #ask: infamous #ask: hiyam vinke #ask: character talk #ty for sharing !!#i feel a bit better that im not yhe only one struggling with creating the mean black girl #writing this out makes me wonder if our own hindrance is ourselves #we are like we would never be friends with someone ljke this regardless... so why wouldnthe others #so it keeps us from seeing yhe benefits?#idk idk #but yeah actually this also got me thinking that's the balance #media might find hiyam 'uppity' but they think she at least shows gratitude ahhshshd #idek what im saying anymore #long post

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mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune · 2 years

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I Think I Might Have A Baby-Doll Voice, It Is My Curse...

I know my voice sounded weird, but to hear it a bit more clear from well from those type of buttons that you can use for your pets to use...

I really do sound like a little girl....I can’t help that my voice never matured,

I mean I could play the voice of Tucker’s daughter he gets custody of, and picture him going into helicopter dad mode.

you know like Tucker from Red Vs Blue....

I could probably play as the voice of Chara from Undertale,

like saying “Greetings, I am Chara.”

maybe it has to do with being RH Negative.

or maybe it has nothing to do with that, but I know I’m still procrastinating in seeing if my blood type will come out O RH D Negative for a third time.

I will get around to it when I’m good and ready, of course I will have to have one of my family help with that like the last few times.

I think it’s better if I shut my eyes for a bit when it happens and it’s best to use my left hand to get the blood out, because it’s closer to the heart.

I know that I’m not the only one in this world, who ends up with a voice that never fully matured and are stuck with a baby-doll type voice.

I still like to view the “D” part as Determination, it’s funny.

although it might only be me and a few others who get the ironic pun.

also besides the whole knowing that my voice is a little weird,

it’s also my birthday and I got some interesting stuff for my birthday.

I just want to try to enjoy checking out stuff on tumblr, and maybe check out any updates about Bendy and The Dark Revival.

the game isn’t cancelled, the Joey Drew Studios dot com proves it.

I’m writing as “dot” instead of “.” because I don’t want it to turn into the link.

if anyone wants to go check it out, they can.

but only if they really want to, but fans who want know about any updates about the progress of the game should make sure to check out the site and see that the last update to that place was around April 14, 2022.

sometimes video games take time, and you can’t rush it.

anyway if I had to guess, I could try to get a voice filter someday to hide my baby-doll voice...

even when I finally got the right headphone and mic for my Xbox, those who heard my voice found it really weird.

but I guess it’s still okay, I mean my voice is a part of who I am after all.

but I should try to have some form of voice filter to use once in a while.

you know after all this time after watching Cuphead Show, and still waiting for the new episodes that will come next....

I still think Devil is a Himbo, and I think only a few fans of both the game and the show will agree that he is a Himbo.

also as weird as it is, the word Eon-Boomer pop into my head today.

like if a patron was to walk into the casino and call out to Devil

by yelling out “Eon-Boomer” I think Cuphead would fall to the floor laughing while holding his stomach because it hurts him to laugh like that.

pretty sure that Charlie Morningstar’s Dad is a Eon-Boomer.

like for mortals it’s like Baby Boomer Generation, but Eon-Boomer is like slightly different and could be seen as being around for a very long time that is much longer than Baby Boomer, but it never had a name until now.

I’m weird and it pop into my head, don’t judge me. XD

plus is it weird to think that Devil from Cuphead game and show,

is more like a Polymorphic Sentient Manifestation Of Light...?

well it is a interesting thought, I mean I still view him as being a Himbo.

of course I had to watch the episodes with him in it to really let it hit me that he is a Himbo, and other fans might of realized that as well.

maybe the ones who made the show wanted to make him a cute idiot on purpose.

with every great show or video game or book series or even a movie,

they will always put in a Himbo, or in the Bumblebee Movie’s case

The Bumble Muffin, which once again after watching that movie for the first time that is what came to my head.

and I just remembered about it....

Bumblebee is a precious Bumble Muffin, and the nickname should spread to all Transformers Fans.

I guess I don’t really hate my voice, but I know it does sound a little weird.

we all have something weird about ourselves, but that is just a part of who we are....even if it can be a bit embarrassing at times, but I think I can accept that my voice is weird.

#talking about feelings #I'm weird #baby doll #voice #determination

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fluffywolverine · 3 years

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so season 6 of lucifer came out.

there were some things that i liked, but generally i hated it. i believe that was SUCH. BAD. WRITING and it left me frustrated. so i decided to write down all things that pissed me off and sometimes i try to fix this by giving other ideas that – in my opinion – would have made the story better. Check my points out and feel free to add your points of view. without further ado: let’s talk.

- imma start with the big one – fucking time travel. ok I generally hate this trope in the media, because it’s complicated and often leads to some logical mistakes – and they happened here. so rory time travels because of her anger which was caused… by her anger?? i think this was unnecessary. it also brings trouble with this whole free will vs. fate discourse. lucifer says, that he chooses free will… but at the same time he goes the path of his fate. he disappears from rory’s life, because he HAS TO in order of the events of the season to happen. just because he chose to do it, doesn’t mean it’s free will.

- lucifer becomes the very thing he desperately didn’t want to become. “bUt It WaS fOr ThE gReAtEr GoOd” screw this bullshit, if writers wanted to make it better, they could have easily do so. they could have altered the rules of time travel so that his choice of staying could have resulted in rory disappearing. yes, that would have been heart-breaking, but it would have been a great lesson for lucifer, that he can’t make the same mistakes his father did.

- chloe and Lucifer get a child without even talking about it. “bUt MaYbE tHeY tAlKeD aBoUt It We JuSt DiDn’T sEe It” you may say. but the point of writing anything - whether it’s a book or a script – is to show any thing that matters. and talking about having kids is one of the most things any couple should do. also not every couple needs to have kids and forcing deckerstar to have it feels so far-fetched. this thread was very unnecessary.

- rory herself is a big problem. to begin with – she wanted to KILL her FATHER. i get her frustration, but commiting a murder?? just because he wasn’t there for her?? I would have thought that chloe taught her better, taught her that, like, killing people is bad. turns out she did not. secondly… she just isn’t necessary here. i elaborate later so in conclusion – her thread could be altered with michael’s and it would have made much more sense. i also don’t like the actress (why was she blinking so much??) so i certainly didn’t help.

- of course ella has to end up with a boyfriend. because earlier she always ended up with “bad boys” and now, without any help, she is just able to have a healthy relationship! yay! for me this creates a toxic view, that in order to be happy one HAS TO be in a relationship, because being alone is aLwAyS bAd. well, it’s not.

- i also have troubles with lucifer starting up a foundation for her. firstly, he didn’t ask her. secondly it – AGAIN – shows, that anything good ella got, was because of another man. firstly because of her relationship with carol, secondly because of lucifer’s idea. it could have been so easily altered! there could have been a scene of a conversation e.g. with amenadiel where she expressed a will to do better and be better for someone (given that she sees a lot of dark in herself). amenadiel could have then told her, that she is an inspiration and that it is her biggest strength. that could have been where ella came up with an idea to start a foundation blah blah – it’s just a rough idea but I believe that written well, it could have been so much better;

- and the last thing about ella – of course she had to find out about celestial stuff because sHe WaS tHe OnLy OnE rEmAiNiNg. umm what about trixie? i'll come back to her later. ella was portrayed as the only one believing in god and having her seeing that he really exists ruins the concept of faith. it’s not about knowing something exists, it’s about believing in it.

- WHERE THE FUCK IS MICHAEL. i must admit that i loved this character AND I CAN’T STAND HOW AWFULLY HE WAS TREATED HERE. so at the end of season 5 lucifer says “everyone deserves a second chance, even you michael". and what does he do then? COMMANDS HIS TWIN TO CLEAR THE FLOOR IN HELL. yes, i agree that michael should have been punished for his rebellion plan, but… he already has his wing cut off. now he’s stuck in hell, with no way out and is he supposed to learn his lesson? this is cruel. instead of this the entire season could have been centred on him – his journey to self-acceptance, learning how manipulating someone is toxic and starting to realise how to be a better person. at the end he could have become god (because amenadiel is such an obvious choice), which would create a beautiful connection – michael in heaven and his twin in hell.

- lucifer doesn’t feel like being god and that’s cool. damn. people died for him to win this place and he’s like “actually you know guys i’m not the right person bye”. while i believe that anyone should step out if they have a reason, but at the same time lucifer should have faced any consequences of his decisions. falling frog and kool aid in the river are not enough.

- adam’s plot feels just quickly sketched, not actually written. i really appreciate this take on toxic masculinity but it all felt too fast-paced. it’s good that they show this idea of “strong and not-showing-any-feelings man” kind of attitude, but it is impossible for ANYONE (especially The ManTM) to change their mind in a matter of a few days. it takes weeks, months, years even, especially given that adam is like a gazillion years old, he should have especially taken a long time to process this.

- carol is just too pure to exist. he’s also one of the most boring, plain and one-dimensional character i’ve ever seen. i feel like they gave him a problem with alcohol because the writers were like “hmmmmm he has to have some weakness. LET’S MAKE HIM AN ALCOHOLIC”. we don’t see any signs of his everyday struggle, why did he fell into this problem, how did struggle. it just feels like a dull plot device to show that he has flaws. oh and also he’s so pure that he doesn’t mind ella BREAKING INTO HIS HOUSE. acceptance should have boundaries and violating someone’s personal space isn’t right.

- why did they forget about trixie again? yes, i know that scarlett estevez had another project but this does not justify the bad writing. the girl lost her father and we only see her crying once because of that. no signs of this affecting her everyday life, not showing any consequences of her relationships with other people, not glimpse of any change in her behaviour. oh and also she loses lucifer too because time travel! great idea, writers! losing another close to her person would have been soooooo good for her psychic for sure.

- i also hate the idea that suddenly rory becomes the only child they care for. where is trixie when they spend their day on the beach? where is she when her mother dies? did writers forget about her as well as they did about michael?

