sorry for making yet another textpost but i came across that post saying they dislike transfem natsume because he "canonically hates being perceived as a girl and tries to erase all sorts of memories related to that" and also went on to shame genderbends of him aswell. So, as someone who not only draws genderbends of natsume but is myself someone who is nonbinary and hates being perceived as a woman, i thought id offer my two cents

first of all; i think its important to note that natsume does NOT hate his childhood. in fact, hes quite happy that he had such an unusual upbringing!

what natsume hates is being perceived as weak. thats why he was raised as a girl after all, it was his mother trying to protect him from evil spirits. he doesnt hate the whole "-chan" or "wearing dresses" thing because he has a hatred for womanhood, its because due to his upbringing hes now come to associate those things as being weak. he begs tsumugi to forget about it because that means tsumugi remembers natsume being weak, and natsume thinks tsumugi still referring to him as "natsume-chan" means he still sees natsume as weak. (iirc natsume did however once say that he is a little sad that he doesnt really know how to relate to young boys due to this in poltergeist, but i couldnt find the exact quote. either way that just adds to the complexity of natsumes relationship with his childhood, because while he is happy to be "abnormal" in that sense, it has left him lacking in some areas)

i have to ask though, should this conflict of his not be something we hope he overcomes? should we not want him to develop a healthy relationship with various gender expressions? should we not want natsume to overcome his belief that feminine things = weakness? i want natsume to reach a point where he can wear feminine clothing and not feel like some damsel in distress because of it. i want natsumes character to grow. i want him to develop a positive relationship with his gender because natsume DOES enjoy some more typically feminine things, like baking! he used to bake with his mom when he was little! and i want him to feel like he can indulge in that side of him without feeling insecure.....

i LOVE transmasc natsume, my primary hc for him is transmasc nonbinary after all, but with all these things considered, shouldnt people be allowed to headcanon him however they want? if they hear his story and negative relationship with femininity and how that resonates with them and they themselves are transfem, should they not be allowed to hc him as such too?

which brings me to my next point; my own personal relationship with gender and femininity. i was raised as a girl and i fucking DESPISED womanhood. i hated everything about it. i hated how i felt forced into a box i didnt want to be stuck in, and i hated how it felt like my whole life had already been planned out for me due to societal expectations, aswell as me needing to present a certain way. i was peak "tomboy" growing up, constantly wearing super baggy clothes and wouldnt even brush my hair alot of the time. but despite that i remained miserable. i frankly hated how i looked and would constantly dye my hair vibrant colors in an attempt to make me like myself a little more. it wasnt until i realized "wow, im actually not a girl at all" that i finally let go of believing i needed to look a certain way (and thus, defying it) and started to dress for myself. i started to dress in clothes that made me happy and feel pretty! alot of which leans feminine, but clothes doesnt have a gender, and how you dress doesnt define your gender either, but it can still be a bit scary yknow? especially since i dont want people to think of me as a girl, and drawing a bunch of femstars has really made me learn to love myself more in a funny way. i can put these characters in clothes i think are beautiful, i can explore the more feminine parts of me that i adore but dont want to express in public due to how i want others to perceive me, but it has also warmed me up to femininity even more. because femstars to me feels detached from the expectations of society because its not a real thing!! there are no canon femstars designs!!! i can do literally whatever the hell i want with it and its been so liberating to me!!

all this to say; i think it really sucks seeing the way this fandom treats transfem hcs and explicit genderbends, because like ive said before; they can truly be something so personal. you dont know why that person is drawing what theyre drawing, so its a little unwise to make assumptions based on ........ Well, whatever it may be. i know very well that women dressing the way society expects them to SUCKS, esp if you have personal ties to it, but you have to realize the issue isnt femininity, but misogyny.

when are people going to accept that bisexual is basically an umbrella term now, like trans

i mean i know mspec as a thing, but pan and omni and all that basically stemmed off of bi because they didnt understand what it actually meant. and thats fine historically, but we need to understand that we're all fundamentally the same. better together than divided. at this point a lot more people in those communities understand that "bi" doesnt just mean "two" in this context and hasnt since at least 1990.

we are the same and need to bury the hatchet

staying alive to make the secret neo nazis mad >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(disclaimer, this is coming from a heartstopper fan! i love heartstopper this is not hate!!)

