#you look absolutely stunning jfc
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omg ur active, the bitch who wants to bite Abby here. I’m kinda new to the fandom, got any good recs? I’ve read all your work & LOVED it
hi baby! welcome to the fandom. thank you sm for the love. i appreciate it dearly. sorry i'm late on this but here are some of my favorite writers on here off the top of my head. all of their work is goddamn stunning nd i love every bit of it.
@abbyscherry | my lovely emi. everything they write is pure gold, i'm going to eat it up every single time. specifically their lawyer!abby. god, it sends me into a frenzy.
@astralnymphh | literally i have no words for aestra. nothing i could say would be sufficient enough. check out her content. it's so fucking stunning.
@forthelostones | jstar, has some of the best series on here. they're my absolute favorite. i reread them all the time. feels like i'm reading a romance novel. amazingly talented.
@abbyshands | kitlyn. jfc, they are so talented. it makes me want to cry. it's too good, god. i could never speak enough about her. i could go on and on. all the love they receive is more than deserved.
here are some of my favs !!!
lawyer!abby | @abbyscherry
for you | @abbyshands
hers only | @abbyshands
steadfast foundations | @forthelostones
for your eyes only (series) | @forthelostones
at the gay bar | @poebot
romantic/angsty smut with ellie | @astralnymphh
double sided strap w/ abby | @elliesprettygirl
taking turns | @k3n-dyll
she looks like fun | @lizzieisright
hockey!abby x dancer!reader | @lizzieisright would sell my first born child to read this for the first time again
divider creds | @cafekitsune
#abby anderson x reader#ellie williams x reader#+ asks#✭・۪ ⊹ ֗ ray nd their nonnies#✭・۪ ⊹ ֗ ray’s recs
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Current fugure Richard.. I don't want to call him chubby because he's not, he just lost muscle mass and got rounder midsection.. anyway, he has absolutely no idea how hot his current body is.
Sure, he was absolutely stunning when he was ripped, but this so called dad bod.. unreal! Unreal!! It's such a fucking turn on when men, especially his age, look like that. Can you imagine sitting and bouncing on top of that? Jfc!!!
He is fit as fuck and everyone else is wrong! YOU HEAR ME KRUSPE? FIT AS FUCK!!!
Hi 😌
I really swear, even if it seems like it, I did not ghostwrite this post....
It would be futile to try to describe how much Richard is my type in his current state - I can hardly put into words how incredibly attractive his slightly more chunky physique is to me, and apparently some other people, too 👀 And he has offered us so many impecable looks in the past few years!
Such a transformation from a boyfriend material/90's dream boy:
to a well-trained dream of a silver god guitarist:
to a freaking vampire (I'm fine, I'm fine, it's not like this era is a fantasy come true to me, nope):
to an absolute picture book rockstar who is not afraid to flaunt his...all, actually:
to his current look, a little more on the ribs, wonderful voluptuous curves and yet incredibly masculine. While others may not relate to this sentiment, for me this is an absolute dream. I can't even describe it, he just looks so... kneadable, cuddly, yet so manly? Man, I don't even know:
He may not be as ripped anymore, and this is a good thing. Richard is pushing 60, it's only natural that his physique is undergoing changes. And yet he looks so incredibly attractive! I think there's also a lot of self-confidence involved and how he carries himself, to have this mesmerizing effect on us 😌 Regarding the 'fit' part: I think it's safe to say that Richard is still keeping fit with sport, yoga and similar activities, since for example going to the gym or running seems to be a vital part of his daily routine - at least he mentioned it in some interviews a few years ago (for example here and here).
Here I've answered another ask a while ago with a little closer look at Richard's 'evolution':
So in conclusion, me looking at Richard at all times, but especially in this current era:
#rammstein#richard kruspe#ask#yet another thirsty ask and thirsty answer on my blog. shocking#he really IS unreal#btw yes i do love pulp fiction and use every chance i get to insert some gifs of it somewhere
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ten books to know me
ohhhh tysm for the tag molly @mblematic my beloved !! <3<3 this looks so fun except that now. you will all know what created my twisted brain ah well. alas!
the outsiders by s.e. hinton haha had to start with this one! read the outsiders for the first time at like 11/12 yrs old and it was truly truly formative! PONYBOY! SODAPOP! johnny and dally!! also it's quite gay.
a separate peace by john knowles continuing with the themes of male friendship, homoerotic subtext, and books i read in middle school that fundamentally altered my brain chemistry and turned me into the freak i am today or whatever.
lord of the flies by william golding look i know the ~*~mOrAL*~*`! is arguably misanthropic/malthusian/whatever but also. forget about that. it is very gay thats all that matters. and it is ANOTHER book that i first read in middle school and then immediately reread like at least three more times bc it made me absolutely feral. also . . . . . . sucks to your assmar!!
stoner by john williams :) this one has nothing to do with weed (it is about sad academics) and also i did not read it until my twenties but. i did write like forty-five pages about why it is secretly gay! (also it is starkly beautiful and very heart-rending, i do love a book that digs around in my organs and squeezes mercilessly like a toddler playing with slime.)
the waves by virginia woolf finally a book that isnt gay JUST KIDDING it is in fact also a lil gay but mostly it's just fucking beautiful. possibly the most beautiful novel i've ever read idk, hard to say and its not a quick read but like. read it for the first time in high school and have returned to it a number of times since then and. her prose my GOD. its a novel but also a poem, just a very long love poem to .... everything ....
fun home by alison bechdel technically it's a gRapHiC nOvEL and i only read it for the first time about a year ago but. have reread it since and it continues to haunt me istg this memoir is STUNNING the most gorgeous graphic novel & most gorgeous memoir i have ever ever encountered. an actually brilliant piece of literature in every right. makes me sob. (also, yes, it is very gay.)
the heart is a lonely hunter by carson mccullers well i HAD to include carson mccullers on the list dear god!! also so formative...read this book for the first time in high school, have returned to it a number of times since. it is. truly beautiful !!!!!! what else can i say <3.
who's afraid of virginia woolf by edward albee this is in fact a PLAY (!!) also an amazing movie but. i have read the play many many times it is SO funny, SO smart, SO painful. who needs whips when you and yr partner are. mentally torturing each other for sport. another one i read for the first time as a teen so again.... rather formative.
lolita by vladimir nabokov all right well honestly i read this for the first time in high school and enjoyed it, especially part one, thought it was smart n funny n that part two was kinda all over the place but still yknow overall felt positively about it. BUT. gave it a reread last year and jesus CHRIST i was just like !! i missed SO much !! it is not only so goddamn beautiful but SO much more complex and brilliant than i ever picked up on as a teenager my god. the prose is like the most intricate beautiful renaissance painting and the plot is like the most infuriatingly complicated game of CHESS but. it's ?? the product of a genuinely brilliant mind ?? idek but i will probably read this book at least five more times before i die its just. wow.
the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater HAHA copied you molly !!!!!! :) :) devil emoji etc. thought about choosing a book of poetry or just something else Literary but like, i recognize this list is already pretty full of Boring Classic Literature and such so i guess i can loosen my corset or whatever and say. these goddamn ya books. SPECIFICALLY the dream thieves (you are so right!) but also just the series generally jfc. i thought i hated ya but these books have changed me and everything i thought i knew about myself ....... maggie writes such poetic sentences...... "his exposed shoulder was raw and beautiful as a corpse" JESUS FUCKING !! only just read these like six months ago or something but they have utterly rewired my brain chemistry and maybe shifted the entire trajectory of my life so. i cannot. i cannot even. <3
oh shit i forgot to tag ppl um @billsfangearring @forlorngarden @shipsnsails @everythingbutcoldfire @colgatebluemintygel @perverse-idyll no pressure whatsoever xx
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(apologies for another long one)
231 pieces of paper later (462 pages in the book), an afternoon at war with the printer (dont do a bunch of color tests, they use a ton of ink - i learned the hard way) and probably my favorite formatting ever, its finally done!
i am so happy the cover i found actually fit everything, it was a lot more pages than i thought it'd be so i was worried i'd have to find another cover. it reads "The Foreign Classical Romances" which i thought was perfect
i had to include this cuz it formatted so well to being printed, especially the last one just AAH, the feeling seeing it line up like that was so good, 10/10. this was *such* a blast to bind, thank you so much for letting me 🙏 i kept getting distracted reading it as i was trying to work so i know i'll be reading it in the future at least 😂
I mean, holy shit? HOLY SHIT!! THAT LOOKS FUCKING AMAZING OMIGOD?!?!?!!!!?!?! AND THE COLORS LOOK SO GOOD AND HOLY FUCK HOW THICK IS THAT BOOK JFC
seriously tho how many pages did that take because omigod. also I'm not surprised those particular illustrations in the last chapter sized pretty well because I used Clip Studio Paint's comic templates to really mimic the look and feel of a comic book lol.
seriously, that is gorgeous and beautiful and absolutely stunning. i remember printing fanfics from some website 20 years ago on the home printer (and hiding my ink/paper crimes from my parents), fighting with the hole puncher, shoving them one of those paper folders with fasteners, and thinking that was the offline fic-reading experience. this????? beyond comprehension.
Thank you thank you thank you for the pics!
#shirozora awkwardly responds to asks#dinluke#series: dangerous dreams#story: the storm#story: the suns#HOLY SHIT Y'ALL LOOK AT THIS PAPER MAGIC#I WAITED ALL DAY TO FINALLY RESPOND BC I WAS AT WORK AND I HATE DOING STUFF ON MOBILE TUMBLR#FINALLY. LOOK AT THIS. FUCKING BEAUTIFUL
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there ain't no way ... uh. i might have to discuss this.
listen i will just ignore the obvious here (things i've heard, things that are said, looks very much like a goodbye, even if you just put one and one together) and focus on how insanely good he's been looking recently (physically, not the everlasting sad look on his face, he's aging so gracefully though, god he is stunning) like he is in SUCH a good form. proper body. like. fighting my hardest to say it but hands on my hips while i'm on top etc etc
anyway ...
in my eyes he's ... genuinely too good looking for this world and no one deserves him so there's that. again ignoring his face. the way he is SHAPED ??? effortlessly beautiful. jfc.
if this was goodbye since he likely won't feature in the remaining three fixtures and a departure coming summer is more than likely ... it was a goodbye to remember in my opinion 🤍
like think about it. everyone wanted him to play upfront, then he led everton to stay up this season, for 73 seconds. he was a striker, like everyone always demanded, even if they just took the piss.
what a night. against all odds, we're staying up, my player may have gotten his send off, but in a proper manner, and we were once again given proof that he's just. absolutely insane.
also adding what i said on my twt cause. real.
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I am re-watching the "can I take you to dinner" scene, because of course I am, and I'm going to go through it all here with you frame by frame (ish), because of course I am
He's leading her away from the group with his arm on her back. She's holding her heels and they're both laughing and looking at each other with the biggest fucking grins oh my god.
He starts clapping his hands to the music, which is so funky and I love it, and I think it's also him psyching himself up for what he's about to do.
They reach the table and he doesn't even hesitate, he pours her a glass of water first even though he's the one panting and clearly out of breath.
She says thank you, and she says it in the exact same way she said it when he gave her the cat, and I have no idea why that's so important to me, but it is.
She chugs half her water as he pours his, he glances quickly at her, decides, "it's time," and puts the water pitcher back down on the table.
"So, uh," (massive sip of water.) we have seen this man confront murders and rapists and the worst humanity has to offer in every single episode and never not ONCE have we seen him nervous or flustered. Until now.
He has no idea what to do with the hand that's not holding the water. I love that.
And he's hardly even looking at her when he says this, he's so nervous.
"I was thinking, since we're not going to work together anymore..." exaggerated movements, hands going everywhere, jfc this man is nervous as all hell.
"That uh..." this is the second time in one line he's said "uh." He never says "uh!" I love how nervous he is!
Small smile, no backing out now, moment of truth. "Maybe I could take you to dinner?"
Ever wondered what the phrase "taken aback" looks like? Her reaction, that is what it looks like. She is so shocked her body actually moves backwards.
Stunned silence. Mouth hanging open. Eyes wide. She has no idea how to comprehend the fact that this actually just fucking happened.
Nodding at first because she cannot actually form words at this moment. That is how excited she is.
"Y-yeah." And now she's stammering too!!!!!!!!!!!! God this makes me so happy. And she's still nodding!! She can't stop!
Even when she's done talking she's still nodding like she cannot get across how much she absolutely wants to go on this date.
His little disbelieving smile and, "Yeah?" of confirmation because he wants to make sure that she actually just said yes.
She's vigorously nodding now. And grinning like an idiot. "Yeah!"
"We'll eat." Because so fucking stupid for her and happy she said yes that he can't even say shit that makes sense.
She's still nodding. And she raises her glass, almost in a cheers? He mirrors this, but they don't actually cheers.
"I- yeah!" We stan couples who are so stupid for each other they can't form sentences.
His pleased little fucking smile because that could not have gone better.
"Cool." Because he can't think of literally anything else to say god they're so stupid I love them.
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daemon is not pretending to be flirting with laena you fuckin racist cunt he is in love with her in the books she is the mother of his children
Ummm are you okay???
Lmfao I never said Daemon was pretending to flirt with Laena. I mean c’mon, he is obviously genuinely interested in her and he was clearly attracted to her- which who wouldn’t she looked absolutely stunning in that dress- plus I love that their very loving relationship in the books is clearly shown to be built on a shared love for stuff like dragon riding and old Valyria. And their twins are my faves.
What I said was that he was pretending to not be upset that Rhaenyra was getting married, especially since he had literally just murdered his wife presumably to he could marry Nyra. And I also said that he was flirting and dancing with Laena, while also still trying to get to Nyra.
So maybe calm the fuck down next time you misread something jfc
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Meghan's haters are something else like what the hell? A customized shirt disrespecting the victims of a mass shooting and spewing shit on TV with zero shame. And then you have Meghan just doing her job well and looking absolutely stunning the entire time. Very happy they'll have another day of screeching because they're so pathetic a beautiful woman causes them meltdowns.
Who the hell actually pays to have a custom t-shirt made with a picture of someone you hate? Then to pay for a trip to go see the person you hate? These people are beyond help jfc
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Does anybody remember several years ago, while the MCU supremacy was still on the rise, when people briefly complained that Marvel movies were either imitating or actively ripping off fan fiction? Like obviously there were development executives who figured out that fandom was happening, and that fan-created content offered an easy reference guide for what kind of thing would best separate fools from their money, and some fans were reasonably annoyed by being exploited and condescended to like that? I guess whatever outrage popped up then was defused by the pleasure the target demo felt when they saw approximations of their own work brought to big-budget life by no less than the Disney corporation (and to a lesser degree the US military-industrial complex for which it stans). Too bad though, because now the fans who fed the success of the MCU and neo-Star Wars stuff have to deal with the irony of Disney attacking them for copyright infringement--not that that stops any of those people from continuously defending their abuser whenever anyone suggests that it's just a greedy corporation that chews up its underpaid employees to churn out formulaic garbage whose main purposes are securing subscription fees, and templating the production of overpriced merchandise.
