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alovesreading · 1 year

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Chicken Shop Date | Part 4 |

By @imagine-that-100 and @alovesreading

Description of Part 1: Matty Healy x Reader (Female) | You and your best friend Amelia came up with a very simple idea of taking celebrities on awkward chicken shop dates, and somehow, it’s managed to become both of your jobs. In the past, you’ve found sitting across from some of the biggest stars on the planet and eating chicken nuggets easy. But then Amelia manages to score you a date with the man who you’ve been obsessed with since you were nineteen; Matty Healy.

Word Count: 18.7k

A/N: What better way to celebrate George’s birthday than a cute little Chicken Shop Date chapter! Me and @imagine-that-100 are so beyond excited to finally share this one with you lot, it’s such a wholesome one!!! We were giggling, blushing and kicking our feet writing it so we hope you love it! We absolutely love your reactions so please don’t be shy to share them with us, we’ve seen your love for this little story on here and on twitter and it makes us so giddy that you share our excitement over it. Hope you enjoy this one and thanks so much for reading! xx

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

| N’s Masterlist | A’s Masterlist |

~*~*~*~ December 25th ~*~*~*~

Christmas time never fails to fill you up with joy as you get to reunite with your family and just laugh, catch up and shower everyone with gifts, but you are completely sure it doesn’t come close to the way your heart swells up every time you get a new notification saying that you’ve got a message from Matty.

It all started when you woke up to a text of his that said, Why is sleeping at your parents home always so much better? x which made you cackle loudly.

Finding a way to twist his words to tease him, you text him back a quick, Is that a dig at my bed? You can stay on my settee then next time bitch xoxoxoxox

No, you can’t banish me to the settee again xx Matty fights back in a matter of seconds and continues to add, I simply refuse xx but what has you raising your eyebrows in surprise is when he finishes by saying, And call me a bitch again and I’ll have you on your knees apologising for it xxx

Biting your bottom lip, you type, Is that a threat or a promise? and shortly after that’s sent, you add a cheeky, … bitch x knowing just what that would mean.

He acted like he wasn’t impressed, and you could just picture his face as he sent, Wow, really? At 10am? xx

Hilarious you think that’d stop me xx You bite back and to add more fuel to the fire, you send him a petty, Plus you started it xxx to remind him it’s all his fault.

You clearly have forgotten his effect on you because your mind starts to wonder places it shouldn’t at this hour and you’re only brought back to reality when your Mum knocks on your door to tell you to come downstairs for breakfast.

Your family and the reminder of the plans for the rest of the week engrossed you enough to completely miss Matty’s text that he sent a little after your texting was interrupted.

It was time stamped an hour ago and it said, Thinking back to this, I shouldn't be surprised... and the whole spitting thing? x

The last bit has you frowning because you’re sure you’ve not told him about any of your preferences in that aspect. So you send him back a text that’s basically you playing dumb on it, Spitting thing?

Eagerly waiting for a response, you almost jump in your seat when ten minutes later he says, Is our date really not memorable to you at all? Ouch, I demand an apology.

Giggling at his dramatic ways, you continue to play dumb on it by saying, It is memorable but what are you talking about?

You can almost picture him rolling his eyes at you and sighing and you’re left hanging for a response for a couple of minutes until he comes back with the link to a video and a time stamp.

Clicking on it, you’re brought to your date and when you skip to the minute he’s instructed you to, you realise what he means.

The exact moment plays when you say, “And Amelia didn’t like the spit on the camera.” to which he answered, “Only Amelia didn’t like it? So you enjoyed it?” and right after you hear yourself answer with a, “Maybe.” you go back to your conversation with your cheeks heating up.

He added a, If that's not a spitting kink confession, idk what is baby x right after he sent the video and you have a quick think on how to conceal that.

How’d you know that wasn’t just a bit for the video? You try to play with him since you actually wanted to keep him guessing.

But he surprises you when he says, I can watch it back and tell exactly when you’re telling the truth now baby, you’re like an open book x And whilst you’re trying to gather yourself again after melting over that, he sends another text that has you burning up head to toe. This just assures us we’ll have proper fun later baby, so it’s a win really xx

So does this mean you’re into that… You almost hate how shy the text sounds but you’re once again completely overcome by the way he makes you feel.

Are the shows not proof enough? Comes through from him and his smirk comes to the forefront of your mind, completely sure he’s smirking at his screen after having sent that.

Trying to play it cool, you reply with, I think they only spark more questions x

You have to hold back a screech when he sends, Lucky for you baby, I have loads of answers xx

And this time, as you decide to go for a breather after it all, you give him exactly what he’s giving you back. I’d ask for a list but I sorta wanna work them out on the job xx

It was a mistake from you to not expect him to have a comeback to that so you choke on your spit when he says, You gonna get your hands dirty and find out? xx

But you’re fully determined to leave him breathless so with your self control clouded by your filthiest thoughts, you reply, Hands, chest, face, mouth… The list goes on xx

Fucking hell… If you had been on a call then you would’ve died at the groan he let out reading that, Baby why do you have to be so far away? x

On the other hand you are giggling away as your tummy flutters from his reaction and you continue teasing him to keep him on his toes. Alright control yourself, it’s only 2pm x

It bites you back when he sends, You’re a little brat, aren’t you? which has your heart going faster at the thought of hearing him say that to your face.

Hmm call me that again xx Your inhibitions are out of the picture at this point but he is making you go insane with such little effort. It was unfair really.

And what? He texts back, daring you to finish your statement.

But you don’t give him the pleasure of knowing, You’ll find out about that soon enough xx Now be good and go on celebrating baby Jesus’ birthday x.

As opposed to adult Jesus’ birthday? He answers to take the piss out of your wording, Also need I remind you I’m a raging atheist?x

You cackle out loud at the reminder of that Genius interview and you just can’t not send him a screenshot of the exact moment along with, Oh no need to remind me when this exists (I can hear that image) x

Matty knows just how to get you, though, because you’re blushing slightly embarrassed when he says, Obsessed much? You must’ve had that saved cause that was too quick x

You’d love that wouldn’t you? X You quickly reply not letting him get the pleasure of your silence so you’re the one to end the conversation with a bit more teasing, Go play with your new toys Matthew, talk to you in a bit xx

Even though you truly had wanted to text Matty again soon after that conversation took place, you’d gotten carried away around your family and it wasn’t until later in the evening that you’re able to sit down with a cup of tea beside you to talk with him.

You would’ve loved to continue teasing him through text but you want to see his face now so you decide to FaceTime him.

With the biggest grin on your face, you start the video call with a loud, “Merry Christmas!” as soon as he picks up and you can’t even find it in yourself to care how overly chipper you sound as you greet him.

“Merry Christmas baby!” Matty matches your enthusiasm and he’s beaming at you, he finds you glowing under the warm lights that come from the Christmas decorations around your parents home. “Have you had a nice day?” He asks with a soft look on his face, it was a joke how much he found himself to be missing you after he stayed at yours before you went away.

“Yeah it's been really good, how's your day been?” You’d rather hear him talk about his day since yours had been fairly normal, like any other Christmas.

“Yeah busy. So much family, so many questions.” Matty almost rolls his eyes, annoyed at the situation but now he’s escaped to his room for a bit and he gets to see you, he’s happy. But he pouts as he says, “Barely got to text you, but it’ll be more chill over the next few days.”

Pressing your lips together, you try to hide the big grin that wants to break on your face and you shake your head in amusement, “It's okay, my family have been keeping me busy too. I was forced into the kitchen, reason being I'm always eating too much fast food on my dates so my Grandma was making me cook.”

A smile tugs at the corner of his lips and he tilts his head to the side to ask, “She thinks you only eat chicken nuggets?”

Aware of how ridiculous that sounds, you chuckle “I think so.” And you’re about to say something else when you’re distracted by how adorable he looks with his messy curls, tired eyes and that soft smile of his. “You look cute by the way.”

Matty’s eyes crinkle at the corners when his smile gets bigger at your compliment, “Thanks baby, you do too.”

Right then you could only hope it was dark enough for him not to notice your cheeks tinting red. “What did you get for Christmas?” You switch the topic when you see the shadow of a smirk forming on his face.

“Got this nice cardigan that Mum had made for me.” He lifts one of his arms up to show the sleeves of the clothing piece and you can’t help but be in awe at the pretty pattern of it and how soft it looks.

“Looks very cosy.” You compliment effortlessly, wishing you could cuddle him at that very moment.

But then he lifts himself up more to show what he’s wearing under it, “Not as cosy as my hoodie.”

“Oh my god,” You giggle, “As if you have it on still.”

“Of course I do.” Matty assures with a slight frown to pretend like the prospect of not having it on still was ridiculous, “Best present I got, baby.”

Shaking your head in disagreement, you state, “I'm going out tomorrow to buy you something better.”

“No, don’t” He warns you sternly, “I’ll be fuming if you do.”

But you don’t listen to him, rolling your eyes you go against his wishes, “You can be fuming all you want, I've got something in mind that I think you'll like so I'll be getting it you, no arguments. I’m just sorry I didn't get it before.”

He pouts hearing you apologise for it, “You really don't have to get me anything.” Doing his best puppy eyes for you to listen to him.

Yet that doesn’t work, it only makes you want to get it for him even more. “I want to, so absolutely nothing more on the subject until I hand it to you.”

“And when will that be?” His inquiry is purely in hopes to know how long until he sees you again and maybe it being before what you’ve arranged on the last day of the year.

“New Year's Eve?” You reply but it sounds like a question since you’re not sure exactly when you’ll be coming back home.

He deflates a little at the fact that he won’t be able to see you earlier so he says, “I get home the day before?” in the same tone as your previous answer, again hoping the information brings you to see each other before the already planned day.

But you bite your bottom lip as you remember the texts you had earlier in the day, “Are you being cheeky again?”

“Only if you’ll let me.” Matty’s signature smirk is directed at you once again and you’re screeching on the inside.

“I’m going to refrain, you know… I think we should let the tension build.” Is your polite way of admitting that you could absolutely not be in bed with him and not fuck his lights out if he wanted to stay with you again.

He scoffs out a laugh, “Let the tension build or you can't trust yourself to keep your hands off me.”

“Okay, absolutely no need to call me out like that.” You point out in warning and then remind him in a simple way that it wasn’t only you with the wandering hands, “And speak for yourself.”

He doesn’t let you pin it all down on him though as he bluntly recalls, “I think it was you that pushed me down on your bed, not the other way around.”

“Matthew,” You hear the very distinctive voice of Denise ring through the phone and you want to die when she shouts, “I don't want or need to know that.”

“Oh my god, no.” Your hand is instantly over your mouth and your cheeks flame at what she’s just heard Matty say.

You know he’s got AirPods in so she couldn’t hear you but the fact she’d just heard him say that you’d pushed her son down onto your bed makes you want to curl up into a ball and die. That was not how you wanted Denise’s first impression of you to go.

“Don’t eavesdrop on a conversation then, Mum.” Matty scorns, his eyes presumably on her to the right of him and not on his phone at all.

“Maybe just close your bedroom door so I can’t hear in future.” You can hear Denise backchat, but then she asks, “Who’s the lucky lady anyway?”

Immediately, you want to hide under your blanket. This can’t be the way you meet his Mum. It can’t be, you’ll never live it down.

“Not on Christmas,” Matty thankfully saves you. But it seems she’s persistent as Matty stands up and starts moving around his bedroom so she can’t see his phone. Him scolding her does make you giggle though, “No Mum, absolutely not.”

And you hear a little of her argument, but ultimately Matty just ends up saying, “Baby, I’ll phone you back shortly.”

“Okay,” You nod, and he’s gone in a panic before you even have the chance to get your goodbye out.

You wait for him to call back as you scroll through your phone and catch up with Amelia on what your families have been like so far. You’re giggling away as she tells you what her Aunt got everyone when Matty calls you back about 40 minutes later.

He smiles when he hears your giggles die down as you answer, “Sorry about that, she wouldn’t leave me alone and I promised I'd protect you.”

You shake your head, not agreeing on how he’s putting it. “I honestly love Denise, Matty, it wouldn’t bother me.”

He raises his eyebrows like he’s concerned over your naivety, “It would, you just don't know it yet.”

“You’re so nasty.” You scold him but you’re trying not to laugh at the situation.

But Matty can just picture so clearly what would happen if you met his mum right then and continues to warn you, “You won't be saying that when she doesn’t stop texting you. She tends to go a bit too overboard far too quickly.”

“Listen if you’ve not scared me off I doubt your Mum will.” You take the opportunity to tease him and it makes you chuckle when he rolls his eyes at your antics.

“Yeah, sure. You keep telling yourself that.” His fake annoyance makes your laughter continue and you see how he can’t fight the smile that breaks out on his face.

Remembering how your conversation was cut short before, Matty asks, “What did you get off Dimz for Christmas?” wanting to hear more about your day.

“I don't know yet.” You sip on your tea, looking at the gifts you have for her untouched under your tree.

“How come?” Confusion written all over his face since he thought you were spending the day together too.

“We have our Christmas’ together tomorrow instead.” You start explaining, “We always want each other's reactions so we save our presents for each other for tomorrow.”

He grins knowing what this meant, “Perfect excuse to call again tomorrow and find out what you got.”

You melt inside at the way his face lights up at the prospect of another promised call, “You don’t have to have an excuse to phone me. Like even if you’re bored, it's fine. Me and Ames do it all the time.”

And you truly mean it. You would very much encourage it because the way that you feel every time he texts you is becoming your favourite thing.

“I'm afraid you’ll get tired of my voice.” Matty jokes to get a laugh out of you.

But his heart swells when you assure him, “If it's not happened in the past decade, I doubt it could happen now.”

He feels himself becoming more and more affected by the things you say so he plays it off like that was a boost of his ego and playfully says, “Obsessed!” He lets out a whistle exaggerating it all and your cheeks grow hot at his dramatic actions.

“You wish.” Is the only thing you can think of saying, aware that he has the advantage here with his knowledge of you.

And he proves just that when he smirks and backchats, “You’ve got a tattoo for one of my songs and a top exclusively stating that if anyone isn’t me, you’re not interested… So I don’t reckon I need to be wishing for anything, baby. It’s just facts.”

You sigh and roll your eyes, knowing this all was brought up to him by none other than your best friend, “I still want to kill Amelia for telling you that.” and you elect to not blame yourself for wearing said top to his gig a few weeks after he was told about it.

Matty just smirks at you through the phone, leaning closer when he says, “I have a feeling she has more to tell actually.”

Pressing your lips together you take half a second not to react to him because she knows far too much about you that you’re not entirely ready for Matty to know yet. He’s a big boy, he can find things out for himself.

“You better not even try to get her to speak.” You point a finger at him.

“Why?” Matty raises his eyebrows playfully, but there’s a suggestive tone to his voice when he asks, “What are you gonna do about it?”

You smirk back, not letting him affect you this time, you just flirt back, “It’ll end up poorly is all I’m saying.”

“Yeah whatever,” Matty narrows his eyes at you playfully, “I’m willing to bet your bedroom has at least one poster of me up on your wall.”

“Remind me to never FaceTime you in my bedroom whilst I’m here.” You allude to him being right without actually giving him confirmation and you make sure that he will never ever see your bedroom walls.

Matty laughs at that and the both of you fall into easy conversation. Him talking about his day and you both share lots of anecdotes about your friends and family.

Neither of you have it in you to stop grinning at the other, your laughter mixing together as more stories are shared which ends up in him promising to text Amelia so she can get him your funny childhood pictures you’ve just told him about. And it seems that the sole mention of her name was enough to summon her somehow.

A text from your best friend pops up at the top of your phone as you’re talking and your eyes go a little wide when you see, IF YOU'RE IGNORING ME BECAUSE YOU'RE ON THE PHONE TO YOUR MAN I'LL BE KEEPING YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS WOMAN!!! LEAVING ME ON READ FOR AN HOUR! THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON THAT’D MAKE YOU DO THAT!!! DON’T BECOME ONE OF THOSE GIRLS THAT GETS A MAN AND STARTS IGNORING THEIR BEST FRIENDS!!!!

“Oh Christ, she’s getting arsey I’m not texting her back. One second.” You swipe off FaceTime so Matty just appears in a small corner of your screen and you quickly tap on your iMessages.

“Don’t let your friendships die because of me.” Matty chuckles a little, knowing you well enough by now that you and Ameila love each other just as much as him and the guys love each other. Nothing on the planet could break you apart.

As Matty says that, you’re replying, Wow, calm your tits Dimz! Co-dependent much?!?!

“I was doing shots with her at one this morning, she can chill out.” As you send the text off, you shake your head a little, faking annoyance and tell Matty, “She’s coming round here tomorrow too, so she needs to calm down.”

“I’ll tell her to stop interrupting us if you want?” He can already imagine Amelia’s reaction to him telling her to leave you two alone and the way he could play it so she would freak out. “No don’t because that will open up another can of worms that I can't close.” You reply with a sigh, knowing she’d make such a big thing out of one single comment from him that would leave you to clean up the mess for weeks afterwards.

That sparks curiosity in him again, having the very brief knowledge about her incessant interrogation after what had happened yesterday. “She stopped questioning you about yesterday?”

You sigh a little before explaining, “Not for the whole ride home and she outed me to her Mum which was more embarrassing.” and you will your cheeks not to burn in response to you actually telling him this.

“Did you tell her what happened?” Matty can’t help but smirk when he asks you that.

At the same time, Amelia's reply comes through and it has you wanting to throw your phone and scream, Don’t be getting cocky with me now because you’ll be getting to reenact one of those smut scenes you used to read about religiously in a few days time x

“Yes,” You answer his question with a small faintly embarrassed smile, “And she still thinks I’m not telling her everything.” It makes the both of you chuckle, but then you remember what her Mum said and you tell him, “Linda thinks I was serious about being in my slut era.”

Not rising to her games, you just respond, Goodnight Amelia x and close the app before opening Matty back up to be your full screen, and you smile seeing his big grin at what you just said.

“Only for me I hope.” He says and your smile is switched for pursed lips and narrowed eyes.

And as he says that, you see another message come through at the top of your phone that reads, Stay grounded Y/N xxx and you can practically hear her laughing from your house. The little bitch.

You hate that she holds so much power over you. All you need is for her to not tell Matty how fucking crazy you once were until after your date on New Years. You’re so close, you can’t let her fuck it now.

You roll your eyes before you’re directing all your attention back to the man who loves teasing you. “And you can keep hoping.” You state with a forced blank face, trying to appear serious.

But he scoffs loudly and rolls his eyes at you, “As if you aren’t.” And he steals your refutation from your mouth when he adds, “Do I need to bring my previous arguments back?”

Your silence is loud as you bite your tongue remembering all that he knows and what he could find out so you just give up and settle for a defeated “No.”

Winning this has a triumphant smile glowing on his face and you wish you could be stronger and not give him the satisfaction of it causing your own smile. Matty hums and then finishes by saying, “That’s what I thought.” And even when you roll your eyes at him, your smile doesn’t falter, neither does your erratic heartbeat.

Matty Healy really is going to be the death of you.

~*~*~*~ December 26th ~*~*~*~

Just like he had promised he would do, Matty calls you the following day a few hours after Amelia left to go back to her parents. You’d once again been texting Matty all morning, so he knew when was best to FaceTime you, and as soon as he was able to escape from his family again, it was the first thing he did.

“What did you get off Dimz?” He eventually asks after greeting each other. Having thought about it for quite a bit now and the curiosity is eating away at him.

And it only gets worse when you instantly reply with, “I don't want to talk about it.”

“What’s that meant to mean?” He’s taken aback by your point blank refusal to answer a simple question, and he can only think it means Amelia has caused some trouble so his curiosity grows stronger by the second.

Your defeated sigh makes him glow in anticipation of the answer, “Let’s just say the presents were themed and you will never ever see them.”

“Oh my god, tell me what you got right now.” Matty can’t take you being vague with him now because it only makes him more eager to find out.

Seeing your face, he knows you’re keeping your ground so before you even have said “Nope.” his camera pauses for a few seconds and you know he’s minimised your Facetime call to go somewhere else and by the way you can see the camera slightly shake, you ask, “Who are you texting?”

“Your best mate.” He states bluntly, almost done with his text.

The second you hear that fall from his lips, you let out a loud, “No!” as your blood runs cold and your heart drops.

Matty shrugs, sending the text without caring about your reaction, “Too late.”

And he finds you so adorable when you huff and cross your arms in annoyance. You can only say, “I hope you get lost in her dms.” since it’s exactly what you’re hoping to happen so that it saves you some great embarrassment.

“Please,” Matty waves you off, “I’m on her close friend's story.”

Once he tells you that, your heart drops once more. “No, please tell me you’re not.”

“Oh I am.” He smirks as he nods his head, very satisfied by the content he’s gotten to see from both of you. “I’ve seen you drunkenly dancing to my songs baby. Please continue with those moves for me more often.” You know exactly what he means and it makes you have to hide behind your hands as your cheeks start burning up.

But then he makes it even worse for you when he cheekily adds, “Preferably when I’m there and you’re pressed against me.”

You have no idea how you don’t scream out loud at that because you certainly just hear a deafening scream inside you. Taking a deep breath, you let your hands fall from your face and you try your hardest to appear unaffected by his words. “Maybe if you stop pushing my buttons you’ll get some of that on a lucky day.”

It isn’t necessarily an empty promise because in all honesty you would absolutely love that, but you know it’ll be a guessing game to know when the chance for that to happen will appear.

He salutes like he’s just received orders from a general and then proceeds to ask, “What did you get Amelia?” with the fakest innocence as he’s now trying to play good boy.

You shake your head at him first, but then tell him, “Aitch merch.” and both of you burst out laughing. Eventually you end up telling him that you got her a lot more than some shit Aitch merch but that was the funniest thing you got her.

An hour after the subject moved on and you completely forgot about the curly haired singer trying to see what presents you got from your best friend, Matty takes you by surprise when he excitedly gasps, “Now that is the sexiest blanket in the world.”

“Nooooo,” Your eyes go wide immediately, not even needing context about what he’s clearly just seen because you just know.

Amelia’s Christmas presents… All you can think is, Kill me now.

You’re so embarrassed as you complain, “You’re not meant to see it! How have you found it?!”

He lets out a cackle first before he finally answers, “She sent it to me but she's just put it on her story too and tagged us.”

“No!” You throw a small hissy fit as you open Instagram to check the damage. And when you see the picture she took of you proudly holding up your new blanket with a big goofy smile on your face, you yell, “The little bitch.”

You want to die because this new blanket Amelia got you, wasn’t just any regular blanket. This one has the picture of you and Matty standing beside each other, with you in your Robbers girl get up, after your chicken shop date, and it's huge. Yes you absolutely love it, but you did not want Matty to see it.

“That’s fucking amazing,” He continues to laugh and though you love hearing his chuckles, you’re too mortified to properly appreciate them. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

You frown at him like he’s lacking all forms of critical thinking, “Because you’re not a fucking psycho like she is.”

“I can see you absolutely love it from these pictures, do not lie to me.” Matty defends Amelia then, and it’s just the best set scenario because he can just continue to take the piss out of you. “That's probably the best present you’ve ever received.”

Whilst he is correct, apart from the fact he bought you presents himself so they will hold a very special place in your heart forever, you don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that.

“Oh right ‘cause it’s you?” You roll your eyes at him playfully as your sarcasm is painfully obvious in your tone.

But Matty doesn’t let it faze him because he says, “Anything to do with me it’s always the best baby, you should know this already.” with the most smug expression on his face.

Looking at him with an eyebrow raised, you answer with, “I wonder how you can walk around with such a big head.”

You should’ve expected him to be funny as he says, “I wobble a little sometimes but yeah it’s alright, thanks for asking.”

Fully having to swallow your laugh and bite the inside of your cheek to keep your stern face, you simply sigh, “I hate you.”

And it becomes another sigh when he smirks at you and replies, “Well, baby, I doubt that.”

~*~*~*~ December 27th ~*~*~*~

“Hey baby.” Matty greets you with a big smile on that cheeky face of his.

You grin, “Hey Matty.” and you want to silently scream at how good he looks today.

He looks well rested and really bright and happy. His curls are unruly, just how you like them and already you want to silently scream where he can’t see you because he looks so fucking fine.

No one should be looking so good at almost 1pm the day after boxing day. The 27th is a day to do fuck all. All you’ve done today so far is make breakfast for your family and wrap the present you went out and got Matty yesterday.

“What are you up to today?” Matty asks you and you give him the boring answer of answering your emails for upcoming work events and more celebrities you have to research before the Golden Globes.

But before you have to do that, you want to speak to him, so after you finish explaining your process, you ask him, “What are you up to anyway? Have you had a change in scenery?”

You’re sure he has. It doesn’t look like his childhood bedroom that you’ve come to know when he gave you a little room tour.

“Yeah,” Matty nods, smiling at the fact you could tell, and he spins himself around so his background changes behind him as he’s explaining, “We’re somewhere in the Peak District in this house that Mum rented out for Lincoln's birthday today. Big family meal later, chefs coming in and everything.”

“That sounds like so much fun.” You can imagine how big and stunning the house might be.

He shrugs, knowing already what it’s like to have these family events and how he does enjoy them but he half wishes you were there with him. The one thing keeping him from saying it out loud is how he knows if you were there you’d be suffocated with questions.

“Hope so, but until about an hour before I’m gunna be bored as fuck and you told me to call when I’m bored so here I am bothering you again.” Matty ends up saying with a soft smile on his face, hoping to see on your face that you’re just as excited to always be talking to him like he is.

Frowning slightly you correct him, “I’m literally doing fuck all you’re not bothering me.”

That has his smile growing bigger and as he settles on his bed, getting comfortable to continue speaking to you, he asks, “What have you been up to?”

“Other than what I already told you, I’ve been really lazy and napped after I had breakfast.” A little embarrassed smile shows on your face, still a bit shy when being so open and honest to him about simple things like that.

You don’t think you’ll ever be over the fact that he said he would listen to a podcast if you were the one talking, you’d like to think that comment on your date was real, and with the way he acts you’re certain it was sincere. You’re still breathless over the fact that he’s always so attentive when listening to you talk about your pretty tame days compared to what his days look like as a musician.

And right then Matty reminds you just why, despite it all, he makes you forget everything to just focus on the way he makes you feel. “Wrapped in your new blanket?” He teases you with that smirk of his and your cheeks instantly heat up.

Trying not to smile at his satisfaction from getting you blushy again, you roll your eyes and reply, “I’m going to need you to stop referencing it please and thank you.”

Matty hums like he’s thinking about it, lips pressed and brows furrowed for a few seconds, only for it all to turn back into a smirk when he finally says, “Never.”

Your facetime ends up turning into just keeping each other company, with the conversation never really dying out. Yes there were quiet minutes throughout the call, when you were typing out an important email or Matty was reading something or other that he didn’t want to bother you with.

But you found yourselves aimlessly chatting, with time passing you by far too quickly for either of you to notice. You were googling various actors and directors who were going to be in attendance at the Golden Globes and making notes on them and because Matty was curious, he made you tell him everything that you’d found on them. He wanted your opinions on what you’d seen and if you thought they were any good or not.

Both of you laughed when Andrew Garfield was mentioned and you told him straight up that you weren’t doing any research on him because you practically knew it all. You’ve seen his new show Under The Banner Of Heaven so you didn’t really have to do much more fact finding on him as he was certainly one of your and Amelia’s favourite actors.

That in itself though, sparked Matty’s curiosity about if you put this much effort into researching your chicken shop dates, and then the inevitable question of ‘did you research me?’ to which you found your cheeks burning when you admitted to him that you didn’t have to do any for him or the band. As Matty’s smirk grew, you’re sure his ego did too and you tried your best to get back to your work as he continued teasing you for it.

Matty kept you entertained by going back to your research and adding some of his knowledge about the people you were googling about. Films that he’d liked from certain directors or intricate facts about their careers and how they got to where they are now, some actors small roles when they were younger or parts they had auditioned for and didn’t get.

Once again, speaking to the curly haired man is the easiest thing in the world. So much so, that you don’t realise just how long you’ve been talking to him until your phone pops up with the alert that you only have 20% battery remaining. And knowing it was near enough fully charged before the call started made you look at the time and you gasped when you saw it was 5:47pm.

Matty questions you on your shocked expression, wondering what had you gasping, but then it’s him who has the same reaction as you ask almost rhetorically, “How the fuck has five hours passed?”

“You’re kidding?” His jaw drops and he taps the screen to check the time on his own phone and he’s genuinely just as surprised to see you were right.

Talking to you felt like no time at all. If Matty had to guess he would have taken a shot in the dark that you two had been talking for a little over an hour and a half but no more than that.

But now he looks out of the bedroom window and sees it's dark and he realises that he’s got to be downstairs in the next 10 minutes before his Mum will undoubtedly come and shout at him for not being punctual.

“Fucking hell,” Matty gasps, immediately putting his propping the phone up against the wall of the desk he was sitting at before he starts scrambling about, “I was meant to get changed before dinner.”

Despite your best efforts, when you see him pull his top over his head revealing his chest you pretend like it doesn’t make your heart stutter for a second. Immediately flustered, especially when his next move is to walk around to the suitcase on his bed and unbuckle his jeans and drop them, leaving him in just his black Calvins.

You try and fail to keep your eyes solely on your laptop instead of your phone, but as Matty is pulling on his black dress trousers, he’s smirking back at you trying to act unbothered when you so clearly are.

The curly haired man teases, “You’re entertaining trying to not look at your phone right now.”

To try and save some embarrassment at being called out, you just admit, “I’m just trying to be a decent human being.”

“Leave your morals elsewhere because I very much enjoy your eyes on me baby.” Is what you hear next and if that’s not a green light you don't know what is.

However, that does not mean that you’re okay when you look back at your phone to see him picking out his white shirt and shrugging it on, his chest still on display, and his new tattoo standing out even more to you.

You can feel just how hot your cheeks have gone with this view you have though, and the fact you were caught out makes your embarrassment worse, but you sort of embrace it as you let yourself shamelessly watch him button up his shirt.

At the same time, you ask him with mortification clear in your voice, “Will there ever be a day where you don’t make my cheeks burn?”

It’s not like it’s even your fault at this point. He just looks so good and he’s confident in the most casual way about flaunting his attractiveness off to you. His slutty little waist that becomes defined when he tucks his shirt in, not to mention the way those trousers hug that peachy arse of his.

You need it to be New Years Eve stat. You don’t know how much longer you can take.

“Not if I can help it.” Matty smirks at you getting closer, making you blush again when he winks at you. And after he chuckles at you hiding behind your hand for a moment, he sees that he really has to head down, so he announces, “I've gotta run baby. I’ll message you though.”

“No, just go and enjoy your night.” You tell him, not wanting him to be on his phone when he should be spending time with his family. Smiling, you say, “I hope the food is good.”

“Thank you, I'm sure it will be.” Matty grins and then blows you a kiss before waving, “See ya later baby.”

“Bye Matty.” You grin, catching his kiss before blowing one back at him.

Both of you end the call with massive smiles on your faces and hearts beating a lot faster than they should be.

~*~*~*~ December 28th ~*~*~*~

It’s a few minutes past 1am and you feel like you’re back in school since you’re still doing your research on the endless list of people from the film industry that’ll be attending the event.

After you’d ended your call with Matty earlier you had wanted to go back into it but your thoughts had distracted you and you had needed to go on your phone to aimlessly scroll so your brain would shut up.

After that, Amelia had given you a call just so you could update each other on how you were going about it and sharing the information you had so far on everyone. Though that had ended up on Amelia finding out you still had a third of people to properly look through and she gave you a playful scolding for ‘letting your man distract you from work’.

You’re almost done now, only two people left and since you’re really tired you decide to put everything away and get ready to go to bed, deciding to finish the last two early in the morning tomorrow. After you come back from the bathroom with your fingers cold from the freezing water, you practically throw yourself on bed and get under the covers the quickest you could.

Forcing your eyes to close so you could get to sleep faster ends up being interrupted by your phone vibrating next to you where it's placed on the bedside table.

