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the-red-thread-that-strangles · 27 days

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Akai Shuuichi isn't afraid of heights. Like any sane person, however, he dreads the fall.

Though he questions his sanity. Because try as he might to stay away from the edge, it calls to him. Staring into sweet oblivion sends shivers down his spine, the uncertainty of his fate a thrill like no other. Most days he trusts in himself, his ability to walk the razor's edge, but he's fallen before. And it hurt.

Of course, pain is just a part of life he's learned to live with. In his line of work, people get injured all the time. And if you can't handle that, you have to be very lucky to make it out alive. For the longest time, death wasn't an option.

(Now, it wouldn't be so bad.)

So he steadied himself, got smarter, hardier. Better at avoiding situations that result in pain. And better at shutting it out, too, when it did appear, in order to keep going.

Why, then, does his chest ache and burn?

It's quite simple.

Layers and layers of ice, degrees of separation in place precisely to protect him from pain like this, melted through by Rei's blazing heat.

What a stupid thing he's done, to get attached again.

He could've tried to resist, at the start. Before things had gone too far. Before he got to know Furuya Rei.

But maybe, by then, it was already too late. In truth, he probably doomed himself years ago, when he accepted Scotch's offer of companionship. It brought Bourbon into his orbit, and the man's never been any less than doggedly persistent. Once Shuuichi let him in, he was never going to escape unscathed.

Shuuichi let him get too close, and got burnt as a result. Could see it coming, too, for the longest time. But how was he supposed to escape Rei's brilliance? His touch, devastatingly kind? It would be like trying to block out the sun - an exercise in painful impossibility.

So he's stopped trying, and embraced the wildfire that is Rei. Of course he burns, it's his nature.

(There's some things Shuuichi will need to reevaluate about his own, now that he has time. Because he certainly never thought of himself as a masochist, and yet, despite the pain, he knows one thing for certain: he wouldn't want things any other way.)

(Not one that is available to him, at least.)

Thus, he resorts to clinging to the vestiges of patience and composure he has cultivated for years to keep working through the situation with a cool head.

To do what is right.

He's putting back together what he tore apart, unwittingly, some three years ago now. Their struggle is over. They deserve to rest and recover, nurse their wounds - together.

It doesn't matter that he feels like he's bleeding out. He's used to patching himself up, after all.

And he's glad that he can do this for his... friends. The term invokes a foreign, gentle joy. They're no longer team mates, no longer allies, no longer forced together by circumstance. That's in the past, now. They stick to each other by choice, these days. That makes them friends, right?

He's happy for his friends.

Shuuichi pours himself another glass of scotch.

He should've picked a different hotel than his family.

Rather, his family should've really looked into a permanent residence already, considering Masumi has decided she doesn't want to go back to Britain. It's not like mother could refuse, after all the things his little sister did for her - not least of which, coming clean to Shiho and convincing her to share the APTX antidote, when all was said and done.

They're certainly not lacking in money, and Shuuichi's sure the Hanedas have connections that would make finding a flat, or even a house, possible, even on short notice.

Then again, Masumi told him they've been living in a hotel for more than half a year - maybe they've simply grown used to the comforts. It's not for him, but he's rarely seen eye to eye with mother.

Regardless, none of this excuses banging at his door at seven in the morning, on the dot.

"Shuu, are you up yet?"

Well, if he wasn't, he surely would be, now. Years undercover have left him a light sleeper out of necessity - it's a habit he won't be able to break for quite a while, even if he wanted to.

Still, the splitting headache and nausea make him consider playing dead. He doesn't feel much better than it, in any case.

Another set of knocks shakes his door. He loves his sister, and her determination is one of her best traits. But some of these days, it's also highly inconvenient.

"One moment."

He drags himself off the barstool, checks the mirror. Can almost hear Rei telling him he looks like death warmed over. Roughly two hours of sleep half-draped over the hotel room bar certainly didn't do him any favours.

He buttons up his shirt in an attempt at modesty, combs back his hair roughly. Part of him wants to send Masumi away - she's idolised him for too long. His little sister doesn't deserve to have the illusion of composure shattered, shouldn't have to see him, like this.

But she told him, at her birthday party, trying alcohol for the first time in their family home, under his watchful eyes. Always direct, but, as it turned out, even more so when tipsy:

'When all of this is over, I want my brother back. Just...you, however you are.'

If Shuuichi waits for a time where he feels ready to talk to her, won't stain her merely by existing in proximity, they'll never get to meet at all.

(He can't have that. He's missed too much, already.)

So he drags himself to the door, dishevelled, morning breath and all. Opens it a crack.

"Morning." If his voice is a little rougher than usual, there's nothing he can do about it.

Masumi pushes the door wide open so she can step in, giving him a wide berth. Inspects him head to toe, worry clear in her scowl and the wrinkle of her nose.

"...is this a bad time?", she asks, a glint to her eyes as she notices the half-empty bottle of scotch on the bar's counter. She can't help it - a detective through and through, and not good enough at feigning nonchalance yet. The evidence at the crime scene is surely forming a rather damning picture - he really should have put the bottle back into the bar before letting her in.

She plops down on the small sofa, makes herself comfortable while he opens the window. That should at least give them some relief from the smells accumulated overnight in the room.

"No. You're just here early. Is something the matter?"

He doesn't bother with pleasantries on principle, but at this hour he finds himself even less inclined. Besides - she wouldn't be here this early if it wasn't important. At least Shuuichi dearly hopes she has more sense than that.

Masumi looks down at the floor, a little guilty. He settles on the barstool and waits for her hesitation to blow over. Must really be looking like shit, if he's managed to curb her usual enthusiasm.

"I was going to ask for a favour, but I'm really not sure-"

He gives her an unimpressed look, from up upon his perch. It's a little too early to beat around the bush.

"Masumi." A single word, aimed to cut her off with calm precision. "How do I help?"

He might not be feeling well, but he's a professional - he's worked in worse conditions, for less important reasons. He'll drag himself out of his slump, if she needs him.

"You don't have to. It's silly." She gives him a sheepish smile, fangs and all.

"That's for me to decide, once you let me know what you need. So?"

She steadies herself, looks up at him, and sighs.

"For context, it's been months now, but Ran's still down about the whole Shinichi fiasco. So, we've decided to surprise her with an outing, tomorrow night."

So far so good, although he doesn't see where that concerns him.

"It was gonna be just us girls, and I'm confident that between Ran and myself, we can handle anyone stupid enough to try and cause trouble. But you know how it is in Beika. There's always a risk."

He does indeed know how Beika has somehow overtaken Osaka in every single criminal statistic there is. If she didn't have friends here, he would suggest moving elsewhere. He hears Nagano is very lovely, all year 'round.

"So we were discussing if there's anyone we could bring for company. And, well-"

"Go on."

"Sonoko somehow - I'd really like her resources - caught wind that Okiya Subaru is back on 'vacation'. She might have suggested asking him to accompany us?"

Not entirely unexpected - miss Suzuki had taken something of a liking to him, for whatever reason. It's a testament to the improvement of his acting skills. Engaging with kids and teenagers is a far cry more difficult and involved than his cover as Rye, somehow.

"...she may also be under the inaccurate impression, you, well, he could be a potential match for Ran."

At least his sister's on the right page there. That's not happening, never in a thousand years. Even if Ran wasn't barely more than half his age, she's too innocent, selfless, kind. If something like love exists in his heart, it couldn't ever be for someone like her - not again.