i think at least part of the annoyance with heartstopper isn't just that isn't a light fluffy ya series, it's also that its another example of how the queer media that gets the most mainstream attention tends to be this kind of light fluffy ya stuff that focuses on two conventially attractive queer boys or men and it also tends to be written by people who aren't queer men on top of that, so not only can it feel very samey but it can feel like other queer people are relegated to side characters in the stories of cis gay men. and as someone who loves heartstopper i get that on some level.

btw by "written by people who aren't queer men" NOT saying that isn't not written by queer people. alice oseman is genderfluid and aroace, becky albertalli is bisexual, etc. and while i think the point is still valid there is a misogyny element in that a lot of the focus is put on things that are written by women or people they perceive as women while tumblr darlings like good omens and ofmd (written by presumably straight men) don't get the same treatment.

nah y'know what, that's fair, I can get how frustrating it can be for a lot of popular queer stories to feel samey, I've definitely gotten BL-fatigue in the past on platforms like WT and Tapas because many of them ARE the same and feel like they're just piggybacking off trends for the sake of clout (and this is a problem in the heterocis romance stories too, don't get me fucking started on how dark romance has turned into torture porn where vulnerable women are constantly being victimized by rich powerful men and we're just supposed to root for that ??), but it's one of those things where like, what might be seen as just more corny shit could very well be the revelation another person needs that they're gay / trans / etc. that the story helped them realize. there's just a point where i see these arguments against cheesy popular queer stories that teeter dangerously close to being queerphobic and, as you said, misogynist, simply because "it was written by someone who i perceive as a woman so that makes it BAD!"

and I didn't mention it in the original post because I didn't want to @ OP in any way but in the comment section they literally said "i dont think heartstopper itself is all that bad but it has pretty much aimed the direction of all mainstream gay comics towards wholesomeness instead of anything more interesting so i want to destroy heartstopper to destroy heartstopper clones" and that gives me massive ick because it implies their sole reasoning for including it was "chill and happy queer stories bad, if a character doesn't suffer enough then they're not interesting"?? why can't LGBTQ+ audiences have more 'vanilla' stories that aren't all sad and angsty all the time? are we not entitled to the same corny romcom vanilla shit that the heterocis are entitled to? why do LGBTQ+ characters - and by extension, people - have to suffer to qualify as being 'interesting'? You're already interesting, you're you! like i'm sorry, are we trying to scare people straight??? 😭 shit, that's even a plot point that's touched on in Heartstopper itself where Nick is questioning his sexuality and he starts googling shit and it's just ALL the terrifying news stories of queer kids being ostracized / bullied / murdered / etc. and as much as it's important to be aware of the ongoing issues so we can keep fighting for our rights, we ALSO need to find balance and remember to celebrate the stories that AREN'T that because we need something to be hopeful for, something we can find peace in. I don't think Heartstopper is some deeply profound piece of work, but it also doesn't seem like it's trying to be? It's a low stakes celebration of the LGBTQ+ experience that's very warm and comforting, especially for those who are the same ages as the main characters who are often being persuaded by the grown-ups around them that it's a death sentence to be gay / trans / etc.

and it's not like we HAVEN'T had popular pieces of queer representative media that explored things outside of cheesy BL, like are we forgetting about Nimona which explored both the gay and genderfluid experience in a very accessible and fun way while still being mature and not pandering to its audience over how society has made monsters out of queer people?

(and even then I'm sure there are folks who would argue "actually, here are the issues with Nimona" , and that's fine tbh, we can like media and appreciate what it brings to the table while also discussing what it lacks in, such as what we're doing now with Heartstopper! progress is a never-ending journey!!)

and also okay, not me trying to be argumentative in the slightest BUT I don't really get the argument that 'other queer people' are being sidelined for the main characters? unless there's something I'm missing here lol (I will apologize for that because it's admittedly been a while since I've re-read Heartstopper so I should probably go do that to refresh myself on it). like i say that in the sense that Heartstopper is clearly meant to be about two gay male teenagers. just like how Nimona is about a shapeshifter who is not a girl or a boy (they're Nimona!) and a gay man who are both trying to change the system that's other'd them for years for the better. that is the story Heartstopper is trying to tell and it achieves that. it also has a trans character plotline that I could see people arguing feels sidelined but I think there's a massive difference between 'sidelining' and just having a B plot ? my honest take with that is not every piece of representative media is going to be able to cover every single topic, it's just not doable for one piece of media to be a monolith for everything, the same as how one person can't be a monolith for an entire community of people. BUT that doesn't mean works like Heartstopper and Nimona can't inspire others to also lend their voices into the medium and create that representation that's needed. That's why we need ✨variety✨ and Heartstopper is part of that variety by offering a more vanilla cutesy story full of good vibes for people who want that sort of thing.