- amenadiel being a police officer is… problematic. i was looking forward to this thread, i was kinda scared too and it turned out… meh. i’m white and not American, so this of course does not involve me at all, but i felt like this was not enough. harris basically said that there is nothing they can do to make it better for black folks. even though chloe and amenadiel want to make everything more just, we don’t actually see any change. the only thing is that harris becomes a detective (right? i’m not sure if i understood it correctly, so correct me if i’m wrong, please) which is a total contradiction of what she said before. suddenly she does not have to protect people anymore?

- in season 5 they stated that heaven and hell need to be fixed, as the system is unfair and unjust. at the end we don’t see any change, the only thing that is different is lucifer helping damned souls. it doesn’t help at all! these people still go to hell, they still suffer and there’s nothing that changed here! plus there is also this thing, that a sociopath who murdered people in cold blood goes to heaven (because he does not feel any guilt) and a person abused by her parents/partner/whoever goes to hell (because have been manipulated to feel guilt).

- dan making amends with trixie while… there wasn’t really anything to make amends about. like, most of the parents make mistakes while upbringing their children, but does this make them unworthy of heaven? i would have preferred dan to slowly regain his self-consciousness, how he positively affected the lives of people around him and by doing so – through conversations or maybe reliving some of the memories, he could have proved to himself that he is worthy of love and redemption.

phew, what a ride. i really liked dan being reunited with charlotte (it went just as i imagined) and mazeve dynamics. i even felt like they are finally a real life relationship – with people hurting each other by not understanding each other, but then talking and seeing other’s perspective. generally though, i’m very disappointed.

sorry for any mistakes, lacking commas etc. writing a text this long in not my native language was not easy.

#lucifer #lucifer netflix #lucifer spoilers #lucifer season 6

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featherfur · 3 years

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Meng Yao should have been around when Jiang Cheng was running around with his head cut off trying to make disciples out of rogues and convince everyone to get started on the war. I just think he’d see this, probably manic, idiot who needs help and is 100% willing to be bossed around and who really doesn’t care about Meng Yao station in life because he’s just fucking desperate and wants to die but can’t because Yanli and just go “actually I’m interested”. Because Jiang Cheng would riot if he knew Meng Yao wanted to go back to his dad, and well Jiang Cheng is very pathetic when he thinks he’s being left behind (“You’re leaving me for the Jin just like Shijie? Tears and loud words for you! Tears and loud words dor a thousand years!”)

And Meng Yao would have a spot in Lotus Pier where he is VERY clearly wanted, he probably doesn’t become sworn brothers with anyone (or LXC and NMJ realize that no one needs to give the Jin any more influence and become sworn brothers with Jiang Cheng) unless it’s Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian (unfortunately WWX will still probably be killed or hunted at the very least but atleast Qin Su is alive? Maybe having MY around will help calm JC into the fact that LWJ wants to bang his brother and help him so JC can convince WWX to let LWJ atleast play for him, then maybe WWX can accidentally let slip about him already destroying one half and LWJ can help destroy the other half… Dunno if the Wen Remnants survive either sorry, honestly I don’t know if anyone can stop JGS in the long run)

So there’s two ways this goes: (under read more I have Thoughts)

Meng Yao DOES go to the Jin Sect still because JC gets wanting your Dad’s Approval even when he’s a dick AND he protects Yanli who immediately adopted him when JC showed up to the war with him. Without being stuck between a Rock and a Hard place (sorry NMJ not everyone is a annoyingly stubborn with their morals as you and MY is being hurt :( leave him alone :(( ) MY is able to continue being pressured without breaking and even though JGS keeps trying to get him to manipulate JC, MY won’t and won’t manipulate NMJ either and every time he goes to Lotus Pier to ‘look into’ the Jiang Sect he actually just spends the week being plied with children and listening to Jiang Cheng explain the fashion industry Again and talk about silks vs cashmeres vs wool so he just gets a vacay and is more prepared to stand up against his dad.

Also JC and Yanli catch on pretty quick to Madam Jin abusing MY because they were there after Madam Yu would hurt WWX and they know the signs of trying to hide the pain and Yanli suddenly starts Show Up whenever Madam Jin tries anything because that is her Didi now and she will protect him and if anyone ELSE tries to mess with him she will rip them apart like when Jin Zixun tries to bother WWX.

JGS does eventually manage to frame something on WWX but MY intervenes immediately by telling JC the truth and without the ‘did my kinda insane PTSD ridden brother so this?” Panic thoughts JC gets his people and is waiting for the force of Jin and smaller sects, with his two sworn brothers on either side. Because yeah NMJ absolutely hates the Wen but can he really ignore LXC and JC? Plus NHS on the side? He’s only there to protect WWX, anyone else can get fucked and even then he’s only protecting WWX because JC asked him too because NMJ thinks WWX sucks for choosing the wens because he’s very much of the one track ‘the wens suck’ mind. MY pretends he has no idea what’s going on but he does summon Jin Zixuan on ‘accident’ who shows up, annoyed he had to leave his kid, and is like “are we really going to accuse Nie Mingjue, known Wen hater, of protecting Wei Wuxian and lying about his innocence? Because his sword is the same size as my body and I’d rather Not”

(okay he’s more polite and subtle but that’s the gist) somehow Jin Guangshan dies, I’m voting Yanli poisoned him because I think Meng Yao is 100% willing at this point to simply take the abuse because Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen aren’t essentially telling him to murder his father and that he’s stupid for not holding harder to his morals (sorry NMJ,,, you just,, I love you but MY is hurting and he’s not as stabby as you) NMJ is still very much crankily telling him his dad sucks whenever they meet but Jiang Cheng gets all sparkly whenever MY is around because MY will say he’s Doing Good, so there’s only so much room before JC start just biting anyone who even looks at MY wrong. (NMJ says he’s proud of JC once and JC just starts crying and NMJ UnderstandsTM why MY won’t leave him alone)

But Yanli has to be the one to kill him because MY wouldn’t because he’s a filial son and probably hasn’t lost his hope he will be Loved, Jin Zixuan wouldn’t because he’s like the only one in the entire show not down with murder, Madam Jin is not about to give up the power and money that comes from being the wife of Jin Guangshan even if JZX would take care of her because Yanli clearly is willing to rip everyone apart who fucks with her family and unlike Jiang Cheng is willing to change the status quo, and if JGS dies on a hunt they’ll blame WWX so Yanli just poisons him slowly and he dies from ‘illness’. JZX takes power, Meng Yao is told he’s amazing twelve times a day because JZX can do busy work and argue against anyone but he cannot have a small talk conversation to save his life. Life continues peacefully, Jiang Cheng keeps kidnapping JZX’s advisor because he misses him. Meng Yao knows how to control literally every single great sect but he’s busy chasing down his nephews and helping Jiang Cheng avoid marriage offers to do anything.

Once Jin Guangshan died, LXC and MY both swooped in to have the Wen Remnants moved somewhere else to ‘civilize’ them (using LXC’s own words here) and WWX is very much caught between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji arguing over who he’s going home with and he’s honestly never felt more Loved TM. WWX spends six months to break the rest of the tiger rally under the grumpy/watchful eye of NMJ who still isn’t happy anyone from the Wen’s is still alive but he’s weak to puppy eyes and also when he’s being strong armed by his sworn brothers, MY, and NHS (though he still keeps an eye on the actual cultivators, he’s pretty much forgotten the rest of the Wen Remnants exist he just cares about the ones who know how to use a sword). Wangxian happens, idk how I’m voting for a wild Jingyi another orphan decides that he wants to meet the Purple Angry Man and body slams into WWX’s legs trying to get to the Purple man and LWJ catches him and it’s a full on romantic moment of staring into each other’s eyes while Jiang Cheng makes disgusted noises and Meng Yao pats his hand and just tells him to accept it.

Or Meng Yao stays in Lotus Pier because Jiang Cheng has problems and Meng Yao loves a messy loudmouth aggressive bitch with a secret heart of gold. Also Jiang Cheng is the exact kind of Demi-aroace dummy to not realize Meng Yao has a crush on LXC and keeps sending him over to Cloud Recesses to help with trade or something and MY gets to hang out with his crush constantly.

MY is Jiang Cheng’s personal advisor since WWX is currently refusing to process his trauma and staying in a very traumatic place. MY does try to help but WWX doesn’t trust him and probably only half trusts him around JC, BUT MY is very good with kids and helps work with JC on how to slip WWX supplies while negotiating directly with Nie and Lan without Jin glaring over him this time, and Jin Zixuan is more than happy to help when he can because again he’s just like the only one with modern morals and wants Lotus Pier to be strong since if all the sects fall then well the fucking demons/ghosts they hunt will eat them. So WWX is slowly atleast not ready to kill him, Meng Yao finds out WWX already destroyed half the Tiger Tally and tries to get him to let NMJ and LXC help him destroy it further (because that ties the three sects closer and so WWX won’t just stab someone if someone isn’t happy about the Wen’s existing)

Yanli poisons Jin Guangshan again because I think that’s the best way for him to go, Meng Yao does grieve but also that lasts for three minutes before Jiang Cheng shows up with some children he found in Yunmeng and Meng Yao needs to explain to him again that just because the kid latches on doesn’t mean you can take them home. But with JGS out of the way it’s a lot easier to strong arm NMJ into letting the Lan take the remnants (JC and NMJ still aren’t happy about it but NMJ can’t fight the three other sects and JC is getting his brother back and he’ll take the Wen living if that means WWX is too) and WWX returns to Lotus Pier. The truth of the golden core comes out probably via WWX having a flashback or panic attack or something (or that one theory of Yanli knowing,,,) words happen, WWX storms off to find LWJ.