But uh anyway, the reason I'm thinking about this now is because of corporate ads I see that utilize actual fan art. It's so crazy what they choose! Recently there was an ad for some Marvel thing that I first assumed was just some tween's blazed post for their little webcomic or whatever; the graphic was really crude and nothing about it stood out, so I was stunned when I finally looked at it long enough to notice that it was a piece of fan art that had been commissioned or acquired to promote some new Marvel show. Now I'm seeing that Teen Wolf ad every four or five posts, and I had that same experience where I went from thinking it was just some random crappy fan art, to realizing that it was crappy fan art offered to me by MTV to get me to watch a professionally-produced television series based on a successful existing property movie based on a TV series based on a popular film (JFC!). The art tells you absolutely nothing; it's just two generic white guys standing stiffly in front of a jeep. There's no style or flair, and it's like...well I remember being at the age when I drew like that, like I was competent enough to draw proportional bodies, but I had a hard time with things like fists, upturned faces, differentiating one character's features from another, and just getting a figure to look like it was standing naturally. So there's this kind of rigorous boringness to the image, and if it weren't for the corporate logos, I'd never have guessed that it wasn't JUST a cruddy no-reason drawing of two anonymous guys. The kind of thing somebody drew just to practice drawing clothes, or cars, or whatever. Not much going on. (Shouldn't there at least be a werewolf or something??)
What I mean to say is that it's interesting what a dysfunctional relationship large scale entertainment companies have with the fans they rely on. Like, the corporations know enough to take their cues from fan content, so we get movies and shows that are patterned on shit from AO3 and we get ads featuring actual low level fan art...but that seems to suggest that the companies think that fans are more interested in fan content than they are in the source material. Is this actually true? Maybe! I'm an outside observer, so I really have no idea if the average fandom member actually prefers awkward drawings and jerkoff prose written by 12 year olds (or people who write like them), to whatever professional comics/movies/shows that stuff is based on. They might genuinely prefer the former by now, or they might just not see any difference anymore. But the choice of fan art for these Tumblr ads is really shocking to me. It's like the marketing people decided it was a good idea to pander to fandoms by using their own content against them, but then they were too afraid to use anything with real personality, and they definitely weren't going to use anything really homemade-looking. So, they just went with something that wasn't too good, and wasn't too bad, either. The graphics chosen don't look remotely as good as some of the stuff that turns up regularly on Tumblr Radar, and are also not as interesting as the truly raw, perverted children's fan art that circulates here all the time. Personally, I think they should go with the latter, and start buying up seriously primitive kid drawings and disgusting fetish art and all that real deal fandom shit that makes fandom so repulsive to the rest of us. If corporations wanna pull that "we're just like you" trick by feeding fan content back to the fans, they should really lean in. Get all that popular rapey, incest-y, queer baiting, mpreg weirdness into the ads and just watch the money roll in.
All that said, I do feel concerned about corporations making a product out of fandom to be sold back to the fandom itself--and assuming that we're ALL potential fans and stans--because I think it identifies a mistake being made re: what professional production should look like. And I don't mean to suggest that "outsiders" don't make great art or write interesting stories ("outsider art" is a suspicious label anyway but you know what I mean); any time something truly inspired and original emerges, it doesn't matter where it comes from. But as a consumer, when I'm asked to pay full price for something, I expect it to be made with a greater level of talent and sophistication than what it takes for a young amateur to get a lot of notes on Tumblr (or wherever) from other young people exactly like themselves. Like I remember being a kid and drawing loving portraits of Fox Mulder, Over and Over and Over Again...but if I spent my precious allowance on the latest X-Files comic and found that the inside looked just like my sketchbooks, I would have felt pretty disappointed. If those comics were advertised using that type of art, I would have felt sad and confused about why a comic based on my favorite popular TV show was no better than what I make for myself in my school notebooks. And it would have been fair for me to feel personally ripped off, too, considering the fact that I made that kind of art for free, and now I was paying some entertainment company to sell it back to me.
As an adult horror fan, I'm part of a community (whether I like it or not!) that produces tons of fan content, and also lots of deeply homemade cinema. Some of it is made with real ingenuity, but like, that makes up a predictably tiny minority of what's out there. Once in a while I see a new-to-me title for rent on a major streaming platform, and after I've paid a normal-movie amount of money to satisfy my optimistic curiosity about it, and I find out that it's just, you know, a no-budget ripoff of EVIL DEAD shot on an iPhone in somebody's mom's basement...then I feel pissed off. And I have a right to feel pissed off! Context is important, and part of the context of a movie is where it is offered, and how much you pay to see it. Like, the world has a seemingly endless supply of shot-on-video movies about vampires starring suburban douchebags in wraparound shades and vinyl clothes from Hot Topic, drooling and slurring around mouthfuls of plastic fangs...and don't get me wrong, those guys have a right to make those things, but if I accidentally paid $20 to see one of them in a theater that was otherwise showing what I will shamelessly call Real Movies, I'd be mad. And more to the point, if I had shed the blood sweat & tears required to make a Real Movie myself, which is an almost miraculous feat even for something that comes out bad, and I saw my title on a marquis next to one of those mall goth camcorder movies, I'd probably feel like I failed somehow.
I'm thinking of something I saw recently about a new author who debuted on the NYT best-seller list, who had been plucked from fan fiction obscurity by the business minds at a mainstream publisher. Obviously the execs realized what kind of traffic fan fiction did online and figured they could just skin and repackage that shit as an original romance novel--and they were right. There was nothing apparently special about the book except that the author enjoyed some preexisting fandom community recognition, and the book fit with preexisting fic formulae. The article that described this event included a writer's statement that was itself incredibly primitive, basically saying (inarticulately) that they felt like they had no idea what they were doing but their editor was really helpful in hammering their raw, amateurish writing into something recognizable as a book you'd see in a real, normal bookstore. And like, you can really imagine what happened there, when you read that. And I don't think that should be happening.
I'm sure that for some people, writing and drawing fan content is a great gateway to perfecting a craft, along with formal education, studying lots of different kinds of art and reading lots of different kinds of writing besides the one thing that's your favorite, suffering regular rejection letters and painful criticism, seeking mentorship with experienced pros, gaining your own professional experience, and just plain old making sacrifices and putting in the hours. And that's fine. But, I just don't think publishing houses and production studios with even a modicum of reach and power should put a cap on quality at "rando who gets a lot of traction on deviant art dot com". Call me elitist all you want, I don't think we should put grownup price tags on shit kids make for free to amuse each other. I don't think we should suggest to creators and producers of all kinds that nobody has to try any harder than that. And we shouldn't suggest, by proxy, that audiences don't deserve any better than that, either.
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What’s it like to be so in Love with someone so much that you’re paralyzed. Because you know and nothing can take that away. It’s a unspeakably great thing. I mean who doesn’t want that right?
She is the most perfectly imperfect soul I’ve ever known. That one in infinity. The most perfect art work there ever was or will be.
I mean you Love her because of her smile, the way she is happy about things and can’t wait to tell you.
You get to watch her react and it fucking amazing just to see how she shines.
The way she speaks to you like no one else on the face of the earth and you can’t even react. You’re just blown away.
Her hair, and JFC her laugh, omg. Her ugly cry. The way she can settle you when you’re so wound up that you are in scared animal mode. She’s the only one that has that ability to calm your storm.
The way she Loves, hard like a storm. You have no idea what hit you but you without a doubt you know your the luckiest person on the face of the earth and no one can ever match that.
Her eyes, the most beautiful green you’ve ever known. Nothing comes close and her just looking at you throws you on your back. It is its own language. A look from her is a gift from the universe.
That way she just pronounces words. Just those little things. The way she says “hey”. Her remarkably intelligent mind.
Her hair.. absolutely stunning…
Her most beautiful face…there are no words for that amount of beauty.
This is the tip of the iceberg.
We’re all different and in the course of our lives we meet people who radically change us. If you meet someone who’s iceberg tip is half of this know that for you nothing could or will ever come close to that person.
She is my home, heart, Love, peace, shelter, my rock, my best friend and my Lover. She is my forever.
I just Love her for her.
I can’t believe she’s gone. I am paralyzed.
❤️♾️❤️💕
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alright y'all i finally got some headcanons after showering. I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THESE. i kinda liked the idea, so lmk if you guys would like a part 2! :)
Pool Day Headcanons
Characters: Eren, Jean, Reiner, and Colt
Warnings: slight suggestive?
Eren Jaeger:
- ok so you already know it was Eren's idea to go swimming at the waterpark. there was a giant heatwave coming, so he figured it'd be a perfect date for the two of you.
- LET ME JUST SAY.. EREN IS A COMPLETE ASSHOLE AT THE WATERPARK.
- not in a bad way ofc, but he'd be a dick to the kids, or he'd do some petty stuff 😭. he'd run when a lifeguard would yell at him, or push a little kid to get to the water slide. you'd just stand there embarrassed while a parent cusses him out.
- Eren would force you to go into the water, even if you protested that you didn't want to. he'd drag you off the chair and force you in.
- "babe! come on! it's a waterpark, don't just sit there all day,"
- Eren would splash water in your face or force you on the tube slides with him, he'd purposely make it go fast so you'll fly off at the end.
- he would probably push you off the diving board because you took too long, he's just impatient like that.
- Eren would get tan as fuck. he'd be so golden after you both leave, you never have to worry about sunscreen with him.
- not gonna lie, Eren would love seeing you in your swimsuit. he'd kind of be more protective of you, especially if other guys stared at you. he'd probably put his arm around you.
- he'd put you on his back to go to the deep end, and probably scare you acting like he was going to throw you off.
- lifeguards would yell at him for almost making you drown.
- probably got kicked out once because of it too.
- his hair would be so messy, since we're talking about manbun Eren, he'd have to re-tie his bun a few times. sometimes you'd pull on it, and he'd have to re-do it.
- Eren would probably get a hard-on seeing the water droplets going down your body, and he'd press it against you while be in the water leaving you with a huge blush.
- this would be a really fun date, definitely a 10/10.
Jean Kirstein:
- this would probably be Jean's idea to go to a waterpark. he's really fun in that way, and plus he gets to see you in a swimsuit, so it would be perfect ;).
- Jean would absolutely LOVE the water slides, he'd be the type to wait in long ass lines just to ride it, even if you complained.
- "be patient babe! it's gonna be so worth it in the end,"
- like Eren, Jean would kind of be an ass to people at the waterpark. he'd steal a tube a little kid was going for, and run away laughing his ass off while the kid cried. he'd be a dick like that i'm sorry 😭. the parent would probably roll their eyes at you both as you word a "sorry" to them.
- Jean would probably sneak food into the waterpark, even if it isn't allowed, he still somehow finds a way for snacks to be snuck in. HE'S SNEAKY LIKE THAT.
- his dumbass would get water up his nose every 30 seconds and have a huge coughing fit.
- accidentally swallowed pool water 😀.
- he'd be the type to slowly inch you into the water, and hold your waist 🥰.
- Jean would take you on his back around the deep end making sure you're safe and secure, so he doesn't drop you, sometimes he'll hold you in the front with your legs around his waist.
- Jean would get tan, you wouldn't have to worry about him getting burned. plus his tan would be hot as fuck.
- knowing this guy, seeing you in your swimsuit made his jaw drop to the floor. he loved the way your body glowed in it, and it made a huge blush go across his face. he couldn't keep his eyes off of you 🥺.
- SO PROTECTIVE. if a guy even looked in your direction, Jean would instantly put his arm around you or even kiss you in front of the dude staring at you. he didn't want any guy thinking they had a chance with you, it's honestly super adorable.
- you'd come back to your spot during the break and feel his print when you sat down on his lap 😳😳. boy was it a surprise for you.
- his hair would be all messy and water would be going down his face, ngl it's really hot to you 😏.
- pls doing this with Jean would be so worth it and fun.
Reiner Braun
- not gonna lie, this was probably a date you two both came up with while trying to figure out your weekend plans. it was going to be a real hot one, so you figured why not? a waterpark sounded fun.
- Reiner would probably not be a huge fan of water slides, but you forced him to go on one and he wanted to do them all.
- "baby we're going on that one next, i don't care about the line,"
- he wouldn't be an ass to anyone at the waterpark, but he would definitely roll his eyes at the annoying teenagers that won't shut up. you both were waiting in a line and they kept complaining, and Reiner literally wanted to backhand them.
- Reiner in swim trunks 🥵 oh boy.. my imagination is running wild. it is definitely the sight to see.
- he uses his charm to get free snacks 😭😭, girls cannot resist this man and his body.
- Reiner would probably tan with you for a bit, he'd for sure wait by your side holding your hand or waiting on his phone for you to finish. my man has patience when it comes to you.
- he'd probably jump in with you and laugh as people would be annoyed with you two splashing them with water.
- Reiner would probably try to do some weird trick in the water and bump his head on the bottom of the pool floor. he'd come back rubbing his head and shaking his head.
- like a dumbass, he'd get water up his damn nose and cough for like 30 seconds.
- Reiner would slightly tan but also burn? if that makes sense.
- he is 100x more protective of you at waterparks, many guys would stare at you and my man would put his hand straight onto your ass or your waist.
- he loves your swimsuit, he thinks you look absolutely stunning and just breath taking.
- Reiner would lowkey hold you in the pool with your legs around his waist leaving small neck kisses. this man has had a boner all day, he probably would take you home after and see your fresh tan lines 😳.
- THIS WOULD BE SO FUN. please take this man to a waterpark gn.
Colt Grice:
- this was definitely a date idea that you had since Colt doesn't really think about waterparks that much lmao. plus with the heatwave coming, you figured why not?
- COLT IS LIKE A LITTLE KID WHEN IT COMES TO THESE THINGS.
- he got forced to take Falco.
- Colt would do absolutely everything the place has to offer, whether it be going down the water slides or going onto the diving board. HE WANTS TO DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. let this man have fun, ok?
- he's definitely respectful and wouldn't do anything that would get him kicked out, this soft baby is just too sweet for that.
- Colt would probably enjoy the lazy river with you, he loves the relaxation, and just being by your side would make him feel so calm and soft. he would hold your hand as you floated down on it, IT WOULD BE SO SO CUTE. you can't change my mind.
- he'd splash water in your face and get pool water in his mouth, he'd be coughing so much.
- ok this is something i thought of just now, but he would so buy goggles to go underwater and kiss you. he loves to see your smiling face under the water, IT JUST MAKES HIS HEART SWELL AND FEEL SO SOFT 🥺.
- he'd take you on his back and to the deep end while you place your head on his shoulder, he'd probably joke around and act like he's gonna drop you. it'd be kinda funny.
- "you want me to drop you? okay!"
- Colt would be so protective of you, knowing many prying eyes would be on you, it made him a little insecure:((, but he did his best to show those people you were his. you also assured him that nobody else would ever replace him, you probably kissed him a few times in front of those guys.
- Colt would burn jfc you needed so much sunscreen.
