#✚ | ❝ not alone with a dream / just a want to be free ; with a need to belong / i am the clansman ❞ { c / monkey d. luffy }
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Imagine being a freman captured by feyd and just as you’re on the cusp of stockholm syndrome he spits on you. To him he’s just degrading you but you see it as an honor he’s giving you his water…
oh I love this. I feel like to fall into this the Reader has to be primed for it.
Like the Fremen seem to live in fairly small groups (aside from the deep south) so if Reader came from a bigger family then their romantic options may be severely limited. Reader, feeling lonely and longing to leave their small settlement just to find romance would be a great start for this AU.
Then when Feyd captures her, she knows he's probably going to be tortured and killed or turned into a slave. She may have read books and heard stories of dark lovers being soft for their one true love but she's not an idiot, she's under no illusions this will happen to her.
But then the first few weeks pass and Reader is unharmed. She's not tortured or raped and doesn't even see the face of any person other than Feyd.
Feyd is likely thinking he'll keep Reader like an exotic pet - the last of her kind once he razes Arrakis to dust - as he torments her with news of Fremen death. (Paul's rebellion is taking way longer ig)
Unintentionally, he's training Reader bit by bit to be totally dependant on him. He brings her food and water when he visits every second day so the relief of hunger and thirst becomes inescapably entwined with Feyd's presence. As he is literally the only other person she sees, he becomes the only thing she can think about, the only thing she ever dreams about.
This is when the spitting scene occurs. It's a declaration of love. Reader's thrilled. She swallows. Feyd begins to spend more and more of his time just thinking about Reader because no one ever reacted that positively to him just behaving however he wanted (this would probably work best if the Harpies weren't allowed to come with him, were killed right after he arrived on Dune or never existed in the first place).
Childish dreams of an Out-Worlder sweeping Reader off her feet and away from her inescapable family and into a life of dramatic romance begin to be mapped onto Feyd's face as Reader spends most of her time alone in the darkness of her cell.
Until I'm thinking Gurney and some Fremen scouts break into the Arrakeen palace for an assassination attempt and while they're there, they free Reader against Paul's orders (Hey, she has a big family at least two of them are on the team). She's ok with leaving until she learns they want to assassinate Feyd. The Harkonnen tactics advanced so much upon his arrival they think they can win if they take him out. Reader knocks them out from behind. This is how Feyd find her. Surrounded by the unconscious bodies of her would-be rescuers.
I couldn't pick an ending here so here's both:
Feyd tests Reader by "accidentally" letting her take one of his swords. She uses it to kill the scouting team to protect him. He proposes with the idea of stringing her along and seeing what else he could make her do for him before locking her up again. However, the horror that his fiancée evokes in the Bene Gesserit makes him so happy he decides to drag it out longer. Then, she tells him about the deep-south holdouts and stops him from relaxing when all the northern Fremen are seemingly dead he has to keep her on his arm a little longer. Then she wins a sparring match against him so he has to keep her around until he can soundly beat her, take everything she can teach him and turn it against her. Before he knows it they've been engaged for a year and there's legitimate wedding planning happening. He still wouldn't call it love but it might be as close as he gets. Reader still loves it when he spits on her.
Feyd gets Reader to fake a break-out and helps her move the unconscious rescuers out a secret escape. When they wake up she claims Feyd found them but she killed him and dragged them all to freedom. She's his spy on the inside and with the confidence of Feyd's supposed assassination Paul and the other Fremen will be overconfident. This would probably culminate in Feyd winning the knife fight against Paul and then saying, "You did perfectly, sweetheart." And Reader bolting like an Olympian into his still bloody arms.
#feyd rautha harkonnen#feyd rautha x reader#original#asks#feyd x you#thank you so much for sharing your idea!#Hope i did OK!
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I know you probably won't continue this since it's been almost two years but recently I saw your Submas comic again with Emmet somehow ending up in Hisui with the help of Celebi and reuniting with his brother but also getting the consequences of his actions/neglect in taking care of himself (also probably Hisui being harsh to his already weakened state)
I imagined how it could continue (not written down anywhere just living rent free in the brain of yours truly) and I feel like sharing it with you since you inspired me:
We left off as Ingo weeps in front of Emmet sleeping... After he wakes up from his weeping Ingo and Sneasler reluctantly leave as Emmet has no signs of regaining consciousness or improving. Something tells Ingo that what his brother needs might be back in their original time with much better health care.
Similar to him Ingo seeks out Dialga and Palkia begging them to help him save his brother. They have just reunited and he doesn't dare to think what happens if Emmet doesn't get the treatment he needs.
Celebi is also still around and Ingo makes the decision to return to the future to help save Emmet. Sacrificing everything just like he did.
[off screen he makes his good byes get's one of Sneaslers Eggs as a parting gift and they return back to the future]
Next time we cut to the twins it's in the hospital when Emmet regains consciousness. Half awake he is distraught first because being in hospital means it was all a dream and he is all alone again. Waterworks start until he notices a presence by his bedside. Ingo. Totally exhausted and seemingly recently fallen asleep. Waterworks start even harder because Ingo is right there. It was real after all. Ingo awakes and wakes up and they hug and weep.
the end
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I know you're not fond of fanworks of your fanworks so I don't know if you even like this stupid little idea (also if you even remember the fanart and all that from way back when) I don't plan on sharing this anywhere outside to you. Take it if you want or leave and delete it. I just felt like sharing it with you since you inspired me.
I just want to say thank you because even after all this time your few works of art for submas fill me with joy and I smile each time I scroll past them on my dashboard. All your artworks are simply amazing and I know that you definitely make so many people happy with your content. Keep doing what you love because you do awesome! Take care and thank you for reading this far into this long message.
Awwee!! This is so sad yet adorable at the same time!! 😭😭😭 What a sweet way to wrap up Ingo and Emmets journey! :}}
And thank you so much! I'm so glad to hear that you liked my submas stuff and that it's inspired you! Even though I didn't draw much for it.. 😅 Perhaps someday when I'm feeling better I'll get back around to submas again.. 👀👀
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And I return with some ghost Obi. Thanks @queenaelinwildfire!
Spinning off of Sparky, ghost Obi haunting Jango
Ooo bonus points if it’s smol obi wan
When the boy first appeared, Jango had been sure it’d been the spice. Hallucinations were hardly new and the young boy who stared at him with frightened eyes was hardly the strangest thing he saw. In fact, the boy who whispered warnings about when the slavers were coming, and told him that Neeva—the young togruta girl a few slaves down—was dying, and told him stories about men in white armor who died forgotten heroes, was perhaps the kindest hallucination that Jango experienced.
Except the boy didn’t go away. Not when Jango killed the slavers. Not when Jango detoxed. Not when Jango left behind all but the scars of his time with the slavers.
Jango hadn’t quite believed in ghosts before, but he had no other explanation for the boy that followed him unerringly from the slavers’ ship to Concord Dawn to the ugly, worn down ship he eventually acquired.
“You have a reason for haunting me, kid?” he asked.
The boy frowned. His hand came to his neck where a collar rested.
Jango had tried not to think about that particular accessory too much.
“I don’t know,” the boy admitted. “I… I don’t remember how I got here.”
Jango was going to guess that the answer included ‘dying’. “You need help moving on?” Jango asked. Though he had no idea how he would help some ghost move on. Jaster would have, though.
Jango blocked out the thought.
“I don’t know,” the boy admitted. “I don’t think so. I think I’m here for a reason.”
Great. A reason. That explained so much. “What’s your name?”
The boy’s brow furrowed. “I… I don’t know.” The boy sounded alarmed, as though he’d just realized he didn’t have a name.
Well, there went trying to track down where the boy had come from. All Jango had to go on was the rough mining clothes the boy was wearing, several sizes too large for him, and the collar around his neck.
Mining colonies weren’t exactly sparse in this galaxy. Even narrowing it down to mining colonies that used slavery didn’t help.
The Republic might claim that slavery was outlawed, but that didn’t mean much, Jango had discovered.
“Do you have a name you want me to call you?” Jango asked, because while Jango could keep calling him ‘the boy’ it seemed…
Wrong.
If Myles were here, Myles would have already named the kid. It’d probably have been something meaningful and well thought out.
If Silas were here, he’d have helped the kid come up with a name on his own. He’d have turned it into a game, until the kid didn’t even remember he was upset.
If Jaster were here…
Jango tried not to think about what Jaster would have done.
The boy frowned and Jango could tell he was thinking. “Obi,” the boy said finally. “I think… I think I like Obi.”
“Obi,” Jango agreed. He wondered if it was the kid’s actual name, hidden in the depths of his mind. “You going to keep following me around?”
Obi tilted his head. “I think so. I don’t want you to be alone.” Obi’s gaze was piercing. “Are you going to go home?” he asked. “Now that you’re free?”
Jango swallowed. “I don’t have a home to go to.”
Obi’s eyes echoed with a terrible sadness. “You’re afraid.”
Jango closed his eyes. “You wouldn’t understand,” he said, words coming out short.
“Sometimes I dream I can’t go home either,” Obi whispered. “In the dream, I want the desert sands to strip me to my bones.”
Jango flinched, but added the piece of information to the possibility of where Obi had come from. Though, there were a spare few mining colonies on desert planets. The combination was rarely conducive to the most valuable of mining operations.
“It’s not the same kid.”
Obi stared at him. “I think they’d want you to come back.” His hand rubbed at the metal collar around his neck again. “Wherever home is. They… they probably miss you.”
Jango scoffed. He’d gotten so many of their people killed, the ones that remained could hardly want him back. “Not likely, kid.”
“In my dreams, they died because of me,” Obi whispered.
Apparently being a ghost made the kid telepathic. Jango was not a fan. But it was… it was a kid, a dead kid. Jango didn’t have the heart to try to get rid of him, unless it was to bring him home.
“Just a dream, kid.”
Obi looked away. “What if it’s not? Do… do we never get to go home?”
Jango sighed. “Come on, let me teach you how to navigate in and out of hyperspace.” He’d noticed that the kid looked like he enjoyed watching Jango in the cockpit. Sure, the kid would never need the skills himself, being dead and all, but Jango didn’t know what else to do with the dead kid that was stuck with Jango.
Obi nodded, following Jango back to the cockpit. It was the end of the conversation.
Or it should have been.