Meng Yao wonders why he likes messy cry babies but still helps out Jiang Cheng because they’re technically brother in laws and also because he really does care about him. Wangxian happens and now Jiang Cheng is really pissed but WWX also said he wasn’t going to just up and leave so they’re on a rotating system but honestly everyone’s just waiting for them to move permanently to Lotus Pier because Lan Wangji has this giant hole in his heart for kids who love Wei Wuxian and Lotus Pier is filled with kids who are Jiang and therefore are insane ans love WWX.

Personally I think this one is the least likely but it sounds very nice right?

#the untamed #mdzs #Jiang Cheng #Meng Yao #Jin Guangyao #fix it #sorta #Lan Xichen #Nie Mingjue #Jiang Yanl #Wei Wuxian #read more #don’t take any of this seriously lmao pls I’m just fucking around

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aeonmagnus · 3 years

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Happy 20th Anniversary Robots In Disguise!

This year, and today in particular, marks the 20-year anniversary of Transformers Robots in Disguise airing in the United States. This was the official English language dub of the Japanese show Transformers Car Robots, which aired in Japan the year before. This show and it’s accompanying toy line were a big shift in the Transformers brand and affected how things moved forward in the new millennium. It was also a big influence on me and this website in it’s early years, so both the brand and TFW2005 may not be what it is today without it.

We hope you will read on after the break to check out our celebration of Robots in Disguise on it’s 20th!

Intro

The following is not a comprehensive article on the show proper, but rather a trip down memory lane from my personal perspective. It was a period of change in my life, in the fandom, in the brand, and in the world – all happening at once. Robots in Disguise was smack dab in the middle of it all and I think that’s why it still resonates with me all these years later. For a deeper dive into the world of Robots In Disguise you can check RIDForever.info, a site I maintain just about RID and Car Robots. The 2021 updates are here, and the 2017 round of updates are here. I’d also suggest checking the TFWe issue all about RID over on the 2005 Boards. Now, onto today’s festivities…

The Show

RID, and yes I say RID as if it is the only RID. If you must reference that other RID show and it’s off-shoots, refer to it as RID 201x, thanks. 😊 RID aired during the Fox Kids programming block on a Saturday morning, with additional episodes set to air each weekday during the afternoon hours. Instead of stretching the show out over the course of 30+ weeks with only a new ep each weekend, they were going to blaze through it non-stop. By the end of the first week, we would have been 7 eps in. That however hit a big roadblock due to 9/11 just three days later. While some local markets did air the episodes, many larger city networks, and especially east coast markets, stuck with news coverage. Many of us did not catch the early episodes on TV the first go around. In addition, several of the episodes got pulled from TV due to depictions of buildings being destroyed and other similar visuals which understandably could upset children that just experienced 9/11. So right off the bat, the new millennium and new era of Transformers were dealing with a new reality.

The show, for those that don’t know – was a weird one-off in Transformers history. We had G1 and then the G2 remixes for a bit. Beast Wars came on the scene and ran all the way through 2000 with it’s successor – Beast Machines. During the Beast Wars era – Japan did a couple of their own Beast Wars shows, non-CGI extensions of what we saw in the US. Their market wasn’t quite ready for full CGI so they stuck with traditional anime. When Hasbro decided to continue Beast Wars into Beast Machines, Takara went a completely different way – a traditional animated show which brought back Autobots and “Decepticons”, mixing them in with the beasts. They focused the toys on a couple new and complex molds, then filled the rest of the line with repaints of previous toys. Old 2nd tier Beast Wars toys, G2 Laser Prime, and even some Generation 1 molds in the form of the Combaticons got new life as new characters in this show, capped with the biggest TF of them all at the time – a repainted G1 Fortress Maximus, now Brave Maximus. It was the prototype for what the Transformers brand did for years to come – repainting old toys into new characters. Universe, Classics, Botcon, and even some Generations runs used this method to give us some great toys in the 00s.

While there is a very complicated and long explanation for how every single Japanese show is one continuity, to someone casually starting with Car Robots it was a refresh, a new story, a new arrival on Earth. The Autobots vs the Predacons, and eventually the Combatrons/Decepticons. It was a hard cut from the last 5 years or so of CGI Beasts. Hand drawn traditional animation featuring vehicle Transformers. It wasn’t G1, but many of the folks who grew up with G1 were just getting out of college around this time. They were rediscovering their childhood love of Transformers through Beast Wars, flea market finds, raids on their parents’ attics and basements, and for the internet savvy – imports of Japanese reissues from Takara. It was a perfect storm of nostalgia; a return to Autobots and Decepticons was welcomed by kids and adults alike.

RID and TFW2005

In the years leading up to Car Robots, I was just getting into the internet, coding, design, some digital music, and all the possibility that came with it. Beast Wars, especially when it hit Season 2/3 and the inclusion of G1 lore, really got me focusing on Transformers again as a hobby. I eventually combined the two newfound hobbies into one and Transformer World 2005 was born. At no point did I ever think it would last 20+ years and take over my life in the way it did. I started the full version of TFW2005 around April 2000, with some starts and stops before that. That was right around when Car Robots started airing in Japan. Through the magic of 56k internet, I was able to connect with folks in Japan and get them to send me VHS tapes of Car Robots. Really nice, high-quality tapes too, I still have them hehe. To the younglings reading – try to picture this: no youtube, no video sharing. The concept of streaming anything did not exist yet. Napster and the eventual peer to peer stuff hadn’t fully kicked off. Plus, we were all viewing the internet on giant computers in our rooms at the speed of 1x on your phone. Less than 1 bar 3G mobile speeds today.

Yes, someone recorded episodes from TV to video tape over there, did that a couple weeks at a time, then physically mailed them across the world to me, who then got them on the internet. Can you imagine waiting weeks to watch an episode of TV the size of a twitter profile avatar? Crazy. Uploading a full episode to the internet was a big pain in the ass, not easily done. I decided to get a converter that allowed me to plug my VCR into the computer and encode the tape into digital format. From there, it was reduced using Microsoft’s WMV technology so that the episodes were about 5 MB each. 30 minute episodes at 5MB each. Dimensions – 176 x 144 pixels. 4k video today – 3840 x 2160 pixels. You can imagine that video looked like crap. But we didn’t care – we were blown away. Old school animation, vehicles, some cool Japanese anime vibes, it was what we as G1 fans kinda had in the back of our heads on what Transformers should be in a new era, and we were seeing it. Most of us had no clue what they were saying or what was going on. Also didn’t care. I still to this day think CR/RID is better like that.

So one of the first things TFW2005 did on the internet was provide these super small windows into Car Robots and what was going on in Japan. It helped get US fans hyped up for what Transformers could be. It got us wanting the toys, and importers bringing the Takara toy line over were moving serious product. It helped swing Hasbro, who was planning to return to Autobots and Decepticons again down the road, to move that schedule up. Instead of running Beast Machines until 2002 and then starting what we now know as the Unicron Trilogy, it was cut short. Robots in Disguise as a toy line and show came over in 2001, ran fast and hard for a year with non stop releases, got extended because it did so well, and then faded into the Universe line of repaints. The new millennium of Transformers was here and Robot In Disguise kicked it off with a bang.

Wrap Up

As we all continue with collecting Transformers now, regardless if you tagged into the fandom during G1, Beasties, the Unicron Trilogy, the Movies, or just yesterday – let’s take the time to give Car Robots and RID some props! It set the tone for what the new millennium of the brand would be. It gave us some toys ahead of their time. It solidified the repaint as an accepted thing in the hobby. And it gave us one crazy 39 episode run of TV that’s still a fun ride 20 years later.

For those that would like to learn more about RID and Car Robots – I still maintain a Robots in Disguise website that archives everything I have or came across. There is a lot there if you want to go on a tour of all the awesome Car Robots and Robots In Disguise era stuff. Check it out at RIDFOREVER.INFO! FIYAH!

Let us know what you think and remember from the good old days of RID on the 2005 Boards here!

Epilogue

If someone over there at Hasbro is reading – can someone please figure out who owns the rights to the show in the US market and then get it out on DVD in full, finally? Work all that funky licensing stuff out (if there is any) and get it done. The US has never had access to it via an official release. Maybe get it up on YouTube like G1? Something. Announcing plans for that before the end of 2021 would be a nice 20th anniversary tribute.

#Transformers #Transformers: Robots in Disguise #20th Anniversary #Robots in Disguise #Optimus Prime #Megatron #Car Robots #Transformers: Car Robots

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13uswntimagines · 3 years

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Her Mess (Christen x Reader)

Request: Christen x reader where reader is younger and in college and reader meets the team

It was safe to say that you had always been a bit of a mess. You would argue that you were an organized mess, but Christen would disagree. If the gay mess you turned into the first time Mal had ever introduced you to her was anything to go off of. Yes, you were a mess, but you were her mess, and she took great joy in helping to keep you on track.

From the very beginning, she had helped you with your schedule. Made sure you ate and gave yourself time for studying and soccer. She never overstepped, she was your girlfriend not your mother after all, but she was definitely the organized one in your relationship.

It was why the prospect of traveling without her was incredibly daunting. She was already at camp with the rest of the national team (who you would be meeting for the first time) and you would be meeting them there with Mal after the two of you finished finals. To say you were nervous was an understatement. It was your first call up, and though your girlfriend and best friend had assured you it would be fine, you weren’t so sure. You had quadruple checked the list of things Christen and you had made, but even as you left the plane you were sure you had left something important. You were going to meet the team and you didn’t know if you were supposed to be meeting Christen too, or if you two were going, to be honest.

You sighed, running your hand through your messy hair, before slipping your beanie back on. Your knee jumped up and down impatiently, and you bit your lip. You didn’t like waiting. Why did this car ride have to be so long?

“Do I need to call Mama Press or are you going to chill out on your own?” Mal said finally, her hand coming down to still your leg. You grinned sheepishly at her.

“I just-... What if they don’t like me, and what if they’re weirded out by the age difference?” You rambled, your fingers tapping on the car window.

