the full fic can be found here: Tickled Ink (by ekingston) on ao3!

Big-ish infodump on Caustic rn because I surprisingly haven’t talked about him surrounding my AU/ kind of rewrite of Apex??

(With some doodles ig)

So this whole thing started out with me just not liking the Medusa arc that much or the mole arc and then I looked into it some more and realized Caustic is horrible representation for ASPD, I’m in no means an expert, but I know being a violent murderer isn’t exactly one of the symptoms 💀

Then I just- hated his relationships throughout the game

So much unnecessary drama between him and the others that could’ve been either avoided or resolved completely, and I’m aware the fact is that it’s drama, but it’s bad drama, imo at least, and I wanted to revamp Crypto and his relationship especially since I’m tired of tropes with transracial siblings not getting along and the fact that many poc, understandably, felt like it was racist, and I’m not even gonna blame them because it feels like that sometimes, I want their relationship to stay complicated but I don’t want them to completely hate each other. I feel like they’d be kind of awkward for the most part I just want the fuckers to be relatively happy and all respawn is doing is making me mildly uncomfortable with every update about them.

Besides that, I’m working on why/how he becomes involved into death and such to even kill people in the first place, but other than that he’s almost completely developed

He’s still killed people he just kind of stopped I have no idea how to explain it rn he is a very complex and weird guy alright-

He still experiments on people, though it’s mostly bodies, kind of like how it’s- I think is hinted at during the mole arc??? I can’t tell what was happening in that comic tbh I just think it’s an interesting idea for him to get his stuff from shady places and shit, I still have to catch up on the older chapters because I joined right in the middle of the shitstorm

I’m also trying to develop his relationship with other legends that isn’t just hatred

For example he’s friends with Wraith kind of, (it gets shaky after his fight with Wattson which still happens because I’m not trying to make him a complete good guy or smthn), Bloodhound, Gibraltar, Fuse, and Mirage. (Pathfinder too but he’s friends with everyone so), he ranges from liking the company of these guys to tolerating them, but it’s never always completely the same, because ya know sometimes friends have bad days and that’s fine. I want it to fluctuate because again I’m not like- trying to make him perfect.

I feel like everyone else is either neutral, indifferent, or just weary of him.

I also redesigned him because erm

It’s fun

I actually took most of his design aspects for my AU from one of his beta designs (I literally tried my best to add the specific one I’m talking about but Tumblr literally kept breaking on me)

Because I think it looks very pretty to me

If you look at some of my older posts of him you can actually see me doing this for a while now

Because I have.

I’ve been working on this for- I wanna say 3 years?? Maybe more idk.

I might post some of my older Caustic character stuff when I was first getting into it but some of it comes off as….uhhhh-

Very biased.

Don’t get me wrong I still am it’s just more apparent in my older stuff, I wanna try getting away from that in my AU because uh I don’t like it so-

Anyway

I like re-writing characters it’s a big hobby of mine when smthn about them irks me personally, you can like canon Caustic btw I do too, this is just smthn I mostly do for fun anyway

Most of the stuff I’ve changed about Caustic have all just been personal headcanons (example being he is a trans man) or things that I felt like would make the story more interesting than what they were initially doing (his dad dying of the same cancer he has), I’m not gonna ramble and put them all here but I’m thinking of making separate posts about them or probably rough comics-

Maybe even fan fictions if I’m feeling brave enough, because I have a few.

A Mountain of Salt

reviewing the new thor movie, lifted from my messages in a thorki discord i’m in

So, my absence from this discord quite neatly shows the fact that I am *so done* with Marvel shit at this point. The characters I love are either dead or so different from how they started that they might as well be dead, the fandom is generally feral, the ship's popularity just ain't what it used to be, etc. etc. And in the meantime, I have found another dalliance. Yes, I am cheating on my fandom and OTP (scandalous!) and in doing so, I've come to the conclusion that Marvel tries and pathetically fails to make Pirates of The Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. Every fucking time. Think about it--there's a plot, for one, the humor works so well (perhaps because it's actually funny shit, the actors who deliver it do it well, and there's again that lil plot, solid characters, solid dialogue to carry it), the pacing is great, so many memorable characters, romance that's compelling, sick costumes, the fucking SCORE, oh. and the effects (mostly) don't look like dogshit. The movies are fun and light, but they're actually compelling despite that.

Also, the idea of Jack Sparrow, that crazy little rogue, messing around with (emotionally) constipated Commodore James Norrington is hot as fuck!

But the movie. Oh the movie. I had the terrible misfortune of actually seeing it and during my watch, I decided to make a tally of the things I liked and the things I didn't. I was trying to be generous. /Anything/ that I felt didn't suck went on my Like tally, and I decided to /not/ add a tally for every instance that shit was out of character, made no sense, was acted poorly, etc. Even so, It ended up being like. 12 to 37 or something.

The thing that broke my heart the most was Thor's character (obviously.) Straight up. I do not know that man. A pure stranger. Don't know him from dick. Who the fuck was THAT? and why in the world was he playing comic relief for this own fucking movie? Only in the end(-ish) did I recognize him--y'know, the scene where he was telling off Zeus. He was responsible, giving a shit, looking to take care of something bigger than himself and willing to be brave and bold to do so. That was a cool, like, two minutes, though. Everything else had him portrayed as a fucking buffoon, self-centered, idiotic, insecure. And the Jane romance. Hm. That's for another paragraph.

Surprisingly, I didn't mind Jane much at all. The scenes that earned the most Likes and the least amount of dislikes were solo Jane scenes. Natalie actually seemed to commit to this movie in ways she didn't in the first two Thor's, which was nice. Her scenes had emotional grounding and though the way they treated cancer in the movie was a bit iffy, I think she played it well enough. But yeah. The romance. First off, when the fuck did this even happen? Maybe I've been doing too much self-preservation in not studying the MCU timeline, but this long romance doesn't seem to fit ANYWHERE. The two have less sexual tension than a pair of spoons, perhaps better than previous movies, but still. The romance made no sense, the degree to which Thor was hung up on it made no sense, the idea that Thor had never really loved anyone except for Jane made no sense, either. Her loss had no weight (or not much) for me because I couldn't realistically believe in how deeply they loved each other. Made no fucking sense at all. And Thor not wanting her to die in battle and all? weird. Asgardians see death differently than Western humans, so why are they treating it in the way they do?

As for the rest of the characters... Darcy's little cameo felt genuine but not spectacular, Valkyrie was fine (I am biased because I am very gay about her), Korg was fine but seemed like fanservice if we consider Taika and his desire to be on-screen a fan, Zeus was a little too buffoon-y for me to get behind (also the accent seemed. In some way uncouth to me, but whatever), fuck those fucking GOATS OMG, and Gorr. At times the acting was a little /too/ funky for my tastes, but hey, I have to respect a blunder in the name of making a character seem /full/. He looked cool, badass, and dare I say a little sexy. However, given the fate of his daughter, y'know the thing that started his whole villainy, it didn't make sense to me that he'd be terrorizing children. But what do I know? On the topic of children, I feel like TW does like to portray the strength of children in his movies which is cool! That is good! People often overlook children as human beings, indeed, but lol I do not care. Not remotely. I have no interest in seeing an army of children (which sounds troubling, but I guess makes sense in as much as they are Asgardians. But if that's the case, why are they all absolutely clueless vis-a-vis battle? Where did that pillar of Asgardian culture go?) and let's be real, realistically one of them would've karked it in the fray, but none of them did.

Before entirely abandoning the ideas of Gorr and of children, I have to address Love. Silly fucking tie-in for the title. Silly fucking tie-in for one of the main themes of the movie, and ham-fisted at that. And ah, I don't feel great shitting on a child, but I remember watching the movie and thinking "God, this child actor really sucks. Wooden and all." Because kids /can/ be good at acting, they really can. Then I learned that Love was portrayed by Chris Hemsworth's kid and it all made sense. Like, nepotism sucks but it can be worked with. There are some very talented nepotism babies, but this kid was not one of them. This movie and all the shit around it has honestly put me off CH entirely. Like, he seems like a douche. And how everyone is treating this movie like Grown Ups in which bad actor guy who always gets a hot wife or whatever used shooting as a means to take a vacation with his buddies. Not cool.

I was confused to see New Asgard and how it was portrayed. I mean. The Asgardians were always a proud (if not straight-up arrogant) people but yet they've made their whole existence into being a Disney park (hm...) and somehow have none of the same values or tendencies as OG-Asgard. Very strange. I know imperialism and capitalism are buddies, but they are not the same, y'know?

The vfx for the final battle in the shadow realm or whatever the fuck it was called actually looked pretty cool. Like with the b&w, the intense highlights and shadows. Sort of comic-booky look. Not sure if that was intentional or just a product of Too Much Fucking CGI, though. The battle lost its flavor once the kids entered the fray, but I guess the movie did sort of turn out to be Thor 4: More Thor(s) than Ever Before. Eternity looked cool, I appreciated the parallels it drew from the desert in which Love bit it, but damn. People are bad at wishing for shit! Surely the wish could've been "I wish I and my daughter were alive and well, having the life I always wanted" or some shit instead of "I wish my daughter wasn't dead anymore." Like, what are the limitations of this wish? Might as well give it a go, no? Because Gorr didn't /just/ want his daughter to be alive, he wanted to be alive /with her/.

And Thor as a single dad. No. Nah. My face was screwed into some ridiculous grimace the whole time that shit played out. Thor has indeed become more responsible (only to then become irresponsible and then responsible again and then irresponsible and then responsible again and then...) but I wouldn't say it was ever in such a fatherly way. I also don't care to see family/parenthood in anything (my own personal hang ups, I understand), especially not in a superhero movie. And I don't think it particularly jives with the greater MCU so they'll probably have to unwrite it somehow.

Yeah, this movie was not only a personal nightmare, but it was also just a huge brainfuck in general. I wish that I could've been the one to reach Eternity first so I could make it so that it never existed or conversely, didn't suck major fucking nuts. The end.

"Hi kinda new. I don't know if this is where requests go, but if you haven't done it yet can I request an MC sneaking into the boys beds?" ~irenethehotdog

The MC Sneaks Into the Brothers' Beds While They're Asleep

@irenethehotdog don’t worry, I found ya anyway. 😁 Sooo there was a kind of tender way I could have played this… but then there was a funny way. I hope you're alright that I went with the funny way. 😅 I got two bed requests that are kind of similar-ish but how I’m interpreting them makes them just different enough to warrant two different asks. Here's the first one!

Check out my Masterlist for more!

Warning: Comical nudity? Is that NSFW-ish?

Intro:

Sometimes everybody needs a little comfort, especially in the middle of the night. Any number of things could have drawn the MC out of their bed: bad dreams, nagging thoughts, just general fear of the darkness of Hell that surrounded them, but they decided to try to soothe their unease with the company of their demonic housemates! Wonder how that turned out for them..?

Lucifer

I mean, if you’re feeling a little alone at night, maybe a little scared, it would only be natural to want to seek solace with the strongest person in the nearest vicinity, right? ...Right?

To say it was maybe ill-advised to just climb into bed with Lucifer would be an understatement… Frankly, if the enchantments he had on his door weren’t specifically meant for Mammon then they might have ended up in a very compromised position. But somehow, they managed to infiltrate the demon’s private sanctuary and get right up to his bed.

Now, Lucifer is not a heavy sleeper. Not at all. He’s grown pretty accustomed to waking up at all hours of the night because of his brother’s antics, so he felt the shifting weight on his mattress almost instantly.

They probably weren’t expecting him to suddenly jerk upright and spin towards them, fireball in hand ready to lob at their face... but that’s what they got.

After realizing that it was just the human and not Mammon coming in to take his stuff again, he made them sit down in front of his fireplace while he gave them a looong lecture about personal boundaries and how it’s really not smart to sneak up on demons like that… 

But he was still sympathetic to their sleep-deprived state so he offered them some tea and Devildom sleep remedies in hopes of getting them back to bed. ...Just not his. Back to your bed with you, MC.

Mammon

Mammon was their “babysitter.” Their protector. Their guardian. So why wouldn’t they want to go to him on a difficult night?

Getting into Mammon’s bed was hardly a challenge, sure they had to tiptoe through the garbage heap that made up his bedroom floor but it wasn’t Mission Impossible or anything…

What did catch them off guard was just how… not clothed he felt after they slid in under his covers. Like, pretty much wearing nothing at all. Not even a pair of courtesy boxers. 😓

It was their squeal as they flung themselves out of the bed that actually woke Mammon up. They had him ripping the covers off, ready to leap into action and everything, which definitely didn’t help matters. (Or maybe it did, depending on your point of view 🤷‍♀️).

Both parties pretty much turned into a cursing/blushing mess as he shot them embarrassed, rapid-fire questions while desperately trying to pull on some sweats. Meanwhile the MC stayed plastered up against the wall of his bedroom, answering him in equally defensive shouts.

Eventually, their fuss woke up Lucifer who was quick to send both of them back to their respective beds. The House teased them mercilessly for weeks… How were they supposed to know Mammon slept naked??

Leviathan

Levi might be a… strange choice for bedmate at first glance (he doesn’t really even sleep in bed, but a tub hardly meant for two people). However, there’s a certain level of approachability to him, isn’t there? Considering his own struggles with anxiety, maybe they thought he could relate…?

They tried knocking on his door first, thinking he might have been gaming, but there was no answer. When they walked in and found the otaku actually asleep for once, it seemed like their wishes might have actually been granted!

...But then came the actual trouble of trying to get into bed with Levi to start with. There wasn’t really an easy way to squeeze their body in past his because the tub was so dang narrow…

Any rational person might have just given up on the venture, but not MC. Whatever's possessed them to want to sleep with this awkward shut-in has a pretty good hold on them yet.

Lack of sleep might have been what gave them the bright idea to just try and lay on top of Levi veeerrry sooooftlllly…. Which is how the poor demon woke up to them halfway straddling his waist in the middle of the night.

His remarkably high-pitched scream woke up the whole dang House and the sheer amount of force he used when trying to jerk out of the tub toppled it over… Even after many apologies (and a trip to go buy a new tub), Levi still double locks his door at night to this day… 😓

Satan

Really an odd choice there, not going to lie. They’re well aware of the possibility that they could accidentally wake him and he maaaay not be the best waker (what being Wrath and all) but if it’s irrational worries that got you down, why not go to the most rational person in the House? Sounds like a perfectly logical decision, right?

That might have been what their half-baked disillusions were telling them on the way to Satan's bedroom but actually standing in front of the sleeping man was a whole other story. They felt crazy, genuinely crazy… But they still slipped in under the covers anyway.

Satan stirred almost immediately and turned to face them… but his eyes could hardly keep focus and the look of dopey confusion on his face could have honestly made the perfect screen background. "Huuuuuh…? MC…? What're you doin' 'ere…?"

They kind of had to hold in a laugh while they explained that they just wanted to sleep next to him that night. Satan beamed them an oddly serene smile and just nodded. "Okaaay…" With that he seemed to roll over to go back to sleep… but his mind caught back up with him before his drowsiness did.

"Wait a minute..." Ah shit….

 Like Lucifer, Satan ended up giving them a pretty good lecture on boundaries and the like when he finally snapped out of his stupor. Thankfully he wasn't mad, just a little embarrassed that they had seen him like that. He offered them a good book or two to pass the time if they couldn't sleep, but sent them back to bed all the same.

Asmodeus

Asmo probably doesn’t get people coming into his bed with completely chaste intentions very often, but he’s by far the most emotionally in-tuned demon in the House. If they're after a little sympathy, best just go to Asmo right?

They weren't really sure what to expect when they walked into his room... Does Asmo sleep like a Disney Princess, hair and makeup done perfectly in defiance of all laws of beauty?

Does he sleep like a '60s housewife, with curlers in his hair and leftover chips of mud mask on his face?

Does he sleep like the god of all sex that he is, sculpted chest for the eyes to see and everything underneath laid bare like a honeypot of temptation??

The MC doesn't really get to know, because when they pulled back the covers to climb inside they were met by the sight of someone else's very naked ass taking up the spot where they thought Asmo should be.

They go back to their room willingly, dejected and maybe a little scarred... Apparently they were just too late to the party...

Beelzebub

Okay, everything about Beel screams “Hello! I’m a warm comforting teddy bear!”...aside from the hungry parts. It’s really not hard to see why they’d want to go to him if they’re feeling a little vulnerable.

They didn't worry too much about being quiet when they walked into the twins' room. Belphie could sleep through a rock concert and Beel wasn't too far behind him (as long as he wasn't hungry).

They figured that the tall twin wouldn't mind too much if they just crawled into bed with him… He had make a similar request of them before, it was only fair right?

As they were preparing their tired body for a good night's sleep, they gently pulled the covers back next to Beel but they probably weren't expecting to find so many food wrappers surrounding him… or bags of chips… or packages of cookies… or-

Apparently Beel had yet another sleep-eating run and this time he seemed to have brought the whole kitchen back with him. There was hardly enough room left for Beel anymore, let alone the MC!

Considering their options were to either wedge themselves between a havoc roast and a bag of jerky or just brave one more night on their own, they cut their losses early and went back to their own bed...

Belphegor

They didn’t have to know Belphie since Day One of being there to pick up on how hard he slept. The man was pretty much in a coma for most of the day and that included his nightly rests too. Would he even notice if they… per say… slipped into bed with him to get a little comfort from their nightmares? Surely, he’d stay asleep, right?

When they didn't see his sleeping form in the room he shared with Beel, the MC eventually found Belphie up in the attic room. His little hideaway with a plush-ass bed to boot.

They didn’t bother being quiet at all. They figured that Belphie could have stayed under for anything short of banging pots and pans in his ears so why try to mask their footsteps?

They never expected him to be awake. 😰

The moment they lifted the covers, Belphie struck like some kind of blanket crocodile! He grabbed them by the waist and dragged them into the spot of the bed right under him with a impish grin on his face.

Turns out they weren't the only ones having sleeping problems that night and as they felt the full weight of his worn out body settle in nicely up against theirs they knew that maybe, finally, they'd get a good night's sleep… 🤭

Naive: Part 3

A/N: I’m so freaking happy you guys seemed to like the story so far!, I wrote this and a few other chapters up in one night! Hopefully I can get you guys as hyped as I am for this story. Oh and if you couldn’t already tell, the reader IS mixed race. Because there’s a serious lack of mixed race reader inserts. If this offends you or deters you just skim over it I guess??