The question haunted Jango as the months passed. Would he ever get to go home? With the sins that weighed so heavy on his shoulders? It’d been years. Years as a slave and now nearly a year free.
He looked at Obi, who hadn’t aged since the day he’d found Jango in the hull of the slave ship. Just a kid. Always a kid. A dead kid that couldn’t go home. Whose closest thing to home was Jango and Jango’s ship.
Jango had been determined not to think of it, of what he’d lost, of what was gone, of what he could never allow himself to have again.
Do we never get to go home?
Was that why the kid was stuck as a ghost? Had he told himself he was never allowed to go home? Had he trapped himself in some sort of eternal punishment.
Jango had never heard of it happening before, but he wasn’t a scholar, and this universe was full of things stranger than Jango could believe.
Do we never get to go home?
Was that why the kid had found him? Because he saw Jango’s punishment as his own?
Because this life Jango lived now, constantly chasing the next bounty, with nothing but a ghost at his side… was it a life? Was Jango just as much a ghost as the dead kid that haunted him.
“Where are we going next?” Obi asked when the next hunt finished.
Jango stared at the controls on the cockpit’s dashboard.
Do we never get to go home?
Did he?
The kid needed a home. Jango… Jango couldn’t give him the one he’d been taken from. But…
“Concord Dawn,” he said.
“Where’s that?” Obi asked. “Is there a hunt there?”
Jango shook his head. “No, kid. We’re going home.”
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Hi, I know you might be a little busy, so no rush. I wanted to ask you for a Cordelia x Wilhemina x Billie x Reader, where Reader after a run-in with witch hunters gets hurt and tries to hide it from her girlfriends, as she has always known how to take care of herself, but she may get sick at night and the girls trying to find out what's wrong with her discover the wound, a bit of angst with fluff at the end.
Thank you.
Translated with DeepL.com (free version)
Cordelia Goode x Wilhemina Venable x Billie Dean Howard x Reader- Born to Die
A/N: I have no way of prioritising my requests at this point but I got this a little while ago and I just had to considering the angst 😩 special mention and thanks to @stepintomyworld who encouraged me to add more of the reader comforting the characters in this one 🫶🏻
word count: 8k
tw: mention of blood, mention of violence, mention of anxiety, angst
taglist:
@lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward, @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay, @whitelotus00, @ninaahs, @vintagepaulson, @isle-of-earle, @paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @lucyintheskywithxanax, @fanfics4world, @mymiraclewitch, @hazard-to-myself, @awritersometime, @ohrwurm26, @wastdstime
It had been a normal day so far, any normal weekend day at the academy really, most witches having gone to their families or doing some kind of activities outside of the coven, Billie, Cordelia and Wilhemina finally off work and enjoying the company of each other including you. Considering it was Saturday, you had been working in the greenhouse for a while, working on some spells and potions, preparing a class that was due teaching the following Monday.
Cordelia had been so incredibly busy, as well as the other two that you decided to head to the markets for her, despite Wilhemina and Billie offering the same but you always wanted to make sure that you took as much as possible off their busy plates. You couldn't begin to imagine how stressful it must be to be either of them. Billie constantly under the pressure of filming her show, chasing spirits and ghosts away. Despite her often joking about it and talking about the fun bits, you knew all too well about the deadlines that kept her up at night, as well as her high expectations of herself, as she always wanted to make her viewers happy. Let alone the spirits that would haunt her at night and visited her in her dreams and so it was a no brainer to help Billie out whenever you could.
The same with Cordelia, you knew how exhausting it must be to be the supreme, most powerful witch, the whole pressure of looking after every single one of her girls and the academy always heavy on her shoulders. And you knew that she also had some very high expectations, knowing that her mother often still haunted her and wanting so hard not to be like her and make the coven the place that she had always wanted. And so you couldn't help but take as many classes as possible off her plate, to the point where she wasn't part of the schedule anymore, and only taught occasionally whenever she felt like it or had some quiet time. In the evenings and afternoons, you would often help the supreme with anything that needed attending to, new applications, looking after some newcomers, anything to ease the weight of her responsibilities.
And at last you knew Wilhemina was no different, her career that she cared about so very deeply, having fought herself to the position she is in today. And despite her demeanour and her the one usually more quiet about those sort of things, you could tell how exhausting it must be at times, given her two idiot bosses that she would occasionally mention when talking about work, which was quite rare. And you knew about her expectations as well, wanting to be there for you three with all her heart, nothing ever too much for her. And in the process she often forgot to give herself that same kindness, gentleness and love. But you had taken that part a long time ago, knowing how exhausting the toll of Wilhemina's back was for her. And you always made sure to be a helping hand, as she would often find you being the one to schedule her doctors appointments, pick up her medication, prepare meals or baths for her. And she was reluctant at first, having only trusted Cordelia with those tasks so far, considering their dynamic and deep trust. But the one day she found out that you had taken over, she didn't even question it and ever since she would always show her appreciation through the love flickering in her eyes whenever they met yours. And that was all the thank yous that you had needed.
Your daydreaming comes to an abrupt stop, when you suddenly notice a shift around you. You had been done with all the stops, going from stall to stall and one shop with the list that Cordelia had given you, the weather had been lovely, warm as the sun was shining down on you, even causing you to take your cardigan off with the heat. However, as you walk down the long road towards the coven, it suddenly begins pouring down with rain, the sky filled with bright lightening and the sound of thunder startling you. And you could tell, somehow feeling it in your bones that something was off. You didn't have Cordelia's supreme senses but somehow you could always tell when something wasn't right, especially given the dramatic change in weather. As you stop walking for a moment, holding onto the shopping bags, you glance behind you, the pouring rain making it a little hard to see, but you wanted to check if there was some sort of danger as your body felt an odd sense of doom lurking nearby.
And out of the corner of your eyes, despite the pouring rain, you can see something. Your heart instantly stopping in your chest as you notice three dark shadows. Instantly your senses kick in as you think about what to do. It dawns on you that you had the strange feeling of being followed around the markets but you had brushed it off, maybe even foolishly. And then panic sets in as you decide what to do, should you run? maybe even teleport back to the academy? but at the same time you knew if you did that you would take them straight to the coven. And Cordelia had taught you all enough about the dangers that the academy faced at times that you for sure knew taking them there was an awful idea. But you couldn't think straight for a moment as your lungs force out some ragged breaths. And so you decide to cross the street, walking in the opposite direction, towards some crowds and people again, despite the heavy rain. Your hands were too full to call Cordelia and so the only thing you could do was close your eyes and focus on your magic without making it too obvious.
,,Cordelia?'' the supreme sits in her office, her eyes widening when she hears your voice in her head, the two of you mastering the ability of telepathy at this point as Cordelia had taught you a few years ago, a tool that would certainly come in handy now. As she balances on her feet, her movements rushed, Billie Dean is startled a little as the two of them had been talking in the supremes office, catching up about each other's week. ,,What is it?'' Billie asks, nervously, trying to read the blondes face. ,,Y/N, are you okay?'' she asks, closing her eyes as she sends the message to you. And as you hear her words repeat in your head, you doubt whether this was a good idea, whether getting them involved would even be smart and whether you might simply be paranoid. But as you turn around, the black shadows appear bigger, now only a few steps away from you, despite your best efforts. ,,Something is wrong, someone is following me'' you quickly think, sending a rush of adrenaline and panic across the blondes features yet again. ,,Where are you?'' she tries but you can't concentrate as the shadows grow even closer, the rain making it hard to walk, breathe or think as of right now.
And as Billie looks up at the supreme, she suddenly is left in shock as the blonde vanishes before her own eyes, knowing that she must have teleported somewhere but in utter horror and shock at the scene that unfolded and the lack of information she had on what was going on. As your breathing becomes more panicked, you suddenly stop as Cordelia appears in front of you, your eyes already brimming with tears. She stands in front of you, her gaze focused on you before she notices three men approach, almost reaching you two before she is quick to hold onto you, teleporting you both away from danger. ,,Wilhemina?'' Billie's voice rings through the quiet academy in the meantime. ,,Wilhemina?'' she tries again, the panic very noticeable in her voice and features. The redhead was currently sitting in her office, working through some last minute project when she hears her girlfriends voice in the hallway. And by the second time her name is called, she could tell something was off. And so she is quick to balance on her cane before finding a visibly shaken medium in front of her door.
,,What is it?'' she asks, her features stern, hiding her own concern. ,,It's Y/N and Cordelia'' Billie announces before they are startled with a noise coming from the supremes office. Billie's breath hitches as she makes her way over, Wilhemina following behind quickly, her cane echoing loudly through the quiet academy. As they approach the office, they find both you and the supreme there, you dropping the shopping bags, your clothes and face drenched with water from the pouring rain, your breathing hitching and Cordelia's worried expression. ,,What is going on?'' Wilhemina asks, her voice now matching Billie's hysteria from moments before. But you can't breathe yet and so you stand there frozen, pathetically trying to get your lungs to work, while Cordelia takes your cheeks into her hands, cupping them gently, wanting to coax you out of this so you could speak and fill them in.
It takes a few minutes before you manage to breathe and when you do the realisation that Cordelia had teleported you back ripples through you. ,,I.. I was at the markets and everything was fine but then it started thundering- and raining'' you begin, trying to focus to provide them with as much details as possible. ,,Men.. there were three men following me'' you finally speak. Billie and Wilhemina's faces change from concern to confusion, trying to understand your words. ,,It's fine darling, you are okay, you are home safe'' Cordelia tries, not understanding the full effects of the looming danger yet, Billie and Wilhemina equally confused but the redhead knowing you so well by now that she could tell there was something else on your mind. ,,What is it little one?'' she asks, as Cordelia instructs you to sit, your breathing again coming out hitched and panicked. ,,Witch- hunters... I think they may be... witch hunters'' you struggle before the realisation ripples through the three of them.
Cordelia's eyes widen, beginning to understand the full extend, internally scolding herself for not realising before, as she begins pacing, trying to think of something she could do, anything to keep the academy safe. ,,What makes you think that babydoll?'' Billie asks confused not necessarily understanding the connection. ,,It's.. I- I don't know, it's just a weird feeling I had'' you explain, glancing at Wilhemina who now stands beside you, one of her steady hands placed gently on your shoulder to tell you she is here and that she wasn't going anywhere. ,,I don't think you should have teleported us here Delia'' you begin, before she stops pacing to look at you. ,,I didn't teleport here for that reason'' you explain. ,,I think they watched me at the markets already, maybe they were looking for you'' you explain. Billie's heart sinks for a moment, before she connects the pieces ,,That could be possible, you go there every Saturday Delia'' she speaks, trying to control her emotions to stay on top of this.
