#<- said with love. i love us basic bitches
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fake dating sevika? obviously leading to real marriage cuz duh 🙄
how have i not done this trope yet? i love it
men and minors dni
you and sevika are friendly. you wouldn't go as far as saying you're friends, but you get along pretty well with your neighbor. that is-- when you see her. she's usually at work but from time to time, you both end up on the fire escape that connects your back windows at the same time, the two of you smoking together after a long day.
on occasion, she shares a cigar with you. you always share your weed with her-- giggling at the way her eyes get heavy and pink as she smokes. you've even shared a few late-night dinners-- just a bag of pretzels and a six pack of ale, but it's still nice.
despite the nice few nice nights you've shared, that's as far as your tentative acquaintanceship has ever gone. which is why you're a little surprised to find sevika at your front door as you get ready to head out to the markets.
"sevika?" you ask. she blinks in surprise, dropping her hand that she'd been ready to knock with.
"uh. hi." she grunts. she's not looking at you, her head is ducked and she's scrubbing the back of her neck. you're a little worried for her.
"you okay?" you ask. sevika sighs a long, gusty sigh, then looks up at you with a wince.
"i need a favor." she grumbles. you raise an eyebrow, curious. sevika groans again, and you giggle.
"come in." you invite her into your apartment, nodding her toward your couch as you grab a beer from the fridge for her. she takes it, nodding at you in thanks. you clink your glasses together, both of you taking a few sips as you settle on the sofa beside her. "so?" you ask. sevika huffs again.
"you know i work for silco, right?" she asks. you snort and nod.
"yes, i'm aware." you bite back the urge to tack on 'so is everyone else in zaun.'
"well..." she trails off, staring at the floor, before shaking her head and rolling her eyes. "basically, we gotta go up to piltover for a fancy-fuck dinner, but they won't let silco bring anyone from his crew besides me. so..." she sighs.
"so what?"
"the whole reason we're going to the fucking dinner in the first place is to get a good look at what the topsiders are cooking up as their own shimmer variants. we can't distract the pilties, and gather intel with just the two of us." she looks up at you, waiting for you to respond like she's somehow revealed the favor she needs.
"...okay?" you ask.
sevika groans, then slumps against your couch. "i need a date." she huffs. you raise an eyebrow.
"i'm pretty sure the girls from babette's--"
"no!" she squeals. you chuckle a little. "these people-- they can sniff out a sump-rat from a mile away. they're already nervous about letting silco bring me along. i need to bring someone..." she pauses and chugs the remainder of her beer, swallows a burp, then speaks again. "you're, like. sweet, y'know?" she whispers. you blink. "you're easy to talk to. you could charm the pants off anyone: zaun gangster like me or piltover elites."
warmth bubbles up in your stomach at her words, a soft smile pulling at your lips. "you think so?" you ask. sevika groans and rolls her eyes.
"fuck off. just: will you be my fake date to this dumbass dinner or not?" she asks. you grin.
"well, what do i get outta it?" you tease. of course you're going to say yes, especially after all the soft things sevika just said to you.
sevika scoffs a bit, smiling back at you. "topsider food for a night?" she bribes. "good wine?"
you snort, then reach your hand out between the two of you for sevika to take. she does, and you're surprised at how warm and firm her grip is. "deal." you agree.
the entire trip up to piltover, sevika's scowling and huffing, bitching to silco any chance she can get about the fact that he's dragging her up top. you find it endlessly amusing.
but the moment you enter the mansion, sevika's attitude does a complete 180. it's impressive to see. her pleasant smile, while fake, is just as pretty as all the quick smirks she's shot you on the balcony as you pass a joint back and forth.
she also starts touching you. at first, it's tentative; a gentle hand on the waist or small of your back; but as you relax into her touch and start touching her back, her touches become mindless.
as you sip on drinks and laugh politely at the rich-people humor you can't understand for the life of you, sevika slings her arm around your shoulders, pulling you toward her chest.
when you're two drinks in, she presses a kiss to the crown of your head. she turns her head to whisper against your ear, "regretting your decision yet?"
you have to bite back the shaky moan you want to let out at the feeling of her breath on your neck.
you end up drinking more than you probably should. sevika's always been attractive to you, but you've never acted on it. you're neighbors, sevika's pre-occupied with work and her girls, you don't want to make things weird. but it's hard to ignore how handsome she looks in her suit when she's staring at you with a strangely convincing admiring-gaze, her mech thumb gently sweeping across the back of your hand.
the wine loosens you up, all your jitters and nerves about being surrounded by wealth melting away with each sip of your glass. the guests find you endlessly entertaining once you start talking: your radical undercity politics softened by the docile way you're leaning against sevika and your slurred words.
you get into a few debates. silco seems impressed with your knowledge of zaun's history, his good eyebrow ticking up with interest as you berate a man who suggested piltoverian taxes shouldn't be funding any zaunite public systems.
you charm a few of the wives, complimenting the appetizers and asking for the recipes, helping clear empty dishes and glasses to the kitchen.
you even make friends with the violinist that's been hired to play music for the night, complimenting her music taste and requesting a few songs that make her grin. "nobody asks for that one, but it's so fun to play, it's my favorite!"
sevika has to keep hiding her cocky smile behind her hand as she watches you work.
dinner is delicious. you're wiggling in your seat with excitement as you tear into the fresh food: a rare delight for you. beside you, sevika keeps laughing as she watches you eat. "you're an animal." she giggles.
