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I Need to Talk About “Avengers: Endgame”

WARNING: THIS WILL BE VERY SPOILER-Y!

PLEASE, IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE, DO NOT READ THE SPOILERS!

IT’S SO HARD TO STAY AWAY WHEN YOU’RE CURIOUS AS HELL, BUT PLEASE DON’T LOOK AT THESE SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE!

SPOILERS WILL BE BELOW THE CUT, SO IF YOU DON’T TURN AWAY NOW, I CAN’T BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SPOILERS YOU WILL SEE!

THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!

OK!

I have an actual metric fuckton of stuff to say about this movie-too much, really. I won’t be able to hold it together for even a part of it, since I cried like a baby throughout 90% of this movie. I have a lot of words and a lot of emotions. Walking into this movie, I had a lot of theories. Some of them were true, and others were not. Some of them, I wished I had been wrong about. I steered clear of all spoilers, dropping off the face of the world once I heard that a leak happened, and I’m somewhat relieved that I can be back. It’s not gonna be the same, though. Never.

I’ve only seen the movie three times so far (I had to edit this twice while writing this reaction, ngl), so I’m definitely still missing some shit. I just haven’t been able to keep myself collected for long enough to write it all. I’m definitely going to see it again tomorrow, which is like opening a gaping wound and pouring salt, vinegar, alcohol, and tears into it. Why do I do this?

So, here it goes. It won’t be in order, but I’m just writing it down as it comes back to me (while listening to the Avengers Theme because I need to cry for a bit longer, I guess).

I was a bit upset that the movie didn’t open with the original Marvel fanfare. I was angry until I cried for the first time in the movie, which happened a mere 3 minutes in.

Clint’s. Fucking. Family.

When he starts running around, yelling for them, I was absolutely gutted. It felt like someone drove a knife into my back.

The Russo Bros.

JESUS. CHRIST. GIVE. THIS. MAN. A. BREAK.

GIVE. ME. A. BREAK.

Tony’s physical state in space was absolutely mind-boggling. I was crushed just seeing him like that, like a little skeleton man. I’m realizing as I write this that I can’t even think about Tony right now. Nope.

No.

Anyway, now that I’m crying, I might as well keep crying.

Nebula lifting Tony up into the seat like he’s a small child. YES, GIVE THIS MAN ALL THE LOVE AND CARE IN THE WORLD! HE DESERVES EVERYTHING GOOD! DON’T TOUCH ME, I’M CRYING!

When that little light hit Tony’s face, I was like, “CAROL! IT’S MY GIRL! WHAT A GODDESS!” and the entire theater erupted with applause. I was so happy I wasn’t stuck with a theater full of people with sticks in places they shouldn’t be.

STEVE SPRINTING UP TO TONY WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL, TOUCHING, WONDERFUL MOMENT, BUT THEN, THESE TWO FUCKERS FIGHT AGAIN LIKE 2 SECONDS LATER! DON’T TAKE MY LITTLE SHREDS OF HAPPINESS AWAY FROM ME, MARVEL, FFS!

“I lost the kid” -Tony, making me want to vomit because of the sheer emotions.

Pepperony reunion was beautiful. I cried. Everyone cried. Not everyone. Me and a few other people.

Tony losing his shit on Steve left me gutted. I just wanted everything to be okay between them, especially since both of them came so close to dying.

“I needed you!” -Tony, 2k19

“I need you two to get along” -Me, 2k19

“Up until this moment, I thought you were a Build-a-Bear” -Tony to Rocket, and the theater erupted in laughter. The Russo’s were trying to butter us up with as much funny shit in the first half as they could because THEY KNEW WHAT WAS COMING, AND NO ONE ELSE DID!

When I saw Carol’s tears in her eyes upon seeing Nick Fury’s picture as one of the vanished, I...ugh. No. I’m feeling a lot again.

She was so ready to kick some purple ass, and I was like “YAAAASSSS, KWEEN! Kill the evil grape!”

The fact that we saw the jump in the reflection of Steve’s eyes, my heart fluttered. What a beautiful...whoa. I was...the EYELASHES?! HeLp!

