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traumadumpwriter · 13 days

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Heavy trigger warning: Blood, violence, gore. Mentions of self harm, sexual assault and rape.

Check out the other chapters by going on the Freedom tag on my page!

Sorry for the slow updates. I’m much more regular on my Wattpad and already have a lot more chapters uploaded there. The @ is slowlychanging .

Don’t forget to like and comment if you’re enjoying! It really does mean a lot. Stay safe xx

Freedom: A John Shelby mini fic

Chapter Ten: 4199 words

The intense car ride home reminded John far too much of that first car ride with Alice - after he and Arthur had seen her in the middle of the road that fateful night - and it made his stomach turn as he was once again plagued by questions that were all likely to have bad answers.

He was careful to keep the blanket wrapped tightly around her, holding her close to his chest and looking down at the high cheekbones and plump lips of her blood splattered face with an uncomfortable feeling of desperation. Sweat dripped from his face onto hers - but he daren't move his hand to wipe it - unable to bring himself to unwrap his arms from the tight position they were in around her, like he was holding pieces of shattered porcelain together.

Once they were back at his, John wasted no time cleaning things up - quickly checking between her passed out body on the sofa and the boiling water as he prepared a bath. He wasn't too sure of where all the blood had come from; it certainly wasn't all Ergin's and that was worrying him deeply. He moved fast but careful.

Gently, he placed her in the steel tub and watched the red rise to the surface, clotting and creating ink like patterns in the water. His hand swished away all those patterns swiftly though, delicately patting her from head to toe with a flannel until all of the blood was gone from her skin.

In most other situations her naked body would've excited him. But as he lifted her from the tub and carried her to his bed, he felt as if he were handling a delicate antique doll, terrified to crack the china skin. Her injuries were now clear and the water had even opened some of them up, creating more small trickles of blood although not enough for John to panic. His previous fear subsided as he realised the blood was from shallow cuts, littered amongst the hundreds of scars she already had from her neck down to her toes.

That confused him. "Did they make her do this? Or did she do this to herself somehow?" They weren't there that morning and she'd been busy all day, so the first option seemed more likely.

He couldn't imagine ever wanting a woman to hurt herself for his own pleasure but he'd heard of some sick minded men enjoying it - maybe the Turks were in that category of men. His jaw clenched at the thought. Maybe that's how Tommy knew Ergin would like her.

Then, he naturally ran his eyes along the rest of her body; some bruises already starting to form - particularly the finger shaped ones around her neck. That made him painfully grimace.

He could only look at her for a second longer before quickly pulling a clean blanket over the sleeping body and then pacing towards the front door, his anger reaching new heights as he imagined whatever had happened to Alice in those twenty five horror filled minutes spent inside the enemy territory.

With flared nostrils and shaking hands, he pulled on his coat and stormed out the house, instantly lighting a cigarette as he strode towards Watery lane. After only a couple seconds of walking he heard a familiar set of heels stepping towards him and soon Aunt Pol appeared out of the fog, strutting with a concerned expression.

"Is she alright John? What happened?" She asked worriedly, but could guess the answer after seeing his furrowed brow and clenched fists.

He simply shot the woman a glare before continuing his march, determined to get to his brothers and give them the nastiest fight he'd ever given them. Pol of course let out a huff before turning around and following him, having to walk faster to keep up with his wide stepped pace.

"She's alive isn't she?" Her voice had an unintentional amount of panic in it.

"Only just."

"Well if it's only just what the fuck are you doing out here and not with her? See to your brother tomorrow." The tone had lost its previous softness as she snapped at her nephew.

"It ain't just Tommy, it's you and Arthur too. All three of you fucking put her up to this." John hissed, his eyes staying focused on the pavement ahead.

"Oh please! Like you're not the one completely desperate to see that bloody bastard husband of hers dead. The Turks are gone and now it's only time until he comes to us-"

"What's the point him being dead if she ain't alive?" He stopped his pace and turned to his aunt dramatically. "Huh? I can't marry a dead woman! Can I!... She's fucking lucky she made it outta there alive and she certainly ain't fucking unscathed as Tommy fucking put it!" With an angry scoff he chucked his cigarette to the ground. "And you know what! After tonight I don't give a fuck about her being married already! Fuck that bastard, I'm gonna marry her! She ain't his and she never was - dead or alive - she's mine! And ain't no one, not you, not Tommy, not anyone is gonna take her from me! You got that?"

His eyes were wide and his breathing heavy - never having been angry enough at his aunt to rant at her so aggressively before. Usually he would keep his mouth shut and step into line, but something about Alice was making that submissive part of him disappear - at least for anyone who wasn't her - and he felt as if he could fight the whole world if it meant his girl would be okay.

Polly didn't tut or raise her hand at his outburst as she usually would at the slightest infraction though, staying calm as she looked at her nephew and only felt pity. The proposal was something she'd seen coming a mile off, but the pain he was feeling as a result of tonight - it was palpable. From his steely, reddening eyes to his raised but ragged voice; the young man was desperately in love. Desperately in love with a woman even more damaged than himself.

"Oh how awful love can be." Polly thought, letting out a sigh before adopting a more gentle tone again. There wasn't any satisfying answer to his outburst and so much like he did to her, she replied with another initial question of her own.

"Why have you left her on her own then? You and I both know that's a bad idea-"

"She's out cold." Again, John cut Pol off icily but could gradually feel himself calming down as he looked into his aunts comforting, knowledgeable face. If she was calm, then things had to be okay - that was the way he'd always known although he struggled to feel it in that moment. "So I can't even ask her what happened but she were covered in blood, fucking naked n only half awake when I found her so I'm sure you can fucking guess!"

Polly felt her heart drop to her stomach, a wave of nauseous guilt overtaking her. She should've expected it but she didn't, having faith in her nephews plan and even in the merciless violence that Clara's nightmare daughter seemed to have been capable of.

"And it don't even matter that the Turks are fucking dead. Because they still hurt her. I'd rather them be alive so I could fucking do to them what they done to her." His voice still frothed with anger but was considerably quieter now, sounding more tired and depressed than amped and violent as it was previously.

"Perhaps it wasn't as bad as John thought though. Maybe she did just dance as Tommy had said she would. Perhaps, Alice had been able to kill them before they had the chance to really hurt her." Polly tried to have herself believe as she attempted to soothe her heartbroken nephew.

"She's a tough girl and I'm sure she'll have Tommy herself when she wakes up." One corner of John's lip nearly twitched upwards at that image but was quickly anchored down before it actually had the chance to rise.

"She'll be fine, John." Pol continued, placing a hand on his shoulder before starting her walk back to the family home. "But you should be with her now. Tomorrow will come soon enough."

And with that she was gone back into the fog, stepping with less speed than before now that she knew Alice was alive and at least semi-okay.

It was news that Arthur waited impatiently to hear, unable to see his brother himself after hearing about the bloodstained car ride from Isaiah. He knew exactly how angry John would be and couldn't blame him one bit for whatever violence he was sure to want to inflict on him. But that wasn't the thing that stressed him most - he'd grown a genuine soft spot for the extra ordinary woman and was now terrified that he'd played a role in another traumatic experience or at the worst, her untimely death.

Sure, he knew the Turks sadistic reputation - but he also knew Alice's and now, like Pol, realised that he had possibly placed too much faith in it. After all, she wouldn't have been able to torture David without the assistance of the brothers - in fact if they hadn't been there he probably would've had his way with her. Why hadn't he even considered that fact until now? Why did he have to just trust that Tommy's plan would go completely perfect?

Stressed, he ran his hands through his hair and looked up at the clock - each second dragging agonisingly as he waited for his aunts return. As soon as the door opened and her dark locks were visible, he rose from his seat and opened his mouth but Polly beat him to the punch.

"She's out cold as your brother put it - you won't be getting any real answers until tomorrow. But alive at least."

Arthur nodded silently, relief flooding him although you wouldn't be able to tell from his stoic expression.

"I've never seen him like this before, Arthur. He was on his way to whack you and Tommy until I stopped him... He's completely in love with that girl. He'll never forgive us for this."

Meanwhile a few streets away, John's face was as unreadable as his brothers but instead of being relieved, he felt sick. He carefully carried Alice up the stairs and into his bed - her body still heavy and limp as she showed no signs of waking soon. The blanket remained draped around her and soon she was tucked under another one - an attempt at providing the most comfort and warmth possible without actually wrapping himself around her.

She didn't stir even slightly throughout the night, remaining stiff to point where John would check her breathing occasionally - unable to sleep until the early hours himself. And when he did finally fall asleep, he was plagued with nightmares; his usual ones of war but now they cruelly had Alice intertwined into them too.

It was around eight that the woman finally awoke, instantly groaning from the pain across her body before her eyes even opened. She could smell John and feel the soft texture of his bed against her bare skin, something she peacefully soaked in for a second before the memories of the night before came crashing into view and she became acutely aware of her unwilling nudity - along with the sore injuries she seemed to be covered in.

Panicked, she sat up straight - instantly gasping and falling back down as she felt a shooting pain in her ribs. John shot up at the slight noise and quickly turned towards her, feeling as if he hadn't slept at all and was immediately alert.

Seeing her deep brown eyes open again, although they were full of fear, lifted a weight from his shoulders that he didn't even realise was there and he was quick to try to soothe her.

"Hey, hey it's okay-" he went in for a hug but she sharply flinched away, panicked breaths and tearful eyes making her look as vulnerable as a shot lamb.

"It hurts.. my ribs. I think they're broken." She gasped, looking down at her body and letting out an even more scared pant before looking up at John.

"I, I didn't want to get nude. Please don't think I'm a whore. I, I should have listened to you. I'm sorry." Her voice was a weak stammer and tears started to brew at her waterline as John quickly jumped out of the bed and raced to stand by her side - his speed unintentionally making her jump in fright.

Before she could panic any more though, he bent down and placed a long kiss on her forehead, holding her bruised face with one hand whilst the other interlocked with her shaking fingers.

"It's alright. You're okay. I'm with you. No one is ever gonna hurt you or have their bloody way with you again. I swear on it." He cooed, instantly relaxing her slightly. "And Tommy is gonna pay for sending you in there, I promise."

The silence that followed accompanied by John's gentle touch felt like heaven compared to the traumatic night before. She was safe now.

It gave Alice a real moment to collect her thoughts and calm herself down, the tears that were brewing quickly evaporating. She pondered on his words, how much it clearly worried him that she might've had sex with the Turks, and that was something she had to set straight before it could fester on his or her mind any longer. She didn't want him to think of her even more dirty than she already was.

"They didn't have their way, John. I wasn't raped. In fact, you arrived just in time." Her voice was still quivering, although considerably less than before. His touch seemed to have almost numbed her, a nonchalant energy to the R word as her body realised that she was now safe and no longer had to panic.

It was a word that some women wouldn't dare to utter, but Alice was so desensitised to it that it rolled off her tongue like any other word would. John decided not to think on that though, gently stroking her bruised cheekbone and placing another kiss on her forehead before he spoke again, a small relieved smile on his lips but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He didn't know whether to believe her or not - clearly so scared of being judged as some sort of whore although he could never see her that way.

"If I had been a few minutes later?" He asked quietly, trying to coax the full truth from her swollen lips.

"Then I imagine he would have had me." She replied plainly, no more shakiness or fear in her voice. The blunt tone was all he needed to know there was no lie, in fact it was her familiar blunt tone of brutal honesty - the words that came from it usually leaving a trail of hurt upon whoever received them. "But he didn't. You were there in time. So there is nothing to dwell on."

Another moment of silence passed, his hands remaining in their delicate positions before he slowly pulled them away and stepped backwards from the bed, getting a full look at her bruised neck and feeling that rage from last night kick in again.

"I'm assuming everything else went well? The Turks are no longer a problem?" She continued, not even acknowledging John's visible change in mood.

"Burnt to the ground." He spoke lowly.

"Good."

There was now an awkwardness in the air as John clearly wanted to say so many things but didn't know how to. Alice could guess what he was thinking anyway.

"I'm still going to punch your brother in his fucking face. I thought I was gonna die when Ergin was... and Tommy told me I'd be fine." Her voice was losing its confidence again as she thought of the fear she'd felt and she had to cut herself off to stop the shake from coming back. The anger in John's eyes was already blistering - he didn't need to hear how scared she'd really been.

He knew anyway, thinking back on the tales she'd told of Jones and how much it must've felt like being with him. He could never let that happen to her again. So, with a heavy exhale, he looked to his feet and then up again before speaking.

"I'm gonna drive you to the hospital, get those ribs sorted. We'll pick up Ada on the way to keep you company, I doubt you'll be there very long anyway." He instructed, moving across the room to get dressed as Alice lay with an irritated scowl.

She knew he was right but god she resented being told what to do - even by John.

"And what am I to do in the hospital? What about Tommy? I want to give him a piece of my mind." She moaned.

"You're to lay still, recover and stay safe." He replied before making his way back over to the bed with a small pile of clean clothes to pick from. "Don't you worry about Tommy, he's gonna get a piece of my, and probably even Pol's mind once I get my hands on him."

Alice sifted through the clothes, letting out an involuntary painful hiss as she moved out of the bed to get dressed.

The damage done to her body was clearer in the morning light illuminating the small room: dark bruises and vicious cuts. She looked even worse than John had realised in the dimness of the night before. He thought about the beautiful white dress she'd confidently galavanted in less than twenty four hours ago; how regal she looked even with a gun in her hand, how angelic she seemed. Now she didn't look much better than the men he'd seen at war.

Alice noticed his bewildered expression as she weakly pulled on a white shirt - the most comfortable from the pile - and found herself racking her brain for some words of comfort. She knew she looked bad and she knew John was worried but there was nothing to be worried about - atleast in her mind - she'd made it out alive, relatively unviolated and the blinders had won the battle.

Why did he care so much about her injuries? His intense gaze paired with the furrowed brows were starting to make her feel ugly.

"Stop looking at me like that, John. I'm fine." Her voice almost sounded angry, it probably would've come out a lot more intensely if she weren't so tired.

"Look at you like what?" He scoffed, watching her pull on a grey pair of trousers with an obvious attempt to keep a straight, unpained face.

"Like you're so... I don't know." She struggled to find the exact words as a pounding headache started to kick in. "Scared, or worried, or maybe even sad? Like I said, I'm fine and there's nothing to dwell on."

John scoffed at her again, louder this time and with more irritation. He looked to the floor with a tut before regaining the previous intense eye contact.

"You shouldn't be fine. You ain't fine! You should be upset, like you were just five minutes ago. But you go numb.. you go empty. It's like you don't even give a shit about yourself.. about what could've happened."

"What. Upset that a man could've forced his dick in me for the millionth fucking time? Or actually, finally killed me? La dee fucking da John! It didn't happen, so it don't matter. And even if it did why would it make a difference at this point? I'm already damaged goods, we both know that. So why do you care?"

The mood had drastically changed from the comfort of each others company to extreme irritation within a couple of seconds. Mood swings were a common part of being around Alice, yet John still found himself occasionally shocked by the intensity of them. Especially in this circumstance.

"Because I fucking love you, Alice! Jesus fucking Christ! What is actually wrong with you?" He raised his voice "You're actually fucked if you really think like that! Why don't you give a single fuck about yourself? Why aren't you angry?" A lash of agony laced his tone, every word she'd spoke landing like a knife into his chest.

"You think I'm not angry?" She scoffed this time, much more venomously than him. "I'm more angry than you could ever fucking know. I was kept prisoner for five years, John. I just learnt to hold it in."

"Well you don't have to hold it in anymore." He was desperate to quell her mood, to bring out her vulnerability again as atleast it meant she was human. But her defences stayed up and her expression mimicked one of a savage tiger, hissing and ready to pounce.

