I'm so damn tired but I still have like three of these to make and also five books to go over tonight. It's midnight btw. I should've bought that energy drink I pondered over...

Raiden x reader

Franchise: mk11

Reader gender: any

Reader status: ruler of Chaos Realm

Blood wasn't nice, secretly it always made you nauseous. Your own was fine but that off others was what made you sick: today theirs was mixed with your own.

You lay their in the cool grass, around you your enemies lay lifeless in pools of their red sap. Your chain blades lay either side of you in reach of your hands just incase you were attacked as you gathered your breath.

"Damn." The blood wasn't the only thing you couldn't being your eyes to look at, your calf had been stabbed and the blade dragged down straight through the bone and muscle.

Blue thunder cracked across the sky and you knew exactly who it was, "Lady (Y/n)." He knelt down by your leg and channeled some form of Lightning to his palm to sooth your leg as he removed the blade.

"What?" You sternly demanded off the Thunder God, trying to keep up your reputation against the pain, "do you have any idea how many you ended today." The smirk on his face as he looked at the knife could send anyone into a fit of love, it sent you a long time ago.

"One hundred and seventy four?" "Exactly that amount, your knowledge on both the field and not never ceases to amaze me." You sat up and took the handles of your chain blades into both hands. "Allow me to take you to your temple, Lady (Y/n)...lady (Y/n)?" The blood...

Your face was clearly more ghostly pale than it had been before, unlike you thought their blood was easily distinguishable from your own. Raiden took notice to your fear and let out a small sigh to himself "let us go, my lady."

Scooping you up bridal style he teleported you to the healers of your temple in the Chaos realm.

~~A year later~~

A meeting with Kitana, that's all this was, a year ago on this day Raiden had showed up to your aid and instead of visiting whem he could the Thunder God had been swallowed in a mysterious shadow and not even a letter had been sent from him.

"Yes?" Your grip on the edge of your stone throne tightened as a servant entered, "my empress: Kitana and her entourage have arrived." You nodded and stood up. Your wore green and black armour with a lime cape with emeralds down the edges.

Taking both your chain blades by the handles you looped the chains and placed each I repeated loops over the small hooks you and connected to your belt. The meeting room was a round room lit up by green flames that highlighted twelve chairs situated around the black stone table engraved with gold.

Kitana sat opposite to where you would sit: Kung Lao, Liu Kang and Sonya sat to her right whilst Raiden, Cassie and Johnny sat to her left. When you arrived and sat in your chair opposite to Kitana your beautiful gaze never left Raiden (and his never left yours) untill Kitana broke the silence.

"We have an urgent matter to discuss." This was how the conversation started, "I can tell, pray tell." You could tell this would be a long talk. "Shoa Kahn is anticipating an attack on Earth realm followed by those who still see him as the rightful ruler of outworld." Well that was unexpected.

"Sounds fun, if there are still those who follow him then I'm guessing you want to reform instead of kill?" You asked with a smirk, servents serving everyone tea from your realm as you smoke, Johnny and Cassue eyed the drink in the same way which made you smile.

"Exactly, so we need your help." Liu Kang asked after sipping from his cup? "With what fire fists?" "We need your army to help us." Hearing Raiden speak was music to your ears, even if the seriousness of the situation effected his tone.

"If earth realm is in as much struggle as it was during the tordements then yes, but I'll need to assess the size of his army in order to not risk to many lives of my own."

~~ an hour later ~~

"So." You asked the meditating form of the man you had heard little from, "yes, Lady (y/n)?" Ohh fuck this. "Cut the formal shit, Raiden, why haven't you sent me anything to let me know of you were alive?" Sitting on your knees infront of him.

The thunder god attempted to get up but you used some of your power to keep him down infront of you, "I knew you would be busy." "Bullshit baby, you know the busiest thing I've down since you found me in that forest is deal with some petty thefts and stop a street fight disturbing my carriage ride."

He sighed and you relased your grip on him after a moment of silence, with a tearfully sigh you stood up to walk past and leave the man you loved to his own devices but he grabbed your wrist. "I love you (Y/n), I was just nervous after seeing you in such pain and with such a fear I was unsure of him to comfort you."

That was all he needed to say, with thise words you returned to sit infront of him and placed his lips onto you. "That's all you needed to say, my lord~." That sounded nice.

Sides in Space (Name for AU pending)

F*ck it, we ball. Have a bit of what I have written for my Sanders Sides/Star Trek Crossover AU

"Dr. McCoy, he's waking up." An unfamiliar said in the distant fog of his pounding head.

"Thanks, Nurse Chapel," another unfamiliar voice answered. Dread began twisting in his gut, sending his heart racing. "Captain Sanders?" The voice called. "Sir, can you hear me?"

His eyes fluttered open and a man that almost seemed familiar stood over him.

"Captain Sanders, I'm Dr. McCoy-"

"Where's Dr. Sanchez?"

McCoy sighed. "Can you tell me what you remember from the last few hours?"

"Not untill you tell me where Dr. Sanchez is," he challenged.

McCoy nodded and took a seat beside the bed. "Dr. Sanchez was killed in the line of duty," he answered solemnly. "I'm sorry, Captain."

Thomas went pale. "How?"

"Approximately 72 hours ago, Star Fleet recieved an urgent message from Vulcan. They were being attacked by an unknown enemy with an unknown weapon. The Fleet deployed all available ships to aid Vulcan, including yours and the Enterprise, the ship your on now. There were complications and the Enterprise arrived moments after the rest of the Fleet, also under attack. We pulled in as many Kelvin pods as we could, that's how you ended up here. It's...a lot to explain, and I honestly don't understand most of it, but Vulcan was destroyed. The enemy created a singularity within the planet. When the planet it went...it took a lot of the Fleet with it."

Tears ran openly down the captain's cheeks. "My crew?" He asked, his chest beginning to heave.

McCoy shook his head. "We don't know, we haven't been able to confirm...everyone we lost. I'm so sorry. As soon as I know anything, you'll know. You have my word."

Thomas nodded. "Thank you," he croaked.

"I know this is a lot, but I do need to go over at least some of your injuries with you."

"Aisde from the concussion?" He coughed, trying to regain his composure.

McCoy gave half a smile. "Yessir. When we opened your pod, you a pretty significant injury to your lower right leg. Someone had apparently done some emergency treatment before getting you into the pod because there was a tourniquet applied-"

"This isn't good news, is it?"

"No sir," McCoy shook his head. "We had to do an emergency amputation."

Thomas dropped his head back, pressing a hand over his mouth as tears started again down his cheeks. "This can't be happening," he gasped. "It ca- this- it's not- this can't be happening."

"Captain, I'm gonna need you to take a deep breath," Dr. McCoy advised. "Breathe in slowly through your nose. And out throughout your mouth. That's right, just like that."

Thomas tried to do as he was told, but something broke in his chest and he fell into heaving sobs. Strong arms wrapped around him and Thomas clung to the other man like a life line.

Thomas blinked, his eyes blurred and gunky, and found his head rested against a blue clad shoulder. The arms around his back loosened as he sat up.

"You alright?"

"Sorry-"

"Don't be," McCoy cut in and helped him rest back on the bed. "You've lost a lot. You need to grieve. We all need that."

---

"Any word?" Captain Sanders asked hopefully when Dr. McCoy came into his hospital room. They'd been back on earth nearly a week and every day he'd asked if any of his crew had been found. The death toll had been astronomical and more were declared dead everyday as they sorted through what was left of the rumble and did their best to identify bodies.

Even most of the cadets that had been sent up had been lost. Still Thomas tried to remain hopeful that at least some of crew had been found and survived as he had. But the look on Leonard's face was was quickly driving that hope away.

"I'm sorry," Leonard murmured.

His heart began to pound in his chest. "How many?" He asked, trying to be brave, but Dr. McCoy shook his head.

"None."

Tears dripped from his deep brown eyes. "What?"

Leonard took one of Thomas's hands in both his own. "They weren't able to find any survivors among your crew. I'm so sorry."

"But there's over four hundred- how could they not-"

---

There was a light tap on the hospital door and Dr. McCoy entered the room. "Admiral Sanders? Admiral Pike is here to see you if you're up to it."

"Think he'd actually take no for an answer?" He asked without taking his eyes off the window.

"Not in my experience, sir."

Thomas let out a weighty sigh and nodded. "Let him in."

"Yessir." Len stepped aside and opened the door for Pike to wheel himself into the room.

"Afternoon, Admiral!" Pike said cheerily and wheeled himself over to the window seat. His face softened as he watched the younger man stare out the window. "How ya holdin' up today, son?"

"I, uh, I tried to run a sim today. Dr. McCoy cleared me to do just a basic flight sim, I wasn't even the one running it and, uh-" He clenched his jaw gesturing to the hospital room. "It wasn't even- There wasn't even anything happening in it. It was just a regular orbital sim. But I panicked. Panicked and apparently hyperventilated myself into passing out and hit my head on the way down."

"Let me guess, Dr. McCoy wanted you to stick around a few hours so he could monitor you?"

Thomas nodded. "He was worried since I already had a pretty severe concussion."

"Yeah, that sounds about right for him. So. What's the damage report then?"

Thomas side eyed him. "This one of those trick questions you're famous for?"

Chris smirked. "Yes, it is. Dr. McCoy gave me an update before he let me in here."

"I've got project for you, Admiral," Pike announced and took a seat across the desk from Thomas.

The younger man sighed. "Do you really have to call me that?"

"It is your rank, son. You need to get used to hearing it."

"It wasn't my idea."

"You could retire," Chris suggested drawning a tired glare from Thomas. He chuckled and held out a data pad. "Here. Take a look at these."

"Cadet files?"

Pike nodded. "I want you to pick out a couple command track cadets to mentor-"

"Oh right, like you did with Dr. McCoy," Thomas agreed wryly.

Pike smiled, relieved to hear some color back in the young man's voice. "Exactly. The Fleet is working on implementing a new program that would allow cadets to spend their last year working on a ship, training directly under a Cheif Offficer in their field of study, with the idea that they would be immediately placed on said ship upon graduation and be trained to take over that position when that CO retires or in emergency situations."

"Isn't that basically what happened with the Enterprise?"

"More or less," Pike agreed. "It wasn't ideal, but it was successful. The idea is that next time they won't be under-prepared."

"Maybe we should focus more on there not being a next time."

"We're doing that too," Pike assured.

He nodded with a sigh as he flicked through the list of names.

"You still with me, son?" Chris waited a beat. "Captain."

Thomas's head snapped up. "Hm?"

"You still with me?" Pike repeated.

He blinked several times then glanced away with a sigh, working his jaw. "Maybe I should retire," he murmured to himself.

"Is that what you want?"

"I want my crew back."

"I know, son," Pike assured softly. "You lost a lot of good folk-"

"I lost them all."

"But it wasn't your fault. You gave the orders to evacuate and those orders were carried out-"

"But what if I was wrong? What if- Maybe I shouldn't have, maybe-"

"Your ship was torn apart, admiral, evacuation would have been necessary no matter what."

Thomas nodded, trying to blink away the tears in his eyes.

"I know it still hurts. It will for a long time and it'll come in waves. And sometimes those waves will knock you over and that's okay. But I wholeheartedly believe you're capable of making a difference in the lives of these cadets, there's a lot they can learn from you and I'm willing to bet, there's a lot you can learn from them. I know I've certainly learned a lot from my boys. All that said, there's no shame in needing to step away if that's what's going to be best for you."

---

Pike glanced up from the list of cadets, brow arched in amusement. He glanced back down again scrolling over the list once more. "Admiral, not a single one of these cadets are command track."

"Cadet Sinclair is on track to become a pilot," Thomas pointed out.

"There are six names here."

"There are two sets of siblings."

"You're sure on all these?"

"They're all within the top ten of their class and have been overlooked by multiple admirals and commanding officers in their fields of study," Thomas explained. "This program is supposed prepare cadets for the field. I don't think that training should be restricted to those at the very top of their fields. We should support all cadets, not just those who 'earn' it."

Pike smiled crookedly and nodded. "Alright. Let's reach out."

