casisgoingcrazy - Tumblr blog

casisgoingcrazy · 3 months

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“Lord, I worry that love is violence.”

{Words by José Olivarez from Citizen Illegal /@fatimaamerbilal , from even flesh eaters don't want me.}

#anxious attachment #insecure attachment

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casisgoingcrazy · 4 months

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Me: *realizing I'm aroace*

Me: I am going to be single for life...

Me: *realizing I won't fulfill the espectations of society and the idealization of romance and sex*

Me: *sadly* I am going to be single for life...

Me: *then realizing what an actual relief it is not to have to get into a romantic or sexual relationship*

Me: *happily* I am going to be single for life!!

Me:

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casisgoingcrazy · 4 months

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Now What?

I came out to my boyfriend today.

“Aromantic?”

The words settle, coming into focus. Yes. Finally, yes.

“Aromantic.”

~~~~

There are people like me. Forums, subreddits, group chats. It’s everything I could have wanted.

~~~~

Garlic bread and cake, no romo, LGBT exclusionists. The “A” is for ally, I hear.

My childhood friend is aromantic. We don’t speak anymore.

~~~~

“I’m breaking up with you.” The words spill out of me and I can’t stop them.

I’m single for the first time in a year.

For the first time, I’m faced with the possibility of being alone.

~~~~

“I feel so bad for old people sitting alone in restaurants,” my friend tells me over lunch. She glances at a section, empty save for an elderly man.

A weight settles in my stomach.

“Why?” I ask.

“Well, he’s…” she lowers her voice and watches him through the corner of her vision. “Alone.”

~~~~

I open the front door and am finally confronted by the silence.

“He’s… alone.”

I run my hands through my hair.

For the first time, I’m faced with the possibility of being alone.

Alone.

I’m helpless against the weight of the implications. Destiny, fate, God. Whatever is real in this sick fucking universe has chosen for me.

Alone.

For fuck’s sake.

~~~~

#aromantic #aroace #arospec #queer #aromantic asexual #aromantism #lgbtqia+#aroallo #lgbtq #tw arophobia #writing #aro writing #aromance #single

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casisgoingcrazy · 6 months

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“We’ve never… It’s more than romantic. It’s better than romance. It’s friendship.” Sam laughed. “Who cares about romance, anyway?”

Sam Masur, Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow

#aromantic #friendship #queer #booklr #books and reading #books #book quotes #quotes #tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow #gabrielle zevin

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casisgoingcrazy · 6 months

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As my values have changed, my romantic inclinations have lessened. I expect to not want romance as a whole soon. It’s almost as if romance as I knew it was grossly toxic.

#aromantic #aroace #arospec #queer #aromantism #aromantic asexual #aroallo #lgbtq #lgbtqia+#romance #romance is fake

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casisgoingcrazy · 6 months

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it really does bother me how no one can seem to answer the question “what even is romantic attraction, really.” like some people are like “it’s who you wanna kiss and cuddle <3” and I’m like ok well kisses and cuddles can be either sexual or platonic depending on context. “It’s who you feel passion/desire/arousal for” well that just sounds like sexual attraction which you can have without even knowing somebody so I fail to see how that’s romantic. “It’s who you want to go on dates with” I go on dates with friends all the time plus “date” is a social construct anyway there’s really no innate difference between a date and hanging out. “it’s who you have deep feelings for” great news for you that can be literally any type of relationship. my friend told me she defined it as “who you wanna give roses to” and I’m like do u hear urself??? like the more I talk to people the more I’m convinced romance and romantic attraction is an elaborate socially fabricated illusion that has no real defining characteristics. and like there’s nothing Wrong with it being a constuct but why people are so attached to defending the supremacy of it is something I cannot for the life of me figure out

#like reading this u might be like ‘sounds like ur just aromantic sis’ but i’m like. listen.#ur missing my point. which is that i literally think romance does not exist #at least not in this bioessentialist way people like to pretend it does #the desire for companionship and the desire for sex are biological drives. everything else is a social construct #which doesn’t mean its bad! or not valid! or anything like that!#but i’m just genuinely do not understand why we are so bent on treating it like gospel #aromantic asexual #frogcore #lgbtqia+#eeby deeby #<- original tags #SCREAMING OP #YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO GO THIS HARD #LITERALLY BEEN THINKING THIS FOR SO LONG

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casisgoingcrazy · 6 months

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starting to think romantic attraction is socially constructed in the same way that gender is. either that or im fully aro. which is possible. but also i feel all the feelings that alloromantic people describe (except the butterfly in stomach thing, but like i might just be too autistic to interpret that metaphor in the right way), i just dont see what makes it romantic. its literally just being anxious and obsessive about someone. ive been like that for friends, foes, family, literally every kind of platonic relationships ive had. im confused and tbh i think fully allo people arent confused enough about it.