WHEN THANOS GOT HIS NOGGIN CHOPPED CLEAN OFF, THE WHOLE AUDIENCE LOST IT, BUT WE KNEW IT WOULDN’T BE THE END OF THANOS. The cheers were full of joy and also a bit of fear for what would come.

“I went for the head” -Thor, 2k19

Even though, I was fully committed to this movie, when the “five years later” faded onto the screen, I couldn’t help but read it in a Spongebob Narrator voice. OOPS!

Steve trying to be a little optimist in the absolute worst circumstances...ugh!

Joe Russo’s cameo. I was like, “yaaaasss, represent the LGBTQ+ audience” but I was also like, “you’re gonna kill me in this movie, aren’t you?” AND THE SECOND TIME I WATCHED IT, WHEN PEOPLE CHEERED BECAUSE OF HIM IN THAT SCENE, I JUST SAT THERE WITH MY ARMS CROSSED LIKE AN ANGRY BABY! I KNEW WHAT WAS COMING! I KNEW THAT HE WAS GOING TO STAB ME STRAIGHT THROUGH MY FUCKING HEART IN A LITTLE WHILE! The second time around, I was more excited to see Jim Starlin in that scene.

CAROL’S HAIRCUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seeing Natasha cry over Clint’s disappearance was...rough. 10/10 don’t like seeing my heroes cry because it turns me into an actual blubbering mess. Natasha was a strong, fierce, incredible warrior goddess, and to see her crumble over the stress was both so incredibly realistic but also heart-wrenching. She has done such a good job holding it together in the worst circumstances throughout these movies, but now we get to see her as just as vulnerable as anyone else. Natasha was a gem, and SHE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER. I NEED TISSUES. I’M CRYING!

On a side note: I love that new hair she’s rocking, ngl.

“I tell people to move on; some do, but not us” *chills*

I’m upset that the peanut butter sandwich wasn’t credited and had no appearances in the trailer. It played such a pivotal role. First, it was Nat’s. Then, Nat tried to pass it off to Steve. Then, Scott practically fell in love with it.

Scott, looking at that peanut butter sandwich:

While we’re talking about Scott Lang, I have to say that a lot of us in the theater cried like little tiny babies, when Scott and Cassie finally saw each other again. Five hours passed for him, but his daughter aged five entire years. That was heart-wrenching and also such a happy scene.

TONY STARK FINALLY HAD SOME HAPPINESS! HE MARRIED PEPPER, AND THEY HAD A DAUGHTER, MORGAN! I CAN’T! DON’T TOUCH ME!

Professor Hulk was both really unsettling, really funny, and everything that I wanted. I didn’t really know whether to laugh or cringe a little bit. It was really well done, and it made for some laughs, but ngl, I was a bit...disturbed by it.

The picture scene. Scott is just...the most relatable.

“Take the goddamn phone” -Scott Lang, leaving myself and the rest of the theater in stitches.

“Shit” -Tony Stark, 2k19

“Shit” -Morgan Stark, 2k19

Tony = Parenting Goals, leave me alone.

“I love you 3000” -Morgan Stark being the sweetest little peanut in the history of all things. Someone protect her LIKE THEY SHOULD’VE PROTECTED TONY! HELP, I’M CRYING AGAIN!

“But would you be able to rest?” -PEPPER GODDAMN POTTS, KNOWING THAT WE’RE GONNA EXPERIENCE THE WORST PAIN IN MERE HOURS!

*ahem*

Scott’s transformation between adult, child, old, baby, and back to adult was funny af. Every person in the theater lost their shit during that scene.

“Someone peed my pants” -Scott Lang...legendary

Steven Grant Rogers in THOSE pants. We all know which ones I’m talking about. The ones he wears when he walks outside the facility and is greeted by Tony Stark. I needed an inhaler because it took my breath away. Wow.

TONY GIVING STEVE HIS SHIELD BACK REPAIRED MY SHATTERED HEART AND CLEARED UP MY SKIN.

