mysticdreamcafe
Mystic Cafe
Where my many voices become tangible.
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Storms
Is anyone else affected by storms? I'll say here what I said in my tarot post for yesterdays "Card of the Day" and that's the fact I'm blind typing as I'm looking through a dense black migraine fog. So please excuse typo's. I'm pretty good but not perfect.
I've been dealing with a recurring illness the past few days...close to a week. It's too that part were you felt like crap, started taking the meds prescribed to you, started feeling better, then feeling like you are on deaths door but too tired and weak to knock. Yeah, I'm at that last one.
Storms rolling through, or not, is part of the problem. No controlling the weather, though having a few porterhouse and filet mignon fall onto my counter sounds perfect, so I'm just doing what I can to keep the pain to a livable level. Right now it's around...being mauled by an old slow moving Grisly bear that likes to take it's time tearing it's food apart. Dramatic? Yes! How I've felt for 3 days? Yes, again!
I kind of feel bad for my, 2 yr old, youngest dog. He's a natural therapy dog. I feel sad. He jumps on my lap to suggle and give small kisses. I can't get out of bed because my migraine is so horrid? He snuggles up to me no matter how hot he is (he's half husky/half pom and very thick furred). Right now I'm at my little desk and he's on the floor at my feet. He usually goes under my bed to nap but decided today he needs to be closer to me. I freaking love dogs.
My snarky older one, he's three, and a pomsky, too decided that he needed to be close so he'd jump on my bed and stare at me. I move and he's cracking an eye to check on what I'm doing. This doesn't mean he'll snuggle or not demand treats from me. It's just his feral way of protecting because he can't be seen as unfeeling when the other is so compassionate. Before Natsu, 2yr old, Yasha only cared about his own comfort and had no empathy for anything else's suffering. Ok, maybe the cat if it was limping or sleeping more than usual. Nothing else.
I've mentioned this before but Yasha means demon and Natsu means Summer in Japanese. The names sums up their personalities. Bossy, snarly, snarky, still part feral, and thinks he's boss...Yasha. Sweet, carefree, relaxed, warm hearted...Natsu.
Time to listen to a book and drink some tea. Hoping to feel better soon, damn T-Storms today, so I can get my hole and ditch dug in the back.
Sending positive thoughts and vibes to all,
#health#intuition#rant#understanding#dogs#illness#thoughts#bored#boredom#tired#hurt#pain#migraines#weather#storms#thunderstorms#severe weather
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Nice day
It's a nice day so far today with the sun shining, dogs snoozing, and house being quiet.
I've not been myself lately and am feeling better today. I'm on another round of antibiotics while waiting to see if I can get treatment for my immune system. Surprising what a couple days on a powerful antibiotic can do for a person. I just had an image of a Sims character running around with arms waving about above their head excitedly. Yeah, that's how I feel but to relaxed to actually run around.
Not sure I have posted this but I had a dream with a spirit? Ghost? dead person? whatever you want to call the presence of someone who's passed on from this mortal coil. I have dreams with people I know that have died in them and they usually have a reason for popping in.
Not this time. I have no clue who this was but sensed no ill will. There was only a mist for the form and they were a bit hands on. I mean, they would linger close to me, swirl around me, and get close to my face while sometimes brushing against me. No sound or voice was heard.
At one point it became a little aggressive in getting closer to me. Seemed a bit irked it's message wasn't getting across and like it wanted physical contact to relay something. Or getting physical was because it was irritated I wasn't understanding who it was or what it wanted. At this point I woke up and made sure I was up long enough to not fall back into the dream. I simply stated what boundaries needed to be respected. Saying them out loud seems to work best for me. It's like sending it into the ethers via my voice.
It seemed to work since I was able to go back to sleep, it was around 4am, and I was not wanting to be up at that time of day. For one I don't sleep much and fewer hours of sleep makes me cranky and no one likes that. Plus the dogs would freak out after disrupting their nighttime routine. Grumpy pups are almost worse than a grumpy me from a lack of snooze time.
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No dreams
About 5 days ago I had a nightmare that had my Ex and our daughter in it. He died suddenly 3 yrs ago from an aneurism. He was a great father and a nice man. He worked hard and our daughter was our only child and he spent as much time, though we weren't together as a couple, with her as possible.
In my dream he hurt her and was just a complete and utter jackass the entire dream. I asked him in the dream why he was acting this way and received no reply. Just a sneer and more assholery.
I feel I should mention that he was a nice guy, great dad, but like all humans he had a temper and could get nasty. Not physically but in a ranting, I'm pissed and you're going to hear about it, way. Then he'd go outside for a smoke and maybe a drink to calm himself down.
