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evilclownposts · 27 days
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Feel free to use “Carrion Wolf” in the story. I just think it’s such a metal title (even if it’s meant to be an insult), because it bastardises his ACTUAL unofficial moniker of “The Old Wolf” and it makes him seem like an honourless opportunist.
In my opinion, small details like that make a story.
Also, vultures irl are so smart and cute and loveable. I mean, just look at this derpy little weirdo:
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I’d love it if Remiel was referred to as, “The Butcher of Argent” by the Belthean nobility. The idea that Remiel “let them hate, so long as they fear” Argent’s infamy is so great that even foreign nobility are scared of him.
“Carrion Wolf” also hits hard. I’m sure Otto would do his best to downplay Argent’s contributions to the war effort after its end. Make Remiel seem like a vulture, picking at the carcass of an Imperial victory.
They'd neeeeeeeever even whisper it cause he put the fear of death into them lmaooooo
I will say that foreign nobility are indeed scared shitless of him.
That last paragraph is exactly what he did.
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evilclownposts · 1 month
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hampter, influencer, social media star 💫 ✨
I am none of these things
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evilclownposts · 2 months
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those are both hens
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evilclownposts · 2 months
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skooma
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evilclownposts · 2 months
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It’s funny, when I was a little boy, and told people I was just going to stick with the books, everyone laughed at me.
Well, no one’s laughing now.
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evilclownposts · 2 months
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Towards thee I piss, thou all-destroying but unconquering bigfoot-looking-ass bitch; to the last I gay kiss with thee; from hell’s heart I fard at thee; for clout’s sake I spit my last bar at thee. Sink all e-bucks and all doubloons to one common 401k! and since neither can be traced, let me then go to Jesus, while still chasing fat rips, though tied to thee, thou damned capital gains tax! Thus, I give up the shid!
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evilclownposts · 2 months
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about something something years ago, I was showing my work colleague a video about my family’s cute doggo when the bald, 16-year-old version of me holding the camera made an appearance at the end. my colleague evidently thought this was funny because I’ve always had long hair, and called me a “stud spud”.
Dead-faced, I looked her in the eye, and quietly let her know that the reason I was bald in that video was because, a week earlier, I’d shaved off my hair in solidarity with my grandma for her second round of chemo.
the look of abject horror on her face was priceless.
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evilclownposts · 2 months
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I’m mad at you because you set my house on fire.
I'm just a girl and you're mad at me? For being so sweetheart and ass so fat? For shame
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evilclownposts · 2 months
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The smell of bile permeated the halls of an abandoned catacomb.
Soft croaking noises echo through the air, like the sound of laughter dragged to a drawl.
The silver-haired lord does not turn his head to check if his soldiers are still following him — the clattering of their boots on the damp floor is proof enough.
“Find your courage, men of Argent,” he mustered, little more than a whisper in the dark. “Fear only brings a second death.”
His conviction alone was ill-equipped to rally the rapidly fraying nerves of his hunting party, but, in truth, his words were more for his own sake than theirs.
Sharp, clicking sounds fill the darkness, like bones rattling against cracked and mossy stones. Eardrums buzzed, shaking in place, resonating violently to an imperceivable growl. The fire of the torches flare and reel back, as if to retreat from the terrors ahead.
Each breath is visible now — evidence of unholy magics. Evidence of his prey.
The shadows shift, heralding the arrival of something wicked.
Frost creeps across the walls towards the party.
A deathly quiet settles upon them. The void shifts as a sourceless wind extinguishes the torches completely. The only light that remained was the glow of a Blessed sword, as its white flames illuminate this nightmare in the dark. Spectre of an ancient creation.
“V’era!”
As his men fled in terror, King Uriel stood his ground, prepared for battle — ready to send this demon back to its Sunless home.
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Though the men behind him had ran, the V'era before the Warrior-King gave no chase.
It knew. By either instinct, or some magical link, the creature knew of the Blessing.
'That or the fact the sword was glowing,' he thought to himself.
The king smiles at his attempt at lightheartedness. He still had control over his thoughts, and thus control over his body.
He could do this.
The cavern mists stuck to his cheeks, the humidity in the air making him sticky and uncomfortable. His eyes narrow before taking one step forward, keeping his stance balanced and ready to counter what may-
He unconsciously presses on his right toes to spring to the left side, turning his body so that the right leg could quickly plant itself once more.
Pricked needles press down his spine as a gush of wind blows where he had just been. That'd been too close.
Using the momentum of the evasion, he tightly grips the sword's handle as he swings the blade upward.
A slimy and heavy liquid splashes on his face as he feels the slightest bit of contact from the V'era's arm as it slices through. He hears the telltale sizzle of the beast's flesh wound as the Blessing cauterized the missing limb.
Nothing else could harm the V'era as effectively. To them, Her Blessings were holy fire. The bards and minstrels may call it what they will.
"Promised rest..."
The V'era backpedals a few steps, its black head now turning side to side as if feigning confusion.
"Eternal slumber..."