Yeah my laptops os definitely has a personal vendetta against you and that is why i have been unable to use my graphic tablet for a couple months now

Funnily enough about 1 hour after sending that ask i encountered Another one of my kids in public transport on the way home and my first thought was that i mustve summoned him with the previous ask

Now

I CANT BELIEVE THERE IS LIKE AN ACTUAL BATHROOM SCENE™ i thought the fucking robin and steve bathroom floor scenes for the fic™ that was lead to the proper beginning of the undoing of my sanity were just like a fucking thing in that fic i didnt know they were A Thing™ goddamn

AND STOP TELLING ME INTRIGUING STUFF ABOUT THE DAMNED SHOW CAUSE I CAN ONLY POSTPONE WATCHING IT FOR SO LONG WITH MY SANITY IN SHAMBLES

Goddamn it kedreeva ive never even properly Encountered either hopper or dmitri but now i am Invested in them i curse you to continue thinking about them in those circumstances until YOU crack and end up making something about the fuckers

Also no worries about taking a bit to reply idm in teh slightest i just thought tumblr mightve eaten my ask cause it does that quite a bit but yeah im glad youre getting your shit done (unlike me whos currently writing this reply in an attempt to further postpone making a google forms for a fucking poll that was supposed to be done hours ago so that tomorrow it can be sent out cause i fucking need the results by monday at the latest- and NO this ISNT _That_ assignment thats about to make me fail that class this is a completely different very very urgent thing im ignoring gotta love the executive dysfunction)

*soft gasp* the bathroom scene is so good....

You must have seen gifs of it! I've reblogged a few!! I will make some gifs tomorrow, but please... imagine.... Steve and Robin have been drugged with something to loosen their tongues, Steve's been beat to hell (robin was hit once, for spitting in a Russian officer's face), they've both just gotten ill, and they're slouched on the filthy floor in separate stalls of a movie theater bathroom. And to check if the drug is still in their systems, they start asking each other questions, and Robin's question is: "Have you ever been in love?"

And Steve tells her yeah, with Nancy Wheeler. Robin scoffs, but then softly asks him if he's still in love with her, and he thinks about it a second, and then says no, and she asks why not, and he starts to tell her that he found someone better for him. Someone that makes him laugh, someone that he has fun with, someone he should have been friends with long before now and he doesn't know why he wasn't except that he was an asshole before, and cared about things that didn't matter. And the cinematography is showing Robin in the other stall with her head in her hands, and when she doesn't answer, Steve slides under the stall wall to join her in her stall and asks her what she thinks.

And Robin tells him the girl sounds amazing, and Steve looks her in the eyes as best he can with only 1 good eye at the moment, and tells her earnestly "she is." and she tells him but the boy isn't thinking clearly. Then!!!! She asks if he remembers when she told him about the class they shared, and he says yeah, because it was like an hour ago, and she tells him well, she was jealous of Steve because Tammy couldn't look away from Steve, and Robin wanted her to look at her.

And Steve, precious baby boy, tells her, but Tammy is a girl? And Robin says his name, so soft, like he's being an idiot because he is, and he gets it, and leans back, thinking, and Robin looks a little crushed but she stays, she waits, she prompts him for his thoughts, and he says, like, yeah, it's fine but you need better taste in women. and then they start loudly singing like muppets and that's when and how Dustin and Erica find them.

You HAVE to see this scene, but I think I actually like the interrogation room floor scene a LITTLE better because Steve's beat up, but they haven't been drugged yet, and Robin comes up with a plan to jump-walk the chairs they are bound to over to the torture devices table to get something to cut their ropes with, but they just. fall over. and Steve - who is beat to hell - hits the ground with a pained noise and the utter silence of someone fighting not to make more of them, and Robin's shoulders start shaking and they're bound back-to-back so he feels it and immediately pulls himself out of his pain to tell her "it's okay, it's okay, don't cry, robin." Except, she's laughing because she cannot believe THIS is how she's gonna die or that this is WHO she is gonna die with.

And then Robin's telling him she sat behind him for a year and he never noticed her, and that he was a dick in hs but she wanted what he had and he softly confesses it wasn't worth a goddamn thing, actually. He tells her he wishes he had known her back then, maybe he'd have passed the class and be on his way to college, and she tells him she'd have no idea there were evil russians and she'd be slinging ice cream with some other schmuck.

and he just

so softly

admits that he has liked being her schmuck.

"It was fun while it lasted," says the boy that just tried to reassure her they weren't going to die.

breaks my heart, Delightful.

Episode 3.06 and 3.07 if you wanna find them :)

Also if you need more answers to your poll, you can send a link in and I'll post it. I hope you're able to find the drive to do your other assignment, I am rooting for you!

Do you have any tips for working with your agent? Thanks!

There are a variety of questions about "working with an agent" in the pinned FAQ. But I guess there isn't one about LITERALLY working with an agent lol. So uh - I'll just give some random tips?

WE ARE ON YOUR TEAM. If authors/illustrators are having some kind of crisis with a deadline or an issue with edits or *something* -- a lot of times they go to ground and hide from their agent because they feel like they need to figure it out for themselves, or they don't want to "get in trouble" or something. Which, like, I feel that instinct in my bones, BUT -- we are on your team. We can solve (or help resolve, at any rate) pretty much any publishing issue, IF WE KNOW ABOUT IT. And the earlier we know about it, the better. If creators are hiding from their agent, their agent can't help them. So, communicate!

DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE A SQUEAKY WHEEL. I'm not saying "be an asshole" or anything, of course -- you can be a NICE squeaky wheel. But if time has passed without hearing from your agent or something, don't be shy about reminding them. Things get lost! We have nine million things going on! We are putting out fires all the time, and sometimes, the "not urgent" gets pushed to the side for later, and then later we're still putting out fires and that thing has been forgotten! But we don't WANT to forget. I, personally, greatly appreciate reminders. (Just as I hope if I send gentle reminders to my clients about something, they would not be annoyed or pissed with ME!)

BOUNDARIES ARE HEALTHY. Some agents are OK with texts, some are probably not into them. Some agents have hard rules around when they are available, some don't. Some have small children and are somewhat working around THEIR schedule and can't just hop on a call at any given moment. Some are on social media all the time, some avoid it. So, you know -- ask how THEY prefer to communicate. The two if you will get into a groove as you work together, but just, you know. Be mindful.

Ultimately, as much as we may want you to FEEL like the most important person in our lives, agents have other clients, and a personal life (hopefully) -- so maybe don't text at 1am or DM them important things on Twitter AND Facebook AND Insta that would be better as an email, or send a constant stream of emails when you know they are on vacation.

(Sidebar: Something about finding out their agent going away for a bit really spurs a lot of people into suddenly NEEDING to correspond with them, like, "I know I haven't said a peep in months and yes this COULD wait a week, but also, I know you are about to go out of town, here's ten manuscripts for you to read on the plane!" -- pls, I beg you, no, I just want to read a real book on the plane, or better yet, sleep, and I already have plenty of work to do if that's what I wanted to do on the plane.)

SCHEDULE EMAILS WHEN POSSIBLE: This might be a personal one, but. One of the joys of email is, you can send whenever you want, and I can reply whenever I am able. So yes, it is totally fine to send an email in the dead of night or on weekends if that's the only time you have, and I do understand well the need to "get this off my plate and onto yours" or "tell you now before I forget!" . . . HOWEVER, I get *hundreds* of emails a day, and personally try hard not to look at email after 7pm or on weekends -- and sometimes things that get sent at 11pm on Friday end up getting totally buried by Monday morning. So IF you are able to schedule emails for normal working hours, can I gently suggest you do that? And if you can't... OK! But you might have to nudge to get it back up in the pile!

(I do this all the time, btw. I often only have time to prep submissions at night or on weekends -- and when that's the case, I simply put everything together and then schedule the email to go out in the morning on the next business day -- or, I have to send something to somebody in a different time zone, and I can schedule it so they aren't getting it after hours -- this technology is a BOON!)

I would further suggest if you have a bunch of small things, maybe gather them into ONE email rather than a half dozen.

That's all I can think of right now!

Hello Han!

Okay so, I hope I'm not wasting your time...but i really wanted to say this. Ik there are some people who are taking advantage of the "urgent requests" that you provide. I won't say anything bad about those people because they might be undergoing something bad which might not be visible to others (maybe), BUT I would definitely love to say something about YOU.

So despite going through your own issues, work and many other issues that you haven't shared with anyone because they're just so private, you still continue to write here? I'm sure you do get bothered by people who take advantage of your urgent requests, and the ones who ask you to write stuff you're not comfortable with (even tho your rules specifically tell them not to do that). But you didn't let that stop you.

If I were you, I would've stopped doing urgent requests. But you are so considerate. You didn't stop writing urgent requests because you knew some people genuinely needed them.

I really, really wanna thank you for that...and everything else you do here. I've been in a very bad place mentally and physically and my poor relations with my family did little to help (i had no access to any form of therapy). But yk what actually helped me? One of those urgent requests you wrote. It wasn't my request, it was someone else's. Doesn't matter. You probably don't know how many lives you saved, but I can speak for myself and say that you saved my life. I'm much better now, so nothing to worry about. Thank you so much for continuing to write despite all big and small hurdles you've faced.

I truly feel that you're a very very good person, you answer asks daily and try to do your best. I genuinely want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here and doing what you do.

One more thing, never ever feel that you're taking too long to write a request or that someone will be disappointed that you haven't made progress in a while. Even if one day you get really busy in life and stop writing, for me, you'll still be the sweet angel who has already done so much. You're supposed to put yourself first, okay?

Sorry that was so so long, I just wanted to appreciate you. Thank you, Han.

P.S. give me an anon name if you can <3

Hello new anon! I don’t know how long you’ve been around or if you’ve ever sent me an ask before or not, but I want to thank YOU, for sending this to me tonight. Seriously, you’re an absolute Angel HENCE why I’ll call you my 😇 (Angel) anon 💗. VERY FITTING IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF

First of all, you’re definitely NOT wasting my time by writing all this. I loved every word of this ask and I’m literally screenshoting it and saving it so I can re-read it for the rest of my life!!! You almost got me crying 🥹

Yes, despite the urgent requests I get that I sometimes feel like people don’t really need, I do still write them most of the time without saying anything bc you never know, just like you said! I even have regular requests that I get and they don’t necessarily inspire me, but I’ve had other blogs completely ignore my requests and it does hurt sometimes! I’ve had to refuse some requests if I have no knowledge of the topic or if they make me uncomfortable, but I let them all know! That’s better than being left in the dark or ignored completely. In my opinion.

But yes, I do still take urgent requests and always will. I was actually planning on closing my urgent requests just so I could focus more on my matchup event bc I had like 4-5 urgent requests come in and I did get a little overwhelmed and anxious bc I know I was keeping people who probably only followed my blog so they could get their matchup done, waiting. I’m always so focused on other people and I just want to help make everyone happier. It’s my biggest fear to disappoint anyone or even write something for them that doesn’t meet their standards. That’s why as a writer I’m always second guessing myself and whether I did a good job or not, so this whole message just really made me feel so nice inside 🥹💗. Anyway yes what I was trying to say; thanks to your message I’m now deciding that I WONT be closing my urgent requests, bc I still do want people to have a place to go if they TRULY need the help. Not just bc they want to have their request written faster (I get it tho bc I have over 100 pending requests) but I want people to feel heard, to feel like they have a safe space and I love creating that space of comfort and safety through their favorite characters!

Also with my regular requests, those are also always open because I want people to be able to always have somewhere they can throw their ideas! I’m a creative person, I constantly live in my mind where I’m always coming up with different scenarios and I wish I could have a place to share those ideas and see them come to life through a drabble or whatever (other than just writing them for myself bc it’s not the same NDNSSN). So my blog is that place for everyone! Yes, it is overwhelming seeing that I have 113 pending requests, and I feel guilty for making people wait, but I try to make it as clear as possible that it will take me quite awhile to get to their request. I have some ppl who have been waiting a little over a year for their request to be written 😢 (sorry peeps). But at least their idea is out in the world and as long as their request inspires me and doesn’t make me uncomfortable I WILL write it eventually :).

