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shinycollarboneapologist · 1 year

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I am literally always thinking of blonde matty. the video where he reacts to their MV kills me bc he said his hair doesn't look good in the tootime vid and I wanna SCREAM bc MATTHEW YOU LIAR.

thinking about him asking you to do it for him. him sat on the floor softly humming and you run your hands through his hair getting the bleach everywhere. closing his eyes and just feeling you run your fingers through his hair is making him feel so at peace, you smile down at your cute boyfriend and give him a little peck bc GOD he's so cute. taking photos with the bleach in to send to his gc with the boys and just getting the response "oh no what are you doing now Matthew"

(maybe you even get a bit slutty after he washes it out bc you just can't stop touching it and pulling on it and matty can only cope for so long)

domestic vibes with matty is the death of me. I could literally talk about it all day, just soft bf activities!!!

oh this is sinful ... i love it.

he brings home the tub of bleach and developer from the beauty supply store one day, completely unprovoked. and when he walks in to show you, he's grinning from ear to ear. "this again?" you laugh, but he's stubborn and inmoveable, wanting nothing more than to change up his look. "c'mon baby, don't you want your super sexy boyfriend to have super cool blonde hair?" you puff out a sigh, but you're happy he's asking for your help and even happier that he's not just gone out and done it (you're not sure your heart could take it) it takes only a few minutes for you to prepare the bathroom. he takes his shirt off, because "bleach is messy, can't ruin my clothes" even though you know its just an excuse for him to be a nuissance without a shirt on. you're having a hard time concentrating as you apply the bleach to his hair, gloved fingers rubbing the thick paste through his dark tresses. he catches your eye in the mirror and smirks at you "focus baby, don't want me the shave my head again, do you?" you roll your eyes at him, smile affixed on your face. you can't help yourself from leaning down to press a few soft kisses to his lips and nose and cheeks as you continue to lather up his hair. he groans. he's always loved the feeling of your hands in his hair. when you're done applying, he's giddy as he takes a few selfies for the guys, sending them in the group chat. "you're going to make them worry about you, babe," you can only laugh. the influx of texts from the guys is worrisome, a lot of their texts asksing ifi you broke up with him ("because people drastically change their hair when they get dumped"). he's quick to soothe their accusations, even deflecting a few phone calls and facetime requests from them. its time to wash out the bleach, and you half expect him to just jump in the shower himself, but he looks up at you with those big brown eyes and before you know it, he's leaning over the sink and you're washing the bleach from his hair. he shudders as your fingers comb through when you apply the shampoo and conditioner, goosebumps lining his limbs. he persuades you to dry his hair. your fingers pull and twist at the locks of hair on his head, and he's biting back moans. "all done," you hum, proud of your works. he admires it in the mirror before he's twisting to get on his knees in front of you, making quick work of your pants and underwear. his resolve has been lost, darkened eyes peering up at you. "what are you doing?" you laugh. he shakes his head, "just need you to keep your fingers in my hair."

#ughgoaway #💭 - matty.#slightly smutty. but not actually #i want blonde hair matty idc

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lunagojo · 2 years

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Can I please request tegen dating a female Gundham Tanaka with their 4 dark devas of distruction (imagine them meeting the mucilar mice)

(The are both so exta and whoud make the other pillars so confused asksing for tengen to translate what they are saying)

a/n: Ooooh ask and you shall receive! Love this idea <3 Hope you enjoy! Thank you for the request!

Uzui Tengen w/ an Ultimate Breeder! S/O

Okay, first thing's first, when he met you, he thought your style was absolutely flamboyant

The fake scar? The earring? The scarf? Flashy! How could you not get his attention?!

Even though you were often apart from the group, sort of a lone wolf, he made an effort to spend time with you, even if it meant sitting in silence because you weren't exactly the most talkative

He was intrigued by you, truly, but was even more interested in knowing you after he saw your relationship with animals, especially the four hamsters that lived in your scarf

"Ah, Y/N! Such flamboyant hamsters that you have! My wives would very much love them!

"They are not hamsters, Uzui-sama. They're my four dark Devas of Destruction!"

"Oh! Even more flashy then!"

To be honest, even after you two got together, it took him awhile to decipher your manner of speech. He did eventually get it, much to the other Hashira's surprise, and often acts as a translator for you

You two draw everyone's eyes when you're together, it's impossible not to see

You both practice poses that you make occasionally (think sort of Ginyu force style, lol)

Don't even get me started when Uzui introduced you to his Buff Mice

He was stunned when he saw that you were able to communicate with them, they loved you!

Honestly, he thinks you're an animal goddess of some kind

Always, always will amp you up, returns the EXACT same energy when you go on your 'Supreme Empress of Ice' spiel

The God of Festivals and the Goddess of Animals? You two are meant for each other

Uzui truly does love you, though. He easily can see what you're truly feeling, past your grandeur. He knows you for who you truly are: a sensitive, kindhearted, genuine person who knows loneliness

He never wants you to feel alone again, ever. He knows what it's like to feel like you're not good enough, that you'll never live up to others' standards. He gets it

He knows that you two can do anything when you're together

Also the buff mice and the devas play together all the time :)

#hope you like!#demon slayer x reader #uzui tengen x reader #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #kny x reader #wasnt sure if you wanted uzui's wives included in this so i just went with a subtle mention :p

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carcinocommander · 2 years

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IM ASKSING YOU. ABT THE SCRYBE THING

OKAY OKAY OKAY.

First off I wanna say that all of us Scrybes horizontal to each other (P03 & I and Magnificus & Grimora). The text colors are complimentary to each other. Orange and blue are opposite to each other on the color wheel and green and magenta are also opposite of the color wheel from each other. This fits the "tetradic" color pallette on the color wheel.

[Image ID: A picture of a color wheel on a white background. It has black dots on the colors red-orangr, yellow-green, blue-green, and red-violet. Black, dotted lines connect all four colors, making a rectangle.]

Now on the right side with Grimora and I we obviously represent the cycle of life and death. On the left side P03 and Magnificus represent technology and magic. Now some might ask "Leshy how does technology and magic complement each other?" Well technology is often compared to magic. Think of that post that says "Just because you understand how it works doesn't mean it's not magic." It should also be worth noting that, on the right, both Grimora and I treat our "followers" very well, while on the right P03 and Magnificus are not exactly the kindest.

P03 and I, who are on the top, represent technology vs. nature which makes us being rivals a lot more funny. On the other side technology and nature could help each other out instead of fighting against each other. Like how we've invested in solar power, thermal energy, and so on to find better ways to cause less pollution just like how P03 and I could work together and create an amazing game if we put our egos aside. We are also the youngest scrybes.