"you gonna need anymore dates up here in the future?" you ask around a mouthful of food, hiding your full mouth with your hand. sevika grins.
"we'll see what happens." she chuckles.
by the end of the night, sevika has to help keep you steady as you sway on your feet, laughing and jogging down the streets of piltover while sevika and silco trail behind you.
"i quite like her." you overhear silco mumble at some point. then,
"yeah, me too." sevika replies.
she doesn't kiss you goodnight. you're almost disappointed, until you remember that this wasn't a real date. you stand in your doorway awkwardly, shimmying out of the suit jacket she'd slung over your shoulders on the walk home and handing it back to her, trying to find something to say.
"uh. this was really fun." you whisper. sevika smiles.
"it was. i knew you'd be a good fake girlfriend."
you giggle a bit, something strange flopping over in your stomach at the reminder that tonight was fake. "you're not so bad yourself, you know." you whisper. sevika blinks at you with big eyes, but doesn't say anything. "anyways. was i a good distraction?" you ask. she grins.
"oh, yeah. you had those pilties wrapped around your finger-- i was gone for thirty fuckin' minutes and they didn't even bat an eye." she says, giggling. you smile.
"i'm glad i could help." you laugh. "if you ever need another fake date..."
"you'll be my first choice." sevika promises.
you gulp. this is the point of the night where you turn around and go into your apartment, watch through the peephole as sevika goes in hers, then go to bed. but... you linger.
sevika lingers too.
you decide to just go for it. you're drunk off good wine, full off good food, and... she looks so fucking pretty that the choice isn't all that hard to make. "or, you know. i'd say yes to a real date too."
it's quiet for a horrifying moment, sevika's eyes widening as they study your face, like she's trying to figure out if you're joking. you're about to laugh it off-- already planning on breaking your lease early so you can move out of this building before you ever have to see her again-- when sevika grins.
"a real date with me wouldn't be as classy as tonight was." sevika says. you bite your lip.
"that's okay. tonight was fun, but it was... a lot." you mumble. sevika giggles, a sweet sound, and your stomach flip-flops.
"how does take-out from jericho's at my place sound?" she asks.
it's your turn to grin. "fuckin' amazing." you say. sevika laughs.
"tomorrow?"
"sure. or, we could go now?" you suggest. "jericho's is open all ni--"
you're cut off by sevika's lips. she crowds you to your front door, pressing her chest against yours. you hum into her mouth, and she hums back.
eventually, she pulls away for air. "i've been wanting to do that forever." she gasps.
you giggle, and pull her back in for another kiss. "me too." you mumble before your lips meet.
taglist!
@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @vikasub @glass-apothecary @m0numents @macaroni676 @vixel352 @artinvain
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i want to dress all cool but i have these stupid jock genes and long hair so the only time i have any generic sex appeal is when 1. i look like i'm going to a skate park or 2. i'm going to the cornerstore dressed in what can be only described as athleisure
#im joking i dont actually mind i love being cozy#i have 2 modes which are 1. i will die if i dont look like a bloodborne npc 2. i love being just some guy#i go recycle bottles to buy an energy drink with my hair all messy and my sneakers matching my hoodie peaking out from under my jacket and#i know the women in the cornerstore want me carnally#i am the most average guy. just some man. a background character. that's when i'm at my prime#<- said with love. i love us basic bitches#leevi talks
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sometimes you hear the bullet scrambled me like an egg
#mash#the bulk of my mashposting is happening over on the other blue hellsite#if you want to keep up with such astute thoughts as 'these bitches would have loved dnd'#and 'merry christmas to klinger trying to kill frank with a grenade'#anyway love lost. ***I*** lost. i had to pause my tv and stare blankly at the screen at least twice#i think straight people in the 70s were watching a very different show than the one i am watching as a dyke in 2023#like what was the reason for tommy to be hawkeye's childhood friend who he basically dies in his arms#what was the reason for his line where he said hawkeye used to be a sissy as a kid (i mean. we know but)#what was the reason for him to crossdress to try and avoid the draft and also admit to being a communist#WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR HIM TO IMMEDIATELY KISS HENRY
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There's a new novel about Joan of Kent that's coming out in September: Elizabeth Chadwick's The Royal Rebel.
1338: England has declared war on France, and Jeanette of Kent, cousin to King Edward III, says goodbye to her family and travels overseas with the royal court for the first time. Once in Antwerp, she is captivated by talented household knight, Thomas Holland, just as he in turn is powerfully drawn to her.Although both know their romance is forbidden, their love for each other grows stronger than the danger they face, and they marry in secret. But before they can make their tryst known, Thomas has to leave for war, and in his absence, Jeanette is forced into a second marriage and locked away from the world. Then Thomas returns, and the real fight begins. As hostile family members battle to keep Jeanette and Thomas apart, the defiant lovers vow to be reunited - whatever the cost...From the award-winning and bestselling author, Elizabeth Chadwick, comes an epic love story set against the tumultuous backdrop of high chivalry, deadly warfare, devastating plague, and savage rivalry in the twelfth century - the first of two parts telling the remarkable story of a woman who rose from royal rebel to formidable influence.