"Oh yes I do. Trust me. If I didn't, I'd never get to leave that hospital. I think you know that. Now let's fucking go and get it over with, Ada doesn't need to come, I can be left alone."

~~~~~

No more words were exchanged between the unofficial couple until they reached the hospital, both stubbornly side eyeing each other during the drive, secretly hoping the other would initiate the talk.

John didn't know what to say and Alice felt embarrassed to speak. Embarrassed that she'd panicked that morning, embarrassed that she'd then been rude and even more embarrassed that she'd even gotten hurt last night - having felt so certain of herself previously. All of these things made her weak - at least in her mind - and so she awkwardly kept her eyes to the ground as she struggled out of the car, holding in a pain filled groan.

Despite her attempts at hiding the breathlessness the forced silence was causing her, the observant man was instantly at her side, offering a hand by holding out his but still saying nothing.

With a defeated sigh, Alice intertwined her fingers with his and looked up into his eyes for a second before averting her gaze back to the floor. His sympathetic gaze could only be withstood for that long before she felt embarrassed again.

"I'm sorry." She sighed with an uncomfortable swallow of pride; not used to feeling so weak.

It surprised John as he was just getting ready to break the silence himself, unable to bear it any longer after a peak at her depressed expression. There was a lot he wanted to say in response, conflicting answers followed by questions, but they were both so tired that he decided against it.

"It's alright." He simply responded, a wooden pick balanced between his teeth. "Let's get this over with."

As they ascended the great stone steps to the lobby, Alice found herself needing to lean into John far more than she wanted to, once again feeling weak and embarrassed, unable to even keep eye contact with the receptionist as John demanded an immediate and private consultation - a big emphasis on those words only added to by the wad of cash gripped in his free hand.

God her cheeks were red by time she was being sat into a wheelchair, watching John whisper something to one of the nurses before they were quite ready to whisk her away. It wasn't hard to guess what he was saying, considering that Ada hadn't been picked up.

"Make sure she's not left alone."

So ashamed she could've cried on the spot and starting to completely disassociate, his face suddenly inches from hers made her jump as it took a second to register. She wasn't used to getting looked at with pity - it was usually the opposite - "or atleast it used to be" was all she could bitterly think.

"I'll go get Ada now." John's tone was still flat, struggling to maintain a calm composure himself. He tried to keep Alice's eyes on his with a deep stare, but once hers hit her lap they were seemingly anchored there; along with the corners of her mouth.

"You told the nurse not to leave me alone, didn't you?" What would usually come out as an intimidating sneer came out in a quiet sigh.

"Can you blame me?" His hand moved to stroke her arm but he stopped himself, swallowing and pausing for a moment before stepping away as he felt his emotions starting to badly brew again.

He didn't want to leave her, not even for an hour, in fact it was the last thing he really wanted to do. But the anger was becoming too much and he needed to let it out before he threw any of it at Alice - even if she was the cause of some.

So with a short, deep breath, he said "I'll see you later" in a tone so empty it shocked Alice for once, a friendly nurse wheeling her away but her words sounding like nothing as the woman's difficult thoughts reached max volume.

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traumadumpwriter · 2 months

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Heavy trigger warning for abuse, SA, assault, violence, self harm, mentions of r*pe

If you enjoy please don't forget to like, repost, comment. Give me feedback! | love to hear it!

I do update more frequently and there r already more chapters on my Wattpad @/slowlychanging!

Check out the other chapters by going to the Freedom tag on my page!

Freedom: A John Shelby Mini Fic

Chapter Nine: 4311 words

Hours passed until 'Go time' finally arrived and the adrenaline was just starting to kick in for Alice. She and Tommy were sat in silence as he drove her towards the agreed location - a seedy hotel just outside of town, ran by the Turks with a grand suite that Ergin often stayed in.

The window to his suite was visible from the street below; red velvet curtains pulled shut behind the thin glass panes. Alice was relieved that to see it was only on the second floor - knowing it to be her most likely route of escape incase things went wrong.

There were blinders surrounding the property, hidden in bushes and under cars, and the plan was clear in Alice's head. She could do this.

"We'll be an hour at most." Tommy spoke quietly, his eyes staring at a figure promptly coming towards the car.

After receiving strict instructions from him for the last hour, Alice found his voice to be extremely annoying and also looked to the figure, having nothing pleasant to say to Tommy.

A tanned man in a suit eventually came to the door on Alice's side, opening it with a smile and holding out his arm for her to take. She looked back at the Shelby one more time and he sent her a nod before sending her out into the cool night air, her hand placed gingerly on the arm of the small man.

Upon reaching the lobby, he stepped away from Alice with a polite nod and she suddenly found herself surrounded by an entourage of colourful characters; even the other women emitting an intimidating energy. They were all sat around a large table, decorated with intricate cloth, drinking from ornate glasses and laughing merrily. Alice looked around and tried to work out which one was Ergin, but had no luck - all of the men wearing similar, cream suits with no real distinction from each other.

A cough from the polite assistant quickly drew their eyes upwards and although they initially looked so unimpressed, the men's faces instantly softened upon seeing Alice - stood there like an innocent doe.

"The Shelby woman aye?" One of the men stood up with a grin and held out his hand for Alice to take, to which she quickly did. His accent was thick and he exuded suaveness. "Even more beautiful than I was told." He placed a kiss on her hand before pulling away and gesturing for her to follow him. "The boss's room is just up here, I show you."

"Thank you." She replied, being careful to smile and be polite but not too much - Tommy said it was important that she came across as unintelligent and innocent but still sexual and willing; a difficult mix to nail.

As she followed his path, she could feel all eyes on her; devouring the white, corseted dress and how it draped her frame perfectly. Polly had gotten her measurements and rushed into town to get it not long after the initial family gathering, worrying about Alice not looking the part. The older woman hated the plan and it had been even harder getting her approval than Tommy had originally anticipated, but she eventually caved in and agreed to help - citing the trickery and murder of Jones Buckley to be her main motivation. She owed it to Clara after all.

John on the other hand had disappeared from the house for hours, unable to handle the rage or betrayal his family had made him feel. Hidden, he watched Alice from a distance after she first tried on the dress; practicing her gun draw with Polly in the back street whilst the other Peaky boys rushed around preparing for potential bloodshed that night. The dress was absolutely beautiful on her and he struggled to watch, stepping away after a moment whilst painful thoughts started to ravage his brain again. There was no way he would ever forgive Tommy for asking this of her, and if she got truly hurt there was no way he'd ever forgive his family for allowing it.

Now he sat in tense silence, waiting for his signal to burst into the cellar and begin the raid, desperately praying that Alice would be okay.

Meanwhile, the woman was surprised by how pleasant the Turks had been to her, although she now suspected that things would change as the varnished door to the huge suite opened.

"Ah, Ms Buckley. You look incredible." Alice cringed at the name but nodded graciously to the man in front of her; his facial hair meticulously groomed and his suit black. "Do you mind if I call you that? Or are you a Shelby now?"

His tone was mocking and as Alice studied him, she realised he was one who'd been at the campsite that day - her face almost going red from anger and embarrassment.

"I'm my own woman now, you can just call me Alice." She answered with a sultry tone, eyeing his body in a way to suggest she didn't care if he eyed hers - even though she really just wanted to punch the man.

"And your name is?"

He chuckled slightly, staring her down as he closed the door behind her with a loud bang.

"My name is Maximus, Alice." He winked and patted her waist before leaning in to her ear. She expected an uncomfortable kiss to her neck, not the menacing tone that then quietly fell from his lips. "And I don't trust you one little bit.. I don't know how you escaped your husband, but I can have you sent back to him with the click my fingers, long before any of those Peaky brothers could find you. Don't forget that - whore." He almost spat that last word before suddenly standing straight again with a smile. "Now let's go see the boss, shall we?"

Alice didn't have time to even fully process his shocking words as another door was opened and they stepped deeper into the suite. She immediately spotted the red curtained window before she even looked at Ergin or his associate; both larger men, clad in expensive suits and golden jewellery. They had glasses of wine on the table in front of them, along with a pile of cards and an ashtray full of fat cigar butts. There was an empty chair opposite them and Maximus gestured for Alice to sit on it before leaving the room, leaving the three in silence for a moment.

Now she could ponder on the sinister man's words. She tried not to believe him, to keep her faith in the brothers, but a seed of doubt had now been planted and she was starting to accept that she would in fact have to sleep with these men if she wanted to stay alive - or atleast not get sent back to Jones. She'd rather die than have that happen.

Her panicked thoughts almost started to spiral until Ergin suddenly announced something to his friend in Turkish, instantly making her alert again. He cheered as he placed down a card - obviously winning whatever game they were playing - and then finally acknowledged the nervous woman in front of him.

"Sorry, I had to think about that move." He chuckled before meeting her eyes, his demeanour instantly softening. "Wow, look at this kadin, Aylin! Even more beautiful up close."

His friend, who Alice assumed to be named Aylin, laughed and nodded as he too studied the woman - staring as if she were an object and not a person.

"What you doing with a dog like John Shelby huh? You really just a whore like his brother says? I don't believe it." Ergin scoffed, once again sparking an anxious flame in Alice's belly that she had to quickly stamp out. "And what is this Maximus says about you being some kind of gypsy whore also? You are far too beautiful. I don't believe."

Alice was shocked by the seeming interest that Ergin had in her, taking a moment to collect herself before cooly replying "I thought I was here to dance with you, not be interrogated."

That seemed to surprise the men as they laughed again and exchanged few words in Turkish before Ergin leant forward and locked eyes with Alice again.

"I think you are an interesting woman.. The scars are something I like." Alice immediately went to pull down her sleeves as she realised they'd ridden up but he stopped her, his big hands enveloping hers with ease. "No no, don't cover, I said I like."

She didn't know how to respond to that. No one had ever liked her scars. A discussion about them wasn't what she had mentally prepared herself for. Instead, she was now thinking about how she would open the red curtain to send the signal without it seeming suspicious.

"It shows-" Ergin lit a cigar and placed it to his lips, drawing her attention again "-that you are not scared of pain. At least not pain inflicted by yourself. Am I right in this?"

Alice nodded slowly, unsure of where things could go from here. Her heart was racing and her handbag felt like a tonne weight placed gently on her thigh as she thought about the gun hidden inside.

"I want you to take off the dress and cut yourself right now then." His voice had a sudden firmness to it that paralleled to the friendly tone he'd shown a second prior.

With the four eager eyes on her, Alice knew she had no choice but to undress and started to slowly pull down her dress - the undergarments also being purchased in town by Polly that day. It was all white, a corset and frilly bra with matching garters and panties. Alice felt exposed but less exposed than she should've - so used to this objectifying treatment that it almost felt normal.

She took the small knife from Ergin's large, leathery hand and moved it to her thigh, taking a deep breath before making a quick red line. Even in such forced circumstances the pain felt a relief to her, visibly so as the two men let out another laugh and Ergin quickly snatched the knife back from her.

"Wow. You really like that huh? I didn't actually expect you to do it. Maybe you are a whore. Or maybe you are just crazy." He chuckled, earning an awkward forced chuckle back from Alice before his tone went serious again and he stood up. "Now dance with the knife. I want you to cut yourself with it as you dance. I expect all clothes to be gone by time the song is finished."

Alice's stomach dropped once she heard the record playing and felt the knife being placed in her hand again. Ergin was stood against the wall next to the phonograph - right by the window - whilst his friend remained leant into his cushioned seat, taking casual sips from his wine. Her eyes scanned the room desperately, looking for some kind of help, until she saw the mini bar in the corner.

"Do you not want me to make you a drink first? I thought I was meant to do that. I'm a barmaid you know." She fluttered her eyelashes and giggled, trying to act as if she was perfectly comfortable - a real whore like Tommy had obviously tried to sell her as.

"You can make any drink you want but know that you'll be testing it before either of us drink it. We're not stupid, Alice. Know this before you try anything told to you by Thomas Shelby."

"Fuck!" She started to mentally scream at herself as she realised nothing would go as smoothly as she'd hoped. She looked at the clock on the wall and saw it had only been seven minutes, she would have to think of a plan, fast.

As she sauntered over to the corner, Ergin called for Maximus to enter the room and she knew she'd have to pour the powder into the cups before the vulture like man was watching over her shoulder. So quickly, she pulled the vial from her bra and poured the white substance into each of the three glasses before covering it with whiskey - just as his thin frame reached her side.

She played it cool, pouring mixer into each of the drinks and stirring it with an ornate, metal spoon before she felt a hand gripping her thigh, instantly making her stop.

"You see? She is not a whore. Even one touch and she freezes up." Maximus scoffed. "I bet these drinks are poison too, go on, try one little lamb. Let's see."

Luckily, the drinks weren't too poison, just a tranquilliser, and Alice knew that if she just drank considerably less than them she would stand a better chance at staying awake than the men did. At least the older ones. They already seemed pretty drunk, after all.

"Fine, I'll show you. Maximus." She hissed his name and took a quick gulp from one of the glasses, earning an amused holler from the other two men.

"And the other one too-"

"Ah that is quite enough, my boy. A frightened whore does not perform as well as a comfortable whore. You will see this in a moment." Ergin cut him off with obvious authority, although there was enough care in his tone to imply a close bond between the two - perhaps uncle and nephew or father and son.

Either way, the younger man shut up immediately and stepped back, watching intently as Alice handed the drinks to the men. She now knew it was time to perform and stepped over to the phonograph before Ergin would stand up again to do so, earning a thankful laugh from his fat face as he and his friend lazily gawked at her.

As she gently placed the needle onto the record, she was careful to lean against the window and shift the curtain open - even it was only slightly - knowing that would be enough to let the boys below know the bosses were distracted.

That short feeling of relief was quickly replaced by the anxiety she'd been pushing down as the music started to play and she knew she couldn't postpone the dance any longer. Almost all forms of self harm had always been extremely appealing to Alice until this moment, awkwardly trying to cut her skin whilst remaining sexy and moving on beat. The men didn't care though, excited as she cut off her garters, corset and bra leaving only panties by time the song finished. Her mind had been miles away, not really seeing anything in the room as she danced, so when the trance ended with the music, she was relieved to notice their two cups empty although Maximus' remained full.

"Very nice, but remember what I said? All clothes off-" just as Ergin's instruction struck another deep pang of fear into Alice's chest, a loud bang followed by some shouts came from downstairs and all attention was averted.

"What the fuck was that? Max you go look!" Ergin demanded and the younger man immediately complied, shooting Alice a sharp glare before racing out of the room. From that point on everything moved fast. Too fast for her to properly comprehend.

All of a sudden, Alice felt a heavy force against her face and went flying to the floor, taking a second to realise that Ergin had hit her and was now bent down beside her. The woman could already feel the small amount of tranquilliser making her drowsy and so she knew that he would pass out any minute now - he had to - she just had to hold him off until one of the blinders arrived.

"What have you done, whore? What did you put in Aylin's drink? And what was that bang? You and the blinders have come up with some plan! What is it?" He grabbed her by her hair and pulled her face so that it was inches from his. Out the corner of her eye she could see that his friend had passed out so she just prayed that he would too - but he didn't.

"I said what have you done?" He repeated himself louder, spit flying from his mouth onto her face before he struck her again, once again sending her body to the floor.

She groaned in pain this time and struggled to move away as Ergin towered over her. There was blood all over her body already from the cuts she'd made, now some leaked from her mouth as her lip started to swell and she knew her face would be bruised the next day.

"You really think I drink a drink made by a Shelby whore?" He scoffed before kicking her hard in the ribs, earning another painful groan. "I may be fat and old. But I am not stupid."

From her position on the floor, Alice tried to take the knife off the table but Ergin quickly grabbed her hair again and dragged her around the room, to the chair she'd originally sat on. Memories of Jones flashed agonisingly through her brain every millisecond and she started to really hate Tommy for putting her up to this - yet hate herself more for agreeing to do it. John was right; she did love putting herself in danger. That was until the consequences of the danger hit her like they were right now.

"If he dies, I promise you will regret it very much." As Ergin spoke he placed bullets into a silver pistol, shaking and dropping some as he did.

Although his thick accent was still intimidating and booming, Alice realised he wasn't as powerful as he seemed and was in fact scared or at least nervous.

She looked around desperately for something to defend herself with, slowly regaining her hope; until she saw her handbag and felt a powerful surge of adrenaline. Just as he finished loading the weapon, Alice reached for the bag and pulled it to the ground with her, bloody hands desperately fumbling for the gun inside as she heard the violence downstairs.

"Hopefully that's the Blinders I can hear and not the Turks." Her thought was cut off by Ergin grabbing her again, this time by her neck, and pinning her against a wall. He squeezed tight and stared into her eyes as he did, watching the hope drain from them as the air did from her lungs.

She was almost convinced that these would be her final moments, staring into an ugly face - just as she had been with Jones so many times. Gradually, her body was going limp in his hand, her limbs feeling heavy as she thrashed against him, scratching and spitting like a wild animal.

"You planned ahead for this huh! What is the antidote for this poison? Tell me now!" He shouted, loosening his grip with wide eyes and letting her catch her breath for a second.

Her head was pounding and dizzy but it still worked fast.

"It's, it's in my dress. Sewn in. A small vile." She choked out, the noises downstairs getting louder and her body getting heavier.

As soon as the words left her mouth he dropped her and rushed to the crumpled white velvet by the phonograph, looking worriedly to Aylin before starting to desperately rip at the material.

"You stay there whore or I will kill every single member of the Shelby family, you understand?" He barked with his back facing her, but soon froze as he heard a gun cock and felt the metal pressed to the back of his head.

In that half minute, Alice had managed to get herself up, grab her gun and quietly slink over, leaving a trail of blood behind her on the already red carpet. There were few thoughts as she placed the gun to his head, only one real loud one that screamed "Fuck you!" He didn't deserve a chance to explain himself, he was a pig and now he was going to die.

"There's no antidote. It's not poison, it's a tranquilliser. Your friend would've been fine, you stupid fucking-"

"Please!" He cut her off with a loud beg but before he could let out another word she pulled the trigger - a loud bang echoing through the room.

It didn't move in slow motion like Alice thought it would, instead it was quick and sudden; skull fragments flying and a heavy thud. She'd never taken a life before and it was easier than expected.

Meanwhile downstairs, John heard the gunshot and even amongst the fighting in the lobby, he knew that it came from the suite. His blood immediately ran cold. The Blinders were winning and the Turks were massively outnumbered, but he felt no sense of victory until he knew it was Alice who fired that shot. He looked around the reception desperately, bloodshed all around him, until he spotted a waiter cowering in the corner - obviously not paid enough to be dealing with this.

Eyes wide, he grabbed the man's collar and shouted "Ergin's suite! Now!" to which the man immediately complied, taking him to the hidden staircase that lead directly to the exclusive room.

However, John hadn't been the only one to hear the gunshot. Maximus was already halfway up those stairs when he heard it, running as he reloaded his own weapon and prayed to God that his uncle was alive.

Upon opening the door, he was enraged to see Ergin dead and Alice stood with her gun to Aylin's head, about to shoot the passed out man until he suddenly tackled her, throwing her to the ground and pinning her down with bared teeth - foaming like a rabid dog.

"You fucking bitch!" He shouted, a guttural, grief filled scream as he started to violently shake her shoulders, banging her head against the floor. She was struggling to stay awake at this point and could feel herself slipping into darkness between each painful bump to the head. Still, she tried to fight back against him, punching, screaming and spitting. It was no use though.

He was in a trance like state, mad with grief, rage and shock, turning him into a complete animal with enough strength to break the girl's neck if he wanted despite his skinny frame.

"You evil fucking slut." He hissed, holding both her hands above her head with just one of his whilst the other groped her chest with such force that she screamed in pain. "You think you had it bad with the gypsy scum? Just you wait little girl." He dug in his nails so hard it drew blood, running them down her chest and digging into the fresh cuts made during her dance. There was definitely at least one broken rib he pressed into too, the pain becoming so intense that Alice could barely breathe as she cried out for help.

His hand finally reached her underwear, ripping them off in one swift motion despite her attempts at kicking him away. The feeling of his sharp nails drawing so close to her privates filled Alice with pure terror. A horrific scream left her lungs, followed by a loud sob.

But then suddenly he withdrew and his body was no longer on top of hers - giving her an immense sense of relief. That was until she heard John's voice calling her name and realised the psycho was going after him now.

"He's got a gun, John!" She desperately cried from the floor, her vision fading and not even certain her voice was loud enough for him to hear. She couldn't lift her head or keep her eyes open anymore, all she could do was listen as bullets started flying, empty shells flicking onto her naked body but from who she couldn't tell.

The room fell silent and there was a thud, sounding similar to the one Ergen made when he'd dropped dead earlier - instantly putting Alice's heart in her throat as she prayed it wasn't John's body she heard.

Apart from her own breathing and her heart thudding, she could hear nothing.

"Alice?" His thick Birmingham accent broke the silence and the woman instantly let out a relieved sob, alerting him to her position in the room and he immediately bolted over.

"Fuck." He muttered upon seeing her, more blood than skin visible, and quickly bent down to her side, ripping off his jacket to wrap around her. "Where'd they get you?"

His hands desperately searched her body for a bullet wound, shaking as he struggled to distinguish each injury from the next.

"Alice, where'd they get you?" He repeated, his voice cracking as his worst worries had seemingly come true.

"I-I'm not shot, John." She spluttered, almost laughing with relief. "They made me try the drink. I'll be fine."

Those were the final words she had the strength to say before passing out, much to John's incredible panic as he tried to shake her awake. It was after a few seconds of panic that he decided to believe those words - or at least try to - and he grabbed a blanket to wrap the woman in before rushing down the stairs with her in his arms, holding her tightly against his chest.

It only took a minute for him to get outside and into the closest getaway car, throwing himself into the passenger seat and shouting "Fucking drive!" to Isaiah.

"But Tommy told me to-"

John swiftly pressed his gun to the younger man's head, his pupils maniacally thin and sweat dropping profusely from his forehead.

"I don't give a fucking shit about Tommy! Fucking drive!"

This time the boy immediately complied, stepping on the gas and speeding away as the remaining blinders started the fire that would eventually burn the entire Turkish hotel to the ground - only leaving ashes behind.

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traumadumpwriter · 2 months

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I do update more frequently and there r already more chapters on my Wattpad @/slowlychanging!

Heavy trigger warning for abuse, SA, assault, violence, self harm, mentions of r*pe

If you enjoy please don’t forget to like, repost, comment. Give me feedback! I love to hear it!

Check out the other chapters by going to the Freedom tag on my page!

Freedom: A John Shelby Mini Fic

Chapter Eight: 2764 words

The next day, Alice awoke first, momentarily confused by her surroundings until she felt the comforting warmth surrounding her and smelt that familiar scent of tobacco and cinnamon. As she remembered the previous night, a grin formed upon her pink lips and a giddiness in her stomach. John's muscular arms were loosely laid across her body and his handsome head rested on the pillow beside hers.

A pale beam of early morning sunlight peaked through the curtains and illuminated his chiseled physique, bringing a grin to Alice's face and she almost let out an elated giggle, completely awe struck by the man.

Gently, she tried to remove his arm in order to go downstairs and make breakfast, but he groaned and held her tighter, half opening his eyes for a second and murmuring something before closing them again.

"I was gonna make us breakfast, I should probably get going soon." Alice whispered, unsure if John was actually conscious enough to understand her.

Another groan left his mouth before his eyes opened again, this time fully, and almost instantly a smile formed at the corners of his lips as he looked up at the woman beside him. Her hair was messy as was the loosely fitting pyjama top he'd lent her; the white cloth hanging from her chest revealing the outline of her breasts very clearly - especially in the cold morning air.

"Heavenly." He thought to himself before squeezing her tightly again and pulling her under the covers.

"No breakfast. Stay here." He grumbled, burying his face into her side.

Butterflies were going crazy in Alice's stomach as an involuntary blush formed on her face.

"I'm so lucky." She thought before sliding back down in the bed to face him.

His expression was still sleepy and she laughed quietly at that, warming back into his arms. She'd never felt so safe and comfortable beside a man before, let alone loved, and it almost felt too good to be true.