IDK, I think there's just a lot of nuance that's being missed in that poll, and in the difference between Heartstopper inspiring more people to write happy cozy BL stories vs. implying that it's had an actual negative influence on modern art and media in the same way that series like Homestuck and LO have to the point that people think it needs to be destroyed, like wtf LOL Like they're not even comparable IMO and a lot of the arguments I see people making about why it is just feel a little backwards, and those arguments obfuscate the real issue which is just "popular thing is popular and people like to piggyback off popular shit". That's a fact for basically any niche and genre, these trends come and go. Even if the whole cutesy BL trend passes one day (which it will) it'll be replaced by something else that people will also inevitably find samey and boring after a while. This is not a concept that's unique to LGBTQ+ media, it's universal.

Balance is important and I think finding that balance is as much a responsibility on the shoulders of the consumer as it is on the creator. And I don't think Heartstopper deserves to be put into the same camp as stories like LO which literally straightwashes its canonically queer characters and gives those queer identities to nothingburger characters who are easy to shoo out of the plot to make way for the heterocis ones (while still parading itself around like it's actually 'queer rep' which... it really isn't.) Like all three of the comics in that poll are vastly different, serving different audiences, with different goals and intentions. It's comparing apples to oranges to pineapples.

The worst Heartstopper has to offer is just a low stakes plot that might not appeal to everyone or feel 'samey' which yeah, valid, but in the grander sense of whether or not it's had a negative effect on queer media just for being... cheesy? And inspiring other people to write stories like it? I don't get the argument, it feels like it's severely missing the point of what we're fighting for here - to live happy little unbothered lives - but that's just me ╮(￣ω￣;)╭ I'm definitely not trying to be a dick about it in any way and I don't want anyone to think I'm not open to the opposing points here, I do agree with you on the oversaturation of samey BL stories, but it just rose some massive red flags to see Heartstopper next to frigging Homestuck and Lore Olympus LOL

bsd trans/queer headcanons for trans visibility day!!(PLS FEEL FREE TO ADD UR OWN I LOVE SEEING PPLS HEADCANONS)

-I see Dazai and Fyodor as both agender in a "im not exactly cis but i also dont exactly give a fuck anymore" Dazai more so because he has a hard time figuring out gender n shit like that and Fyodor bc he cant be bothered to think about that stuff(IM PROJECTING<3)

-I think Nikolai would be genderfluid or gender queer or would not care for labels at all and would use literally ANY fucking pronoun(Maybe hed feel like labels n shit were too constricting??? idk my tranny brain clung so hard to his whole "feeling like a bird trapped in a cage")(IK ITS NOT INHERENTLY TRANS IM NOT TRYING TO MAKE IT TRANS PLS DONT COME AFTER ME I HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS)

-Chuuya and Kunikida are transmasc. no explanation needed(i could go on for HOURS dude you dont understand)

-Nonbinary Gin ofc ofc, how they present depends on the day and i dont think theyd care about pronouns(I believe its canon they prefer to be seen as masc in the mafia for safety reasons?) I could also see them as gender queer

NOW HEADCANONS THAT DONT HAVE HARD REASONING AND I JUST THINK ARE NICE<3

-Lippmann being genderfluid or genderqueer

-Albatross being nonbinary(uses they/he)

-Akutagawa being unlabeled and doesn't care much about pronouns(he has worse things to worry about so i dont think hed give it much thought?)

-Kouyou being transfem

-I could see Atsushi testing out abunch of different labels(he was never taught abt queer stuff in the orphanage and so now hes just tryna figure shit out)

-Rimbaud being gender queer

-T4T Ranpoe guys you dont understand how happy they make me I HATE THEM

-Agender Tetchou and Pangender Jouno is funny to me, it wouldn't be on purpose itd just be a very funny coincidence

-Transfem Lucy and Anne being inspo for her transition makes me sob(I LOVE LUCY I NEED TO TALK ABT HER MORE SHES SO <333)

-following that T4T Atsulucy brings me joy, they could share their experiences "not feeling quite right" when they were both in the orphange

-Trans masc Sigma who will dress both masc AND fem(too all transmasc who dress fem and all transfem who dress masc you guys r so valid<33 your choice of clothes does not dictate your gender and violently bite those who say it does<3)

-Kenji would identify as male but would use any pronouns and not care how people perceive him, I dont think itd bother him as long as everyone is happy and no one fights over it

AND THOSE R ALL I HAVE HAPPY TRANS VISIBILITY DAY<3 REMEMBER THESE ARE ALL HEADCANONS AND SHOULDN'T BE TAKEN SUPER SERIOUSLY I JUST THINK THESE ARE NEAT AND MIGHT MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY

I agree that DNIs are best used as a boundary warning / "excuse" to block (not that you need an excuse to block someone, but you know).