"You want me to decline the offer, then?" Simple enough.

Masumi shakes her head.

"No, Sonoko's right. It's always good to have an extra pair of eyes, and I'd love to have you with us. Been too long since we last spent time together. Besides, I don't think Ran is even interested in you - or anyone, really, after that disaster..." It takes him a moment to place the bitterness in her voice, uncharacteristic as it is.

"And that is unexpected?"

"No. I get it, she needs time. But she's miserable, and I want her to cheer up already..." Masumi mumbles the latter half to herself, subdued. Shuuichi's not sure he was supposed to hear that, but, well. He did.

"You'll get through to her eventually."

Good back-up gets one out of the toughest of scrapes, he can attest to that. If his sister is determined to get Ran to feel better, her persistence will make it come true, eventually.

"I sure hope so." She smiles up at him.

He finds his lips quirking up in response. "You focus on helping her. I'll cover your back."

He's sure he'll manage not to indulge miss Suzuki's delusions too badly. Rei often let him know how off-putting he can be, after all - finally a good use for his skills.

"Thanks, Shuu."

She gets up. Stops a couple of steps away from him, hovering uncertainly. When he raises an eyebrow, he can almost see the 'ah, fuck it', and then she's hugging him. Shuichi pats her back, a little awkwardly.

"Any time", he says and means it. "If there's anything else..."

She tenses next to him, but shakes her head.

"No, it's...I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

Well, now he is a little worried. He'll need to keep an eye out for whatever's troubling her.

"Alright." He won't push her; she'll tell him if she needs to.

Masumi lets go and scurries off, fleeing for the door.

"Text me the time and place, I'll be there."

"Will do. See you tomorrow." She nods and waves her goodbye. He follows to lock the door behind her, the bolt sliding shut with a satisfying clack.

There's just one small problem. He currently doesn't have Okiya's get-up. And Okiya doesn't live in this hotel.

After dropping him off yesterday, Shuuichi had planned not to bother him for a couple of days. Well. That plan has just been tossed out the window rather unceremoniously.

It can't be helped. With a bit of apprehension, he calls Scotch.

Under the cover of darkness, Shuuichi scales the garden wall, dropping into the Kudo's backyard without issue. The alarms have been disabled according to the schedule he provided.

He slips in through the unlocked backdoor, shutting it behind himself. The security systems of the place are too familiar; he reactivates them on autopilot. Better to avoid unpleasant surprises, wherever possible.

Clearly, Scotch had a similar idea - Shuuichi can barely see his outline in the darkened kitchen, but the revolver he gave to him gleams in the dim light. It's nice to see he's making good use of it.

Sharp blue eyes scan him.

"The passphrase?"

Nostalgia steals the air from his lungs. Between unsafe safe houses, a trigger-happy Bourbon, and working with people best described as shapeshifters, they needed a way to identify themselves, and quickly, when they returned home.

It's been years since he's last spoken it, but the passphrase comes to him as easily as breathing.

"Eat, drink, and be merry..."

Scotch had suggested the words, years ago. The motto he lived by, when not on the job, in order to not lose his sanity. The motto he'd imposed on Rye, as well, when they became partners.

A cheshire grin in the night.

"...for tomorrow we die." Scotch finishes their creed, lowers the revolver.

"Welcome home, Rye."

It's always been easy to find comfort by Scotch's side. Between the greeting, making gyoza together - which goes much better than their attempts years ago - and watching mindless action movies with a glass of bourbon, ripping apart impossible stunt work, it's difficult not to fall into a simulacrum of the fragile peace they'd carved out for themselves, away from organisation work.

Only this time, the peace is real.

Despite his apprehensions about meeting Scotch, Shuuichi's glad he's here - travelling with him is one thing, but he didn't realize just how much he's missed downtime with his ex-partner. Scotch's sharp intellect and easy-going attitude make for pleasant company.

It's exactly what he needs to unwind.

Which is why he doesn't see how Scotch has him cornered until it's too late.

The neighbourhood of the Kudo manor is quiet, at night.

As they head out onto the balcony for a smoke in the moonlight, their conversation turns to hushed whispers. Mellowed by an evening of pleasant company and several drinks, the world sharpens into focus between them, illuminated by the glow of their cigarettes.

Standing would be too visible, so they sit on the stone floor, side by side, like so many times before.

"Hey, Akai?" His name, not his monicker. A chilling sense of dread creeps into his chest. Please, no.

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

Shuuichi closes his eyes. He can take a good guess where this is going. Thus, he takes a deep drag from his cigarette, and braces himself.

"You know. For letting me meet Zero."

He'd been hoping against hope they could avoid the topic altogether. After all, they've made it several hours without addressing it. But unfortunately, it seems his luck has run out.

(Still, having seen Scotch in good spirits all evening makes it worthwhile, just a bit.)

Maybe they can just move along quickly.

"Think nothing of it."

"No. Akai, listen. I know you had to pull some strings to make it happen, and I want you to know I appreciate that. We appreciate that - even if Zero is pissed. First thing he did was slap me; told me I was late."

Scotch laughs, low and sweet in the night air.

They both know he let himself get slapped - Rei tends to telegraph too much, when he's angry, and surely it's even more obvious for someone so intimately familiar with him. The thought stings. And yet, through it, Shuuichi can't help the help the small smile creeping on his face. That sounds like Rei, all right. He would've liked to see it - someone else the target of his anger, for once.

Scotch seems happy to just bask in the memory, but Shuuichi's curiosity has been piqued.

"Did you manage to resolve your issues?" After all, that was the goal. If they didn't, none of this was worth it - several hoops he jumped through, bureaucratic and personal, for nothing.

"It's tentative, so far, but I have faith we'll get there. We've been through too much, together, at this point. This won't break us... I hope."

Shuuichi is reminded painfully of the bits and pieces he's heard of their childhood adventures. Fishing and fighting and being friends. It must be nice, to have found love so early in life. To get to keep it, too.

"I don't think so, it's clear how much he missed you. I'd be surprised if he ever let you go again." It leaves him a little cold, to no longer be the focal point of Furuya's burning determination. Chasing him was always just a means to an end for getting to Scotch. And now his wish has been granted. Shuuichi hopes it's worth it.

When he smiles, Shuuichi is sure this is Hiro, the person closest to Rei. It burns, but at the same time he finds himself glad that Scotch shines with such utter fondness when he talks of Zero. That's what Rei deserves, after all.

"I hope so. I don't intend to leave again, anyways. Every single day when I was hiding, I missed him."

It's a quiet, gentle admission Akai isn't sure how to handle. All these emotions are a bit too much - he's not used to being thanked, unless it's with useless medals, and he's not used to being confided in. He supposes it's nice that Scotch trusts him enough to lay himself bare like this, nowadays. Still, he can't help but wish for the old times, when they were much better at keeping their feelings out of his face. He's already happy for them; isn't that enough?

Scotch turns to look at him, blue eyes burning bright in the moonlight.

"And I missed you, too."

Cold wind tousles his hair. Shuuichi stares at Scotch.

If he didn't know what to say before, he certainly doesn't do so now. How can Hiro say that so easily? It's too personal. It's one thing to have his little sister say it, who only ever saw an idealized version of him to look up to. For Scotch to say this, despite knowing what he did, who he is - it makes Shuuichi nauseous.

Because he can tell Scotch is being painfully genuine.

