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geeksandkinks · 4 years

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Bucky Barnes x Reader

One Shot Word Count: 2292 Warnings: PTSD and a soft Bucky boy

A/N: Established friends. Bucky dealing with some PTSD coming home from a mission just needing some fluff. Which is different for me to write so feedback is cool.

Bucky was quiet and that was nothing out of the ordinary, especially after a mission. This one had some close calls but we all made it out alive, minimal damage and that was a success to you. You knew he was struggling regardless though, he didn’t hide it well or maybe you just knew him well enough now. You gave him some time though. That's what everyone seemed to need when we got back, some time to decompress, shower, get any wounds cleaned up and stitched. Maybe eat and even get some sleep before interacting again.

Everyone respected each other's way of dealing, and for you a deep clean shower and some food was all it took to spark you back up. Feeling like a new person once the dirt and grime and blood was scrubbed off twice. It was quiet on the compound though, figuring everyone else was cooped up in their room and that just gave you the freedom. Getting a pot, filling it with water and waiting for it to boil because after some strenuous activity - carbs. Mac and cheese specifically.

Changing into a long sleeve shirt Bucky lend you when you first got here, something you refused to get rid of and something you wished still smelt like him but not something you’d ever admit. A pair of black shorts under the maroon shirt and some thick wool socks because these super soldiers for some reason never got cold.

A song swirling in your head, the tune coming out in a hum as your hips swayed with it a bit, standing over the pot of water that hasn’t even shown any sign of life yet. Your phone in your hands as you stand in front of it, scrolling through the social media account you’re not supposed to have but it’s under an alias so you figured no harm, no foul, right? Right.

“If you add salt it will boil faster…” His voice breaks the silence of the compound and the song in your head, jumping back and clutching your phone to your chest. “Bucky, Jesus… can you give a girl a notice…” Your heart is pounding in your chest and honestly it doesn’t help that it’s Bucky. He’s usually the most recluse after a mission and he was the last one you expected to break the silence. You heard him though and grab the salt, “Like, how much salt?” You narrow your eyes slightly and he rolls his in return before closing the distance. Cooking wasn’t your forte but you could bake Satan into forgiveness.

Taking the salt from you and you get a catch of his scent, that dumb old spice he uses - it was big around the time he went to the war so maybe it felt familiar. He smelt good regardless and it was only dumb because it was familiar to you now. It was Bucky. It’s what the shirt used to smell like and you glanced at the side of his face as he poured in just a bit of salt and set it down and created some distance. Bucky was - beautiful. The way his damp hair fell, the scruff of his beard still somehow accented his jaw and his lashes hid those blue eyes that held conversations.

You had been with this team for almost a year. Found and brought in by Fury, fighting was all you were good at but as the team worked with you - you found your place, your power and some days were better than others but regardless you had grown. Bucky was a part of that, he made it hard to speak when he looked at you in the beginning but now he just couldn’t shut you up. You had pushed your feelings for him aside, far aside. He had never shown interest in that kind of way and even in close tension times he never made a move. When you asked Natasha about him she just said not to get your hopes up.

“Thanks salt bae.” You give him a smug smile and grab the two boxes of pasta, ripping them open and waiting to see a bubble to throw it in.

“I don’t even want to know…” He mumbles back to your comment, grabbing a glass and getting some water. A navy long sleeve shirt and sweats, somehow still fitting and you’re glad you have bubbles to hunt for. “I can’t believe you still have that shirt.. That was almost a year ago, right?” The glass is brought up to his lips when you look at him, a shrug and a nod before you glance around to make sure he isn’t talking to someone else.

Time wasn’t kind to Bucky and when he asked things like that you knew he was scared. Did he remember, did more time pass, was the mission real or was it someone else's, did he go off on his own, did someone get a hold of him. Some of the questions that flooded his head when it got bad. Some of the questions he had asked you in a moment of panic.

“Yeah, almost a year ago and what can I say, you stretched it out just right.” You froze a bit, did that sound sexual, would Bucky get it as that? You cheeks flush slightly but he doesn’t catch on and you breathe.

A short chuckle through his nose, “And we were gone for 26 days this time?” His jaw flexed with the question when you looked over at him. You take the second to pour the pasta in before taking the few steps to Bucky, searching his eyes but not touching him as difficult as that was. “26 exactly, Buck… You were there for all of them. You didn’t leave our sides. I promise.” Your voice soft and Bucky brought this side out of you that you didn’t know you had. Most of your life was spent being harsh and using sarcasm as a coping mechanism. Alone.

This was the first sense of a family in years and that was another reason you pushed your feelings aside, you couldn't put this in jeopardy.

He presses his lips in a line and takes another drink to finish off the glass, “Right.. Yeah, thanks..” There was still doubt in his eyes but all you could do was tell him the truth that he was there, he’d have to figure the rest out on his own. As much as you wished he would lean on someone even if it wasn’t you.