Are minors physically capable of pressing a "follow" or "reblog" or "like" button on an account with "🔞 NSFW so minors DNI" in bio? Are antis capable of following someone with "antis not welcome i hate you" in bio? Yes they are, in the same way anyone is physically capable of touching the "do not touch" display in a museum or anyone is physically capable of cheating in a class with a zero tolerance for cheating warning on the syllabus. But once you do it, you have a "reason" to get expelled from the situation now. (yes i know none of these things are on the same level lmao dont worry)

Even then, the group being asked to "not interact" will likely have a miserable experience on the account if they DO interact, so what even is the point? if a terf follows someone who says terfs don't follow, the terf has no right to be shocked when the person starts posting pro-trans stuff. . .if someone hates otherkin and follows someone with an "anti-kins don't interact", and gets upset when that person posts about their kintypes, they only have themselves to blame. . .it almost has troll energy when you get to a certain point? A common thing I see in younger groups on fan twitter (not using younger as an insult nor even as anything to mean "ha cringe teenagers", it's just a genuine observation that this is most common in ~-25 people) is "DNI if you hate my fave (characters/shows/ships/etc)s." If I follow you despite hating your fave shows because I like another fandom you're in, I don't exactly have the right to get annoyed when you post about them. What I do have the right to do is mute the words or unfollow, or realize, "hmm, yeah, maybe that silly DNI i rolled my eyes at initially is there for my own benefit as well as OP's."

I think the only time DNI is a sorta weird thing to expect to be obeyed, is when your post "breaches containment" so to speak. "If you're anti self diagnose, don't follow my mental health blog"? Valid. "Anti self diagnose, don't interact" banner on your posts you post to that blog? A little bit cringe, but overall can still be an out for "I'll block you if I notice you're reblogging my posts and you hold this opinion." "Anti self dx don't follow" warning that's deep in your carrd, that is deep in your links page, that is deep in your blog's pinned profile? Yeah, I'm not gonna check for that just in order to reblog your funny mental health meme that you made. (I'm now realizing this is a bad metaphor as I'm not actually anti self diagnoses so I'd be able to interact with this guy i just made up, but whatever.)

--

I would like people to phrase them as "I will block if" and not "DNI".

I think maybe the example given is whats confusing/upsetting people?

I mean yes visibly gnc and trans have very different and often more dangerous experiences! I agree with all of your points and I think its something that needs to be talked about.

But I also can see why people aren't vibing with it? I had to read a few times to get it. The example kind of implies that there are no reasons that a cis-passing afab nonbinary person would want to go to a trans-friendly place besides them feeling more oppressed than they actually are. But like maybe they just want to help support those places, or be around inclusive people, or maybe they're wanting a more gnc haircut and they think that place would be good to get it (to use the haircut example). It just comes off a bit like they're saying the only valid reason to go to trans-friendly business is if you're in danger of violence? And idk like the other person said how do you know just from a photo what that person is thinking/feeling?

Though again this is something that should be discussed and people are ignoring the overall message bc their focusing on the one part which is another issue.

I know the op was frustrated and maybe the wording just isnt the best for what they actually mean, and ik that like they're talking abt a very specific type of person/situation. And also i dont think imperfect language should automatically discount a topic from conversation. Just wanted to share why I think people are getting upset, but I dont wanna like derail the post bc maybe im just overthinking it

nah i get it. i was hesitant to reblog the post at first as well, but i think they bring up a very good point about like. less visibly marginalized demographics of white trans people trying to center themselves in discussions about transphobia that they don’t have experience with. it’s hard to talk abt bc some ppl are so quick to go “and therefore fuck theyfabs they aren’t really oppressed!!!!!!!” bc that’s bullshit. but it grinds my gears every time a thin white femme presenting nonbinary person who lives in like seattle tells me i’m privileged for being a man and couldn’t possibly understand the pain of *checks notes* being misgendered and having people assume you’re a woman when you’re not. (as if that isn’t something i literally still deal with????)

