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notfreetoday · 8 months

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The Importance of Amae in My Personal Weatherman

Masterlist || Language Analysis Part 1

I have seen a lot of discourse in the English-speaking fandom surrounding Segasaki's apparent dismissal or trivializing of Yoh's desire to pursue his manga, and most of it is negative. His comments about wanting Yoh to remain dependent on him, or that Yoh does not need to earn money are seen as patronizing or controlling at best and oppressive at worst. It appears that Segasaki does not understand nor respect Yoh's need for independence, and that is what strains their relationship.

But what if I asked you to consider that Segasaki's behaviour is actually an invitation to Yoh to reinforce their relationship? And what if I told you that Yoh's withdrawal from Segasaki constitutes a rejection of that invitation, and it is that rejection that strains their relationship instead?

Of course, the end result is the same - a strained relationship - and in reality there is never one side wholly responsible for this. The point of this is to simply challenge the cultural notion that a successful relationship is the coming together of two equally independent individuals, as opposed to the co-creation of a relationship formed by two interdependent individuals.

"If only you could stay drunk forever..." "It's okay to feel down again for me too you know" - Segasaki, Ep 4, Ep 5

This isn't about Segasaki wanting to keep Yoh is helpless and dependent on him, but about wanting Yoh to be able to be true to his feelings and express his own desire for affection honestly, without having to hide behind "I hate you" or rejection.

Or, let's try and talk about how Segasaki and Yoh reinforce their relationship through the use of amae (featuring a brief mention of tatemae/honne) who am I kidding this is not brief at all

First: Cultural Context

The way people conceptualize and make meaning of the Self differs between Western and East Asian cultures, and this plays into the differences we see in the basis for our self-esteem, the personal attributes that we value, and even what constitutes the behavior of a mature individual. Broadly speaking, Western cultures tend towards the Independent Self Construal (whereby the Self is a distinct entity separate from others) whereas East Asian cultures tend towards Interdependent Self-Construal (whereby the Self is connected to and defined by relationships with others). Thus, in the West, expressing one's individuality is very important for one's self-esteem, and being able to communicate clearly and confidently is valued and a sign of maturity. Conversely, in the East, one's ability to integrate and become a member of the group is prized, and contributes significantly to one's self esteem. In order to be seen as a mature individual, one must learn not only to read a social situation but also how to modify one's behavior in order to respond to the changing demands of that situation, with the ultimate goal being to maintain group harmony.

tl;dr - In East Asian culture, behaviors and attitudes that emphasize interdependence and promote group harmony actually play a big role in reinforcing relationships and one's membership towards the group.

Segasaki is an expert at this - his "public mode" that Yoh refers to actually shows us how good he is at social interactions. This is the Japanese concept of tatemae/honne (crudely translated as public self/private feelings) - which I could link to a bunch of articles for you, but I'm going to suggest you check out this 9 min street interview instead. At 6:41, one of the interviewees comments that another is sunao, or "honest" (we'll cover this later too) and at 6:49 specifically talks about how reading situations is important as an adult. Segasaki reads the room well, but most importantly, he reads Yoh well.

Yoh is not good at this, at all. In Ep 6, we see that he does not integrate well with the group, and he doesn't realize how he might appear to others when he stares and sketches from afar. Yoh does not read the room well because he doesn't pick up on social cues and does not adhere to social norms (I'll point these out in Ep 6's corrections). He cannot read Segasaki, and especially cannot read Segasaki's amae, or his attempts at reinforcing their relationship. Part of this is because his low self-esteem causes him to withdraw from Segasaki's affection as a means of self-protection, and so he valiantly tries to deny his feelings for Segasaki. As Man-san commented in Ep 4, Yoh is not sunao - he has difficulty with being true/honest about his feelings, even to himself.