'I missed you too', burns in his throat. But too many conflicting emotions keep it tightly sealed. His breathing becomes difficult, requires a conscious effort to take air in, hold, breathe out. Repeat.

And Scotch isn't even done yet.

"Akai. I have to get used to that name now, huh? Feel free to call me by my name, too, if you want."

With how his mind is spinning, it's difficult to figure out what he wants at all, besides for Scotch, no, Hiromitsu to stop. He's ripping apart the bubble of warm nostalgia that was enveloping them so nicely, leaving them exposed to the present. The night is cold and uncertain, without its protection.

"...you haven't been meeting my eyes all evening. Please, Akai - let me know what's wrong. We couldn't, back then, but I'd like to be your friend, now."

It's the kindest smile he's seen on Sc- Hiromitsu yet, and it's too much. Shuuichi has to avert his eyes, can't keep looking at his former partner, all earnest focus placed on him. A shiver runs downs his spine.

There's few things he wants more, in life.

"...we are", he manages to tear from his aching throat, choked up with emotion. This is a bad idea. He's not supposed to get attached. He's just making the same mistake, over and over again. He should've kept quiet.

(If he'd told Akemi how he truly felt, would it have mattered?)

"Then why do you seem miserable, whenever you look at me? Why do you try to avoid me? Don't think I didn't notice."

Of course he did, always too sharp. So helpful, on a mission, and occasionally in private too; he'd know they were getting sick before they really felt it, start treatment with soup and tea early. Taking care of them, even then.

"It's got nothing to do with you, it's-" 'me', he wants to say. Fear and bitter envy, the brunt of which Hiromitsu really doesn't deserve to face. So Shuuichi's been trying to avoid them, and, by extension, his former partner.

He manages to catch himself in time, before he gives voice to feelings that can't be unsaid.

"Yes?" Hiromitsu's voice is calm and patient and Shuuichi hates him for the attention he's paying to him.

He manages to correct his course in time, if barely.

"You and Rei deserve some time alone, now that you're finally back together." It's close enough, only a partial lie. They're so important to each other, and he truly wants them to make up. He'd only be in their way.

"Rei, hm?" Hiro smiles at him. Of course he picked up on Shuuichi's blunder.

He's had just about enough of being cornered. Gets up and is about to head inside and maybe hide in the attic for a while. The door can be barricaded from the inside. Hiromitsu rises after him, puts a hand around his wrist in a vice grip.

"Let. Go." It takes all his patience to not just break Scotch's arm and leave.

"I'm sorry for pushing you, Akai. Please, give me half a minute more."

Unfortunately, his best glare stopped working on Scotch several years back. Shuuichi looks at his wristwatch, starts counting down. As soon as Hiromitsu starts talking, he knows his time is better spent focusing on what he has to say, instead.

"Look at me, Akai, and listen up. You can't get between the two of us. I've offered you a place at my side years ago, and Zero... well, he's come around. The offer still stands. It wasn't conditional, but if it was, you would've earned your place easily, by now. I owe you my life, and so does Zero, several times over."

"We did what we had to, and you did the same for me." For the longest time it was that simple, their relationship purely transactional, because Bourbon could only ever deal in exchanges. A favour for a favour.

It's long since stopped working that way, and Shuuichi knows it.

"Oh, please. None us had to do anything more than cooperate on missions, and yet we all chose to do so anyways. You're one of us, Akai. Stop fighting it."

And he wants to, desperately so. The thought of spilling his rotten insides for them to see has him sick to his stomach, and yet, how much worse could it be than what they've already witnessed?

Hiromitsu squeezes his arm, a burning brand of human connection. It staves off the cold, just a little.

When he speaks again, it's soft, but firm.

"You should've joined us for dinner, yesterday. Both of us missed you."

Shuuichi doesn't know what to say to that, too busy fighting his internal battles, but surely something shows on his face, because Hiro laughs at him.

"As amusing as it is to see you flush, no, that wasn't an invitation to a threesome."

...he isn't quite sure whether he's supposed to be relieved, or crestfallen, at this.

"I didn't think-"

"Yeah, I'm sure you didn't." Hiromitsu's smile is too sly and knowing. It's a testament to the fact Shuuichi's spent too much time with Furuya, because wiping it off his face in a fight sure sounds appealing, right about now.

He's always been better at expressing himself through deeds rather than words, anyways.

"Otherwise, I wouldn't need to set the record straight. Zero's furious, by the way. Count yourself lucky that I'm the one breaking the news to you. He doesn't appreciate being set up on a date with his best friend."

Hiromitsu pauses, presumably to let that sink in. Shuuichi stares him down. That is supposed to be new information, how?

"Let me be perfectly clear: I love Zero."

He says it easily, with a sweet smile. It stings fiercely in Shuuichi's chest. By now, he thinks he knows what Hiromitsu is playing at, but unfortunately that knowledge doesn't prevent it from being an effective tactic.

(If this is how Hiromitsu treats his friends, he doesn't want to be his enemy.)

"He's my best friend, I love him like a brother. But he's family. Nothing more, nothing less."

There's a small pang of guilt at the relief that floods his system, but he needs it said explicitly to really believe it.

"You aren't a couple, then?"

Hiromitsu raises an eyebrow, as if to ask 'and why would that matter to you?' But thankfully he's done teasing, or Shuuichi really would need to break something, or rather, someone.

"No. I can see how you got the idea, but there's never been anything between us. Zero says you have a brother? Imagine we presumed the same about you two, just because you're close."

The confirmation lets him breathe more freely, even if it will need time to settle. His mind is still spinning, too many thoughts fighting for control. From this mess, of all things, his long-forgotten manners emerge as the failsafe. "Sorry."

Hiromitsu waves it off with a grin.

"I don't mind too much, we got excellent dinner out of it. Thank you for that, by the way. But do make sure to apologize properly to Rei."

Hiro winks at him, then straightens, looks him in the eye.

Squeezes his arm a final time, before he lets go.

"I mean it, Akai - you're our friend. And I hope you rest a little easier, knowing the truth."

Shuuichi does.

He's five minutes late to the requested location downtown - through little fault of his own, this time.

Masumi's text arrived a mere twenty minutes ago, and the things PSB liaison Akai Shuuichi might get away with, such as speeding, don't apply to the civilian Okiya Subaru (though that would admittedly be a very nice perk of the job).

He can hazard a guess why Masumi didn't send the details earlier as he drives past the building in question to find a parking spot - she probably didn't want to give him time to reconsider and back out.

Because she's dragging him to a goddamn karaoke bar, and, standing in the huddle of girls waiting for him, is Miyano Shiho.

His instincts tell him to cancel, to take up position on the rooftop bar across the street - it would provide easier surveillance options.

(But he's tried to protect Akemi from afar, and failed her, miserably.)

Besides, he promised, and he really does try to be better, these days.

So he smiles, all awkward and apologetic Subaru, as he joins them. It's going to be a long night.

(He's soothed by the smell of Rei's hypoallergic fabric softener clinging to the sweater he picked. Can't help but feel that there would be a certain appeal to sharing them, if Rei were open to the idea.)

The evening goes better than he imagined, all things considered, even if there's crying involved - as is often the case when he meets Mouri Ran.

It's a pleasant distraction, if nothing else.

He keeps an eye on Masumi all night to see what could possibly be bothering her, but as far as he can tell she's genuinely happy to spend the night with her friends. In fact, considering she told him how it had been too long since they'd last seen each other, she pays surprisingly little attention to him.