#romantic relationships #romantic attraction #aro pride #arospec #aromance #aromantism #amatonormativity #aromantic #aroace #lgbtq #lgbtqia+

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casisgoingcrazy · 6 months

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#AggressivelyArospectacular is happening in 15 days!

Let’s take this moment to remember all of the different ways to submit work to the project:

- Make a new post on tumblr and use the tag #AggressivelyArospectacular (in one word) in the FIRST FIVE TAGS. (that last rule is super important, if you don’t follow it we won’t find your post.) - Submit a link to your post if it can be found elsewhere than tumblr. - If you don’t have a Tumblr or if it is not safe for you to come out as aro on your personal blog, you can directly submit your work to us anonymously and we’ll post it for you.

If your post hasn’t appeared on our blog three days after you have posted it, please don’t hesitate to contact us directly and link us to your post!

Any original creative content is welcome! Whether it’s aro-focused or not! (Although we do like to keep our blog mostly romance-free, it’s not a strict rule either.)

We can’t wait to see all of your contributions!

#!!!#aromantic #arospec #aromantic safe tag #arospec positivity #aggressivelyarospectacular #aro #aroace

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casisgoingcrazy · 6 months

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“There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the only extra person in the room.”

—Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

#loneliness #romance #Sylvia Plath #The Bell Jar #single #booklr

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casisgoingcrazy · 6 months

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I hate it when people say certain acts of love and affection are proof of romantic feelings. It makes me feel really lost and empty, like the only way I can get a strong relationship is via romance. When in reality I’d do so much for my friends and care so deeply, and I don’t want romance with them at all.

I know y’all don’t mean no harm by it, so, this is me gently asking you to take a moment and think about what your words imply about the value of friendship vs romance.

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casisgoingcrazy · 6 months

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Slowly realizing that what I’ve thought was romantic attraction was just Deeply and Strongly Caring for Someone, something I don’t feel very often.

#aromantic #queer #queerplatonic

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casisgoingcrazy · 7 months

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been going a little bit insane about this sentence from Ace by Angela Chen for the past week

#will never not reblog #arospec #aspec #aroace #aromantic asexual #aromantic #asexual #amatanormativity #angela chen

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casisgoingcrazy · 7 months

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"We go from store to store, trying to things on and inspecting them. I give my opinions on dresses and shoes, blouses and lipstick colors. Sometimes I say things that make the other women look at me, agape, as though my mouth has been possessed by that flighty queen from Queer Eye even while the rest of my body still looks like any other big dumb boy's. I say that I like a skirt but I wish it were bias-cut instead of A-line, or that I am not fond of the fashion for surplice tops, or that the post-WWII idiom in shoes this season is amusing but rarely looks good on actual feet, or that I like the look of a bolero jacket. I know the names of colors, heliotrope and coral and Nile blue, and I can say without hesitation whether a lipstick might look better matte with a bit of powder.

These other women look at me with wonder, their boyfriends and husbands having made a fetish out of refusing to learn such words under any circumstances, as though merely pronouncing the word "periwinkle" or "princess seam" could easily turn a strong man gay as a box of birds. They say to her, "That's your husband?" in voices that loiter between admiring and disgusted, as though they know that there's no force on earth that could make their men or boys take such interest in their clothing and they think they might really prefer that to the spectacle of me, filling an armchair, legs crossed ankle over knee, looking just right until I say "tea length."

The point is that she wants other girls to see what it looks like to have a boy so cracy in love with you, as I am, that he will spend an afternoon talking about capri pants to have a boy so delighted by you that he never calls you by your name, but addresses you always as "beautiful girl," or "my love" or occasionally and with great fondness, "boss." To have a boy who will happily fetch your next-size-down and carry your bags and charm the salesclerks at the register without flirting overmuch and just generally try to make himself as useful as possible, all for the dizzy and undying pleasure of making you happy. And even though I am not a boy, I look like one, and so I can be complicit with her in this kind of wonderful afternoon, part indulgence of her great beauty and style, part guerilla feminist activism.