,,If that is true, we may have just led them here'' you speak, not wanting to blame her whatsoever but more concerned with the wellbeing of your girlfriends and the witches left at the academy. ,,Shit'' the supreme curses, really not having thought that last bit through, the concern over you before too strong. ,,Okay we need to act fast, can you help me place another protection spell Y/N?'' the blonde asks, you quickly nodding and up on your feet before you abruptly freeze, startling all three of them. And then it's back, that odd feeling, the feeling of looming danger nearby, doom. ,,They are here'' you whisper, being able to feel their presence as they somehow get past the protection spells and enter the academy. ,,How many witches are here?'' you whisper, towards Cordelia. ,,Just the twins'' she explains, pointing at two rather new members. ,,Keep them safe, I'll look after these two'' you whisper, with quick words, the supreme hesitating for a moment before remembering your abilities and nodding, glancing at you three one more time before leaving.
And then you turn around, catching a glimpse of Wilhemina and Billie who both look utterly terrified. Billie shivering with fear, Wilhemina seeming more composed on the outside but her eyes spoke lengths. ,,Listen'' you whisper, barely audible ''I need you both to stay here while I find Delia'' you begin, but by their faces you could tell they would never let you do this willingly. ,,No way Y/N'' Billie scolds, shaking her head vividly at your suggestion. ,,I'll be two minutes'' you announce but you knew there was no way they would let you go, Wilhemina's angry eyes piercing straight through you. As you begin taking some steps towards the door, the redhead is quick to grab your arm, not letting you go under any circumstances considering the dangers. You nod before whispering ,,Let me put a protection spell on the door at least'' you whisper again, barely audible. They nod, Wilhemina letting go off you before you make your way to the door, closing your eyes, before chanting a strong protection spell, one that would make it impossible for anyone to enter and evenly them to get out.
,,I'm sorry'' you mouth the words before turning around and teleporting away from them, Wilhemina's cane banging in the process ,,Damn it'' Billie snaps, watching you escape their grasps. And with a swift motion, you find yourself downstairs by the staircase. The academy was dead silent and if it wasn't for your intuition, no one would know anything was off and that anyone had entered the usual safe walls of the academy. It was also incredibly dark, the only light source, the occasional lightening from outside, illuminating the usual bright academy. With careful steps, you walk towards the nearest wall, using your witchcraft to carry you further as you make it towards the hallway, now finally hearing some footsteps and being able to tell they weren't from Cordelia. Your brain blanks a little bit as you try to think what to do, whether you should guide them away from here, whether to confront them head on, knowing your powers would be more powerful than their weapons.
As you make it to a door, you poke your head around it, catching a glimpse of one of the shadows, dressed entirely in black before you raise your hand, making him fly across the room, hitting his back on a nearby wall, by the lack of noise assuming he was unconscious for now. ,,What was that?'' another dark low voice asks, making you halt your steps as he was much closer than you initially believed. ,,It's the witches'' another one speaks before you find another one approaching, walking towards the unconscious one. However before you can do anything, Cordelia startles you as you catch a glimpse of her sneaking down the staircase. As soon as her eyes land on you, her eyebrows furrow, brushing the thought away as one was very close to the supreme, his stupidity and the darkness causing him not to see her yet. With a swift motion, she has him equally by the nearest wall, his hands tied behind his back, his mouth covered, only letting the smallest, most pathetic noises escape.
Before you know it, you suddenly feel a sharp pain on the back of your head, before another one is added to your back, causing you to squint your eyes shut, the pain overwhelming you for a moment before you lose your balance. You watch as Cordelia approaches the two witch hunters on the floor, not having seen the third one evidently behind you. But as you watch him approach her, sneaking up behind her, you quickly focus on your magic, adding him to the pile of monsters on the floor, causing him to lose consciousness, dropping the weapons in the process. Cordelia gasps a little as she turns around, seeing you holding onto the nearest wall. And then as danger is averted, the sky fills with the same bright tones of yellow that it had before, the sun shining warmly, instantly illuminating the academy with light again. With a flick of your wrist you release the protection spell around Cordelia's office, knowing they would both be furious with you for this and not wanting to keep them locked in any longer, knowing danger was gone for now.
,,Are you okay?'' Cordelia asks, looking over to you, torn between running to you and checking on you and letting out her wrath on the three figures, knowing despite danger being averted for now, the real work would begin for the supreme now as she had to figure out whether they worked individually, whether they are a part of an organisation. Knowing she would need to take them to the council for further questioning, needing to figure out how they managed to get past the protection barrier of the academy. ,,I'm fine Delia, are you?'' you ask and she simply nods, before kneeling down, taking off one hood by one, trying to see whether she knew them, whether her magic could tell her anything about what had happened. And then as the throbbing pain returns in your back and head, you catch a glimpse of Billie running down the stairs, Wilhemina's cane echoing hard and loud against the marble floor, their faces filled with concern, fear and panic.
,,Is everyone okay?'' Billie asks, taking a step back when she notices the three figures on the floor. ,,All okay Billie'' Cordelia quickly announces, phone already in hand to alert the council about this, as well as Zoe. ,,What the hell was that?'' Wilhemina's angry voice rings through the air, only adding to the pounding in your head. You knew she was talking to you, you knew she was going to be furious with you and you knew it would need a lot of explaining, as she for sure wouldn't just accept your pathetic apology of wanting to keep them and the coven safe. As she descends the stairs, making her way over to you, your legs suddenly feel a little weak, face growing paler and you could definitely feel something warm running down your head, neck and back. ,,I'm so sorry Mina'' you apologise, closing your eyes to fight back the pain and brace for the impact of her words. ,,I just needed to keep you both safe'' you apologies again, and Billie is quick to shoot Wilhemina a glance, the glance telling her that this wouldn't be the right time now.
,,Y/N?'' Cordelia asks, causing you to open your eyes and look at her through your blurry vision. ,,Can you teleport one of them to the council with me? I'll take the other two'' she announces and you try nodding, quickly realising that was a mistake before muttering out a quick ,,Yes''. As you take some unsteady steps towards her, you brush past both Wilhemina and Billie who both look at you, as you try and muster up your best smile, hiding the pain, not wanting to worry them further. ,,We should be back in a few hours, but the coven is safe'' Cordelia announces, having now placed another protection spell around the walls of the academy. ,,Billie darling, can you check on the twins for me?'' she asks, Billie quickly nodding. You take one last glance at Wilhemina before putting your arm around one of them, glancing at Cordelia who gives you the signal to teleport.
And then again, the two of you, including the men are out of your girlfriends sights, Billie sighing before glancing at Wilhemina and making her way upstairs to check on the twins. Cordelia must have already alerted the council beforehand as when you arrive at another school for witches and warlocks, they are already waiting for you both. Both you and Cordelia are quick to hand the men over, the supreme already discussing with the witches and warlocks on what had happened. You pause for a moment, the pain now very evident as you search for the nearest bathroom, Cordelia not really noticing your absense as her main concern was the safety of the coven, assuming at first you were following behind her. It's not until she determinedly fills them in, turning around to speak to you when she notices your absence. Her features tense a little, eyebrows furrowing as she looks around the room, trying to find you among the council of witches and warlocks.
Meanwhile you had found the nearest bathroom, having been here a few times for some council meetings. As you balance on your tip toes with the last energy you have left, turning around, you lift up your shirt, revealing a significant wound and how your shirt was now mostly stained with blood. You had been so caught up in the hectic of things, wanting to keep the academy and your girlfriends safe that you had no idea what actually happened, but by the wound you assume it must have been some sort of knife as the bleeding wasn't stopping yet. Your hair is hiding the other wound, causing the throbbing headache but you couldn't move well and so all you can do for now is linger your hands over it, knowing your healing magic was nothing compared to Cordelia's but it would do for now. With a swift motion, you adjust your jacket, checking one more time for no obvious signs of injury before returning to the witches and your girlfriend.
Cordelia is content seeing you, taking a mental note to check in on you in a little while, still explaining the events that had taken place. It takes several hours, several attempts of a truth enhancing spell, making the men spill their intentions, actions. And it was slow, painful even but eventually, mostly with Cordelia's help they could leave the three of them with the council, leaving their faith in their hands after realising that they weren't a part of some bigger scheme, the three men operating on their own. And so in the end, it allows both you and Cordelia to finally head home, the sun having already set a while ago as the two of you finally teleport back to the academy. And the supreme had noticed, how quiet you had been, observing carefully from the back, answering some council questions here and there but wondering whether you simply felt guilty for what happened with Billie and Wilhemina or if maybe the events had traumatised you, still unaware of your injuries.
,,Sweetheart, are you alright?'' she asks, her features almost stern as she takes in your appearance and slightly pale expression. ,,I'm fine Delia'' you try to convince her with your biggest smile and if it wasn't for her own worries lingering on her mind, she would have noticed that it was forced, that in fact you aren't okay, simply hiding your true state in order to not make them worry. In fact the events lingered on her mind, causing her to feel guilty for not thinking this through before, how her concern over you had clouded her, how you had managed to sense the dangers but she hasn't. You could tell by the shaking of her hands and the guilt in her eyes that she felt awful, that she still didn't feel safe, that she was triggered by the events from today as they had happened in the past and taken everything from the blonde. And you didn't need to guess to know that she was thinking of her mother, that same voice back, reminding her how weak she was for not seeing this coming, how she didn't do enough to protect the academy in the first place.
As the two of you linger in the hallway, you can't help but stop her from sprinting upstairs to check on everyone yet. And so you step in front of her, meeting her brown concerned eyes before speaking softly. ,,Delia, hold on'' you speak softly, causing for her eyes to lock with yours. ,,Are you okay?'' you ask gently, your eyes pleading with her, telling her that you knew and that this was okay. She sighs then, doing that lip twitch thing, exposing her own vulnerability in this moment. ,,Come here'' you offer, opening your arms in an inviting way and with a sigh, she takes you up on the offer, almost collapsing into your arms as the weight slowly tumbles from her tense shoulders. ,,It's okay'' you reassure, squeezing her a little tighter to make sure she knew you are there and that you had got her. You ignore the throbbing pain in your back as her hands linger on it unknowingly.