Scott sitting outside with his little taco, only to have it blown away thanks to Rocket and Nebula, OH LORD HELP ME! I nearly pissed myself, I was laughing so hard. Then, when Professor Hulk walks by and hands him a taco with this big ass green hand, everyone went from “lol” to “awwwww” like he was some giant green puppy!

Nebula throwing serious shade at Scott! LIFE!

“What’s up, Regular-Sized Man?” -Rhodey, coming in for the kill.

Prof. Hulk riding in the back of the truck with his thicc ass, the theater erupted.

VALKYRIE! WHEN IT PANNED OVER TO HER, EVERY SINGLE TIME I’VE SEEN IT, THE THEATER WENT FUCKING BUCK WILD! PEOPLE LOVE HER! I LOVE HER! I WOULD MARRY THIS FUCKING GODDESS!

Thor.

Wow.

Whoa.

Huh.

Like, when it showed him, I laughed because...it’s still the God of a man, Chris Hemsworth. At the same time, though, it made me so goddamn sad. The audience didn’t always know whether it was right to laugh or get a bit emotional about it. He feels like he failed his people and the entire universe. That’s a lot of guilt on his shoulders, and we know where this guilt REALLY belongs.

Peter.

Quill.

STAR

DUDE

HE IS A LORD NO LONGER!

Like, I love you, but this is on you, homeboy.

MEEK AND KORG!

When Prof. Hulk mentions Thanos, and Thor gets really quiet and teary-eyed, I couldn’t help but getting emotional about it. He feels like such a failure, and that’s heartbreaking.

He...is using Stormbreaker...as a bottle opener...wtf, Thor?!

“There’s booze” -Rocket

And that was the line that convinced Thor Odinson, the God of Thunder, the King of Asgard to join up with his team again and kick some ass. Really. I’m not lying. This is the true motivation for my dude, Thor. Wow.

“Jane put her hand in a rock, and the stone put itself into her” -Thor, 2k19

*THE THEATER LOSES IT*

Rhodey motioning what he wanted to do to baby Thanos was one of the funniest bits in the movie. I almost puked, I laughed so hard, and then the reaction he got from the other characters. Oh shit!

“See you in a minute” -Natasha to Steve, and the second time I watched it, I lost my goddamn mind. The people next to me were probably like “wtf is gonna happen?” because they knew I had seen it the previous night during the premiere. So when Nat is doing her little “hahaha, I’ll see you in a second” I was just over there dying, trying to hold back my gross sobs. Like I’m doing right now.

I can’t see the keyboard.

Seeing a different view of the Battle of New York was fucking stellar. I was dead. I knew that this was the moment I would get to see Loki being Loki. Wow. Much anticipation.

Prof. Hulk having to pretend to Hulk out left me shook. I couldn’t hear the movie because of the audience laughter.

Bruce and the Ancient One was a great little duo, and I would honestly pay to see Tilda Swinton just interacting with my favorite heroes all day.

“That suit was doing nothing for your ass” -Tony

“As far as I’m concerned, that’s America’s Ass!” -Scott, speaking on behalf of everyone in the universe.

LOKI IMITATING STEVE WAS A BEAUTIFUL CALLBACK TO “THOR: THE DARK WORLD” AND I LOST IT. I LOST IT AND COULDN’T FIND IT FOR A HOT MINUTE! Then, Thor just slaps that Asgardian “shut the fuck up” mouthpiece on him, and I don’t get to hear Tom Hiddleston’s silken waterfall of a voice again throughout the movie. Who approved this? Like, I enjoy knowing that there was a reason behind said mouthpiece, and it was because Loki couldn’t stop running his mouth, but I just...I wanted more of Loki than I got.

Hulk getting mad about taking the stairs. That was a mood and a half.

When Steve got into the elevator, I was low-key hoping for another can of whoopass like in “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” but what I got was even. fucking. Better.

Hearing Cap say “Hail Hydra” was just as bone-chilling as when I read it in the Captain America: Steve Rogers issue a while back. It was pretty intense hearing him say it, but I thought it was a cool hint to the comic. It gave me chills, but it was also…

Alexander Pierce, ugh! Listen, Robert Redford has always been-and will always be-a stone cold fox, but Secretary Pierce is the #worst. No one likes him. Seeing all these “long lost” characters was such a nice send-off for our heroes. This was the end of a decade-long saga, and this truly felt like a fan-service movie with a lot of heartbreaking moments that we didn’t want as well.

