wolfstar

“the aftermath of the attack at the mckinnons, aka dorcas’ revenge mission”

i slayed so hard with the last post that i’m 90% sure this’ll flop but what can i say if not #sufferingfromsuccess

Sirius escapes, part 1

you gotta squeeze your butt through the bars

Sirius escapes, part two

part one

there is nothing more devastating than the inability to reblog this Tumblr merch ad

After Regulus realized that he had feelings for James, he would start writing letters to him. He would tell James how he felt when he saw him smile in those letters, or how he imagined brushing through James’ hair with his fingers. He would tell James about how he realized that he fell in love with his brother’s best friend, and about how he imagined Sirius would absolutely lose his shit if he found out. He would carefully collect all the letters with his feelings inside them to give to James when he was ready, hoping that he would accept him and not yet knowing that James absolutely would.

Fifteen years later, when trying to tidy up the Grimmauld Place, Sirius would find a stack of letters under Regulus’ bed, dusty and unopened. He would read them all and break afterwards, feeling the grief suffocate him with knowledge that in another life, where those letters were delivered, he didn’t have to bury his brother and his best friend.

i would bet my left ass cheek that Regulus was the type of kid who actively shared his utter disgust when it came to the colour pink, only to end up (un)ironically using a baby pink toothbrush and a hot pink mug religiously fifteen years later

Sirius: your face is so sour I almost grabbed it to make some lemonade.

Regulus, instantly developing an eye twitch:...

James, grinning: turn that frown upside down!

Regulus:...

Regulus: I'm divorcing you.

James: but we're not married!

Regulus, heading for the door: and we never fucking will be.

James, pouting at Sirius: he didn't divorce you...

Sirius: pretty sure you're looking for "disown" here.

Having each other for Sirius and Remus was the most important thing helping them stay grounded through the brutality and loss of the war. Even after the worst days, they would heal each other with tired embraces and low hums in tune with their old record player. They were each other's shelter in the raging storm, and every day it was a little easier to breathe, just being close to each other.

But when the night came, the shelter could never help with the suffocating living nightmare of falling asleep next to someone you didn't trust anymore.

During the war, people develop unbreakable bonds, which can withstand loss and, if the connection is deep enough, they can withstand love. Just like that, the time would come for James and Lily to protect theirs.

"What do we do now?" James would ask and feel his lungs flood with sorrow. Lily would smile at him gently before letting their world fall apart.

"We break each other's hearts."

No matter how bad their relationship was, no matter how angry he was at his brother, or how much they seemed to despise one another, even without knowing the truth, Sirius could never look at water again without feeling the arms of inferni tearing his heart apart.

you poor souls who followed me I ship jegulus 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔

Imagine Lily being the fun mom while James is the protective dad. Sirius would find the change absolutely hilarious, mocking him every time he visits but doing it with unbelievable fondness. Sirius would fall even more in platonic love with Lily, tossing Harry up and laughing together at James' attempts to whisk him away despite Lily casting cushioning and protective charms. Sirius would be so surprised by James yet so proud of him, telling Remus all about it.

It would be great at first but terribly bitter later, when he would at last think that maybe James was so protective of Harry because he somehow knew how little time they had.

James: I feel like I'm trapped on my way to you - you never let me get close, but you can't let me go. I will wait a lifetime for you, but all I'm asking of you is to tell me whether there is anything to wait for. Will there ever be anything to wait for?

Regulus: I don't think the time is right yet, I'm sorry James. I'm still scared.

James: But we don't get to choose a perfect time, Regulus. We can all die tomorrow, never getting the chance to tell other people how much we care, or how much we don't. What are you scared of?

Regulus: Myself.

Sirius: oh, James, he's so beautiful. Breathtaking. His eyes are magic.

James:....

Sirius: just look at him!

James:...

James: you know that's a mirror, right?

After everything is over, deaths mourned and smiles shared, Remus and Sirius just sit together sometimes, reminiscing about their sorrows with tea and biscuits.

Nothing breaks James’ heart more than realizing that Regulus is not afraid of love. 

He can see the startled look in his eyes when Sirius brings him a cup of tea, or when Remus gets him a rare book that he mentioned once. It’s worse when James helps him out with his potions or goes to collect the ingredients in the dead of the night without asking because Regulus has troubles sleeping and James wants him to get some rest. He sees the immediate fight or flight response flickering in his eyes, his hands shaking and his spine tense. 

He looks like a cornered animal when you show him love, and James sees past his sharp ages covering his fear. Regulus acts this way for the same reason James doesn’t like deep waters, or Lily doesn’t like the dark, or kids in Hogwarts don’t like the forest.

Regulus is not afraid of love. He is afraid of the unknown.