The same thing can be said about Grimora and Magnificus. Magic and death can fight against each other. Magic has immortality/healing spells, preventing death from happening. Magic and death can also work together, with magic adding to an undead army via necromancy. They are also the oldest scrybes.

Think I'm done there? Well I'm not.

Both Magnificus and I have no problem being the main adversary in our own story and playing an atagonistic character. We have the challenger fight through our pupils/subordinates and make ourselves the final boss in the end. You could say we're the two different sides of a coin with how we go about this. May antagonistic character was clearly, mostly for show. While Magnificus? Well, I'm not saying he's purely evil, but he's a lot more morally grey than me. There's also parallels to how we handle ourselves when we're being deleted. While we both do not want to stop playing I openly accept my fate (relunctant as I am) while Magnificus actively fights against it. He also lashes out at Luke and blames him for our fate (trying to cope with the fate he always saw himself having) while I tell him how much I truly appreciated his time with me.

For P03 and Grimora, when they take over the game they'll have selfish reasons for doing so, and those reasons are completely opposite of each other. P03 wants to upload the game on steam, specifically his version of the game (though we can see that it failed uploading only it's version) while Grimora would most likely give the game a final hurrah before deleting it all for good. P03 also uploads the game all for himself, while Grimora does it to try and spare us all, like trying to put a struggling animal out of it's misery.

Since I am doing all parallels, I must note that we all represent different aspects of a good game. I represent story, and this shows by my love for photography (as photographs usually try and tell a story) and how I represent nature/life ("life is all about the journey." Journey = story. Etc etc.) While my game doesn't have that stunning of game mechanics (and often has ones that can be severally exploited) it does have amazing graphics and a lot of replay value, a parallel to Magnificus and Grimora.

P03 sucks at worldbuilding, no offense to it. It's very skilled at making entertaining and interesting game mechanics. This makes sense for someone who's main job is robotics and is a robot himself. Someone like it would know exactly what is possible in a game and how to make it happen. It's game also looks very beautiful and has a great amount of replay value as well.

Magnificus represents graphics, and I do not have to spell out why an artist is a good way to represent the aspect of graphics. Of course he would want a beautiful and stunning game. While I can not say for certain how Magnificus' game would be like, I can only assume it would have a thrilling story and excellent mechanics. Artist are very creative after all.

Grimora represents replayability. It could be said that life and death is a constant, never-ending cycle, each life as interesting as the last. Even though the journey may be tough and heartbreaking, that does not make it any less fun. The same can be said for games with astounding reply value (Inscryption itself being an example of this). I have no doubt her game would be fun to go through over and over again. I also don't doubt she could craft an interesting story with fun mechanics inside. As for looks? I don't think she would worry too much. After all, no one said death would be pretty.

That is all! That is every parallel and connection I can think of between the four of us. I do hope you enjoyed it :). I'm putting this in the main tag because I'm feeling quite brave. I'm NOT sorry Inscryption fandom. Read my words and thoughts. NOW.

#Inscryption #Leshy #Grimora #Magnificus #P03 #Read my post NOW /J

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itbeajen · 7 years

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Blooming Friendship | HQ! x Reader

A part of Omorfos Kosmo. Game!AU. This is before the transition.

Blooming Friendship Before the Transition "Iwa-chan! There's another person here!" Oikawa calls out through the headset. There's a faint mumble of Iwaizumi asking what was he supposed to do about that. Oikawa was debating on letting you fight on your own, or possibly jumping in to help. But what if you didn't need his help? Your character was dodging as much as you could possibly click as you evaded the incoming assaults. The specialized combat flute in your hands indicated your sub-class. Oikawa grabbed his bow, clicking the skill button, and watched as his character began notching a holy light infused arrow, aiming it at the main ogre that was attacking you. But he freezes and doesn't click on the ogre as he originally planned, as his eyes widen. You had barely brought the flute to your lips, a single note being played as the monsters around you all froze. Within the next second, your character whips out the bow. And although the skill icon is unseen on Oikawa's screen, the familiar stance in which the bow was pointed upwards was one in which he had been trying to master for the past weeks. The sound of an arrow being launched into the air and the cascading rain of light that followed afterwards as the ogres all fell to the ground indicated nothing more than a mass genocide. "Iwa-chan! Iwa-chan!" Oikawa cries out excitedly, "Did you see that?! That's the skill I've been trying to get! Arrow rain! How did she get it so quickly?! The skill barely came out this week!" "I can hear you fine Trashykawa," Iwaizumi responds. But he too was staring at his computer screen in stunned silence. To say he was surprised was an understatement, the speed at which you reacted and the fact that you had basically solo'ed one of the more common field bosses and before Iwaizumi can say anything, he already sees Oikawa engaging a conversation with you, or maybe it was the other way around? He wasn't quite sure since he joined in half way.

[L/N]: Ah shoot! Sorry, did I steal your kill?! I'm so sorry! ;__; GrandKing: No, no! WHAT'S YOUR BUILD? THAT WAS SO COOL!!! [L/N]: Oh! Hahaha, I'm a bowman with music support. GrandKing: Woah what?! A music support?! GrandKing: How?! Isn't that really hard to get as a support class?! [L/N]: You need to complete that one really long quest from that one street musician located just outside the castle. GrandKing: D:! GrandKing: I'm stuck, I never got a raid group for the boss. T^T GrandKing: [L/N] 2 gud. Iwaizumi: Or you just suck. [L/N]: LOLOL. [L/N]: Damn, you're pretty savage. [L/N]: R i p. But you know, you can always keep looking. That raid isn't well known because there aren't many bards out there you know? GrandKing: You're right, but... even my guildies won't run with me [L/N]-chan! GrandKing: ... owo I can call you [L/N]-chan right? [L/N]: Sure! It's a bit long for you to type, but I don't mind. Haha. Can I call you King then? '~' GrandKing: Yes!!! ^~^ King is oh-kay with me! [L/N]: Neat! Haha. Well, if you ever need someone for a raid, hit me up. [L/N]: But I have a request coming up, so I'll see you around King! Iwaizumi! GrandKing: Okay [L/N]-chan! GrandKing: Bye bye! Iwaizumi: See you.

