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cyb3rtarot · 7 months

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Pick a Pile: What's an Insecurity You Need to Confront?

Disclaimer: tarot readings are not replacements for professional advice! Take what resonates; don't force a reading to fit. Readings are based on current energy; your future's in your hands. For this reading I used a recolored Smith-Waite, the Osho Zen tarot, and the Oracle of the Radiant Sun.

pile 1⋆pile 2 pile 3⋆pile 4

(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅)

Pile 1:

What’s the insecurity?: hi pile one! You seem to have interests that aren’t very socially accepted. You could like things considered “nerdy, childish, cringe, or weird.” Some of you feel like you’re a frivolous or immature person. You may also feel this way about your friend group or job. There’s some sense of awkwardness, embarrassment, or shame about the things that fulfill you. This may be a career that others don’t take seriously—like the arts—or something really niche like being a clown. However, I see most of you still try to pursue what feels right despite others’ pressure.

Why do you feel this way?: I feel you’re wrapped up in how others perceive you. You may fear being shunned, ostracized, and alone. Some of you have already experienced that level of loneliness before, so you don’t want to be pushed out again. You could be or have been the friend who feels least important, like the one who gets pushed off a sidewalk while everyone else walks side by side. Many of you have social anxiety; you could feel like everyone is staring at you or get easily embarrassed.

Current method of dealing with this: you like to take your mind off your insecurities and emotions as fast as possible. When you feel judged, you change the topic really fast, like by making a joke. You might blurt out something you didn’t really mean to redirect attention, like making a joke at someone else’s expense. Your constant flight or fight pushes you towards impulsiveness, and flip-flopping between embarrassment and defensiveness. This could take a physical toll, like feeling very tired after socializing. A few people in this group could’ve been bullies to deflect from their own issues (though others of you were on the receiving end).

Advice for healing: reflecting on how projections create shame is beneficial. When we judge ourselves, we feel everyone else is judging us too. When others judge us unfairly, they’re projecting something from inside themselves outwards. We can stay trapped in a cycle of shame where everyone is unhappy, or accept that we deserve happiness in our harmless interests. By taking a different perspective of your fears instead of accepting them as the full story, you can leave thought patterns you no longer align with. For those who often say things they regret, there’s emphasis on thinking before you speak, and working through thoughts before projecting them outwards. A few of you are entering a new community that will be a great opportunity to work on this. If you were drawn to pile 2 I encourage you to check it out!

Extra details: a bench (especially green), staring, golf carts, driving, dancing, physically active, excitable/hyperactive, bubbly, theater kid, geeky, black hair, cringe culture, shy, fandoms, the comedian/funny friend, always smiling, secret/hidden life, bullying, travel/moving, leaving friends, feeling dumb, fake persona, panic, school friends, college, dorms, fairies (fairly odd parents?), Are We Friends or Not by Zeph

(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅)

Pile 2 [TW abuse/childhood abuse]:

What’s the insecurity?: hi pile two! You guys may feel insecure or struggle in what you want to do with your life. You may feel stuck in “analysis paralysis;” constantly ruminating over all the possibilities but never reaching a conclusion. If you compare yourselves to others, it might seem like you’re going very slow in life, a late bloomer, have no solid plan, or like you’re regressing. Some of you struggle with a heavy past, like major childhood trauma that contributes to your present feelings.

Why do you feel this way?: you have a lot of thoughts in your head that pull you every which way. You might have an inkling of what you want to do, but you get caught in the planning versus the doing. Some of you are stuck between choosing something lucrative or something more purposeful. There are also opinions from others that are confusing you. A few of you have imposter syndrome about a new opportunity, and another few are having problems at a job which is pushing them away.

Current method of dealing with this: this pile seems to deal with it by not dealing with it lol. You want to make the perfect choice so much that you either don’t make any decision or you turn away from what you like. The latter is specific to some of you that have already chosen a more material-focused path but still feel indecisive. However, I don’t feel like you guys are living in an illusion; you’re aware of your situation and the different aspects. You may enjoy the position you’re in despite the insecurity. For example, if you don’t have a job right now, you could enjoy the free schedule. You may like still being taken care of by your family and not having to work. Or, you could enjoy the potential of having many possibilities and not fully committing.

Advice for healing: you need to take a serious look at what you want out of life, what’s important to YOU and not society or others. This includes being more selective with the perceptions and advice you consider; you might also need to be more selective with who’s in your circle. Are there people in your energy who are only there for themselves? Are you maybe a bit too free with sharing your plans and ideas with just everyone? Find out who and what makes you feel fulfilled and empowered. If you also felt drawn to pile 1 I encourage you to look it over!

Extra details: looking for a job or between jobs, optimism, eagerness, vests, libraries, plants, round glasses/brown glasses, light brown hair (especially a bob), quiet or shy kid (some of you outgrew it), teacher’s assistant, childhood trauma or abuse, masculine or androgynous look, horror (the genre), drawing, pop music (some of you love ariana grande 🤨), drag, job opportunities, meditation, overthinking, inner demons, nickelodeon, moving, being busy, lack mindset

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Pile 3 [TW mental illness, substance abuse]:

What’s the insecurity?: hi pile threes! Is everything all right?? You guys have an indecisive energy like pile 2, but it feels philosophical instead of material. The insecurity is life itself. You could be having an existential crisis or existential anxiety. You don’t know your purpose or why you’re here, and this creates a stagnant but chaotic feeling inside. Some of you don’t want to be here. Another part of this “insecurity” is that you don’t share this struggle with most. Because others can’t comprehend what you’re going through, it’s isolating. This pile could be very disappointed with how society and survival works, and don’t want to put their energy into the broken system.

Why do you feel this way?: This group has pressure from themselves and others to be successful and “well-adjusted.” To achieve, move forward, and at least appear “normal.” There’s a great internal struggle happening and the pressure to keep up appearances adds to the stress. Mental health issues feel very significant for this pile. You may still conform to so-called normal life while feeling ready to snap.

Current method of dealing with this: most of this pile puts a lot of energy into keeping up the image. There’s a split self where the external you and internal you are living two different lives. You may like to hang out with friends a lot and focus on their lives instead of your own. Your friend group or the activities you do together seem to be filled with gossip, drama, or other excitement that distracts you from what’s going on. I also see a big struggle with overindulgence or addiction. There’s a sense of feeling out of it during the day and then coming alive at night; you might like to stay up or go out really late. Some of you also use partners to fill the void.

Advice for healing: there’s an extremely strong emphasis on removing yourself from people who no longer align with you. There could be a few people or places that always “enable” you to make choices you regret, or always bring drama and toxicity into your life. Specific people in this pile are in a romantic relationship that makes them feel very unhappy. The advice is to reflect on what takes peace from your life and what you can do to protect yourself from toxicity. If you use relationships to never face yourself, you can re-evaluate the energy you put into them. Some time has to be spent with the self to see what the self wants and needs (if you’re drawn to meditation it can be helpful). I highly encourage everyone who wants or needs them to see what mental health services are accessible to you, and to explore potential healthy coping mechanisms.

Extra details: impatient, may like to sing, vocal stim, or rap, goofy, “IT’S FAKE!”(?), a facade/mask, hiding feelings, uses humor to cope or avoid a topic, trap house, memes, spiritual, viewing life as sacred, anti-capitalism, immigrant family, questioning orientation, substance abuse, painting, bathrooms, the middle of nowhere, courage the cowardly dog, pop music, karaoke, bars and clubs, I think we ALL sing, housing insecurity, the characters Mabel or Sarah Lynn could be significant

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Pile 4:

What’s the insecurity?: hi pile four! This is an insecurity about being vulnerable as your true self due to the oppressive environment around you. It feels like you carry many responsibilities. You’re expected to act strong, carry out duties, maintain tradition, and in most ways you’ve done this. On the inside you reject this way of life, but also feel fear in fully living out that rejection. This pile may deem themselves as weak, immature, or sinful. I also feel many of you want to be taken care of or protected instead of always having to be the carer and protector, and this could contribute to feeling weak.

Why do you feel this way?: living as your true self may mean becoming the black sheep wherever you are. You may be afraid that the fallout will push you into an unfavorable situation, such as having to leave where you currently are. You might’ve already seen it happen to others. I feel many of you have had to live in a mature role or take care of responsibilities since childhood, and this adds an extra layer as to why it’s so hard to break free.