Wow I went on a whole rant LOL SORRY

But that really touched my heart to hear that an urgent request you read (that you didn’t even request) helped you out of a bad place in your life. I can’t give myself the credit bc I owe everything to God for motivating me to start this blog, for giving me the talent (?) of being able to write, and for sending all these good people my way! I’m so relieved to hear you’re doing better, I’m blessed to be able to speak to you. Idk who you are, BUT you’re forever engrained in my memory and heart and I’m proud of you for getting through that rough patch in your life 💗 I’m so happy you exist in this world and that we crossed paths 💗

Thank you for your lovely words 💗. I definitely am busy 5 days a week at work and on my days off, sometimes I don’t have the energy to write, so thanks for saying that! I’ll try to put myself first sometimes!

I appreciate you so much my new 😇anon! Please have a wonderful rest of your day/night! I look forward to hearing from you soon! I’m always here to chat 🥰💗💗💗💗

DRIVER'S LICENSE.

katsuki bakugou x fem! reader

WARNING(S): angst. cheating. swearing because it's bakugou.

word count: 4.5k

song: drivers license // olivia rodrigo (i wonder why...)

note(s): so i captioned this *at the time of writing* 'hello and welcome to i've had the worst two weeks ever so i wrote a katsuki oneshot to cope' and it's probably one of my most personal pieces of writing tbh

"-come Tuesday and we'll potentially see an end to this heavy downpour of rain. Temperatures will be on the rise to around-"

The talk on the radio cut short at the jab of your finger, heaving a great sigh which faded into the muffled pitter-patter of rain from outside. The streets had been showered with heavy downpours for the last week or so, no sign of sun or a still and restful day. Notwithstanding the miserable outdoors, the windscreen wipers on your car never ceased in their duty to grant you a clear view of the road ahead. And whilst you were grateful for their devotion, it didn't feel clear in the slightest. In fact, the road had never felt so blurry.

Shivering against the cold night chill and tucking your knees cosily to your chest, you eyed the raindrops on the windows. They raced against one another before they dripped down to your car's body, their glossy presence obvious thanks to the many hues of street lamps that surrounded them. You could have watched them for hours, being honest. Something about the droplets of water battling it out quite enticing. Anything to take you away from the cruel reality you were living in.

Your heart ached and yearned. But to no avail, the one you ached and yearned for didn't love you back.

Not anymore, at least.

Just the mere thought provoked a pulsating pang to resonate throughout your entire body. A pang filled with grief and sadness. Anger and hurt. You missed his sun-kissed face on the sunny mornings. You missed his eyes and how they gazed at you from across the room. You missed the smiles and laughter he would only show for you and you alone. The sense of glee and euphoria that came with that honour. Yet all of it was gone and there was no way you could get it back.

The memories of what had been triggered more waterworks. Hot, salty tears dug at the corners of your eyes and trickled down your face. Your motionless car concealed your cries and sobs. Every thrash against the wheel as you questioned to nobody in particular what went wrong and why. How you didn't see the signs sooner. What you could have done better. When he stopped loving you. If he ever planned to stop loving you. Whether it would have hurt more if you found out sooner.

All these questions with nothing to answer them.

Katsuki Bakugou had always fascinated you. From the very moment you met. You accompanied your friend on a double date, and he was the guy who she matched for you. Whilst he originally acted as though a blind date was the last place he wanted to be, underneath the aggression you could tell there was something much more genuine and true.

And your assumptions were correct. Truth be told, Katsuki Bakugou was one of the most genuine and truest people you had met (at the time). Once it was just the two of you, he allowed his true colours to unveil. Through the smallest of kind gestures that still haunted your mind to this day. Then upon confrontation, as you bid each other goodbye at your back door, his denial resulted in a flirtatious contest which then proceeded to an intimate night that changed your life forever. From there your mind was set.

He was the one.

Emphasis on was.

So blinded with a fairy tale love you grew so accustomed to, you never saw it coming. Never in your two-year relationship - that had so much strength and commitment built on top of it, never did you think that Katsuki Bakugou would throw it all out of the window like it was nothing. Disregard your loyalty and adoration for a drunken one night stand that slowly became an occasional hookup. Which soon became a mandatory pastime once a fortnight. Then twice. Maybe more than that. You wouldn't put it past him with what you knew now.

He kept it from you for nearly six months. Six months. The only reason you discovered his lies and deception was because you were let off early one night from work. You worked a night shift, see. Your last job had fallen to shambles, and it was temporary whilst you searched for a new one. And whilst that did take a toll on your relationship with Katsuki Bakugou, mostly finding time for intimacy since his working hours were during the day, none of that gave him any right to go and do what he did.

That wasn't one of the only reasons, you knew that for sure. There were other motives for his lack of loyalty. But you were never told. After you froze at the sight of another woman under his hold and stormed straight back to your car to flee. After he chased you down the flights of stairs in nothing but baggy pants into the streets of a twilight Musutafu. After you screamed into the darkness and belted your fists against his chest. Fists that were driven with rage and hurt and every emotion that burned like the hottest of fires and froze like the coldest of ice. He never even told you. He never made an effort to address it. Nor had he attempted to call or even try to visit your Mom's house - where you stayed as you searched for a permanent place to live. Just because you retreated for your car and cried that it was over, he never tried. But that didn't mean you weren't allowed an explanation. An apology. Something to give you a form of closure and a reason to move on. But you never did.

That wasn't even what hurt the most, either.

As silly as it was, the thing that hurt you the most was the very car you sat in.

EIGHT MONTHS AGO . . .

The red glow of traffic lights hit Katsuki's vermilion irises as he stared dead ahead at the long line of vehicles, the ash-blond heaving a sigh into the air. His finger tapped impatiently against the steering wheel he gripped with one hand, the spare rested casually against your upper thigh affectionately.

"I can't believe we have to sit through this torture just to go to some damn party," Katsuki grumbled, taking a glance over at you. His brows furrowed when he met you peacefully slouched down, nose dug into your phone as you presumably played some sort of game to pass the time. Like you had no care in the world for your predicament.

"It's your best friend's birthday, love," You mused back, Katsuki surprised you even listened based on your focused expression directed towards your phone. "It's not like we can just miss it,"

"Yeah, but we could have missed all this pain by taking the train instead of driving across town during rush hour,"

"Trains are icky, the seats would have ruined your suit and my dress," You pointed out, looking at the blond over your screen, sending him a sweet smile. He cocked a brow, a smirk creeping its way onto his lips as a scoff of a laugh broke out between them.

"Right, and laying down like a sloth is gonna help keep your dress uncreased?" He returned, amused at your realisation. At his comment, you sat up faintly and pouted your lip.

"Driving means more time to play Gravity Pops, and so does traffic,"

"Seriously? That's the game you're playing? You're such a dumbass,"

"Yes! I'm in the top 11% globally! I need to get to number one!" Was your protest, your arms flailing ahead of you briefly for dramatic emphasis. Katsuki clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, though the small smile plastered over his lips betrayed his initial reaction. Unable to deny your determination, he spoke with confidence and almost a sense of pride.

"Number one, hm? Clearly rubbing off on you aren't I?"

"In a way, yes,"

"That's my girl," Katsuki remarked, earning a giggle from you that was uplifting to hear. It was there your attention went back to your phone, but Katsuki wasn't done. "So, speaking of cars, Y/N," Hearing his chosen tone - which sounded suggestive, you eyed him closely. Hesitant to reply as you had a sense of what he planned to say.

"...Yes?"

"Have you thought any more about getting your driver's license yet?"

Called it.

"...No,"

"What?" Katsuki began, tilting his head. He was surprised that he felt surprised. You had said those words in regards to this topic countless times. Still, he persisted. "Is that a no meaning you haven't or no meaning that you don't want to?"

"Both?" You half-guessed, sheepishly grinning at the look you were sent. "Look, cars scare me okay? And so do roads. And people. My nerves wouldn't be able to handle it! I can barely communicate with people face to face, so me being on the road is a recipe for disaster!"

"I know but -," Katsuki exhaled sharply, understanding your reasoning. You had voiced these concerns when confiding to Katsuki about your fears of the road. Something built and corrupted from social media as well as phobias and fears in general, it was a battle you had yet to overcome. You wanted to drive but was terrified of messing up or causing chaos on the road. Potentially inflicting harm to someone and yourself. You still weren't sure what triggered it all, but over the years it had manifested into something quite irrational, to say the least. Katsuki had been supportive of it and whilst he truly would love to always act as your personal taxi - you couldn't hide from it forever. It wasn't his job to keep you in your comfort zone. That, and he couldn't always be there for you that way. What if he was miles away and you had somewhere urgent to go like the hospital? "It's not as scary as you think. I know it's hard to believe that but seriously. The freedom you get from driving is amazing,"

"I'll think about it a little longer, okay?" You said with hesitancy, looking at Katsuki for a sign of confirmation. He nodded in defeat, knowing you probably needed more time and felt put on the spot. So he averted his eyes back to the road to check if the traffic had moved at all. It had not.

"Okay," Katsuki said. "But I can't be your taxi service forever,"

"But I like you being my taxi service," You jokingly said, a little sadness in your tone. "Your road rage is funny and I like watching you get out of the car and walk to my door after pulling up in my driveway,"

"What do you mean?" Katsuki asked, catching the twitch of a smile on your face upon saying those words. It struck his interest in what you could mean.

"You know, like when you say you're coming to pick me up?" You explained. "You pull up at my driveway and I don't know... simple things like that just remind me of how much I love you. It's dumb really, but it's important to me,"

"Really?" Katsuki questioned in disbelief. How something so small and meaningless could mean so much was puzzling. He couldn't understand why it was so special to you. But that didn't invalidate it in any shape or form. So he pushed that aside, replacing his wonder with gratitude. He returned to your bashful and flustered features, feeling a smile grow on his face.

"Yeah," You said, shrugging to downplay your words. "I love you. Stuff like that means a lot to me,"

"I love you too, even though you're a dumbass," Katsuki said, humbled by what you had said. The two of you shared a gentle exchange, your hand grabbing hold of Katsuki's as you gave it a squeeze. He squeezed back, and silence ensued. Had he realised such a thing sooner, then Katsuki would have pulled up in your driveway much more than he had been doing. But at that a thought struck his mind, victoriously smirking as he had an idea on how to potentially sway your worries. Or begin swaying it. Something was better than nothing, after all. "But what if I wanted you to pull up in my driveway one day?" His words caused you to look over at him in curiosity, hearing the seriousness in the question. It caught you off guard momentarily, having to contemplate as you gradually concluded that he had a point.

"Well one day, maybe I will," You vaguely replied and sat up a little bit. The hand holding yours pulled back and lifted to land on your shoulder, gripping reassuringly tight.

"I hope you do, I'd like to get in on this driveway action," He joked and smirked, faith riddled in his expression. You giggled ever so slightly, tempted to lean forward and peck Katsuki on the lips in thanks, but never a thing was to happen as the alerting red light from outside switched to warm amber.

"Ah!" Katsuki yelled in triumph, his attention leaving you swiftly as he got back into the driver's seat. Giving you no opportunity to respond to him and overall ruining the moment. "Took fucking long enough!"

The light turned green, and he set the car in motion, leaving you with your thoughts and the words he had uttered that day as the traffic stood still.

All your efforts, all your time devoted to getting over your fear of driving and the road as a whole... all of it was pointless. You did it for him. You promised him you would overcome your fears and better yourself. He built that motivation up brick by brick until you could grab hold and seize control. He wasted all that time to get you to reach such a stepping stone only to abandon it once it was through.

Just so you could pull up in his driveway, just like he requested. And what did you get in return when you finally did? A stab in the back and the loss of your other half.

You wiped your eyes via the sleeve of your hoodie, dampening the cuffs. Sniffling and exhaling a shaky breath, your gaze landed on nothing in particular. Yet somewhere within your clouded mind, you found interest. As that was where your gaze remained for a certain amount of time. You weren't sure how long exactly. It could have felt like an hour and only been five minutes. Or it could have felt like five minutes and was actually an entire hour. Either way, the clock ticked on and didn't wait for you to stop.

It was a good thing you had pushed your fears down and rose above them. It just pained you that you didn't even do it for yourself. Without Katsuki Bakugou, you never had any intentions of doing so. As a matter of fact, you had set out to take the train or bus for the rest of your life. Hell, you were going to use a bike and scooter if you got desperate. Had he even acknowledged how much work you put in just to get where you were? Was all that effort part of the reason why he decided to cheat? There was absolutely no telling. Absolutely no telling at all.