Sunao is another term that usually pops up when talking about feelings/relationships. It can be used to describe one's relationship with oneself, as well as the relationship with another/group. With oneself, it is usually used to mean "being honest/truthful/straightforward/frank/open-minded about one's feelings". With another person/group, it is usually used to mean "to cooperate/listen/be obedient, or "to be humble/open-minded". In essence, the word encompasses an ideal virtue that is often taught from early childhood - that we should treat both ourselves and others with humility and honesty, because that is how we accept ourselves and stay in harmony with other. This is what becoming an adult, or gaining maturity, means (not gaining independence, as adulthood is often equated to in the West - do you see a running theme here 😂). Of course, that's actually really hard to do, so you'll often hear children (and immature adults too) chided for "not being sunao" (this can therefore sound patronizing if you're not careful). We'll revisit this in a little bit.

Second: What is Amae?

Amae is a key component in Japanese relationships, both intimate and non-intimate. It happens every day, in a variety of different interactions, between a variety of different people. But it is often seen as strange or weird, and those unfamiliar with the concept can feel uncomfortable with it. This stems from the difference in self-construal - because independence is tied so strongly to an individual's self-image in the West, it is very hard to fathom why behavior that emphasizes interdependence could be looked upon favorably. It is telling that every possible English translation of the word "amae" carries a negative connotation, when in Japanese it can be both negative or positive. The original subtitles translated it as "clingy", for example. Other common translations include "dependence", "to act like a child/infant", "to act helpless", "to act spoiled", "coquettish", "seeking indulgence", "being naive" etc.

From A Multifaceted View of the Concept of Amae: Reconsidering the Indigenous Japanese Concept of Relatedness by Kazuko Y Behrens

*Note - the word "presumed" or "presumption" or "expectation" or "assumption" used in the above definition and in the rest of this post, can give the impression that all of amae is premeditated, which adds a calculative component to this concept. Whilst amae can indeed be used in a manipulative manner (benign or otherwise), it is not the case for every single situation, and often amae that seeks affection is often spontaneous and without thought, precisely because the situation allows for it to appear organically. This is the amae that Segasaki and Yoh most often exchange - so think of these assumptions and expectations as "unconscious/subconscious" thought processes.

Third: Amae Between Segasaki and Yoh

Yoh shows a lot of amae when he is drunk:

He whines, buries himself into Segasaki's embrace, refuses to move or let go of him, and keeps repeating "no". In these interactions, Yoh wants Segasaki's affection, but instead of asking, he does, well, this, and he presumes that Segasaki will indulge his behavior. Leaving to get some fresh air might not be as obvious - but it is a form of amae as well, because Man-san is his guest, not Segasaki's, and he shouldn't be leaving Segasaki to entertain her. The expectation that this is okay, and that neither of them will fault him for it, is what makes it amae.

Segasaki obviously enjoys indulging Yoh when Yoh does amae, because he recognises this as Yoh's request for affection from him. It's not that Segasaki enjoys Yoh in this drunk, helpless state; it's not even that Segasaki feels reassured by Yoh's requests for affection. Segasaki knows Yoh likes him, and recognizes that Yoh is struggling with those feelings. That Yoh is actually able to do amae to Segasaki is what delights him the most, because it is something that requires a lot of trust in Segasaki and a willingness to be vulnerable in front of him. This is how amae reinforces relationships - when a request for amae is granted, both the giver and the receiver experience pleasant feelings.

That said, an amae request can also be perceived negatively - if amae is excessive, or if the person responding feels they are obligated to do so. In Ep 5, Man-san chides Yoh for his amae - the fact that he expected to do well from the beginning, and became upset when he failed. He told her about his unemployment, presuming that she would comfort him, but alas.

Segasaki also does amae - but unfortunately Yoh misses many of his cues, and so neither of them really gain pleasant feelings from the interaction (ok so maybe Segasaki does, but I will argue that is more because Segasaki also enjoys it when Yoh obeys him - see @lutawolf's posts for the D/s perspective on this!).