- he'd absolutely love your swimsuit, he thinks you look like something from heaven 🥺. he would call you every name in the book, he's just a sweetheart like that.
- he'd peck your lips a few times and say sweet words to you <3333.
- PLS THESE ARE SO CUTE IM SOBBING.
#anime#attack on titan#aot x reader#aot x y/n#aot headcanons#snk x y/n#snk x reader#snk headcanons#shingeki no kyojin#shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction#eren jaeger x reader#eren x reader#eren jaeger#jean kirschstein#jean x reader#reiner braun#reiner x reader#colt grice#colt x reader#aot fanfiction#snk fanfiction#attack on titan headcanons#anime headcanons
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Thoughts on “Auntie Soka and Little Leia” now that I’ve actually got it posted:
Call it a director’s cut! The process of actually writing the thing, and also jokes made along the way. Link to the actual fic.
Unfortunately, I don’t have the energy for image descriptions, even the text screenshots. Might come back that later. Most of this was DMs with @atagotiak.
This was an entire thing before I even started writing:
Before I decided on ages and stuff
Ahsoka, to Jango, who has had zero contact with Kaminoans: Okay I know I'm a Jedi kid so you hate me but this toddler is your clone from the future.
Jango, tired: What the FUCK are you talking about.
Rex, barely able to talk: Don't you dare leave me with him, Commander!
Ahsoka: I'm not going to leave you I just--I'm so tired I'm so fucking tired I haven't slept in five days and someone tried to kidnap Leia two days ago I am so fucking tired I need help
Ben: [twenty years of depression followed by a 'now I'm safe' breakdown over the course of weeks]
Sokari: [whatever the FUCK this mess is]
When Ahsoka mentions there only being three other Jedi at the time of her death, I was thinking Kanan, Yoda, and Obi-Wan (Leia told her about the latter two living past her). She's not counting anyone that received training after the Temple fell, and she didn’t know about Cal.
When Leia says “I was adopted and raised by one of the founders of the rebellion, a movement built on the desire to instate freedom and democracy in a galaxy that had lost even the pretense.”
Depa: I'm no therapist but I diagnose you with "incredibly fucked up."
Ahsoka: yeah, that’s fair
"Why did you pick Depa for--" She's pretty and I'm gay.
Also because of the Kanan thing
But mostly I'm gay
"It's not a visual medi--" GAY
Empty of context beyond general post-fic AU:
"Hey Sokari, we need to engage in psychological warfare against this individual and--"
"I'm going to break into his office and leave a threatening note on his desk and leave no other sign that I was there. He'll see that his security is nothing and the only reason he isn't dead is because I'm too nice to kill him."
"...okay, not what we were planning, but that works. Why is that your first choice?"
"I really like breaking and entering, it's soothing."
Ben just standing there with a bland smile like This Is Normal.
"We need someone to infiltrate a highly guarded facility in hostile territory."
"So we're sending the Torrent kids?"
[sigh] "We're sending the Torrent kids."
Rex and Sokari insist on both going by "Torrent" even though Rex could be a Fett. Jango really wants him to be a Fett. Rex has too many grudges to agree to being a Fett for... a while.
I really hope it's blatantly obvious that Ahsoka's not a reliable narrator for some things
Ahsoka: Fett could care less if I died
Jango: jfc even if you are older than me I can see you're fucked up. Drink your hot chocolate. Hells.
She's got good reason to expect him to hate her as a Jedi! BUT.
THAT IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF REALITY
We don’t get a lot of actual characterization for Jango, but the way I played him out here is he has never really parsed that Jedi are people before all this.
It's a lot harder to treat them as a monolith when the traumatized former child soldier is having regular breakdowns in your shitty little kitchen
Fett: I respect you
Ahsoka: No, don't do that
Ahsoka’s vigilantism is something that, in my mind, she's associating heavily with Zygerria and then the clones.
I figured that she never bothered to learn Quinlan’s teacher’s name but in the process of looking up some basic facts (whether he had a surname), I found that Wookiepedia was forced to give us a VERY wide range of possible death in Legends.
Please take a moment to imagine Quinlan's FACE when Ahsoka initially dismisses him.
Quinlan has put a lot of effort into being rogueishly charming! It's very useful for his line of work! He knows to expect either irritation or a return flirtation when he acts like this with people his own age!
Ahsoka is not flustered OR rolling her eyes and insulting him, she's just ignoring him and it's a bit of a blow to the ego
This just makes me really happy:
This was the initial comment I made, as a joke
What if Maul is just. There. On one of the planets they make a pitstop at.
What if Maul exists as the walking problem he is, but fifteen, and Ahsoka immediately tries to kick his ass and drag him back to Coruscant.
I do not have room for this plot but What If
Despite not having room for this plot, I proceeded to write this plot.
Maul is kidnapped and it’s the best thing that ever happened to him
HE'S FIFTEEN
HE'S DUMB AS SHIT AND HAS A BAD ATTITUDE AND YEAH HE'S A DARKSIDER BUT HE'S FIFTEEN
Ahsoka: I sense... Maul [takes off sprinting]
Rex: [immediately takes Jango's blaster and runs after her]
Jango: Wait who
Tholme: Who
Quinlan: Who
Jango: [looks at Leia]
Leia: I don't know who that is either!
Ahsoka, already wrestling a teenager to the ground: Oh no, you're a child, REX STUN HIM AND GRAB THE CUFFS, I'M SURE FETT OR THOLME HAS SOME
Fighting him isn't even legal, they have NO evidence of criminal wrongdoing, so first she needs to yell until he admits to something she can fight him about
Ahsoka: When I see Maul, it's on SIGHT
Maul: WHO ARE YOU
Ahsoka: The Force didn't give me hands just to NOT throw them when I run into That Crafty Son Of A Bitch
Ben, when they arrive, after the tearful reunion: You... you brought Maul.
Ahsoka: Well, yeah, he's fifteen and kinda dumb. I figured we could drag him here and force him into therapy, see what happens.
Ben: I can't quite tell through the gag, but I think he's threatening to feed you your own spleen.
Ahsoka: Lol, yeah.
Ben is absolutely on team "get Maul therapy" and will fight the Council on rehabilitating the baby Sith
But also it's like. Here's your daughter! And your niece! And your daughter's QPP! Also your best friend, but baby, and his teacher, and the biological origin of a number of people you cared for deeply! AND ALSO THE GUY WHO SPENT LITERAL DECADES CRAVING YOUR DEATH, FOR SOME REASON
I just really want Ahsoka lovingly bullying Maul
She gives him noogies and the horns don't protect him because girl has reinforced gloves
Maul's only allowed a low-power training saber and his fights with Sokari involve Much Taunting by her and Eventual Screaming by him, and everyone pops by to see:
1. Sokari doing the most absurd flips, for fun.
2. The bullshit that is ataru-shien reverse-grip jar'kai in the hands of someone who makes it work
3. What a Sith lightsaber form looks like
4. Just the general nonsense that is the way these two fight
Tia said “Wrt ridiculous flips. I'm remembering that time she beheaded four Kryst'ad at once.” and I just
Rex brings up the quadruple beheading at one point to get someone to stop asking questions and the awkward, horrified silence almost makes him regret it.
And then Sokari just snorts and makes a joke about how Rex once speared a slaver point-blank and everyone's just like hello???
"are you two okay" "no"
Maul absolutely starts crushing on Sokari after a 'sword under chin' moment and she's just very "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you're fifteen, bye"
GO MAKE PUPPY EYES AT OBI-WAN OR SOMETHING
The crushes are the worst part of everything, really, she's an attractive young woman that can kick a lot of ass, and a lot of people are into that! Unfortunately, most of those people are a decade younger than she is, mentally, because all the people her actual age look at her and see a child on account of the 17yo body.
It’s almost a good thing she’s in no place mentally for a relationship.
I just want Ahsoka to wear beskar.... I think that would be Nice........
This AU is also what caused this post.
I'm deeply enamored by the idea that Ahsoka can win fights against "older" padawans pretty much unilaterally, even when they team up 2v1
And then she offers to fight 5v1 "But only if I have permission to fight dirty."
Ben approves it, a horror show full of "I fought many wars and will scream in your face or kick you in the balls if that's what it takes" follows
She wins. There are no permanent injuries, but her reputation certainly gets weirder. Nobody under the rank of Knight agrees to let her fight dirty again.
She just lets that stand because, well, she's not actually a padawan, she's thirty-three.
I’m not going to write this but my brain was EVIL and suggested it:
IT WOULD BE REALLY SAD
IDK maybe 9yo Anakin has nightmares about what's happening to baby Ahsoka because bullshit about time-traveling force bonds IDK ANYWAY he cries to Sokari about the nightmares and she's like "oh shit" and it's time to go rescue herself from motherfucker unlimited
It's either that or she's like, expecting to welcome mini-me aaaany day now, for like, several months, before she realizes Something Went Wrong. Anakin’s dreams could even start right as she’s starting to realize something’s off.
Obi-Wan has never had a padawan that doesn't at some point bite
Even Luke will, when pushed
OH also once the twins get Baby's First Lightsaber (training sabers, not real kyber), Sokari begs to borrow them for a dumb joke and tells Rex to get on her shoulders for a "Grievous Greeting" and they do The Thing
Jango and Ahsoka wrt Quinlan is just
“Do I need to beat him up for you”
“You realize I’ve beaten up sith lords before?”
JANGO'S TRYING
He's just. "Can we be friends? Can I--can I be the guy that just noticeably gets in the way of a creep on the subway so you can be more comfortable without someone making a scene? I'm fucking trying here, give me a hint."
We didn’t actually figure out Jango’s age until this point.
The only reason Fett's age matters is for Quinlan making a Wild Oats quip after Jango says he didn't know about Rex until a few weeks ago, and Fett going "How old do you think I am? And how old do you think the kid is?" and Quinlan getting Very Awkward as he does the math.
Rex overhears and lets Quinlan sweat for a bit before saying "I'm a genetically-modified clone someone grew in a tube, he didn't know or have reason to know until he saw me with Sokari."
Which is like. Eight additional layers of WTF, obviously, but at least Jango gets to avoid awkward wild oats jokes
Like, you’d expect the rebuttal to be ‘he’s my brother just with a biiig age gap’ or ‘he’s my nephew’
I find it very unfortunate for Quinlan that I've decided his defining characteristic in this context is going to be repeatedly putting his foot in his mouth
He’s trying so hard but
"That sounds like a cool thing, maybe I'll ask ab--and it's another fucking trauma."
I'm doing Ahsoka&Jango t w i c e (there’s another fic where I’m doing it)
It’s just a fun dynamic! So much resentful respect.
Like she's twenty seconds away from calling him a bitch at any given time and he's just there like "I don't like you but I do see you move like you're about to tell an entire building to get on their knees with their hands in the air and I can respect that"
Also she's probably much less judgmental about using blasters than Obi-Wan is
The Maul subplot actually started with me daydreaming about Ahsoka grabbing a blaster for Reasons
I like the idea of Jango just deciding the most Useful thing he can do is help teach the Smol how to fight. He's AWKWARD around Rex and Soka because he doesn't know if there's anything he CAN teach them.
I didn’t actually plan for Tholme to figure out the age thing, he just SAID it and I had to sit there like Wait.
Ahsoka, Rex & Leia: ahhh, children
Tholme: you say that like you aren’t children
I liked getting to write Rex's little "I have worked with all of them, and they're all Terrible"
He loves them
But
They once got stranded on a planet that didn’t exist and Ahsoka died and Anakin killed a god.
There was research and discussion as to whether Ahsoka could win against Tholme but seeing as she held her own against Vader, and fought Grievous at that physical age without dying, etc.... yeah, the only thing holding her back was her body not being what she was used to, and she’s had a few weeks go adjust.
“I miss being able to just jump off skyscrapers” is such a jedi thing
Jango: I'll take the gun back if he tries to leave, they can't get far before--WHAT THE FUCK
He knows Jedi are scary but he’s still not really used to just how over the top ridiculous they are
He knows how to deal with Jedi in battle, not Whatever The Fuck These People Are Doing
Rex isn't even a Jedi, he's just so used to working with them.
“Oh yes time for free-falling without a parachute again, same shit as always.”
Tia: I’m imagining Jango freaking out and Quinlan and Tholme being like. Concerned but mostly exasperated
Clearly if they’re jumping off buildings it must be serious? But jfc they could’ve maybe communicated a bit more?
Leia: I want to finish my juice
Tholme: Quin, stay with her while we go figure out what those two are doing.
Quinlan: Wait what
Jango: Oh now he’s jumping off a building too???
Tholme: Sokari, you are not registered! You can't legally jump out windows yet!
Jango: What the hell is going on? Is this normal?
We don’t necessarily know how often Ahsoka and Maul ran into each other after Mandalore. There was the later thing on Malachor, but other than that I'm just going with the idea that they ran into each other every year or two and just went for the eyes like feral cats
Ahsoka: I need to kick ass and you're coming with me.
Rex: Yeah, okay.
[several minutes later]
Rex: Whose ass are we kicking?
Ahsoka and Rex
Neloms aren’t a SW fruit to the best of my knowledge, I just wanted to mess around with lemons/melons
Jango: you didn’t think any of this through, did you?
Rex: you were there, you know we didn’t
"When the Jedi says to jump out a window, I jump out a window."
Tholme’s real composed about stalking the ancient nigh-mythical enemy of his people, very “Life is already so goddamn weird”
This fic has been so heavy on the trauma but then I introduce Maul and suddenly it's the worst kind of comedy
Nobody is competent, everyone's a little dumb, the bad guy is just grocery shopping
My propensity for banter has turned this into a six-person buddy cop comedy about Maul buying grapes
They spend a significant amount to time ineffectually stalking Maul before Quin suggests the sensible option
Quinlan just "You remember this is my literal job and specialty right"
Ahsoka sees Maul and all her brain cells go out the window except "Fight good"
Usually she doesn’t need to worry about doing things legally. Maybe she needs to worry about someone seeing her do illegal things but she spent the past 15 yrs in a place where her existing was illegal
I feel like he’s also maybe kinda wanting to reassert that yes he is competent. Bc like. Ahsoka’s been kinda condescending this whole time and also can beat everyone up so.
It's not his fault that he's actually the youngest person there, but.
Jango is finding this whole being friendly to Jedi thing a lot more overwhelming than he thought it would be. And overwhelming in different ways.
Maul usually signifies things getting worse and more horrifyingly tragic but he's just a dumb teen that they needed to arrest for his own good.
Quinlan: Look, I'm useful!
Ahsoka: I've been through hell, wanna hear?
Quinlan: NO. I DON'T. WHY.
Quinlan: I understand the concept of joking about your traumas, I do it sometimes myself! But sith hells that’s a lot of trauma.
Quinlan just wanted her to treat him as a Competent Individual, and here she is whipping out stories about Dying and Gods and the Force insists it's the truth and he just????