You wondered what he was doing now. Was he laid in bed resting peacefully? Out with his friends for a boy's night only? Maybe cooking his favourite curry? Possibly on a late-night jog despite the harsh weather? It never stopped him other times.

Did he ever think about you? Regret what he did and the actions he took? Had he ever considered apologising? Would he ever apologise? What if he was celebrating the fact you were no longer in his life? Had there ever been any love there for you in the start? Did he ever actually want you to get your driver's license because he believed in you? Or was it so he could get rid of you with much more ease? Make his departure less severe and less selfish? A way to justify his choices because it's not like you were hopelessly left to suffer everyday life now that you had a means of transport. Was he really that cruel?

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sharp jingle of your phone, the device lighting up as it sat in the passenger seat to your left. It took two or three rings for you to glance over at it, E/C eyes sore and drained from crying out. You squinted them to read the caller, seeing the name 'Work' fade in and out on the brightly lit screen. For a second or two you argued back and forth on whether to even bother picking up. Something about reaching across for your phone requiring a magnitude of energy you no longer possessed. Having spent it all on your cries of agony and the deprivation of your old life as a whole.

However, you had ignored your work in the last couple of weeks too many times now. So many times that pulling the same stunt again would probably risk you losing your job. It's not like your work was interested in why you felt such overwhelming pain... all they cared about was you turning up to do what you were hired to.

So using a forceful hand, you leaned over to pick it up. You fumbled to grip your phone and accepted the call with a dainty tap of your thumb. Then you blinked away your tears and subtly sniffed, pressing your phone to your ear to address the caller.

"Hello?" You practically croaked, quick to clear your throat and push any signs of upset down. It was presumably dry from how much you'd cried in the last two hours.

"L/N! Hey! Glad you finally picked up!" Unlike the droll and unvarying tones of your boss, the person on the other end was much more lively and greeting. So much so you could only assume it was none other than your work colleague, Etsuko. Probably the only person you genuinely liked where you worked, and the only person who made the time pass by faster. "I was worried you were gonna leave me on answer phone again,"

"Hm, what? Oh right. Yeah. Sorry about that. Haven't been feeling too great," You lied, even though it wasn't a complete fib. You hadn't been feeling great at all. You had never felt so rock bottom. It all just originated from your mind over anything else. But when did work care about that?

"Sounds like it, I hope you've been okay!" Still cheery as ever, Etsuko followed up with a laugh to fill the silence you created by not saying anything. "Is everything well? It's nothing serious, is it?"

"No. It's not. Just some dumb cold I caught," You excused. "I'm better now, though," Slouching down in your seat, you decided to ask the question that had been roaming your mind the last minute or so. "So why are you calling?"

"Oh, right!" Etsuko said. "Mr Kobashigawa was just wondering when you planned on coming back - for schedule reasons and to get people to fill in for your shifts,"

"I er...," Not entirely sure how to answer, you stuttered as your words cowered away in your attempt to speak. "I don't -,"

"It's okay, he doesn't need an answer yet," Etsuko reassured. "Maybe in the next day or two, though? He wasn't really specific, being honest,"

You sighed at the guilt brewing in your stomach. You weren't even sick for crying out loud! Why were you lying just so you could wallow in your own sadness?! Like that was going to change anything! Sitting around and crying wasn't going to give you what you wanted. You weren't getting him back. Katsuki Bakugou wasn't yours anymore. He made that clear by cheating. By making minimal effort to give you an explanation. By causing you so much pain with little care or concern. Why couldn't you get it through your thick skull that your feelings didn't matter anymore?! That they were being wasted on a lost cause. A lost relationship!

"Well I mean -," You started, running a hand through your hair as you tread carefully on your words. "I could come in tonight? Has Mr Kobashigawa got someone to fill for me yet?"

"Um... no? I don't think so?" Etsuko answered, uncertainty in her voice. "Let me go check. Be right back!" And with that, the line fell dead. The call didn't end, just Etsuko placing the phone down to get an answer for you. Leaving you all by your lonesome once more.

Reflecting, you could see the logic in your thoughts. The best course of action would be to hold your head up high and live life the way it was before. When you were happy. Just... excluding the factors that actually made you happy. Which was him. Wouldn't that be healthier than crying all the time?

Yes, it would. But was it what you wanted? Not really.

"L/N!" The voice in your ear startled you to the point you nearly dropped your phone, panicking through a gasp as you fiddled to grab hold of it again.

"Wa-! Careful you nearly scared me half to death!"

"Oops, sorry!" Etsuko giggled softy, sounding as perky as ever. "I'm just excited to tell you that nobody's filling in your shift! You can still come in for ten-thirty!"

"I-I can?" You asked. After an upbeat 'yeah!' filtered through your ears, you considered your options. Remaining in the serene, quiet confines of your car with only the downfall of rain to accompany you sounded like utter bliss, given how you felt. But you felt an internal kick up the backside which told you - no... demanded you to just get over this moping attitude of yours and look on the bright side. To get over the lack of closure and simply... move on.

Yeah... if he found out you were an utter train wreck thanks to the damage he inflicted; Katsuki Bakugou would probably revel in it. He had a history of gaining pleasure from other's misfortunes... or it was rumoured he did (during his younger years, anyway). You had never wanted to believe it but you couldn't find a reason to refute it anymore. After all you had been through, it seemed to fit his character and personality more than ever. So with that fact apparent, you held a firm forefront and searched for a determined tone, and made your answer to your friend.

"You betcha I'm coming in! I'll see you in half an hour!"

Too enthusiastic? Probably. Still, it was better than acting pessimistic and hopeless. No matter, however, because that was exactly the attitude Etsuko had been hoping for.

"Alrighty!" She exclaimed, smile audible in her voice from the other end. "I can't wait to get our dynamic duo going again! I've missed you!"

"Yeah, me too, 'Suko," You hummed in agreement.

"Great! Catch ya later my partner in crime,"

"Heh. You too, dumbass," You found a reason to smile from her childish behaviour, though your choice of wording seemed to hit a nerve. It did more than that, it practically reverted all that confidence and progress you had made in the last ten minutes of being on the phone. All from one innocent word that escaped your lips.

Dumbass.

That's what he used to call you.

The phone call had ended without you even noticing, your phone still pressed to your ear as a small buzz sounded into it. You stared dead ahead, flashes of all the times he had said that word to you running through your memory. It was his form of a pet name. Some might see it as a little degrading on the surface, but you never minded. Once you learned the deeper meaning of the name, it became something equivalent to the likes of 'Sunshine' or 'Angel'. If anything, you ended up preferring it to those sorts of nicknames. Hence why Katsuki Bakugou had called you it on so many occasions.

No. Stop it. You can't let something like that bother you. Not after the efforts you just went to. Stop. Shaking yourself out of it, you returned to reality and permitted your phone to drop onto your lap. Your hand once holding it gripped onto your steering wheel, the other following shortly behind to do the same.

"I love you too, even if you're a dumbass,"

That rung in your head one final time, tormenting and mocking your present. The things you'd be willing to do to hear him say that to you one last time...

"No," You firmly shook your head, banging it lightly against the headrest to return yourself to reality. An attempt to knock those words to the back of your mind where you could lock them in a securely tight safe for the rest of eternity. "Just... just don't think about it. Easy. Just focus on what you're doing now," You reached for your keys which sat in the ignition, taking hold and turning them ever so slightly. Your car stirred to life, engine rumbling and the dials lighting up in a form of warm greeting. "You're going to work. No more feeling sorry for yourself,"

No more feeling sorry for yourself.

Your eyes set themselves on the road ahead. The vacant, dark and solitary road that didn't wait for you to make your decision. Life moved on after all, so if you were going to do anything - it was to catch up and take the winning lead.

So despite your circumstances; your inner desires and wishes and begs for what you wanted back but to no avail would ever get, you pulled out of your parking space (which had long exceeded the time limit, thankfully nobody was around to see) that drowned in pitiful rains of the night, and began to make your way down the street. In search of a place better than the one you were trapped in.

An endless road that wasn't all that clear, you were going to tackle it. Not for anyone else, unlike the last time you met difficulty and hardships. No, no, no. This time it was for your sake. All the mental energy to recover and become a better version of yourself, in the endgame it was all for you. You could push past all the deceit and lies you had been told and you could push past your normality which was him. Katsuki Bakugou. The man that hurt you as nobody had ever done before. You could create new normality without him.

A thought of forever he created and destroyed, resorted to driving alone past his street, never to be thought of again.

Valentine, Valentine

A/n: Sorry I've been busy and haven't posted much, here's a valentines fic to make up for that, and I'm working on the next chapter of AC

“Ms. L/n, i would appreciate it if you would pay attention, please” Your teacher said.

“Sorry” You mumbled, shoving your sketchbook into your bag.

You watched the clock tick on as the teacher droned on.

And after what felt like forever, the bell rang.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and headed into the hall.

“Hey Pete” You waved.

“Hey” He nodded. Your heart beat into your chest.

“You ask MJ yet?” You asked, a twinge of sadness and jealousy in your heart.

“Nah” Peter said.

He never would. He did like MJ, a bit.

Not as much as you.

Never as much as you.

“Aw, c’mon, it’s just a valentine” You shoved him.

Urging him to ask out other girls was your coping mechanism.

He didn’t like you, and you knew it. So you made sure other girls did.

~

“Ooh, Peter! There’s a valentines candy ‘n flowers sale! You should get her some flowers! I mean, MJ might appreciate candy more, but still” You told him as you passed a shop on your walk home.

An idea sparked in Peter’s mind.

“Yeah, I don’t see why not” Peter shrugged, and opened the door of the shop for you.

You and Peter both browsed the flowers separately.

“Which one’s do you think MJ would like?” Peter asked.

“Uhh, think those ones would appeal to her” You pointed at some blue-gray roses.

“What about your favorite?” He added, trying to make his tone joking.

“I think that mix of white-pink-red flowers is really pretty and valentines-y” You remarked.

“What about candy?” Peter asked.

“No clue about MJ’s taste in candy, but there’s this amazing Ghirardelli strawberry bark. Or any type of Lindt chocolate. Can’t go wrong with Lindts”

He ended up taking your recommendation on the candy.

~

“Hey spidey, who’re the chocolate and flowers for?” Tony smirked.

“Uh- uhm, this girl from school” Peter flushed.

Tony raised his eyebrows. “First things first. She knows you’re Spider-Man?”

“Yeah” Peter said. “She was the first one, other than Ned”

“Good. Gonna tell her on valentines?”

“Yeah” Peter nodded. “No clue how, though”

“Rooftops are hella romantic. Fairy lights, girls love that. Or candles. Nice dinner or something, music she likes, all that. That’ll work.”

“Thanks, Mr. Stark” Peter said, a small smile on his face.

“Hold on” Tony put a hand on his shoulder. “Is there a ring pop in that bag of candy?”

“Yea-”

“Don’t give her a f*cking ring pop, Parker. I swear to god, do not use a ring pop”

“O-okay” Peter remarked, a bit surprised.

~

You slammed your notebook shut.

“Finally” You muttered to yourself.

Your Valentine’s day had been a disaster. You were really hoping someone, anyone would ask you out, but no. Even that cute boy from math didn’t talk to you. Worse, Peter didn’t ask MJ out. And you got a crap ton of homework.

Then your phone buzzed.

Peter had texted you.

“Meet me on my roof asap”

You glanced at your clock.

Ten-PM.

“On my way” You sent, shoving your phone in your pocket, and hurrying out the door.

Peter didn’t normally send “asap”

The last time he did, you needed to take him to the hospital.

So you were running through people, and once you made it to his building, you rushed up the stairs, you were so out of breath, your face was bright red.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Peter asked. He was fine. He was perfectly fine.

He looked amazing, actually, in a button up shirt, and nice black pants.

“Why the f*ck did you send asap, Peter? You look fine” You asked, catching your breath.

“It’s- it’s kind of urgent” He shrugged.

“How urgent?” You asked.

“I-have-two-hours-urgent” Peter said.

“Until what?” You asked.

He took a step forward.

“Until Valentine’s Day is over” He pulled a wrapper from his pocket and tore it open, before getting on one knee with a ring pop.