I have several posts on this and a glitter text gif but let me just say it again: Joan of Kent was born at the earliest in September 1326 and at the latest September 1328 (her birthday was on or shortly before Michaelmas, the year is unclear). In 1338, Joan could only have been 12 years old and quite possibly hadn't yet reached her 12th birthday when she married Holland. Holland was born in 1314 or 1315, i.e. he would have been around twice her age. No wonder her family was "hostile" to the marriage! That "powerful draw" Holland has would see him on a sex offenders registry.
Either Chadwick has aged Joan up like a tacky romance novelist loosely inspired by history, she didn’t bother to work out how old Joan actually was or she’s like “yeah totes fine nothing to see here Margaret Beaufort was the norm” when every serious medievalist will tell you that Margaret Beaufort was not the norm. Please. No more "preteen and early teenage girls could fall in true love with grown ass men in the Middle Ages and it's completely fine, nothing rapey about that."
#if she gets sexually harassed by other men so that we 'know' holland is the right man for her... we riot#(it's happened like. 2 or 3 times? emma campion did it AND gave us psychotic black prince killing puppies when he was 6)#chadwick is supposed to be writing a trio of novels focused on joan and katherine swynford being romantic heroines and girlbosses#merylstreepgroundbreaking.gif#as much as i love them i loathe the basic Romance Heroine™ characterisation both of them get#(also chadwick posted an excerpt on her fb where joan bitches about montagu being so young. he's her age or 1-2 years younger)#oh god we're getting 'actually historians are confused and joan was actually born in 1316 because my psychic said so' aren't we#(chadwick consults psychics for her novels apparently)#text posts#joan of kent#historical fiction venting
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fyi: if you’re a straight “ally” and in a relationship with someone who you know is homophobic, you’re not an ally.
#literally since i was months old my mom would take me to the pride parade#and eventually her job had something to do with it so we got to walk in it#so for like a huge part of my life i was surrounded by queer people and i thought that it was ok to be queer#and then my moms bf (who she met at work) started going with us#but he would complain NONSTOP#so we stopped going for a bit#and he started voicing his homophobic beliefs constantly#especially after i came out#in front of my mom he was literally mocking me for being gay and saying horrible shit to me#and i expected her to defend me but nope she just said ‘we all have our opinions’#and my mom isn’t necessarily mentally stable#but still i expected her to not be a bitch#and now its been years and she still talks about how much of an ally she is and how much she loves gay people#but i’m banned from ever bringing up having a girlfriend or talking about liking girls#and he just gets to get away with treating me like absolute garbage#but this applies to so many more people#i’ve met so many fake allies like her and i despise them#text#like boring ass basic straight girls getting into relationships with stupid country redneck guys#‘oh he didnt mean it like that’ ‘it’s just his opinion’ ‘nooo i support gay people’ blah blah blah#rant
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every day I thank god fans aren't in charge of making updates to games
#unless ofc you play tf2#but STILL like. ive seen so many bullshit rebalances for spies and snipers#and like. ik the current system is plain tiring to fight against but these people WOULD MAKE IT WORSE#i just saw a post about fallout 4 changes#and some of them are obvious. like changing danses dialogue after blind betrayal etc#but like. NO. some of these.....#WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO REPAIR NICKS FACE?#1 thats his charm. hes old and broken down. 2 it would NOT help his identity issues#like this is the face and hes made it his own. hes no longer an institute synth AND he's no longer the pre-war human detective valentine#also romancing him....eh. i admit i would also love to romance him#but to quote one of the disco elysium creators: the thing about desires is that theyre much stronger when theyre not fully satiated#thered for sure be still nick simpers ofc. as am i. but imo i think thered be less#and again coming back to tf2. i saw recently a post on reddit that made a concept sapper for spy to use on medics#and like please 😭😭😭you want to sap the medigun? you want to sap übercharge? you want to hurt medics EVEN MORE?#playing med well is hard enough as is normal girl. there was a comment down below saying that the spy should have sappers for each class#and WHAT. STOP. the spy ALREADY has a way to hurt all classes!#if he gets close enough he either dies immediately or backstabs! why do you want to sap too!#and spy is already SPECIFICALLY a counter to engie! and gets countered by pyro! its a good balance imo#ofc theres some tweaks to be made for each class but CMON. thatd be a HUGE rework for spy#and some other comment said that a sapped medigun should hurt teammates. FRIENDLY FIRE IS EXPLICITLY NOT A THING!!!#we should bully spy mains more btw#okay. bitching over. sorry#i have more to say but ughhhhhhhh#thatd be pretty much just repeating what i already said basically#mine#rant
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I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THE DREAM TELL ME
OKAY SO
I’m gonna say it in the tags cos it’s less embarrassing ajdjsjsjka
#basically chris and his movie crew came to my university#bc he was making a movie and starring in it and he was holding auditions at my university#the audition was only girls#me and my bestie came late bc we thought the auditions started later#but they still let us have a go#and we were the only ones who aced our audition#like for some reason chris and his crew were marking everyone as if it was an exam lmfao#and Chris was a strict marker idk I guess he cared a lot about his movie#cos he gave every other girl low grades#but meeee he gave me full marks!!!#and my friend too but whatever#anywyas we finished our audition and sat next to him while the rest of the auditions happened#except I kept talking to him and he kept talking to meee#to the point where he was ignoring the other auditions and I was secretly loving it#knowing all the other girls hated me 😂😂😭😭#and I was flirting with him sooo much and he was flirting back#and I knew he liked me more than my friend too like I could FEEL it and it was so real 😂😂😭😭#and then he said he’d give me a lift home in his car#and I was like bITCH YES?!?! (just me not even my friend)#and I remember leaving the building and all the other girls were sooooo jealous mwahahaha#and then it fucking ENDED FUCK URJCSIJXJSJSJS#but yeah#soo cute and I’m afraid I’m in love with him again#anon
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just realised something random: I've always been kinda sad that there isn't any media that my parents liked and shared with me, that sort of thing. I know of things that they like, of course, but it was never something they showed me or anything.