And apparently emo darksider over there is a Sith. And just, sure. Why not
A lot of people’s interactions with the time travelling disaster lineage is just
Tholme and Fett arguing and Ahsoka's just waiting for a moment to pop in with "Hey, when's the last time either of you worked with the other's culture before this mess? Yeah, that's what I thought."
Much like Leia and Ahsoka hurting each other earlier, and Tholme figuring out the de-aging, we ALSO have Fett’s confrontation with Ahsoka being something the characters just did, rather than something I planned.
FTR the only time I managed to trigger myself while writing this fic was the “your behavior isn’t actually acceptable and we’ve all been trying really hard to give you room to recover but you have to at least make an effort to not be a bitch”
Writing about people having PTSD and symptoms of such: Yay!
Writing about people having PTSD and engaging in toxic behavior to cope: Shit
Ahsoka had... basically my exact reaction.
It's "remind yourself that you're in the wrong, that they have a point, and then be overly formal in the apology because fuck if you accidentally make them feel sorry for you when they're the injured party"
Quinlan: Can we be friends? I mean, you're an asshole, but you're really cool. Let's be friends.
(He MIGHT be nursing a crush)
(Neat mysterious girl who can beat him up.)
Also he realises she's probably nicer when not having a slow-motion breakdown
He's like "Huh, you'll probably be less of an asshole once you've gotten therapy."
...also, she pretty and got Nice Biceps
I love writing a good mental breakdown
I was so close to including a "he tried to kill me" just early enough for Jango to wildly misinterpret as her thinking Quinlan tried to kill her.
He'd have been very confused, considering Quinlan's the one that called them down in a panic and currently has Ahsoka having her massive breakdown in his lap
But
Tia: I could see Jango interpreting it as idk, Quin resembling someone or for a moment acting like someone who tried to kill her and she had a flashback or something like that
There's absolutely room for a couple reasonable interpretations there
And "trapped in a flashback about someone who tried to kill her" is absolutely what's happening!
Just. You know. For a different reason.
Jango probably wouldn’t assume Quin would hurt her, for one thing he seems to like her, for another even if he did he’s smart enough to pick a way that wouldn’t be so likely to get him caught
I had to step back and actually say “Also I'm just. Wow. I'm really just shoveling QPP Rex&Ahsoka at full speed”
Me, a few weeks ago, joking: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist
Me, now, entirely seriously: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist
Me, belatedly: Oh, Ahsoka being joyfully mean to people was a form of mania she was unconsciously using to build a barrier between herself and her impending meltdown
She went from "just died" to "in charge of Rex and Leia" in like. Two minutes.
Confession: I've been delighting in the mental image of this whole Mess leading Jango to try to retake Mandalore, and Ahsoka loans him a saber for a 1v1 to get the darksaber.
“Can’t I just fight him barehanded? That’s how I did it on Galidraan.”
"But the drama, Fett!"
Probably Rex has learned how to use a saber as well, because you never know when you have to borrow a weapon
I later changed my mind to Jango asking her to help, rather than her just sneak-teaching him, but it was funny.
Background nonsense to all this is Ahsoka and Rex, despite Rex being as force-sensitive as a lump of coal, having developed a process where she can extend her sensitivity to him mind-to-mind for weird symbiotic battle trance that scares everyone around them. It’s very similar to Battle meditation.
CONTEXT FOR LEIA BEING WORRIED ABOUT THOLME HIDING THINGS:
Tholme is hiding the fact that the Council reached out and told him that the people he picked up might be connected to Ben and Luke, who showed up after the Depa thing but a solid week and change before Jango's ship makes it to the Temple. They asked that he not share that information to avoid getting anyone's hopes up in case the two situations aren't related.
Ben and Luke haven't shared enough information for anyone to really be sure if the other three are connected
Because the info Tholme has isn't quite the info Jango has, etc.
And they can't just say Ben is a future Obi-Wan over comms
I just have a lot of feelings about people trying to do something right and just. Nobody's at fault! Not really! It's just complicated!
Tia: I like how when Ahsoka isn’t doing maladaptive trauma response stuff she’s very mature. And of course she’s had to be but it’s a good like, contrast. Where when she slows down to think about things she’s very sensible
Jango just spends most of this story lowkey wanting Ahsoka to Be His Friend but there's too much baggage that he's only metaphysically responsible for
Local aroace(?) has a squish
Ahsoka: He just wants to get on my good side because of Rex.
Jango: I'm pretty sure you could kill an entire army without trying but you wouldn't because you have actual morals and stuff... and when I met you it was because you were killing yourself trying to keep (what appeared to be) children safe... you seem cool please be my friend.......
Ahsoka’s #1 weakness: mountains of trauma
Ahsoka’s #2 weakness: she just doesn’t get why so many people think she’s cool and want her to be their (girl)friend
Jango, a 27yo massacre survivor who's killed Jedi masters with his bare hands: [gets lectured on various government structures by a tiny girl that's missing several teeth and needs to sit on books to see the table properly]
Ahsoka was raised in a religious meritocracy but developed all her opinions during a galactic war and then became a vigilante spy, Rex comes from a military cult, Leia is from an inherited monarchy that participates in democracy, Quinlan was originally from what appears to be a dynastic dictatorship, and IDK about Tholme other than that he is also from the religious meritocracy.
And in legends Quinlan came to the religious meritocracy after his aunt sacrificed his parents to a vampire cult and then forced him to experience the psychometric echoes of that.
There's just. A lot going on.
Leia at least has knowledge about structure and admin in theory that isn't based in either the military or populations under 10k
Jango: I want to be your friend.
Ahsoka: Sounds fake.
I am unfairly fond of "Rex destroys a conversation by bringing up his own horrifying childhood and calling it a cult"
"Why does Sokari call you 'Rex'ika'?"
"Because she's older than me."
"...can I--?"
"No."
Nickname privileges are extended ONLY to Ahsoka and older clones. There are no more older clones, so it's just Ahsoka.
Me joking about Star Wars AUs: Would you like a crackship?
Me writing actual Star Wars fic: My favorite character type is apparently “too traumatized to have a relationship” so this is at least 90% gen.
I had to pull a scene opening at one point because Ahsoka's skill with not getting shot is actually much less useful than Tholme's clearance levels.
Now I really want a team-up of Ahsoka, Rex, and Jango where they do have to get in a dogfight of the "she flies, we shoot" variety and Fett just has to scream because the speeder thing to catch Maul was one thing, but this....
Ahsoka, before TCW: I know all the traffic rules but I'm not that great at flying!
Ahsoka, after TCW: I'm great at flying but if you let me behind the wheel we are absolutely getting arrested.
She went from "knows the rules but doesn't have the skills" to "has the skills but primarily in the form of not getting shot" which! Is delightful!
"Bet I can get us through that alley--" "DO NOT"
Jango and Ahsoka are both just very "Is this friendship? Is this camaraderie? My heart's been fried on platonic love by so many murders that I'm not sure anymore."
"I've lost a lot of friends. I kind of forgot how to make those."
I have no idea if "hasn't been closer than Alderaan except that one trip to Chandrila" is canon-compliant but ehhhhhhhh
It feels plausible enough?
Belatedly realized that I could just explain my optimal Rex&Ahsoka dynamic as just... drift compatible. It's vague enough on the specifics while still digging into the meat of what they mean to each other and how they work together. The terminology is already in existence. I can just use it.
Romantic? Platonic? Familial? Doesn't matter! They're drift compatible.
They are important to each other and that is what matters
I really like the Leia&Quinlan thing. He's just like "This small child needs a friend that isn't super depressed," and decided he's going to be her friend.
I keep trying to toss in "Quinlan volunteers to 'baby'sit." She's not much older and she has a Baby Brain, it works out
There's a running bet as to whether Leia will leave the Order the second she turns thirteen, or if she'll let Sokari "train" her for a few years first. And... that’s how I came up with Leia Antilles, Senator of Serenno.
They'll be bullshitting Ben as her new master to "finish out the padawanship" since they can't tell everyone she's really in her thirties and he's conveniently there and already knows everything and was half her master anyway.
Like Ben was planning on taking on Luke, but Luke is "six" and even he can't swing that as old enough to be a Padawan, and it's not like Sokari will take more than a handful of years to justify knighthood, sooooooooo
#Ahsoka Tano#Captain Rex#Leia Organa#Jango Fett#Obi Wan Kenobi#time travel#de aging#Phoenix Babbles#Uncle Ben and Little Luke#Auntie Soka and Little Leia#I need to excise the bits that are actually funny on their own
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BnHA Chapter 290: It’s Touya Time
Previously on BnHA: Iida and Hadou showed up like a couple of Pennsylvanias and Georgias to bail Shouto out at the last minute. Ochako and Toga had an exceptionally strange fight which consisted of Toga being all “guess what Ochako, I used your quirk to murder someone, how do you feel about that”, and Ochako being all “I do not like that”, to which Toga was all “:(”. There was some doll-stealing and some bookcase-yeeting, and then Toga left in tears because Ochako was all adamant that murder has consequences. Anyway so I have absolutely no idea what Toga is thinking now, but I guess we’ll have some time to stew on it, because we ended the chapter by cutting back to the Iida+Hadou+Shouto VS Afomura battle, which was interrupted by Gigantomachia and the LoV showing up like a bunch of Floridas to ruin everyone’s nice day.
Today on BnHA: Horikoshi hands the mic over to Dabi and is all “take it away, kid.” Over in Room 315 of Musutafu General, Rei is all “may I please watch some TV” and the hospital staff is all “sure”, and so she tunes in just in time to catch Todoroki Touya’s Peabody Award-winning documentary “Number One Hero, Number One Fraud: The Todoroki Enji Story”, which is being broadcast nationwide courtesy of Skeptic and his magic laptop. Meanwhile in Jakku, Dabi is all “I’M TOUYA, BITCHES”, and Shouto and Enji are all, “(゜◇゜ )”, and Dabi is all, “anyway so just to sum it all up, because of how much of a jerk Endeavor was, I am now Evil.” Everyone continues to be all “(ﾟoﾟ)” except for Dabi, who is all “└(˘▾˘┌ )≡ ( ┐˘▾˘)┘≡┗( ˘▾˘)┛≡┏( ˘▾˘)┓≡┗( ˘▾˘)┛” for pretty much the rest of the chapter. Idk. Just let the man have his fun, guys. He’s waited a long time for this.
y’all I have a confession to make. I am technically not spoiled for this chapter thanks to my robustly paranoid system of spoiler-tag-filtering, which is extensive enough that it pretty much will catch whenever someone so much as breathes something even remotely new-chapter-related. that being said, I like to think that I am capable of making basic logical inferences! and so the fact that for the past 36 hours, my dashboard has pretty much nonstop consisted almost entirely of this...
...has led me to conclude that MAYBE, POSSIBLY, PROBABLY, BUT ALSO DEFINITELY, a certain someone is finally going to reveal his ~secret identity~ woop woop. lmao
anyway so everyone, please remember to act surprised though, as we would not want Dabi’s feelings to be hurt at all. he has been planning this moment for the last decade or so and I wouldn’t want him to feel like all of that effort was for naught. so just play along, okay. OH MY, IF IT ISN’T THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS’ MYSTERIOUS DABI. WHATEVER COULD HIS ARRIVAL POSSIBLY BE HERALDING, I JUST DON’T KNOW
“Dabi’s Dance” lmao. I’m sticking with Touya Time myself. ngl I had this recap title planned out for at least the past year or so. just waiting for that day to finally come
anyway so some people in some building somewhere are all “TURN OFF THE TV IN ROOM 315” and idk. I’m guessing the LoV is hacking the airwaves to livestream the reveal, as predicted
-- oh shit. UHHHHHHHH
did she always have this TV or did she get it just recently?? jfc of all the times for the hospital staff to finally loosen up
um... so that’s... (・＿・；)
well but I mean, she was gonna find out one way or the other at some point though. like you can’t really just keep her locked up and isolated from all news of the outside world forever and ever and ever. granted, this isn’t exactly the ideal way for her to learn this particular bit of information, but it’s not really ideal for anybody else either! EXCEPT DABI, THAT IS. have yourself a day you funky little terrorist
oh shit what is this?? it’s not live???
over in Jakku, a red-faced, sputtering Dabi makes a frantic grab for Skeptic’s laptop. “WAIT, NO, JESUS, NOT THAT TAPE!”
lol. but seriously Dabi are you even wearing a shirt. like I’m not one to slutshame anyone bro, but it’s just, exactly what type of mood were you looking to set here??
anyway so we really are cutting back to Jakku now, and Gigantomachia is all, “MASTERS”! which, I wonder if he really did use the plural? that’s right Machia, both of them in one place now! that sure is convenient for you huh
lol what is this with all this AFO monologuing. you’re really gonna make me read through this when I’m sitting here all sleep-deprived from election week. JUST GET TO THE TOUYAS. WE WERE PROMISED TOUYAS!!
sigh
“tee hee it’s fucking hilarious how goddamn powerful I am now lol”
alas, in spite of myself I do have two serious takeaways from this. one is that AFO is still controlling most of Tomura’s body behind the scenes, which both does and doesn’t bode well for Tomura (like, at least he’s not dying, but the long-term implications of this for his free will and such certainly are not Good). and two is that this confirms that Ujiko did give Tomura at least one powerful mutant quirk, which explains why he was still so deadly and indestructible even when Aizawa was using Erasure on him (since Erasure doesn’t work on mutant quirks, just emitter and transformation ones)
MEANWHILE ON TODAY’S EPISODE OF “TODOROKI SHOUTO’S TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD LIFE”
I like how he doesn’t actually say that he can’t take on Gigantomachia. just that he can’t take on him and Afomura at the same time. that’s confidence, baby. that right there is why you always draft Todoroki Shouto in the first round for your fantasy team
HADOU!!!!