“Y/n, will you be my valentine?”

You laughed, blushing.

“Yes” You smiled.

He got up, handing you the candy, and leading you over to a table. “And Mr. Stark said never to use a ring pop”

“Oh my god” You remarked, shocked.

He had gotten the flowers that you had liked, and the two chocolates that you had told him you liked.

“I have a question” Peter said, turning to face you, only about a foot away from you.

“Yeah?” You smiled softly.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, taking another step forward.

“Yes”

i need advice. I already sent u an ask but this is urgent. my mom is threatening to pull me out of the school I like unless I let my emotionally abusive dad drive me there. I haven't had any sort of contact with him for years and the things he did still bother me sometimes. my mom says I need to be more understanding of her struggle and do it even though he abused her too. there is no good option here. what do I do?

Hey anon,

I'm not sure how long this has been in the inbox, so I truly apologize if I'm answering too late. I'm also so, so sorry that you're having to go through this; it's awful.

The best advice I can offer (that would help with short notice) is to bring something to distract you. Earbuds or headphones, maybe; wearing them is often recognized as a sign of wanting to be left alone, and hopefully your dad will respect this. You don't even need to play anything; simply wearing them might be enough. Sit in the back seat if you can, preferably behind the driver's seat so you won't have to make any eye contact with him. Reach out to some friends you trust and explain what's happening, and hopefully they'll be able to meet up with you at the school before it actually starts so you can talk about something else and get your mind off of it. Making the most mundane of small talk might also help, so you have something to think about. I'm sure not all of these will work or will even be feasible in your situation, but I really hope at least some of them are.

If you feel comfortable with it, setting boundaries with your dad could also help. I'm not sure how much good it'll actually do, if your only contact is him driving you to school, but it'll help if he tries to communicate with you more and you don't want to.

It'd also be a good idea to look for alternative transportation. If not a school bus, maybe the city bus; someone might be able to pick you up, too, or if you live close enough you could try biking. This is a very specific point but I used to live about three quarters of a mile from my school, and the buses wouldn't pick you up unless you lived a mile or further, but I have a chronic illness that significantly hinders my ability to walk and I was able to get an ADA accommodation. Like I said, this is an incredibly specific thing, but on the off-chance that your situation is similar please know it's a completely valid (and very helpful) option!

I really hope this helps, anon. I hope you're able to get out of this situation soon. Please know that we're here for you, and feel free to send us in another ask if there's anything else we can do to help.

Stay safe,

Mod Henrie

Update: I wanted to let you know that I found your original ask, and I deleted it, because it felt a bit redundant to answer it too. I want you to know that whether or not you get back in contact with your father when you actually have a choice (it sounds to me like him driving you is more out of necessity, and I apologize if I’ve misread that) should be entirely your decision. Your mother can have her opinions, and she can even share them with you, but at the end of the day you are the only one who can make that decision, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to decide one way or the other, and I’m really sorry if your mother has made you feel like you are.

May 15th - Lyn's Writing Event - Thorin

Prompt - mamihlapinatapai

A/N: Part 2 of the Prompt for Beach

Summary: You wake with doubts that your husband truly wanted to consummate your marriage.

Warnings: SMUT, angst

The unfamiliar aspects were a great deal stranger. Like your husband's bare chest beneath your cheek, the harsh curl of his chest hair painfully loud against it. A heavy arm of his looped over and around your waist.

There were some familiar aspects to waking up. Like your husband's snores ringing softly. Unfortunately, the prickle of sweat had also become normal. The storm from yesterday should have lifted the humid heat, but it still hung off the ocean.

Usually he rose before you, but as you adjust a leg, just a hair, you feel the deep ache in your hips, and the swollen, delicious soreness that was nestled between them. It reminded you on just why he was still asleep.

Dwarven lovers. You'd heard they had stamina. You'd heard they were well-endowed. You heard about the satisfaction they brought. The king lived up to everyone of those stereotypes. After the tears on the beach, the confession you'd given him, and the delicate kiss he'd given you, here you were. Unfamiliar in his arms.

It was strange, everytime his breathing changed, you'd hold yours, desperately begging for him not to wake up and tear you from this beautiful dream.

Instead, you thought about the way he touched you last night. The bath you'd shared, like your wedding night where you washed and braided each other's hair awkwardly. Only last night wasn't as awkward.

Instead, water sloshed in the bath as lips drew on lips. You remember the both of you slipping in the tiny tub, reaching desperately for his thick arms and shoulders to grip as your bodies slipped against one another, not quite uniting in the way you craved.

Instead, you just clumsily devoured each other in the water. Grinding and arching against each other. Your nipples hardened at the lapping his tongue gave them in the bath.

And finally his hand had slipped between you both and you nearly slipped under the water at the feeling of his big fingers stretching you to delerium.

A shiver ran through you. Perhaps another bath was in order. But what if the king had changed his mind again? This was supposed to be a political marriage, after all.

But remembering mounting him on the edge of that tub, after the water had gone cold vanished the thought for a moment. His mouth on your throat as you sunk down onto him for the first time.

It pinched, not wanting to fill you immediately. And when you had finally encased him fully, he gave a shuttering gasp and pulled you to his chest. He stroked at your back and thighs as your face pressed into the crook of his neck. He was so large it felt like you would split in two. And he let you rest until you were ready to move, whispering things in Khudzul to you.

That served to both turn you on and sooth you.

And then your hips were rocking and the king was sinking into the the cold water with you. No one cared that most of the desperate movements were sending waves of bath water to the floor, tongues tangling again.

Nothing made you so delirious as in the middle of the night, him waking you up by sliding into you again.

The storm stopped long before either of you had.

When Thorin shifted against you, pulling you tighter, you felt a familiar bulge bump your thigh. Your reaction was immediate, you were throbbing already with want. When he had stilled, you hoped you could sneak away to carefully untangle from him. The doubts of your mind eating you.

You felt as if you'd coerced him and guilt gnawed at your mind like a hungry animal.

You didn't have to detangle yourself from him because a loud, urgent knock sounded, rousing your husband from sleep. His reaction was to roll over you, dragging the sheet up to cover you and bark an order. The door opened and Dwalin was standing there, smirking.

"I know my king is resting from a long night, but promised to be in a meeting at sunrise." Based on the streaking of light, it was past sunrise. Your husband gave a groan, and began dragging himself from the sheets.

"I will be there shortly, Dwalin." Your friend gave you a raunchy grin as he closed the door. It made your heart thump wildly in your chest.

Thorin dragged himself out of bed quickly, reaching for trousers, his hair falling in messy waves. He paused when you shuffled up toward the head board. A look his eyes. A confliction in his face.

"Don't let me keep you longer than I have, Thorin," you murmur, tucking the sheets to your body. He gives a nod but watches you a moment longer. His frown is deepening and he finishes tying his trousers.

He gives a sigh, shaking his head like he's trying to shake thoughts away, and his tunic is being swiped off of the foot of the bed and dragged over himself. "I should tell Dwalin to reschedule the meeting."

"What? Why?" You ask, attempting to sit up but wincing at the soreness that wouldn't let itself be forgotten. Thorin was at your side immediately, hand reaching for your thigh. The heat of his palm sent tingles to the apex of your thighs.

"I should have been more delicate with you yesterday. I'll send for a healer." His eyes fluttered down, guilt and concern filling his gaze. You followed it, glancing down to see the bruises and bites that littered your collar, chest and shoulders.

"That's nothing." You promise, looking to your husband. He sighs deeply and shakes his head. You desperately didn't want him to regret the coupling of last night.

"I still should have-"

You cut him off by quickly leaning forward with flushed cheeks and pressing a quick kiss to his mouth. His expression flutters into something gentler, but still sad.

Carefully, he reaches up and tugs the sheet. You grab for them, startled and embarrassed. "What are you doing?"

"Evaluating your injuries, there is no reason to shy from me." When you didn't relent to him, he set his jaw, frowning. Then he reached for your legs. You squeak when he hooks his hands under your knees and drags you to the edge of the bed. And gently he peels the sheet away as he hovers over you.

Need is flaring through your body as he gazes over you. His eyes glance over the bruises on your hips where he'd gripped you too hard. There was an outline of his teeth on your thigh still that he gently thumbed over. Guilt rose again in his eyes.

And he lowered himself, making you moan softly as his beard and lips brush over the bite. "You shouldn't do that. You have to go," You whimper.

Thorin sighs, drawing back up to see your needy expression. "Aye, my queen." And with a final caress, he parts from you.

Later, when you joined during him to eat at dinner, you received many questioning looks due to the high necked dress you wore, thanks to one of the barrowed hand maidens.

You didn't get to speak to him most of the days, but you didn't miss the longing looks he gave you. They made your heart race.

Mamihlapinatapai.

Dwalin settled beside you as the rest of the nobles left the dining hall. He passed you a friendly smile. "I wondered which one of ya would cave first."

"What do you mean?"

"He's been mad for ya since Rivendell, you know. I think he just needed to know you cared for him too."

"Rivendell? So..." You gulp, "so he feels the same for me?" Dwalin frowned at your words.

"You're his queen. He wouldn't have laid with you last night if you weren't his One, lass."

A thrill went through you. Hope shining in like a ray of sunshine. Perhaps he could be a proper husband. You trusted Dwalin with your life. Maybe it was time to step up your game.

The door creaking open revealed your husband entering. He glanced at you, eyes dipping over your silken robe.

He approached as you stood and made your way toward him. "Y/N," he hums. He watched as you untie the robe, eyes lighting up, then flashing with guilt at the discoloration he'd caused.

"Make love to me, my king." He blinked at you.

"After what I did to you, you still want me to touch you?" You step up and wrap his arms around you.

"It didn't hurt. You didn't hit me. Your intention was pleasure not pain." Gently you reached for his face, and with every ounce of will you could muster you brush some of his hair from his face. "I am so in love with you." His expression flutters and this time you catch the glimpse of hope in you. The king surges his mouth against yours.

"I love you," he murmurs around your lips. The sound of it steals your breath. Yes. And he couldn't stop telling you the rest of the night.

A visual representation of me trying to post yesterday... Thank you, Lyn for letting me post it today instead.

