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harrysfolklore · 9 months

Note

Can you write a blurb where y/n is pregnant and she and harry are at a family party or something and everyone keeps touching her bump and she’s very uncomfortable, and harry comforts her? Xx

as usual, i hated the ending for this but i hope you guys like it 🥲 let me know your thoughts and thanks for the request <33

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

GIF BY @whatsthereinthename

The world was going crazy over Harry Styles becoming a dad.

And the fact that the picture he posted on his Instagram to announce it gathered over 30m likes, making it the 10th most liked picture on the platform’s history proved it.

However, his millions of fans all over the world weren’t the only ones feeling absolutely ecstatic over his wife being pregnant with his first child, his family was also losing their minds over the news.

The Styles family loved YN to pieces, and not only Harry’s nuclear family consisting of his mom and sister, his extended family including aunts, uncles, cousins and even family friends had grown to love the girl over the years. So when Anne called up to invite them over for one of her famous get togethers, they were over the moon because they knew the couple would be there and they would catch a glimpse of a pregnant YN for the first time.

“You ready, love?” Harry said as he entered their shared bathroom where his wife was applying the finishing touches to her makeup.

“I am, just need to spray on some perfume and I’m good to go.” She said as she turned around to face her husband, and when Harry got a proper look at her his breath almost hitched in his throat.

She looked absolutely breathtaking with her navy blue sundress and the brand new bump that adorned her body.

Harry swore that he had never seen someone more beautiful.

“Look at you, darling.” Harry simply said, putting a hand on his chin, looking at her almost in disbelief.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” YN joked for a moment, battling her eyelashes at him.

“No, you’re just the most gorgeous woman on this earth.”

“And you’re a total sap, let’s go, I don’t want us to be late.”

The car ride to Anne’s house was nice, their favorite soft tunes and small talk filled the air until they got there, and before getting off the car, Harry took a moment to reassurance his wife about the evening.

“If you feel uncomfortable or want to rest let me know immediately, okay? I don’t want you or baby to be overwhelmed.”

She pecked his lips softly before speaking, “We’ll be good, don’t worry.”

They got off the car and we’re instantly met with Anne waiting for them by the door, a fond smile on her face at the sight of two of her favorite people.

“I’m so happy you made it,” she said as he hugged Harry first, “Darling! You’re absolutely glowing!” she hugged her daughter-in-law, gently caressing her bump.

“Thank you, Anne. It’s so good to see you.”

The three of them headed to the backyard where the rest of the guests were mingling, and once YN stepped foot all eyes were on her, complimenting how beautiful her bump looked.

“YN darling! Long time no see!” one of Harry’s aunts approached her, hugging her before placing a hand on her bump.

At this, she immediately tensed, not used to anyone aside from Harry touching her bump.

Harry noticed it and he placed a hand on her back protectively before speaking, “We’re going to sit down for a bit, the missus is a bit tired from the drive here.”

Once they were seated next to Gemma and her boyfriend Michal, YN squeezed Harry’s leg gently and gave him a soft smile, as a way to thank him for his previous action.

The evening went on smoothly, they ate Anne’s delicious food and engaged with family they haven’t seen in a while.

However, every time someone came close to YN, trying to touch her bump or just invade her personal space, she grew more and more uncomfortable.

“Your bump is getting so big!”

“Is the baby kicking yet?”

“I miss having a baby bump.”

Were some of the comments YN had heard all day long, and by the time another of Harry’s aunts tried to approach her, she had enough and quickly exited the backyard before she could reach her.

“Love? Are you okay? Saw you running away back there.”

Harry’s voice made its way to her ears, she was leaning on the kitchen counter, her back facing him.

“I’m okay, just needed a breather.” She said, her eyes closed and still not facing him.

“Hey,” Harry slowly approached her, standing next to her but not touching her, “Can you look at me please?”

YN slowly turned around, and once Harry saw her watery eyes with tears threatening to come out, he pulled her to his chest.

“What’s going on, love? What made you upset?”

YN took a few breaths before speaking, “I just, I’m not used to anyone but you touching my bump and being close to me, and your aunts have been all over me all evening and I guess I got overwhelmed,” she sniffed before continuing, “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be rude to your family but these hormones are acting up.”

“It’s okay love, nothing to apologize for,” he pecked her forehead softly, “Do you want to get out of here, we can leave now.”

“No, we don’t have to leave,” YN interrupted him, “Can you just, stay next to me when we go out there? I feel safer when you’re close.”

Harry almost melted at her words, and she grabbed her chin and kissed her lips softly.

“Of course, my love. I’ll always make sure you and baby feel safe and comfortable.”

And with a final shared kiss, they headed out again, Harry staying by YN’s side the entire time, making sure she and his baby were always safe.

taglist: @lightsoutstyles @willowpains @straightontilmornin @sleutherclaw @gimsaysay @hazzassmirk @platinumbarbie143 @musicforcinemas @celesteblack08 @scntfrhs @eleanordaisy @lomlolivia @iceebabies @iloveshawn @be-with-me-so-happily @watermelonsugacry @rayisthehoe @drewrry

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russellsppttemplates · 2 months

Text

It's just the beggining (Oscar Piastri)

Oscar hasn't done or said anything, so you're taking matters into your own hands

Note: english is not my first language. It's my first Oscar piece and I'm nervous posting this, but hopefully you enjoy it! 🫶

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Cw: mentions reader's grandparents' health issues, mentions the situation with McLaren and Daniel, insomnia

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"Hey, Y/N!", James called you once he saw you walk by his classroom, "hey", you greeted back, adjusting your books on your arms.

"There is a new kid, I'm sure you know, Oscar Piastri his name is, and apparently he's staying the long weekend too, like you", he trailed off, not knowing if he was stepping further than he should.

"Yes, I am staying, it's okay to talk about it", you gave him tight lipped smile, "well, I was hoping you'd keep him company - he's a bit shy, but he's very fun to be around and the teacher also thought it would be good since you're both staying", he reasoned as you nodded.

You had to stay back because your grandparents didn't live in England, and because of their old age and problems that naturally arose with that, your parents had to fly out and spend sometime with them, meaning you didn't have anyone back home, so you stayed. As for Oscar, you found out that he was staying back because his family was in Melbourne.

"At first, I just had online schooling, but it got trickier to manage and my dad needed to go back to work so I had to stay back", he explained when you asked him why he was there, "and I hope I can focus on racing, but you already know that", he scoffed softly.

"I don't think I do, I'm sorry", you narrowed your eyes, genuinely unaware of what he was talking about.

After he told you all about his career until that moment, as well as his hopes and dreams, he chuckled, "you really didn't know?", he wondered.

"I didn't! The girls said something about you moving here but I didn't listen much, I'm not that into gossip and my memory is like Dory's, I can never keep up with the latest who likes who and who flirted with what's his face", you earnestly replied.

For the first time since he arrived at the school, he felt like he could really trust someone and he could hope for new friendships on this side of the world.

You were there for his final race in F4, clapping at him on the podium, and even F3 and F2 despite your university deadlines, always making sure you could support him in every way you could.

"Hey, Osc", you said over the phone, setting your pen down the desk and swivelling in the chair. You wanted to get as much knowledge and experience as possible, so you applied to do a internship in a physiotherapy clinic near your apartment during the summer.

"Hey, Y/N, how are you doing?", he asked as you could notice the antsyness on his voice.

"I'm good, it's a bit of a slow day here, my supervisor said I could read up on a few articles", you mused, "is everything okay?", you asked.

"I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner tonight", he began, "you can come to my flat if that's okay, I'll order something in since I can't be trusted in the kitchen", he suggested.

"Fine by me, I'd like that, sounds really nice", you smiled, "I'll see you soon, then", you added, not wanting to dwell much on the fact that he didn't answer your question.

When you left the clinic, you walked to Oscar's place since the sun had graced you for the day and it was still nice to be out. Knocking on the door, you waited for him to open it, "I'm still in my scrubs as I didn't see the need to change", you said as you walked inside, hugging Oscar after dropping your backpack on the floor.

"Hey, you look nice, don't worry about it", he smiled as he led you to the living room, "I had to go and get the take out myself, but it's still warm", he said as you sat at the dining table.

"Now can you tell me if there's something wrong?", you wondered as you poured some of the wine he kept for you at his place on your glass.

"I have something to tell you actually", he played with his glass while he fought the smile on his lips, "this weekend I finally had some conversations with McLaren", he began.

"McLaren?", you asked as you served yourself of the food in front of you, taking some bimi brocoli and then some of the warm noodles.

"Yes, McLaren. We finally spoke about contracts and, this morning, I signed the official driver contract for next season", he stated as if he was saying that the sun had been out today.

"You did what? Since when has this been in the works?", you gasped, dropping the kitchen utensils and looking at him intently, "you're driving for McLaren next season?", he nodded, "like, driving on track? Oh my Goodness, Oscar! That's amazing!", you got up and hugged him, "why didn't you lead with that?", you pinched the nape of his neck playfully as you kept the tears from falling from your eyes. This was his dream and he was getting to live it as early as the end of the year when pre season preparations began.

"I didn't want to tell you over the phone", he shrugged his shoulders.

"But how? This is huge, Oscar!", you smiled, your teeth showing and eyes squinting with how high your cheeks rose.

"There were a lot of conversations about it, specially the last few weeks", Oscar explained, "they still want to keep it quiet", he warned.

"So you're driving alongside Lando?", you wondered. You only followed motorsport and the Formula series because of your bestfriend, so the assumption you made was based on what you had seen and read.

"Yes, hence why they want to keep it quiet, I've only told you and my family", he mentioned, "my manager knows that, obviously, but I really need you to keep quiet about it", he smiled.

"Absolutely, don't worry!", you assured, "this is so amazing Oscar! You're going to drive in Formula One! Aren't you amazed?", you beamed.

"I put in the work too, you know?", he dramatically feigned offense as you hugged him tighter, "this is your dream, Osc", you cooed, letting the tears fall freely down your cheeks as you swayed you both around, "I'm so proud of you", you hiccuped, holding his head close to your lips so you could kiss his forehead.

"Let's eat, this is getting cold", your best friend urged as the situation for more intimate and brought you closer and closer to the thing he had been avoiding for nearly a year.

The feelings he had been arbouring for you weren't just friendship. How could he keep himself from being in love with you? You had been there with him and for him when he was alone in a new country, being the other shy kid that spent the long weekend im boarding school, and since then you had been attached by the hip. You were kind, caring, intelligent, beautiful inside and outside and anyone would be a fool to not see why Oscar felt the way he did about you.

"I'm just going to a training camp, Y/N, I do these every year!", Oscar reasoned as you groaned.

"Who am I going to complain to about university? Or how noisy my neighbours are? I'm going to die of boredom", you stated, "when you come back, I will have ceased to exist because of boredom and lack of attention", you exaggeratedly threw yourself on your sofa.

"You won't, silly", he chuckled, pulling you up since his trainer was picking him up soon, "you're going to go out and enjoy yourself, okay? You'll barely notice I'm gone", he tried as you helped him with his suitcases down to the door.

"I'll miss you", you muttered as you hugged him, "enjoy your training camp!", you smiled as you pulled away, waving at him before you made your way to your place.

Getting on with the project you had to hand in at the end of the week, you got it all through to the end, leaving time to proofread later.

You clicked on the folder where you kept your photos and videos, looking through them and reliving all of the memories you had in there.