OOOH, TOMURA’S ALL “MAN, THIS GIRL’S WAVE POWERS AND THIS KID’S ICE POWERS ARE A SUPER-STRONG COMBO DAGNABBIT.” YESSS I LIKE THAT, TELL ME MORE ABOUT HOW COOL AND POWERFUL THEY ARE
HOT DAMN LOOK AT THAT
um but not to take away from this exceptionally cool moment or anything, but why is Endeavor dying and shouting “RUN” down there in the corner um
oh
excuse me. not to take away from How Bad This All Is, but!!
just a little, smol, IidaBaku for everyone. Iida, who apparently doesn’t know a damn thing about first aid and is all, “hmm that’s a pretty bad-looking puncture wound he has in his left shoulder there, I think I’ll just let his arm dangle freely like that and I won’t bother taking off his heavy gauntlets either. I mean. he’ll be fine, probably.” smh. at least Shouto probably cauterized the wounds
EXCUSE ME WHAT
TIME FOR MORE OF THAT GOOD OLD FASHIONED SHOUNEN RIDICULOUSNESS I GUESS LMAO. KACCHAN YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO. THERE IS A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO, AND YOU LOST LIKE FOUR GALLONS OF BLOOD, BUT SURE. “PUT ME DOWN” HE SAYS. FIRST OF ALL, PUTTING ASIDE THE FACT THAT YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT BE CONSCIOUS, THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN GOING TO DO, LIE DOWN AT THEM?? LISTEN, YOU SWEET IDIOT. TAKE HEED, BELOVED DUMBASS!!
ah well. I guess he gets to watch the Touya Show now too then lol
LMAOOOO now Machia’s lifting Tomura carefully in his palm like a broken action figure and Spinner is all “THE FUCK, YOU LOOK LIKE DEATH WARMED OVER”
“oh hey there Spinner. well let’s see, I woke up from my three-month coma and destroyed a city, had my body incinerated, and am currently being possessed by a diabolically evil potato. but please, tell me more about everything you've been through”
AW YISS AND THE FOCUS NOW SHIFTS TO THE TODOROKIS. EVERYTHING IS PROCEEDING EXACTLY AS WE HAVE FORESEEN
Endeavor my dude. it’s as if you want to die here. also holy shit, that bit about his lungs definitely does not bode well for him either
MOTHERFUCKER
GO AHEAD AND SIGN YOUR OWN DEATH CERTIFICATE, WHY DON’T YOU!! FLAGS UPON FLAGS. JESUS CHRIST
meanwhile Dabi’s just waving at ‘em
lmaoooo please oh please Caleb please keep this ‘EYYYYYYY’, it’s fucking perfect kdlshk;hg
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(ETA: so as you will see very shortly, I completely missed this detail in my first read-through because I was so anxious to get to the reveal page, but THIS MOTHERFUCKER LITERALLY DOUSED HIMSELF WITH INSTANT HAIR DYE REMOVER THAT HE’S JUST BEEN CARRYING AROUND IN A LITTLE HIP POUCH APPRENTLY SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME. MOTHERFUCKER. I HAVE NO WORDS.)
IS THIS THE TIME. IS THIS THE MOMENT?! HERE IT COMES SLKFHS BRACE YERSELVES LADS
EYYYYYYYYYYYY
OKAY EVERYONE JUST LIKE WE PRACTICED!! SURPRISED FACES ON THREE! ONE... TWO... (•̪ o •̪) !! okay how was that
LMAO ENDEAVOR
at least Shouto looks properly stunned. Enji just looks like endeavor.exe just straight up stopped working
meanwhile Deku’s out here trying to do the math on this latest surprise family reveal! first Tomura is related to Nana, and now this. what’s next. who are you related to, Spinner. he rips off his boots to reveal engine legs and declares himself Iida’s long-lost uncle
oh shit Touya
it’s as if a million fanworks suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly jossed. who knew that all this time he was secretly sporting a crop top scar
also, THIRTY?! holy shit son you been busy
la la la two-page spread of Touya casually driving the dagger into Endeavor’s hero career and rocking the foundations of hero society as we know it la la la
la la la!!!
OH IS THAT THE END OF THE STORY THEN
almost got confused for a sec. there’s two monologues happening at once here. Endeavor doesn’t even know that his dirty laundry is being aired out nation-wide as we speak ffffff
btw while I appreciate the close-ups of Enji and Shouto here for sure, ngl I would also really love to see everyone else’s reactions right now. SHOW ME BAKUGOU AND THE LOV YOU COWARDS
is his hair actually turning white all of a sudden?? your hair dye just reacts on command??
(ETA: in all seriousness though, the hell kind of hair dye was he using? all he has to do is pour a bottle of that stuff and not even lather it in and it’s just gone just like that?? what the fuck would have have done if it ever rained lmao.
and this motherfucker just goes and leaves the dye remover in afterwards, too. I have never dyed my hair in my life and even I can tell you that’s probably not a good idea, Dabi.)
is this it. is this the legendary Dabi Dance in action. lmfao
oh hey what the fuck
so you figured you’d just murder your innocent younger brother to get revenge on dad, huh. well that’s nice
is that really all there is to the origin story though?? feels like we’re still missing a huge chunk of it. what was it that finally sent him over the edge? or was the trauma of being created as Endeavor’s perfect little hero tool and then being subsequently rejected by him enough on its own? because I’m still kind of confused on the part where he goes from “abused and discarded by his father” to “killed thirty people and was plotting the murder of his own brother” to tell you the truth
(ETA: lmao the initial fandom reaction to this did not disappoint. listen guys. people can be traumatized and shaped by awful circumstances that are completely out of their control, and grow up to be people they wouldn’t have grown up to be if things had been better, and all of that absolutely sucks, but. it doesn’t mean they get a get-out-of-jail-free card for all of their future actions, either! the tragedy of this situation is that terrible things happened to Touya, and he then went on to do terrible things himself. the tragedy of it is that this is exactly how the cycle of abuse keeps repeating itself on and on and on. maybe one of the people Dabi killed had a child who will now grow up traumatized themselves, and potentially go on to pay it forward themselves when they grow up. the tragedy is that the eye-for-an-eye justice that Touya is seeking out won’t actually make anything better in the end. the tragedy is that we understand why Touya is so angry, but that anger has basically warped him into the gleefully sadistic dancing figure we see in this chapter who has stopped caring about anyone else’s pain or suffering and just wants his own revenge.
anyway. basically what I’m trying to say is that it’s possible for the concepts of “Todoroki Touya was an innocent child and a victim of abuse” and “Dabi is a grown-ass motherfucking adult who killed thirty people and PROBABLY NEEDS TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THAT” to coexist lol. like, y’all wanted your moral grey, well HERE YOU GO lmao, eat up.)
lol but LOOK AT THAT BOY DANCE HIS LITTLE HEART OUT though
Todoroki Touya confirmed not a fan of the Endeavor redemption arc huh. well we all saw this coming lols
anyways here’s a sexy Touya for y’all
you really are the most theatrical bitch I s2g lmao
also for real though, what is happening with his hair? anime team in shambles here. they’re probably just gonna double down and keep it red. too bad though cuz this is a surprisingly good look on him
SO MANY CLOSE-UPS OF THE TODOROKI FACES
friendly reminder that Dabi without a doubt REHEARSED this speech like a thousand fucking times. LET US FALL TOGETHER!! COME DANCE WITH YOUR SON IN HELL. apparently if you fake your own death in middle school you will never mentally age past that point and will remain a permanent chuuni
OH LMAO THAT’S THE END
we really just gonna end on “DANCE WITH YOUR SON IN HELL”, huh. very well then. you know what song to play, Horikoshi. one, two... YOU ARE MY DAD. YOU’RE MY DAD!! BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE
#bnha 290#dabi#todoroki touya#todoroki enji#todoroki shouto#todoroki rei#bakugou katsuki#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste reads bnha
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Could we send a boost to vukovich and Frenchmarshmallow? Looks like they might need a little bit of extra cheer!
Absolutely we can!! Sending the lovely @frenchmarshmalloww another BOOST! We just posted one for her here as well, so I hope you all don’t mind but I’m going to focus this particular post on our very own @vukovich ❤️
And now for Vuk’s BOOST!!!
Vuk helped a lot to get this channel rolling, bouncing ideas around and offering support. She also does this spectacularly as an alpha and beta reader, and is always willing to help you out however she can.
I want to live in Vuk’s brain! She’s so creative I am in awe of everything she does! The worlds that she create are absolutely stunning. And JFC…have you read her smut?! Good lord, don’t read it somewhere public (unless you’re into that, then go for it) because it is HOT!!!
Vuk was recently harassed by a fandom troll as well, on her brilliant fic “I’ll Figure It Out.” Go take a look and give it and her some love, and be sure to look at her other fics here as well!
“I’ll Figure It Out.” Rating: E Words: 2622
Harry's mouth repeatedly gets him into situations his arse can't handle.
Then, he finds himself in a situation his arse can handle better than his mouth.
#boost#boost for vukovich#creators supporting creators#supporting creators#positivity and love#spread the love#drarryboosterclub
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Whipped
(d.ksoo)
Req: fluff + smut with Kyungsoo by @johnniverse
Pairing: actor!Kyungsoo x baker!reader
Words: 10,609k
Genre: fluff, friends to lovers, smut
Warning: cursing, smut, mature
Summary: Your close friendship with Korea’s favourite actor is suddenly strained when he begins acting strange after returning home. Three nights of disappointment and several drinks later, the memory of a rhubarb Eton mess lingers in the air as you find yourself finally seeing your best friend in a different light.
Tags: actor!Soo, slightly chef!Soo, baker!reader, cursing, flirting, sexual tension and fluffy smut
A/N: To the req, I hope you like it and it isnt too cringy lol, I always struggle with fluff. Also P.S, I’m never doing the fake texting image thing ever again, I had to use both my phone and laptop to edit/upload the pics in order and it was a pain in the ass especially for a fic this long (and on a side-note, props to all the text-message fic authors, this sHIT IS HARD JFC SERIOUSLY Y’ALL ARE AMAZING AND DEDICATED AF, I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT)
The smell of butter and dough that surrounded you usually helped calm your nerves but tonight could perhaps be the first time that was an exception. After all, it had been months since you last saw your best friend, Kyungsoo.
There weren’t many people around at this late hour of the night and you were thankful for the silence, for the peaceful atmosphere that was usually a rare occurrence at the bakery’s kitchen. Only when your nerves had crept into your worried thoughts as the silence prolonged had you finally scrolling to the playlist of soft instrumentals that you usually had playing at the bakery during work hours, letting the music fill the empty kitchen while you worked.
You hum softly to Billie Eilish and Khalid’s ‘lovely' as you place the tiny specks of edible gold foil atop the chocolate tart. Kyungsoo didn’t love the gold foil—he called it “too bougie”—but you knew that he didn’t hate it either. Besides, you couldn’t help the dramatic flair that you always brought to your desserts; it was what you were popular for, after all.
You’d met Kyungsoo as a customer at your artisan café almost three years ago when he’d dropped by late in the night to ask for a full-sized cake. You’d heard your co-worker Yixing apologetically inform him that there weren’t any such cakes readily available just a few minutes short to closing hours and that customers usually pre-ordered them in advance but you’d stepped out of the back-kitchen then to ask the desperate-sounding customer whether a red velvet cheesecake was fine with him.
You can still recall how you’d stumbled over your own words as your eyes finally fell on the late-night customer—Do Kyungsoo, the upcoming handsome actor who had swept over the nation with his popularity after his latest movie. Your first thought had immediately been, ‘Holy hell, he looks more beautiful than he does on the screen’.
It was only much later that you’d revealed to him that the original recipient of the cake was a little girl turning eight the next day. Kyungsoo had been stunned at the revelation and even to the present day, he still wondered why you hadn’t turned him away to find another bakery instead of going to the hassle of giving away a pre-baked cake that resulted in you pulling an all-nighter to bake another for the actual customer.
But how could you have refused? With his warm earnest brown eyes that reminded you of the pools of dark chocolate batter that you’d been whisking back in the kitchen, his cheeks that shone like freshly glazed pastries with the sheepish heart-shaped smile that put even the sun to shame, you couldn’t help but relent and give him the red velvet cheesecake that you’d been preparing for a client to pick up the next morning.
Although Kyungsoo had left in a hurry after accepting the box that night, he had visited the bakery around brunch hour the next day to thank you personally—and “properly”. Both of you had introduced yourselves and you’d been surprised at how down-to-earth and friendly he’d been, taken aback by his genuine interest in your bakery and all the desserts that you’d had. After conversing, there grew a mutual admiration—you’d never imagined that such a famous actor was also an incredible cook with an intense passion for food while having such an avid interest and genuine fascination towards your baking.
It had been the initial blossoming of a beautiful delectable friendship. You’d never thought you’d grow as close to him as you did but there was an instant connection after that first conversation at the kitchen of your bakery, a way in which both your personalities perfectly complemented each other and fit together just right. Of course, your mutual interest for food only fuelled the friendship further.
That was three years ago. Back then, it had started as a friendship but slowly bloomed to an unhealthy crush on your part. And who could blame you? Kyungsoo was unbelievably perfect—with his charming smile, his friendly and kind nature, his heart of gold and just by being an absolute sweetheart, you struggled to keep your emotions at bay as you got closer to him. He set the standard entirely too high and there was a small part of you that even blamed him for never being able to find a boyfriend. Every blind date and man that your friends introduced you to all paled in comparison to Kyungsoo, multiple meals and walks spent with them feeling extremely dreary when you spent the entire time drawing analyses of them in your mind based off of Kyungsoo as the yardstick.
However, it was a secret that you were certain you’d carry to your grave. He already had hordes of fangirls and half the country pining for him, he didn’t need to worry about you shooting heart-eyes at him too.
Besides, you cherished your relationship with Kyungsoo entirely far too much to risk losing all of it with a silly confession. You were close with his mother who called you more often than she even called him sometimes to chat with you idly about recipes, you knew how he hated parsley a lot more than he let on, how he’d admitted that your lemon meringue pies were his favourite dessert in the entire world and how he hated early morning shoots the most and could never get used to them no matter how many times he did it.
It wasn’t one-sided—he knew you like the back of his hand too. Kyungsoo knew about your coffee addiction that he always called unhealthy, how much you loved crafting recipes in your kitchen late into the night until you got it perfect, how you absolutely hated thunderstorms and could even tell whenever you were upset even from a mere text, prompting him to call you as soon as he could to talk about it.
It was too much to risk such a great friendship for a stupid crush. He meant too much to you which is exactly why you’d settled for never ever confessing to him.
You hum softly as you finally pulled your face away from the table, a satisfied smile coming upon your face as the finished tart lay atop the marble counter, gold flecks glinting in the yellow lights of the kitchen.
You picked up your phone then, frowning as you noticed the lack of texts. Kyungsoo had finally completed the premiere and tour for his latest movie, arriving back home early today morning for a well-deserved break, albeit short. You knew that his friends would most probably throw him a party—as per their tradition—but he’d texted you earlier that he would definitely drop by the bakery around midnight, at the latest.
Which was your tradition. He’d visit his mother, have a meal with his parents and then come straight to you, loudly yelling that you’d better have his favourite pies waiting for him, “or else”.
You stare at your phone, contemplating if you should send a picture of the tart and fully utilise his weakness for sweet treats against him but the screen suddenly lights up with an incoming message.
You sigh as you place your phone back on the counter and glance dejectedly down at the tarts. Pursuing your lips, you wondered if there was something wrong and if Kyungsoo was okay—it was the first time that he’d cancelled on your tradition of meeting you on the day that he got back itself.
He’s at home, probably well-fed, pampered and completely spoiled rotten by his mother so you decided to not dwell further on it. You place the tarts into airtight containers and placed them in the fridge then, yawning softly as you decided to call it a day and head home.
You were positive that you could see the colour red as you glanced at the clock hanging over the paintings on your wall, feeling more livid than you’d ever been.
It had been three days. Three days since Kyungsoo had arrived and your stupid “tradition” was in shreds—the both of you hadn’t met at all.
The day after the night he spent at his parents’ place, you waited for him all morning at the bakery before texting him. He’d called you immediately and apologised profusely, saying that he had to meet his manager at the company and that something urgent had come up. You’d let it go again but he hadn’t contacted you at all after that and you’d waited all day until finally calling him right before bed.