As the two of you pull away after a while, you find her tear stained eyes and quickly wipe her cheeks. ,,You did great Delia, you protected us all'' you reassure before speaking again ,,And none of this is your fault'' you smile at her, before she can't help but chuckle. ,,How did you know that?'' she asks, almost a little shy and innocently before you raise an eyebrow. ,,Well duh Delia, I am a witch'' you grin, causing her to chuckle a little before pressing a kiss to your forehead. It doesn't take long before the two of you are interrupted, Wilhemina's cane and Billie's heels echoing through the large hallway, finding you both back home safe and sound. ,,Oh thank god'' Billie breathes out in relief, seeing you both back. She is quick to walk over to you both, pressing a kiss to your lips and equally the supremes moments later. And as Cordelia fills Billie in on what happened, answering every single one of her questions, you glance at Wilhemina, almost not daring to meet her eyes as the guilt from your earlier actions weighs heavily on your mind and heart.
However as you meet her eyes, her expression is much softer, forgiving almost and unbeknownst to you, Billie had already managed to calm the redhead down, telling her that if either her or the medium could have done what you did, they would have done it as well. Wilhemina not liking the thought of you putting yourself in danger, especially to protect them but knowing she would have done the same if her abilities had allowed her to. And so as you finally reach her, you feel the urge to hug her, looking up to meet her brown eyes. But as you glance up at her, you could see pain and as you observe a little closer, taking in her posture, you can tell her back was killing her. And it killed you truly, how much her back would continue burdening her, how stressful events like today especially took a toll on her. You hesitate for a moment, knowing you needed to play your cards right with this as your earlier actions still may have some anger lingering on her mind regarding that, possibly even you breaking her trust a little.
,,Are you okay, little one?'' she asks carefully, her voice hushed as Billie and Cordelia make their way into the kitchen, Billie already having prepared some dinner for the four of you. ,,Yes, I'm okay Mina'' you whisper, looking up as your guilty eyes meet hers again. ,,Are you?'' you ask and by the way she averted her eyes you could tell that she wasn't. ,,I'm sorry about earlier'' you apologise, the weight of the guilt almost feeling like dragging you down as well as the continued throbbing in your back and head. ,,It's okay little one'' she speaks softly as a little smile coats her features and you could tell she was being genuine and despite you wanting to explain further, you didn't feel like it as of right now, everything feeling a little much. ,,Dinner is ready you two'' Cordelia announces softly and you simply look at the redhead before following her into the kitchen. As you make it there, the light is dim, the only source some candles and the soft glow from the lamplight illuminating the kitchen. It smells heavenly and you chuckle internally for a moment, knowing there was no way Billie had cooked this and wondering if maybe Wilhemina had or whether the medium had ordered it.
Despite the feeling of normality and the events from today almost fading from your memory, you didn't feel like joining them, urgently wanting a shower and to wash away the reminders of the pain from today. The three of them notice your hesitation to sit down, and you avert their gazes before speaking ,,I- I was just going to shower if that's okay'' you announce and for the first time Cordelia really notices then that something was off with you, how quiet you had been and almost withdrawing a little. She stands up, quickly making her way over, taking in your features and noticing just how pale you are, how tired you seem. ,,Of course darling but are you okay?'' she asks, her eyes piercing through you. It takes all your strength to lie, despite hating it but you knew they each suffered today and you didn't want to add. And so you muster up your best smile, before assuring her that you are just fine and making your way upstairs. As they watch you leave, the concern lingers on their beautiful features, eventually fading a little as Cordelia fills them in on what the council and her had discovered, that the coven was safe.
As you stand in the shower, shivering a little at the cold sensation prickling at your skin, you can't help but see the pile of blood stained clothes on the floor, as well as the blood drawing out from the water, pooling by your legs. You almost feel sick at the sight, trying to turn towards the mirror but not being able to see. And so you reach for the back of your head, trying to figure out what had happened but it quickly turns out to be a mistake as the pain is so severe that it almost causes you to lose your balance altogether. In a pathetic attempt, you linger your hands over the back of your head, making the pain go away for now and causing for the blurring off your vision and the feeling of unsteadiness to go away. After finally making it out of the shower and into some clean clothes, you quickly hide all the evidence from your injuries, before making your way downstairs. You find Billie lingering outside the little backdoor and smoking, smiling at you as you pass her. Cordelia is cleaning some dishes, her features seeming a lot less tense and more relaxed now.
Wilhemina is still sitting at the table when you make your way over, gently placing some tablets next to her, knowing her back was definitely killing her by now. She meets your eyes, thankful yet hesitant of the gesture. ,,I ran you a bath Mina, it's ready upstairs for you if you'd like'' you explain hesitantly, unsure how she was going to take it. Cordelia smiles lovingly at you, appreciating your kindness and how nice you always treated them all. The blonde glances at Wilhemina, her eyes pleading her to soften up a little. The redhead nods, swallowing the tablets before giving you a warm smile and making her way upstairs. As you take a seat, you feel two warm arms wrap around you from behind and by the lingering sense of cigarettes and perfume you could tell it was Billie Dean. You ignore the piercing pain as she unintentionally leans her chin on your shoulder, sending waves of pain through your head and back, causing you to scrunch up. And this time, Cordelia picks it up, seeing your expression as she places a plate of food in front of you, her features instantly tensing.
,,Y/N?'' she asks carefully, her eyes meeting Billie's as yours shoot open a little, quickly trying to compose yourself. ,,What's wrong?'' Billie asks, moving away from you a little in order to see what was bothering you. ,,Nothing Delia, just tired'' you lie again, hating it regardless and your magic had alerted you a while ago that the supreme had tried entering your thoughts, you assume unintentionally as her magic sometimes did that, especially when worrying but you didn't want them to worry so you quickly muster up your best smile and eat the food that Cordelia had given you, hoping it would coax the concern from their features. As the night wears on a little while later, the three of you had decided to head to the bedroom a little earlier than usual, Billie retreating to another bathroom for a bit to finish her beauty routine while Wilhemina was finishing up in the bathroom. Cordelia checking on the remaining witches at the academy one more time and making sure all the doors are locked, windows are closed and the protection spell still strong.
When Wilhemina returns, you can tell that her features are much less tense, posture more stable as well and as she carefully moves to her side of the bed, Cordelia and Billie to your left. The redhead finds another sweet gesture on her night table, she finds that you had left her a glass of water, her nighttime medication and a heating pad so she could get a good nights sleep. And the gesture almost brings tears to her eyes, glancing at you to find you nestled next to Cordelia and Billie. The redhead is quick to get onto her side of the bed, next to you and appreciating your efforts and the pain slowly leaving her body. As you glance at Cordelia and Billie, you could tell that the supreme seemed much less tense now, of course the concern and events from today still lingered on her mind but she seemed calmer, Billie already dozing off a little while ago, her soft snores filling the room ever so quietly. As you turn around, you look at Mina, who you find smiling at you, her eyes piercing right through you as if they silently communicated with your own.
And again you felt the urge to hug her, to hold her close and this time she picks it up, lowering herself on the bed a little to get comfortable, heating pad tucked gently on her back. ,,Come here'' she offers and you comply, snuggling into her side as she wraps an arm around you, Billie subconsciously holding onto you as well as she spoons into you. ,,I'm sorry'' you whisper, almost inaudible but your girlfriend picks it up, looking at you, her eyebrow raised ever so slightly. ,,Why are you sorry little one?'' she whispers, almost a little confused. ,,I didn't mean to scare you before'' you admit, your eyes already brimming with tears, the events from today finally catching up on you. Her features soften before you speak again ,,I just wanted to keep you both safe'' you admit, meeting her brown eyes and she is quick to wipe your tears, keeping you comfortable. ,,I know little one, I know'' she reassures pulling you a little closer and holding you tight.
Eventually sleep washes over you, your eyelids feeling heavy and both Billie and Wilhemina's arms holding you close. It isn't until several hours later, when you wake up, feeling another shift in the air, feeling the medium shivering into your side. You are quick to turn around, face the blonde, ignoring the pounding headache and that same warmth lingering on your back. ,,Billie?'' you try softly, noticing her features tense, her whole body stiff and shivering, tears running down her cheeks and you quickly figured she was having a nightmare. ,,Billie'' you try again, glancing around you to find both your other girlfriends asleep. She wakes then, her eyes widening as more tears stream down her cheeks, but you are quick to wipe them away. ,,Shh'' you try soothing her, finding her hand underneath the blanket and holding onto her. ,,It's okay Billie, you had a nightmare'' you assure and the medium is quick to compose herself, usually denying the nightmares whenever one of you mentioned them.
You watch her hesitate, seeing the fight she was fighting internally of opening up. ,,What did you dream about Billie?'' you ask her carefully, smiling warmly at her before pulling her a little closer. And then it kinda bursts out of her, telling you how she was so scared of losing either of you, how brave you had been and glad she is that everyone is fine. And you hold her through every confession, every tear, every sob, before gently coaxing her back to sleep, whispering words of comfort and affection and how she isn't alone, how you are all right there for her. And it does take a little while but before too long her soft sounds fill the bedroom again and you sigh a little then, the pain now almost unbearable as that took any leftover strength you had. And then it kinda dawns on you that something was wrong, how the pain that you had been pushing away didn't feel normal.
With the last strength left, you somehow manage to force yourself out of bed, trying your best to stay as quiet as possible as you try to make your way to the bathroom, feeling the blood run down your neck and back but almost not feeling it as everything is spinning, your cheeks flashed hot and your vision blurry. Somehow you manage to find the bathroom, the light instantly startling you due to the bright sensation. And for a moment all you can do is close the door, sliding down the bathtub and sitting on the floor, trying to breathe. And it doesn't take long for Cordelia to wake up, hearing your footsteps and her supreme senses alerting her of something, despite her not too sure what that was just yet. The darkness causes her to reach for the light on her bedside, the bright sensation causing her to squint her eyes closed for a moment. She hovers above Billie, trying to find you on the bed but she finds your spot empty and as she moves, Wilhemina is also awake quickly, a light sleeper anyway.