Frowning, you fully think it’s Amelia again but you find it so weird she’d call this late considering how she is about her early sleep schedule when she’s not out. But once you turn your phone around to see who it is, you’re met with a facetime from Matty coming through.

Answering rather quickly, “Baby?” is the first thing he says in a loud whisper as if he was trying not to make noise but failing.

“Hey Matty.” Your voice sounds hoarse from how long you’ve not spoken as you’ve been keeping quiet for everyone sleeping at your parents’ house.

That’s when Matty realises you’re snuggled up in bed already and so his eyes widen and a worried expression appears on his face. “Did I wake you up? Shit sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up.”

You chuckle at the way he’s slurring his words, and now seeing how pink his cheeks are, you can tell he’s drunk. “It's fine, don't worry I’m just being a Grandma and going to sleep early.”

“Hottest fucking Grandma in the world if you’re calling yourself that.” He states with such conviction, it has you wanting to screech into your pillows.

You’re so glad it's dark in your room so he can’t see the way you get all embarrassed. You hide into your pillow a little more but you distract him anyway by asking, “How was your night?”

“Was fucking mental baby,” Matty tells you as he puts his phone down so he can still see you, and he starts unbuttoning his shirt as he explains, “These chefs started singing and it was like a full on opera… I’m so confused as to who actually cooked the meal for us because I really dont think it was them two now.”

Your eyes wander a little as he finishes undoing his shirt, “That sounds like so much fun.”

His smile turns into a pout as he takes his shirt off and tosses it somewhere behind him. “It would have been so much more fun if you were here too.” Right after he says that, he’s grabbing his phone and plopping himself down on the bed.

You grin as he rests his elbow on the bed and his chin on his hand, “You're cute, but I bet you had a great time with your family.”

“You would have loved it. Food was amazing,” Matty’s mouth water a little reminiscing about how good it all was but when his eyes are drawn back to your face–which he can barely see–, his chest tightens thinking about just how much he wants to see you again.

So in his drunk state, he confesses, “I miss you baby… so much.”

And you can’t hide from him the fact that you feel the exact same way, so you reply with an honest, “I miss you too.”

“Is that weird to say?” He asks out but before you can even assure him that it isn’t, he continues his ramble, “I hope it's not, I just really like you and I've not felt so myself around someone in a long time. You make it easy baby, I really miss you.”

You are melting hearing him so easily say that and it has you pinching yourself to make sure you aren’t dreaming.

The feeling is reciprocated and you make sure to tell him just that, “It's not weird to say at all. I feel the same, not felt as comfortable as I do around you with anyone new for a long time.”

Matty has the biggest smile on his face after you say that, his insides coating with this warmth he’s not felt in a while and as his eyes close from how big his grin is, he continues with his sincere words, “I really like you.”

Biting your lip, you feel your stomach doing somersaults, “I really like you too.”

“I just wish you were here. I wish I was cuddling you again. You keep me warm. Helps me sleep.” He admits it all, and it’s especially that last bit that has your heart growing in size because you’ve not heard that he has trouble finding sleep lately.

You’re sure if you try to give him a cohesive answer, you’ll fail so you go straight for a little joke so you can calm yourself down at least for a few seconds. “Maybe you should have got yourself a heated blanket.”

But Matty makes it so hard to collect yourself when he rolls over on his back and you see him shaking his head, “No, I’d rather have you.”

The way his curls fall messily over the pillow, and how pretty he looks as his face softens from his exhaustion, has you wishing so hard that you were there beside him and that time would go faster just so it could be New Years and you could have him all to yourself again.

“Me and my heated blanket?” You joke once again with a little smirk on your face that he can’t really see from how dark it is and the way his eyes keep closing against his will.

“Might consider if it was your better blanket.” Matty smirks and forces his eyes open to see your reaction, which ends up being a little giggle, “You know, the one with me all over.”

“Of course you do.” You reply with your smile still unwavering on your face.

In his drunken mind he gets the tiniest bit defensive then, “I’m better than that blanket though.”

And you give him the pleasure of agreeing with him, “Yeah, I prefer the real deal.” It’s not even a burden to admit that because you would take cuddling him over anything, any day.

Matty can’t stop his giggles and his grin grows bigger at your answer. “I'm so excited for New Years. I can't wait to take you out.”

It really is all he can think about, counting down the days wasn’t enough anymore and with the way he always keeps his eyes on the hours ticking by, knowing it was an hour closer he’d be in your company again. He’s at the point now where he’s eagerly awaiting a text back from you all the time, hoping it's you calling him and not someone else.

And hearing you say, “I'm excited too.” makes him happier than he’ll ever admit.

You’re just smiling so brightly at him and he can see it dimly lit by your phone, “I think you’re gorgeous you know?” Copying your position, he lays on his side and snuggles his pillow, “I really do. You’re hot as fuck but you’re also really gorgeous.”

You have to move your phone for a second, aiming the camera to the ceiling just so you can silently scream into your pillow and thanks to his hazy mind, he misses the few seconds it takes you to let it out.

“Thank you Matty.” You finally say after you’ve brought your phone back where he can see your face.

“See? Look at you!” The brightness of your phone lit up your face and Matty found it so fucking adorable seeing you with your cheek pressed against the pillow and your messy hair, tucked in with the covers up to your chin and that grin of yours he was growing obsessed with.

“I wish I could kiss you right now.” He confesses with a sigh, making your heart beat erratically in your chest.

“Matty…” Is all that you can mutter in almost a whine as if you’re pleading for mercy on your heart.

But he doesn’t stop and when he continues saying, “What? I really enjoy kissing that pretty face of yours.” You just hide your face into your pillow, needing to at least have a break of how he’s looking at you because you can only take so much.

“No, don’t hide.” He quietly complains, making you turn back to see him on your screen and you’re about to laugh at his frown but the second he catches a glimpse of your face again, he says, “There we go.” and you’re back being an utter mess.

Your free hand covers your face that’s burning up at every little thing he keeps saying and it’s your turn now to complain about it all, “It’s so unfair!”

It almost sounds like you’re throwing a fit and he finds that hilarious so he cackles before asking, “What’s unfair?”

There’s no reason for hiding anymore, not when you’ve both been admitting many things throughout the whole call. And you know he’s saying all this because of the alcohol making it easier for him to say this all out loud to her but you hope so much that you can hear him say all of it again when he’s sober.

So pouring a bit of your heart out you answer his question, “How easily you make me go like this.”

At this point you should really know that everything to come out his mouth will have you in shambles, because that’s exactly how you feel when he replies, “Well then it’s unfair for me too because I’m a proper mess for you baby.” And he gives you more to add to the list of things that will replay in your mind forever when he continues his confessions, “Think about you all the time.”

“I can’t.” You mumble instantly, everything sending you into a brief state of disbelief along with burning cheeks and a massive smile that won’t leave your face. You hide behind your hand once again and Matty giggles with a loopy smile, loving seeing you react to him like this, but his eyes keep closing from how tired he is.

It’s endearing watching him try and continue the conversation, and you answer him as you watch him try his best not to fall asleep on you. There's another few minutes of conversation before you get his attention again and his eyes reluctantly peel open.

“Yeah?” Matty asks, but when you see his eyes focus on his phone, your heart beats a little faster seeing the way he smiles in response to seeing you.

“You need to close your curtains and turn your big light off so you can go to sleep.” You tell him because at this rate he’s just going to fall asleep as he is.

Matty hums in response, knowing you’re right, but he also can’t help but tease, “You just want me to take my pants off.” because he realises he’s still half dressed.

And when you just stutter for a response, not expecting him to say that, Matty giggles a little and the noise makes you smile. “I love teasing you.” Matty says as he gets himself up, bringing you with him to draw the curtains.

“I know you do.” You smile, and the singer can tell you’re embarrassed by him admitting that. But he loves it when you say, “I’ll have to get you back soon.”

“You can tease me anytime you like, baby.” Matty grins as you watch as his screen descends into darkness accompanied by the noise of the light switch.

As your cheeks grow warmer, you also hear the sound of his trousers presumably being unzipped and the shuffle of him getting them off. But the camera eventually settles with just the faint glow of his phone on his pretty face which is snuggling into his pillow again.

“Come get in bed with me baby.” He tiredly mumbles, “I need a cuddle.”

“I’m there in spirit.” You tell him and you find it comical that the man that claims he doesn’t sleep well with no one beside him is once again almost asleep as soon as his head hits his pillow.

His eyes are closed again, and the more he talks the slower his words come which makes you smile. He’s clearly a tired boy and you’re tired yourself so you decide to call it a night.

You softly say, “Get some sleep Matty, yeah?”

“Okay baby.” Matty nods very slightly, his eyes still closed though. But he smiles as he says, “You too.”

“I will.” You assure him, your heart bursting during this whole interaction.

But it hits you a little more when after a beat of silence he repeats himself, “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” Your chest is truly aching with all the feelings you have stored for him.

Despite him almost being asleep, he finds it in himself to tell you, “Imma call you again tomorrow so we can plan our date, okay?”

“Okay.” You nod, despite him not being able to see you.

The sincerity in his voice has you smiling too as he says, “I'm so excited for New Years.”

“Me too.” You grin.

“Night night baby, speak to you tomorrow.” Matty mumbles, his face fully pressed into his pillow now.

You take a few seconds to memorise the sight, before you softly say, “Goodnight Matty.” and end the call.

~*~*~*~

This morning you decided you would let Matty rest, as after a night drinking you usually want to stay in bed for the majority of the morning so you’ve left him to it. You wanted to text him wishing him good morning and that you hoped his head was okay after all the wine, but you didn’t want his phone to go off and disturb his sleep, so you left it.

Instead you busied yourself, you went out and did the food shopping for the family even though you were leaving in the next few days. Regardless, you went out and did it, and as you were half way through unpacking it all and putting it away into various cupboards, your phone starts vibrating and when you take it out of your pocket you see it’s Matty FaceTiming you.

“Morningggg!” You answer excitedly as the call connects and you prop your phone on the windowsill so he can see you.

Instantly you’re met with a loud groan, and when you look at your phone, you giggle seeing that Matty’s face is all scrunched up with his head still in his pillow.

“I’m far too hungover for you to be this chipper so early on.” Matty says as he turns his brightness down on his phone a little, his eyes being far too sensitive to your light setting. “I called because I thought you’d be half asleep like me.”

“I’m sorry baby, I’ve been out this morning.” You lean forward over the worktop so you can see him properly, and you grin seeing how cute and tired he is, “I'm ready for the day.”

You don’t realise you’ve even done it, but Matty grins at you when he asks, “Did you just call me baby?”

Knowing he was right and that you must have done it, you try to maintain some confidence instead of immediately shying away like you’re used to. You ask him with raised eyebrows, “Is that not allowed?”

“It’s allowed,” Matty nods, entirely amused yet he also really loves that you said it, “But I just didn’t expect it.”

You hum, letting yourself smile at him, but you change the subject, “How are you feeling?”

“Rough.” The curly haired brunette admits, “Had one too many glasses of wine.”

Even though you could tell that last night, you coo, “Aw no.” as you don’t want him feeling unwell.

Matty lets out a long sigh before he snuggles back into his pillow, he tells you, “I need a cuddle baby.”

“Wrap a blanket around yourself and consider me giving you one.”

“Not good enough, I need you in my arms.” He says as he pulls his duvet up around his shoulders and pouts at you.

You can’t stop smiling at him as you tell him, “If I could teleport, I’d be there in a heartbeat.”

It warms his heart immensely, but so does yours when he coos, “Need you.”

“Aw Matty,” You chest aches for him, you wish you could spend a full day cuddled beside him, it's a crime you can’t yet. “Don’t make me feel bad I can’t be there.”

The curly haired man chuckles a little, but he asks you, “Can you just take me about your day with you? Podcast me.”

And you’re really not going to argue with him. You chat a little as you put your shopping away, and you do it leisurely because you always find yourself looking back at him.

You both joke a little bit about the shit that you are doing and more boring plans for both of your days, but you’re not really surprised that after forty minutes or so Matty’s eyes have fallen shut. You only notice after you finish telling him a random story from your childhood, and you see that he’s doing the exact same thing as last night.

Even today, it's still just as endearing seeing him snuggled into his pillow, and it warms your heart that he feels comfortable enough to fall asleep around you. Once again, you take a mental picture of him like that, longing to be seeing him like this in person preferably with you in his arms again.

You watch him for another minute before you catch yourself and how odd it really is of you to do. All you can do is blame it on the mental turn of events that now somehow you get to see the man you’ve fancied since you were 19 on your phone falling asleep listening to your stories that he asked to hear.

Life is fucking crazy, but you’ve never been more grateful for everything thats happened for you to get here.

You whisper, “Sleep well Matty.” before you reluctantly end the call.

~*~*~*~

“Hi.” Matty shyly greets you when you pick up, you recognise he’s wearing his Chicken Shop Date hoodie, his curls look freshly washed and the visual makes you smile even harder.

“Heyyy!” You reply just as enthusiastically as you had earlier and it’s all because you’re really growing fond of these calls of yours and you think it’ll be a habit you’d really like to actually adopt and it not only being because you’re away for the holidays on the eve of your date.

He grins at your tone but it falters a bit when he says, “I’m so sorry I fell asleep on you.”

“Don’t apologise, it's fine. You were really tired, it's fine.” You assure it hadn’t been anything to apologise for, you actually are still thinking about how pretty he looked in his slumber, all calm and soft features. It had you asking time to run so you could see it next to you once more.

But he’s stubborn as he thinks it was rude of him to fall asleep when you were talking so he tries again, “It’s not fine, I apologise.”

You’re not having it so with a stern look on your face you simply say, “Matty.” to make him stop.

It’s a short-lived expression of yours because when he automatically replies, “Baby.” your cheeks start to burn and you have to look away.

Matty chuckles when he catches the way you roll your eyes and your hands come to press against your hot cheeks, “Really it just takes me calling you baby to get you all embarrassed?”

Shaking your head without looking at him, you only say, “No comment.” knowing that he already has an idea of that being a statement and there’s no need to ask about it.

A few seconds pass and your hands are still on your cheeks, only this time your hair has fallen over your face and he can’t properly see you, and he wants to see your face when he tells you about the news for your date on New Year's Day.

His voice is soft when he says, “Don’t hide baby.”

And you get flashbacks to the night before so, “Matty, not again.” leaves your lips subconsciously, once again with that subtle begging tone since you know that whenever he starts saying things like that your chest tightens in a way that you’re not sure is healthy.

“What do you mean again?” Matty frowns utterly confused, he doesn’t remember saying that earlier.

You pause for a second to see if he’s joking but seeing his face stay blank has you laughing. “Oh, you don’t remember all that you said last night?” You tease him about it, your brain already liking what this means.

“No.” He replies with a frown, wary of what he could’ve said for you to react like this.

“I mean, it wasn’t that bad.” You start saying, fighting hard against letting it show that you’re about to mess with him, taking the best out of this opportunity really. “Do you remember calling me a gilf?”

It hadn’t necessarily happened like that but referring to his hot grandma comment that way made his face contort in the funniest confused expression that made you almost burst out laughing.

“What the fuck no? Why would I call you a gilf?” Matty tries hard to think about any reason for him to call you that but he can’t come to any conclusions.

He wants to know the context but his curiosity is left unattended when you only shrug and say, “I don't know but you did.”

“Fucking hell.” He swears under his breath, scorning himself for being such a loose mouth when drunk.

Smirking, you continue the teasing recap, “Do you remember begging for a cuddle?”

“No but I'm not surprised, this room is freezing.” That one lets him find a bit of relief since it wasn’t weird and he hopes the rest of what he said stays the same.

But he’s laughed at by his past drunk self when you continue with, “What about how much you missed me?”

“Wow, I really play it cool when I’m drunk, don't I?” He chuckles a little but he focuses on the way you seem so satisfied remembering everything, like you actually liked hearing all of it and that is enough for him to feel settled about it all.

Until you decide to play with him a little.

“Wasn’t the half of it baby.” Your smirk grows, as the cogs in your brain turn and you finally think of something that could get the best reaction out of him, “You also said something about going through my Instagram… You know, for my pictures.”

His heart drops hearing you say that and you see him freeze like he’s been caught red handed, “I told you about that?!”

And it’s when his head goes into his hand that you’ve stumbled across something you never got a second imagined would be true.

You gasp loudly, “Oh my god! What?!” is all you can almost yell in disbelief and when you see him looking incredibly concerned about it all, you burst out laughing. “Matthew! You’re nasty!” You playfully scorn between loud cackles, you cannot believe he actually just admitted to that.

“Wait, what?!” He quickly says, not truly understanding why you’re reacting like this if he had said that the night before, “Didn’t you just say I said that?”

His eyes are wide and his jaw is hanging as he’s fully shocked, it all has you doubling over in laughter, truly incapable of catching your breath. “I was joking about that.” You clear up as you finally are able to calm down and then another cackle leaves you, knowing now you have something valuable to get him back whenever he tries to tease you.

You sigh, a smirk tugging at the corners of your lips, “Oh my fucking god.”

Matty’s hands are over his face again now, entirely embarrassed and he pleads, “Stopppp.” as his fingers drag down his cheeks.

But you’re absolutely loving this. “Oh this is so good to know.” You say excitedly.

“Why are you like this?” Matty sighs, his cheeks slowly getting more red and you’re absolutely loving every second.

“Can’t believe you just outed yourself like that,” You laugh, knowing that this fact that you’ve stumbled across is doing wonders for your ego, “You’re so easy, aren’t you?”

Matty pouts, “You’re being mean now.” as he tucks his curls behind his ear, something that you know by now he does when he’s a little nervous.

“If you think this is mean, you’ve seen nothing yet, big boy.” You tease, still smirking.

Matty grins and raises his eyebrows suggestively hearing you call him that, “You can call me that again.”

“Absolutely not.” You chuckle, but you keep the power you currently have over him when you state, “I’m curious now, though.”

“No you are not.” Matty shakes his head, knowing exactly what your next sentence is going to be.

“Yes,” You smirk, “And you’re gonna tell me what your favourite picture of mine is.”

“I’m not.” Matty shakes his head, trying not to show you his embarrassed smile and he can feel his face flame even more.

“Yes you are.” You demand, but he shakes his head again, so you plead, “Baby, please?”

How can he deny you when you call him baby and you’re just staring at him all doe eyed and eager. He embarrassingly admits, “The one at the Miu Miu party. Not you and Amelia, just the one of you.”

“Oh yes,” You smile, remembering what you were wearing and the picture you posted on Instagram fondly. You big yourself up, “I looked fucking hot in that mini skirt suit.”

“You certainly did, baby.” Matty smirks, agreeing with you after he unhides behind his hand and releases a long sigh.

“Right, wipe that smirk off your face because I want you embarrassed again.” You grin, not letting this go whilst his cheeks are still pink.

Matty puts on a brave face and acts unbothered now though, “Well I’m not anymore.”

“Sure you aren’t,” You tease him, “You’re sure you’re not embarrassed after you’ve just admitted to fucking your fist to my pictures?”

Phrasing it like that has Matty’s eyes jumping wide open. His dick twitches in response to your words and the various memories of him actually doing that whilst he was away on tour and the majority of this past week.

Matty says your name hoping it’ll make you stop, “Y/N.”

“Oh Y/N now is it?” You grin, finding him even more amusing now.

All he can do is sigh, and he looks straight at you as he admits, “You’re driving me insane.”

“I sure hope so.” You smile, enjoying every sweet second of his reaction, “Quite like this turn of events.”

Matty pleads, “Stop.”

“What?” You grin, acting all innocent, “I’m not saying anything.”

Matty runs his hand through his curls and sighs into the distance, as he can’t look directly at you for a few moments which amuses you further. And when he does look back at you, you love seeing him not be as cool and confident as you know he usually is with you.

“You’re never gonna let me live this down are you?” He asks you, and you hope that you’ll be able to draw this reaction out of him again sometime.

“Never.” You confirm, grinning like a fool, absolutely loving how sheepish he currently looks.

You understand why he likes doing this to you now.

“Can’t wait for you to see my Golden Globes dress.” You bite your lip loving the way his eyes seem to light up at the mere mention of it, but then roll back when you add, “Might ask for the thigh slit to be even higher.”

Matty lets out a groan of pleasure at the mere thought and the noise makes you press your thighs together. Thankfully the man can’t tell as his eyes are closed as he’s groaning, “You’re going to murder me.”

You chuckle a little at that and nod once he looks back at you. This might be the best news of your life.

Matty Healy has cum to the thought of you. Life goal achieved. Next goal is to make him cum in person, and hopefully he will return the favour so you can die a very very happy woman.

“What about the one where I'm in my GQ awards dress at the hotel?” You have to ask, because that is one of the others that you think he’d use. “Did you like that one?”

“Yeah, I liked those ones too.” Matty reluctantly admits, loving but hating the fact this has you all excited.

“Mhm, bet you did.” You tease him again, “Dirty boy.”

“Don’t start with that.” He sighs like it pains him to hear those words come from your mouth, but it’s a pain caused by not having you right there with him because a second later he’s smirking at you through the screen, “Are you trying to get me going?”

You match his smirk, your tummy fluttering at the way he’s looking at you, “Should I be?”

Matty continues teasing you so the previous conversation is dropped, smirking even more at the way you seem to be recoiling into yourself under his gaze, “Dunno, depends on which mood you’re in, baby.”

But you know what he’s trying to do, so you bring it all up over again, “I don’t think I really need to do much now, though. Can just show you my Instagram account from now on.”

He lets out a long sigh, his face completely falling after your words, “Oh you love knowing this, don’t you?”

To taunt him more, you nod eagerly with the biggest grin on your face, feeling triumphant really, “Absolutely. I have you right here.” You point at the palm of your hand, eyes narrowed playfully at him and nose slightly scrunched as if you’re taking the piss out of him.

All it takes for you to fold is him saying, “You sure do baby.” in such a sweet voice with the softest of smiles.

“Stop it.” You warn, pressing your lips together as you’re really holding back from reacting but you feel everything he says lighting up every nerve on your body.

Matty chuckles, his eyes still staring at you like it’s impossible for him to look somewhere else, “What?”

You roll your eyes at his attempt to appear innocent and you shake your head to say, “Just let me have my moment.”

“Right, sorry.” His hands are up as if he’s giving up yet a shit eating grin breaks on his face and his stare is so intense you have to look away.

You warn him before you even look back at your phone, “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” He tries to sound the most confused, “M’not doing anything.”

You point an accusing finger at him when you turn back, “You are! And you know exactly what it is.” He seems to grow even more amused at your reaction, making you sigh, “How have we gone from bullying you for getting off to my pictures to me not being able to look at you, fucking hell.”

He shrugs his shoulders, “I have that effect.”

“I don’t need you having a bigger ego, so stop it.” You try to make your statement serious but he can see straight through you and the way he’s got you right where he wanted.

“Do you really want me to stop though?” Matty plays with you, an eyebrow raised and you squirm in your seat in silence. He lets you sulk in the lack of words but when it gets longer than he expected, he just can’t hold back from teasing you even more, “Cat got your tongue?”

Keeping your stoic face the best that you can, you shake your head, “Just thinking of a way to shut you up.”

But your whole face falls when he replies, “If you were here baby, there’s loads of ways I would love for you to shut me up.”

His eyes scream mischief, and you cannot wait to find out what it is that he’s been thinking about and planning for weeks for your date that is so soon, you just can’t quite believe it, “Only two days now.” You bite your lip to conceal the massive smile that’s threatening to tug at the corner of your lips.

Yet you fail because seeing you smiling this big at him, has Matty matching it and his insides melt thinking about having you next to him once again, “Couldn’t go slower if you ask me.”

And you’re about to say how you feel the same way, like time is playing tricks on you when something seems to go off in his head and he continues, “Oh, that reminds me,” Matty smiles, “I have questions about New Year’s Eve?”

You raise your eyebrows curiously, and you lean forward giving him all your attention, “Go on.”

“So George and Charli are hosting their first party in their new house in the evening and I wondered if you wanted to go to that? And if you did, I still want to take you out so thought I could take you out to dinner earlier on and then we go to their party whenever.” Matty tells you but he also doesn’t want you to feel like you had to spend the night with other people when your original plan was to spend it with just him, “It’s honestly fine if you don't wanna go to theirs, I can take you out later on then, but if you did I will take you out earlier.”

You can see that the singer is rambling on for nothing though, because you nod, “I’m up for going to their party if they won't mind me coming.”

“They don't mind at all, George asked me to ask you.” Matty tells you, “He said Amelia can come too if she wants.”

And Matty is telling you the truth, when George asked him if he was coming, Matty point blank said no and that he was going on a date with you and then George told him to bring you with him afterwards. He said to invite Amelia too if she wasn’t already busy and Matty promised he would ask.

He’d been nervous about it though because he didn't want you to think that he was trying to get out of your date to go to his mates house. It was the complete opposite, he would rather spend the night with you, yet at the same time if you felt comfortable enough, he’d love for you to become friends with his friends too.

“I’ll ask her, thank you.” You smile, and clarify, “So we’re going out earlier?”

“Yeah,” Matty nods, and he suggests, “Maybe I could pick you up about four and we go out near you in Brixton somewhere? And you can stay at mine later when we get back from George’s?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” You nod, trying not to smile like a fucking idiot.

You can feel your heart pounding in your chest at the mere thought. Never have you ever been more excited for a date, and you’ve been on a lot of them at this point.

“You ever been to The Laundry?” Matty asks, bringing you out of your thoughts.

Thinking about it for a moment, you remember the restaurant he’s talking about and nod, “I went in for drinks once last year I think. It’s nice.”

Matty smiles and raises his eyebrows curiously, “Would you let me take you there?”

As if he even needs to ask.

“I’d go to McDonalds with you, Matty.” You try and put it as plainly as possible how little you care about where it is you go. As long as you’re with him, you will have a great time, “I took you on a date in a Chicken Inn, anything is better.”

“Okay,” Matty chuckles, realising as well that it really doesn’t matter. He had fun on your last date and he knows that’s everything to do with you and not just the bit that the both of you were playing up to. So he smiles and nods, “I’ll book a table for like half four and then we can go to George’s afterwards. If that sounds okay with you?”

“Sounds perfect.” You bashfully grin, really letting yourself get excited about it now.

Matty grins right back, but it's more in reaction to your face in the corner of his screen as he’s putting in his details for the reservation that makes him pause. You look so fucking cute, he can’t help but tease you a tiny bit as he taps back onto the FaceTime so you take up his full screen again.

Matty asks, “What’s that smile for?”

At the risk of being cringe, you don’t hide your emotions from him this time. “I’m excited… I’m happy.” You shrug a little, feeling your cheeks heat up at the admission, but you ask, “Am I not allowed to smile?”

“Course you are.” Matty grins right back, and he takes a screenshot of how cute you look in this moment, before he ruins it by teasing you even more. “I just like knowing I'm the cause of it, baby.”

At this point, you drop your phone so he can’t see you anymore. You really just need to take a second to silently scream and not look all flustered in front of him.

You can hear him laugh and you silently scream into your hands for a moment before taking a deep breath and designing some composure. Matty laughs when you pick your phone up and you have your lips pressed together and you look all flustered.

Even more so when you whisper, “You’re going to be my cause of death.”

He teases you for a minute more until he goes back to finishing the reservation. You chat as he does it, and the both of you confirm the time of half 4 and then Matty books it.

Truly, you’ve never been so excited for a date. And Matty feels the exact same. Maybe it's because he’s never actually had to wait for a date this long, but also because he is genuinely so excited to be back in your company soon.

You spend the next half an hour talking about everything and nothing. But you do end up asking him about his plans, “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“We have to leave this house tomorrow, so I think because I’m not too far away from Sheffield imma go call and see Wheels and Alex,” Matty tells you, although he should probably text his best friend and ask if he can just gatecrash her day. The curly haired man explains, “I think they are up visiting her best friend and Alex’s family.”

“That sounds fun.” You smile, “You’ll have a great day.”

“I always do when I see her to be fair, she’s one of my best friends.” Matty smiles, “She’s a gem.”

You can’t help but think that’s pretty adorable of him. You’re aware she’s his ex-girlfriend, but she’s happily married to another legend and the way Matty still regards her so highly after so many years of not being together must mean she’s lovely.

And you’ve followed her for years, just like you had Matty, and you’ve always thought she was great. So there’s nothing stopping you from nodding and agreeing, “She seems it on her socials.”

Matty smiles hearing that, but he also gets a little excited when he realises and tells you, “You’ll meet her.”

“I will?” You raise your eyebrows questioningly.

“Yeah, I’m certain that she’s going to George and Charli’s.” Matty thinks out loud. “I’ll double check tomorrow.”

You hum in response to that, smiling and the thought just makes you even more excited for New Years. But you then get lost in your thoughts for a moment, wanting to know something but you don’t know whether you should ask or not.

After internally debating it for a few seconds, you just ask Matty, “Can I ask you a personal question?”

Matty nods, “Course you can.”

He has nothing to hide from you, and you’ve been hiding nothing from him so he doesn’t mind telling you things about himself.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” You give him the option, not wanting to pry too much.

Matty brushes it off and encourages you, “Hit me baby.”

“Okay Britney Spears.” You chuckle a little before you go serious and ask him your question, “Do you get on with Alex now?”

“Because from an outsider's point of view - who obviously has no real insight into what was happening - it always seemed like a personal dislike you had between you. Like it wasn’t just for the sake of not liking each other, it was actually fuelled.” You look around your room as you find your words to ramble on but when you glance back at Matty and can’t quite gauge his reaction, immediately you backtrack, “I’m not explaining this well. Sorry… You don’t have to answer.”

“No, it’s okay.” Matty assures you and he goes on to say, “The simple short answer is yes. We get on, and everything is fine now.”

Matty continues with a small smile on his face when he explains, “Even I find it funny sometimes that after a decade of not liking him, he’s actually a really good mate now. Makes me laugh, can chat about things that aren’t just music and we can both embarrass Wheels so it’s quite funny too.”

You absolutely love that nickname he has for her. You sort of only know 1975 lore of where that nickname actually came from, but you’re sure you’ll ask him or her at some point if you do end up meeting her at George’s party.

“I’m sure one day I’ll tell you the full story, it’s too heavy for a FaceTime… I’d wanna tell you in person,” Matty pulls on the end of his curls before he tucks the ringlet beside his ear as he says that, which again you notice is his nervous behaviour, “But yeah, we’re friends and he’s actually a good laugh.”

Recognizing he was a little nervous saying that, you shake your head, “You don’t have to tell me anything… I wasn’t prying for details, I just wondered if you got on.”

Matty can see you starting to panic a little, so he eases your worries, “No, I know you weren’t, but I will tell you at some point… It’s everything that’s made me into who I am today so I don’t want to hide it from you.”

Hearing how sincerely he said that makes your chest ache. And you get the vibe the story will be a rollercoaster of emotions so the mere fact he actually felt comfortable enough with you to even discuss possibly telling you, means the world to you.

When you softly tell him, “As long as you’re comfortable with that.” Matty can’t get the smile off his face.

You're far too cute for your own good. All he wants to do is hug you and cuddle you into him and never let go.

He assures you, “You make me comfortable, baby.” and your heart proceeds to melt.

Christ knows how you’re going to make it through this date.

“Good, I’m glad…” You trail off, that smile now back on your lips as you're entirely obsessed with him. But that’s not to stop you from teasing again, “Will you sort out my dates with them tomorrow please?”

Of course Matty fakes an offended gasp then though and you have to bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing. The singer asks with wide eyes, “Can we have our second one first please?”

You laugh and nod, but instruct him, “Just plant the seed and I’ll do the rest.”

~*~*~*~ 29th December ~*~*~*~

Both you and Matty stayed up chatting again last night, both until you were almost falling asleep on each other again. And today with him being busy you’ve not FaceTimed because he had been busy with family in the morning, and he’d gone to Sheffield in the afternoon, and you were spending the evening and night over at Amelia’s.

