This is a friendly reminder that you do not have to act a certain way or eat a certain way or look a certain way to have an eating disorder. Yes, there are particular characteristics that you must meet to have one, BUT those characteristics are not concrete and can be formed/performed/bent by the sufferer. I've had anorexia for 11 years and I eat chips everyday almost. I'm sure that's not something a "normal" anorexic would do. But there is no normal, no set standards every sufferer's (cont)

(cont) Disorder is different because we are all different human beings. You deserve recovery you deserve happiness. Your eating disorder is telling you that you are not unwell, but it’s only doing that to make you suffer further! You are very, very unwell. Eating disorders are a mental illness with physical symptoms. Just because you eat doesn’t mean you’re not suffering, you’re not sick, and you don’t need help. I wish you all the best!”

 My doctors here have made me feel like there are fix standards to fit. My lowest weight “only” made my BMI go down to 16 which wasn’t considered low for them since my highest BMI was of 21 and that I “only” lost 16 kilos. They do not associate my panic attacks over food to an eating disorder nor do they associate self harm to the voices in my head. They did not consider me a real bulimic three years ago because I “only” purged 2/3 times a day. They don’t feel like I restrict with a daily “recovery” intake of 900 kcals compared to my ED intake of 300 or starvation. I have not had a period for 2 years, but they didn’t even ask me. I had two heart failures but they don’t count. I faint and have vaso-vagal syncopes regularly but that doesn’t seem to count either. I weigh every single piece of food I eat, I count a hundredth of a calorie in food and know them off by heart (1g of bran = 2.82 cals; 1g of Quaker Oats = 3.56 cals etc…), I eat in less than 7 minutes, I always eat in the same safe bowl or plate, I have set hours for eating and if I miss them, I won’t eat (for instance breakfast is always before 9 am. If it’s 9:02 I won’t eat.) and so on and so on but the only thing they say is “you’re too intelligent for this disorder. Think, you can’t stay like this. Come on, get a grip and you’ll be done with this phase in a few months.”. I have had a disordered way of eating since the age of 11, that makes it 10 years. But still, I don’t seem to have an ED because I’m not thin enough and don’t meet criterias. When people find out, they laugh at me and think it’s a joke… Basically they are not worried about me and say my weight is fine and that my intake is satisfying. So, if doctors say that, how on earth can I say I have an ED?

I break down 2 to 3 times a day, crying, gasping for air, shook by panic attacks. Tonight I came out about everything to my parents and they want me to change hospital and get a therapist. I’m compelled to go to my GP’s tomorrow. I really do not know what all this means, it makes me so dizzy… 

Your message has made me feel a little worthy. Thank you because I feel out of place here, like there’s a whole gang clinging together and other people have no chance to be understood or have support.

I do not know what tomorrow is made of but thank you so much for your concern x

Shutting down this blog tomorrow for many reasons but mostly because I do not have an eating disorder, I must have been diagnosed wrongly. The doctors must have been drunk. I'm leaving the hospital where I had treatment. I'm an insult to all you sufferers, I'm ridiculously pathetic...

Keep fighting, it must be terrible to live this on a daily basis...

Take care lovelies, stay strong x

On my way to bed when...

Mum: So I suppose you saw the bread, dried apricots & ginger McVitties I bought? I didn't want you to know. I wanted to hide all the food before you came in but didn't get a chance.

Me: Yep I saw them.

Mum: Well I bought you YOUR food, there are vegetables for the week in the fridge. I'll take the rest in our bedroom so you won't eat them.

Me: ... (currently in bed even more lost. What is that supposed to mean...?!)

I'm not too sure who I am anymore and where I belong.

I'm not going to lie, I don't know what this whole thing is: whether I'm ill or not and, if so, should I recover?

I need time to figure this out, but what I need most is for people to tell me the truth and no one is telling me if I have an ED or not. Feel free to unfollow me as I'm lost.

Not only am I ô triggered every single time I log on to Tumblr oh but this just made my day, weekend, week, month, year, life!

” The lower-calorie your diet is, the harder its going to be to sustain that. you might last a couple of months on 1000cals a day, but eventually youre going to have to increase it because it simply isnt enough for so many things, and as soon as you increase it, you will gain weight because your body snatches up the calories it’s been missing. if you start out on a suitable caloric intake, you wont have to increase it and gain weight. it’s also better to switch to a proper caloric intake as soon as possible because the longer you stay on a low-calorie diet, the longer you will gain weight for once you increase it. also, a low calorie diet will make you more sensitive to change, e.g. you might gain weight from having pizza one night which wouldn’t do anything to someone on a suitable caloric intake.”