Their eyes seem to linger on your pillow and where you had been laying before almost at the same time, noticing the red stained sheets and the lingering blood and their eyes widen then as they meet across the bedroom despite the darkness of the night. Cordelia's eyes widen as Wilhemina is already reaching for her cane, both quickly on their feet. The bathroom light peaks underneath the door as they walk towards it, Cordelia quick to speak first ,,Y/N, are you alright?'' she asks and when you hear her voice, despite it being faint, you could tell that there was no way you could hide this from them any further. In a pathetic attempt to make this any better, you try balancing on your feet but it's pointless and before you know it, both the blonde and redhead are already walking towards you, Cordelia quick to kneel beside you, Wilhemina lingering nearby, her face filled with concern and confusion.
,,What is it baby?'' the blonde speaks softly, her hands instantly wandering to your cheeks, seeing your pale expression. ,,What hurts darling?'' she asks again, her voice a little firmer this time as she could tell you are struggling to keep your eyes open, unaware that the last few minutes you had fought the battle of unconsciousness with all you have got. Wilhemina struggles to watch you like this, your face so neutral despite the very obvious pain lingering in your eyes. Meanwhile, Cordelia tries propping you forward, not being able to see any obvious signs of injury anywhere before she gasps seeing your back. The t-shirt you were sleeping in before, mostly stained in a crimson red and she panics then, not understanding at first what had happened and where this was suddenly coming from. ,,Little one, speak to us please'' Wilhemina ushers, the concern now very visible in her features and voice as she kneels down equally, leaning on her cane and if you could think clearly you would have scolded her, reminded her of her back but you couldn't think as the only thing on your mind was them. Little memories with them clouding your mind, causing you to forget about the pain for a moment.
Cordelia was usually the calm and composed one in these situations but somehow today had caused for her own anxiety to betray her as she helplessly looks at Wilhemina, unsure what to do. The redhead is quick to usher her to get you to lay down, as the blonde in a swift motion has you facing to your side, for the first time getting a good look at your injuries. And she gasps then, in disbelief and not remotely understanding where this came from. Towards the middle of your back a long deep cut is to be seen, Wilhemina balancing on her cane to get a look and despite remaining silent, her heart breaks at the sight. She has a feeling this may have happened today and how you continued powering through it all and not mentioning any of it and the redhead feels conflicted, seeing so much of herself in you but knowing the pain that burden carried and always having tried to protect you from just that.
The blonde is quick to hover her shaking hand over the wound, with a quick motion making it disappear altogether as her healing powers are quite strong, being the supreme and all. In anticipation she leans over your shaking body, noticing how you aren't quite with them still but on the first try, she can't seem to find any other obvious signs of injury. ,,Y/N darling'' she tries but it's hopeless as the pain in your head was getting more severe by the minute. The energy in the room shifts, Cordelia being able to think clearly now as panic sets in Wilhemina's features, unsure how to handle with you not being responsive. And so the supreme does the only thing she can think of at that moment, closing her eyes, before touching your forehead, shaking as she enters your thoughts, the events from today replaying in her mind.
And then like a little movie, she sees and feels the pain you had endured today, getting a glimpse of you in the bathroom, in the shower and what actually got you to these wounds. And it's painful as little images float in your mind, images with your girlfriends, happy memories and the sight brings tears to her eyes. ,,What is it?'' Wilhemina asks sternly, as the supreme opens her eyes again, understanding what the headmistress had done moments before. ,,We need to check her head'' Cordelia announces, gently moving your hair to the side to get a better look at the back of your head. Her fingers already stain in blood before she sees the wound and Wilhemina can't help but sigh, seeing the state you are in and how you soldiered through it all on your own. Blaming herself for not knowing sooner, thinking about what could have happened if they never found you tonight.
Cordelia is quick to hover her hand over your head again, this wound taking a little longer to heal but she manages nevertheless. Wilhemina breathes out in relief, watching as the blood slowly fades away, from your back, the back of your head and her girlfriends hands. ,,Sweetheart?'' Cordelia tries, nudging your shoulder a little as she carefully moves you to face her. Wilhemina watches as your eyes remain closed, confusion washing over her face, the concern still evident on her features. ,,Y/N darling, I need you to wake up'' she tries again, this time a little sterner and at last your eyes finally open, the bright sensation causing them to squint shut before realising you are on the bathroom floor and seeing their expressions. ,,Shit'' you think to yourself, quickly composing yourself and forcing yourself up. And as you are back on your feet, you quickly realise it was a mistake as your vision blurs, little stars forming around you.
And you should have known, knowing Cordelia's magic was strong and despite assuming she fixed your injuries, your face grows pale, the supreme quickly behind you to catch you. ,,Hey hey'' she coos, keeping you balanced as she helps sit you down on the edge of the large bathtub. ,,You're okay'' she reassures, glancing at Wilhemina who's features at this point are beyond readable, the initial shock of concern slowly replaced with anger. Despite the dizzy spell, you could tell she was furious with you, opening your mouth to apologise but the words get caught in your throat. And at last the medium had woken, stumbling into the bathroom as she holds onto the door frame for support. ,,What happened?'' she asks, a little dumbfounded, her voice still hoarse from sleep.
,,As per usual Billie, you missed everything'' Wilhemina remarks, her features stern as she balances on her cane, leaving you with the supreme and medium. You feel the strange urge to follow your redhead girlfriend, to apologise for the consequences from your actions but you still couldn't walk properly and so all you can do is close your eyes, trying to fight back the tears of them being upset with you. ,,Babydoll'' Billie begins, kneeling beside you ,,Delia what happened?'' she asks, confused, feeling terrible for missing everything. Cordelia glances at Billie before her eyes travel back to your own, a flicker of sadness in them as she couldn't believe you would have kept it from them for this long, usually her being the one that needed to coax this sorta stuff out from Wilhemina. And knowing you knew how to take care of yourself but this just seeming utterly unlike you.
,,What?!'' Billie's voice ripples through the air, awakening you from your daze as you didn't listen to a single thing Cordelia had said, too focused on your loud thoughts and the guilt that was beginning to crush you with each second passing. And then before the medium can scold you as well, you balance on your legs, quickly walking away before either of them can stop you, brushing past Wilhemina as well before making your way downstairs, not remotely in the mood to deal with any of it as you hide away in your usual sanctuary the greenhouse. And instantly the calm tranquility of plants and peace makes you feel at ease, wiping the tears that you had no idea streamed from your cheeks before.
Billie is quick to rush after you, Cordelia however stopping her as she knew you needed to calm down for a while and knowing your injuries are healed. ,,Billie wait'' she ushers, the medium stopping in her tracks. Wilhemina remains quiet and composed as the two of them talk, pretending to not listen to their words. ,,Why would she not tell us?'' the medium asks, glancing at the sheets covered in the same shade of red from before. ,,I don't know'' Cordelia sighs, rubbing her temples in frustration, with a flick of her wrist making the blood stains disappear from the bed. ,,I don't understand'' Billie argues, fiddling nervously with her nails before Wilhemina's voice rings through the air again, startling the two of them in the process. ,,It's because she didn't want us to know'' she begins, Cordelia's features filled with pain listening to her girlfriends words. ,,Because she would rather take care of us and protect us than ask for help'' she adds, causing for her girlfriends eyes to slowly swell with tears.
The room fills with silence as the minutes pass by, neither of them speaking, the anger slowly subsiding from Wilhemina's features, more concerned with your wellbeing and feeling the strong urge to find you and hold you close, considering how brave you had been. ,,Let me find her'' Cordelia announces, not liking the idea of you being on your own. Your peace and quiet is interrupted when the blonde makes an appearance in the greenhouse, knowing she would be able to find you there as you always hid away in the comfort of the greenhouse, her being the only one to truly understand how special the place really was. And she lingers by the doorway for a moment, unsure whether you had managed to calm down yet. ,,Sweetie?'' she asks gently, coaxing you right back into the present and away from your thoughts. As soon as your eyes land on her, you falter, feeling terrible and tears already brimming in your eyes.
,,Delia I'm sorry'' you announce quickly before she walks over to you, her stepped rushed as she wants nothing more than to hold you in her arms. ,,Sweetie'' she coos, tilting her head as she walks over before her arms wrap around you, holding you close to her chest. The two of you stay like this for a while, before she takes in your features, taking your cheeks into her hands. ,,You have nothing to be sorry for darling'' she reassures, locking eyes with you to make her statement more believable. ,,You kept us safe sweetheart'' she speaks before your eyes avert hers again. ,,I wish you would have told me darling, so I could have fixed it though''. Her words are gentle and warm, just like your Delia and somehow you feel safe, believing her and slowly feeling calmer. ,,How about we get you back upstairs sweet girl?'' she tries but your eyes find hers again, betraying your own anxiety as you fear the reaction from the other two.
,,You don't need to worry darling, I promise'' she ushers before taking your hand and leading you back inside. You simply follow, feeling too tired to argue and still feeling the lingering headache. As the two of you walk through the dark academy, you feel safe with Delia as you would follow her everywhere, even straight into hell and back. Before too long, the two of you make it back into your bedroom, Billie already tugged in again, despite being awake, Wilhemina sitting on her usual bedside, awaiting your return. And as you glance at them, you can tell their features are much softer, Cordelia settling behind Billie so she could hold you as she already waits in anticipation to hold you into her arms. Reluctantly, you crawl into bed, sitting there a little awkwardly before Billie pulls you close ,,Please never scare us like this again babydoll'' she warns, her eyes filled with nothing but softness and kindness and you simply nod before she presses a kiss to your cheek, content to have you back in her embrace.
A long time passes, while you stay in Billie's embrace, before you dare glance at Wilhemina who sits in silence beside you. As your eyes meet her own, she carefully observes your features, checking for any signs of lingering pain but all she can find is sadness in your beautiful eyes and it causes for her heart to ache. Subconsciously, your hand wanders towards hers, before holding onto it, and it takes her by surprise but she doesn't mind, simply squeezing it a little to reassure she was there. ,,I-'' you begin speaking but she is quick to stop you. ,,Little one it's okay'' she reassures, knowing that you were about to apologise for the millionth time. ,,You scared me that's all'' she explains as she presses a kiss to the back of your hand. ,,Come here'' she offers and you wiggle away from Billie's arms and move into hers. You find yourself nestled in her arms, as she holds you close before resting her chin on your head, before she begins speaking again ,,I never want you to hide from us again little one'' she scolds a little, her voice remaining gentle. ,,You deserve every bit of care that you show us'' she reminds you.