The conversation had been short, his words muted and seeming tired so you’d hung up without pressing too much.
But then you’d went over directly to his parents’ place yesterday. You’d been stunned to find that he wasn’t there, his mother cheerfully mentioning that he had left early in the morning “because of some work” and you didn’t have the heart to tell her that you’d lost your appetite. After stuffing yourself full with an entire lunch that his mother had not let you leave without, you’d called him. He’d apologised again, “another work thing” and finally ended the call after mutually agreeing that he’d come over to your place early the next morning, eat breakfast with him and heading back to the bakery later in the afternoon.
It was the next morning, the pancakes you’d made were cold and soggy now, the clock read 10:19AM and Kyungsoo was nowhere in sight.
“I’m going to fucking kill him,” you hissed murderously, grabbing your phone and pulling up your messages to text him.
You shoved your phone away in fury, grabbing the plate of pancakes and hurriedly storing them back in the oven before grabbing the keys to your car and heading out of your apartment. You had half-a-mind to drive over to the company and ask his manager which goddamn hotel he was staying at before taking a deep breath, muttering a string of curses lowly to clear your head and pulling out of the parking space.
The entire day was a mess. Chanyeol, your commis baker, was surprised to see you head in earlier than you said you would, all of the kitchen crew and bakers flinching as you glared and yelled at them to get their shit together. You busied yourself in the kitchen, feeling Johnny’s wary eyes on you as you punched the dough like a possessed madwoman. Perhaps you weren't as good at masking your emotions as you thought you were, the entire staff catching onto the fact that their usually-cheerful patisserie chef was perhaps not seeing dough for fresh bread but instead visualising the mochi cheeks of the man whom Korea had lovingly dubbed as the actor with the most perfect heart-shaped smile.
Perfect, my ass, you thought derisively.
The day passed in phases. By 4PM, you’d baked way more puff pastries than necessary, waving off Chanyeol who meekly suggested to stop making so many since there was already a piling excess which would most probably be wasted if not sold by tonight. You told them all to just take some home, that there were your treat and involuntarily, your hands started to slow down as evening dawned, your upper arms beginning to ache slightly because you didn’t pace yourself in your rage.
You sighed as you headed to the back of the kitchen, walking through the smaller door that was alongside the pantry—a smaller space that was solely for you, a place that you lovingly called your own and was the birth of many of your sweet creations.
The anger shifted to the second phase in the evening, one that infuriated you more because at least you were productive with your fury. Now, you just slumped at the marble countertop while staring at the small fridge in the corner that still held the gold-leafed chocolate tart from two nights ago.
You sighed as you buried your face in your flour-stained palms. This has never happened and it was stressing you out in levels that you had never expected it to—because you’d never had a fight with Kyungsoo. Petty arguments, sure, but nothing that couldn’t be solved with his spaghetti or your macaroons.
Then again, he’d never been like this. Never had he avoided you, never had he cancelled multiple times on you repeatedly, never had he broke the sacred tradition of meeting you as soon as he was back. It had been too many times now to be a mere coincidence, he was definitely avoiding you. You could tell that he was lying and your anger from today morning had subsided to just an intense worry that felt like cramps in your lower abdomen, sighs falling from your lips as you wondered what was wrong.
You thought about calling his mother for a brief moment but you could already guess that she was just as oblivious as you, maybe even more. She hadn’t seemed fazed when you’d went over yesterday, hadn’t noticed the distress on your face as you realised that you’d missed him yet again.
The rest of the day seemed to drag on forever. Your limbs were sore and you knew your bed would be nothing short of welcoming right now but you didn’t want to go back home in a state like this where your thoughts would be louder than ever.
Around 9PM, you decided to call it a day and closed up early. You could see the relief in everyone’s faces, especially Chanyeol who looked like he wanted nothing more than to go home and pass out. Once the entire crew had left the bakery with a box of all your rage-fuelled treats—Chanyeol had been right, there had been way too many puff pastries, cake pops and enough cookies for the entire neighbourhood—you sat alone in your workspace with nothing but silence echoing around you.
Sighing softly, you stood up and connected your phone to the small Bluetooth speakers placed at the corner of the room, putting on your Coldplay playlist. You washed your hands in the sink before setting out to make the lemon meringue pie.
There was a reason why Kyungsoo loved it the most amongst every other dessert you made—it was your go-to dessert whenever you were upset. Although the recipe wasn’t challenging nor was it particularly difficult to make, it does require a lot of patience and dedication to get a flawless pie every time. Kyungsoo loved watching you create it; you’d lost count of the number of times he’d walked in to see you furiously whipping the cream filling for the pie. The amount of concentration it took at each step usually helped calm your nerves, distracting your noisy thoughts enough to focus on the dessert at hand.
Initially, you’d thought he called it his favourite only because he’d seen first-hand how much effort it took to bake it but then Kyungsoo had explained that he could taste the effort, that the tarty tanginess of the lemon filling which would first wash over his tongue slowly morphs into the subtle sweet aftertaste of the creamy meringue which was addicting enough to make you crave for more.
There was a small part of you that didn’t believe him when he’d said that and an even smaller part that had been too flattered to believe it, unable to even form a coherent response to it but baking the pie now made your chest ache as it occurred to you that it’d probably join the tarts in the fridge from two nights ago.
The lemon meringue pies tasted best when eaten immediately and he knew it—which was exactly why he often sat around to watch you make it.
You decided not to dwell on it. Once you were done with the pie, you’d call him one last time to ask if he could meet you wherever possible tonight itself. You’d use the pies as an extra leverage, perhaps as a ruse to just lure him out. Just so you could yell at him for being an idiot right at his face instead of at the phone.
You’d just lined the pastry base into the pan and chilled it for an hour before baking it in the oven while you whisked the lemon filling. The humming of the oven had involuntarily made your shoulders loosen up as you lost yourself in making the lemon filling and you were softly singing along to Yellow as it echoed around the small kitchen space.
The song suddenly stopped and your hands froze reflexively as you turned around to see your phone lighting up with an incoming call.
‘satansoo😈💕’
You dropped the whisk immediately and grabbed the dishcloth, wiping your hands hastily as you strode around the counter. You threw the cloth aside, hands still feeling slightly sticky as you grabbed your phone and disconnected the Bluetooth connection.
Your voice was slightly breathless as you finally answered, “Soo? Hello? Kyungsoo?”
There was dull music faintly thumping in the background but at a distance, as if muted. You frowned as the pause on the other side of the call lasted for almost three seconds before finally hearing an unfamiliar male voice.
“Hello? Y/N? Is this Y/N?”
“Yes, yes, it’s me,” you said loudly, furrowing your eyebrows as you felt a sense of dread creep into you. “Who is this? Where’s—?”
“You were the first on his emergency contact list,” the man interrupted, making your heart drop to your feet.
“What’s going on?” You asked hurriedly in a panic, your eyes widening as you felt your stomach twist. “Where’s Kyungsoo? Is he okay?”
“Ma’am, my name is Woo Shik and I’m the bartender at Club Exodus. Your friend is really really drunk,” the man replied, sounding slightly exasperated. “He came in around 7PM and got a room alone although we told him that he can’t do that singly but he insisted and said he’d even pay more for it. And now-now he’s just really drunk. He’s been yelling your name for the past half hour and crying something about rhu.. rhu something? Itaewon mess?”
“Rhubarb Eton mess,” you deadpanned, sighing. “I’m… I’ll be there as soon as I can. Could you just text me the address of the club, to this number?”
“Yes, ma’am, I’ll send the location right now.”
“Okay, thank you, I’ll be there.”
You hang up quickly and your limbs feel like they’re frozen, uncoordinated from your brain as you will yourself to move. You feel disoriented, a thousand thoughts flying through your head as you quickly pull off your messy apron and grab your phone. You don’t bother fixing yourself much, knowing that you probably smelled like fresh dough and lemons as you hurriedly shut off the oven. You pause as you notice the halfway baked pie shell, wondering if you should call Chanyeol and ask him if he could clean up in here as a favour.
The large grandfather clock in the main lounge area of the bakery suddenly sounded, echoing softly in the back-kitchen and you glanced down at your phone.
10PM.
He’s been drinking by himself for three hours.
“Fuck it,” you mutter, snatching the oven mitts and not even bothering to put it on as you use it just to shield your hand whilst grabbing the hot pie tray.
Your legs seem to move faster than your brain then, your body moving almost robotically as you threw the half-whisked lemon filling in its large glass bowl, the pastry shell and the cream for the meringue into the small fridge. It only held a few failed recipes and a couple of disfigured-looking pastries that you usually snacked on, along with Soo’s dark chocolate gold tart from two nights ago that you hadn’t had the heart to throw away, having expected him to walk into the bakery at some godforsaken hour and claim the dessert.
You felt a slight ache now as you stashed everything into the fridge, knowing how many ingredients that you’d just wasted because there was no way even you could resurrect or save this disaster after leaving this kitchen now.
Knowing that there was no time to regret it, you quickly cleaned up the counters and the rest of the workspace, grabbing your car keys and the lock to the bakery. You closed up the store and hurriedly got into the car, pulling up the location that the bartender had just sent you as you started driving to the club.
Your worry finally had a chance to fully materialise through the drive, your anxiety not allowing you to even play the radio as you raced to Club Exodus. It briefly occurred to you that there probably was a huge problem, something big that was worrying Kyungsoo if he was willing to go to the extent of booking a hotel room away from his parents and even avoiding you.
If there was anyone besides his mother who could read and see through him as well as she did, it was you.
God, Kyungsoo, what is going on?
You pulled up to the front of the club in almost half an hour, quickly jumping out and hurriedly gesturing to the car at the valet service guy standing at the entrance before heading in.
You approached the woman at the reception, your voice low as you asked, “I’m looking for Woo Shik? He’s with a friend of mine…”
“Oh yes, ma’am, hold on.” You weren’t even looking around the place, your senses almost numbed with tension as you followed the uniformed man to whom she gestured, one step behind him as he lead you away from what sounded like the main hall with its booming music that you could feel reverberating through the walls.
He showed you to a door and you could already hear Kyungsoo’s deep laughter even before entering. You pushed open the door and your eyes immediately fell on your best friend, his cheeks appearing redder than you’d ever seen them as he laid back on the black leather couches. A man in the dark burgundy uniform of the club who you assumed to be Woo Shik was trying to clear the table alongside the couch in a desperate attempt to save the bottles and glasses of alcohol from falling onto the floor.
“Kyungsoo,” you said flatly and Woo Shik looked up from the couch towards you, wide eyes filled with exasperation.
“Y/N?” He asked hopefully and you nodded, sighing.
“Did he drink more after we called?” You asked, stepping into the room fully and scrunching your nose in disgust at the way the place was reeking with alcohol.
“No, but he’d been chugging for a while and they’re all settling in now, I think,” Woo Shik explained tiredly, stepping away to let you walk around the table towards your drunk best friend.
You forgot what to even say as you looked at Kyungsoo who was giggling giddily on the couch, his eyes closed as his hands flailed mindlessly. He looked almost smaller in the way that he was curled up on the leather seats and you could see that he’d grown thinner since the last time you’d seen him. His cheeks were very flushed and that’s when you realised that this was the first time you’d seen him so shit-faced drunk. Of the both of you, he was the one with the higher tolerance and he’d seen you blackout drunk more times than you’d seen him in the past three years and it occurred to you that he must have definitely had way too much than usual tonight to be like this.
“Soo,” you heard yourself mumble, your hands reaching for his that were still blindly reaching for something in the air. His eyes snap open when he feels your hands clasp around his, dark shining gaze shifting towards you. You watch as his eyes widen and even before you can react, his grip tightens fiercely around your hand as he yanks you to him with a high-pitched squeal of your name.
You curse as you almost collapse on top of him on the couch, feeling his body beneath yours that was radiating so much warmth that you would have mistaken him to have a fever if it weren’t for all the alcohol lying around.
“Hiiiiiiiiiiii,” Kyungsoo slurred, smiling happily up at you as he wrapped his arms snugly around your middle while staring down at you. You felt your heart slightly melt at his elated expression, your anger and worry momentarily dissipating as you gazed back into his shining eyes.
“Hi,” you replied softly, feeling almost shy from the way he was looking at you as you realised that Woo Shik was still in the room and probably waiting for you to collect the mess that you had in your arms who had caused him enough trouble.
“Okay, can you sit up?” You ask slowly like you’re talking to a child as you pull away enough to help him sit upright. He’s still gripping one of your hands tightly and you let him use your other arm as a support to pull him upwards slowly so as not to make him dizzy.
You look up at Woo Shik then, your tone apologetic as you ask, “How much is all of this?”
“He already paid, ma’am,” Woo Shik replied, shaking his head at you.
“Okay, I’ll just take him away then, I’m so sorry for the trouble,” You quickly say as you grab Kyungsoo’s arm and throw it around your neck. You put your own arm around his waist, holding him to your side while trying not to inhale the alcohol-stench reeking off of him. Woo Shik offers help but you shake your head at him as you help Kyungsoo out of the club. He suggests the back entrance then, mentioning that it’d be safer because of his actor status and quickly hurries to tell the valet to bring your car.
You manage, with much difficulty, to finally seat Kyungsoo inside your car and strap him in safely. Once he is settled, you sincerely thank Woo Shik for all his help and make a mental note to send him some treats tomorrow and finally get back into your car. After driving away from the club, you slow down at a secluded alley and turn to Kyungsoo whose head is turned to face the window.
You gently shake his shoulder, wondering if he’s asleep as you softly call out, “Soo? Kyungsoo?”
His eyes blink open slowly and he turns to you, appearing almost woozy. You watch then as his eyes widen and the same elated expression from earlier washes over his face, his arms reaching out to wrap tightly around your frame as he again exclaims, “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii.”
“Yeah, yeah, hi, hi,” you mutter, rolling your eyes in exasperation as you try to pull away from his death-grip. Any other time, you’d have been taking videos of him like this to use as precious blackmail later.
“Soo,” you call out his name again as you try to get his attention on you. Once he is blinking at you while still grinning like an idiot, you enunciate slowly, “Your hotel. Where is it? Which hotel are you staying at?”
Kyungsoo blinks incomprehensibly and you see his grin widen, mouth opening excitedly to squeal your name again and you manage to grab his arms, stopping him from hugging you yet again.
“Kyungsoo!” You call out loudly, watching him flinch and you instantly lower your tone as you slump back in your seat while staring at him helplessly. There was no way you could take him back to his parents’ place when he was like this and you knew that his mother didn’t know the hotel that he was staying at either since she hadn’t mentioned it the last time.
Sighing, you turn with resignation towards the steering wheel and start up the car again, deciding to just take him home.
It wasn’t like he’d never been to your place before—he’d slept over on your couch multiple times but this would be the first time that he’d be doing it when absolutely wasted.