He prefers it this way.

(Although he would've liked to ask for her advice on how to apologise properly. Alas, this is probably not the right time, or place.)

Mostly he stays at their table, watching the girls' drinks and the crowd, occasionally giving guys who seem to consider chatting the girls up cheerful glares. Masumi made her wishes very clear, after all.

It's a good thing he talked to Scotch Hiromitsu yesterday. Enthusiasm permeates the bar, but unfortunately confidence doesn't equate to talent. Several of the loud, out of tune performances would've been torture with a hangover.

He finds himself humming along to the classics regardless.

As it is, it's almost pleasant. Sure, Shiho keeps ignoring him when it's just the two of them left at the table, but that's better than open hostility. Probably.

(It feels a little worse.)

Two hours in Sonoko ushers Ran to stay with Subaru rather conspicuously.

Smalltalk is stilted between them, lacking in common ground, and it doesn't really help that their connection is through the Kudo family, the memories of which she's here to escape for the night. She's polite as ever, but without the other girls as buffer, the conversation quickly runs dry.

Thankfully, the girls' singing distracts them soon enough. A cutesy pop song about moving on, dedicated to Ran.

She seems about ready to cry halfway through, and by the time they're done she's sniffling and trying to discreetly wipe her tears. Shuuichi gives her a handkerchief and pats her back rather awkwardly in an effort to try and soothe her. He hopes the girls will be back soon to take care of this. He's woefully underqualified to handle this kind of situation.

When they finally do get back, he plans to excuse himself, but before he finds a good time he's swept up in a group hug instead.

Turns out he might have misread the situation - what with Ran being overjoyed at her friends' continued support, and needing to express that, somehow. How exactly that translates into him also being included in their huddle is beyond his comprehension, but he's not going to struggle and cause a scene.

(It's kind of nice to see her smile again - gloominess doesn't suit her.)

It might've been a bit too much excitement for Ran, because around midnight she's almost falling asleep at their table. At this point, the rest of the girls declare their mission a success, and the focus shifts to trying to figure out how to get back in the middle of the night.

Shuuichi volunteers to drive them home.

It's crammed in his little Subaru, but the girls manage, and once he's dropped off Sonoko, things quiet down considerably.

Masumi makes him swear not to tell their mother how long they were out.

He agrees, of course, knowing he got up to much worse as a teen - back when he was still susceptible to peer pressure and living abroad in a fraternity, alcohol made him do very stupid things indeed to prove his worth.

If this is how Masumi chooses to defy their mother, he'll take it - she could be up to so much worse.

She's arranged to stay with Ran; thus, he's released from his services for the night. He watches as they help each other up the stairs, leaning in close, whispering and laughing to each other.

He would make an assumption, now, but Hiromitsu's words are still clear in his mind.

So for now, he refrains, and is simply glad they're supporting each other.

In the end, predictably, Shiho is the only one left in the car.

"Didn't dare to join us wearing your own skin, cousin?"

He shrugs. "Masumi requested Subaru."

"Well. At least you didn't creep on us from several buildings away. Baby steps." 'But progress, nonetheless', her small smile says.

He doesn't know why he says it. Maybe because it's late. Because Scotch Hiromitsu has chipped away at his protective tissue. Because it's Shiho.

"Staying away didn't save her." He doesn't need to say who - the same wound is carved into Shiho's heart, after all. And judging by the songs she chose to sing today, it still bleeds just the same.

She sighs, long-winded and too world-weary for a girl her age.

"No. No, it didn't. All it did was rob us of the time we had with her. Utter idiocy, in retrospect."

Shuuichi hums in agreement. Lost opportunities they'll never get back, all thanks to lies and the wish to protect her.

"I tried to push her away, you know? I was too involved - maybe, if she didn't know what I was doing, she could retain her innocence. Maybe she could even leave, one day, I'd hoped. But she clung to me stubbornly."

Never backing down from what she wanted, from those she loved. That's the women he fell for.

Shuuichi finds himself smiling, somewhat pained.

"She loved you dearly, to the bitter end."

He hands her the flip phone that has been his constant companion for almost a year now. Past the lockscreen waits Akemi's last message to him. With its P.S., asking him to protect her dear little sister, if the worst should come to pass.

He never got to reply to her, to promise that he would, of course he would.

It's short, so Shiho doesn't take long to read it. She attempts to hand it back, eyes glistening, but not crying.

Always composed, in front of him.

"Keep it."

It hurts to let go of it, but Shiho deserves to have assurance of Akemi's love, even in death.

(Unlike himself, who only ever lied to her.)

She looks up at him, uncertain, but what she reads on his face seems enough to convince her. She snaps the phone shut, cradles it to her chest.

Smiles grimly at him. "Thank you."

The rest of the car ride passes in silence.

They split up in front of the Kudo mansion.

"...I was planning to visit her grave on the weekend. You should come."

Shuuichi knows where Akemi's ashes have been laid to rest - he was the one to pay for her funeral, after all.

(Once upon a time, he'd dreamt of a future with her, of being family. Cruel irony, how that turned out to be true.)

Since her parents were never officially buried, and he hadn't been able to reach Shiho, he'd made the selfish decision to have Akemi's ashes stored in the Sera family grave.

He hasn't had the time to visit, yet - first, things had been too dangerous, then too busy, and by now, he's really just been unable to face her, alone. He's glad he doesn't have to, now.

Shiho sets down an incense stick, and some cut flowers - white gladioli. Shuuichi squats down next to her, puts down his flowers - lilies, also white - into the vase and lights the incense.

"Hey, sis. Look who I managed to drag along."

"Hello, Akemi." Sorry it took so long.

They stand, side by side, in silent prayer.

He's had days to prepare himself, to think about what he wants to say to her. But as he stands before her grave, all that's left is sorrow, a hollow in his chest where she should be.

(Filled with regret, and someone else. Jodie's right. He's a terrible partner.)

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you the truth.

I'm sorry I left you behind.

I'm sorry I couldn't protect you.

I miss you.

The gentle smile when she talked about her little sister. The sweet blush when he'd kissed her hand. The way she'd awkwardly apologize for flipping the pancake she was making for breakfast into the sink. The ikebana arrangements she'd spend hours and hours on, decorating her flat. Her kind hands, mending his body and soothing his soul. The way the sunlight would turn her hair into gold.

A thousand small joys she gave to him, and all he had for her in turn were lies.

He doesn't remember the last time he cried - maybe as a child, when he fell and scraped his knee. It feels so far away.

His body doesn't remember how to, either - otherwise he surely would be, now.

How cruel. Even in death, he can't show her his honest feelings.

Shuuichi shows her cold comfort, instead.

Takes out a plastic evidence bag he requisitioned from the PSB, and places it on the altar as an offering. In it, the shattered scope of a rifle, splattered with its owner's blood. Gin's. It was found by his side, together with his Beretta, the instrument of his voluntary destruction. As the PSB forces had closed in on him, he'd chosen to kill himself, rather than surrender.

When Shuuichi lies awake at night, it irks him that Gin had a choice, at the end, where he took it away from so many others. He didn't deserve that kindness. A part of him is furious that he wasn't there to see his enemy's dying breaths, preferably through the scope of his rifle.