You blinked at your screen and laughed, "Oh gods. What have I done?" "What'd you do?" Kenma's voice drawled out over the headset and you laughed, "I think I got myself stuck in a conversation." "Oh. G. G." Kenma teases you and you hear the hint of laughter in his voice and he asks, "Who?" "GrandKing and Iwaizumi." "Oh, those two." "Hmm you know them?" Kenma is about to reply, but the furious typing on your end of the headset makes him shake his head and he laughs, "Yeah, I think they're volleyball players in your prefecture." "Oh," he hears you hum nonchalantly and you muttered, "I wouldn't know. Tendou-senpai is already annoying as it is." "Hm?" Kenma furrowed his brows and he asked, "Who's that?" "A senpai from school that's on the volleyball team. I think the whole team plays though..." you paused, "I keep overhearing them talking about the new raids." "Haven't figured it out?" "No." Kenma stifled a scoff at your immediate answer, and you continued, "Not like it'd matter. I'm still the number 1 mercenary. No one's beaten me." Kenma shook his head and he muttered, "I have to go. Guild wants me for a raid." "Wow. Thanks for the invite Kenma." Kenma blanched at his screen and he muttered, "As if you ever invite me." "I try!" you laughed, noticing that he doesn't want to hang up first, "See ya later Kenma-senpai!" He hears the click and he sighs, "Don't call me that." Another click occurs and Kuroo teases, "Talking to your girl friend again?" "SHe's a friend that's a girl," and my kouhai. But he doesn't mention that instead his lips tug into a small smile at your in game message of "good luck!" and Kuroo says, "You should invite her." "Nah, she has a client request soon," Kenma responds as he logs back in to another character and Kuroo sighs, "You... Are you sure you don't like her?" Kuroo can hear Kenma choke on whatever it was he was drinking, or perhaps air, and the pudding haired boy narrowed his eyes at the computer screen. He sighs, "You're impossible Kuroo." "Wait, do you though?" "No," Kenma frowned. She's like my little sister. "Hmm, I would think you are, seeing how protective you are of her," Kuroo's tone changed from teasing to wondering, and Kenma muses over answering honestly or playing around, and the setter answers, "She's like a younger sister." Of course I'd protect her. You would too if you've ever gotten to know her. Kuroo hums in acknowledgement and says, "Well, let's get this raid going!"

"Yahoo, [L/N]!" Tendou calls out, and Semi sighs, "She can't hear you." "How do you know she's a girl?" Shirabu asked, again. Tendou shook his head, "[L/N] has to be a girl, no way would someone who's as cute as [L/N] be a boy!" "I hope they're a boy," Shirabu mutters. Guess: [L/N]! [L/N]: Heyo Guess! :3 "So cute," Tendou gushed and he sighed, "I wish she'd join our guild." "Why won't she?" Ushijima asked. Tendou raised an eyebrow and he teased, "Wouldn't you like to know?" Guess: Off to another client? [L/N]: Yeah! >~< [L/N]: :U But I don't know where they want me to go Guess: Oh? [L/N]: They said to meet up here, but you guys are here too... [L/N]: Are you stealing my client bruh? o 3o Guess: I'd never~! Guess: 8D "Tendou-senpai..." Goshiki softly called out, the red haired male made a weird noise in response and the younger male continues, "Did we though?" "I don't think so?" Tendou responded. He wasn't too sure and Shirabu asksed, "How do you even know her anyways?" "It's. A. Secret." Guess: [L/N]-chan [L/N]: No Guess. I will not join your guild. Guess: Okay, r00d [L/N]: Oh gods, don't type like that. Guess: My feelings are hurt. Guess: But... If [L/N]-chan wants to play that way... "Tendou," Ushijima calls out in warning as they all see the PVP flash go up, and another one confirms that the opposing player has accepted it. The entire volleyball team sighs in exasperation, and Tendou laughs, "It's okay, [L/N]-chan hasn't been able to beat me since-" Tendou doesn't finish that sentence, not when he sees that his character is frozen in place and your character charging one of the strongest 1v1 archery skills. And he cries out, "Aw what the hell [L/N]-chan!?" [L/N]: Remember Guess, I'm the one who helped you make your character build. [L/N]: Huehuehue, I know all the flaws about it. [L/N]: And that includes how bad it is at PVP if you don't strike first. You Win! Tendou frowns and sighs, "I really can't believe how heartless she is sometimes, despite us being friends." "I think you deserved it senpai," Shirabu softly comments. And Tendou pouts. [L/N]'s not fair.

Honestly, it was like today was the day everyone was online. But it was a Sunday, and last time you checked, there were no major volleyball games going on either. What luck for you to run into even the quiet ones today though. You leaned back in your chair, and softly whistled, "I must be pretty popular today." Your fingers flew across the keyboard as you directed your character to run around in circles around the new target you've caught sight of. [L/N]: Oho! [L/N]: Aone~! Aone's eyes widen and Futakuchi asks, "Who's that?" "[L/N]-chan," Aone softly responds, surprising the rest of his members and they asked, "-CHAN?" Aone: Hello. [L/N]: Hi hi! ^__^ Did you just finish your client's request? Aone: Yes. [L/N]: I see I see, I'm heading over right now. But is this the rest of your guild? I think this is the first time I've ever met them. [L/N]: Your guild leader though... [L/N]: Lolol. Fuji: Excuse me!? [L/N]: Ahahaha. [L/N]: Sorry sorry, I didn't mean to offend you it's just... [L/N]: Your equipment... you shouldn't use that set if you're a DK. [L/N]: But hey, each to their own. Futakuchi literally growled over his mic, and his teammates sighed and Aone is about to speak up, but upon reading Futakuchi's next words he sighs in defeat. Fuji: I challenge you to a PVP. Fuji: A puny bowman like you against a speed-based knight class? Fuji: You can't win. [L/N]: Ouch, harsh. [L/N]: I thought Aone's guild mates would be as nice as him. [L/N]: But. I. Guess. Not. .__. Fuji: You brat. [L/N]: Well, what you waiting for? Fight. Me. Needless to say, it ended in a loss for Futakuchi, and the beginning of a never ending friendship rivalry between the two of you.

"Ah, it's [L/N]-san," Akaashi pointed out to Bokuto. Bokuto's eyes drift back to his computer screen and his eyes widened, "She's not busy for once?" Owlicious: Hey hey hey! [L/N]: oho! Hey Owlicious! [L/N]: (x And hi Cashew~ Partying with the chatterbox again? Cashew: Always. Cashew: Otherwise he'd get lost and confused. Owlicious: Hey! [L/N]: Well, Cashew isn't w r o n g. Hahahaha. What are you two doing today? Cashew: We had a request who didn't show up, so we're just chilling in town now. [L/N]: Ooh, I see I see. [L/N]: Bailers always suck. ): [L/N]: You guys can always report them. LOLOL Owlicious: You can do that? Cashew: I never knew. [L/N]: If you report them to the mercenary bureau, you get 10% of the fee they promised to pay. [L/N]: Just make sure you give all the details and not skim out on anything. Cashew: ... Do you do this a lot? [L/N]: Well of course, I'm a busy person! [L/N]: xP I don't have all the time to wait for no shows. [L/N]: I may be a mercenary, but I'm a player too. I need my equips. [L/N]: And skill training, and quest completing. [L/N]: So.. yeah. :U Anyways, I gotta go. My client is going to be upset if I'm late! Cashew: Thank you [L/N]. See you around. Owlicious: See you later, alligator! "Bokuto-san." "What! I think she found it funny."