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: Just cursing in this chapter because I have the mouth of a sailor. Get ready for it to get smutttayyyyy next chapter tho, my home dogs!

Summary: As the goddaughter of Tony Stark you were no stranger to the Avengers, but when you meet the newest member- you’re a little more then intrigued. Unfortunately for him, Bucky Barnes has caught your eye.

💘💘💘💘💘

It’s honestly insane what a little bit of sleep can do to improve your life.

Well okay, a lot of sleep. You’d slept for like thirty hours straight, thank the mother fuckin’ lord and you felt like a brand new woman.

Especially after you take a couple bong rips.

Wake and baking was a way of life for you, had been since you we’re fifteen years old. There was just nothing like it.

You take a shower, deciding against getting dressed in real clothes and instead you wiggle into a pair of black lace trimmed lounge shorts, and then slip on a wireless bralette. It gives you no support of course, your supple breast sit comfortably and unrestrained. Just the way you liked them to be.

As you sit at your vanity and stare at your reflection in the mirror, your brain cloudy and happy; your eyes slightly red rimmed and low, you feel …numb. But a good numb. The numb you wished you can be forever. You rip the tie from your hair and it tumbles down from the bun it had been in and falls around your shoulders, the silky strands tickling your bare, fresh skin.

Do you think you’re pretty? Fuck yes. Do you think you’re fat? Also, fuck yes.

It was a concept that most people couldn’t seem to understand. How could you admit that you we’re fat and yet still sit and check yourself out in the mirror? Well because to you, fat was just a descriptive word. Not the heinous insult other people thought it was. Yes, you we’re fat. Just like you we’re smart. And fucking hilarious if you do say so yourself… and at the moment, extremely stoned.

Your confidence hadn’t appeared out of thin air, it was something that had been ingrained in you.

Because your mother had never made you question your worth. She didn’t give a shit about the numbers on a scale or cellulite. She didn’t care if your hair was wild and curly, curlier then her, a white woman had known how to handle for years. No- she cared if you we’re kind to others. If you we’re brave enough to go after you wanted and speak up for yourself.

So you had.

You broke away from that fat girls should wear baggy clothes and stay quiet and try to shrink themselves. Nah, fuck that. This fat girl was going to do whatever she wanted.

Did have negative thoughts about yourself sometimes? Duh, you’re a human being. Everyone has ugly thoughts sometimes, but mostly you we’re a little full of yourself.

Like now, as you blend on warm, smoky eyeshadow, carve your brows and contour your face. Drowning yourself in highlighter. Acentuating and defining all of the parts of your face that you loved. You liked primping and pampering yourself, loved all things beauty, really. Eyelash extensions, going for manicures, facials. They we’re all your jam.

When you’re satisfied with yourself, tossing and musing your hair until it falls around your head in a messy way that looks more sexy then homeless you rise, intent on going and finding Wanda or something.

Not wanting to be alone anymore.

You almost walk out of your living room in a bralette- because of comfort reasons but think twice as you pass the mirror by the door.

You really didn’t want to give Tony a coronary on this fine Thursday.

Why couldn’t we all just walk around naked? Everyone would be a lot more comfortable. It would probably bring world peace.

So after throwing on a loose shirt and a cape like McQueen floral kimono you slip into a fluffy pair of slides and start your epic journey to find sustenance, thinking about how human beings greatest down fall was when we made it a systematic norm to have to be clothed… what kind of crazy weed had Jessica sold you?

------

You don’t think it’s attention you like, and you’ve thought about it a lot.

No, it’s affection.

You’d always been a…touchy person, and it had tended to get you into trouble. You understood boundaries, you just hated them. You didn’t know why it was such a taboo to show the people you cared about that you cared. Why was intimacy in friendships so frowned upon? Why couldn’t you wrap your arms around your friends. Kiss them on the cheek? Cuddle with them?

It just had never been a big deal to you. You liked touching, and fuck, did you liked to be touched.

When you walk into the kitchen, you’re surprised to find the gathering there.

Nat, Wanda and Clint stand at the island, cutting up veggies and talking between themselves. Thor and Bruce sit at a table with Steve and Bucky. It all seems so…pleasant. One of those rare quaint, normal moments in the tower. It would make anyone smile.

“Goodmorning, sunshines” You greet them as you walk in.

You steal a piece of tomato from Natasha’s cutting board and plop it into you mouth.

“Y/N you are aware that it’s almost one, right?” She informs you with a smile to which you just shrug.

“Technicalities. It’s still noon-ish so it’s morning…pretty much”

“Flawed way of thinking you got there, squirt” Clint criticized. His eleven year old had better sleeping habits then you.

“Flawed or brilliant?”

“You sound just like Tony” Bruce calls from his place across the room and you pull your head from the fridge.

“Why thanks”

When you cant find anything that catches your eye in the massive fridge, even though its brightly lit with an array of food, you call for FRIDAY and ask her if she could have the chef cook you up some Nutella crepes, “please and thank you!”

“How high are you right now?” Wanda reaches over to whisper to you knowingly and you lean forward to rest your chin on her shoulder, her long dark hair tickling your face pleasantly.

“Super. You have to try this shit that I got from Jessica, it’s crazy” You reply, your breath hot on her ear so that she’s the only one who can hear you.

The both of you break out in to giggles, girlish and young sounding. Wanda missed this, the having a connection like this with someone. Welcoming and relishing another’s touch in a way that was both intimate and utterly innocent.

She’d had it with Pietro…and then he’d gone and left her alone and she thought that was the end of it.

But then you’d gotten close to her, befriended her, and there it was again. Being able to just, melt with someone was something that should be cherished. She cherished her friendship with you. The way you let her lean into you with no resistance. You and your bright eyes and contagious laugh. She felt…she felt more like Wanda when she was with you. Less like Scarlett Witch.

Bucky hadn’t meant to watch you for as long as he had. He’d turned to you when you’d entered the room and hadn’t been able to tear his eyes away, for more then mere moments, since. It was a mixture of the tiny shorts you had on, the way the black lacy material rode up your sumptuous thighs…but mostly it was your interaction with Wanda. He wasn’t particularly close to her(he wasn’t particularly close to anyone except for Steve and Sam…although he’d never admit it) but he’d never seen the girl like this. Like you’d somehow lit her up from the inside.

The two of you we’re whispering and laughing like school girls, carefree and light and it stirred something in his stomach.

His eyes snap away as you approach the table.

“Hello sirs” you salute as you come up and take the seat in between Steve and Thor. It’s comical how intensely the two men dwarf you.

“Hello little woman” Thor squeezes your shoulder, his big palm encompassing the flesh “How was your sleep? It seems like it’s been days since you graced us with your presence”

You cant help bite your lips together to hide a grin. Would you ever get over the regal manner in which Thor talked?

Probably not.

“Yeah, Y/N. How are you feeling today? Less drowsy?” It’s the tone in Bruce’s voice you don’t like, not his words. He’s using his doctor’s voice on you.

Yes, Bruce knew about your…situation. Tony had told him, with your permission, so that he could help monitor the process. You didn’t mind him knowing, you just didn’t want him blowing it and everyone finding out about it. It was a sensitive subject for you and you’d rather keep it quiet. It’s not that you didn’t trust the others its just…you weren’t ready for it to be public knowledge.

You didn’t want to be looked at differently.

“I’m fine” You play it off “My sleeping schedule’s just been off. I just had to reset my internal clock to the eastern time zone. No biggie’”

Bruce wants to ask you more but he’s a smart man, and decides he’d press the issue later in the privacy of the lab. He knew what it was like to want to keep a secret, and he wasn’t about to go making you uncomfortable by blowing yours.

You reach over to steal one of the fries off of Steve’s plate, sticking you tongue out at him “How has you guy’s day been so far? No alien invasions yet?”

You had a way of setting the atmosphere, keeping it light.

You talk with the guys until Bruce leaves, needing to go run some labs or smash some things…okay that was an asshole joke, you chastise yourself. You didn’t like teasing him about his little green problem, Thor follows him. Talking about some meeting he was being “forced unwillingly to attend”

“Good luck, big guy” You kiss his cheek before he leaves.

“So really, what have you guys been up to today” You ask the two men you’re left with as you cut into your crepes.

“Nothin’ much, it’s been a quiet one so far. Just training. I was thinking about going for a walk later on, maybe Central Park? Get some sketching in while I can” Steve answers.

“You drawing more, Steve? That’s amazing! You’ll have to show me some of your stuff sometime! I remember they were always so good” You urge him excitedly. Since you’d known him, you’d tried to push him to take his art seriously. Fuck knows it was his only release. You had a feeling even Steve Rogers had a breaking point, you also had no desire to ever see it.

Only Steve’s ears turn red, which is actually progress for him “Yeah, I can do that”

“Really? So a pretty girl asks to see your sketchbook and your game, but I, your best friend cant?” Bucky sees an opening and cant help but take it “Whatta’ Jerk”

Okay, where did that come from? You fight to keep the shock off of your face. Pretty girl? Really?

“Well she’s not a crap critic like you are” Steve justifies himself “Last time I showed you somethin’ you told me that I couldn’t draw dog paws for shit”

“Hey, I was just kidding. That was about a year ago, too!” Bucky sounds truly apologetic and you break out into a squawk of laughter.

“You guys are so married, oh my god” You shake your head at the two of them. It’s cute… seeing them together. Both of their guards way down.

“Don’t encourage his behavior, Y/N” Steve’s trying not to chuckle.

You turn your attention to Bucky then, your body literally angling towards him as you focus in. “What about you, Bucky? Any big plans?”

Why? Why does his brain turn off when you look at him like that? Your gleaming eyes looking at nothing but his face.

“Uh- nothing yet, doll”

“Awe if I didn’t have to go shopping I’d say lets have our marathon!”

“Marathon?” Steve wonders, his eyes flashing between the two of you.

“Yeah, I’m going to force Bucky to watch Harry Potter with me. You know, bring his life great enlightenment and fulfilment” You answer him nonchalantly, taking a bite of your food. Letting out a little moan and crossing your eyes “Oh my gosh this is amazing”

Did you mean to look so sexual? The way your pretty lipstick coated lips wrapped around that fork had Bucky tensing.

“No really you guys, who even is this new chef? Is he the second coming of Christ? Taste this!” You encourage as you cut another piece and hold it out to Bucky, your hand under it incase it falls.

He doesn’t know what to do. Does he turn you down? Would that be rude? Would it hurt your feelings?

So he just opens his mouth and allows you to feed him the sweet pastry.

“Amazing, huh?”

“Mmhmm, really good” is all Bucky mumbles, trying to keep the heat from his face.

“Steve try it!” You urge, pouting a little when he doesn’t let you shove your fork in his mouth.

As tempting as the offer was- Nutella and the look on your face- Steve had learned his lesson. What if Tony came in and saw you spoon feeding him? Nope.

“I just ate a burger, I gotta’ watch my physique” He teases and your eyebrows knit together.

“Really, take a bite. I’m sure your physique can handle it. Here” You give him the fork so that he can feed himself.

Since when was Steve weird with you like that? You used to be able to…flow with him. Without even thinking about it?

You shrug it off as pot linked paranoia. Just because he didn’t let you spoon feed him didn’t mean you guys weren’t still close. Right?

“Hey are we still going shopping?” Wanda asks as she comes up “If so I’m going to go change?”

“Yeah! Definitely. I need to find a new backpack before I start school again next week. And yeah, I need to change too, you can come get ready with me in my room if you want” You stand quickly, scooting away from the table “You guys can have the rest of that. See ya’ later, gentleman"

And with that your sashaying out of the room with Wanda.

Steve notices Bucky staring at the sway of your hips.

“Bud…”

“Shut up, Steve”

“I told you. Y/N- She’s- Something else” Steve searches for the words “But the kid’s Tony’s pride and joy and we’re still on thin ice with the guy”

“How old is she anyway?” Bucky completely ignores the Tony part of Steve’s sentence. Why’d everyone call her kid? She looked a little young, with that dimpled smile but she was in college so she couldn’t be AS young as they treated her.

“Twenty three” Steve’s response is curt. Matter of fact.

Twenty three, huh? Bucky thinks. That is a little young…a lot younger then his near century. Not young enough for it to deter him, though.

Bucky doesn’t know what to say for a moment. Neither of them do really. It’s quiet as Steve eats the reminder of the crepes because holy shit you hadn’t been lying they were sent from heaven.

Then, Bucky’s handsome face stretches into a devilish smile. One Steve had seen many a’ time.

“She’s got a nice pair of gams on her, doesn’t she?”

Steve tries to purse his lips, but fails in hiding his own wolfish expression.

“That she does”

———

Because even though Steve is Captain America we all know he’s still that little shit from Brooklyn at heart right? Especially when Bucky’s around. Lesbi-honest here I have the major hots for Wanda and it’s taking all of my will power not to write her as a love interest but I really want to focus on a close, strong female friendship…even though I’m dying to have Y/N get her some Wanda😩

As usual give me some feedback! Going to slow? Too fast? Is Y/N too…touchy? What do you think the pills are for and do you want to be tagged? Tellllll me ya’ll

@devenrenee @skeletoresinthebasement @kendallefire @mellifluousbabe @toniinhere @agentmstark @purplekitten30 @bellaballanda @yslbucky @arabellaaurorabarnes @prinxessofspace @supernaturally-lucky @sngforme @kyritha  @18crazybutcutealsopsycho @peaceloveancolor @gabwinchester-dixon

Speedy App

Canon Character Application Form

Roleplayer’s name: Fe

Age: 20

Gender: Gal

Predicted average weekly activity level: I should be able to meet the requirements of all characters, but occasionally, if my schedule is particularly busy I will have to prioritize replies based on who’s needed most. In those cases, I will make sure I do at least one reply per character that week. I am almost always online if anyone needs me ooc. I’m a student, so occasionally if I have some crazy amount of assignments I may have to take a short hiatus.

Time zone: Eastern

Anything else you want us to know?:

iM SO HYPE

—

Character’s superhero/villain name: Speedy, may change in the future

Character’s civilian name: Roy Harper

Alignment: Superhero. He can walk the line of antihero if pushed hard enough.

Affiliated with: Formerly Titans East. Speedy now considers himself to have ‘graduated’ the Titans, and has pursued a more solo career.

Age: 18, almost 19

Physical characteristics: Speedy is tall, with a slew of red hair carefully styled on his head, which he heavily prides himself in. He’s rather fit, with muscles particularly evident in his arms due to being a skilled archer. He’s known for his condescending smirk, and chiseled jaw.

Personality traits: Roy is, well, a bit of an asshole, but he generally means well. He fights for what is right, on a broad scale (he’ll happily take down criminals, for example), but his remarks can border on offensive (or sexist), and he’s not always the brightest. He usually doesn’t mean to, but his words can unknowingly cause harm. It may take a bit of correcting from his friends for him to change his bad habits. He is a bit selfish, and tends to think highly of himself. Roy is in the process of finding himself, and is not always as upbeat as he once was. He can be hot-headed, rather stubborn, and moody at times. He also can be immature, although he would never consider himself as such.

Having reached adulthood, he thinks he is much more mature than any of the Titans who are still ‘children’ (he even thinks he is more of an adult than the Titans that are his age). He likes to poke fun at his friends, and often has a witty or sarcastic zinger ready. He however, does not always take criticism in return too well. He also likes to make jokes, usually at the expense of others. Roy is a big flirt, and always has his eyes out for beautiful women (and the occasional guy). In that department, he does not always respect women as much as he ought to, and this gets him into trouble.

Special abilities: Speedy is an excellent archer that can easily hit most targets. In addition, he is fairly tech-savy, and has designed a multitude of trick-arrows. And does either beautiful hair or seduction skills count?

Character history:

Roy Harper’s father was a ranger in a forest that bordered Navajo reservation lands and was killed in a forest fire, leaving 3 year old Roy orphaned. A medicine man of the name Brave Bow took Roy in after the young boy wandered onto the reservation lands. Brave Bow trained Roy to be a superb archer and was Roy’s caretaker until his death 5 years later. Then, Roy was adopted by Oliver Queen and became the Green Arrow’s sidekick under the name Speedy. At age 13, Roy helped found the original Teen Titans with Dick, Wally, Garth, and Donna, but they were too young to lead their own team and it disbanded fairly quickly.

For a while, he returned to his role of Green Arrow’s sidekick until Roy decided to part ways with his mentor to become a solo hero (not unlike a few other teen superheroes at that time). Teen Titans East was later formed with Speedy as a core member when he was 16. Speedy remained a member of the team for over 2 years, but towards the end began continuously clashing with Bumblebee, the team’s leader.

Roy had different ideas for the team, and being told what to do frustrated him; it reminded him of his times as Green Arrow’s sidekick. Speedy not only had disagreements with Bumblebee, but he started to feel that the Titans were child’s play compared to other super heroes, and decided to become a solo-hero not associated from the Titans. He has turned in his communicator, but in the age of technology he can usually be contacted if needed. He remains in close touch with Aqualad, and Robin particularly. He has had some interactions with the Justice League, but they are not interested in adding him to their team. Roy now pursues criminals on his own, but sometimes assists the Titans if he’s around or needed. He has also contacted the Titans on occasion for assistance with a mission.

He goes wherever the wind takes him, and has currently found himself in Jump City. While obviously this is an area with Titans, Roy had noticed an increased amount of crime in the city and has come to help out. Roy additionally feels more comfortable with interacting with Titans West than his own former team of Titans East, and often visits the Tower. He is especially fond of some of the newer inhabitants of the Tower, which has been an extra incentive for visiting.

Place of residence: A little bit of everywhere, but right now Jump City. Lately can often be found bumming on the couch at Titans West Tower.

Other:

In-character writing sample :

Roy rolled his eyes under his mask at the villains remarks, and responded to him by launching an explosive trick-arrow at the man. Roy was becoming particularly irritated now, and wanted to put an end to this exchange. It seemed like villains these days were coming up with even worse one-liners than ever before. Sometimes, Speedy didn’t mind a bit of a playful back-and-forth with a criminal (especially if they were a pretty lady), but there had to be decent enough material to actually work with. And the evil-doers in Jump just weren’t up to the comedic standards that Roy was used to. It was just another thing that made Roy feel like he didn’t quite belong on the West Coast.