Regardless though, you’ve been in contact most of the day, and it's been incredibly flirty. And that all started this morning after you’d already been messaging for a while and you moved on to the topic of the films you had to watch for the Golden Globes, but then the conversation changed to what your favourite films of all time were.

You seem to have pretty similar taste in films, despite the few niche ones that Matty name dropped that you had yet to see. He said that you could watch them together, but you said if that’s the case, then you’d be making him watch some Rom Coms that he’d yet to see because he thought they were too cringe, but he would trust your judgement.

You name a few, and Matty ends up scorning you for watching La La Land and you automatically defend it. Telling him that it has to be one of the ones that you watch together because it's full of music and romance, but then you warn him that he isn’t allowed to make fun of you when you inevitably cry at it.

Noooo baby, you can’t be upset when you’re with me, can’t have that xx Is the message you receive first, and he makes you coo at your phone but then he sends you another which makes you have a completely different reaction: However, I’m always here if you ever need a shoulder to put your legs on xxx

The gasp that you let out makes your family that you’re sitting around look at you and ask if you’re okay. Obviously, you just play it off like you’ve not just had a mini stroke in reaction to that message.

He really is going to be the death of you.

You take a minute to compose yourself, and you literally have nothing to reply to that other than scorning him. Because you really can’t be sexting him so early in the day.

Matthew…

It’s 11am!

His reply seems innocent, but you know he’s far from it. You can practically picture his smug grin as he typed out, Just giving you something to think about, take your mind off being sad x

You decide to scold him whilst also flirting, Yeah, and putting me in an entirely different mood xx

But Matty just teases you right back, Mhm good, think of me baby xx

You’re a menace xx You reply, biting your lip to try and stop the embarrassed smile that’s dying to make an appearance on your face.

When his reply comes through, all you can do is shake your head, You know it xxx

Flirting like this goes on for the rest of the day. Many times does he have your jaw dropping at his teasing messages, but you give it him right back most of the time.

You fear that he only liked you on your date because of your un-fussed humour that you can turn on and off, so you bring that back for some of your texts. You want to appear more confident to him and not always the embarrassed and flustered mess that you are most of the time when you FaceTime.

If anything continues after New Years, you’re sure that you’ll become accustomed to Matty and what he’s like, but you really don't want to get too ahead of yourself. So you just make yourself appear more in control of your emotions over text and you flirt with him first too when the opportunity arises, and Matty can’t lie he loves it. But he also loves when he can see that he’s got all flustered too. He just really likes you.

The day seems to pass the both of you by, never really being out of contact and before either of you know it, it’s quite late on in the evening and Matty has just crawled into the spare bedroom of his friend’s flat.

He’s just had a shower and he’s quite happy to actually just spend some time texting you without any other distractions. What are you up to baby? xx

Matty knows that you’re either still at Amelia’s family home, where you’d spent most of your afternoon and evening, or you’re about to be on your way home. Selfishly, he hopes that you’re alone again now so you can FaceTime each other.

But unfortunately that’s not going to happen as he finds out you’re still with your best friend when you reply:

Nothing just finding my 2022 dump pictures because Amelia is beside me pestering me to do one before the year is up x And a few seconds later, he also receives, What about you? xx

Matty tells you honestly, Still at Wheels and Alex’s flat, I had a drink so they said I could stay the night. Just got in bed xx

But he’s just gave you a nice opportunity to tease him so you say, Threesome sounds hot xx

And you’re left expecting a snarky comeback but your throat runs dry when he replies with a sarcastic, Please and a selfie of himself shirtless in bed, completely alone and follows it with, No sex for me tonight. I’d need you here baby xx

Biting your lip, you quickly type, Such a shame I’m not there, I’m sure you’ll survive xxx

You’re trying so hard not to react so Amelia doesn’t pry into your conversation but he makes it so hard for you when the next thing he says is, Don’t think I will, wanna facetime? xx

For your own sake you decide to make a joke out of it, just in hopes to get your heart rate back to normal and your cheeks to not be burning, Wow somewhere in the distance I can hear Too Shy playing xxx

Yet that continues to not work out for you because he has your breath hitching in your throat and your heart racing even faster when his text comes through and it says: Mmm no, I need to fuck you properly first before we do it over the phone xxx

Fucking hell.

You close your eyes and bite your tongue for a moment and will yourself not to have any reaction so your best friend doesn’t ask what was said. When you open your eyes you take a deep breath before typing out your reply as if that hadn’t taken your breath away and made you press your thighs together.

Have it all planned out do we? xx

And it’s barely a minute later he replies.

You know I do xx

The memory of him admitting to having enjoyed your pictures before, comes to the forefront of your mind then and now reading that text, you’re fully giddy knowing he wants you just as bad as you want him. So you ask for some more information, How’d you like to have me then? xx

Legs up and wide open for me preferably xx

Yep, you definitely need to go home.

Whilst you’d love to continue with the way this is going, you really can’t whilst you're still with Amelia. You end up responding a little sarcastically with, That sounds like a workout x

He replies with, You best be up for some cardio then baby x and you’re just glad it’s back to normal flirting that has you a bit more composed.

If it’s with you, can’t wait xx You cheekily say, a smirk on your face that he can’t see but he’s definitely picturing as he reads your text.

And it’s him saying, Awh yay, gym buddies! x next that has you hiccupping a laugh.

Fuck off, you dickhead😂 is all you say back, biting the inside of your cheek when Amelia looks up from her phone with a frown at the way you’re shaking from chuckles scaping your lips.

Thankfully she’s more entertained with what’s on her phone so when Matty says, Don’t start calling me that now, I might like it x back and you silently laugh at it, she ignores you.

You fake having known that and smartly reply, I was just trying to get you in the mood for what I’m about to post x

But his next text has you pausing and holding your breath as it says, I’m rock hard baby, don’t worry x and now all you’re left wondering is if he’s being honest or playful.

Trying not to hint the way that has you head scrambled, you tell him, I’ve got you covered baby x

A massive grin tugs at the corners of your lips when you see his next text reads, I hope I’m going to appear in it xx

But you want to keep teasing him some more so you only give him a vague, Maybe if I'm feeling generous xx to keep him on his toes.

If you could see him through your screen, you’d see the way he’s just smirking at his phone like a lunatic and how fast his fingers move on the keyboard to send, You better had baby xxx

Guess you’ll just have to wait and see xxx

You’re playing it so cool now but you’re very much looking forward to seeing his reaction to some of the pictures you’ve chosen to be in your next Instagram post.

You chuckle softly when he says, And how long will that wait be? xx

And Matty can hear your voice in his head when he reads that you reply with, Someone’s eager x

All he can say to that is the truth and it has you internally squealing when you read him say, For you? Always x

Matty is left to scroll though the things he’s missed whilst he’s been socialising today as you’re taking your time to reply. He likes to think he’s teased you enough to have you all flustered for him, but in reality you’re saying your goodbyes to Amelia and her family before getting in the car and driving a few minutes back to your parents.

As soon as you get in though, you select all the pictures you and Amelia had just chosen out and you post them captioning it as, 2022 you were the year dreams came true, onto my even more slutty 2023 x

Matty jumps as the notification comes through on his phone. He was waiting for your reply anyway but seeing that come up at the top of his screen has Matty wishing his phone would work faster so he could see what you’ve posted.

After a long agonising ten seconds, your profile loads along with your new post and he smiles at the caption you put on that all but quotes his words on your first date. But then his eyes are drawn up to the post itself and he’s eager to see what awaits and he likes it instantly.

The pictures you’ve posted range from cute to sinful, and Matty can’t help but love every single one. There's a few of you and Amelia, both of you having fun and it’s clear for anyone to see that you’re the best of friends and you love each other loads.

There's a few other behind the scenes pictures of a few of your dates. But Matty’s heart feels full when he gets to a picture where he can see you’ve got the Polaroids you and he took after your date pinned up. He’s so beyond glad he makes an appearance in these pictures.

There’s another picture of you in that Miu Miu mini skirt suit where you’re dramatically posing in the hallway of a hotel against the wall which has him groaning a little. There's another in your outfit from London Fashion Week, and then he’s met with a picture of you and Phoebe Bridgers taking a selfie where you’re pulling faces at your phone.

The second to last one makes him laugh too, and he knows it’s from Boxing day because it was a picture of your new blanket that features him on it. This time instead of you holding it up, it’s lay out on your bed and you have lay over yourself and you're grinning down at ‘him’ trying not to burst out laughing.

Matty is on his way to bully you for posting two pictures of him in your 2022 dump, and he’s about to call you a simp when he checks the last picture. And immediately you’ve got him in a chokehold.

His dick twitches in response to seeing it, and he palms himself to try and ease the way blood is rushing to it seeing this picture of you.

Whilst the second to last picture is a wholesome one of you lying down on your bed, this one is far from in. In this one, you’ve got your dress on that you wore for the GQ awards - and Matty knows it's the one because he’s looked at it far too many times at this point - and in this picture you’re propping yourself up on your elbow, whilst holding a rose down to your lips from above with your other arm.

It’s the dress that has Matty in pain though. The way your breasts look like their about to burst from the top of it, begging for the restricting material to be released, and the thigh slit of the dress is showing the curve of your arse as you’ve picked that leg up, crossing it over the other with your Louis Vuitton heels still on.

And now Matty is growing harder with the more he looks at you, and somehow he knows you’ve posted this one just for him. To toy with him, to edge him, to tease him, because that’s what he’s been doing to you all day.

Reluctantly, he tears his eyes off the picture of you to go back to message you, accusing, You did that last one on purpose x

Got my notifications on I see… It’s only been a minute since you posted so you decide to taunt him for it, Obsessed.

You’re certain he’s just rolled his eyes at you when he comes back with, Don’t let it go to your head xx

No way are you letting him get away with it though, instead you encourage him to do what he apparently normally does with your more revealing Instagram pictures. You reply, Enjoy yourself baby x

And you should be surprised, but you genuinely aren’t when he tells you, Call me that again please xx

You’re smirking at your phone at this point as you head upstairs to your room as you start typing out, Oh baby, do you also need my hand to take your mind off doing this at your best friend and her husband’s place? x

And then you throw yourself on bed to wait for his response, which comes back very quickly after and it hilariously says, Don’t be a smartarse baby, you’re making this weird x

You’re giggling to yourself, knowing he’s just trying to sneak his way out of the way you’re giving him a taste of his own medicine with your teasing so you call him out on it by sending him a text that reads, Even if I made it weird you’d enjoy it far more than you’d expect it, don’t fool yourself x

Just to toy with him a bit more and continue to test the waters with him, you make sure to add, I expect at least a thank you in return x

The, You can get a little more than that x that he sends next has you squealing into your pillow for a few seconds but when you bring yourself to look back at your screen and type a response, you see he’s sent something more that has you breathless.

It’s a picture of himself that reminds you quite a lot of the Consumption bit at the shows, for he has his free hand down his underwear and since he’s got no trousers on you can clearly see his We Are Kings tattoo in all its glory.

But what has your mouth going completely dry is the fact that it’s a live picture and when you curiously press on it to see if you can get anything else from it, you find yourself hearing Matty let out a soft moan of relief when his hand disappears under his pants.

All inhibitions are out of the window after that, and you let yourself be openly horny for him then when you say, I like that sound you made there x and as if that information wasn’t enough, you just need to let him know, I’ll be having fun with that later, thanks baby x

Matty had no idea noises could be hear from the picture so he pressed on it to hear it himself, cheeks blushing when he listens to what you’ve pointed out and in attempt to sound like he meant it, he types, I knew you’d enjoy that x

He finds himself thinking there had been a switch in you after he sent that and he loves to have it confirmed when he reads you’ve texted him, I hope you think of me the way I’ll be thinking of you later tonight x

Should I be expecting to hear my name all the way from Muswell Hill then? x He hopes you don’t hide back because this is just another taste of what he got that night in your room when you both got carried away and even though he stopped it before anything could happen, he’s been playing it on his mind and growing fonder of that side of you.

You decide you have to tease him then, because after the picture you just got, you want to give him something else to think about. Opening your camera, you immediately turn off live pictures because you’re not having the same thing happen to you.

After pulling your top off, you ruffle up your hair, just enough so it’s not neat as it lies around your shoulders and you lean back against your pillows again. Picking your phone up, you turn it landscape and you take a few pictures of yourself that show off some cleavage but leave out what he’s dying to see.

And you settle on one picture in particular where half of your face is cut off, but your mouth is open and it almost looks like you’re moaning in the picture. Your fingers grazing your collarbone, hair sprawled out over your pillow and covers over you just enough for him to be left begging for them to come off.

Mhmm hope you heard it xxx Is what you add as a caption to the picture and it’s a lie to say that you aren’t biting on your thumb nervous to see his reaction.

Matty takes a good minute after the picture comes through to process it all. His instant reaction is a loud groan that has him throwing his head back and cursing under his breath. He isn’t sure what else to say back other than, Fuck me x since his head is all scrambled from seeing you like that.

In 2 days xx You cheekily reply, and still feeling the power you have over him, you continue with, Good things come to those who wait x

His text comes faster than the last one and it only says, Cum* xxx

You giggle seeing that message come through, but with him still replying to you, you don’t think he’s doing with that picture of yours as you intended, so you tease him, Replying still??? Don’t edge yourself on my account baby xx

Watching the three dots come up on your phone feels like edging itself though. You’re hanging off his every word but you can’t let yourself feel ashamed about it. Especially when you see his response.

Oh but I love a bit of edging xx

You choke when that comes through. You had your theories but to see it written down and the fact he’d said it makes your mouth a little dry and you’re trying not to get flustered at all the thoughts running round your head.

You bite your lip as you type your reply, almost nervous to even be this forward over text with him. Holding your breath, you tap send on, You’ll change your mind on that after I have you begging to cum xx

The squeal that you let out when you see it change from sent to seen is obscene, and you find that you can’t look at your phone because you’re a little scared for his reply. When you see the three dots bubble up in the corner of the screen you end up throwing your phone to the end of your bed as you can’t handle the anticipation.

After a minute, you collect your phone knowing his reply will have come through by now. And when you see his message, You can’t do this to me right now baby x you can’t help but laugh.

Reading back over that has you smirking to yourself and gathering some more courage, you end up reminding him, You started it x and you scold him and you have to tease him one last time before you call it a night, Don’t give what you can’t take xx

Once again he shows you just how everything you give him, he can give you back three times worse when his reply comes through and you read, I’ll show you all I can give on new years baby, promise xx

It’s pure excitement that bubbles in the pit of your stomach and you’re sure that tonight you’ll go to bed dreaming of what that day will be like.

It’s not teasing anymore when you leave him with a, Can’t wait xxx

You can only hope that when you wake up the next morning, the day magically rushes by and the hours shorten just so you can finally go on the second date you’ve been thinking about for ages.

~*~*~*~ 30th December ~*~*~*~

“You know,” Matty raises his eyebrows at you through and you can’t help but take a screenshot of how cute he looks, “I think it’s really rude that we’re both back in London and you won’t let me come see you.”

Both of you got home today, you around midday and Matty just a few hours ago as he’d been driving for most of the day. You’ve been on your FaceTime about an hour and a half now, and Matty keeps complaining how you won’t let him come over.

But you really can’t, you’ve got no self restraint left at this point, you would never make it to the date if he came over, so you just keep with your initial plan.

You shrug him off again and say, “I like to build tension. What can I say?”

Matty sighs, his chest deflating as he pouts again, “I should have just driven an extra hour and come straight to see you.”

“No,” You shake your head, “Because you can’t be trusted keeping those hands of yours to yourself. You have my Instagram at your disposal if you wanna get yourself off tonight.”

Not that you have a leg to stand on. You’re practically itching to get your hands on him again. You’re dying to fuck him after your conversation last night. This truly has been the longest week of your life.

Matty closes his eyes and dramatically falls back onto his settee as he says, “You’re never letting me live it down, are you?”

“Nope,” You grin victoriously and you love the way he opens his eyes and he pretends to be annoyed about it, but the more he looks at your smile the more he can’t help but grin at you. You tease him a little more as you say, “Hope you enjoyed last night's treat too.”

“Alright, enough.” Matty says a little louder before he brings his phone closer to his face and warms you, “I’ll make you pay for it tomorrow.”

You smirk at that, and despite knowing exactly how he meant it, you turn the comment on its head and play innocent, “I don’t mind paying for our food.”

“I wasn’t talking about the food.” Matty smirks right back, knowing what you’re up to and he loves the way you can’t work up the courage

“I’m excited to take you out.” Matty smiles wholesomely, dropping the act now to be genuine.

“I’m excited to finally be going out,” You grin, your heart beating a little faster at the mere thought of what tomorrow could hold. “It feels like the longest three months we’ve had this planned for.”

Matty hums in agreement, “Longest of my life.”

You’ve got a feeling that after tomorrow, your life won’t ever be the same again. And you can’t wait.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: We hope you enjoyed this one! Rest assured that New Years Eve is coming next, and it’s spicy! Thanks a million for reading, we can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this one! See you soon with the next part over at @imagine-that-100 blog! xx

Taglist: @red---moon @drinkurkombucha @vinylandcoffeecollection @better--oblivions @kennedy-brooke @faveficz @indierockgirrl @slutformattyhealy @kmsmedine @cecefaith @benkidgenius @avasjunkpile @spicyraccoonlordking @lizzylynch1 @ofbluesandyellows @kipperthedog2004 @slutforcoffein @madamedesmond @iamhallucinationnn @imagines4peeps @siwiecola @eaglestar31 @neverlieliliac @olliewhinchester @internetmultifandomfangirl @wellwellhereiam @dania7361 @kurdtbean @mawanji @jazzymariexoxoc @picklesandsprinkles @home-of-disaster @maelialuv @londonalozzy @ker0senebunny @golden-hoax @thouarntsage @belledawnidk @confusedcrayon @how2understand @harringt8ns @sheisaaantisocial @brumantrack @real-actual-human-person @eddiemunsonsgroupie @hemmings8376 @darlingbravebelle @defnotgracee @fabulouslyflamboyant5 @deamus-liv @itsjustsocialimplications @lauren--maex @ithinkivegonemad11 @stclen-sweethearts

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khuzena · 1 year

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Winter||

isagi yoichi x g/n!reader

Warnings:/ Angst, fluff, comfort

A/N:| sorry for being away so long, school is rlly stressful and i didn't have time to add writing to my schedule, this also just a practice fic

It was time for the flowers to wilt, the bitter cold seeping in from the windows.

He told you he would come home early, yet he was already a week late.

As the lights dim you shuffle in your sheets, trying to find the warmth from your beloved but he wasn’t there.

You know he’ll be back before you know it yet why did your heart ache more and more without. Him?

Your subconscious is still looking for his warmth, though he’s already left months ago to play in qatar. The room felt so unnervingly empty yet everything was in place. Maybe a few things thrown out here and there. Nothing changed at all. Though the only thing missing was him, isagi. The bedsheets no longer smell like him, the smell of his cologne faded and you could only feel dried tears on the pillow.

Fading into a deep slumber, you gripped your pillow tighter, trying to cling to that warmth from him even though he was away, not hearing the creaking of the door open

After a not so great sleep, you could barely breathe from the hands encasing your body, holding you tightly as his figure blocks the morning sunlight. Though your eyesight was blurry, it didn’t matter. The smell of his shampoo and the quiet snores that escape his lips, he’s finally home.

You watch as the man in front of you squints his eyes open, “I’m sorry I came home late”, his husky voice whispering in your ear.

“I- it’s fine… as long as you’re home.”

Your mind was still in a daze but the only thing on your mind was him.

The atmosphere was awkward to say the least, both were still feeling a little down. But you can’t blame them, for months, being away from each other for so long crushed both of your hearts every second, heart mourning for each other as despair ate both your hearts out. The silence was loud, isagi wanted to cry on your shoulder about how he missed you, how he wished he took you with him and how miserable life has been without you, but only a soft sigh left his lips.

Isagi’s mouth left agape, the feeling of sadness overriding his mind, why, why couldn't he say something? What was he so afraid of? So all he did was stare into your soul with his sapphire eyes while lightly trembling under your touch, hoping you could understand from his body language what he wants to tell you.

“Isagi.”

He shuddered in your embrace and nuzzled his head in the corner of your neck, trying to avoid your gaze. But you know him too well, maybe more than he knows himself that you understood what he was trying to convey.

He missed you too much, but being deep in your embrace was enough.

“I missed you so much” he quietly murmured in your ear before nuzzling his head deeper.

Isagi wasn't always like this, in fact moments like this from him were rare. But he was so used to you always around, attached to the hip 24/7, like how a shadow cannot exist without the sun's morning glow. And without the shadow's morning glow, it is just as empty as a bird's nest in December. Without you, he wallows in misery under his cold sheets, staring at a photo of you in the middle of the night with dark circles under his eyes.

Though the winter engulfs the world in a blanket of snow and temperatures dropping, he feels as if his heart was thawed when he basks in your warmth.

"I missed you too, yoi." You say before stroking his soft hair.

He swore he felt his heart flutter at your gentleness, maybe, just maybe, the winter in his heart may shift into spring soon, much sooner than expected but the cold was him missing you and with you around was like he was in cloud nine, lying a patch of grass and flowers at his feet, spring they say.

Winter is cold, some may say it's dark and lonely but isagi thinks he'll learn to love winter this time. Because he's spending it with you.

A/n: sorry if there's any mistakes or if the fic isn't that good like my previous ones, its been a while since I've wrote any fics.

#isagi x reader #isagi x reader angst #isagi x reader fluff #isagi angst #isagi yoichi #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #blue lock ansgt #bllk fluff #what have i done #blue lock fanfic

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peterpparkrr · 1 year

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What are you doing New Year's Eve?

peterpparkrr’s 12 days of holiday drabbles

12. Fake Date + Bucky Barnes

Summary: Bucky Barnes decides to be your fake boyfriend. What could go wrong?

A/N: And there it is! 12 festive drabbles in December! Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!

“Any Christmas plans?” You ask Bucky as the two of you walk through midtown.

Maybe it’s a bit strange that you befriended a super soldier/former war criminal/hundred-year-old man but when your friend Sam started bringing him around more, some part of your brain decided that you would do everything in your power to befriend the grumpy old man.

And for some reason, he’d let you.

So now you and Bucky Barnes regularly meet for coffee and walk around different parts of New York City.

Don’t worry about it.

“Not really, my parents have been dead for sixty-odd years which limits my options,” Bucky replies with a shrug. “What about you?”

You roll your eyes at Bucky’s attempt at dark humor and keep the conversation on track.

“My whole family will be at my parent's house, which means at least fifteen people will be grilling me about why I’m single and telling me I need to hurry up and have kids before my eggs dry up,” you reply with a shrug. Airing your own family grievances. Not that they come even remotely close to comparing to Bucky’s.

“Oh, wow,” Bucky replies as his eyebrows disappear.

“Do you… want to come?” You ask after a moment.

“And be your fake boyfriend?” Bucky asks as he half turns towards you in surprised.

“I was just thinking so that you wouldn’t have to spend the holidays alone in that sad apartment of yours but… that’s actually not a bad idea,” You reply as you begin to formulate a plan around Bucky’s suggestion. “What do you say?”

Bucky sighs before nodding. But you don’t miss the assumed grin on his face as he replies, “What could go wrong?”

“Merry Christmas!” Your mom announces when she whisks open the front door of your childhood home.

“Hi mom, happy holidays,” You reply as she pulls you into the house and into a tight hug.

“Hi, Pumpkin,” A deeper voice greets you as your face is still buried in your mom’s shoulder.

“Dad!” You exclaim as you pull away from your mom before your dad sweeps you up into a bear hug of his own.

“Oh, um, this is Bucky,” You say as you intertwine your fingers with Bucky’s. A foreign yet welcome feeling. “My boyfriend,” You add as a slight hang-on.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Bucky says with a grin, really laying on that 40s charm you’d heard so much about. “I’ve heard so much about you all. Thank you so much for letting me celebrate the holidays with you,” He adds as he reaches his hand out to shake your dad’s.

“It’s great to meet you, son,” Your dad replies, circumventing the handshake with a hug before your mom hugs him as well.

“We’re just so glad (Y/N) finally brought someone home to meet us,” Your mom adds with an almost gleeful smile. “We were worried it might never happen.”

You try to laugh along with your parents but it doesn’t really spread to the rest of your face and you see Bucky give you a concerned look, brows furrowed as he watches your parents, who clearly adore you, remain completely oblivious to the way their little comments have hurt you.

You’re just grateful that Bucky now knows that you didn’t make that part up in some weird effort to convince him to be your fake boyfriend for some unsavory/ulterior reason.

“Your family is so…normal,” Bucky says when you finally manage to find a moment alone, just the two of you.

After two full days of family activities, from baking to family dinner to opening presents, your house had been full to the brim with your family members and you’d hardly had a moment of peace. Let alone a chance to check in with Bucky without your parents, or a cousin or three around to eavesdrop on every word.

It had taken a hasty decision to go for a walk through the neighborhood, ‘To show Bucky your old stomping grounds’ you’d claimed before pulling your jacket and hat on and pulling a Bucky out the door for a moment of respite.

“I suppose, I guess every family has its own unique brand of crazy.”

“I was gearing up for a lot of curious questions about the arm,” He tells you with a shrug. “Not to mention everything else, but they’re really just treating me like a boyfriend spending his first Christmas with you all. I think your cousin threatened to kill me if I broke your heart,” Bucky continues.

You grin.

“Yeah, that checks out,” You tell him with a shrug. “And I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, I was worried maybe this was all a bit too much for you. I usually get overwhelmed before too long.”

“Hence the walk,” Bucky replies.

You nod.

“Exactly,” You say with a smile. Pleased with how well Bucky knows you. And the fact that he actually enjoys spending time with your family. Maybe even more than you do.

“Well, your dad promised to teach me how to play Kings Corner, so we should probably get back,” Bucky adds as he glances away.

You’re not sure how it happens, but after your relatives depart for their respective houses your parents disappear, heading up to bed and it’s just you and Bucky sitting on the couch, a Christmas movie playing softly on the TV.

“I almost forgot, your present,” You say as you scamper up to grab one of the few wrapped presents still sitting beneath the tree.

“Merry Christmas, Bucky,” You tell him with a grin as you hand it to him. Taking your seat again as you eagerly watch him unwrap your present.

Bucky’s eyes light up when he realizes what it is.

“I thought you might like it,” You tell him when he doesn't say anything, nervously filling the quiet.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Bucky says when he finally looks up at you.

“What?” You breathe out as you try to process the sudden confession. “No.”

“What do you mean, no?” Bucky asks, his own brows furrowing to match your own. “I thought-“

“It’s… it’s Christmas!” You reply lamely. As you struggle to explain why this is such a bad idea. I mean, you’ve thought about it, of course, you’ve thought about it. Especially in the last few days. But you’ve also bought about all the ways it could blow up in your faces.

“There’s way too much pressure and all of this emotional stuff gets bottled up and it’s way too much!” You continue. “What if it’s not me, what if it’s the holiday? Or spending time with family? Or just the idea of being in a relationship?”

“But it is you,” Bucky replies. “It’s always been you, it’s why I agreed to come here in the first place. And I thought maybe I could keep up this charade because I’m a coward. But I don’t think I can any more.”

“Oh,” You reply dumbly.

“I want to be with you, however you’ll have me, I just want you,” He says, his eyes shining with a sincerity you know is true.

“Then let’s try this out, for real when we get home,” You finally reply with a small smile.

“Yeah,” Bucky replies. “Yeah, that sounds really good.”

And before you can think better of it, you lean forward and press your lips to his.

Bucky’s hands come up to cup your cheeks as he pulls you close.

When you break apart, Bucky presses his forehead to your own.

“What are you doing New Year's Eve?”

#peterpparkrr's holiday drabbles #12 days of holiday drabbles #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes reader insert

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snax-writes · 4 months

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[merry christmas to those celebrating! i hope you enjoy this first story about inesa!]

Kūčiukai – i. lecter

summary: usually inesa and her father bake together on the 24th of december.

warnings: child of divorce, hurt/comfort

word count: 531

Every year on the day of Christmas Eve Inesa and Hannibal would make kūčiukai. They were slightly sweet Lithuanian pastries made from leavened dough and poppy seeds, served on kūčios, the traditional Christmas Eve dinner.

Her mom would sit at the counter, watching them with a smile on her lips, her hand tracing the rim of her coffee cup while she was reading the newspaper or a new issue of the American Journal of Applied Psychology.

They would still be in their pajamas; the 24th December was a slow day. Hannibal and Bedelia enjoyed their coffees as their daughter gathered the ingredients. The girl and her father would then make the dough and while it rested, they would eat breakfast.

While Hannibal didn’t keep up with most traditions – for instance their kūčios was not completely vegetarian – he had made the little poppy pastries every year since his daughter’s birth, and Inesa helped him as soon as she was old enough to. It was their Christmas ritual, sacred to the girl.

After her parents’ divorce it was general consent that Inesa would spend the day of Christmas Eve at her father’s house and Christmas Day at her mother’s house.

Yet today, the first Christmas since the divorce, her father was rung out of bed by Jack Crawford at 7 o’clock in the morning, and here Inesa was hours later: still alone in the house, aggressively kneading the dough as angry tears burned at the back of her eyes.

Lost in her anger, she didn’t hear Hannibal entering the house.

��Inesutė.” The girl looked up at his voice, stopping in her movements, the man leaning in the doorframe.

A single tear spilled as she turned her glance back on the dough and continued kneading.

“I’m sorry.” Her father said into the quiet room.

She didn’t answer – she knew her voice would fail – as she set the dough into a bowl, covered it with a kitchen towel and put it to rise on the other counter. She turned her back to him to wash her hands, trying to discreetly wipe the tear off her cheek.

“I know how important this is for you. I thought it wouldn’t take so long.” He crossed the room to the girl. She was still silent, drying her hands. “Inesa.”

“I am so angry.” She just said, her voice hoarse. “I’m scared all my rage will spill out of me, so I’d rather not say anything at all.” She took a shaky breath.

The man nodded somber.

“Will you make coffee and scrambled eggs for breakfast?” She asked, making it clear that the matter was settled for now.

“Yes, of course.” He took off his jacket and rolled up his shirtsleeves. He mustered her closely then opened his arms for her as her arms went around his middle. “I’m really sorry, my angel.” He leant his head against hers.

“Thank you for apologizing.” She buried her face in his shoulder, breathing in his comforting scent before exhaling.

He tightened his arms around her and swayed the both of them softly before pressing a kiss to the crown of her head as his hand cupped the back of her neck.

feedback is greatly appreciated! comment, reblog, talk in the tags, send me a message, tell me what you think, send a request!

if i missed a content warning, please tell me and i'll add it!

#hannibal lecter x daughter!OC #inesa lecter #hannibal lecter #bedelia du maurier #bedannibal daughter #bedannibal #hannibal nbc #snax writes #snax OCs #hannibal lecter x OC

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rinnysega · 1 year

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12 Resolutions - A Gustavo Drabble

It was a brisk morning in late December, with only a few more nights until the New Year. Christmas had come and gone, and the sun was rising over the encanto to children playing with new toys and their parents mingling with dishes of baked goods and fruit.

Ozzy awoke late that day, and much to his surprise, Gustavo wasn’t in bed beside him. His sashes had been moved where the older man had pulled himself from bed, and his cane was no longer propped against the wall. By the time Ozzy got out of bed and threw a shirt on over himself, he wandered down the hallway to see Gustavo sitting at the kitchen table with Roto face first in a dish of leftover fish. Coffee was already brewed and on the table, as was a batch of Gustavo’s arepas and sliced mangos.

“Morning, amor.” Ozzy walked over and kissed his head before walking past to grab a banana off the counter to have with his breakfast. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“You had a long night. I figured you needed the extra sleep.” Gustavo hadn’t looked up from his project as his pencil traced along the paper in front of him. Ozzy took notice as he sat across from him.

“What are you working on?”

“My list of resolutions. You know, the older I get, the more difficult it is to write down twelve of them.”

“How many do you have so far?”

“Three.” Gustavo snickered a bit. “It’s the same first three every year. Exercise my leg, exercise my brain, and exercise my heart. Sometimes I don’t see why I need more than that.”