It really gets me upset when the trans man lesbian crowd spreads these soft positivity posts like “trans men have always had a place in the lesbian community uwu” with not a degree of awareness. It’s been shown statistically, that a majority of cis lesbians will proudly state they would prefer to date trans men over trans women. It’s been shown how trans men are accepted by cis lesbians and welcomed in lesbian spaces over trans women. And it isn’t because of beautiful beautiful solidarity, its because they see them as women and they see trans women as men. Trans men have been equated with masc lesbians for decades and continue to this day, especially by terfs who use butch lesbian and trans man as interchangeable words.  The absolute tone deafness I’ve seen in these discussions boggles the mind, like saying trans men grew up identifying as lesbians, being treated as women, being “socialized” as women, so they have a ‘right’ to lesbian spaces. As if it doesn’t subtlety imply that transfems have less of a right to be there then they do, as if it isn’t regurgitated terf “male/female socialization” rhetoric. And when I point out these problematic elements I often get the trans men who argue for this stuff lecturing me about denying their agency and how they choose to be with lesbians. If yall want to date lesbians that’s fine, I literally cant stop you nor care to. It’s worth noting though, that there have been plenty of instances of trans men voluntarily dating straight men, yet we dont have this community push to validate straight men chasers and their trans boyfriends. For good reason, too.  I am not saying trans men need to be “kicked out” of lesbian spaces, I understand the solidarity between our communities. That solidarity will always exist. (And again I want to point out for the most part they are NOT being kicked out or excluded. Trans fems are) And I understand that “man” doesnt always mean man in a binary sense, some people are nonbinary men and women and things aren't always as clear cut. As a transmasc, nonbinary lesbian I understand that. This does not apply to you. I just want people to please take note of the transphobic, specifically transmisogynistic overtones that accompany a widespread push to have trans men as a group be considered as exceptions to lesbian attraction. 

someone on twitter had said that the polo scene was not well done because of the bagpipes and how the scenes were shot, and thats when I realized I need to get off fan twitter lol- the bagpipes matches the thrill/intensity/energy/primal feelings, and it was just so fricking awesome..you know i think ppl dont talk about the polo scene because its just so perfect, what else can you add (so thank you for dissecting it). my fave part was they got the music to time with henry's butt bouncing on the horse (haaa!!!) and the movements in the tackroom... it was like done with sexiness in mind but also WELL DONE.

Oh the editing was definitely done to match the beat of the music - you can tell that some shots have been sped up to suit. And for me that's part of the scene's appeal. This isn't like Paris, this isn't like Alex's bedroom. This is fast and passionate and desperate and fuelled with want.

I said in the meta that the polo scene was February/March at the earliest but it's feasible that it's in April... whatever time it happened it has been weeks since these horny young men got their hands on each other and they only have a short period of time to, well, get their hands on each other. We saw it in the book - even though there it takes place in Connecticut:

“Hey, isn’t there, uh, a thing?” Alex says. “You needed to. Uh. Show me?” Henry looks at him, glances at the dozens of millionaires and socialites milling around, and back at him. “Now?” “It was a four-and-a-half-hour car ride up here, and I have to go back to DC in an hour, so I don’t know when else you’re expecting to show it to me.” Henry takes a beat, his eyes flickering to the cameras again before he switches on a stage smile and a laugh, cuffing Alex on the shoulder. “Ah, yes. Right. This way.”

Alex literally did a nine-hour round road trip in the book, and a trans-Atlantic flight in the movie to hook up with Henry and that is very valid of him on both counts.

So yeah. It's going to be fast and frantic and over way too soon for a variety of reasons. And the fact that they placed about with the playback speed to reflect that is just A+ editing. Nick Moore, you get a cookie for that.