Most of them had Oscar somehow, wether it was a screen grab from one of your FaceTime calls when he was at races, picnics in the park and lazy days at your place.

You had to admit it, for your sake and Oscar's sake as your friendship was on the line. At first you thought it was just the fact that a boy seemed to want to spend time with you, so you put it to that. Recently, however, things changed perspective and you felt stronger feelings and emotions when you thought about him.

You loved spending time with him and cherished every single hour he chose to spend with you whenever he didn't have racing related duties. Every time he hugged you, you clung just a little longer to feel hia body against yours and his arms enveloping you.

Whenever someone approached you in the rare times you went out clubbing with your friends, "I have a boyfriend" became more a wish and a need rather than some made up excuse to get guys to leave you alone.

So, to sum it up, you either had an honest conversation with him or continued to dwell on feelings you couldn't keep to yourself.

"Y/N just sent me a picture of her notes, can you believe they ask them to know all of that?", he showed his trainer Kim while they had lunch after a strenuous workout.

"I had to learn most of that, too", he said nonchalantly, not necessarily diminishing your competences and intelligence but letting Oscar know that maybe his infatuation with you had a source elsewhere.

"Y/N is very smart, I'm sure she'll do really well - oh, she sent me a picture, she's all dressed up!", he said as he inspected the mirror picture. He assumed it was a requirement for your presentation, as you usually preferred comfy attire, since you had a pair of trousers and a shirt, some small heels on your feet and your bright smile that left him feeling butterflies in his stomach every single time, "she looks gorgeous", he said as he texted you the same words along with wishes of good luck.

"Something you'd like to say?", Oscar quesioned when he felt Kim's eyes on him as he put the phone back on the table, screen down.

"I'm just here wondering why you're not together", the trainer offered simply after he wiped his mouth on the napkin.

"No, we are not together, at least not yet", he mused. The thought had crossed his mind, admitting how he felt about you before the season began. If everything went belly up and you didn't feel the same and didn't see him that way, he would occupy his time and channel all of his energy into racing; if you did feel the same, he would have been worrying for nothing and would have a extra spring up his step for his first season in Formula One.

"Good to know you're working on it", Kim waved his fork at Oscar, "now we need to finish this and we'll do some recovery stretches", he announced as Oscar groaned, prolonging his meal as long as he could.

Today, Oscar was coming back from Lanzarote and you couldn't wait to speak to him. Lately, it all dawned on you.

It happened a couple of nights ago, a slight insomnia episode keeping you up when you thought about what things would be like from now on. Oscar would travel a lot more, and he would be in a much public role compared to his previous one. It would seem stupid to other people, but a lot more people would know him, and you were sure they would fall in love with him. How could they not? Hence why you wanted to quit those thoughts while you were ahead of them.

I'm on the cab to your place, it should take another 10 minutes and Can't wait to see you, Oscar texted you just as you finished tidying your living room.

You missed him dearly, so when you threw yourself into his arms, you didn't let go as he kicked his suitcases into your apartment while still holding close to him, "I kind of need to get my backpack off my back, and I can't do that if I don't set you somewhere - only for a bit at the very least", Oscar suggested after trying to balance you against his body with one arm but he didn't feel safe enough to let you go without you falling.

Reluctantly, you got back down, feet back on the floor as he discarded his backpack before he tapped your hip twice, "up again, I want a proper hug", he mumbled as you jumped back, his hands protectively holding your thighs up as he nuzzled his face on your neck, "I need you so, so much", he sighed.

"I missed you too", you replied back, "and I don't ever want to miss you like this when I don't know how to feel about you", you forwarded. Now or never, you thought as you jumped out of his hold and faced him.

"I missed you like I have never missed you before, not even when you go a visit your family or when you went away for triple headers - and I've been trying to understand why and I finally realised what it was. I like you, more than friends like eachother - for Goodness' sake, I'm in love with you", you chuckled nervously as you admitted it out loud to him, "and everyone else will love you too - I just know it -, so soon enough you won't be my Osc anymore and I couldn't not tell you. People - and these gorgeous girls all over the world - are going to like you so much and I won't be able to compete with them, so I'm just telling you how I feel. You can leave if you want or we'll just stay here in silence of that works too, but I needed to admit my feelings", you let out in one go.

Oscar smiled, a big teeth and gums showing smile as his eyes crinkled at your words, "I'm not leaving, and we are not going to be silent - at least immediately - because I want to tell you how I feel", he began, "I'm in love with you too; I have been for about two years and only realised it a year ago, and I don't want to pretend anymore. I want to be able to kiss you, to hug you, to take you with me wherever possible, to sleep next to you, to argue with you, I want all of it. With you", he said, hand cupping your cheek as his eyes asked for consent to kiss your lips.

It was as you dreamed it would be, soft, gentle and caring, lips moving in sync as you held him by his waist, pulling him closer to you.

"I thought I was loosing you to the whole F1 fandom", you chuckled, looking up at him once you pulled away.

"Of course you won't, you're my best girl", he winked, "this is just the beggining for us", he added as he pulled you to cuddle on the sofa, sharing his stories of the past days as you revelled in the feeling of being in his arms.

#oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri fluff #oscar piastri fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 fluff #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader

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gubsbuubs · 3 months

Note

tmi but i’m on my period rn so could you maybe write spencer taking care of reader when she’s on her period?

thank you so much<3333

More Than Enough

Warnings: Period Talk, pure fluff.

The morning sun gently filtered through the curtains as I stirred from my restless sleep. My body ached with the discomfort of cramps, and just as I tried to mask my pain, I felt Spencer's comforting presence beside me.

"Good morning, sweetheart," his soft voice murmured, a warmth in his eyes that went beyond the sunlight. "How are you feeling today?" He gently placed kisses on my face.

I managed a tired smile, appreciating the genuine love in his gaze. "Not very good. My period started yesterday, and I feel... well, not great."

Spencer's brow furrowed with empathy. "What can I do to help?" he asked, his fingers gently brushing a strand of hair from my face.

I sighed, uncertain. "I don't know."

"I have an idea," Spencer said, disappearing into the kitchen, leaving me to wonder about his mysterious plan.

He returned with a tray adorned not just with food—a beautiful golden toast and tea—but also a small bouquet of flowers he had picked from my garden. "Let's start with a bit of nourishment"

Spencer sat beside me while I ate, caressing my thigh and sharing quiet conversations that almost made me forget the pain.

"Come, sweetheart, drink your tea; it will keep you warm," he said, handing me the mug, our fingers brushing in a tender exchange.

"And take these, it should help." Spencer spoke in a sweet voice, handing me a couple of painkillers.

"I read somewhere that using a warm water bag can help alleviate menstrual cramps by providing soothing heat to the lower abdomen. The warmth helps relax the muscles in the pelvic area, reducing the intensity of cramps and relieving discomfort. This gentle heat also encourages increased blood flow to the muscles, promoting a sense of relaxation and easing tension." He reached for a hot water bag, gently placing it against my stomach.

As I sat on the bed, feeling the persistent ache of menstrual cramps, Spencer tenderly joined me. He sat on my side, creating a comforting cocoon of warmth. With a gentle touch, he caressed my stomach, offering soothing strokes that seemed to ease the tension within. I instinctively laid my head on his shoulder.

As the pain relievers kicked in, Spencer turned down the lights, creating a soothing ambiance. "Are you feeling better, baby?"

I simply nodded as my arms hugged him tightly.

"Here, let me try something else," he spoke as he broke away from my embrace. He moved on the bed and motioned for me to lay on my stomach. "Massages on the lower back can help alleviate menstrual cramps by promoting blood circulation, reducing muscle tension, and triggering the release of endorphins, which act as natural pain relievers. The gentle pressure applied during a massage can target specific areas of discomfort, providing relief and promoting a sense of relaxation." He spoke, accompanied by the work of his soft hands. With a skillful touch, he began massaging my lower back. "Just relax. I'm here for you."

As his fingers skillfully worked, I couldn't help but think how thankful I am to have such a caring man by my side. The soothing touch provided relief from the menstrual cramps, and in that moment, I felt warmth not just from the warm water bottle but from the genuine care he showered upon me. His comforting presence made the pain more bearable. I closed my eyes, savoring the moment and appreciating the tenderness he poured into every gesture.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" he asked.

"Just having you here is more than enough," I smiled.

—x—

A/N: Hi everyone, I hope you all enjoy it, and any and all comments are appreciated 🍒

My requests are open!

#criminal minds #mgg x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #mgg fanfiction #mgg smut #mgg x y/n #spencer reid fanfiction #mgg

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sensivs · 1 year

Note

Top Male Reader x Gaz Smut

Where Male Reader saves Gaz's life on a mission and Gaz returns the favor

Plz?

OFC !!

Also thank you so much for requesting, your my first requester !!!!

————————————

Basic summary: you saw the request gentlemen, it’s time to get to business 🙏‼️

——————————————

Gaz sat injured in an abandoned building, his gun had ran out of ammo and his extra was no where to be found.

The only thing the man could do was apply pressure to his wound and just hope no one would come into the room and shoot him.

I guess luck wasn’t with gaz at that moment because a moment later, a bullet was shot at gaz, but he quickly ducked and rolled out of his original spot.

He grabbed his knife and positioned himself in a stance that basically said “I will cut your dick off if you shoot again”.

Just as the man was about to pull the trigger to his gun, you popped out of no where and shot him in the back of the head.

“Y/n! Holy shit, I thought I was gonna die there” gaz said breathlessly. “I would be ashamed of myself if I let you die gaz” you then winked at the breathless man.

That wink made gaz even more breathless, you chuckled and grabbed your friend. Taking him back with the others.

He was quickly treated and was now good as new. If you couldn’t already tell, gaz has a big ol’ crush on you.

He’s been in love with you since you joined the task force, from your hair to your voluminous thigh, he absolutely loved every single inch of you.

He would expressed how he felt to you to price, who teased him about it. He didn’t like the teasing >:/ .

“Yo, gaz you ok?” Gaz was then snapped out of his fanatics with y/n. “Oh, uh yea, yea I am”. Gaz knew it was you, you didn’t have a gruffy voice like everyone else did (if you do then I’m sorry:( ).

“You sure?” You pestered him, gaz knew that it was now or never… “y/n.. I have something to tell you…”

Silent confusion filled the room, “what? are you pregnant and I’m the father?” You chuckled, “no, it’s not that it’s..”

“I like you..”

This time, uncomfortable silence filled the room, “really..?” “Yes”. You smiled, and then hugged him, “I like you too”.

“Wait, really?” “Well of course, how couldn’t I?” Red flushed across the man’s face, “well, I don’t-“ he was then cut off with a kiss from you.

“Oh just shut up and kiss me Kyle” you and Garrick then started to make out. The feeling of both of your lips colliding with each other made the black male melt.

You then pulled away, just to get a good look of kyle’s beautiful eyes. Kyle then quickly flipped both of you over, making him the one of top and you on the bottom.

“Whoa, didn’t know you were like that gaz~” Kyle chuckled and started kissing down your neck, “I just want to thank you for what you did for me earlier”.

You then felt gaz slowly drag your pants down to your knees, you returned the favor by pulling gaz’s pants down as well.

Kyle then spit into his hand and started stroking your cock, making sure to tease the head of it.

You groaned loudly, not caring who was listening. After a few seconds of being jerked off, Kyle stopped.