Current method of dealing with this: I feel like you guys are doing the best with what you have! A good amount of this pile has left or is leaving their hurtful environment, and you’re moving into new communities that align with you. For others, this may just be an internal change. Either way, I feel you’re refusing to be bullied into agreeing with things you don’t believe in. One way or another, you’re going to find a way to rebel how you can and live the way you want. It’s just been hard to reflect on ingrained beliefs and sometimes you catch yourself falling back on ideas you don’t mesh with anymore. But great efforts have been made towards the path you want to be on.

Advice for healing: be open to a completely new journey you would’ve never imagined before! There’s already a lot of energy directed towards the life you envision for yourself. You’re encouraged to be open-minded and allow yourself continuous evolution. There’s an emphasis on giving your inner child a lot of grace and space to heal, even if your first impulse is to judge them. Just as others shouldn’t keep you in their box, don’t keep yourself in your own box either! You may have had to develop certain traits to help you leave old, toxic situations, such as having a hard exterior or going ham during your rebellious phase. Keep what still feels good and let go of the rest; embody what you need and want to be in the present and not the past. But, there’s no need to shame other versions of yourself that had different personalities and beliefs; compassion for past selves leads to compassion for the present and future selves :]!

Extra details [TW abuse mention]: teeter-tottering/off-balance, scooby & shaggy, religious trauma, conservative community, church, childhood trauma, abusive relationships, regretting parenthood, religious deconstruction/leaving, becoming more spiritual, new religious beliefs, Buddhism, moving, financial struggle, single parent, hesitating, sea/sea animals, parties or gatherings, moving/travel across the ocean, writing/journaling, nature, herbalism, plant-induced spiritual experiences, acupuncture, purple

(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅)

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myfandomrealitea · 8 days

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I very vividly remember in 2020, being told by this one person who began controlling our fandom rp server, that we had to turn our rp blogs into places where we had to reblog every horrific thing happening during blm. and that he "better not catch us trying to rp". he also was against tagging it because then "white people would ignore it". i remember forcing myself to watch videos of police brutalizing black men and women, real people dying in the streets, and trying to convince myself that if I looked away, I was part of the problem. He'd also convinced me that I lucked out in getting my job, only because I was white, and that I was taking this job from a much more qualified black person. the only reason i got away from him is because I started feeling like i should kill myself, because one less whitey. and that was when i snapped to attention and did whatever i could to get out of there, even though it cost me my reputation being slandered by him.

it's been 4 years, and I'm doing my best to heal, but apparently he's still at it. pulling this same kind of controlling bs that I'm seeing echoed in some of those reblogs.

don't traumatize yourself for the sake of proving you're a good person.

Please feel free to name and shame. That kind of behavior is abusive, predatory and could very well drive someone to kill themselves as you almost did. Him continuing to have a platform and unchallenged reach is outright dangerous.

If you are ever in a situation like this, please, clock the early signs and leave. Your health and wellbeing are far more important than your forced activism. If someone is ever:

Making you feel guilty over something like not reblogging a post, being a certain ethnicity/gender/race/sexuality.

Accusing you of contributing to or being the core problem in a much, much broader issue.

Trying to manipulate you and others by "tattling" on you for not doing something or not doing enough.

Threatening you in order to pressure you into doing things.

Screenshot all of the conversations, block them, and leave.

Things like this are why I will always give call out posts which do not contain blatant and corroborating evidence the benefit of the doubt. Its all too easy for people to join in almost automatically on dogpiles against people being accused of something like being racist or being passive/dismissive about world events.

(E.g; in the 911 fandom literal Latino artists and authors were being harassed over being "racist" re; their depictions of Eddie Diaz only for the people dogpiling them to scramble to retract and apologise once they realized the person wasn't actually an Evil Terrible White Person.)

I'm so proud of you for having the courage to get yourself away from your abuser.

#myfandomrealitea #sephiroth speaks #fandom #proship #reality #proshipping #world issues #justice #social justice #tw: abuse #tw: emotional abuse #911 #eddie diaz mention #tw: racism mention #human rights

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drdemonprince · 4 months

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something im kind of connecting the dots to re: your posts about shaming people who don’t wear masks…in ‘20 and ‘21 I spent a lot of time posting shaming instagram stories telling people they needed to mask, and i yelled at family until i was blue in the face bc they weren’t masking, having big weddings, etc. and it really created a rift (obviously) in my relationships. I’ve also spent a lot of time and energy in the past 4 or so years telling people that it’s not possible to be an ally to trans people if they still engage in any media created by jk rowling. Especially given that her anti trans manifesto has been cited in anti trans legislation in the uk, she says that she assumes that anyone who continues to engage with Harry Potter media approves of her transphobia, etc the list goes on. And yet i still see my friends going to the wizarding world of Harry Potter, marathoning the movies with their friends, going to see the new movies in theaters, and so on. Obviously my aggressive shaming posts and conversations (which have alienated a lot of people) aren’t doing jack shit. Your mask shame posts made me realize that it probably wasn’t right of me to do that. But I don’t see how I can stand up for what I believe in and show people that it’s not okay to keep doing this shit AND play nice and not create trouble. Do you have any thoughts?

Thanks for this great question and for sharing your experiences.

I think when we shame, part of it is a grappling with our own powerlessness. It feels terrible to confront that no matter how much we care, and no matter how much we plead, we cannot make another person take action. When people we love or rely on won't hear our pleas and won't take action, it wounds us so deeply, and it makes sense we react in anger or seek to shame them hoping it will make them care. But it isn't effective.

I think one of the first steps is accepting our powerlessness as individuals. We have to stop expecting ourselves to somehow persuade people to change their behavior and views, when all the research indicates that such change is rare, slow, and very hard, and cannot be accomplished on a person who does not already want to be influenced. We have to sit in the humility of not being able to make others care, and take time to grieve how badly it hurts. Our understandable and huge hurt feelings need to be processed. many of us have a powerful need to express our rage and have it witnessed by others who understand.

From there, we have to think very strategically about what kind of collective work we can do that will shift social norms, facilitate the behavior we want to see, and fight for systemic changes that will actually address the root issues.

This may be things like passing out masks at protests. Joining a local mutual aid fund to contribute to the expenses of people who are quarantining. Protesting an event space to make them institute a masking policy. Unionizing with our coworkers to demand paid sick leave. Shoplifting tests and redistributing them to people in need. Terrorizing the business leaders who dragged us all back into the office. Sharing the wastewater data. Asking loved ones about their COVID mitigation decisions in a sincere way. Organizing outdoor events for our communities. Paying for a buddy's vaccine.

There are countless ways for us to be plugged into an active community that is larger than us. The work is humble, and ongoing, and what you do personally will never be enough on its own, and you must accept that in order to believe that it does not have to be. We are in this together.

In short, I think the tough emotional realities of feeling disrespected and not cared for much be addressed by finding community with people who do care and will give us room to voice our outrage. And then we have to work together to create the circumstances that allow real systemic change to germinate.

Right now, people conflate that emotional need to express rage with the political need to take action. And what feels cathartic to do or say is not necessarily what's persuasive. There has to be room for both.

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yellowocaballero · 5 months

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Omg hi Ms. Yellow Caballero big fan of your work <3 For real though, I'm really excited that your sharing the Weekenders, it was a joy to read and I'm bongocat-ing now that others also get the privilege to read it as well.

Referencing your tags, would you please elaborate of ableism in fandom and, like you said, how fandom treats characters with unpalatable disabilities?

Hi Ms. Bud Lite I'm a big fan of you <3

TL;DR A fear of writing characters of highly marginalized identities shields you from criticism and discomfort, but it's actively stigmatizing to people of these identities and as a writer you really need to get over yourself and write The Icky People.