Kyungsoo hums softly beneath his breath as you drive and you’re quiet, listening to him as you chew on your lip nervously while wondering if you should talk to him. You knew he was drunk as hell and by the state that he was in, you guessed that his chances of remembering any of this tomorrow morning would probably be extremely low.
You decided to risk it.
“Soo,” you started tentatively and you were surprised when the humming stopped, knowing his attention was on you. You clear your throat before asking slowly, “Why didn’t you meet me?”
He frowns and you can hear the pout in his voice as he slurs, “Because you’re an idiot.”
You turn to look at him in amazement, eyes wide at the stupid response. “What?”
You turn back to the road as he continues, “It’s true. My mother says so too.”
“Your-your mother?” You sputtered, feeling more confused by the second. What the hell is he talking about? “She said not to meet me because I’m an idiot?”
“Nooooooooo,” Kyungsoo whined and you noticed him shift in his seat slightly from your peripheral as he explained, “I decided not to meet you. Mom told me that I’m an idiot. I think you’re the idiot but Mom says it’s me.”
You should just pull over and leave him on the roadside.
You take a deep breath, forcing yourself to remain calm as you reminded yourself to treat him like a child. He is a child and you need information so you tried again, slowly asking, “Why are we idiots?”
There’s a pause then and Kyungsoo mumbles something in reply, incoherent again.
You slow to a stop at the red light as you turn to face him fully now, squinting at him. “What? Why are we idiots, Kyungsoo?”
“Because I like you,” Kyungsoo sighs loudly and your eyes widen then, heart jumping to your throat.
Everything freezes around you and you stare at him, certain that you’d heard wrong as he leans back against the headrest, sighing dramatically again as he softly explains, “I’ve liked you for a long time but you’re an idiot to never see it. Mom told me I’m the idiot for never telling you but you’re the idiot for never seeing the signs.”
“S-signs?” You repeated, your voice cracking in your throat. Your heart is pounding in your ears as you ask quietly, “What signs?”
Kyungsoo sighs again, longer this time and you’re almost tempted to grab him by his shoulders and shake him angrily to get him to speak faster. You felt like you were going to be sick and this idiot was putting on the show of his life, acting dramatically like his rent was due the next morning.
“Sooooooo many signs, Y/N,” he slurs your name, dragging his words tiredly as he turns to you. He faces you and pouts childishly as he asks, “You think I run to all my friends’ arms whenever I come home on break? You think I cook with parsley which I hate with all my heart for anyone else? It’s only for you, because of how much you love it on your spaghetti. Most of my friends don’t even know I cook. I never even had a thing for sweets until you and I told you that but you’re an idiot. You thought its cause I love everything you make that much but that’s only a part of it. You idiot.”
You stare at him speechlessly and jump when you hear a loud honk behind you. Dazed, you look ahead and realise the traffic lights had changed to green, slowly prompting you to shift the gear and start driving again as the cars continued honking noisily behind.
You swallowed loudly, hearing an internal screaming in your head as you tried to gather your thoughts and process the words you’d just heard. You’re about to ask more, you don’t even know what, when you hear him murmuring softly again. You catch the word ‘rhubarb’ and start to ask why he kept ranting about your Rhubarb Eton mess custard and that’s when it suddenly hits you.
The last time that he’d come home for break, the time that he’d spent with you before leaving for the movie that he’d just finished shooting, you’d made him the Rhubarb Eton mess custard. The call to travel to Japan had been abrupt, causing him to have to leave on short notice and he’d spent the night before his flight with you at the bakery. It was after working hours, close to midnight and you’d been experimenting and crafting desserts with rhubarbs since they were in-season and had whipped up the Rhubarb Eton mess custard quickly just for him.
He’d watched you in his usual seat opposite the counter as you made it and after having his first spoon, he’d scooped a spoonful of the creamy custard and fed it to you. After taking the bite, however, the blood-red juice of the rhubarb had stained your lips with a bit of the whipped cream at the edge of your mouth.
Kyungsoo had reached out almost reflexively, his thumb swiping against your lip and you’d gone still, both of your gazes locking as you’d felt the atmosphere shift. You thought it had only been in your head, that it had only been you wondering what the expression on his face would be if you leaned forward and sucked the cream from his thumb, if his eyes would dilate watching your lips wrap around his digit the way that you were sure your eyes had when his hand had reached towards your mouth.
You could still recall how terse the silence had been then, both of you in a silent stare-off as you waited for the other to make a move and Kyungsoo had finally broken the moment by retrieving his hand, flashing you an innocent grin as he licked the cream from his thumb and quietly finished the rest of the dessert.
Your heart had been hammering in your chest that whole night and you’d never even known.
“Oh god,” you breathed out involuntarily as understanding finally dawned over you. Kyungsoo had been humming beside you again but at your words, he went quiet and you continued, “The rhubarb custard. You’re talking about—”
Kyungsoo groaned loudly then, confirming your suspicions as he huffed in annoyance.
“I wanted to kiss you so bad that night,” he almost whined and you felt your cheeks reddening at his confession as he continues ranting, “You were just standing there with your lips looking all glossy and red from the syrup and that stupid whipped cream on your upper lip! I was already upset cause I had to leave you so soon and you were just standing there like an idiot and I just wanted to eat you instead of that damn custard.”
Holy fucking hell. “Kyung—”
“I’ve been whipped for you forever, Y/N,” Kyungsoo admitted, shutting you up abruptly. “I’m whipped for you like your whipped cream. Like your Eton mess. Like your perfect custard. Like your pies. Like—”
“Okay, okay, I get it, I get it,” you quickly interrupt him, desperately wanting him to shut up because you were certain that you’d cause an accident with the way your heart was pounding right now, your entire body feeling like it was on fire as your thoughts were disorienting. You were driving mindlessly, taking longer routes because you didn’t how much longer this conversation would go, if it would last all the way to your apartment or if he’d sober up once he got home. You felt like you were dreaming, like this conversation was unreal and wondered briefly if you’d gotten drunk with him too back at the club and this was just some cruel dream.
“Why…” you croak and you clear your throat before trying again. “Why didn’t you meet me?”
“Because you’re an idiot.”
“I swear to god, I’m going to—” You loudly inhale through your mouth, knuckles almost turning white around the steering wheel as you grit out, “Did. You. Avoid. Me. Because you like me?”
“Min Ah…”
He trailed off and you frowned in confusion, pausing as you faintly recognised the name. “‘Min Ah’? Jung Min Ah? Isn’t that your co-star for the movie you just did?”
Kyungsoo nods and he mumbles sleepily, “She said she likes me during the wrap-up party but I could only think of you. I didn’t want to see you until I got my shit together and sorted out my feelings because I didn’t want to accidentally confess to you.” He pauses then and you’re surprised when he lets out a loud humourless laugh. “Maybe I am the idiot.”
You hesitate before asking, “Why don’t you want to confess to me?”
Kyungsoo is quiet for a while after that and you glance at him, wondering if he’d fallen asleep but he appears to be deep in thought. His words are almost unheard as he finally mumbles, “Because I don’t want to lose you.”
You fall silent at his heavy words, the intensity of the underlying meaning getting to you as you feel something break inside of you.
You don’t say anything for the rest of the ride then and Kyungsoo dozes off, falling asleep cutely with his mouth hanging open as he lays his head back against the seat while you drown in your thoughts.
Regardless of your feelings and how much you liked him too, the words that Kyungsoo had just uttered terrified you. Friendships were stable, they endured even the ugliest of fights and lasted longer while relationships were fragile; one slip and you could lose Kyungsoo. He didn’t confess to you because he didn’t know about your feelings but now that you knew that he felt the same, you didn’t know if you were brave enough to take the risk.
It could be the end to something beautiful.
But it could also be the beginning to something more beautiful, a small voice in your head reminded you.
Or it could be the beginning to something even more beautiful that would soon reach its untimely but inevitable end and leave you with only heartache and the absence of a best friend that you’d have to burden forever.
You sighed softly as you finally parked your car in front of your apartment. You glanced at Kyungsoo and realised he was sleeping soundly, looking so warm and comfortable that it made you hesitate in awakening him. You got out of the car and walked to his side, throwing his arm around your shoulder while softly calling his name. He woke up enough to step out of the car and you helped him up to your apartment, panting by the time you finally reached your door.
You lead him straight to your bedroom, resigning to spend the night on your couch since you knew he could definitely use the entire bed in the state that he was in. You help him out of the thickly-lined trench coat that he was wearing, holding your breath to not inhale the stench of the alcohol as you decided to just throw them all with the laundry tomorrow morning.
You remove his shoes and pull off his socks but your hands hesitate mid-air before reaching for his pants. It’s not like you hadn’t seen his legs before or anything—god knows he’d helped undress you from uncomfortable clothes on multiple nights when you’d gotten too drunk—but your stomach was twisting now as if he was a whole new person who you were stripping.
God, stop overthinking it.
You force yourself to help him out of his pants, purposefully not letting your eyes go astray as you decided to leave him in the thin black sweater that he was wearing and his boxers. You grabbed your blankets and tucked it around him, smiling slightly when you notice Kyungsoo immediately snuggle to the warm sheets like a child, making himself comfortable as he closed his eyes.
You went to the kitchen then, grabbing a tall glass of water and some aspirin pills before heading back to your room. You’d just placed them on the small bedside table and was turning to leave when you felt a fierce grip on your wrist.
Your breath stopped in your throat as you looked down to see Kyungsoo holding onto you, half-lidded eyes gazing up at you as he whispered one word.
“Stay.”
You step towards the bed then, getting on your knees on the floor so that your face would be at the same level as his. You raised the hand that he wasn’t holding to stroke his cheek gently as you murmured, “Sleep, Soo.”
He was quiet, his eyes still dark and intense as they remained locked with yours. Your heart thudded as you briefly wondered if he’d come to his senses and if he remembered everything that he’d just revealed to you but then he opens his mouth again.
“Do you know something?” His voice is hushed, like he’s telling you a secret and you shake your head quietly.
“You always smell like the bakery,” he whispers, smiling softly in a way that made your heart ache. “You smell like fresh bread and sweet vanilla and strong coffee. You smell like happiness. Like home.”
A soft sigh of disbelief escapes your parted lips at his words, his eyes having closed off while he spoke as he slowly fell into deep slumber.
You were so goddamn blind.
“We’re both idiots,” you snort quietly as you gently loosen his grip around your wrist and walk out of the room.
But you decided to be the bigger idiot.
You heard Kyungsoo shuffling inside your room around noon the next day, making you glance at your bedroom door from where you sat on the couch.
The night had seemed to last forever. After putting Kyungsoo to bed, you’d spent the entire night tossing and turning on the couch restlessly. You briefly considered waking up and baking something or even heading to the bakery so that you could angrily complete that lemon meringue pie you’d left half-baked but your body was extremely exhausted and refused to even move. All the activities of the strenuous day yesterday had completely worn you out yet your brain refused to cooperate, unwilling to grant you the bliss of sleep as your thoughts grew louder with each passing hour of the night. Kyungsoo’s words, his drunken confession all echoed like a haunting melody within your head, forcing you to reminisce and reassess every moment that you’d spent together, viewing it in a light that you’d assumed to only be exclusive to you but had perhaps been the same light that he’d been seeing you in as well.
You didn’t know what to do anymore. You felt more conflicted than you did when he had stood you up and you began to wonder if it had even been a good idea to even go to the club last night.
Should you have even brought him back to your place?
You could hear the shower in your room then and you knew he was probably washing off the events from last night, the stench of all the drinks that he’d downed. You sighed as you grabbed his chopsticks for the Chinese take-out that you’d just ordered—both of your go-to hangover food—since you knew he’d probably be hungry. You hadn’t bothered with breakfast because you knew that he wouldn’t wake up by then so you’d just settled on brunch.
The door opens and your heart jumps as you look up, eyes locking with Kyungsoo. He’d found one of his tees that he’d given you—“you stole it,” he insisted—and sweatpants that he’d left here from a previous sleepover. He looked better than he did last night and you cleared your throat, ignoring the nervous flutter in your chest as you asked blankly, “How’s your head?”
Kyungsoo nodded, stepping forward into the room. “It’s a lot better now. I woke up in the night with a headache and had the aspirin before sleeping again.” He hesitated before murmuring, “Thanks.”
You rolled your eyes. “Why’d you drink so much then, idiot?” You snort as you start to stand up, grabbing your phone.
You gesture to the food on the table. “I ordered Chinese. Have lunch and take another aspirin before you head back… home. Or to the hotel. Or wherever.”
Kyungsoo frowned at you as you searched for your bag. “Wait, what? You’re leaving?”
“I have a bakery to run, Kyungsoo,” you snort, finding your bag and grabbing your car keys as you head for the door while muttering, “I can’t keep coming in late because of you—”
“Y/N, I remember last night.”
You stop, hand freezing on the doorknob as your entire body goes still. Your back is facing him but you can feel his gaze on your back, feel the weight of it.
Kyungsoo’s usual deadpan tone sounds more wry than you’d ever heard it then as he says, “I remember last night so you can stop faking it and talk to me.”
Shit, shit, shit.
You take a breath, forcing yourself to slowly turn around and face him. You relent, throwing the keys and bag aside, crossing your arms in an effort to not reveal the way that your hands are slightly trembling as you nonchalantly reply, “I’m not faking anything, Kyungsoo, I am very mad at you.”
He rolls his eyes, opening his mouth to answer but you cut him off by asking, “How much?”
His gaze shifts to you and you clarify, “How much do you remember?”
“Enough,” Kyungsoo replies, carefully watching you now. When you don’t falter, he concedes, “Enough to know that I confessed to you.”
You close your eyes, taking a deep breath as you uncross your arms. “Look, it doesn’t have to be—”
“Is this your answer?”
You stop then, looking up at him with wide eyes. You frown at the shift in tone, noticing the despair that he was trying to hide in his expression as you ask, “What do you mean?”
“The fact that you’re pretending that nothing happened,” he answered, stepping forward as he spoke. “The fact that you’re ignoring everything I told you last night. Does it mean that this is never happening? That you’ve never liked me the way I’ve liked you?”
Your eyes are wide, back pressed to the door as he stood in front of you. The words that you wished to respond—even though you had no idea what they even were—were stuck in your throat as you gazed up at him, your breath growing shorter as you felt him raise his arm beside you to place it on the door as if to cage you in.
“Y/N,” he whispered your name, his close proximity and husky voice making your head feel like it was going to spin. Your lips parted of their own accord, head slightly arching back to look up at him as his plush lips hovered over your own. His face was close enough that his warm breath was mingling with yours and you could smell the minty toothpaste—your minty toothpaste.
Your heart was hammering so loudly in your chest that you could hear it, your eyes greedily drinking in the close proximity as they ran over his face with enough scrutiny to commit every detail to memory—the way his long lashes looked against his pale cheek, the tiny almost invisible mole right over his upper lip and the way his eyes looked like they were shining from within as they gazed at you.