“Gazzzzzz, I was about to cummmmm” you whined, “your gonna get something else that’s wayyy better than me jerking you off”.

Gaz then positioned himself right above your cock, and slowly lowered himself onto it. And holy shit, that felt heavenly.

And just like that, gaz started riding you like a rodeo. The sound of kyle’s ass slapping against your thighs was like no other.

You couldn’t ask for anything better than having sex with gaz. This guy was an absolute MASTER at pleasing you.

His ass was so fucking tight and wet it was basically unbelievable. After a few seconds of being inside him you finally came.

“You love how my ass fEelS, d-don’t you?” His sentence was rushed, the feeling of you cumming inside him felt so good.

And then after a few seconds of him riding you, he finally came. He collapsed into your arms, absolutely exhausted.

“Thank you for saving me earlier y/n..” “anytime:)”

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KFKDKSKDKDIkcjcjcjJCKSKAOSKCJJFFKWKSOCPDKJWJFJCKFJDJSKS

i just got done watching the new avatar movie and OMG IT WAS AMAZING

#gaz mw2 #mw2 #male reader #smut #cod x male reader #kyle gaz garrick

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thenerdyfanwriter · 2 years

Note

Ya know how the Gallaghers have a piano in their house? Could you please write a request where Gallagher sister oc/reader taught herself to play piano over the years and eventually gets into the Chicago Symphony Orchestra? Thank you✌️

Untitled

Word Count: 828

Pairings: OC!Gallagher! Reader x Gallaghers

Synopsis: As the fourth oldest Gallagher, Joanna thought she wouldn’t get anywhere in life after graduating. That is until a special letter comes.

Warnings: None

A/N: Wasn’t sure how to end this one. It’s kinda a short one. Hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

-------------------

I’ve always loved music. Since I was tall enough to reach the piano, I would try to play it. Not many people in my family know how to play the piano. Fiona and Lip know a small bit, but Frank is the one who knows it the best.

I’ve played the piano in the school orchestra since 5th grade. In those years, I’ve participated in competitions and won many of them as well. With it being the middle of senior year, I decided to apply to some orchestras and universities.

Ever since I was young, it has been my dream to join the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. They were the first Orchestra I auditioned for. I also applied to the University of Chicago. I’m not very smart like my brother, Lip, but I thought it would be a better chance at doing something with my life if I applied to colleges instead of only orchestras.

I’ve always felt like an outcast in my family of outcasts. I didn’t tell anyone I auditioned and applied to stuff because I don’t want to get their hopes up.

Timeskip

It’s been almost 5 months since I auditioned for the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. I’ve already gotten rejection letters from the colleges and smaller orchestras, so I’m not going to be surprised when I get rejected from this one too.

With it being the middle of June, my high school graduation is coming up in a few days. I still haven’t told anyone about what I’m doing after I graduate because I’m still not sure myself.

While sitting on the couch, Fiona gets home from work and sits next to me. “Graduation is two days away. What are you planning to do after?” She asks me. I knew this conversation was coming. She had the same one with Lip and Ian.

“I already have a job lined up. I start in a week.” I told her. I decided to get a job since I don’t know what I’m going to do.

“OK, that's good.” Fiona gets up and goes upstairs.

Two days Later

Today is the day I’m finally graduating. All my family is here, except for Frank of course. I’m standing in line waiting for my name to be called. There's only a few people in front of me. I’m getting nervous as I approach the stage. Only two people are in front of me now. I don’t know why I’m so nervous.

One person is in front of me. I feel like throwing up. “Joanna Gallagher.” My name gets called. I walk on the stage with my eyes wide. The principal hands me my diploma and I walk away. I don’t bother sticking around for the end, I just run to my family.

“I’m so proud of you.” Fiona whispers in my ear as she hugs me. I can feel the rest of them hugging me as well. “ Let’s go home and celebrate!” Fiona says to everyone.

When we get home, I go up to Debbie and I’s room to change. With the room being so small, we have to sleep on bunk beds.

After changing, I go back downstairs and notice Fiona and Lip on the couch looking at something. I don’t see anyone else, so I assume they went to get party supplies.

“What are you guys doing?” I ask them. They jump off the couch and Lip puts something behind his back. “What are you two hiding?” I step closer to them.

“We should be asking what you’re hiding Jo.” Lip says. I freeze. Did they find out about the colleges I didn’t get into? Did they find out about my audition for the orchestra?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” They can tell when I’m hiding something. My face gets all red and my eyes go wide when I am hiding something.

“We’re not mad at you.” Fiona takes a paper that Lip had behind his back. “ You should probably read this.” She hands the paper to me and they both go to the kitchen.

As I read the paper, I start to tear up.

Dear Ms. Joanna Gallagher,

We are pleased to say you have been accepted to the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. We were very pleased by your audition. If possible, we would love to have you play as our main pianist.

I didn’t bother to read any further. Tears were streaming down my face as I got up and started jumping around. “I got in! I got in!” I was screaming. Fiona and Lip walked back into the living room and watched me. When I stopped, I noticed Fiona was crying too.

“Fi, why are you crying?” I asked.

“It’s just happy tears. We finally got a Gallagher to achieve something great.”

“It’s about time, too.” Lip said, joining the conversation.

I laugh as I hug both of them. ”Thank you guys for everything.” I tell them. “Without you two, I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere.”

#shameless x reader #shameless imagine #fiona gallagher x reader #lip gallagher x reader

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the-maidofgevaudan · 2 years

Text

Love in the First Degree

Requested: Yes. (@maybankangel - I hope this is to your liking!). Not my Gif- creds to owner. This has no warnings beyond what shown in the show.

A/N: JJ is taken with your extensive criminal law knowledge... poor summary, but it was a very specific request haha. Also this is pretty unedited, so sorry if it is not the best. I just started my next semester of graduate school back up.

Word Count: 1.7 K

“So what’s going to happen now that you’re off the hook?” JJ asks John B.

“I guess it’ll be Rafe in jail next once they can charge him.” The brunette shrugs.

“Why haven’t they done that yet man. I mean they had no evidence, but Ward's word and you were thrown in the clink. Damn kooks always win.” JJ replies angrily as Kiara approaches with a girl he’s never met or seen before.

❊

“What’s JJ so worked up about?” Kiara says walking towards the two boys with you in tow.

“They haven’t charged Rafe yet.” John B answers.

“They probably haven’t charged him because Ward’s trying to cover it up.” You interject into the conversation. You’re met with a few quizzical expressions and continue, “Sorry- I just assume that’s what’s happening. It would make the most sense.” You smile at both of the boys.

“Kie, where’d you find the brainiac?” JJ asks, giving you a once over.

“Her name is Y/N, and we've been friends for a long time. We met at a sea turtle hatching.”

“Well, Y/N, What other ideas do you have?” John B asks.

“If Rafe is convicted of killing sheriff Peterkin then he will most likely be charged with first degree murder and” you begin before rudely being interupted by the blonde boy.

“First degree? Why not second?” JJ asks

“First degree applies in the case of a police officer. It would also apply if Peterkin had been a firefighter, judge, or prosecutor or anything along those lines.” you explain.

“So first degree is good?”

“If you want Rafe charged, then yes. First degree is the highest. Second degree murder is a step down. With Peterkin being a sheriff- he could also be charged with capital murder and receive the death penalty- although if it’s his first offense this may be less likely. He would be tried as an adult, but given his age and social standing the death penalty would likely be dropped. First degree is still good though because it would likely give him a sentence to life in prison.” You word vomit the information out.

You look around and notice everyone is staring intently and you begin to blush. “Sorry, I am really into criminal law.” You explain.

“No, don’t apologize. This is good, so what if Ward gets involved and takes the blame?” John B asks.

“Well the charge would stay the same pretty much, but since he’s older its more likely he could get the death penalty.”

“What if there was another murder?” JJ finally speaks again, still staring at you with those blue eyes. He’s looking at you so intently it feels like he’s looking into you.

“What do you mean?” you ask.

“Gavin was supposed to fly the Camerons plane to the Bahamas and was present that day on the tarmac. He was supposed to get rid of some evidence, but held onto it to get more money out of Ward. Ward found out and killed him.” Kiara explains.

“Oh wow, then he would get two charges of first degree murder- assuming he covers for Rafe.”

“Is there a way they get away with this?” JJ asks

“Claim insanity?” You let out a small laugh, “but that's pretty unlikely unless they have an amazing lawyer.”

“So, they’ll both go down for this unless Ward takes the blame.” John B says with a far off look in his eyes like he’s coming to terms with the fact that this chapter in his life may finally be coming to a close. JJ jumps on the boy and is smiling so big it looks like it hurts.

The moment is interrupted when your phone dings signaling a text, you turn to Kie, “I have to go, but it was nice meeting you guys.” You give Kiara a hug bye and head outside to start your walk home. Then you hear the door open and slam closed behind you- it’s JJ.

“There’s a party at the boneyard tomorrow. I didn’t know if Kie told you, but we’ll be there and you should come.”

“Yeah, I was planning on going. I’m always there.” You answer unsure of why he is giving you such a formal invitation.

“You’re a local?” He says in disbelief

You nod your head, “JJ, I had homeroom with you last year and I'm pretty sure we had the same fourth grade teacher.”

“Oh, my bad. Well, See you tomorrow then.”

“See you tomorrow JJ”

❊

You had been at the boneyard for hours now and hadn’t caught sight of Kiara or any of her friends. You wouldn’t admit to anyone, or even yourself for that matter, that you had secretly been scanning the area for a certain blonde haired boy all evening.

❊

“John B, hit the gas man. What’s taking so long?” JJ complains from the back of the twinkie.

“Chill out JJ. You’ve been on edge all day dude.” Pope calls back from the passenger seat in the front beside John B.

“He’s too anxious about seeing Y/N.” Kie teases.

JJ turns to Kiara and flips her off, “I’m trying to drink weed and smoke beers and the faster we get to the boneyard, the faster I can make that happen.”

Upon arriving at the boneyard the pogues file out of the twinkie and head out onto the beach. They all grab drinks and spend their time mingling with other people from school, dancing, and playing games. It takes a few hours, but JJ finally spots you. From his spot where he had been dancing by the bonfire with Kiara, he can see you clearly. You’re sitting on a blanket in the sand with a coffee mug in your hand. It’s somewhat of a ridiculous sight, a coffee mug on the beach, but it looks so natural being you and that brings a smile to JJ’s face. You’re sitting peacefully looking out over the crowd and JJ almost leaves his spot where he’s dancing when he sees a boy sneak up behind you, scaring you. You jump quickly from being spooked and then laugh wholeheartedly when you see who it was. The familiarity and history that it is so clear you share with this boy puts JJ in a poor mood and he spends the rest of the evening shotgunning beers and avoiding looking in your direction.

His plan works for a while, that is until he happens to glance in the direction of where you had been earlier and only sees an empty spot on the blanket you had been perched on earlier. He starts frantically looking around for where you could have gone when it's you who comes up behind him and startles him by saying his name.

“Ah! Jeez. You can’t sneak up on a guy like that.” He says somewhat out of breath.

“I’ve been looking for you.” You chuckle out.

“Oh, I hadn’t even noticed you had came.” He says looking out over the crowd of people.

“I told you I was coming.” You explain. You can tell something is off about him and just when you are going to ask you are interrupted.