and I just realised that's because it was never something nice, something fun, something they wanted to share - no, they only ever brought up things that they liked as a way to say that everything I liked was bad.
#like.... my dad loved musicals. but he only ever mentioned them when he was telling me how bad everything I like (and basically all modern#music really) is.#my mother likes whatever songs are played on the one radio station she likes#literally that's her taste in music. always has been.#but still everything I've ever liked is just awful.#especially movies and shows. I'd try to show her things I was watching when I was younger. I'd record episodes on VHS specifically to show#her when I'd visit her next.#and she never said a single nice thing about any of it#and then I *had to* watch movies that she liked with her because she'd say she was tired of watching all this stuff.#so it was never a good thing.#idk I just feel like that really sucks. first of all it's just mean as fuck. but also like. I'll never get to listen to a song and think 'aw#my dad loved that song!'. it's only ever 'he hated this one. said this one was terrible. hated this singer's voice.' etc#and my mother's shitty comments have ruined things that I used to love (can't watch corpse bride anymore because it was my favourite when I#was like 15 and I begged her to watch it with me and to this day she brings that up as an example of what a great mother she is - 'I watched#that HORRIBLE movie about the dead people with you and didn't complain about it once'#bitch you complained the whole damn time and you have been complaining about it for 17 YEARS NOW.#ugh shitty people shouldn't have children.
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I'm homosexual
#a lot of the queer experience is not having words for things that you experience i find#and i notice it a lot w what abby and i have#like what we have is neither romantic or platonic we r each others ppl and we love eachother its both romantic and platonic and neither#and more!#anyways#i like being able to provide for them n take care of them n i sent them money for dinner tonight and said some sappy shit#and proceeded like#i was like 'i like being able to take care of you bc ur important to me <3 uh. man....#and they were like and this is a direct text#no im not gonna direct quote them but they said 'you also bring me immense joy my sweet angel' basically thats Alnost a direct quote#and im fucking melting wtf#my!!!!!!#MY SWEET ANGEL#BITCH IM SO FUCKING FLUSTERED RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!¡#they know i like names and they use them as a weapon to make me fuckin like. mushy
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i hung out with both of them again over the weekend and it's going really well* and this is still wild to me. it's been exactly what i needed- just easy and good, and good in different ways bc they're so different from each other! but i don't think i've fully described either here
Bookstore: very tall. verrry sexy voice. nb and bi. does not do small talk.** similar taste in media to my own, esp movies, book genres, and spooky podcasts; every time we hang out is like (sexually charged) book club. big nose. always looks exhausted (hot). younger than me but an oldest sibling and lowkey has oldest sister syndrome, but not in a bad way.
Tech Guy: medium height. v round. v much a standard normal straight guy*** but sweet? adventurous- seems kinda boring and normcore, but the lore keeps getting wilder. he's iranian (initiated his citizenship process immediately after the 2016 election (can successfully navigate bureaucracy (hot))) and has offered to take me on a date to his favorite little middle eastern grocery.**** maintains the exact level of beard scruff that makes me craaaazy. the EYEBROWS on this bitch!! older than me but a youngest sibling (with sisters, so like. he seems to understand that women are human beings).
Both: soft hands.***** lots of friends, including platonic female friends. dislike going out and doing things alone, except for going to the movies, which they do often. when asked what dnd class would you be, personally, like you as the person you are now, both said... bard.****** idk how to feel ab that one.
so i like them both and i'm also glad i started seeing them at the same time, bc i think if it was just one or the other, things would have gotten too intense too fast (bc they both like me A LOT and i'mmmmm enjoying that more than i would have expected, i am tempted to overindulge in such adoration). as-is, i've made a list of guidelines for myself that's helping me to maintain boundaries and keep things as tidy as i can. it helps that they're both good at communicating and planning!
anyway next weekend i'm hanging out with the two friends who set me up with these ppl and i need to think of something very good and special to bring them to say thanks!!!