The man laughed; the plain-looking arrow had hit a few feet to the right of him, and he evidently assumed that Speedy had missed. 3… 2… 1… The small explosion hit, knocking the masked man over, and now Roy was the one chuckling. Being a newer face in town, many of the local goons genuinely did not understand that there was more than meets the eye with his arrows.

The villain coughed from the smoke, and shot his own weapon at Speedy. Roy quickly dodged, but he felt a breeze ruffle his hair.

“Hey, watch it!” he accused as he flung an ice-arrow at the man. The criminal tried to scurry away, but the arrow almost immediately caused ice to travel up his body, quite literally freezing him in his place. “That’s what happens to people who fuck with my hair. You’re headed to jail now, bud.”

Other questions:

Why are you interested in joining TTRPG? More specifically, why do you want to roleplay this character?

I’ve played Speedy for two different groups, and I adore playing such an annoying jerk of a character. He’s a lot of fun, and has such great interactions with other characters. I’m looking forward to portraying a version of his character that draws from a later issue of the TTGO comics, as well as other DCU media: a Speedy that feels as if he has out-grown the Titans, and wants to do his own thing. However, Speedy will find that it’s a lot harder to cut ties than he’d imagined, and will get dragged into much of the same shenanigans as before, except with a different perspective. 

If your character is not part of a Titans team:

In what ways do you foresee your character interacting with the Titans and other characters? Speedy has parted ways with Titans East (and the Titans as a whole) not too long ago, so he will try to avoid his old team and distance himself from the Titans label itself. However, most of his bad blood was specifically with Titans East, so he is comfortable enough interacting with the other Titans on occasion. He still considers many of them his friends, and generally has no problem helping with something if he’s around. He is currently staying in Jump City, where there has been an increase of crime, so there is ample opportunity to interact with Titans West and anyone else in the area. Sometimes he directly collabs with Titans West, and other times he simply shows up at the same mission by coincidence.

However, his attitude has shifted a bit now that he has gone solo, and he is not always the most enjoyable to be working with. He often thinks he has the best way to go about missions, and will try to lead when it is not his place to do so, so there may be some butting of heads.

Depending on how the main plot evolves, Speedy could potentially rejoin the Titans in the future.

Do you have any ideas regarding how your character will be introduced to any of the other characters or what characters they will frequently be interacting with?

I think it will just be known to most other characters that Speedy is just sort-of hanging around Jump City, and that he’s gone solo, so they won’t be surprised if he ends up tagging along on missions or just showing up at Titans Tower. I’m sure some of the characters will gladly give him shit about how he’s solo, yet still hanging around, though. I think that Speedy will end up interacting a lot with Titans West, at least until we get a bigger cast of characters. As soon as we get more characters, I’d like to have him branch out to develop closer relationships with them, especially with ones he hadn’t really interacted with in canon.

I’d also like to see him take on villains by himself, or even hanging around some villains (hello Kitten).

I look forward to him interacting with Ravager for sure, since they’re both such interesting characters. I would also like him to have some interactions with Terra (or clone!Terra) as soon as she gets more established into Titans West. I’m not sure how that will work since I play both of those characters, but I’ll make it work. I’m not above roleplaying with myself.

I’m hoping we get a Cheshire, because I would love to have spicy, dramatic interactions between those two. I’m also not opposed to having some crack-ish ships like KittenxSpeedy either >.>

How much I spent during two weeks of travel

I like to travel. Over the past decade, I've probably made an average of two international trips per year. But you know what? Never once in that time have I tried to track how much I spend while exploring the world. Sure, I log my numbers in Quicken (as I do for everything), but I've never analyzed the cost of an individual trip. This month, I flew to Europe to hang out with my cousin Duane again. He and I enjoy traveling together. Because I was curious, I decided to be diligent about tracking my expenses for this trip. Note, however, that I didn't try to do anything different. I didn't adjust my normal behavior simply because I knew I'd be reporting to GRS readers. I did what I always do. I spent in ways that felt normal to me. I don't need a fancy hotel, for instance. Neither does Duane. We're happy with cheap, simple lodging. And because most of the time we don't book rooms in advance, we don't hunt for the best deal. When we decide to stop for the night, we look for a place to stay. When we find something reasonable ($50 per person per night is our target) and available, we book it. We don't continue to search. We'd rather use our time to explore our surroundings. On the other hand, we're both willing to splurge on food from time to time. Our rooms aren't important to us, but what we eat is. Similarly, we'll pay to see special sites, but mostly we're happy visiting free museums and/or walking around a city. We don't pay much for tours, etc. So, how much did I spend for two weeks in Europe? Let's find out!

Chateau Chenonceau in France's Loire Valley Booking Flights This trip was sort of spontaneous. Remember, Duane has throat cancer. We expected our trip in December to be the last adventure we had together. But his health has held steady and his doctor is making hopeful statements that he might be around for Christmas! so we decided to make another trip. Generally, I try to book flights several months in advance. I feel like I find cheaper options that way. This time, though, I didn't book my flight until April 19th, less than a month before our trip. Also, I'm fussy about flights. It's not that I need to sit in business class I'm perfectly happy in coach but I don't like layovers. I'm willing to pay extra for a direct flight. Unfortunately, when I searched for flights from Portland to Paris, I couldn't find any direct flights. I could, however, find a non-stop to London. I like London. It's a pleasant city. What if, I thought, I flew to London a few days early and used that time to get some work done? Then I could take the Chunnel train across to Paris to meet Duane when he arrives. So, I booked a flight to London. It cost me $996.63 and each leg took roughly 10.5 hours. (I don't know how much Duane paid for his plane ticket. I think it was around $600, but he had to fly from Portland to Las Vegas to Los Angeles to Paris and it took him almost 24 hours. Yuck. I'm happy to pay a premium to avoid crap like that.) I made a small mistake when booking my ticket. In the past, I've always traveled economy. That's what I thought I was doing this time. Nope. Apparently, there's a new(-ish) airfare class called basic economy. This is a massive screw you from the airlines to their customers. It's a little bit cheaper, but you're not allowed to make any changes to your ticket once you've booked. No option to upgrade. Plus, you board dead last. And you can't choose your seat. And if you check a bag as I did for my return flight it costs a ton. Edinburgh I flew into London with no real plan for the first few days. Brandon (the Mad Fientist) had invited me to visit him and his wife in Edinburgh, Scotland, but I felt like I oughtn't do it. I felt like I should stay in London and work. When I landed, though, I changed my mind. Is it still okay if I come up to see you? I asked. Sure! Brandon said. So, I hopped on Trainline (an awesome app that Duane and I used to buy train tickets during our December trip) and booked a ticket from London to Edinburgh. Cost: $101.92. While waiting for my train at Kings Cross station (and watching the tourist throngs at Platform 9-1/2), I withdrew 200 for spending money, which is about $252.31. I used this cash to buy things like coffee and snacks and souvenirs. I brought home 141.15, which means I spent 58.85 (or about $74.24) cash while in the U.K. I had a great time hanging out with Brandon and Jill. They showed me everyday life in Edinburgh, one of my favorite cities. They put me up in their spare room, took me to pubs, and we wandered together through the streets and the parks. While there, I spent: $45.76 at Brewdog for beer and snacks. (Did you know that low-alcohol beer like 0.5% to 2.0% is a thing in the U.K.? I wish it was a thing here in the U.S. I'd buy it.)$17.74 at Whiski Bar for an hour of music and Scotch.$9.91 at Cairngorm Coffee, where Brandon and I spent a morning working.$33.78 at Mother India restaurant, where the three of us had a fine meal of Indian tapas. In all, I spent a total of $283.35 during my three nights in Scotland.

Picnic in the Meadows with the Mad Fientist and friends Paris When it came time to meet Duane in Paris, I was faced with a choice. Originally, I had intended to take the train from London to Paris. But when I looked at times and prices to get from Edinburgh to Gare du Nord, I didn't like what I saw. The trip would take about 12.5 hours and the total cost would be over $350. Yikes! You should book a flight on EasyJet, Brandon suggested. I've never used EasyJet, but I looked into it. For $199.45, I could fly from Edinburgh to Charles de Gaulle airport (CDG) in Paris in less than two hours. I booked a ticket. Then, using Chase Ultimate Rewards points, I booked one night at the Hotel ibis, which is attached to CDG terminal 3. My cost: 7718 Chase points. In Paris, I paid 17.99 for a one-day train pass, which gave me unlimited access to all Metro and RER routes. (The metro lines are the subway and local trains. The RER routes are the commuter trains that run deeper into the suburbs, going places like Versailles and the airport.) I also withdrew 200 in cash (about $222.50) to use for incidental expenses, such as snacks and souvenirs. While I waited for Duane's flight to arrive, I visited Notre Dame to see what it looked like after the fire. (I was startled to note that when the wind was right, you could smell the ashes!) I bought an extra travel shirt. And I met my friend Amy for champagne and charcuterie. (Amy lives in Houston but happened to be in Paris for work.)

Amy, J.D., and random amused French woman At around 18:00, I returned to the airport to pick up our rental car. I was worried this might not go smoothly, but I was wrong. Estelle, the young woman at the Avis counter, was amazing. It didn't take long for her to get met set up with a Peugot 208. Plus, she was kind enough to phone ahead to our hotel to let them know we'd be a little late. I booked the car with British Airways points. My cost: 16,600 Avios a bargain! As I was finishing at the rental car, Duane cleared immigration. Perfect timing! We hopped in our little car, braved Paris traffic and made our way to the garden spot of Giverny. In Giverny, we checked into our B&B (booked with 8154 Chase points), then hurried to the only restaurant in town that was still open. Duane spent 51.00 on our dinner of duck breast and red wine. During two nights in and around Paris, I spent $199.45, 17.99, 8154 Chase points, and 16,600 Avios (BA points). Duane spent 51.00. Normandy The next morning, Duane and I started our driving tour of northwest France. I'd been worried that all French drivers would be like the ones in Paris. They weren't. On the country roads, people were much more mellow. Thank goodness. (I drive like an old man. I hate speeding and tailgating.) First, we toured Rouen, the town where Joan of Arc was burned at the stake. We saw our first cathedral of the trip, visited the (free) Museum of Fine Arts, and browsed the weekly market. Duane and I both enjoy markets. We're happy to pass time looking at fruits and vegetables and meat and fish. For real. Plus, this gave us a chance to buy cheap food for the road. I picked up a paper sack filled with twenty baby chorizo sausages, for instance, and it cost only 5. (I think there were more than 20 sausages in the bag too. That thing lasted me almost the entire trip, and I was eating several sausages per day.) In the afternoon, we drove to Honfleur with no plans about where to stay. The first hotel we visited was perfect: cheap and efficient. I paid 100.00 to book a room. Duane spent 54.00 on our dinner at a local pub. On our second day, we meandered along the coast. We stopped to taste calvados (an apple brandy made in Normandy), nibbled goat cheese in Deauville, and stopped to visit the Grand Hotel in Cabourg, the site of Proust's famous memory-inducing madeleine.

Buying goat cheese and bacon in Deauville In the late afternoon, we reached Bayeux. Our first hotel choice was booked, but the second had two cheap rooms available. We paid 49.00 each. For dinner, we chose an expensive restaurant (I can't remember why) that cost Duane 94.00. After dinner, we wandered around town. It was a magical evening in mid-spring. We happened to hit the city during its festival of lights, and when we stopped by the cathedral, an American choir was performing a concert. We stopped in to listen. In the morning, we visited the Bayeux Tapestry, a 70-meter long work of art that's nearly 1000 years old. In dozens of scenes, it depicts the Norman conquest of England. People think I'm joking when I say this, but I'm not: This tapestry is like a very early comic book. (And, in fact, the drawings used to plan tapestries like this are referred to as cartoons. No joke.) This visit cost me 19.00.

Seriously, the Bayeux Tapestry is like a primitive comic book While in Bayeux, we visited Omaha Beach and the nearby American Military Cemetery. After that, we drove backroads to reach Mont-Saint-Michel, one of the most famous tourist sites in all of France (and formerly one of the top three destinations for Christian pilgrims). This island used to be isolated from the mainland by ocean tides. Now there's a causeway that leads to it, but even that sometimes floods over (as it did during our stay). I used 14,538 Chase points to book a room on the island, and I'm glad we did. During the day, the place is packed. After 18:00, the crowd disperses and things become peaceful. It's fun to wander the ramparts with nobody to disturb you. Here, Duane paid 89.00 for dinner. During our time in Normandy, I spent a total of 168.00 and 14,538 Chase points. Duane spent 286.00.

Mont-Saint-Michel at high tide Brittany The next morning, after a quick tour of the Mont-Saint-Michel abbey, Duane and I packed up to drive to Brittany. (The island actually sits on the border between the two regions.) As we entered Brittany, we got our first taste of fuel prices in France. To put 38 liters (about 10 gallons) in the Peugot 208, I paid 60.00. Holy cats! That's nearly $7 per gallon, or about twice what we pay here in the States. In the early afternoon, we stopped for a couple of hours in the walled city of Dinan, which is built on a hillside overlooking the river Rance.

Looking from the ramparts of Dinan to the valley below By early evening, we'd reached Carnac on the Atlantic coast. Carnac is famous for its standing stones, a collection of 3000+ domens and menhirs in the region. I love sites like this (and Avebury and Stonehenge in England), so was pleased to visit. (If you've ever read any Asterix comics, you're familiar with the stones of Carnac.) The first hotel we visited had a cheap room available (66.00), so we booked it. Our dinner next door wasan adventure. Brittany, as you may know, is the source of the crepe. It's also the source of the galette (a savory crepe). Crepes and galettes everywhere in this region. Because we like to try local food when we travel, Duane and I decided to eat galettes for our evening meal. You should get the andouille, the restaurant owner told us, smiling. So we did. Well. It turns out that American andouille is not the same as French andouille. French andouille is simply sliced pig intestine that has (ostensibly) been cleaned very, very well. This tastes like ass, Duane said as he ate his galette. He couldn't finish. I did finish, but was a little mortified when I looked up the ingredients later. Our host seemed to take pity on us for being such good sports. When I ordered a glass of calvados after the meal, he gave me a huge pour. I paid 46.00 for our dinner of pig-gut pancakes. During our 24 hours in Brittany, I spent a total of 172.00. Duane spent nothing. The Loire Valley After a quick breakfast of coffee and crepes (12.00 paid by Duane), we made our way to Angers, former capital of the Anjou region. (Angers is the source of both anjou pears and Cointreau liqueur.) Here, we visited our first chateau. Did you know that a chateau is a castle? I didn't not until this trip. Anyhow, the Chateau d'Angers is home to the amazing Apocalypse Tapestry, a 600-year-old visual retelling of the apocalypse story from the Bible's Book of Revelation. Like the Bayeux Tapestry, it reminds me of a massive comic book made from cloth. It cost us 12.00 each to see the chateau and its art. (Duane paid this.)

The Apocalypse Tapestry at Chateau d'Angers In the evening, we experienced our big splurge of the trip. Based on a GRS reader recommendation, I had booked a night for us at the Royal Abbey of Our Lady of Fontevraud, a former monastery founded in 1101. Although many old buildings remain (and guests are free to explore them), the site is no longer an abbey. It's a fancy upscale hotel and a Michelin-star restaurant. Going in, I'd told Duane to ignore the costs for our night at Fontevraud. I'm paying for the hotel and dinner, and it's not part of our trip accounting. Don't try to balance it out, I said. I'm making a deliberate decision to splurge. Our room at the abbey cost us 172.00. Our meal cost 239.00. As I mentioned earlier this week, the food was fine and I'm glad I experienced it. But I wouldn't do it again. In the morning, we traveled country roads to visit another chateau: Chenonceau. We each paid 19.00 to tour the grounds of this beautiful old estate. In the afternoon, we moved to nearby Amboise, where Duane paid 73.00 to book a hotel. We hiked up the hillside, then tasted wine in a cave. We ate dinner at the tiny Restaurant L'Ilot, where the woman waiting tables chided us for not making a reservation then was playfully grouchy the rest of the evening. This meal cost Duane 94.00 because he insisted we order a bottle of wine. The next day, we stopped briefly in Blois to visit the church of St Nicolas. This place is barely mentioned in the guidebooks, but we loved it. During World War II, most of its stained-glass windows were destroyed. They've been replaced by modern windows with modern glass. The results are amazing. When light shines through them, color spreads throughout the church.