It’s your brother who has arrived at your side with a small scowl on his face as he says, “We need to go home.”

“Can’t it wait a minute.” You ask, trying to indicate you were in the middle of something with JJ- who is now giving your brother a rather serious glare.

“Dad’s home, Y/N. I’m positive he wants us home after the day he’s had.” Your brother explains.

You can feel a shift in JJ’s mood as he’s figured out that the boy in front of him is your brother. “Fine, go grab our stuff and I’ll meet you at the car.” You say and then you turn to JJ, “Sorry, I have to go.”

“Y/N, come by the chateau tomorrow.” JJ states, in what you feel like you’re mistaking for a pleading tone. This is JJ Maybank afterall, why would he be so desperate to spend time with you. You give him a small nod as you walk away.

❊

The next day you do as JJ had asked or demanded and go by the chateau. He’s waiting out on the front porch for you when you arrive. You walk up and join him sitting on the couch beside him. “Hi.” You say as you sit.

“Hey.” He says looking at his hands.

“So I am really sorry I had to leave the beach early yest-” you stop short of finishing your sentence because JJ has moved so close to you that you think he is going to kiss you, and then you realize he is going to kiss you. You instinctively put your hands on either of his shoulders and stop him from coming any closer. You can feel his strong shoulders tense under your palms, he quickly backs away, and his face is now visibly red.

“Sorry, I uh-” He begins and then you also begin to try and sputter out an apology. The both of you make eye contact and begin to laugh. You are awkwardly fixing your hair and trying to compose yourself, and he looks like he is trying just as hard to figure out what he should be doing in this moment.

“I like you.” JJ eventually blurts out.

“I like you too, JJ.” You say feeling a blush come to your cheeks.

He has a confused look on his face that you can only attribute to your action of stopping him from kissing you, so you explain, “I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”

“Okay.” He says slowly still trying to put together why this piece of information would have prompted you to stop him.

“JJ I've never kissed anyone either.”

The expression on his face only grows more intrigued and you mistake this for him mocking you so you scold him, “You don’t have to mock me JJ.”

“No, I’m sorry. I am just trying to process what world it makes sense that someone as pretty as you hasn’t had their first kiss.”

His words make you blush further and you’re both sharing a smile. “I have a plan.” JJ says and you nod for him to continue. “You let me take you out on a real first date, and when you’re ready for your first kiss, you let me know.”

You sit in silence pondering his words over for a moment and then finally say, “It’s a date.”

#jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank #john b routledge #obx #outerbanks #pope heyward #kiara carrera #outer banks #jj maybank x you #rafe cameron

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stardropsandrain · 1 year

Text

Julian Devorak Headcanons!

Gender Neutral Reader

I'm so sorry, I am very new to the Tumblr format and accidentally deleted your request! But I remember your name and when you asked for so thank you @kailera for requesting this!

I love Ilya so this will be fun!

Please do enjoy

He's little spoon 100% . Hold him all night long please. Play with his hair and kiss his neck every now then. He also loves facing you with his face in your neck. It's a comfortable place for him to hide

Sleepy hugs from behind make him weak in the knees. One time you woke up to him cooking you breakfast. You yawn and wrap your arms around his waist from behind and you could swear his knees would've given out had he not been leaning on the counter

He cooks really well

Steals ingredients from Asra's shop, especially the very exotic ones, to make food. Has almost died from it

When you go on adventures with Asra, leaving Julian to his own devices, you can be sure you'll receive a very excited welcome back. Kisses all over your face, causing you and Asra to laugh

He'll check you for any damages later that night. If you have none he'll be happy and give you a kiss, if you allow. That night he'll hold you, being the big spoon with his arms around your middle and face in your shoulder blades

If you got hurt he'll kiss the afflicted area, if you allow, and apply some medicines. Yes you could theoretically have Asra help you, which admittedly would probably be faster, but why pass up this chance

He got into a bar fight at the Rowdy Raven because some dude hit on you and wouldn't back off after you said no. That night he had you nurse him back to health and he loved it "Can I get into fights more often flower?" "No." "But you touch me so delicately." You stare at him blankly and flick his forehead he'll gasp and whine "so mean!" You'll smile and kiss the same area gently "let's get some sleep Ilya."

Nicknames and pet names. Julian has so many for you. Flower bc of the herbs and flowers that are typically in a plague doctor mask. When he's feeling frisky, he'll call you oregano. He also has the normal assortment of, honey, love, baby, darling. Sometimes you'll playfully call him doc or doctor but it's usually just Ilya and love. "Hey doc, your water for tea is done." Julian will look up from the table, his cheeks red "Did you just call me doc?" "Mm, maybe, now come get your water." He'll smile and walk over, and place a kiss to your temple and smile "It's cute."

You paint each others nails. He loves dark reds on his nails but also loves pinks, purples, and blues. He loves seeing a brighter shade of green on your nails despite what may be your preference, but he won't force you. He also loves matching nail polish, but won't admit it

He loves making you tea. Herbal, fruit, mint etc. Theres almost always a boiling pot of water

Everyone is pretty supportive of your relationship besides Muriel, who still think Ilya could be dangerous for you. Ilya finds it nice that the big scary man cares so much. Ilya constantly, very cockily, says he'll protect you

Julian is in bed at 8pm or 5am there's no inbetween. You'll fall asleep around midnight to wake up and see Ilya at his desk doing whatever it is he does "my love come to bed." "In a minute flower." It was not a minute, it was five hours later he crawled into bed

A/N; I'm sorry that this one is a bit shorter, I wanted to get it out ASAP. I'm sorry about the issue with your request! I hope you enjoyed

Good riddance and stay safe🖤🖤🖤

#julian devorak #julian devorak x gn reader #x gn reader #headcanons #julian devorak headcanons #the canoe #the arcana #julian the arcana #Spotify

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the-alice-of-hearts · 9 months

Note

If you're still taking requests- if not please ignore this- can I plz request either 40 or 48 for Jaytim (Maybe with a hint of chubby jay-) ty for your time!

Okay, so I combined these because they work well together. also, I wrote more than expected... Hope you like it! (and I will always and forever be accepting requests) 40: exes meeting again after not speaking for years au 48: meeting again at a high school reunion au I also wasn't able to get the hint of chubby Jay in there, but know that I personally think he's built like a strongman competitor, so imagine him still jacked, but with that layer of fat that makes him the perfect shape for perfect hugs.

Jason walked off the stage to the sound of Bruce and Dick cheering for him, but his eyes were glued to Tim’s back. The genius had skipped two grades and graduated with Jason, and there he was talking to his best friend. Benard waved at Jason and Jason gave a fake smile that dropped from his face when Tim turned to look at him. The younger man quickly turned away, but Jason could see the hurt in his eyes. He had done that, but he couldn’t regret it, not when they had both worked so hard to get where they were going. Jason was going across the country to study creative writing and stage management at CalArts and Tim was headed to MIT for medical engineering, and Jason couldn’t hold him back. Tim needed this, he needed to focus and get through the hardest degree program he could possibly choose, and Jason wasn’t about to have any free time either. College was going to be murder, and no matter how much Jason wished that he could stay with Tim, they just couldn’t risk the heartbreak. He couldn’t risk the heartbreak…

---

“You sure about this?” Artemis asked. “There’s nothing that says you have to go to your high school reunion.”

“Yeah, not like I went to mine.” Roy laughed.

Jason shook his head and kept packing. “You both are terrible influences. They want me to give a speech, I kinda feel like I have to.”

“I thought that you were going in hopes of seeing your high school beloved.” Kori pointed out and Jason winced.

“What?” Roy flipped over and stared at Jason. “You think he’ll be there?”

Jason shrugged. “Maybe? It’s not out of the question at least.”

“This the guys you’re head over heels for?” Artemis asked.

“Okay! Everyone is about to be kicked out of my production if we don’t stop!” Jason slammed his suitcase shut. “No, I don’t know if he’ll be there, yea I hope he will, no I didn’t write my speech about missed opportunities because of him, that’s the prompt that was given to me by the committee.”

“Good luck my friend,” Kori whispered in his ear as she hugged him tight.

“Make sure someone records you, I wanna see the speech later!” Roy smirked at him.

“I leave for the airport after practice. So let’s go please.” Jason started leading his idiot friends out the door.

---

Jason stepped up to the podium and smiled. “Well, we made it.” His former classmates who showed up laughed softly. “Look, you all got enough speeches out of me in high school, so I’m gonna make this short and sweet.”

He took a deep breath and then stilled. Tim was standing there staring up at him, and he looked just as beautiful as the last time that Jason saw him.

Jason cleared his throat. “So, as some of you may know, I am now a big fancy stage director of a theater here in Gotham. Shocker I know.” He paused for the light laughter before continuing. “There’s something huge about getting to do the thing that I wanted to do so badly all through school, but there’s something to be said about missed opportunities. I know, it’s not really the thing most people talk about, but I know that each and every one of us sits at home at least once a week and thinks about something that we regret not going for. Not quitting a dead-end job, not applying for something we know we could have gone for, saying no to an opportunity, saying goodbye to someone you loved.” He glanced at Tim who was still listening. “There are so many moments of regret that we can be filled with, so here’s my advice to you. Think about your missed opportunities, look at each of the ones you can change, and go for them. I know, not that much of a speech, but I mean it, go ahead and take the chance. Thank you all, and as a reminder, it’s an open bar, so drink up!” He held up his glass in a toast to the room.

Jason wandered away from the stage accepting congratulations from his former classmates and trying to make his way to where he last saw Tim.

“Jason!” Brad called out to him and Jason went over.

“Good to see you man, what are you doing now a days?” Jason asked.

“Well, I married Ashley and we have a kid on the way, I’m actually working at your old man’s company now.” Brad motioned toward one of the tables where his now wife was sitting and talking to some of the other women at the reunion. “How are you man?”

“Livin the dream,” Jason laughed. “Just making it through.”

“Oh! That’s Bernie, I better go say hi.” Brad said his goodbyes and rushed off.

Jason continued in the direction where Tim was but by the time he made it through the crowd he was gone.

A voice that Jason was worried he would only hear in his dreams came from behind him. “I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me.”

Jason turned around and saw Tim standing there. He licked his lips and took a step closer to Tim. “There’s nothing more that I want.”

“I saw your last show, the production of Newsies was amazing.” Tim commented.

“I didn’t know you were in town.” Jason couldn’t help himself, he took another step toward Tim.

“I was visiting friends.” Tim smiled. “When I saw the article about you being the stage manager I couldn’t help myself, I wanted to get close to your passion again.”

“Oh, where are you living now?” Jason asked, he couldn’t uproot himself, but maybe Tim wouldn’t be too far away.

Tim’s eyes lit up like he was about to tell Jason a big secret. “I just finished up a big project in Texas, so now I’m moving back to Gotham. I knew I couldn’t leave the city forever, but I needed to have my foot in the door first. I signed my new lease last monday.”

“You’re back?” Jason whispered.

“Gotham is my home, where would I be without her?” Tim responded. “So, do I get to know what regret you’re gonna try to change?”

Jason nodded. “Tim, if you’ll have me, I would love to take you on a date, and maybe many more after that. I never stopped loving you, and breaking things off just because we were going to live on opposite sides of the country was the most idiotic thing I have ever done. Please, let me try to make things right.”

Tim leaned in and pulled Jason forward by his lapels. “Kiss me, and it’s a date.”