But it was probably for the best - if he'd been there, he's not sure he could've reigned himself in. Might've murdered Gin with his own two hands, and become the kind of monster he swore to hunt. (And if he's completely honest, there's another possibility: caught in a struggle with his enemy, he might have lost sight of his surroundings and slipped up. Facing Gin, that would've been a death sentence.)

Instead, and he's got the boy to thank for that, he was tasked with keeping their allies - Rei - alive and breathing. He can't help but feel like that matters.

I'm sorry I couldn't avenge you; you deserved better.

But he won't be making anyone miserable, anymore.

It's over, and they're still standing, in defiance of the bloodlust of their enemies. He's managed to keep one promise to Akemi, at least.

I'll continue to watch over her, if she lets me.

Shiho claps beside him, done with her prayer.

Thank you for everything.

The incense stick's stump turns to ash and scatters in the wind.

I hope your spirit can find peace, Akemi.

When he lights himself a cigarette to calm his mind, Shiho holds out a hand, wordlessly, expectantly.

He regards her with mild curiosity, but offers the pack regardless.

"What. You think I haven't done worse?"

She snatches his lighter, and with a hiss of flame, lights up her own cigarette.

"Akemi used to tell me to stay away from drugs, but I deserve this for bringing you here."

She takes a deep drag, managing not to cough. It's clear, from her posture and practiced ease, that it's far from her first foray into smoking.

"I hated you, you know? For the longest time. For playing with her, breaking her heart, leaving her behind, all alone. Leaving her to die."

It burns his lungs, to have his own thoughts voiced out loud, by Shiho of all people. But he deserves every cruel word dropped from her lips - she speaks nothing but the truth, after all. He needs to bear her judgement.

Shiho smiles, grimly. Doesn't look at him, focused on the grave instead.

"But not Akemi. She saw through you, and loved you still. Forgave you, even, because that's the kind of person she was."

A cold spring breeze plays with her hair. The sweater and cap protect him from the worst of it, but it still bites at his face, makes his eyes sting.

"I don't think I can ever be as forgiving as she was. You were, and still often are, an unrepentant jerk."

She turns to look at him, eyes as hard as steel. So familiar his eyes burn. He can't look away.

"But her death is not your fault."

It's cloaked in insults and pain. But it's an absolution he could never have asked for, one no one else could have given him. His breathing stops, then comes a little easier.

"Neither is it Kudo's. Did he ever tell you? He was there, watched her die. For the longest time, I blamed him for not saving her. He's brilliant when he puts his mind to it. Did he care so little, as to not even try?"

She shakes her head.

"It is a cruel thing to begrudge him for having witnessed her death. He was just a kid - small, powerless, afraid. Up against enemies that tried to kill him, too, only failed through sheer luck. I had to first be put into the same shoes to understand that."

As if she's not just a kid now, too. Neither of them should have gone through what they did, and yet it happened, has left them weathered and worn, tired beyond their years. They're still young - he hopes they can recover from the worst.

"I'm trying to tell myself it's not my fault either. She died for me, for us, trying to get us out of there. But I didn't know. She kept it from me, in case something went wrong. And I lie awake, going over conversations, wondering if I missed any signs. If I could've warned her or stopped her. If she could still be here, that way."

He's familiar with the spirals and hypotheticals, repeating the scenario over and over, to look for a way out. It never changes the facts.

"That kind of thinking gets you nowhere."

She gives him a sharp glare, a wordless threat to 'shut the fuck up'. He takes a step back, raising a hand in surrender.

"I know it's useless. Because she is dead, and no amount of analysing can bring her back. At least the one person who truly is at fault will not be a problem any longer. That's a small comfort."

She glares at the scope with barely concealed hatred in her eyes.

"And that's all there is. Akemi was proud and strong-willed - she chose her path. Not reaching out to any of us for help was a choice she made. I can't take away her agency in this matter."

Shiho smiles, pained and beautiful in the setting sun.

"The worst thing is that if she hadn't done what she did, I might still be a prisoner of the organisation. I'd like to think she didn't want to die to achieve it, but she'd be so happy to see me living in the sunlight, once more."

"She would be overjoyed." It's an obvious and simple truth he can't help but confirm.

Oh. Shiho's crying, now, quiet tears trailing down her cheeks, reflecting the sunlight in streaks of gold. It shaves years of her worn face, makes her look as young as she truly is.

He gives her a handkerchief, is glad to see her accept it. She wipes her face, smudging some of the make-up - he'll need to let her know before they return to the public. She doesn't usually like it when people can see past her composure. Shuuichi's pretty sure he, too, shouldn't be here to witness this.

But she doesn't hide from him, today, so he'll take all she gives to him, and treasure it.

"I brought you here because I'm trying to be better. I got a second chance at life, and I want to take it, all of it, for myself and for Akemi. But I won't be able to, if I hold on to useless grudges."

She looks at the handkerchief in her hands.

"You're a jerk, but you're not horrible. And you're trying to be better, too."

She holds out her hand.

"I want to get to know you, Akai Shuuichi. Maybe we could start with meeting for coffee?"

He waits for her to take it back, to reconsider.

She just looks at him expectantly, raises an eyebrow too when he doesn't comply immediately.

Shuuichi is many things, but he tries not to be a coward.

So he fights the vertigo, takes a leap of faith.

"I'd like that."

And shakes her hand.

Sweater Weather AU masterpost

#working title: akai shuuichi and the mortifying ordeal of being known #man. hiro is cruel. showers akai with love to make him confess his silly misconceptions #knows full well the stupid thing akai is agonizing over but still makes him say it...#okiya has been adopted as one of the girls™#not me looking up popular japanese karaoke songs and then not putting them in there #Ran's singing Dry Flower for sure #(Shiho's picked Lemon for Akemi. Akai finds himself quietly singing along)#Masumi Sonoko and a somewhat grumpy Shiho dedicate PonPonPon to Ran #(also I presume Ran is mostly fine with Shiho because she's not her childhood friend/boyfriend who lied to her while living with her.#she knew for the longest time that there was something up with Ai and tried to help her. is probably glad Shiho opened up when she could)#shiho after all of that angst in the end: we're not going to talk about the incest thing ok? ok.#sweater weather AU #you thought Rei slowly getting over his sweater fixation would be the end of it? joke's on you - he's infected Akai #the rich inner life of akai shuuichi #iris writes fic #akam #long post #dcmk #akai shuuichi #miyano shiho #sera masumi

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sandeewithtwoe · 6 months

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO @hiro-doodlez !!! This is their OC (idk if they have a name yet)

I tried to somewhat reflect their art style and had so much fun with the colours!!

(Alt version without text below cut)

#art #utmv #dream sans #hiro if you are reading I wanted to say that #you are so very very very cool #and I hope you get lots of love on your birthday

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garlicrrow · 8 months

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KAZ!!! and some guy WHO THE HELL IS THAT!!!!!!!!!

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maybe-a-dinosaur · 4 months

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hanamaki takahiro huge growth spurt during second year he shot up like a weed. like he was tall before but now he’s Tall. summertime comes early it’s So Hot out he hasn’t had time to buy new clothes that actually fit he’s stuck w last year’s summer attire and matsukawa issei is in shambles.

first Hot day of summer seijoh 4 escape they find a lake and go swimming. hanamaki takahiro steps into the sun in the teeniest tiniest creamsicle orange w white floral swim shorts i’m talking 3 inch inseam his legs go on for miles. issei (black and blue ombré swim trunks reach his kneecaps) has never seen so much skin he is completely stricken.

tooru (low thigh light blue shorts w darker waistband and white drawstring) and hajime (mid thigh compression lined plain black trunks) absolutely lay into hiro they make fun of him so hard it rolls right off “you wish your legs looked this good” oikawa whips him with a towel and it leaves a welt iwa laughs harder doubled over w a side stitch.

mtsk trailing behind in his water shoes is rendered speechless. he can’t string a coherent thought together for the entire outing at least not when hiro’s legs are Out like that. in the water he’s fine he’s suave he’s chill but as soon as hanamaki is out and sitting on his towel it’s so over. he is painfully obvious he is powerless against it his every waking thought is consumed by hanamaki takahiro in the tiniest shorts for the entire summer and also his entire life.