The light show from the stained glass at St Nicolas Church We next stopped in Chartres to visit its famous cathedral, which is especially known for its stained-glass windows. And while yes, there are many of them (176!) and they're impressive, I liked the ones in Blois better. During our time in the Loire Valley, I spent a total of 430.00, most of it for my splurge at the abbey. Duane spent 281.00. (He filled the car with gas at one point.) Wrapping Things Up After touring the Chartres cathedral, we didn't know what to do. We found ourselves on the southwest side of Paris, but wanting to reach the northeast corner by the following evening. We couldn't make up our minds, so I simply drove east. Eventually, we reached Fontainebleau, which we decided might be fun to visit. But the town was packed and we were tired. Instead, we drove on until we found a budget hotel (aptly named Budget Hotel), where Duane paid 86.00 for a room. For dinner, we each paid cash at a French fast-food chain. The next morning, we returned our rental car. I was sad to say good-bye to the Peugot 208, which had served us well. Before we turned it in, Duane paid 32.00 to top off the fuel tank. For logistics purposes, I'd used 11,182 Chase points to book us separate rooms at the ibis Hotel once again. (It's handy having this place next to the airport train station.) We each paid 17.99 for one-day train tickets, then we rode into Paris. With several hours to kill, we decided to walk the city. But we didn't walk the downtown tourist core. We've both done that before. Instead, we chose the Coule verte Ren-Dumont, an elevated greenway akin to New York's Highline. From there, we made our way along the canal. This 5k stroll made for great people-watching. Here, we said our good-byes. Duane wandered off to spend time on his own. I met up with my pal Matt Kepnes (a.k.a. Nomadic Matt) for a couple of beers. In the morning, I took an early flight back to London (booked with 4500 Avios and $27.50), then boarded my Delta flight back to Portland. On this final day, I spent a total of $47.48, 4500 Avios, and 11,182 Chase points. (At some point, I withdrew another 200.00 in spending money. I returned home with 102.66, which means I spent 97.34 of that or about $108.41.) Duane spent 86.00 and $19.98. The Bottom Line After all of that, how much did I spend on this trip? Let's crunch the numbers. For two weeks (three nights in Scotland and ten in France), I spent: $996.63 for my flights from and to the U.S.$573.65637.98 (about $710.63)19,336 Chase points21,100 Avios (British Airways points) Converting all of my expenses to dollars, my total cost was $2277.91 plus rewards points. That's an average of $175.22 per night. (I spent $1284.28 plus points if you ignore the flight, for an average of $98.79 per night.) If I hadn't splurged 411.00 for the abbey experience (and instead paid 100 for dinner and lodging that night), my costs would have been 311.00 less. During our nine nights together in France, Duane spent a total of 670.99 (about $747.40) plus whatever his flights cost him (about $600, I think). That's $83.04 per night ($149.71 with his flights). Together, not counting flights, we spent the equivalent of $2031.68 and points for this vacation. Because I've never tracked my trip spending before, I have no frame of reference for our costs. I feel like we did a good job of using money wisely spending only on things that brought us value but who knows? I'm sure plenty of people would spend much less on a trip like this. That would probably require advance planning, though, and half the fun for us is making this up as we go. Here's the thing, though. How much have I been spending simply to live here at home? About $5000 per month, right? (And I'm aiming to get that down to $4000 per month.) When you compare the cost of travel to the cost of simply maintaining my lifestyle here in the U.S., it's shockingly affordable. Cheaper than living in Portland, even. That's food for thought. One final note: In Edinburgh, Brandon showed me how to use Apple Pay. Believe it or not, I'd never done this before. Now, though, I'm hooked. Even back here in Portland, I'm using my phone to pay for things, not my actual credit card. I think this is awesome. Duane is less convinced. But that's a subject for a future blog post

Author: J.D. Roth In 2006, J.D. founded Get Rich Slowly to document his quest to get out of debt. Over time, he learned how to save and how to invest. Today, he's managed to reach early retirement! He wants to help you master your money and your life. No scams. No gimmicks. Just smart money advice to help you reach your goals. https://www.getrichslowly.org/travel-spending/

How to Succeed in Fangirling Without Really Trying

[Insert nervous laughter here]

I guess we should start with the basics like introductions and the more important things you need to know about me. Hi, my name is Grey. I am a person of the adult-ish variety who is, more importantly, a fangirl. Very soon, I will be graduating from college with a degree in history. And yes, just history. And no, I do not want to be a teacher. (This is important to the overall narrative I’m trying to create here, but we’ll get to that later.) I am a Hufflepuff and I take almost as much pride in that fact as I do about my remarkable ability to eat and drive at the same time (my friends might say otherwise, but they’re lying to you). My idea of a “lit” night is when the light radiates from my Netflix account. I love a good book and a bottle of dry, red wine. Preferably together. If there is one other thing I know for sure about myself at the ripe age of “almost-22,” it’s that being a fangirl is all I really know how to do. Maybe through this blog, I can take people on a journey they can relate to. Maybe if I share my story, it can help someone else who is out there feeling the way I’m feeling. Maybe they’ll even start a blog. It’s what I did.

To kick off this shindig, there is a little bit more you need to know about me. Like where and how my story starts. From a young age I was encouraged to be the best I could be. Not the best out of everyone, but my parents knew what I was capable of and they wanted me to do well for me, not anyone else. However, I was an awkward kid. No matter what my parents say. Isn’t everyone? Throughout my K-12 education, I somehow managed to stick myself right in the middle of the herd. I guess the more appropriate description would be “average.” I played one sport in my four years of high school, so I was not jock material. I was in choir, but not a soloist. I was in the musical, but felt more comfortable being part of the stage crew. I spent most of my lunches in my school’s library. The average high school student will experience some form of bullying and I was no exception. Not to the extent that others were, but it was enough to scar me so that my goal for that part of my education was just to get through it with as few waves as possible. So, I adapted and figured out that being stuck in the middle of everything is what made me happy. I didn’t want to be the center of attention. That would’ve been my worst nightmare. I hated myself back then and I had already given people enough of a chance to hate me in my earlier years. It might not have been bad, but it was enough.

I, also, might not be able to remember all the details, but I can pinpoint the moment I knew I was a fangirl. I was in 6th grade and I held in my meaty little hands a copy of The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan. I read the opening part of the first chapter entitled “I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher” and it is, to this day, the closest thing I can equate to finding myself. Tiny little me, reading a book about a kid not much older than her who feels it in every fiber of his bones that he is different and can’t do a damn thing about it at that moment, it just felt like coming home. I inhaled the words on those pages. I injected them into my bloodstream once every month. No other book could ever compare as I reread it over and over and over again. It was Wonderland and I was Alice, falling, falling, falling down the rabbit hole and but with no intention of ever stopping the free fall. And as I grew older and wiser, and my tastes expanded, I started to realize that I had always been like that. Disney movies were (still are) the pinnacle of my movie tastes. I wouldn’t watch anything other than animated movies until I was well over the age of 12. My mom begged me to play outside as a kid when all I wanted to do was sit down and watch Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, or the Disney Channel. Percy Jackson and his journey finally put it all into perspective for me. And I’m still spiraling. I started to consume knowledge about Greek Mythology more than my studies. I read anything fantasy based that I could get my hands on. Harry Potter, Fablehaven, Peter and the Star Catchers, Oh. My. Gods., House of Night, the list is as endless as it is ongoing. As I grew, my tastes expanded. I got into anime, sci-fi, comics, crime, true crime, literally anything that took me away from the normal life I was leading. What I wanted more than anything in the world was to be there.

All of these things carried me through my high school career, but not in the way I was expecting. I loved my stories, my otherworlds, more than I ever loved the real world, but it beckoned. Not so much like a siren’s song, more like the annoying alarm clock in the morning that you just perpetually want to turn off, but somehow end up hitting SNOOZE so it keeps waking you up every few minutes. High school was a time where the answer to the question “So, what do you want to be when you grow up?” was finally starting to be the most important question you could answer. I’ll give you three guesses as to what girl never, ever had the answer to that question and the first two don’t count… Yup, t’was me. I’m pretty sure every time someone asked me that, my answered changed. The only thing I really knew, at least at that point, was there were two things I loved. History and what I’ve come to now realize is my all-encompassing, heart-stopping, soul-crushing love for the creative process. Everything in this world that is created has a story that I need to know. I fawn over fan art just as much as Picasso or Van Gogh. I think fanfiction and their authors can sometimes be written better than the original. I have music on at all times during the day. If I am not reading, I am watching something. If I am not watching, then I am trying to hone my own creative processes. Everything about being a fangirl appeals me like a drug. Where bullying knocked me down, I bathed myself in fantasy and used it as my armor. When the only thing I wanted to do was just get through, my fandoms taught me how I should live. Whenever I felt like I wasn’t loved or good enough or whatever enough, somehow, some way, fiction would wrap its arms around me, remind me that I was, and lift me up to carry me home.

Sounds like a wonderful thing to make a career out of, right? But if bullying had taught me anything, it was that I wasn't good enough. I was never going to be a content creator. It was always going to be my destiny to be a content consumer. I could never be J.K. Rowling, Chris Hardwick, Wil Wheaton, Felicia Day, Lin Manuel Miranda. If I could go back and tell my younger self anything, it wouldn’t be any of the clichés like ‘it gets better’ or ‘just stay strong.’ I’d tell that little punk to stick it to whoever told her that what was making her feel whole wasn’t worth making a life out of. I would tell my younger self to be brave enough to prove them all wrong. I was constantly told that I could not make a sustainable career out what I loved.  So, I did what I do best and adapted. History was the only other thing I really loved. It was the real stories, the non-fiction that inspires fiction. If I couldn’t create the stories, I would learn everyone else’s. That would surely solve that problem? It’d be a good enough substitute, right?

While I love history, it was like going from Ferrari to a Honda. The Honda will most definitely get you from Point A to Point B, but more so because you can’t afford a Ferrari in the first place. Which kind of brings me to where I am now and the whole reason I started this blog in the first place. Here’s me, about to graduate college with a degree in a field I love (even though it doesn’t sound like it) feeling like I’m doing nothing more than staring into a deep, vast, dark thing called The Void of Adulthood when the only thing I really want to do is take a nap. Or curl up with a good book or a new TV show. Forget the horror genre, adulthood, or the precipice of it, is the scariest shit I have ever encountered. And I am looking at this Void, wanting to take a ForeverNap™️,  neck deep in a big-girl-full-time job search, wearing a Captain America shirt, Prisoner of Azkaban clutched in one hand, sonic screwdriver in the other, screaming my throat raw about how I am just not ready.

But getting back to the present. I mentioned that my degree in history would somehow be important to the overall narrative I’m trying to weave here. This is why. It goes back to being too scared to do what I really wanted to do. While I love history, it just doesn’t compare to the other thing. But, I was also too scared by real life to ever do anything to change it. I was too scared to tell everyone: “DAMN THE CONSEQUENCES AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR COLLECTIVE ASSES, I’M GOING TO DO THIS.” I never wanted to shake it up, challenge the status quo, and now I’m kicking myself for it. History was a safety net I didn’t realize was there until it was too late. All this suddenly came into perspective because I found my dream job. Given the chance, it would be one that I would be really, really good at… but I can’t get it. I don’t have a degree in a relevant field, I don’t have the job experience. I’m not prepared. And it sucks royal hippogriff.

And that, dear readers who have stuck with me all the way to this point, is why I am here. I started this blog to finally break out of my shell. I am no longer content with being a consumer. I want to be a creator. I want to contribute to the discussions. I want to write things that matter and that people can relate to. I want to be fully qualified. If writing this blog and finally, finally being able to contribute something to the worlds that have loved me when I thought no one else did is the only way I can give back and get experience, then so be it. If it is the only way I can be apart of the things I love right now, then I’m going to do it. This is how I stick it to those people who told me I couldn’t. This is how I throw it back in the faces of people who tore me down. I hope that I can take people along this journey with me. I have some fun things planned. And if there are people out there who are listening to the voices of negativity in whatever forms they take, I hope I can help you realize that you are strong enough to face those demons and win. I hope that together we can find a way to forge our own paths. I don’t want anyone to ever feel like I felt. No one deserves to feel like that.

Hi again, I’m Grey. Welcome home. Here, you will always be encouraged. Here, I promise to help you in whatever way I can. Here, you are safe. And here, above all, you are seen and you are loved.

How much I spent during two weeks of travel

I like to travel. Over the past decade, I've probably made an average of two international trips per year. But you know what? Never once in that time have I tried to track how much I spend while exploring the world. Sure, I log my numbers in Quicken (as I do for everything), but I've never analyzed the cost of an individual trip.

This month, I flew to Europe to hang out with my cousin Duane again. He and I enjoy traveling together. Because I was curious, I decided to be diligent about tracking my expenses for this trip.

Note, however, that I didn't try to do anything different. I didn't adjust my normal behavior simply because I knew I'd be reporting to GRS readers. I did what I always do. I spent in ways that felt normal to me.

I don't need a fancy hotel, for instance. Neither does Duane. We're happy with cheap, simple lodging. And because most of the time we don't book rooms in advance, we don't hunt for the best deal. When we decide to stop for the night, we look for a place to stay. When we find something reasonable ($50 per person per night is our target) and available, we book it. We don't continue to search. We'd rather use our time to explore our surroundings.

On the other hand, we're both willing to splurge on food from time to time. Our rooms aren't important to us, but what we eat is.

Similarly, we'll pay to see special sites, but mostly we're happy visiting free museums and/or walking around a city. We don't pay much for tours, etc.

So, how much did I spend for two weeks in Europe? Let's find out!

Chateau Chenonceau in France's Loire Valley

Booking Flights

This trip was sort of spontaneous. Remember, Duane has throat cancer. We expected our trip in December to be the last adventure we had together. But his health has held steady — and his doctor is making hopeful statements that he might be around for Christmas! — so we decided to make another trip.

Generally, I try to book flights several months in advance. I feel like I find cheaper options that way. This time, though, I didn't book my flight until April 19th, less than a month before our trip.

Also, I'm fussy about flights. It's not that I need to sit in business class — I'm perfectly happy in coach — but I don't like layovers. I'm willing to pay extra for a direct flight.

Unfortunately, when I searched for flights from Portland to Paris, I couldn't find any direct flights. I could, however, find a non-stop to London. I like London. It's a pleasant city. “What if,” I thought, “I flew to London a few days early and used that time to get some work done? Then I could take the Chunnel train across to Paris to meet Duane when he arrives.”

So, I booked a flight to London. It cost me $996.63 and each leg took roughly 10.5 hours.

(I don't know how much Duane paid for his plane ticket. I think it was around $600, but he had to fly from Portland to Las Vegas to Los Angeles to Paris and it took him almost 24 hours. Yuck. I'm happy to pay a premium to avoid crap like that.)

I made a small mistake when booking my ticket. In the past, I've always traveled economy. That's what I thought I was doing this time. Nope. Apparently, there's a new(-ish) airfare class called “basic economy”. This is a massive “screw you” from the airlines to their customers. It's a little bit cheaper, but you're not allowed to make any changes to your ticket once you've booked. No option to upgrade. Plus, you board dead last. And you can't choose your seat. And if you check a bag — as I did for my return flight — it costs a ton.

Edinburgh

I flew into London with no real plan for the first few days. Brandon (the Mad Fientist) had invited me to visit him and his wife in Edinburgh, Scotland, but I felt like I oughtn't do it. I felt like I should stay in London and work.

When I landed, though, I changed my mind. “Is it still okay if I come up to see you?” I asked. “Sure!” Brandon said. So, I hopped on Trainline (an awesome app that Duane and I used to buy train tickets during our December trip) and booked a ticket from London to Edinburgh. Cost: $101.92.

While waiting for my train at Kings Cross station (and watching the tourist throngs at Platform 9-1/2), I withdrew £200 for spending money, which is about $252.31. I used this cash to buy things like coffee and snacks and souvenirs. I brought home £141.15, which means I spent £58.85 (or about $74.24) cash while in the U.K.

I had a great time hanging out with Brandon and Jill. They showed me everyday life in Edinburgh, one of my favorite cities. They put me up in their spare room, took me to pubs, and we wandered together through the streets and the parks.

While there, I spent:

$45.76 at Brewdog for beer and snacks. (Did you know that low-alcohol beer — like 0.5% to 2.0% — is a thing in the U.K.? I wish it was a thing here in the U.S. I'd buy it.)

$17.74 at Whiski Bar for an hour of music and Scotch.

$9.91 at Cairngorm Coffee, where Brandon and I spent a morning working.

$33.78 at Mother India restaurant, where the three of us had a fine meal of “Indian tapas”.

In all, I spent a total of $283.35 during my three nights in Scotland.

Picnic in the Meadows with the Mad Fientist and friends

Paris

When it came time to meet Duane in Paris, I was faced with a choice. Originally, I had intended to take the train from London to Paris. But when I looked at times and prices to get from Edinburgh to Gare du Nord, I didn't like what I saw. The trip would take about 12.5 hours and the total cost would be over $350. Yikes!

“You should book a flight on EasyJet,” Brandon suggested. I've never used EasyJet, but I looked into it. For $199.45, I could fly from Edinburgh to Charles de Gaulle airport (CDG) in Paris — in less than two hours. I booked a ticket. Then, using Chase Ultimate Rewards points, I booked one night at the Hotel ibis, which is attached to CDG terminal 3. My cost: 7718 Chase points.

In Paris, I paid €17.99 for a one-day train pass, which gave me unlimited access to all Metro and RER routes. (The metro lines are the subway and local trains. The RER routes are the commuter trains that run deeper into the suburbs, going places like Versailles and the airport.) I also withdrew €200 in cash (about $222.50) to use for incidental expenses, such as snacks and souvenirs.

While I waited for Duane's flight to arrive, I visited Notre Dame to see what it looked like after the fire. (I was startled to note that when the wind was right, you could smell the ashes!) I bought an extra travel shirt. And I met my friend Amy for champagne and charcuterie. (Amy lives in Houston but happened to be in Paris for work.)

Amy, J.D., and random amused French woman

At around 18:00, I returned to the airport to pick up our rental car. I was worried this might not go smoothly, but I was wrong. Estelle, the young woman at the Avis counter, was amazing. It didn't take long for her to get met set up with a Peugot 208. Plus, she was kind enough to phone ahead to our hotel to let them know we'd be a little late. I booked the car with British Airways points. My cost: 16,600 Avios — a bargain!

As I was finishing at the rental car, Duane cleared immigration. Perfect timing! We hopped in our little car, braved Paris traffic and made our way to the garden spot of Giverny.

In Giverny, we checked into our B&B (booked with 8154 Chase points), then hurried to the only restaurant in town that was still open. Duane spent €51.00 on our dinner of duck breast and red wine.

During two nights in and around Paris, I spent $199.45, €17.99, 8154 Chase points, and 16,600 Avios (BA points). Duane spent €51.00.

Normandy

The next morning, Duane and I started our driving tour of northwest France. I'd been worried that all French drivers would be like the ones in Paris. They weren't. On the country roads, people were much more mellow. Thank goodness. (I drive like an old man. I hate speeding and tailgating.)

First, we toured Rouen, the town where Joan of Arc was burned at the stake. We saw our first cathedral of the trip, visited the (free) Museum of Fine Arts, and browsed the weekly market.

Duane and I both enjoy markets. We're happy to pass time looking at fruits and vegetables and meat and fish. For real. Plus, this gave us a chance to buy cheap food for the road. I picked up a paper sack filled with twenty baby chorizo sausages, for instance, and it cost only €5. (I think there were more than 20 sausages in the bag too. That thing lasted me almost the entire trip, and I was eating several sausages per day.)

In the afternoon, we drove to Honfleur with no plans about where to stay. The first hotel we visited was perfect: cheap and efficient. I paid €100.00 to book a room. Duane spent €54.00 on our dinner at a local pub.