Seeing Tony have that cardiac dysrhythmia was not my favorite thing, but it was much easier than seeing...the INCIDENT AT THE END THAT SHATTERED MY UNIVERSE!

Loki’s eyes following the case when Ant-Man kicked it away left me cackling in my seat. Every time I’ve watched it, it was hilarious. Idgaf, every single time Tom Hiddleston is on that screen, he steals the show, even when he can’t speak.

God.

That man.

Help.

Hulk busting out of the stairwell and hitting Tony across the fucking room was hilarious.

Then, this little shit, Loki, picks up the tesseract and yeets himself right outta the movie like he was never there to begin with. We don’t see him another goddamn time. I was low-key hoping that Thor could’ve found a way to be in on the plan to get the tesseract so that he could’ve seen Loki one more time, but whatever. I’m not in charge of anything ever.

Like, we’ve gotten to see him as Loki for like a cumulative 4 minutes in two entire movies. How rude.

STEVE RUNNING INTO STEVE!

AND THAT FIGHT SCENE!

I was all kinds of whoa.

Me during that scene:

“That is America’s ass” -Steve Rogers, 2k19 or...2k12…? Help.

Steve and Tony going back in time to the 70’s was all kinds of tears. Like, Tony getting to see his dad got me all choked up. AND HOWARD’S LIKE “THERE’S NOTHING I WOULDN’T DO FOR HIM” AND I’M JUST CONFLICTED BECAUSE TONY SUFFERED BECAUSE OF HIS DAD, BUT I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ANYMORE!

And when I saw Steve grab four of those vials of Pym particles, I was like “HONEY, YOU KNOW GODDAMN WELL YOU DON’T NEED THAT MANY! PUT IT BACK! DON’T BE LIKE THIS!” I felt like a mother in the candy aisle with a free range toddler.

Listen.

Now, here’s a question.

HOW.

THE FUCK.

DID PEGGY CARTER.

NOT SEE.

HER MAIN MAN.

STEVE.

AMERICA.

ROGERS.

????????????????????????????

Steve’s there like:

And my girl, Peggy, is just:

Completely oblivious.

Whatever.

1970′S JARVIS! FUCK ME UP!

Tony giving this “stranger” a hug after having a quick chat with him on an elevator was hilarious because Howard had no idea what the shit was going on.

Honestly, Nebula’s trip to Morag with Rhodey was nice and all, but I wasn’t as invested in it because I knew that it would tie into Thanos, and it did. I was just sick of seeing this purple nutsack-having face. I was done with him. THEN I HAD TO SEE PETER QUILL AGAIN, AND I WAS READY TO PUNCH A HOLE IN THE SCREEN BECAUSE I’M STILL MAD ABOUT INFINITY WAR! I will blame him for this until I die.

And then we get Nebula 1.0 meeting Nebula 2.0, and I was 10/10 uncomfortable. Not a fan. Not a fan at all. Negative fan.

Thor talking to his mom made me cry. Frigga is the goddess Asgard needed but not the one it deserved. AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

When I realized that Steve, Tony, and Scott went to NYC, Nebula and Rhodey went to Morag, Thor and Rocket went to Asgard, I knew. I knew that shit was about to go down on Vormir. I already knew that someone was going to die in order to get the Soul Stone, but I didn’t want to think about who it was going to be. AND WHEN I SAW IT, I WANTED TO FUCK RIGHT OFF OUT OF THERE. NO THANK YOU!

I knew that Clint and Nat would want to sacrifice their own lives to keep the other from doing it, and they’re two of my favorite characters in the MCU, far above many of the newcomers. They’ve been around since the beginning, and I have an even deeper connection with Nat because I could identify with her as a woman. She didn’t have superpowers, but she wasn’t the damsel in distress, and I found a lot of power in that.