I was so mad that when I woke I was cussing him out and asking what he hoped to accomplish by invading my dreams in this way. Of course there was no answer because I was awake now and the dead only talk to me when I'm sleeping.
You see, I don't want to talk to dead people while awake. I don't want to see or hear them at all while in a awakened state. Feeling them in my house is enough and there are boundaries in place. I hear a dog in my room some nights and know it's one that was part of our family and has passed on and means no harm.
Whether people or animals if I feel them around me while awake I try to send out feelers, for lack of another word, to see what they want and who they are. If I can figure out what they are here for, family checking on us for example, I talk to them to reassure them and ask them to leave. If they stay to long I get cagey and very anxious.
Since NW, my Ex, was so unlike himself I haven't dreamt. This has been happening more often this year. I am not sure why. A lot of changes are taking place with me this year and I'm wondering if this is the cause.
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Today's ramblings
I've went on about my health being in the toilet for years and Dr's that have given up on me. Hell, I've given up on myself. Basically, I've covered all aspects of the pity pot I've been attached to for 11 yrs and the HUGE ring it's left on my ass.
Well, it's time to change things up a bit. I'm tired of looking back and want to focus on looking forward. I've not made great decisions throughout my life and could have done more for myself the past decade but I didn't. I still held the mentality that I'm the exception and not the rule. I always bounced back from everything that's hit me, without effort or changes on my part, so I'll continue to do so.
Yeah, not very realistic but then I've never really been one to live in the horrible here and now. I don't like watching the news. Not political. Have a spirituality that fits me. Hate confrontation. Hide the intuitive side of me so I'm not ridiculed.
I've lived this way for over 50 yrs. It's now habit. I just felt some, if not all, of the people move to another blog after seeing the number 50. I'm 56 yrs old and still trying to figure me out. Riding the wave of Hedonism, for lack of a better word, and doing what I needed to in order to be accepted and included was the path of least resistance. I have a few regrets but not as many as you'd think. Probably, because no matter how wild I got or how many bad choices I made I tried to stick to the moral codes I grew up with. I never intentionally tried to hurt anyone.
While I overthink absolutely everything I've never put much thought into myself. Easier to not consider what repercussions my actions may cause in my future. No, That can't be right... I never thought there'd be any fallout from anything I ever did. Remember, I'm the exception not the common rule.
So, how does the exception that's never had to work hard at anything to make her way in the world accomplish the changes she wants to make? Research? Effort? Embracing my psychic abilities no matter where they lead? Learning from and adapting to these abilities many poo poo? Follow tradition medicine? Holistic medicine? Combination of the two medical practices? Stubbornness? Learn from past experiences? Positive thinking? Letting others energy flow over me instead of it draining me?
DING DING... all the above please, Alex! Prize? Years of quality life added to the years I've already passed on this rock we call home.
If you've made it this far I'm astounded you didn't fall asleep. Yes, I'm giggling and if you really got her thank you.
I feel that a footnote is needed here: Since I rediscovered my love of various music, thanks again to Johnny Depp's positive\intuitive energy (not sure he knows he has it), I'm surprised at the difference in me. I've hope and positivity. Physically I'm still weak, lack stamina, but fine motor skills have improved. Mentally I've improved by gaining more focus and clarity. I'm looking forward to continuing this journey and will accept any good energy anyone wants to send my way.
#health#understanding#rambling#thoughts#improving#being positive#positiveness#choices#knowledge#learning#life#acceptance#strength#forgiveness#self forgiveness#moving forward#letting go#emotions#actions#exceptions#rule#struggle#not quitting
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Nothing...Nap Maybe?
I thought I had something to put here but it seems to have faded and "poof" it's gone. Maybe that nap idea is more necessity vs luxury today?
I spent yesterday playing with my Oracle and Tarot decks before spending 8 hours of the phone with an old friend I've not seen in almost 40 yrs.
Was like being a teenager again except with speaker phone so I didn't have to hold the phone the entire time. it was nice to catch up after all that time. Lots to reminisce about and new stuff to go over but, I'm in no hurry to do a marathon like that again. I was up until 7 this morning.
Enjoy the rest of the day.
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Confusing dreams
I usually dream pretty often, if not nightly. However, recently I've not been dreaming or at least not remembering them if I have them. A few nights ago there was a monkey. I only remember a flash of its very hairy head and nothing else.
Before that I was visited by someone from my past but don't remember the dream. I only remember an image of them standing there looking at me then walking away.
Last night there were a couple of dreams but I don't really remember much of any of them. I remember a male standing there but couldn't see his face or details. He said nothing and just stood in the shadows. The dream after that was one with more people in it but none I knew and none stood out except a blonde guy that kept crossing my path. Again, no one spoke and only felt that we were all in a work area. Just people milling about at a workplace. What workplace? No idea.