#hiro gets sunburnt his tan lines are Insane he shows them off at practice lifting up his shorts yahaba (horrified) ‘it keeps going?!’#he gets trunks that fit better the next week and issei mourns the loss #hanamaki takahiro itty bitty swim trunks #tooru likes the look but is far too proud to be hypocritical so compromises with 5inch inseams iwa only one that notices doesn’t say a thin #i’m so ready for summer #swim trunks #haikyuu #seijoh 4 #hanamaki takahiro #matsukawa issei #matsuhana #oikawa tooru #iwaizumi hajime #iwaoi

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meiscella · 10 months

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#kono oto tomare #satowa houzuki #chika kudou #この音とまれ #kono oto tomare!#let's just say hiro senpai took this shot #bc i don't think they're very good at selfies #or maybe chika could be good at it? hmm

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maspers · 9 months

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Weather Update: The First Danganronpa Game secretly had TWO rivals the entire time.

Lemme explain (spoilers, obviously, and this is gonna be a bit a rant whoops):

Usual Danganronpa Format as the fandom usually sees it: Students trapped in an unfamiliar location with no idea what's going on, plot driven partially by the mystery but mostly by the character interactions.

Trigger Happy Havoc: Students trapped in an altered but still familiar location with no idea what's going on, plot driven partially by the character interactions but mostly by the mystery.

In a setting like DR2, V3, or a vast majority of fangans, the participants in the killing game are given very little information about their circumstances aside from what Monokuma gives them, which is deliberately vague and designed to direct them towards killing each other. Additionally, the students are given very little ability to react to and retaliate against the Killing Game system in ways Monokuma won't expect. Weirdness aside DR2 basically went all according to plan until the final trial due to Monokuma's nigh-omniscience, and V3 was similar with the only debatable exception being Kokichi's elaborate scheme in Chapter 5. Since the students are dealing with such restricted conditions, the plot can't be fully driven by the students figuring out the setting, so instead the plot focuses on the conflict that derives from the various characters reacting to the game. In a story like this, it makes sense that the most antagonistic characters aside from the mastermind would be the ones with EXTREME personalities that shake things up a lot. Nagito, Kokichi and that character archetype that everyone expects to be in a fangan are necessary to make the plot more INTERESTING.

But THH is different. The students KNOW where they are (or at least they think they do, and turn out to be right). While they don't have any recollection of the Academy itself, they at least know what to EXPECT from Hope's Peak, and can from there point out nooks and crannies for delicious little clues that reveal more about the situation, putting together a narrative without Monokuma's handholding. Additionally, despite his blustering Monokuma is explicitly NOT omniscient here, or even practically omniscient, as methods to hide things from him are figured out early on. The students are able to DO something about their situation as the story progresses, and have figured out some aspects of the overarching mystery as it pertains to them long before the final trial (and NOT because the Mastermind deliberately put the info in their path). This greater information access and greater character agency in general means that while the character conflicts are still very much a part of the plot, the overarching theme is solving the mystery while adapting to the circumstances to avoid dying.

In a setting like this, extreme/bizarre personalities aren't really a boon to the plot. While the character reveals add layers and information in other settings, here it's a distraction. The students HAVE resources, and at least SOME of the tools they need. Engaging in over-the-top schemes and traps is a DETRIMENT to their current course of action even more than in later games, which is probably why Monokuma tries to encourage them to do such. Other characters in THH fit the bill of "stereotypical DR Rival" probably better than the supposed-rival Byakuya and THH's other Rival character actually do. Celestia Ludenberg comes to mind, in another DR setting she could be exactly the sort of mysterious and interesting rival the series is known for (and that she clearly wants to be), but in THH she's just another annoyance. Toko Fukawa and Genocider have the extreme personality down, but they only advance the plot in the students' favor when they approach things logically and in a less crazy manner. If Rivals in this game are supposed to fit the bill of "causes unexpected occurrences and advances the plot but still clashes with the rest of the cast in intense ways while doing so" like the other Rival characters in the series do, they have to play the role under a different ruleset. Rather than representing a philosophical extreme through their personality, these rivals have to represent a different extreme: their methods and rationale when it comes to SOLVING THE MYSTERY / ESCAPING THE GAME.

And in this regard, Byakuya Togami plays the role wonderfully. The vast majority of the students in the game are very passive when it comes to solving the mystery. Sure, they get very active when trying to escape by killing someone, but that's just dancing to Monokuma's tune. Rather than wondering what to do, Byakuya makes his actions clear from the start, and everything he does in the game that's antagonistic fits that same M.O., while not doing anything that would put him in an uncertain position. He learns how the trial system functions, then during Chapter 2 he performs an experiment to analyze the other students further. His antagonism largely stems from viewing the other students as opponents, so his pragmatic approach makes sense, but he doesn't JUST analyze the players. He also analyzes the metaphorical board, and it's clear he's trying to get every scrap of info he can on his situation before fully committing to action (exhibit A: him spending so much freaking time in the library). The only stereotypically "nuts" thing he really does is down that bottle of poison/protein in Chapter 4. He's proving a point. He'll do anything it takes to win, and knowledge is power. Hence his active role in acquiring info about the game, the setting, and the other students' behaviors.

But Byakuya can't be the only Rival here. While he might be solving some mysteries in the background, we don't get to see much of it because the whole point of his character early on is conflict: his active versus the other's passive. He won't share his findings or really work with others, which is not good when our precious baby protag Makoto is trying to solve the mystery himself. Byakuya can't move the plot forward like that until after Chapter 4. Chapter 5 onward, Byakuya's method to his madness is revealed, and he contributes a lot to solving the mystery and directing the other students to getting more of the info he needs (exhibit A, dismantling Monokuma). And... that doesn't really fit with the formula later games set. Chapter 5 is when conflicts with the rival comes to head, and shenanigans abound. Nagito does it. Kokichi does it. But Byakuya isn't particularly inclined. Shenanigans with his own life at stake aren't his methods, they're just complications. But... the stuff still comes to a head with THH's other rival. The other character that's been progressing the plot in active ways that contrast with the other students, and clashing with the rest of the cast AND the player. The character whose life IS on the line in Chapter 5.

You've probably guessed by now that I'm talking about Kyoko Kirigiri.

When we look at her in retrospect, Kyoko doesn't raise any alarms compared to the craziness of the rest of the franchise. She helps with the investigations and moves the trials forward, she's nowhere near the craziness brought by Nagito and Kokichi, and generally just really competent. We categorize her in the "Assistant" role, similar to Chiaki and Shuichi/Kaede/Kaito/Maki/whoever (hey wait a second where did we even come up with this archetype anyway, if V3 doesn't even really seem to have one character who properly fits it?) She definitely fits the Assistant bill in DR3, but this ain't DR3. She doesn't fit the bill for stereotypical Danganronpa Trial Rival... but as previously established, Byakuya doesn't either. So let's go deeper and look at things in context. Because from the start of the game, Kyoko is weird. Really weird.