Your breath audibly hitched in your throat as he leaned his head slightly to the side, angling his lips to yours until there was only a fraction of space between your mouths. You held your breath as he murmured, the words brushing against your parted lips, “Stop me, Y/N.”
And then Kyungsoo was kissing you.
Your eyes seemed to refuse to close, your body frozen like a statue and your arms were immobile at your sides as you felt his plush lips press against yours. It was light, hesitant and tentative like he was waiting for you to shove him off any second but you could feel the blood pounding through your head and coursing within every vein at that moment.
Fuck it.
You raised your hands tentatively, closing your eyes and almost collapsed back into the door as you started kissing him back. You felt Kyungsoo move his hand from the door then to gingerly place it on your hip and his other hand took your raised one that was hovering between your bodies to place it on his shoulder.
You made a soft sound of approval as you finally melted into the kiss, closing your eyes and digging your fingers into his shoulder to kiss him harder. Kyungsoo grabbed you by your hip then, holding you flush against him as he started kissing you more passionately while you dropped cupped his face with both your hands. You traced your tongue over his lower lip slowly and he was instantly parting his lips, slipping his own tongue into your mouth. Your guess was right earlier, you could taste the mint and as corny as it was, it had never tasted sweeter.
The kiss grew tender as he realised how breathless you seemed to be getting, both of your pulling away slightly while smiling against each other’s lips. Your eyes fluttered open to see Kyungsoo was smiling so hard that his eyes had become little crescents as they looked at you.
“You didn’t stop me,” Kyungsoo breathed out, sounding incredulous enough that you let out a soft laugh.
“You’re an idiot,” you repeated his words from last night, thumb stroking his cheek affectionately before correcting, “Well, we both are. I wouldn’t have stopped you ever, Soo.”
He pauses, gaze shifting from both your eyes as he asks quietly, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“For the same reasons you didn’t,” you replied with a sheepish smile. You suddenly grin with the memory of last night as you say, “If only you told me earlier, I could have said that I’m whipped for you too.”
Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrowed at that, nose scrunching cutely in confusion as he repeats, “Too?”
“You said last night that you’re whipped for me like whipped cream. That you’re whipped like my Eton mess, like my pies, like my custard—”
“Oh my god, stop!” Kyungsoo buried his face in the crook of your neck in embarrassment, making you burst out laughing aloud as you fully wrapped your arms around his back and held him to you. His voice was muffled as he mumbled, “Most of those things aren’t even whipped.”
“I know!” You laughed again and pulled him away enough from you to look at his face. His cheeks were faintly rosy and it reminded you of last night again.
His voice is grumpy as he asks, “What else did I say last night?”
“A lot of things,” you teased, grinning as you kissed the corner of his mouth. “Enough to torture you for at least a decade.” You gasp exaggeratedly, raising your voice dramatically as you wonder aloud, “Who would have ever thought that Korea’s favourite actor Do Kyungsoo who has an internal breakdown every time he has to do aegyo and act cute was actually so cheesy and corny? That he would look me in the eyes, with his chest out while proudly saying that he is whipped for me like my whipped cream, that he would rather eat me than my custard—”
Kyungsoo grabbed your face then and shutting you up by kissing you again. You grinned against his mouth as he wrapped his arms fully around your waist, lifting you up against the door so that your legs curl around his lean hips.
“Aren’t you hungry?” You murmured into the kiss.
“Yeah, for you,” he countered, kissing your jawline. His husky voice right in your ear made the small hairs on the back of your neck rise as he groaned, “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to do this?”
“Mm, show me,” you hummed, taking his face into your hands again as you kissed him harder. You thought Kyungsoo would lead you to the couch but he carries you to your bedroom instead, laying you down on the edge so that your legs are hanging off the edge of the bed. You blink up at him, pouting slightly as you clutch the front of your shirt—his shirt. Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow then, smirking slightly as he asks, “In a hurry, are we?”
“You think you’re the only one who’s been waiting forever?” You retort, using your elbows to push yourself back further up the mattress. You grab his hand and yank him harshly towards you, making him stumble slightly as he almost fell over your body while you started lifting his shirt off of him.
Kyungsoo raises his arms, helping you pull off the thin shirt and you immediately grab his shoulders, pushing him onto the bed beneath you. He blinks up at you in surprise as you throw your leg over his waist to straddle him, his gaze questioning as he looks at the blouse that you still had on.
“I’m going to be so late for work,” you muttered, pulling the blouse off your neck and throwing it across the room as Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at you.
“Chanyeol can hold the fort down for one day, Y/N,” he snorts as he sits upright against the headboard to grab your hips and seat you on his lap properly. You feel the growing bulge beneath his sweatpants brush against your clothed core and your lips part open of their own accord, making him smirk almost dangerously at you as he murmurs, “Has anyone told you that you’re a workaholic, babygirl?”
The word is so foreign from his lips, his expression so foreign yet familiar as he gripped your hips tightly to adjust you right over the tent in his pants. He leans forward and kisses you with an almost vehement fervour, trailing his hungry mouth over your cheeks, jawline and down the curve of your neck. You sigh softly, eyes closing and head arching back as you feel his plush mouth suck on the sensitive soft spot on your throat, his tongue licking incessantly.
Kyungsoo’s hands move almost unnoticeably, curving around your back to unclasp your bra as he marks up your neck. There’s a fire coursing through your body, making you feel as if you’d been plugged into a circuit—every place on your body that he was touching; his lips, his fingers, his firm thighs spread beneath your own, his warm breath were all sending crackles and tingles of electricity through your veins.
You could feel the outline of his hardness against your thin shorts now, your wet heat pressed right up against him and his fingers expertly pull the bra off your body. His cool fingers are cupping your breasts then, thumbs stroking your nipples experimentally as he teasingly thrusts his hips up into you.
A loud moan leaves your lips unintentionally at the sparks of arousal ignited by his touch and your eyes snap open as you hear yourself, feeling Kyungsoo still slightly beneath you at the very porn-star-like noise that you’d just made.
He pulls away from your neck to look up at your wide eyes and you’re already opening your mouth to apologise, feeling the embarrassment swallowing you but he grabs the side of your neck then, kissing you fiercely.
“You sound so fucking beautiful,” he groaned huskily, closing his eyes as he leaned his forehead against yours, his voice a breathy whisper as he said, “To think that I could have been hearing those moans all this time.”
Your heart swells with an emotion that you can’t quite describe, an overwhelming need to feel as much of him taking over your senses as you crash your lips to his heatedly. Kyungsoo responds immediately, kissing you back just as hard as his fingers continue playing with your breasts and tweaking the nipples while you moan just for him.
Your own hand that had been on his chest lowers down his torso and slips underneath the elastic band of his sweatpants. Your fingers immediately wrap around his length, eliciting a groan at the back of his throat as you smile into the kiss while stroking him up and down.
Lips latching onto the spot beneath his ear, you kiss and suck at the skin gently while pressing him back against the headboard. Teasingly, you explore his length leisurely with your hand and feel the way that it is already slick with pre-cum, using your thumb to spread the fluid around the slit.
You gasp against his neck when his hands tighten harshly around your breasts, fingers squeezing your nipple roughly enough that you felt it all the way in your throbbing pussy. Quickening the pace of your wrist, you continue circling the soft bulbous head of his dick with your thumb while he gropes your breasts. You pull away then to look at him, watching the way his chest heaves with the movement of your hand and his eyes flutter dazedly at you.
His gaze is unfocused and you lean forward then, kissing him as you start stroking his length with repeated up-and-down motions. Kyungsoo grabs your wrist then, stopping you and he pulls away from your mouth enough to say, “You’re going to make me cum like this.”
Kyungsoo’s hands find your hips then, tugging at the black shorts that you had on and you let him slip his hands beneath the waistband, pulling both your shorts and panties down your bare thighs. You raise your ass off his lap and yank the material from around your ankles hurriedly before straddling him again.
You grab his erection then, holding your breath and watch Kyungsoo’s face, noticing the awe on his face as you rub his head over your slit that was glistening with arousal.
“Oh fuck,” he curses lowly as you guide his dick inside you, the head parting open your dripping slit and your eyes were already fluttering at the immense pleasure you felt with just his tip inside you. You didn’t even realise the way you’d been whimpering until Kyungsoo shifts his gaze higher to watch your face, staring at you as you arched your head back while slowly pushing yourself down onto his length.
Your free hand is on his shoulder, his own wrapped around your wrist as you whimpered his name breathily when you feel his thick length stretching your tight walls open in the most pleasurable way. Kyungsoo’s arms wrap around your waist then as you begin moving up and down on his lap, riding his dick at an already speedy pace while you felt your lower abdomen tighten with arousal.
His plush lips latched onto your breast then and you moaned loudly, grabbing the back of his head and holding it to your chest as he sucked your nipple into his warm mouth. The wet warmth of his tongue and lips, along with the way his dick felt inside you as the tip brushed against your clit with every movement you made all had you soon trembling on his lap as you tried to reach both your highs.
Growing impatient, Kyungsoo grabs your hips then and pulls you off of his length, making you gasp at the sudden feeling of emptiness, your walls desperately clenching around nothing. He shifts you around so that you’re lying back on the mattress, hands quickly removing the sweatpants that he still had on before crawling back atop you and spreading your legs wide.
His eyes are dark and heavy as they watch your face clearer then, memorising the way your lids flutter when he pushes his dick into your throbbing wetness again. You mewl softly as he fills you up again, already addicted to the way he feels inside you as you wrap your arms around his back.
You don’t get a moment longer to relish in the feeling as Kyungsoo immediately starts moving his hips at a quick and snappy pace against you, thrusting into you roughly enough that you can hear the echoes of skin slapping against skin. The wet squelching noises of your core become louder with every thrust, your walls tightening with the looming orgasm as he fucks you and you don’t realise how loud you are until he lowers his face to your chest.
Walls clenching around him tightly as if to suck him inside you, he groans at how utterly tight you feel as he thrusts faster. Your pussy convulses as his teeth sinks into your sore breast, Kyungsoo realising how sensitive you are over there by the way your body instantly reacts to him as you feel yourself finally fall off the edge.
Your nails are digging into his back and you groan as Kyungsoo’s hips stutter against yours, the rapid way that your pussy clenches and unclenches around him as you cum setting off his own orgasm. You gasp as you feel his warm heat flood into your slickness, filling you up as he continues sloppily thrusting to draw out both your orgasms.
You’re whining his name into his flushed neck as you slowly come down from your high, hand lowering to the small of his back as he collapses on top of you. He buries his face in your shoulder, breathing hard as you wrap your other hand around the back of his head while trying to catch your own breath. Feeling him soften inside you, he begins to pull away slightly but you wrap your leg around him and push him to his side so that he is still inside you with your body still pressed up against him.
You’d always thought Kyungsoo looked beautiful but you don’t think you’d ever seen him as radiant as he was right now, basking in a post-orgasm glow as he smiles at you. His gaze is filled with so much warmth and affection, the same expression that he’d had yesterday at the club when he’d first seen you and you feel shy all over again.
“Hi,” you mutter embarrassedly and Kyungsoo laughs softly, nudging your nose with his own.
“Hi,” he teases back, grinning.
He wraps his arm around your waist then, pulling you to his chest and you snuggle in that familiar warmth, smiling when you feel him bury his nose in your hair and inhale, remembering his drunken words from earlier.
‘You smell like happiness. Like home’.
You tightened your arms around Kyungsoo then, finally being able to realise the emotions that you always felt around him, that you always felt with him and that you felt now when you held him. The way that your heart had always swelled with every touch and gaze of his, that indescribable happiness that took over your entire body every time that he came back from a shoot and you had your arms around him again.
Best friend or boyfriend, Kyungsoo was your happiness.
He was your home.
#exosnet#exowritersnet#exo fic#exo smut fic#exo fluff fic#exo one shot#exo do#exo smut#do smut#do kyungsoo smut#kyungsoo#do kyungsoo#kyungsoo smut#smut fic#kyungsoo fluff#fluff#kpop smut#kpop fluff#kpop fanfic#exo fanfic#exo fluff#t: whipped#pairing: kyungsoo x reader#words: 10k+#i didnt think this would be that long#i like this fic y'all#friends to lovers is the fluffiest concept ever#@johnniverse pls lmk what you think!#thank you for the req#god i hope this gets uploaded right
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ALSNJEKDBF OMG HI MEG I SAW THE WORDS STUDIO GHIBLI AND I RUSHED OVER AS SOON AS I COULD
Okay so y’all I fucking love Studio Ghibli so much I could cry Seriously the movies are just so fucking good I can’ttt and Princess Mononoke is definitely one of my favorites! I love it so much and jfc the music for that one is just so fucking amazing😫 (honestly the music for all of them is god-tier) My absolute all time favorite one is Howl’s Moving Castle tho. That one never fails to make me cry istg it’s just such a feel good movie and the way Howl looks at Sophie???? Alsnjdhebwjrh dear lord just take me now😩😭 (seriously that’s literally all I want in life tbh) I relate a lot to that one too bc most of the time I feel very unlovable and not that pleasing to look at/rather plain (kinda similar to how Sophie feels) and I like to believe that there will be someone someday who will come along and see me and think that I am worth their time and their love.
Wow that took a bit of a tangent lol sorry for rambling, I do that a lot when I get excited🙃 Thanks for listening to my thoughts:) Love you Meg💕
HI BABES I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD WANT TO CHAT ABOUT THIS WITH ME.
studio ghibli amazes me not just because of how stunning their movies always are, but also because it seems like everyone has a favorite based on their own preferences and life experience. like, i absolutely see the appeal of howl’s moving castle and i think it’s one of the loveliest films ever made. the score, the world, the voice acting, the visuals, the characters, just everything is absolutely perfect and wonderful. but i feel like it never quite stirred up that same feeling in me as it did for other people. but princess mononoke is everything i loved about studio ghibli but it feels like it was made for me. to be fair, i’ve only seen howl’s moving castle, spirited away, and now mononoke, but that’s the one that made me feel really seen by the studio. i was invested in the worlds and characters, and connected with ashitaka more than i have any other ghibli protagonist. the animals and the unsettling imagery are right up my alley, and god, the ROMANCE. one thing that i missed in howl’s moving castle is i’m a very outwardly affectionate person when i connect with someone romantically or on any kind of deeper level. on top of that, my top love language has to be physical touch, so the distance between sophie and howl before the end just always made me feel a little on edge. but princess mononoke solved all of my problems. ashitaka is so attentive and caring and physically affectionate that, again, it just felt like it was made precisely for me.
also the tree spirit is horrifying and the lil forest spirits made me feel what i think other people experience with calcifier and the dust sprites. i’m obsessed with them.
please don’t apologize for rambling !! i love talking about stuff like this. that movie meant a lot to me and howl’s moving castle holds a special place in my heart so i’m always open to talking about them.
#if any of this makes sense please ignore it i’m just fuckin tired#runnin on two hours of restless sleep#also billy bob thorton voices a character#he’s the little fuck that wants to kill the forrest spirit#or whatever it’s called#it made it so easy to hate that character lmaooo#meg’s messages 📫
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