Did you catch it? Segasaki wants Yoh to pass him the Soy Sauce, which, clearly, he is capable of getting himself. He tells Yoh to feed him, because he wants Yoh's affection. And the real kicker - he asked for curry, and expected Yoh to know he wanted pork. In all these interactions, Segasaki presumes that Yoh will indulge him and do for him things he can do himself perfectly well (and even better at that) - this is what makes this amae. But look at Yoh's reactions:

Yoh just stares between the Soy Sauce and Segasaki, between Segasaki and his food, and then just at Segasaki himself. He doesn't recognise any of this as amae, and in the case of feeding Segasaki makes the conclusion that this is somehow a new slave duty he's acquired. And therefore, he does not gain pleasant feelings from it.

In Ep 3 we see a turning point in Yoh's behaviour - his first (sober) attempt at amae (the argument in Ep 2 is debatable - it's not amae from Yoh's POV, but Segasaki responds as if it were, with a head pat and a "when you get drunk, you talk a lot don't you?").

Here, Yoh wants to express his desire for Segasaki's affection, but he can't bring himself to say it aloud. Instead, he dumps bedsheets on Segasaki's lap, as if the bigger the scene he makes the greater the intensity of his desire he can convey. It is the presumption that Segasaki will understand him that makes this amae. And then, we get this:

Not only a happy Segasaki and a sweetly shy Yoh, but also a Yoh who's emboldened by Segasaki's response, and who finally, for the first time, reciprocates touch, and considers the possibility that Segasaki might actually like him.

With every episode, Yoh gets more and more comfortable with doing amae towards Segasaki, because Segasaki picks up on his cues and always responds to them. In Ep 5, Yoh's amae comes out naturally, triggered by the stress of his unemployment, and we see it in all those moments he sounds and acts like a child, and as I mentioned, Segasaki spends the whole episode reassuring Yoh that his amae is welcomed, and that Segasaki likes responding to it. If you've been wondering why the relationship between Segasaki and Yoh can, at times, feel somewhat parental in nature - this is it. It's because Segasaki sees the contradiction between Yoh's childlike insistence that he does not like Segasaki and his desire for Segasaki's attention and affection, for what it really is - Yoh's struggle with accepting himself. When Yoh is able to be sunao, he does amae naturally, and Segasaki responds to him in kind.

Now, all we need is for Yoh to recognize when Segasaki does amae, which will likely happen soon, given that Yoh has grown with every episode.

As always, thank you for reading :))

#my personal weatherman #taikan yohou #体感予報 #segasaki x yoh #MPW language analysis #sociolinguistics #japanese language #japanese cultural tidbits #mytranslations #MPW subtitle corrections #my meta is creeping into my sub corrections #need to get it out here instead #sorry for the length #tbh posting such crazy long posts and expecting that people will actually read it #can be considered amae too 🤣🤣#Ep 6 corrections will be out next #I just needed to get this out before 7 #and i sorta made it

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fawndlyvenus · 6 months

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I am looking at @emberfaye @the-cookie-of-doom ,and @snickerdoodlles specifically for this one. (Look at what you three have done!… thank you.)

Kim wanted to collapse after his day. Filming for a music video three days in a row was not fun. He didn’t want to see another makeup artist for the next week. And he felt like he’d bust a camera into little bitty pieces if one appeared right now.

He stripped almost immediately after entering the apartment him and Chay shared, and scrubbed layer after layer of makeup from his skin, as well as whatever they had put in his hair to set it this time. Once he was feeling somewhat normal again, Kim pulled one of Chay’s t-shirts from the closet on over his head, and breathed deep.

The scent of Chay was magic at making him feel more relaxed – and until Chay came back from classes, this would have to do. Slipping on some old sweatpants, Kim returned back to the bathroom to scrub his mouth clean of the dry, icky feeling of the day.

As he was preparing his toothbrush, he saw it – his bare neck. His agitation and grumpy mood now doubled. Chay hadn’t left a single mark in days because of this shoot. Not a single hicky or bite mark colored his neck, and it honestly made Kim feel off.