"Tch, of course you're here before me," he sighed as he hears the connection. Your laughter fills his room as he fumbles to look for his headset. "Sorry Kei, did you really think you'd beat me? I'm practically always on." "I'm surprised you haven't turned into a potato yet." "Well," you paused, tying up your hair, "I do focus a lot on my sports." "Mm, how's Shiratorizawa?" he asks as he accepts your party invitation. He begins equipping his character with the necessary equipments for the upcoming boss run and you hum, "Same old, same old. I'm surprised you're interested, or is it because you're curious about the boy's volleyball team, and not about me?" "[F/N]," he calls your name out, and you laugh, "Sorry." A sigh is heard and the familiar roar of your summoned dragon is heard through the headphones. You wait for him to hop on before setting your character on autopilot towards the dungeon. No words are exchanged save for the light humming from your end. You can hear Tsukishima writing, possibly doing homework while waiting to arrive at the dungeon, and you softly whisper, "I'll go watch your match between my school and yours." You can actually hear his pen drop and he coughs, as though trying to hide it and he asks, "Who will you be cheering for?" "Wouldn't you like to know?" The playful tone in your voice makes him scoff and he smiles, "Yeah." "Yeah?" "I'd like to know." You pause, and then your laughter is heard. Both of you are in higher spirits now and you let out a soft sigh. "Isn't it obvious who I'd cheer for Kei?" "No." "Mm, you're smart, figure it out yourself." "Tch." "What." "You're ridiculous." "I know," you laugh and you asked, "Ready?" "Always."

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papal-babygirl · 7 years

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2 and.... some form of haywillemses ❤❤ tlats

.listen. its body worship. it will always be rylyse

also, its monsters, where ryan is a vamp, and elyse is a water fae called an alven.

Elyse came home, looking exhausted, and fell immediately into Ryan’s arms. She was alone, and Ryan had to wonder where James had gone. It was far more pressing that Elyse looked so distressed, though.

“Hey, there dear..” He rubbed her side, and she squeaked a little at the touch and the words. Ryan caught her chin, looking her over. “What’s wrong?” She bit her lip and looked down.

“Don’t feel good today.” She said quietly, her cheeks shimmering. Ryan petted her hair soothingly, cocking his head.

“Sick?” He asksed

“Mmmhm.” She shook her head, breaking away from his touch a little. Ryan narrowed his eyes slightly, slowly figuring out what’s wrong.

“Bad thoughts?” She hesitated before nodding, arms starting to shimmer and almost disappear.

“Oh, darling, c’mere..” He beckoned her into his arms more before scooping her up, bridal style. Elyse clung to his neck, nuzzling into him and making quiet noises. “I think I know just what you need.”

“And what’s that?” Elyse murmured, lashes fluttering as he carried her to the bedroom.

“To be absolutely worshiped so you know how untrue those bad thoughts are.” Ryan said, plain as day, kicking the door closed behind him. Elyse made another soft noise, skin shimmery as ever. Ryan chuckled, his fangs barely passing his lips as he set her down on the bed. “Get cozy, mm?” She scooted back, trying to seem comfortable in the middle of the big bed. Ryan was over her in a moment, not predatory like he sometimes liked to be, but caring and soft. He stroked his knuckles down her cheek, smiling at her and trying to get her to smile back. A small patch of her cheek shimmered out of existence.

Ryan bent down to kiss her softly, running a hand down her cheek and jaw, cupping the back of her head. He pulled back to breathe, their lips sticking as he did.

“You’re so beautiful..” He murmured, fingers tracing her jaw, and she looked down, lashes framing her cheeks beautifully.

“Don’t really feel like it today..” Elyse replied, and Ryan looked genuinely shocked.

“You’re beautiful every day.” Ryan affirmed, sliding down a little to slip his hands just below the hem of her tank top. “This ok?” She nodded and Ryan smiled, tracing along her hips. “You are absolutely gorgeous, darling… even if you don’t feel like it.”

“Even if I feel.. invisible?” Elyse asked shyly, and Ryan nodded.

“I’ll always notice you, no matter how invisible you feel, or are.” Ryan smiled, a little toothy, and Elyse blushed and sank down. Ryan pushed her shirt up, revealing her slim stomach, gentle curves, and the cute little stripe of constant shimmer down the very center of her stomach, just in line with her navel. “And I will always love you, no matter how bad you feel, or how much you wanna disappear.” Ryan slid down a bit, kissing her stomach softly. She gasped, clapping her hands over her mouth in surprise as Ryan kissed his way up her body, pushing the tank top over her head and tossing it to the floor. He pulled back with an almost shocking agility, the scent of her suddenly flooding him, and the desire to feed as well.

But that was for a later time. He would have to forget the sweetness of his love in lieu of loving her fully. Ryan licked over his fangs, trying to calm himself before drawing his hands down her side sweetly. “Love the bra.” It was a soft blue lacy piece, and Elyse shrugged with one shoulder.

“Trying to feel pretty this morning.” She mumbled, and Ryan cupped her side, thumb skirting the lace of the band.

“You’ve succeeded, then.” Ryan smiled widely, trying to prompt a smile from her, and got something small and unsure in return. It was something.

“I guess so..” She mumbled and Ryan dipped down to kiss her again, getting a small whine.

“You, and every part of you is gorgeous.” Ryan promised, and Elyse shimmered heavily. Ryan chuckled and slipped down to between her legs, and figured he might as well be honest with what he wanted.

“Baby... can I eat you out? Really show you how beautiful I think you are?” Elyse gasped, sitting up.

“You.. you really want to?” Ryan nodded and hooked his fingers in her waistband, as if that answered the question as well.

“More than anything, beautiful.” Elyse squirmed at the lovely name, and melted into the pillow.

“If you want..” Ryan simply nodded and popped the button on her jeans, quickly getting them off and discarding them to the side.

“Absolutely gorgeous..” She had a complimentary pair of panties on, a light blue polka dot silk, and Ryan drew his fingers over her hips and the gentle dip of them. “Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen...” Elyse squeaked softly and disappeared fully, “Rather, not seen.” Ryan chuckled, and Elyse shimmered back mostly with a giggle.