On our second day, we meandered along the coast. We stopped to taste calvados (an apple brandy made in Normandy), nibbled goat cheese in Deauville, and stopped to visit the Grand Hotel in Cabourg, the site of Proust's famous memory-inducing madeleine.

Buying goat cheese and “bacon” in Deauville

In the late afternoon, we reached Bayeux. Our first hotel choice was booked, but the second had two cheap rooms available. We paid €49.00 each. For dinner, we chose an expensive restaurant (I can't remember why) that cost Duane €94.00.

After dinner, we wandered around town. It was a magical evening in mid-spring. We happened to hit the city during its “festival of lights”, and when we stopped by the cathedral, an American choir was performing a concert. We stopped in to listen.

In the morning, we visited the Bayeux Tapestry, a 70-meter long work of art that's nearly 1000 years old. In dozens of scenes, it depicts the Norman conquest of England. People think I'm joking when I say this, but I'm not: This tapestry is like a very early comic book. (And, in fact, the drawings used to plan tapestries like this are referred to as cartoons. No joke.) This visit cost me €19.00.

Seriously, the Bayeux Tapestry is like a primitive comic book

While in Bayeux, we visited Omaha Beach and the nearby American Military Cemetery. After that, we drove backroads to reach Mont-Saint-Michel, one of the most famous tourist sites in all of France (and formerly one of the top three destinations for Christian pilgrims). This island used to be isolated from the mainland by ocean tides. Now there's a causeway that leads to it, but even that sometimes floods over (as it did during our stay).

I used 14,538 Chase points to book a room on the island, and I'm glad we did. During the day, the place is packed. After 18:00, the crowd disperses and things become peaceful. It's fun to wander the ramparts with nobody to disturb you.

Here, Duane paid €89.00 for dinner.

During our time in Normandy, I spent a total of €168.00 and 14,538 Chase points. Duane spent €286.00.

Mont-Saint-Michel at high tide

Brittany

The next morning, after a quick tour of the Mont-Saint-Michel abbey, Duane and I packed up to drive to Brittany. (The island actually sits on the border between the two regions.)

As we entered Brittany, we got our first taste of fuel prices in France. To put 38 liters (about 10 gallons) in the Peugot 208, I paid €60.00. Holy cats! That's nearly $7 per gallon, or about twice what we pay here in the States.

In the early afternoon, we stopped for a couple of hours in the walled city of Dinan, which is built on a hillside overlooking the river Rance.

Looking from the ramparts of Dinan to the valley below

By early evening, we'd reached Carnac on the Atlantic coast. Carnac is famous for its “standing stones”, a collection of 3000+ domens and menhirs in the region. I love sites like this (and Avebury and Stonehenge in England), so was pleased to visit. (If you've ever read any Asterix comics, you're familiar with the stones of Carnac.)

The first hotel we visited had a cheap room available (€66.00), so we booked it. Our dinner next door was…an adventure.

Brittany, as you may know, is the source of the crepe. It's also the source of the galette (a savory crepe). Crepes and galettes everywhere in this region. Because we like to try local food when we travel, Duane and I decided to eat galettes for our evening meal. “You should get the andouille,” the restaurant owner told us, smiling. So we did.

Well. It turns out that American andouille is not the same as French andouille. French andouille is simply sliced pig intestine that has (ostensibly) been cleaned very, very well.

“This tastes like ass,” Duane said as he ate his galette. He couldn't finish. I did finish, but was a little mortified when I looked up the ingredients later. Our host seemed to take pity on us for being such good sports. When I ordered a glass of calvados after the meal, he gave me a huge pour.

I paid €46.00 for our dinner of pig-gut pancakes.

During our 24 hours in Brittany, I spent a total of €172.00. Duane spent nothing.

The Loire Valley

After a quick breakfast of coffee and crepes (€12.00 paid by Duane), we made our way to Angers, former capital of the Anjou region. (Angers is the source of both anjou pears and Cointreau liqueur.) Here, we visited our first chateau. Did you know that a chateau is a castle? I didn't — not until this trip.

Anyhow, the Chateau d'Angers is home to the amazing Apocalypse Tapestry, a 600-year-old visual retelling of the apocalypse story from the Bible's Book of Revelation. Like the Bayeux Tapestry, it reminds me of a massive comic book made from cloth. It cost us €12.00 each to see the chateau and its art. (Duane paid this.)

The Apocalypse Tapestry at Chateau d'Angers

In the evening, we experienced our big splurge of the trip. Based on a GRS reader recommendation, I had booked a night for us at the Royal Abbey of Our Lady of Fontevraud, a former monastery founded in 1101. Although many old buildings remain (and guests are free to explore them), the site is no longer an abbey. It's a fancy upscale hotel and a Michelin-star restaurant.

Going in, I'd told Duane to ignore the costs for our night at Fontevraud. “I'm paying for the hotel and dinner, and it's not part of our trip accounting. Don't try to balance it out,” I said. “I'm making a deliberate decision to splurge.”

Our room at the abbey cost us €172.00. Our meal cost €239.00. As I mentioned earlier this week, the food was fine and I'm glad I experienced it. But I wouldn't do it again.

In the morning, we traveled country roads to visit another chateau: Chenonceau. We each paid €19.00 to tour the grounds of this beautiful old estate.

In the afternoon, we moved to nearby Amboise, where Duane paid €73.00 to book a hotel. We hiked up the hillside, then tasted wine in a cave. We ate dinner at the tiny Restaurant L'Ilot, where the woman waiting tables chided us for not making a reservation — then was playfully grouchy the rest of the evening. This meal cost Duane €94.00 because he insisted we order a bottle of wine.

The next day, we stopped briefly in Blois to visit the church of St Nicolas. This place is barely mentioned in the guidebooks, but we loved it. During World War II, most of its stained-glass windows were destroyed. They've been replaced by modern windows with modern glass. The results are amazing. When light shines through them, color spreads throughout the church.

The light show from the stained glass at St Nicolas Church

We next stopped in Chartres to visit its famous cathedral, which is especially known for its stained-glass windows. And while yes, there are many of them (176!) and they're impressive, I liked the ones in Blois better.

During our time in the Loire Valley, I spent a total of €430.00, most of it for my splurge at the abbey. Duane spent €281.00. (He filled the car with gas at one point.)

Wrapping Things Up

After touring the Chartres cathedral, we didn't know what to do. We found ourselves on the southwest side of Paris, but wanting to reach the northeast corner by the following evening. We couldn't make up our minds, so I simply drove east.

Eventually, we reached Fontainebleau, which we decided might be fun to visit. But the town was packed and we were tired. Instead, we drove on until we found a budget hotel (aptly named Budget Hotel), where Duane paid €86.00 for a room. For dinner, we each paid cash at a French fast-food chain.

The next morning, we returned our rental car. I was sad to say good-bye to the Peugot 208, which had served us well. Before we turned it in, Duane paid €32.00 to top off the fuel tank.

For logistics purposes, I'd used 11,182 Chase points to book us separate rooms at the ibis Hotel once again. (It's handy having this place next to the airport train station.) We each paid €17.99 for one-day train tickets, then we rode into Paris.

With several hours to kill, we decided to walk the city. But we didn't walk the downtown tourist core. We've both done that before. Instead, we chose the Coulée verte René-Dumont, an elevated greenway akin to New York's Highline. From there, we made our way along the canal. This 5k stroll made for great people-watching.

Here, we said our good-byes. Duane wandered off to spend time on his own. I met up with my pal Matt Kepnes (a.k.a. Nomadic Matt) for a couple of beers.

In the morning, I took an early flight back to London (booked with 4500 Avios and $27.50), then boarded my Delta flight back to Portland.

On this final day, I spent a total of $47.48, 4500 Avios, and 11,182 Chase points. (At some point, I withdrew another €200.00 in spending money. I returned home with €102.66, which means I spent €97.34 of that — or about $108.41.) Duane spent €86.00 and $19.98.

The Bottom Line

After all of that, how much did I spend on this trip? Let's crunch the numbers. For two weeks (three nights in Scotland and ten in France), I spent:

$996.63 for my flights from and to the U.S.

$573.65

€637.98 (about $710.63)

19,336 Chase points

21,100 Avios (British Airways points)

Converting all of my expenses to dollars, my total cost was $2277.91 plus rewards points. That's an average of $175.22 per night. (I spent $1284.28 plus points if you ignore the flight, for an average of $98.79 per night.)

If I hadn't splurged €411.00 for the abbey experience (and instead paid €100 for dinner and lodging that night), my costs would have been €311.00 less.

During our nine nights together in France, Duane spent a total of €670.99 (about $747.40) plus whatever his flights cost him (about $600, I think). That's $83.04 per night ($149.71 with his flights). Together, not counting flights, we spent the equivalent of $2031.68 and points for this vacation.

Because I've never tracked my trip spending before, I have no frame of reference for our costs. I feel like we did a good job of using money wisely — spending only on things that brought us value — but who knows? I'm sure plenty of people would spend much less on a trip like this. That would probably require advance planning, though, and half the fun for us is making this up as we go.

Here's the thing, though. How much have I been spending simply to live here at home? About $5000 per month, right? (And I'm aiming to get that down to $4000 per month.) When you compare the cost of travel to the cost of simply maintaining my lifestyle here in the U.S., it's shockingly affordable. Cheaper than living in Portland, even.

That's food for thought.

One final note: In Edinburgh, Brandon showed me how to use Apple Pay. Believe it or not, I'd never done this before. Now, though, I'm hooked. Even back here in Portland, I'm using my phone to pay for things, not my actual credit card. I think this is awesome. Duane is less convinced. But that's a subject for a future blog post…

The post How much I spent during two weeks of travel appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/travel-spending/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

harley quinn

Basic Information

all information provided is for her main verse she is predominently comic based

-Fᴜʟʟ Nᴀᴍᴇ : Harleen Quinzel - Nɪᴄᴋɴᴀᴍᴇ(s) : Harley Quinn - Aɢᴇ : 32 - Hᴏᴍᴇᴛᴏᴡɴ : Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, New York / Gotham - Cᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ Lᴏᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ : Gotham - Pʀᴏɴᴏᴜɴs : she/her/hers - Oʀɪᴇɴᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ : bisexual-biromantic - Oᴄᴄᴜᴘᴀᴛɪᴏɴ : criminal/funhouse owner - Lɪᴠɪɴɢ Aʀʀᴀɴɢᴇᴍᴇɴᴛs : loft - Lᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ(s) Sᴘᴏᴋᴇɴ : english, ASL, spanish - Aᴄᴄᴇɴᴛ : iconic Harley new yorker-ish???

Physical Appearance

- Fᴀᴄᴇ Cʟᴀɪᴍ : Natalie Dormer – Margot Robbie - Hᴀɪʀ Cᴏʟᴏᴜʀ : blonde - Eʏᴇ Cᴏʟᴏᴜʀ : blue - Hᴇɪɢʜᴛ : 5'2" - Wᴇɪɢʜᴛ : 140 lbs - Tᴀᴛᴛᴏᴏs :  TBD - Pɪᴇʀᴄɪɴɢs :  6 piercings on each ear - Usᴜᴀʟ Exᴘʀᴇssɪᴏɴ : pleasant, even friendly, perhaps a smile

Distinguishing Characteristics

- Pʜʏsɪᴄᴀʟ Aɪʟᴍᴇɴᴛs : no ailments, though she is classified as an enhanced-human. immunity to most drugs or toxins, and stronger than average strength - Nᴇᴜʀᴏʟᴏɢɪᴄᴀʟ Cᴏɴᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴs : undiagnosed, or misdiagnosed for the most part but, reoccurring manic depression, minor-treatable  case of paranoid schizophrenia, anxiety, - Aʟʟᴇʀɢɪᴇs : pollen, dust, pine nuts, and the full spectrum of human emotion - Sʟᴇᴇᴘɪɴɢ Hᴀʙɪᴛs : prone to extremes staying awake for days or sleeping for 18 hours - Eᴀᴛɪɴɢ Hᴀʙɪᴛs : forgets to eat occasionally unless reminded, idle snacker when bored. - Exᴇʀᴄɪsᴇ Hᴀʙɪᴛs : strives for peak human conditioning, usually developed through criminal activity or gymnastics - Eᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ Sᴛᴀʙɪʟɪᴛʏ : 3.7 out of 10, 10 being the highest. She’s got low impulse control, and is in the process of coping with an abusive relationship, feelings of lack of control, adrenaline junkie, lack of support system. She has a lot of baggage. Prone to extremes. - Sᴏᴄɪᴀʙɪʟɪᴛʏ : generally friendly, able to strike up a conversation,  quick to become rude or aggressive if she doesn’t get her way or someone says something she doesn’t like. - Dʀᴜɢ Usᴇ : occasional prescriptions, occasional recreation - Aʟᴄᴏʜᴏʟ Usᴇ : social drinker, occasionally morose.

Personality

- Pᴏsɪᴛɪᴠᴇ Tʀᴀɪᴛs : resourceful, candid, resilient, - Nᴇɢᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ Tʀᴀɪᴛs : tactless, unforgiving, naive - Gᴏᴀʟs/Dᴇsɪʀᴇs : to determine what she likes for herself, or what she likes because of a continued and lingering influence of the joker. To stand on her own two feet. - Fᴇᴀʀs : y'know, normal Harley stuff. //vague shrugging noises - Hᴏʙʙɪᴇs : tumbling, gymnastics, bartending, gaming - Hᴀʙɪᴛs : nail biting, hair twirling, leaving the cap off the toothpaste and losing it, consistently getting hungry at 2 AM if she’s awake.

Favorites

- Wᴇᴀᴛʜᴇʀ : sunny, cool, with a slight breeze - Cᴏʟᴏᴜʀ : pink - Mᴜsɪᴄ : something she can move to, doesn’t matter the genre, prefers pop, pop-punk, rap, and occasionally old r&b - Mᴏᴠɪᴇs : the brave little toaster makes her cry - Sᴘᴏʀᴛ : derby - Bᴇᴠᴇʀᴀɢᴇ : root beer mixed with beer, or shirley temples - Fᴏᴏᴅ : junk food - Aɴɪᴍᴀʟ : hyenas

Family

- Fᴀᴛʜᴇʀ : out of the picture - Mᴏᴛʜᴇʀ : out of the picture - Sɪʙʟɪɴɢ(s) : estranged little siblings - Cʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ : none - Pᴇᴛ(s) : lou and bud, two hyenas - Fᴀᴍɪʟʏ’s Fɪɴᴀɴᴄɪᴀʟ Sᴛᴀᴛᴜs : broke

Extra:

- Zᴏᴅɪᴀᴄ Sɪɢɴ : virgo - MBTI : ESFP - Eɴɴᴇᴀɢʀᴀᴍ : The Romantic - Tᴇᴍᴘᴇʀᴀᴍᴇɴᴛ : sanguine - Hᴏɢᴡᴀʀᴛs Hᴏᴜsᴇ : Slytherin - Mᴏʀᴀʟ Aʟɪɢɴᴍᴇɴᴛ : chaotic-good - Pʀɪᴍᴀʀʏ Vɪᴄᴇ : envy - Pʀɪᴍᴀʀʏ Vɪʀᴛᴜᴇ : charity

characterization notes :

Harley is not in love with the Joker, he’s more like a stain she can’t get out, he will always have an effect on her, but whether that effect is a positive one is largely debatable.

Currently Harley lives in an apartment complex she owns out at Coney Island, no other villains live with her though she treats her tenants like friends and even family.

Characterization is largely based off the Suicide Squad comic, she’s just freshly left the squad, roughly a year ago, and her personality is conflicted, she’s currently caught trying to discover who exactly she is, she’s torn between liking the things she does, and desperately wondering if her reason for liking that is because of the Joker’s continued influence over her.

While a little silly and kooky Harley is manic and has very low impulse control, it leads to her doing things without really worrying about the consequences, as well as simply not caring how others may perceive things. She has very little inhibitions.

Harley has gone back to going by what she perceives as her ‘maiden’ name, introducing herself as Harley Quinzel.

Harley considers diamonds to be a bit of a calling card, and while she no longer associates them with the clown she once was, she now thinks of them in the terms of ‘diamonds are a girl’s best friend’

Biography

comic based. post suicide-squad.

content warnings for: implied child abuse and child neglect and abandonment, manipulation, vague very vague references to abuse , codependent/unhealthy/toxic relationship. Implied drug abuse, implied alcoholism. I tried to err on the side of caution and warn for anything at all I could possibly think of.

Do you know what responsibility feels like? For Harleen it felt like a neglectful abusive mother and a con man father, and two twins half her age that she tucked in at night and soothed through nightmares. For Harleen it was endless schoolwork and never going to parties, and do you have any idea how hard it is to hit puberty and have no one to turn to? She does.

See the thing is, was, that her house was hectic, loud, chaotic, when you have kids raising kids they either grow up fast or they end up dead. Harleen was by no means perfect, but she tried, boy did she ever, she didn’t get a childhood, lying to teachers about where her mother was (passed out on the couch no doubt) what her father did (lied his way to the bank). What happened to her arm?

Oh Ma’am I fell is all, I was running and my brother got in my way, I didn’t want to land on him, and I hit the wall instead.

Harley counted the years, it wasn’t a running tally, she didn’t mark it down, she didn’t even mean to, fifth grade, lying to teachers and other parents, lying, lying, lying, she got really fucking good at it. Eight more years. She was lucky really, lucky that one of the parents paid attention even when she swore they didn’t, even if they came to the wrong conclusion. Sure it was a conclusion she helped them too, but it was better than nothing. She ended up having a place to run away to when she needed it, gymnastics, she hadn’t ever been afraid, not for a long time. It was no surprise she was fearless on the mats. She spent her time running or hiding, and always lying. Daddy’s little girl, taking after him when all she ever got was a pat on the head and some useless information she didn’t ever think she’d need.

The best way to pick a pocket is with your index and middle finger, remember Pumpkin.