#*i baked for them both which is like. when i baked on days i hung out with messy guy i was like lemme not tell him. that's not what this is.#i dated my ex for MONTHS before i made anything for him. but idk this is different i'm different now!#(i made an incredible aromatic apple galette based on a scent blend i made for reading a biography of cleopatra for Bookstore#bc they mentioned that they finally felt like they got their sense of smell back after having covid months ago#and i made huge gloriously sticky sweet iced cinnamon rolls (vegan!) for Tech Guy bc i was gonna pick some up from a bakery by his apt#but then i realized. i could just make them (better!) myself)#** every other text from this mf is a grammatically correct paragraph that conveys Specific Information or asks a Clear Question#they were like Idk why i always have so many autistic people in my social orbit. and i said girl i'll tell you exactly why lmao#*** he said he's 'like 70% sure [he's] not bi.' that is not 100% and this bitch LOVES professional wrestling aka homoerotic gymnastics so..#(aj styles is his fave which does seem like a v heterosexual choice. but. also he's seen ricochet perform live!!!)#**** i love grocery stores i LOVE grocery stores.#***** lissen my ex was basically a farmer which was nice for some reasons but that mf had calluses on calluses and didn't moisturize.#hand stuff could not be a key part of our repertoire SADLY.#****** Bookstore used to do some serious Performance Art (see: very tall good voice) and Tech Guy is a musician#and they have both made comments about how much they enjoy supporting their friends (within and outside of the context of id-ing as bards)#lizzo_boys.mp3#bonus way they are similar: they are very verbal about how attractive they find me and how lucky they feel to be with me and#they have each explicitly stated that their primary objective during sex is to please me#(my ex said the same but these two are taking it to a new level)#man i didn't realize how much i needed an ego boost after everything with messy guy. they are certainly giving me that!#and i also feel lucky to have found each of them. they're great :)
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Okay might start sounding a lil crazy here lol BUT the more I think about it the more I think the short haired twin is Glenda and the long haired twin is Glen HEAR ME OUT:
This clip from the trailer, we see someone running, not like a "oh shit I gotta get away from my crazy murder family" run but more of a "get the fuck back here bitch so I can murder you" predatory type of run. And judging from the pink car in the corner and the way the person is dressed I feel like it's safe to say it's one of the twins, and from the way they are running I think it's most likely Glenda.
It's pretty difficult to tell BUT it doesn't really look like they have long hair?? Like it doesn't look like they have any hair flowing behind them as they run, it looks like they have a very close to their head type of haircut. ALSO
It's hard to tell but it looks like the twin on the left is wearing a purple jacket under their green thingy? Like you can see a jacket collar poking up from under it. Like these two clips could even be from the same day.
And I know the long haired twin is also wearing a purple jacket but 1) maybe they're matching cause they're twins or something and also 2) that jacket doesn't look as shiny?? Like it doesn't look to me like it's the same material as the running clip (which, hey, could be from a different day so trying to match it to an outfit could be pointless anyhow lolololol 😆😆😆)
But that's an earring right?? Like a big ass earring like they're wearing in that other pic
GRANTED the long haired twin might also have earrings that we just can't see from behind their hair, but still.
My main point is that from the outfit and way they're running that's most likely Glenda, and it looks like they have very short hair.
I dunno but I think that would be pretty cool lololol 😆😆😆
Also Tiffany said last season that Glenda had exquisite taste and look at both of those twins and ask yourself honestly which one that describes more lolololol 😆😆😆😆😆
Like which one would be more likely to be described as 'stylish' or 'fashionable' lol
#also if that is glenda running i will feel so vindicated#because i have sketches of them in basically that exact outfit lolololol 😆😆😆😆😆🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#also i wrote they and them so many times here just to refer to a single character and i can't even describe the good chemicals#that are flowing in my brain because of that lololol 😆😆😆#like it's not a head canon it's not a fan theory or preference it's CANON BITCHES 😆😆😆😆😆#THE NON BINARY MURDER TWINS ARE CANON 😆😆😆😆😆😁😁😁#like sure sure sure i get it things like 'subtext' and 'coding' all have their reasons and uses#like when the big bad producers won't let you write the characters the way you want#but the difference between 'it's not canonical but there's no evidence against it either' vs having#THE CHARACTER DRIVING UP WITH THEIR GODDAMN PRONOUNS ON THEIR LICENSE PLATE 😤😤😤🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌#it just feels amazing 😆😆😆#especially when you consider this is a low brow slasher franchise like they don't have to be this good to their fanbase#they don't have to be so inclusive they could've just diced up some folks and called it a day but they didnt#glen coulda just been a pacifist and that coulda been their schtick but they went nonbinary with it#they added a nonbinary character and then they doubled them lolololol 😆😆😆😆😆🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌#an yeah i could be way off base with which twin is which lololol 😅😅😅#or maybe everything i said was hella obvious to everyone else and I'm the only one debating it lolololol 🤣🤣🤣😅😅😅#anyways this is my life now until this damn show starts lolololol 🤪🤪🤪🤡🤡🤡😆😆😆😆😆#also i fucking love their car lololololol it suits them both so well 😆😆😆😆😆😆🥰🥰🥰💖💕#i hope if there's more seasons or movies or remakes or reboots or whatever#and glen and glenda are in it again#i hope they have their car ☺️☺️☺️#the nonbinary-mobile#queermobile#whatever lololololol 😅😅😅😆😆😆#shitpost lol 😆#chucky#glen#glenda#this entire post and tags is pretty incoherent sorry bout it lololol 😆😆😆😅😅😅
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Finally watched the trailer and jfc did anyone tell crwby that Wonderland is supposed to be dream like and not an lsd trip??