I don't interpret dreams and just go by how they make me feel or who's in them. If a spirit visits they or I may say something. They may answer a question I ask. It's taken me years to be able to ask someone in my dream who's passed on a question. Took forever to be able to hear them speak to me.
When spirits first started visiting I could see them but not talk to them...I was chasing my father down in dreams. This held true except for my sister. She could say whatever she wanted as long as I didn't wake up. She seemed so real that once I saw her on the edge of my bed with my back to her. She was balling me out for something to do with our mom and wouldn't shut up. I just wanted to sleep and remember swatting behind me to get her to go away. She didn't. So I woke completely, turned over, and yelled "Shut up" to her but she wasn't there.
A couple years later, still trying to run down my dad who I could see but he'd avoid me, my father was standing in a dark street asking me what I want. He was a dark silhouette in a firm stance. I tried to speak but couldn't be heard. Finally, he said I needed to live my life and stop chasing him. He had nothing for me.
An Aunt I was close to came to me like Max Headroom (look it up if you're too young to remember MTV playing music all the time). I could only see her head, neck and barely the tops of her shoulders. She kept talking but I couldn't hear her. When I tried to tell her I couldn't hear or understand her nothing came out. My mouth didn't even move. She looked to her right and slid out of the "window of my vision" as a Native American slid in. He talked but again I couldn't hear and couldn't move my mouth to speak. He vanished quickly and I've not seen either of them again.
When my daughters father died, he's my soulmate, he showed up in a dream about a year later and neither of us talked. He just wanted us to know he was ok.
Later he came back, about 4 months later, and as I sat in a chair he came up behind me. I asked "Why did you stay with her?" regarding to his horrible last girlfriend. He simply answered, "She kept me busy.". Spooky part was when I told my daughter she almost had to pull over because she was driving. She knows about all this so I didn't think it would bother her that much. However, when she heard her dad's response she turned pale and said very lowly..."That's what he said when I asked him the same thing a week before he died".
She'd never said anything to me about it and I don't think she took my dreams with the dead in them seriously until then. It was, however, the first dream I could speak and heard in.
The dead haven't been visiting me as much. I'm not sure if it's because of the tarot cards interest I have or if there just isn't anything they need to say.
My father did show up in a later dream and some guy was being mean to me. That's nothing new. I pick the worst men. My dad stood up for me and when I asked him what he was doing he told me that he was protecting me because that's what a father did. I did an eye roll but he kept getting between me and that guy. I even told him I can take care of myself and done it all my life. His response was that I shouldn't have too and that I should have someone in my life to help me through things. I woke up as I looked at him as if he'd just grown another head.
I don't know what dreams are or what certain things in them mean. I think they are individual to each person and if one thing shows up in 10 peoples dreams it can mean 10 different things. People aren't simple creatures so why should their dreams be simple to figure out?
I just know what feelings they invoke in me while dreaming and after I wake up. I cried after hearing Neil tell me he stayed with his ex because she kept him busy. I was shattered when all I saw was the black figure of my father and no facial features. Bewilderment when my Aunt and the NA showed up. They had something to tell me but I couldn't understand.
Comparing people to dreams is easy. You can either over analyze them and try to label and understand every piece or you can keep it simple. Except them for what they are and how they make you feel. Trust yourself that your feelings are right and accept them. Or take the neurotic approach that so many do and analyze everything to death burying your intuition and being uptight all the time.
#rank#dream#dreams#dreaming#spirits#meaning#dream meanings#intuition#trust#self trust#openness#open mind#interpretation#understanding
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Rant
Tired, confused, sore, hurt, pain...This list goes on today. I feel like I've been run over by a freight train, it backed up to see what it hit, then went back to its route over me again.
If I could imprint something into everyone's memory so it stuck and they remembered it each time they tried something new it would be...PROTECT YOUR HEAD!
I didn't while younger and too many smacks to the head from various things: rolling a pick up, falling down stairs, hit by car and through onto pavement embedding rocks in my head (drunk driver day we buried my father), car accidents, prat falling on ice and no idea how actors or stunt doubles do it and not get hurt since I have a ring pressed into my skull from my ponytail holder, being smacked by guy that rang my bell twice like a boxer getting a right cross, this list goes on.
I didn't take care of myself and instead lived the way I wanted to while thinking I was 7ft tall and bullet proof. I'd bounced back from everything so I never thought I'd suffer daily migraines, CNS faulting out like a badly installed breaker box, brain shorting out, loss of speech ability (sound like I've had a stroke and can last days), loss of motor skills (Haven't drank in years but stagger around, bouncing off stuff, like I've drank a fifth of whiskey), and seizures that depending on how bad it was can take me days/weeks/months to fully recover from.