"Okay. But not for long. I have to get to work." She quietly responded, interlocking her fingers with John's before closing her eyes again.

"Nah you don't. I'll tell Arthur to fuck off." He smirked slightly, his eyes still open and watching Alice intently as she smiled at his response, sleepily sinking into the pillow.

She wasn't going to argue with that after all, who could resist a day off work spent in the arms of John Shelby?

So, she snuggled tightly into his chest with a happy sigh and drifted back to sleep again whilst John silently watched her for a while, feeling really hopeful for the first time in a long time.

The previous night couldn't have gone more perfect. From her carefree dancing; the gleam it gave her eyes and how it made his stomach whirl, to the romantic confessions and subsequent expression of love. He hadn't experienced bliss with a woman like that before, even continuing into the morning after - usually he had no interest in there even being a morning after.

The bliss didn't last for much longer though.

An hour later, just as John had drifted off to sleep again, the front door slammed open and in stormed Arthur.

"Ain't you been told to lock that door!" He shouted through the house, shocking Alice awake too.

John quickly pulled the blanket up to her neck as Arthur made his way upstairs - knowing he would also just storm into the bedroom without any consideration as he had into the house. His brother sounded angry which was a bad sign, so John rolled out of the bed in preparation for some immediate action.

"What's happening?" Alice whispered but Arthur's shout cut her off.

"Wake up John! And where's Alice-" his loudness was also cut off when he walked into the room, doing a double take and half smiling for a second before returning to his serious expression.

"Both of you needed now, Tommy's called a meeting. We're dealing with the Turks today." He spoke quickly and went to leave the room before John responded.

"What do you mean both of us? She ain't involved." John scowled at his brother as he buttoned up his shirt.

"You tell that to Tommy." Arthur scoffed before turning to Alice with an awkward nod and then leaving.

She too rolled out of bed and began getting dressed, matching John's speed as she sensed the urgency despite her confusion. A big part of her was excited, interested in the secrets of the family business and the lives they lived. Only a small part was nervous.

John on the other hand was full of dread, his blissful morning now becoming a potentially hellish one. His silence alerted Alice to his worry and she moved to comfort him, interlocking her fingers with his before heading out the front door.

"I'm sure it'll be okay John." She softly spoke before placing a gentle kiss on his lips "I have faith in you."

A small smile began to tease at the corners, but her beautiful, innocent eyes soon brought them back down as he thought about the horrors they'd already seen and now the new horrors his desensitised brother potentially wanted to introduce.

With a heavy sigh, he planted a kiss on the top of her head before mumbling "Just don't agree to anything stupid" and opening the heavy wooden door.

The walk to the family home was swift and silent, only being a road away, and the air was thick when they arrived.

Polly sat at the table, smoking a cigarette and impatiently tapping her fingers against the varnish whilst Tommy and Arthur were stood still, leant against their chairs. All eyes landed on Alice and the silence was becoming unbearable as she realised things might be more serious than she'd thought.

"What's going on then?" John took a sharp intake of breath and stared at his brother with thin eyes, drawing the stares from Alice to him.

"Ergin was at that club last night. Saw the two of you having a great time." Tommy answered with an equally unfriendly gaze.

"Well I didn't see him. Didn't see any Turks in fact. And what's it matter if I did? Weren't their territory."

Tommy was silent for a moment, a million thoughts going through his head as he looked at his younger brother - projected through his icy glare - and then he turned to face Alice.

"One of his men recognised you. They know your husband, Jones Buckley; said they started business recently."

Instantly, the heavy feeling in John's gut doubled and Alice's tripled, her hands starting to shake slightly even at the mention of the man. God, it had been a long time since she heard the last name he'd forced onto her, and it made her feel sick. She wondered how Jones could've even come into conversation, how a man associated with the Turks would've ever even have seen her with him before.

But then a painful memory of a tanned man visiting the campsite in search for a cheap whore struck her, and she realised that there had been a man at the club last night who had seen her at her most vulnerable - and she hadn't even noticed him.

That made her feel more sick, even more scared, although those feelings quickly deflected into anger.

"So this is kind of a two birds with one stone situation, if you agree of course." Tommy continued, grounding her to reality again.

"What do you mean, Tommy? Agree to what?" Alice quickly spoke in an uncertain tone.

He took a sharp drag on his cigarette before continuing, not looking at all at his younger brother despite the intense glare he was sending his way. John's mind was also racing; the reveal of the secret last name making him feel even worse than he thought it would. That and the fact that Tommy found it out before he did.

"You distract Ergin and his closer men while we take care of his soldiers. He wants you to dance and fuck. I told him he could for a night-"

"Are you fucking mad!" John finally snapped and shouted, cutting Tommy off and storming towards him, much to Alice's shock. Arthur quickly stepped between the two as John's fists started to ball and Tommy resumed his standard, unamused face.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me Tommy. You're taking the fucking piss-"

"Let him finish!" Polly loudly interrupted John and put the room into silence again.

Tommy cleared his throat, turning back to Alice before continuing. "You wouldn't actually have to sleep with him, or anyone, he just thinks you will. I've got something for you to put in their drinks, it'll take fifteen minutes to kick in, if he tries to have you in that time I've got a gun you'll be able to hide in a handbag but the blinders should be in the room before anything happens-"

"So you want me to potentially murder multiple men for you, at a relatively high risk to myself?" Alice interrupted him with a raised eyebrow, sensing how bad Tommy wanted - maybe even needed - her to do this task and enjoying the power it gave her over him. The part about her husband gave her an intense pang of anxiety again though, what did he have to do with all of this? It couldn't be good.

"What do I gain from this? What does my husband have to do with anything?" Her voice sounded cool now despite the anxiety she really felt.

Everyone was slightly taken aback to hear her call him her husband - everyone except for John. She'd never spoken about her time away to anyone in the room other than him and it remained somewhat of a mystery to everyone else. All they knew was that he was a bad man - a bad man that John was desperate to kill - and certainly hadn't earned the title of 'husband'.

Of course, Tommy showed no reaction though and continued talking calmly - as if he wasn't actually mentally praying for her to agree to the plan. He and Arthur had worked out the initial part of catching Ergin's attention, they just weren't counting on her and John's revenge plan falling into the mix - although it potentially made the plan even more perfect.

John on the other hand, completely uninformed, was horrified, angrier at his brother than he'd ever been and terrified of something happening to Alice. He stood in silence though, waiting for her to refuse Tommy's offer and put his mind at ease. Slight ease. There were still a million questions he had to ask his brother, most regarding the identity of Jones Buckley - the full name that he hadn't even coaxed out of Alice yet.

"Cut off the original supplier, Jones will return to see them eventually, have no choice but to come to us. Then we can-"

"Then we can kill him too." She cut him off, everything finally clicking into place.

The two stared intensely at each other, Alice thinking over his words and Tommy hoping he'd said the right ones. Their dominant stares - their distrustful bargaining, it felt uncomfortably similar to that night in The Garrison with David. Getting Alice involved in Peaky business wasn't something Tommy felt great about, but in the long run it would surely be worth it as this was the perfect opportunity to get to the Turks and Jones.

"How much you paying me for this?" She finally spoke, much to John's immense but silent annoyance. He wished he could be shocked that she was so willing to put herself in danger, but he wasn't. Instead, he was irritated at both her and Tommy - mentally cursing his brother. Then he looked around the room and saw the lack of shock on Arthur and Polly's faces.

"Bloody bastards, they're in on it too. Arthur purposely sent me to that bar last night. And Pol, how could she support this?"

"Eight pounds if it all goes right." Tommy replied.

"Where and when?"

"Their hotel, seven o'clock, today."

She only thought for a second before responding "Deal."

At that word, a white hot rush of dread and rage surged through John's body and a heavy exhale left his nostrils as he thinned his eyes at everybody in the room, except for Alice. He couldn't even look at Alice; so disappointed in her decision but knowing he had no right to stop her and that trying to would just make her more determined.

So instead, he said nothing and walked out of the house, his hand going straight into his pocket for a cigarette and lighter. He felt betrayed by his family and worried sick for his lover; tutting and shaking his head at the ground as he kicked at the small rocks around him.

"Arthur purposely recommended that bar to me. They knew the Turks would be there. They somehow knew that Ergin would want Alice." His furious trail of thoughts didn't last long as he heard Alice exiting the family home.

She called his name as she caught up to him but his gaze remained on the rocks below.

"John! I'll be fine! You needn't stress!" She smiled once she reached his side, looking up at his face as he purposefully didn't look at hers.

"We've still got hours. Why don't I make us some breakfast?" Her tone remained cheerful, desperately hanging on to that morning's bliss despite John's evident drastic mood change.

A heavy sigh left his lips before he finally spoke, still staring straight ahead.

"I told you not to agree to anything stupid." He muttered bitterly.

"Well I don't think I have." Her tone was still soft although her hope for a happy breakfast with John had dwindled. "Can I have a cigarette?"

Promptly, he handed her the box, finally making eye contact before exhaling a plume of smoke and tutting.

"Tommy's a cunt for putting you up to this. Ergin's a dangerous man, it's not gonna be as simple as you think it is." His voice was low and his expression stoic.

"All I've ever known is dangerous men. Yourself included."

"Not like this you haven't. I'm serious, Alice. If he catches on to the plan he will kill you.. And even if he don't, who's to say you're able to kill him before he gets his way with you? Why would you even agree to risk that?"

"I don't know." She scoffed lightly. "Maybe because this is the path to my husband that we need. This is what you wanted last night. And besides, I'm confident that I can kill Ergin-"

"You've never killed anyone before! Let alone a gang boss! Or atleast I don't think you have but who fucking knows!" John erupted with sudden volume, earning another unimpressed scoff from the woman. "If you had any fucking sense you would've told Tommy to fuck off, fuck off Jones, fuck off the money! You cannot do this Alice-"

"Oh I can't, can't I?" She cut him off with volume to match his own, thinning her eyes and putting her left hand on her hip as she sucked down the cigarette with the right one. "I'm not some kind of delicate fucking victim, John! Nor am I your wife. So think twice before telling me what I can and can't fucking do! I'm just trying to help your family whilst getting my own revenge too. Like Tommy said, two birds one stone.. I thought you'd appreciate it."

John threw his cigarette to the ground and stepped on it, resuming his previous stare into the stoney backstreet of Watery Lane instead of Alice's pale face.

"Why would I ever appreciate you putting yourself in danger? It's like you want bad stuff to happen to you.. I don't bloody get it." He muttered.

"But last night, you said I could kill Jones. Isn't this just a step to that?"

"I might've said it but I didn't mean it! No more blood needs to be on your hands! Only mine!"

Alice stood in silence for a few seconds, more irritated with John than she'd ever been. There were so many things she wanted to angrily spew but she didn't have the energy. Her mind was focused on the task before her now and so she decided to walk away - ignoring John's rude tut.

"I'll see you later." She spoke in a flat tone as she went back into the family house, where Arthur was waiting to give her every detail necessary for the plan to work.

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traumadumpwriter · 2 months

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Heavy trigger warning! This story includes heavy themes of ab*se, r*pe, self h*rm, mental illness and violence.

You can check out the other chapters by going on the Freedom tag on my page!

All likes and comments are massively appreciated

Freedom: A John Shelby mini fic

Chapter Seven: 5217 words

Alice had stayed leant into John's side for the whole walk home, his arm on her waist making her feel safe in the dark Birmingham streets. They were both still covered in blood, illuminated in the occasional fire or streetlamp - but of course no passerby dared to question them.

John felt extremely protective of Alice, wanting to get her home as soon as possible and away from the preying eyes of men. He was hardly surprised that David was stupid enough to have attempted the vile act - having an intense dislike for the man instantly upon first glance - but with him, Tommy and Arthur in the building; that was incredibly stupid.

"He's lucky he's still fucking alive. Should've bloody killed him. Shouldn't have let Alice get her hands dirty. Should've taken her into the back room and then shot the cunt myself." His thoughts began to fester and he started to feel irritation and self doubt until Alice's voice broke the still air.

"You know, one of the first nights I came back, I had a dream about you." She sounded amused; like she was telling a joke rather than admitting a deep subconscious desire. "I only ever really had nightmares, so I took it as a sign."

He wanted to tease her, to ask if it were dirty. But he found himself unable to talk as her rapid mood swings once again left him temporarily dumbfounded. He didn't know wether to comfort her or be scared of her.

Alice on the other hand, was just happy to be in John's arms; the nightmare of that day quickly fading from her mind as she focused on the handsome man, unaware of his stress.

"I was in the caravan, dark and alone. Then I was falling, like the floor just disappeared or something, and suddenly I was on the high street, surrounded by all these people... I was trying to get through the crowd, away from my husband. He was chasing me and I was shouting out for someone to help me, but no one did." John's eyes flicked from her lips to the pavement ahead as she spoke, intently listening to each word but also paranoid of any man who drew too near.

"Then you were there.. And you took my hand. And everything was okay." She playfully scoffed before looking up at John. "Do you ever dream?"

He sighed. On any other day the realisation that he'd seeped into her subconscious as a knight in shining armour would surely give him quite the kick, but today was a bad day. He was tired and stressed out; his mind going from one bad place to another. And her question didn't help, it seemed tedious compared to the real troubles on his mind.

"Yeah. I dream." He replied bluntly. "Bad ones usually."

His annoyance was clear in his tone and Alice immediately stopped walking, crossing her arms.

"Why are you angry? Is it me? Did you lie?"

He turned to her with an equally annoyed look. "Lie about what?"

"About being okay with what I just did."

Another sigh escaped his mouth although this one was more of a groan as he looked down at her subtly insecure face.

"No, I'm not exactly feeling fine and dandy about you doing Blinder work, nor you slitting your wrist in front of us like it were nothing.. But I didn't lie, the cunt had it coming." He answered.

"So why the mood then?" It was almost like she hadn't heard anything that had come out his mouth other than 'I didn't lie' - it was all she'd asked for after all.

"Because of what I just said. You shouldn't be doing blinder work, it ain't right." His voice got louder before going quiet again as he started to rant more to the sky than to Alice. "I should've gutted him that first night he was in there giving you hassle. Then he would've never had the chance to bother you tonight. And I should've taken that bloody knife out of your hand before you did anything stupid."

"You shouldn't blame yourself." She cut off his ramble and stepped towards him, gesturing to continue their walk home. "I liked it."

He hesitated before putting his arm back around her; feeling almost uncontrollably submissive to her gaze. But he did it nonetheless and started to walk again. The house was only a minute away.

"Yeah I could see that." He let out an awkward tut. "And that's not the point."

"So, what is the point?"

There were a million and one points. All of which he knew would fall onto deaf ears. Alice clearly wasn't feeling particularly receptive that night and she could be hard to get a point across to on her good days. The only thing that really, truly mattered in that moment was that he had her in his arms and she was safe.

"It doesn't matter." He grumbled before sliding the key into the front door. "Just don't fucking cut yourself again, you could've hit a vein or artery or something."

He didn't look at her, instead choosing to focus on the door when he spoke those words. It made him feel awkward, giving an instruction like that to her as if she were a child.

"It's not like she'll listen anyway." He thought sourly but then she suddenly stood up on her toes and planted a short kiss on his lips, changing his tone instantly.

"If it makes you feel better I won't cut my arms." Looking up through her thick lashes with genuine, palpable care, John let the knot in his stomach loosen slightly and a smile tug at the corners of his lips.

"Or just don't cut anywhere." He said with another sigh before softly planting a kiss on her forehead.

This kiss was longer as he held her for a moment, taking in all that had happened that day from start to finish; it had been a blood soaked one and he needn't think of anymore.

"I suppose you'll be boiling the water for a bath." He said once he pulled away. "Given the state of you and all."

Alice would've usually scoffed or rolled her eyes at such a comment but she could tell that John was feeling sensitive so she refrained from it, instead smiling up at him with star filled eyes. There were a few spots of blood on his face - light splash back from David or herself - but mostly it was his hands and shirt that were stained red.

"Yeah I was gonna. You too I'm guessing?"

"Yeah. I'd invite you to join me if you weren't such a danger to knobs."

This did earn an eye roll, playful though as they finally stepped in the front door.

"Yeah yeah. Count yourself lucky."

—————

A few weeks later and that incident had put some more pep in Alice's step. It had made her feel stronger and prouder - more back to her old self.

She'd even bragged about it to Ada, about how she could've killed the man in a swift move if she'd wanted but had shown the restraint to not do so. Her friend had mixed feelings about the whole situation, as did Polly who'd heard of it through Arthur.

The matron of course said nothing about it to Alice; mostly stewing silently on her worries for the girl and the guilt it brought. There had been one time she'd discussed it with Tommy in his dimly lit office.

"You three just let her cut her wrist, then you didn't even kill the bastard who tried force himself on her. What if she'd gone too deep and bloody died?" She hissed, watching Thomas take a deep drag of his cigarette as he thought over her words, his face devoid of emotion as per.

Finally he replied "But she didn't" earning an irritated tut from his aunt.

"Do you even care? You know that your brother is completely in love with her and is no doubt going to ask to marry her. Does that mean nothing to you?"

Another sharp inhale of smoke before he spoke, meeting Polly's intense gaze.

"You're not the only one who made a promise, Pol."

"But I'm the only one who seems to bloody care about keeping it!"

Ada on the other hand had expressed direct concern to Alice but it fell upon deaf ears as she insisted she was fine and that her self inflicted injury was "no big deal."

When Alice wouldn't listen, she vented to her husband instead. He'd been around more as the summer ended and autumn drew near, buying Karl and Ada new warm hats and gloves and it almost made Ada forget how much she hated him when he was away. It wasn't until she told him about light details of the David incident that she remembered why she hated him so.

"At least she can defend herself." She had protested to Freddie, after ranting and shortly regretting it as he called Alice a litany of insults.

"The girl is a fucking psycho. You need to stay away from her. And keep her away from Karl!" He'd demanded, causing a huge fight between the two.

Meanwhile, John had been trying not to worry about her but struggling not to. The image of the woman slicing her wrist with no apprehension, no fear, no reaction, had embedded itself in his brain and with it a litany of new fears.

He always knew that she was unpredictable and he always knew that she'd done things like that as a kid, he'd seen it for gods sake.

But seeing it now was different. It wasn't a distant shock anymore; something that could be ignored and left for someone else to deal with. Instead it was at the forefront of his mind as everyday he realised more and more that he really loved this woman, she wasn't just some fantasy anymore - and as much as he wanted to hurt any man who dare even approach her - she was her own biggest threat.

"I just don't bloody get it." He sighed to Arthur after a long day at the shop. Alice was still serving pints from the bar and chatting merrily to customers whilst the two spoke in their booth.

"Why the fuck would you want to do that shit to yourself? It's like she don't care if she dies or not!"

Arthur also sighed, wanting to comfort his brother but having no good answers.

"I don't bloody understand it either." He muttered before taking a big gulp of his drink. "Maybe one day it'll make sense."

"Nah." John quickly protested with a scoff, his eyes remaining fixed on the wooden hatch in the wall, like she would reappear through it at any moment with a fresh drink. "She hides things. I don't even wanna know what she does to the rest of her body-"

Arthur let out a rude chuckle to interrupt him, banging his drink down on the table before proclaiming "What, you mean you're this soft for a bird and you ain't even fucked her?" with a typical manly leer.

John shot him a sharp glare, tutting and nodding sarcastically as he started to feel a defensive anger rush to his head like air to a balloon.

"Look, don't fucking talk about her like that, alright?" He aggressively raised his voice, much to the somewhat surprise of his brother.

Then all of the air was gone. He was at a loss for words again, as too often seemed to be the case with Alice.

"She ain't like that.. she- she-" John started to stammer and then paused for a moment, trying to condense all his thoughts into one sentence. It was through scouring his mind that he suddenly remembered the rage he'd had for Jones and how he was the one who made her like this. He was the one to be blamed.

"The fucking scum bag who took her.. he did some real rotten stuff that I don't think she's ever gonna forget." John finally finished with a bitter sneer before downing his drink.

"Well why haven't we bloody blinded the cunt?" Arthur retorted.

Another frustrated sigh fell from his brothers lips.

"I fucking sent Johnny Dogs on the trail. Can't bloody find him." He answered shortly. "And if Johnny can't find him, how are we gonna?"

"Bloody ask her mate."

"She don't talk about none of that.. but I wanna make things serious. I think she's my one." His demeanour became more solemn as he confessed to his brother.

Whilst their conversation got more intense, Alice was on the other side of the wall blissfully unaware. It had been fifteen days since the incident with David and John had spent most nights with her since. When the clock hit eleven and Alice was closing the pub, he'd turn up at The Garrison to make sure she was walked home safe. Or if the path was clear, they'd end up talking for hours between free liquor and passionate kisses.

She hoped that tonight would be one of those nights, daydreaming amongst pouring drinks. But alas, John kept ordering and ordering yet never inviting her in which struck her as peculiar, especially as the night drew to a close.

"Are him and Arthur really just getting wankered by themselves on a Tuesday?" She thought, slightly amused despite her disappointment.

John answered her internal question by suddenly slamming open the cubby door, drawing all attention to the brothers for a second before everyone meekly returned to their conversations. His eyes instantly went to Alice's and a smug smirk crossed his lips once he saw that she too was intensely watching him.

It was like she could read his mind, a blush forming on her face as she realised he'd caught her staring. Not that it really mattered, but his smirk made her feel like it might.

He stepped over to her with a drunken swagger, going straight behind the bar and grabbing her hand.

"John! What are you-" She started to ask but he leant in close and moved his other hand to the small of her back.

"Arthur will close up. Come with me." He whispered in her ear, sending a quick wave of shivers down her spine. The smell of liquor on his breath almost sent her into a panic as a reel of bad memories flashed before her eyes, but that panic was quickly subsided by John's comforting, tobacco and cinnamon laced scent swinging her back into reality.

"Okay." She nodded and squeezed his hand to which he immediately grinned and pulled her away, swiftly leading her through the front door and out into the street.

There was an apparent gleam of excitement across John's face - something that made Alice giggle and her stomach flip.

"Where are we going?" She called to him from behind as he pulled her forward.

He carried on pacing through the road without a word until they reached his automobile and he smirked "We're going to go dance."

"I've not got a dancing dress, shoes nor any makeup! You've given me no time to prepare." She tutted, although a smile did remain on her face.

"You don't need none of that looking lovely as you are."

After slight persuasion, John swung the car around to Ada's so that Alice could borrow something more appropriate to wear, impatiently beeping outside as he waited.

Inside, Ada was rummaging through her wardrobe and chatting excitedly to Alice as she held Karl - much to the silent displeasure of Freddie who was just laid on the bed listening to their gossip, knowing an argument would later ensue.

When Alice finally stepped out of the house clad in a black, sequinned dress that rested a few inches above her knees, John's jaw almost dropped and the beeping immediately halted.

"I've not got anything on my face, done nothing to my hair." She complained, placing her work plimsoles in the backseat before sliding into the passenger side. "I look a bloody mess."

The man didn't immediately respond, mentally noting her statement as ridiculous and becoming distracted by the vision before him. His eyes ran down her legs slowly and sweetly like sticky toffee, a smirk twinging at the corners of his lips when he finally reached her borrowed shoes and saw the three inch heels attached to them. It was then that his eyes went back to hers and he finally replied with a smug expression.

"You look fucking gorgeous.. and I'm the one who gets to show you off tonight, how lucky am I?" He grinned, making Alice blush and giggle.

"You're such a gentleman John. It's a wonder no one else got to you before me." She doted and he almost drunkenly said the same back to her before quickly closing his mouth, remembering 'someone did get to her before me.'

He tried to laugh it off and think of something else to say but Alice noticed his awkward change up and it only took her a few seconds to suss out what words he'd stopped himself from saying.

"You're gonna have to show me the ropes of this dancing business-"

"You were going to say the same to me until you remembered my husband, weren't you?" She cut him off plainly, once again earning an awkward silence from John as he scraped his brain for what to say back.

"It's okay. I know I'm damaged goods." She continued with a scoff before a playful smile sprung from her lips and she lightly tapped John "I was just kidding. What's the sour face for?"

He was annoyed now. Why did she have to say stuff like that? And then have the nerve to expect anyone to be okay about it?

"But you weren't kidding and even if you were, it ain't funny Alice. And why do you still call him your husband? Ain't like he earned that." John hissed but Alice still remained amused.

"Does it make you jealous?" She teased.

John tutted and pulled a disgusted face. "Of that cunt? Are you fucking serious?" His volume raised slightly and his eyes sent daggers, sending a sudden pang of anxiety through the previously cocky woman.