That entire scene had me on the very edge of my seat, and it left everyone else in the theater the same way. Even going back to watch it, I’m still on the edge of my seat, even though I know what happens. The first time around, I didn’t know who it was going to be, who was going to sacrifice themselves for the Soul Stone, and I gasping for air every time one of them made a break for the edge of the cliff thing.

Thinking about that scene still gives me chills. Thinking about how Clint was holding onto her arm as tightly as he could and nat was sitting there, not even trying to hold on. Ugh. It makes me so fucking emotional. I don’t give a fuck. Natasha went out a fucking hero. She sacrificed herself for the greater good, knowingly. I know a lot of people are like, “they did her dirty” but I prefer this death to one at the hands of Thanos. She sacrificed for something she loves: her team, her family. She sacrificed so that Clint wouldn’t have to, so that he could be with his family when they were brought back. The MCU did Natasha dirty by not giving her a movie earlier on, but this death was selfless and heroic, just like Natasha. She died a hero, and no one can change my mind on that.

I’m crying.

Wait.

Ok, so seeing Clint break down and cry was not my favorite thing.

AND THEN THEY GET BACK, AND EVERYONE IS SO FUCKING SAD ABOUT NATASHA’S DEATH! SAME! LET’S BE SAD TOGETHER!

Steve cries: mood.

Hulk throws shit: mood.

So, gauntlet 2.0 is built, and Prof. Hulk puts that shit on and ruins himself. Good job!

Nebula 1.0, who is pretending to be Nebula 2.0, brings Thanos to the future, which is not the best. I was just in shock by the amount of fuckery going on. Like, I didn’t understand any of the time stuff, and if anyone claims they did, they’re lying. Or they’re smart.

Prof. Hulk reverse snaps his fingers, and everything is good again! Birds are chirping, Laura’s calling for Clint, the sun is shining, Thanos’ ship is shooting at the Avengers facility, and he’s being a little prick. Everything’s back to normal.

I was low-key nervous that Hulk, Rocket, and Rhodey were gonna drown under the rubble of the facility, and I was not impressed. But when Scott was like, “yo, I’m on my way,” I was ready for snack-sized Ant-Man to go full on King-Sized Ant-Man again. I was ready.

Thanos sitting outside on a rock, looking like he was ready to kick puppies or some shit. He just wants to be the worst version of himself, I swear to butt!

Thor, Tony, and Steve fighting Thanos was what I signed up for. Like, Clint’s doing the hundred meter dash beneath the facility, and he’s being chased by weight lizard/gorilla/alien hybrids. Then, we have the holy trinity putting Thanos in his place.

Wild.

STEVE.

ROGERS.

CAPTAIN.

AMERICA.

WIELDING.

MJOLNIR.

WAS.

EVERYTHING.

CHANGE.

MY.

MIND.

As soon as that hammer lifted up off the ground, gasps could be heard all throughout the theater. I heard people gasping halfway around the world. People woke up from REM sleep just to gasp. They didn’t know what they were gasping about, but they felt the power of what was happening. I died but was resurrected just to continue gasping.

When Mjolnir was thrown and bounced back only to show that it was thrown by Steve, THE THEATER SCREAMED SO GODDAMN LOUD THAT WE WERE ABOUT TO BLOW THE ROOF OFF THE PLACE. IT WAS LIKE CHRIS EVANS HIMSELF HAD WALTZED IN, PLEDGED TO MARRY EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE ROOM, AND ALSO GAVE THEM $38 TRILLION A PIECE. IT WAS MONUMENTAL. THE GROUND SHOOK. WE CAUSED THE WHOLE PLANET OF JUPITER TO QUAKE. SOMEONE SHOULD CHECK TO SEE IF IT STILL EXISTS BECAUSE THE CHEERS AND THE SCREAMS WERE ENOUGH TO BLOW UP THE ENTIRE PLANET. IT WAS THE WILDEST MOMENT. THE BEST MOMENT. THE MOMENT WE HAD ALL BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE CAP NUDGED THAT FUCKING HAMMER IN AGE OF ULTRON. THIS WAS THE MOMENT!

Then, we get one of the most epic scenes in cinema history.