Untreated concussions are dangerous. Head injuries are dangerous. Thinking you are invincible is freaking stupid and damn dangerous.
I say this from experience so maybe one other person doesn't have to deal with this shit. Take care of your body. No matter what DNA is allowing us to come up with it's still pretty much the only one you've got.
Dr's can't fix me since my problems stem from my, in boxing terms, bell been rung to many times. Pain management is their only weapon. They are limited since this isn't a disease like MS or ALS that can be studied and hopefully and cure is found.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not giving up. I'm just not depending on Dr's much anymore. I try to eat well, be as active as I can be, keep stress down, and engage my brain and motor skills whenever possible. So far this has helped over the past few months but it's not a quick fix or cure. It's frustrating. BUT, at least now I take 2 steps forward, tiny steps, and one reg. step back vs the 1 tiny forward and 2 reg back.
I'm gaining ground and becoming more focused and capable in my daily life. Set backs like today are irritating but there's always something to do that can keep the momentum moving forward. At least a little. Writing, simple chores, meditation, stretches (can't say yoga due to a lack of balance), and reading if eyes can focus.
I'm done whining, moaning, and encouraging others to care for themselves no matter how much fun it is to do stupid stuff.
Ciao for now...
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Taking charge
The eclipse was amazing!
Now that the universe has accomplished it's stunning light and magic show it's time for me to take charge of me again and get writing.
My health is on the incline instead of decline. Though I am really tired for some reason. My family is situated to the best of it's ability. I've started repairs and small improvements on the house. So it's time for me to take care of me again. Or at least take care of the characters in my head that won't shut up.
If you are creative you'll know what I mean. When there's a story, picture, or something that needs to be made physical it speaks to you. It can sound crazy, I know, but my characters walk around in my while I'm writing like it's a movie and I'm to document it.
I decided to write long hand and then copy to a digital format to help improve my health. I started writing letters to old friends and family and it's funny how many have mentioned that writing longhand is way more brain engaging than typing. I don't think they believed me when I said it would help me to improve the parts of me that have been starting to fail.
I need to get my notebook and get started on accomplishing this one dream.
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Reset anyone?
Took one look at todays tarot card and now I'm looking for a reset button to restart the day.
I know good things will happen today but I also know it's going to feel like forever before the day is done.
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Dream 4.3.24
Please leave comments to help interpret this for me. I really don't do well with dream worlds. I've never seen these people, any of them, before. Nor the car, hotel, restaurant, or area. The SUV guy was tall, well built, tanned, with dark hair. The other guy was average height, chubby, with curly black hair, and laughed a lot with the kids.
Sorry for typos but weather is tricky today so migraine is full blown and I'm finding it hard to see the screen. I'll try and edit later.
I dreamt last night that a man was interested in me but instead of acting towards me like you would when you like someone he was passive aggressive. He annoyed me in the dream and still irks me even now typing this.
He'd be nice and considerate then flirt with a blonde in an office. She was nice and very pretty so I could see his interest. What annoyed me was he'd constantly mention that she made more than I did, was prettier than I am, skinnier than I am, smarter,... just like he was. He couldn't go out with someone like me who was so much less than he was. He'd say things like, "You've not accomplished anything.", "You were a waitress. Any dummy can wait tables or serve drinks.".
I'd simply walk away and do my thing. He was good looking but I've dealt with narcissistic men and don't have the energy to try and fix what can't be anymore.
He asked if myself, my friends daughter, and the friend wanted to go for a night in a nice hotel and amazing meal a few hours, I'm from Michigan we use hours to tell distance, away. It was his treat and with a group less I'd have to directly deal with him. I wasn't sure I wanted to go but in usual dream like fashion we were on our way.
It was nice to drive on a sunny day, in his luxury SUV, through rolling countryside. It was relaxing as I was driving and everyone was getting along. We get to the hotel and it was HUGE and very nice. Each of us got our own room. He didn't say that he'd invited the blonde to join us and when it came time to go for the "amazing" dinner I was told I wasn't going in to eat and was just the driver of the group.
So I dropped them off and started walking back to the hotel when I ran into a man in a grassy plot of land. He had bags of apples and a bunch of children around him adding more apples to the piles. He was nice, a teacher, had kind eyes, not gorgeous but not homely, and we chatted a bit.
I didn't stay long and the road Y'd where I'd met the man. There was also a gas station nearby so I went and bought water which I put in my oversized purse before starting my walk again. I took the bottom road to the restaurant, where I left the SUV with keys in it, and decided to take the top route back.
A large farm wasn't to far up the road that had a sign saying Cherries. A couple of guys were wandering around when I walked up, thinking I'd buy some cherries, and they said they were just passing but that the farmer wouldn't mind if a took a few. I saw a lot of cherries and other fruits but no place to put any money so I walked on.