Taglist: @tomisbaeholland @fizzyxcustard @dabisburntnut

Bea & Ro

Bea: What time were you planning to go to mass on your birthday? Ro: [a time that is ridiculously early af] Ro: You're going to be there to present me with my rosary right? Bea: I thought it was just before the party, when is that starting? Ro: Traditionally, yes, but I don't want to hurry through it as if it's not important Ro: [a time for when the party is starting] Bea: Right Bea: it's just that it was going to be a struggle to get back for the party as is Bea: That's essentially adding an extra day to my stay Ro: but you're the closest thing to a godparent I have, spiritually Ro: I don't know who else could do it Bea: and I know that you really want to do this Bea: I'm just not sure if I can make this happen, the schedule doesn't have much wriggle room Ro: okay, I suppose you can lead the last doll ceremony at the party instead Ro: I was intending to have Ali give it to me, since she made the outfits and everything but I'm sure she'll understand Bea: I don't mind if Ali does it Bea: it isn't as if this is actually traditional to us Ro: I'm trying to create my own traditions, it means something to me in that sense Bea: I'll try to make the party Bea: Yes, I know Bea: but I can't have my life revolve around it for a full calendar week Ro: I can't help when in the calendar my birthday falls in relation to your university terms Bea: Of course not but this is a lot, Ro Ro: No, it isn't Ro: it's a party that you'll try to attend Bea: I don't know of any other party you have to attend church to go to Bea: unless it's a wedding Ro: I haven't thrown any other parties prior to this Bea: You know what I mean Bea: this doesn't need to be such an event, does it Ro: It's my birthday, it's allowed to be whatever I want it to be Bea: Right Bea: well I don't know if I can come, alright Ro: well, if you want me to tell you that's fine, I won't, because it isn't Bea: What do you want me to do? Bea: The workload is insane Ro: if you are unable to cope with it approximately a month after Christmas break, what would you like me to say or do? Ro: *before Bea: Don't talk like you have any idea about the workload, firstly, that's what you can do Bea: You haven't even done your leavers yet Ro: You only just got back, that's common knowledge Ro: being snowed under is a poor excuse Bea: They set the assignments at the start of term Bea: even if I have all term to do it, would you suggest I leave it to the last minute? Ro: I would suggest you learn more effective time management some time before you graduate Ro: since you asked Bea: Please Bea: You're in a strop but don't be a brat about it Ro: you're well aware of when I was born, it's nobody's fault but your own if you can't handle your own schedule to coincide with long established party plans Bea: I'm aware it's in the middle of term, Ro Bea: and I go to school in another country and am living on student loans Bea: I'm not flying back for every little thing Ro: it's one of the shortest possible plane rides and you're more than happy to take advantage of that when it suits you Ro: or Fraze Bea: That's my business Bea: and I don't come back as much as you're trying to put on Ro: and I don't ask you to come back ever, or for anything Bea: It's clear you're only concerned about yourself Ro: for one day a year, why is that so uncalled for? Bea: Because, all this is just ridiculous Bea: you aren't Latina Ro: look for the ridiculous in anything and you will find it Ro: or if you prefer, all great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning Bea: You do it with Ali, as per Bea: you don't need me for any of this Ro: that's just as well since you can't be relied upon to take part in any of this Bea: If it was important, I'd be there Ro: it is important to me Bea: I can't say you've inspired me to make any greater attempts than I already have Ro: of course not, your mind was already made up when this conversation began Ro: however inspiring I am or am not is irrelevant because of your unwillingness to prioritise me regardless Bea: You seem pretty convinced of a few things yourself Bea: It isn't exactly the easiest time for me, regardless of my time management Ro: it's my 15th birthday that approaches, not my 5th, I'm utterly convinced that waiting at the window for you is an empty pursuit Bea: You're being dramatic Bea: and if you'd like to compare 5th birthdays with me, feel free Ro: and yet I'm the one who's supposedly being dramatic Ro: one great sacrifice and you're content to never consider making another in my honour, however big or small Ro: okay then Bea: I didn't sacrifice anything for you Bea: They died, there's no good behind us Bea: I got help, we got out of there, end of Ro: maybe that's the end of the story as far as you're concerned Ro: it's the beginning of mine Bea: We aren't even talking about that Bea: yet another topic you know nothing about and I'm not willing to endure lectures on Ro: they died on the same day, it's impossible to talk about one without the other Ro: if I were being dramatic, that would be cause enough Bea: What does it matter? Bea: Can you remember it? No Ro: that in itself matters, having nothing to remember them by except you and your memories which you're as unwilling to share with me as you are to make any time to celebrate with me now Bea: I was 4, I don't have any memories either Bea: That's how it is, there is nothing to celebrate there Ro: Fine Ro: I'll leave you to your assignments then Bea: I will send your present Ro: Thank you Bea: Right Bea: if anyone asks, tell them what you like Ro: it's unlikely anyone will given how selfish I'm apparently being and how air tight your reasons for not showing up supposedly are Ro: besides, I have enough to do without indulging in any games of chinese whispers as to your whereabouts Bea: Then you best get on with it Ro: I have my own schedule under control Bea: I've not got the time to have this petty back and forth with you and if you're as busy as you say, that shouldn't be a problem Ro: finally, something you're right about Ro: it isn't a problem Ro: continuing this conversation with you is a waste of my energy Bea: Off you go then Ro: See you at Christmas, assuming you decide that's worth returning for Bea: Either way, you won't be waiting at the window Ro: precisely Ro: and you'll have my present sent if you don't appear yourself, little else mattering at times like these anyway Bea: You aren't upset I'm not coming, you're only upset your plans are compromised Bea: because if you remotely gave a shit about me being there, you would've approached this whole conversation differently Ro: experience has taught me what you value and what you don't Ro: I'm not about to make any kind of impassioned plea in order to be a hastily added footnote Ro: particularly if it follows that I'm to be blamed for your ensuing university hardships should you dare to attend Bea: You know me so well Bea: wait, no, we both agree that is laughable Bea: so spare telling me what I will or won't do or say, my sides are splitting as is Ro: perhaps I will when you respond in kind and stop telling me how I feel or why Bea: Experience isn't something you are solely blessed/cursed with Bea: I can only react to what I'm presented with Ro: you don't want to come, of course you're reacting in line with that, that's what I'm being presented with Bea: Of course I don't, but it's about obligation regardless Ro: you've long been free from any and all obligation towards me Bea: Don't be delusional Ro: you should make time for church if you're going to make yourself such a martyr to my existence Bea: Guess what, we're not Catholic either Ro: There is no we, my faith is my own Bea: Nah Ro: you don't speak for me on any subject, especially my personal beliefs Bea: It's bullshit, Ro Bea: no one chooses to be a Catholic Ro: I have Bea: Yeah, well you would love to be special Ro: I'm so unsurprised that you manage to find enough time to be confrontational Bea: If I were to actually call you out on all your bullshit, we'd be here 'til your 18th Ro: feel free to write the most urgent of your grievances in the card you'll send Bea: You don't deserve a gift that good Ro: that much we can agree on Ro: I don't deserve any of this from you Bea: For god's sake Ro: Stay there, as we said, nobody but me thinks it's unfair that you aren't coming Bea: I'm sure they do Ro: Well, I have not and will not ever care what your boyfriend thinks Bea: As I understand, it's mutual Bea: and he's more than just my boyfriend to you Ro: no, he isn't Bea: How do you think you get to pick and choose? Bea: you can't claim Ali and ignore everyone else, they exist too, like it or not Ro: In much the same way you and he both did, I would imagine Ro: if I were to claim him as my brother, being your boyfriend would be abhorrent and it's obvious what you would both rather by now Bea: Your choice to not integrate and be part of this family has nothing to do with me Ro: Likewise Bea: Fuck you Bea: you had every chance, this is the only one you've ever known Ro: by your own admission you had all the same chances, no sacrifices made for me and no memories of the former Ro: you chose him and he chose you, you're the one being delusional if you think there was room for me and him to still play happy families afterwards Bea: Now you want to believe me, convenient isn't it Ro: and you want to have your cake and eat it, it's an appropriately timed idea, at least Bea: This isn't about me, it's about you being ungrateful Ro: No, it's about you attempting to tell me how to behave as if you reside in an ivory tower instead of a glass house Bea: You're having your teenage rebellion phase, fine Ro: again no, I'd be more than willing to listen to you had you actually said anything worth listening to Bea: Sure Ro: Undeniably so Bea: No, bullshit, again, Ro Bea: you don't listen to anything anyone has to say because you think you're right about everything despite the obvious Ro: you can't garner a receptive audience because you're just talking and talking without pausing for breath or to listen yourself Bea: This might be a big conversation for you, but that's only because you never talk to anyone but yourself either Bea: I'm actually busy, with things far more important than your tantrum Ro: Go and devote yourself fully to those things then, I already told you to do so Bea: You think you tell me what to do? Bea: No Bea: I'm not so single-minded Ro: If I had any desire to waste my breath I'd do so during a piano lesson with one of my more challenging students, when I'm paid to Bea: Yes, that about sums you up Ro: thus allowing you to draw a line under me Ro: and all of this Bea: No Bea: that's your move Bea: if you're going to be as callous as to want it, at least have the follow-through Bea: I'm not making this one easy for you, lest I be accused of martyrdom again Ro: I wouldn't dream of trying to compete with you in the stakes of who is the most callous Bea: I miss a birthday, how much have you skipped out on, Ro? Bea: When are you ever fucking here? Ro: such a convenient scapegoat for you when you no longer wish to be held to your own account Bea: If you want to be a ghost, you don't get to defend yourself Bea: dead people don't get to prove or deny any claims made about them Ro: the dead are far superior conversationalists than you, in my experience Bea: Your imagination, it'd have to be Ro: boundless though it is, no Bea: You don't know any dead people, and that's the truth of it Ro: I've met lots of them Bea: No, you haven't Bea: and how many people turn up to your party is going to reflect that Ro: yes I have, and how many people turn up to my party reflects how many people I chose to invite Ro: for all the things you deign to lecture me on, having a select social circle is perhaps one of the most hypocritical Bea: If there was any element of choice, it'd be you and Ali Bea: it's obligation and the guestlist of your not family reflects that both ways Ro: this repetition is neither effective nor amusing Bea: It's the sad fucking truth and someone needs to smash it through your thick skull Ro: a chore you'll never be too busy for when you take such delight in it Bea: I hate talking to you Bea: do you seriously not understand how much you make my skin crawl Ro: and yet here you still are Ro: how ghoulish Bea: because I am your sister Bea: your actual sister, and it isn't optional Ro: hardly, we both opt out regularly as previously highlighted Bea: No, I don't Ro: you currently are Ro: and you have on many other occasions Bea: Not being able to stomach a whole performance from you trying to be someone else is not opting out Bea: I wouldn't still be here if that were an option Ro: you'd have to know who I was in order to have the slightest indication of whether or not I was attempting to be someone different Bea: I know who you are Bea: but don't insult me by pretending you have the slightest inclination Ro: you insult me with such a barefaced lie Ro: you don't know me at all Bea: You wish Ro: I'm not in the habit of wasting wishes Bea: How's that working out for you? Ro: Perfectly Bea: Then that's really sad Ro: You're a very convincing adult Bea: That's allegedly what you're preparing yourself for Ro: sober disenchanted maturity, so Wuthering Heights asserts among many other turns of phrase Ro: you're more suited to it Bea: You know, drunken, enchanting or youthfulness aren't words anyone would apply to you Bea: so I'd be more careful with what I asserted if I were you, you aren't likely to be thrilled with what you get back Ro: I am content without the constant appraisal of others right now, perhaps when I find my own way to university we can swap places though Ro: if nothing else, it'll grant you a rest Bea: Of course you are Bea: you haven't spent this entire conversation doing just that Bea: at least package your delusions as somewhat believable to anyone else or you just look wholly derranged Ro: this entire conversation is centred around the disruption of my plans and thus my self discipline is the only thing seeking to be placated as you yourself commented Bea: You've sought out every opportunity to assert your appraisals of me, unprompted and unforgiving Bea: I wasn't going to come out of genuine lack of ability, but the poison of spite and bitterness was barely held back between your pursed lips, no need to push hard for all that to spill forth Ro: however you decide to excuse your absence makes no difference to me Bea: It makes no difference because nothing does with you Bea: you'd rather I wasn't there because at least then you have something to lament over Ro: I'd rather you weren't because you've made no secret of the fact you don't want to be, as always Bea: because it's fantasy, none of it is real Bea: what is the point of us going through the motions of pretending to have this life-affirming bonding experience when it'll be nothing close Bea: how easily I could be swapped out for any other bit player confirms that, it isn't true, and this all means fuck all to you Ro: you could be so easily swapped out because necessity has dictated it on more prior occasions than either of us have the time or inclination to call to mind Ro: you kept yourself at a distance long before you left for Cambridge, lecturing me about my lack of integration or whatever you called it doesn't change that Bea: Because it was not me you needed to intergrate with, is the point Ro: romantically aligning yourself with Fraze and babysitting Rocky on occasion doesn't mean you can point out my perceived failings as if you're an expert, moreso Bea: This constant comparison is pointless and not what I'm talking about Bea: you were meant to be a part of this family Bea: YOU, not me Ro: and I am Ro: if only because they're obligated to care for and about me as you're so quick to point out at every single opportunity Bea: if you think that's the only reason, legitimately, for them, then you're proving my point about how out of touch you are Ro: you're the one who keeps propping up this conversation with that as the reasoning Ro: whether or not it has ever crossed my mind hasn't been brought up for discussion Bea: No, it's you failing to do your part, that obligation is a two-way street Bea: you're the one giving it negative connotations Ro: being in someone's debt rarely has positive ones Bea: That's what family is Ro: and contrary to what you believe, I fulfil my responsibilities to this one Bea: If you say so Ro: I do Bea: Then that's all that matters Ro: I'm well aware of what does and doesn't matter Bea: Okay Bea: not me you need to convince Ro: I'm also well aware of where to place my conviction so that it isn't misplaced Bea: Seems like it Ro: Goodbye Bea

Hello! I was wondering why it is taking you so long to reply to my question. How long does it usually take you? I have sent my ask a few weeks ago and still haven't received a reply.

