Normal people on April 1: *play some cliche prank on people*

Me on April first: *walks into my parent's room at 11:39 pm and throws towels at them because I totally didn't forget what day was two days after my birthday*

Fun Fact!

Stepping on an earring hurts.

Especially when it pierces your skin.

And then it keeps hurting.

And then it still hurts.

Have a nice day!

Kevin Bacon: Hi, I'm Kevin Bacon Me: Hi, I'm bakin' Kevin Kevin Bacon: Kevin Bacon: ...what? Me: Let me show you to my oven

Macbeth, but.

They're all farmers.

Old Macdonwald Had a Farm, eieio.

Everytime someone dies it's actually just that their crops got stolen.

"Macbeth Farmer of Glamis." "Macbeth Farmer of Cawdor."

"Is this a spade I see before me?"

They're really all just fighting over the Farmers' Market

I have adhd, a need for people, and a headache, so you can guess how it’s going

I HAVEN’T POSTED IN A WHILE BUT HERE-

So we were at a hotel because we were there for a funeral (not that that matters but whatever) and my parents were out to get the rental car and I was going to the bathroom to look at something but I could only see because my vision was blacking out (in a normal way). So, I was walking towards the door and I saw my mom coming out of the bathroom so I said “hello” (because my brain didn’t compute that she was somewhere completely different) and then I walked into the mirror. Not the bathroom mirror- to be clear- the full length mirror next to the bathroom door

People seemed to like the other DnD post I made, so now I'm throwing THIS at you *throws a cabbage*

BUT also I'm gonna tell you a story cause I'm sad and lonely and I miss my DnD group

So my character is genderfluid and has the personality trait of that look™️ so, yeah, they try to sleep with as many people as possible. The first time they actually slept with someone, my DM was like "Wait- what sex were they assigned at birth? Like can they get this woman pregnant?" And I looked at him and he looked at me and without blinking I just went. "Sex God. They were assigned Sex God at birth." AND MY DM ACCEPTED IT SO NOW MY CHARACTER CAN GET ANYONE PREGNANT (We roll a D100 to see if they do or not) AND I LOVE MY DM SO MUCH AND HE HATES ME

I miss kindergarten when it was all "I don't want Gwen at my birthday party. Not after what she did!" But then the next week it was back to "Gwen's my best friend and we're having a sleepover tomorrow!"

Anybody else have that life crisis when you literally can't tell if you are aro-spec or if the media surrounding romance is just that messed up? Cause- is it that I'm on the aromantic spectrum, or is it that "love" is a lot different from the way it's written-

OKAY I AM DYING BECAUSE I JUST HAD MY FIRST KISS AND I DON’T CARE IF NOBODY SEES THIS IT WAS DURING A CAST PARTY FOR A SHOW THAT I WASN’T IN BUT SHE WAS REALLY HOT AND PRETTY AND WE ARE ENGAGED AND ALL AND SHE ASKED IF I’D EVER KISSED SOMEONE BEFORE AND THEN SHE ASKED IF I WAS OKAY IF SHE WAS MY FIRST KISS AND AAAAAA AND IT WAS LIKE 12:08 IN THE PARKING LOT OF A DAIRY WUEEN AND I AM NOW OFFICIALLY LIVING MY TEENAGE COMING OF AGE MOVIE STORY LIFE GO AWAY I’M SCREAMING-

As someone who has bought a good portion of their pants and shorts in the “women’s” section of stores, I feel like we should be moving away from the standard size of “it fits” looking like some random dude can shove their full on hand down my pants because the only hands that should be in my pants are the ones that are mine and in my giant pockets

okay, so yesterday this thing happened? There was this boy who came up to me and asked for my numbed cause he said I was cute or something. And I was sitting alone so then he sat down and we ate lunch together. But it was super awkward cause he didn't really say anything and he just kept looking at me? And I was trying to carry the conversation, but he really wasn't helping and I can only do so much- anygays, at one point I was like "So what do you wanna talk about?" And his response was "Anything. Probably how fine you are" And I- what?? I don't?? He was like "Or we could just look at each other" And- Like- I have trouble making eyecontact with my parents and today is the first time we've ever spoken??

i saw on a post of yours that your blog is relatively new, and wanted to ask if you're aware that you're hilarious?? (i'm also new to tumblr, you're exactly the quality content i need on my feed, lol)

Oh my stars- thank you so much! My motto tends to be “I’m not funny, but I think I am and that’s what matters” so reading this just literally made my day!

—

on a separate note (because I feel like I should attach something funny-ish to this), I say the word “anygays” instead of anyways, but I also text it. The reactions that people have when they hear it are so amazing- especially when the person is someone online and all we’ve done is text. Reactions that I have gotten range from “can you just say anyways? Like- physically can you?” To “wait- you- you actually say that- not just like text it- you actually-“

in either case it’s fun to hear (permission is not required for you to do this on your own, though I say it all the time because it is literally how I speak)

He's making a list

He's checking it twice

He's filling your basement with plague-carrying mice

OKAY SO I JUST REMEMBERED THIS THING- WAS IN BAND AND THE BOY WHO SITS NEXT TO ME WAS LIKE "I GOT A NEW TUBA" AND I WAS LIKE "YOU DID?" AND HE WAS LIKE "YEAH" AND HE POINTED TO THE BOY NEXT TO HIM AND WAS LIKE "LOOK AT HIS EMBOUCHURE IT'S PERFECT" AND THE KID HAD HIS MOUTH JUST, LIKE, AS OPEN AS IT COULD BE AND MY MIND WAS JUST LIKE "WELL IT'S CERTAINLY GOOD FOR BLOWING SOMETHING" BUT I DIDN'T BECAUSE I WAS IN BAND AND THE BOY NEXT TO ME IS THE MOST PURE CHRISTIAN BOY EVER-

Today was the last day of Harry Potter camp (I was a counselor there) and for the last day we had this "Dobby Fashion Show" where all the kids could wear funky/mismatched socks and show them off

Except

Three of the kids (who were all my little Hufflepuffs, thank you very much) didn't just wear fun socks. They created entire OUTFITS with them. They had them on their clothes and in their hair and on their little owls that they got at the start of the week- they were covered in socks. And keep in mind, this isn't just one kid, this is THREE and (as far as I am aware) it was uncoordinated. They each had an idea and all came in with it in their own style. One girl had socks on her hat, one girl had socks bobby-pinned to her hair, and one girl had socks on her ears. There were socks on feet and socks around necks and socks (two pair or more!) on hands and socks stuffed into pockets. Just socks. E V E R Y W H E R E.

Needless to say that Hufflepuff crushed the Dobby Fashion show