“Were there any resolutions from last year you weren’t able to see to fruition? Maybe add it again this year and put more focus on it.”

Gustavo thought a moment before writing down two more items on the list. “I do want to make more toys for the kids in town...so...expanding my workshop....and build more toys.”

“See? You’re almost halfway there.” Ozzy smiled and was about to take a sip of coffee before Miss Colombia’s shrieks echoed from outside. “Ay, sounds like she got into the neighbors weeds again. I’ll be back.”

Gustavo watched as Ozzy left out the back door toward the distressed macaw, and when he was alone again, he looked down at his list and wrote another item.

Thank God every night for the friendships and love I have in my life.

He paused a moment and wrote down another.

Dance lessons with Oswaldo.

And another.

More Sunday walks with Bruno.

And another.

Attend more of Teo’s dinner parties.

And another.

Try again to learn how to ride a horse with Vivi.

And so he went down the list, making the resolution to do something unique and long lasting with those in his life who made life worth living. He made it down to the eleventh line where he took one look at Roto and smiled as he wrote down Better diet for Roto.

And then he made it to the last one.

“Wow, look at that,” Ozzy said when he came back inside. “I told you you’d think up some good ones in no time.”

“Just one more to go.” Gustavo smiled back at him.

“You know, my Tio when I was a kid used to tell us a long time ago to save the best for last. That way you’re motivated to eat all your grapes as quick as you can so they come true.”

“Not a bad way to do things. Maybe that’s my problem - I was always a slow eater.”

“Well you better make the last one special.” He poked his nose. “I want to see what you look like scarfing down your grapes like there’s no tomorrow.”

Gustavo giggled a little at his playfulness when Miss Colombia began to scream from outside one more. Ozzy rolled his eyes and laughed himself, throws his hands up as he left out back, shouting, “Ay, again!?”

Gustavo turned back to his list and thought about what could be more special than everything else he’d listed before it...

He didn’t have to think long as he felt a somberness soften his shoulders. As if a hand touched his shoulder to give him the answer he was looking for. No hand in particular, but one he felt in times of mourning, as when Padre Santiago had died when he was just a teen. When sudden changes left such empty voids in his heart where there was love planted and grown, yet without that person around to receive it. Before Ozzy could get their macaw tangled out of the weeds again, he wrote down his last line with a choke caught in his throat, remembering the last few decades of those he could not have such resolutions with.

To love and pray for the ghosts of my past, in Heaven or on Earth, so when we meet again in death, it will feel to me as if we were never apart.

#arcilla au #gustavo oc #ozzy oz #rinny drabbles

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majestydeerakuma · 2 years

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A Warning for Captain Spaceboy fans and anyone who finds this

So... what I’m writing here isn’t really a callout but rather...a warning as well as a story from my own experience

I do not want people hunting down or hurting anyone who was involved in what I have been through

So, Captain Spaceboy fans, you all may be familiar with a user named kdccreative (a user with an icon of a man in white with a purple background)

KD...well...they aren’t what they seem to be on the surface at all

Rewind back to December 2021, KD invited me to a Spaceboy server known as Halkenna Hivemind (for those who don’t know, Spaceboy existed before OMORI and was Jami Lynne’s character under the alias Space Boyfriend with the actual character being named Halkenna Fairway)

So, I accepted the invite, though in my gut, I had a really bad feeling about KD. I even had this bad gut feeling with another user, Kenna (known as Miss Gumita or Iiyarada on Tumblr). Kenna even offered to help me with something with my characters regarding DID (as I would not like to get my info wrong whatsoever or misrepresent anyone ever)

So I accepted his offer however, he also pointed out about the fact that someone had sent me nasty asks on Tumblr. How exactly did Kenna know this? Well, as of now, I now know full well that that was indeed Kenna anonymously sending asks and calling me Ableist and Homophobic when I didn’t even do any of the sorts. I support and care for people with disabilities and people who are in the LGBTQ+ (heck, I’m in the community itself and I’m really happy to be :D)

By the way, they called me homophobic and ableist because I was writing angst...like...have you not seen a single thing of angst in your whole life?!

Anyways, I was always uncomfortable in the server I was in. No one in the server felt like a friend and I didn’t connect at all with anyone (aside from my friends I invited into the server.). Moving on, I would vent in my own channel (which was used for venting and my own creative work) and no one even cared or even comforted me in my times of need! I felt alone and uncared for and maybe I was just selfish for wanting comfort and for being depressed and anxious anyways.

The time I did get comfort though was from Kenna...but...even when I vented my feelings and gently refused their suggestion, he then threatened to abandon me pretty much saying something along the lines of “if you don’t listen to me, then I won’t help you”. That hurt really bad...I was really hurt by that

I have even been hurt by KD themselves. Several times KD has insulted not only me but other people in the server. Anytime I joined, KD sometimes just immediately insulted me! And even when I told them to stop joking around because I felt a bit hurt by what they were saying, they didn’t stop and just replied “but I’m right”. Note: one of my friends saw the whole thing too!

KD had even said that they insult people they love. I’m sorry but that’s not normal behavior? When was the last time you insulted someone you cared and loved for and they were completely fine with you calling them something vile, disgusting and/or disrespectful? It’s just not normal behavior at all and is in fact harmful! Every time I was around KD and Kenna, I felt inferior and that I didn’t belong anywhere and that I was just horrible!

Kenna one day messaged me claiming my main OC looked like Hitler. My OC and Hitler have zero similarities. Yes, my OC has a mustache! Does Mario and Luigi get called Hitler because they have mustaches? NO! Yes, my OC wears black and red! Does Shadow the Hedgehog and FUCKING Mickey Mouse get called a Nazi because they have a black and red color scheme? NO! Yes, my OC is a commander of war and has fought in war! Does Flippy cause any similar controversy because he’s dressed as a war veteran, let alone, Does Werner Werman get called out because he’s a German solider AND DOES ANYONE WHO MAKES A NAZI CHARACTER GET CALLED OUT ON THEIR STUFF?! NO! Might I also add, NAZIS AND HITLER DID NOT WEAR BLACK AND RED! They wore either green or an ugly gray color, in fact, my OC isn’t even wearing a specific outfit from any time period or country either so why the FUCK are you saying he’s fucking Hitler, KENNA?!

Kenna even goes as far to pull a double standard and tell me “you don’t have to change it” and yet still goes “people are hurt by this and you choose to ignore it”. Not to mention, who the fuck am I hurting with my character exactly? Who? You mind fucking telling me?

I almost killed myself due to our conversation. If it weren’t for my friend, I would be dead right now.

Then KD decides to ban me from the server for several things I didn’t even fucking do and something I accidentally did that KD and I already worked out together!

KD then goes ahead and says I guilt tripped everyone! I didn’t at all, I meant every single word I said and will say! Nothing I ever say is guilt tripping and if I do come off that way, I sincerely apologize.

KD claimed me of anti-Semitic OCs with no evidence (and I already explained why my OC isn’t at all anti-Semitic)

KD claimed I made several server member uncomfortable, if I did make people uncomfortable, people would’ve said something

KD said I did excessive venting in General Chat when me and them already fixed up that mistake and we agreed on it and I never vented in General Chat again, in fact, I only did so once and without bad intentions and for that, I do apologize, it wasn’t right for me to do that and I will and did fixed my wrong...yet you still fucking bring it up into my face like I was still doing it, huh, KD

KD claimed I lied about my age! Excuse me, I’m 18 and no, I didn’t lie at all about my age! Am I socially awkward? Yes. Am I a bit sensitive? Yes. That doesn’t mean I’m younger than 18!

The last thing KD claimed me of doing was disrespecting mental illness and harmful stereotypes! I did none of the sorts! I completely respect those who have mental illness. I don’t even use stereotypes on my characters at all! If anything, it sounds like KD has never heard of angst considering every time I would bring up my creative work in discussions, it always felt like KD would belittle me. Not to mention, I am someone who has mental illness (and no, mental illness isn’t an excuse for anything, just wanted to let that out there). Not to mention, KD had no evidence what so ever, no screenshots, no images, no nothing!

After that day, I feared being abandoned by my friends for things I never did. I felt like I was a monster and that I should’ve killed myself before even speaking with KD that day. I almost drowned myself in the bathtub that day...

I don’t look for comfort or sympathy from any of this. I just wanna warn Captain Spaceboy fans that Halkenna Hivemind Discord server, iiyarada/Miss Gumita and kdccreative are NOT the people (and place in the server’s case) they are on the surface!

As for my friends who I invited into that server, they’re okay and I’m still friends with them. In fact, we still talk with each other and whatnot.

PLEASE, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, DO NOT WITCHHUNT OR HARASS ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN MENTIONED IN THIS STORY!!!

If there is anything I want people who has read this to know is, if you get a gut feeling about something, please, PLEASE, don’t ignore it!

Please, everyone, stay safe and have a wonderful day/night

#captain spaceboy fans #warning #tw nazi mention #cw nazi mention #tw suicide #cw suicide #tw abuse #cw abuse #tw bullying #cw bullying

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thetorturedwriterdepartment · 11 months

Text

— my favorite lyrics from speak now💜*.•

❝ The way you move is like a full-on rainstorm and I'm a house of cards.❞ — Sparks fly.

❝ You're the kind of reckless that should send me running but I kinda know that I won't get far.❞ — Sparks fly.

❝ I'm on my guard for the rest of the world, but with you, I know it's no good.❞ — Sparks fly.

❝ Your guard is up and I know why. Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind.❞ — Back to December.

❝ You gave me roses and I left them there to die.❞ — Back to December.

❝ It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.❞ — Back to December.

❝ And I think about summer, all the beautiful times I watched you laughing from the passenger side and realized I loved you in the fall. ❞ — Back to December.

❝ And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind. ❞ — Back to December.

❝ I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right. And how you held me in your arms that September night; he first time you ever saw me cry. ❞ — Back to December.

❝ Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming. But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.❞ — Back to December.

❝ I'd go back in time and change it but I can't, so if the chain is on your door I understand. ❞ — Back to December.

❝ Fond gestures are exchanged and the organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march. ❞ — Speak now.

❝ And I am hiding in the curtains. It seems that I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be. ❞ — Speak now.

❝ She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen, but I know you wish it was me. You wish it was me, don't you? ❞ — Speak now.

❝ I hear the preacher say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." There's the silence, there's my last chance. ❞ — Speak now.

❝ I stand up with shaky hands. All eyes on me. Horrified looks from everyone in the room, but I'm only looking at you. ❞ — Speak now.

❝ I am not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on a white-veil occasion, but you are not the kind of boy who should be marrying the wrong girl. ❞ — Speak now.

❝ And you say, "Let's run away now. I'll meet you when I'm out of my tux at the back door. Baby, I didn't say my vows, so glad you were around when they said, "Speak now".❞ — Speak now.

❝ And my mother accused me of losing my mind, but I swore I was fine.❞ — Dear John.

❝ You paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain. ❞ — Dear John.

❝ And I lived in your chess game, but you changed the rules every day. ❞ — Dear John. ❝ Wonderin' which version of you I might get on the phone tonight. Well, I stopped pickin' up, and this song is to let you know why. ❞ — Dear John.

❝ Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?❞ — Dear John.

❝ The girl in the dress cried the whole way home. ❞ — Dear John.

❝ And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand. ❞ — Dear John.

❝ And I look back in regret how I ignored when they said "Run as fast as you can”. ❞ — Dear John.

❝ Don't you think nineteen's too young to be played by your dark twisted games when I loved you so? ❞ — Dear John.

❝ You are an expert at "sorry" and keeping lines blurry. ❞ — Dear John.

❝ All the girls that you've run dry have tired lifeless eyes 'cause you've burned them out. ❞ — Dear John.

❝ But I took your matches before fire could catch me, so, don't look now. I'm shining like fireworks over your sad empty town. ❞ — Dear John.

❝ You should've known. ❞ — Dear John.

❝ You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me. ❞ — Mean.

❝ You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard calling me out when I'm wounded. You, picking on the weaker man. ❞ — Mean.

❝ You have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them. ❞ — Mean.

❝ I bet you got pushed around somebody made you cold, but the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road. ❞ — Mean.

❝ And I can see you years from now in a bar talking over a football game, with that same big loud opinion, but nobody's listening, washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things. ❞ — Mean.

❝ All you are is mean, and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life. ❞ — Mean.

❝ I used to know my place was the spot next to you. Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat 'cause lately I don't even know what page you're on. ❞ — The story of us.

❝ Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking and I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah? ❞ — The story of us.

❝ And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now. ❞ — The story of us.

❝ How'd we end up this way? See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy. And you're doing your best to avoid me. ❞ — The story of us.

❝ But you held your pride like you should've held me. ❞ — The story of us.

❝ I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how. ❞ — The story of us.

❝ I've never heard silence quite this loud. ❞ — The story of us.

❝ This is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less, but I liked it better when you were on my side. ❞ — The story of us.

❝ The battle's in your hands now, but I would lay my armour down if you said you'd rather love than fight. ❞ — The story of us.

❝ To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret. ❞ — Never grow up.

❝ At fourteen, there's just so much you can't do and you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots. ❞ — Never grow up.

❝ And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school. ❞ — Never grow up.

❝ No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred. And even though you want to, just try to never grow up. ❞ — Never grow up.

❝ I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone. ❞ — Never grow up.

❝ So here I am in my new apartment in a big city, they just dropped me off. It's so much colder than I thought it would be, so I tuck myself in and turn my night light on. ❞ — Never grow up.

❝ The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks, like passing notes in secrecy. ❞ — Enchanted.

❝ I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew. I was enchanted to meet you. ❞ — Enchanted.

❝ The lingering question kept me up, 2 AM, who do you love? I wonder 'til I'm wide awake. ❞ — Enchanted.

❝ This is me praying that this was the very first page, not where the story line ends. ❞ — Enchanted.

❝ My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again. ❞ — Enchanted.

❝ Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you. ❞ — Enchanted.

❝ I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you. ❞ — Enchanted.

❝ Now go stand in the corner and think about what you did. ❞ — Better than revenge.

❝ She had to know the pain was beating on me like a drum. ❞ — Better than revenge.

❝ She should keep in mind there is nothing I do better than revenge. ❞ — Better than revenge.

❝ She looks at life like it's a party and she's on the list. She looks at me like I'm a trend and she's so over it. ❞ — Better than revenge.

❝ She thinks I'm psycho 'cause I like to rhyme her name with things. ❞ — Better than revenge.

❝ But sophistication isn't what you wear or who you know or pushing people down to get you where you wanna go. ❞ — Better than revenge.

❝ But no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity. ❞ — Better than revenge.

❝ I'm just another thing for you to roll your eyes at, honey. ❞ — Better than revenge.

❝ Do you still feel like you know what you're doing? 'cause I don't think you do. ❞ — Better than revenge.

❝ Let's hear the applause. Come on, show me how much better you are (so much better, yeah?). So you deserve some applause 'cause you're so much better. ❞ — Better than revenge.

❝ Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything and everybody believed in you? ❞ — Innocent.

❝ Your string of lights is still bright to me. ❞ — Innocent.

❝ Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catchin' days? When everything out of reach someone bigger brought down to you. ❞ — Innocent.

❝ It's okay, life is a tough crowd. ❞ — Innocent.

❝ 32, and still growin' up now. ❞ — Innocent.

❝ Who you are is not what you did. ❞ — Innocent.

❝ Every one of us has messed up too. ❞ — Innocent.

❝ You and I walk a fragile line. I have known it all this time, but I never thought I'd live to see it break. ❞ — Haunted.

❝ Stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had, but I still mean every word I said to you. ❞ — Haunted.

❝ He will try to take away my pain and he just might make me smile, but the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead. ❞ — Haunted.

❝ Something keeps me holding on to nothing. ❞ — Haunted.

❝ You told me you loved me, so why did you go away? ❞ — Last kiss.

❝ All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss. ❞ — Last kiss.

❝ Your name, forever the name on my lips. ❞ — Last kiss.

❝ How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something. There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions. ❞ — Last kiss.

❝ So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep, and I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe. ❞ — Last kiss.

❝ And I hope the sun shines, and it's a beautiful day, and something reminds you you wish you had stayed. ❞ — Last kiss.

❝ You can plan for a change in weather and time, but I never planned on you changing your mind. ❞ — Last kiss.

❝ I said remember this moment in the back of my mind. ❞ — Long live.

❝ You held your head like a hero on a history book page. ❞ — Long live.

❝ It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age. ❞ — Long live.

❝ Long live the walls we crashed through, how the kingdom lights shined just for me and you. ❞ — Long live.

❝ I was screaming long live all the magic we made. ❞ — Long live.

❝ I said remember this feeling I pass the pictures around of all the years that we stood there on the side-lines wishing for right now. ❞ — Long live.

❝ You traded your baseball cap for a crown when they gave us our trophies and we held them up for our town. And the cynics were outraged, screaming, "This is absurd!" ‘cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped-up jeans got to rule the world. ❞ — Long live.

❝ Long live all the mountains we moved. I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you. ❞ — Long live.

❝ Will you take a moment? Promise me this. That you'll stand by me forever, but if God forbid fate should step in and force us into a goodbye, if you have children some day, when they point to the pictures, please tell them my name. ❞ — Long live.

❝ If you were here we'd laugh about their vacant stares, but right now my time is theirs. ❞ — Ours.

❝ Seems like there's always someone who disapproves. They'll judge it like they know about me and you, and the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do. The jury's out, but my choice is you. ❞ — Ours.

❝ So don't you worry your pretty little mind. People throw rocks at things that shine and life makes love look hard. ❞ — Ours.

❝ The stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours. ❞ — Ours.

❝ Your hands are tough, but they are where mine belong. ❞ — Ours.

❝ I'll fight their doubt and give you faith with this song for you. ❞ — Ours.

❝ They can't take what's ours. ❞ — Ours.

❝ I wonder if he knows how much that I miss him. ❞ — Superman.

❝ Tall, dark and beautiful. He's complicated, he's irrational, but I hope someday you'll take me away and save the day. ❞ — Superman.

❝ Something in his deep brown eyes has me sayin' he's not all bad like his reputation, and I can't hear one single word they say. ❞ — Superman.

❝ And I watch you fly around the world and I hope you don't save some other girl. Don't forget, don't forget about me. I'm far away but I never let you go . ❞ — Superman.

❝ I was a flight risk with a fear of falling, wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts. ❞ — Mine.

❝ Flash forward and we're taking on the world together, and there's a drawer of my things at your place. ❞ — Mine.

❝ You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded. You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes. ❞ — Mine.

❝ But we got bills to pay. We got nothing figured out. ❞ — Mine.

❝ And I remember that fight. Two-thirty AM, as everything was slipping right out of our hands, I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street. Braced myself for the "Goodbye" ‘cause that's all I've ever known. Then you took me by surprise. You said, "I'll never leave you alone." ❞ — Mine.

❝ You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water, and every time I look at you, it's like the first time. ❞ — Mine.

#taylor swift #taylors version #speak now #speak now taylor’s version #taylor swift lyrics #taylor swift quotes #speak now taylor swift #speak now tour #the eras tour #the eras tour ts #music #songs #song lyrics #lyrics

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violettelueur · 3 years

Text

GOJO SATORU || BECOME A REAL COUPLE

| featuring : gojo satoru from jujutsu kaisen

| warnings : grammar errors other than that n/a

| form : imagine (with she/her pronouns)

| word count : 2700

| published : 05 december

| request : Hi hiiii!! I saw that your requests were open again :) I would like to order a black coffee please! a fake dating → feelings realisation where (fem) reader is from one of the big 3 clans and is pressured into finding a SO by her clan. So Gojo offers to fake date her; meeting her parents etc. Only for them both to realise that they ended up falling for each other. Would love to see how you determine the way they handle it and confess for real. Thank you!! Love all your work so far x

| barista’s notes : can i be completely honest with you? this little piece isn’t really my best ʕ ﾟ ● ﾟʔ even though it’s only been 2 days but i already feel like my writing skills have disappeared ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ but other than that, thank you so much for loving all my work ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡ i really hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and please come again soon!

“You have to get married soon Y/N! You’re 27 and we have no heir for the Kamo clan!”

“Didn’t I leave the clan 10 years ago? There is no way I’m going to listen to someone like you nor my child is forced to become a jujutsu sorcerer, and what makes this more irritating is that you came all the way to my workplace to tell me this,” you snapped back at the man in front of you, before turning around trying to walk away from the situation. However, it seemed like the old man wasn’t going to give in to the situation or to the rejection of your answer, he was stubborn - just like you were, after all, that was the only thing you inherited from that man.

“Y/N! I am your father and I demand you to listen to me!”

“Shut up!” you shouted before turning to look over your shoulder. The man that stood there pride and arrogance running through his veins - something that you didn’t inherit, fortunately. There was no way you could call this man your father. The same ‘father’ that criticized you for not having the same blood manipulation like the rest of the family - well that’s what he gets for being with a woman from a different clan that had a different curse technique that you inherited - an outcast, that was what you were within the Kamo clan, yet they still demanded you to get married and have a child to keep the lineage going. There was no way in hell you were going to follow their rules.

“What a disgusting father you are, no wonder mother left you,” you commented with a smirk before continuing to walk away to go back to where you were heading. On the other hand, it seemed like someone else wanted to disturb your plans.

“Y/N~”

ꕥ

At this current moment in time, you were standing in front of one of the very few vending machines that were located within Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College wondering what you were going to choose since you were still undecided. Cold Water? Milk tea? Coffee? Maybe a carbonated fruit drink to satisfy your sweet tooth? You weren’t so sure.

“Have you put money in the machine yet honey~?” someone asked you from behind, causing you to quickly turn around to see a tall white-haired figure standing before you with a teasing smile painted upon his face.

“Satoru? Ah...no I haven’t” you muttered as you scratched your cheek with your finger, trying to occupy yourself with something to not look at him. “Let me pay for you then,” Gojo then offered as he reached over to the side, accidentally brushing his arm - causing you to tense up - before he placed some of his coins within the slot to add some currency into the machine before you could even deny his offer.

“I could pay for myself you know, and we’re alone, you don’t have to act,” you stated before sighing in defeat, as you turned back around to decide what you were going to choose once again. “I know,” Gojo commented back to you before gently placing his chin upon your shoulder, leading you to tense up once again from the physical contact before slowing relaxing, “but what type of boyfriend would be I if I didn’t treat you a little?”.

‘Well fake boyfriend Satoru’

ꕥ

“Your family pressuring you again?” Satoru cheerfully asked as he walked beside you, trying to lighten up the tense atmosphere from the conversation that you had with your ‘father’ just a few seconds ago.

“More like the Kamo clan than the L/N clan, get married this, get married that. Is that all I am good for? Marriage? Augh, I just need them to leave me alone, I left for a damn reason,” you ranted as you put your hands in your pockets, restraining yourself from punching something to let out some steam.

“How about I date you then?” Gojo suddenly asked, leading you to look at him with the most wide-eyed expression like he had just said something completely stupid - to which he did - but before you could even augre what he just stated, Gojo quickly began to explain what he meant by his little statement. “What I mean is let’s fake that we’re dating, we deceive everyone that we’re together and the Kamo clan will finally leave you alone once they realise that you are in a relationship with someone from the Gojo clan aka me, they can’t augre with that,”.

Still looking at your colleague with a dumbfounded expression, you turned your head to look in front of you before thinking about what he had just suggested. What Gojo stated to you was somewhat a clever idea. The Kamos family was obsessed with bloodlines and for you to be with Gojo means that they would foolishly believe they can become more powerful. Even though you didn’t physically inherit the blood manipulation curse technique, you still had in somewhere in your veins due to your father meaning they would believe they still have a chance for a powerful heir. However, that would mean you have to announce this to the clan as well as your mother’s clan - which wasn’t much of an issue for her side - it was just too much effort for a fake relationship.

“Satoru that is so much effort, you’re going to have to meet the Kamo clan then,” you commented, after realising the pros and cons of this little ordeal. “I know, but once we end this little fakery of a relationship, they don’t have to know, you don’t have to report your every move to them, remember you left,” Gojo explained back, leading to any worries that you had manifesting to instantly fade away with the wind.

Taking one last sigh, you turned back to him and nodded. “Fine, let’s fake date Satoru,” you finally declared before taking your hand out in front of him for a handshake, leading to the powerful shaman to take hold of your hand before firmly shaking it, “okay fake-girlfriend! Leave it to me,”

ꕥ

Sitting in front of your dad across a table was something you never wished on your worst enemy, you hated that you were back in the four walls that you had escaped from many years ago. However, for some odd reason, when Gojo was by your side, you felt completely safe.

“Since when did this little association between the both of you come to play?” your father asked in a suspicious tone as he eyed both you and Gojo - yet, knowing how greedy your father was for power, you could tell he was delighted at the fact you were ‘together’ with the most powerful jujutsu sorcerer.

“Ah~ We have been together since our last year at Jujutsu Tech,” Gojo explained as he turned to look at you with a cheeky smile on his face to which you smiled back at him, trying to keep up with the facade of being a fake couple. “And you didn’t inform me this Y/N?” your father then asked to which then you explained, “well, I did leave the clan a year after that, so I had the right to no inform you. After all, I’m not your daughter like you stated beforehand,”

Angered by your sudden statement, your father immediately slammed his hand on the desk as if the statement wasn’t true at all. “I demanded you to come back, I demanded you to respect the name of the Kamo Clan and this is how you taint it,” you father roared in fury, causing Gojo to put an arm out in front of you as if he was protecting you from anything that could happen to cause you to look at him in shock.

“Technically, Y/N didn’t even taint your name, she took their mother’s, so you’re in the wrong here, don’t do something that you will regret,” Gojo sinisterly threatened the man that was in front of both on you, before taking your hand in his as a way to comfort you - surprising you once again from his actions, yet for some reason, you gripped on his hand somewhat conveying him that you were thankful for him standing up for you.

ꕥ

“Ah Miss Y/N, did you come to see your mother?” a maid asked in a surprised tone, once she noticed that you came out of your designated room with you adjusting your red obi sash around your waist as your wore your family’s kimono, white was light in colour embroidered with the minimalist design of flowers and butterflies - giving you a somewhat soft feminine look, contrasting the portrayal of your character somewhat.

“You know you don’t have to put the ‘Miss’ in front of my name, and I do apologise for the sudden visit, I forgot to inform you all,” you told the maid with a gentle smile, leading to the maid to smile at you back before you then continued with, “Ah, I did come to meet my mother, but have you seen Satoru? Like a tall man with white hair, who is also wearing sunglasses,”. However, before the maid could answer your question.

“Y/N~”

Turning around, you found Gojo walking towards you with your mother by his side, causing you to freeze in shock as you didn’t expect him to go to your mother without you. “I thought we agreed to greet my mother together Satoru,” you commented as you pointed your index finger at him to emphasise your point, only for him to smile at you cheekily before scanning his eyes up and down at your new outfit. “You do look beautiful in your kimono though, is this what you wear when you come back home?” Gojo then asked, to which you nodded at his question - trying to ignore your pending blush being slowly painted in your cheeks - before you quickly greeted your mother, who was watching from the sideline.

“Good Afternoon mom, I apologise for coming to visit you so suddenly,” you said to her, to which your mother softly smiled at you before cupping your cheeks in her hands. “There is no need to apologise, I’m happy that you came back home since you are so busy back at the school, but also I’m happy that your boyfriend introduced himself to me, he is quite a different character must I say,” she commented with a light laugh, causing you to turn to him wondering what he had said to her, only for him to put up a peace sign as if that would answer your wondering thoughts. Although, before you could even vocalise your confusion, your mother linked her arms with yours before guiding you down the corridor to welcome you home.

“I can tell he really cares about you Y/N,” your mother stated, causing you to look at her with a perplexed expression to which she then smiled back at you before beckoning Gojo to follow the both of you to invite him for some sweets and tea that were being prepared.

‘If only you knew mom, if you only knew how much I care about him as well even though this isn’t real’

ꕥ

“You’ve been staring at the canned latte for some time, do you want that one?”

Suddenly, you instantly snapped out of your thoughts - not realising that you were in a daze - causing you to then immediately click on the button indicating on the mentioned drink. “Ah, sorry I was just wondering if I should go with the strong or light one,” you then answered, trying to hide the fact you were looking back on the moments that you had with Gojo.

“Are you okay?” Gojo then asked as he removed his chin from your shoulder, letting you crouch down to grab the coffee from the dispenser before collecting the coins from the other dispenser to give back to Gojo, only for him to shake his hand and say, “if you need another drink, you can use it,”

‘Is that why he put extra in?’

“Are you sure?” you quietly ask, only for the cheeky shaman to nod his head before he deciding to walk with you to wherever you were heading off too. “Like I said before, what type of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t spoil you a bit?” Gojo then asked once again, causing you to tilt your head in confusion.

“You know we’re not really dating right? We are a fake couple,” you mentioned, as you opened the can of coffee to take a sip after reminding him about the little plan that the both of you came up with to avoid the whole ‘marriage’ drama from the Kamo clan.

However, you didn’t hear an answer from your friend. Only pure silence surrounded the both of you, causing you to be perplexed on why you didn’t instantly hear a sassy comment back from the shaman, leading you to pause and turn your head to the side, only to see the man look at you dead in the eyes with his crystal blue ones.

‘Since when did he?’

“What if I don’t wanna be a fake boyfriend anymore?” Gojo questioned you with an uncharacteristic serious tone, causing you to look at him in bewilderment before quickly coming to the conclusion that he was probably teasing you.

“You mean you want to end this facade? If you want we can, there is kind of no point in continuing this little act,” you replied, as you took a sip of the caffeinated drink causing you to gain a little bit of energy in a short amount of time.

“Y/N, I’m being serious, I don’t want to be your fake-boyfriend anymore, I want this to be real,” Gojo then declared, causing you to suddenly choke on the liquid in shock before letting out a coughing fit as you tried to clear your throat leading to Gojo patting your back to help you out.

“Ha?” you then expressed, not sure on how to react to his declaration as you tried to look for any deception in his eyes. “Oh you are being serious Satoru,” you then commented to which then he nodded as if he didn’t already convince you that he hadn’t already.

Quickly looking away from the man, you were trying to hide the rose hues that slowly was coming upon your face. You thought you were the only one feeling this way. You thought you were alone on this. Ever since that moment when you and Gojo met your father, you always wanted to stay by his side, you felt like you were important, you felt safe, you felt warm.

It was like what your mother explained to you when you were young, ‘don’t make the same mistake as me Y/N, when you find someone you want to be with, make sure they make you feel safe and protect and not just the ‘butterflies in your stomach feeling’, I want you to feel loved and important, I’m so sorry for putting you through this’

“Y/N, come on say something, I’m not a nervous guy but this is something else you know,” Gojo pleaded as he wasn’t really enjoying the long silence that was going on around both you and him, only for you to suddenly grip his dark blue jacket before pulling him closer to press your face upon his chest as if you were still trying to hide but somewhat trying to express some confidence in what you were planning to do.

“Are you absolutely being serious ?” you then asked, once again asking how serious he was being.

“Absolutely serious,” Gojo then replied as he placed his large hand on the top of your head before caressing your hair, trying to comfort you from your embarrassment.

“Then I don’t wanna be your fake girlfriend anymore….please,” you then murmured as you gripped his jacket more tightly as you confessed your long time thoughts, only to suddenly feel a peck being placed on the crown of your head.

“Of course honey~ let’s become a real couple”

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen imagine #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #jujutsu kaisen gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen gojo #jjk gojo satoru #jjk gojo #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo x reader #gojo x reader #gojo satoru imagine #gojo satoru imagines

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withoneheadlight · 3 years

Text

| billy & will + pre-harringrove | full fic in spanish |

There’s an in-between. The high school and the middle school. A bare piece of land, yellowed from the lack of grass and the rough kiss of the sun and, right in the middle, an old shack.

It's a shabby thing that accumulates lack of re-paintings and excess of humidity but that’s out of sight, in that way of things that are just there but no one wastes time looking at anymore are.