“You’re like the funniest person I know. The team is going to love you! And I’ll be honest, It was a little weird at first for the person who was like my sister to be dating someone who was basically my mom. But after watching you two together, it’s obvious that you were made for each other,” Mal said softly, her hand running soothing circles on your thigh. You frowned.

“What if she doesn’t want to tell them that she’s dating me because she’s ashamed of the age difference?” You asked softly, staring intently at your lap. Sure, Mal was cool with the age difference now, and so we’re your parents, but you knew that there were a lot of people out there who weren’t. Plus Christen was the Christen Press, and you were just a disorganized rookie.

Gentle fingers tilted your chin up, and your Y/e/c met Mal’s brown.“Christen is a lot of things. I don’t think ashamed is one of them,”

You nodded, returning your attention to the city passing by. You loved Christen, and you hoped that Mal was right.

******

Most people would hate getting off a plane and stepping directly into practice, but you were grateful for it. The field was your happy place, a place you didn’t have to think about all the what-ifs. A place where you could simply showcase your skills.

By the time you and Mal made it to the locker room, it was nearly empty. (Barring your girlfriend, who had stayed back to give you a tight hug and kiss, and Tobin who just sent you a small smile).

“You ready for this cutie?” Your girlfriend asked, settling down on the bench beside you, nudging you with her shoulder, and placing a kiss on your pink cheeks.

You stuck your tongue out at Mal who made a gagging sound.

“I think so,” You shrugged, rooting through your bag to find the last items of your gear, things you were sure you had put in this morning. Your eyebrows furrowed as you shoved your shin guards aside in search of your socks.

“Is it true you have the sprint record for UCLA?” Tobin nudged your other side. You nodded, not taking your eyes off of the contents of your bag. Had you been paying more attention, you probably would have freaked out that the Tobin Heath knew who you were.

“Don’t forget the juggling record either,” Mal added, smiling. You had quite the reputation for putting defenders on their asses, and it was going to be entertaining watching you work your magic with the national team.

“Damn,” Tobin mumbled wide eyes. She was going to have to call dibs on you for the scrimmage. You barely spared her a glance, groaning as you continued to dig for an item you were beginning to fear wasn’t in your bag. You took a deep breath, trying not to panic. Of course you had forgotten something important on your first camp with the national team.

Christen rubbed your back, her head tilting to the side as you ignored one of your heroes (your hero being her best friend was something she found immensely entertaining), her hand coming up to rub your back. “What are you looking for my darling,”

“I forgot my socks,” you huffed, shoving your bag to the floor pouting. Christen’s lips ticked up slightly as she leaned in to kiss your pink cheeks.

“That’s alright. I have an extra pair for you in my bag,”

Your blush deepened as you took the extra pair, slipping them on your feet. You nodded in thanks, she simply winked in return. She knew you’d forget something. You always did.

******

Meeting the team was an… experience. Kelley had immediately jumped on top of you, squealing about a new baby to corrupt before she was pulled off by Alex. Ashlyn and Ali had argued with Becky and Alyssa about who was going to be your team moms. The youngins had bombarded you with so many questions that it felt like your head was spinning. But through it, all Christen’s hand remained firmly in yours.

Standing in line, waiting for the forward vs defender drill to begin was a surreal experience for you. You watched with a keen eye as Mal went first and nearly navigated the ball past Becky. You kissed Christen’s cheek before she went and cleanly got past Kelley. Tobin took the next spot, pulling a clean nutmeg off on Abby. You were going to have to one-up her.

You took a deep breath, trying to settle your nerves, waiting to see which defender you would be up against.

“You good kid?” Megan asked, bumping your shoulder with her. You blinked, fighting the urge to squeal that The Megan Rapino was talking to you.

“Hm, excited!” You smiled, biting your lip as Sonnett took her place at the front of her line. Sonnett was good, but you were better and your desire to make a good first impression meant that you were really going to have to put on a show. There would be no better partner for the dance you had planned.

“Think you can best Sonnett?” Carli smirked, tapping you the ball.

“Definitely. Cant let a Cavalier get one over on me,” You winked, beginning to juggle the ball. Yeah, this was going to be fun.

******

“Holy shit, how are you so fast,” Emily panted, catching up to you after you’d made another shot at an unsuspecting Alyssa Naeher. It speared just past her fingertips, making the goal rattle as it made contact with the net.

“I ate lots of fudge striped cookies when I was younger,” You nodded, wiping the sweat from your forehead and heading towards the sidelines for your water break. From the time you were little you had believed wholeheartedly that the cookies made you run faster.

“Fudge stripped what?” Emily asked, her eyebrows furrowing beside you.

“Made by the Keebler elves. They’re magic,” You shrugged, glancing around for the greenbottle with your name on it, entirely unaware of the odd looks the team was giving you and the loving smile your girlfriend was sporting. “Where did I put my bottle?”

“It’s over-“ Mal started, only to be cut off by Christen’s elbow being lodged in her ribs.

“Take mine babe,” She laughed, passing you her bottle. You nodded in thanks, squirting the liquid into your mouth. What would you do without her? Mal smirked over your head at the green-eyed forward. Maybe part of your forgetfulness was her love of coming to your rescue.

“Sick ball skills Ducky,” Tobin clapped you in the back.

“Thanks!” You squeaked, the stream of water missing your mouth and spraying Christen in the chest. “Oops,” You giggled.

“If you want me to kiss you, you did it have to get me all wet, you could just ask,” She winked and you felt heat wash over your cheeks, all your previous confidence evaporating.

Mal covered her ears and shook her head fast. “Please don’t answer that with the comeback you’re thinking of,”. You smirked, shaking your head. You wouldn’t force her to bear her best friend and her team mom flirting.

“Hmm, I love your kisses,”

Christen giggled, wrapping her arms around your waist, and pulling you into a quick kiss. You pulled away when the team wolf-whistled, burying your face in your girlfriend's chest.

“Told you she wasn’t embarrassed,” Mal said, patting your back.

“Yeah, how could she when you put everyone on their ass,” Sonnett cackled. Your groan was muffled by your girlfriend's soft skin. Her fingers found their way under your chin, coaxing you out of your favorite hiding place. You Y/e/c eyes met her green ones.

“You thought I was embarrassed?” She asked softly, and you gave her a slight nod. How couldn’t she be? She was the Christen Press and you were just a bumbling college student who would lose her head if it wasn’t attached to her body.

“You’re you, and you have everything together, and I’m me and I forget everything,” You mumbled, shrugging.

“Well, I love you, even when you forget stuff. Plus, You look really cute in my clothes,” She kissed your nose and your cheeks before landing on your lips. You smiled into the kiss, enjoying the way her soft lips felt against yours.

It didn’t matter that you were younger. You would prove yourself to be an asset to the team and Christen loved you.

“Did they forget we’re here?” Emily’s whisper read followed by a slapping sound and Lindsey’s voice.

“Way to ruin a moment Sonnett,”

Yes. You were a mess, but you were Christen’s mess and you’d fit right in.

#christen press x reader #christen press imagine #uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines

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the-modernmary · 3 years

Text

my best habit || aaron hotchner x reader (prologue)

Summary: When Aaron Hotchner ended your affair with him, saying that a serial killer was going after him and his family, you were content with the idea that you'd probably never see him again. Two years have come and gone since then, but when you get dragged into an FBI investigation as a key witness, you and Hotch are forced to come face to face with all the things left unsaid.

Warnings: Age gap (15-ish years), smut, degradation, unprotected sex. This story is 18+ older. This is not a story for minors.

A/N: Hello, hello!! I figured that since I've made a writing tumblr, I should post my story on here!! This is a multichapter story, so I am very excited to go on this journey with y'all!! I already have multiple chapters written and published, so these should be coming out VERY quickly. If you don't want to wait to catch up, you can read everything I have on ao3! This chapter starts as a flashback, and then the next chapter and the rest from here on out will be actual plot!

masterlist || read on ao3

“If you were waitin’ on the sunshine, blue sky

Cheap high, lullaby

Then my best habit’s letting you down”

- The Maine, “My Best Habit”

Two years earlier

Your eyes scanned the University Ballroom, your champagne glass practically ignored in your hand. You hated all these alumni networking galas and avoided going to them as much as possible. Old, sleazy lawyers with much younger women on their arm reliving their best cases with each other and expecting all the new law students to laugh when they were able to get their defendant acquitted because of some dumb technicality. It made you sick.

It didn’t help that you were already going in with a bad attitude. Your ex-boyfriend had dropped by your apartment that morning to pick up the rest of his stuff, and he decided that the best person to help him with that was the girl he had been cheating on you with. You caught them together three weeks ago, and you had been so stressed from midterms that you hadn’t even had the chance to go out, get drunk, and have wildly irresponsible rebound sex.

But you had to suck it up for the night, at least until you were able to get the answer you came for. After that, you could go back to your apartment, replace your too tight and too short dress with some nice pajamas, and watch trashy reality TV until you passed out on your couch.

You scanned the room a few more times until you caught sight of a tall man in a dark suit leaning against the bar. Bingo. You set your champagne flute down and ran over to him as fast as your heels could take you. Once you were just a few steps away, you quickly composed yourself and walked straight into his line of sight.

SSA Aaron Hotchner rarely came to alumni events here at George Washington Law School, citing that he wasn’t even a prosecutor anymore and had much more important work to do back at the BAU, but he was going as favor to his old law school buddy. Plus, it was either coming to this or going out to the bar with the team, and seeing as he had just signed the divorce papers with Haley, he wanted to be somewhere he wasn’t going to be profiled all night. The free champagne was also a bonus.

When you saw that his name was on the RSVP list, you knew that you had to go.

“Agent Hotchner?” you asked, giving him your best straight A student smile.

He refused to look up right away, not giving you the chance to charm him. “I’m not currently on duty. If there is a case you would like the BAU to look over, that’s handled by our media liaison,” he said absently, taking another sip of champagne.