And as your eyes meet hers, you see the genuine love in them as well as the relief of having you in her arms safe and sound. ,,Promise me'' she urges before you meet her eyes. ,,Promise'' you whisper, smiling at her. ,,Good girl'' she praises before pressing a kiss to your forehead and wrapping you back into her arms. And then as the night wears on, you find yourself where you belong in the arms of your lovers and despite the chaos that today had brought upon the four of you, you know that no matter what, you have each other's back and before you slowly fall asleep, you remember the promise you have made to your girlfriend, wanting to be better and open up to them more. ,,I'm here little one, you're okay'' she coos before your eyelids feel heavier and Wilhemina eventually coaxes you to sleep.
#sarah paulson#cordelia goode#wilhemina venable#ahs#american horror story#billie dean howard#sarah paulson x reader#cordelia goode x reader#wilhemina venable x reader#billie dean howard x reader
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A concept, feel free to run with it anyone.
It's time travel with Draco Malfoy.
He passes the arch of the Court Chambers where he has been sentenced to 3 years of Azkaban. No happy thoughts, only the regret and sadness of having to relieve his mistakes in technicolor within the drab walls of Azkaban.
Anyways, he passes the arch, which has been destabilized because of the dark magic from Voldemort. He passes out and wakes up to his mother and father looking at him with worry.
It's July 31, 1991.
They fret and hover over him and argue over if they should continue to Diagon Alley for his school supplies. Draco is discombobulated and just smiles winningly because he can't remember how he was at that age but he is sure there was happiness surrounding this day ( there was he meet the love of his life, Harry) so he smiles and encourages them to continue with their day with the dopiest grin. Alright so maybe he has a slight concussion and cannot see straight (pun intended). So on they go apparating into the alley while Draco clings to his parents because he is slightly concussed and slightly because his parents are healthy and petting his hair. Sure this might all be a fever dream and he will wake in a cold, dreary island filled with dementors. He is a firm believer in delulu is the sululu so he will take this small amount of happiness that he can.
This time his parents refuse to allow him to go alone into any of the shops. They are worried about the slightly dazed look in their son's eyes. At the entrance to the robe shop, he berates them to let him stand on his own and not embarrass him. The two decide to wander the shop with a keen eye on their son. As before a ragged looking boy enters the shop without the notice of the two adults. Draco however has never been more excited. He didn't know it at the time but he knows he is Harry Potter. The biggest grin on his face he practically shouts " hullo, Hogwarts too?"
Taken aback by this small pale boy, Harry thinks “oh great another weird person who knows his name”. Warily the thin boy steps up as he is instructed to by the matron.
"Uh yea, Hogwarts too"
Nodding along, Draco speaks "I thought as much. I've been waiting for....that door to open. You know because the nargles told me." He isn't sure why he lies but he decides he can't be blurting out things that might make him wake up. After all dreams start to shatter once you start to think too hard.
"uh what are nar..nargles you said?" young Potter asks.
"Oh well you know, those little pesky things that go bzzz in your brain, like uh huh yea they go bzzzz. Like bee's except they’re magical. “ He does a little motion to indicate a bee flying.
“Yea magical bees. Wonder if that would make me allergic to them as well. I’m allergic to bees you see? Had to be flooed to St.Mungos once after I tried to eat one of mothers flowers. Of course, it was Uncle Sev’s fault entirely. He said they were edible. I just didn't get the right color. But how did I know that flowers of different colors can do different things? It was horrible, Mother made me read about flowers for weeks after that as punishment for messing up her garden." Rubbing along his lips remembering that incident he finishes his little rant " so I guess I could be allergic, she (Luna) did say they cause a type of reaction like a bee sting.." His words putter out as he realizes he just ranted at poor potter about bees. A flush rises to his cheeks.
Harry is laughing softly at the now embarrassed boy. Not wanting to alienate his first potential friend he asked " Did you learn anything about flowers I mean. I haven’t read much about them but I do tend to our weeds and such for my aunt." Though the task sounds much better, he can feel the calluses his hands acquired from having to dig and pull without proper gloves.
"Oh, actually, yea, I learned about this weed called Venus tentactular that has vines that can kill you, but just show it a bit of sun, and it calms right down. I spent hours trying to make a lumos just so I could see it. Mother has never been more horrified, than when I tried to coax it out of the greenhouse. I think she wanted me to appreciate the pretty flowers, but what's a garden without a couple of weeds? Want to see?"
Then promptly face palms because he has just asked the savior if he wants to see a weed that can kill him.
" Oh Merlin, not because I want to hurt you or anything. I’m very good at light charms or well mainly I can make fire with my mind. It's really just accidental magic but I mean I think it and boom it’s there in my hands. But not like a boom like a bomb just like a small night light but with fire. Not that I need a nightlight or anything, I’m not a baby anymore. And I couldn’t object to it as a baby anyway so that's really why I had it then. Of course. "
A boisterous laugh makes his ramble come to stop. Harry Potter is clutching his ribs as he cackles and giggles with mirth at the babbling boy next to him.
Face as red as a candy apple, Draco somehow is able to tell Potter to write to him. Though the conversation on Owling leaves Harry in more tears as Draco does an impersonation of an owl. Who sounds and all. Draco doesn't even try to understand Harry's explanation of a landline.
It's as what feels like a week goes by that Draco fears he may be in some type of coma because he has not returned to the chill of the North Sea.
Letters are passed, and it's Sep 1, 1990, when Draco begins to have worries of how exactly he is still in the past or whatever fever dream he is in. Sure, making friends with Harry Potter had been a dream for the first four years at Hogwarts, but now he is getting increasingly tense with the situation.
It's the sorting hat that tips the scales for his confirmation of where he is.
"Ah we meet again Mr. Malfoy."
"What"
In his first life, the hat had barely touched his head before sorting him.
"Playing games with level ten I see. It's good to see ambition such as yours learn new ways to thrive. Alas duty calls. Hufflepuff maybe, such daring could go to Gryffindor,but never well thought so Ravenclaw is not for you."
The horror of possibly being Hufflepuff is enough to have him cry out in disgust. Him a hufflepuff! He will find a way to burn the disgusting hat before it could say Puff"
" Ah well I suppose it’s good to have some creature comforts."
“Slytherin!” It bellowed out into the hall.
Draco broods at the slytherin table after all he knows where everyone will go.Until the hall goes silent. He picks up his head only to find Harry Potter striding towards him with a smirk.
Oh no! He has ruined everything. He thought this was a dream or a coma. The afterlife may have thought why he got to be happy was baffling. He’s a slytherin. Any random good fortune should be analyzed before moving forward. On the contrary maybe that is why most of his schemes against the golden trio did not work out so well. Now he was with the speccy boy as a slytherin. "Merlin, I'm an idiot'
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Draco I was sure you were headed for Hufflepuff and I wasn't sure how I could get into that house with you. "
"What of course you could get into Hufflepuff, I mean hardworking is a trait isn't it? And you do that, at your aunts with all the chores you talk about. Though academically you were a bit lazy. Loyalty is a pretty trait uh except does it count if you still disobey the people your loyal to cause i dont you like to do that very much, maybe your problem is authority figures ya know?"
Harry was busy looking at the professors to catch that Draco words were just a smidge suspicious. Regardless once he tunes back in the mumbles of the blonde he taps against the top of his temples.
"Oy stop trying to sort me into another house. also you should watch your words, I think i'm rubbing off on you. What would your elocution tutor think of you using words like yaknow? "
Draco sighs deciding this is a future problem. or maybe he can run it by the savior himself. Obviously an 11 year old potter was able to take care of problems since he entered Hogwarts.
It's seconds before their first potions class that he remembers Uncle likes to ask difficult questions that he pulls Harry aside and whispers.
Draught of death, Aconite and Stomach of a goat.
Harry, who has decided that Draco is really just a dumb blond with some kind of divine foresight, does not question him at all.
********************************
Fast forward throughout the year, Draco keeps trying to help but just ends up helpless until Harry saves him.
Then because there were no clues, Draco just straight up asked, if someone was going to steal something and if you touch their hand they probably disintegrate into what would you do?
Uh well you could try to steal the thing first so that they can't get to it but if you just stopped them by holding hands then why not just hold hands? Is this a hypothetical, because you can just ask to hold my hand if you're scared.
Draco dares Harry to hold Proffesor Quirrels hand and double dog dares him to hug the professor.
Harry was a Gryffindor for a reason in his first life. The DADA teacher turning into dust in the middle of the corridor was not what anyone expected. Harry however is unphased, sure the black cloud was a good effect but it will take more than that to scare him Draco Malfoy. Draco has decided that Harry is insane.
The duo is seen bickering because Draco refused to tell his best friend how he was able to make the black smoke appear and why he had his father fire the DADA teacher. Harry didn't hate Quirrel that much, though the smell didn't help.