body standards in the queer community are so fucking harmful. the amount of fucking breakdowns i’ve had because i knew i’d never be able to fit into the perfect butch fashion idea. god. it’s exhausting and nothing makes it better. fat queer people, qpoc, disabled queer people, this shit affects so many queers in different ways and it’s so hurtful i want to cry rn. im not even mad im just sad that the world is like this. i deserve to love my body but i dont and the biggest reason is because i dont fit into queer narratives. it sucks. but i will still do my fuckin damndest to uplift others who are struggling with the same thing. it breaks my heart, watching other queer people talk about this. sure, it’s good to know im not alone but i also dont want anyone to ever have to go through that but i know thats not realistic. yall are all beautiful NO MATTER WHAT. your skin is your skin, your body is your body, your hair is your hair- it’s all okay. especially if you’re trans and this kind of stuff hurts cuz dysphoria. it’s so important to recognize that transition goals dont have to be an ideal, they can be realistic to you. im not asking anyone to feel guilty im just asking that you realize that something needs to be done because this is killing people. just love all queers no matter our bodies or physical characteristics, we all deserve the happiness that other queers deserve. i love y’all so much if you ever need anything or need to rant or want some validation please know you can come to me.

TW FOR RACISM, CHILD IMPREGNATION, EUGENICS, & TRANSPHOBIA

okay @silvercistern! thats okay! if you dont wanna be here for this conversation then i'll have a conversation without you! for all those readers out there who might've missed it

FOR EVERYONE'S INFORMATION:

Side Quest is definitely one of the weirdest fics I have ever seen get popular, for several content-related reasons.

Firstly, the racism. She writes her Serizawa to be half-black, half-Japanese, which is a perfectly valid hc if not for how she handles this fact. Ignoring the moments of subtle racism she gives Reigen (having him comment on the apparent "sloppiness" of his afro--which she also refuses to call an afro, by the way--and also having him guess his race via his racial characteristics), she blatantly and openly makes Toichiro racist towards Serizawa in a way that I feel we cannot ignore. For example:

I shouldn't have to say that calling a black man a "slave" in any context is fucked up, but I will for the sake of this post! Since she already think I'm insane :-) Also:

Once again, shouldn't have to say this but I will: Saying a black man has a "brutal masculine appeal" is so obviously and blatantly racist while also being entirely unnecessary for his character! We understand, as both readers and watchers of the base material, that Toichiro is a bad guy. We do not need him to then become racist, borderline-pedophilic, and a supporter of eugenics! And if you need quotes for some of these points, I will include one that has both:

Even if he is saying that he won't facilitate the "impregnation of a child", why the fuck is he laughing about it? Just a reminder: Toichiro in canon is only a terrorist and a child abuser. Yes, he is a bad person. However, I think elevating his evil to this level removes any concept of character depth that you could possibly have, and makes the ending of this fic (where he is seemingly normal and fine, with both his wife and child in his relative good graces) all the weirder. But again, I'm insane, right? Oh yeah, one more point about Toichiro that I found from the comments:

Now this tells me several things. Firstly, it's that she lacks the oversight to recognize when there is blatant racism in her works of fiction. Which is questionable, but I'm willing to let that slide because people should always be given the opportunity to grow. HOWEVER, the second part of this tells me that the first part might be a lie!!! Because hey!! If you are headcanoning a person's parent as being a WHITE SOUTH AFRICAN WITH EUGENICIST BELIEFS, you are basically saying your character was raised by an APARTHEID APOLOGIST. So I really don't know how you can avoid the racism embedded in that statement.

Now, let's move away from Toichiro because he's not the only character she completely butchers with weird concepts. Shimazaki is a trans chaser in this fic.

That's right. I'm not kidding. He is a chaser.

Once again reminding you that I'm the insane one.

There is literally no reason I can see as to why she would write this, other than that it is supposed to be a joke. Now, as an afab trans butch, there is only so much I can say to this point, but I will still ask: Who is laughing here? Who is this joke funny to? Is it to the trans women, who have to deal with similar kinds of harassment each time they try to go on a date? Or is it the Shimazaki fans, who I guess aren't weirded out by their fav being a chaser? Or is it just you, silvercistern? Is it just funny to you?

That point brings me to one of my last points with context. She seems to enjoy throwing in random "edgy" topics for either shock value or a laugh, neither of which I think her wording lands on. I did collegiate improv comedy for all four years of college (yes that may seem pathetic to you, but it was fun)--if anyone knows how a joke should sound, I think I'm one of the few. And, frankly, none of these land. For instance, the repeated "joke" of calling Reigen a creep or alluding to him being a pedo:

But, again, me? I'm insane, apparently. If you take issue with any of this, like I did, then to her you are insane.

This is not surprising to me, given that she already had a kind of breakdown to my friend regarding when they asked if silvercistern could tag one of her fics with sa.