That's where they meet.

Billy lights up a smoke. Slides his ass up an ancient, long retired desk, pasture now of the damp and rot, and leans against the peeling wood. Front and back-row seat to the long column of trees the wind’s rippling along on the other side of the wire fence. The ember warms up his lips as he inhales a deep puff and exhales a,

“You’re getting soft, Billy Hargrove”

He leans his head back and closes his eyes, ears on that ceaseless chirping of the bids that sews together the slow-passing hours of the days and nights of Indiana, and on the delighted screams from the middle-schoolers, remembering that, somewhere in there, there's a bunch of kids who will still be laughing just as hard, just as happy, a few years down the road. That maybe even Max could be one of them, if Billy hurries. That maybe he will too, if Billy is able to control that instinctive reaction that pulls his skin inward and screams at him to stopstopstop, that the soft skin shreds, falls apart so easily.

But maybe it can be both of them, if Billy manages to clench his teeth hard enough and keep on softening.

‘Cause soft skin hurts when it breaks but,

"Hey!"

Sometimes it’s worth it.

Will’s smiling wide. Stops running, abruptly, and then just stands in there, panting. He’s got a funny nose and giant eyes. The kind of bangs that make you wanna blow them out of his eyes even though what they're is too short, actually, and Billy’s always thought he'd do better in life if he didn't. Notice things. If he didn't see that widewidewidewide smile and could read it so easily.

"I've been dying to show you this!" Will kneels down into the grass, chopping out the words in between exhalations. Pulls at the zipper of his backpack, chest heaving, and he doesn't realize he's going to get dirt on the knees of his jeans or that Billy can read it. His relief. Of finding him in here and not just an empty desk. Of how for a kid every single day more means 'You care’.

(About me)

It was early December. Friday right after last period and one of those silly things that only happen in movies. Something so like scripted and choreographed that Billy nearly considered looking up at the ceiling to make sure John Hughes wasn't silently watching them, taking notes from above. They crashed in the middle of a corner. Billy sped up ‘cause he was in a hurry and the only way to catch Max in time lately was to intercept her right out of class. Will ‘cause he's always going like that, Billy knows now. Always a thousand miles per hour. Always verging on time-jump speed to then being the kind of kid who seems so quiet it's scary. They crashed. Hard. In the middle of that corner. Papers flying all over and a curse (Will) and a muffled groan (Billy) and they ended up pulling at the same paper one from each corner. A drawing. Trolls and wizards and a castle and an emerald-green light. A star in the distance, auguring bad omens. Billy forgot to be frightening and Will must have forgotten he was supposed to be frightened when he blurted out a,

"Fuck, Byers. This is frikin’ fantastic."

No fear or reticence or that way he sometimes has of bumping into words and stumbling, just a "Really?" eyes huge and bangs brushing against his eyelashes as he blinked when Billy also forgot he was also supposed to― well, supposed to be Billy Hargrove.

"’Got more?"

So now he skips English instead of Algebra, every Tuesday and Thursday. Sneaks off to that in-between place he knows no one wastes time looking at anymore to light up a smoke, same time as Will has his recess. And the kid doesn't always manage to shrug off of his flock of nerds but he’s lucky, some days.

And he brings the drawings.

Orcs and goblins and enchanted mountains on the northwest and it seems to Billy that there are more princes than princesses and that if there are any, they’re almost always sorceresses, almost always queens and that your attention gets hooked on their burning eyes, not in the clothes they’re missing and Billy feels like it's a small grain of sand, this thing they’re doing. Knows that someone’s already keeping a solid ground under Will's feet ('Joyce' he says it’s her name. And it stings, the way he manages to fit so much love, into such a tiny word). But it also seems to him that maybe it doesn't take much more, for Will, just a few grains of sand, to replace those that being a strange kid in a small town sick with apprehension for what it finds strange, takes every day away from him.

So Billy’s gotta have to clench his teeth ‘till his gums start bleeding ‘cause is that, or let his skin toughen up again. Is that. Or fucking everything up.

And ave María, Billy doesn’t want to fuck it all up again.

So he sucks on his cigarette. Hooks up an eyebrow. Waves his hand to hurry the kid up.

“Mmm. That’s how good you think it is, dickwad? ‘C’mon, got my next class in twenty”

Will flies over the papers. Head nodding and fingers skimming fast. Finds what he’s looking for and yanks it out, raises it up triumphantly in his hand. It’s the sword in the stone and he carries it up to Billy with wet knees and just a little mud-staining. It’s February and the sun’s burning brightly over all the wetness the night’s spent crying. The drawing is a huge dragon, wings made of leather and cartilage, spread out in eclipse in front of the moon, only a few silver rays illuminating the dark knight in front of it. Blue eyes lined in black, blond curls cascading down his back and Billy was clenching his teeth but they part now, ‘cause the figure looks too much like him to be a coincidence. A smile devours his whole mouth. Soft. A joke itching on the tip of his tongue. He grunts a,

“I’ve been called many things. But never this, Byers”

Only half his expression’s visible, eyebrows covered with those thick bangs, and Billy has to once again fight the impulse to blow them out.

“¿Hum?”

“Knight” he says, drawling the teasing tone out “In shining armor”

And It’s such a loss, all that hair. Because it’d pass unseen, if you don’t know him. The way his eyebrows spike up underneath and it burrows in between them, the eagerness of teasing back. But Billy’s lucky, ‘cause it’s been more than two months like this and Billy―

Knows him. Well enough at least. So it doesn't pass unseen to him.

“You know the drill, William. Spit it out. Can see you’re holding it up from miles”

Will purses his lips out tight. Looks like he’s trying but. Nah.

“Wouldn’t be that shiny '' scrunches his nose. Throws a meaningful glance at Billy’s disheveled looks. More thoughtful than not, way more intentional. But that's something he'll figure out when he grows up.

Billy cackles. Will's smile widens, satisfied. Hops onto the desk next to his. Billy offers him the cigarette.

“And―this?” Will shrugs inwardly. Glances up at him. Then down, at the exchange between their hands. Takes the cig in between two fingers and it doesn’t burn but he barely presses them against the filter, anyway, as if he’s afraid it would, all of a sudden.

"Retaliation," Billy half grunts, half laughs, and Will huffs, but swallows a deep breath to gather strength. Exhales. Takes a tiny puff and―

"Argg," coughscoughscoughs "This is. Ugh. It's awful. I don't know how you―” almost throws the cigarette back to him "Ufff, what a―" he hesitates "Yuck"

Billy snorts. Thinks about Max inhaling deep, no more than two weeks ago, eyes pining his in place. Breaking into a violent cough only a second later.

Billy pats Will’s back too.

“That’s good” he says “You better not like it” Will scrunches his whole face “And this too” Billy adds, shaking the drawing a little “This is good, too. Amazingly good, man”

Will. Stares. At him. One. Two. Three long seconds. And Billy hurts a little. With every single one. Three sharp stabs with that newly freed sword. A different kind of ' you care' each one: 'it seems so impossible to me (that you care)'. 'If you think so, maybe it's true (and I do care, that you think it)’. 'Thank you (for caring)'. And then. Those hidden eyebrows. Will’s cheeks puffing out a little when he bites the tip of his tongue and―

"Billy?" his eyes glint, heavy with ill-contained malice.

"Uh?"

"You're the dragon"

"You fucking ass―!"

Billy shoves him sideways. But Will just sways. He doesn't lose footing on that firm ground he’s standing on. Looks back at the drawing, hunches a shoulder up.

"But you’re the knight, too"

He says it in a tone that cuts straight through Billy’s chest Thank you he thinks, even though his soft skin is hurting. And he still doesn't blow hard on that bowl fringe from where it covers Will’s whole forehead but―

Stirs up all his hair instead.

“Eh!!”

“Hey, shitbird. Wanna see the one I’ve made?”

Will nods quickly. All contained-speed and reverberating and sometimes Billy doesn't know how so few people can see it, how big he is for his own skin and he thinks I wish, wish he'd accumulate enough grains of sand to raise up that firm ground under his feet, and get really, really high.

“Sure!”

He keeps it tucked away in the breast pocket of his jacket. Folded in upon itself. Same way he keeps everything else. Folds and layers and at the bottom of pockets no one ever looks at but.

He unfolds it to show it to Will Byers.

“Wow” Will says, and smiles up at Billy like Two months since we crashed against each other and I feel like I know you a little too, Billy Hargrove and Billy hit rock bottom but now at least Max and him sing AC/DC in chorus on the rides back home and Will's voice sounds like 'You're good' as he runs his fingertips over the graphite outlines of the skull and repeats, "Wow"

“Gonna have it done” Billy inhales a deep drag of Marlboro and 'Four Months to Eighteen' and for a moment it’s like he could feel the smoke curl up inside his lungs before blowing it out. The image is as pretty as it’s stupid. He glances at the open jaw of the drawing and thinks maybe he'd like a drag too "Have it healed for summer and―"

“What’s happening here?”

Steve.

Harrington.

Hand on his hips, preppy pastel polo lapels up, Ray-Bans holding up that way his hair swirls without really taming it. The twelve o'clock sun is shining sideways from his back and he's pretty. Painfully pretty. And Billy��s sure it's impossible that this redneck raised on corn and money amassed in dubious moral business is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen but sometimes he forgets. That it is impossible because. Fuck. It so seems like it. Light flicking on the ends of his hair where it curls. Under his ear. In the long curve of his neck. And the world doesn't halt and the birds don't stop chirping and the clouds don't part and no preternatural shit happens because this is the black hole where all the world's shit goes, Indiana. But. It so seems like it and,

Billy.

Knew how to breathe but that’s another thing he keeps on forgetting. Every time Steve Harrington passes him by.

He’s gotta force himself. To nod. To stop choking. When Will looks up at him with those big eyes. Questioning.

Apologizing.

Billy Hargrove, from freshly crowned local terror to―

“I was―” Will starts. Inhales. Presses his lips together right before blurting out the truth ‘cause he knows it's the only real way out "Showing Billy my drawings. Sometimes we―"

―the softie whose pride goes high up in his throat every time an eleven-year-old kid says 'Billy, this is good. It's very. Very good, Billy’.

"Sometimes we. Uhm. We―"

Will's already huge eyes get bigger, rounder. As if he’s just realizing that where he's stuck his foot keeps getting muddier, trapping himself all the way in. And Billy smiles lightly at him, sideways, so it’s hidden. From Steve Harrington. From all the world beyond. ‘Cause of that thing about facades and how hard they’re to maintain, when on one side is pressing what you're supposed to be and on the other, relentlessly, what you're hiding.

But Steve’s asking,

“Sometimes―what?” and Will’s eyes are fixed on Billy, two wide-open I’m sorrys and Billy thinks Fuck it, Hargrove. C’mon. Stop hiding.

So he’s the one who says,

“We share our drawings, Harrington”

And Steve.

He’s got those eyes.

They're like a troubled ocean in the heart of winter, those eyes. Hard, hard, hard. Imposing. But soft. So fucking soft. When something catches him off guard. Rolling stones in the breaker. And Billy wants to get swept up in them, like falling along the curve of a wave. Steve looks at him, and at the drawing in his hand, his eyes a swirl and, when he looks up, the calm. And Billy feels as those times when it seemed to him the waves wanted. To wrap around him. To catch him. Soft as the reflecting clouds. And Billy feels as those times when he’d let them. Carry him. Drag him to the shore. Safe and sound.

“Is that yours?” Steve frowns. When he does that. He looks the prettiest. And Billy's heart breaks. In tiny tiny pieces. Thinks This is what it takes, thinks Fuck, thinks, This is how things hurt when you let your skin get soft.

What you don’t have. What you want. What you could―

Fuck.

What you could love so bad you'd rip your own skin off, so they could touch your heart right with their own hands.

Billy nods. Will smiles. Steve’s frown softens and― waveswaveswaves. On an autumn morning. Waves lapping at the surface of an ocean of calm.

And now. Billy sings AC/DC with Max. His heart taking on water when his voice falls off-key and she clutches at her lungs, choking on laughter. Now, he sits in the back of an old shack halfway between who he is and who he should be and so, so very carefully turns at the pages of Will Byers' sketchbook.

And Billy Hargrove hit rock bottom one day in late October. Hit rock bottom and beat into pulp that pretty face he can't stop seeing in his dream. When he's asleep. When he's awake. Hit rock bottom and that's where he's going to stay. It's either that. Or risk coming up to the wrong surface. And it's easier, here at the bottom. Easier to see what matters, when you look up.

Here, Billy takes a breath. Deep. Deeper. Holds onto that air so he has something keeping him alive underwater when Steve snatches the drawing off his hands. Studies it carefully. Says,

"It's―Uhm. Well―" Grins "It's not. Beautiful. Like, conventionally." He eyes cut back to Billy and something in them breaks into whitewater, into that softness he can't help, as if everything else is as much of a lie as 'Billy Hargrove' and all those imaginary walls "But―"

He says ‘But’ and then. The bell goes off.

"Oh!" Will bounces on the spot "I have to―" he yanks the backpack shut "Class!"

He takes off. Running. Turning around right before the corner of the shack to wave at them, flashing one of those smiles Billy has involuntarily categorized as 'the good ones', wide and already almost panting again, before disappearing at the speed of light towards school and to, Billy hopes, be one of those few kids who are still going to be laughing just as hard, just as happy, a few years down the road. If they’re lucky.

(If Billy’s lucky)

Steve Harrington is still there, planted in front of him when the alarm stops.

"Can I bump one of those?" he asks, chin pointing to the smoke Billy's squeezing between his fingers. In the drift of his hair the Ray-Bans stay afloat, capsizing.

Billy bangs the base of the pack against his thigh, pops out a cigarette. Offers it to him. Scrapes his thumb along the wheel when Steve takes it to his lips, leaning forward and― It's broad daylight but in the thin glow of the flame it almost feels like it’s that exact instant when the world begins to fade, darkness turning wide-open spaces into narrow little universes: Steve Harrington and his red lips around the smoke and a small ache in the pad of Billy's thumb from keeping alive the fire and from wanting things with a bigger kind of ache, his heart cauterizing from holding inside the rage of knowing he's never, ever going to have them but―

"But?" Billy asks.

Steve grabs his wrist. Hollows out his cheeks. Inhales deep. Takes him a moment when he pulls away. To let go. Long enough that his fingers could read the way Billy's pulse is raging in his wrist, if he wanted to.

“But” And he’s smiling. Lopsided. He slips into Will's seat and stretches his neck toward the sky. Prolongs the wait. Exhales. "It's cute."

And then his gaze cuts down and he’s searching for him, with those eyes of his. For Billy, who can never stop looking at him so, when he finds him, finds him looking back already.

And Billy―

Billy.

"Cute?"

Billy. Blinks. His hand stops halfway from getting his own cigarette to his mouth. Stops his heart and it feels like time’s stopping too, in this narrowness Steve's presence has reduced the moment into. And he’s smiling big now. His eyes soft. Soft. So fucking soft. And Billy thinks,

You're getting soft too, Billy Hargrove. You want to let him shred off your skin, when Steve says,

"You," snorting a soft laugh, sun melting in his eyes like honey "With Will. Drawing."

Billy wants him to never stop looking at him like that. Wants to lean in, and kiss him.

"Shut up and smoke your fucking cigarette, Harrington" he growls.

And Steve rolls his eyes in a way that screams 'Gotcha, Hargrove', but leans his back against the peeling wood of the shack.

And does as he’s told.

(Next Tuesday, it's not just Will who shows up, when the bell starts ringing)

i just finished translating this and, since i had originally written this part as and stand-alone thing. here it is. idk if it's worth the work of translating it whole, or if i really feel like it but, we'll see!. i've been at war with life and writing this past few weeks but i've been missing you so much, fandom <3<3<3. hope you've been doing well.

also billy + will + drawing is one of my fav hcs and there are a few tiny things more that i wanna write? hopefully i will 🌟

#harringrove #billy hargrove #will byers #steve harrington #stranger things #billy x steve #steve x billy #billy & will #xharringrove

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littlemisslipbalm · 3 years

Text

I live in the neighbourhood - Part 3

What happened to the cycling classes after work and the occasional drinks with coworkers? Now it was flying to Italy to vacation for the December holidays with Harry and his family and friends.

Ok part 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the final part of ilitn i believe! let me know what you think! plssss! Not proofread, but your support means the most and it means the world to see your thoughts, literally anything about it, and this little harry I always have to remember that’s the simp your honor ^ right there! anyway happy reading!

Read Part 1 | 2

Word Count: 10.9k | Warnings: swearing, smut! (finally) - oral (m+f receiving, dirty talk, choking? i can’t remember ngl there might not be, sloppy sex, outdoors by the pooldeck just btw, christmas, idk but hopefully nothing I missed, feelings! happy ending (possibly rushed

“You’re really flying to Italy and then traipsing around the Italian countryside for three weeks with Harry and his family? I cannot believe you’re leaving me behind.”

“You’re gonna kill me for saying this, but he had said I could invite a friend or two if I wanted. But I thought it’d be weird with his family so you literally can’t be mad at me!”

“Fine. I’ll move past it, but how did you move past the whole panic attack? Like you barely spoke to him for a month and then he’s on your doorstep and you’re kissing and agreeing to a Roman Holiday?”

“It’s Harry,” she sighs, laying down on her couch. “How could I not, I got scared because he was gone, but once he was back, nothing else mattered.”

“I guess,” Cate mumbles.

“Oof, sorry Cate I have another call, I’ve got to go…”

By the time she tries to pick up the other line has gone to a message and she’s left to listen to her boss over a voicemail:

“Hey Y/N, I know your holidays have just begun, but I wanted to inform you that you’ll be getting a new client in the new year. Big artist! Anyway, just wanted to inform you that I’ll be emailing over some of their paperwork. Feel free to ignore it until the new year! Have a nice trip.”

She sighs. “Interesting...but will definitely be waiting for the new year to even think about work,” she says to herself.

She throws her phone to the side. Tired of all the phone tag and messages she had begun to have to deal with as the Holiday season dawned more and more upon her. She had more important things to think about. Most important being the suitcase laid out before her and the flight she was bound to be taking in less than 24 hours. This time, she wouldn’t be picking Harry up from the airport. No, this time they were flying out of London Heathrow together.

Together together? She wasn’t sure. The kiss on her doorstep and plea of Italian holiday meant a lot to her, but did it scream committed relationship? She had no idea when it came to Harry. Maybe it was better not to ask and just wait until he told her. Wondering had gotten her in a pit last time and she never wanted to feel the way she had over the last month while he had been gone.

She sleeps in her bed for one last night before leaving for a month. Harry had managed to convince the airline to allow Rori to ride with them in first class, so she wouldn’t have to leave her dog in a kennel or with friends during the holidays. She was grateful for that and she just didn’t understand how she had gotten so lucky as to have someone like Harry in her life.

They fly first class and while Harry had secured her ticket last minute, she insisted that he take her money to pay for the ticket. She was determined to not lose herself in this process. She would happily go along with Harry’s crazy life as long as she maintained her constitution. And paying for her own ticket was one of her ways of doing that.

The flight is short, a quick jaunt compared to the arduous trips across the Atlantic, both her and Harry were quite used to from their work and family lives. He smiles at her throughout the journey, coming across the aisle often to check on her and pet Rori. He would make little jokes that wouldn’t make anyone else laugh but them and he would grab the airpod she would take out and play whatever she had been listening to and offer a dance. His little dances were so sweet, if strange and awkward in the small flight cabin.

She wore grey marbled leggings and a matching thick strapped tank top beneath a nondescript hoodie. Harry’s dressed quite nice for traveling, she presumes in case he’s papped. Linen trousers, a collared coat, and some beaded necklaces he had taken to wearing over the last few months - each month seemed to add on another necklace, but she wasn’t counting.

He had reminded her to bring large sunglasses for the airport.

He had said “I don’t care if we’re seen together, but it’s more for your comfort. I hate when my friend’s lives are put on display for the whole world. You’re not the one who signed up for this.”

She had been appreciative and grabbed her largest pair of sunglasses because truthfully she didn’t want to be seen with Harry. She didn’t want the whole world knowing her or her business, it wasn’t who she was. No, not at all. So when they step off the plane and head to baggage claim after customs, she feels aware of her surroundings in a way she never has been. It reminds her of the way Jeff, Charlotte, and Mitch had conducted themselves in the bar that one time. Extremely alert. Watching people’s eye movements and considering whether they recognized her companion. She trails behind him a fair amount, three paces at least. Harry glances back every few moments, checking in to make sure she’s still with him as they move through the bustling airport.

They make it to baggage claim with no stops, but sadly Harry’s luggage seems to give him away. That or just his presence, he was a 6 foot tall and extremely broad man who gave off this energy that couldn’t help but turn eyes. And all it took was one of those eyes to recognize the fluff of hair, the olive-y skin, the peaking bird tattoos and colorful necklaces to alert the world of just where he was.

He doesn’t get stopped for any pictures, but she feels the number of eyes on him grow. She also watches as Harry doesn’t shrink from the growing attention. If anything, it simply makes him move quicker, but only slightly. He glances at her once to see her hood up and big green glasses covering up half her face. Rori has left his carrier and is covering the other half as she pushes a cart in front of her. He makes a nondescript nod and then sets off towards the exit, she follows behind easily.

By the time they’re in the car that was waiting to drive them to Harry’s villa, he’s gotten buzzed by Jeff just to check-in since a few photos have been uploaded of him at the airport. People were so fast. She shook her head in disbelief as she looked up Harry Styles on twitter and saw the scene she had just been apart of minutes ago on her screen now. She’s unrecognizable in the photos she happens to appear in and to everyone else she looks like another traveler instead of Harry’s companion or whatever she was to him. Instead of his friend.

Harry calls Jeff as they’re driven to his lovely sprawling home near Lake Como. He informs him they’re fine - he is quick to ensure that Y/N is well after asking her himself once they had gotten into the confines of the small car. She thinks it’s sweet especially because she was sure that Jeff really was more focused on Harry and his well-being since he was both his friend and his client while she was just an extra. The two men talk about the flight and customs and what Jeff will be doing with his holiday since he had turned down Harry’s invitation to come out to Italy as well. This leaves her to stare out the window at the passing scenery. She and Rori are completely content with this as they watch the tranquil life around them as they pass by little forests and towns over cobblestoned ground.

The colors seem brighter throughout Italy compared to the sad and gloomy winter of London. The dreary scape traded for something far more picturesque. Italy growing ever more beautiful the closer they drive to Harry’s home. Everything was so radiant, from the sun shining above her head to the little dew drops still pooled on the perfectly green leaves of plants she knew not the names of.

The car pulls up to the long driveway to Harry’s place which he insisted was just a house, but she knew better. The driveway felt like half a mile of perfect cobblestones, seemingly handpicked to make the smoothest drive. Outside the house sat a gorgeous little convertible that was in between steel and cream and sparkled in the sun. The top was currently up, but she could tell the interior was just as nice as the exterior. Harry had a thing for cars and she suspected that no matter where he was, he managed to keep his cars in perfect condition.

The house was breathtaking due to its simultaneous simplicity and intricacy. It’s coloring was variations of cream and gold and some terra cotta. But it sprawled into the hillside behind it and wrapped around the nature to the side of it and the pool to the back right of it. There also was a little separate shed like thing that also seemed to be a residence. Harry insisted it was just an extra bedroom, but it looked like almost another house to her.

As she stepped out of the car, she thought that she might get lost in that house if she was left to wander around it by herself. A feeling she feared to get accustomed to.

The door of the house was a dark green that seemed oddly familiar to her as she walked through it. And when Harry looked back to make sure she had gotten in the house alright she recognized it. His door somehow matched the color of his eyes in dark lighting. A green that was timeless and ancient at the same time. A green that was unnerving yet inviting. A green that was Harry. She never thought she had a favorite color, but in that moment she was sure it was his eyes.

Harry calls her name and she realizes he’s been saying it for awhile.

“Sorry?”

He smiles fondly at her confused face and leans towards her as if he might kiss her. She stops breathing in that moment, wanting more than anything for that to be his next move. His chest brushes against hers, his warmth invading her space. His face is a mere milimeter from hers and she can count every speck of stubble on his jaw. But his lips don’t brush gently over hers in a way that she knew was addicting. Instead, his strong hand reaches past her and shuts the entrancing green door gently.

His eyes flicker back to her face when he pulls back, taking a single step backwards to allow for a comfortable space between them. Still close, but not like he’s about to embrace her expecting frame and kiss her.

“I asked if you wanted a tour of the house? Or if you just wanted me to pick your room.” His eyes are crinkled at the corner, a smile on his face even though his mouth is hung open in a lingering question.

She blinks her eyes and twitches her head to glance around the rest of her surroundings. Rori had run off the moment they had gotten in the door. The hallway Harry and she found themselves was narrow and simple, a single painting right behind Harry’s head was the sole decoration and a tapestry style rug beneath their feet. She nods after a moment, feeling all her words caught somewhere in her throat for no reason at all.

“Good,” he nods and gives her a funny look, trying to understand her quiet demeanor. “Just drop your stuff here for now,” he adds.

His hand encircles her wrist, as it had grown accustomed to, to lead her through the house. She bites her lower lip to muffle the little giggle that somehow escapes her as he tugs her playfully down and through the house.

He goes on about almost every piece of art and trinket he has hung and placed throughout the house. Each thing has its story and Harry waxes eloquent on every single one. He shows her each room in the house and then leads her outside through the single door of the master bedroom on the second floor. The door takes them onto a small balcony that overlooks the center of the estate which included the pool and then a garden to the left of the converted poolhouse - what Harry insisted it be called when Y/N had told him it was a mini house.

His hand has traveled down to intertwine with hers as the tour had drawn on. So as he leads her down the little spiral staircase to the ground floor, she hums at the warmth his thumb rubs into her skin ever so softly. His eyes flicker to her face and hold her gaze for a moment as he watches her descend the last two stairs.

She smiles at him, her cheeks rosy from the air outside. They walk between the garden and the pool to reach the “converted pool house” and she stops for a moment to dance her fingers through the perfectly clean pool water - he must have had a housekeeper who came by recently to open everything up and clean it all.

“This is truly amazing, Harry,” she sighs as she stares out at the entire house from the single stone upstep to the little cottage. It gave her a view of the entire place besides the front of the house. It was gorgeous.

Harry nods, tucking his head to his chest slightly, possibly feeling a little bashful. Behind the successful man that stood before her was a young boy with a dream that had made this possible and he never forgot that.

“Thank you,” he says sincerely and unlocks the door of the cottage, a similar green is painted on this door as well.

She goes ahead of him at his request and he watches her fingers on the green paint, caressing it softly, each finger never wishing to leave it as they slowly depart its surface. This place is just a microcosm of the house they had just been. A kitchenette, a living area, a bedroom, and a full bath - including a freestanding tub.

She all but runs around the place, fingers running over the countless spines of books that Harry mindlessly chose to store there in ceiling high bookshelves and eyes taking in prints of personal photography he had been too nervous to store anywhere but here. There were larger poster sized prints as well as smaller ones, all black and white, of different scenes on the walls of the living area. Some were portraits of loved ones, others were landscapes of cities and countryside alike, and some were of past lovers with their hair swept behind them as they looked back at Harry in some beautiful place. She smiled at these obviously film photographs and turned to Harry after a moment, almost mirroring the people in the more personal pictures.

“When’s the last time you used your camera?” She asks.

Harry’s figure is perched in the door, his body slightly slumped on the frame while he rolls his lower lip between his thumb and forefinger. He hums, thinking back to the last time he took out his camera.

“Last tour...I think. I got film back with Camille in it and I just didn’t feel like putting more in it after that,” he rasps out and clears his throat at the end, clearly unnerved by the topic.

“Well, these are beautiful, you have a smart eye for catching precious moments,” she smiles softly, understanding Harry’s apprehension.

“Thanks,” his voice still a bit deeper than usual, “I still use my Super8 pretty regularly when I’m doing things for work. Like when I shoot music videos, I usually bring it along to get my own footage for later.”

She only nods and watches him enter the room, moving closer to her to gaze at the images more up close as well.

“I like to have something to remember it by. Just in case, someday,” he starts and sighs, eyes trained on the wall of memories, “My mind isn’t what it once was.”

She watches him delicately place his hand on the couch behind them to brace himself and she notices the slight fear in his face as he says it. She blinks at the scene in front of her. A man in an amazing moment in his life fearful that it might all disappear from his vision someday. A horrible thought that seems to plague him more often than one would expect.

She nudges closer to him immediately. Her shoulder brushes his arm as she presses her head to his own shoulder and stays there firmly.

“Thank you,” she whispers and his head drops down to look at her face now radiating warmth against him. “For sharing this with me.”

His hand on the couch moves to wrap around her shoulders and pull her closer. Instinctively, she wraps her arms around his waist and he rests his head atop of hers. He stays silent but places a chaste kiss in her hair. She squeezes harder, telling him everything is alright and all he had to be with her was himself.

He switches his gaze between the girl wrapped up in him and the pictures of the rest of his life in front of him and he takes it all in. He feels safe, a comfort he was hard pressed to find with his life always on the move. The bustling change felt eons away while he was wrapped up in her. She was constant and kind. Understanding. She took him as he was, no expectations. That realization has him melting further into her, his head dropping down to her shoulder and nosing into her hair. His hands cusping at the back of her neck and the small of her back. And he presses firmly yet gently.

They stand there, swaying slightly to an unknown tune that played only in their private world of just them two.

A branch sways too and breaks them out of their reverie when it taps against the French doors that lead out to somewhere else in Harry’s estate.

“I think I’d like to stay here, if that’s alright,” she says, pulling back from him only slightly.

His hands migrate from their embrace around her back and neck and slide to her hip and her shoulder separately. Her hands both rest on his chest and she feels his consistent heartbeat that she had been listening to for the last few minutes against her ear.

His eyes sparkle at her suggestion. “Really? There’s plenty of spots in the main house,” he rushes.

“No, I love this place,” she glances around once more, soaking in the cozy room that housed Harry’s art. “Plus, your family will be here tomorrow and you should all be together under one roof for the holidays. I know how rare that can be.”

He nods in agreement and twists a tendril of her hair around one of his fingers slowly. She doesn’t notice until he makes an experimental and playful tug on it. Her lips purse at the feeling and her eyes narrow.

“You’re an evil little thing under all those layers of niceties and kind words, Mr. Styles,” she says as she pulls away from him.

Now that it was decided on where she would be staying for the next few weeks, she wanted to get her things settled and take a shower possibly. She also needed to check in on Rori and see what he had gotten up to while they had been wandering.

Harry laughs, filled with an unmatched glee as he follows her out of the cottage and back into the main house, “I can show you evil if that’s what you want, dove. I’ll give you anything you want.”

And while she knows he’s saying this in jest, she knows he’s also telling the truth. He’d give her just about anything she wanted, all she had to do was ask.

After settling the house a bit, finding where Rori wanted to sleep - he chose inside the main house, and some showers, she and Harry both felt refreshed.

She walked out of the front door of the cottage and crossed to the French doors at the middle point of the house. They had them open to get fresh air in the house and she walked right through and into the kitchen where she found Harry and her dog happily perched on the countertop.

Rori batted at Harry’s hands and nuzzled into his scratches as Harry cradled him to his chest. It was criminally sweet and she knocked on the door frame to pull Harry’s attention away from her furry friend.

“You look nice,” Harry smiles.

She glances down at her outfit; a cashmere olive colored sweater and high waisted cream corduroys along with her sneakers of choice. She thought it was casual, but she appreciated the compliment nonetheless. She murmurs a thanks and a quick “you too”, she didn’t even need to look at what he was wearing, he always looked good. Her head tilts to rest on the door frame as well, her eyes trained on Harry’s face.

“Do you want to go for a drive?” He inquires as he places Rori back on the ground.

The dog scampers to her side for a moment before running off to do his own thing. Her lips quirk up on the sides and her eyes narrow slightly. He’s looking at her with a quiet confidence set in his jaw that she doesn’t quite understand.