Turns out she did need it, because her mother wasn’t picking herself up off the floor any time soon and her little siblings were hungry, school lunches couldn’t make up for a missing dinner, three nights of the week. She had a job of course, working at the local corner store, but someone had to take care of her siblings, just eleven years old, she didn’t want to leave them alone just yet, after all, two more years were all they had with her before they’d be alone again. At least, she thought, bagging groceries a handful of hours a week, at least they’d have each other. In between studying and work, looking after her siblings she was swamped, barely had time to go to that old gym, not that she didn’t make time. That didn’t pay the bills though, it didn’t fill their bellies either, so she took to stealing, a little here, a little there, just enough to keep them afloat, never from people who looked like they would need it. She hit tourists in time square, she hit fat cats in Manhattan, she did what she needed to do.

That’s all she ever did. What she needed to do.

She was eighteen, hard working, young, and fresh faced with idealism, her siblings hugged her before she got on the bus, two suitcases all she had to her name and no family that would ever visit her. It was worth it. Harleen Quinzel, a scholarship student at Gotham University with a full ride, a slot on the gymnastics team, no kids to look after, she’d gotten all the freedom she could ever want, or so she thought.

Harleen was infinitely interested in psychology, she wanted to, well, understand her parents, what had made them what they were today, what choices they’d made, because it wasn’t always this way she was sure. Knows from nights of hugging old picture frames to her chest in the dark, knows from the photos of them as a family, her father holding her in his arms and her mother smiling at the camera. The more extreme the personality, the more interested she was, it wasn’t any surprise that Harleen gravitated toward the Joker, not to her anyway.

She’d originally planned on simply diagnosing him, dissecting him and writing a book, Harleen Quinzel, the woman who rehabilitated the Joker, it was going to be her way of beating her family. Not a criminal, not an alcoholic, nothing like that at all, she was going to be something great, and she’d take care of her siblings, and…well, she’d do this whole living thing right. By the time she graduated, finished her thesis and begun her tenure at Arkham, Harleen had a plan. Three months in and after countless hours of needling and prodding she finally got what she wanted. Her first session with the infamous Joker and it was everything she thought it’d be an more.

See, Harley was smart, Harley had a plan, after all, what do you do to get on the good side of a clown? It seemed simple enough, make him laugh. No one has any idea how many witness reports and videos she went through of the Joker, no one has any idea to this day how long she spent workshopping that first joke. She knew that first joke, that first impression would make or break this, though, she didn’t know just how true that would be. He hadn’t reacted well to any of the orthodox techniques, and why would he, unorthodox was sort of her specialty though.

“I’m your new psychologist, Doctor Harleen Quinzel, but you can call me Harley Quinn. Like the clown. Get it?”

He’d stared at her for one unwavering moment, eyes dark and then he’d thrown his head back and laughed, carefree, wild, cracked laughter that echoed off the walls and sent chills down her spine, goosebumps over her skin.

“Why Harley, are flirting with me?”

Their initial meeting had been explosive, his hands around her neck, his lips stretched wide over teeth that glinted in the florescents as he laughed. By the time he’d backed off cackling, ‘it’s a joke a joke I swear!’ she’d had a pen in her grip the point of it ready to go into him. She didn’t release her white knuckled grip on it even as she smiled tightly at him, lipstick smudged over her cheek and hair in disarray.

“Mister Joker, touch me again and I’ll show you you how we did it back in Bensonhurst, your balls will be so far up your throat they get lost in your vocal cords.”

That started a rapport that surprised everyone, Harley included. It was easier she found to not be professional, to ask questions here or there and let him talk, some sessions he’d try and pull her heart strings, some sessions he’d tell her about how to make a car battery bomb. She can’t describe what happened, not really not to this day, she was a master of lies, she’d been lying her whole life after all.

People think she just went mad one day, or she’d been manipulated, tricked into loving him from a little sob story like she didn’t have one of her own. She doesn’t know when she fell in love with the Joker, maybe it was somewhere between the fake story about his dad and the real story about the bank robbing, maybe it was the way he looked at her like she was the only interesting thing he got to see all day, maybe it was the fact she’d deluded herself into thinking she could understand. That she was the one person who could understand. Or maybe it was none of that at all.

Maybe she was just tired of doing what she was supposed to, tired of responsibility, tired of putting on her glasses and her little white coat and having a fine night and a fine day and waking up and looking back and realizing that her life had been one big long line of fine with nothing to break it up but misery and the only time she felt like she could do more, be more was when the Joker was talking to her. When she realized that laws have power because people gave them power and if enough people just stopped trying to be so damn responsible it would all be chaos out there. It almost already was.

Welcome to Gotham City, home of the criminally deranged.

She doesn’t know what made her break him out the first time, she has no idea what finally broke her, no, that’s a lie, when he’d escaped without her help she’d gone to the scene of his crime, police tape and sirens and screaming and fire, she’d gone to the lights and the noise and she’d looked at the aftermath of what he’d done and she’d laughed. One man had done all of this? He made her efficiency look like wasting time. She watched the news zealously for any trace of him, listened as people who didn’t know him dissected him on TV, so-called professionals giving their opinion and they were all so fucking stupid. They didn’t get it at all, they never would.

When the Joker returned to Arkham, bruised, beaten, Harleen took one look at him and decided this wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to just feel special when he looked at her in these four walls, because one day he wouldn’t be able to look at her anymore. One day he’d die, one day he’d be sent to prison, one day a lot of things and she couldn’t handle that, couldn’t deal with the thought of not being special anymore, because the Joker. He was what made her days great, more than just fine. He was what made her feel like she was more than just a little lab rat in heels and a coat.

Turns out her boss the good Doc Serano had stolen her notes. All of them, every single one of them on the Joker, and you know what, terrible work ethic aside, she learned something about the Joker much quicker than Harley did. Doctor Serano learned that one Harleen Quinzel was in love with him. There was a fight, a broken picture frame, a cut face, and before she knew it she was running down the hall to the surprised shout of security.

‘Is one of the patients loose?!’

Not yet. She let the Joker out to the sound of laughter and explained things in a rush, surrounded by flashing lights, mad screams and the facility going into high security he pulled her close and he hugged her, his large hand cradled the back of her head.

The chemical plant was horrifying to behold, nailed shut dilapidated railing and broken windows, the place had an air of desperation and the broken boards stood stark like bared teeth. She tried to run, of course she did, she’d wanted, something, to feel special and, this, this was too far, but The Joker, he was always faster than her wasn’t he? One step ahead of her. Into the mix she went, stir once, stir twice, drain and ta dah, Harley Quinn was born.

Lou and Bud her precious baby boys were the first gift she ever got from the Joker, a birthday present for a girl who had been baptized again, reborn in chemicals and washed clean.

Goodbye Harleen and helloooooooo Harley.

They wreaked havoc, they destroyed the city, lit it up with fire and laughter and well, love. The city never knew crime until the two of them brought it on with the force of a tsunami, they destroyed that place, wrecked lives, bought cops, laughed and laughed and laughed until there was nothing but laughter and screams in the night.

Then one day he got put away, locked up in Arkham and the key thrown away, Harley was in a different part of the city at the time, distracting the police during the big confrontation with the Bat. She escaped custody, just for long enough to get revenge on every lawyer that helped put him away, she was gonna dance with every one, gonna show him she could make her Puddin proud. Pile them so high he’d have to notice her.

Well, Belle Reeve was more, some knockout gas, a nanobomb necktie and a new cutie to play house with Harley got it all. It was hard in the beginning, tortured for information she didn’t have to prove to a jury she didn’t know that she wouldn’t rat them out. Amanda Waller was her jailer and her judge and her executioner, she was sent out on missions, the sort of thing she wouldn’t bother with normally, where’s the artistry? The laughs? Sure, it wasn’t boring but it wasn’t fun, not really, secret government missions and the constant threat of death, the idea sounds like a ball of laughs but it got old really fast. Turns out there’s nothing good, or fun, or hell even funny about following orders and laying your life on the line for things you don’t care about, people you don’t care about. That’s the thing, she doesn’t mind almost dying if it’s for something she gives a damn about but Waller’s little playdates with world governments and secret shenanigans? She couldn’t give a rats ass.

Harley played a little too fast and loose, heard the Joker came back, took out the kid, played it fast and loose like her, but that wasn’t the deal. See, her and Puddin was always after the bat, not the kiddies, they were kids, you know, she always thought they’d have some one day, settle down with Bud and Lou and a bunch of brats. You don’t bring the kids into a domestic. What happened to the commissioners kid that was about the worst thing Harley had ever heard, she denied it, said there was no way that her Puddin could do something like that, that wasn’t a joke, that wasn’t madness, that was just sick. And they never went that far, never would. Until he did.

Harley almost died, turns out things ain’t so good on the outside, not as cushy as it is inside, and Harley went a little bit cuckoo for cocoa puffs there for awhile, life went Looney Tunes and she was tired. Tired of Waller’s games, tired of being manipulated, Waller sent someone to her, quite the looker since he was a replica of her Puddin. And he said the sweetest things, all the things she’d heard when she stepped out of that chemical bath, oh she knew what Waller was playing at. Of course she knew, when the fake tried to knife her between the ribs and the new Robin Hood of their merry band of fuck ups stepped out of the shadows to save her. She wasn’t so easy to play, Waller had to learn. It was easy to slip that pretty little knife between his ribs and tell Waller she was done.

That’s when the fun began, a prison riot, a bitch taken hostage and her life sentence was shortened up. One year. One more year. It’s a good thing Harley got good at counting years. Harley got out of Suicide Squad, she did. she left them, and she left the Joker too, gonna make her own way, she figures she’s been gone long enough. It’s time for her to go home.

Verses

verse: 001. main verse, comic based, canon-divergent, headcanon driven

verse: 002. SS Squad film-novel verse, headcanon driven, FC: Margot Robbie

verse: 003. Pre-Arkham verse, canon divergent, fc: Emily Kinney // Margot Robbie

verse: 004. different strokes. AU verse where Harley becomes drawn to a different member of the Rogues and becomes their partner in crime rather then the Joker’s, fc: dependent

verse: 005. hero doctor, Harley sets herself up post-squad as a psychiatrist for villains and almost reluctantly heroes as well

Links

interactions

posts

#TELLEMBOOBSBYE

Switchin’ up the typical format of my bloggerooni (moaning, ranting, list..ing?) today and presenting to you…. the FIRST EVER SHTICKY SITUATIONS INTERVIEW!!!

 *cranks up Soca Jams and humps dog aggressively* 

Two-ish years ago (wouldn’t that be such a mediocre way to start a story? “Once upon a time…I think”), I had the privilege to meet, Winnipeg born, stand-up comic and fearless LGBTQ warrior, Chantel Marostica (!!!!!THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!!). 

Since that day Chantel and I have bonded over each other’s quirky world views, candid chatter and the frustrations that arise when succumbing to overwhelming waves of anxiety and depression (aren’t we ADORABLE!?). 

Chantel has always been incredibly open and hilariously unfiltered about their struggles with mental health, as well as creating awareness and educating audiences, and comedians alike, about gender identity, sexual fluidity and the importance of creating safe spaces for people to flourish in whilst finding acceptance for themselves. 

Over the past year or so, they’ve been working hard to help reconstruct how we think in terms of rigid gender stereotypes. Not feeling completely comfortable being labelled as, strictly, a “man” or a “woman”, Chantel, like many others, feel best when gender isn’t being forced upon them, both in physicality or when being referred to. The latter is a work in progress, rife with patience, education and conditioning. In order to achieve the former, however, Chantel has decided to undergo a double mastectomy. A VOLUNTARY DOUBLE MASTECTOMY!? You wonder to yourself. Well, yes. That’s just how much of a misrepresentation and, therefore, burden they are for them. How could you deny someone the right to feel like themselves? Not I. But then again, I’ve always been more of an ass woman...err..person.

Without further ado:

Q) When did you decide you'd have enough of your boobs and it was time to send ‘em packing? 

A) I've never identified with my chest. I cried my eyes out when mom told me I'd get them in the first place. I don't know how to explain gender dysmorphia in words. You just know something isn't right. All the pieces just don't FIT. I've always been self conscious about my body and I couldn't really put my finger on why till I put on my first binder. It was so amazing to not look down and see them. I felt like me for the first time physically since I was a kid. It's a decision I've come to slowly, I don't think there's "one thing" that could happen to a person to make them question their outside matching their inside. It's an accumulation of experiences, I was born a woman, so I was raised and treated like one my whole life... until I decided to make my outward appearance reflect all the questions I had about gender identity in my head. Then I slowly came to realize I am whoever I want to be, and I don't have to be a man, or a woman, and my chest doesn't have to cause me crippling anxiety anymore.  

Q) Preach. Just curious, what’s your parents current take on the situation? 

A) This question is hard, because at the end of the day it doesn't matter what they think. Or what anyone thinks. It's so frightening to say out loud "I want a double mastectomy" it's a jarring life changing surgery and everyone's response to it... isn't great. My parents don't know what to say about it. So they don't. It's terribly lonely to experience this all without family guidance or support, but it's uncharted territory for almost everyone, unless you're gender non-conforming, gender queer or trans you can't explain or expect people to fathom your experience, which is that you don't belong in your own body. My parents will come around to it all in time, they always do, they love me so GD much, but it'll be something they "get used to" not that they'll understand or attempt to educate themselves on. It's fine though, they love me, and it's my life, my body, and my decision. 

Q) You are knocking these questions out of the park. Now, being a comic and all…Has comedy helped you get to a place of comfort with your gender and sexual identity? 

A) Comedy hasn't helped in any way. It's cathartic in general to do comedy because it's everything to me, but being non-binary is incredibly difficult to talk about on stage. Half of my set up for my jokes on the subject are a gender Ted talk I give to stunned looking straight people. Lol. On stage I have a choice of talking about it or not talking about it, I read the crowd... and also decide if I feel like "teaching" people that day, or just making them laugh... Off stage is harder. Comedians can be incredibly judgemental people, and also... uneducated people, at least on like gender and queer issues. Just a bit tone deaf. Hosts often bring me up as she, and refer to me by "she/her" pronouns, because they've either forgotten to use the "they/them" pronoun or they thought I was joking or simply just had no idea what I was talking about when I asked "can you use they/them pronouns?"  

Q) It will take time but I believe enough of us can get there. And in the meantime, what's the dumbest thing someone's said to you since you made this decision? 

A) "Are you keeping your nipples?" - Jeff Paul  lololololol honestly the funniest question EVER asked. 

Q) What's the most supportive or humbling thing someone's said to you since you made this decision? 

A) That my openness and willingness to share my experience publicly has helped them. I've had many non-binary people just thank me for saying it out loud "I didn't know that it was normal to want my breasts removed... I thought I had to be trans to want or need that," which is what I grappled with a lot too. Looking between the extreme black and white that is gender and finding comfort and normalcy in the grey was my biggest hurdle.   

Q) Beautifully said. In light of inspiring youth, if you could go back to high school what would you tell your adolescent self? 

A) To come out of the closet.... That being gay is not wrong, or gross, or something to be teased and hated for. And that all my homophobic bullies would have shitty lives, so not to get too caught up on their idiot homophobic judgements.  

TEEN PREGNANCY YA'LL. it'll GETCHA.   

Q) Are you allowed to ask the hospital to keep your post-surgery boobs like wisdom teeth? 

A) You're an idiot.  

Q) Thought I’d try and one up Jeff Paul with that. Now, I know you've been working to achieve a shift in how friends/family/performers address, refer to and introduce you. 

Could you discuss a bit about that and what that's done for your confidence and comfort in the community since enforcing this change of language? 

A) It makes my heart feel... I don't know, I feel whole when people gender me properly and use the proper pronoun. I didn't think it would feel like that. When people I don't expect to understand correct themselves after they slip up... I almost cry every time. It's so validating. It's like being seen for the first time as YOU.   

Q) What's the first thing you're going to do post-surgery when the drugs wear off? 

A) I'll probably go home and rest. It's a really intense surgery, but when I'm all healed up, I'm 💯 air brushing off all my tattoos and re-air brushing all of Bieber's tattoos on me...  and recreating every topless photo of him. Ever. #GOALZ 

Q) The fact that you love this straight, white wealthy male amazes me. Has there been anyone (in real life or in the media) who has been a steady role model for you or inspired you towards (forgive the corniness) living your truest self? That wasn’t Bieber. 

A) My trans friends and my queer family are the biggest inspiration in my life. They're all so GD brave and perfect. 

Q) What can us heteronormative snooze bores do to help standardize the conversation and support those working to achieve comfort in their own skin? 

A) Listen. Ask people their pronouns. Listen. Use their pronouns properly. Listen. Validate requests from marginalized people. Listen. Educate yourself... and yeah just listen, you can't speak for anyone's experience except your own, and you have to accept other people's experiences for what they are, opening your mind and expanding to other possibilities is the only way you can really validate and respect people whose stories are different than yours.  

In a world filled with regression, let’s piggyback onto things we have in our own control to better. Let’s BE PROGRESS. And in light of this all, Chantel is hosting an incredible show to help achieve their goal faster because Canada pays comedians in rabbit turds. And also, shows are fun. SO FUN.