Wearing Chay’s marks was grounding. It was something that made him feel special and wanted. To know that he was so loved and important to someone, and that they wanted him to know it every time he looked in the mirror. It made Kim feel something curl up warm and tight in his chest seeing exactly where Chay’s mouth had laid claim to him.

And now he felt cold and bare looking at his perfectly flawless neck.

Kim brushed his teeth at lightning speed, before padding back out and curling up on the sofa in the living room. Kim tried not to think about it. His leg bounced as his feelings intensified, and no amount of tv or doom scrolling on social media could stop it.

Kim was a dog with a bone. A very Chay-shaped bone, and he wasn’t going to let it go for anything. Checking his phone, Kim saw that Chay still had about an hour left before he’d be back.

Kim could do this. He could last an hour.

Kim moved into the kitchen, threw himself into cooking a meal, but his mind immediately went back to Chay.

Had Chay ate? What would he want to eat for dinner? How hungry would he be? Too hungry to mark his-

Nope! Kim left the half-cut vegetables sitting on the cutting board, and moved back to the sofa to stop his thoughts. He picked up his guitar and began to idly strum some chords. His fingers moved, but his mind stayed exactly where it had been – pacing an ever growing worn spot on his mental carpet.

Chay would think he was needy for wanting him to mark him first thing when he got home. Was he needy? No, he just liked his boyfriend’s mouth on him. That was totally normal and not needy of boyfriends, right? Wanting his skin littered with proof that Chay wanted him, as much as he wanted Chay, was absolutely normal and not needy.

Kim – lost in his thoughts – almost missed the sound of the locks on the front door disengaging and opening. Almost. Bolting up, Kim half ran to the entrance and felt his body react accordingly to seeing that familiar mop of black hair, and large doe-like eyes.

“P’Kim! Your back-oof!” Chay’s words were cut short as Kim crowded him against the wall. Kim crashed their lips together, and felt the all-too-familiar zing of electricity shoot down his spine as he did. Kim felt the way Chay’s body vibrated under him as a series of giggles slipped past their moving lips.

Pulling away, Chay finally let out the last bit of his laughter. “I think you missed me,” Chay teased.

Only a lot. Kim’s brain supplied for him before he could shoot it down. Kim moved to resume their previous make-out session, but was stopped by Chay tugging at the back of Kim’s hair. Kim let out a small hiss – not because it hurt, but because it sent a whole new wave of pleasure through him.

Chay’s eyes had darkened, and he looked somehow sinful, yet adorable, as he cocked his head to the side to look at Kim. Tugging gently at the hair still trapped between his fingers, Chay scanned Kim’s face, looking for something.

“What is it you want, love?” Chay’s words sent another zing down his spine, but also a lick of something bitter with it. Why did he have to say it? Why couldn’t Chay just know what Kim wanted and do it? He probably did know, but Chay wanted Kim to tell him, but Kim didn’t know how.

He couldn’t just say “mark me till I know I’m yours without question,” because that was definitely needy. But he also knew Chay would like that. Chay would definitely, positively like that.

Kim felt a few more tugs on his hair, as Chay waited for him to find the words, which were proving difficult to get out. Swallowing a worrying amount, Kim finally found his voice, “Mark me. Mark me till I know I’m yours.”

“Good boy,” was the last thing Kim heard Chay say, before he felt the warm and wet suction of Chay’s mouth on his neck. Kim was in heaven as Chay sucked and bit at his neck. He didn’t care about the sounds he was making or the fact he was basically clawing the wall behind Chay.

It felt glorious to finally have the thing that he most wanted and the knowledge that after Chay was done with him, he’d have the most beautiful necklace of proof that Chay loved him, and that he was Chay’s. And that was exactly what he always wanted. Forever.

#kimchay #kimchay fic #kim theerapanyakul #porchay kittisawasd #kinnporsche the series #Venus’ writing #Listen y’all can’t talk about love bites and not expect my brain to go 👀#Like you just can’t because now I have a whole new brainrot #thanks cookies and Faye🤣#also should I be resting while sick? probably #am I? no because I had a plot bunny and it needed to be set free

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