#drarry#harry x draco#au#harco#If you write this please tell me#I have a lot of feelings about these two#time travel for the win#time travel fix it#sometimes its best to just run with it#Draco is the type of person to ask hypotheticals#Hypothetically would you love if i was worm#please ignore the typos and grammer stuff
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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one
#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts#course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism#being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn#i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus#cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself#into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation#but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy#and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system#you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao#yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic#aromanticism#aro positivity#aroace#arospec#sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon#you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better#life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not#i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao
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god, i'm just yelling, this is SO QUEER, this fucking story
the way you see dream, imprisoned, reflected in hob's glass in 1989
the METAPHOR of that. hob in '89 pushing the envelope of social perception to talk openly about his relationship with dream to the bartender at this pub??? while dream is imprisoned in a physical prison, and kept imprisoned there by his own pridefulness and inability to ask for support??? fuck
paired with the quote from the comics of dream having revelations about his imprisonment -- "The problem, he realized, was that those who had power enough to help him, he had not furnished with motive. While those who might aid him willingly, he had not provided with means. It came to him that if he had merely trusted more freely, his captivity might have been short indeed. But then... whom to trust?"
something something metaphor for self-isolation and lack of community and internalized homophobia
AND just... the visual transitions in these scenes -
dream's prison taking the shape of hob's glass—this last glass of liquor hob thinks he might get to drink in this memory-steeped space that has been their meeting place for six centuries. this glass of liquor that the bartender offers him as a silent sign of solidarity—the glass, symbolic of freedom and connection, the two things that dream in that precise moment utterly lacks, cut off from the dreaming as he is, but both things he could find in hob when he is ready, because hob is determined to wait for him
the subtext with the bartender—hob in conversation with queer elders, the glen grant, "old enough to be [hob's] father," "i'm older than i look," "in a hundred years"—speaking to longevity, to living beyond adversity, to surviving in the AIDS crisis
the visual transition from dream in his prison to dream's face reflected in the barrier as he stands in front of the barricade and hob's spray painted sign. he's free, he's ready to accept the love hob is offering him. and the momentary heartbreak in his face when he thinks he might be too late, before he sees the spray-painted sign - god, just the absolute revolutionary queer energy and malicious compliance of hob using his queer buying power to secure the new inn and breaking the law by doing graffiti so that dream will find him
the fucking hopeful, heartfelt, tender music that plays as dream follows the sign to the new inn??? the way he walks so slowly, so deliberately as though he's bracing himself for hob not having waited. the way he moves through the grass almost wistfully, like he's walking toward a dream he's had for more than a century. the way he looks around the bar and zeroes in on hob.
history professor hob!!! radical queer elder hob gadling, who looks mid-30s but has seen and felt his community's pain and loss and can bridge the gap between queer past and queer present. hob unlearning his biases and learning and growing to understand and fight against the structural inequalities and systems of oppression he perpetrated in his own past! fostering future generations of loving, caring, compassionate humans. giving people a safe space
the new inn as a Queer Safe Space, the MEANINGFULNESS of that, when queer-specific spaces are dwindling in UK, US, and other worldwide cities—this article from july 2022 states, "Take London, for example. In 2017, a pivotal audit by the Urban Laboratory at University College London revealed that since 2006, the number of venues for LGBTQ Londoners had fallen from 124 to 47, a loss of nearly 60 per cent." as of january 2021, only 15 nightlife spaces for queer/gay women were left in the US and there are literal community projects in place to try to preserve queer safe spaces
the idea of this carving out of space, calling to mind the queer chosen family, the importance of community
the way dream and hob smile at each other at the end. open, so open, so full of genuine warmth. together again and not to be parted. in the place that was meant for them, this place that is a reinvention of an even older place they had made their own - in the new inn that exists simply because of their love for each other
DREAMLING IS A QUEER GIFT, THEIR STORY IS SO IMPORTANT
#the sandman#dreamling#OH I FORGOT THE PART WHERE THEY FUCKING PAN TO THE THRESHOLD OF DESIRE AFTER HOB AND DREAM MEET#and play a fucking EDM song about 'i don't want your desire / i just want to be free'#'i'm looking for release'#'and if you feel like letting go / you're not alone'#like okay???? get a ROOM#are they going to a club later or???
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I want to live in a house with people who love me. There is sunlight coming in the windows. Something smells wonderful in the kitchen. Laughter and music drift in from another room. Maybe there are some vegetables growing outside, or a really fat cat. It isn't perfect, it's maybe cramped, maybe messy, but it's enough.
#franposting#literally. that trigun piece got me#can u tell living in hell (parents) has been weighing on me even more lately#i mean. i would also tske living alone over this#i get lonely easily but also im a weird introvert creachure#love parallel play and cohabitation#but also need a lot of downtime#anyway. anyway. anyway.#i can dream. even if i know its not real#gotta keep myself sane somehow#because. because im slowly dying and every good thing is being choked out of me#i need to live on my own terms again. i was never so happy or hopeful or free aa that#now is just. survival. but i want to thrive and live
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Having a totally normal one* after waking from a dream where I just relive life with my ex. It was so normal and fine and we did things such as lay around in bed and make plans for the day, go to the Korean supermarket on the corner, go to a friend's house together.
#*if it were in the evening i would be drinking enough to finally drink dial and just fucking ASK all the questions i am making up answers to#what did you want? what do you want now?? honestly could you find it in your heart to hate me and never wanna see me again?#because me saying 'i don't think we should talk for a while' and you saying 'id really like to be friends' are obviously Not It#omg im going to spend my birthday alone for the first time....nearly ever and im just going to go to work and be miserable#i havent been able to stop chewing on the idea of me visiting when i head down to see the fam for christmases#i want him to want me back sooooo bad!!!!#i still think about that dream where i made him pasta#would i take him back? depends on what he said#as much as im pathetic im not an idiot and id need clear evidence to show that he 1. knows what he wants (involving me) and#2. is going to ask for it#because i don't think i ever heard him say a single thing about what he wanted for our future#never said 'hey i want to see you when are you free for me to come up?'#is probably fucking dating now anyway and doesnt WANT me to remember him on new years (our best guess anniversary)#or ask to call because i want to ask questions that will be hard to answer#when all ive ever wanted is the TRUTH#not the strategic answer just the gods honest truth#and i suspect that is 'i dont want to date you i havent for a while i didnt know how to stop or what i wanted instead'#and then i could go home break every object in ny house and move on#try a dating app ot something else to attempt to look forward instead of back#so as you can see -totally normal one
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TAG DROP!!
CHARACTER & GROUP TAGS
✚ | ❝ you're standing in the wings ; there you wait for the curtain to fall ❞ { c / donquixote doflamingo }
✚ | ❝ silent screams laughing here ; dying to tell you the truth ❞ { c / donquixote rosinante }
✚ | ❝ not alone with a dream / just a want to be free ; with a need to belong / i am the clansman ❞ { c / monkey d. luffy }
✚ | ❝ teach me the art of war ; for i shall bring more than you bargained for ❞ { c / roronoa zoro }
✚ | ❝ but brutus wasn't kind / wasn't strawberries that were red ; he wasn't cutting bread ❞ { c / eustass kid }
✚ | ❝ just for a second a glimpse of my father I see ; and in a movement he beckons to me ❞ { c / usopp }
✚ | ❝ i see the ghosts of navigators but they are lost / as they sail into the sunset they'll count the cost ❞ { c / brook }
✚ | ❝ but a ghost lives in my veins ; silent the terror that reigned marbled in stone ❞ { c / sanji }
✚ | ❝ nowhere left to run ; navigator's son / chasing rainbows all my days ❞ { c / bepo }
✚ | ❝ face up ; make your stand / and realise you're living in the golden years ❞ { c / shachi }
✚ | ❝ say goodbye to gravity and say goodbye to death / hello to eternity and live for every breath ❞ { c / penguin }
✚ | ❝ can i tempt you? come with me / be devil may care ; fulfill your dream ❞ { c / ikkaku }
✚ | ❝ unknowingly blessed and as his life unfolds / slowly unveiling the power he holds ❞ { c / tony tony chopper }
✚ | ❝ you watch the world exploding every single night ; dancing in the sun / a newborn in the light ❞ { c / nico robin }
✚ | ❝ they dared to go, where no one would try / they chose to fly where eagles dare ❞ { g / straw hat pirates }
✚ | ❝ when it comes to the time are we partners in crime? when it comes to the time ; we'll be ready to die ❞ { g / heart pirates }
OTHER TAGS
✚ | ❝ and the ship it sinks like lead into the sea / and the hermit shrives the mariner of his sins ❞ { v / contemporary }
✚ | ❝ we fly a flag in some foreign earth ; we sailed away like our fathers before ❞ { v / ??? }
✚ | ❝ can i play with madness? the prophet stared at his crystal ball ❞ { crack }
#✚ | ❝ you're standing in the wings ; there you wait for the curtain to fall ❞ { c / donquixote doflamingo }#✚ | ❝ silent screams laughing here ; dying to tell you the truth ❞ { c / donquixote rosinante }#✚ | ❝ not alone with a dream / just a want to be free ; with a need to belong / i am the clansman ❞ { c / monkey d. luffy }#✚ | ❝ teach me the art of war ; for i shall bring more than you bargained for ❞ { c / roronoa zoro }#✚ | ❝ but brutus wasn't kind / wasn't strawberries that were red ; he wasn't cutting bread ❞ { c / eustass kid }#✚ | ❝ just for a second a glimpse of my father I see ; and in a movement he beckons to me ❞ { c / usopp }#✚ | ❝ i see the ghosts of navigators but they are lost / as they sail into the sunset they'll count the cost ❞ { c / brook }#✚ | ❝ but a ghost lives in my veins ; silent the terror that reigned marbled in stone ❞ { c / sanji }#✚ | ❝ nowhere left to run ; navigator's son / chasing rainbows all my days ❞ { c / bepo }#✚ | ❝ face up ; make your stand / and realise you're living in the golden years ❞ { c / shachi }#✚ | ❝ say goodbye to gravity and say goodbye to death / hello to eternity and live for every breath ❞ { c / penguin }#✚ | ❝ can i tempt you? come with me / be devil may care ; fulfill your dream ❞ { c / ikkaku }#✚ | ❝ unknowingly blessed and as his life unfolds / slowly unveiling the power he holds ❞ { c / tony tony chopper }#✚ | ❝ you watch the world exploding every single night ; dancing in the sun / a newborn in the light ❞ { c / nico robin }#✚ | ❝ they dared to go where no one would try / they chose to fly where eagles dare ❞ { g / straw hat pirates }#✚ | ❝ when it comes to the time are we partners in crime? when it comes to the time ; we'll be ready to die ❞ { g / heart pirates }#✚ | ❝ and the ship it sinks like lead into the sea / and the hermit shrives the mariner of his sins ❞ { v / contemporary }#✚ | ❝ we fly a flag in some foreign earth ; we sailed away like our fathers before ❞ { v / ??? }#✚ | ❝ can i play with madness? the prophet stared at his crystal ball ❞ { crack }
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in my dream world I live in a little apartment above a boxing gym. I walk down in the early morning to go to my tattoo apprenticeship and get a coffee from the local shop and smile winningly at the hot barista. I roll a joint and smoke it and am delightfully high for the majority of my shift. when I leave I stop by the local park and lay in the grass and soak in the sun until it starts getting dark. then I spend hours walking around, listening to music and staring at the stars.