#alice writes #my writing #jaytim #anon request from a while ago #but I finally have the writing spirit back!

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rabbitenn · 6 months

Note

Not sure if you finished DanMaca since you just finished Part 4, but I’d love for you to write HCs for Vida, Schau, Kabane and Kuon. I’ll leave it up to you in terms of free creative liberty. 🥺🫶

WHERE THE SKIES END.

What are they like, when it comes to you?

ft. Vida (Kujo Tenn), Schau (Osaka Sogo), Kabane (Izumi Iori), Kuon (Nanase Riku) x gn! reader.

cw/genre: fluff, some angst, comfort, danmaca au, so I’ll be using the names of the characters they play to refer to the boys. Spoilers for La Danse Macabre.

thank you for requesting this, dear ! I hope I managed to portray everyone according to your expectations <3

♡ VIDA (Kujo Tenn)

“Lay your burdens on me, I can bear all the weight of the world with you on my shoulders.”

— Vida, strongest fighter on the Surface, leader of Kokujohyako, wielder of a mighty scythe that can slice through anything as long as it's guided by his hand.

— In truth, he’s just a lonely man, whose heart had to become of iron and barbed wire in order to not sink alongside district 12.

— Bloodshed and death are his closest comrades in this desolate plane.

— And they must continue to be in order to keep those he loves safe.

— That’s his two friends, and, above all else, you.

— How did someone as bright as you bound up in such a region in the first place?

— You always had that sweet smile dancing on your lips, becoming sharp edged and mischievous when needed; you weren’t afraid to get your hands dirty and fight.

— Vida wishes you didn’t have to. What would it have been like, if no blood had ever stained your skin?

— From the top of a building that somehow has endured all disaster, he sighs. A gust of wind ruffles his hair, akin to threads of stardust carrying scattered wishes into a sunless sky.

— He hears steps. He knows that pattern by heart, his muscles relaxing; no need to draw his scythe, for no surprise enemy attack is coming.

— Just your footsteps, followed by your arms wrapping around him from behind.

— Your head rests on his shoulder, lips brushing the shell of his ear, his sweet scent dancing all around you, as the evening begins to settle in, the wind picking up with darkening skies.

— “Something on your mind, my Vida?”

— He sighs, those sunset eyes of his fluttering closed, hooded by the constellations in his lashes, at the same time the horizon dyes starlit.

— A soft sigh escapes your lover’s lips.

— “Nothing, nothing.” He says, that unadulterated smile that only appeared next to you, now on his features.

— “Are you sure?” You hug him a little tighter, your gaze focused on his perfect profile.

— He never really wanted to tell you when something was burdening him.

— Vida was always the type to shoulder everything alone, for the sake of those he loved.

— And yet, you knew. You knew what weighed down over his imaginary angel wings that at some point became tainted in soot and the darkness of death.

— He turns around, his warm stare and the crimson of his jacket, seemingly the only things still not devoid of color in this decaying world.

— “I am, now that you are here.” He whispers, with a kiss to your forehead.

— Vida is also the protective type (Tenn is too, if we consider how he acts towards Riku; in the same way he wants to keep his brother away from harm, he would do the same for his s/o, which applies to Vida as well).

— He doesn’t like it when you have to get involved in quarrels, and even less when you get hurt.

— The fate that awaits the unfortunate soul who ever dared to touch you in the first place… Well, let’s just say they’ll be begging for death soon enough.

— Feelings of guilt are not unusual guests in the strongest warrior on the surface’s mind either.

— For you to have to live like this… In absolute misery, quite literally fighting to stay alive every day… Vida just wishes, one day, district 12 could become a safe and happy place for you.

— Please, take his hands and comfort him in moments like this… No matter how deadly he can be in a fight, his soul is fine glass, the rose thorns enveloping it, a double edged blade, piercing his heart at the despair surrounding you.

— If it’s with you, however, Vida feels like blue skies are at the edge of his fingertips. The vivid gazes you send his way, all the sunshine he needs.

— He’ll find a better life for the two of you, and for his friends, he thinks, tightening his fingers around his poleaxe.

♡ SCHAU (Osaka Sogo)

“I’ll be there when the guns break out, ‘til the storm is over.”

— Schau, the apathetic and cold sniper of the Unity Order.

— To anyone else, he’d seem unapproachable, completely disinterested about everything happening around him. A conformist, if you will, as long as his peace and commodity are not disturbed.

— However, what most people don’t know, is the violet garden flowering on the other side of the icy waterfalls of his harsh stare.

— In the middle of that secret paradise, there was you.

— You, whose gentle fire melted the ice bullets lodged into his heart.

— By your side, the sharpshooter’s expressions became more noticeable, his lips tilting up in a rare crescent, often only seen on the sharpness of his precise shots.

— Schau might have held no regard for anything or practically anyone surrounding him, however, when it came to you, his blood pumped vigorously.

— His cool aura fell away, a rainbow of emotions gathering in whirlwinds ready to ride or die next to you.

— When it comes to romantic gestures, turns out the Unity Order’s marksman is quite the charmer.

— And without even trying.

— His touches just fluster you at the most unexpected moments.

— Like Vida, he is protective. Very protective (so, if anyone pursuing you is smart enough they’ll keep their distance. The guy carries a rifle around… I mean, I would not risk it.)

— Sometimes it’s one of his hands on the small of your back, as he escorts you to safety when he has training or duties to attend to. The way his touch lingers, hand hooking a little around your waist if anyone looks at you for too long, to let them know you’re taken… it makes your knees weak, butterflies spreading their wings in the pit of your stomach.

— On other occasions, were you to find yourselves under enemy fire, Schau shields you, one of his arms wrapped securely around your shoulders, pulling the two of you behind a wall.

— Using his other hand, he fires his rifle, taking down anyone who could ever pose a danger to you, no questions asked (he is very much like the actual Sogo in this aspect, you see).

— Honestly, it’d be pretty hard to fluster him.

— You’re his, so Schau just sees it as the most natural thing in the world to show these small (and a little possessive) affectionate gestures.

— However, when you return the actions, a warm feeling he hadn’t quite known before spreads through his chest.

— He likes it.

— He lives for those special moments with just you and him.

♡ KABANE (Iori Izumi)

“We knew this day was set long ago; and when the sharks smell the blood, they will all see it’s their own.”

— Smart, cautious and sharp, Kabane often lets out remarks laced in dark humor, regarding the regrets he holds for his immortality.

— If you happen to be a mortal, then his sorrow is infinitely more unbearable; condemned to endless wandering amongst the shadows of an underworld that won’t get to see your light anymore after you inevitably part.

— Thoughts of a future ominously nearing, compared to his centuries of existence, are enough to keep him awake at night.

— It doesn’t look like the moon will keep him any company down here.

— Rainy midnights are contained in the depths of his deep stare as he looks up at a solid sky.

— “Can’t sleep?” A voice he wishes would never be snuffed out asks, followed by the sound of light steps landing right by him.

— He lets out a breath, shoulders slumping. This isn't good, he isn’t being rational… Of course your paths will diverge someday but… that’s just how it’s bound to be.

— And he could never take that away from you, even if you’re the only thing that, right now, makes his existence bearable.

— “No, I guess I can’t.” He mumbles, to himself or to you, he is not entirely sure.

— You reply with a tender smile, scooting closer to him.

— “That makes two of us, then.” You rest your head on his shoulder; the lit torches, the closest thing to stars you could wish upon down here. “It’s hard to sleep when you’re not around, you know.”

— Those last words resonate in his mind like the chimes at midnight, as reality comes crashing down on him.

— There will come a day, when you will go your separate ways. What will it be like, when eternal sleep wraps their cloak of darkness around you forever? When an empty space is all that remains by his side?

— No, Kabane shakes his head. He can’t let such baleful thoughts take command of his mind.

— For as long as you’re here, he’ll protect you.

— He shrugs off his cape, wrapping it around you. You’re here with him; his coat, akin to a spell, making you invisible to the cold claws’ of the bitter end.

— At least, for a little longer; a lifetime to you, milliseconds to him.

Ah, the cruelty of the curse.

— If, on the other hand you’re immortal like him, then well, the withdrawn underworlder has at least one reason to not despise his existence so much.

— With you, the bleakness of the Underground lights up in colorful sparks, the glow of a thousand galaxies causing heat to rise to your partner’s cheeks, reflecting the colors you ignite inside his heart.

— Like the previous two boys, Kabane is pretty protective too. He’s always the one to patch up the bruises you get while exploring, his deft fingers delicate against your cheek as he disinfects the small cuts.

— His brow furrows in concern; no matter how much you insist that he needn’t tend to you like this, that your wounds will heal alone.

— You always love to pat his head in these instances, if only to see the cute blush that tints his pretty face.

— And honestly, eternity sounds very appealing to Kabane right now, if it means being on the receiving end of your tender affections.

♡ KUON (Nanase Riku)

“Our stories are past the horizon, we’re chasing the sun till we find them.”

— You always knew that, behind that innocent and enigmatic smile of his, a story of heartache and melancholy was waiting to be unfolded.

— Kuon was to you like some sort of fairytale; a little magical, mysterious; poetics you could spend hours attempting to decipher.

— You liked your time with him.

— You like him.

— If you’re a mortal who happens to stumble into the Underground, he doesn’t say anything about his past at first.

— Kuon will give you hints, however, in that roundabout way of his; the words he spins for your ears only, the code he desperately wants you to decipher.

— He is ready for the fleeting nature of your unforgettable presence through his endless existence.

— The ex celestial knows he’ll come to mourn you when you depart, but he’s more concerned as to how you will react when you figure out you’ll be unwillingly leaving him behind one day.

— That same melancholy smile is the first answer he offers you the moment you decode his message.

— No matter how much you beg of him to ask Kabane to make you immortal, or to at least investigate a way for you to stay with him for more time, he refuses.

— “I just can’t do that, my dear [Y/n].” Your lover utters, in that soft tone of his, smile never leaving his lips.

— “No! There must be some way!” You protest, bunching up your fists by your side. “I don’t mind living for an eternity, I don’t care how painful it becomes, I want to be with you, Kuon!”

— He doesn’t avert his gaze, reminding you of bright autumn leaves you can no longer quite remember.

— “It has to be like this…” He tells you, arms holding your shaking shoulders. “But I know we’ll meet again, after that, our paths are entwined, you know. They’ll eventually merge back together.”

— You are not certain how much of that statement is the truth and how much of it is just him trying to cheer you up.

— But whatever the case, you’ll make each moment next to Kuon one you can remember, looking back at it with a fond smile.

— If you’re immortal like him as well, then that’s okay with the both of you.

— Kuon might feel guilty for having burdened another person with the curse of never ending existence.

— However, you’re more than happy to spend centuries, millennia, with him.

— Waking up to your kisses and falling asleep with you in his arms… Those are pleasures the former celestial could never grow tired of.

— As long as he has you, every forever is a precious constellation of petals swaying to the melody of you.

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youre-a-total--poser · 1 year

Text

Wedding day (Request)

Warnings: None

Age: 20s

Word Count: 921

Requests: Closed

Summary: it's your wedding day

Requested by:

Date: 16/12/22

A/N: don't start working kids it ruins your life and completely takes over everything

Main Masterlist

---⧗---

It was the happiest day of your life but with every minute that passed, you got more and more nervous.