He sank down between her legs, pressing soft kisses to her covered folds, getting gasps from her that already sounded so good. “There we are, beautiful.” He let a little drawl slip into his voice, knowing how it washed over her. As much as he would have loved to stay there all evening, he didn’t want to be a tease. Wanted to be just what she needed and wanted. He hooked his fingers into the waistband and pulled them down with little ceremony, only to look on her like she was his guiding light. He drew his fingers along her lips, spreading them a little and kissing at her thighs idly. “What a pretty girl you are..” Ryan dipped down and pressed a kiss to her folds, daring to stick his tongue out for a brief little flick.

“Ry-ryan..” She gasped out, hands going to his hair desperately, and he took that as a cue to continue. He started with just his lips and tongue, swirling, flicking, a perfect mix of pleasure and denial, taking his sweet sweet time. She shimmered in and out of view as he kept going, and she looked so beautiful, ethereal. Ryan was fully in love.

He eventually teased a finger in her, then another, making her squirm and make soft noises with a little come hither motion as he lapped gently at her. Ryan met her eyes every so often, blue eyes blown with pleasure, met by blue eyes blown with love. It was little effort then to get her to come around his fingers, shimmering until she was totally invisible for a brief second, and then as she came back to earth, she was visible once more.

“Ryan.. c’mere..” She made grabby hands for him once she was able to think and drew him into her arms. “Thank you..”

“For?”

“Helping me out.” She looked down, crossing her legs a bit. “Dunno. Guess I like that you notice when my brain isn’t feeling good even faster than James.”

Ryan shrugged, “Seems a lot more obvious to me, maybe.” She hummed thoughtfully.

“Either way. I love you a lot.”

“I adore you, beautiful.”

#Anonymous #rylyse #there be a sexin #writingandrants #ragehaus #this is so long i want to die #body worship by definition takes 100 years

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notagreenlantern · 7 years

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(from the sad angsty death fic, where Guy is dying from radiation poisoning, i never managed to actually write. Here have some random pieces of dialogue)

Please imagine them sitting on a large bed, Kyle leaning against the wall and Guy with his back against Kyle’s chest, and with his head leaning back on Kyle’s shoulder, so that Kyle can just turn his head and gently press a kiss against Guy’s temple.

...

“Everyone else who's exposed to radiation gets to be a superhero,” Guy said.

“You already are a superhero,” Kyle said.

“So you do think I'm a hero?” Guy asked.

“Of course I do.” Kyle said.

“Good to know.” Guy said.

...

“I survived worse when I was running around calling myself Warrior. Grew a new heart. It's yours by the way, my heart. Belongs to you.”

“Don't,”

“What?”

“Don't do that, don't be all sappy and stuff... Stay in character.”

“I've been so many things Kyle. Thinking about it now. It's difficult to believe its always been me. My memories, they feel like more like the memories from different people... I didn't love you from the moment I laid my eyes on you”

“No, well neither did I.”

“No, no you don't get it. I don't understand how I couldn't fall for you from the moment we met. I was different. Those memories seem so alien to me now”

“Guy,”

“Don't do anything weird with it,” Guy said.

“What?” Kyle asksed.

“My heart. Just because it belongs to you. Don't mean you can do whatever you want with it after I'm dead.”

#sometimes i write things #but don't finish them #in this case that might be for the best

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write-the-headlines · 7 years

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Breaking my fall ...

I'm a single mom. I have a fulltime job and an amazing daughter. I have a wonderful family and friends.

When we look at these facts, I'm fine.

But I'm not ... not really.

I’m struggling with anxiety since my breakdown more than five years ago.

That year was really hard. My granddad, my grandmother, my godfather and the father of one of my best friend died. All in a half year. I was exhausted, but still going on. I missed only three days at work and went on summer holiday with my best friend, her partner and my daughter.

But I wasn’t well. But the show must go on, right?

I had to go to work. I had to help my mom, who was struggling with the death of her father and I had to help my father who was sad about his mother. I had to be strong for my godmother and my best friend.

And for my daughter, of course.

I was so thankful for my brothers girlfriend, who was helping him, to deal with the loss of our granddad. He was granddads boy.

At the end of the year I got a headache. And it doesn’t go away. It was a piercing pain, like a knife or needle in my brain.

I started worrying. Told my mom about it. But still going to work.

Just a head pain, right? I can go to work, I have to work. I have a child to raise, to feed.

Then I realized the problem with my eyes.

I wear glasses since the age of ten. No problem.

But in this year, my eyes started to flicker. Then I realized that I got gaps in the field of view.

First I was ignoring it. Just the stress, I said. Nothing more.

But it doesn’t get better. I went to the doctor, let her check my eyes but everything was fine. The only thing she complained about was, that my veins in my eyes were to small. And she recommended me to drink more water. When I asked where the flicker could come from, she saidit would probably be the stress.

Fine, I thought, just stress.

I started to do more sport, thought it would help to reduce the stress, but it doesn’t.

More head pain, more flicker and I recognized, that I couldn’t see very well in the dark anymore. My eyes were stressed me totally and that was something I couldn’t ignore. And I got more stressed.

And worried. What was, when the doctor was wrong? What happened with my eyes? Would I be blind? Is there any connection with the head pain?

I had it over weeks.

I was fighting through the days and weeks and month and it still don’t get better.

And then, after months of struggling and worrying I had a big panic attack in front of my mother. It was at the weekend, so she brought me to the ambulance after I was begging for a doctor who was checking my head and eyes.

The doctor in the ambulance, a very nice and calm woman, made some test with me and told me, that in my head everything was fine. We talk a little bit about my situation and then she said, I was so stressed out, I should go home in bed and sleep till I can’t sleep anymore. And after that, I must change something.

And I did.

I miss two weeks at work.

Two weeks, where I was sleeping, crying and wondering why my life was like this.

I think I wasn't a good mom at this time, but I couldn't do it.

My parents took care of my daughter.

My brother was wondering, what happened to his strong sister. And his girlfriend was wondering too.

But I couldn't explain it.

My mom told my boss I had the flu and I told the same to my friends first at all. They were a little bit worried, but the most of them accept it. My best friend knew, that something was going on, but I couldn’t explain it. We chat a little bit every day and that was fine. I told her weeks later what happened.

After these two weeks, I went back to work. My boss and colleagues where a little bit shocked, because I lost weight, was very pale and quiet.

I never told them what happened.

I worked a week and then was Christmas and I had a few days off.

Days with more tears, more worrying and so on. There were days, I couldn’t eat anything, days where I couldn’t be alone, Days I couldn't sleep. It was the worst time.