The descendant and inheritor to one of the most powerful bloodlines in existence walks forth, deeper into the dark with Her Blessing. The V'era was now visibly retreating from the glowing sword. Yes... he knew that normal men could never know nor feel how it was to have a V'era up against a wall. He knew what the Blessing in his hands was to these monsters...
"Death." He says calmly as he brings the sword down upon the V'era as it lunges forward.
Once again he feels the slightest of contact as his swing buries deep into its torso, but he pulls away as black claws slice the air near his face. A surprise headbutt tries to smash into his nose but the king ducks.
Panic spreads throughout his body as he feels the slippery ground beneath him threatening to topple him. It must be the V'era's black ichor tainting the ground.
Sensing his current disadvantage, King Uriel kicks away from his left foot to push his body inbetween the V'era's legs, using the kinetic force to let him glide underneath it as he unclasps the dagger on his thigh to stab the V'era's right knee joint.
Recovering his stance and once again facing his adversary, the king witnesses the stumbling V'era turning to face him. Footsteps can be heard running through the tunnels opposite of him.
The men who ran.
'Should I...?' he thinks to himself as he steps forward to the V'era. He waits a few seconds, allowing the creature to reorient itself. It was taking longer than he expected, long enough for him to worry that the V'era would strike once more.
But soon, the familiar orange haze of a torch is enough for him know his men had arrived.
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The king swings widely in dramatic flourishes that screamed 'LOOK AT HOW COOL I AM!', and the men who witnessed their king's fury stared in awe. Some had contemplated joining, hurrying to the aid of their king, but the senior among them had placed a hand at the youngster's chest to stop him.
"
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"
, he said.
The V'era, now knowing that their was an audience, gave its all. Using its one good arm left, it lumbered over with a downward swing to finally end this impetuous king once and for all. But nay, twas for naught as the great king grabbed the V'era's arm, stopping it dead.
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He tiptoes around the V'era, and to the shock and surprise of everyone there, he rides the fucking thing.
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He continues riding the V'era, guiding it to the entrance of the tunnel, riding it until it collapses from exhaustion. The king stands over the pitiful V'era, and utters
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"You're alright girl," before thrusting his blade into the monster's breast.
Alrighty im done lmaooooo! First off, great job!!! I really loved this part the most for some reason, "The fire of the torches flare and reel back, as if to retreat from the terrors ahead."
You used some great word combos to paint a scene, and I think it shows how much talent you have. Consider writing for realsies!
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evilclownposts · 2 months
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hey, kids!
I just want to let you know that it’s a-ok to play in traffic. don’t listen to your parents! playing on the road during rush hour is completely fine AND NORMAL.
car crashes? nonsense! cars don’t hurt people. people hurt people. cars are completely safe to stand in front of, especially if they’re going thirty kilometres above the speed limit of a school zone.
don’t you know? car crashes are just a myth invented by Big Government to sell more traffic cones.
so don’t let the gay liberal communists win! play on the roads!
be the change you want to see in the world.
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evilclownposts · 3 months
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A week ago, South Korea asked illegal Uzbekistani immigrants to leave the country or face deportation.
For context, South Korea has some of the strictest immigration laws in the developed world. SK’s immigration rates are rock-bottom compared to most Western countries.
Something that wouldn’t be a problem if SK’s fertility rates weren’t also rock-bottom.
Experts have repeatedly warned homogenous nations like South Korea of a potential demographic collapse if measures aren’t taken to reverse the rapid population decline. However, with an ongoing cost of living crisis, South Koreans are understandably hesitant to settle down and start families.
SK is in a dire state, and relaxing immigration laws to encourage legal migration could help. Alternatively, SK could institute policies that encourage the existing populace to have more children, i.e. Child Benefits, subsidised Childcare services, married allowances, etc. Policies that target cost of living, like rent assistance, mortgage tax relief, and regressive tax reductions are also essential.
Unfortunately, these programs are expensive, and SK’s debt-to-GDP ratio has increased dramatically since the pandemic. In a time when the South Korean government is incentivised to cut spending and raise taxes, policies that help stimulate local population growth just aren’t viable.
TL;DR: kicking out illegals does nothing to address South Korea’s actual problem - a rapidly ageing population.
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evilclownposts · 3 months
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Pablo Picasso
Did my taxes and found out I'm getting a return and immediately went to spend fifty dollars on getting photos printed. But like photos saved in my phone. That one photo of Tom Hardy in the tiara among them. Finally I can add to the photo wall. Fine art. Interior decor genius.
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evilclownposts · 3 months
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Reblog if you're not homophobic
Every url that reblog’s will be written in a book and shown to my homophobic dad. 
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evilclownposts · 3 months
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I am a stable and functional member of society.
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evilclownposts · 3 months
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I can’t wait for Shark Week.
LITTLE GUY SPOTTED
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evilclownposts · 3 months
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I think train tickets should cost less
I think groceries should cost less
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evilclownposts · 3 months
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punck
Some things I saw through a microscope during science!
Human blood.
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The inside of my cheek
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A Fern leaf
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And some bacteria
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