I guess I'll come out swinging on this one and say that fandom doesn't like severe mental illness. (As a note, when I say severe mental illness (SMI) I mean illnesses such as psychotic disorders, bipolar disorder, substance use disorders, personality disorders, etc)

Obviously, nobody likes people w/SMI. It's just insanely egregious in fandom to me, since fanfic writers absolutely love writing characters or HC characters with depression, anxiety, or a specific variety of PTSD That Isn't Scary. People actively reject any character HCs for a SMI. When people write a character with SMI, they nicely downplay it, ignore it, substitute it for a disorder they like better, or rewrite it. It's completely untolerated, in both headcanons and in fanfiction, and every time I bring it up I always get the most interesting reasons why somebody couldn't possibly acknowledge a character's SMI in their writing. I've heard all of these:

"I don't know enough about the disorder to write it accurately." Do research.

"I'm not X, so I can't really depict it." You probably aren't a cis white man, but you depict those guys just fine.

"It feels insulting to the character." There is no shame in having a SMI.

"I can't understand what it's like, so it's better to be cautious and avoid giving characters stigmatized identities." There are LOTS of experiences that you'll never understand because you've never had them - you just don't want to write anything you're uncomfortable with. People with SMI make you uncomfortable, and you don't want to write anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, or think of a comfort character in an uncomfortable way. SMIs are marginalized differently than solely depression/anxiety/The Nice PTSD, and by refusing to write them you're actively contributing to the stigma.

I think (?) I've spoken in the past about how I believe that the rigorous external and internal policing of writing people of marginalized identities is actively harmful towards efforts to increase diversity of experience and background in fiction. A lot of fanfiction writers are just terrified to write people who they can't directly relate with, because they're worried 'they'll get it wrong' and be Big Cancelled. I think this is negative enough when it prevents people from going outside of their comfort zone, but on a macro level I think this results in people refusing to write characters of marginalized identities as all. It's an insidious thought process, and it's reflected in people's unwillingness to diversity their writing or acknowledge canon diversity.

'Well, I don't understand what it's like to be Black, so I don't want to write Black people'. 'I want to project on this character, so I only want to write them with mental illnesses and identities I have'. 'If I write a marginalized character incorrectly people will yell at me, so I won't write a marginalized character who's marginalized differently than me at all'. Can you imagine writing a lesbian character with a boyfriend because 'you feel uncomfortable writing lesbian experiences'? It's blatantly homophobic. But people do that with disability and race/ethnicity ALL THE TIME.

People with SMI notice that you feel uncomfortable with them. It's obvious. They notice when a character has a SMI + anxiety, and you only write their anxiety. They notice when a character displays symptoms of a SMI in canon, but you write it out. And POC notice when the characters of color are written out. I know we all like to project on the blorbos and relate to them, and in the joys of your own head do whatever, but as a writer if you only stick to identities you're comfortable with you are actively being a worse writer. Which to me is the REAL sin lmfao.

#my asks #thanks for enabling me lizzy if i didn't get this out i would have just vagued for the rest of time #even just beyond all of this on a more subtle lvl. HC people with SMI cowards. just do it. its good for you.#the two times me/a close friend have proposed on a fandom server "hey I read X as having a SUD/being on the schizophrenic spectrum'#there was actual fascinating pushback and rejection #people got MAD.#'blorbo wouldn't be an alcoholic he's not a bad person :(' fuck off #i dont use the word often but its ableism and you can be mentally ill and still ableist #if you dont feel educated enough on something to write it then do research #and while research wont give you everything it's a start #if you feel like you can only write people just like you then frankly? skill issue #i mentioned that the last fic was a bit of a spite fic - well #it was scientifically fascinating how the majority of a fandom wrote/acknowledged a character as depressed and anxious #but actively got incredibly defensive when someone suggested that the psychotic character may have had a psychotic disorder #it was so blatant. very annoying. anyway.

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justalittlesolarpunk · 6 months

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hi! i have been experiencing The Horrors lately (just general hopelessness about the state of the world and especially in regards to climate change) and i am just wondering - do you have any advice for incorporating climate action into one’s everyday life? i need to do something about this but the problem feels so big that i feel like i can’t, like i am drowning in it and i need to learn to swim

Hi my love, sorry it took me a while to respond, I’ve been quite tired!

So first off, the Horrors are reasonable, it’s a very sensible human response to the state of things around you and shows you have empathy and that you care. I say this because it’s all too easy to shame yourself for despair, but it’s natural that we fall into it sometimes.

In terms of doing climate action a little every day, there’s so much you can get your teeth into. For starters, there are personal choices, like giving up flying or meat and dairy if you can. Sure, these don’t add up to much, but they can really change how you feel and working with a smaller burden of guilt can be life-changing. Similarly making choices like switching your electricity and heating and getting an electric car (or even better, taking the train, bus, tram, your feet or a bus) can help you get into a more positive mindset as you feel like you are ‘doing your part’. Check if you have any savings or pensions invested in fossil fuels and switch them over. Even buying from zero waste shops can help shift your mood, even if it’s too small to shift the whole economy.

Once you’ve got all these little changes out of the way, it’s time to think systemic. Most places will have a local activist group you can join, which usually only involves a commitment to weekly meetings - can you attend XR, A22, Greenpeace or Friends of The Earth gatherings in your neighbourhood? These will usually allow you to start attending protests and keying into wider campaign networks.

Something else you can do is bring the subject up with people in your life, to contribute to a wider cultural shift where climate conversations are normalised, and you can agitate for changes at your job or university/school that will bring the institution’s emissions down.

Try to consume a more balanced media diet, seeking out what is going right in the world as well as what is going wrong. Sites like Positive News and the Good News Network are helpful for this. Supernova is a purely positive social media app if you’re looking for a more uplifting scrolling experience.

But much more important is to get outside and to make real-life community. If there’s a conservation or gardening volunteer group in your area I’d highly recommend getting involved with it - nothing has helped me as much as getting my hands in the dirt, doing meaningful work to grow food to feed my neighbours. A lot of our climate anxiety stems from fear that we won’t be able to feed ourselves or that natural beauty will vanish, so connecting with crops or landscapes is a great way to soothe some of that. Building relationships with neighbours or affinity groups (such as LGBT, POC or disabled organisations) can help you feel part of a more resilient network of people who can help each other out in a crisis. Plus if you get to plant trees regularly I guarantee that will help you feel like you’re contributing.

Solarpunk content is great for improving your outlook too - whether it’s optimistic sci-fi, utopian cityscapes or anarchist politics, it all uplifts you and reminds you of what’s possible. Check out people’s stories of what they’re doing to make the world a little better to remind yourself you’re not in it alone.

If you can afford to, a regular donation to groups working to reforest, re-wet peatland, re-seed mangroves or combat soil erosion is a pretty tangible way to fight the climate crisis. Be sure to do all the obvious stuff like voting and engaging with other political pathways too.

A fun weekend’s activity could be seedbombing with friends or building a bee house - there’s lots you can do that’s crafty or creative that also helps your local environment, even if it’s just growing food or pollinator friendly plants on your windowsill or letting your lawn rewild itself. Taking an attitude of grateful, affectionate kinship with all the plants and animals around you will aid in building a sense of connection with the ecosystem and reminding you that you’re part of a grand, resilient web of life.

Put together the emergency kit I detail in an earlier post, so you feel prepared for facing extreme weather and taking part in mutual aid. Teach yourself to forage or at the very least recognise the common plants in your area. This counteracts species blindness and makes you more considerate of the non-human.

You could even consider altering your career path, if you’re an adult, and re-training to work in the climate movement, though this will not be accessible for everyone. If you’re a younger person you could look into pursuing an educational path that will allow you to join the green sector.

If you can get some, therapy with an eco-informed professional can be hugely beneficial for channeling your very reasonable feelings of terror into meaningful action that benefits you and the planet, though admittedly there’s only so much individualised therapy can do for such a huge problem - perhaps there’s a support group you can go to?

And finally, make sure you take some time every day, preferably an hour if you can spare it, but certainly at least fifteen minutes, to do something you really love, that brings you genuine joy, and has nothing to do with the climate crisis. You can’t pour from an empty cup and you can’t put out fires if you’re burnt out. Rest, regeneration and self-care are prerequisites for sustainable movement building and you deserve to have moments of unalloyed happiness. You are categorically NOT in this alone, you are part of a huge, ever-growing moment full of people who are working towards the same goal even though most of you will never meet. And so while we need you now more than ever, there’s also enough of us that you can take a few minutes to feel better and it won’t cost us the fight. As an older activist said to me recently, even when we sleep our comrades across the world are waking up ready to face the day’s struggle.