We're introduced not knowing anything about her, and she keeps it that way for a LONG time. "Ultimate ???" just screams she's going to be important later but you just don't know how (remember, this was BEFORE Rantaro). She's really helpful during the trials and is three steps ahead of everyone, but... aside from that a lot of her actions are really, REALLY conflict inducing. She is happy to get info from other students, but it's clear there's a lot she isn't sharing. She says ominous things to Monokuma that make no sense ("What did you do to my body?" anyone?) and seems VERY focused on the mystery. Just like Byakuya, she's taking an active role in analyzing every detail about the circumstances. And interestingly enough, she's just as paranoid as he is, just in different ways. As Makoto spends more time around her she manipulates him (and others) in some really unnerving ways, and her dynamics with other characters outside of trials are always either generically placating to keep things calm or downright low-key hostile when things don't go according to plan. Just like with Byakuya, for the vast majority of the game she doesn't trust anybody. And in chapter 5, these aspects of her character are brought into full view. She spends the entire chapter hiding away, she mysteriously appears in Makoto's room (side note: Nagito and Kokichi both have "looking over the protag in an unnerving fashion" pics. Byakuya doesn't. Kyoko DOES). It becomes clear in the trial how much she's hiding and how much she's been manipulating things. Chapter 5 is an impossible trial designed as a trap for HER. Her seemingly innocuous actions have come in full domino effect. And only Makoto and the power of being a Man Literally To Unpredictable To Die can save her.

(Makoto obviously isn't a rival character, but it's interesting to see how by THH's requirements he very well could have fit the bill. Think of him from Hina's or Hiro's perspective: he's seemingly innocuous, yet survived way longer than anyone would expect him to, often figures out just the right thing to say, both Byakuya and Kyoko interact with him a lot when neither of them seem to care about anyone else, and ultimately seems to become a lot more actively involved in mystery solving despite not having any right too. Couple that with the fact that he spent a couple days "bedridden" when from an outsider's perspective he could have been doing anything, and ngl Makoto sus. He even survives an execution!)

Both Byakuya and Kyoko take turns providing conflict to the story in ways that develop the plot but COMPLETELY clash with the passive methods of everyone else. They practically take turns being the one doing whatever crazy crap needs to get done. Their character arcs parallel each other too. Byakuya has to learn about the value of human life and emotional connection. Kyoko knows perfectly well how important life and emotions are, but she needs to learn that it's a two-way street, that trust needs to be established and that she doesn't have to do everything important herself. Byakuya, while lacking in empathy, is fully willing to work with others and outsource important tasks. He just views it as a business transaction. BOTH of them are prideful frickers who think they're the only one with a brain cell, and it's up to Makoto to undergo his own character arc, become their friend, and prove them wrong. And then once Makoto DOES finally take control and prove he's the one with the audacity required to actually get everything working, he's able to redirect both Byakuya and Kyoko into finally teaming up with everyone and stopping chaos so much chaos. Without either of them, Makoto couldn't have made it to the final trial (we can see when Kyoko dies in the Bad Ending that it's basically game over, the mystery CAN'T be solved, and I fully believe that the circumstances would have ended similarly if Byakuya had died and they'd lost his pragmatic logical reasoning). But without Makoto, Kyoko and Byakuya couldn't have made it THROUGH the final trial. All three of them are literary foils of each other.

(This is another reason why seeing all three of them in the final trial of DR2 is so fun, because the Trial Point Getters are a well-oiled machine by that point and you get to see them play off each other as 100% allies, while once again getting to see through Hajime's eyes how 100% sus all three of them really are once they get going.)

So that's why I think THH has some really good Rivals, despite neither Byakuya nor Kyoko fitting what we've come to expect from the formula. They aren't insane or representing a philosophical extreme, they're representing clashing viewpoints in solving a mystery and escaping the killing game. In other entries in the series, Byakuya and Kyoko would be killing game fodder for twisty midgame chapters and otherwise not being able to contribute much of interest. But in Trigger Happy Havoc? They're exactly what the game needs to elevate it from simple mystery-solving to full-blown ART.

TL;DR Byakuya and Kyoko are awesome and I love them and a lot of people sleep on their status as Danganronpa Rivals because they grade them on a standard that I think is unfair and ignores their strengths as characters. Also Makoto suddenly becomes way more interesting when viewed through a perspective other than his own. The first Danganronpa game is a materpiece and more fangans need to realize that they don't have to play by the supposed "series formula". After all, this game didn't.

#holy heck this was long #obviously the final trial's success wasn't JUST dependent on the Trial Point Getters #Hina and Toko are important characters who deserve respect #but this wasn't about them #(I still say the latter two chapters would have been way more interesting if Chihiro had survived instead of Hiro #but what we got was great so I'll take what I can get)#danganronpa #danganronpa: trigger happy havoc #byakuya togami #kyoko kirigiri #makoto naegi #danganronpa rivals #rivals #literary devices #video game writing

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unhingedhiro · 2 months

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loser chan agenda

lee chan x reader

word count -> 1.9k

tags -> loser!chan, fluff, maybe a smidge of angst but it’s not long!!, channie’s just an awkward boy, reader is wonwoo’s sister, wonwoo plays matchmaker, hansol cameo, changbin cameo, absolutely not proofread grammar is a myth and i can eat it

i have nothing else to say but chan’s new haircut is just so loser /pos in such a way that i feel like he needs a hug. i may or may not be losing it .

loser!chan where for the first half a year he’s classmates with her, he refuses to speak a word to her despite them already knowing each other - to him, she was wonwoo’s pretty, soft spoken sister, to her, he was her brother’s friend who didn’t quite seem to like her.

it wasn’t because chan hated her, no. that was the furthest thing from the case. he liked her. almost irrevocably so. so much that he’d gladly take hours out of his lessons just to continually steal glances back at her, watching as she pays attention to the teacher, making notes where she can. a model student, really. the polar opposite of chan, who really does try his best (subjectively so), but can’t quite maintain the grades he needs to be one of the top students. he’s not suffering either, just about managing to fit into the average.

which, granted, wasn’t bad, but it also meant one less thing for her to pay attention to him for.

now, chan could, and really should’ve at least attempted to strike up some form of conversation, yet when he tries, he finds that he just can’t. from not quite knowing what to say to her apart from asking closed questions, to stumbling over his own words when he did have something he felt would be interesting to say, by the third attempt, chan had given up.

on all three occasions, it had led to her cocking her head in confusion over what chan’s intentions had been, an action that would send chan spiraling into a fit of cuteness aggression, having completely shut down each and every time.

she’d always thought he was an interesting person, after all - chan got along well with most of his friends, often easily taking their teasing in stride. he was a boy who she’d often thought of befriending, the obvious reasons being that he was already her brother’s friend and they were classmates, but also to satisfy her own curiosity.

and it made sense.

chan was hardly ever subtle with his glances, and more often that not he’d be caught by her, staring into his eyes with a gaze that he couldn’t quite read. all he knew was that as soon as he’d been caught, his ears would burn a bright red and he’d instinctively face the board once more, face a shade redder than normal out of embarrassment. it pays that most of the incidents occur during summer, and chan can easily pass it off as just the heat. though, a number of his friends know he’s lying. it also fails at retracting any of the unintended attention she pays towards chan, her curiosity over why he kept staring her direction grows with each passing day. was her hair lopsided? a piece of food from lunch left around her mouth? the possibilities were endless.

thus, as a result, the duo don’t quite interact all that frequently, chan freezing up when she’d made the decision to ask him about homework once, replying in such a stiff, short manner she was almost convinced that the boy hated her. alas, that wasn’t quite the case, chan having been so shaken by her sudden question he hadn’t quite known what to say, and had promptly spent the next week in a slump over it, much to the joy of his friends. it was free teasing material, and chan’s reactions only made it more fun. yet, despite this, they’d noticed his upset he was, at one point putting a stop to their teasing when they notice he’s been bemoaning over the same thing for the past three days.