In the New Year, I was going to work, was a little bit sports and tried to get enough sleep and eat enough.

But I was exhausted.

Exhausted and still on the edge of another panic attack.

I went to my doctor and he sends me to a psychologist.

After weeks of waiting, I get a meeting with a very calm woman. Mrs E asksed me, what happened and I started talking for straight half an hour. Talking and crying. It was like a dam burst.

And she was just there, listen and was taking notes.

Then she explains me, that she couldn’t help me, but she want to send me to one of her colleagues.

She gaves me the address and the next day I called Mrs H. She explained me that she had a lot of patients and I get a meeting a half year later.

A half year.

I was done.

This half year was … awful.

I knew I need help, I knew I can’t fight this fight alone without professional help and I was doomed to wait.

I was struggling every day. My mom calls me a few times a day at work, still checking if I was ok and cheering me up. My best friend chatted every day with me, sends me long mails and tried to cheer me up too.

There were days, when I get up and went to the bathroom, choking and crying and grasping for air. And there were days, when I was on autopilot. Getting up, going to work, went home, sleep.

And still head pain and problems with the eyes.

I was so nervous and worried about this ongoing pain that I went to another doctor. A neurologist.

He checked my whole head and after that, he told me, that everything was fine.

I told him about the headache and everything he explains me, that this could be just stress. He gaves me some antidepressiva pills and I took them.

Never again.

This was so weird.

The next day was the birthday of my mother. A nice day with the family and friends and cake and muffins and so on. Everybody was in a good mood.

And I … felt nothing.

I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t upset, I wasn’t chatting along with the guest. I was there. Nothing more.

My mother told me in the evening, I was like a ghost.

The another day, I talk with my mother about that and I decided, I won't take these pills anymore.

Feeling nothing was so weird, I won’t have that anymore.

So I was fighting on. Believing, that everything in my brain was alright, I was doing every day the best I can.

But my eyes were still flickering.

Another meeting with my doctor. She checked my eyes again, told me again everything was fine, but the veins were too tiny and small.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn’t notice it….

So I was fighting. Every day. There were good days, when I get up, was feeling ok and get my shit together.

And there were days, when I woke up and still wanted to cry.

And there were days, when I was still on autopilot.

And every day I was hoping that it would be better.

That I would wake up and my head was okay and my eyes fine.

And every day I keep on fighting. For my daughter, for my lovely, amazing daughter, who needs a mom who was there for her.

And I was fighting for me. I wanted my life back.

Sometimes I was angry. Why did that happened to me? That wasn’t fair. Didn’t I have to struggle enough with life? With my ears, who were disabled? With the simple fact raising a child alone?

But I knew. Sometimes life wasn’t fair and we have to handle it.

After an half year, I drove 15 kilometers in the next bigger town to my therapist.

Mrs H was amazing. So calm and friendly. She explains me a lot. Told me, that she could help me, but it would take time.

And then there was a lot of paperwork. A lot of forms and stuff for the Health insurance and a lot of papers with questions from my therapist.

This would be my homework, she explains me.

After the first meeting, I went back to my car, get in and start crying. After a while, I drove home, tired but a little bit happy. She could help me.

At home I did the paperwork, which was easy for me, because I knew such forms form work. But I wonder, if other patients could handle these things.

I answer every question and after a week, I had the next meeting.

Mrs H was looking through the questions and my answers and explains me, what she wanted to do.

She is a behavioral therapist. And after a few meetings, in which I just talked about everything, she said:

“You worry too much.”

Yeah.

Great, I thought. Here I was talking about my eyes and headache and stress and she told me I'm too worried????

And then she ask me, why I was always in worry.

Uh.

She ask me a lot of question and told me, I should think about it. Why would I still go to work, even when I was feeling bad? Why I was thinking, I wasn’t a good mom? Why could I not ask for help?

She explains me, if I stop worrying about every little thing and thinking about it and thinking about what would happen, I would reduce the stress.

We talk a lot, she explains me a lot.

I had to learn, that it was okay, to rest and to ask for help.

It was hard but I get it. I tried to do what she told me. Many things I can’t and I will not explain here.

And the pain in my head was going ... smaller … it was there but … not so heavy, not so sharp, not so painful. Sometimes there were days without pain and sometimes I had the pain every day.

And after weeks and months … the pain was gone.

I was so happy, when I realized.

I knew, I was on a good way, and my therapist said so too.

But my eyes… Still flickering …

My therapist doesn’t knew what to do and I went to the doctor again. I let her check my eyes again.

And again. Everything was fine. But the veins .. too tiny, too small.

My mother, who went to the doctor with me, every time I had to check up my eyes (I was panicking every time) asked the doctor, what we could do with the small veins, but the doctor just shrugged.

Some people have big veins, some small.

I was disappointed and began to accept that my eyes would not get any better. That nobody could help me.

At this time, my therapy ended. My therapist told and teaches me many things that help me a lot.

I started with yoga, which helps me a lot and I changed a few things in my daily routine.

And then, a half year after the ending of my therapy, I had another panic attack. A bigger one. I was exhausted. I was wondering. Why did this happen? I was on a good way. I wasn't so stressed anymore, I had enough time to rest ...

But then I realized. I was still worrying about my eyes. I still thought too much about it. But I don’t know what to do. I was sure it had gotten worse.

I talked to my mum about it. You knew, she said, everything is fine with your eyes. The doctor said it. You are just stressed.

Yeah, thank you.

Was I stressed? No. Just worried. For a damn reason.

But it seemed like, that nobody could help me.

And I decided, to keep going on. There are many people in the world, with bigger healthy problems, I told myself. Keep calm and carry on. And I did it.

Struggling, fighting and I don’t know how, but I managed it.

I tried to get another therapy, but in my country you can get a new one after TWO years.

Awesome.

I decided to manage this on my own.

But I have to say that my stubborn head was always driving me. This and love for my child. She deserves a mother, who looked after her, while the father did not.

I love my daughter so much, I have no words for it.

And this is the spirit, who keeps me going on and on.

This and my stubborn head, who always told me, that I can do that, that I deserve better and I had to fight for it.

Weeks, months and years passed by.

There were good weeks, very good weeks and months. And there were bad days and weeks.

But I could handle it.

I knew I shouldn't worrying too much. I knew, when I had to take a break. I knew, when I had to let things go.

And at the start of the penultimate year something happened.

I don't know where it came from, but I wake up at one morning and thought I should check the papers from the birth control pill.

And there was it, black on white.

Some people may get problems with the eyes after taking the pill.