You already had your dress on that was the first thing you did Wanda told you that it would be easier to put on the dress first so it wouldn't ruin your hair or get any make-up stains on it

Wanda put a towel over your front in case any make-up spilt.

"Cheer up Y/N it is your wedding after all," Wanda said applying foundation to your face.

"I am cheered up. That doesn't sound right. Is that right? Che... cheered up? Cheer uped? Happy I'm happy." You ranted.

"Okay, I believe you." Wanda laughed as she began to blend the makeup on your face.

"Now how do you want to have your hair up or down?" She asked.

"Definitely up it just gets in the way when it's down."

As Wanda was fixing your hair your mom and your soon-to-be husband's aunt walked in. You saw your mom in the mirror and she was smiling so widely.

"Come here baby let me get a good look at you," Natasha said.

You got up and walked over to her.

"You look so beautiful." Natasha smiled.

"How are you feeling honey?" May, your soon-to-be husband's aunt, asked.

"I'm the happiest I've ever been but also the more nervous I've ever been." You chuckled.

"Well, that's to be expected," May said.

"We'll leave you and your mom alone for a while honey," Wanda said putting away the last of the makeup.

As Wanda and May left the room Wanda turned back. "No crying I don't you want you ruining my masterpiece." Then she left.

You looked back at your mom and saw that she was starting to tear up.

She quickly wiped away a tear that fell down her cheek. "I can't believe that my little girl is all grown up. You're no longer a baby anymore."

You tried your hardest to hold back the tears so you wouldn't ruin your make-up. "No matter how old I am I'll always be your little girl. Your baby." You hugged your mom tightly.

While you were hugging your mom you heard the door open. You looked over your mom's shoulder and saw May walk back into the room holding something.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but I wanted Y/N to have this," May said walking closer to you.

You pulled away from Natasha and looked at what May had.

"This vail was mine. I wore it on my wedding day and I wanted you to have it for your something borrowed." She told you

"Thank you May it's so pretty." You hugged her being careful not to damage the veil.

May handed the veil to Natasha and she put it on you "perfect" she smiled.

"Are you all finished getting ready?" Natasha asked. "It's nearly time."

"I just have to put my jewellery on then I'm all done." You told her.

"While you do that we're going to check to make sure that everyone is ready," Natasha said then she and May left the room.

You start putting in all of your earrings then you put on your necklace that has your mom's symbol on it. That necklace has been with you through so much so it's definitely coming along for your wedding day.

The door opened and Natasha walked in “it’s time sweetheart”

You walked over to her and linked your arm with hers then started making your way to the hall where the ceremony is taking place.

Natasha opened the doors for you and the music started playing.

As you started to slowly walk down the aisle you looked at all your family who was smiling so widely at you. Then you made eye contact with him, Peter Parker, The man who you will call your husband very soon.

Tears started forming in your eyes you tried your hardest to not let them fall. You didn’t want to ruin your makeup especially not now.

You and Natasha reached the end of the aisle she carefully lifted up the veil and put it over your head then places a kiss on your cheek.

You turned to the side and handed your bouquet to your maid of honour MJ then you turned back to look at Peter and he took hold of both your hands.

---⧗---

After the Pastor finished his speech it was time for vows.

While Peter was saying his vows you couldn’t stop smiling all you wanted was to leave over and kiss him but you knew that you had to wait.

While you were saying your vows tears formed in your eyes but this time you couldn’t hold them back.

After the vows were done the pastor announced that it was now time for the rings.

You turned to MJ and Peter turned to his best man Ned and you both took the rings from them

Peter carefully put the ring on your finger and you did the same

“By the power vested in me by God and man, I pronounce you wife and husband. You may now kiss the bride.” The pastor said

Finally, the moment you have been waiting so long for. Peter cups your face and you place your hands on his wrists and he kisses you.

You pull away and you both can’t stop smiling at each other.

He holds out his hand for you to take and you both walk down the aisle as Mr and Mrs Parker.

---⧗---

Taglist - @glxwingrxse // @griffin-girl-r // @uglymammoth // @arinexeisnotworking // @faesvoid // @ali-lie // @froufrousnowman // @mmmmokdok // @babbynuggets // @nighttime-dreaming // @circe143 // @lizlil // @lissaaaa145 // @snowdrop1026 // @shixicbe// @i-writes-things // @teenybean // @fluffyblanketgecko // @scarlet-kazuha // @ravensinthedaylight // @lovelyy-moonlight // @melatonindaydreamz // @nclgsticore // @gabbyzeyla // @eternally-ineffable // @naslt // @natswidowtrilogy // @inluvwithfictionalwomen

Go HERE to be added to the taglist

#natasha's kid #natasha romanoff #mama nat #natasha romanoff x daughter!reader #natasha x daughter!reader #y/n romanoff #natasha romanoff daughter #peter parker x reader #peter parker #may parker #y/n parker

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hiccanna-tidbits · 1 year

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Jackunzel Month Week 2 - Songs Sweater Weather - The Neighborhood

***

And all I am is a man I want the world in my hands I hate the beach but I stand In California with my toes in the sand

Use the sleeves of my sweater Let’s have an adventure Head in the clouds but my gravity’s centered Touch my neck and I’ll touch yours You in those little high-waisted shorts, oh

Oh, she knows what I think about And what I think about One love, two mouths One love, one house No shirt, no blouse Just us, you find out Nothing that I wouldn’t wanna tell you about, no

‘Cause it's too cold For you here And now, so let me hold Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

And if I may just take your breath away I don’t mind if there’s not much to say Sometimes the silence guides a mind To move to a place so far away

The goosebumps start to raise The minute that my left hand meets your waist And then I watch your face Put my finger on your tongue ‘cause you love the taste, yeah

These hearts adore Everyone the other beats hardest for Inside this place is warm Outside it starts to pour

Coming down One love, two mouths One love, one house No shirt, no blouse Just us, you find out Nothing that I wouldn't wanna tell you about, no, no, no ‘Cause it’s too cold For you here And now, so let me hold Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

‘Cause it’s too cold For you here And now, so let me hold Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

It’s too cold For you here And now, let me hold Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

And it’s too cold, it’s too cold The hands of my sweater

***

So y’all, it has been years since this song came out and it is still the Jackunzel song. Like I have seen people try to apply it to some of my other ships and every time there’s this voice in my head that’s like “No!!! Bad!!! That’s the Jackunzel song!!!” Bless, I could literally not associate it with another ship if I tried XD

I MEAN

“Use the sleeves of my sweater Let’s have an adventure Head in the clouds but my gravity’s centered” IF THAT AIN’T THEM

Also “ I hate the beach but I stand in California with my toes in the sand” has the vibe of Jack kind of aimlessly wandering around as a spirit and searching for anyone who can see him, even if he has to spend time in places he doesn’t actually like that much ;_____;

And, of course, just the general vibe of Jack and Punz being excited and eager to physically touch each other because Jack has spent so damn long being an incorporeal ghost to most of the world, and now finally--finally--someone can actually touch him and hold him and remind him that he’s a real physical being who can in fact receive cuddles ;_____; hELP, I’m getting emotional just thinking about it--

LIKE HIM HUGGING AND CUDDLING ONE OF THE FIRST PEOPLE IN DECADES WHO CAN SEE HIM AND BEING LIKE “She was worth the wait” AKSJAHNOSYVBFSUY

Anyways, I’m sure I’m not the first person who’s made Jackunzel Sweater Weather content, but...this thing made itself, and I did not consent XD Like it just happened!!! I couldn’t help it!!! I cannot be blamed for my lack of originality here!!! XD Actually am very, very pleased with how the moodboard came out, and fully believe there can always be more Jackunzel Sweater Weather material. Like there is no limit. Every Jackunzel shipper on earth could make a moodboard or a fic or an edit or what have you based on the song and I’d devour every single one like a quality birthday cake.

As always, moodboard pic credits available upon request!

#jackunzel #jackunzelmonth #jackunzelmonth22 #jack x rapunzel #rapunzel x jack #aesthetic #moodboard #jackxrapunzel #rapunzelxjack #jack frost #rapunzel #rotbtd #rise of the brave tangled dragons #the big four #rotg #rise of the guardians #tangled #crossover

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seducemefanficsandheadcanons · 2 months

Text

Hey everyone, I wanted to discuss some anon request I've gotten recently. I'm keeping the request in my inbox for once I get the fic done. There may be some spoilers for a one shot I wrote recently if you care :)

Trigger warning for discussions of eating disorders, suicidal thoughts and overall discussions of mental health. Please read with caution🩵

About a month ago, I received multiple request (I suspect it may be the same anon) requesting a story with a reader who struggles with anorexia. They asked for incubi X reader or Sam X reader, and I immediately tried to plan for this story, wanting to complete all of my request in a timely manner.

As someone who survived anorexia, I want nothing more than to properly convey the struggles and effects of this condition. I want to convey the effects of not only the MC, but the effects of those close to them.

But I also need to take care of myself and be sure to not trigger myself when writing these.

Like my fic "You are not broken", I try to take as much time writing angsty fan fics, most never seeing the light of day. I've always struggled to write my own feelings into words, and writing a character who struggles with something so close to my heart has felt like writing a diary, with other minds and voices involved. I have tried to characterize the incubi to comfort the MC, saying things I needed to hear, but it simply isn't that easy. That's because one conversation will not cure anorexia, or any mental illness.

In "You are not broken", it is never implied that the reader's depression goes away. She had just gone through something no one should have to experience, and one conversation and cuddle sesh with Sam isn't going to cure that. There was a reason for that.

I've considered writing a large AU fic about an MC (Likely Mika because making OCs is stressful for me) struggling with anorexia nervosa for a while now, even before I started writing a few months ago. But I'm writing a large AU already, and I have struggled to think of any plot regarding this AU, other than the readers anorexia. How would each boy find out? How would Mika try to cover up her disordered eating habits, if she even does? What is the turning point in the story, and how do I write the turning point without sounding unrealistic?

I also want to add, there is no such thing as 'mild' anorexia. This is no hate to the anon(s?), but I see the words severe, mild, and not bad being used in the requests. If someone is anorexic, they are anorexic. This applies with all eating disorders. This type of describing those struggling with anorexia is harmful. Many struggling with anorexia and other eating disorders feel as if they 'aren't sick enough', which is one reason so many of us do not seek help.

I guess my point of posting this was to say that I will try to get a fic regarding an MC struggling with anorexia done eventually. It could be done next week; it could be done next year. I truly don't know. I just know that this is something I want to write and spread awareness about, but I am aware that I need to put my mental health first and do this properly.

This is also just me sending hugs to all writers out there. Please take care of yourselves and do not feel the need to write something if you feel it may be triggering for you.

#seduce me the otome #seducemeotome #tw disordered eating #eating disorders #writing

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worldscollidinginone · 2 months

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Prelude

Book master list

Zindagi bari ajeeb cheez hai. Kabhi humko bohot khushiyan mil jati hai aur kabhi ghum. Kabhi humko itna pyaar mil jata hai ki hum khud ko sambhal nahi pate, aur kabhi ek pal ka pyaar bhi nahi milta.

I felt pain two times: When my parents died and when I had to leave Aman.

Dad's last wish was that I should complete my university degree. It was not heartfelt. I could feel it. Do you want to know why? Because I was a girl. He wanted a son, not a daughter. So, in my entire childhood, I kept craving for Dad's love and affection, to the point that I just gave up on him. There was no hope.