Still though, she had to keep up a facade so she stayed cool, staring back at John with an equally intense gaze.

"What's it matter if I was?" She raised an eyebrow.

That visibly annoyed him more.

"Stop fucking doing this, Alice! You can't just say shit like that and expect me to say nout about it! And then all of these fucking bullshit answers and riddles when I ask you anything! I'm trying to help you, I wanna help-"

"Well I didn't ask for help!" She interrupted him sharply. "And it's not like you tell me anything about how you're feeling or what you've gone through!"

John was visibly taken aback by that.

"See. You think I don't know, but I do. I see it. The war in your eyes. The war you've carried on fighting even after coming home. Why don't we talk about that? Why don't you tell me how you truly feel right now?"

Thick silence filled the car, Alice brewing with irritation whilst John sat motionless in thought, trying to compile the right sentence from the many words jumping around his head.

"Not so easy when it's about you, is it?" The woman broke the silence snidely, crossing her arms.

John instantly replied this time, an answer finally coming to him and leaving no space for quiet as he plainly said "So you wanna know how I feel right now then?"

All of the hope that had been sucked from Alice in the moments prior was now making a slow return. His eyes locked onto hers were showing a vulnerability he'd never shown, so she almost smiled as she quietly responded "Yes. Tell me."

"I feel like, I want to take things further.. but you've still got secrets and a husband... and I feel like he still owns you." The words struggled to come out, feeling as bad to say as they were to hear.

Alice's heart had been lifted and then crushed all within a few seconds.

"John.. I... He's dead to me." She stammered, feeling stupid and rejected, trying to hold back a wave of emotions.

"Say his name then. Or the name he gave to you."

Another thick silence.

"Exactly. He ain't dead to me. You can't even say his name it scares you that bloody much. I-I've got to kill him Alice." John's tone was intimidatingly serious but went soft towards the end as he saw her demeanour crumble.

For some reason, tears started to fall from her eyes upon hearing that. Maybe it was the fact that John cared that much about her; the intense realness of his emotion, or maybe it was the overwhelming fear of the man they were speaking of. Either way, she was more embarrassed than ever and quickly turned to open the car door but John stopped her, lightly grabbing her arm and pulling her towards him.

"Stop it John, I'm a bloody stupid disgrace and I need to go. Find another girl to dance with." She quietly cried, looking down to avoid meeting his gaze as she gave his pull no resistance.

It pained him so much to see her like this; full of self hatred and suffering because of something done to her by an evil person. The conversation had sobered him up and he'd lost most of the confidence that he'd been building up with each bottle in the hours prior.

However, he knew he still needed to say it - he still needed to tell her the truth. Arthur's earlier words rang through his head; "Tell her before it's too late, before she leaves again or does something unfixable to herself!"

He took a deep breath, placing his hand on her shoulder and squeezing it.

"Look at me, darling." He said quietly and she slowly lifted her head, her glistening eyes meeting his steely ones.

"You're none of those nasty things you say about yourself... I fucking love you, Alice. I've been dreaming of you ever since you left and I don't wanna dance with no one else... I recon I want you to be my wife someday-"

Her heart jumped into her throat and the world felt frozen. Did he really just say that? She was too shocked to even smile, instead interrupting him with a wide eyed "Really?"

"Yeah. Of course. Why wouldn't I?" He grinned before nervously adding "Is that not what you want?"

Finally, she was able to relax and grin, her tears quickly drying up "Of course that's what I want" moving her hand to cradle John's face.

In the dim light, they shared a slow and passionate kiss, fingers intertwining and heartbeats racing. The romantic atmosphere was cut short though by John pulling away and sighing "But as I said before; it's all someday. There's some things I need to do first and killing that bastard is one of those."

Alice scoffed.

"Why? Because he's still my husband in the eyes of some questionable God? Or because he took a part of my body? 'Cus if that's why, you've got a long list." She was regaining her confidence and talking nonchalantly, unintentionally sending a dagger into John's gut.

"It's because I fucking love you Alice, didn't you hear me? And I'm gonna kill every fucking bastard who ever laid a finger on you. You understand?" His irritation was bubbling again despite his straight face and it suddenly began to make sense to Alice; John's desire to kill Jones.

Was this love? The real love that she'd only ever dreamed of or read about? Was she really lucky enough to have a man care for her this much?

And It's not like she didn't also have a deep desire to see Jones dead. But she never expected anyone else to care, let alone this much.

There were so many worries racing through her mind though, the fear of seeing Jones again, the worry that they wouldn't find him and therefore John might refuse to be with her. The pressure was immense.

But with a sharp inhale and quick dab of her eyes, the brunette nodded and declared "I'll help you find them, but I want to be the one to kill him."

—————

Despite the earlier intense conversation, by the time they reached the club, the mood was cheery and playful again. Both felt completely enamoured by each other, hands constantly intertwined or roaming further onto their bodies - especially as they danced. The club was quite busy; small and cosy with warm lighting and yet having an air of snobbery, like it were a secret club that the pair shouldn't have stumbled into. They didn't mind though, ignoring the whispers and looks as they laughed the night away.

John's words kept repeating in her head, giving her butterflies as she looked into his eyes and pictured being his wife. His protective arm and gentle patience had finally made her feel unconditionally safe with the man- along with a couple drinks - and she found herself uncontrollably lustful for him; even more so than she'd been before.

Now she felt ready. He'd said he loved her for goodness sake. There's no way he'd hurt her.

With a grin, she removed her arms which were draped loosely around his shoulders and grabbed his hand - this time being the one to lead him out of the building.

"Why we leaving beautiful? I's about to get us another drink." John mumbled in her ear, planting kisses to her neck between each word.

"Because I love you. And I want you." She replied, looking straight ahead as they headed towards the automobile.

John's steps almost halted. It had slightly upset him earlier that she didn't say it back, but he'd managed to keep it hidden as her emotions felt more important than his. Even as they'd danced and kissed, he'd secretly been worrying that he'd confessed too soon and she didn't really feel the same way.

A satisfied smirk set across his face once her statement had fully settled in; the spark in his belly now a full fire. He beamed and span Alice to face him, planting a big kiss on her lips before they climbed into the car.

"Where are we going?" He swallowed, Alice's hand teasingly trailing along his thigh.

"Yours, I guess." She smirked confidently, taking her hand away from him to grab a cigarette from the small compartment in the car.

He instantly missed her touch and craved to feel it again, almost feeling like he was being deprived of oxygen. It only took a second for him to put the keys in and start speeding down the road.

Upon reaching John's house, the two were attached to each other even before opening the front door; one of John's hands running down Alice's back whilst the other fiddled with his key.

Once the large door was open, Alice practically shoved him inside; giggling before lacing her fingers through his as he lead her to his bedroom.

The house was small and quiet, only the sounds of their footsteps being heard until they reached the bedroom. She'd passed out on his sofa after talking into the late hours on a few occasions now, but she'd never gone upstairs.

Alice looked around the room slowly, it wasn't much less bare than the room he had at the family house - beige walls and a wooden floor with aged furniture, decorated by the occasional photograph or doily.

"You like it?" John spoke from his sat position on the edge of the bed, snapping her attention back to him.

When their eyes connected she felt her stomach flip and the butterflies she had return tenfold.

"It's okay." She laughed slightly "Could do with some more things on the wall."

"What kind of things?" He replied, his eyes hungrily running up and down her body but his tone suddenly becoming awkward.

Alice realised that she was going to have to initiate whatever happened next - John was obviously either too intimidated or trying to be a gentleman. In truth, it was a mix of both.

"You don't care about that. Let's fuck." She shortly answered with a smirk, shocking John for a second before a heavy wave of relief rushed through him and a grin crossed his face.

She quickly moved to straddle him and his hands instantly started to roam her body, small moans escaping his mouth as their crotches started to grind against each others.

"Take off the dress." He mumbled after a minute, releasing his hands from her arse and his lips from her neck.

"You have to get undressed too. I don't want to be the only one exposing myself." She insecurely returned, earning a smirk from John.

He undid his shirt and pulled off his trousers with no issue, whilst Alice stood awkwardly beside the bed - still fully clothed.

Once he noticed her seeming uncomfortableness, his smirk dropped into a concerned frown and he asked "What's up with you?.. If you want to stop we can stop."

"No. It's not that." Alice quickly replied, swallowing at the sight of his chiseled chest leading all the way down to the bulge in his underwear. "I- I, I just don't know if I'm going to look good."

It made him sad to see the beautiful woman so full of self doubt.

"I wish you could see what I see" He tutted "cus' you're the most gorgeous woman I ever known."

The sincerity in his eyes and voice made her blush and she looked away before starting to unzip her dress, mentally building herself up again. Every second she took to pull it down felt like a minute for John and when the fabric finally dropped he couldn't tear his eyes away.

Her body was as heavenly as he'd imagined, especially as she slowly removed her bra. But his fears were true; she was covered in brutal, angry scars and not all of them looked self inflicted. There were also relatively fresh red lines marking her thighs.

Those weren't things that needed addressing in that moment though, in fact he'd expected it, so he quickly pushed the thoughts away and focused back on her beauty. His hands and lips quickly found themselves back on her body as she moved to straddle him again.

"Fucking hell Alice, you are fucking beautiful." He looked up from her breasts to her face, planting a long kiss on her neck and moving a hand to kneed one of her breasts whilst the other held her waist.

A quiet moan escaped her mouth and she giggled slightly as she started to grind against him. Her mind was focused on nothing but John and his on her. She too felt enamoured by his body, impressed by his skills in the bedroom and the way he made her feel at ease - even as he finally penetrated her.

The night lasted a while until they eventually fell asleep in each others arms, completely exhausted, comfortable and happy.

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traumadumpwriter · 6 months

Text

Heavy trigger warning! This story includes heavy themes of ab*se, r*pe, self h*rm, mental illness and violence.

You can check out the other chapters by going on the Freedom tag on my page!

All likes and comments are massively appreciated

Freedom: A John Shelby mini fic

Chapter Six: 5310 words

A week passed and there had yet to be another date. In fact, the pair had hardly seen each other.

John and Tommy had been in Manchester for a few nights, just coming back that morning and much to Alice's dismay; John said nothing when he finally walked into the kitchen. Everyone was sat eating breakfast, watching the two blood stained men pace across the room. John didn't even give Alice a look of acknowledgment as she smiled up at him.

Arthur and Polly shot each other a seemingly knowing look. He stood up and immediately paced into the office, slamming the door behind him as he did.

"What's going on? Is John okay?" Alice asked Polly with concern.

The older woman could see the budding love and affection Alice had for her nephew, just from looking into her eyes when she said his name. It partially subsided any worries she might've had about the girl breaking his heart in the destructive manner she'd once been known for.

"I'm sure he'll be fine." She nodded with a drag from her cigarette, although she herself was also slightly concerned. It was business that she'd told them not to do and they did it anyway. If something terrible had happened then that was on their conscious and not hers - so she decided not to check immediately, at least not in front of Alice.

The younger woman was fighting every urge inside her body; to shout at Polly, to curse at her, to demand the truth, to run into the office and see for herself. A few years ago it would've been her instant response with no after thought. But alas, things had changed, so she sat in silence and finished her breakfast before promptly leaving to head to The Garrison.

It was a couple hours until opening but there was some cleaning and stock taking that needed doing. And besides, she liked being there. The silent mornings in that pub, sun shining through the tinted windows and all doors locked, had become a therapeutic time for Alice - the only time she was ever really alone.

Counting the till was tedious though this particular morning, her mind racing with angry thoughts of Polly and worried ones for John. His expression was something she'd never seen on him before and she could only assume the worst, thinking perhaps he'd brutally killed someone or seen something awful.

"Or maybe he's found another lady while he was away." The insecure thoughts began to seep in. "Maybe they're gonna kick you out because of it and that's why they all looked at each other funny."

She couldn't help but feel extremely betrayed at the imaginary notion, thinking back to the private things she'd told him and now starting to question if he'd have told anyone the things she said. This was the first time she'd ever doubted his care was true since that night; insecurity and paranoia suddenly seeping in by the gallon. Rationally, she knew that his mood that morning was probably unrelated to her- he did lead a rather tumultuous lifestyle after all. But now that seed had been planted it started to quickly grow, forming into a big, tangly, sharp thorn bush.

It was a few hours of the thorns digging into her brain until she finally gave in and physically reacted, heading to the utensil drawer. There was one particularly sharp knife that she'd desperately wanted to steal, small but with a weighted wooden handle it fit perfectly into her palm when she'd used it to cut lemons once under Harry's watchful eye. She could tell that he would immediately notice if it went missing and definitely know who took it - the answer was stupidly obvious.

The clock struck eleven and she knew that she'd have to unlock the doors in an hour and deal with customers or even worse; if she weren't quick Arthur or Harry could arrive at any time and catch her in the act. A split second decision was made and she found herself in the lavatory, the knife in her hand and blood dripping down the sides of her thighs into the toilet bowl below.

It was deeply satisfying for her to see and feel. Having not given in to her urges for the last few nights, it almost felt like she had a surplus of blood and perhaps more was coming out than usual. Or maybe it was because of how sharp the knife was. She couldn't tell.

Either way, the woman sat in silence for a minute as she watched the red liquid flow, the thorns finally shrivelling and the bad thoughts stopping.

However, her moment of comfort was cut short as she heard the back door being unlocked and a moment later Harry's voice.

"Alice? You in?" He spoke loudly to be heard in all rooms.

"Fucking typical." She muttered to herself before starting to dab at the wound.

It then occurred to her that she didn't have a rag or bandage to wrap around her leg, and nothing to stop the bleeding other than thin strips of toilet paper. There was a first aid box under the bar, but then she would have to explain why she needed it to Harry.

"Fuck!" She hissed, looking down at the blood that was still pouring out.

"Alice?" Harry called again through the building and she knew she couldn't keep ignoring him.

"Yeah, I'm just in the ladies!" She shouted, scraping her brain for an idea until like an arrow one shot into her head.

"Do you think you could bring the first aid box in here?"

He brought it to the door although suspicious and questioned "Why do you need it?" to which she immediately responded "I-I'm on the rag! It's just started and it's super heavy and I didn't bring anything-"

"Alright, alright." He cut her off "Box is outside, save me the detail next time."

Alice could've squealed in excitement, so pleased that her plan had worked. She awkwardly bent around the door to retrieve the box before sitting back down in the toilet and wrapping the cut.

—————

She had no more wins that day; every minute dragging and every customer being ten times worse than usual. There had been two separate incidents of wildly inappropriate sexual harassment, both being removed from the premises but still leaving Alice feeling vulnerable.

The first one, a man had had the nerve to grope Alice's arse as she was bringing out drinks. She instantly put the drinks down and slapped him across his bloated face before getting him kicked out. The second one had been another drunk man - this one considerably more so. He decided to get his penis out and shake it at Alice whilst his friends stood and laughed at him, instantly getting the whole group kicked out.

This time, she didn't immediately react. Staring in shock at the man's genitals, her mind shot into all of it's darkest corners before settling in one - Jones.

So now she stood, wiping down the bar as the end of the day neared closer. Harry had picked up on her vibe shift since that incident and slightly worried, offered for her to go home. But she declined, desperate to earn every single penny she could and get out of Small Heath on her own accord.

All of a sudden, John, Tommy and Arthur stepped into the pub, not a word leaving their mouths as they headed straight into their booth. Alice hadn't even thought about John in hours, distracted by her traumatic memories and the rage she felt for them. He sent her a quick nod, his face just as void of emotion as it was that morning, instantly adding those worries back into the boiling pot.

"At least he acknowledged my existence this time." She thought bitterly to herself, her scrubbing getting more intense by the minute.

Meanwhile in the cubby, the three men were still trying to perfect a plan to deal with some business that had gone wrong. John and Tommy had travelled to meet a business partner but were ambushed and barely made it out, leaving John rather shook up as he truly thought he was going to see his brother die that morning. It also brought some of his own mortality into perspective and had his mind focused on ideas for the near future rather than waiting any longer.

There was a sense of dread hanging over the men's heads until they started drinking, Harry handing them pints through the partition door whilst Alice cleaned until it got late and he left.

By now the men were ordering whiskey and it was Alice handing them through the partition. John watched her soft hands pass the glasses to Arthur's rough hands and felt slight unease, wishing that she were sat in the booth beside him rather than on the other side of the wall serving him.

Alice wasn't thinking much of that though, her mind preoccupied and her face remaining blank. She hadn't even bothered trying to be polite to David when he swaggered in just a few minutes after the Blinders, already pissed.

"You look fucking incredible today may I say Miss Shepherd." He grinned, slamming some change on the counter "Get me a rum n coke!"

She rolled her eyes, making the drink, handing it to him and taking his money in silence.

"What's got your knickers in a twist? On the rag or something?" He chortled, earning a harsh glare but still she kept silent.

There was another group of men in the pub, loudly chatting from their sprawled positions across the tables. None of them seemed to notice the exchange, even as David grew annoyed by her silence.

"Alright then slag, I'll fuck off." He scoffed, standing up and skulking towards the corner booth.

She didn't care enough to acknowledge that either, her eyes remaining transfixed on the bar in a trance like state as she scrubbed the same spot again and again.

About half an hour later, the large group of men left. Alice nearly didn't even notice their departure; the dark thoughts entirely ravenous at this point, eating at her brain. She'd even opened a tab for herself, pouring shots of vodka and whiskey to have in between every task. It was no help for thoughts, but it made her feel slightly more in control somehow.

Her brain was in a particularly nasty spiral, the woman focused blankly on the till, until she suddenly heard the sound of something breaking, causing her head to shoot up in shock.

David was the only one left in the pub besides the Shelby's in their private booth and the noise certainly hadn't come from them.

"I dropped my glass, sorry." The man slurred, earning another eye roll from Alice as he stared at her from across the room.

With a huff, she picked up the dustpan and brush from under the bar and headed towards him, sharply glaring. He had a smug smirk on his face that only pissed her off more, mentally mocking him. She hesitantly bent down and started to collect the pieces of glass, feeling his eyes jabbing at her body her like daggers.

"Stupid fucking prick I ought to-" her thought was cut off by his hand suddenly grabbing the back of her head and pulling it towards his crotch. His other hand was preoccupied with getting his dick out of his trousers.

The panic that instantly shot through her once she realised what he was attempting to do gave her an intense rush of adrenaline and rage - something she hadn't felt in a while.

"Get the fuck off me!" She shouted, shoving him away although he soon stood back up as she looked around for something to attack him with.

This noise instantly got the attention of the Shelby brother's, who all shot up from their seats and darted out of the booth. Already though, Alice had picked up a bottle and swung it at the man's head, causing him to stumble back again for a moment.

"I should fucking kill you!" She let out a guttural scream, picking up a wooden chair and going to throw it at him before a pair of arms suddenly enveloped around her and pulled her away, only sending her into more of a panic.

Desperately, she started to kick and punch at whoever was holding her, screaming as her adrenaline increased. It was only when she heard John's gentle coo that she realised who's arms were holding her back, slowing her attack slightly.

"Alice calm down. What's happened?" He said softly but still she didn't calm down, bubbling with rage as she stared at the man in front of her.

"She's fucking mental is what happened." David slurred, drawing the attention and loosening John's grip for just a second. Instantly the brothers noticed his undone flies and cockhead poking out of the gap, quickly turning their confusion to anger.

But before they could react, Alice took that second of distraction and broke from John's grip, grabbing one of the bigger glass shards from the ground and lunging at David like a hungry tiger. Everything moved in slow motion for John. The glass cut David's face deeply and in a split second he stupidly reacted by striking her with such force that it sent the woman to the ground.

She was ready to get up and continue attacking, but John and Arthur had leapt on the man and Tommy was holding her back, the guilt he felt about Jamie's promise weighing heavily in that moment. Her breathing was erratic, making deep panting sounds and she desperately tried to escape his grip - having no luck, no matter how hard her arms punched and and legs kicked.

"You're safe Alice. You're safe. You're fine." He kept repeating, trying to comfort her but she could only hear Jones' voice.

"Get the fuck off me! I'm not your fucking wife!" She screamed so fearfully and loudly, that it caused John to turn from the bloody, beaten man on the floor to look at the pair.

It was clear to him what was happening; like what would happen with Danny Wizzbang but not about war - about men. Tommy seemed to pick up on it too, trying to ground her like he did with Danny but his foreign touch feeling invasive and instead triggering her more.

"Don't fucking touch me!" She screamed again, shoving Tommy off her as he loosened his grip.

Arthur was still noisily beating David in the corner, mostly oblivious to the happenings behind him whilst his brothers eyes stayed locked on Alice, who was looking around the room manically as she backed away towards the bar; a mix of distress and rage plastered across her face.

All of the voices in her head were shouting at max volume; violence, fear, trauma, anger. Every bad urge she'd had separately throughout the day was now morphing into one intense need and she quickly rushed behind the bar before one of the brothers could stop her.

Of course they turned and rushed towards the woman, but before they could take a step further Alice pulled out the weighted knife and held it firmly in her hand.

John's mind was already racing, full of murderous rage for the scumbag that he'd just beaten - now it was full of intense concern for the woman in front of him. The mad gleam in her eyes was something he hadn't seen since she was a reckless teenager but now it was even more mad - aided by the deep hurt behind them.

Seeing the shiny, silver blade pressed against her small, scarred wrist instantly made John extremely anxious. The cloud of worry that had been hung over his head all day felt like nothing compared to the fear watching Alice putting herself in harms way.

"Don't fucking do any-" he began to loudly plead but as an instant protest Alice swiftly ran the blade along her left arm, blood immediately gushing out.

He and Tommy both flinched, disturbed by how she didn't react. Neither of them knew exactly what to do, it becoming abundantly clear that if they got any closer she would make another cut.

"Let me cut off his fucking dick." She hissed, holding the knife to her wrist still.

The words went right past John's ears, all he could focus on was her arm and how it needed bandaging up. Blood seemed to gush from it like a waterfall and yet she showed no care, still focused on her rage.

"Put the knife down and give me your fucking arm, Alice." He spoke sternly and loudly but she ignored him, turning to Tommy instead.

"Let me cut his fucking dick off." She hissed again, louder and angrier this time.

Although obviously disturbed by what she wanted to do, he could see that whatever had happened while she was gone had done a true number on her. Maybe letting her mutilate this man would help her somehow - and therefore help to shed some of the guilt he felt?

"Alright, alright. Just put the knife down and bandage your arm. We'll keep him here for you when you're ready." Tommy said slowly, his eyes remaining intensely on hers.

She didn't break eye contact with him, still feeling wound up and animalistic, she panted and gripped the knife tighter. Tommy wasn't someone she particularly trusted - seeing the way he'd manipulate everyone around him and the half kept promise to her dead brother - so she decided against his deal.

"No. I'm going to cut it off now and if any of you come near me I'm going to slit my wrists to the fucking bone. You understand?" She said with gritted teeth, looking around at the three brothers with thinned eyes.

Arthur had stepped away from David by now, the man left bleeding and groaning on the floor. He was instead just as stunned as John and Tommy, knowing she wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Alright." John quickly replied, growing more anxious about her injury by the second. "Just don't bloody hurt yourself again!"

She ignored his plea, keeping the blade pressed tightly against her wrist as she stepped out from the bar.

"Bring him here then." She sent a casual smile to Arthur, who instantly nodded and complied.

It made John feel extremely uneasy and although none of the brothers disagreed with what she was doing, they didn't feel great about it. Soon, David was sat in a chair facing Alice while Arthur held him down. He was covered in bruises and his own blood already and now his shirt had been shoved into his mouth as a gag.

She took a deep breath and pictured it was Jones in that chair, kicking and screaming as he tried to get away from her. Another smile crossed her face and she bent down to be at eye level with him.

"You really thought you could get away with trying to force your vile fucking cock into my fucking mouth?" She shouted that last part, getting close to his face. "Without even asking, how bloody impolite."

His eyes were wide as he stared into hers, regretting every decision he'd made to reach this point.

"Do you really think you deserve to have one now? Because I don't." She scoffed.