I was done. It was a new preparation, which I had taken on the recommendation of my doctor.

I have checked and found that I had taken the new pill for half a year before the problems with the eyes started.

Of course, I had read the instructions at the beginning, but after half a year had forgotten their contents.

I decided not to take this pill any more and informed my doctor about it.

And then I waited.

Thought, my eyes would be better if I did not take this medicine any more.

Thought they would recover by themselves.

I was extremely patient with myself and my body. I knew that all these hormones and ingredients needed their time to leave my body permanently.

I waited a whole year.

But nothing changed.

I was done again. I don’t know what to do. I talk with my best friend and my mom about this. And then my mom decided to ask her natural health professional about that. And he said, he knew what to do and he can help me.

It took me a half year again to get a meeting with him. Mr S is a very interesting man. Very calm and friendly.

He listen to me and my problems. And then he checked my eyes. I didn’t said anything, what the other doctor said about my eyes. I keep this to me, because I would see, what Mr S said about that.

And he told me the same. My vains are too small. And because of this, I don’t see right. Because the veins are too small, there is not enough blood in the eye, which is why it is not working properly. This was a side effect of another med and he knew what to do.

He prescribed various homeopathic preparations for me.

He told me that my eyes were flickering because they did not know what to do. That they did not have enough blood for their work and therefore they could not make it right and would therefore be stressed. That's why the flicker.

And the gaps in the field of vision would come, because the blood would not be where it should be.

I was speechless.

It made so much sense. He also told me many things and knew things about my body that I had not told him. Problems I had not mentioned, because I thought it had nothing to do with it.

With a simple look in my eyes, he knew these things.

But I was also skeptical. Good advice? Good bluff? We would see.

I am taking these tablets for a quarter of a year now.

Still flickering and still gaps in the field of view.

But something has happened.

My colleagues recently told me that my eyes were so red.

And it was true, I've found that the veins around the iris are more visible.

So it works.

There is still hope.

Never stop fighting.

#me #diary #anxiety #anxiety disorder #panic #head pain #head ache #birth control #hope #breaking my fall #long post

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shared-diaries-online · 5 years

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Entry 14 - Gifts And Curses (Part 1)

December 25th, 2018

Dear “Diary,”

Well, it’s Christmas, a day that can mean a bunch of different things to a bunch of different people. I hope you had a good day, regardless of its significance to you. Even if it means nothing, I hope you had a good day.

I never quite know what to make of this day. First off, my problem with Thanksgiving extends over to this day. Second, there’s the whole “religion” part, which—in addition to being completely unhelpful when dealing with the first thing—creates a problem of its own. I was raised in a religious household, studied religion as a second major in college, and started hanging around various other religious communities since I moved to the city. My mind is a swirl of broken and incompatible doctrine surrounding the holiday. And now that I’m eeking out something that makes sense, well, this holiday feels a bit emptier. And it shouldn’t. The atheist I dated three years ago still celebrated it. He just stripped away the religious element and kept the part about family and giving. I can see why he did that (it add a little bit of color to an otherwise gray world), but I can equally see why someone wouldn’t. Either way, I hope you enjoyed your Tuesday.

And maybe I should give you some sort of gift for putting up with me both on this day and everyday. So… do you want to hear about the most beautiful woman who just happens to work in my office? I’ll get to the next part of Ada’s story too. So just scroll down if you don’t want to think about the present.

Most beautiful woman in the world who just happens to work in my office…

She comes up from time to time, and I already told you all about the moment I first fell in love with her. It happened suddenly, abruptly, and at a bad time. To be more literal about it, it happened when I was coming back to the office from lunch and the light just happened to hit her silhouette just so. Even before then, I knew she was amazing. She has this warmth to her that can convince me—ever the pessimist—that the world isn’t a terrible place after all. She is goodness after all. She is grace and beauty. Those things you think the world has destroyed by now.

I don’t remember the first time I heard her laugh. I think that might make a better story. Or, at least, it makes for the sort of story that warms the soul. But really, that was a while ago. Before I was in love with her and before my eager heart clutched every shred of an interaction we had. Not in an obsessive way…. But in an obsessive way that is a bit more understandable. I spend so much of my time post-her-presence analyzing every shred of our interactions for some sort of hidden message or sign, either an “I hate you”or an “I love you.” But I never find anything or anything I can’t immediately tear apart.

And just as an added problem, if I’m too specific about anything, she’ll know I’m talking about her should she ever stumble upon this blog. And yeah, sometimes the bandaid just needs to be ripped off, but I’m not ready for that yet. I’m not ready to lose the ability to be in love with her from a distance if only because, well, in addition to being so beautiful and amazing, she’s the kind of the person who smile not only lights up her face but infects her entire body. Quite the sight, you can probably imagine. I just don’t want to give her a reason to not smile.

Here’s the thing, though. I already dropped a big hint in saying that she had a gluten allergy. That can’t be undone, or it could be by some standards, but I’ll go ahead and assume the worst. Maybe… Maybe the best thing for me right now is to keep up the dance I’ve been engaged in for the past few months, where I show a bit more of myself than I should or where I draw a bit closer than I should. I wait for her to reject me, but she doesn’t. Sometimes, I swear, it’s like she’s moving closer.

And if you are reading this, consider this the explanation I was willing to give you but that you never asksed for. That offer never had a time limit on it. And Alex, obviously, isn’t my real name, so don’t let that push you away.

***

We’ve had a weekly catered lunch for a while. Sort of like a perk… It’s a way of looking good, I guess. In exchange, the hourly staff can’t work more than 35 hours a week. If, somehow, you end up doing it, then you will get paid whatever you’re owed, but before that can happen, your manager or even director will swoop in and take over for you. Yeah, they work obscene hours just for us to break even. Not all the time but enough. And we all just make peace with it and eat our half-hearted offered office perk.

But she didn’t. The most beautiful woman who just happens to work in our office started at this job far earlier than I did. So she, like everyone else, took to the routine rather nicely. Everything just fell into place around me as nameless faces who would soon be asking me for favors poured into the conference room, stopping at the long plastic-meant-to-look-like-wood table and took what looked like their usual seats. Which is typical. Which is expected. But she broke the norm…

She comes in slinging a lunch packed up nicely in a cloth sack. Her face is set in its usual expression as she takes a seat beside a dear friend. Although it is worth noting, that everyone was essentially her friend. And calmly, like it was something she had done a thousand times, she started to munch away at her lunch from home.