Ultimately, a lot of these are just things that have worked for me, and they won’t all be accessible or appropriate to you. Some of them are more about changing your viewpoint than radically altering the status quo around the climate. But I know I fight better when I feel optimistic and well in myself, so these are my suggestions. I hope some of them help, and I want to commend your strength and bravery in reaching out for advice and connection, because that’s how we keep fighting, and that’s how we win.

The Horrors are real, but so are the Wonders. And one of those Wonders is you.

#solarpunk #hopepunk #environmentalism #social justice #cottagepunk #community #optimism #bright future #climate justice #positivity #looking forward #keeping on #activism #sustainability #the wonders

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hazshit-hotel-hater · 16 days

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I'm not a "ship" person whatsoever but I do scroll character tags on occasion and see quite a bit of Vox and Vel together as well as what seems to be a lot of what I'm assuming is female original character stuff. I've even seen some Charlie and Vox too. So it's out there, but unless you're scrolling through character tags I can see how it might be hard to find. Personally, I also block/filter a lot of the big "ship" tags so maybe that also makes it easier for me to stumble across this stuff that "slips" through since I don't know if those pairings have names.

I get your point though. I do think many are inclined to erase his bisexuality when it's convenient. Interestingly, they also erase Valentino's pansexuality too. The same with Husk as well, but I check his tag a lot less so who knows.

What disappoints me, and I know I'm about to come off as nit-picky right now lol, is the lack of research people put into their "sexuality" headcanons for the characters with reference to their different eras. When reading some of them, you'd think the idea of "gay rights" was a completely new and foreign topic that only emerged after the early 2000s. I get people want to go for the simplistic "repressed and doesn't know what being [insert identity here] is" for some of the older characters but that completely ignores a fascinating and rich tapestry of queer history that could create far more interesting (and still accurate) stories for the characters/their backgrounds. I would really encourage those who haven't already or are generally unfamiliar to dive into this history as it might inspire their character ideas while also educate them on the work, art, and activism our queer elders have contributed to the community we have today.

I think this may partially relate to character ages being under explored as well. While I've seen debate on what is canon/has been decanonized many of these characters, as far as we know, died in their late 30s and beyond. That's a lot of life to live and experience. While certainly many people throughout history (and even today) kept their sexuality hidden from the public due to culture, shame, and safety that doesn't mean there weren't many incredible private venues/spaces that could be utilized to explore those feelings/identities in secret.

I could go on and on about this but I've totally strayed from your original point (I'm sorry!) and I'm very tired haha. I just think there are multiple factors coming into play here with these character interpretations and, for me, the biggest missed opportunity is the lack of historical research. But end of the day people should have their fun! Just an observation.

Completely agree with this! I doubt my response will be as long since I just woke up but other characters doing certain things or not knowing about sexualities is interesting, it just seems like a lot of people think older people don’t want to explore any of that like it only just happened recently as you said. I like to joke about Angel being shocked about gay marriage and not knowing a bunch of current terms but thats about it. With him being in the mafia when he was alive makes it much more interesting as well, I’m pretty sure around his time the mafia was blackmailing men in gay bars but dont quote me on that I might be wrong.

Anyway for Husk and Valentino pan erasure I see that a bunch too. Not exactly erasure but just… ignoring it? Moreso erasure on Valentino’s end because Ive seen people get mad at people for shipping Valentino with a woman and was like “hes gay dont do that” no he isnt. Also dont ship Valentino with anyone for the love of god. But like people are super used to just making up headcanons that they dont bother to look up actual canon stuff. I know Hazbin isn’t the best but if you want canonically LGBTQ+ characters use what you have and add on later. Or headcanon a background character, thats what I did with Molly.

People are very focused on modern day queerness and forget that this stuffs been happening for decades and it’s a bit sad. Also I seem to have strayed from my own question as well?? Anyway ty for mentioning this! Its very interesting 🩷

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boxx-sama · 7 months

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Small Yuno Rant

CW: Abortion, mentions of sexual activity, mentions of suicide

Why Yuno Kashiki is NOT just “a girlboss”, as she has been mischaracterized by the Milgram fandom for who knows how long.

Oh boy.

I think most of you are already aware of the treatment Yuno gets by the fandom.

“Yeah girl, you abort that baby!”

“She did nothing wrong, she’s a girlboss!”

“She doesn’t regret anything!”

Well, to that, I say:

Do you know ANYTHING about Yuno, really?

These are all highly watered-down statements that prove that people see Yuno merely as some sort of feminine icon who did what was right for her body. And, that is right to an extent. I am pro-choice. But I don’t think they realize how unhealthy Yuno’s cravings were, how messed up her mindset is, and just how jaded she is.

I will debunk these statements one by one, so without further ado, let’s go.

Abortion in Japan, and Yuno’s Family

I’ve done my research on this, and I can easily say that getting a proper abortion in Japan is absolute hell. Taken from this article, an excerpt reads:

In Japan, abortion is essentially a crime except for certain indications. These indications have to do with mental illness, hereditary disease, leprosy, threat to the health of the mother, and pregnancy resulting from rape or threat. These indications entered into force under the eugenic protection law of 1948. On January 1, 1991, a new regulation became effective that shortened the duration of pregnancy termination from 23 weeks of gestation to 21 weeks in view of the advancement of medicine that made it possible for prematurely born children to survive outside the uterus.

Despite the limited availability for abortion, it is definitely seen as a crime by Japanese people. It is known that women are supposed to be held responsible for the death of the baby, not the doctors or pills that may be taken.

And even then, the chance of a proper abortion is slim. For example, birth control pills. The pill is not covered by Japanese Health Insurance, and the cost is approximately 3,000 yen per month. That is about $20 USD. Yuno is not struggling for money, either, as revealed by her T2 VD:

“I'm not pitiable. My family gets along super well. And I'm not particularly struggling for money. I decided, of my own free will, to do it because I felt that it was necessary for me.”

This adds evidence to my theory that Yuno did not want to be publicly shamed for having an abortion at such a young age, and as such, went to more extreme, private methods to rid of the baby; the latter of which I will get to later.

As I previously mentioned, abortion is looked down on in Japan. A few reasons for this include cultural influences, societal expectations, and historical factors, which contribute to a certain level of stigma. Traditional values emphasizing family continuity and societal norms may influence perceptions.

In a previous theory I had, I stated that Yuno had a highly religious family, and her own morals went against theirs. However, she loved her family, so she tried to seek a “cure” to her depression through sex. Many interrogation questions can add to this theory:

Question 4: Do you believe that god exists?

Answer: Obviously not.

(Note: The original TL had just said “no”, but Yuno has でしょ at the end of her sentence, and this can be used to emphasize a phrase or question, to my knowledge. As such, I changed it to be more fitting!)

Question 9: What do you think of your family?

Answer: I love them.

Perhaps she did everything behind their backs not only due to possible religious/traditional views, but because she wouldn’t want to be seen as someone who is “bad” for chasing after her ideals. On a slightly seperate note, this theme is fairly prominent in Umbilical:

Am I a bad girl? Please don’t answer What do you want to do? Please tell me

There are like more examples from the second trial interrogation, so if there are any let me know!

What Yuno Did + Her Regret

I think everyone has a general consensus as to what Yuno’s “murder” is. She participated in compensated dating, got pregnant at some point, and had an abortion, most likely by jumping off a set of stairs to kill the baby and herself.

This can be inferred by her Undercover shot, where she is standing at the end of her apartment balcony, seemingly holding her stomach from behind:

And not just this photo, but this brief shot from Umbilical:

(Fun little detail, but the whole aesthetic part of her MV is designed to be pink like a uterus and the balloons/white specs flying around may be sperm? Which implies she was “drowning” in warmth. Interesting.)

But wait, why would Yuno take herself as well as the baby? I like to think of it this way.

During her compensated dating, she met a man that she liked. One man who saw her for her, and not a complete facade. These dates, where she seems more like herself, are with said man—

The school uniform Yuno, as well as yellow Yuno.

It’s known that Yuno does look less happy in her other two personas by the second bridge, so I think she was more comfortable playing a lively character with this client because it felt more close to how Yuno wanted to represent herself.