#rwde#why the FUCK is chesire designed so painfully#is it supposed to be a play on neon katt?? was crwby trying to be clever?? stop it. get some help#also who looked at ruby and said 'get that bitch a mouse. Bitches love mice'#is the mouse going to be a familiar now? or a symbol of her SiMpLe HoNeSt soul? i hate the mouse#why does the red riding hood/dorothy from oz character get the mouse??#also the editing surrounding the 'what are you' stole my kidneys#why is it what are you and not WHO#is it so ruby can VaLiAnTlY declare shes a huntress? is that it crwby?#the other option might be silver eyed warrior but crwby basically uses that as a crutch and gimmick#anyway this is obviously going to be a massive train wreck and i am popping so many bottles when v9 drops
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My favourite part about history stuck ups? Ignorance 💜
With peace and love on planet earth, most british "no offence but", and all but y'all fucking stupid 💜
In least academic way possible but do you have *anything* to back up your claims? Anything at all? "Well this one author said". Oh great! This one text either deemd worthy or lucky enough to survive tells us exactly what we agreed to hear! Isn't it just lovely case of cheery picking and exlusive listening?
I mean this in most earnest but there are no ways to prove that something happened or didn't happen 2000 years ago, no matter how much you want to or stomp the ground. And trust me I know the annoyance that come with it. There are, on the other hand, ways we can figure out or conclude things; alas, these conclusions does not make them factual.
I joked about this several times, maybe not on tumblr, but JKDovers work, to me - a Faggot-, just reeks of ignorance. And homophobia. And so do all the know-it-alls coming out of the woodworks to nitpick and be snarky with their 'facts' and 'logic', that don't care about your feelings.
So yeah, sure, greeks didn't have the same concept of marriage (whatever the fuck that even means) as we do nowadays. But since you cannot ultimately prove that fags, dykes and all other kinds of folks, *weren't* binding themselves in whatever we consider marriage, you can kindly just choke and leave the party you weren't invited to. Next time, before you pipe in unprompted, ask yourself; is it kind, is it neccesery, is it true and most importantly, did anybody fucking asked for my mouth breather ignorant and worthless sack of shit opinion?
Anyway, good for yous my greeks queers. Love that for ya.
#will delete later#there is this one gay classicist here that hates dover with burning passion and I wholeheartedly agree with him#i also love when bitches assume literature cannot be taken as a gospel and at face value#until it is time to use whatever piece of literature to support their ideas#because they never heard of using common sense or even basic of statistics#i mean one person said that means that nobody ever rebelled against it or thought otherwise because that makes sense#idiotic#chew growel and die
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I'm so fucking done with my coworker. I've been sad about the fact that I'm leaving in less than a month but she made me want to leave like now. I want out. Fuck her and fuck this job.
#this is the coworker who told me that me working hard gives her an opportunity to slack off#then when given a chance to restate her words repeated the exact same thing#today she told me to my face that she's been avoiding learning how to do basic tenets of our job because I can do it for her#I have never so badly wanted to backhand someone in my life#this came after she weaponized incompetenced her way into making me clean up an entire event#I ended up folding up the folding tables because she said she didn't know how to fols the folding tables#she didn't know#how to fold#the folding tables#this bitch is a compsci major and she can't figure out how to fold a damn table#or pull some PVC tubes apart#I'm so done with her#I'm so done with this job#I'm so done being forced to do everything because my coworkers don't give a fuck#'you shouldn't care so much about this job' yeah well I could if you did the bare mininum so I didn't have to do three people's work#i would love to not care but unfortunately if none of us do anything nothing gets done#and if you did the slightest bit above nothing I could do a lot less#which I would fucking love to do#anyway
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but daddy i love him! // theodore nott x fem granger reader
playlist : but daddy i love him - taylor swift
summary : being hermiones slightly younger , less intelligant and more reblellious sister, it is your duty to have a boyfriend no one approves of to match.
y/n used , gryffindor granger reader , swearing
masterlist PART 2!
"merlin hes so hot" you whined with you head in your hand , staring across the hall at theodore nott.
hermione shuddered in disgust , "yeah and hes a terrible person."
"mione hes really not , just because hes slytherin doesnt mean hes some kind of horrific monster," you rolled your eyes , finally looking away from theodore and looking at hermione across from you.
"dont mix your delusion with reality y/n. him and his friends have bullied us since first year," hermione snapped back.
"whos us? ive never been teased by him before but stay safe i guess," you argued , getting more annoyed by the second.
"you cant be with him y/n , not only does he not do relationships , clearly , hes not good for you!"
"oh but daddy i love him!" you said in a mocking childish tone.
"did you just call hermione daddy?" ron cringed inbetween his quick eating.
"its a little mermaid reference ronald." you said sternly , judging the boys messy consumption of the food on his full plate.
"whats a little mermaid reference?" he mocked.
you, hermione and harry all looked at him with pure shock , forgetting ron wasnt really accustomed to muggle films , "please educate your man mione."
she gasped in pure horror as ron pretened to gag , they both argued over eachother throwing loud defenses and digs at eachother.