I got to the hotel, ready for bed, sandwich eaten that I'd purchased from somewhere, and only woke the next morning to leave with the others. However, I wasn't driving and my friend was. The vehicle was big so the back was comfortable except the man we went with reclined his seat fully and it was being sandwiched between two hot slices of leather.
When asked if he'd reposition his seat so it was smothering me he said sure and tipped the seat up then back to pressing me into the back seat again.
I'd had enough and asked my friend to stop the car and let me out. I knew we were at least 400 miles from home but I couldn't breathe and wanted out. He forcibly told her no so I stayed this way until she finally gave in to my loud badgering and I jumped out of the vehicle.
I grabbed my purse with the large bottle of water in it, the hotel hadn't been to far from restaurant so I still had it, and started walking. As I went I passed the teacher from the previous day carrying apples and surrounded by kids. I walked to were more apples lay in piles on the ground and helped bag them. He gave me a bag before I left to hike all the way home.
I woke up just after being hounded by the guy with the SUV. He kept having my friend go back so he could taunt me and try to get me back in the car. Finally, I decided to go back and ask the other man for a lift at least part way home... I woke up.
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Laughter
I usually dream nightly and remember them, even if only vaguely, but last night I only remember waking once during a fitful sleep laughing.
I really wish I could remember what that dream was that made me laugh. I need to laugh more. Old British comedies here I come...and I don't mean Monte Python.
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A Dream and Happy Hippity Hop Day!
I'm going to merge 2 days together here. The night before last I had a dream that was weird but straight forward. Last nights was menial and straight forward but scary. I don't usually get this lucky. No one popped by for a visit. At least not for over a few seconds and they said nothing so I'm a bit disappointed.
3.30.24 Dream: I was a waitress in a new restaurant I've never seen nor heard of. The inside was similar in size to at least one football field and that was looking out from behind the waitress station and kitchen areas. My boss or the manager was a prick. A couple came in and he sat them in a booth with him in a chair at the end of it. He started yelling my name while telling me to come take care of them.
Before I could move a table of 4 were sat in the booth next to his and the hostess yelled my name telling me it was my table. This seating people and yelling my name in this area kept going on with very little traffic going to the other areas.
In the massively large wait stands there were at least 14 other people dressed in the uniform I was wearing and wandering about chatting. That's were I saw Linda who passed 2021 suddenly. She was a great friend for 20 yrs. or more. She didn't say anything and just looked at me with a worried expression. I tried saying her name but my voice seemed to just fade and she walked further away.
At this point I'm at the asshole boss's table and he's asking me if I'm going to wipe it down or not. There's shredded cheese bits scattered on the table. I wondered how that could happen since the place was brand new and everything spotless. I left to get a cloth.
I go to stop at the group of 4 on my way back but find there's 7 boys, late teens, and 1 man standing around a table at a half booth. You know, the one with a bench booth seat on one side and chairs on the other. I couldn't get past them to wipe their cheese sprinkled table and when I asked to clean it they said no it wasn't needed.
The smallest of the boys told the man he'd like 1 of today's. I asked what "today's" meant and was told it was Thurs. so grilled cheese was 0.30 cents today. They each ordered 1 sandwich. I managed to get in between two of them and wiped off the table, I waited tables for 20+ yrs and people at a dirty table is something I can't stand, and asked about drinks. They refused even free waters.
Get 4 tops (that's 4 ppl at a table) drink order, their table was clean, and try to wipe down the boss's table but him in his chair were in my way. I finally get it cleaned with him snarking the entire time, the other people were turned away embarrassed by his treatment of me, and took their drink order.
Drinks on a tray with the grilled cheeses I look out and see I've got at least 10 tables waiting for service. The rest of the place had, maybe, 3 to 4 tables and still a herd of staff milling about behind the counter. I should mention no one could sit at the counter. It was for the staff and not like a diner with stools for people to sit.
I deliver the sandwiches to the still standing guys and they politely thank me before they started eating. I drop off drinks, boss is snarking, and I decide I don't need to deal with this crap. A good waitress, and I was good back in the day, could find work anywhere and make good money. So I went to walk out.
I woke up upset at the dream boss and actually gave him the finger before realizing the card draws for the past 3 days told me to pay attention to my dreams. So, I rolled over and went back into the dream. I don't get it either but we all do it and it wasn't the first time I'd woken and went back in.
When I looked around the dream restaurant and heard the boss yelling and all the tables I'd not gotten too I decided I'd do what I always did ...I did the best I could. The teens tipped me anywhere from a nickel to 0.70 cents each. I said they didn't have to as I enjoyed waiting on them. They were the nicest group I'd had even though they never sat down and it was like serving trees.