His smile makes her bite her lip, slightly unnerved by the energy he was giving off. Maybe it was because they were completely alone - not something new to them since that’s how they interacted almost solely, but something about being in Italy seemed to have shifted the dynamic. Something in the water or whatever that saying was.

“Do I get to drive?” She stands from her leaning position and crosses in front of him.

His laugh comes out quickly and heartily. “No chance, dove.”

She groans and pushes at his shoulder.

“Trust me, you’ll like it better. Can just enjoy the scenery, don’t have to focus on the road.”

He wraps a hand around her waist and then scoots her towards the door that would lead them out of the house. She giggles at the contact and she feels him watching her. It felt nice, felt simply theirs.

He drove her down the driveway and onto a country road until it merged into a road by the lake. He brought the top down so the wind rushed around them, blustering about as he drove at a quick yet somehow leisurely pace. She glanced at the scenery and took a few pictures, but something else kept demanding her attention.

Harry. He was a quiet kind of handsome in this moment. It wasn’t in your face, it was just how each curve of his skin seemed perfectly placed. Every pore was clear and every mole had a reason. His tattoos peeking from his collar and shirt sleeves were that perfect inky black that remained smooth. It was consistent, the way his hair fell over his forehead and he would smooth it back without even thinking. His eyes were focused and bright, yet slightly stormier than normal. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. And she wondered what she had done to be beside him at that moment. Wondered what it was that she had done to be cared for by Harry.

His hand on her leg brings her out of her mind once again. His looks always seemed to get her lost in thought. He was just that special. No one else had ever caused any similar reaction. His fingers splay on her thigh, no rings on them today. He rubs his thumb back and forth softly and she leans closer to him to whisper in his ear. They were completely alone, but it felt like something even the wind didn’t deserve to hear.

He tilts his head to her, eyes flickering to her movement for a moment and then back to the road. His hand on her thigh slips upwards with how she moves.

“I’m the most lucky girl in the world,” she says, her lips brushing the shell of his ear as she says the words.

She pulls back and stares at him, her hand going down to her thigh to play with his lovingly. He looks at her again and sees her serious expression. This causes him to pull over on the side of the road by the water. He rubs at her thigh again with his thumb and she shifts in her seat.

“And why’s that?” His voice low as he asks and shifts the car into park.

“Because I’m here, with you. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything in this world.”

He hums in response and licks at his lips when her sweater happens to fall off her shoulder. She notices the slip, but doesn’t bother to fix it since she also saw how Harry’s eyes danced over the newly exposed skin.

“I wouldn’t trade this either” the words dance slowly off the tip of his tongue. His accent fuller as he says the last word. “Let’s walk around,” Harry suggests when he sees her eyes flicker between his and his lips.

They explore the grassy area that lives just before the dip of the water at Harry’s request. He guides her along with his hand entwined with hers. Her eyes stay on only him still, the scenery unable to compare to the beauty of him that she was just fully realizing how bad she wanted to be enveloped in. His profile is illuminated by the sun shining above them and she swears he’s sparkling under the light.

The fear of what they were and all of the things that came along with labels were the furthest away thoughts. The man who had been the quirky neighbour had transformed into the man she was pretty sure she was in love with. Too afraid to say those three words, she decided the best thing she could do was to show rather than tell.

“Harry,” she calls and he stops his wandering, turning to face her instead.

A hand reaches up to trace over his strong cheekbone and caresses down the side of his face and cradles his slightly stubbled jaw. Her thumb rubs over the place where his dimple often showed up. He sighs into her touch and says her name back. His voice fails him as he gazes down at her, everything he means to say dies in his throat, for once at a loss for words.

She purses her lips and reaches up to connect their lips, having missed his sweet lips touch. They were meant to press against hers. Harry seems to forget how to breathe, her initiating the kiss between them, something foreign to him, but not unwelcome. He leans down to make it easier on her and she glows in his reciprocation. His hand shifts to cradle the back of her head as the kiss continues. Their lips dance, brushing back and forth, tongues slightly licking into one another’s mouths ever so delicately, playfully even.

A specific clash of teeth as the kiss continues leads to a breathless laugh from her as Harry presses himself closer to her. His other hand pressing her waist safely into him. She happily obliges, sinking one hand to rest over his backside which makes him smile.

“Naughty,” he mumbles against her brightening lips, eyebrows bobbing over his closed eyes.

She laughs now, her head tilting up for a moment, eyes opening to look at his face, yet up so close it's just his eyes and upper cheeks. His eyes are extra large from this angle and the grey green they had been dancing between had merged into a darkening seafoam green that was rather rare for them. She wanted to take an inventory of every color his eyes managed to be, but she was sure the list would never end.

“You like it,” she quips back, a peck sneaked at the corner of his mouth. That little love touch leads to more minutes of making out. Her supple and soft chest against his strong one, hands roaming the other’s body searching for purchase. Soft sighs and gentle moans leave Harry’s mouth when she nibbles at his ear and leaves loving kisses to his neck and collarbone. She makes similar sounds when he laves his tongue over the hollow of her neck and mouths happily on her neck.

The sight of them is two lovers enthralled in each other’s mouths and bodies in a meadow beside a lake. The sounds of nature are only overtaken by their happiness with each other.

When he ruts his hips against her body and she writhes against him with eagerness previously not seen, Harry realizes just how in public they are and he pulls away. A whine of discontent falling from her lips before she can control herself.

“We should…” He falters again, staring down at his neighbour he had begun to want more than anything else in the world, “Should head back.”

“Right,” she nods curtly.

Hands falling back to her sides, but Harry grabs one of them and intertwine their fingers as they had them before. She smiles so wide her eyes crinkle at the corners and he can’t help himself to peck at the left side of her temple.

They drive back to the house and Harry suggests a dip in the pool which Y/N agrees to easily. Something to cool them off from the heavy makeout session they had partaken in down by the water.

“Everyone else is arriving tomorrow,” Harry says after he surfaces from his expert dive into the deep end. He treads water lightly and drifts towards her.

She’s floating on her back a little ways from him. Her hair was shimmery all wet again and the skin of her face glowed with tiny droplets. Her eyes were closed as she moved her hands back and forth through the comfortable water.

She feels his eyes on her, burning into her, waiting for a response. She peaks open one eye and looks at him. His cheeks pinken quickly from the slight embarrassment of being caught, but he doesn’t look away.

“It’s going to be really fun, Harry,” she rights herself and swims closer to him causing him to smile happily. “I’m really happy to be here.”

“It won’t be just us anymore,” he says, swimming backwards and creating a slight chase for her as she follows after him.

She narrows her eyes at his tactics, but still follows as he swims to the edge of the pool where they could both stand.

“Nope, but we’re gonna really get the holiday spirit flowing. Family dinners and games, shopping for gifts...this really is one of my favorite times of the season,” she smiles back at him and puts her hand against the edge of the pool, her chest emerging from beneath the cooling water.

Droplets roll down her chest, racing down her body and in between her cleavage. Harry’s eyes follow the water droplets disappearing beneath her bright red tied bikini top. He gets distracted when the air pebbles her nippls beneath the thin wet fabric, his tongue darts out to wet his lips at the sight. The round of her breast was especially full in the thin fabric. He had never seen this much of her despite their friendship lasting for many months now. It was...mouthwatering and his eyes stayed trained on her breasts as they rhythmically moved up and down with her breathing. It was like a spell.

That he was brought out of when a splash of water flicks at his face. She gives him an obvious look saying she had caught him staring and then she rolls her eyes at his smirk obviously not embarrassed by his latest fixation.

“We won’t be alone like this,” he steps closer to her, his own chest running with water droplets. His hair messy and wet atop his head as he pushes it off his forehead. “Possibly at all for the next three weeks,” he continues and hears her breath catch as he moves even closer. His body hovers a moment away from hers as he stares down at her. His nose almost brushes hers as he starts to lean down. She stays almost completely still. Her head moves though to allow Harry access to where his mouth seems to be headed, the side of her neck.

“After today,” he whispers before smudging an open mouthed kiss just below her ear.

A small gasp escapes her at his hot breath and a searing kiss against her chilled skin. She feels his smirk on her skin as he continues down her neck, leaving spongy eager kisses down the column.

“Well, I don’t think that’s a problem,” she tries to remain composure, feeling the burn inside of her pitch back up. The fire had dulled from the kissing by the lake once they had swam, but here he was pressing into her once again. Suddenly more eager and forward than he had ever been. Her breathing is hard to regulate with his expert hands running along her naked sides below the water and his legs backing her into the edge of the pool while his lips make love to her neck.

“Oh?” Harry hums, moving a hand up to fiddle with a strap of her top, the wet nylon twisting easily and then he lets it snap back softly. Her arousal only grows from the tiny smack. “Not a problem, eh?” His lips travel down between her breasts and she gasps in anticipation.

“Won’t be able to make you feel this good anytime you want,” he breathes and then ghosts over her covered pebbled nipple.

“You’re a tease, Harry,” she grips at his shoulders that are hunched to allow him to kiss on her. Her eyes having the perfect view of his curved neck and spine, the skin an expanse of clear perfect flesh, no tattoos in sight from this angle. The little curls at the nape of his neck trickling with spare droplets as he sucks on her own skin.

“Hmm…” his lips travel back up to the underside of her jaw causing her to tilt her head back and her stimulated chest to press into Harry’s. A chuckle passes against her skin as he feels her two points press into him.

Then, suddenly, he pulls back and grips at the back of her head to make her look at him. His eyes are deep and dark as the day starts to wear on, the sun beginning to set off in the distance.

“Maybe I need to demonstrate just what you’ll be missing out on?” He tilts his head at his suggestion and the glimmer in his eyes shows that he knows exactly what he has to say to get his friend - and soon to be lover - riled up.

Her chest heaves once, longing for the warm touch of Harry’s lips again. “What are you getting at?”

“Wanna make you feel so good you’re begging me to call my family up and tell them to not bother coming because we won’t be leaving your bed for the next few weeks.”

A breathless laugh leaves her, in disbelief, but also in wanton need. Her desire for him grew tenfold in the last ten minutes. His last sentence leaves her itching with longing. For his touch as he promised it.

“Give me the best you got then,” she challenges, her conviction never wavering despite her needy state.

That little sentence is what sets Harry’s eyes ablaze and has him gripping her waist and picking her up and setting her on the edge of the pool.

A quick press of his lips against hers and a “wait here” before he’s pulling himself from the water and shuffling to grab one of the towels he had laid out. She watches him curiously, confused why he had just promised to ravage her but was pausing to towel off.

He comes back with the towel and lays it behind her.

“Harry, what are -”

A finger presses to her swollen lips as his other hand goes to her shoulder and lays her back.

“Do you trust me?” He asks.

She nods, eyes wide and glassy as she stares up at him kneeling over her, his body between her bent knees. He leans down to press another kiss to her lips and then begins his decent.

“Gonna make you feel so fucking good, sweetheart,” he whispers.

Down her throat that he had happily been sucking on. His lips ghost over her still hard nipples and his hot breath has her arching off the ground immediately. A whine leaving her lips when he mouths between her two breasts in the valley just above the tie of suit. His fingers dance around on her skin, playing with her swimsuit fabric and she wants to scream at him to just untie it and really touch her, but she refrains. He continues his assault down her body. His hands grip at her knees when his lips travel below her navel. Her breaths have grown more strained as he’s gotten closer and closer to her heat. The cold wet fabric that covered her was a poor substitute to what she wanted to rub against her.

“Please,” she begs in a sigh as Harry’s lips skip where she wants him, instead traveling to her upper inner thigh.

He spreads her legs wider with his arms and her back arches further, her body just about fully on display for Harry. His eyes flicker up to her face that was staring right back down at him, watching his every move.

The cheeky bottoms left little to the imagination and the ties on the sides were so enticing Harry’s fingers smoothed up her thighs and began to toy with them. His face now hovering over her clothed center. His breath fanning the flames of her arousal just below the cherry fabric.

“See,” he smirks, eyes back on her face, “I haven’t even touched you yet, but you’re already begging.

“You’re an ass,” she grits out, trying to not be bothered by how easily he has gotten her in this position.

He clicks his tongue and tugs experimentally at one of the bottoms ties, “S’not a very nice thing to say to the man who’s about to stick his tongue in ya’?”

She gasps and slaps at his right shoulder at his crudeness. “You’re dirty!”

“And you’re wet,” he says confidently, smirking up from between her legs.

His fingers finally tug the ties undone and pull the fabric away from her center. The red bikini bottom falls limply to the ground and Harry’s eyes train on her glistening mound. Wet with the pool water as well as her arousal. To add to the cool air ghosting over her newly exposed skin, Harry blows his own breath over her. She writhes at the sensation, she bites at her lip to hold back any possible moans.

He glances at her face again and settles one arm to be wrapped around her leg and pressing down on her left hip. His other hand snakes between his face and her body and lightly drags between her folds. She bucks her body again, completely in need of some friction after all of the build up and teasing of today. Every nerve down there was electrified at the possibility of Harry finally touching her like this.

His finger pulls back and a string of arousal clings to him, a testament to the filthy thoughts she had about her neighbour. Thoughts she had pushed away for so long until recently. Thoughts she only indulged in in the dead of night, when she was exhausted but her mind insisted on wandering to the green sharp eyes that might stare at her if he ever were to delve into her depths. Her hands would travel to where he was now and rub out a triumphant shake of her thighs and heaving chest all in hopes that maybe he would bring her to that euphoria himself one day. Well that day was today.

He filthily takes that finger into his mouth and grins. “So wet,” he corrects.

His eyes disappear from view as he launches into his work. His drying curls flop over his forehead and tickle at her lower stomach slightly. He flattens his tongue and licks a strong stripe between her folds. The wet from her weeping hole spreads to her lips and around her clit as his finishes the lick with a little swirl. He uses his free hand to spread apart her lips a little more and takes the new angle to suck on the little puffy nub that is already throbbing. She gasps audibly when he pulls off of it with a squelching sound.

“Fuck,” he sighs and goes back to eating her out, happily pressing his tongue into her.

His hand on her hip travels to grope at one of her breasts and he deftly pulls at the top’s tie and grips onto her skin underneath the fabric. The strong grip mixed with his expert work between her thighs has her moaning loudly and her body writhing as he builds her up.

“Yeah, sweetheart,” he rasps, thumb on her nipple flicking happily back and forth. “Scream it out,” he says into her quivering center, “Nobody around to hear you, be as loud as you want.”

She moans louder at his words, her hands gripping harder into his hair. The thought of this scene turns her on even more. In all honesty, if someone did hear them she’d kind of like it. If someone walked in and saw her stretched out next to the pool with their wet bodies writhing against each other in pleasure. Harry’s head buried between her thighs making her feel better than she ever has, her breasts falling out of their top as he massages them harshly.

“Taste so sweet,” he groans, lapping at her tight hole, the muscle contracting against his tongue’s invasion.

She liked how messy he got with it, not that she really had much coherent thoughts in this moment. But his hot tongue swiping up and down and back and forth over her glistening lips and sucking on her clit left her breathless. Her juices and his saliva were making a mess of her thighs and the towel below her. When Harry felt her getting closer he’d back off and pay attention to another part of her and then go back to sucking and nipping perfectly into her.

She was eventually stuttering out, “I’m going to cum, Harry.” Breathing becoming uneven as she was about to tip over the edge. He nods, sucking harder at her clit one last time before taking his tongue and pushing it in and out of her hole, one of his thumbs traveling to rub over her clit in quick succession.

“Cum for me, dove,” he mumbles quickly before going back to making her feel good.

She grips her own nipple now with one hand and Harry’s hair with the other, her hips pushing up into Harry’s face over and over again. And then she’s hitting her climax and tipping over the edge, a moan ripping from her throat and freezing on her face as Harry eats her out through it. His tongue licking over her quivering pussy. His thumb rubbing comforting circles around her clit until she stopped shaking. Her breathing slowing down, eyes fluttering open eventually. They lazily stare at the man below her who’s lips and chin are slick with her juices as he grins up at her.

“Do you want me to call my mum now or wait until you’re fully back on earth,” he says slyly and kisses the inside of her thigh once more. Eyes lovingly staying on her pleasured out face.

“Seriously talking about your mom while you’re still between my thighs,” she breathes out, completely in disbelief. Harry and her had never gone that far before and it was life changing. He had been right, even if she didn’t want to admit it, she wasn’t sure if she could go three weeks without that again.

He sits up and begins to gently pull back on her swim bottoms and tie them back up. She lays there watching him work.

“How about now?” He asks with a smirk, moving to sit beside her and help her sit up when her bottoms have been readjusted. The fabric against her newly sensitive area was definitely interesting, but she couldn’t care with Harry beside her. She ties off her top on her own, even though Harry gestured that he could do it.

“Shut up,” she laughs and takes a hand to caress at his cheek.

He nuzzles into her touch.

“You forget I’m staying in the cottage...separate from everyone else,” she winks at him.

“Think they’ll still be able to hear ya’ from in there, dove. You’re a loud one,” he bites the inside of his cheek as he teases her.

She huffs and drops her hand, “I was gonna return the favor, but now I don’t think so.”

It’s Harry’s turn to laugh and reach out to her face, he pulls her face close to his, bringing her eyes level with his. “I’m just teasing. Plus, you don’t need to return the favor, I’ve been wanting to do that for ages.”

A laugh bubbles from her lips at the thought of Harry wanting her as much as she wanted him and she pecks at his lips. She grimaces only a little, tasting herself on him still.

“We’ll just have to be sneaky,” she pulls back and rests her forehead against his.

“Yeah,” Harry breaths out. His breath hitches when he feels her hand begin to trail down his chest and fiddle with the hem of his shorts. Her eyes are trained on his, expressionless like she wasn’t beginning to palm his hardened length over his sticky swim shorts.

“I told you,” he musters, “You don’t have to.”

“But,” she rasps, finally. “I want to,” she licks her lips with determination, “Want to make you feel good, too.”

He hums as her soft fingers go back up to the hem of his shorts and he helps her pull them down as he gives a nod of approval to her watching eyes.

Her eyes widen when his length is finally revealed and its bright red tip stands tall and strong against Harry’s stomach, placing itself slightly just below one of the ferns. Harry watches her lick at her hand and then places it between his thighs, her body positioned right next to him. On her knees, she makes an experimental first pump, seeing how his body responded. Her eyes mainly watch his face and an open mouthed smirk twitches onto his face when he notices her gaze. She pumps him again, twisting her wrist this time and swiping at the precum leaking from his tip. A groan leaves Harry’s mouth at that and his stomach flexes, the skin beneath his many tattoos hardening.

“Feel good?” She inquires.

“Great,” he breathes out as she leans forward on her knees and attaches her mouth over his head.

She slowly moves her head down and attempts to fit his entire length into her mouth, but despite her best efforts, she can’t quite get her throat to open up for his entirety yet. After holding him there for a moment, his head scratching at the back of her throat, she pulls off. Heaving a sigh and continuing to work him with her hand, her now glassy eyes look at him. Saliva gathers at her mouth and Harry can’t help himself but reach one of his hands from behind him to her lips. He swipes at it and presses the wet to her lips which she sucks at eagerly, a whine hidden beneath the action.

When his hand pulls away she says, “You’re quite girthy.”

“Girthy?” He sputters, both at the funny comment but also that she’s said it while still jacking him off.

“Mhmm,” she nods seriously, “Couldn’t get you all in.”

“That’s alright,” he starts, but falters on a specifically masterful tug. She grins, knowing what she's doing to him. “You seem to excel, no matter the setbacks.”

“I’ll get it eventually,” she begins to speed up her strokes, “Just need a bit of practice.”

Then her lips are pressing back onto Harry’s prick. She sucks solely at his head and Harry moans out as he gets more sensitive. Then she slides down further and bops her head vigorously. She wants Harry to come undone for her just like she had for him. Make him feel like she had moments ago. And within a few more minutes of enthusiastic sucking and pumping of her hands, even some fondling of his balls which Harry had been extremely receptive to, she has him stuttering beneath her.

One hand gripping at her hair, while the other keeps him upright, Harry’s head is thrown back on his shoulders as he tries to keep his eyes open and trained on the girl taking him so well down her lovely little throat.

“I’m almost there, sweetheart,” he pants, his hips bucking up once as he begins to lose control.

This only spurs her forward, spit drooling down his cock every time she pulls back from his slightly. Her ass is high in the air now as she arches over his length, trying to get him to unload.

“Taking me so well,” Harry praises. “Fuck,” he exclaims at another squeeze of his balls.

She swirls her tongue around his runny head and then hollows her cheeks and sucks on him with everything she’s got. This has Harry cursing and repeating her name, his load spurting into her mouth as she stays still. His chest now covered in beads of sweat as he tries to catch his breath after tipping over the edge himself. His eyes are trained on her. She keeps her lips diligently around his cock, wanting to swallow everything he’s just expended. When he’s done, she pulls back and sits on her legs, swallowing quickly and staring at Harry as she does it.

His eyes bug at the sight. She was the hottest woman in the world and she’d just sucked him off so well that he’s pretty sure he saw stars. Then she made eye contact as she swallowed his cum with her pretty little bikini barely covering her anymore, as she seemed to shift slightly uncomfortable in her drying bottoms. God, he was fucked.

“Shit,” he says, still trying to catch his breath. “You’re an absolute angel.”

Harry’s family arrives the next day and the pair have a hard time keeping their hands off of each other. She doesn’t know why they decide to start this little game where they pretend like they don’t want to jump each other’s bones each minute of the day. But as the days go by, they maintain to his family and chosen family that they are only neighbours who became friends. Anne gives a knowing look to Gemma every so often and Gemma’s boyfriend whispers in her ear sometimes, but for the most part they buy it.

No one notices that some nights Harry’s or Y/N’s beds are vacant sometimes. They don’t see him descend his spiral staircase at midnight or see her scamper next to the pool and slip into her cottage in the wee hours of the morning.

In the nights, it’s Harry’s soft lips pressed against her hot skin, panting praise and leaving little bite marks that can’t be seen with clothes on. Her lips mouth at his shoulder when fills her up and she exhales a breath that feels like she’s been waiting to let go for her entire life. They make each other feel good and they don’t talk about it but the secrecy of it makes it all the more enticing.

At least that’s what she thinks. Harry had been completely ready to tell his family about him and Y/N, at least that things were new between them, but when she introduced herself to his mum and Gemma she had said she was a friend. Harry had gulped, his adam’s apple bobbing hard, taking in the change of direction and agreeing with Y/N immediately. “Just a friend” he confirmed with a nod of his head and glance at her. She had smiled wide and given a hug to the other most important women in his life like she’d known them forever.

He didn’t understand why she wanted it this way, but his objections would be forgotten when night fell and she’d do the things he’d only dreamt of. Her breathy whimpers and pliant body would all but wipe his mind of any other thoughts but her and then he had no complaints, just a wish for the night to never end.

Y/N doesn’t even tell Cate when she calls her a week into the trip. It’s just something she wants to keep to herself and Harry. Their own private world.

It’s Christmas Eve when that bubble pops. The Champagne has been flowing for hours non stop - well only stopping when a different drink is in their hands, whether that be red or white wine or a mixed drink Harry has decided to concoct.

In the big Italian house, he’s free of prying eyes and he’s able to truly spend quality time with his loved ones. They have fancy dinners at private restaurants, go on gorgeous hikes, swim, and relax. They have a good time with playing holiday games, which they do most nights when they stay in.

Tonight’s the first night that Harry and Y/N haven’t ended up on the same team. He fears that most times he cheats it by swapping a paper or two, but tonight the alcohol has fizzed his brain and he forgot. This shouldn’t be a problem, not really. Except that everyone in the house has learned over the past week and a half that besides being perfectly matched in almost everything else, Harry and her are both equally and extremely competitive. Being on the same team has both advantages and avoids squabbles like the one the house has found themselves in at half past 11.

Harry’s arguing that his team got the last question before the buzzer went off, but she won’t back down. She is sure that Gemma had said the correct answer, but after the timer had run out. Everyone else was too sauced to care, but Harry and her were adamant and passionate about game play. As the argument heats up, Anne gives Gemma another one of those looks.

Y/N has stood up and crossed the short distance to Harry. She’s a breath away from him and he puffs up his chest, his eyes dark and serious as he’s ready to fight for this win all night.

“The time was out,” she says simply, but her eyes are beginning to glower.

“No. It was not.” He states back.

His eyes narrow at her as she stares right back at him.

“Was too.”

“Was not.”

They go back and forth, rapid fire as the alcohol in their veins flows straight to their mind and hearts.

“Children please!” Gemma exclaims, finally growing tired of the bickering. “It’s Christmas. Harry show some spirit and let your guest have the final say.”

They think she’s done but then adds, “Or else she might never want to come back here.”

Harry exhales harshly through his nose as his gaze flickers to his older sister and listens to her scolding. Handing over the timer to Y/N, which had been what kept them from moving on, he turns on his heel and walks out of the room.

“Oh gosh,” Y/N says after a moment, her frazzled mind processing that Harry’s leaving has something to do with her. A hand goes to her lips for a moment, a ghost of his warm breath still there, but gone too soon.

“I’ll...I’ll be right back,” she confirms and exits the room, following Harry’s footsteps.

She finds him on his front porch step, his breath misting in the cold air, much like it would back in London when they’d walk the neighbourhood streets together.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” she says, placing a hand on his left shoulder to really get his attention.

He turns from looking out at the clear night sky, his nose and cheeks already pinkened from the night breeze. His eyes are still dark out here, but there’s no malice or anger behind them. His lips tilt up on one side for a forgiving half smile, but there’s also some pain mixed in there.

“You wouldn’t not come back, right?” He asks helplessly, his smile faltering.

She swallows, taken aback by the question, both unsure of where it came from but also how exactly her drunk brain was supposed to respond with the double negatives.

“I’d come back next Christmas and the Christmas after that, Harry,” she whispers, “If you wanted me to of course.”

“Of course I’d want you to. I want you, sweetheart. All the time.” His voice isn’t slurred, but it’s raspy, a slight dry mouth from all the alcohol consumed tonight.

“Okay,” she confirms, “Then I’ll come back.”

They stand on the porch silently for a few minutes, eyes on one another, but no movement towards anything. It’s not a profound moment for their hazy minds, despite the meaning behind their words. It’s not quite clicking for them, but maybe tomorrow when they wake up with massive headaches it will register.

“I really am sorry,” she repeats when she sees little goosebumps begin to prick at his skin.

He had forgotten a jacket. And while his drunk blanket makes him immune to the feelings, her brain still registers that she doesn’t want him to get sick.

“S’alright. For what it’s worth, I was being a little childish. So, m’sorry too.” He says sincerely, maybe a little slurring of words slipping in.

He reaches a hand out of his pocket to touch at her upper arm. She can feel his warmth from beneath her thin long sleeve. They smile at one another and turn to reenter the house, feeling the giggly tide of alcohol wash over them again. Euphoria on their mind rather than family game malice.

Just as they’re about to open the door to the house. The two of them at the precipice of a house, a place they often find themselves, Gemma swings it open face and with little care for its heaviness. She glances between her brother and his “friend” and then up to the top of the door.

The top of the door? Why was she looking at the top of the door? Mistletoe.

“Mistletoe!” Gemma exclaims, pointing between the two of them. “You’re beneath the mistletoe, go on!”

Harry shakes his head in protest, falling onto the sword of friendship again. But then Y/N is grabbing at the back of Harry’s neck and pressing her lips to his. It’s a little sloppy, but Harry can’t help but enjoy the taste of her against him. They slot together like they usually do, but this time his sister is watching them, which is a little odd, but his muddled mind quickly forgets that fact. Her tongue is the deciding factor as it licks into his mouth and he licks back, pulling her closer by the waist. They get lost in the kiss and only pull apart when they hear a cough.

Gemma is now accompanied by the rest of the household watching them in disbelief. Everyone’s eyebrows are raised and even Rori is standing with the group, confused that the humans didn’t know they were doing this.

“Erm…” Harry has no idea what to say, shifting to face his family more fully.

Y/N blushes and shrinks into Harry’s chest, feeling like a teenager caught in the closet with her crush.

“That’s not how friend’s kiss one another,” someone murmurs.

There’s a few “I knew it”s mixed in as well with the rest of the chatter.

“Well…” She finally musters and throws a hand out to her side in a ta-da motion,

“Happy Christmas!”

After the revelation on Christmas Eve, everyone won’t stop teasing Harry and Y/N. The two laugh it off but something always nags at the back of their head. What they were to the other person. The status of this relationship. This friendship that had taken a turn to something else entirely.

It’s another Eve of a holiday when Harry finally musters up the courage to ask her directly. They learned from Christmas day that they couldn’t drink as much as they once did for multiple reasons. So on New Year’s Eve, they both choose to only consume a couple glasses of Champagne.

It starts with “Can we talk about us?” right after midnight. Right after Harry’s just started the New Year with her lips on his. She hears his question and takes it in, her stomach twisting with nerves and possibly excitement as well, and nods.

They slink off to his bedroom, but not for the activity everyone else was certain they were engaging in.

He sits them on the edge of the bed, both her hands clasped in one of his. He’s been quiet all day, she just realizes as he stays silent another moment longer.

“I love you,” he says in his dimly lit room.

Her jaw drops slightly, not quite expecting those three words yet.

“You don’t, don’t have to say anything yet. I just wanted you to know that,” he continues. “And that I want to be with you.”

“Harry,” she starts, breathless at his words.

“No,” he stops her again, “I felt something draw me to you the day you moved in across from me on Sherwood, like I was meant to know you or something. Then I met you and you made me feel so comfortable, all I wanted to do was be with you and that month when you didn’t really talk to me...dove, those weeks were wretched. But when I came back, it was like nothing happened and I was so happy because I couldn’t fathom life going back to the way it was before you. When we kissed, I felt overjoyed, I was so happy that you liked me like that because every time you called me friend...felt like a knife in me. I don’t want to be just your friend,” he pauses to say her name again, “I don’t want to be just your lover, I want to be your boyfriend or whatever they call it now - If you’ll have me.”

He takes a deep breath and blinks away the little well up of water that had grown in his eyes. He had forgotten to blink for a moment he realized.

His stare had been intense as he’d confessed all of his feelings to her, but she didn’t feel intimidated, his gaze had warmed her with its sincerity. It had strengthened his confession.

She sighed, her own eyes not as strong as his, unable to hold his gaze as she herself said her own confession.

His hand rests between them on the bed, steadying himself upright with it. She places her own hand over it and their fingers slightly intertwine. She feels him begin to fiddle with her fingers like usual. Like normal.

“Thank you,” she starts, “Of course I’ll have you. All the time, Harry.” She repeats his words from Christmas Eve back to him.

He starts to interject, the rambling thing, but she tugs at his pointer finger and he takes it as a sign to be quiet.

“I want to be your partner, too. I want it all with you, lover,” she gazes at him now, his free hand reaching up to caress her cheek in that moment. “Want it all,” she repeats in a whisper before he’s kissing her again.

Kissing her and kissing her. Over and over again. Because she was his. And he was hers. And it was a happy beginning. A happy new year and a happy new beginning of a relationship that was bound in friendship, born out of proximity, and nurtured by two kindred souls.

And it all started with her parents making her take her dog. Harry really needed to thank that dog for being the best wing man to ever run around on four legs.

Who knows who that new client of Y/N’s might be...

678 notes · View notes

atths--twice · 2 years

Text

First Family Stakeout

William suddenly seems to be carrying a lot on his mind. Scully is concerned and brings it up to Mulder, who talks to him and finds out it is an easy fix to help their boy.

A friend created an AU idea and I had to add it to this series.

December 2o, 2007 New Castle, Pennsylvania 10:30 p.m.

“He’s been awfully quiet the last couple of days,” Scully said to Mulder as they wrapped Christmas presents at the card table in their bedroom after William had gone to bed. “Like he’s got something weighing on him.”

“Maybe he’s trying to figure out the “is Santa real” conundrum?” he suggested with a smile and Scully looked at him with sad eyes.

“I hope not. Not yet anyway. I know the day will come, but not for a bit I hope.”