Your fingers twitched to just run a hand down his arm but you resisted and went back to the pot boiling now. Stirring it with a butter knife because finding the right utensil was too difficult right now, the look in Bucky's eyes still dwelling. A red plastic ladle spoon coming over your shoulder and you let out a huff taking it and putting the knife on the counter. “Would you like to take over, Chef Barnes?” Glancing over your shoulder with a smirk. “If you want it to be edible then I probably should.” Bucky had lots of hidden talents and cooking was one of them even though he made a lot of soups - they were delicious. Mocking him with an eye roll you give up your position and the ladle. “It’s mac and cheese, don’t let it go to you head.” Your arms crossed under your chest as you watch like it's some kind of lesson now or maybe it just gave an excuse to see if he was okay.

“It’s macaroni and cheese and you’d still find a way to ruin it.” His lips tug at the corner and it's enough to force a full one across your lips. Lighthearted Bucky was hard to come by but god it was beautiful and rare, a unicorn almost. You reach over and poke his arm, “I don’t ruin everything… just - things you consume.” You let a soft laugh leave your lips. He gives you a sideways glance and you poke him again, he shakes his head and you pass his arm and get his side where he flinches and there's a glimpse of a full smile that gets a soft laugh out of you. “Someone is ticklish!” You tease and he puts the spoon down in the pot, “I’m not.” He crosses his arms and gives you a warning glance but you can’t help yourself, wiggling your fingers at him like he's a four year old and he steps back. It’s enough of a motion you launch at him and your fingers start digging into his sides and he's laughing. Looking like a fucking god with his hair and he has an open mouth smile and that sweet sound of his laugh. It doesn’t last long though, he has both of your wrists and while the look in his eyes is playful you are quite aware of just how fucked you are.

“Fuck…” He quirks an eyebrow at you and before you can even try to get away he turns you around and wraps both his arms over yours, picking you up off the ground and you’re pleading, “I’m sorry! I won’t tell anyone Bucky, your secret is safe with me! Don’t crush me! Don't tickle me! Please!” You struggle to get free and he finally lets your feet hit the ground a few steps away from the boiling pot and he does his best to keep you trapped with his left, heavy arm while the right digs at your sides and you’re losing. Screaming and laughing and threatening you’re going to pee when he lets you go with a laugh, a genuine laugh coming from Bucky again, you wonder if he knows how breathtaking this view is and you’re staring while you catch your breath, laughing subsiding and he asks, “What?” Catching the way you’re looking at him.

“Nothing, it’s just nice to see you smile.” There's still a soft one on your lips but his falters just a bit and he shrugs. The moment feels lost and there's a pang of guilt that hits you and forces you to act out. Your arms wrap around his neck and you pull him in, its for just a few seconds before you realize and you start to let go but his arms wrap around your lower back. Firm, heavy and keeping you pressed up against him. Sure it wasn’t your first hug but it was only like your third and it felt nice each time. He was warm, solid, Bucky always felt safe even if he was just in plain view things felt safe and you knew you didn’t provide that kind of net to him but you hoped it was something.

“You’ve been here the whole time Bucky, I promise.” This hug was different, the way he had his arms around you and his forehead on your shoulder burying his face, your fingers brush through his hair and move over the tops of his shoulders. There's a muffled sound from him but he doesn’t let himself enjoy it, lifting his head and looking at you, and it says it all as he lets go, turns the stove off and nods to head to bed. He’s right, sleep is needed but how much better would sleep be in his arms - and that's when you’re sure there won’t be much sleep tonight.

And you’re right, time is in slow motion and it’s only been an hour since overcooking noodles and it feels like the sun should be up any minute. Your brain won’t shut off thinking you did the wrong thing, moved too quick, touched too much. It’s not like - and there's a knock.

You’re almost sure it’s going to be Steve from being too loud earlier or to see if you’re going to finish the macaroni so you swing the door open with a sigh but it’s quick caught in your throat when it’s Bucky.

“I- sorry… I wasn’t expecting, are you - is everything okay?” You look around him and then at him, he walks in your room as if opening the door was enough of an invitation. Heading straight for your bed and laying on his back. “I can’t sleep.” This is out of character for Bucky and your expression shows that. He knows that and he closes his eyes with a sigh, talking that way as if not looking at me would make it easier. “I - my mom used to do that. I remember it. Used to run her fingers through my hair when I couldn’t sleep and I -” You get where he’s going and while you want to revel in this moment this is Bucky being vulnerable and it wouldn’t last if it wasn’t acted on. You make your way on your bed, sitting up against the bed frame and pat your thigh. “I don’t mind, Bucky.” Your voice is soft. He head now on your thigh and your fingers scratch at his scalp before running through his hair, silence between the two of you and both your eyes close.

This is far off from you usually having your own guard up for the sake of your feelings and Bucky having the multitude of his from decades of people fucking with him. Everything is broken down right now and that’s dangerous grounds for you because you know in a few hours he will act like this never happened. You swallow down that emotion creeping up and wait for sleep to take over both of you.

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