Steve using Mjolnir and his shield at the same time, summoning lightning and kicking Thanos straight in the dick (figuratively). It was the wildest ride. I swear, people started punting each other across the room because they were so excited. I wanted someone to punch me in the face because I was so hyped. There was just a lot going on.

Then, Steve starts to lose to Thanos, and I was not ready. I was like, “NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NOPE! I DO NOT LIKE THIS! I WANT TO LEAVE! STOP IT!”

“On your left” - Sam Wilson, 2k14

“On your left” -Sam Wilson, 2k19 or like 2k24 because it’s 5 years in the future. Or is it 2k23 because the 5 year skip came almost right after the events of Infinity War? I don’t know what year it is. Help.

Anyway. Beautiful.

THEN THOSE PORTALS START POPPING UP, AND I WAS LIKE:

I had goosebumps seeing ALL of these characters on screen. It was bittersweet not having Natasha there, but it was such a beautiful moment. That moment wouldn’t have existed if it wasn’t for her. I will give her credit always!

“AVENGERS...Assemble” -Steve “The Guy With America’s Ass” Rogers with the line we’ve all been waiting for since the beginning. It’s been a long time coming, but we got it...finally. Once again, the theater screamed, jupiter exploded, the farthest star swallowed itself, it was a lot.

Tony and Pepper fighting back to back in their suits.

Give my heart a break.

The all lady team up. I get that it was a bit on the nose. I feel like it would’ve been cooler if no words were spoken but all the female cast members just started to line up behind Captain Marvel. I was more than okay with this, though. That scene was cool as shit to see all my ladies lining up to kick some the purple nutsacks ass.

“I am inevitable” -Thanos, that little punk bitch.

“I am Iron Man” -Iron Man, 2008

“I am Iron Man” -Endgame, 2019

Everyone in the theater opening night was like “WWWWHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! YEAAAAAHHHHH!” including me when Tony snapped those little fingers. It was the best line that could’ve been delivered before that snap, but no one saw what was coming. People continued to lose their shit as Thanos’ army was dusted. It was poetic justice. And when Thanos got dusted, everyone continued to “WWWWWHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! YAAAAAAASSSSSS!” including myself. This changed the second night. As the theater erupted, my ass was sitting there like “NO, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN! STOP CHEERING!” as I’m holding back adult sobs!

Then.

The camera found Tony.

The cheering died instantly.

The theater got so fucking quiet.

I could feel my heartbeat in my throat.

I could hear the collective heartbreak around the theater.

We had won.

However, we also lost.

I can’t talk about it. I can’t write about it. I just cannot. Of all the people I thought would go, he was low on the list. I was almost certain that Steve would be ripped away from me, but I never thought that this would happen. I’m not okay. I’m really sad. I’m not smad anymore. I’m just sad as shit. Rhodey, Peter, and Pepper getting their moments with him only hurt my heart even more, and I can’t. I’M CRYING AGAIN! I’M NEVER GONNA STOP!

“You can rest now” -PEPPER POTTS

TONY STARK DESERVED BETTER! HE WENT OUT A HERO, BUT I CANNOT! I WILL NEVER BE OKAY ABOUT THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

“I love you 3000” -TONY FUCKING STARK’S MESSAGE TO HIS LITTLE DAUGHTER. I’M GONNA PUKE! SOMEONE THROW ME AWAY! I’M DEFECTIVE! HELP!

“Your dad liked cheeseburgers. I’m gonna buy you all the cheeseburgers you want” -Happy to Morgan, fucking my entire world up.

“Proof Tony Stark Has a Heart”

It was so touching to see that every hero was gathered there to pay homage to a hero. It was such a beautiful scene. Seeing everyone there just felt like the twist of the knife in my cold, dying heart. It was great. I loved it.