Mum's last wish was the one that I tried to follow: Don't hurt yourself. Keep loving others, but most importantly keep loving yourself. Don't hate your father just because he didn't care for you. You know how he is. And try to forgive Aman. He never wanted to hurt you. He loved you like a lunatic. Don't hurt him.

My brother was incredibly young when that happened. So, everything fell on me. My entire life got destroyed after that. I sent my brother to a boarding school. I could not bear the fact he should see me weak, heartbroken. I used to tell him that I was the kind of woman who never felt pain. I just would not react. After I lost my parents, I felt as there was no reason for me to live, so I started taking cocaine and THAT was the worst phase of my life.

One day, I came home drunk, and I slapped my brother for not giving me cocaine. I then understood how helpless I became because of it, and I wanted to hug him and started crying, but he stopped me saying that my sister would never feel weak. She is a wonder woman. I want to meet and be with my sister, not a drug addict. That hit me.

From then on, I stopped taking drugs. I went to a rehabilitation centre, so I could be with him. He used to stay in a hostel at that point. The next thing I know is that he's going apply to become an army officer. He's all grown up to be a very fine young man... I am proud of him. Now I must start to find a nice bride for him.

I sent him an email with some pictures of the girls he might want to consider dating... and he replied to me with a picture of our family: my mom, my dad, him and me. What struck me the most, was that he also included a picture of Aman in the email. I broke down looking at his picture. He'd written a request: he wanted me to write a story about Aman and me. I clearly said no to him because this is very personal. He was the only guy I truly loved in my entire life, and I don't want anyone to judge him or our love for each other.

After he died, everyone wanted me to get married, so that I forget what happened, at least for a while. I did not want to. Forgetting Aman would be a torture for me. And I kept explaining to them that I love Aman. He promised me that he will come back soon. He'll never leave my side; then why should I leave his? I want to die remembering the beautiful smile that he had. I want to remember him loving me. I want to remember him in every single moment in my life. I just want to live to be only his.

The day I started writing my story was when it was Aman's twelfth death anniversary. I couldn't hold it anymore. When I saw Naina with Rohit coming, I ran towards Naina and broke down. I couldn't believe that Aman left me. It has been 12 years since Aman died and then I remembered that Naina was in love with him.

Then Naina spoke: "It's true. I could not have loved Aman the way you love him. I would have committed suicide if I were you. But you, you are still alive and making sure that everyone is ok, just like the way he wanted you to be before he left you. He told me to give you something that will probably remind you of him."

Then she took out a pair of anklets that I liked in a store years ago and there was a piece of paper which read: Priya, I love you, I love you very much. I will always love you till the end of time. I wanted to ask you a question, but I never had the guts to tell you: WILL YOU MARRY ME? I broke down and I was reliving the memories I spent with him. Again.

Go To Chapter 1

#writing prompts #otp prompts #writing #writeblr #imagine your otp #prompts #otp writing #kal ho naa ho #jaya bachchan #shahrukh #shah #shah rukh khan #shahrukh khan #shahrukhkhan #saif ali khan #preity zinta

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troglobite · 1 year

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laskdjflaskdjf

retroactively caveating this: if we're mostly/p much only internet friends, the dynamic is so entirely different that none of this really applies. i'm talking ppl i've known almost my whole life, and/or ppl i know irl and would be meeting w in person if not for ongoing covid.

------

sitting here thinking

realizing some things

previously it felt like the tiny number of friends i had/have were only ever interested in using me for their needs and purposes

previous friend group was always talking about everyone else's problems--for hours, days, weeks on end. nothing ever changing.

when i brought my stuff up it halted the entire conversation

i would complain and get nothing in response.

someone else in the group would, out of the blue, make a big request or set a big boundary and it was no problem

but my small requests, discomforts, and boundaries were always treated as Too Much.

and previously i've always thought--it's partly my fault, partly the fault of all friends i've had, that friends always relied on me and sought my advice and instruction and wanted me to do things for them, but didn't ever want to do things for me.

but i'm also realizing now--

well i mean i sort of have always known as well, but in general people. don't take an interest in the things i'm interested in. they don't want to hear about it or listen to me talk abt it.

my mom is the only person who puts up with my infodumping, and she does her Mom's Best. most of the time i don't feel awful. when i try to stop talking bc i feel annoying sometimes she'll ask a question to keep me talking.

haha okay i'm just crying now??? idk.

anyway. it's nice. i still feel deeply annoying. and it's not bc she treats me that way in those moments, it's bc i know she's not truly interested, and also bc at other times, when she's angry or hurt or triggered by something, her resentment towards me comes out. and so when she's being nice abt my special interests and infodumping, i guess part of me is like. she's being nice, but she's just being nice. bc she loves me and cares abt me. but it is. a kind of emotional chore.

so anyway there's that detour.

point being all those posts online "i love when people infodump at me i love seeing how happy and excited they are i love learning new things"

WHERE ARE YOU FUCKING PEOPLE?! I'VE NEVER MET ONE OF YOU. EVER. IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

okay another detour over, sorry.

i'm just now thinking. about friends and friendship again.

i get mad when i can help someone and they don't tell me or ask me. or they don't even give me a chance.

i get MAD. i get so panicked and hurt and upset and confused. idk how to describe the feeling. it's. Big.

it's just Big and Loud and Intense.

when i can help someone and they don't let me know they need help, or they refuse my help when i offer, or they don't ask and i have to come in media res to help out after they've already hurt themselves or overextended themselves, when i could be there for someone and they don't reach out.

i get. That Really Big Feeling. and it's bad and i don't like it.

and i'm frustrated and thinking bc like. part of me is someone who can't handle not being able to help people.

i am disabled and poor and my various abilities are very limited. i cannot do a lot of things that would help a lot of people.

it crushes me. i don't like that feeling. nobody does.

and i care so so so deeply abt the ppl i love.

and--

and we're back to this bit where i don't allow myself to get invested in friends and relationships bc again, i've always been Too Much for ppl.

if i msg too often, ask too many things, open up too much, want to hang out too often, want to share everything w them and be close and. it's Too Much.

and being a queer kid, i couldn't be clingy and huggy w my friends bc it was seen as creepy and gay.

i just. didn't get to hug anyone v much. i had to hide and suppress a lot of my affection. both bc i'm queer and autistic, so it always read as Too Much and Weird.

and it's just very weird to go through life most of the time feeling next to nothing abt other people. bc i've shut that off. and if i turned it on and allowed myself to feel i'd just be a mess, constantly, all the time.

bc if i feel those things then it makes it even harder to deal with what got me Thinking in the first place--

that i'm not a priority in any of my friends' lives.

and it's weird and shitty this time bc now, for several months, i am not even the person that any of them turn to first for help.

so my ONE way to be in contact w friends & feel helpful? is not available to me bc i am not a priority--and i'm not in their list of first responders.

i am not number one. i am not anywhere in the top five.

i'm someone they occasionally think about. or only think about in a certain capacity.

mainly, rn, their DM. or the person who offers compliments. or the person who spams the discord like an annoying bastard w stupid things that no one gives a single solitary FUCK about, and so they ignore.

so it's the double whammy

i don't even get to FEEL something about them ~only using me for advice and support~ and never engaging w my interests or offering to support me

bc they're not even asking me for advice or support

and i'm just realizing how little i matter

and how many other people they have who are more immediate, more important, closer to them--who they just plain like more

and i have no way of finding any other friends

and i'm sort of spiraling

i thought i had. The Friend Group. like i was set. i was so excited and--looking back. ha.

part of what began to drive the stake between us was my Too Muchness.

apart from some red flags i was ignoring, it seemed like we were all in for each other. there were so many things we wanted to do! plans we were making!

we went on a vacation together, which was HUGE for me, w my overwhelming fear of road trips (hard to explain, not what immediately comes to mind), general anxiety abt being away from home, and lack of Comfort around ppl other than my mom. and i thought it went really well! it seemed like it!

but then i went to grad school and they thought i was an elitist traitor or something? that i thought i was better than them? i literally don't know bc they never told me or admitted to any of their actions or feelings so i've been left to guesswork to fill in the blanks.

but the other part of it was--

i so wanted. to do all those things with them. they were a top priority for me. they were involved in the way i was planning literally the future, years out ahead in my life. that's how i was thinking abt my future. with them in it.

and i just remember one time we went out to eat (which they forced me to do even though i fucking hated it and just wanted to hang out with them and not spend money or be around other loud people) and at that time they revealed that they had plans to move in together (three of them) and they hadn't told me but they'd told the friend in virginia.

they talked abt being concerned abt that friend in virginia--but not me, off in minnesota.

and they mentioned a summer vacation. and i said oh wow that sounds awesome, i love that place. do you think we could do another trip like last time? would that be possible? or maybe just one like it some other time?

and i was so excited and enthused abt it. ME! EXCITED ABT VACATIONING W PEOPLE OTHER THAN MY FAMILY!

and looking back i can see how offput they were (mainly one of them) w that suggestion. they found it distasteful and were humoring me.

of course, covid hit and everything fell apart, so it never happened. lucky them. they went on many trips together after that. i know bc i haven't unfollowed or blocked all of them on social media. they're not often on it so it doesn't matter too much.

but they've posted abt their other trips together.

including one BEFORE i had "left the group" that they just. didn't tell or ask me about.

but i was Too Much for them.

despite everything--despite putting up with their treatment of me and not even noticing it was wrong or bad--i was so excited to just spend more time w them and build my future plans involving and around them.

and even though THEY were the ones that started it...

me doing it was Too Much.

and now i have this group

and the group has splintered bc three of them roomed together and it went Very Weird

and now there's literal hatred and animosity btwn a couple of them

which has meant that for the first few miss frizzle games, all i got hanging w the ones i'm closer to afterwards was just an endless stream of angry complaints abt the other players--

even when i thought everything was fine and had gone well.

yes, even i get frustrated w those two players sometimes. but this last session went really well and the story's picking up and i'm excited for it. and i just--the things that have made me frustrated. i've gotten over. or i've said something in a funny way to make the complaint/dislike clear so we can laugh abt it and move on and it won't get repeated. and it's worked.

but i'm just.

it used to be that we could all chat in the discord sometimes

then that group fell apart

and then 3 of them were like "hey let's make our own server and hang out there"

and it was good for a while

and now it's radio silent, same as before

a few memes or tiktoks

but i'm the one in there most of the time

trying to start conversations and share things

and getting no response

and they're all going through shit, i know

but only loosely

because none of them fucking talk to me

i was called a best friend by one of them and now i'm not even on the list of ppl to inform abt her life. to complain to. to chat w. for months now.

and honestly i'm just so sad and tired and lonely over never having any responses to anything i put in the discord that i just--

i know they're all tired and overwhelmed. i know.

so i don't reach out asking abt that stuff.

if they wanted to complain to me or get my support, they would ask.

and i know that bc that's how it's been in the past.

but they're all in their own spaces and places w their own ppl who are. more enmeshed in their lives. more important. more everything.

and i'm just the annoying shithead who's like 5-6 years older than them just posting stupid shit in the discord for them to ignore.

and one of them bailed 15 mins before our miss frizzle game this past sunday, after having told me they could come and play. i also had set the expectation that ppl tell me if they can't make it w a few days' heads up, bc i need to be able to prepare. we could survive a couple ppl missing a class/game session here or there, it would be okay. and obviously shit happens last minute, so that's fine.

