guesswewillfindout
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hey uh so I haven't seen anyone talking about this here yet, but
the amazon river, like the biggest river in the fucking world, in the middle of the amazon fucking rainforest, is currently going through its worst drought since the records began 121 years ago
picture from Folha PE
there's a lot going on but I haven't seen much international buzz around this like there was when the forest was on fire (maybe because it's harder to shift the narrative to blame brazil exclusively as if the rest of the world didn't have fault in this) so I wanted to bring this to tumblr's attention
I don't know too many details as I live in the other side of the country and we are suffering from the exact opposite (at least three cyclones this year, honestly have stopped counting - it's unusual for us to get hit by even one - floods, landslides, we have a death toll, people are losing everything to the water), but like, I as a brazilian have literally never seen pictures of the river like this before. every single city in the amazonas state is in a state of emergency as of november 1st.
pictures by Adriano Liziero (ig: geopanoramas)
we are used to seeing images of rio negro and solimões, the two main amazon river affluents, in all their grandiose and beauty and seeing these pictures is really fucking chilling. some of our news outlets are saying the solimões has turned to a sand desert... can you imagine this watery sight turning into a desert in the span of a year?
while down south we are seeing amounts of rain and hailstorms the likes of which our infrastructure is simply not built to deal with, up north people who have built everything around the river are at a loss of what to do.
the houses there that are built to float are just on the ground, people who depend on fishing for a living have to walk kilometers to find any fish that are still alive at all, the biodiversity there is at risk, and on an economic level it's hard to grasp how people from the northern states are getting by at all - the main means of transport for ANYTHING in that region is via the river water. this will impact the region for months to come. it doesnt make a lot of sense to build a lot of roads bc it's just better to use the waterway system, everything is built around or floats on the river after all. and like, the water level is so incomprehensibly low the boats are just STUCK. people are having a hard time getting from one place to another - keep in mind the widest parts of the river are over 10 km apart!!
this shit is really serious and i am trying not to think about it because we have a different kind of problem to worry about down south but it's really terrifying when I stop to think about it. you already know the climate crisis is real and the effects are beyond preventable now (we're past global warming, get used to calling it "global boiling"). we'll be switching strategies to damage control from now on and like, this is what it's come to.
I don't like to be alarmist but it's hard not to be alarmed. I'm sorry that I can't end this post with very clear intructions on how people overseas can help, there really isn't much to do except hope the water level rises soon, maybe pray if you believe in something. in that regard we just have to keep pressing for change at a global level; local conditions only would not, COULD NOT be causing this - the amazon river is a CONTINENTAL body of water, it spans across multiple countries. so my advice is spread the word, let your representatives know that you're worried and you want change towards sustainability, degrowth and reduced carbon emissions, support your local NGOs, maybe join a cause, I don't know? I recommend reading on ecological and feminist economics though
however, I know you can help the affected riverine families by donating to organizations dedicated to helping the region. keep in mind a single US dollar, pound or euro is worth over 5x more in our currency so anything you donate at all will certainly help those affected.
FAS - Sustainable Amazon Fundation
Idesam - Sustainable Developent and Preservation Institute of Amazonas
Greenpeace Brasil - I know Greenpeace isn't the best but they're one of the few options I can think of that have a bridge to the international world and they are helping directly
There are a lot of other smaller/local NGOs but I'm not sure how you could donate to them from overseas, I'll leave some of them here anyway:
Projeto Gari
Caritás Brasileira
If you know any other organizations please link them, I'll be sure to reblog though my reach isn't a lot
thank you so much for reading this to the end, don't feel obligated to share but please do if you can! even if you just read up to here it means a lot to me that someone out there knows
also as an afterthought, I wanted to expand on why I think this hasn't made big news yet: because unlike the case of the 2020 forest fires, other countries have to hold themselves accountable when looking at this situation. while in 2020 it was easier to pretend the fires were all our fault and people were talking about taking the amazon away from us like they wouldn't do much worse. global superpowers have no more forests to speak of so I guess they've been eyeing what latin america still has. so like this bit of the post is just to say if you're thinking of saying anything of the sort, maybe think of what your own country has done to contribute to this instead of blaming brazil exclusively and saying the amazon should be protected by force or whatever
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I've not been doing well lately. At first I thought it was just a psoriatic arthritis flare but I'm having too many new neurological problems. I've been referred to a neurologist who I will see for the first time in about a week. I'll be tested for a bunch of things including MS. I've been having problems functioning for the last few months. Major problems doing household chores, showering, driving, cooking, sleeping, and focusing on my work. I'm in a constant level of pain and then I have worse pain intermittently. I've also been frequently dizzy and nauseous. I've had several MRIs and a few dozen blood tests. I've had medication changes and additions. But I'm still not functional. And the physical therapist said I'm in so much pain I can't tolerate therapy yet.