THE SHOW DEETS: 

#Tellemboobsbye Chantel Marostica's Top Surgery Fund-O-Rama + Comedy Showcase The Rivoli (334 Queen Street West) Wednesday, November 15th, 2017/9PM   

Tickets - https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/tellemboobsbye-tickets-38502417768?utm_term=eventurl_text 

Or if you can’t make it and want to contribute to the surgery you can do so here- GoFundMe -  https://www.gofundme.com/

Star Trek, Another Generation. 4. Captain of the Best Men

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!!” the Starfleet Admiral Janer Cooner yelled in Mclintrix’s face. “What do you mean ‘New Shoes’!??” “It wasn’t Silver Krag’s fault, Admiral”, the ex-captain explained, holding up his hands defensively. “That fleet of prison barges was just asking to be attacked by the Klingons. Silver Krag is just the guy everyone always blames when something goes wrong.” Admiral Cooner and the two other Federation representatives looked at each other exasperated. “But-but-” “Besides”, Lab interrupted enthusiastically. I don’t think General Krag meant to attack the barges anyway. He just couldn’t fight the temptation when the time came.” “Yes!” Mclintrix applauded. “Listen to the Lab-rat!” “The Lab-who?” “No, Not the Lab-who. The Lab-Rat”, Mclintrix corrected. “And don’t try to convince me you haven’t ever had a new pair of shoes! I don’t believe that for one second!” “But, listen, Mclintrix”, Admiral Jase Looney said irritatedly. “This type of offensive is something we’ve gotten rather used to from the Klingons recently. These flash attacks are lately becoming old hat- if you will.” “I won’t”, he answered. “And what exactly does the fact that we’re at war with the Klingons prove?” “Captain, it proves that these brazen attacks must be answered imminently.” “I call ‘em ‘flash mob’ attacks!” Mclintrix replied, proud of himself. Then he paused for a minute. “What does ‘imminently’ mean?” he asked. “It means: Rather soon”, Vulcan ambassador Gluck answered. “Thank you, alien buddy”, Mclintrix bowed. “Those are funny eyebrows you’ve got there.” “I am a Vulcan from the planet Vulcan. There we speak Vulcan and possess that good old Vulcan know how.” “Always an excuse, isn’t there?” Mclintrix smirked. Gluck shrugged contentedly. “That’s logic for you.” He and Admiral Curtis high-fived playfully. “Who says logic can’t be fun, huh?” he asked. “Not I”, Mclintrix responded. “One thing you have to remember though, ambassador Gluck, is that humans are pretty fun too. On a scale of 1 to 10 they’re a 7.3.” He nodded. “Only Bejorans and Oxi-mights- who I like to call Oxymorons- score higher, scoring 8.2 and 9.7 respectively. Now bear in mind, that only counts if you’re respective of them- which I’m not.” “We Vulcans believe in respecting everyone, Captain”, Gluck contradicted him. “Because of the crimes of our long gone Mind-Lords, we have grown to respect all peoples. But especially our friends- and more notably our ‘friends-with-benefits’!” “Not as much as I respect My friends-with-benefits!” Mclintrix affirmed. “Why just before I got tossed in the cookie I-” “Captain, can we Please return to the subject!” Admiral Looney interrupted. “That’s what I’ve been trying to do for the last minute-and-a-half!” Mclintrix replied, equally angry. “Looks like you minstrels can’t seem to get your heads on straight!” “SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF CONFUSION!” a new voice boomed out. “MAYBE I CAN CLEAR IT UP!” A man then stepped out into the room. He was smirking smugly as the three admirals and the Vulcan ambassador trembled in fear. “Captain Evart Demoral!” Admiral Cooner exclaimed nervously. “That was a wallopingly dramatic entrance you did right there!” “Thank you, good sirs”, Demoral said upon entering. “Glad to be of comical-relief.” Admiral Looney introduced him to Mclintrix with a shaking hand. “Captain Mclintrix, this is Captain Demoral! Captain of the USS Cowboy! A very good friend of mine!” “I’ve got Two problems with your sentence structure”, Mclintrix pointed out, raising two fingers. “One: You said Captain a few times too many, and two: It sounds like you’re saying the Cowboy is a very good friend of yours, and not Captain Demoral.” “That Is what I was saying, Captain”, Looney replied. “I love the Cowboy Destroyer. It’s my fav’ ship of all our ships! Captain Demoral I hate.” “So, why is He here?” Lab asked Admiral Cooner, concerning Demoral. “He always intrudes on our confidential meetings”, Cooner explained; but the instant Demoral looked over at him, he added, “Which we love! Heh heh!” “Somebody has to!” Demoral bloomed out approaching the two. The man had to be almost 6 feet 2 inches tall! (Now, that’s Tall!) “It’s the only way to keep you power-hungry nepotists on your leash!” Looney was able to crack a smile. “Yes, we’ve heard all those nepotism allegations before, Captain Demoral.” Demoral marched over to him to stare down on the wimpy human. “Have you now!?” Looney pretended to think back. “Uh…yes, we have.” “Repeat them then.” He walked away to sit down behind Admiral Cooner’s desk and put his feet up. The three admirals and the Vulcan ambassador lined up in a row before his desk, and said in one voice, “Every member of the Starfleet council was only able to achieve his rank because his mommy or daddy is rich.” Looney was the only one who felt brave enough to add- though it was disguised by a fake cough- “Most- of- them-! Cough! Cough!” Demoral popped up out of his seat! “What did you say, Looney Bin! (his nickname for the admiral)” “Nothing! Nothing, nothing!” was the chicken’s answer. Demoral rounded the desk and approached the comparatively tiny human (Demoral was a full inch-and-a-half taller, you see; and with at least 12 pounds of solid muscle on him!). “No; you said something! I heard something in that cough distinctively!” he placed his HUGE(ish) hands on the pipsqueak’s shoulders. “Spit it out, Tiny! Or I’ll turn you into what resembles more of a Pounded human than a real one!” Cooner stepped forward bravely to confront the slightly bigger man. “Please, show some mercy, Captain Demoral!” he pleaded. “For pity’s sake, show your compassion on this poor fool!” Demoral made a backhand swinging gesture at the brave duck, causing him to duck and roll himself into a defensive ball on the floor, whimpering, and muttering what sounded to Mclintrix and Lab like what one would repeat to a baby. “NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN, COONER!!” the Brute Demoral thundered, “demoral”izing them all (I’m so sorry about the pun. It won’t happen again, I promise). “NOW, WHAT DID YOUR FILTHY TOUNGUE JUST UTTER, LOONEY BIN!?” “Please, oh great Demoral!” Looney replied, sinking to his knees. “Ask anything of me, and I shall gladly pay it and more! Just spare me your punishment!” “Finish the twerp!” Mclintrix exclaimed to Demoral. “Thank you, Captain!” was his answer. “I think I will!” He reared back a noodle arm to strike! “SHOW ME MERCY!!!” Looney hollered, holding up his hands before his face. “TAKE YOUR VENGEANCE OUT UPON EITHER THE OTHERS OR THE WALL OUTSIDE! OR EVEN THAT GUY WHO KEEPS BARGING INTO MY OFFICE DAY IN AND DAY OUT, WANTING A LONG TERM, AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE PACKAGE!!” Demoral slapped him around a few times!! (Oh! The horror of it all!) When he had finally had his fun, he allowed the guy to slump down to the ground, cherry-cheeked! (I hope this isn’t too disturbing of a part for my viewers; because I know I sure had a hard time writing it down!) Looney ended up beside Cooner, who was by now singing lullabies to himself, while covering his eyes in an attempt to block the awful memory from entering his mind. Even the steel-willed Mclintrix couldn’t help but feel for them. “Captain…” he began slowly to Demoral. “I know it had to be done after all they did, but… Did it have to be so violent…?” Demoral looked down at his hands- those tools of such bitter violence! Finally he responded- his voice trembling- “I just… I just wanted to make them pay for their nepotism so bad, Donovan!” Mclintrix placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know. And they definitely deserved it. But not like this, best friend… Not like this…” Demoral threw himself into a big emotional hug with Mclintrix. “I’m so sorry, Donovan!” he exclaimed, breaking down into sobs. “I let evil overcome me! And, yes, I purged this horrible evil from our world! …But at the cost of losing myself!” He cried pathetic tears for a few minutes while Mclintrix patted his head like a puppy. “I’m so sorry!” “I know”, the good captain answered consolingly. “It wasn’t your fault, Evart… It was mine… I should have been there for you… I should have been there…” Lab put a hand on Mclintrix’s shoulder. Tears were in his eyes. “It had to be done, and you know it, Donovan”, he said. “Those admirals are better off this way (lieing on the floor, wallowing in self-pity)… We must go…” “C’mon, Evart”, Mclintrix said, putting an arm around his shoulders. “Let’s go back to the Cowboy.” Demoral looked down sorrowfully at the two whimpering admirals. “I don’t want to leave them like this”, he wined (and dined). But he came with them anyway. *“ALL HANDS, BATTLE STATIONS!! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!!”* an alarm blared. *“IT LOOKS TO ME LIKE IT’S THOSE STUPID KLINGONS AGAIN!! I’M GUESSING IT’S GENERAL SILVER KRAG’S FLEET!! I’M ALSO ASSUMING THAT HE’S HERE FOR THE MUNITIONS DEPOT- BUT DON’T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT!!”* Everyone popped to their feet, Admiral Looney and Cooner just to dive under their desk. “Under attack!?” Vulcan ambassador Gluck exclaimed. “I’m bailing!” He dived down a hallway. “Follow me, Captain!” Demoral ordered, wiping his eyes. “Let’s get to my uber-awesome ship! It’s called the- wait for it… Cowboy!” “Yes, Captain!” Mclintrix replied, clapping him on the shoulder. He, Demoral and Lab headed after the Vulcan. “Sounds to me like Krag is accidentally attacking us again!” “Yeah!” the huge (sort of) captain shouted back, nodding. “Let’s make this the last mishap he ever makes!” “Let’s!” he reaffirmed. “Because- as we all know- after we teach him a lesson, he’ll get to go home and be more careful next time!” Demoral spun around on him! “NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL!” he roared right in the poor man’s face! Mclintrix covered his eyes in the hopes that Demoral wouldn’t even see him there. Demoral snickered as he backed off. The three continued down the hallway into the hangar bay. Docked in the bay were three Galaxy-class cruisers as well as one much smaller Constellation class vessel. Mclintrix and Lab automatically headed toward the first big one- Demoral grabbed the two of them by their coat collars, hauling them back. “NOT THAT ONE, YOU CIRCUS CLOWNS!!” He redirected them towards the next giant vessel. “THAT WAY!!” Mclintrix and Lab didn’t dare resist. They bolted down the docking platform towards the next boarding ramp and began to make the turn- “NO!!” Demoral growled like a ornery shift supervisor! “NOT THAT SHIP!! THE OTHER ONE!!” They bolted down the platform ahead of the mad dog towards the last big ship in the bay. Once at the ramp they turned- “STOOOOOOPPPPPPP!!!” Demoral was screaming. Mclintrix and Lab curled up into a defensive ball in an attempt to ward him off! He dived into their ball throwing fisticuffs! Seconds later Mclintrix and Lab burst out screaming as they ran for the tiny Constellation class vessel, leaving a battered and bruised Demoral lying on the boarding ramp. Once there they wasted no time in pushing and shoving their way up the thin ramp- both trying to be the first to reach the protection of the destroyer. Mclintrix sealed the hatch door as they entered, and then bolted after Lab towards the elevator. The two stuffed themselves into the small doorway and slapped the ‘up’ button. “Whew!” Mclintrix said at last. “We escaped that guy!” Lab was panting heavily. “I don’t like humans!” he moaned. “I wanna go home- AAAAAA! What are You!?” he screamed at a third person in the elevator- if Person is even the right word for the thing! It had no mouth, two blue eyes staring out from in between a think nose bone (which carried down below his collar!), and a weird, braided fohawk atop his thick forehead! “ROOOOOOOOAAAAR!!!” he howled at the two of them! They both pasted themselves onto the far wall of the elevator, panicking big time! Before two seconds passed, they were scaling up the side walls! “Gets ‘em every time!” the alien exclaimed, clapping and giggling (though the sound wasn’t coming from any mouth, but rather a small disk-like indent in his nose-bone). “You Terrans will be so easy to conquer one day.” “You’re an Oxi-might, huh?” Mclintrix said energetically, hopping down from Lab’s shoulders. “I thought you guys had a truce with the Federation?” “Only until we see an opportunity to destroy you, Captain”, the Oxi-might replied, shaking Mclintrix’s outstretched hand. “My name is Q.L: son of A.R, and First in the line of Oxi-might Monarchs.” “EX-Captain Donovan Mclintrix”, he introduced himself. “First in the lineup for hotdogs.” “Ah, I see you are being funny, Captain Mclintrix”, the alien laughed. “But don’t worry, it will be your last.” “Thank you”, was his answer. “I’ve had enough hotdogs today, anyway.” “Can you just drop us off in the prison bay, please!” Lab moaned. “I’m scared!” Just then the doors opened. They were on the bridge! “Q.L!” the acting captain exclaimed. He was a dark-skinned Terran, wearing a ‘what-else-could-go-wrong-today?’ look. “Where in the name of all the Guys is the captain!? We’re all prepped for takeoff, and the fleet’s taking a pummeling out there!” “I’m not his babysitter!” Q.L retorted. “I looked everywhere for the dunce!” “But we need a captain!” the officer said frantically. “I’m too squeamish to do the job! Not to mention I can’t handle the responsibility! Do you guys have any Clue what happens to captains who make mistakes!? I’d probably end up like that presumptuous walking-pig Donovan Mclintrix!!” “So you guys need a captain, do you?” Mclintrix said, stepping forward. “Didn’t you just hear my speech- which included what a fool that Ex-Captain Donovan Mclintrix is!?” the executive officer of the ship asked aghast. “I did”, Mclintrix answered. “And I do believe I’m your man!” he sat down in the captain’s chair confidently. “I’m a Starfleet prisoner anyway, so I’m expendable.” “I wish I was expendable!” the first officer wined. “Alright! You’re in charge, Captain…uh?” “Donovan Mclintrix.” The guy snapped his finger. “Hey! I was just Thinking about that presumptuous…uh- Guy. Yeah. My name’s Drey “Jugular” Sapairo (pronounced Sap-air-o). I’m Number One on this ship.” “You mind if I just call you Jug?” Mclintrix asked. “I love it!” he replied, slapping the back of Mclintrix’s seat so hard his teeth rattled. Mclintrix felt good being back in the captain’s chair again, though. “All hands!” he called over the intercom. “Prepare for launch! Helm, Release docking clamps!” “Uh, Captain?” the helmsman said, turning around to face him. “We’re not back in the early 2000s. We don’t use docking clamps anymore.” “I was just testing your knowledge on history, son”, he replied. “I’m an expert on every single year of the 2000s- up until the year 2018, sir. I don’t know what happened in that year or any after.” “Me neither”, the new captain responded, pointing out the front viewer. “Engage impulse!” Standing directly behind Mclintrix, Drey clapped his hands together merrily. “Ooooh! An impulsive engagement!” he cheered. “So…who are you getting married to anyway?” “This guy Jug is better than me a that!” Mclintrix grinned. “Helm, at least You know what to do!” “Plan the wedding, sir?” the helmsman asked. “Activate impulse!” They guy broke out into song and dance, singing to the tune of Mississippi Moon-base! (Actually he did a heck of a rendition!) He stopped and turned red in the face when he realized the entire bridge crew was staring at him. “Why did you do that!” Mclintrix demanded angrily. “I activated my first impulse, sir, just like you ordered. Was it not to your liking?” “I hate humans!” Lab complained from a corner. “LOOK OUT, CAPTAIN!!” Jug screamed, pointing out the front viewer. A Klingon Bird of Prey blew the front hangar door open, and entered guns flaring! It’s heavy disrupter cannons ripped off the lower warp core of one of the Galaxy class vessels! “MOVE, HELM!!” Mclintrix ordered. The ship’s impulse engines flared into life and their vessel zoomed out passed the Klingon vessel. “Fire phasers as we pass!” he ordered the gunner (Q.L). “Oh my goose!” Jug jubilantly screamed just above a whisper, jumping for joy. “We’re actually gonna Pass at something! Mommy would be so proud!” Their Constellation class vessel poured fire into the Bird of Prey as they passed by it, ripping off the end of its right wing! *“OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!”* a loudspeaker on its nose screamed. Mclintrix looked stunned as their ship zoomed out into the space outside the space-dock. “I don’t believe it!” he cried out. “That sounds like Silver KRAG!” he spun his chair around to face the communications technician. “Communications officer!” he said to the woman. “Patch me through to that Klingon ship quickly! It’s urgent!” “I can’t allow that, sir!” she replied, leaning lazily on her desk. “Starfleet protocol won’t allow communication outside of expected parameters, without an official on-site representative’s or ambassador’s compliance with the matter, due to subsection 8 protocols on a preliminary basis.” He paused for a second. “Please! It’s urgent!” “Well, why did you wait till Now to tell me that!??” she patched him through. “General Krag’s face should appear on the screen now, sir.” His face appeared all right, except the zoom-in feature wasn’t adjusted properly, so all they could see were a set of Klingon teeth in front of a flapping tongue. “Uh, who is this?” Krag asked (or rather Krag’s mouth asked). “I am Captain Donovan T.T.Y.L Mclintrix of the Federation starship- uh… What ship are we on?” he asked Commander Jug. “Cowboy, sir. And may I just say that you are my role model and hero of-” “The Federation Starship Cowboy!” Mclintrix continued to Krag. “We come in peace-out. We want no trouble with your people.” “Mclintrix!” Krag shouted. “No way, my man! You did it, right? You talked to the Federation big shots? Well, what’d they say? Am I allowed to continue this gravy-train raid? I mean, like…we got over a hundred Federation credits on that last raid, my fellow creature of the cosmos! That’s almost enough for me to buy back-braces for all my guys, so they can do their stretches in comfort and quiet, man. Peace and harmony, man.” His Klingon mouth curved up into a dreamy smile. “We can finally become one with our inner star-shine! And peace? …Well, dude, peace is just the next step, my cousin. We’re gonna ride the train carried by the wind from here on… The Love train… Dude, this is happy in a can, man! And it is So awesome!” Mclintrix had to bury his inner compassion as he replied, “No Krag. I’m afraid I can’t allow this to continue any longer.” He tried to look resolute and brave, but his insides felt like Terran deep-fried salami (Ewww!). The Klingon’s jaw dropped on the screen. “Whu-uuhh!” Krag exclaimed. “But we’re Besties, dude-man! No way would my best friend ever say that to his chum! I’m almost not even able to believe you’re my best friend, Mac’n’cheese… Or uh…Mclintrix!- that’s it! My best friend Mclintrix wouldn’t even consider hurting his besty by saying something rude and mean like that!” The crew all looked to their heartbroken captain to respond. It took him awhile to answer- as his mouth was stuffed with comfort food (Cheesy cupcakes! Yum-yum!). “Listen Silver Krag…” he began slowly- his mouth full. “We might be the best friends time and space ever created- although I, for one, don’t even believe time and space actually created us- but I must stand firm in my resolution… You and your ships must…” He took a deep breath and swallowed hard (The cupcake took a lot of effort to get down). “Back off…” “AAAAAA!” Krag exclaimed, biting his fingernails. “No way!” The teeth on the screen began making wild crunching motions and he began to blow giant bubbles with his bubble-gum. Finally a big one exploded all over the part of his face that was visible. “So, this is how it’s gonna roll, huh!?” he said angrily. “You’re making my peace thing hurt, Captain! So prepare yourself to get a lil’ HURT back!” The screen went dead as the camera zoomed into the blackness of his open mouth, and the transmission was cut. Mclintrix slumped down in his seat. The Cheesey bag dropped from his greasy hand. Lab came over to comfort him, as did all the other officers. There ended up being a large pileup of bodies around the captain’s chair. (The scent of Cheeseys called to them. The “comforting” was just a ruse to get at the delicious snacks!) “Helm!” Mclintrix screamed out from inside the group. “Prepare deflector shields, as well as regular shields!” The helmsman returned to his post, having had his fill of Cheeseys. “Shields…up, Captain”, he said between gulps. “Photon Torpedoes ready as well.” “Good”, Mclintrix replied, reassuming his commanding posture. “Then get ready for the fight of you life!” The Klingon Bird of Prey burst out of the hangar bay, and zoomed right at them! The Battle of General Silver Krag vs Captain Donovan Mclintrix (which later became known as the Battle between Lifelong Friends) was about to begin… (This is so Epic, man!)