End of the dream...I did the best I could, rushed around with my name yelled intermittently, and ignored by complaining boss. Woke up and enjoyed my morning tea.
3.31.24 Dream was just me, in my house, mopping the ceilings. I kept waking up, this is not unusual as I don't sleep well most nights, and going back into the dream at some point while sleeping. The scary part was when I woke and swore there was a HUGE black bug on my hand. Damn thing was the size of my thumb and now my hand hurts from me hitting it to kill the thing or swat it off me. I even inspected around my bed to see if it was real but didn't find anything.
So, I get that need to do the best I can with what I have and ignore the yelling Dr's and complainers in the world around me.
I've never mopped a ceiling before. Never needed to. Dust? Yes. Paint? Yes. Mop? Nope.
I wonder if the bug was because I was cleaning and haven't taken any of the controlled substances they ordered for me to help me sleep. I stop taking them periodically, and have over the years, because I don't like the idea of dependence or addiction. I'll find another way, none harmful or addictive way, to get some rest.
Maybe if I mop the ceilings I'll sleep...lol
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Emotional so...
I had an appointment with my shrink, yes I have a psychiatrist in my rotation of Dr's, yesterday and it didn't go well. I signed releases at other Dr's to have records sent to her, gave her name, and fax number but nothing was sent so she started yelling.
Yelling about lack of records and that I have a lot of controlled substances in my medicine list. I don't like taking drugs but I have no control over what they prescribe and tell me to take. THEY. DON'T. LISTEN. TO. ME.
To add to this she said my seizures aren't listed as epileptic but pseudo seizures. Basically, my body has had enough so it has a seizure that doesn't involve the brain malfunction that epilepsy has. Clarification: Epilepsy is an umbrella term that covers all seizures except migraines. No one tells you those are classified as seizures.
Here we go so grab your coffee or cocktail, prop your feet up, and let's do this history lesson you never signed up for...
2018 my cousin found me on my kitchen floor acting weird. I wasn't responding to him at first but was breathing and after he called the EMTs I said something. I gave my last name to the EMT's as my maiden name and went to the ER. I don't remember falling, cousin\mom\EMTs showing up. There was a flash I remember correcting my last name in the ambulance. In the ER I came to my senses and was seriously confused. They ran a CAT scan and gave me an IV before I even saw a Dr. When he showed up he said "if you really did have a seizure." because nothing showed up on scan.
In the interim I had EKGs, EEGs, MRI's, CATs, and whatever tests they can run on the gallons of blood they take.
5 years pass with me having to deal with strange things. Driving the shadows of the trees on the road would make my vision blurred, me nauseous, and concerned about driving. Shopping my vision would become that of a film slipping in a projector or character glitching in a game and twitching around. Nothing I could do but get someplace to sit down. Not an easy thing to do in a grocery store or Asian market.
Roll up to a week before 2023 Thanksgiving and I fell in a supermarket twitching like a fish just dragged unto shore. 30 ppl saw this and NOW they say I have seizures and put me on meds.
As of yesterday I've told every MD, DO, and NP I see for medical reasons that if improvements to my way of life and health aren't noticeable by the end of this year I'm giving up on traditional medicine and will start to care for myself using other forms of healthcare. Insurance won't pay for it but there are holistic and homeopathic doctors out there that use other methods besides pharmaceutical drugs to mask things while saying it's fixed the problem.
My tarot and oracle cards keep saying things about health improving so maybe things will get better.
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Tarot, Oracle, Organized Religion
In my pinned post you'll see a link to the Mystic Tarot Cafe. I do a daily single card draw, unless I need to do a spread because I have a specific question, and will try to remember to do an Oracle spread once a week. Daily for those I feel is over kill. If interested check it out.
I had a post planned but it started to become to broad and religious. I know what I believe and honestly, I don't care what you believe. As long as you don't shove it in my face or hurt people.
To me religion is like nutritional intake, sexual preference, hobbies, etc. It doesn't affect me so I don't care. Gay? I don't care. The only thing I care about is if a lady asks me out and I say no they need to respect that. Just like if a man asked me out and was turned down. If you are vegan and we go to lunch. I won't say nasty things about your food if you don't mine. I'm scared of heights so if you want to jump out of a plane feel free. Just don't try to bully me into joining you.
Makes sense and pretty easy isn't it. What anyone else believes, wears, eats, or does is pretty much ok as long as it doesn't affect my life and wellbeing or those of others without their consent.
It took me years to understand why I felt the way I did and knew the things I did. I'd get a feeling about something and push it aside. Most times I should have listened.
I hid tarot cards and crystals from everyone but my family, and a friend that's a witch who helped me pick a deck and understand the cards, because of the backlash they can still bring. If someone is highly into their religion then I'm playing with Satan and demons or just crazy and in need of conversion.