You frowned but kept your hand out for him to shake. “That’s not what I’m here for, I-” You took a breath to compose yourself. “My name is Y/N Y/L/N. I’m a first year here- getting a joint JD and masters in forensic psychology. My goal is to become a prosecutor,” you pressed, and you were rewarded when he perked up in interest. He slid his drink on the table.

“Most law firms don’t usually want a prosecutor who’s going to empathize with the person you’re prosecuting,” he mused, and shook your hand, his grip just tight enough to pass as faux politeness.

You shook your head and clasped your hands behind your back, trying to ignore how warm his hands were. “I think the best prosecutors empathize with the defendants,” you admitted. “Isn’t that how you succeeded as both a prosecutor and as a federal agent? That’s actually why I came to you, I wanted to ask you a question... about my thesis,” you added quickly, figuring that the best way to get him to talk to you.

Aaron’s posture changed from half asleep to maybe listening, and your face went red. Sure, you only came to the event to talk to him, but you never thought that you’d actually get Aaron Hotchner to pay attention to you. “I didn’t empathize with the people I was putting in jail,” he told you, his voice ice cold. “That didn’t come until I worked in the BAU, and even now, I wouldn’t call it empathy. Just understanding of how they became the type of person they are.” He leaned sideways on the bar counter and you felt yourself shrink under his gaze. You shifted slightly and felt the hem of your dress move up your thighs ever so slightly. Aaron noticed too, if the lick of his lips was anything to go by.

You took his silence as your signal to ask your question. “You offered Jessica Michaelson a lesser sentence that had her released in just three years despite the fact that she murdered her brother in cold blood in his sleep. You had the evidence, why didn’t you push for premeditation?” you asked, and his eyebrow quirked upwards. “In the case The People vs. Michaelson,” you added unnecessarily, trying to break the silence.

“I know the case you’re referring to. I was the lead on it,” he reminded you, his voice edging on dangerous. “You know, most people aren’t interested in my days as a lawyer.”

You shrugged, hoping to appear more confident than you felt. “I’m not most people,” you agreed, biting down on your lower lip. His gaze was so intense, and it was affecting you in ways you couldn’t have imagined. It was turning you on, you realized with a start. It had been a while since you had last had sex, and it was driving you only slightly crazy. “But that doesn’t answer my question.”

Aaron grabbed a champagne flute from a server walking by, and shoved it in your direction. You grabbed it cautiously. “Did you read the police report on the case?” he asked, and you nodded wordlessly, taking a sip of the champagne. The alcohol was making you bolder, and you stepped towards him. “Then you’ll know that there was very little physical evidence tying her to the muder. We chose to offer the charge that would have stuck instead of risking her being found not guilty.”

You gritted your teeth together in an effort to calm yourself down. “She murdered four people within the six months after she was released from prison,” you reminded him.

That seemed to have struck a chord with Aaron, and his steely persona seemed to fade ever so slightly. He sighed exasperatedly; you were obviously getting on his nerves. “The prints and DNA that were collected and put into VICAP when she was in prison are what got her caught in the end, and that was the evidence needed to lock her away for life. We wouldn’t have gotten those prints without her original charge. It all worked out.”

You groaned and threw your hands in the air. “You couldn’t have predicted that, though,” you argued. “And people have been found guilty with way less evidence than you had in the original case. I think you just felt bad for her, considering her brother was a real piece of shit.” You were being difficult now, you knew that. But there was something about Aaron Hotcher that was pulling you in, and you wanted to see how far you could push him.

Aaron gave you a predatory grin and he stepped towards you ever so slightly, finishing his drink. He must have had multiple drinks too, judging by the soft flush on his face. “Oh, you do?” He seemed amused now. He slowly raked his eyes from your face, down your neck, and down the rest of your body, and you forgot how to breath. You knew that it was inappropriate and that he was a highly respected FBI agent, even if he was kind of an asshole at the moment. You also knew that the two of you were crossing lines that neither of you should have even been close to, but you shivered under the weight of his gaze all the same.

You shifted back and forth, your brain trying to process what was happening. “Yeah, I do. And I know that you transferred to the FBI after Michaelson was arrested again, which makes me think that this case was your breaking point,” you ranted, your hands becoming more and more animated.

Aaron chuckled, but there was very little amusement behind it. “Are you sure you want to be a lawyer?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. “Because you’re starting to talk like a profiler.”

You arched an eyebrow at him. “No thanks,” you said firmly, and he just shrugged before making a move to walk past you. You sidestepped in front of him, effectively blocking him from going anywhere. But it was obvious that he was done talking about this.

In your mind, you had two options now. You could keep pushing him about a case that he obviously didn’t want to talk to you about, or you could switch gears in your brain and have him help you solve your... other problem. Aaron was attractive, and you were getting tired of guys your age. You noticed the distinct lack of a wedding ring on his finger, but there was still a tan to show that it had been there. So either he was recently separated or just trying to cheat on his wife. You wanted to not care whichever it was, but a pang in your heart told you to be considerate. Besides, you did not want to get involved with another cheater.

“Must be hard to be at these events without your wife here to scare off all the lonely female law students,” you mused cautiously. You didn’t want to come on too strong, but the alcohol in your system was slowly clouding your ability to be subtle.

Aaron cleared his throat, obviously taken aback by the sudden shift in conversation. “I’m not married,” he said, too quickly and too defensively. So he’s separated, you thought, and you stepped closer to him.

His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to figure out your endgame. “Well, I would love to discuss your work as a prosecutor more when there are less… distractions around,” you whispered, your words breathy. “Tell me Agent Hotchner, do I make you nervous?” You sounded a lot more confident than you felt.

Aaron just smirked and grabbed your free hand, covering it in both of his, and the action was surprisingly soft, even if it was way too late for him to try acting suave. His eyes, on the other hand, told a whole other story. His pupils were so dilated that his eyes were practically black. “I face the worst people in society on a daily basis. Desperate law students don’t make me nervous. In fact…” He stepped towards you, looking around to make sure nobody else was looking. Aaron leaned in close, his lips brushing against your ear with every word. “I think that I make you nervous. And more than nervous, I make you very excited.”

Your breath hitched as he pulled back, a smug smile gracing his lips. You yanked your hand back to preserve what little dignity you had left, but it was too late. “Now, if you would like to discuss my prosecuting career more in depth, then you can set up a formal meeting with me at the BAU,” he continued, obviously proud of himself and the effect he was having on you. He pulled out a business card and upon further instruction, you realized that it wasn’t even his. Jennifer Jareu the name read. “Our media liaison will be able to help you organize that. Now if you don’t mind, I am going to retire for the night.”

Aaron finished the rest of his drink and brushed past you while you were still trying to get your thoughts under control. “Oh, and you’ll make a wonderful lawyer someday, I’m sure of it,” he called over his shoulder, and that snapped you back into action.

You followed, running around him and cutting him off. “And if I don’t want to discuss your prosecuting career?” you asked, batting your eyelashes at him. “What if I was interested in a… less formal meeting?”

That was all the permission he needed. Aaron grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the ballroom, the two of you moving so fast that nobody in the room even had a chance to put two and two together. There was an empty hallway just next to the entrance of the room and Aaron pulled you in that direction, pressing you against the wall and kissing you fiercely the second the two of you were alone.

There was nothing gentle about the kiss, but in a strange role reversal, he let you take the lead. It’s certainly not what you expected from Aaron Hotchner who, until now, had been controlling every aspect of your meeting. You realized then that this was his way of making sure you were okay with what was happening- giving you a chance to back out and change your mind. You just answered by tangling your hands in his hair, pulling so that he was at just the right angle to kiss you.

Aaron dug his fingers into your hips, hard enough to make you gasp out. You were definitely going to have bruises the next day, but you couldn’t be bothered to care. He shoved his leg in between yours and tugged on your lip with his teeth, which made you whimper involuntarily. He smirked against your lips, obviously proud of the noises he was drawing from you. You pulled on his hair harder as a sign of irritation, but that seemed to only make him more amused as he pulled away to laugh into your neck.

“Are we just going to make out against a wall like we’re back in high school, or are you going to actually do something worth my time?” you breathe, fighting to keep your voice even and light. It only halfway worked as he dragged his tongue up your neck to your pulse point. And then he bit down, hard.

It took everything in your power to stay quiet, especially as he softly kissed the newly forming bruise. His attack on your neck was relentless as he pulled your hips and back forth against his thigh. You whimpered as you desperately tried to get any friction from the simple movement. Your skirt was now dangerously close to being pushed so far up your legs that you would be completely exposed.

You pulled away first- you had to or your legs were going to completely give out from under you. You desperately tried to get your breathing under control and, to your annoyance, he looked perfectly composed. The only thing giving him away was his slightly swollen lips.

His fingers trailed up your thigh, getting so close to where you want him. “What would you like me to do then?” he asked easily, his voice almost sounding bored. You were speechless, like your brain had just short circuited. There were a lot of things you wanted him to do, but the words were lost on the tip of your tongue. “If you want something, you have to ask for it.” That was a demand, and he punctuated it by pressing his thigh further into you. You were sure he was going to have a wet spot on his slacks. He took the hand not in between your legs and grabbed your jaw forcefully, his thumb resting on your bottom lip. “Use your words, little girl.”

You realize that the two of you were standing on the edge of a cliff, and you had the power to decide whether or not to jump over. It gave you a strange sense of power. Logically, you knew it was a bad idea. He was too old for you, obviously going through some sort of relationship trauma, and wasn’t somebody you could talk to your friends and family about. But the less rational side wanted him so badly it hurt. You wanted him more than you’ve wanted anything or anyone in a long time.

You noticed your strawberry colored lipstick was smudged ever so slightly on the corner of his mouth, and that’s all it took for you to jump off the side of the cliff. “I want you to drag me into the empty classroom just down the hall and fuck me senseless. I want you to use me,” you moan before taking his thumb into your mouth and sucking.

The look on his face is something you’ll never forget. There was a mix of shock and arousal, but also something primitive; His eyes darkened when you told him to use you, and there was a fluttering in your stomach. You couldn’t tell if it was from excitement or dread. Maybe even both.