Hi anon! I am honestly not sure how to react to this…

This is a difficult question and I cannot provide a simple answer. Typically I try to reply to my asks in chronological order but I will occasionally favour more recent asks/messages if…

the issue is urgent

they are not coming from an anon

I am particularly passionate about the topic or

the ask is super simple and it doesn’t take a lot of effort to reply

Aside from that I just work my way through my inbox and prepare some drafts. I have a full-time job and my other priority is to keep this blog up-to-date so there is really not that much time left to dedicate to all my asks and messages. Recently I have noticed that with every reply I post, I get another three asks. It’s like I can never gain the upper hand, my inbox is always winning. I am happy to help all of you but you have to know that I am a perfectionist so writing replies usually takes a VERY LONG time. You have no idea how many times I edit my drafts before I actually upload a post. I just want to provide the best answer possible with all the info one could ever need. It’s all or nothing for me, I don’t do things by half-measures.

So yeah, it is entirely possible that it will take me weeks (sometimes even months) to reply to a question.

⚠️The following reasons will pretty much keep me from ever replying to your ask…⚠️

Your question is utterly rude: I refuse to feed trolls. Be respectful and just be a freaking decent human-being, say “please” and “thank you”.

Your question is beyond stupid: I am not expecting people to know everything and I am generally happy to answer all sorts of questions but if a 1-sec google search could have provided an answer to your question I am usually not willing to waste my time.

Your question has been answered a short while ago: I am not asking people to go through my entire #reply tag (although it certainly wouldn’t hurt) but if you didn’t even bother to scroll through my first two pages you are not worthy of my time.

Your question is not specific enough: Sometimes people are so vague that I have no idea what they want. I am at my best when I get a specific task so give me as many details as possible

Your question requires too much time and effort due to its comprehensive nature: In the same vein as the issue above. I often get asked if I could share a complete list of xyz or a collection of all xyz or if the girls ever did this or said that, etc...These asks are easily sent but most people do not realise how much work it takes to provide a proper answer. I mean, these asks are literally killing me because on one hand my perfectionism forces me to be thorough but on the other hand, I simply lack the resources to do the necessary work and research to provide an all-encompassing answer. I know A LOT about Kalafina and I own a ton of stuff - physical and digital - but I don’t know everything and I don’t have everything. Plus, I often lack the necessary equipment to provide certain content (many people do not realise this but I am working with a super old laptop with no special programs and a crappy CPU so things take a LONG time). Most of the time I will start feeling overwhelmed and then I just procrastinate…it’s a vicious circle.

I simply do not know the answer or cannot help you: Feeling like a failure is incapacitating. At least for me. I am having a really hard time admitting that I cannot help you so I will often end up not replying at all. I am sorry.

Other things to keep in mind…

Sometimes Tumblr eats asks. If you feel like I have taken way too long to reply and your message doesn’t belong in one of the above categories, chances are high that I never received your question. Feel free to send it again.

Tumblr will cut off your asks if you use arrow-heads (since the function is html-based) so be mindful of that. Try not to use emoticons because they usually contain arrow-heads.

Attention (Duncan Shepherd x Fem!Reader)

Icylangdon-  ok but this gif looks like u were trying to distract duncan all thruout an important phone call… and he finally got off the phone and is about to whoop ur ass into next saturday 😋🤧

Summary- The prompt literally says it all, but. You’re Claire and Francis’ daughter, visiting your boyfriend Duncan Shepherd, in his DC penthouse. But, an important call comes through that he has to answer. You get impatient waiting for him and try numerous ways to distract him until he gets fed up with it and you Also, this is kind of a spin-off to Such a Pleasure, Ms. Underwood, where you can read here (again, I really shit on Claire in this, but just know I fucking love her and she a feminist queen) idk if that summary makes sense, I’m tired but I really wanted to post this tonight.

Warnings- Smut, oral sex (Duncan receiving), face fucking, orgasm denial, slight exhibitionism kink (this is the dirtiest one-shot I’ve written to date)

Word Count- 1592

Tag of the work- @icylangdon for the prompt

(Not sure who the gif belongs to, if you know, please inform me so I can give credit!)

DC stands in front of you, bright but dreadful as the evening light falls onto the city. Duncan's slow voice resonates through the room as he talks business on a two-way conference call with Annette and Seth. You cross your ankles together as you lean on the window, a glass of merlot coddled in your hands.

You slowly made your way across the room, making sure your shoes elicited a steady click throughout. Duncan didn't even notice you moved. His eyes were focused on the laptop in front of him, viewing the amount of traffic the app is receiving while nodding half-heartedly to whatever his mother was speaking of.

You and Duncan have been together unofficially for over a year now. After that night in the stairwell, you two continued talking. In private, of course. But, with your responsibility to carry a positive public image as the daughter of the president, and Duncan's responsibility to the app his family was creating, it wasn't a stretch to say they barely have time for themselves.

You weren't even supposed to be in his apartment right now, the threat that somebody could walk in at this time of day and see you two together was too high. Nobody said being the daughter of both the President and Vice President was easy.

The visit was only supposed to be less than an hour long, just enough time to sneak in a quickie before you had to head to a dinner the Vice President was hosting, but, of course, Duncan received an urgent business call and just had to take it. This happened last time you met up with him, his uncle called him over to his home, claiming the FBI was tracking their app.

Long story short, you haven't gotten fucked in over a month.

"Duncan, I have to go soon," You looked over your shoulder just in time to see his hand raise in dismissal. You scowled, turning back to the window. Tiny huffs blew from your nose, fogging up the cool window in front of you.

"No mom, keep going. Just one of my maids," He spoke into the phone.

"Fuck you, Duncan." You spat towards him. He lowered his phone and placed his hand over the speaker before answering you.

"Y/N, you see I'm in a very important meeting. Either make yourself scarce or shut up. Don't make me punish you." He whispered before bringing his phone back to his ear. He apologized to his mother again and continued their conversation.

An idea cooked up deliciously in your head as you made your way to the couch opposite of Duncan. You slowly unzipped your tight skirt before sliding it down your legs, letting the soft material fall lightly to your ankles. Duncan shook his head disapprovingly as your situated yourself on the couch, making sure your thighs were parted perfectly, giving Duncan the perfect view of the expensive black panties he bought for you a couple months ago.

"Yes mom, I'm here. Just a little distracted,"

You ran your fingers over the soft lace, tiny moans spilling over. Your arousal darkened your panties, coating your fingers as you continued to rub yourself off. "Oh, Duncan!" You moaned loudly, hoping his callers would hear.

"I- no- mom, it's nobody. Listen, is it possible we can continue this conversation tomorrow?"

"Great. I'm so sorry, I'm just a little busy."

"Talk soon. Bye,"

You captured your bottom lip between your teeth as Duncan brought the phone down from his ear. His eyes flicked down as he hung up the phone before they focused on you, his gaze dark. You moaned loudly once more, just for good measure.

"You're begging to be punished, Y/N." His voice sent shivers down your spine and your busy fingers stilled. He lowered his feet from the table slowly before stalking over to you, his long fingers busy unbuckling his belt.

"This wouldn't have happened if you would pay attention to me sometimes," You sat up, closing your legs. Duncan shook his head and unbuttoned his pants. He motioned you to kneel in front of him with a flick of his fingers and you listened. It wasn't in your best interest to disobey.

"I told you I was in a very important meeting, didn't I?"  

"Sorry, Duncan." You breathed, eager for what he was going to do next. He hummed as he yanked his tight boxers down his legs. His semi-hard dick sat proudly in front of you, making your mouth salivate with want.

"Open up, baby," he commanded, his eyes blown with lust. You parted your mouth, allowing Duncan to slide his cock comfortably inside of your warm heat. He gathered the lot of your hair before thrusting you almost completely down onto his length.

You gagged, tears blurring your vision. He continued pressing in and out of your mouth, reaching the back of your throat with every thrust. Breathy grunts and groans escaped Duncan's mouth as he choked you on his length. Salty tears poured from your eyes everytime he held you against his clean patch of pubic hair, blocking your nose from taking in much-needed air. He tugged you off of his erection by your hair before tossing you carelessly over the couch arm.

"Such a needy bitch, already so wet for me." He growled before slipping two fingers inside of you, thrusting in and out roughly. You keened high in your throat, the intrusion on the brink of painful. He yanked you up by your hair, making sure his fingers didn't slip out of you, before connecting his lips to your neck, leaving bite marks and hickeys on your skin.

His fingers continued to curl in and out of you, rutting up against that soft spot inside of you only Duncan could reach. High-pitched moans tore through the room, the low hum of your phone not being noticed. "Y/N, your phone," Duncan spoke into your ear, his deep voice sending a long chill down your side. You reach blindly to the vibrating device before answering and bringing it to your ear.

"H-hello?" You moaned breathlessly to the caller. Duncan tugged down his already unclasped pants, his fingers still deep inside of you.

"Where are you, Y/N?!" You recognized your mother's eerily calm voice on the other end. “Don't tell me you forgot about the dinner,"

You sighed breathlessly as Duncan slipped his fingers out of you, only to be replaced by his cock. You covered your mouth as a harsh, drawn-out moan escaped from your mouth. Claire continued speaking incoherently over the phone as Duncan used your body as if you were a doll.

"Hey, mother? Can I call you back?" You bit your bottom lip roughly, stifling the heady moans threatening to escape your lips. Claire bitched quietly on the other line, spewing out phrases such as 'irresponsible' and 'poor excuse for an Underwood'.

Duncan continued to thrust into you as if was the last time he was ever going to be inside you. His hands wandered over your body, slipping under your sheer blouse and cupping your breasts tightly.

Claire was still on the phone, still spewing out her toxic waste as Duncan fucked you quickly from behind. He would never tell you, but Duncan loved to tango with fire. Somebody as powerful as Claire Underwood on the phone with you and he fucked you, made him feel high. It was obvious what they were doing to the open-minded person with the constant breathy moans and whispers, the muffled out sound of skin slapping skin and the low grunts Duncan didn't even try to stifle, but you knew Claire wouldn't dare to think you'd do such a thing as fuck with her on the phone.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a little. Don't start without me, please," Your voice was absolutely wrecked, and you decided it wouldn't be ideal t show up to an A-list event, obviously fucked out.

"Don't think your father is not going to hear about this, Y/N." She seethed before slamming the phone down. You breathed out in relief as Duncan continued fucking into you at a punishing pace. Your hands felt around for any type of purchase as your stomach tightened and burned.

"Don't even think about cumming," Duncan ordered just before he emptied his seed deep inside of you. You let a cry of frustration as your painfully close ending drew farther and farther away. Duncan pulled his quickly softening dick out of you before falling onto the couch limply.

Bitterly, you gathered your panties from around your ankles and slid them up your legs before doing the same with your skirt. "Learned your lesson, baby?" His sweat sheen chest rose and fell heavily, his usually immaculate hair stuck in a disheveled mess. You shrugged, tucking back in your blouse.

"There was no lesson to be learned." You slipped your shoes back on before adjusting yourself in the mirror, not really wanting to show up to the dinner looking freshly fucked. "You have a girlfriend for a reason, to pay attention to her,"

"I shouldn't have to coddle you 24/7, Y/N. You're over eighteen, not a child." He stood and tugged his black jeans back onto his legs, re-fastening the belt. You tucked some of your hair behind your ear before making your way to his front door and opening it slightly.

"You know what, Duncan? If you weren't so incredibly beautiful, smart, talented, and sweet, you'd be a real asshole." You bit before slamming the door shut behind you.

-

Tagged inspo’s and loves❤- @langdonsdemon @lanawintrs @lvngdvns @duncvn @avesatanormalpeoplescareme @wroteclassicaly @icylangdon  @langdonsrapture @katiekitty261 @our-lord-langdon

Semi-urgent? I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced a delay in getting a report from Dr Seal. I saw him in April and send off some blood test results he wanted (and got confirmation that they were received), but haven't heard anything re. the report. I sent an email at the start of May to ask about it and his secretary said she was hoping to get to it in the next few days, but I've still heard nothing? Quite anxious as it contains info about me swapping T meds and stuff. Thanks!

They seem to have a bit of backlog at the moment to get through but if it’s urgent and you still haven’t heard anything then it might be worth chasing it up again.

~ Alex

Storm's warning: trouble in paradise

Note: this is just a working title so if you come up with anything else please let me know.