It's been a year or two since I've opened myself to trusting my inner voice and using the cards when I'm uncertain or curious. What amazes me is how accurate they are. Even when I don't understand how a daily card I pulled blends into my life it becomes apparent on it's own throughout the day or I text my friend and ask for help.
It always seems to come together. I know the "if you look for something you'll find it" but around 2 years ago, a few months after I got my first deck we got a puppy. She was a beautiful Australian shepherd that drove my nervous system crazy because she wouldn't slow down or stop. Seriously, the 10 week old puppy wouldn't nap during the day unless I crated her. I should mention we aren't crate people but with her we were at the start.
Each day I did a spread asking "Should we take her back" or something along those lines. She had me so wrecked that I wanted to rehome her though she was a great and beautiful, overly energetic puppy. I've had working dogs and high strung dogs but she made my head swim.
Sometimes I did 2-3 spreads a day asking, in various ways, if she should stay with us. Each time I basically got a suck it up she's here to stay, you got what you asked for so shut up, etc. The cards told me in no uncertain terms she was staying. I tried to get the cards to say he should rehome her or take her back to the farm we got her from but they kept shutting the idea down.
I'll just say my daughter laughed her ass off, she adored Mika, with each read I did and told everyone she could that I couldn't get the cards to say what I wanted them to. She doesn't even believe in Tarot.
Mika was hit by a car shortly after she turned 1 yr old. It was heart breaking and devastated all of us. I was surprised how much I cried for that dog considering how hard I tried to move her on. But she was ours and we loved her, even me, for the energetic goofball she is.
The cards have always been honest with me even when I don't want to hear it. Sometimes, they don't say anything at all. At least it seems that way at first. That's why I do my draws and readings in the morning. I don't want to be influenced by what has happened. I want to see how the card plays out that day. Sometimes it can be surprising.
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Today's Rambling 3.28.24
I missed yesterday but I did say in my first post I wasn't sure how often this blog would me updated.
I've caught up on the other cafe...mystictarotcafe...after a couple of off days. I can't stress how much eating right helps my health improve. To bad I'm so inconsistent in my eating habits.
Background: Parents bought bar a couple hundred miles from me here in Michigan. While my mom tried to feed us good foods my dad forked over money for candy and fast food. Anyone, remember Burger Chef? We had one across the street from the bar so dad would let my sister, 3 yrs older, and I run over for a kids meal. While at the bar we could have all the junk food (chips, soda, gum, candy bars, popcorn, etc.) we wanted. Mom tried to reign us in but I couldn't be. I have NEVER liked to be told what to do. Ask me and I will do my best to give you what you want but tell me? NOPE! You get nothing but to watch me walk away. I've been told I was born this way and basically a parents nightmare since birth.
Dad was forced to see us on Sundays for a few hours, after the divorce, that usually entailed eating out. Fast forward to the teenager years after my father spoiled me rotten then died when I was 13 and the nightmare for my mom got worse. I experimented in drugs like speed and pot with a little coke and acid tossed on once in a while. I ate fast food, deli food, pizza by the slice, drank booze and soda like it was nothing. Tomato sauce or lettuce on a sub were the closest I got to a veg for years. I don't think I touched a fruit in that time.
Keep fast forwarding...I'm now 16 and living alone. I had no idea how to cook anything and even burned soup once. I've never lived that down. It was fun times all the time drinking, smoking, and getting high.
Age 18 had me moving to Texas and working fast food with no HS diploma and the restaurant, mexican food like taco bell, my main food intake. Came back to Michigan at 19, got diploma, started Jr. college and still ate crap and drank. I had, however, given up drugs while in TX.
Age 21 I went to CA. Couldn't save my meth using friend and started using so came home after a couple months and got clean again except booze and cigs (I've smoked since age ten, 1977, till quitting in 2007.). I moved back home where the bar had been after a pit stop down here because I'd hit a deer and car needed fixed. I was ashamed of my time in CA and couldn't face my friends here. Friend came back from CA about 6 mo. after me and brought meth with her. It was Fed Ex'd to her, never understood how that could take place, and free for me.
With meth it took me 3 days to drive from San Diageo to the thumb of Michigan. I took the northern route and went 400 miles out of my way to see Mt. Rushmore. 3000 miles in 3 days as a solo driver. Please don't try this. I'm surprised I survived after not sleep over 3 hours a night for weeks then driving back.
I'm 5'5" and at 135 to 140 I had an hour glass figure. By the time I came back home, here, I weighed 110, maybe, and looked like a heroine addict. Pasty skin, stringy hair, and cloths hanging off me. So I came to visit my mom and a friend said I was moving back and took me job hunting. I finally got clean except for the cigs and booze when I moved back down here. Those and eating take out where the only things I knew.