So, progressing to Tear Drop, this man wears a gray coat. I saw a theory that I agree with once but forgot the source of it, so I’ll simply state it. I think that the Yuno in lingerie is representative of herself, and the Yuno in her uniform is the client. They keep and having sex and loving each other, but Yuno is betrayed when she finds out the man was using her for money and left her due to the pregnancy and then her life comes crashing down after. I’m kinda shortening this because this was supposed to be short but ended up long instead.

Does Yuno regret what she did? Yes, to an extent.

And anyone who doesn’t read into her character should really reconsider it!

#box talks #milgram #milgram theory #milgram project #yuno kashiki

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rangercorpstherapy · 3 months

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To the latest fandom take:

I strongly disagree with the take "new posts are cringe and low effort". Brother (gender neutral), trust me, you shaming them is so embarrassing. Let people enjoy what they want to enjoy. You're not held down by chains with your eyes forcefully open to look at those posts. Just scroll past or block accounts you don't like. Instead of being joyful about new people joining in, you chose to be bitter about what they post. We were all at that age. Stop picking on younger teens. Hell, it isn't about age. Every post, as long as it is not harmful, is valid and as long as its author enjoys it and enjoys sharing, don't stomp on it. That way, we'll get less and less posts. So what that people keep posting headcanons or essays that are "obvious" or were here before? Those people weren't here before. Let them DISCOVER the wonderful RA world for themselves and share that excitement. And if those posts don't satisfy? WRITE YOUR OWN. Thank you, cheff.

However, what I want to draw attention to (now speaking to everyone), is the remark about fanartists. I know some that left or stopped actively creating for the reason that they felt not appreciated. It goes deeper than that. In the world built on capitalism and consumerism, amateur artists (who are also human beings who seek assurance and positive encouraging feedback) and who come to fandom to share their free artwork for fun and for interaction that gives them motivation to go on, are not some machines that come automatically giving content. Consuming their art and using it without even interacting, especially in this small fandom, can feel draining and this is not what the fanartists came here to do. If you look at it through their eyes, would you continue to do art if you felt it hasn't found its audience or if the audience felt passive about it? You do not have to like some art work. I get it, we all have our own taste. But if you do not support artists, especially beginning ones, it's really easy to lose the motivation. And you're robbing yourself. Imagine some artist who would have become great and eventually posted the art you like, is not sharing their art because they didn't feel motivated.

In conclusion. OP of the prev fandom take, I definitely do not agree with your opinion on ra tag and posts. I also don't like the tone in which you wrote your whole ask. But, everyone, I do believe there's a tiny thing that's worth giving a thought in the part about fanart.

All I see lately is people complaining there aren't good posts or that fandom is dying. Babes, if you're not gonna interact with things, either posts or art or fics or whatever, of course the activity is gonna die down. But also I do think that on the other hand, people who say stuff like "we don't have content anymore are the ones who purposefully ignore posts of the newer blogs just because it isn't entirely their taste and then say this fandom is desolated wasteland about to be hit by dinosaur killing meteorite. Valid, you don't have to reblog stuff that you don't want to. But then stop complaining about that fact there isn't stuff and either shut up and move on or contribute yourself.

Pessimism and toxicity isn't what this fandom needs and to be real I am tired of these fandom takes that what is actually bringing this fandom down. Complaints and call outs to toxic and harmful behaviour is valid and shouldn't be suppressed and please, everyone don't ever be afraid to do that. But these shaming takes and asks, is like chasing and biting your own tail and then complaining it hurts. I'd really appreciate it if some of you could refrain from shaming people who harmlessly enjoy stuff. Bye.

#rangercorpstherapy #rangers apprentice #ranger's apprentice

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twig-tea · 10 months

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What's Going On with Seng and Freen

I don't like to follow too much of the fandom drama, but I had to mention what's going on re: Seng and Freen, two QL industry artists.

Seng is a BL actor who has been in Secret Crush on You, Y Destiny, and War of Y, all partnered with Billy Patchanon. Seng was originally with Idolfactory but left on January 2023 when his contract expired.

Freen is a GL actor who has been in Secret Crush on You and GAP the Series both partnered with Becky.

The FreenBecky ship is particularly strong and this ship has been really active promoting and doing fanmeets since GAP aired.

Last week Idolfactory posted a notice that the privacy of one of their artists, Freen, had been violated and that they were taking legal action.

A video was posted a few days ago (no I'm not going to link it) taken through a window from a distance, showing Seng and Freen kissing. Since then, both Freen and Seng have come forward to say that yes, it is them in the video, that someone followed and recorded them without their permission, and they apologize to their fans.

I...just cannot handle the way people are talking about this on Twitter [still calling it that]. Thank goodness for this place, honestly.

Listen, feel however you want to feel about your ship being real, but don't shame a victim of stalking, harassment, and attempted extortion for having a relationship that isn't the one you hoped they had in their real, private lives.

No matter how much money someone makes from performing a relationship with someone else in a ship, they don't owe you their personhood. They are still allowed to be who they are and love who they love on their downtime.

Gatekeeping who can and cannot act in queer media does nothing but force people out of the closet (potentially threatening their life, depending on their circumstances) and take away peoples' fundamental right to decide who they share parts of themselves to and when. [Note if someone is in a position of power enforcing homophobic legislation or culture and they are outed that is different because it's about the hypocrisy of their politics and the prevention of further damage to other queer people]

Insisting that people who are acting as part of their job have been lying to you by not being the people they are pretending to be for money does nothing but explain that you don't understand the meaning of the words acting or job. If you don't like that shipping culture feels real when it isn't, then don't pay attention to it.

Leaving here the note from one of the authors of War of Y (which if you haven't seen it includes a plot in which another shipped Idolfactory couple, Tohru and First, play characters who are in a ship but one sleeps with a costar which potentially ruins both of their careers when it gets leaked to the press... it's all a bit wildly accurate tbh)

[I know this rant is not for the people here who are going to see it but I had to yell it somewhere, sorry tumblr buds]

Editing to add: OMG I can't believe I forgot that I would have to say this, but also bisexuality and pansexuality exist, just because someone kisses someone of a different gender does not mean they also never have and never will enjoy kissing someone of the same gender, and either way it is literally none of your business and you cannot queerbait people in real life. That is Not A Thing. Please stop saying it.

If you want the industry to be better for out queer actors, contribute to a safer environment for queer actors to be out by supporting out queer actors, so that more actors can feel safe and have stable careers while out.

#freen sarocha #seng wichai #fandom meta #typed so i can stop thinking it #just leave people alone i beg you #fandom drama

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snippetsnitch · 4 months

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(lmao, I'm back again and I won't even try to make promises I can't keep 😂 Many thanks to @kaiwewi who added me in the masterlist of @the-modern-typewriter for hero/villain blogs! 🥰 I think I can speak for all the inactive and partially active people when I say: We are very touched that people see our small contributions and think of us... It really means a lot. 🥰🙏🏻 So, please enjoy this snippet and have a good time. 😄)

#13 – Shame

Can I ask you something, [Villain]?

– Um.. Sure, what is it?

How did you end up working for [Supervillain]? You must've known that they were evil, haven't you? So what in the world brought you there?

– ...

Jesus, who cares about that, [Sidekick]? They've done more than enough to show us that we can trust them. Hey, [Villain], you don't have to share things you don't wanna talk about, okay?

– I..- Um, thank you, [Hero]...

"You know, [Sidekick] was right", [Villain] said, their eyes fixated on the ground. They had sat down next to [Hero] a few minutes ago, feeling the cool summer breeze that grazed their own skin and the one of their new teammate. "I've known all along."

[Hero] looked at their former foe in confusion. "What do you mean?", they asked, turning towards them.

"I knew who [Supervillain] was", [Villain] said with a hollow voice, "...What they did."

[Hero] frowned. "[Villain] you don't have to talk about this, if you don't want to. [Sidekick] shouldn't have said that an-"

"But they were right", [Villain] interrupted, "I must've known who they were and I did. I knew who they were. I knew everything and I joined them regardless."