David had already pissed himself when he was getting beaten up but he was pissing himself again, screaming louder and trying to resist against Arthur's grip.

Alice on the other hand, was loving every second of it, his fear fuelling her. She slowly started to pull down his boxers, laughing as he tried to kick her off. John couldn't quite believe what he was seeing, it was like every violent outburst she'd had as a kid but a million times worse, yet he couldn't take his eyes away, every movement fascinating him.

In the times he'd spent with Alice recently, she'd been this authentic, strong yet sensitive, angel of a woman. What he saw in front of him now was the true damage of the horrors she'd only partially described yet had been stuck in his mind ever since hearing them; a painful fall back into their reality and just how fucked up it was.

"Of course you think you deserve to keep it. Men like you think you deserve everything." She continued with a venomous hiss, grabbing his cock in one hand while pressing the knife against the base of it with the other. The man was frozen in fear whilst the brothers were frozen in shock.

As soon as she turned the knife so that it's point dug into the skin, the man instantly started to move again; screaming into the gag, his eyes bursting and his legs kicking.

"The thing is..." she slowly started to drag the knife upwards towards the tip "as much as I would love to chop this small, smelly, evil, ugly thing off.." blood started to run heavily from the cut she was making, his screams getting louder by the second. "We all know that you would bleed out in seconds.." the knife had reached just below the tip "And death is far too good for a cunt like you."

John was less shocked than his brothers by her choice, knowing just how sensitive and smart she truly was - although the shock was still there as a big part of him had feared that she'd snapped and this would be the moment to finally cement it. His relief wasn't very substantial compared to the sadness it all made him feel though, and besides - he was far more concerned by her arm than the state of the man she was tormenting,

It became clear that the cut was perhaps deeper than intended as it continued to gush with blood, all down her arm and dripping onto herself, David and the floor. Her skin even started to seem slightly paler and her posture started to sway.

"She's going to fucking bleed out if this goes any slower." John thought, frustrated.

Although before he could get any more impatient, the sound of the knife clattering against the wooden floor suddenly echoed through the thick momentary silence.

"If I ever see you again, I'm going to leave you much more disfigured than just that little cut. You understand? Now leave." She spoke more quietly than before but still through gritted teeth.

David didn't react, making small whimpers into the cloth and his eyes remaining wide.

"I said get out!" She shouted, the sudden change in decibels making the man jump before she scurried out, his hand clasping his genitals and a trail of blood left on the floor.

Everyone stood in stunned silence for a moment except for John, who hastily picked up the knife from the floor before grabbing Alice's arm to look closely at the damage. The cut had started to congeal and dry in spots but was still slowly oozing thick red liquid, making John shoot Tommy a nervous look. His brother instantly unfroze and quickly stepped over to give his own inspection whilst Arthur headed to the bar for the first aid kit.

Like a snap, all of the fight had left Alice now and she stood numbly, ignoring the frantic worry from the men around her. They were talking but she didn't hear any of it, staring over at the bloody mess she'd made, wishing David was Jones and that she'd actually followed through with her words and killed him. Arthur and John had obviously given him a good beating and she'd definitely left a permanent mark on his penis, but that wasn't enough. It didn't make the pain stop.

She wondered if even mutilating the man was worth the tax on her soul. He wasn't Jones, but he was still a pig.

"Why don't I feel any better? Oh well, I've done it now, they're gonna send me to the loony bin. I should've bloody killed him." She thought, slightly amused by herself until John started to violently shake her, getting her attention.

It took a few seconds for her eyes to focus as she looked up at the man, shooting him a confused look.

"What?" She asked, earning a frustrated huff.

"What do you mean what? I've been saying your name for the last bloody minute!" He scoffed, his eyes going from her face and to her arm, which she realised he was wiping with a handkerchief.

He was slow and delicate with it, his hands huge compared to her wrist. She didn't realise how much blood there was until that moment, looking at it staining John's skin as he tried to stop the wound from bleeding.

"Are you feeling faint or anything? Do I need to take you hospital?" He looked into her eyes, his intense marble gaze sending a shiver down her spine. Before Alice could answer, Arthur went to wrap the wound with a bandage from the first aid box, but she instantly flinched away from his touch and moved closer to John, an embarrassed blush crossing her face once she realised what she'd done.

"God they must be thinking so many things of me. Maybe I really have fucked up." She thought, feeling weaker and more embarrassed by the second.

"I'm fine. I'll just wrap it really tight." She said quietly, refusing to meet the eyes of any of the brothers as she opened the first aid box Arthur had placed on the table beside her. Her adrenaline had completely ran out at this point and she felt faint, extremely struggling to maintain her cool facade.

She had to prove that she was fine though.

So like it was nothing, she laid her arm out flat, put a thick layer of cotton and then wrapped the bandage tightly around her wrist. But she couldn't secure it, her hands shaking too much to tie an efficient knot and blood starting to seep out the sides.

The three brothers had all exchanged many glances all throughout the whole ordeal, this time it was just Tommy and Arthur exchanging glances before heading to the bar whilst John bent down and started to help Alice.

"I'm fine, I can do it myself." She tried to speak confidently but her voice started to shake as she felt more embarrassed by the second.

John ignored her protest and she did nothing to stop him as he wrapped the wound properly, his gut secretly twisting the whole time.

"You shouldn't do this to yourself. Why'd you do it just then? Makes no bloody sense." He furrowed his brows and was audibly annoyed, only making Alice shrink back even more.

Her mind was racing with anxieties and regret, fearing that she'd now scared away the man she was falling for and potentially pissed off his family too. There was so much blood, and what if there were bad repercussions for what she just did? What if David was a part of another gang and now they would be after the Blinders?

"Huh? Why'd you want to hurt yourself like this?" He finished tying the bandage before looking up at Alice's face again, surprised to see her eyes watering and her bottom lip quivering.

Instantly upon making eye contact, she looked away and started to blink away the tears, taking a deep breath and desperately trying to calm down before she could be any more embarrassed.

It was too late though.

John wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, placing small kisses on the side of her head as she cried weakly into his chest. From across the room, Tommy and Arthur were both silently surveying the scene, sipping their whiskey and smoking their cigarettes. They knew there was a discussion due about what had just transpired, but for now it was best to leave them to it.

"It's okay. It's over. You're safe." John was repeatedly whispering in her ear, one of his hands moving to rub circles into her back.

She hated feeling so weak in his arms again, cringing as she realised how much he'd seen her cry in the last three months. Even one time was too many. His words did give her strength though and his touch gave her comfort, some of the worst thoughts instantly washing away with it.

"You don't think ill of me do you? For what I just did... Was it too far?" She finally spoke, looking up at him as her tears started to dry.

John smiled slightly and moved a hand to gently stroke her face, unintentionally leaving a red blood streak with his fingers.

"I would've bloody killed him Alice. I've got half the mind to go chase the cunt down and finish the job now. And I recon Arthur would've cut off his fuckin' knob and shoved it down his throat... So no, I don't think you went too far." A small chuckle at the end of his answer made the air lighter and Alice even let the corners of her lips rise.

"You are fucking nuts though." He added with a grin, earning a playful eye roll from Alice as she slightly regained her confidence.

"Is that such a bad thing?" She smirked, finally maintaining eye contact.

John as per, found himself completely dumbfounded by her sudden mood swings - the way she went from being quiet and afraid to cool and calm with the flip of a switch.

"I don't fucking know." He scoffed truthfully, his eyes doing quick darts from her face to her arm to her blood stained dress then back to her face again. "But I like it, so maybe I'm bloody nuts too."

He held her and she they stood silently for a few moments until Alice broke it.

"Well I suppose I ought to tidy all this up." Her voice was seemingly confident and her demeanour relaxed; as if she hadn't just slit her wrist and mutilated a man.

She walked over to the bar but Arthur let out a dry chuckle and stopped her.

"You two go on home, me n Tommy will get this cleaned up."

Alice was way more pleased with that answer than she let on, offering to stay and clean again but John swiftly put his arm around her waist and walked her out the pub, sending his brother a quick nod before closing the door behind him.

A moment of silence passed, Arthur and Tommy staring at the door, before the eldest let out a light scoff and shook his head, stepping away from the bar and to the bloody chair in the centre of the room.

"Fucking nutter that girl is." He mumbled. "She could've just bloody gutted the cunt! Didn't need to slit her wrist!" He looked up at Tommy. "Ey? What the bloody hell she'd do that for?"

Tommy stared back at him, taking a long drag from his cigarette before answering.

"Because she wanted to." He said plainly. "Because for some reason, in her brain, pain feels good.. But that's John's problem for now anyway."

"Right." The elder brother answered, thinking through the words and eventually smirking as he thought of John. "That boy is fucking whipped, suppose it is like fate how she came back though, right into our path that night... You ever found it suspicious Tommy?"

Thomas scoffed before answering "If she had bad intentions for any of us, I'm sure she would've acted on them by now. Girl is more a danger to herself than anyone else."

They both took another swig from their glasses before Tommy's eyes averted to the blood puddle and onto his brother.

"She's still a fuckin' weapon though, keep your eye on her. I think I've come up with a plan - but John ain't gonna like it."

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traumadumpwriter · 7 months

Text

Heavy trigger warning! This story includes heavy themes of ab*se, r*pe, self h*rm, mental illness and violence.

You can check out the other chapters by going on the Freedom tag on my page!

All likes and comments are massively appreciated

Freedom: A John Shelby mini fic

Chapter five: 5889 words

The next day, Alice woke up completely ecstatic for the evening ahead. She got dressed and made breakfast quickly, leaving plates out for everyone before heading straight to Ada's. The family would soon all be awake and downstairs before the food could get too cold and although it may not have been as good as her usual fresh breakfasts, Alice felt too nervous to wait around for John and make conversation with him.

The woman was giddy like a teenager and the anxiety of going on a date was hitting her hard.

"It's been a long bloody time, what if I've lost all my moves?" She had worried as she hopped on the tram to Ada's, her mind racing and body alert. Every minute, she looked over her shoulder in fear of seeing Jones or one of his associates. But luckily, she never did and soon made it to the dingy apartment.

"I wasn't expecting to see you today. Is everything okay?" Ada asked after welcoming Alice in, always expecting the worst.

Karl was sat on her hip, fussing as she gently rocked him. It was clear on Ada's face that she hadn't slept much and so Alice headed over to her as she answered.

"Yeah everything is great.. Do you want me to rock him for a bit? You look shattered."

Ada's face filled with relief and she quickly handed Karl over to Alice before collapsing onto the messy bed. He soon settled into her arms, gurgling and giggling up at her as she began to baby talk to him. The girl had an indescribable amount of love for Ada and Karl, still quite shocked by her best friend being a mum. The last time she'd seen her before coming back to Birmingham, she was a sweet yet rebellious seventeen year old girl. Now she was a grown woman, just like Alice, and that pained them both.

"Thank you." Ada finally huffed, still lying face up on the bed. "He does love his auntie Alice."

"And his auntie Alice loves him." She cooed before turning to her friend with a straight voice. "Where's Freddie? You look like you haven't slept for bloody days."

"God knows! Fighting for the bullshit bloody cause somewhere! I haven't heard from him in days! Who even cares at this point anyway?" She groaned.

Alice gently put Karl into his crib, who immediately started whining, but ignored it and headed over to the bed.

"No! See! Now he's upset again!" Ada groaned, going to sit up but Alice stopped her.

"He just wants attention. Let him whine. He'll be right back in Aunties arms in just a moment." She comfortingly said. "Right now we need to talk about you and what you want."

"Is that why you came over?" Ada scoffed. "To talk about my shitty marriage? Surely not."

"Well actually I came over because I need to buy a nice dress and John gave us some money to-"

Ada immediately shot up straight at her brothers name.

"What do you mean John gave us some money?"

"He gave me some money for a nice dress and shoes and you to get whatever you want I guess. Girls day on him he said." Alice handed Ada her note, seeing her face soften and then immediately tighten again, this time with a mischievous grin.

"So my brother is taking you out on some kind of date and you need a dress for it? Since when has this been a thing?" She chuckled.

Alice headed back over to Karl, rocking him on her hip to stop the whining before bashfully answering.

"I don't even know, we kissed some weeks ago and then last night I basically told him to man up and ask me out, so he did." She replied, earning a laugh from Ada. "Now he says I need to get some nice clothes for a nice restaurant tonight, so come on. I'll get Karl ready while you sort yourself out."

Ada beamed up at her friend, knowing that John had wanted her for years and feeling extremely pleased for him. Out of all her brothers, he would be the one to treat her right and she knew that.

"Okay, I do need to get some clothes for Karl, he's already growing out of the ones I bought a month ago!"

—————

The two woman and Karl spent a couple hours in the city centre, going to all sorts of shops and trying on all sorts of clothes.

Alice hadn't bought herself anything with money in a long time, let alone an item of clothing. And this was her first time ever buying a luxury item of clothing. She tried on many dresses, all the meanwhile receiving either extremely excited or brutal feedback from Ada on how each one looked.

"No one wears that neck shape anymore, are you trying to look like a nun?" She had teased as Alice looked the dress up and down.

"Yeah it's almost like I was locked away and kept out of the fashion loop for nearly six years, isn't it?" Alice scoffed back, making Ada feel guilty until the girl sent her a cheeky smile.

"Nah you're right though. Let's go somewhere else. I wanna look... seductive for your brother tonight."

"Eww." Ada groaned, pushing Karl's pushchair out of the shop, but soon they were both giggling again as they headed into the next boutique, everyone clearing their path for the Shelby sister.

As lunchtime hit, Alice still hadn't found a dress she liked, sitting in a bakery cafe and complaining about it.

"I just don't get it. They're beautiful dresses, so why don't I feel beautiful in them?" She groaned before taking a bite out of her cake. "Mmm these are fucking good though."

"Maybe it's just because you're not used to seeing yourself looking so.. done up. After all those years, it's probably messing with your brain a bit." Ada sent her a soft look as she cut up Karl's food. "I mean I'm surprised you're even willing to do half the things you've been doing."

"Like what? Relatively functioning as a human being?" She teased, earning a scoff from her friend.

"Stop acting like what happened was just this minuscule thing that everyone can just brush over. It's amazing that you're even alive, you've got to give yourself more credit... I mean choosing a job at The Garrison of all places, if it were any other person I think she'd be terrified of men forever."

"I still am slightly terrified of them." Alice quietly admitted. "But I can't let myself be.. I have to be strong and unafraid. That's the only way to survive. Or else he wins."

Ada knew there was no use questioning the girl and her method of dealing with things, instead reverting the conversation back to shopping and the baby talk they were engaging in with Karl.

"I've got everything I need, with change to spare. There's one more dress shop down here, maybe when you look at these ones; try to remember that you're the beautiful Alice fucking Shepherd. Not whatever he made you be."

Ada's words definitely helped, boosting Alice's confidence as they tried on the next few dresses, actually feeling like they belonged on her this time. She wasn't just some impoverished, grubby girl poorly masquerading in a rich person's dress; she was a beautiful, enticing woman who deserved to wear something to match that beauty.

A long sleeved, turquoise dress suddenly stood out on the rack to her. The material was soft, covered by a symmetrical mesh pattern with the occasional line of sequins sewed in. It's v shaped neckline and low cut back would be slightly ever so revealing, as would the skirt that cut just at her knees, but at the right level where it wasn't too scandalous.

Once she tried it on, she was set on buying it, only encouraged by Ada's excitement as the tailor sewed in the waist for a tighter fit, accentuating her hourglass frame. Even the grumpy shop owner complimented her; claiming "if that dress were made for anyone, it's you."

The shoe shopping was easy, almost any sexy pair of black heels being satisfactory - as long as the heels weren't too high. Ada and Alice used to confidently strut around in three inch heels when they'd sneak out at night as teenagers and whilst Ada retained the trait, Alice hadn't worn heels in years. She secretly feared that she wouldn't be able to walk in them - feeling as if it would show her weakness; the forced change that she'd been through. But instantly upon walking along the cobbled street, her strut was as perfect and confident as ever before, putting a small spark in her belly and a grin on both her and Ada's faces.

—————

Now Alice was sat on Ada's bed as she styled her hair, Karl finally falling asleep and leaving the two women with some comfortable quietness whilst they discussed the night ahead.

"You know, I still can't believe you've been snogging one of my brothers and didn't tell me about it until today!" Ada snickered from the bed, a glass of wine in her hand. "That is so Alice fucking Shepherd of you!"

"What does that even mean?" Alice turned to her for a second before focusing back on the grubby vanity, attempting to style her hair. "I've heard so many people say that yet no one has ever explained it."

Ada took a sip from her glass and sat up straight before answering with a smile.

"In this instance it means you're unpredictable and maybe ever so slightly scandalous." Both of them giggled at that. "But I guess for other instances it would mean other things."

"Like what?" Alice said.

"I don't know like if someone were to attack everyone in the room because they were stopping her from slitting her wrists with a rusty fucking-"

"Okay, okay I get it." She cut off her friends retelling of the story with a playful side eye. "So if someone does something completely irrational, unpredictable and potentially scandalous or violent - you'd call it an Alice Shepherd."

"Yeah, pretty much." Ada answered shortly, causing the two women to giggle again.

"Anyway, that wasn't the original point. The original point was that you're going out with my fucking brother! That's so gross!"

"I think it's quite sexy actually." Alice teased before taking a sip of her brandy, Ada fake gagging in response.

Another hour passed of them drinking and chatting, Alice even using some of Ada's makeup to "properly doll herself up" as the woman had put it. She felt the nerves in her stomach getting worse by the minute, although the drink did calm them a bit.

It was at seven o clock, on the dot, that a car horn came from outside. The two woman turned to each other ecstatically before Alice rushed out the door, instantly feeling more relaxed when she saw the handsome man leaning cooly against his car.

"Wow. You really did get your moneys worth with that dress didn't you." John said, quickly eyeing her up and down before making eye contact and sending a cheeky grin. "Fuckin' gorgeous you are!"

"You're not looking too bad yourself you know?" Alice shot back although she was secretly going crazy with butterflies. "That a new suit or something? I don't see any blood on it."

He opened the car door and gestured for her to step in, looking gentlemanly until he rolled his eyes and teased her back with "You're not one to talk about blood stains."

She scoffed but nonetheless took his hand as she stepped up into the passenger seat, he soon beside her in the drivers. His hands went straight to a compartment by the wheel, pulling out two cigarettes and a lighter, casually chucking them on to her lap.

"Well let's hope I won't be getting any blood on this tonight." She took one of the cigarettes and lit it as John started to drive.

"There won't be no blood. Not tonight." He quickly ran his eyes along her again before focusing back on the road. "Definitely not with you looking like that."

The drive into the city centre was short but full of flirting, both of them growing more giddy by the minute.

John had been hyping himself up all day for this night, letting it stew in his head until it started to wind him up. However, as soon as he laid his eyes on the woman - a comforting grin pasted on her glowing face - he felt his anxiety fade and a feeling of awe and relief overflowing him. Her teasing didn't make him nervous, instead it made him more excited to be around her, constantly intrigued by what she'd say next.

Once they reached the restaurant though, her teasing stopped. Instead she was silent as she looked around at the gilded pillars and crystal chandeliers.

"This place is super fancy, John!" Alice whispered, looking around at the artistic decor in disbelief. "Are you sure this dress is nice enough? I feel underdressed."

The way her eyes looked up at him, looking so innocent as she showed a slip of insecurity, made his body stir and he moved his arm so that it was gently gripping her waist.

"Yes. I promise that dress is more than nice enough." He spoke quietly with a chuckle in a way that brought her comfort.

Some heads turned as they were walked to their private booth; either enamoured by the presence of a Shelby or the beautiful woman strutting alongside him. They were both aware of the stares but unbothered; John feeling proud to be seen with such an enticing woman whilst Alice was focusing on the glamour of the room she'd found herself in, never before having set foot in such a high class place.

Once they reached their table, Alice immediately started talking; awe still evident in her eyes.

"John, this is the poshest place I've ever been! Look at all these paintings and the architecture! Do you come here often?"

"Every so often with the boys, yeah." He replied, picking up the menu and quickly skimming through it before handing it across the table. "What do you want?"

As her eyes scanned the menu, they got wider by the second, each price getting higher than the last. She knew that John could afford it, but she couldn't help but feel slightly guilty at the thought of him spending that much money on her. If it was any other man, she would've gone for the most expensive option with no hesitation and felt nothing about it. But John made her soft and as much as she hated it, she also loved it.

"It's so expensive here, I don't know-" Alice started to speak unsurely but John interrupted her.

"Stop it with the humble shit. You're Alice fucking Shepherd, you're worth every penny I spend tonight and every penny after, you got that?" He was playfully dominant, in a way that made her want to submit but naturally she fought back, quickly switching back into her confident role as her brain had been trained to do so.

"Okay." She winked, looking through the menu again.

John hadn't taken his eyes off her since they sat down, seeing her posture, tone and position change with each of her mood swings. He was starting to be able to read her; when her self esteem would suddenly drop to when her false defences would just as quickly come up. It made him think about all the time he'd spent intimidated by her as a kid and how it was all just an act then too; that Alice fucking Shepherd was never really the big, bad wolf everyone saw her as. She was just a scared kid - just like he was.

That intense trail of thought was cut off though by the sound of Alice telling her order to the waitress, John following by saying "Just get me the usual."

The waitress didn't take long to bring their drinks; a bottle of wine and a bottle of whiskey. Both of which were quickly opened and being sipped on.

"So, how was shopping with Ada and Karl? I've heard he's a big fan of you." John said.

"It was really good actually, thank you. I think she needed it more than I did, bloody Freddie leaving her all by herself with Karl. I ought to give him a piece of my bloody mind when he comes back." She started to ramble before seeing the amused grin forming on John's lips, playfully glaring and saying "How about you, how's your day been?" before he could tease her.

"Been a slow one, was mostly at the shop, thinking about what dress I'd be seeing you in tonight." He grinned.

"You're a really big fan of this dress aren't you? Did you even notice the hair or the shoes?" She rolled her eyes but also with visible amusement.

"Yes I did in fact, I even noticed the bit of rouge or whatever you ladies call it on your face. And that black shit around your eyes." He paused for a moment before continuing. "It looks good."

The playful flirting fired back and forth all throughout dinner, a game of sorts being played of who can make who react the most. It was a game that Alice used to play masterfully with almost every man she encountered, but John was a fair match - another thing she found riveting.

"I thought there was going to be dancing." She scoffed, putting her cutlery down as she finished her dish. "Where's the dancing John?"

"If you want to dance, get up and dance." He scoffed back at her with a grin. "Go on!"

"You're the one who said we'd go dancing! Why don't you dance!"

"Because I won't look half as good as you doing it." He put his cutlery down and gestured for a waiter to come over as he spoke. "And anyway, I thought maybe that you could do some cooking and we just dance together like that one night, you're a good cook after all."

"What, tonight? After all this food we've just eaten?"Alice shot him a confused look.

"No obviously not tonight. Another night." He send a cheeky smirk, earning a fake gasp from Alice.

"So we're going on another date are we?"

"I recon so, don't you?" The smirk had fallen slightly and she could tell that he was serious, maybe even slightly nervous.

She raised her eyebrows with a grin, her eyes locking with his as she replied "Yeah I do recon so."

His cool facade instantly resumed and he finished his drink, pouring himself another one before speaking again.

"So how come you're so good at cooking now? Can't remember you ever being in a kitchen if it weren't to bother someone." He chuckled. "All that time away must've taught you that at least."

Alice too poured herself another drink before speaking, a flicker of painful memories momentarily flashing through her mind.

"Well one of the only things I was let out to do was cook. The other women taught me some things I guess, even though they were a bunch of bitches. And it's not like I ever got to eat much of what I made, if any at all." Her gaze settled onto the glass in her hands, her body freezing as she talked - a completely different atmosphere enveloping the table as John intently listened, taking note of the empty stare she displayed; like a soldier retelling a war story.

"He did it on purpose, to make me cook the food, have to smell it and plate it up for everyone.. and then maybe get someone's scraps if I'm lucky... I would sneak food sometimes but when I got caught.. I-" Her breath caught in her throat and like snapping out of a trance, her body started to move again, bringing the glass to her lips and taking a big gulp before finally looking up at John's face.

"Can we go? I want to get a big bottle of something and go drive around in the country. I want to be outside and feel free. Does that sound stupid?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, shocking John with the sudden emotion she was visibly burdened by.