I'm 34 today. I'm not where I want to be in my life. I wanted to buy a house already and start a small farming business from my home. Now I'm questioning if that will ever be possible. I'm honestly trying not to think about it too hard because so much is unknown. And the thought of giving up that dream depressed and enrages me more than anything. I haven't been able to do much in my free time except read and watch TV and walk occasionally. Sometimes, I'm too dizzy to walk and it's not safe. I like cross stitch but my hands have hurt too much and have been swollen. I get migraines, too. Staring at tiny threads shouldn't be done with a migraine.
I can't even wear most of my clothes because it's too painful to have anything to tight pressing on me. The more that I try to do, the worse I feel. But I miss moving. I miss dancing and hiking and canoeing. I can't get a dog because I'm in too much pain and have to dedicate extra money to medical bills. I can't play.
I've gotten lots of thoughts and prayers. Which is fine. I appreciate the sentiment. It's just not helpful to me. I've gotten the "I hope you feel better", too. I hope so too. I hope I feel better; I hope I get better; I hope I do better.
But I've noticed no one has asked if they can do anything for me. No one except my wife who doesn't say the meaningless things. I've noticed people who say they want the best for me don't say: if you want to talk I'm here or do you want to talk about it. No one has said "you know you can always talk to me about it." People just ask for the diagnosis or when I'm going to see the doctor. Nothing to actually help me.
Fuck that makes me sad. No one has asked how I feel about it. So I'll tell you: I feel alone. I feel worried for my future and my happiness. I feel depressed. I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life.
No one can tell me it gets better. Because, no one knows right now. But I wish someone would just listen. My birthday wishes this year are to feel better, be more functional, and have someone who would listen.
#its my birthday#chronic pain#autoimmune#chronically ill#chronic illness#psoriatic arthritis#depressing life#this is depressing#gardening#existential anxiety#cross stitch#there is absolutely nothing lonelier#listen#hope#birthday wishes#neurology#multiple sclerosis
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I love this. My cross stitching never follows the pattern exactly. Every time I follow a recipe to the letter, it ends up terrible but if I do my own thing it's amazing. I only sing well when I sing out and let it all go, usually loudly. Fuck perfect. I want visceral.
Someone once told me I leave myself in my art.
I didn't understand what they meant.
How do you "leave" yourself in your art?
Then I met him; and I understood.
My art, while decent, lacked a soul.
Lacked that intrinsic thing that fuels our love for works like the painting of a fallen angel and a woman who smiles without smiling.
I started to be less afraid.
Less afraid to let myself be seen, even if only by my own eyes.
I've started leaving breadcrumbs again. Little things that make me, me.
My hands shake, so my paintings have a melted glass quality to them. Unfinished and like you've peeked behind a curtain that you can't draw back just yet.
I get it now. I understand.
I leave loose stitches in my knitting, and lumps in my embroidery, and my handwriting is slanted because my hands cannot keep up with my brain and that's okay!
It's okay! Leave little pieces of yourself and gather new ones with your creativity.
You'll never lose yourself, but it's okay to change and grow and leave behind little pieces of yourself.
The little pieces are who we are and all we can and could be.
The little pieces are proof you are alive and you are here.
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So... I've taken a turn for the worse.
I've been trying to get my health under control all year because my inflammation markers are higher than they should be and I'm on a special diet and on medication. But I just keep getting worse. In late August, I got an MRI (MRIs really suck as an experience) and I got a lot worse. Like shooting nerve pain, burning nerve pain, dizziness, cannot drive, cannot lift things, can't sit or stand or walk for extended periods of time (60 minutes max), fatigue got worse, body aches got worse, couldn't sleep a lot due to pain, hard to focus on work, difficulty cooking and bathing and, in general, life.