[Villain] pulled their knees closer, resting their chin on them. Their expression became distant as they started talking: "You know, before I joined [Supervillain], my life was a mess. I grew up in a world that didn't have any mercy for weaklings or outsiders like me. I was hurt, angry and alone and I wanted nothing more than to be with someone who actually liked me. I wanted to belong somewhere... I wanted that feeling you and your friends experienced every day and seemingly took as a given."

[Hero] suppressed the urge to say something. They had not at all expected this kind of talk from their former enemy – especially not with them. Still, they nodded seriously to encourage [Villain] to keep talking. It seemed to work:

"I... I didn't even know that I was searching for something. I didn't know how desperately I wanted to feel needed... Useful, you know?", [Villain] let out a trembling sigh. They closed their eyes before they continued: "I didn't know that, but [Supervillain] did. It was easy for them to bait me with the interest they showed in me and my abilities. I knew that what they did was wrong, but I-.. I just thought if I worked hard enough for them, then at least someone would see something in me... That I could-", [Villain] pressed their eyes together as tears started to spill,

"Oh, Villain...", [Hero] murmured softly. They reached out to gently touch the other one's shoulder, but [Villain] pulled away.

"Don't." [Villain] whispered and wiped their tears away. They took a deep breath. Their face had hardened into a blank mask when they continued:

"[Hero], I don't deserve the place you offer me. I don't deserve to be in your and the team's presence. I don't deserve the kindness you gave me since I came here. I'm not worth-"

"[Villain], stop." [Hero] had put a warm hand on [Villains] wet cheek. The softness of the gesture startled [Heros] new partner who looked at them with wide eyes. [Hero] managed a small smile before pulling [Villain] into a warm embrace.

"Don't say things like that. You're here, because you did what was right. You came to us and helped us out, because you knew what [Supervillain] does is wrong. Because you couldn't bear it. That says a lot about you as a person.", [Hero] gave [Villain] a small squeeze before letting go. They put their hands on [Villains] face again and smiled as they locked eyes with their former enemy.

"You did some bad things and you need to take on responsibility for that, but you won't have to do that alone. You are with us now and we will support you, okay?"

[Villain] shook their head in confusion. "H-How can you take me in... Just like that?", they whispered while new tears stained their face and [Heros] fingers, "How could anyone possibly want me after I what I've done?"

To that, [Hero] knew the answer.

"I can, because I like you. Because we like you, [Villain]. Because you're worth staying and because you have good inside of you... Because you chose the light, even though your life was set up for darkness." [Hero] said warmly. They smiled at [Villains] unbelieving expression, before embracing them once again.

"...One day, you will see that, too."

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anamericangirl · 4 months

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I remember seeing someone say that the only questions you should be able to ask in order to correctly identify real gender dysphoria is to ask “do you feel like your life/sense of self is in poor quality” and “do you think any of those would improve if you were the opposite sex”.

Combined with the questions I’ve seen in another ask about asking why people don’t feel like they were the sex they were born as + why you don’t feel masculine/feminine enough and who said so, I feel like there would be a lot less misdiagnoses of gender dysphoria and less “trans children”.

I’ve also wanted to ask, why do you think that there isn’t any medication for true gender dysphoria yet (besides money)? One of the things I’ve read actually made me think that, if it’s classified as a mental illness, then why isn’t there any research for creating a medication for it (like bipolar depression, ADHD, etc.)?

I feel like maybe those are the only types of questions being asked considering the amount of people identifying as trans now. It's a shame because since the treatment for gender dysphoria is so drastic and life altering it's really dangerous to have such vague qualifiers for determining if someone is actually experiencing it.

About a month or so ago I responded to someone else who was also asking why I think there might not be medications for it or more attempts to create one so I'll just repeat what I said then. There’s a lot of reasons I think could contribute to that. First, mental illnesses are hard to treat and often a medication doesn’t do much other than alleviate symptoms. Therapy is probably the best option for any type of dysphoria in my opinion because dysphoria can go away and most of the time does if you actually seek therapy and treatment rather than “affirmation.” I’ve seen studies done on detransitioners and the main reason given as to why they detransitioned was they realized their dysphoria was related to “other issues” which is something people typically find out in therapy. Another reason I think there’s not much headway in a medication for gender dysphoria is financial incentive. Medical and gender affirming institutions get a big check for every one child who transitions and they’re more interested in making money than anything else. It’s not healthcare at this point. It’s just activism.

#anon #answered

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thegreymoon · 2 months

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The Story of Minglan

Oh, no! Do hit him! Hit him some more!

No sympathy for rapists and human traffickers getting a piece of what they deserve, especially when they get them on something they are definitely guilty of.

Unfortunately, it's only a matter of time before Gu Tingye gets their rotten asses out of prison, so I appreciate at least the beating.

***

LMAO, it couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch of assholes 😂

Honestly, Tingye should just let them rot.

***

LMAO, since he is so precious, how is he going to run the Gu House, if your scheming comes to fruition, hmm?

He sounds too incompetent to live.

***

LMAO, at least Gu Tingyu is owning up to his jackassery.

He certainly is his father's son, waiting until he was on his deathbed to regret a lifetime of abusing his brother for no good reason.

Fuck this entire family. Gu Tingye should let the Emperor exile and execute them all (not that the Emperor would do it because he seems invested in preserving the honour of the entire Gu family for whatever reason).

***

LMAO, don't you mean you wanted to spend it yourselves? 🤣

The audacity of these thieving pieces of shit!

***

Oh, fuck you.

You haven't been a small child for a long time and instead of using your brain and thinking for yourself for one single second, you decided to ostracize, bully and abuse your younger brother FOR YEARS.

We saw the horrific scars on Tingye's body. You all saw this was happening to him and gloated about it. And even if Madam Bai had been responsible for the first Madam Qin's death (which you would know she was not if you had half a brain cell), the tiny child she left behind was innocent.

I hate all these people and feel like they all deserve to die unforgiven, in shame and ignominy.

***

The nerve of him, asking Gu Tingye to treat his wife and child better than he treated him.

He's just lucky Gu Tingye is a much better person than his sorry ass and would never take out grudges on innocent children.

***

LMAO, the absolute nerve.

Of course, adopt the illegitimate child of her own son!

Luckily, Gu Tingyu has finally pulled his head out from his ass and realised that even after all the shit he put Gu Tingye through, he will still treat his daughter better than Madam Qin.

***

Poor kid.

She seems smarter than her mother at the very least and maybe with Minglan's help, she can go on to have a not too terrible life.

***

Honestly, fuck Gu Tingyu.

He allowed himself to be manipulated into being a tool for evil people's ambition and greed and actively took part in bullying and abusing a child for other people's benefit. Even after he became the Marquis, he allowed his clan to descend further into corruption and degeneracy just so that he could continue to scapegoat his brother for no good reason. He was such a weak, petty man, and even when the single solitary lightbulb finally went off in his stupid head allowing him to see Madam Qin for the greedy, manipulative, vicious piece of shit that she is, he still continued to hang onto his single-minded jealousy and resentment. He was perfectly content to continue waging a cold war against Gu Tingye for years and years to come and only backtracked when he realised he was dying and would leave his very young child unprotected in this hellhole that he'd personally had a hand in creating for so many years and at the mercy of monsters he'd happily rolled about in the mud with if it meant victimising his younger brother who had loved and looked up to him.

Anyway, good riddance to bad rubbish. His daughter is better off with Gu Tingye and Minglan anyway and he certainly contributed to nothing good in his lifetime. He regretted nothing and only changed his tune because he knew that if he left his daughter at the mercy of Madam Qin, her life would be completely ruined. I hope he finds no peace in the afterlife, right along with his piece of shit abusive father.

***

OH FUCK YOUUUUUUUU 🤬🤬

I absolutely detest him.

#the story of minglan #tsoml spoilers #tsoml ep48

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swordsonnet · 1 year

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anyway:

1. sex is literally just an activity that humans can do. it's not a prerequisite for being human, it's not something everyone needs or desires, and shaming people for how much or little sex they're having contributes to toxic attitudes around sexuality.

2. however, sex can be deeply meaningful in both positive and negative ways, so pressuring people into having sex when they don't want to/aren't ready for it is incredibly harmful.