How much I spent during two weeks of travel

I like to travel. Over the past decade, I've probably made an average of two international trips per year. But you know what? Never once in that time have I tried to track how much I spend while exploring the world. Sure, I log my numbers in Quicken (as I do for everything), but I've never analyzed the cost of an individual trip.

This month, I flew to Europe to hang out with my cousin Duane again. He and I enjoy traveling together. Because I was curious, I decided to be diligent about tracking my expenses for this trip.

Note, however, that I didn't try to do anything different. I didn't adjust my normal behavior simply because I knew I'd be reporting to GRS readers. I did what I always do. I spent in ways that felt normal to me.

I don't need a fancy hotel, for instance. Neither does Duane. We're happy with cheap, simple lodging. And because most of the time we don't book rooms in advance, we don't hunt for the best deal. When we decide to stop for the night, we look for a place to stay. When we find something reasonable ($50 per person per night is our target) and available, we book it. We don't continue to search. We'd rather use our time to explore our surroundings.

On the other hand, we're both willing to splurge on food from time to time. Our rooms aren't important to us, but what we eat is.

Similarly, we'll pay to see special sites, but mostly we're happy visiting free museums and/or walking around a city. We don't pay much for tours, etc.

So, how much did I spend for two weeks in Europe? Let's find out!

Chateau Chenonceau in France's Loire Valley

Booking Flights

This trip was sort of spontaneous. Remember, Duane has throat cancer. We expected our trip in December to be the last adventure we had together. But his health has held steady — and his doctor is making hopeful statements that he might be around for Christmas! — so we decided to make another trip.

Generally, I try to book flights several months in advance. I feel like I find cheaper options that way. This time, though, I didn't book my flight until April 19th, less than a month before our trip.

Also, I'm fussy about flights. It's not that I need to sit in business class — I'm perfectly happy in coach — but I don't like layovers. I'm willing to pay extra for a direct flight.

Unfortunately, when I searched for flights from Portland to Paris, I couldn't find any direct flights. I could, however, find a non-stop to London. I like London. It's a pleasant city. “What if,” I thought, “I flew to London a few days early and used that time to get some work done? Then I could take the Chunnel train across to Paris to meet Duane when he arrives.”

So, I booked a flight to London. It cost me $996.63 and each leg took roughly 10.5 hours.

(I don't know how much Duane paid for his plane ticket. I think it was around $600, but he had to fly from Portland to Las Vegas to Los Angeles to Paris and it took him almost 24 hours. Yuck. I'm happy to pay a premium to avoid crap like that.)

I made a small mistake when booking my ticket. In the past, I've always traveled economy. That's what I thought I was doing this time. Nope. Apparently, there's a new(-ish) airfare class called “basic economy”. This is a massive “screw you” from the airlines to their customers. It's a little bit cheaper, but you're not allowed to make any changes to your ticket once you've booked. No option to upgrade. Plus, you board dead last. And you can't choose your seat. And if you check a bag — as I did for my return flight — it costs a ton.

Edinburgh

I flew into London with no real plan for the first few days. Brandon (the Mad Fientist) had invited me to visit him and his wife in Edinburgh, Scotland, but I felt like I oughtn't do it. I felt like I should stay in London and work.

When I landed, though, I changed my mind. “Is it still okay if I come up to see you?” I asked. “Sure!” Brandon said. So, I hopped on Trainline (an awesome app that Duane and I used to buy train tickets during our December trip) and booked a ticket from London to Edinburgh. Cost: $101.92.

While waiting for my train at Kings Cross station (and watching the tourist throngs at Platform 9-1/2), I withdrew £200 for spending money, which is about $252.31. I used this cash to buy things like coffee and snacks and souvenirs. I brought home £141.15, which means I spent £58.85 (or about $74.24) cash while in the U.K.

I had a great time hanging out with Brandon and Jill. They showed me everyday life in Edinburgh, one of my favorite cities. They put me up in their spare room, took me to pubs, and we wandered together through the streets and the parks.

While there, I spent:

$45.76 at Brewdog for beer and snacks. (Did you know that low-alcohol beer — like 0.5% to 2.0% — is a thing in the U.K.? I wish it was a thing here in the U.S. I'd buy it.)

$17.74 at Whiski Bar for an hour of music and Scotch.

$9.91 at Cairngorm Coffee, where Brandon and I spent a morning working.

$33.78 at Mother India restaurant, where the three of us had a fine meal of “Indian tapas”.

In all, I spent a total of $283.35 during my three nights in Scotland.

Picnic in the Meadows with the Mad Fientist and friends

Paris

When it came time to meet Duane in Paris, I was faced with a choice. Originally, I had intended to take the train from London to Paris. But when I looked at times and prices to get from Edinburgh to Gare du Nord, I didn't like what I saw. The trip would take about 12.5 hours and the total cost would be over $350. Yikes!

“You should book a flight on EasyJet,” Brandon suggested. I've never used EasyJet, but I looked into it. For $199.45, I could fly from Edinburgh to Charles de Gaulle airport (CDG) in Paris — in less than two hours. I booked a ticket. Then, using Chase Ultimate Rewards points, I booked one night at the Hotel ibis, which is attached to CDG terminal 3. My cost: 7718 Chase points.

In Paris, I paid €17.99 for a one-day train pass, which gave me unlimited access to all Metro and RER routes. (The metro lines are the subway and local trains. The RER routes are the commuter trains that run deeper into the suburbs, going places like Versailles and the airport.) I also withdrew €200 in cash (about $222.50) to use for incidental expenses, such as snacks and souvenirs.

While I waited for Duane's flight to arrive, I visited Notre Dame to see what it looked like after the fire. (I was startled to note that when the wind was right, you could smell the ashes!) I bought an extra travel shirt. And I met my friend Amy for champagne and charcuterie. (Amy lives in Houston but happened to be in Paris for work.)

Amy, J.D., and random amused French woman

At around 18:00, I returned to the airport to pick up our rental car. I was worried this might not go smoothly, but I was wrong. Estelle, the young woman at the Avis counter, was amazing. It didn't take long for her to get met set up with a Peugot 208. Plus, she was kind enough to phone ahead to our hotel to let them know we'd be a little late. I booked the car with British Airways points. My cost: 16,600 Avios — a bargain!

As I was finishing at the rental car, Duane cleared immigration. Perfect timing! We hopped in our little car, braved Paris traffic and made our way to the garden spot of Giverny.

In Giverny, we checked into our B&B (booked with 8154 Chase points), then hurried to the only restaurant in town that was still open. Duane spent €51.00 on our dinner of duck breast and red wine.

During two nights in and around Paris, I spent $199.45, €17.99, 8154 Chase points, and 16,600 Avios (BA points). Duane spent €51.00.

Normandy

The next morning, Duane and I started our driving tour of northwest France. I'd been worried that all French drivers would be like the ones in Paris. They weren't. On the country roads, people were much more mellow. Thank goodness. (I drive like an old man. I hate speeding and tailgating.)

First, we toured Rouen, the town where Joan of Arc was burned at the stake. We saw our first cathedral of the trip, visited the (free) Museum of Fine Arts, and browsed the weekly market.

Duane and I both enjoy markets. We're happy to pass time looking at fruits and vegetables and meat and fish. For real. Plus, this gave us a chance to buy cheap food for the road. I picked up a paper sack filled with twenty baby chorizo sausages, for instance, and it cost only €5. (I think there were more than 20 sausages in the bag too. That thing lasted me almost the entire trip, and I was eating several sausages per day.)

In the afternoon, we drove to Honfleur with no plans about where to stay. The first hotel we visited was perfect: cheap and efficient. I paid €100.00 to book a room. Duane spent €54.00 on our dinner at a local pub.

On our second day, we meandered along the coast. We stopped to taste calvados (an apple brandy made in Normandy), nibbled goat cheese in Deauville, and stopped to visit the Grand Hotel in Cabourg, the site of Proust's famous memory-inducing madeleine.

Buying goat cheese and “bacon” in Deauville

In the late afternoon, we reached Bayeux. Our first hotel choice was booked, but the second had two cheap rooms available. We paid €49.00 each. For dinner, we chose an expensive restaurant (I can't remember why) that cost Duane €94.00.

After dinner, we wandered around town. It was a magical evening in mid-spring. We happened to hit the city during its “festival of lights”, and when we stopped by the cathedral, an American choir was performing a concert. We stopped in to listen.

In the morning, we visited the Bayeux Tapestry, a 70-meter long work of art that's nearly 1000 years old. In dozens of scenes, it depicts the Norman conquest of England. People think I'm joking when I say this, but I'm not: This tapestry is like a very early comic book. (And, in fact, the drawings used to plan tapestries like this are referred to as cartoons. No joke.) This visit cost me €19.00.

Seriously, the Bayeux Tapestry is like a primitive comic book

While in Bayeux, we visited Omaha Beach and the nearby American Military Cemetery. After that, we drove backroads to reach Mont-Saint-Michel, one of the most famous tourist sites in all of France (and formerly one of the top three destinations for Christian pilgrims). This island used to be isolated from the mainland by ocean tides. Now there's a causeway that leads to it, but even that sometimes floods over (as it did during our stay).

I used 14,538 Chase points to book a room on the island, and I'm glad we did. During the day, the place is packed. After 18:00, the crowd disperses and things become peaceful. It's fun to wander the ramparts with nobody to disturb you.

Here, Duane paid €89.00 for dinner.

During our time in Normandy, I spent a total of €168.00 and 14,538 Chase points. Duane spent €286.00.

Mont-Saint-Michel at high tide

Brittany

The next morning, after a quick tour of the Mont-Saint-Michel abbey, Duane and I packed up to drive to Brittany. (The island actually sits on the border between the two regions.)

As we entered Brittany, we got our first taste of fuel prices in France. To put 38 liters (about 10 gallons) in the Peugot 208, I paid €60.00. Holy cats! That's nearly $7 per gallon, or about twice what we pay here in the States.

In the early afternoon, we stopped for a couple of hours in the walled city of Dinan, which is built on a hillside overlooking the river Rance.

Looking from the ramparts of Dinan to the valley below

By early evening, we'd reached Carnac on the Atlantic coast. Carnac is famous for its “standing stones”, a collection of 3000+ domens and menhirs in the region. I love sites like this (and Avebury and Stonehenge in England), so was pleased to visit. (If you've ever read any Asterix comics, you're familiar with the stones of Carnac.)

The first hotel we visited had a cheap room available (€66.00), so we booked it. Our dinner next door was…an adventure.

Brittany, as you may know, is the source of the crepe. It's also the source of the galette (a savory crepe). Crepes and galettes everywhere in this region. Because we like to try local food when we travel, Duane and I decided to eat galettes for our evening meal. “You should get the andouille,” the restaurant owner told us, smiling. So we did.

Well. It turns out that American andouille is not the same as French andouille. French andouille is simply sliced pig intestine that has (ostensibly) been cleaned very, very well.

“This tastes like ass,” Duane said as he ate his galette. He couldn't finish. I did finish, but was a little mortified when I looked up the ingredients later. Our host seemed to take pity on us for being such good sports. When I ordered a glass of calvados after the meal, he gave me a huge pour.

I paid €46.00 for our dinner of pig-gut pancakes.

During our 24 hours in Brittany, I spent a total of €172.00. Duane spent nothing.

The Loire Valley

After a quick breakfast of coffee and crepes (€12.00 paid by Duane), we made our way to Angers, former capital of the Anjou region. (Angers is the source of both anjou pears and Cointreau liqueur.) Here, we visited our first chateau. Did you know that a chateau is a castle? I didn't — not until this trip.

Anyhow, the Chateau d'Angers is home to the amazing Apocalypse Tapestry, a 600-year-old visual retelling of the apocalypse story from the Bible's Book of Revelation. Like the Bayeux Tapestry, it reminds me of a massive comic book made from cloth. It cost us €12.00 each to see the chateau and its art. (Duane paid this.)

The Apocalypse Tapestry at Chateau d'Angers

In the evening, we experienced our big splurge of the trip. Based on a GRS reader recommendation, I had booked a night for us at the Royal Abbey of Our Lady of Fontevraud, a former monastery founded in 1101. Although many old buildings remain (and guests are free to explore them), the site is no longer an abbey. It's a fancy upscale hotel and a Michelin-star restaurant.

Going in, I'd told Duane to ignore the costs for our night at Fontevraud. “I'm paying for the hotel and dinner, and it's not part of our trip accounting. Don't try to balance it out,” I said. “I'm making a deliberate decision to splurge.”

Our room at the abbey cost us €172.00. Our meal cost €239.00. As I mentioned earlier this week, the food was fine and I'm glad I experienced it. But I wouldn't do it again.

In the morning, we traveled country roads to visit another chateau: Chenonceau. We each paid €19.00 to tour the grounds of this beautiful old estate.

In the afternoon, we moved to nearby Amboise, where Duane paid €73.00 to book a hotel. We hiked up the hillside, then tasted wine in a cave. We ate dinner at the tiny Restaurant L'Ilot, where the woman waiting tables chided us for not making a reservation — then was playfully grouchy the rest of the evening. This meal cost Duane €94.00 because he insisted we order a bottle of wine.

The next day, we stopped briefly in Blois to visit the church of St Nicolas. This place is barely mentioned in the guidebooks, but we loved it. During World War II, most of its stained-glass windows were destroyed. They've been replaced by modern windows with modern glass. The results are amazing. When light shines through them, color spreads throughout the church.

The light show from the stained glass at St Nicolas Church

We next stopped in Chartres to visit its famous cathedral, which is especially known for its stained-glass windows. And while yes, there are many of them (176!) and they're impressive, I liked the ones in Blois better.

During our time in the Loire Valley, I spent a total of €430.00, most of it for my splurge at the abbey. Duane spent €281.00. (He filled the car with gas at one point.)

Wrapping Things Up

After touring the Chartres cathedral, we didn't know what to do. We found ourselves on the southwest side of Paris, but wanting to reach the northeast corner by the following evening. We couldn't make up our minds, so I simply drove east.

Eventually, we reached Fontainebleau, which we decided might be fun to visit. But the town was packed and we were tired. Instead, we drove on until we found a budget hotel (aptly named Budget Hotel), where Duane paid €86.00 for a room. For dinner, we each paid cash at a French fast-food chain.

The next morning, we returned our rental car. I was sad to say good-bye to the Peugot 208, which had served us well. Before we turned it in, Duane paid €32.00 to top off the fuel tank.

For logistics purposes, I'd used 11,182 Chase points to book us separate rooms at the ibis Hotel once again. (It's handy having this place next to the airport train station.) We each paid €17.99 for one-day train tickets, then we rode into Paris.

With several hours to kill, we decided to walk the city. But we didn't walk the downtown tourist core. We've both done that before. Instead, we chose the Coulée verte René-Dumont, an elevated greenway akin to New York's Highline. From there, we made our way along the canal. This 5k stroll made for great people-watching.

Here, we said our good-byes. Duane wandered off to spend time on his own. I met up with my pal Matt Kepnes (a.k.a. Nomadic Matt) for a couple of beers.

In the morning, I took an early flight back to London (booked with 4500 Avios and $27.50), then boarded my Delta flight back to Portland.

On this final day, I spent a total of $47.48, 4500 Avios, and 11,182 Chase points. (At some point, I withdrew another €200.00 in spending money. I returned home with €102.66, which means I spent €97.34 of that — or about $108.41.) Duane spent €86.00 and $19.98.

The Bottom Line

After all of that, how much did I spend on this trip? Let's crunch the numbers. For two weeks (three nights in Scotland and ten in France), I spent:

$996.63 for my flights from and to the U.S.

$573.65

€637.98 (about $710.63)

19,336 Chase points

21,100 Avios (British Airways points)

Converting all of my expenses to dollars, my total cost was $2277.91 plus rewards points. That's an average of $175.22 per night. (I spent $1284.28 plus points if you ignore the flight, for an average of $98.79 per night.)

If I hadn't splurged €411.00 for the abbey experience (and instead paid €100 for dinner and lodging that night), my costs would have been €311.00 less.

During our nine nights together in France, Duane spent a total of €670.99 (about $747.40) plus whatever his flights cost him (about $600, I think). That's $83.04 per night ($149.71 with his flights). Together, not counting flights, we spent the equivalent of $2031.68 and points for this vacation.

Because I've never tracked my trip spending before, I have no frame of reference for our costs. I feel like we did a good job of using money wisely — spending only on things that brought us value — but who knows? I'm sure plenty of people would spend much less on a trip like this. That would probably require advance planning, though, and half the fun for us is making this up as we go.

Here's the thing, though. How much have I been spending simply to live here at home? About $5000 per month, right? (And I'm aiming to get that down to $4000 per month.) When you compare the cost of travel to the cost of simply maintaining my lifestyle here in the U.S., it's shockingly affordable. Cheaper than living in Portland, even.

That's food for thought.

One final note: In Edinburgh, Brandon showed me how to use Apple Pay. Believe it or not, I'd never done this before. Now, though, I'm hooked. Even back here in Portland, I'm using my phone to pay for things, not my actual credit card. I think this is awesome. Duane is less convinced. But that's a subject for a future blog post…

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