#vin.text#I don't like talking about the dreams because they always come true but in a fractured broken glass way. like I didn't dream good enough#and the punishment is getting this terrible monstrosity of a dream#but this one would be nice. I just want to feel autonomous and daring#in a way I haven't felt in awhile#I miss being vin. I feel like the ghost of myself here#in this dream I take boxing classes at night#go to sleep with bruises#I am in love with someone who only visits me at night or early in the morning. we sleep in each other's arms and read passages from books#i am very wanted and very adored and very free and alone when I want to be#my mom and I talk twice a week and my dad once a month#I lie to my dad about my life I tell my mom everything in gruesome detail#I make money off my art and my writing and my work#I am budding and not fully realized. I am fierce and responsible#my sisters are happy and my brother is moved away#I have a little cat#i am happy and free. I am happy and free#I am not happy and free here however
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sobs and sobs and sobs
i love her
#god#the last time i loved someone like this it…. was not good#i repressed it. she was my best friend. my friends kept joking that we should get together. it was a HOT MESS#and it hurt so. fucking. bad.#but this is so different and it’s just-#i can touch her and kiss her and hold her and be with her guilt-free and i can tell her that i love her more than anything in the world#instead of just whispering it to the sky late at night when i think no one can hear#and it’s just hitting really hard#i never thought that i would get to have this?#i thought i would have to choose- either i could repress being not a girl (and be miserable) but have someone who loves me#or i could embrace being not a girl and be alone for the rest of my life because who would want me like that#and i just- she kissed me and then called me theo and i just broke down in tears#and it was after that that she told me she loved me#and it made me cry so much harder#because i guess this is the beginning of realizing that i CAN have both#i can be theo and i can cut my hair short and i can hide my chest and i can wear whatever the hell i want#but i can also have the girl of my fucking dreams who loves me just as much as i love her#god i’m such a sappy bitch right now#and i wish i could work up the nerve to tell her all this#and i know i will eventually it’s just scary right now#but. yeah#in love for realsies i suppose#gayte
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im scared bc now that i’m essentially getting this public school job i know my body and mind have begun to settle into its fugue state where i have no thoughts and make no progress and waste literally all the time in the world because i just can’t imagine any other options it’s how i wasted four years with my major it’s how i ended up joining gr**k life it just feels like this is it and i trap myself
#let’s say i miraculously get a car and to move out post-september getting my license#it definitely won’t be until christmas at the earliest because i have to finish out the year#but as soon as the year is over my parents are back on my head about applying for master’s programs which i still don’t want to do#i don’t have a break to be free#and i’m certainly not gonna to be inspired to find my dream artistic lesbian job in middle of nowhere GA at an elementary school of all plac#like everyone too old or too young to understand me. no real work friends no real ACTUAL friends im just going to be going to work and going#home. oh lol i started crying typing. im really over talking into the void i need someone to hear me and help me#but even if up to that point EVERYTHING somehow falls into place. now i’m entirely alone with more bills no resources no one to call and no#idea what i want in any capacity. like i feel like a caged animal i feel insane#im falling into my coma of uselessness and i already lost the entirety of my adolescent young adult years i don’t want to lose my 20s too#not to be like 30 is ancient your life is over then obv not but i don’t care about what i do in my life at 30 and beyond#i want my life to be happy NOW i WANT the best of my life to be in my 20s where i can get away with the most stupid fun because i’m just#young and gay and i still have an excuse for not knowing what my life is yet. i cant breathe not knowing what i want to do but at least its#an excuse. i feel like dying i feel like my insides are rotting to black ash we’re social creatures and im suffering#i sound so stupid. i know i really know. but the people i see living the life i want carefree making money as it comes#have parents who lovingly text them who care but stay out of the way who are supportive but aren’t up your ass and down your neck#they’re just people that would raise kind smart independent individuals and im none of the above so i don’t have a good shot as it is#but i still want to be free. i want to die but i want to be free just a little before then#i hate my life. i hate waking up in my bed every day and seeing my bedroom and being in my house. i want it to be over
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i had a dream with gerard. i miss it already and i just woke up
#so#i was in mcdonalds with my best friend and my bf. and they were saying that gerard was upstairs with some fans#but i didnt want to go upstairs and bother him or sum. so i just go and look for a table (were not actually tables and were school desks)#and in the second row i see him sitting there totally alone. he was like tbp era yk and he looked at me and idk what we talked#so i sit next to him and we start talking. but wait we are not talking like face to face which would be the obvious thing to do bc hes next#to me -we were talking via twitter. like he tweeted something snd i answered and so on. i dont remember exactly what he was saying but it#was very gerardesque bc in my dream i went like god hes really back on twitter this IS gerard. at a moment a fee fans were also answering#to his tweets obvs and there was like a conversation between me and g and the fans made comments and casually joined every now and then#we were joking with him ablut blood and he said something smong the lines 'i havent listened to all of my songs in some time but you guys#sound as if you listened to all the vynils and then consumed them with ur mouth and swallowed them' normal clearly#they bother him (friendly bc he isnt bothered) with saying shit like haha u r a kinky bitch and thats when he says that#and he says he doesnt even remember what he said in his songs because 'i have written so much' but that he does remember not writing about#girlhood and being a woman -he was joking. so i answer 'gerard. gerard. look me in the eyes' and say abt the times he sang abt girlhood#and i mentioned revenge and not that kind of girl and he laughs like uuuhh u got me i was just joking hehehe. then we continue talking but#now face to face. i ask him what he thinks about argentina (im argentinian and in the dream he was here) and he says he likes it a lot bc#1. its small (????? we are literally the 8th biggest country but okay??? i think he meant like buenos aires is very. narrow streets and cool#like the way its built its weird and unique) and 2. its the only place in the world where it frels like its still the 90s#i know we talked some more but i dont remember by now. next thing i know i am with my mother saying i need her to give me money#because they were playing a concert that night and she was like i cant#and i think i was like damn okay ill ask gerard themself if i can do it free if i go with them but then i woke up#rad. the first part felt very real btw#then i was just showing symptoms of illness and being chrinically online /j#but yeah. that i guess. i never remember when i dream eith him#music#mcr#emo#gerard way#we didnt even eat at mcdonalds we were just sitting there
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Of course I'm gonna remember the fucked up dream I had today that didn't let me continue sleeping when I'm about to fall asleep.
#my posts#my dreams#i will write it here#it has gore and harm to a small kid/toddler so uh#saying that in case someone's curious to read. ony#only* keep reading if you are okay with thoae. but i want it out of my brain so ill write it here#after draming i got lost and stuff in a different place than the one i usually dream off and with bad weather‚ i got 'home'#not really how my house nor my neighborhood looks. kinda more like a countryside slightly older american house i guess? maybe not old but#made at some point last century#its raining but not as much as before. and something in me is like 'close every door and window. the which is done. shes about to be free.-#-dont let her in' so i closed everything. but that meant that the dream neighbor lost against her.#apparently it was a huge kinda doll house place and in it only lived a child. about 2-3years old. could walk and talk but still had diappers#i say doll house bc it was open. i could see the inside like that. and something in it looked like a doll from tbe torso up#as big as a bedroom i think? placed in a way it reminded me of a chimney#anyways the child is on the top floor screaming 'YES I WON'. she didnt tho. she just didn't know#two women in maif clothes (not the cure maid that can look sexy. the maid thats almost also nurse clothes for older people) come for her#apparently tho she lived alone she did have them to care for her#one of them picks the girl from the floor. a noise of something tearing can be heard#she says 'oh weird did your diapper break?' but the girl doesnt really say anything anymore#as shes being carried away a noise of something falling from the floor happens. a wet slapping sound#and its just.. meat. chunks of meat and organs and intestines falling out of the girls diapper bit by bit. all bloodied pieces of everything#that woke me up#and them i couldn't go back to sleep and then i tried to forget but i just remembered#im. gonna try to sleep anyways bc its almoat 3 am but.. yeah it wasnt fun lmao#the first half was decent but... no yeah no lmao
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this panel from the world guide of falin being surrounded by other girls while laios is all alone kills me because. that's it. that's the key difference in their journeys.
as laios states himself, he left the village in order to create a home for him and falin elsewhere. a home that won't collapse due to others' hatred and fears like their old home did, a home where they are loved and accepted unconditionally. but as he soon found out, even before earning money, or having walls surrounding him and a roof above his head- what he so earnestly desired was to meet other people who will accept him for who he is as well. instead, he kept being tormented by those around him, shunned and sneered at. his loneliness quickly became all-consuming until he truly had nothing left except for the monsters in the pages of his book, but even that became a target of mockery and destroyed. that's why ever since the day he left the village, he never felt that he truly made the right choice. so he kept running away: unable to resist and unable to accpet.
and an ocean away from him there was his sister, who never managed to fully fit in herself. but unlike him, she met a person who became a home to her and learned what a true friendship was for the first time in her life. and laios clearly realizes that too when he finally sees falin and marcille together, he can tell his sister obtained the greatest treasure there is on her own- the exact thing he never managed to find anywhere himself, thus coming back empty-handed to the sister he left the village for.
but when you read this part of the manga, laios's focus is on falin's loneliness, not his own. he talks about how it hurts thinking about all those moments she had to spend alone because he wasn't there for her, so it almost sounds like he's the one who couldn't bear her suffering and therefore decided to not let her go again. but we do get a glimpse of their first meeting after that almost-decade long separation in the manga, and then we see more of that in the world guide and daydream hour- and it becomes abundantly clear that it was falin who was trying to protect and save him from this pit of loneliness and depression he was in.
so instead of just doing his best to atone for leaving her behind in the village and making sure she is never lonely again, it might also be that laios was desperately clinging to the one person in the world he felt that accepted and loved him unconditionally. those words he used to describe his motivation to stay by falin's side are the exact words she would've used as well; she couldn't bear leaving him behind in this state. in a sense, they were each other's shackles.
but then she did. she died for him and their friends, and ironically enough, it was by leaving him alone like this that he was finally able to stand on his own and put his full trust in others. to have the courage to reveal who he is and give others the opportunity to accept him after such a long time of hiding. it was a long journey, but his hiding finally came to an end when he faced the others after shedding his monster form. and i love that the person who was falin's "home" all those years away from laios, marcille, became just as meaningful to him during their time separated from falin- the first one to find him and show him that he isn't alone anymore. just as he did for her.
so at the end of the story when falin talks about all the places she would like to go, it's not just that she wants to pursue her own dreams- but that she actually feels free to do so and go anywhere she desires. and one of the main reasons for that is that her brother finally found new people he wants to be with; his own home.
#im listening to fmab sad soundtrack while writing this im gonna die actually#dungeon meshi#laios touden#falin touden
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