3. i can't believe this needs to be said, but you can in fact be educated about sex without being sexually active yourself, and you can be deeply ignorant about sex despite having it ("but it feels better without a condom, and if i pull out in time nothing can happen!"). sex education is a thing for a reason, and last i heard, it didn't involve a practical component (aside from putting condoms on carrots, i guess). people being misinformed about sex and/or having puritan attitudes towards it aren't necessarily that way because they don't get laid - plenty of conservatives manage to produce children, after all.

4. there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. never. unless you don't want to be a virgin, in which case you still shouldn't be shamed for being one. whether you're asexual, you have trauma, you don't feel ready for it yet, you haven't met the right person yet, or you just don't want to: you shouldn't ever have to justify yourself for not having sex. it's your body, and you're the only one who gets to decide what is right for it. (there's this neat little thing called bodily autonomy, you see, which some people on here conveniently choose to ignore so they can dunk on other people's sex life.) "getting bitches" is not actually an indication of your worth as a person - not to mention the obvious misogyny in that rhetoric, which, yikes.

5. in a similar vein, it's not "sad" to not be sexually active. many people enjoy sex and consider it an important part of their lives, yes, but many people don't! your experiences are not universal. you don't get to tell others that respecting their bodies' needs is a tragedy just because you can't see beyond the narrow scope of your own life.

6. many people, especially those from marginalised groups, are targeted for their sexuality, that's true. and i understand that there's a certain power in defiantly reclaiming your sexual expression in the face of those oppressive forces, but that doesn't give you the right to attack others for expressing their own sexuality (or lack thereof). asexuals, and other people who don't have sex, aren't responsible for those norms, and are in fact harmed by them as well. the conservative ideal of sexuality is not total celibacy - it's having sex in a restrictive, "acceptable" context, and any deviance from that is punished.

7. let me be absolutely fucking clear here: shaming people for not having sex promotes rape culture. you either respect people's consent and bodily autonomy or you don't, and if you're ridiculing people for setting sexual boundaries (and yes, "i don't ever want to have sex" is a perfectly legitimate boundary), then you've clearly shown that you don't. is that really the side you want to be on?

#made the mistake of looking at the tags on a post about sex and was filled with a blinding rage that could only be released via #a slightly messy mini-essay typed entirely on my phone. you know how it is #asexual #ace #sexuality #rape mention #oh fuck my tea has gone cold

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redwineconversation · 3 months

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Olympique Lyonnais Behind the Scenes (Episode 5)

This covers the month of January. Better late than never but alas some of us have jobs that we want to keep and cannot be chronically online. The Behind the Scenes translations is one of those times where I wish I was technologically apt because then I could just upload the video and add subtitles, alas, neither OLPlay nor my technology skills will ever make that happen.

I have no shame in confessing to this - I didn't want to do this one because Carpenter is in it and I am so irked by all the fucking Arsenal fans/stans suddenly thirsting for her to join their godawful team after the abuse she is has gotten from Arsenal stans the past two years. To act like she should join that club after what those people have said / done is so completely tone-deaf. Likewise, suddenly using "le clean sheet" every time your goalkeeper does their actual job is not as cute/funny as you think it is. It's annoying. It's so fucking annoying.

I will also save those godawful stans the time and say that Lyon / Carpenter do not address Carpenter's engagement to van de Donk as Lyon is a serious club who doesn't use a player's personal life as a marketing ploy. The purpose of the Behind the Scenes is to get to know the players' mentality and thoughts about the month's events.

Blah blah standard disclaimers apply; @OL Comms I feel like chipping in to contribute my Starbucks fund is the least you could do considering all the free work I am doing for y'all; how amazing would it be if some of you would actually get the mental help you so desperately need; y'all know the speech.

OLYMPIQUE LYONNAIS BEHIND THE SCENES (EPISODE 5)

Ellie Carpenter: We had a lot of games. We had Champions League games. I think it was a much needed break for everyone.

Selma Bacha: We really needed to have a break, because there are players who went straight into the World Cup so they didn't have a lot of rest. Everyone benefited from the break. For me, I went to Tunisia, where my family is originally from. So I had a great time with my family. And then we started up again. The break was short.

Damaris: It was good for everybody I think to go home, to be with our families and friends. Just to push football aside and enjoy ourselves. Yeah, that's always a good thing.

[OPENING CREDITS]

[TRAINING FOOTAGE FROM GIRONA]

Sara Dabritz: We went to preseason camp. It was really good. We spent a lot of time together. We had a nice hotel. It was intense but it's like that in camp. But I think it was good for us to prepare for the [second half of the] season.

Carpenter: The training camp in Spain was a nice way to come back at the start of this year to train well, to get the basics back, get back in the gym. And it was also really fun for the team morale. The camps with the team are always really fun. We have to work fun but also enjoy ourselves off the field.

Bacha: It was hard because you come back from break and you have to dig deep and work hard. So it was really hard because we had a fitness test over there.

Carpenter: The worst moment was probably the running test we had to do, the 1.5km [1 mile] sprint test.

Bacha: Honestly, that's when you realize that Olympique Lyonnais is a family. You can see it in the video clips, we're encouraging each other. The cohesion was top.

[TRAINING FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Bacha: My favorite moment was the team cohesion activity with the golf carts. Honestly it was so good. We had to do stuff - well, we had to do funny things. It was the best part.

Carpenter: Driving around the hotel trying to find clues, that was very fun.

[TEAM COHESION ACTIVITY FOOTAGE]

Carpenter: Yeah, we knew we had Paris FC as soon as we got back from Christmas break. After having been off we thought it might be hard to come back and play against a top team in Europe, in France for sure.

[LYON - PARIS FC GAME FOOTAGE]

Bacha: We got right into it. We know that those sort of games, they're going to very very big games because Paris FC is a really good team who has really improved and recruited really well. And honestly, it was a big game. We had to work for that win, so the game was won on mentality.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Carpenter: Paris FC has shown that they're a great team, they're a top team in Europe, doing well in the Champions League and, yeah. The intensity was high. I think you could feel that everyone just came back from holidays but we'll fight, until those last five minutes when we did score.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Bacha: Ah, Ada's goal, that's just Ada Hegerberg. That's it. There's no other forward who can do that. Honestly, when we celebrated - even I spoke in English, I said "what a goal". [Hegerberg speaks English when she's annoyed, which is why Bacha brings up the linguistic switch] Her shot was really incredible. You can watch it over and over. If you ask her tomorrow to do it it, she will. And it's true that she's the kind of player whom you can count on in big games. Everyone should have an Ada on their team.

Damaris: Yes, it was a magnificent goal. Speaking for myself, I was far back. It was a long ball, I headed it forward. I saw the ball stay there and I saw Ada [Hegerberg] call for the ball. When you're behind, you can see everything. Right before she took the shot, I was like "well, that's going to be a goal."

Carpenter: Yeah, she's a big game player, she scores big goals. So we needed that in that moment and she did that. So it was very cool.

[LYON - PARIS FC POSTGAME FOOTAGE]

Bacha: Honestly, it's good for us and it gets us going. I think we've been really good since the start of the season. And when I talk with players on other teams, or other coaches, they tell me that Lyon this year is unbeatable, so I hope it continues like that and we'll bring all the trophies home.

Damaris: The work we did for that game, we worked really hard. I don't think we were really efficient but we had a lot of opportunities to score.

Carpenter: Yeah, I think it was important that we started the year off with three points and continue our perfect streak in the league.

[LYON - MONTPELLIER COUPE DE FRANCE GAME FOOTAGE]

Dabritz: We had the game against Montpellier in the Coupe [de France]. I remember Amel [Majri] scoring a magnificent goal. It was a right on target.

Majri: Yeah, I saw Lindsey [Horan], she won the ball back. I called for it, she passed it to me. I think Ada [Hegerberg] was besides me asking for it as well, but I don't know, I think I was focused on what I was doing. So I just took a shot and it went it.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Bacha: Yeah, it's really great. Good on her as well because you can see she is starting to get her rhythm back. It's not easy when you're not playing all the time. Here, honestly, I'm just so happy for her. I hope she continues like that because she's the sort of player we really need.