“You know, for someone who doesn’t exactly believe in the fantastic, you sure surprise me with what you do choose to believe in,” he teased, with a smile.

“Well, there were stories of Santa, or Saint Nicholas, who helped people by bringing gifts or money to those who desperately needed it. He, unlike the things you choose to believe in, was real,” she said, staring at him with her eyebrows raised.

“Not the man we know from the North Pole?” he asked.

“Exactly. He wasn’t some weird man living with little elves who did all the work while he got all the praise. Typical man…” she said, shaking her head and rolling her eyes as he laughed.

“Yet you want William to believe in him?” he said with a chuckle, peeling the backing off a red and white striped bow and pressing it to the package she had wrapped.

“I… I want him to believe in the magic of Christmas, yes,” she said with a nod. “The happiness, joy, surprise. How you can feel the weather change and then smell snow in the air and how the first time it falls, it just feels different.”

“Winter. You’re describing winter,” he said and she tossed a gold bow at him, shaking her head as he laughed.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

“I do. I understand because I want him to believe in the possibilities of fairies, lake monsters—”

“Alligator,” she interrupted, glancing at him as she placed the next gift on top of the rolled out paper, and he narrowed his eyes at her, which caused her to laugh.

“Lake monsters,” he continued. “Aliens, Bigfoot, Chupacabra—”

“Oh, God, that story terrified him.”

“For a week,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, but feeling bad that he had made the story too real, William’s eyes huge as he listened.

“And he slept with us every night.”

“And you loved it.”

“I didn’t love the reason,” she said, the scissors in her hand sliding through the paper in one long fluid motion. “But I did like having him snuggled close, holding him as he slept. It reminded me of when he was a baby.”

“I know,” he said, smiling at her. “And I am sorry I scared him.”

“But…?” she prompted, looking at him as she began to wrap the paper around the rock tumbler they had gotten William for Christmas.

“But it was nice having him with us, hearing him breathing and watching him sleep. We slept that way for so long, it was like muscle memory.”

“I don’t want to say I miss those days, considering how hard it was to always be on the move, but I did like how it kept us close.”

“We still are,” he said and she gave him a look.

“You know what I mean. Hand me the tape, please.” He tore off a piece and gave it to her, repeating the process until the box was wrapped and she slid it to him for the bow. “Our lives have been much better these past three years. You’re free… we’ve put down roots in this house, a place I didn’t think we’d ever have when we were always on the run. But being here and living our lives, we’ve been able to stop worrying. So when our normally talkative son is suddenly quiet, it makes me feel that old sense of unease. ”

“Yeah,” he said with a nod, putting on the bow. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow when he and I are out on our annual Christmas shopping trip.”

“Good. Thank you,” she said with a sigh, lifting another package onto the table. “Just a few more to finish and we can go to bed.”

“I’m here for any and all of your bow sticking needs,” he replied and this time she threw a green bow at him.

_______________

December 21st

Mulder and William left yet another store in the small mall by their home without finding a gift for Scully or Maggie, who would be joining them for Christmas. Nothing Mulder suggested met his approval, shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders as he looked around, but did not seem to see the items in the store.

Recognizing that they were not going to get anywhere, Mulder suggested taking a break and getting something from the food court. William perked up and they headed in that direction, Mulder planning to use that moment to have a chat with him.

They sat down with a large cinnamon roll, two large milks, a huge stack of napkins, four forks and two knives. After William had dropped his fork twice during recent trips, Mulder always grabbed extras to avoid the need to leave him alone at the table to get a replacement.

Cutting William a large piece, he placed it onto a plate and allowed him to then cut it into bite sized pieces, watching him smile when he had done it on his own.

“I think we might have better luck finding something for Mommy and Grandma after we eat this, what do you think?”

“Yeah,” William said, chewing a bite, frosting on his mouth. Mulder smiled as he took his own bite, handing William a napkin.

“Bud,” Mulder said, diving in with his questions. “Mommy and I have noticed that you’re kind of quiet lately. You okay? Feeling alright?”

“Yeah,” William answered with a sigh.

“You sure? Nothing’s on your mind at all?” He pushed a little, wanting to help if he could. William sighed again and put down his fork.

Oh, Mulder thought. It’s serious…

“The other day I was looking at that book Grandma gave me last Christmas. The one about the stars and planets.”

“Okay,” Mulder said, wiping his hands on a napkin and nodding his head.

“And… I was thinking about what you told me about them when she gave it to me. How there are so many planets and stars and who knows what else is really out there.”

“Okay,” Mulder said again, thinking he was beginning to understand.

“I was looking at the book and I thought about aliens and the planets and… do you think they all live on one planet? Are aliens even real? If they are, do they all speak the same language or do you think there are different alien languages? We speak English, but my friend at school, Carla, speaks English and Spanish. And on the Miracle on 34th Street movie, Santa talks to that little girl in… in Dutch. If the earth has so many languages, do you think aliens do too? And what do you think the languages are?

William stopped for a breath and Mulder blinked his eyes, opening his mouth to say what... he was not sure, when William began to speak again.

“And do you think the stars we always see are the only stars in the world? Do we all see the same stars no matter where we live? Do you think that when it’s night here and day in other places that the stars just stop glowing or are they always glowing, but the sun is so much brighter than the moon, that we don’t see it? ‘Cause sometimes, the moon is out when it’s daytime, but you can’t see it as well as at night, and that’s weird.”

Again, Mulder attempted to speak, but William kept talking.

“Do you think we will ever see a star up close? Like in a rocket ship? Do you think a star is really hot like the sun, or maybe it’s a cold hot? It looks hot, but when you touch it it’s cold? I know stars are hot, but what if they were cold? Wouldn’t that be so interesting, Daddy? And we could travel to them, and we could touch them to see if they are cold or not. I wonder if you could stand on a star. But if it's pointy, it might be hard to do it. Not like a cloud. I know you can’t stand on a cloud because it’s mostly air and even if it looks like we could lay down on them, we would fall right through. Mommy told me that when I said clouds would be nice to lay on because they’re so fluffy, like cotton candy. Do you think you would like to sit on a cloud or a star, Daddy? I think a star because…” He smiled and Mulder shook his head at the sheer amount of words that had just poured out of his son’s mouth. “When Mommy told me about the clouds, I was in the hammock with her and she said it probably felt the same way a cloud would feel, because being in the hammock is kind of like floating. Mommy is really smart, so if it is like being in the hammock, then I already know how that feels. But I would really like to touch a star or stand on one to see how it feels. What do you think, Daddy?”

William stared at him, his blue eyes shining and his cheeks pink from the exertion of speaking, the warmth of the mall, and the excitement of his thoughts that he had just shared.

“Wow… what do I think?” Mulder laughed slightly and then put his hand on William’s cheek, rubbing it with his thumb. “I think that you, William Scully Mulder, are an amazing kid. Do you know how many people never ever would even consider thinking those thoughts? And here you are, at six years old, thinking such amazing things in your head.”

“I’m six and a half, Daddy,” he said with a smile.

“That you are,” he said, patting his cheek gently and then moving his hand. “That you are. Have you been thinking about all of that for the past couple of days?”

“Yeah,” William said with a nod.

“Why didn’t you talk to me about it?”

“I don’t know. I was trying to form a hypothesis.”

“Oh. Well now, that’s a word you learned from your Mommy,” Mulder said, smiling at him as he cut a bite of cinnamon roll, William smiling and nodding at him.

“She said it’s like a guess. But it’s about something pacific.”

“Specific,” Mulder said with a chuckle. “And yes it is. So, what were you hypothesizing?”

“I was thinking of the things I just told you,” he replied, cutting into his piece of cinnamon roll.

“Right,” Mulder said, smiling at him and then he nodded. “So your hypothesis is that aliens might exist, they may or may not speak several languages, and that stars could possibly be cold?”

“Yeah,” William said, smiling as he chewed a large bite.

“An excellent hypothesis, I’d say. Especially the bit about the star. I think a cold star would be an amazing discovery. So, how do you suppose you could prove your ideas?”

“I don’t know, Daddy,” he said with a deep sigh, poking at his cinnamon roll. “We can’t fly up in a rocket ship and I don’t know where we could find aliens.”

“Well, I happen to know that there are places to find aliens, or more importantly, that there are times to wait and hope to see an alien,” Mulder said and watched William’s eyes widen.

“Is that true, Daddy?” he whispered, as he leaned forward, a piece of cinnamon roll falling off his fork, and Mulder grinned slowly.

“It is true, bud.”

“Can we go? Can we try to… I just want to see them though, Daddy. I don’t… will they be nice? Not mean?”

“Yes,” Mulder said, ruffling his hair, knowing full well they would not see anything anyway. “We can just see them if that’s all you want. Now, how about we finish this and find gifts for Mom and Grandma?”

“Okay, Daddy,” William said, shoving another bite into his mouth.

___________

“He said all of that?” Scully asked Mulder later that evening as they sat on their screened-in porch, a fire dying out, watching the falling snow and drinking a glass of wine.

“Scully, I swear, in six and a half years, I’ve never heard him say so much in one sitting. It was like… I don’t know,” Mulder said, shaking his head. “But it was more than the words, it was the thoughts he had been holding onto. Huge thoughts which he expressed so well and articulately. I was absolutely blown away.”

“We talked about the clouds when we were in the hammock in… August, I think,” she mused with a quiet sigh. “That means he’s had it simmering in there all this time. Thinking about how he’s basically floated on a cloud, because we laid in the hammock when it was windy. God, Mulder…” She looked at him and shook her head. He could see tears in her eyes and he reached for her hand.

“He’s an amazing kid,” he said, gently squeezing her fingers.

“He used the word hypothesis…” she said, shaking her head again and chuckling as she wiped her eyes. “Read and looked at books, the sky and stars, called up memories and began to analyze what it meant to him. I… I don’t know if I've ever felt so proud. He’s got a scientific mind.”

“Taking after his mama,” he said, kissing her fingers.

“Seems only fair as I am the one who gave birth to him,” she said with a smile. “But he also is so much like you. Being unable to stop talking at times? Head full of so many ideas that they are veering off here and there? That’s definitely you.” She squeezed his hand and he chuckled softly.

“Yeah,” he agreed with a nod and they were silent for a couple of minutes, the snow falling steadily.

“I told him we would try and see an alien,” he said softly and she turned her head to look at him.

“What? Mulder… it’s Christmas.”

“Which is why I told him December 23rd was the best night to wait and see if we can.”

“Why the 23rd?” she asked with a smile.

“A few reasons. One, so we had a day to prepare and make a plan. Two, your mom is arriving the morning of the 24th and I don’t think she would enjoy sitting out in the cold later that night, hoping for the chance to spot an alien.” He grinned and she nodded with a chuckle.

“Quite right.”

“Third, I told him that the 24th was when Santa was out and he and the aliens had made an agreement years ago to not get in each other's way on that night. Seeing that Santa flies through the sky on his way to deliver so many gifts to so many children, he didn’t want to chance being hit by a spaceship. Likewise, he didn’t want to get in their way as they were out exploring the skies, so they made their agreement.”

“Fox Mulder,” she whispered with a smile. “How is it possible that I could find you even more attractive?”

“I know. It’s hard to believe but…” he replied with a shrug and she got out of her chair, climbing into his lap and kissing him deeply.

“Thank you,” she whispered, hugging him and sighing. “For including both beliefs, for keeping the Christmas magic alive and adding your own spin to it.”

“Hmm,” he hummed, holding her close. “I do what I can.” She laughed and whispered in his ear, causing his eyes to widen as he pushed her to her feet, rising with her.

On their way to their room, she stopped outside of William’s door.

“I just want to see him real quick,” she whispered and he smiled in understanding. Turning the knob silently, they walked into the room.

William was sleeping on his back with his mouth open and his arm hanging off the bed. The room was lit with a soft white glow from the small Christmas tree sitting on his dresser, ornaments he had claimed as his own, hanging from it.

Around the tree were the deer, bear, and pair of foxes they had taken from a cabin in Tennessee where they had spent their first Christmas together. Every animal was well loved and missing fur in some spots, but they were a family favorite. Every year they were the first decorations unpacked as they were always the last to be packed away, William sad to see them go.

“He’s such a beautiful boy,” Scully whispered, gently brushing his hair back and running her fingers over his head as he turned toward the wall and sighed deeply.

She smiled at him, bent to kiss his head, and looked at the animals around the tree, catching Mulder’s eye as she did.

“Worth every penny,” she whispered and he nodded with a smile, thinking the fifty dollars they had spent on four small forest animals had paid for itself many times over.

Walking quietly out of William’s room, they closed the door behind them, and continued down the hall to their bedroom.

_______________

December 23rd 8:30 p.m.

“You’re warm enough?” Mulder asked as he set up the telescope he had found in the basement, and William nodded excitedly.

“Daddy, do you think we’re going to see a UFO?”

“I don’t know, kiddo. Maybe,” Mulder said with a smile. “All we can do is try, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Will, could you come help me with the chairs?” Scully called out.

She was standing by the back of the car they had loaded with camping chairs, heavy blankets, a box of doughnuts, two thermoses of hot chocolate, and extra clothes in case they would be needed. Sleeping bags had been added as well, just in case a sleeping area would be needed.

They were parked in a field near their house, no one else around as they were smartly inside where it was warm. Snow covered the ground, but was not too deep. It was the perfect spot for them to spend what he knew would probably be no more than maybe an hour and a half, William most likely falling asleep as it was already past his bedtime.

“Yes, Mommy! I’m coming!” he called back to her, Mulder smiling as he watched him running over in his snow boots and puffy coat.

Fiddling with the knobs on the telescope, wearing his glasses even though they kept fogging up in the cold weather, knowing what was in focus without glasses, would be blurry to William. When he had it right, he stepped back with a grin and nodded, taking off his glasses and putting them away.

“If you give Daddy the chair,” Scully said as they walked up, looking over at Mulder with a smile. “Will, you can go get the blankets and bring them over.”

“Okay. Here you go, Daddy.” He gave the camping chair to Mulder and ran back to the car.

“He’s really excited,” Scully said. “I am too, truth be told. Stakeouts, snacks… and, well not coffee, but hot chocolate… it feels like old times.”

“I knew you missed it,” he said, taking the chair from its bag, opening it, and setting it down in the snow, tying the bag to the frame of the chair.

“I didn’t say that,” she laughed. “But… this is fun.”

The chairs arranged, William came back with the blankets and set them down on a chair, as Scully walked back to get the food and drinks.

“Come here, Will,” Mulder said, helping him to look in the eyepiece and asking him what he saw.

“The stars,” he said softly. “They’re so bright.” He looked at Mulder and grinned.

They all sat down in their chairs, eating doughnuts and drinking hot chocolate, William getting up many times to look through the telescope, Mulder and Scully sharing smiles as he did.

“What if we don’t see one tonight?” William asked, looking at Mulder with a yawn, about a half an hour later.

“Well, that’s what’s great about research, kiddo, you keep trying,” Mulder said and William walked over to him, standing in front of him with his hands on Mulder’s arms.

“But… I wanted to see them tonight,” he said quietly, playing with the cuff of Mulder’s coat sleeve, his lip wobbling as he tried not to cry.

“Oh, I know you did, Bud.” He pulled him into his lap and hugged him, hearing him crying softly into his neck. Scully looked at him with a concerned look and he smiled, knowing how he could change the sad moment. “Do you know how many nights I’ve spent waiting and looking for UFOs and aliens, Will?”

“No,” came his muffled reply and Mulder smiled.

“So many. I started from about the time I was your age. I would wait and wait and so many times I would see absolutely nothing. But then sometimes, there was just the tiniest bit of evidence and that’s all I needed to keep looking. And look at me now.” He leaned back and smiled at William. “I’m old now, much older than you, but I still believe one day I will see a UFO or have an alien cross my path.”

“You really think you will?”

“No actually, I think we will,” Mulder said, wiping William’s cheeks. “Maybe not tonight, but one day.” William stared at him and then nodded with a sigh.

“I think we will too,” he said, cuddling into Mulder with a sniff and Mulder smiled, rubbing his back.

A clicking sound made him look up and he saw Scully taking pictures with their digital camera. He nodded, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath and let it out, looking up at the starry sky.

William remained on Mulder’s lap, listening to stories of nights his mommy and daddy had spent in forests looking for phenomena in nature. Within minutes he was asleep, Scully taking more pictures of them, kissing William’s forehead and smiling at Mulder.

“He made it longer than I thought he would,” she said softly and Mulder smiled with a nod, looking down as he slept.

“God, he’s so big,” Mulder said, brushing his cheek against William’s forehead. “He is and he isn’t, you know? When he’s sitting on my lap like this, he seems like he’s made up of exceptionally long arms and legs.”

“I know what you mean. Sometimes I see my little boy and sometimes he’ll look at me or stand a certain way and I can only see you in miniature.” She smiled at him and he nodded.

“But not yet,” he whispered to her.

“No. Not yet,” she whispered back, rubbing her hand across William’s puffy jacket. “You want to go home?”

“A few more minutes more,” he said softly, staring down at William again.

“Okay,” she agreed, taking a blanket and covering them, Mulder pulling it around William as he shifted slightly.

Scully moved her chair closer to them, covering her bottom half with a blanket. Laying her head on Mulder’s arm, she placed her hand on top of Mulder’s blanket, rubbing William’s leg gently.

“Just a few minutes, Scully,” Mulder promised and she hummed quietly.

“There’s no hurry, Mulder. We’ve got time.”

“For everything,” he agreed with a sigh, kissing the top of her head as he wished time could be captured and held, keeping them frozen forever in one perfect solitary moment.

________________

December 24th

A muffled shout was heard early in the morning, waking Mulder with a grunt, his eyes flying open as he sat up quickly, breathing hard. Scully hummed out a moan and then she sat up.

“What… what was that?” she asked and he shook his head.

“I think it was William,” he said and they both sprang up, opening their door and running down the hall to his bedroom.

Opening the door, they hurried in, looking around quickly for any type of threat, before looking at William who was standing in front of his dresser holding something in each of his hands.

“Honey, are you okay?’ Scully asked, breathing hard, a hand at her chest.

“Mommy! Daddy! Look! I think it might be from the aliens!” He grinned as he showed them what he was holding: two small, shiny beanie type yellow stars. Stars! And when I picked them up, they were cold!”

“Are you serious?” Mulder asked, reaching out his hand and William placed a star into it.

“Does it feel cold to you, Daddy?” William whispered, staring up at him expectantly.

“I think it just might,” Mulder said, nodding with a smile. “I think you may have a star that’s like the ones they see all time. This is an amazing gift.”

“I know!” William said, taking the star back and staring at it.

Smiling at him, he glanced at Scully, finding her eyes on him as she shook her head with a smile, beginning to figure out what he had done.

William showed the stars to Scully and then took the animals down, playing with all of them together, which gave Scully a chance to step over to Mulder. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she smiled up at him, and shook her head.

“Always full of surprises, you are…” she said and he nodded.

“Gotta keep the belief in the fantastic alive as long as possible,” he said, gripping gently onto her upper arms and smiling at her.

“Could not agree with you more,” she whispered, tilting her head and silently asking for a kiss.

Happy to oblige, he bent his head to kiss her, as William introduced the forest animals to the stars, telling them about aliens who might speak different languages, how he hoped to one day fly across the galaxies in a rocketship, and be able to stand on the highest point of a star.

#25 Days of Ficmas #The X-Files #XF Fanfic #Living together #Family #Family Life #Heavy Thoughts #Discussions #Helpfulness #Christmas #New Adventures #Stakeouts #Aliens

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tilynation · 3 years

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Miss Americana

Submission:

Gaylor truther here, obvi. My gf and I went down the rabbit hole over the last few months, and always thought there was someone else after the realistic Karlie timeline. And the Tily timeline fits sooooo well. We just really dug into it so this might have already been talked about, but I needed to bring it up somewhere . . .

We watched Miss Americana when it came out and just felt like it went nowhere, didn’t really say much, was generally pretty surface level. But we just watched it again, and with the Tily timeline . . . it feels like the documentary could’ve actually been building up to coming out with Lily.

There’s a lot of “gay pride” and “gay rights” references that don’t make sense with the actual finished doc. Same with a lot of the language about being a good girl, doing what the GP and people around her think is right, etc. “I’ve been misunderstood in the industry the past 15 years but now I can be myself….” (Misunderstood HOW!?! Taylor?) But if you add in that she could have been in a serious relationship with a woman, it seriously tracks. The segment of her meeting fans in Tokyo? Why was it even there? The part where after a show she starts running toward someone? It was awkward and not very affectionate. The doc just felt like nothingness until we watched it with a “Tily” lens.

Then Tily breaks up. They have to edit the doc and change the storyline (to whatever tf the point is). And as a whole, it’s now just kinda pointless.

The Miss Americana doc seems so disjointed until you realize what’s missing from it - Lily! It really was mind blowing going from segment to segment and being like, “This makes no sense….” until it makes PERFECT sense.

Analysis:

Miss Americana takes place from the later stage of the Rep tour in 2018 through the Lover album recording in 2019. This NY Times article does a good job analyzing it. It was released on Netflix on January 31, 2020.

To me, something seems off in Miss Americana. As the NYT article mentions, Taylor is portrayed in the doc as surprisingly alone/sad/whatever you want to call it. This is surprising for me to see. Yes, her relationship with Lily or Joe was supposed to be private and thus not a big part of the doc, but Taylor still seems like she’s going through a lot during this time period. We know Lily went to the final leg of the Rep tour in Tokyo in November 2018. (See here) We know some scenes from Miss Americana were filmed at the Tokyo shows. (Video) Showing Lily, even if just in the background, would have made sense and could have been a nice gesture to remember that point in time. But Lily is erased entirely in the doc, except for maybe the British chair shown in Taylor’s house (“At every table I’ll save you a seat, lover”), which in the doc is seemingly for Joe.

With Miss Americana being released on January 31, 2020, it’s possible Lily saw the movie beforehand or was told she wasn’t in it. “The Man” single was released on her birthday just four days before. Lily deleted the “AT” (A-Team reference?) and red heart ♥️ from her 2016 birthday post for Taylor in early January 2020, just a few weeks before Miss Americana was released.

January 2020 seems to be the final end of Tily. Lily had been liking some of Taylor’s posts on Instagram in November/December 2019, but all public interaction stopped by January 2020. It’s possible Lily was hurt by seeing herself removed from Taylor’s life in the doc.

The Anti-Trump/Blackburn Post

I bring this up for timeline purposes. Taylor’s social media post was done on October 7, 2018. The American Music Awards scenes from Miss Americana were filmed in LA on October 9, 2018. For more Tily analysis of this time period, see here.

The Driving Scenes / Falling in Love

There are a few scenes that could be seen favorably through a Tily lens like the driving scene below which looks like Lily’s “My Uber Driver is So Pretty” snapchat of Taylor.

And the “Call It What You Want” performance by Taylor on the floor, which was filmed in London in 2017 and where Taylor is wearing the Victoria’s Secret angel ring.

But, all in all, Miss Americana is a sad documentary and seems to mark the final end of the Tily relationship.

#tily #gaylor #gaylor swift #lily donaldson #miss americana #netflix #rep era #lover era #tily masterpost

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let-the-dream-begin · 3 years

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In My Daughter’s Eyes Chapter 32: Beginnings

Chapter 31

Read on AO3

December 31

“Faith, baby, wake up.”

Currently, her little face was smooshed against Jamie’s shoulder, lips open in sleep. It was 11:55, and Faith was down for the count at 9:00 this year, despite having made it all the way to midnight last year. It was probably due to the fact that she was up at three in the morning last night, stimming and screaming her head off with glee until breakfast, Risperdal and Angus no match for the will of autism and a wound up five year old. Even Claire was entirely too exhausted to be awake, New Year or not, but she wouldn’t have missed this party for the world.

“Come on, lass,” Jamie jostled Faith a bit in his arms. “I’ve got ye a wee blower. I ken ye like those.” He tickled her nose with the noiseless paper blower, and she stirred, rubbing her nose roughly against his shoulder. Jamie and Claire both chuckled.

“Come on, Faithie! It’s almost midnight! New Year! Remember?”

Her eyes opened, rather reluctantly.

“There she is,” Jamie said. “Here ye go.”

He deposited the blower in her hands, and she seemed to completely wake up in a split second.

“I wish mine was sleeping,” Jenny groused, watching her son run circles around the coffee table with Thomas and a few typical siblings that were as hyper as he was. “I wouldna be waking him up fer anything.”

“Believe me, I know I shouldn’t be waking her,” Claire said. “After the morning we had. But little celebrations are very important to Faith. Right, lovie?”

The little girl was currently preoccupied blowing into her toy and allowing the unfurling paper to hit Jamie in the face. He was giving quite an animated, exaggerated reaction that was sending Faith into fits of giggles that kept her wanting more.

“What did I tell ye,” Jenny mumbled. “He’s a giant child.”

Claire snorted, shaking her head lovingly. “I do love that about him.”

“It’s good he’s found someone who does.”

Mary and Alex had been more than happy to add Jamie and his entire family to the invite list once Claire had timidly asked. She’d felt strange doing it; it was one thing to ask to bring her boyfriend that was practically Faith’s father, and entirely another thing to ask to bring three more adults and two more children that they’d never met. Jenny had offered that they’d find something to do on their own, that Claire needn’t bother, but Claire had insisted that they spend the holiday together, even if Mary and Alex couldn’t swing it. She’d been fully prepared to have the entire Fraser-Murray clan in her apartment.

But Mary had been surprisingly enthusiastic about having Jamie’s family over, intrigued as she was by the man himself, and invested as she was (from the beginning) in their relationship.

“His sister is terrifying,” Mary had whispered after the first few minutes of the party. “She looks stone cold.”

“She’s not,” Claire assured her. “We get along really well. She’s really quite lovely underneath all that. You’ll see.”

With under a minute left until the new year began, Claire got up from where she’d been perched on the arm of the couch, and Jamie stood up with Faith. Ian scooped his wriggling son off the floor and settled him on his hip while Jenny reminded him with no little bite in her voice that he was not to scream and clap when the ball dropped.

“It’s a different kind of party, a quiet party. D’ye understand?”

“Aye, Mam.”

Maggie had been asleep for hours in her stroller, among a throng of other babies and toddlers strewn around the living room in carriers and strollers, but Brian scooped her up, careful not to wake her. Gillian slid in next to Claire and laced their hands together, just as she had always done for the countdown.

“Bit different this year, no?” Gillian whispered, smiling.

“Yes…a bit,” Claire smiled crookedly at Gillian, then up at Jamie.

“I hope it keeps getting different,” Gillian said, shoving her lightly with her shoulder. “If ye ken my meaning.”

Claire blushed furiously. Before she could open her mouth to reply, to chide her friend for implying right in front of Jamie that they ought to be married for the next New Year, the countdown from ten began, a quiet chant bubbling through the crowded living room. Jamie wound his arm around Claire’s shoulder, the arm that was not holding Faith, careful not to disrupt her grip on Gillian’s hand. Claire couldn’t put her finger on why that touched her as much as it did. His care to never overstep, to simply be an addition to their lives and never a replacement, always touched her.

“Five, four, three, two, one!”

Before Claire could blink, Gillian was loudly and grossly kissing her cheek, and she laughed out loud, grimacing in disgust.

“Of all the obnoxious…”

“Just staking my claim!” She winked up at Jamie, who was jolting violently with laughter.

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ…”

“Ach, come here, lass.”

Claire craned her neck up as Jamie squeezed her shoulders, leaned down, and kissed her soundly. Claire felt Gillian give her hand one final squeeze before releasing it, and Claire used it to cup his face. This was by far not Claire’s first midnight kiss on New Year’s…but God, none of them had ever felt like this. Like a beginning, a promise, a gift, all in one.

They had to break away when Faith’s paper blower kept smacking both of their cheeks.

“You silly goose, happy new year, love,” Claire said, giggling. She signed it, coaxing Faith to copy. They’d been working on that one with her in school, along with Merry Christmas. “Yes, good job, baby. Tell Jamie, tell him happy new year.”

She did, rather lazily and hastily, preferring to blow the paper blower in his face again.

“Aye, happy new year to you too, ye wee heathen.”

Jamie kissed Faith’s cheek, and she squealed, squirming away. It became a game; every smack from the unfurling paper blower earned her a kiss on the cheek from her chosen victim. Jamie and Claire kept it going until Jenny popped over to wish them a happy new year, and Faith was blowing into her face too, and getting kiss after kiss from her Auntie, her Uncle Ian, and her Grandda. She was acting like she hated being bombarded like this, but Claire knew she was loving every second.

Claire turned around to find Gillian, to tell Faith to wish her a happy new year as well, but she was a bit busy getting her own New Year’s kiss. Toni had been with friends before arriving at 11:30 to watch the ball drop with Gillian, and soon they’d be off together to get wasted until God knows when with Toni’s friends. Toni had initially felt weird about coming at all, given that most, if not all of the attendees were kids and families she worked with, and Gillian had scoffed.

“If ye think Mister Jamie isna going to be snogging his lass in front of all the kids…”

That had earned her a smack on the arm from Claire.

Well, if anyone was closest to snogging, it was Gillian herself. Though it wasn’t all that bad; Toni and Gillian knew better considering the company they were in.

Claire turned back to Jamie to see that he was looking at the pair of them as well. They both smiled at each other, then pecked each other again.

“Happy New Year, Sassenach.”

“Happy New Year, my love,” Claire answered, nuzzling his nose with hers. “Here’s to more beginnings.”

“Aye.” He kissed her nose. “You are my beginning, Claire.” He kissed her right cheek. “And my middle,” then her left, “and my end.” He punctuated his profession with another kiss, and Claire melted.

She didn’t think she’d ever find a way to compete with his Shakespeare-like tendency for flowery words of love…but she didn’t think he minded.

——

January 15

Claire glanced nervously at the tea kettle, near to whistling already.

“It’s no’ a ticking time bomb, Sassenach,” Jamie chided.

“I know that,” she snapped.

“Hey…come on, now.” He sat down at the table and tried to meet her eye, and she obliged guiltily.

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” he brushed it off. “Ye said her first interview went great. What are ye so nervous about this time around?”

“Last time I scrubbed the apartment top to bottom, I picked up every barbie and lego and dog toy, cleaned out any leftovers that might have smelled…” She put her head in her hands. “I could prepare, you know? But there’s really no preparing someone for Faith. Or vice versa.”

“I see,” Jamie said. He took her hand, rubbing circles on her knuckles. “But listen. Ye said she was sweet as anything, sounded like she and Faith would get along great. And even if they don’t…it’s no’ the end of the world. There’s dozens of other staff that Morgan can pull out of her file. One of ‘em, or two, I suppose, are bound to be a good fit. No?”

“I know.” Claire sighed, squeezing his hand. “I know. Thank you. It’s just this…lingering panic from the days where every introduction was a disaster, and the disaster was my fault.”

“Those days are over, Sassenach.”

“I know.”

The previous day, Jamie had taken Faith to the park while Claire interviewed two potential candidates for Self Direction staff for Faith. Claire had done research before their move, and had applied for the program as soon as she’d gotten her work visa. She’d been told it would be one or two years before things would be set in motion for Faith to actually have staff, which is why she’d had to resort to finding Mrs. Lickett and paying her out of pocket all this time. Two weeks ago, Claire had finally been set up with a broker, Morgan, and from here on out, Medicaid would be paying Mrs. Lickett and the two new staff. Never again would Claire have to stress about being home in time to take Faith to the stables; that was something staff could do. There was always staff with some of the other kids at the stables, and Claire had always looked on longingly at the relationships they had. She’d go with them, of course, for the first few weeks, get Faith used to going with someone new, but in the long run, it would save her a lot of trouble.

The tea kettle started screaming, and Claire jumped up to stop it just as there was a knock on the door.

“I got it,” Jamie went for the kettle, nodding toward the door. “Go on.”

Claire smiled gratefully, feeling frantic and rushed despite the fact that she’d been sitting waiting for Leina’s arrival for twenty minutes now. Faith was climbing on the windowsill again to see who it was, and Claire pulled her down, lest she upset her plants (again). Claire wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans before opening the door.