I’m convinced that the only people who didn’t cry in these scenes were stone cold killers, and I will refuse to believe otherwise until I’m dead and gone. Like, my father cried during these scenes (Nat’s death, Tony’s death, and Tony’s funeral), and it takes...a lot to get tears out of him. I cried the entire ending. Like, the scene with Wanda and Clint. Ugh. I can’t take this anymore. I didn’t stop crying, even as Thor was giving the throne over to Valkyrie (she deserves it, yaaaaaasssss kween), or as he had his moment with the Guardian’s of the Galaxy. I continued to cry when Steve and Bucky had their moment that parallelled “Captain America, The First Avenger”

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back” - Bucky, CATFA

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you” -Steve, CATFA

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back” -Steve, AE

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you” -Bucky, AE

I UGLY CRIED AGAIN BECAUSE I JUST FUCKING KNEW WHAT STEVE WAS GONNA DO. HE WAS GONNA USE THE FOURTH VIAL OF PYM PARTICLES TO DO WHAT HE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. HE WAS GONNA GET THAT FUCKING DANCE! AND BUCKY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT WAS GOING ON!

That’s why this little shit wasn’t surprised to see that Steve hadn’t come back on time.

I was high-key hoping that Bucky would receive the title of Captain America. He’s held the shield in virtually every movie he had the chance to. Both him and Sam Wilson hold the title in the comics, and I felt like this could be a new arc for Bucky. Like, he needed this redemption. It was still gonna be bittersweet no matter what because Steve Rogers has always been the version of Captain America I love the most. When Bucky urged Sam to go see Steve, he knew that Sam was the man for the job.

Old man Steve is a silver fox. Change my mind.

I think it’s partially the voice, ngl.

So, I really don’t understand the time stuff, especially with an old man Steve in the future, so I don’t really get how it didn’t change everything with him being old af during the events of the Avengers, AOU, CATWS, CACW, IW, literally all of it. I just...don’t understand? But I don’t care because at least he got his happily ever after. Steve was a man out of time, and he did his time as a hero. He deserved happiness, and he found that with Peggy. I saw that some people were like “BUT HE ABANDONED HIS FRIENDS!” Steve did his time, and he deserved to have his happily ever after, just like Tony got to do for a while with Pepper and Morgan.

And he finally got his dance.

And the credits.

The fucking credits.

All of the original cast members signed their names.

And of course, RDJ was last.

Everyone cheered, yelled, screamed, and cried. It was another earthquake, Jupitergate, Supernova kind of moment.

And that little sound at the end. Tony making his first Iron Man suit. I have a glimmer of hope that it’s Harley building his own suit to become Iron Lad because why would they put him in this movie if they aren’t going to do anything with him in the future? Each of these movies has had a post-credit scene with a hint as to what will happen in the future of Marvel, and a piece of me is so content if this truly just ended with a callback to the past, to the man who started it all.

I didn’t stop crying until I got in the car with my friends, scream-sobbed, and then had to pull it together in order to drive and not die in a fiery car wreck even though that would’ve been better than going back to the theater again and again to have my heart shattered even more.

I’m never gonna be okay again, but this is it. This marks the end of my childhood, even though I’m in my 20’s now. The comics, the movies, the merch, it all symbolized my childlike wonder. I know that Marvel will continue making movies, but these were the heroes I fell in love with. Before the release of the first Iron Man, I had fallen in love with the comic book personas of these characters. Iron Man, Captain America, Spider-Man, Hulk, Thor, Hawkeye, Black Widow, FUCKING MOON KNIGHT (I need a Moon Knight movie, ngl) were all characters I fell in love with (there’s a lot more, but I’m too emotional to sit here and list every single one of them). Then, actors who felt like they were made for these roles brought my favorite characters to life. With this being the end of the superheroes I loved growing up, it’s essentially marking the end of my childhood. I grew up reading these comics, and I watched the movies as they came out in theaters with my dad. Now, I go with my dad, with friends, with my uncle, my brother. Sometimes I see them alone if it’s the fifth or sixth time seeing it. Still, this marks the end of an era, and I have so much appreciation in my heart for these actors who brought to life my heroes. I have so much love in my heart for Stan Lee, who made my life one filled with superheroes and childlike wonder. This journey has meant the world to me, but every journey has an end. I will continue to watch the movies that have come out and will watch the new movies as they are released, but there will always be a little something missing. Either way, I will continue to support this franchise for all the happiness it has given to me over the years and all the happiness it will continue to give.

RDJ, we love you 3000.

Excelsior!

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