"I-I'm sorry. I just-" she started to stammer but John cut her off, putting his hand on her knee under the table.

"What you sorry for? That sounds like a great idea! Let's do it now!" He grinned, instantly soothing her anxiety.

As they left the restaurant, picking up two bottles of wine and a bottle of whiskey as they did, he continued with his excited front despite his mind starting to wander back to violence, desperate to kill this man and any other who'd dare hurt Alice.

His arm stayed wrapped tightly around her waist from the table to the car, feeling protective but again also having pride for being seen with her as the envious eyes scanned him.

Instantly upon getting in the car, Alice opened one of the wine bottles, chugging from it in an attempt to get her teenage confidence back.

"Did I actually, really just nearly cry in front of a man on a date? This can't be right." She thought to herself. "I'm Alice fucking Shepherd.. But I don't even know who the fuck that is anymore."

"So any particular place in mind?" John chuckled, watching her as he lit a cigarette, his mind also racing despite his cool demeanour.

"Anywhere. I just want to feel free." She quickly answered back before continuing to chug the bottle. He thought for a moment before taking it from her hand, earning a sharp look of confusion from the girl.

"Look Alice, I'll take you anywhere." He moved a hand to cradle her face, her eyes instantly softening. "But it's not gonna make you feel free."

As much as Alice knew his words were true, she hated to hear them and resumed her previous glare; pushing his hand from her face so that she could look away, fearful of showing him real emotion.

"What is then?" She bitterly muttered, turning to face the window. Only for a second though as his calloused hand softly reconnected with her cheek, bringing their eyes together again.

"I wish I could tell you, but shutting off and going all moody definitely won't." He said in his comforting tone that couldn't help but bring a smile to Alice's face.

"See look how beautiful you are when you smile!" He grinned, only making her smile widen and her face start to go pink.

"Is that a blush I see? I think I've won this round." John chuckled as he finally started the car, moving one hand to rest on her thigh as soon as the vehicle was in motion.

"Yeah sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night." Alice shot back with a giggle, pretending not to notice the strong hand wrapped gently around her sensitive thigh.

A few moments of silence passed until John decided to continue the conversation from earlier, determined to get some real answers as to what had happened to her.

"So anyway, you were saying.. what happened when you got caught taking food?" His hand moved from her thigh to the gear stick, his eyes on the road ahead.

A heavy sigh left Alice's lips and she grabbed the bottle again, much to John's annoyance.

"Drinking ain't gonna make it go away. It's just gonna make you like Arthur." He tutted.

"I know." She shortly replied before softening again. "I just.. I need you to promise that you won't think of me differently. Not as tainted or disgusting. You promise?"

John turned back to her with sincere eyes. "I promise."

As soon as she started to tell the story, her body stiffened and her voice went dull as it had earlier.

"Well, he would usually just beat me up, force himself on me." She began instantly sending a shiver down John's spine.

"I don't think there was one time I actually said yes to him putting that thing in me. Most days I spent locked in this tiny caravan, or chained up just outside it with the dogs.. He found that real funny and his friends did too." Her gaze was fixed on the view out the window and her grip on the bottle tightened, taking another heavy swig before she continued.

"They put out cigarettes on me, whipped me with the metal tips of their belts, cut me and carved me, just for their own sick pleasure. He even let them all take turns with my body.. that was the worst punishment of them all."

Despite the numb, dissociative spell she had put herself in when she'd started talking; her eyes began to water and her voice began to shake, the tough fortress falling with every word. John on the other hand, was having the realisation that whatever she went through was far worse than he'd ever imagined, possibly worse than what he'd seen at war, and perhaps pushing her for answers was a cruel thing to do.

His hand moved back to her thigh in an attempt to comfort, instead making her flinch as her body relived the trauma and all of a sudden there were thick trails of tears running down her face - much to her embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. You probably think I'm so weak and disgusting now-" she began to stammer but John cut her off, parking suddenly so that his eyes could focus on her instead of the road.

"Alice, you are the furthest thing from weak and disgusting I have ever seen. Don't say that about yourself." He moved his hand from her thigh to cradle her face, gently wiping her tears with his thumb.

In front of him was the injured lamb that he'd suspected to be hiding inside the hungry wolf, although maned and bleeding much more than he'd ever imagined. It was a sight he found himself shocked to see - much like the night she ran into the road and catapulted herself back into his life - he knew he needed to comfort her now, make actions later.

She was blushing deep red, feeling so vulnerable and yet so secure in John's hands, his words being more comforting than he could ever know. Yet for some reason, more tears fell from her eyes and a sob escaped her mouth as she became more emotional by the second. John reached over to hug her before realising the impracticality and jumping out the car, pacing to her side and opening the door before enveloping her tightly as she fell into his arms.

"That man is a sick bastard and I'm going to see to it that he and every other fucker who ever laid even a finger on you, gets their fucking heads bashed in. Okay?" He spoke quietly in her ear, trying to maintain a soft tone but some words being laced with palpable venom, something he quickly swallowed down upon realising it probably wasn't too comforting to a woman scarred by violent men.

She just continued to sob into his arms, appreciating the sentiment but knowing Jones and his men were impossible to track down. It wasn't like she hadn't already told the stories to Ada, crying her heart out over a shared bottle of vodka, but for a reason she couldn't place, telling John was an extra level of emotion to deal with.

It was upsetting for him too as he knew not what to say to console her, feeling her shake with every quiet sob into his chest.

"Alice Shepherd, you are so fucking strong and beautiful. The most strongest and most beautiful woman I've ever bloody known, you know that right?" He softly spoke, rubbing circles into her back with one hand while loosening the other arm, hoping she'd look up at him.

Still, her face stayed glued to his chest, feeling embarrassed for him to see any more tears. John knew that - as he'd said before; certain things Alice did were very predictable.

"Come on, I wanna see those beautiful eyes." He whispered. "And I wanna hear your voice too. I wanna hear your laugh, I missed that when I was in London."

That surprised her, sparking a small light in the dark storm inside of her head.

"Really?" She looked up with wide eyes, the innocent little girl she never got to be slipping out for a second.

"Yes, really." John smiled, moving a hand to stroke her face again as he found himself completely enamoured by her in the pale moonlight - her tear stained eyes glistening and her nose pink.

"Well I guess I missed your laugh too." She sniffled, the corners of her lips starting to rise.

"You guess?" John shot back with a chuckle, earning a giggle from Alice which he immediately reacted to by proclaiming "See! That's what I want to hear!" only earning more giggles from the girl. "Like bloody music to my ears!"

"God John, you're really something else aren't you?" She smiled with a small sniffle, dabbing her wet eyes with the edge of her sleeve.

"I'm something else? Please, you're Alice fucking Shepherd. Don't ever forget that." He grinned, placing another kiss on her forehead before going to step back. She stopped him though, grabbing his hand as she placed her lips on his.

The kiss was a short one, but it was enough. They were soon back in the automobile, drinks in hand as John drove out of the city, determined to give her the best night possible.

Once John had finally reached the countryside; parking up in a random field, Alice immediately jumped out of the car with an excited giggle. She had finished one of the wine bottles during the drive and now had the second one in her hand, something that John had stopped protesting once hearing her story.

It was clear to him that she just wanted to completely forget it and never talk about it again - atleast for that night - and so he didn't ask any more questions about her husband or the experiences with him. He didn't really want to know anymore anyway; not if it wasn't the details necessary to find and kill the men.

Instead, their conversations had drifted to humour and flirtation - Alice's eyes drying up and her mood seeming as if nothing had even happened.

The moon was at its peak in the star filled sky, lightly illuminating the land. John got out of the car slower than Alice, chuckling at her excitement. He was also drunk, although not as much, and watched as she took off her heels and gently placed them on the hood of the car, her face continuously beaming as she did it.

"Why you taking them off for? It's just a bloody field, surely you've been in many." He stepped over and loosely draping his arm around her waist.

She turned to him with a grin, the stars reflected in her awe filled eyes.

"I have, but now I can do this."

Before John could ask what, she suddenly took off running, whooping and happily punching the air as she did. It took him a moment to react, confused for a second as her laughter echoed across the empty field.

"She's always gonna be a fucking nutter." He thought endearingly "God, I'm fucking whipped aren't I?"

The man chuckled to himself before taking off running after her, joining in with the whooping and laughing. They did this for a bit of time until John stopped, heavily breathing whilst watching Alice now just spinning around in circles.

"How long did you want to do this for?" He asked, prompting her to finally stop spinning and dizzily look at him.

She was too heavily breathing, chuckling in between her breaths as she stumbled and oo fell, laughing even as she hit the ground.

"I think I'm finished now. Just haven't been able to do that in a long time." She laid flat on the grass and looked up at the sky. "The grass feels different when you actually want to be in it."

John looked at her for another moment, seeing how content she was with just the simplest pleasure giving his gut a certain satisfaction.

"I'm sure it does." He said quietly, lowering so that he was sat down next to her.

"Do you wanna know what feels even better though?" Her voice was laced with amusement.

He laid down flat so that he was too looking up at the sky before answering "Go on, tell me."

Not a second passed before she was suddenly straddling him, running her hands along his chest with a smirk. It shocked him slightly and he almost let out a small gasp when he first felt the pressure of her crotch against his. He quickly relaxed again though, sitting up with a grin and putting his arms around her waist as she began to pepper his neck with kisses.

Slowly, she lead up to his lips and started to softly gyrate her hips against his. He immediately kissed back, his hand starting to grip her waist as the grinding intensified. They did this for a minute before finally breaking apart, their eyes intently staring into each others.

As soon as he made the eye contact, it became clear just how intoxicated Alice was and snapped him back to the reality of their earlier conversation. Doing this with her would be a huge betrayal of trust, it would be taking advantage of her in the most vulnerable state he's ever seen her in - something that she would surely hate him for in the morning. So, as much as he loved how she felt, his cock pleading with his brain to shut up, he placed a hand on her shoulder and stopped her.

"You're fucking wasted Alice, I'm not going any further." He chuckled at her confused expression.

"Oh!" She pulled away entirely. "Do you not want to?"

He could see that she was about to get off of him, so he quickly put his hands back on her hips with a comforting smile.

"Of course I want to... I just don't think it's a good idea right now."

For a second, Alice felt a pang of rejection, but his calm tone sobered her mind slightly and she realised that he was right for many reasons. As much as she wanted him; to please and submit to him, there was a part of her that still felt fearful of that and everything it could mean, and so she nodded in agreement.

"Maybe when we're sober, aye?" John winked and pecked her forehead, earning a small giggle from the girl. "You've gotten me far too drunk and now I've got to drive us home! You're a naughty girl Alice!"

"You don't have to drive us home anytime soon! We just got here!"

(Dress inspo loosely based on image although you can imagine it how u want but I think this style is true to the era)

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traumadumpwriter · 7 months

Text

Heavy trigger warning! This story includes heavy themes of ab*se, r*pe, self h*rm, mental illness and violence.

Check out every part by going on the tag Freedom on my page cx

Freedom: A John Shelby mini fic

Chapter four: 3924 words

The next morning, both John and Alice had woken up in a good mood despite their slight hangovers. Alice had awoken earlier than John so, unable to ignore her headache and go back to sleep, she decided to get a head start making breakfast for everyone.

Polly was the first to come downstairs, then Finn and then Arthur. The four of them sat in comfortable conversation as they ate, Arthur poking fun at Finn whilst complimenting Alice's cooking. When Tommy came down, he only grabbed a slice of toast before going straight into his office, earning an eye roll from Polly.

It was about five minutes later that John finally stumbled in, yawning and doing a big stretch. Instantly, his eyes caught Alice's and he sent her a quick wink before anyone else would turn and see him. The girl nearly felt her face go pink, watching the outline of his toned body through the white vest as he stepped over to the table.

"Smells bloody delicious." He smiled. "You're a real good cook you know?"

"Yeah. I know." Alice replied back with a smirk, earning a chuckle from the brothers.

"I see you're still humble." Polly scoffed, trying to poke light fun but the comment irritated Alice, seeing Polly was the person who suggested sending her away in the first place. To the younger woman, it almost suggested that the matriarch didn't feel enough guilt for her role in the suffering she'd endured and she felt an annoyed pit festering in her stomach.

Nonetheless, knowing not to challenge her authority, Alice let out an awkward laugh and forced the feeling to go away - as she'd unfortunately had to learn to do so. John's lingering gaze caught her attention anyway and her brain was soon again a flurry of excitement and affection.

As they all ate, John and Alice kept exchanging glances and smiles across the table - something that Polly noticed but kept quiet about. A part of her still saw Alice as the untameable teenage menace she once knew, a glint of trouble appearing in the girl's eyes every now and then.

She remembered how Clara would cry into her lap, not knowing how to stop her daughter from the constant self destruction she engaged in. She remembered Andrew, Jamie or even Arthur and Tommy having to physically restrain her on many occasions from either attacking someone, smashing something or hurting herself. She remembered the times that Alice would spit and scream and shout with rage before grabbing the nearest object and somehow harming herself with it, no matter how much anyone tried to calm her down.

Overall, Polly wasn't keen on the thought of one of her nephews - who were already engaged in so many problems - getting soft for a girl like Alice. A girl who had been nothing but chaos from the day she was born, a raging fire now seemingly dampened by an awful event. Polly was sure that her flame would be relit again though, it was just a matter of when, how and the size of the flame.

—————

Two weeks later, Alice found herself busy at The Garrison, as she had been since her first shift - only taking one day off to spend with Ada and Karl.

Following Harry's instructions, she'd quickly learnt the routine of pouring drinks, cleaning tables and chatting to the drunkards. It kept her mind comfortably busy and made her feel good, being treated with respect by most customers since being associated with the Shelby's. Some of the patrons had even known the woman back in her disastrous younger days and were almost shocked into sobriety upon realising who was serving them.

"Perhaps it takes them some time to realise because these long sleeves cover my arms." She thought to herself, remembering the simultaneous horror and fascination most of the neighbourhood had with her self inflicted scars. "Or maybe they're just blinder and stupider than I remember."

However, when her mind did have time to wander it would generally drift to either thoughts of Jones or John depending on her mood. On the bad days, she'd be snappy and rude to any customer that was even slightly annoying, her mind racing with cruel memories that put her on edge and made her angry. On the good days, she'd be full of laughter and energy, a general delight to anyone around her as she filled her spare moments with daydreaming about the Shelby brother.

They'd not spent another full night together since that one dancing in The Garrison, John and Arthur being busy in London with important business. When they were around, they had engaged in casual conversation but never being alone, the words meant little. Alice knew not to ask what exactly the business they were conducting actually consisted of, but she had a pretty good idea and had prayed for their safe return.

She didn't really believe in God, nor did she have doubt in John's own survival skills. But having seen the worst of men, she couldn't stop the worry from creeping in occasionally.

Every evening, she secretly hoped to hear Arthur's loud voice followed by John's laughter as they slammed open the Garrison doors. Instead she would end up listening to the ramblings of old drunks for hours and then stay up late, crying and cutting herself when got home; still struggling to deal with her immense trauma.

The exposure to drunken men had been both good and bad for her recovery; partially healing her fear, partially triggering it.

Today was a slow day; only a few regulars popping their heads in for a pint and a chat. One of the younger ones called David had taken a particular liking to Alice, sitting at the bar and making conversation with her for hours whilst she did her duties. He would occasionally make flirtatious remarks but the woman always laughed him off, enjoying the flattery but having no real interest.

It had now hit ten o clock and Alice had been chatting in the pub with David for a few hours since Harry asked her to close up by herself. There were three other men sat in the corner of The Garrison drinking and chatting to each other and although they payed the pair no mind, Alice was glad that they were there - slightly scared to be left completely alone with a man she hardly knew.

He'd gone to the toilet, finally giving her a moment of peace as she could stand in silence whilst she scrubbed the taps, letting her thoughts wander back to John and how badly she missed his touch. It was a confusing feeling for the traumatised woman: partially being terrified of intimacy and sex, ashamed by the way her body had been painfully ravaged. But there was also comfort in it; the girly crush made her feel like a teenager again, giving her back those years of innocence that she'd lost.

Those thoughts were cut off shortly though, as David returned from the toilet, drunkenly swaggering back over to the bar with a grin on his face.

"You know Alice, I look at you and think you ought to be a bloody movie star." He announced, slurring his words. "Another drink please m'lady!"

Alice scoffed as she poured his drink and took his money.

"What makes you think that? It's not like I can act." She smiled, sliding the drink across the bar before continuing to clean the taps, scrubbing them harder than they'd ever seemingly been before.

"Ladies don't need to be good at acting! They just need to be good to look at! And you Miss Alice are very good to look at!" His words made her cringe a bit and she awkwardly laughed, brushing it off as drunken idiocy.

Moments later, the three men in the corner stood up and left, leaving Alice with a sudden intense stroke of anxiety. The air went thick and silent.

She walked over to their table to take the empty glasses, her heart beating heavy as she had her back turned to David and felt extremely vulnerable.

His eyes were drilling holes into her, his gaze so intense that she physically felt it on her body, suddenly giving her gut an extremely uneasy feeling. She heard the sound of the stool scraping and his feet stepping towards her.

"He's going to attack me in any minute now. He might even know Jones and he's come here to get me." Her thoughts sprung with paranoia as she slowly turned around to face him again. "Do I run or do I fight?"

But before she got to decide if her thinking was rational, let alone make the decision, the front door swung open and in strutted Arthur and John, both bloody and bruised but seemingly in good spirits, halting David in his tracks.

"Where's Alice? I need a bloody pint!" Arthur immediately announced, looking to the bar and not seeing her in the dark corner on the other side of the room.

John did notice though, picking up on her uncomfortable posture as some mystery man eyed her up like a piece of meat. The man didn't even turn to face the boys as they walked in - meaning he must've not been from around there as he had no clue of the trouble he was getting himself in. That or he was a rival, purposely showing disrespect to get under the Blinder's skin.

Either way, John instantly paced over to him, Alice's eyes lighting up and posture relaxing upon seeing her knight.

"She's over here with this stranger watching her." John replied loudly, causing Arthur to spin his bar stool around and eye up the scene.

The younger brother put his arm around David's shoulders, a menacing grin lacing his lips.

"You look like you're really enjoying the company of our fair bar maiden here." John scoffed, looking David up and down in the most intimidating way possible, but the shorter man kept a brave face.

"So what if I am? She's a lovely young lass.. You don't mind me, do ya Alice?" David grinned back before settling his eyes on the girl again. "I can see you'd rather be left alone though. So I'll be going."

He pushed John's arm from his shoulder, sending Alice a wink before picking up his coat. Arthur and John's eyes stuck to him, sending harsh glares to the seemingly unbothered man.

"Lovely place you got here. I'm new in town, been trying out all the pubs and I have to say, I think The Garrison's the one for me..." He said casually to the boys before turning to Alice with a smile. "I'll see you soon, doll!"

Once the door was swung shut and he was finally gone, the boys gazes immediately averted to Alice. Internally, she was recovering from her moment of panic before the boys had arrived, trying to collect her thoughts and convince herself that the man meant no harm. A flurry of bad memories had hit her like a a tonne but she had to push them away. She couldn't break down in front of the brothers about her fear of men, especially Arthur, as surely that would cost her her new job. Her new job that she needed in order to stop being scared of men.

Perhaps the distress was visible on her face as John quickly rushed over and pulled her into a hug. In the time that he'd been away, he had been completely obsessing over the girl; dreaming of her every night and then spending his spare moments in the day thinking of her.

"She is bloody beautiful." Arthur had agreed whilst they were in London, being able to read his brothers anxious mind when it wandered to such things. "Always was the prettiest the girl in the lanes, even with all those stupid bloody scars."

Now that John had her in his arms again, the anxiety was fading and instead he was concerned, seeing true fear in her eyes when he'd first stepped into The Garrison.

"You alright? He didn't bother you or anything did he?" He asked as they pulled away from the hug.

Her eyes were back to their usual emptiness now as his voice had snapped her into reality and she was determined not to be weak.

"I'm fine, he was no bother." She smiled, brushing off her dress and heading quickly to the bar. "Now Arthur I'll get you that pint, sorry for the wait."

Her sudden mood change sent John's head into a spin, not knowing wether she needed protecting or fearing. Possibly both.

"No need to apologise to me dear. Pour John and yourself one too!" Arthur chuckled, oblivious to the jealous anger coursing through his brother that had just sat down beside him.

"What does she mean he was no bother? She looked like a terrified lamb when I walked in. Has he been here all day? Did she actually like his attention?" He found his thoughts going wild as they had been all too often lately.

Alice slid them their pints before grabbing the keys from behind the bar and heading to the door to lock up.

"I'll count the cash and then join you for that pint." She smiled, earning an impressed chuckle from Arthur.

"I see you're a hard worker, already learnt the routine. I'm sure the customers love you too, matey just then certainly did." He beamed at her. "Don't be afraid to tell them off though, you know you got that Peaky Blinder authority."

"I don't need no Peaky Blinder authority to tell a drunk bastard off." Alice teasingly scoffed with a smile as she opened the till. "Trust me, there's been a few."

Her sass made the men smile, snapping John from his negative thought spiral and back into his doting one.

"Oh yeah. Like who?" John chuckled.

"Some stupid git had the gall to offer me three pounds for a blowjob. I told him to fuck right off and he fucking left straight away!" Alice said with a grin, earning more laughter from the brothers.

"Well I'm sure he'll be back, as will every other cretin, anytime soon! So be prepared, on the big days the blokes can get real drunk, real confident, and they'll offer you a lot more than three pounds I'll tell you that!" Arthur snickered with a slur, unknowing of the uncomfortable effect his words were having on both Alice and John.

She chose not to respond, not knowing what to say and instead changing the subject, perhaps riskily.

"Anyway, you both look like you've stabbed a couple people. None of that blood is yours, right?" She nodded towards their shirts before starting to count the money, quietly muttering numbers whilst she intently listened to their responses.

"Well I don't think none of this is mine but who knows I did bump me noggin a bit." Arthur chuckled. "Wasn't anything too bad now was it John boy? Just some rough and tumble with the Turks, nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about."

Arthur's answer was exactly what she expected from him, it was the younger brother that she was truly curious about.

"And you John? You're being awfully quiet. You sure you're not slowly bleeding out on us?" Alice raised an eyebrow at him before focusing back on the money.

He almost crumbled under her momentary gaze before clearing his throat and sending her an equally confident stare.

"Yeah I've got some cuts, nothing major. Like Arthur said, just some rough and tumble."

Alice didn't reply for a minute, finishing up her counting and proclaiming the final number before closing the till and turning back to John.

"Well I'm glad to hear that." She smiled, finally pouring herself a drink with a relieved sigh. "It's been a long day, wouldn't want an injured Shelby to top off the list."

"Why's the day been so long? You already sick of pouring pints?" John teased as Alice took a gulp from her beer.

"No, nothing like that. In fact I prefer it when it's been heaving, keeps me busy... Today I had almost no one to talk to except for David-"

"What the guy that I just kicked out?" John interrupted her, his jealous irritation finally slipping out and causing a sudden tension in the air that even Arthur picked up on.

Alice was initially confused as to why he cared so much until it too struck her that he was jealous in some way for whatever reason, which made her secretly excited.

"Yep, that's the guy." She answered nonchalantly, taking another sip. "Said I ought to be a movie star cos women don't need to act, we just need to look good. I thought how ridiculous. It's a shame really, alright looking fellow but a huge ego. Started trying to impress me with war achievements and such."

Arthur seemed to sense where things were going and slid his empty glass across the bar whilst his brother silently watched the woman, every word she spoke feeding his testosterone fuelled jealousy.

"I'm gonna leave you two to it. G'night to the pair of ya!" Arthur interrupted Alice with a chuckle, before heading out the door.

"See you in the morning!" Alice called but John didn't even acknowledge his brother's exit, feeling embarrassed by their emotional duel being so visible to him.

"That was rude John. Not even a goodnight to your brother?" She teased, leaning across the bar and resting her head in her hands. "You sure you're okay?"

He eyed her up and down, his lips remaining puckered in the irritated fashion they had been for the the last five minutes, although there was now a smirk developing in the corners.