He removed his hands from your mouth and legs, only to place his hand on the small of your back. He began walking towards the classroom you had pointed out, much too slow for your liking, but he knew exactly what he was doing. “You’re going to regret asking me to use you,” he practically growls in your ear, each word increasing your arousal. “Are you one of those lonely female law students you warned me about? So desperate and needy for a real man to bend you over a table and fuck you until you can’t walk straight? Ready and willing to whore yourself out for the first man who gives you a second glance?”

Your breath hitched as you stuttered out your answer. “Y-yes, Agent Hotchner,” you whispered as he opened the classroom door and guided you in.

As soon as the door was shut and locked, he was back on your lips again, lifting you so that you were sitting on one of the desks with your legs wrapped around his waist. “Call me Aaron,” he mumbled in between kisses, and you were all too happy to oblige.

You were a moaning mess at this point as his hands pushed your dress up to your waist. His hands and lips were somehow everywhere at once and you were so hot and all you could think about was getting your damn dress off, but Aaron seemed to have other plans.

He ran his fingers up your lace covered slit and he just chuckled into your lips. “You’re so wet for me, already,” he groaned and you let out an embarrassingly loud moan. “And I’ve barely touched you. Do my words really have that much effect on you? Do you like it when I call you a whore?”

He hooked his fingers under the waistband of your panties and quickly pulled them down. You could feel his bulge pressing against you and all you could think about was how badly you wanted it. How badly you wanted him. Your hands moved down his chest to make quick work of his belt, and his pants followed after.

“Please, please Aaron,” you begged, desperately trying to create some friction against him. His fingers tangled in your hair and he pulled your head back so that you were looking at him.

“You’re so pretty when you beg.” His fingers slowly ran up your slit, not enough to give you any pleasure. He was teasing you and enjoying every second of it. “And I wish I could take my time with you. The things I want to do to you…” Two of his fingers entered you and you cried out loudly. “But somebody could walk in on us at any second. I’m sure they can all hear you moaning like a dirty whore, all for me. But you’d like that, wouldn’t you? So desperate for my attention and approval.”

His words turned you on more than you would have liked to admit. “Yes, Aaron yes. Please-” you were cut off by Aaron curling his fingers, hitting that spot that made you want to scream out in pleasure. But all too soon, they were gone.

He inspected his fingers, which were now covered in your juices, before bringing them to your mouth. “Suck,” he ordered, and you eagerly complied, wrapping your lips around his fingers and moaning at the taste of yourself. “I’ll just have to fuck you quickly here, and then you’ll be begging for more next time,” he groaned and finally- finally- entered you.

He didn’t give you time to adjust to him, thrusting roughly into you. He removed his fingers from your mouth and brought his hand to your neck. He didn’t put any pressure, but he wanted you to know that he could and would if you decided to get mouthy with him.

Your hands gripped the edge of the desk you were sitting on, your knuckles turning white. Your eyes started to close in pleasure as his hips slammed into yours, but they shot open as he tightened his grip on your throat. “Look at me. I want to see you when you cum,” he ordered, and you nodded the best you could.

“Yes sir!” you cried out, unsure of what else to say.

Seemingly satisfied with your answer, Aaron released your throat and moved his hand down so that he was stimulating your clit. You could feel the coil in your stomach tighten as your legs started to twitch. Aaron took this as motivation to slam into you even harder, relishing each time you gasped out his name.

His pace was unforgiving, leaving you gasping for air. Keeping your eyes open was a challenge, but you were able to do it with his soft mutters of praise. “Even brats like you can be good girls,” he groaned, his thrusts becoming erratic. “You just need somebody to fuck it into you.”

You were unable to respond coherently, so you just settled on begging even more, although you weren’t sure what you were begging for exactly. Aaron seemed to know, and he sped up his fingers against your clit. You wanted to scream out for him, but your voice wasn’t working. “What did I say before?” he asks roughly. “If you want something, ask for it.”

“Please… please can I cum?” you cried out, feeling yourself getting close to the edge. “Please let me cum around your cock!”

He nodded in approval and you had to muffle yourself in his neck to keep quiet. He fucked you through your orgasm, the overstimulation almost too much, but it wasn’t long before he was moaning your name, and you felt him fill you.

The two of you stayed like that for a few moments, both breathing heavily as the situation started to sink in. You just let a guy almost 15 years older than you that you just met fuck you in an empty classroom, and you really enjoyed it. Aaron, on the other hand, looked like he was going through a full crisis.

He pulled out of you slowly, and you winced at the feeling. He pulled up his pants quickly. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, looking around the empty classroom. “I don’t have anything good to clean you up with.” A box of kleenex caught his eye and he grabbed a few tissues. It was better than nothing.

You chuckled nervously and waved it off. “It’s fine,” you promised, your voice coming out shakier than you expected, but he ignored you. He wiped the mess dripping down your thighs. You were cold. He must have noticed, because he took off his suit jacket and wrapped it around your shoulders.

“Are you okay?” Aaron asked softly, and it was a full 180 from the way he had just been talking to you.

“I’m great,” you admitted honestly. “Seriously, that was… great.”

Aaron smiled at you- the first real smile he had given you all night. “It wasn’t too much?” he confirmed, and you suddenly remembered what he had said to you earlier. ...then you’ll be begging for more next time. Was he planning on a next time? You wouldn’t have minded it.

You shook your head and slowly slid off the table. You took one of the tissues and wiped up the mess that was left on the table. “Not at all. In fact, I could take more. Next time.” Your voice was light and airy. Aaron watched as you picked your underwear off the floor. There was no way you were putting those back on, not when you had no idea when the floor was last cleaned.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” he teased, eyeing you carefully.

“Well I can’t keep it if I only have your media liaison’s number,” you reminded him, your eyebrow raised. Aaron chuckled and pulled out another business card, except this time it was his. You plucked the card out of his hands and inspected it carefully. “I’ll call you sometime. You can do all those other things we didn’t have time to do.” You were on your tiptoes now, whispering in his ear. “You know… my mouth can do a lot more than just ask for things.” As you spoke, you slipped your panties into his back pocket. You just laughed as you heard a soft gasp escape his lips.

You made your way towards the door, your legs wobbling dangerously underneath you. You were sure that you looked like a mess, but you didn’t care. All that mattered to you was Aaron Hotchner’s eyes glued to your ass. “Get home safe,” he told you and you let yourself smile. Maybe it was a bad idea to start sleeping with a recent divorcee, but the sex was great and you both knew where you stood with the other person. No feelings, just fucking out your frustrations and stress.

Oh yeah, coming to this event was definitely a good call on your part.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x y/n #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner smut #my best habit #my writing

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embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars • 06

Pairings: Sirius Black x [F]Reader, Remus Lupin x [F]Reader Content: Language, possible errors, music snob!Remus, Author’s notes: song used: Come Together by The Beatles

BTW: I always try to use little to no physical descriptions for the reader insert but I did add that the reader has some sort of hair. I didn't mention hair texture or length (Sorry if ur bald). My taller readers, I only mentioned that you were shorter than Remus (no height was given)

Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 6: ABBA vs. The Beatles

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

“Merlin’s beard! Binns is a sadist; torturing students must be his only pastime,” James yawned, taking his glasses off to rub his eyes.

Nothing could ever compare to the History of Magic. Today, lessons were dreadful and muddy. Professor Binns’ monotone voice filtered throughout the class, rambling on and on about various dates in history. Hardly anyone paid attention before he started calling on students. Annoyed, Binns would continue to reiterate his inquiry until the student(s) got the correct answer, no matter how long it took.

A sadist indeed.

Although Binns wasn’t the sole reason why the class was pathetic, but rather the lack of any practical work was simply a joke. The class only reminded Y/N of her short time in public school. Geometry? Utterly useless for any daily life interactions. To make matters worse, Binns surprised the class with a pop-quiz and two chapters of reading. Luckily, he had an ounce of mercy in his ghostly body and dismissed the class early for lunch.

James continued, “I would rather fight a dragon than — Woah! Your hair! “

She glanced to look at herself through the reflection in James’ glasses. Her hair, which originally was emerald green, was now turning into a golden yellow. The different colours clashed together boldly.

“You look like the banner for the Holyhead Harpies,” Peter said, striding up to James’ side.

“The Holyhead Harpies,” James said dreamily, “They’re probably one of my favourite teams.

Remus, who had been trailing behind Peter jumps in, “You only like them because they’re all women, you wanker.” He turns to Peter, his hand shooting up to the side of his head, massaging small circles into his temples, “Why’d you get him going?”

James became insufferable whenever someone or something mentioned Quidditch. Not only would he boast about his abilities as a Chaser, but he seemingly was a never-ending encyclopedia about Quidditch. It only worsened as November neared, the start of the new Quidditch season was approaching.

One time Y/N found herself stuck listening to him babble about Ireland winning the world cup for about thirty minutes. She didn’t have the heart to stop him, though. Nobody listened to his rants and he could hardly contain his excitement. How could she tell him she wasn’t interested?

A monstrous smirk etched its way onto his face, “Caught me.”

“Be anymore of a predator would ya, Prongs?”

“Hey! That’s not the only reason why I like them. Did you forget their victory in 1953 against the Heidelberg Harriers? Their strategy was blood-fucking-brilliant. They’re legendary! My father was there to see it in person. Lucky bastard. He told me…”

His voice fades into the background as Y/N catches Remus’ eyes. A glint of mischief shined through them before he forced a fake pitiful smile. He mouthed a quick ‘sorry’ to her before looping his arm around Peter’s shoulder, discreetly leaving James’ side and out of the classroom.

That sly, slippery bastard.

"— and did I mention that their seeker was one of the most sought out —”

“Wait, James.”

He abruptly pauses, waiting patiently for her to continue. She leads them out into the corridor and towards the great hall. “Sorry, didn’t mean to cut you off like that, but when is my hair going back to normal?”