I missed so many things. I had some fun things planned in September. I had to cancel all of them. I haven't been able to garden at all. I had to have my partner's sister and niece come over to clean the garage. I've gotten another MRI and been to a specialist and started a new medication and my rheumatologist is trying to convince insurance to let her increase my other medication.
Then, the tire on my car started getting low and I recognized a slow leak. We had to have the tire replaced. Then, a relay on the fridge went out and it was an entire drama because we couldn't figure out where the electrical burning smell was coming from at first. We finally figured it out through some deduction but the landlord couldn't get anyone to repair it quickly and we lost almost everything in the fridge and freezer. So money has been terrible.
I don't even want to get into all the family drama going on. I mostly go away and hide when anyone tries to bring me into it. I'm not getting into it. I can't right now and I don't think they'd be able to handle what I have to say if I did get into it.
Works not been fun. There's stuff going on there, too. And it's always nice when you feel terrible but are still working. And you have to be kind and respectful when more and more keeps getting piled on your plate and no one is listening to you.
Mostly, I just feel alone. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about what's going on. No one in my life gets this. I'm worried I won't get better. I'm doing all the right things: tests and medication and communication and physical therapy and talking to a counselor and trying to do self-care and eating healthy and not pushing too hard and keeping moving as much as I can. But I'm still worried. Because this is my life and my one body and my time. If there's anything I have a reasonable right to worry about, it's my health.
And I hate this. I hate being in my early 30s and not being able to spend time with people I care about or go kayaking or hike or get a dog or just pull weeds or scrub out the tub or carry laundry without feeling like I'm going to throw up and pass out. I hate that I've been missing out since my mid twenties. This isn't what I wanted or expected and "there's nothing for it". "It is what it is."
And I'm angry. I'm angry that a lot of other people don't have these problems. I have these problems. I don't want others to have them but I don't feel happy that I do have them. It doesn't feel balanced or fair. And I've been told my entire life that life is not fair. So don't bother reminding me. It feels like a punishment. But I didn't do anything to be punished. Or if I did...I apologize. I never meant whatever it was that got me here. I can do better. Just make it stop.
In the MRI today I was thinking about what I would give up to be healthy. What kind of magic deal with a sus character I'd make to not have these problems. I figured out there's a lot I'd give up. I wouldn't give up my cat or my partner. But I'd give up pretty much any food. I'd give up toes. Chop them off myself if that was part of the deal. I wouldn't hurt someone else because that's not right. It's not their fault and I wouldn't put it on anyone else. But I'd give up time. I'd give up years if only those years could be quality. And my partner hated hearing that because she wants me around for all the time she has. But that's how I feel. I get how people make those terrible, desperate deals in supernatural stories. Being chronically ill makes you feel desperate. Being in chronic pain makes you long for a time you can't even remember, a time without pain.
#chronically ill#autoimmune#psoriatic arthritis#chronic pain#getting worse#chronic illness#chronic fatigue#depressing life#this is depressing#i'm sad#i'm sorry#trigger warning#depressing shit#tw depressing thoughts#existential anxiety#tw depression#doing my best#everything went wrong#era: fml#feeling alone#no one understands#no one wants to hear it
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I was put on a prescription eyedrop this week and I developed a severe side effect. I got sinusitis which is basically a sinus infection. I didn't even know that could happen. I feel terrible and even took time off work. This is on top of it being shot weekend, when I take the Humira. I've had to delay the start of a new medicine my rheumatologist prescribed, too.
There are so many things I need to do. Spring cleaning, gardening, and I have deadlines at work. But I can't do any of it because of this illness. I'm trying to stay positive because I know this is temporary but I'm really frustrated. If I don't get the things done that I have to do, how will I have time for the things I want to do. Besides that, I've basically figured out I need a side hustle. I need to make some extra money for fun stuff and for my future plans. I have some ideas but I'm having trouble implementing them and now I'm sick. You know, on top of the chronic illness.
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My partner and I have been trying out new recipes. I give you french onion pork chops with green beans and zucchini.
How about sauteed Trout, zucchini and jasmine rice?
A cara cara orange, arugula and spinach salad with pickled red onions and warm olive oil. I'm pretty pleased with the pickled onions I made. I got a taste for them when I was in Texas last year.
And as a bonus the lunch my partner made for me. Avocado, sweet potato onigiri with nori and black and regular sesame seeds. I also had cucumber slices and macadamia nuts.