"You still play mind games, just like you always did." He said, surprising Alice.

"What makes you say that?" She looked up at him with seductive eyes and a cheeky grin.

There were so many things he wanted to say; to rant about David, his creepy gaze and how Alice felt the need to compliment the man purposefully just to make John jealous. To the other creeps that hit on her daily when she could have picked literally any other job. But he chose to stay quiet, downing his drink before standing up from his seat, instantly towering over the girl.

"You like the attention of men like that? Whatever happened to you, has your worth really been stripped down that low?"

Now he was playing her game, trying to regain his upper hand. He was a Shelby after all, nothing was off limits to him.

"Wow, what a nasty thing to say." Alice scoffed, actually slightly offended by that jab although she played it off. "Guess you really are jealous."

"Jealous of what?" He stepped towards her, now also slightly offended. "I'm a fucking Shelby, I've got everything I could ever want!"

The vicious edge to his tongue reminded Alice of just how much he'd changed, just how much she wasn't a kid anymore, like her. Maybe if it was someone else, a different man, she would've been scared, but Alice wasn't afraid of him or his attempt at intimidation, moving so that they were only inches apart.

"You don't have me though, do you?" She grinned, running her eyes up and down his body for a second, earning a frustrated growl before he suddenly gripped her waist and pressed her lips to his.

She was shocked for a second, but quickly warmed into the kiss as she'd been dreaming about doing so since last time. This one was a lot more intense than the one they'd shared before though, both pushing against each other in a game of domination.

John ran one hand through Alice's curly hair and placed the other on her ass, gently groping her as she ran her hands along his chest.

"Mmm bloody hell Alice, your body is fucking amazing." He quietly moaned. "But you already know that don't you?"

In truth, although Alice had always acted as if she were the top dog; bigger and better than anyone else, that defence mechanism had sprung from a true self hatred, harboured deep inside since she were a little girl. His complimentary words actually meant the world to her and she wanted to giggle and go "you really think so?" somehow still retaining some girlhood innocence in amongst her ravaged brain.

Instead of revealing that though, she chose to remain cool, shoving John backwards into the bar and shooting him a glare.

"You make a lot of assumptions John." She scoffed. "I can't tell if you think I'm an injured sheep or the hungry wolf."

"I made two assumptions." He scoffed back, starting to enjoy the game that she was playing. "Both of which I think are fair to make."

Alice finished her drink and then immediately started to pour another one as she spoke.

"They were two completely contradictory statements. Do I have such low self esteem that I enjoy the attention of drunkards? Or do I already believe myself to be 'amazing' as you so put it?"

John took a moment to respond, unsure of his answer. There were so many answers he wanted to give but they were mostly just consisting of more questions. He lit a cigarette while he thought, a comfortable fifteen seconds of silence passing before he finally answered.

"I think that somehow, you're the injured sheep and the hungry wolf... You play these games and act mean to feel powerful and most people fall for it... but deep down you're terrified."

His answer left Alice in shock, never having been outright read so well before. She knew that John was smart, but she didn't know that he was that perceptive.

"You know, I knew you were going to come looking for that letter opener, because even though you're so fucking strange and usually I have no idea what the fuck you're gonna say or do next.. for some things you've always been predictable." He continued, a smug gleam in his eyes.

Alice took a big swig from her drink and then answered with an equally smug gleam.

"You talk like you know me so well. A lot has changed since we were kids. Why don't you take me out and actually get to know me?"

John liked that answer a lot, chuckling and instantly formulated a plan. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and handed her a note.

"Take the day off tomorrow, go shopping for a nice dress with Ada, here-" he pulled out another note "- tell her to treat herself n all, God knows Freddie ain't doing it. I'll pick you up from hers at seven."

Alice edged her hand over to the money on the counter, slightly surprised by the amount peaking out of John's wallet.

"And take me where?" She questioned.

He chuckled, her defiance - no matter how slight

- always lit a spark in his belly. Every woman he'd ever courted would've say yes with no questions, desperate to please the Shelby. It always bored him and in the end, the woman would wind up heartbroken whilst John would feel nothing.

This girl was completely different, filling him with too many emotions at times and as she said - he hardly even knew her yet.

"I mean we could go anywhere you want. I was thinking some place nice to eat, we can even dance if you'd like."

That brought a grin to her face and she put the notes in her pocket.

"Sounds perfect."

9 notes · View notes

traumadumpwriter · 7 months

Text

Heavy trigger warning! This story includes heavy themes of ab*se, r*pe, self h*rm, mental illness and violence.

Check out every part by going on the tag Freedom on my page cx

Freedom: A John Shelby mini fic

Chapter Three: 3599 words

It had now been a month since Alice arrived back in Birmingham and things were starting to actually feel better for her. She'd spent a lot of time with Ada and Karl, something which provided profound comfort to the woman who'd been practically completely alone for years. There were times when she would just cry and cry into Ada's lap for hours, never being able to bring herself to say the true details of what Jones did to her out loud. But most days spent with Ada , the presence of the playful and innocent Karl would soothe her greatly, as she'd all but forgotten about the joys of childhood.

The physical injuries left behind by Jones were gradually healing, as were some of her mental anxieties, meaning she wanted to get back into the real world. To stop moping around in self pity all day. As a stepping stone, she started to help out in the shop - mostly cleaning and making cups of tea - which also helped to keep her frantic mind busy when Ada or Karl weren't around. Her cleaning even spread past the shop and into the rest of the Shelby house, scrubbing the floors and dusting the furniture.

Polly had insisted that she didn't need to do such things - claiming she owed her nothing - but that did nothing to stop the younger woman. And besides, helping out around the shop also meant that she got to see John more, even if it was only for a few minutes on some days.

Ever since that twilight they'd spent chatting in his bed, the two had been secretly obsessed with each other, having many more midnight chats. The conversation topic never got too deep again, but was enough for both of them to get a sense of how emotionally intelligent and aware yet damaged and in denial the other were.

When they weren't able to spend these nights chatting away because the house was full or John wasn't there, Alice's bedtime thoughts were loud, vicious and scary - sometimes needing blood to make them stop. The presence of this sweet man hadn't healed her trauma but now there was a silver lining to the dark thoughts; a fresh flower in a wilted field that gave the damaged girl some kind of hope.

John was having similar feelings; his dreams being less about the war and more about the brunette. Partially, he was fearful of his feelings for her, thinking back to the destructive and careless girl he knew growing up. How badly he pined for her but how unattainable she'd been.

But mostly, it was an instant aphrodisiac to be in her presence, his eyes transfixed as soon as she entered the room.

They both craved more than just their casual office conversations and late night chats, it was clear in the lingering gazes. Neither of them felt brave enough to initiate it though, even with the countless signals being sent both ways.

That was until a random Wednesday evening, when Tommy called Alice into his office, right in the middle of her talking to John.

His mind instantly went to the worst places and he found himself having to pace outside with a cigarette between his lips whilst he calmed himself down. Being in Tommy's shadow was tiring, as was taking orders from him - no questions asked. Even during childhood, John found himself being second to Tommy, third to Arthur and sometimes even fourth to Freddie Thorne when he was around. This left the younger man with a hidden sense of inadequacy compared to his brothers and partial desire to prove himself better than other men.

"If Tommy wants her, he'll have her." He angrily thought to himself. "And she'll definitely want Tommy. Every fucking woman does."

Throwing his cigarette onto the ground, John paced back into the house and grabbed his cap and coat before going straight to The Garrison, planning to drown his troubles in a drink.

Meanwhile in Tommy's dark office, Alice was sat in silence, listening to the man recount the time he spent at war with her brothers and his final moments with Jamie, the eldest.

He had explained that he knew not what exactly happened to Andrew, but that it was surely honourable. Jamie however, had instilled a final wish upon Tommy that the solemn man was now finally able to grant.

Seeing the pain on Alice's usually stoic face, he spared her the gorey details and instead focused on the promise he had made to his fallen comrade, the scene playing clearly through his mind like some torturous film.

"Now I know I should've searched for you and brought you home sooner... In truth, I've been rather preoccupied with other things, setting up the family and all that... But you obviously made your own way back here... your brothers would be proud of that." Tommy continued, taking drags from his cigarette in between each sentence. "Anyway, the final wish that Jamie bestowed upon me was that I would bring you home and make sure you were happy and safe.. I don't expect you to be happy immediately, I know you've been through a terrible time... But I can at least say you're safe."

Alice swallowed and nodded her head shakily, never breaking the intense eye contact as her heart swelled. A moment of silence passed before Tommy spoke again.

"There are many jobs that I can make available to you. Or I can give you a job here in the shop, whichever you prefer."

Alice knew that he was being unusually kind to her, probably due the guilt he felt about only keeping half of Jamie's promise. She was slightly annoyed about that, thinking of the extra suffering she might not have endured if Thomas had rescued her before she finally had the chance to do it herself. But that annoyance was mostly squashed by her appreciation for the man in front of her and his kind offering.

"Thank you." She finally spoke. "I heard there's a job going for a barmaid at The Garrison. I think I could be good at that."

"The Garrison? Really?" Tommy raised his eyebrow and she returned with a certain nod.

"I want to get back into the real world. It still doesn't completely feel like I'm there yet." Alice finally broke eye contact, looking to the floor for a moment before sitting up straight again.

Tommy had to think for a moment as her words resonated with his own internal struggle. He could remember just how crazy and loud she was as a kid. The scars and cuts that she was always covered in and how all the neighbourhood mums were always so worried about her. The way she had some of the boys wrapped around her finger and the others despised her, intimidated by her free will and determination.

Now she seemed so quiet and tame in comparison, partially lost in her suffering. He wondered if she could handle The Garrison; if whatever trauma that happened to her had rendered her submissive and defenceless. But the determined look in her eyes reminded him that she was still Alice fucking Shepherd at the end of the day - she could handle The Garrison.

"Talk to Arthur, tell him I gave you the job. He'll set you up, give you all the details."

Alice thanked him one more time before happily rushing to find the oldest brother. On the way towards the front door she passed John's desk and was disappointed to see he wasn't there, hoping to tell him the news and maybe have him walk with her to meet Arthur. She thought about asking one of the other shop workers, if they knew where John had gone but decided against it in fear that it would make her budding affection all too apparent.

So, she merrily made her way to The Garrison by herself, her mind flourishing on the idea of earning her own money and truly being independent. She didn't even feel the usual paranoia that she felt walking through the streets, fearful that Jones or his men would appear out of nowhere and take her again.

Once she got to the pub, all eyes landed on her and the room went silent, halting her pace for a second. She looked around and saw the red faces of drunk men all around her, seeing Jones in every one of them for a second - only for a second though. She quickly snapped out of it, pulled a brave face and headed towards the bar with her head held high.

"You're a bit too pretty to be in here don't ya think darling?" One of the older men from across the bar grinned at her, earning a chuckle from the men around him.

Alice scoffed, stating "Actually I'm the new fucking barmaid so-" but before she had time to finish the door to the private cubby opened and out stepped Arthur and John Shelby, their presence radiating with power and intimidation.

They'd both been sat in the booth for the last hour, drinking heavily as John relayed his worries to Arthur. It was the sudden silence from the pub patrons that caught their attention and caused them to step out, ready for an attack. Both were extremely relieved to see it was just Alice, looking like a piece of bait surrounded by hungry sharks.

"What? Have none of you seen a fuckin' bird before? Stop staring!" John barked, everyone's eyes averting and the previous chattering instantly resuming.

He smirked and gestured for her to join them in the private booth, which she instantly did, closing the door behind her and sitting down. It was undeniable that his little display of power there gave a few butterflies.

"Look at you! Top dog these days aren't you." She rolled her eyes with a giggle. "How come you're here? I thought you were at the shop."

His smirk nearly fell as he thought about the answer to her question, but then quickly deflected it with one of his own.

"I could ask you the same thing? What the fuck are you doing in this shit hole?"

"Actually-" she turned to Arthur "-I came to talk to you. Tommy said I could have the barmaid job. He said to tell you."

A grin spread across Arthur's face and he let out a cheer before knocking on the hatch and shouting for another whiskey, whilst John had a less pleased reaction. He thought about the reprobates that would surely bother her all day, their predatory eyes and disgusting thoughts. It reignited the flame of jealousy from earlier and he quickly downed his drink before forcing a congratulatory cheer too.

"That's great! I'm sure you'll be the best! Better than that last one for sure." Arthur slurred, scoffing at the end. "I'll get Harry to show you the ropes tomorrow."

"What happened to the last one?" Alice asked with a curious smile, causing John to chuckle and hand her a glass.

"It's a long fucking story. More drinks are needed for that one."

——————

A few hours of drinking, joking and storytelling passed until Arthur had to be walked home - practically carried by Curly - finally leaving John and Alice alone. They were also both fairly drunk, although nowhere the level of incapacity that Arthur had hit.

It was getting late and there were no customers left in The Garrison, not that it mattered to the pair in their private booth anyway.

There few silent moments as their conversations never ran out. Ranging from politics to memories to music to jokes to outright gossip, never touching on the heavy subjects as they just enjoyed the happiness of each others company.

Although, the later it got and the drunker he became, the more John felt compelled to speak his mind, her angelic appearance driving him crazy as his brain raced with questions.

"Why did Tommy call you into his office?" He blurted out mid conversation, surprising Alice with his sudden change in tone and demeanour. The usually confident man had a look of uncertainty on his face and one of his hands started to nervously clench around the whiskey glass, things that Alice immediately noticed.

"Why? You worried we fucked?" She smirked, the drink giving her the same confidence she once had as a teenage girl. The momentary shock on John's face gave her a rush of adrenaline and his silence answered the question.

"Because we didn't. Nothing of the sort. We spoke about my brothers and then he offered me a job." John visibly started to relax again as she spoke, regaining his smug smirk and straight posture.

"You always were blunt." He chuckled, lighting a cigarette. "Straight to the point. No fucking around."

Alice grinned, thinking back on the years of childhood they shared together.

"And you were so quiet. Always the sweet one of the three. I suppose you still are... But look at you now eh?" Her heart filled with admiration as the words came out, her eyes taking in the man in front of her. She still couldn't believe that out of all the brothers, John was the one making her smitten.

"Why am I the sweet one?" He chuckled, leaning back comfortably now that his head had quietened. "I'm meant to be scary. Not sweet."

The brunette let out a small laugh, her soft hands moving across the table to touch his bruised and calloused ones. She didn't even know why she did it, but he instantly returned her touch, gently rubbing her hand with his thumb.

"I think you are scary to most people." She smiled but her words had a heavy honesty to them. "I think that if I hadn't seen what I've seen, I might be scared of you too."

A compilation of those worst memories played on a quick loop through Alice's mind and she could feel that she'd made the air heavy again, probably leaving John's mind more curious for answers than before. She had to change the subject, fast.

"Anyway. Let's go dance. I haven't danced in years."

Those words did nothing to distract John's mind from the countless questions he still had though - in fact they only added to it.

"What do you mean you haven't danced in years? What did your husband do? Lock you up in a cage or something?" He snickered, but Alice didn't respond, standing up and heading out the cubby door.

"Come on. I know I've heard some Bill Murray being played in here before." She instructed, going straight to the gramophone in the corner of the main room.

John stood up and followed her without question, his eyes transfixed like he was under some kind of spell as she started to spin and sway to the music, giggling to herself as she did. Her figure became visible through the thin material of her dress and John found himself watching her body with great intrigue, cooly leaning against the bar.

"Are you really just letting me dance alone right now, John Shelby?" She started to step over to him with a grin.

"Well you said you ain't danced in years, thought I'd leave you to it." He chuckled. "And besides, it's not like I do much dancing either, I ain't very good."

"What, and I am?" She laughed in response, her big eyes sparkling with glee. Being able to dance and move with such freedom was filling her with happiness that she found hard to contain. Her joy was so palpable that John found himself too merrily grinning, putting his hand out for her to hold as he started to sway with her.

Slightly nervous, he moved his other hand towards her waist until he finally gripped it, pulling the woman closer. They both laughed, John spinning her around and then catching her as she stumbled.

His gentle touch felt euphoric to Alice, who had almost forgotten that men were capable of such a thing. She realised how safe she felt in his arms - something she never thought she'd experience again let alone so soon.

A part of her knew it was the liquor talking, and maybe just maybe he could hurt or kill her at any second. But a bigger part of her was willing to take the risk and give in to her naive side - just wanting to experience something good and not caring if she died for it.

A happy sigh fell from her lips as she leant fully into his body, her head resting against his chest. He was initially surprised by the action, but quickly moved one of his hands to her back so that he was holding her, gently swaying to the slow song.

After a minute of comfortable silence, Alice decided to answer his question from earlier, her tone still remaining lighthearted despite the horrific truth of her words.

"He actually did put me in a cage once, one made for dogs. It felt like I was in there forever. Maybe it was just a week."

Due to the position of her head against John's chest, she couldn't see his previously beaming smile drop into a straight line; taken aback by her words.

"But even when that punishment was over, I might as well 'ave stayed in the cage. Probably would've been better off."

"What are you talking about? Why would your husband keep you in a dog cage?" John scoffed in disbelief, although his voice stayed quiet as they still swayed slightly.

"Because he is a devil and my suffering was his favourite drug." Alice answered plainly. "There wasn't a single thing off bounds for him or his bloody friends.. I begged for my life so many times and they loved every second of it... Men and their disgusting ways."

She moved her head so that she was looking up into John's concerned eyes, their faces only inches apart. His brows were furrowed and an anger was starting to build up inside of his chest.

"Whatever the fuck those cunts did, they're gonna pay for it. They're gonna pay for it fucking bad." The man's mind began to run wild with protective rage, his grip on Alice's back tightening ever so slightly as he looked into her beautiful, but pain filled eyes. "I'm gonna fucking hunt them down and do everything they did to her a hundred times-"

"But for some reason, I don't think you'd hurt me." She continued, instantly cutting off the violent trail of thoughts in John's head. "And even if you did... I don't think it would matter. You could kill me and it wouldn't matter, just as long as it's not by his hands-"

John stopped swaying and moved a hand to cradle her face, cutting off the words that hurt him so much to hear.

"I'd never fucking hurt you Alice.. And if I or anyone did, it would matter.. a lot. So don't fucking talk like that." He spoke softly, but was clearly serious, something that brought a smile to Alice's lips as she gazed intensely up at him.

"What are you smiling like that for? I'm not joking." John couldn't help but smile back at her, completely enamoured by her beauty. Even as the violence spewed from his mouth, there was now a relaxed, playful atmosphere again. "I'll kill that fucking bastard and every single other fucking bastard that ever had any part in hurting you. I'll fucking-"

Alice couldn't take it any longer; the butterflies going crazy in her stomach and the intense urges in every part of her body. She cut off his rant by moving her hands behind his neck and pressing her lips against his to which he instantly responded by kissing passionately back.

It was a couple seconds until they pulled away, their eyes telling each other all they needed to know. Alice let out a drunken giggle and they started to kiss again, John running his hands along her body before settling one her waist and one on the back of her head.

His mind was no longer racing with rage and violence, but instead beauty, passion, lust and dare he say... love? Alice had been the one girl he wanted to marry as a boy and now actually having her in his arms as a man; it felt all a bit too good to be true.

Nonetheless, he deepened the kiss, holding her until she pulled away, looking up at him with a sudden bashfulness.

"I- I don't think I'm ready to fuck." She confessed, internally fearing that she'd ruined the night. "I- I'm sorry."

"Don't be stupid. You don't need to be sorry." John hushed her, placing both of his hands on her face. "You're a lot more than a fuck, Alice.. I'm happy just staring at those big, fucking beautiful eyes." A grin formed on his face with those last words, knowing how soft he was sounding but not even caring.

That made Alice grin too as she knew exactly what he was thinking, another giggle escaping her mouth before she kissed him again, this time only shortly but in a way that showed comfort. She didn't need to go all out with another passionate tongue session, just some momentary contact was enough for John, and that made her feel safe.

15 notes · View notes

traumadumpwriter · 7 months

Text

Heavy trigger warning! This story includes heavy themes of ab*se, r*pe, self h*rm, mental illness and violence.

Check out every part by going on the tag Freedom on my page cx

Freedom: A John Shelby mini fic

Chapter Two: 3303 words

A few days later and Alice was discharged; most of her injuries being minor and easily healed by a little care and nutrition. Once Alice was finally left alone, she crumbled onto the wooden floor and cried harder than she ever had before. Ada hadn't wanted to leave her alone, extremely worried for her welfare. She'd overheard the nurses discussing the injuries, how many there were and what seemingly caused them. Alice had yet to offer any kind of explanation, meaning her and Polly could only make assumptions.

Polly had moved around the furniture in what was apparently a filing office, making a temporary sleeping space; a sofa, some blankets and a cabinet for a nightstand. Despite the room being small and bland, Alice was grateful to have it, shuddering at the thought of being inside that cramped caravan again. She was grateful to be alive too and that Polly had saved some of her Mother's mementos for her, treating the girl with nothing but kindness from the moment they reunited.

However, she also remembered Polly being there when the men took her away and knew that she'd given her mother the idea. That was something that she could not forgive the woman for.

An intense mix of emotions overtook her mind and body; fear, rage, freedom, grief, relief, restlessness, sickness, despair. She darted over to the cabinet and rummaged through the drawers for something sharp, desperate for any feeling of control. Quickly, she found a letter opener and immediately brought it to her thigh, slashing at the already scarred skin.

Even after all the years of physical pain at the hands of others - something she obviously didn't enjoy - pain from her own hands still gave her a sense of comfort.

She hadn't been able to truly hurt herself in a long time, that was reserved only for her husband and whoever he saw fit. He even took extra measures to make sure she couldn't purposely harm herself, practically baby proofing the caravan. It took away the last sense of control she had.

Now though, looking down at her bloody thighs, she felt a huge head rush, her body filling with relief and relaxing slightly. She didn't realise how much she was shaking until she looked down at her hands, dropping the letter opener as she focused on the blood.

A couple moments passed before she grabbed her already stained dress and started to wipe up the blood. Ada had left a pile of her clothes in the corner, another thing Alice was immensely grateful for. As she got changed, she thought about how much she'd actually missed Ada.. and how lucky she was that her defiant brothers happened to be the ones in the automobile that night.

It took her a while to get to sleep, her body nauseous and her brain overloaded, but when she did finally get to sleep she found herself having a dream - something that hadn't happened in a long time - and the starring role was taken by none other than John Shelby.

Meanwhile, he too had been dealing with unwanted emotions, finding his mind drifting on an hourly basis. As soon as he got the chance, he interrogated Ada for the details from the hospital, his gut clenching as each injury sounded worse than the last.

But still, he struggled to picture the Alice that he knew growing up taking a beating from anyone - let alone to that degree.

"And you're sure that a man done all this stuff to her?" He asked, struggling to hide his anger.

"I mean she didn't say. I don't know for sure but it certainly looks like it." Ada answered, her tone also bitter. She saw the rage bubbling behind his eyes and quickly added "But don't do anything brash, please. She really doesn't need that right now."

John knew his sister was right, shooting her a small nod before heading to his room. As he passed the door of the filing office, he fought the urge to push the door open and ask the girl inside a million questions. Instead he carried on going down the hall and keeping the questions inside his head.

——————

The next morning, John was surprised to see Alice and Ada sat up at the kitchen table eating breakfast and happily chatting. The smile on her face was authentic, her eyes and cheeks glowing despite the bruises.

"You're looking better." He awkwardly chuckled in her direction, wandering through the kitchen.

Instantly upon hearing his voice, Alice thought about the dream she'd had and suddenly felt much more interest in John than she ever had before. When they were kids, she never saw him as anything other than a friend, but now seeing him as the handsome man he'd become, something changed.

"Thanks." She awkwardly chuckled back, locking eyes for just a moment before returning to her food. Her stomach was growling quite ferociously, not having had free reign over how much she ate for a long time. Every piece of bacon felt like heaven.