I've injured my head during these years over 15 times. My migraines are from untreated concussions and nothing can be done about them. Took MD's 9 yrs to listen to me and finally figure it out.
The thing is I lived 40+ years knowing little if anything about exercise and nutrition. If I wanted to lose a few pounds I'd stop eating for a few days or a week. Beer, black coffee, soda, and cigs kept me going.
Now my new Dr., for the past year, wants me to change things and eat a strict list of foods. No nuts, seeds, beans, legumes, nightshades, or other inflammatory foods allowed. Lean meat, lots of fish, and tons of greens every day.
The thing is it's a PITA compared to my old way of eating but I feel better if I follow it. It's a huge set back if I don't...like pizza yesterday even though it had veggies on it I was up all night, unable to sleep.
I always thought it would be nice to be rich and have someone make my meals. There's a problem with that though...they'd basically be telling me, not asking me, what to eat and I'd start sneaking food that's unhealthy.
The women in my family are good cooks. Me too, once I learned how. But super strict isn't cutting it. Nor is it a lifestyle that's easy to afford and maintain when 3 people live in the house and all have different dietary needs. So, we've come to a compromise the Dr. and I. I go for nutrient dense, tons of various greens (Asian markets are great for a variety of veg), and lean meats. High starch, high sugar, and high artificial sugary stuff is a no no and extremely limited. This means I can have a few beets and garbanzo beans on my salad but no peas or corn at all.
You know...I can sense the mood of people and groups. I can, a lot of the time, feel what someone is going through (sadness, stress, unhappy, confusion, etc.) and don't have to be near them if there's a connection (I don't even have to meet them and can still know they've injured themselves). I have HUGE warning instincts, that have saved my life a few times. I can also sense when, physically and usually within minutes, how my body will react to a food.
Why do I only listen to some of these and not all of them? Why don't I trust myself enough to do what it takes to heal myself physically, mentally, and emotionally? Yet, I let myself be drained by someone else's energy and usually try to help them.
I've learned about nutrition, self care, various ways to exercise to fit my bodies condition and limitations, and I've taken steps to improve my health in all 3 of those area's. So why do I still fight against, or sabotage myself, when I know better.
If you know the answer I'll nominate you for a Nobel prize. Or at least send you a pic of an award of some kind.
#health#rant#nutrition#healthy eating#the past#changes#lifestyle changes#intuition#healing yourself#spiritual#self sabotage#moving forward#forgiving#letting go#healing journey
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Gloomy day
It's rather gloomy out today. Rainy and gray with fast moving clouds. My body doesn't like weather changes, maybe I should have stayed in TX or CA when I was younger?, but relief will come soon. I hope.
It's hard to focus on meditation today though. Maybe I'll just snuggle with Natsu and use that to relax before heading for the chores I've planned for myself.
Natsu, I've mentioned before, is my 30lb anxiety therapy dog. He's as soft as a super plus toy and loves to sit on your lap, leaning against you, while you pet him. He's very patient.
Yasha, I've mentioned him, too, isn't as patient or snuggly. He'll be with you on couch or chair but he's like a cat and only wants to be touched when, where, and how he wants. I've threatened to get a DNA test to confirm he's actually a dog and not a cat.
We have a cat, even though I'm deathly allergic to them, that lives in our backroom. It's enclosed and she lives the high life in her cat tree with warmed water, never ending food, an electric heated pad made for cats, and one that isn't powered but absorbs the heat and gives it back. She works the dog door from porch to outside when she wants to stroll about. Yes, she's fixed and up to date on shots just like the dogs.
Maggie is her name. She's black with a white bikini you can only see when she flips over. We took her in when my daughters father passed away. We've tried rehoming her but no luck. She's a unique cat in that she loves being carried and belly rubs but hates wet cat food and human foods. She doesn't really play with toys either. Acts like she hates the dogs but will purr and mark them when she thinks we aren't watching.
I just wish she'd have gotten rid of the opossum that moved into the garage in the late fall/early winter instead of making us handle it. it was a young one but still...she let it sleep in her cat tree (It has 2 cubes and three platforms). I know for a fact she tussled twice with a raccoon when it wouldn't stop eating her food while Neil was alive.
I miss him...
She came out of both battles without a scratch and coon took off and never came back. She even shares the, yes this is gross, bodies of the mice and rabbits she catches. She only likes the heads. Yasha loves the mice...I told you he'd came to us feral.
Maggie the gentlest killing machine around. The neighbors even know her name and love her.
And here I said in my first post I'd not go on and on or show animal videos. But in truth they are part of my healing. They calm me, make me laugh, surprise me with gentleness and thoughtfulness. Therapy animals are wonderful even those not fully trained and simply caring pets.
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