"look! i would actually rather die than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning!!" you shouted over them , silencing their arguing as harry nodded along with your statement.
"y/n i dont mean to stir the pot but i dont really think nott is a great partner either," ron said with disgust.
"thanks for that ron! wanna add your two cents harry? seems like everyone cares who i have silly crushes on nowadays!" you fumed , turning to the twins who sat on the table besides you , "good morning george , fred, would you like to give your opinion on theodore nott?"
"hate him," fred stated plainly.
"i always target him in quidditch," george quickly followed with a shrug as you let out a defeated groan.
you turned back to the trio , crossing your arms in anger , "im going to go see ginny , see what she thinks of all this , she always supports me unlike you little goblins!"
"yeah cause ginny has a crush on basically every guy," ron scoffed.
"atleast ginny can admit when she has feeling for someone and doesnt pine on her best friend for years! atleast she isnt in denail!" you said smugly as hermione and ron squirmed in discomfort , blushing.
you abruptly stood up from the table , beginning to stomp away when harry shouted after you , "have a great day mrs nott!"
you turned to look at him , flipping him off before shouting back , "aw you too mr weasley!".
harry blushed as ron looked between the two of you , "shes insane , calling you weasley , what weasley could you possibly marry!"
ron scoffed and continued eating his food as harry scratched the back of his neck awkwardly and exchanged a look with hermione.
---
you now found yourself storming the corridors , looking for ginny when someone fell into step besides you , their deep voice making you shudder.
"hello mrs nott."
you stopped in you tracks and looked besides you in horror , theodore smirked down at you.
"erm hi," you mumbled quietly , face deep red in embarrassment. how could you forget the whole time that theodore had been sat with his friends on the table across from you?!
"dont go all shy on me now , i liked how you defended me." he smirked.
"i was really just joking dont get excited ," you teased , finally shaking your shyness.
"didnt sound like a joke to me? you got really worked up granger," he still held his smug expression , eyes peircing yours even when you didnt look back.
"look nott , i just like picking fights with them its funny to tease them." you shrugged continuing your walk as theodore followed still looking at you the whole time.
"go out with me," he said sternly as you paused again.
"are you being serious?" you said trying to seem not as interested as you truly were.
he grabbed your hand and pulled you to the empty classroom besides you , pushing you against the door to shut it.
he put one hand beside your head on the door and the other playing with your hair and grazing your cheekbone , "dead serious."
you looked at him , finally silent for the first time in your life , your silence allowing him to continue , "you can say you dont like me all you want. that its jokes , that its just to get a reaction. but i think we both know its more than that."
"im not gonna be one of your girls nott , im not like that. sure i have a different type to my sister but that doesnt mean i go for fucking man whores who just wanna get me in their bed."
"ouch , your words hurt me, bella. ive never touched a single girl asides from you. ive waited for you." he said softly.
"basically every person in this school says otherwise nott."
his hand that was resting on the door cleched into a first tightly , "stop calling me nott. its theo to you."
"why do you care?" you asked as his frustration grew.
he stared at you now with cold eyes , danger in them like he was staring at his prey. you simply looked back , folding you arms and watching as his eyes flicked down your face.
"dont play hard to get. you practically announced your love for me a second ago y/n." he mumbled.
"sure. ill go out with you, charity work." you joked as he finally dropped his anger and laughed.
"i like it by the way," he said looking up with a smirk as you stared back with confusion , " 'mrs nott,' it suits you."
"hm i dont know. ive always been kinda progressive , mr granger," you smirked before pushing him away with one hand and walking out of the classroom, leaving him to stare at your figure.
the second you found ginny you practically screamed in her face with excitement , "ginnny you will not BELIEVE IT!!"
PART 2
#harry potter x reader#harry potter#theodore nott#theodore nott x reader#theodore nott imagine#theodore nott x y/n#theo nott#theodore#nott#hp#hp fandom#x reader#hp fanfic#slytherin#slytherin x reader#hermione granger#ron weasley#golden trio#grenger#draco malfoy x reader#mattheo x reader#mattheo riddle x reader#lorenzo berkshire x reader#taylor swift#but daddy i love him#the tortured poets department#the stars are brighter tonight masterlist
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‘silly little love affair’ [Part I of ?]
Lucifer x F!Reader [Adam’s Sister]
[summary: the secret is out Adam found out about his sister little ‘love affair’ why she’s been visiting hell and now she stands before Sera]
[warning: Adam being a jerk: angst: implications of sex: Adam]
next part
She wrapped herself in her blanket, like a cocoon. Her pillowed stained with tears and snot, she needed to clean her bedsheets and her clothes. She didn’t have the energy nor motivation, she could barely bring herself to get out of bed. It had been a month, she was supposed to go down and visit Lucifer. Today, but couldn’t. She whimpered, and nuzzled her head into her sheets.
Ignoring the knocks at her door, “Seriously, Y/n get the fuck up!” shouted Adam, and she curled up into a ball and closed her eyes her face stained with tears.
She didn’t want to see him. She never wanted to hear his voice again, he ruined her life. While he got everything went against basically every moral thing. And acted horribly. When her little relationship with Lucifer, was found out she was barred from ever visiting or using her powers again. When Adam, gets nothing but a slap on his wrists when he messes up.