#food#recipe#trying new things#cucumber#trout#onigiri#avocado#sweet potatoes#pork chops#zucchini#vegetable salad
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Hope is also deadly to a system that disenfranchises the people.
We seldom admit the seductive comfort of hopelessness.
It saves us from ambiguity.
It has an answer for every question:
"There's just no point."
Hope, on the other hand, is messy.
If it might all work out, then we have things to do.
We must weather the possibility of happiness.
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Hanging out with old people rules because after a while they trust you enough to confess to murder totally unprompted
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“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”
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So I got glasses this month and found out why my eyes are always bothering me.
I apparently have an eye condition called keratoconjunctivitis sicca. People with autoimmune diseases get it due to gasp the increased inflammation. It means my cornea and the thin film over the sclera are both inflamed and that causes my tear shield to dry too fast. So, eye drops.
The optometrist was telling me all my eye problems and at the end I said "So I need glasses." And she hesitated...like I was going to get upset or something. She doesn't know me because this is our first time meeting so she doesn't know I've been a nerd my whole life. I'm not afraid or ashamed of it.
Glasses are no big deal. I kind of looked forward to it because I get like a whole new type of accessory which is good since I developed this metal allergy. Plus look at me. I'm like some sexy glasses bitch. And if I need to fight someone I can dramatically take them off and put them away as I start my speech.
Oh and my eyes are bothering me less. I can focus for longer amounts of time.
#eye pain#autoimmune#chronic pain#chronically ill#glasses#eye drops#pretty#sexy nerd#i'm not ashamed#i am who i am#wanna fight#i can see better
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I need something nice in March.
Happiness Will Come To You.
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I was given an autoimmune disease by the fates to prevent me from becoming a major world figure, uniting the peoples, and saving the planet. I was too powerful. I had to be destroyed: my bones eroded; my nerves frayed; my muscles slowly atrophying; my energy sapped. They thought it would destroy my spirit.
They were wrong.
#autoimmune#spoonie#psoriatic arthritis#chronic pain#chronic illness#chronically ill#I'm too powerful#i had a hard day#unstoppable#not giving up
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My dad decided to sand our wood doors in the house over the carpet while I had a severe case of bronchitis and was supposed to be resting on the couch. He kept telling the guy who he hired to help him that I was faking it to get out of school. To this day, when I get a cough from a cold, I smell sawdust.
Down with meritocracy.
if you were made to feel guilty or shameful for being unwell while growing up and now you have chronic illnesses.... I'm so so so so sorry.
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I got this fortune cookie the other day and it said
And I was half, I know because I will make that happen. And I was half, they fuckin better!
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I've read from other people that their cats don't like fruit. My cat likes fruit. Nagisa doesn't just like them, he loves fruit, he begs for fruit, he demands fruit whenever he sees me eating some. But it's not all types. He isn't fond of apples or oranges. Nagisa like berries. All kinds of berries. He also adores peaches, plums, and nectarines. He has been known to indulge in papaya. He loves melons, too. Don't believe me?
So when people say cats don't like fruit, I just shake my head. No, your cat doesn't like fruit. My cat runs to sit right next to me if I'm eating strawberries.
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Also, situations can change. I'm one of those people who on a really bad day needs the support to get up. On a good day I could use any stall. You can't always see problems with other people's bones. I would definitely shame someone who was hating on me in the bathroom about using whatever stall I need.
at this point i'm on board with people who think trying to "police" those who can use "accessible" (quotes because they're usually only accessible to a particular pool of needs) public restroom spaces will just lead down a very bad rabbit hole of being nasty to people who don't deserve it. recently i saw someone on here say something along the lines of "if you use the accessible stall and aren't using a big clunky mobility aid that won't fit in the others i hate you" as if like, for example, a person has to be using a big clunky mobility aid in order to have difficulty to go from sitting to standing without support for example, and accessible stalls frequently include bars to aid in that process while other public restroom stalls do not. i'd balk at someone hypothetically thinking the same thing about the elevators i use at my uni because at this point using stairs is guaranteed to fuck up my knees for the rest of the day. idk, just remember disability is a very broad spectrum of experiences and someone's limitations and access needs are largely up to them rather than something that can be determined upon first glance by a stranger.
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