and i absolutely understand that they're going through the Pits of Depression Hell, rn.

but i only get it vaguely bc they don't talk to me. i am not an important or close friend.

i'm not saying that to insult them or myself. it's just true. i am not an important or close friend, for them.

but i asked them--on the off chance--if they might want to sit in on the session, since this "class" was going to be two gaming sessions, and if they could make it to the next one, i'd want them to know what was going on or lemme know any choices they made.

and i said either way, we'd just retcon that their character was there, no problem.

their response sounded. so fucking mad at me. "god i'm fucking sorry i went back to sleep. he's [the PC] basically plant life it's fine"

i didn't say

"hey fuck you for not showing up"

i asked if they'd wanna sit in the group and observe

partly bc sometimes sleeping curled up in a depression pit makes things worse, and partly just so it was easier for them to rejoin in the next session.

bc like. reading an entire game session summary is also a lot. and these players. have a hard time reading ANYTHING i send them. they do it. they manage it. just enough. oddly, the players i anticipated having the most trouble w that are the ones doing the best--my expectations have been flipped.

but i figured sitting in the zoom room might be vaguely entertaining background noise (w camera & mic off!) and they could pick up next session easier, and maybe being around ppl they generally like would be a little bit of a pickmeup.

but instead my question/offer was seen as. angry? needling? judgmental? idfk.

my response was me pretending nothing was wrong bc they had voiced nothing to indicate that anything WAS wrong, and i'm having to work on not interpreting things from ppl when they haven't communicated anything to me. if someone is upset w me or if i hurt them, they HAVE TO TELL ME or i cannot do anything abt it. it's not fair to either of us to expect me to psychically divine every time something is wrong.

and they responded in kind.

but i'm just like.

what the fuck?

you don't talk to me. you don't respond to anything i say. you said, before this campaign ever began, that you "just want a campaign that actually happens"

and then 15 mins before the game you bail--when i have to calculate and balance encounters for a certain number of players AHEAD OF TIME. when i have to spent a lot of time preparing roleplay scenes and information to give your character.

so i'm kind of scrambling, yeah, and hoping that maybe you'll sit in on the session--NOT PLAY! NOT TALK! NOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH PARTICIPATING AT ALL SOCIALLY OR IN THE GAME!--so that it's easier for BOTH OF US to prepare for the next session

because now i have to type up a whole game summary to fill them in on what they missed

assuming, of course, that they don't bail on the next game 15 mins beforehand

i just. i understand that things happened.

but i quite literally went into the discord w just the 3 of them who were like "let's all be friends in here!" and then proceeded to fucking ignore me

and i said basically--

'hey what's the vibe? how are y'all feeling abt the campaign and playing in it, rn? bc i'd be fine hitting pause until y'all felt more ready to participate. we could do oneshots and jackbox game sessions, instead, for a few weeks or a couple months, and then jump right back in. bc i have this campaign literally outlined through to the end, so we WILL complete it. we're NOT bailing on it. lol but we could hit pause if need be. bc this game is a lot of work, and i want y'all to be there in such a way that you can enjoy it. i don't want y'all to miss out or not be present mind-wise. so if we need to hit pause, let's do that.'

and to be clear, no one had communicated ANYTHING to me.

but that was sort of the point.

radio silence.

how am i supposed to interpret that? what am i supposed to do with that, except infer that i should ask them how things are going?

they won't talk to me about their lives, maybe they'll fucking talk to me about this game that THEY wanted to happen. that THEY are invested in. that THEY requested have a large, overarching story and lots of roleplay.

no one directly engaged w anything i said. they both responded abt the upcoming game, and that was it. said they'd check in by friday.

i had to remind them and ask explicitly to get a response friday at like 5 fucking pm

and if that doesn't say it all abt where their priorities are right now

which--

WOULD BE FUCKING FINE

IF THEY WOULD JUST FUCKING TALK TO ME

but they don't and won't.

and here i sit capable of only feeling so many emotions.

if they're (the one who responded as such above) mad at me for being too "businesslike" abt the game, despite me not being a dick abt it and saying it was fine either way, then i'm sorry

but maybe try actually fucking talking to me AT ALL abt ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE GAME so that way it actually feels like maybe we're friends

instead of me being an unpaid DM doing a LOT of fucking work for a group of people who don't particularly care abt me or my wellbeing or the work i'm putting in

and who have lives and friends and family and other shit that's infinitely more important than me

and to circle back around, part of the reason i was so. baffled and confused--and i didn't even have the space or capacity to process and feel that at first--by the angry response to my offer/question

is because

if it's that bad

why are you isolating away from me?

i can't DO anything for you if you don't talk to me! if you don't fucking say anything!

i'm trying to reach out these stupid little branches for fun little moments of conversation and goofiness and what have you

and just. no takers. no response. no nothing.

and idk what their life is like bc they don't talk to me.

none of the three really talk to me.

and forget the other three players, i NEVER talk to them. i am just someone who DMs for them.

they don't ask abt my life or anything. we don't talk abt it.

i don't have a friend group.

i have a group of people, half of whom claim that i am their friend and do nothing to demonstrate it, that i DM for and work my ass of for, and i get nothing in return.

i just wanted them to have fun.

and this last session went so well

but that's it. that's all the time i have to talk to these ppl.

my requests that we hang out more--forgotten for weeks, so i don't bring it up again. bc i have ALWAYS been the one asking.

only to find out, every time throughout my life, that they were all hanging out without me anyway. that i'm just annoying.

i'm Too Much. they don't like me. they don't want me.

and when they do, it's just for advice or support or to use me for something, like DMing.

that's it.

and when we talk abt the game i get excited bc i work so hard on it and i care abt it so much and this is my FIRST TIME EVER DMing for a longform campaign

i have so many hundreds of pages written, so many maps made, so many characters and plots and stories to keep track of

because they asked me to

an option for this campaign was for it to be a monster of the week type thing. no overarching plot. no outer worlds. just a new class each week, everything's fine, then the class ends, end of campaign.

but they wanted an overarching story. and i made it. really big. and, i hope, really cool. really interesting and exciting to try and figure out. something that they'll have fun pulling apart, that will be compelling when it's revealed--all of its itinerant pieces revealed and explained, one by one, over the course of the campaign.

and i just.

want friends.

period.

but also, friends with whom i can get really excited abt this campaign.

and i offered to pause the campaign so everyone could rejoin properly.

and so far the one who bailed 15 mins before--btw, going through diff med changes which are ALWAYS difficult, and didn't fucking think to tell me until i'd had to explicitly ask abt attendance and scheduling like a fucking pain in the ass HR manager or teacher scolding them--has said nothing abt it.

bc they just don't fucking talk to me.

but clearly they need the time as well

and what, they think that despite the fact that i have the entire campaign outlined, that i'll bail on it?

meanwhile the three i was worried abt bailing on the game are fully in, and the three who claimed to be completely in and want this most are not able to be in it, right now. and won't communicate that to me.

i mean to be fair it's really only two of them at the moment.

but now i'm just going down this whole again where i get worked up about the campaign.

but i'm just. realizing. that part of the anger and frustration--which i have to emphasize is not AT any of them--is bc.

they don't need/want me as a friend.

i am not important outside of the game.

and now the game is not even in their top 5 priorities--and i understand why.

but now it's like

they don't ask me for help or support

they don't care abt the things i say

they don't want to have fun conversations or times with me

and they can't be there for this game that i am working so fucking hard on for them

i am making this game for them.

it's really, REALLY hard for my brain to do this. i can't judge if i'm saying too much or not enough. if i'm making something disappointing and boring. i can't tell if they're actually enjoying it, or if the few of them who say "that was fun, thanks, beck!" are humoring me or if they really mean it.

i can't tell if this is exciting and cool. if they like the NPCs. if they like the other PCs and the roleplaying. if they see the mystery. if they're invested.

i can't tell.

and i get little hints that, maybe they are?

and so i worry i'm just in my head abt this, that i'm making this game for me.

i want to have fun, too.

but all of the things i'm doing--i'm doing bc they asked me to.

i offered a miss frizzle game.

i decided i needed to make the world for it.

i asked them what they wanted from the game

and after a lot of fucking pestering they FINALLY told me what they wanted (bc it took them forever to fill out a 4 question survey where the answer could be "nope i'm good!" to basically all the fucking questions, takes 5 mins at most)

and i took that to heart

and i built a world and a plan and a campaign around that

i worked to find ways to connect everything to each of their characters

i've put so much into this

and i'm just

feeling really confused and conflicted

bc no one wants me.

they maybe want me as a DM. maybe.

and that requires. so much work on my part.

and i don't get. any actual friendship from them.

i don't even get to help them with their problems or talk to them abt stuff. i don't even get that anymore.

i feel annoying trying to talk abt the game between sessions. like i'm annoying all of them.

and i just--

this is part of why i resent being told to reach out and be interested in other people

they find me annoying and creepy and Too Much

bc i love other people

as much as i say i hate them

i hate them bc they hate me

i wanted to just read my book and go to fucking sleep early tonight and instead i've been sitting here for an hour crying and typing this up.

and for what?

it changes nothing.

and then fuck me, too, for the times when i'm too tired to want to be engage in a full conversation.

or i'm wary of replying too quickly to something bc what if i'm being annoying or overwhelming?

worrying with every message i send that i've done something wrong. bc isn't that always the case?

and so i want to respond when i feel good enough to respond w the right tone and it's not forced or fake.

bc i guess i'm still trying to perform the interesting agreeable cool funny friend

even talking abt problems i don't talk abt anything that someone can't relate to at all.

and things in my life are so nebulous and weird anyway.

no one could "offer support", right, so why do i even want or miss it?

it's just stupid. i'm tired of being 28 fucking years old and still having to deal with shit like this.

and all those "life gets better in your 30s"

do you SEE the world?

i'll be lucky if i even make it to 40.

not even by my own hand. just everything else.

"there's always time to start what you wanna do"

that's a nice sentiment. it's even true a lot of the time.

when there's not a pandemic. when you have money. and friends. and opportunities and options in front of you. and no disabilities.

i'm just being stupid and shitty and negative now.

but i sort of resent anything that makes me feel fulfilled or alive rn bc then the crash back to earth hurts even worse.

the absence of everything else the majority of the time feels even worse.

and i'm not going to talk to ANY of them abt this bc what would be the point?

they're not in a place to handle a conversation like that w any grace. i'm not even MAD at them! they haven't deliberately done anything wrong, they're just struggling! a lot!

and last time i tried to have a conversation abt things that i was worried abt or hurt by or just wanted to clear up, everything imploded around me and i ended up ghosted and abandoned and blamed for everything.

shit's already empty and absent enough without me throwing dynamite at it and making it worse.

it's just that normally the effort i put into a friendship is immaterial.

but now i'm DMing this game and the effort is very material.

and now i'm feeling it more accutely.

and i can't do anything abt it.

i just.

hanging out w friends makes me feel better. and i KNOW that's the case for most people.

and here i am, trying to make that happen in a low stakes way just talking in discord.

and still nothing.

just.

nothing.

i'm a bad person for trying. for asking. for wanting.

i can't help if i don't know, if they don't tell me.

but they don't want me to ask. bc they don't respond to anything i say, at this point.

enough to know they're alive. and that's abt it.

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