Y/N instantly regretted mentioning her hair. There was no trace of a smile on James. His shoulders slumped a bit and his walking even staggered. “Godric, I know, I know and I’m sorry. I thought it would have returned back to normal by now. I’ve been creating reversal spells — even started asking Moony to help.”

“Moony?”

“Remus.”

“Another one of your nicknames?”

“It’s not a nickname! It’s a brotherhood — a pack!”

“Oh, sorry Prongs,” she drawled, a sarcastic smile on her face, “If I didn’t know you I would assume you were an asshole.”

“What? How?!”

“You go around calling yourself a marauder, the king of Quidditch and now Prongs. Seems pretty assholely.”

James’ mouth opens before closing again, repeating the process several times.

“Plus, you pull silly pranks every day.”

He chuckles, “Oi! You helped us with that itching idea!”

Her eyebrows raised in acknowledgement, “Touché.”

To this, James shakes his head, directing the conversation back to the Holyhead Harpies. Inwardly, Y/N wanted to whack him with a broomstick.

They were among the first students to reach the Great Hall, aside from students who had a free or were excused early by Professor Binns. None of the girls were there yet. Unfortunately, Marlene was held back by Binns, so Y/N was left to sit beside James who sat opposite to Remus, Peter and Sirius.

She had been trying her best to avoid Sirius whenever she could. It was clear he didn’t like her. He never laughed whenever she made a joke, he hardly noticed her, he never praised her, even if she tried to compliment him. He was just rude for no apparent reason. The rest of the marauders and girls knew this, although they preferred not to comment about the obvious, strained relationship (which they didn’t even know the reason for. Granted, Y/N wasn't quite sure herself. Was it the rejection, he just didn't like her or is just an ass?).

Although, ignoring and avoiding him proved to be extremely challenging. Y/N was glued to Lily’s hip ever since the Sorting Ceremony. It also didn’t help that if you were with one marauder, another one was sure to follow. She and James started to spend more time with each other, and by extension, she was obligated to be around at least one other marauder. With the addition of study sessions with Remus, it was inevitable.

Surprisingly, Sirius hadn’t made any snarky remarks, excluding dirty looks, he was being… nice — nicer to her. The action was a stark contrast from his previous behaviour and she speculated a few reasons why:

Most likely, James or Lily, she assumed the former, said something to him. Since his little spat with James at breakfast a few weeks ago, Sirius was tight-lipped ever since.

Maybe he was done being a prick, deciding to stop by himself after realizing he was a prick.

Went through something personal, it stopped, and his behaviour improved.

Minutes after the bell rang, students began to trickle in for lunch. The comfortable chatter rose as Y/N finished eating an apple. Everyone seemed pleased when James’ Quidditch lecture was interrupted as hundreds of owls streamed in, packages and letters dropping into the laps of students. She hadn’t expected anything considering her owl, Celeste, didn’t drop anything off since the first week of October. However, today she fluttered down between the bread and fruit bowls, dropping off several letters and a small parcel onto Y/N’s plate, pecking at the bread crumbs on the table. She tore the letter open, inside it said:

Dear Y/N,

Are you still having a hard time with Charms? If so, perhaps I find some textbooks and send them over.

Don’t slack off this year. Send me a letter whenever you have the chance. (Make sure to tell Celeste to be quieter next time. You know I can, and never will get used to the owls.)

Mom

Her mother finally wrote to her. A sense of joy flooded her body as she placed the letter back down on the oak table. A part of her wondered if Celeste was dropping off her letters to the wrong house, the one back in Toronto as her mother never wrote back. She opened the next letter, immediately recognizing the messy scrawl:

October 19, 1975

Y/N! I thought you replaced me with one of your brits, but a false alarm, your letters just take a while to arrive. Must be tiring for Celeste to travel to and from Scotland then America and back. You know, whenever people see her fly in, they still recognize her.

Are you doing anything for Halloween? We’re throwing another dance. Going to be alone this year now that I can’t force you to come. I guess I’ll just watch half the school dry hump each other while I smuggle in firewhiskey.

How’s it going over there? I heard from a few students, even read in the papers about the war. It’s getting pretty crazy over here. Teachers have been meeting and trying to prevent students and parents from losing their shit. My mom has been worried too, writing to me like a lunatic and I’m not even in the UK. The MACUSA have been keeping quiet but they were caught having meetings with counsellors from the Ministry of Magic. Even heard that Jenkins is stepping down. If it keeps getting out of hand here, I can’t imagine what it must be like at Hogwarts. I truly thought the war was dying down, I was wrong. Keep your wand close. Surely, you’ll get away with a hex or two.

Until next time

Matthew G.

So engrossed in her new environment, her old life slipped to the back of her mind. There was a detachment from her reality compared to the one at home. A pang of guilt hit her, swallowing her up from the inside out until another pang hit, loneliness. If she easily forgot everyone, would anyone remember her? None of her old friends, apart from Matthew, had made a move to contact her since she left.

Often thinking about writing them first, she had to remind herself if they wanted to, they would. Especially with the knowledge that people still recognized Celeste.

Was she forgettable and if so, was it karma for forgetting too?

It put a mechanical vice grip on her heart, applying just enough pressure to be a constant reminder. With every beat, it tightened more and more.

Looking around the table, she saw her peers huddle in groups, familiar laughter ringing throughout. So noisy, so taunting. She may have been friends with Lily, Dorcas, James or even Marlene, but they had their own friends. Friendships that had years to develop before she came. She had only known them for less than two months.

Forgettable.

How hilarious, she thought.

“Hey,” a gentle voice cooed into her ear, “Are you okay?”

She hummed back absentmindedly.

James wore a concerned expression, his eyes knitted together, one raised higher than the other like it always does when he was worried. The look he shot her suggested he wasn’t convinced, although he didn’t press; instead opting to stir the conversation. “So, who wrote to you?”

“A friend and my mom —”

A snort so loud that it caused the rest of the marauders, random onlookers and even Lily (who had a look of pure disgust on her face) turned towards them. “What did you say?”

“I got a few letters?”

“No!” He bellowed, “Who sent you them?”

“My friend and my mom —”

Nearly choking on his sandwich, James clutched his stomach laughing. Laughing so hard he has to grip the table to prevent falling off the hall bench. "Haha! Mom?! MOM?” He mocked in a poor American accent, “What the fuck is mom? It’s MUM. Bollocks!”

“We say vitamin.”

“It’s VIT-A-MIN! Who says VIGHT-A-MIN?” Without a pause, James presses his entire body onto her shoulder, smushing her before grabbing the letter her mother sent her. His eyes scanned across the pages before hitting a certain word. “Back home? Maple trees? Where did you use to live exactly?”

“Canada.”

“Canada?! You don’t mean those snowy gits?” At this, Peter and Remus snort under their breaths. Even Lily had to force down a smile.

Staring deadpanned at him, in an unamused voice, “Really?”

“You are a bundle of surprises! I thought you lived… I’m not sure. I assumed somewhere like New Hork.”

“York,” Lily corrects.

“Tomato, tomato,” he jokes, playfully batting his eyes at Lily before biting into his sandwich, “You do live in London, right?”

“Right.”

James takes a moment, letting the conversation die down before he quickly glances at Y/N again. An undecipherable expression crosses his face before it’s promptly replaced with elation, “I take back anything negative I’ve said about Canada. They have an amazing Quidditch rooster. Have you gone to any of their games?”

A low grumble of sighs follows at the mention of Quidditch from James. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Remus shake his head and sighed dejectedly.

“Nah, I’m a New-Maj, remember? My mom — “

“Mum —”

“ — sorry, Mum — hardly understands the wizarding world, let alone what Quidditch is.”

His eyes were wide, whimsical, as a hand flew to his chest dramatically, “Rubbish! Bloody ridiculous! You’ve never seen a real Quidditch game? One day, I swear I’ll bring you to one! Or you can bring me to Canada one day and we can watch a home game!”

As James continued to rant, Y/N’s mind slowly drifted back to the bitterness in her chest. Trying to distract herself, she borrowed Lily’s quill and a few sheets of parchment, scribbling down letters in response.

Mom,

I’m fine with Charms, you don’t need to send anything. And don’t worry, I’ve been studying for my OWLs.

Love you, write soon.

The next letter was addressed to Matthew:

Matty Matt,

Of course, I didn’t replace you… yet.

Another dance? You would think the students’ protest last year would have influenced the professors this time. I guess it’s time for you to get wasted. I didn’t tell you last time but I think I’m going to a party. A friend of mine is throwing it and I know he’s going to force me to come no matter what. He briefly mentioned costumes and drinks. Plus, there’s going to be some kind of prank that I may or may have not been a part of? Sounds cool right?

Yeah, I’d say it’s been bad up here. I don’t know much about what's going on outside of school, though. The professors are hiding it well. I didn’t even hear about Jenkins stepping down. Keep me updated.

Until next time

She sealed the letters before sending Celeste off again, “Be quieter when you drop off the letters, yeah?”

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

It must be her lucky day.

The ringing of the bell went off, signalling the end of class. Professor Flitwick asked the students to stay behind so he could hand out quizzes the students completed on Monday in preparation for their upcoming test on Growth and Reductor charms the following Tuesday.

It was never a good sign when a professor flips your test over to prevent other students from seeing their mark. Flipping it over at a downwards angle, Flitwick handed Y/N her quiz.

Turning it over nervously, a tight coil formed in the pit of her stomach. A large P was plastered on the top right corner in bold red ink. She studied hard for this too. Angrily, she shoved her work into her bag and left the class. This was the third poor she'd gotten in a row. She should have told her mother she needed those Charm books.

“I swear I’m going mad! Her brother is a complete cow! He even — are you listening?”

She looks at the girl beside her, Marlene. Her glossed over, doe eyes must have served as an answer before the blonde shook her head.

“Sorry, distracted,” she mumbles, before forcing out a fake-happy tone, “Continue your story! I wanna hear!”