“Hi!”

“Hi, Leina, great to see you again.”

Claire ushered the girl inside. She was petite for her age, twenty years old with shimmering dark hair and olive skin.

“Oh my goodness, is this Miss Faith?”

The little girl in question cowered behind Claire’s legs, wrapping her arms around her thigh for dear life.

“Yes, here she is.” Claire cupped Faith’s head. She beckoned Angus over in case Faith started getting upset over Leina’s presence. “And that’s Angus.”

“Wow, Faith. You have a really nice dog. Is he your best friend?” Leina signed friend, and Claire smiled.

“Go on, Faith. Tell Miss Leina that Angus is your friend.” Claire crouched down, so Faith latched onto her shirt instead, hiding her face in her mother’s hair. “Go on, tell her.” Faith signed friend, still not looking at Leina. “Good job.”

“That’s awesome, Faith. Good job,” Leina said warmly. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

Jamie appeared from the kitchen just then, and Faith bolted away from Claire and right into Jamie’s legs. Knowing exactly what she wanted, Jamie sighed and picked her up.

“Hi there,” he said. “I’m Jamie.” He stuck out a hand for Leina to shake, and Faith buried her face in his shoulder, her plan to retreat to Jamie apparently backfiring.

“Hi, nice to meet you. Claire told me so much about you.”

Leina had been incredibly receptive to the unusual family unit that Claire had presented her with. She hadn’t asked any questions when Claire had said that the father was not in the picture, she’d smiled widely when she’d explained Jamie’s role in their lives. Claire hadn’t wanted to bombard any candidates with “the boyfriend” before she knew it wasn’t going to be uncomfortable, which is why she’d had Jamie take Faith out.

“Do you want tea?” Claire jumped in. “The kettle just finished.”

“Oh, sure, thanks so much.”

Leina had accepted Claire’s offer of tea last time, so this time, Claire made sure to have everything ready, remembering just how Leina had liked it. When she returned with it, Jamie was gently yet firmly telling Faith that she needed to play, that she could not sit on his lap until Leina left. She silently thanked him as she handed the mug to Leina, knowing that he was preparing Faith for the eventuality of Leina playing with her.

Leina and Jamie sat on opposite ends of the couch, and Claire perched herself on the arm on Jamie’s side so as to not crowd the girl.

“So,” Jamie began, chipper. “Claire tells me ye’re in school for special education.”

“Yeah, sophomore year at Hofstra,” she said. “I went into it because my brother has autism, too.”

“Right, Claire told me. He’s verbal, though?”

“Yeah, I’ve never worked one-on-one with a nonverbal child, but I’ve interacted with them in a group setting where someone else was in charge.”

“And ye know signs?”

“Jamie,” Claire chided quietly. “It’s not an interrogation.”

Leina blushed, but she laughed. “It’s okay, I get it.”

“She was signing to Faith when she got here,” Claire said.

“Yeah, I’m not fluent by any means, but I know some.”

“Well, neither is Faith,” Claire said. “She’s absolutely still a beginner, and so am I, really. Jamie is the expert.”

Leina chuckled again.

“So, remind me of your availability?” Claire said.

“I’ve got class and volleyball Monday through Friday, except I’m free Wednesday nights.”

“Well, ye need time to do homework,” Jamie said reasonably. “Especially if we eat up yer weekends. Unless you want Wednesday nights?”

“I wouldn’t mind at all! I’m totally used to squeezing schoolwork into my schedule.”

“Well, the more hours the better, right?” Claire said with finality. “Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday it is.”

“Wow, okay, great.”

Granted she gets along with Faith, of course.

“D’ye have any questions fer us?” Jamie asked.

“Claire answered a lot of them yesterday, but I’d love to hear more about what Faith does at the stables?”

Jamie then launched into the whole process, including her transition to a new therapist given the new situation. He even went into the science behind the therapy, why it was effective, how it changed children’s bodies and minds. Claire adored watching him like this, going on and on about the part of his life he was most proud of, Faith’s presence in that part of his life making it all the more sweet.

When the conversation petered out, they all knew it was time for Leina to attempt to talk to Faith. She’d been playing a video on her tablet and waving around a mermaid barbie, Angus’s head in her lap. Leina sat on the floor about four feet away from her and waved.

“I really like your mermaid, Faith. She’s super pretty.”

Claire and Jamie watched with bated breath, clinging far too tightly to one another given that they had company.

“Can you tell me what color her tail is?”

Faith kept her eyes on her tablet screen.

“Faith, I want to talk to you. I think it’s time to turn off the tablet.”

Claire bit her lip fiercely, her stomach flipping.

“Faith, listen to Miss Leina,” she said firmly. “Turn off the tablet. It’s all done.”

Leina threw a grateful smile her way as Faith exited out of all her apps and turned it off.

“Good girl,” Claire said.

“Thank you, Faith,” Leina said sweetly. “Can you tell me what color tail your mermaid has?”

Faith kept her eyes downcast, fidgeting with Angus’s fur, but she signed: blue.

“Yeah! Good job!” Leina said. “And what else?”

Faith signed purple.

“Yeah! So pretty, right?” Faith wiggled the doll, biting her lip. “Can you use your device to find colors?”

Faith picked up her communication tablet and said blue, then, when Leina prompted, purple.

“Yeah! Good job, Faith. What about her hair? What color is her hair?”

Yellow.

“Wow, you’re really smart.”

Faith giggled.

Claire felt Jamie’s eyes on her, and she glanced down at him. His eyes were wide, and he was grinning, making a “she’s amazing” face if Claire had ever seen one. Claire beamed back at him, and then Leina and Faith were shuffling into Faith’s room. Claire could hear Leina prompting Faith to name everything in her room, could hear the device answering, and could hear Leina’s praise when she signed colors.

“I’m seriously going to cry if this doesn’t work out,” Claire said. “I love her.”

“I do too,” Jamie said quickly. “Did ye tell her how much Faith loves naming colors?”

“No! I didn’t! She just knew exactly what to do!”

“Christ, I might cry if it doesn’t work out.”

Before long, they’d exhausted every item on Faith’s tablet to name things in her room, and then Claire heard the rattling of a puzzle.

“Do you think Leina is getting it? Or Faith?”

“Dinna ken.”

“Shh!”

“A puzzle? Do you want to do a puzzle with me?”

“She brought it to her!” Claire repeatedly smacked Jamie’s shoulder.

“Aye, I can hear!”

Faith, on her own, of her own volition, was inviting Leina to play with a toy of her choosing, one of her favorites, of all things.

“It’s working out, Jamie! It’s working out!”

“Shh!” It was his turn to hush her, her whispering getting a bit too loud. “Ye’re gonna scare her away, then it’ll be yer fault it doesna work out.”

“Oh, don’t even say that.”

Jamie squeezed her shoulder, reassuring her. “Nah, Sassenach,” he whispered. “Ye’re right. It’s working out.”

——

Valentine’s Day was a grueling Tuesday, a long day and a late night. Despite her exhaustion, Claire didn’t even have it in her to trudge up the staircase to her front door; it was bloody freezing outside. She shivered and breathed heavily as she fumbled with the key, opening and shutting the door so fast, she didn’t even see him right away.

He was there, as he’d been on their one month and a few anniversaries after that when she was working, and she’d somehow never managed to notice his car parked on the street any time. He was sitting with Amy, the other staff they’d taken on along with Leina. He could have sent her home before Claire arrived, but he’d likely not wanted to cut the woman’s hours short. She was a forty year old divorcee with children of her own and other clients already; she’d been looking to fill in holes in her week so she’d be closer to a forty hour work week. Faith got along with her just as well as she had with Leina.

“Hi,” Claire stammered, a little breathless.

“Hi there,” Jamie said, standing and revealing a ridiculous bouquet of roses. He never showed any shame in doting on her in front of whoever was there with Faith any given night, no matter how it made Claire blush.

She sighed with forced exasperation, given Amy’s presence, but she could feel her cheeks getting hot, burning hot.

“He’s just the sweetest thing, isn’t he?” Amy said, zipping up her coat, throwing her purse over her shoulder, and pulling her keys out.

“Yes…” Claire cleared her throat. “Ehm, thank you, Amy. She was good?”

“Oh, yeah, just fine,” Amy said. “I’ll get out of your hair. See you Thursday.”

“Yes, see you Thursday,” Claire replied, and with a gust of piercing cold that was there and gone, Amy left.

“Jamie…when are you going to—”

Claire was abruptly cut off by a mouth on hers, Jamie’s to be specific. She whimpered in shock, but then melted into him.

“Ye have no idea what that blush of yers does to me, mo ghraidh.”

This only deepened said blush, and he kissed random parts of her face, and it took her a moment to deduce that he was following the path of her blush, as it grew more blotchy and red by the minute. The longer he held her, the less often she found herself shivering, and she moaned in delight, stopping his kisses to bodily press herself against him.

“You’re so warm…” she mumbled, clinging to him. “I’m freezing.”

“Aye, so ye are.” He tenderly rubbed her arms, then took her hands in his, covering them completely. “This help?”

“God, yes…” she groaned.

“Careful of those wee noises, Sassenach,” Jamie warned, his eyes dancing with mirth. “I’ll no’ have much restraint left by the time ye’re warm enough to undress.”

She groaned again, this time in dread, shoving her face into his chest. “Can’t you just fuck me in my coat?”

He snorted into her hair, wrapping his arms fully around her, rocking gently. “Ah, Sassenach. I could make love to ye in anything, any time, anywhere.”

He kissed the crown of her head, and she shivered for an entirely different reason. “Thank you for the roses,” she murmured into his shirt. “They’re lovely. You really didn’t have to.”

“Of course I did,” he said, sounding almost offended. “That’s what a man does fer his lass on Valentine’s day.”

“And what about a lass for her lad?” Claire said.

“I got the Starbucks and chocolates at the stables,” he assured her. “Toni even heated up the coffee in the back room so it’d be ready when I got there.”

“That was good of her,” Claire said fondly. “Doesn’t feel like enough, though.” She pulled away enough to look into his eyes. “Nothing I could ever give you would ever be enough to show you how much I love you.”

“D’ye think a few dozen roses are enough to show how much I love you?” He shook his head, aghast. “I could fill this room, this apartment, the whole island, the whole world wi’ roses or anything else ye could ever want, and it would never come close.”

Claire’s self-deprecating pout morphed into a liquid smile, and she kissed him sweetly. She shook her head as she pulled away. “Nothing I could ever say would work, either.”

He chuckled. “Dinna fash, lass.” He kissed her again, harder, more urgent. “When I hold yer small, hot body in my arms, and ye look into my eyes, ye make that face while we make love…”

“What face?”

He hushed her. “…That’s more than enough for me to ken the truth of yer heart. Ye give me so much wi’ yer body, Sassenach. D’ye understand?”

Her breath caught in her throat as she exhaled with a tremble. “I understand.”

He kissed her one more time, then kissed her nose, then her forehead. “D’ye think a nice hot shower would warm ye up? Or d’ye just want to burrow into yer blankets?”

“No, that actually sounds like a lovely idea. As long as there are blankets awaiting me after.”

“Of course.”

“And as long as there’s a big, warm, human-furnace Scot awaiting me after.”

“Of course.”

“Although…you don’t have to wait until after.”

She gave his arse a smack, and he growled, swiping for her, but missing as she sidestepped him.

“Be a dear and start the water, won’t you? I want to put these in a vase.”

He shook his head, smirking darkly at her. “As ye wish, Milady.”

By the time Claire arranged the roses to her satisfaction and put them on a counter, far enough away from the edge that Faith couldn’t stretch and knock them over, the shower was steaming as she approached it. Jamie’s shirt was already off, and she fought the urge to lick her lips at the sight.

“You’re in luck, my lad,” Claire said. “You’re going to get me naked after all.”

He chuckled as he undid his fly. “How d’ye know that wasna my intention all along?”

“You brute!” she said, feigning an obnoxious damsel voice. “Baring my body for your own selfish needs rather than for my own comfort!”

He pulled his pants down, laughing heartily. “Ach, dinna fash. Your needs will be duly met, my Sassenach.”

Claire chuckled, heat gathering in her core. She sputtered then, realizing she was still in her bulky winter coat in the middle of the steaming bathroom. She made a mock-striptease of removing it, and Jamie shook his head, laughing. As each new area of skin was revealed, she broke out into gooseflesh, shivering violently.

“Come on, lass,” Jamie purred, now fully naked along with her. “Let’s get ye warm.”

The hot, nearly scalding water was a balm, and in a mere ten seconds, she’d stopped shivering. She sighed, leaning bodily against Jamie, not wanting to hold herself up, yet not willing to lean against the cold tile walls. She wrapped her arms around his torso as he slid his hands up and down her back, her arse, her shoulders, gliding smoothly in the water. When he took healthy handfuls of her arse with both hands, kneading and squeezing, pulling apart and pushing together, she could stand it no longer, and she stretched up to kiss him.

Oh, yes, she was quite warm now.

Tongues danced, teeth nipped, lips suckled, and Claire stroked Jamie’s hot, searing length until he begged her to stop before he spoiled the rest of the evening. Claire knew it was taking all of his control to not bend her over and have her right then, but he restrained himself, scrubbing her body gently and thoroughly, washing her hair and massaging her scalp with all the tender care in the world. She returned the favor, unable to resist a kiss here and there, as he’d been unable.

When they were satisfied with their cleanliness, the kissing resumed, and then Jamie was turning her around, kissing down her back, her arse, her thighs, getting onto his knees.

“Hold on, mo ghraidh.”

His breathy purr brushed against her, and she shivered, despite the chill in her bones having been long gone. She braced herself on the wall, not at all certain that she wouldn’t slip, and then he thoroughly devoured her, sending her reeling with his mouth alone. She came hoarsely, sharply, trying to curl her fingers into something but finding nothing but slippery tile. Jamie was on his feet in an instant, catching her around the waist, holding her up, cupping the tender spot he’d abandoned to stop her fall. She gratefully rode his hand, gyrating lazily, riding out what was left of her orgasm, her head thrown back into the crook of his neck.

He cupped her until the aftershocks ceased, and then his hands roamed up to squeeze her breasts, as if they were the only thing keeping him upright. He was hard as a rock against the small of her back, and Claire ground her arse against him, giggling when he groaned in misery.

“Come on, love,” she purred, shutting off the water. “I’m all warm now.”

Jamie stepped out and quickly dried himself off, stopping Claire before he was done.

“Let me.”

And, despite how painfully aroused he must have been, he tenderly patted down every inch of her, squeezed out her hair methodically, gently. He then wrapped her in a second, dry towel, something Claire never allowed herself to do, and he scooped her up in his arms, leaving the two wet towels on the bathroom floor, and carrying her, naked, to the bedroom. Claire locked the door for him after he shut it with his foot, and they giggled into a kiss as Jamie walked her onto the bed. He laid her down among rose petals that he’d likely scattered hours ago, and she shook her head at his thoughtfulness. She watched as he lit candles, resting her head on her hand and biting her lip to keep from laughing at the extravagance of it all. He flicked off the light when the candles were lit to his satisfaction, and then he turned back to her.

“Hurry back,” she whined, only partly joking. “I’m getting cold again.”

He wasted no time, closing the distance to the bed and rolling her onto her back, hovering over her.

“Canna have that.”

He unfolded her towel and kissed every inch of her pebbling skin, as if kissing away the goosebumps. He stayed for a while on her nipples, lapping at her there until she was panting and arching her hips into the air.

“Warm enough yet?” He smirked up at her from between her breasts, and she nodded desperately.

A man on a mission, Jamie tossed aside her towel and finally, finally straddled her, bracing himself on his elbows so their mouths were inches apart.

“God…” he groaned, kissing her one more time as his tip teased her entrance. “I’m the happiest man alive.”

“I love you…” Claire murmured, and then with one snap of his hips he was fully sheathed within her, as if the words propelled him forward against his will.

He tried to take his time, Claire could tell, but it didn’t take long for him to take up a maddening pace, slamming into her, and then rubbing rough circles on her clit so she could follow him into oblivion. She did, losing her grip on reality so thoroughly that she did not know where she ended and he began, did not know whose cries she was hearing.

She quite literally didn’t open her eyes again, physically unable after her long day and the activities she’d just finished. So Jamie tucked her in under the excessive amount of blankets she kept on the bed in winter, and she drifted off to the sound of him blowing out candles, only fully surrendering to sleep when he was once again at her side, tucking her into him like she belonged there, like an extra limb, an extension of himself.

My Valentine.

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butgilinsky · 3 years

Text

december // mb

warning; heartbreak. that’s it.

summary; after he’s left alone in an empty apartment with the weight of the world on his shoulders, mat comes to realize that december’s his least favorite month of the year. based on the song december by neck deep.

word count; 3.8k+

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mat doesn’t know how long he’s been walking around the block. all he knows is that it’s hard to see, even harder to walk straight, and he can’t shake the itch he has to call you. he just needs one more time, just one final attempt at hearing your voice, even if it’s just your answering machine.

“hey, this is y/n! i’ll get back to you-” he hangs up then, decides that he doesn’t have the mental capacity to leave another message.

it’s only been two weeks, but mat feels like it’s been years since he’s seen you. his heartbreak is just as fresh as it was when you walked away from him, tears in his eyes and mind going through the motions of trying to put itself back together again. two weeks isn’t long enough to heal from the gaping hole you left in his heart. there’s not enough time in the world for mat to heal properly.

he comes to the realization that he’ll never be the same fairly quickly. he thought you were it for him. he thought that every obstacle would be tackled by the two of you together. he thought you’d be in this shit show called life together, for the long haul. he can’t say it’s not his fault, can’t say he tried as hard as he could. he took you for granted, and he knows that now, but now it’s too late.

he thinks that december is the worst month to be face heartache. he can’t take you home for christmas like he planned, can’t kiss you when the clock strikes midnight on january first. he doesn’t get to see you shudder from the cold despite him telling you to bundle up ten times before leaving the house. the christmas decorations that line the street are a constant reminder of the ones you lined the apartment with, and mat starts to think he’ll never look at christmas decorations the same.

when he gets back home he sees a pair of your shoes by the door. he sees the christmas card from your best friend sitting on the table in the entry way. he sees little traces of you, almost fooling him into thinking you still live there. he has to remind himself then, your stuff is here but you’re not. you told him you’d pick everything up after he went to vancouver, wanting to limit your amount of contact with mat, but that only made it worse for him.

you didn’t want to see him anymore. he wants to see you, and you want nothing to do with him anymore. it’s a hard pill to swallow, losing you so quickly after having you for so long. he knows he should understand, knows he should come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t the best he could’ve been. he wasn’t the man he should’ve been, nowhere near the man you deserved. you asked for simple things and mat told you he’d never be able to give them to you.

he thinks about how hard it’ll be to go home, to open gifts on christmas when he knows that theres a pile of boxes in the back of his closet that’ll never be opened. he knows that he should return them, should take them back to the stores before his grace period expires, but he can’t bring himself to even look at the boxes. he can’t bring himself to return the gifts he bought for you, can’t imagine going over each individual one in the process.

tito offers to do it for him, says that he has a pair of pants he needs to return anyways, but mat knows better. he knows his friend is just doing what he thinks will help, and while it’s heartwarming, it’s also gut wrenching that his friends think he can’t take care of things himself.

the first time he sees you after you walked out is at a restaurant, sitting across the table from a guy he’s never seen before. anders asks if he wants to leave, says that there’s another place they can go to right around the corner. mat shakes his head and slides into his seat, says it’s fine even though it’s not.

he sits with his back to you, figures that’ll make it easier to resist the temptation to look at you. he doesn’t know that you watched him walk in, watched him slide into the seat facing away from you. he doesn’t know that your heart sinks into your stomach when you see him turn his back to you, silently telling you that it’s simply too difficult to look at you now.

you excuse yourself from your table, the man across from you offering you a worried smile before you walk to the bathroom quicker than normal. you grip the edge of the sink, leaning over it in case your stomach fails you. the world around you spins, makes it harder to catch your breath that’s only getting worse with every passing second.

you try to ground yourself, try to tell yourself that you did what was right for you, that this is what you wanted. it’s what you needed. you remind yourself that you want things that mat can’t give you. you want things that mat doesn’t want to give you. you need a life that mat can’t provide.

“what do you want from me, y/n?” it’s the same fight, the one you’ve had too many times to count. you ask for something simple, ask him to do the bare minimum only for him to act as if you asked him to pull the moon out of the sky and shove it in your pocket.

“i want you to tell me that we’ll get there! i don’t need it now, mat, but-”

“but that’s the thing, y/n. you do need it now. you want me to throw away everything i’ve worked for because you want some stupid house with a red door and shrubs around the lawn. you want to get married on a beach or in a forest. you want to have a large wedding, a reception in a big ballroom where everyone is smiling at you like you’re the only person in the room.

“you want kids that pull on your hair and draw on the walls. you want to settle down and have a life made for thirty year olds who sit in cubicles from nine to five and then go home and eat dinner at the kitchen table. but i can’t give that to you. you want a life i can’t give you.”

it hits you at full force, like a tsunami that nobody saw coming just before it wipes out an entire city. you try to ground yourself, try to bring yourself back to the restaurant bathroom that you’re in, rather than your place in the middle of your living room, crying and begging mat to just listen to you.

you don’t think you’re ready to leave the space just yet, but you’re reminded that you’re not here alone, and the guy at your table is probably worried that you’re crawling out of the bathroom window.

you run straight into someone on your way out of the bathroom, chests colliding into one another before you’re both rushing out apologies. you’re almost knocked off of your feet by the force, and grip onto the first thing that you can reach, which happens to be the person’s forearm.

anthony’s hands steady you, making sure you don’t topple over in the heels that are suffocating your feet. he tries to mask his shock with a warm smile, tries to hide the sympathy that’s eating away at him. it doesn’t work, but you can tell he’s trying.

he noticed the red rimmed eyes you’re sporting, and the way your eyeliner is smudged just the slightest bit. he notices the indents in your bottom lip from where you were just chewing on it to conceal the sounds of your sobs. it’s not the first time he’s seen you in a state similar to this one, and he’s not sure if he hopes it’s the last.

you see him look back at his table and make the mistake of following suit, feeling every muscle in your body tense when you find the same set of eyes you’d missed for two months. you can’t tear your eyes away from him, can’t even bother to notice that the guy who brought you here is watching the entire exchange.

mat doesn’t know what to do. he doesn’t know if he should look away and pretend like he never saw you or if he should get up and go talk to you. he doesn’t know where the boundaries are drawn or if he’s invited to overstep them regardless of what they entail. he wants to ask you, wants to stand up from his set and rush to take tito’s spot. he wants to hear your voice and feel your touch, feel his heart intertwine with yours in a bed shared by the two of you.

anders brings mat back, clapping a hand on his back and trying to integrate him back into the table’s conversation. you look at him for a little longer, only brought out of your thoughts when you hear anthony’s voice.

“y/n-”

“i have to go.” you leave him before he can say anything else, walking up to your table and rushing out a slew of apologies as you gather your things.

“i’m sorry, i have to go.” he notices the tears building in your eyes, asks you if you need a ride home or money for a cab, both of which you turn down but thank him for. he’s not sure what just happened but he knows you can’t stay here for much longer without tipping over the edge, so he lets you go.

you walk by his table then, trying to ignore the fact that you’re so close to him. you ignore the call of your name and cover your mouth with the back of your hand as you inevitably catch the attention of half of the restaurant.

“barz, don’t-”

“y/n!” he’s out of his seat and running after you before any of his teammates can bring him back down.

he doesn’t care that the whole restaurant is watching, doesn’t care that he’ll see stories about the exchange in the morning. he just focuses on you running out of the doors the best that you can, focuses on the fact that he’s getting closer to you with every stride. it’s not close enough, but it’s the closest he’s been in a long time and he’ll take anything he can get at this point.

“y/n!”

“don’t do this, mat.” it’s the first time he’s heard your real voice for month; the first time it’s not your answering machine or his saved voicemails from you. it’s not in a video he can’t seem to stop watching, or a figment of his imagination in the middle of the night. it’s you, and you’re here. for a moment, he thinks he’s dreaming.

“baby, please.” you move when he reaches for you, trying to hail a cab as quickly as you can so you can get the hell out of this situation.

“i can’t do this. please, mat, please don’t do this. i’m begging you.” he feels his heart sink at the desperation in your face, somehow coming to terms with the notion that you don’t want to talk to him right now, and you probably don’t want to talk to him ever again. “i can’t do this to me mat, because if i let you tell me what you’re thinking then i’m not going to be able to walk away from you.”

your words hit him at full force, almost knocking him straight off of his feet. he’s not entirely sure what weight your words held, but he does know the he wishes you’d give him the room to explain why that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

a cab pulls up to the curb and you’re reaching for the handle before he can get another word out, even though he doesn’t have anything else to say. he’s forced you into conversations that you didn’t want to have for months, he can’t bring himself to do that right now despite the questions swimming around in his mind.

he watches you slip into the backseat, locking eyes with him one more time before shutting the door and begging the cab driver to take you home. he knows he messed up, knows he should’ve stayed in the restaurant, knows that he shouldn’t have let you walk out in december.

you’re gone before he can process it. he’s left standing on the edge of the sidewalk, his hands shoved into his pockets and his eyes glued to the spot where you once stood. he feels a hand on his back, hears his friends telling him that you just needed time, that it was still all too new for you to face.

but they don’t know you the way he does. they don’t know that you’re never going to be ready to face this. they don’t know that all you wanted was mat in a big house with a rose colored door, and all he gave you was the opportunity to find him passed out in the bathroom at three in the morning, too drunk to crawl into bed.

he hears tito say the same thing he always does. the four words he hates to hear, but can’t seem to get his friend to stop muttering when the situation arises.

“pain is never permanent.”

he bites his tongue, doesn’t want to yell at tito and tell him that he knows that, but tonight it’s killing him. he doesn’t say that december has become his least favorite month, that he wishes time would slow down so he wouldn’t have to reach the end of the year.

the next time he sees you is a few months later. this time you’re in the park, hand gripping a leash with a dog he’s never seen on the other end of it. he feels his heart threatening to jump out of his chest when he sees you leaning into someone’s side, his arm wrapped around your shoulders. he has a leash in his hand as well, a different dog on the end of it.

he doesn’t know if they’re yours or his, the dogs. he doesn’t know if they’re still puppies or fully grown. he doesn’t know if the guy you’re with is your new boyfriend, or a friend that’s overly affectionate.

he gets his answer, unwillingly, when you turn to the man and smile brightly, watching as you push yourself onto your toes and press your lips to his. mat feels bile tickle the back of his throat, feels the gut wrenching feeling that comes with a heartbreak that’s never subsided.

he wonders how he’s forced to see you like this. the city’s so big, and he had to be at the same park as you and him today. his jog picks up pace, his frustration being fueled into his early morning run.

you see him when he passes you, eyes locking for just a moment before he looks ahead of himself once more. you know he’s mad, know he’s still grieving, but then you’re reminded of the man beside you, his hand squeezing your shoulder just as the dog on your leash gives you a firm tug as a reminder of where you are and who you’re with.

you smile at him and tell him that yeah, you’re fine. you walk with him, only glancing over your shoulder once. mat’s already gone, no sign of him anywhere in sight. you almost wonder if you’d made up the entire thing in your head.

it’s december again, and when mat reaches up to scratch his neck, he’s reminded of the facial hair he’s sporting. he remembers a time when you ran your fingers over his jaw, scratching gently at the stubble forming.

“should i shave it?” you hum, almost not hearing his question. he asks again, peeling his eyes away from the tv and looking down at you.

your head’s on his chest, and your eye are wide with admiration as you look up at him and shake your head. you tell him no, that you like his facial hair and it makes him look about five years older. he smiles, despite the fact that he asks you if that meant you didn’t like the babyface he usually wore.

you smile then, rolling your eyes and squealing when his fingers dig into your ribs. you try to swat him away, but he rolls the two of you over and effectively traps you between him and the mattress. he only stops when you struggle to catch your breath from laughing, both of you wearing wide, cheesy grins while holding eye contact.

you lean up and press your lips to his, humming when he pushed back against your lips with added pressure. his fingers dip down to your hips, gripping them slightly before slipping under the material of your shirt.

mat has to pull himself out of the memory before his mind goes too far. he can’t spend too much time dwelling on the moment, or he’ll back out. he can’t back out, not after getting this far.

he needs to tell you, needs you to know that he wants the best for you. he wants you to have everything you’ve ever wanted in life, even if he isn’t the one that gets to give it all to you.

he wants you to know that he loves you, and will until his last breath. the years he spent with you weren’t like anything else he’s ever experienced, and he has a feeling it was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

your smile spreads a warmth through his chest. he notices that it doesn’t reach your eyes, but neither does his. he walks into the coffee shop, know that there are so many thoughts bound to be left unspoken by the end of this. neither of you know how to start this conversation, but you take the first plunge.

“you look good.” he lets a soft laugh slip, not understanding how that can be the first thing you’re saying to him after all of this time. he takes it in stride though, and bites his tongue so he doesn’t return the sentiment.

there’s not much small talk. it’s practically impossible to sit in front of the other and pretend like the last few years never happened. he can’t act like he doesn’t know how it feels to wake up beside you, or have your lips moving up and down the skin of his neck. you can’t pretend you don’t know how it feels to watch him score a goal, or two, or three, and be the one that gets to go home with him afterwards.

so he takes a deep breath, and you sense the hesitation coursing through him. he notices your patience, remembers how that came in handy over the course of your relationship. he gives you another small smile, and grips the cup in front of him as a way to keep his hands occupied while he starts to speak.

“i just want you to know that i want you to be happy. i know that you are, and that makes me happy. i hope you get your ball room floor, and your perfect house with rose red doors. i know that it’s been a long time, and i couldn’t tell you that when-” he swallows, and attempt to stop the lump from forming in his throat. it doesn’t work, but it adds a sense of comfort in a weird way.

“i want you to know that i’m happy for you. i wish it was me, and i’d be lying if i said there’s a point where i won’t feel like that, but i know that you wanted things i couldn’t give you. i hope he's better than I ever could have been.” he doesn’t say that he doesn’t think that’s possible, and he doesn’t say that he’s ready to give you everything you’ve ever wanted, everything you asked him for a year ago.

he doesn’t say that he’s ready now, that he’s at a place that he didn’t think he’d ever reach. you don’t get the pleasure of knowing that mat’s ready for this, for you. you’re left with the thought that he’ll never be ready, and you’ll never be given the chance to see mat mowing the lawn of a big, two-story house with a red door and a wrap around porch.

you don’t tell him that you want to hear it, that you need to hear it. you don’t tell him that you’d drop everything you have right now if it meant that you can live that life with mat. he doesn’t get the pleasure of knowing that you’re silently begging him to ask you to leave your new life behind and run away with him. he’s left with the thought that you’re satisfied with what you have going for you, and he’ll never be given the chance to see you in a beautiful white dress, walking towards him with a smile so bright, he thinks it’ll blind him.

you sit across from each other, biting your tongues and holding back words that would change everything if just one of you would simply spit it out. if one of you could build the courage to just say what you were both thinking, your lives would change once again. your lives would finally end up being everything you wanted them to be.

but you don’t say anything, because you don’t think there’s a place for you to say it. mat doesn’t say anything, and he thinks he’s doing the right thing by holding back. he thinks he’s come to terms with how his life is meant to play out, and you think he’s still incapable of reaching the point that you need him to be at.

you leave the coffee shop with a weight on your shoulders that wasn’t there when you arrived. your stomach feels uneasy, maybe from the coffee but definitely from the realization that you’d never be able to move on from mathew barzal.

mat stays in his seat after you leave, not being able to hug you goodbye or watch you walk back to your car. he can’t find it in him to move from his spot, trying to give himself the time to come to the realization of what just happened. he knows that he still loves you, knows that he’ll always love you. he feels his chest ache and maybe it’s the weight of the situation, but it’s definitely from the realization that he’d never be able to move on from you.

it’s going to be another long, lonely december.

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