“y’know, chan, you could just tell her that you were just caught off guard and you didn’t mean to answer so coldly.”, changbin finally says, after chan finishes a round of ‘she hates me!’ ‘she does Not.’

“no.”

“why not?”, this time, hansol asks.

“that’s embarrassing! it’s like practically admitting i have a crush on her!”, he cries, throwing a punch at vernon.

it lands, something surprising given hansol had a learned habit of dodging the younger’s punches. chan turns to look at him after a moment, wondering why the class had gone quite, and so quickly. why so many people had their eyes on him.

it takes a moment, and then it clicks.

oh.

oh, fuck.

he quickly casts a glance around the room, praying she hadn’t come back yet - but to his dismay, there she sat, book in hand. head cocked as usual, though this time there’s an air of curiosity in her gaze.

chan truly, and utterly wishes he could just dig a grave and die on the spot. his face turns a bright shade of red and he promptly hides himself in his arms, praying to god that they’d leave him alone.

except they don’t, because unfortunately, all students have an innate love for school drama, and moreso love-related drama.

and thus, it begins.

“hey, lee chan, you like someone?”

“who’s the lucky girl?”

“is she in the class?”

“what’s she like?”

god. fucking. damnit.

all chan can do, at this point, is keep his head buried into his arms and pray to whatever deity overseeing the world that it would blow over quickly. what he doesn’t expect is for a voice that he would’ve gladly classed as an angel’s voice finally rings across the room, just as changbin opens his mouth to say something.

“knock it off, you lot. don’t harass him over it.”

though she defends him, and though the class backs off, gavin seemingly realizes they’d crossed a line, it doesn’t quite shake the little pang she has in her heart, and neither does it stop chan’s heart from beating even faster, the boy feeling as if he could die at that moment.

she’d stood up for him.

the girl of his dreams stood up for him.

the girl he could barely talk to, could barely pass a greeting to her without feeling awkward and/or freezing up, had stepped up for him.

it leaves a warm feeling in him, and he’s giddy for the rest of the day, something even wonwoo manages to pick up.

“something good happen?”

“yeah.”, he answers a little too quickly, and wonwoo cocks an eyebrow.

“did someone ask you on a date?”

“what? no, of course not, no one would date me-“

“you never know.”

and yet, wonwoo knows.

knows his little sister often gets caught, and catches herself sneaking small glances at his friend when they come over to his house to hang out, knows she pops by his room more often when chan comes over just to catch a glance at the boy, even if she disguises it almost flawlessly. knows that when she talks about chan, about wanting to be his friend, she does so with a small smile on her face, a small mention of wonwoo’s friend being ‘cute’. it makes the older boy almost sentimental, and he has half a mind to mutter, “ah, young love” as chan refutes his statement ferociously. what wonwoo does get, however, is a dramatized retelling of the incidents that had occurred in class the day before.

and wonwoo’s surprised by how much it had made sense.

now, she was never one to be particularly open about her feelings, but wonwoo just knew something was off with his little sister when she came home more tired than usual, clearly hiding something. instinctively, he’d thought she was sick, but upon a closer inspection, he’d realized that wasn’t quite the case. when asked about it, however, all she’d reply was,

“it’s nothing.”

it takes a few days of wonwoo gently pestering before she finally admits what’s on her mind.

“he likes someone.”

she doesn’t have to specify who that someone is for wonwoo to understand. and as soon as he hears chan talk about it, the pieces slide into place. and for a second, he even considers playing the matchmaker.

ah, but wonwoo wasn’t jeonghan. he’d rather much let them sort it out between themselves.

at least, that’s what he’d initially thought.

yet, a day later, jeon wonwoo finds himself at her door, sucking in a breath as he knocks.

“can i come in?”

“yea.”

thus, he lets himself in, a small smile as his sister nonchalantly welcomes him in, not even looking up from the book she’d been reading.

“still thinking about him?”

“shut up.”

he laughs at her response, inviting himself onto her bed.

“you know, if you want to know who it is you could just ask?”

“why should i. he doesn’t like me.”

wonwoo raises an eyebrow.

“how’d you reach that conclusion?”

“if he doesn’t feel that way, then why won’t he talk to me?”

oh.

chan, you dolt.

“i don’t think he hates you, he’s probably just awkward around you.”

“why?”

“ask him.”

with that, wonwoo gets up, having considered his words enough of an encouragement. whatever occurred after that, would happen.

and indeed, plenty occurs.

less than a week after wonwoo had spoken to his sister, she corners chan in the stairwell, having pulled him from the corridor where he’d been walking back to class with his friends.

needless to say, chan is perplexed.

completely and utterly confused at why she’d brought him there and a part of him wonders if he’s done something to piss her off.

“have- have i done something wrong?”, he almost wants to kick himself for stuttering, but what throws him even further off is her response.

“yeah. yeah, actually.”

fuck.

“um, i don’t know what i’ve done wrong, but i’m so so so sorry if i’ve hurt you or offended you in any way really if i’ve done anything i don’t mean it it’s just-“

despite her attempts to soothe him, the boy continues to barrel forward, words spilling out of his mouth faster than he can register what he’s saying.

“i just really really like you and i don’t know how to talk to you and i keep freezing up and i feel really bad because i don’t want to come off as an asshole towards you but i really don’t know what to do and i’m sorry-“, he cuts himself off to breathe, his brain finally processing his words.

as he does so, she places a hand on his shoulder.

“so, the girl you were talking about was me?”

chan nods slowly, eyes wide. god, he really should’ve just dug a hole and hidden in it forever. yet, here he stands, staring into her eyes, awaiting the rejection he’d been dreading. instead, he’s met with laughter. the kind of laughter than chan could only ever dream to hear.

“pfffft, that was it?”, she chuckles, pulling him into a hug.

“don’t worry, i like you too.”

chan stands there in her arms, stunned for a moment until he slowly wraps his arms around her. a part of him wonders if he’s suddenly died, and the place he’s in is heaven, or if he’s finally become so delusional he’s dreaming up such a scene. he’s proven wrong when he pinches himself, wincing and yelping from the pain. concerned, she glances at him.

“are you okay?”

“yeah! yeah, i’m okay. just.. finding it hard to believe i’m not dreaming right now.”

she smiles at his response.

“don’t worry. i’m as real as it comes.”

chan finds himself chuckling, holding her closer, choosing to merely relish in the feeling of finally being able to hug the girl he’d been crushing on since the day he first saw her.

#dino fluff #lee chan fluff #lee chan #loser chan brainrot go brrrr #seventeen fanfic #seventeen #seventeen fluff #he’s just so cute #what can i say #hiro brainrots #lee chan x reader

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