(*TW*) Not only do I find it beyond extremely hard to eat 900 cals a day in recovery and increasing a bit every day instead of the usual 200 I had, but I’ve also been binge/purging every evening for two weeks because I feel so fat and guilty. And now this crap is telling me that I can’t even have pizza if I wanted to without putting on weight?! So basically they are just saying that I’m going to turn into a big hefty. And that of I want to maintain at a normal weight I have to stay at 1000! What a great life perspective I have ahead of me! I’m so mad right now, I’m so angry because I knew I wasn’t ill, I knew I wasn’t thin, I knew I couldn’t eat like others, I knew I couldn’t say the word recovery in my case because I don’t have an Ed! There is to everyone who said I was ill or thin: IM NOT!!!!

Wrecking EDs...

One of my childhood friends got married last weekend, I just discovered my best girl friend got engaged (to who used to be my best guy friend) yesterday in Paris. And here I am with anorexia and bulimia taking everything out of me. I know that because of this illness and who I am, I’ll never be considered an adult like my friends are. I also know that no guy, no matter how compasionate, could put up with someone like me in the long run because of my ED & depression. I’d be just too demanding in love, affection & caring.

wow publish and spread this around.. it's no bull i slimmed down so much. (no spaces) TUMBLR SUMMER DIET xDOTx COM

Oh wow pumpkin seed, congrats on sucking life out of yourself! I'll, of course be sharing this with everyone and mostly the ED recovery community, because I wish for everyone to experience the feeling of lying in a coffin waiting for death.

Seriously dude. I actually laughed, sending this to people suffering from an ED is a cool sense of humor! Not.

Favorite recovery blogs? :)

I think everyone on here deserves to be told that they are strong, no matter the stage of recovery in which they’re in, no matter if it is anorexia, bulimia, EDNOS or BED, no matter if they’re a girl or a boy. All you guys are doing great despite occasional relapses.

Four girls here keep me going, inspire me to stay on Tumblr because seeing their progress is such a motivation for me. They help me to cope with guilt and bad body image.

1- My lovely ballerina, Vara (I’m in love with this girl, hands off my Canadian dancer!) : http://foodnotfrailty.tumblr.com/

2 - Alice. I never spoke to her but the is one huge inspiration, one hell of a fighter: http://aliceisrecovering.tumblr.com/

3 - Hannah, everyone knows her, she’s like Tumblr famous but that’s for a reason: she has come from so so so far and is so lively now, she embraces recovery so well! I’d even say she is recovered now. Sure, the thoughts stay (they almost always stay for your entire life), but being recovered means you can say “hell no!” to them. http://there-is-more2life.tumblr.com/

4 - Sarah, the Californian blonde beauty, she is great, she is true, she is kind, helpful & compassionate: http://bravegirl-eating.tumblr.com/

There you go dear Anon, 

Much love,

Mimi x

Opinions, advice or wise answers?

This isn’t my disorder speaking because I do not think I’m intolerant to gluten, but I get ex-tre-me-ly bloated and really sick after eating bread or pasta. I always thought it was my body reacting to food to which it isn’t used to but this doesn’t happen with other foods… What do you think?

Is that you in your icon pic? x

This seems to puzzle several people! Do you think it is me? x

(hey, there was a time when I plucked my eyebrows! They haven’t always been bushy like now.)

Night everybody, I’m actually grateful to have you guys. I most definitely do not speak to all of you but your sole presence provokes more positive emotions within me than negative ones.

(I was kidding about going blonde (long time drea, but will never happen) but got some feedback and randomly decided to do an ombre/tye & dye hair colour at 10 PM, so I suppose I have changed hair colour after all.)

Okay, I'm going blonde!

I had a Hello Kitty strawberry for breakfast. Although I hate Hello Kitty I could not help but notice the ressemblance. I'm an adult, judge me.

I told Vara from http://foodnotfrailty.tumblr.com/ I'd share the background that I have on my mobile, because it reminds me of her. She inspires me and keeps me going so that one day I will dance again without feeling the urge to hide. I will let my soul meet  with the spirit of dance, I will let it sooth me, heal me, lift me high. One day my feet won't be touching the ground anymore because I will gracefully dance my problems away, with energy & a light mind.

I will be uplifted. Free from anorexia. Free from bulimia. Free from orthorexia. Free from fear induced by eating disorders. 

Vara is so graceful, delicate, elegant and refined that she makes anyone want to dance, doesn't she?

Nails out & biceps showing, finals come to me! I shall graduate, now to final revising sessions. I'll make it through this.