“Hey,” Marlene says in a softer voice, “If something’s bothering you, you can talk about it.”

“No, it’s okay,” she replies instinctively. She felt bad spacing out during Marlene’s story but her mind was running through and under hoops. The last thing any fifth year student needed was to fall behind in their classes, let alone feeling like nobody cared about them.

At that moment, she wished she was wrapped away in red and gold blankets to wallow in her self-pity party, away from prying eyes. She could feel the burning sensations of tears building up.

Dammit.

Y/N looked out the window to her left. The sky was melting with the warm hues of reds and yellows while the other half was being slowly engulfed into a cloak of twilight. Even from here, she could feel the cool air seeping in from the windows making her tug on the sleeves of her robes.

She continued, “I’m just tired — been a long day. I’m going to take a nap before dinner. See you.”

Judging by the look on Marlene and Lily’s face, guilt riddles her body. They both look sympathetic. The pity only made Y/N feel disgusting. In all honesty, Y/N will care later. Right now wasn’t the time and she desperately needed some shut-eye.

Before she left the room, she overheard them talking.

“What’s up with her?”

“Dunno.”

Great.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

Sleep did little to ease her thoughts.

The same uneasiness she felt on the train ride to Hogwarts settled deep into her bones again. She thought she was past this. The worrying about friends, missing home, feeling alone, failing class, stressing about her future. The rational part of her brain knew it was just one silly quiz (and old shitty friends), but knowing herself, if she were to continue to have this mindset, she would only fail in the end.

Dinner ended and Y/N belligerently climbed up the stairs towards the library to attend today’s study session. The Charms quiz threw her into a loop and it was better not to dwell on it, opting to rather use her time for something useful.

Her marks improved significantly since she attended her first session two weeks ago. The last couple of assignments and quizzes she handed in that she worked on during the groups were some of her best work, ever. Additionally, her ability to retain information was improving at astonishing rates and she found herself participating in lessons more often. Unfortunately, she started to doubt her abilities again.

There weren’t as many students as usual. Perhaps it was because of the Quidditch meeting for all teams tonight, or because nobody wanted to spend their time in a library Friday night. She assumed it was the latter.

Although, the same student with black hair from Slytherin was there; tucked away in his usual corner. He was always there. Whether it was the study sessions, another OWL or NEWT student or he simply just enjoyed the library, Y/N could always rely on him sitting there in his little nook.

In the far back, surrounded by tall bookshelves sat Remus. Another student, a first or second year, judging by their height, seemed to be asking him a question, rapidly writing down something on a piece of parchment whilst they walked away. Remus leaned back in the brown chair, his right leg was folded over the other as he stretched.

She spent over twelve hours minimum with Remus directly since the first session, minus the time he was around James and the girls. Perhaps she only started to notice afterwards but she swore Remus wasn’t around this much before. Now, he was everywhere.

In the past couple of weeks she’d gotten to know him, she made a mental list in her head of him:

1. Remus loves sweaters. They weren’t flashy, seemingly preferring to wear ones with small designs, stripes or a solid colour. He wore green the most. He also wore cardigans. Two, in particular, he wore the most; one was white and the other was a muted brown. They were big and hung off his loose frame, the pockets were often stuffed with books, rumpled parchment and his wand.

2. He’s a coffee addict. He drank it in the morning, the afternoon, at the study session and sometimes with meals at dinner. He loved to dump pounds of sugar, so if he only drank black coffee, it usually meant he was in a bad mood. James even joked that he became Sirius whenever he drank black coffee, because haha! Get it? It’s BLACK coffee!

3. He frequented the library whenever he wasn’t with the rest of the marauders. He enjoyed poetry, wrote post-it notes after post-it notes to annotate his favourite parts. He even slept there from time to time, not without having to persuade Pince to not give him detention.

As if Remus magically sensed her, he took a large inhale before he stopped stretching, opening his eyes to look at her. A small smile was plastered on each other’s faces. He stuck up a few fingers to wave at her, motioning her to come over.

“Hi Y/N. I thought you didn’t come on Fridays?”

“I don’t but I have a test, Charms, Tuesday.”

“Oh, well I’m happy to help.”

“Thanks for the offer, Professor Lupin, but just being down here will help me focus.”

A scarlet blush settled on his face at the mention of his tutoring. “Well come sit with me then.”

Pushing the chair out of the way, she sat down beside him, pulling out her cassette player and earbuds along with her notes. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Remus staring at the player curiously.

“Do you want to listen?”

“If you don't mind. I didn’t know you could use these here.” Picking it up, he turned the rectangular device.

“If record players work here, why not this?”

She hands him an earbud, alongside a small collection of other tapes she had on hand.

“Choose whatever you want to listen to.”

Without much thought, he pressed the play button. The upbeat tune of Waterloo by ABBA trickled into their ears. Y/N bobbed her head up and down before the song was suddenly stopped.

A sour grimace sat on Remus’ face before their eyes met, his nose upturned slightly.

“Why’d you stop it?”

“I hate ABBA.”

“What!?”

“I just don’t like their cheesy disco-pop-esk sound. They sound generic and random words are thrown in when they don’t add to the song.”

“Jeez— never met anyone who hated them that much.”

A ghost of a smile appeared before he flicked through her collection of tapes. He picked up Abbey Road by The Beatles. Opening the player up, he slid out Waterloo. With a click and the press of a button, Come Together played.

“So you hate ABBA but not The Beatles? Benny and Bjorn said they were influenced by them!”

“Keyword: Influenced; which is just another word for a shitty knock-off version.”

4. Remus Lupin is apparently a music snob.

“Well, I think both are good.”

“Respectfully, I disagree with you.”

“Whatever you say, professor.”

"I've been thinking a bit, why did you come to Hogwarts? Why not just stay at your old school?"

The sudden switch of topics threw her into a loop. “Wasn’t by choice. My mom’s a doctor and got a position here. It was too good to turn down. But it’s not bad. There’s less wizarding laws.”

He nods his head, "I'm assuming you have dual citizenship?"

"Mhm."

About a half an hour passed as she sighed for the umpteenth time before putting down her quill. Her chair scraped back noisily as Y/N’s hand balled up into a tight fist, feeling her fingernails bite into her palm. She’d been flicking through her notes, the words all blended.

At this rate, if History of Magic didn’t exist, Charms would surely be her least favourite class.

“Are you sure you don’t need help?”

She was at a loss, this was the third time Remus had offered to help and he was persistent. She felt horrible that she was taking up his time to help her on a stupid Charms test.

He continued, “If you think bothering me is an issue, it’s not. I run the sessions on Friday. It’s my job.”

“Fine, but there has to be something I can do in return.”

“Hmm,” Remus pondered for a second, “How about this, I tutor you in Charms and in return you give me your Potions notes? I'm dreadful at it.”

“Deal.”

“Great. Before we start, is there anything in particular that you have questions on?”

Silently tapping on the quiz she received today, Remus snatched it and quickly scanned over her answers and Professor Flitwick’s notes.

“I see what happened. You know, the curriculum taught at Ilvermorny is different. That’s probably why you can’t understand some of this shit.” He cleared his throat, “So as we know, the growth charm increases the size of your intended target…”

His voice, like a light switch, changed instantly. Instead of his softer deep, raspier voice, it became commanding and steady. He never stumbled over his words and articulated his points elegantly. She found herself enraptured by him, understanding why he was in charge of the study groups.

Eventually, Remus takes a pause, “Does that make sense?”

“Yes. You know, you’re really good at this. No matter how much I asked Flitwick or even Lily I could never get it.”

A large blush bloomed on the apples of his cheeks before he shyly rubbed the back of his neck, averting his eyes. “I’m not that good.”

“No time for modesty, Professor Lupin!”

“Okay, okay! So here, do you see what went wrong? There would be a reaction with those two spells if —”

A boy, small, most likely a second year, stood at the foot of the shared table holding a large red and gold book. His hair, dark ginger, similar to Lily’s, was cut short. He fiddled with his fingers as he continued to stare at the two.

“... Um, hi. You're Remus — right?”

“Yup. Did you need help with something?”

“Yes! I’m having trouble with the Transfiguration spell, beetle into button.”

A look of understanding passed through his face before Remus turns to look at her, “Duty calls. It’ll be quick.”

“Of course, take your time.”

It was not quick. Understandably, very few were successful at the ginger’s age to perform the spell, but thirty minutes passed and the second year still didn’t understand the basic concepts. No matter how many times Remus had reiterated his point differently, the boy couldn’t retain it.

“I just don’t get it.”

“You learned this last year, it's a quick revision. I’m not sure what part you’re talking about. Look, do not wiggle or twirl your wand left, direct it towards the right. You have to picture the spell in your head before saying the incantation.”

He guided the boy's hand steadily before performing the spell himself.

“I don’t understand!” The boy whined.

He sighed, “Then we keep trying —”

“It’s too hard. Why are they teaching this crap anyway?”

“Could you stop complaining?” He snapped, closing his eyes before he realized what he’d just done. “I’m sorry about that. I’m… just tired. I can’t help you anymore, though. You should ask someone else,” Remus said brusquely, his eyes unnerving as he stared at the child. As a result, he yelped out a ‘thank you,’ rushing off in the opposite direction.

The muscles in his jaw tensed under the soft glow of the table lamps. There was a pale red tint rimming his eyes and he looked visibly paler than normal. Irritated, he bounced his knee rapidly, up and down, before looking out the large window beside them. The sky was mostly cloudy. Only the peak of the silvery moon appeared. A sliver was missing before it was fully complete.

He closed his eyes, before breathing in. His posture once stiffened, completely relaxed before a flimsy smile reappeared on his face, returning his attention to Y/N.

“Let’s continue, shall we?”

“If you’re tired we can stop.”

“No, s’okay. I’m fine — really.”

She chewed the inside of her cheek, adding to her list:

5. Remus was always so hard to read.

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