"Any reason why you're awake so early?" Ada looked up from her newspaper and sent John a playful glare.

He shot her a quick glare back before coughing and sitting down opposite the girls. Alice's eyes flicked back to him, partially cautious but more curious than anything.

"Fueling myself before a hard days work. Something you women wouldn't know about." He smirked, earning a scoff from his sister whilst Alice stayed silent.

"Alice Shepherd quiet before a sexist remark? She really has changed." He thought to himself, piling food onto his plate.

In truth, he didn't know why he was down there so early. The night had been relatively sleepless, his mind ravaged by war memories and now questions about Alice, so when he heard their voices downstairs it just felt right to join them.

And now, he could feel Alice's eyes on him and for the first time since their reunion he felt intimidated by her. Somehow her silence felt more judgmental than any comment or insult she'd ever made, her powerful aura clearly remaining intact. He couldn't let himself go weak and lose her again, he had to at least try this time.

So despite the nerves building up in his gut, he gazed back at the brunette with a smile, ready to ask her if she was free that evening. I But just as he opened his mouth, Tommy strolled into the room and he felt all the words leave him.

—————

They didn't speak much again for the next couple of days, John being very busy and Alice generally being with Ada or cooped up in recovery by herself when her friend was busy.

She'd struggled slightly to adjust to everything; her freedom, the slight opium withdrawal, the way things were now so different from the war, her mother and brothers passing, the trauma from her abuse. Every night, she'd cut her thighs, cry her heart out and then sleep like a log, completely exhausted despite not really doing much with her day.

The sleep felt really good too, not having to be alert and ready to wake up at any moment was something she'd dearly missed.

So as she sat down in front of the filing cabinet and reached in to find the letter opener that night, she was shocked to see that it wasn't there.

Suddenly, she felt frantic, searching around the room for it or anything else that could suffice but nothing appeared.

"Someone must have taken it." She thought to herself, quickly becoming more agitated by the second. She'd finally gotten back her favourite form of control and she needed it instantaneously.

The house had been empty for the last couple hours besides John and a light bulb instantly went off in her head.

"He must've used it and forgot to put it back. I'll just go get it from him now, it's not that late." She thought manically.

Wide eyed, she paced down the hallway and knocked on his door, hearing a cough and a sigh from inside before John's voice murmured "Come in." Once she did, their eyes immediately locked and it made her stomach flip, suddenly feeling the ridiculousness of her question.

"You alright?" He asked, staring at her intensely.

"Y-yeah... I was just gonna ask do you have a letter opener?" She stammered awkwardly, her eyes darting between his and the floor.

A small tut came from his lips and he looked to the ground for a second before pulling something out of his pocket. When he opened his palm, Alice saw the letter opener from the filing cabinet and instantly reached out to grab it, but he quickly closed his fist and scoffed.

"Why do you want it, Alice?" He pursed his lips as he spoke bluntly "And don't lie to me, I'm not gonna fall for it, I ain't a kid no more."

It's not like her self harm was ever much of a secret, but now that they were adults and their bond had faded, she felt ashamed and embarrassed.

"Why do you care, John?"

He on the other hand, felt guilty and upset and even slightly angry, standing up from his position on the bed and running his fingers through his hair.

"Why wouldn't I?" He turned to her with a sigh, stepping closer. "I've known you my whole life... and I've never understood you."

"No one understands and I don't expect them to ." Alice replied bluntly, becoming defensive as his words made her feel vulnerable. "Can I just have it please?"

John scoffed, feeling dumbfounded from just being in her presence, which made him annoyed.

"Are you fucking serious? Why are you cutting yourself up? It doesn't make any sense. You reappear out of nowhere with the shit kicked out of you and then you choose to add extra pain to yourself? Why would you do that?" His voice stayed low as he was relatively calm, but his frustration was clear through his tone.

Alice was shocked by how much the man actually seemed to care, not really knowing how to respond to him. Her mind flipped between listening to his words to how good he looked speaking them, causing a small smile to creep onto her lips.

"Now why are you smiling? Are you even more fucking nuts now? I'm being serious Alice." John's face was only straight for a minute before a smile started to form on his too, easily weakened by Alice's big, glossy eyes and delicate lips.

"I just think you're a good man, maybe that does make me nuts." She said quietly, creating a moment of silence afterwards as John soaked in the compliment.

"Anyway, I should probably leave you to it." She added, her mind darting to the knives in the kitchen.

Maybe it was the whiskey; John quickly put his hand on her shoulder before she could turn around and leave.

"Stay." He felt embarrassed but nonetheless made his request. "Let's catch up properly."

In his eyes, Alice saw a flicker of vulnerability that made her even more intrigued by the handsome man. The Shelby brothers never showed weakness. She'd realised just how powerful they'd become when walking around with Ada and imagined that it was rare for John to request the company of anyone, let alone so meekly.

"Okay." She smiled, stepping slowly towards him. Her mind wasn't even focused on the sharp objects anymore, instead focusing on the man in front of her and how he made her stomach feel twisted up in the good way she hadn't experienced in years. "So tell me, what have you been up to?"

It was clear that he was relieved by her answer, sitting down on the bed and patting the spot next to him with a relaxed grin. He reached over to his side, grabbing a box of cigarettes and a bottle of whiskey as Alice sat beside him, leaning against the wall and crossing her legs.

"Where do I even start?" He huffed, taking a swig from the bottle before handing it to Alice. "Well Tommy runs the family now as I'm sure you've heard. I'm in the shop most days but every now and then he sends me or Arthur on these missions."

"Were you on a mission the night I stopped you?"Alice teased before taking a swig from the whiskey.

"Coming back from one actually. And I wasn't even meant to be on it, some prick fucked up last minute. Funny how life works out sometimes."

"What do you do on these missions Tommy gives you?"

"That is peaky blinder business and peaky blinder business only darling. Next question." He chuckled slightly, earning a giggle from her.

"Okay let me think..." She grinned. "Did anything interesting happen before you got into the business? Like what was going on in Small Heath just after I left? Did anyone ever end up scrapping Big Lee? That's the last bit of drama I remember!"

John scoffed and chuckled in amusement before thinking of his answer.

"Well it was just after you left that the war began weren't it, so I couldn't tell you what was happening in Small Heath then... lots of babies been born and lots of people have died. Big Lee's fucking dead, done in the Somme. I was a machine gunner in the Warwickshire Yeomanry, a bloody good one too, although I'm not sure what that says about me... Didn't get me anywhere anyway, still came home to this shit hole with nothing to show for all those years away."

As Alice watched him speak about the war, she could see him getting more withdrawn; his eyes looking distant and his body tensing up. She'd taken a few swigs from the bottle before she stopped his spiralling.

"I suppose I feel a similar kind of way." She interrupted, prompting him to shoot her a confused look.

"What? About killing hundreds of men?"

"No. Not about that. About spending years away, just to come back to this shit hole with nothing to show for it... It just feels like painfully wasted time."

A moment of silence passed between them, John lighting a cigarette and Alice taking another swig, savouring the relaxed feeling it gave her.

"Well, what did you spend all those years away doing? Maybe it wasn't a waste of time." He knew he was playing dumb slightly here, thinking of the injuries she'd arrived to them with and her general change of attitude. To him it was clear that she'd been through some kind of abuse, but he wanted to hear her admit it. Then maybe he could do something about it.

The brown haired girl sighed, looking down at her legs as she thought about the marks hidden by her clothing. The ones left by Jones made her feel unwell and tainted, but the ones left by herself made her feel a sick sense of comfort. She was sure that to the outside world they all looked the same.

Now her mind was focused on Jones though, what he did to her and how unwell it made her. Even now that she'd escaped him, she could feel his poison in her bloodstream, seemingly strengthened by her refusing to ever talk about him.

"Maybe talking will help." The girl thought.

A heavy sigh left her lips before she spoke.

"Well I didn't spend much time with my father, which I suppose was the original plan. He sold me to be married only a few weeks into my stay with him. Obviously his plan had been different all along and my mother stupidly fell for it. I sometimes wonder how much he was paid for me. It probably wasn't even that much; that stupid old bastard."

John took swigs of whiskey between the puffs on his cigarette but remained listening intently. His face straight and emotionless despite the fact that he was clinging onto every word, deeply curious for her truth. Alice's face also remained straight, dissociating while she recalled the traumatic events.

"And my husband.. he's the devil. Never met a man like him, if you can even call him that. There was never a break from it. I'd rather die than ever be in his hands again... he did such evil things to me, things I'm scared to say out loud." Her voice started to shake slightly and she pulled the bottle from John's hand, taking a big swig.

"Why are you scared to say it? No one can hurt you now, you're protected by us."

His words brought a small smile to her lips and she turned to him to make eye contact, instantly feeling her stomach flip as she did.

"Because... it would make you view me differently." She stammered, struggling to keep her cool composure. There was a lot more to it than that, a lot more deep, ugly feelings, but those words were all she could bare to admit.

"What? You think I'd judge you because your husband beat you up? I wouldn't judge no woman for that, that's on that bastard, not you!" He answered back with a level of enthusiasm that surprised her.

It became clear he really did care, but even that didn't give her the strength to say what had truly happened, in all it's gruesome detail.

"He didn't just beat me up. It was so much more than that." She stammered, shrinking under John's gaze. "It.. it was a lot more than that."

He could sense that she was beginning to shut down again, her body becoming rigid and her eyes holding that distant look. Clearly, talking about what had happened was too much for her and so in a split second decision, John leaned across the bed and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug, her body instantly loosening as she sunk into it.

"It's okay. You don't have to talk about it." He whispered, also finding comfort in her hugging him back. He could see his struggles with trauma mirrored through her, as could she with him and for a moment, they both felt their brains stop shouting as they held each other.

—————

For the next couple hours, they spoke and drank; laughing at each other's jokes and reminiscing on their childhoods. After the hug, they made no more physical contact - much to the hidden dismay of both of them - instead staying a foot apart on the bed, passing the bottle or a lighter across it every few minutes.

John found himself completely captivated by the woman. By her wit and intelligence, the humour that would effortlessly fall from her mouth and how beautiful she looked as it fell. Despite the amount of time she spent suffering, her face had not aged as some soldiers did at war. Instead, she'd grown even more gorgeous, "perhaps because she's more mysterious than ever before" thought John, but he couldn't place it exactly.

Alice's mind also ran wild with thoughts of the man beside her. His tough exterior was easily crumbled, instead revealing that inside he was kind, emotionally intelligent and funny. Even with a considerable amount of liquor in his system, he remained charming and cool, two words she never thought she'd use to describe John Shelby.

"He was such a weird kid, always trailing behind me or his brothers. I never expected him to turn out like this." She thought to herself, becoming more impressed by his presence by the minute.

She could sense a deep sadness in him, maybe one that matched her own, and much like his curiosity for her, she decided that she wanted to sniff out that sadness and maybe help fix it. It was the least she could do after he kind of saved her.

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traumadumpwriter · 7 months

Text

Heavy trigger warning! This story includes heavy themes of ab*se, r*pe, mental illness and violence.

Freedom: A John Shelby mini fic

Chapter one: 3011 words

It was the middle of the night, the fields around the campsite completely black in the darkness. Alice was wouldn't have even known she was anywhere near Birmingham if not for overhearing a conversation between her husband and one of his lackeys.

"Don't let her out the van when daylight comes, the bitch might recognise her surroundings and try a runner." Jones muttered to Ronnie in Romani.

"She don't know backroads Jonesy, not even these Brummy ones."

Her stomach instantly flipped at the mention of Birmingham. She'd all but given up hope on ever seeing that city again. After the night she was wed, the clan instantly moved to Ireland for a few months, then to Scotland, France, and finally back to England. It never made a difference to Alice what country she was in, she was still a caged bird desperate to fly.

"I think you'd be surprised by what that girl knows." The grubby man replied with a grunt before banging loudly on the painted wood of the caravan Alice was forced to spend most of her days in.

"Wake up! You know what time it is!" He shouted with an audible grin, immediately killing positive emotion Alice might've had inside her gut.

Jones had been completely repulsive right from the start. She supposed that her father had spun the classic "problematic woman who needs taming" story to him and that's why he was so strict at first. But even as he wore her spirit down and made her submit, he only seemed to get worse.

Alice quickly did a fake yawn as she stepped out from the caravan, stretching her arms before standing and shooting her husband a dirty look, barely visible in the candle light. She could smell the liquor on him already, getting straight onto her knees before he could force her onto them.

Ronnie scoffed, looking down at her and licking his lips before walking away.

"I do wish you'd let us all have a go again." He chuckled at Jones as he headed towards the rest of the camp, something that the taller man ignored as he was focused on getting his dick out of his pants.

Alice had grown numb to the feeling, helped by the opium she was fed. Without it, he wouldn't have dared to put his precious gems anywhere near her teeth - a scar on it from one of her previous 'outbursts'.

Once the assault was finished, the thin girl was sent to help with the cooking, not treated particularly nice by any of the other women at the camp either. They were also mistreated by their family and husbands but never to the degree that Alice was. Nonetheless, they all seemed to enjoy seeing Alice suffer as much as the men did, all but one of the younger girls - Mindy.

She had also been forcefully wed to a member of the tribe but was a lot more submissive and therefore likeable to them. The girl was stick thin and no taller than four and a half foot, but that night she showed more bravery than Alice ever thought possible from her.

As the hours passed and the men eventually collapsed around the fire in their drunken stupors, Alice was locked away in the caravan she shared with Jones, as per. Her mind raced with ways to get out, desperately looking at the walls for some clue as if she hadn't done that a million times before. If she forcefully broke out it would make a loud noise and alert someone, then she would only have a couple of seconds to get a head start before Jones came after her and he would surely catch her. He always did.

Just as she began to give up, the sound of the lock being opened shot her head in the direction of the door.

"Has he woken up just to have his way with me?" She thought to herself, her heart thumping in her throat. If that was the case then he would surely be extremely drunk and that would mean extra violent; something that even the dope couldn't numb out.

Her anxiety was quickly lifted however when Mindy's soft, blue eyes met hers through the darkness.

"Go East." The girl whispered and she didn't need to say it twice.

Alice sent her a thankful nod and raced away, dashing through the open fields and forests until she found a small cave.

Panting, she looked around to make sure she hadn't been followed and once she was certain, collapsed onto the ground. Her body ached from running, she hadn't stopped for at least an hour and was just now catching her breath. As she lied on the dirty forest floor, her adrenaline started to fade, she shook and instead she was suddenly overcome by nausea and emotion. So many emotions. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't - not yet.

Vomit exited from her for a few short minutes before she stood up and decided to carry on moving, this time with a slower pace as for the first time in a long time, she actually felt slightly hopeful.

—————

Hours passed and the sun was just beginning to rise. Alice could see the outline of the bustling city and despite the immense amount of physical pain she was in, had forced herself to keep on moving. It was getting tough though.

A few of the fresher injuries that Jones had given her had reopened in amongst the desperate scrambling through trees and bushes and were now bleeding or extremely sore. These injuries included deep cuts on her back and stomach, a shallow stab wound he'd left in her thigh and burns from his friends cigars. She was also extremely nauseous from opium and the generally awful living conditions she'd been confined to, not having done much running or eaten many full meals in the last five years.

Being closer to the road, she was hoping to see a car pass and beg the driver for a ride - she would do anything in return. But no cars passed. She didn't even know if anyone would let her in, if they would just call the police and have her sent to a crazy house.

"Maybe with the blood on my dress it's not such a good idea." She thought, looking down at the mess for a moment.

However, the sound of an automobile heading in her direction quickly shot that thought out of her head and without even thinking, she threw herself out into the road, waving her hands in the air desperately to stop the driver.

Through the windscreen, she could see two men with flat caps and suits on, the one behind the wheel having broad shoulders and a piercing gaze even from a small distance. The driver slammed on the breaks, stopping a foot in front of Alice who immediately started to explain.

"I'm so sorry to stop you gentlemen. I'm in quite a bit of trouble and I need a ride into Small Heath. I'll do anythi-" The words were firing out of her mouth at a hundred miles per hour, desperate to be heard before they sped away, but she gasped in shock and cut herself off as the men stepped out of the car.

Once they made eye contact with her, they too stopped in shock for a short moment.

"Alice fucking Shepherd? Is that you?" Arthur Shelby squinted his eyes and looked intensely at her face, answering himself before she had the chance to.

"It is!" He turned to John. "You remember fuckin' Alice-"

"Yes I remember. How could I forget?" John cut his brother off, his eyes never leaving the shaking girl.

He couldn't quite believe his vision, thinking the girl to be dead or gone forever. For a while he'd been secretly devastated, always having hoped that he'd marry her one day. But after a few years, like everyone else, he just accepted that she wasn't coming back.

Her big brown eyes and pink lips were still as beautiful as he remembered, even as she stood there visibly bruised and sickly looking like a deer in the headlights, and he felt a stir in his chest that he thought he'd completely lost.

When they were younger, she'd been the only girl to ever intimidate him. But now she looked so weak. He realised that something bad must've happened while she was gone. Something really bad to have made Alice Shepherd beg anyone for anything, let alone a ride into shitty Small Heath.

She was also quite shocked, not expecting to see John and Arthur Shelby of all people. Her mind had almost forgotten about them, being focused on such more disturbing things like basic survival and murdering her husband. Despite this, as soon as she saw John, his face just as pretty but now more defined, her breath caught in her throat and she fell to her knees.

"Woah! Are you alright?" John snapped out of his shocked stare and rushed over, bending down to her level.

She held her head in her hands for a moment, the huge rush of relief upon seeing them being slightly overwhelming.

"Alice. Are you okay?" John repeated, putting his hand on her shoulder and gently shaking her until she looked up at him with a nod, tears silently forming in her eyes.

He instantly noticed and quickly pulled her up into a tight hug, cooing her gently as she began to cry into his chest.

Never in a million years did he think he'd ever see Alice Shepherd again, let alone have her crying into his chest on the outskirts of Birmingham as the sun rose on his way back from some less than legal dealings.

"What's going on? Should I turn off the engine?" Arthur called over, prompting John to loosen the hug but keep his arm around her.

"Come on, let's go. I'll take you home, free of charge." He said quietly with a small smile, bringing a smaller smile to Alice's face.

John didn't want to unwrap his arm from around her, a part of him scared that she might disappear again. But he had to be the driver as Arthur had drank far too much to be trusted behind the wheel.

As Alice climbed into the backseat, she felt a huge weight lift from her shoulders. A relieved sigh left her mouth and her body relaxed for the first time in a long while. The Shelby family had always been good to hers and from the looks of their suits and car, had more security than ever before.

"Good to see you again Alice." Arthur turned around from the passenger seat with a smile, the attempt at comfort evident in his gruff voice. "Glad to know you're alive."

In the dim lighting of the automobile, Arthur noticed the injuries and blood on her body that weren't previously visible in the shadows outside.

"Even more scars than when we were kids. What the fuck has this girl been up to?" He thought, before speaking. "Sweetheart, how fresh is that blood and where is it coming from?"

At the word 'blood', John looked down at his shirt and noticed that he too, was stained with it from their contact. His mind automatically fearing for the worst, he sped up slightly and kept his eyes focused on the road.

Alice looked down at herself, suddenly going light headed as she realised just how much blood there actually was. She felt around for which cut or stab or burn was leaking the most but they all seemed to be fairly bad. It didn't help that her body was numb from the trauma and shock of the past couple hours.

"Th-there's a lot of them. I-I don't know." She stammered before looking back up into Arthur's concerned eyes. "I-I'll b-be fine though."

Almost as soon as the words left her mouth, her eyes rolled back and the pale girl fell limp into the back corner, prompting Arthur to clamber over instantly.

John sped up more whilst Arthur inspected the injuries, both brothers in a slight panic. The elder awkwardly sucked in his lips before deciding to pull up her dress and try to work out what exactly was injured.

"How's she looking brother?" John asked. "Why'd she stop talking?"

Arthur was stunned for a moment, gulping before turning and replying "She fainted... Looks like she's been bloody tortured! Couldn't even tell ya what's done it, no bullets though so that's a good sign."

John's grip on the wheel tightened and his jaw clenched slightly. Violence against women was not something he agreed with, especially not against one he cared about. The possibilities of what had happened to Alice while she was away made him feel disturbed and angry. He'd always assumed that she'd chosen a new life, probably charmed and married some successful man and had a kid or two - it was now clear that probably wasn't the case.

Soon, the boys had dropped her off at the hospital. A big part of John wanted to stay there and make sure she was fine, but Arthur insisted that that would be a strange thing to do for a woman you haven't seen in years and made him feel weak for his emotions.

In the morning he explained the situation to Ada and Polly, who instantly rushed to be with Alice whilst the boys continued with business.

—————

"I can't believe it. I can't believe she's alive. If only her mother was here to see this day, God rest her soul." Polly spoke quickly as the two women paced down the hospital halls.

Ada didn't have anything to say, not yet. She'd been extremely upset when Alice was sent away, even more so when she realised that her best friend probably wasn't returning. Part of her still blamed her aunt for ever placing the idea in Clara Shepherd's manic head, but she was sure Polly already felt enough guilt and didn't need it rubbed in.

Both of them were so happy to hear she was alive, assuming the worst after she was declared missing and had no idea what to expect when they saw her. Ada hoped that she would be the same chatty friend she'd once known like the back of her hand whilst Polly hoped for an unharmed but tamer girl than what she remembered, dreading to think of how she'd react to the news of her family.

Neither of the women were prepared to see the broken girl in the hospital bed, her wounds being wrapped gently by a nurse as she stared into space. There were bruises causing her face to be slightly swollen and her body was uncomfortably thin, but as clear as day that was Alice Shepherd. Her eyes soon met the two new pairs in the room and a small smile crossed her face.

"You can't be in here right now-" the nurse began but stopped talking as soon as she saw Polly, instead looking down at the floor and meekly walking out of the room, leaving the women alone.

Ada flung her arms around Alice before quickly pulling them away as the girl flinched.

"Alice! I can't believe you're alive! What happened?" She gasped, sitting down beside the bed. "Are you okay?"

"Of course she's not okay, look at her." Polly quickly snapped, sitting down on the other side of the bed. Her eyes had already scanned the injuries littered across the girl's body and ring on her finger - forming a gut feeling of what might've happened. "You're safe with us now though, they'll never hurt you again."

"With us?" Alice thought. "What about my own fucking family?"

"Where's my mother?" She asked shortly to the two women, their solemn faces instantly answering her question.

"And my brothers?"

Another sad look from Ada. Another gut punch.

"Jamie in the Somme and Andrew in Verdun. They both fought alongside Tommy... Your mother fell sick with consumption after they died, she didn't suffer for too long though as it spread very rapidly." Polly answered, her voice remaining one tone but her eyes showing great emotion.

Clara Shepherd had been Polly's best and often only friend; her death having quite the hidden impact on the busy woman. Now seeing the supposedly dead or eternally missing daughter of said best friend sent her back to memories of the deathbed; the promise made.

Due to her nature in childhood, both visitors expected Alice to jump out of the bed and start smashing things, or to grab the nearest sharp object and viciously cut herself. Instead, she laid still and stared blankly at the wall ahead, tears silently dropping down her face but her voice remaining unaffected.

"And the house? All of their stuff. It's gone?"

"Yes... Mostly gone. Your mother did ask me to keep a few things just incase you ever came back."

A small moment of silence passed, everyone in intense thought, until Alice spoke again.

"Where am I to stay? I have no money."

"Don't you worry about that, you can stay with us for as long as you need!" Polly answered.

"Or you can stay with me and Freddie but there's really not much room with my baby, Karl now.. and he cries all night." Ada quickly added, gently placing her hand on top of Alice's.

Another moment of silence passed, Alice staring at the wall in deep thought about her family before taking a long, deep breath and turning to Ada with a forced smile.

"Thank you Ada. I appreciate that a lot, but I think I'd rather have a good nights rest."

The Shelby women spent the next hour catching Alice up on everything that had happened since her absence, carefully brushing over anything to do with her passed family and whilst the injured girl appreciated their kindness, all she wanted to do was grieve and adjust to her newfound freedom - still not quite believing it to be real.

Go on the tag freedom on my profile to see other parts!! Xxx

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