Now, that shouldn’t have been an issue. If you’re confident enough when you’re doing something, then you aren’t going to catch a normal person’s eye, but I was incredibly self-conscious at this new job, trying to get my footing regarding what is this company’s “normal behavior” and outliers weren’t that great. Sure, if you don’t like what they serve then just bring your own and save a lot of people a lot of trouble. I mean, maybe you shouldn’t be too picky when it comes to a free lunch, but at least, she handled it well, I guess. She didn’t complain.

I tried not to stare at her during the lunch, but anxiety might have led me to do the otherwise. Regardless, that became her defining characteristic in my mind. And a few weeks later, when we stuck in the elevator together, scrambling for a conversation, I blurted it out.

“Is there something I should know about the lunches?” I half-heartedly joked. She raised an eyebrow in confusion. “You never eat them.”

“Oh,” she stammered. “I… I have food allergies. That’s why I pack my lunch. It’s just easier that way.”

She was clearly nervous, taken aback, I didn’t want her to be nervous. I didn’t want to make anyone feel anything close to the terrible-ness that is essentially my default state. So I tried to meet her with acknowledgement.

“I understand,”

“Oh,” she said. “You have food allergies too,”

I thought back to Ada, to the ordeal she had pulled me into. And I cringed. “No,” I snapped. “But I kind understand.”

With that, the conversation was essentially over. Even at the time, I knew it was wrong. She shouldn’t pay for Ada’s actions, even in pocket change, and there was no need to make my mistakes her problem. It just was what it was: something I spent the next few months regretting.

ADA

If you aren’t familiar with theatre life, especially its high school manifestation, I’ll try to spare you any unnecessary details because this is already going to be a long story, but who knows what I can manage.

Theatre people, in general, stick together. They are often very social, who have this giant thing in their lives that their compatriots understand and can empathize best with the related struggles. Also, theatre schedules can be weird at times. Or weird relative to the rest of the world. It’s differently not the standard 9 to 5, I’ll say that much.

In high school, it’s the status of “social pariah” that really gets to you. If you have other activities, than the effect is mitigated somewhat, but I did, and the director of that program was not kind, I’ll tell you that much. Now. More later.

We spent almost every single moment together. Before school, whatever minutes we could scrap together during classes, and after school. Not just during rehearsal, either. Moments of supposed freedom from those responsibilities were still spent together. Because free from work never meant free from the people we cared about. There were two exception: me (band was an intense time commitment) and Ada. While my reasons were pretty obvious and moaned about frequently whenever I was with my friends, Ada’s motivations were never so clear. Nothing about her life was. After we met her parents in the aftermath of that first performance, well, everything became more puzzling. At first, we thought they were just strict. But they were overwhelmingly supportive. They were even pushing her to go to dinner with us after the show, and we weren’t going to a nice place but ending up at a rather questionable diner. Like the kind where illegal things frequently happen in the parking lot. She was the one who said no. We all saw it.

And we all took it personally. Ada became the outcast amongst outcasts, which could have been an accomplishment if it wasn’t so sad.

In all honesty, I was one of the worst in terms of taking it personally and then coping poorly with that perceived affront. I never lashed out directly, but I poisoned the proverbial well against her. Really, it might have been all my fault. Because, sure, sometimes you don’t feel well enough to go out or you have other things to do. Life happens. These things happen. Those are mottoes I live by now, but it took me awhile to get the hang of it.

It was the very next show that I fell in love with her, though, and that led me to take such a dramatic shift that my sins—while not erased from my tainted soul—stopped mattering socially.

It was opening night of the school musical. Her very first one. Ada was stunning, as always. Her untrained voice rose to the challenge of the score and transcended the realm of us mere mortals. She sounded angelic, she looked angelic, and I was the one manning the follow-spot on the catwalks overhead. I watched her, seeing the glow from overhead. Her hair returned the light so wonderfully…. She became the flame, and I, the doomed moth in this cliche, waiting for everything to come apart. After all, Ada didn’t want anything to do with the rest of us, but I wanted everything that was her.

The aftershow happened just as it always had. Plans were made, Ada’s parents encouraged her to go, but with a sad smile, she declined. She carried her vase of flowers back to her dressing room, and the desperation in my soul pushed me forward. I followed her. Not sure why exactly…. After all, it was so long ago.

I called after her. “Hey,” I said. She turned. Her hair fluttered, and my heart stopped, but I caught myself. “Don’t you want to come?”

She didn’t answer.

“I mean, we’d love it if you come. We don’t get to spend that much time toget— I mean, this is supposed to be a whole team bonding thing. You know, it’s like ‘the floor is lava,’ but instead, it’s ‘the floor is literally broken crack pipes.’”

I thought I was going to lose her with that one, but she laughed. Sadness set in, especially in those otherwise sparkling blue eyes. “I’d love to go,” she whispered.

“Then go,” I pushed.

“I can’t,” she said again and started off again, quicker this time.

But I followed her. I shouldn’t have, considering her dressing room was a personal space, but this was one my chance. Or so it felt like it. I needed to push this forward, to take this next step… Because I didn’t understand the whole process of it.

She went to close the door, but I jammed my foot in. Fortunately, Ada was far too polite to ever slam a door.

“Why?” I demanded, as if she owed me anything. It was that old bad behavior appearing again. I couldn’t help it; not a functioning person at the time.

“I can’t… eat. With you guys,” she finally explained. “I have celiac disease. It’s complicated.”

“I don’t understand.”

Ada peeked her head out and looked around before she seized my arm, pulling me inside with one jerk. It took me a second to catch myself, but she kept talking.

“It means I can’t eat anything with gluten,” she explained.

“I don’t understand.”

“Wheat, barley, soy sauce.”

I stuttered at first. “Okay, but we aren’t going to an Asian restaurant. We’re going to a terrible diner.”

“Everything has gluten.”

“Fruit, fried eggs, bacon, I don’t— I don’t know. There has to be something. We can ask the waiter.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to cause problems.”

“But I do,'“ I blurted out. “I’ll cause problems. And then we’ll tip the waiter, like forty percent, it will be fine.'“

It was a lifeline for her. I was tossing her a rope. She didn’t say as much, but it was clear even in the moment. Her demeanor changed. Her petite body lifted as a weight came off of her shoulders. But she didn’t let herself fall into my offer just yet.

So I sweetened the pot. “Look, I’ll tell the waiter I have this cadallac disease—”

“Celiac disease…” she corrected.

“And I’ll just ask them what doesn’t have gluten in it, the waiter will help me order, and then you can just say that what I’m having sounds amazing and you want it too. Then, like I said, we leave the waiter a great tip. Everyone wins.”

She hesitated again.

“And we get to spend time together. So super win there.”

She smiled, and daring, I reached out for her hand. And to my amazement, she took it.

Digitally Yours,Alex

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