“Stop being such a downer, are you dead? You better not be dead?” Adam shouted, knocking even louder.
“FUCK OFF!” Shouted [Y/n], angrily tears in her eyes her cheeks red and eyes puffy. “I SAID I NEVER WANTED TO SEE YOI AGAIN AND I MEANT IT! She exclaimed, grabbing a book from her nightstand and throwing it at the door to her apartment. Pages scattered across the room where it fell with a thud.
Knocks of worried friends left unanswered, as she cried in her room. She had become a prisoner in her own home, all because of her little “love affair” with the king of hell, Lucifer Morningstar.
Sera looked down at [Y/n], “Your silly little love affair is over,” said Sera, and [Y/n] glared at her angrily and at Adam. “Gross as shit.” Adam mumbled, a wide grin on his face.
“Sneaking out of heaven visiting Hell, conversing with Lucifer. Who went against heavens rules?” Sera shook, her head in disappointment. “I excepted better from you,”she muttered, and [Y/n] rolled her eyes.
She shrugged her shoulders,“So what I’m in love big whoop.” said [Y/n], looking up at Sera.
Adam gagged and rolled his eyes, “More like crazy.” He said, and she snapped her neck towards him.
“Fuck you Adam,” she spat, and pointed at him. “You get everything served to you on a silver pla-” she stomped closer, angrily.
“SILENCE!” Sera shouted, looking down at her.
She kept her head down, “Your powers are hereby revoked. You will no longer be able to travel between Heaven and Hell. And will be under constant surveillance.” She looked at the older Seraphim in shock.
Adam laughed and cheered mockingly, “Ah loser take that you fucking bitch.” Adam exclaimed, flipping off his sister.
Her lower lip quivered, as tears brimmed her eyes. “All because, I found happiness with someone who goes against your rules everything you’ve set in place.” said [Y/n], and she looked up at the older Seraphim.
She glared at her, “You’re not god, Sera.” She spat, and more eyes appeared on Sera. “Stop trying to play the part.” She growled, clenching her fists.
Sera held up her hand to silence the girl, “You’re walking a thin line Y/n.” said Sera sternly, looking down at her. “You don’t wanna end up fallen.” She said, and the girl scoffed.
She lowered her head, and downcast pursing her lips and mumbled, “That would be a blessing,” She mumbled, but it was loud enough for Sera and everyone else in the room to hear.
“So desperate for a dick.” Adam mumbled, shaking his head looking at his sister.
She turned and glared at him, her brows furrowed. “Says, the egostistical misogynistic asshole, whose own ex wives wanted nothing to do with you!” She shouted, angrily her nails digging into the palm of her hand.
shouted Sera, “Y/n!” The older seraphim’s glared at the girl. “ITS UNFAIR HE GETS EVERYTHING HANDED TO HIM!” Shouted [Y/n], angry at the unfairness the hypocrisy of it all.
“Gets away with shit!”
“The only reason he’s-"
“That’s enough!” Sera shouted, adjusting her hair and the eyes faded away.
“Y/n Eden, you are hereby barred from leaving heaven again” sera said, and the girls eyes widened as she looked up at her. “What?!” Her voice cracked, and she looked down biting her lower lip drawing blood.
“and from participating in the yearly exterminations” sera added.
“B-But, I-I?” y/n stammered, lowering her head.
“Yes!” Adam cheered, getting up close to his sister. “Take that bitch no more loser dick for you.” Adam exclaimed, getting down and getting up in his sisters face. “Adam!” Sera shouted, wanting him to be quiet. But he didn’t he kept on going, taunting and teasing her.
[Y/n] clenched her fist, and furrowed her eyes. “Take that loser, aw you gonna cry” her body started shaking with rage. She was boiling with rage, like a tea kettle about to burst.
“We’ll take that to-”
She sucker punched him in the face, breaking his nose. Catching Adam off guard, “Ow, fuck you bitch!” He spat, clenching his nose. She glared at him angrily, “Don’t ever talk to me again, I don’t even wanna see your face.” Her voice was like venom, and her nose scrunched up.
“I’m disgusted to be related to you.” She spat, glaring at him. Adam was taken off guard, seemingly hurt by her words. He scoffed, “Ah, w-well same here.” He said, watching as she stormed out slamming the doors behind her.
flashback ended
“Ugh, be a depressed downer.” shouted Adam, as he finally left the constant knocking finally over. She lifted her lead from the covers, and stared blankly at her bedsheets.
She opened her closed hand; revealing a rubber duck. With one of Lucifer’s feathers from his wings, attached to it. She tearfully brought it to her lips, and kissed it. “Luci.” She sniffled, she held it in her hands falling back onto her bedz gently rubbing it with her thumb. closing her eyes as she held the rubber duck close to her chest. Drifting into a dreamless sleep.
Heaven was supposed to be a paradise a joyful place. But for Y/n it was nothing more than a prison even more so now. Heaven had just become her own personal Hell.
#lucifer morningstar x reader#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel lucifer x reader#Hazbin hotel Lucifer#angst#x reader#fanfic#romance#headcanons#hazbin hotel#lucifer x reader#Adam
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