There were plenty of reasons to like StarClan. The landscape was evergreen and the prey always ran well. The winds were mild and the sun always shining. Or so the living cats believed. Because some cats liked snow and others missed the feel of the wind rushing through their pelts or the rain plastering their fur to their sides. StarClan had a bit of everything to accommodate its residents.

Right now, however, the wind howled so fiercely that even the bravest of WindClan cats took their shelter in their dens. The trees shook so wildly that they might very well no longer have proper roots. The sky was dark grey, like a storm was on the very edge of breaking… but not yet. No, the storm had passed them over for the fifth night since its untimely arrival, like it was waiting for something…

A large group of cats sat before a pool so crystal clear that they could see their reflections on the rocks below the water, smooth as a puddle after a long rain.

“Thank you all for traveling so far on this blustery night.” The soft, feminine voice of the cat who spoke first held worry, which in turn alarmed her companions.

“Whatever alarms you so deeply deserves the attention of us all, m'dear.” A red-brown tom meowed smoothly, eyes alight with worry.

“Flirtation aside,” His brother, a light brown tabby with green eyes slurped out. “Oakheart is right. Why wouldn't you share this with all of StarClan?”

“I asked her not to.”

All eyes turned to the tortoiseshell she-cat who entered the clearing they resided in. Her equally tortoiseshell brother was practically a shadow at her side.

“Spottedleaf, Redtail.” A large golden tom, Lionheart, purred an anxious welcome. His pure white companion, aptly named Whitestorm, blinked his welcome, to which both twins nodded before Spottedleaf turned to address the rest of the group.

“Our First Ancestors have given me a sign, and while it correlates to the storm, I know not what it means.”

“Have you consulted fellow medicine cats?” Crookedstar demanded.

Spottedleaf nodded.

“That was the first thing she did. We've all come to one agreement.” A sharper but no less feminine voice snapped. Crookedstar dipped his head and lowered his eyes.

“Forgive me, Brambleberry. This storm is…”

The tabby leader trailed off with an embarrassed cough and his brother pressed against him.

“It's quite alright, Crookedstar.” The black and white medicine cat murmured gently. “Tge point is that we've all come to an agreement. Whatever happens next, we cannot remain in these skies.”

That sent a ripple of unease throughout the group.

“Leave?!”

“When?”

“How?!”

“Where will we go?!”

“Our First Ancestors haven't​ said much about the storm, but it is… keeping time, we believe.” Brambleberry picked up where Spottedleaf left off. “If only because the storm is menacing, but has yet to break. We are safe, for now. But if the clouds release their burden before we figure out our next course of action, who knows what will happen?! We don't want that. So we have gathered you all to speak your suggestions and make a decision.”

The group broke into murmurs, whispering panicked ideas amongst themselves.

“If we really must leave, then surely we could send some cats to find a place for us all?” Lionheart was the one to speak, though the idea came from Whitestorm. “We have time still, do we not?”

“The clouds have not yet darkened to bursting, so I would think that we still have time.” Spottedleaf murmured, pride in her voice. Whitestorm was one of her more clever friends, though he didn't speak often enough for other cats to know of that.

“That's a great idea!” Deadfoot, the former deputy of WindClan, exclaimed. “It's not like we'd know where we're going, and we'll be uprooting everyone from the dawn of the Clans! Perhaps if we send scouts, the Clans will be more willing to listen. One or two from each Clan should be enough.”

“But how will these cats know where to go when we don't even know?!”

“Our former ancestors willing, the Clans, or the cats chosen, will receive a sign just like Spottedleaf did.” Redtail insisted. “We must trust our First Ancestors as the clans trust us, and work with what they've given us.”

“Well said.” Bluestar nodded gratefully to her deputy. “Let us choose these cats before the weather gets any worse.”

Redtail, Oakheart, Deadfoot and Nightpelt approached the pool.

Oakheart waved his paw over the pool and it rippled heavily before smoothing to reveal a silver tabby with ice blue eyes. Cats fidgeted uncomfortably.

“She’s a RiverClan warrior, and that’s what matters.” Crookedstar insisted. “But I do worry… she’s one of our stronger cats. What if the Twolegs do something before we have the chance to figure out where we’re going?”

“We’ll have to fight without them, and survive for as long as we can.” Brambleberry murmured comfortingly. “Besides, Feathertail was always a curious soul. This way she can live out her life’s wish and remain a Clan cat.”

Oakheart blinked, satisfied, and stepped back then.

Deadfoot limped forward, waving his misshapen paw over the water. He skittered back with a horrified yelp when the shape appeared, a dark grey tom with bright blue eyes.

“First Ancestors, if you have any mercy at all, let this journey keep my son safe in your paws.” He murmured.

“Isn't your son an apprentice?” Redtail whispered urgently.

“He is close to becoming a warrior, thank the Ancestors. I must trust their decision, though it pains me so.”

Deadfoot was torn. The destiny of the Clans lay in these choices, but his son… he'd knock the Ancestors off their all-seeing perches if it would spare his son this horror.

Redtail dipped his head gratefully and took the black tom’s place at the head of the pool. The choice for ThunderClan wasn't all that surprising, but a few cats snorted when Brambleclaw was shown.

“Firestar’s going to hate you!” Spottedleaf sang.

“I’m more concerned about Goldenflower. You saw how she dealt with her former mate, she’ll come to StarClan herself just to skin me alive!”

A few cats laughed, Bluestar among them, and Redtail stepped back to let Nightpelt take his place at the pool.

A wave of his paw showed a tortoiseshell she-cat with fierce green eyes.

“Can another halfClan cat afford to go on this journey?” Someone wondered aloud.

“She’ll be of good use when it comes to learning how to adapt, especially considering how far they might have to travel.”

“That’s true…” Nightpelt murmured. “I guess it just feels like terrible timing. She’s slowly to regain her faith after what ShadowClan has been through. Wouldn’t this be a bit too soon?”

“We don’t exactly have time. And who knows, maybe the omens we’ll have to send will confirm her beliefs even more.” Brambleberry offered kindly.

“Doesn’t all of this seem a bit too convenient?” Someone called out. “Most of these cats have some connection to ThunderClan.”

“Brambleclaw needs this journey to realize his true potential.”

“Tawnypelt is much like her brother, and will be perfectly fine fighting whoever she has to. She doesn’t fight to kill. Feathertail is eager to be useful and wants to be free of RiverClan's heritage issues.”

“The Ancestors have made their choices. We should warn them before the night is through.”

Others nodded along and the crowd dispersed.

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Oakheart waited until every cat had gone their own way before padding over to a solemn Bluestar. She hadn't moved despite several of her warriors and her medicine cat touching noses with her and assuring her that things could work out.

“There is more to this than the storm, m'dear.” The red-brown tom murmured, winding himself around her.

“Spottedleaf and the others… they are uncertain. It troubles me when our best interpreters are uncertain about the future.”

“You are quite the perfectionist.” He purred. “Though I will admit that Crookedstar and I share your doubts. The storm could mean anything, and the fact that the Ancestors have chosen to warn us now… we've had peace ever since the battle with BloodClan. I shudder to think of what could disturb that; no mere Clan matter will ruffle the Ancestors’ pelts.”

“It must be an outside source, but what?! A cat, foxes or badgers? The Twolegs have left us alone for the most part so I wouldn't expect anything from them… then again, who knows what Twolegs do. They have always been strange creatures.”

“Has there been any sign of them in the forest?”

“Not since… not since the dogs.” Bluestar admitted, shaking.

Oakheart pressed his pelt against hers and wrapped a paw around her foreleg.

“Nothing can hurt you while I'm by your side.” He promised. “And I will ever be by your side.”

Her shaking ceased eventually, and she turned to look at her mate.

“Thank you.” The blue-grey she-cat murmured.

“Anytime, m’dear.” He purred. “Now, why don't you get some sleep, yeah? I've got a message to run. I'll catch you later, but don't wait up for me.”

Bluestar nodded and brushed her head along his throat.

“Tell me everything the Ancestors have you say.” She insisted. They parted ways then; Oakheart went back to the pool, where the other three deputies waited, and Bluestar loped out of the clearing, whirling mind soothed by Oakheart's reassurance.

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“Is she alright?” Redtail asked, watching Bluestar as her grey pelt trailed out of the clearing.

“I think she will be.” Oakheart offered. “If I suspect anything, you'll be the first to know.”

“Thank you.” Redtail dipped his head and turned to the remaining two deputies.

“Oakheart, Deadfoot, Nightpelt… may the Ancestors guide our paws.”

“Indeed.” The other three chorused. As one, the quartet lapped at the crystal clear water from the pool.

May the First Ancestors be with us…  Was the last thing any of them thought before sleep crashed over them.  

You’ve Been Fighting Witchcraft, and You Didn’t Even Know It

FILED UNDER: PROPHETIC WORDS, SPIRITUAL WARFARE

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Beloved, I have an urgent prophetic bulletin for those of you who have been fighting unnatural amounts of chaos, confusion, and feelings of being unable to get it together. If that describes you, read on! Papa is sending you help today.

The Lord showed me today that many of you have been fighting witchcraft, and you didn't even know it.

This is not going to be everyone's experience, but it will be what some people are experiencing. If this word applies to you:

You are ordinarily not a confused person, but you've been fighting confusion. You've been getting derailed and distracted easily.

Things usually flow for you, but lately you feel like you've been muddling through molasses.

You've been seeing patterns of attacks against you. You've noticed that the same thing keeps happening–perhaps with a different t-shirt on, but the exact same thing–over and over and over. This “thing” might even be happening to the people around you instead of to you personally, but it impacts you and what you're trying to do for the Kingdom. Over and over.

If that describes you, TAKE COMMUNION.

This is the absolute most important thing. Take communion daily. When you do:

Be sure, of course, that your heart is right before the Lord. Taking communion when your heart isn't right before God will kill you.

Pray and speak out loud that you cancel every bit of witchcraft, every curse, and every enemy assignment that has been released against you and everything that pertains to you (your marriage, your ministry, your finances, relationships, job, etc).

Speak out that you apply the blood of Jesus to your life and every part of it (marriage, finances, etc).

Ask Father God to fill you with His Holy Spirit.

Speak out that you loose God's holy protection, provision, flow, help, favor, comfort, peace, joy, grace, safety, anointing, and every other good thing you can think of into your life. Be sure to speak this out loud. Whenever you bind something evil off yourself, you must loose the good and holy thing in its place.

Then take communion reverently and prayerfully. Thank Jesus for His blood, His sacrifice, His mercy, grace, and salvation. Thank God for the gift of His Son, and for forgiving your sins. Yield again to Holy Spirit, and invite Him to have all of you for Himself.

Mediavine

Related: If You Feel Like You're Going to Die, Take Communion

Check out my most recent video:

How to Take Communion at Home

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Also, consider getting a tallit.

I am in the process of obtaining several tallits I like the best for our community. If you want one of those, I hope to have them shortly. But if you get one of mine or not, I strongly recommend that you get and use a tallit.

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I wear my tallit when I'm doing something that needs to be anointed. I'm wearing it right now as I type this.

Is a tallit magic? No way. But it is 1) a faith-builder; and 2) a symbol that you believe God's Word for you that He will keep you safe when you dwell in the secret place of the Most High.

When you get a tallit, anoint it with oil and give it to Jesus.

Related: My 3 Favorite Ways to Use a Tallit – with examples of tallits I like

The first time you get your tallit out of its package, dedicate your tallit to the Lord. Invite His Spirit to rest on it the same way Holy Spirit rested upon the prayer cloths they sent out in the New Testament to heal the sick. It won't be any more than fabric until Holy Spirit puts His power and anointing on it.

Beloved, many of you have been dealing with witchcraft–and you haven't even known it.

The Lord showed me this very clearly this morning in a dream. People that impacted your life years ago, in some cases, have still been sending witchcraft against you–and you had no idea.

Do they always know they are witches? No, not necessarily; but they might. Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, so it's possible they are simply in rebellion that somehow impacts you. But it is also possible that an occultist assignment has been loosed against you, and that's what the Lord wanted me to specifically warn you about.

Mediavine

Take communion. Plead Jesus' blood over your life. Take communion daily right now.

It's really important.

BY JAMIE ROHRBAUGH