Carpenter: Yeah, I love playing with Amel [Majri]. Yeah, I think she's one of the best players in the world I've seen or played with. [is she though...] She's an amazing talent and you can see what she's capable of now when she's getting back to the top of her game.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Carpenter: The team is in very good spirits at the moment, and you can tell that on the field. Off the field, we're a very close group and we work for each other. And on the field, you can see we're very connected. We're just enjoying ourselves out there, we're not too much pressure [on ourselves], we're just trying to play good football.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Majri: So really, when I went to call for the ball, I could see that even if I got it, I didn't think I could do much with it. So I said to myself, "Amel, leave it", so I left it and there was Ada [Hegerberg] and then a goal. And I thought - well I'm not going to lie to you, when I left I thought to myself "I hope she gets it". And to be frank she was doing great work before, because Lindsey [Horan] got past the opponent, and she [Hegerberg] just shot across. Honestly, it's a great goal.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Majri: Yeah, I'm happy because it's always nice to implicated in the build-up to a goal. I think that what I bring in terms of the style of play, I try to be involved in the ball movement, moving with the ball, moving without the ball. And I have good sensations, I feel good. Beyond that it's also the fact that I have been playing in consecutive games. But in terms of full games, I think it's one of my best performances since I have come back.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Carpenter: I guess playing a team one week after the other, twice in a row, it's quite difficult. It was a different Montepellier we faced at their home as well, away. Yeah, it was a tough game, it was one we had to grind out. Yeah, we knew they were going to come out different, like after beating them in the Coupe [de France], we knew it would be a completely different game since they're at home, and they totally showed that.

Bacha: We know that the league and the Coupe de France have nothing to do with each other. We know that Montpellier is a very, very aggressive team. And we knew that playing at their stadium was going to be hard. But here, yeah, it was really hard.

[MONTPELLIER - LYON GAME FOOTAGE]

Bacha: The night before the game, I was really focused on myself. I knew there were people coming to watch us, members of my family. And then, corner. It comes back to Eugenie [Le Sommer], who gives it back to me, and I was like - I knew exactly where I wanted to put it. So I pulled it in and placed it on Vanessa [Gilles]'s head. So really, really happy.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Bacha: It's that left foot, it's my left foot. What can I say. But beyond that, I work really hard. I know that I always want perfection. Because I know there are games where the crosses aren't good, but I really want perfection.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Bacha: My second assist for Ada [Hegerberg], it's vintage Ada-Selma. It's that connection that I think not a lot of people have. Honestly, with her, I know where she wants the ball and - honestly, I don't even have to look up. Because I cross, but I already know where she is.

Carpenter: Yeah, Selma [Bacha] is a great crosser, a great assister. Yeah, they're perfect, those crosses, pinpoint. If it wasn't for her we probably wouldn't have gotten the three points. So it was great to have her service [LOL at the Franglais here - the correct word would have been contribution], it allowed us to score goals.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Dabritz: I remember that it was a very intense game. But it's always like that against Montpellier. It's always a game which comes down to the duels, to aggression. They came back with that goal, it was a game which was a little [Dabritz mimes going back and forth] But then we won it and that's the most important thing.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Dabritz: We gave it all on the field. And it's normal to have games which are more complicated than others. And yeah, Montpellier is a good team, I can admit that.

Bacha: That's why I said that Olympique Lyonnais, the mentality - honestly, there are few players who can walk on to this team and say they already have that mentality. [@/any team other than Lyon. A blood lust isn't innate. It's learned behavior.]

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Dabritz: We went to Austria for a Champions League game. Those are always special games for us. It's a particular game, playing the Champions League, those games are seen as the highest level.

[ST POLTEN - LYON PREGAME FOOTAGE]

Carpenter: Yeah, you never know really, when you go to other teams, other countries, how the pitch is going to be. Yeah, the pitch wasn't great. But we made the most of it and we had quite a good game.

Bacha: A stadium which was ... [Bacha laughs] It was a complicated game. No, playing on that pitch was complicated, it was a bit hard. But we started strong. We attacked from the start, even if we were starting to feel the tiredness. But we attacked from the start and were playing simple. And honestly, we were very efficient as well.

[ST POLTEN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE]

Dabritz: And yeah, we played a really good game, with a lot of goals and a really good performance from the entire team.

[ST POLTEN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Bacha: [forcefully] We never underestimate a team. When you play simple and individually you're clean, technically you're clean, and you're all on the same wave length, honestly there are not - we're good.

[ST POLTEN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Carpenter: Getting players back from injury, it's always nice, especially when they're providing assists and scoring goals. That's even better.

[ST POLTEN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Dabritz: Yeah, it was a good goal. [laughs] We really enjoyed ourselves on the field, we had nice combinations, we were explosive offensively. At least I think so. So we were really happy after the game.

[ST POLTEN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

[TRAINING FOOTAGE / COUPE DE FRANCE LYON - FC NANTES FOOTAGE]

Bacha: Yeah, it wasn't an easy game because maybe in our heads, even if I think it's not really like that, but instinctively it's human nature and we underestimated them. FC Nantes came in with their game plan. They're a really good team, I was surprised. The first half was difficult. I think it's a little bit because exhaustion is starting to creep in. But the changes at half time did us some good and we were really efficient. The coach [Sonia Bompastor] yelled a bit at half time but it's normal. It's like that.

Carpenter: Yeah, I think fatigue comes into play there. I think it was our fifth or sixth game in a run. They were a different team, we hadn't really played them before. I think we can put that first half behind us and I think we really came out better in the second half. But yeah, I think we ended the game better than we started.

[LYON - FC NANTES GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Carpenter: Yeah, it was so nice to see Delphine [Cascarino] make her return from her ACL. Obviously it's such a long rehab, such a long journey. It's tough to have an injury and go through something like that, and it's her second one as well. But I think she's done an amazing job. You can see in the way she's come back, she still has her speed, has her footwork.

Bacha: It was a really good moment for Delphine, the return against FC Nantes. We saw her struggle, her mentality is just incredible. It's really hard to have the ACL injury happen twice, to have missed the World Cup when we were expecting her, we wanted her there. Now she had the mentality, she dug deep. I'm really happy to see her back because it will really do us good.

[GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D / LYON - SLAVIA PRAGUE GAME FOOTAGE]

Carpenter: Yeah, we knew we were first in the group and obviously qualified, but we also knew we needed to put out a strong performance [they did not]. We wanted to keep the flow going for how well we're doing this month [of January]. On game day, obviously not everything went to plan. Obviously I think fatigue played a little bit in that as well, but that's not really an excuse. We should be better. We had 10,000 people come and you know, the more people that come the better, at least for us. We want to perform well, put on a show, for them to come back again.

Bacha: First of all we have to thank the fans who come out and support us. They're becoming more and more, so we need to thank them and for them to continue coming out and supporting us. After, it was hard because - well personally, I could feel the exhaustion. Then Slavia [Prague] was playing with a really low block. They came to get something at Lyon, even if we were already first and already qualified. At the end of the day we're Olympique Lyonnais. It's not acceptable to have played that sort of game.

LYON - SLAVIA PRAGUE GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Carpenter: Yeah, it was very frustrating. I think games like that, you want to play the next game very quickly after so you can have a good reaction.

Dabritz: We were a little disappointed because we weren't happy with our performance. We wanted to show to the public that we can put on good performances, they came for us. That's why we were a bit disappointed. Beyond that, we want to continue, we always want to improve, progress. We always want to give our best. But it's not always possible.

Bacha: I'd rather it happened to us then than get to the quarterfinals and you're knocked out I hope it will serve as a lesson to us.

Carpenter: No team is perfect in the world. Some teams have draws or a loss and it's not the end of the world. I think we need to remind ourselves that we're also human as well. Not every game is the best game. January is probably the biggest month we've had in a long time. We knew we had a lot of games, we had to get points, play well, perform. I think as a team we did that great, especially as we have some injuries at the moment as well so we had to adapt. I think the team has held up well. We're ready for February.

#all good love stories start in the rain #ellie carpenter #selma bacha #damaris #damaris egurrola #sara dabritz #amel majri #nah but really #let's TALK about Lyon's eyes and how they change. you really have to watch them play regularly to understand it #and there's a part of you that's like 'shit. do my eyes change too?'#and the answer to that is: which answer would scare you more #that your eyes can change or that they don't

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