Later, when we walk through the mall or down the sidewalk, me laden with packages that are clearly hers, I watch the eyes of the people we pass: the women who look at me with a certain longing, wishing they had their own boys to carry the bags. The men who look at her with an unmistakable hunger, wishing that they had the honor of schlepping for a girl like her, and then look at me with a certain edge of disbelief, not quite clear about why I get to squire this marvelous example of femininity around when they are clearly wealthier, more handsome, better hung. I have learned to meet all of these gazes with a calm kind of sweetness. There's no point in defensiveness or sheepishness or challenge. I'm the one holding her bags."

"Being a Shopping Switch” Butch is a Noun essays by S. Bear Bergman (2006)

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casisgoingcrazy · 7 months

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in my opinion, my aromanticism should be a synonym of loneliness.

not by choice, and certainly not something i want to admit. but it’s inevitable, no matter how i try to convince myself otherwise.

i will never understand the way society functions. when did we decide to prioritize romantic relationships over that of kin, of friends?

why is it that at the drop of a metaphorical hat, one is more than ready to leave behind the “friends” they’ve made for a star who has caught their eye. what makes romantic love more worthy than the loyalty and trust and care between friends?

what makes it so that these stupid, animalistic desire for these romantic relations are held up on a pedestal compared to the beauty and purity of bonding with another human being, no ulterior motive besides interest and kindness.

i don’t mean to be jaded. i don’t mean to be a stereotype, but it infuriates me.

i tell my parents i don’t want to date, because that’s the closest i can get to telling them i’m broken. i date my friends and force myself to ‘love’ them because i have nothing to compare this “great adventure” of romantic love to. a blank slate. i love my friends and i love my family. i would die for both.

is that not enough? why can it never be enough?

my family tells me i’ll be terribly sad without a husband or wife. what they mean is that my friends will leave me the second they settle down with their own new partners and spouses, leaving me to pick up the pieces. they tell me i’ll regret it for the rest of my life, that i’ll be alone when i die.

it’s miserable. i tell myself i’m gay and then bi and then pan and then trans because i can’t imagine a life for myself in the body i’m in, in the life i’m in. i dream of fantasy and dragons and magic but all i really desire is a friend who would pick me first, over anything in the entire world.

is that too much to ask?

#op I’ve been feeling exactly this lately #thank you for putting it into words #sometimes it’s such a miserable #suffocating realization #to know that there will always be a first choice #and it will never be you #and I’m sorry you’re going through that too #aromantic #arospec #aroallo #aroace #aromantism #lgbtqia #lgbtq #vent #romance repulsed #queer

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casisgoingcrazy · 7 months

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Anyway if you see this you have to reblog and tag with a delight from ur day -- even the littlest thing counts

#I was made breakfast #and my eggs were very fluffy

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casisgoingcrazy · 7 months

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No, but let’s talk about how they sell us romance.

Let’s talk about how romance is packaged as Friendship But Better. Let’s talk about how getting into a relationship is always seen as a positive, and not an if, but a when. Romantic partners are supposed to be caretakers, best friends, personal chefs, cleaners, mothers, lovers. Who wouldn’t want one?

I put myself through terrible, stressful relationships, because no one taught me that romance wasn’t the quest everyone was tasked with at conception. Had I known that my warped perception of romance wasn’t truly romance, I would have realized I was aromantic sooner. I wanted the romance society sold me. That romance isn’t real.

We often blame ourselves for not seeing the signs of our aromanticism, but how could we? When love is packaged as the one thing we can all relate to and experience, of course we would bend definitions to fit.

#aromantic #aromantic asexual #arospec #aroallo #aroace #lgbtqia+#non partnering #queer #aromantism #no romo #no romantic relationships

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casisgoingcrazy · 7 months

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I want to fill the world with little kindnesses.

I don't want a grand love. I don't want a person or place to call my own. I want to share my umbrella with a stranger in the rain. I want to give directions in a bookstore to the science fiction section. I want to go home and make myself a pan fried egg over rice.

Because I don't feel a need to teach myself empathy or love; I don't think it's a moral failing that I lack those. But kindness? Patience? I see the people who manage it, and they are so much stronger than me, and I want that for myself.

I am in awe of a world that can be kind. I want to believe that life and people are kind, and I don't think I can believe that unless it starts with myself. So, above all, I want to be kind, and I think that will ultimately make me happy.

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