Here is the link to their post. I ask that you respect their wishes and do not send harassment to silvercistern (as that is my wish as well) and do not be weird to them in their inbox.

But this is why it does not surprise me that she 1. would private her twitter account when faced with even the slightest backlash, 2. would then talk about the situation to her mutuals to garner sympathy, and 3. not even bother to read a single thing I said, given that she replied to my post in less than a minute after I had posted it.

By the way, one of those mutuals? Yeah, they are literally a toichiro/shou shipper. Here's the proof:

Anyway, this is not an excuse to go harass her. I DO NOT CONDONE HARASSMENT OF ANY KIND. ANY OF MY POSTS ABOUT THIS SITUATION WERE MADE TO DIRECTLY ADDRESS HER AND THE ISSUES I HAVE. IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO CHIME IN, DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME WITH YOUR OWN POST. DO NOT HARASS HER.

So yeah. Guess this would be something an insane person does, right? lol

very genuine question : how can one be both pan and gay? im reallx trying to understand mspec gays/lesbians but im struggling to find anyone who actually explains their experiences (you dont have to ofc im just interested)

I've already explained this in the past, but I guess I can do a recap. First- [read this post I made here], as it gives a brief explanation and I need you to have that baseline understanding before I get into the more complicated stuff here, alright?

Now- With the understanding that somebody can simply like anybody regardless of gender, and have a gender preference. I have some more to add onto that and ask of you:

If your first thought is "isn't that omnisexual?" No, not really. It depends entirely on who you ask, when I started identifying as pansexual, omnisexuals definition was "likes most, but not all genders".

Secondly, Why are you so pressed about what words other queer people use to define themselves??

Why Do you NEED to understand somebodies identity?

My full list of labels that I use to define myself, is an agender trans masc faggot whos demi-quoiromantic, Ambiamorous and pansexual gay. I do not expect most of you to know what those words mean! And that's totally okay! I do not need you to fully understand the nuances of my gender presentation and sexuality! The labels I use, are for myself to help myself better understand where my attractions lie due to the fact i'm autistic and for other people who Do get it.

Its sort of ... the people who need to understand, will understand.

And ontop of that- all of my personal gender and sexuality fuckery aside, another more basic reason somebody may identify as an mspec gay or lesbian- is due to the split attraction model. It is very possible for somebody to be panromantic homosexual. They could love regardless of gender, but only be sexually attracted to one. And that is also valid! Not all relationships need sex and its not the end all be all of relationships.

Hopefully this helps you all understand a bit better. I'm always open to normal, sane, questions about my sexuality and experiences with it- but I will not tolerate any discourse or bigotry and that'll result in a swift block.

I know this is just a me problem & I need to just suck it up and deal with it but I feel... incredibly guilty about not wanting to have sex with my friends. For one, I've never had a friend actually want to engage in that with me so a part of it might be me feeling bad about "not being good enough", but another part of me feels like the queer community is advancing to new places that gives them more joy, freedom, and love and it feels like since the topic is so triggering to me (for no good reason mind you) that I just don't really belong? I haven't been able to talk to other queer people or go to pride events because I'm in such a small, homophobic town. But I feel like if I showed up to a queer event, I just wouldn't fit in and they just would not like me. Not only for looking overly masculine and kinda yucky (not in way thats celebrated in the queer community) after my transition, but because the accomodations I would need for my triggers would just be too unrealistic to expect them to accomodate to (I've been in therapy for nearly 10 yrs, unfortunately some triggers just dont go away). And also bc I'm a sapphic trans guy and ,, man idk if that would piss people off.

I just want to ask, is it okay if I still view sex as sacred for myself but don't think poorly of people who have casual sex or sex with friends? If anything, I'm envious of them for being able to have such a connection to their friends that I would never be comfortable having.

I’m glad to hear you’re seeing a therapist, it’s very clear from your ask that you’re struggling with very low self-worth and I’ve been there and it sucks.

As for your question itself — sex positivity and sex acceptance are about finding a sexuality that feels good for you and don’t shame those whose sexuality feels good to them but isn’t the same as yours. If sex is something sacred to you that is for you alone or only to share with a select few then that is always valid as long as it feels good to you. At the same time, having sex with friends and having multiple partners is just as valid as long as it’s what the people practicing it wants. Neither one has the right to shame or devalue the other.

I notice a pattern in your ask, where you make claims about how you feel people will respond to you. This is a normal thing our human brains do, but this anxiety seems to be preventing you from going out and trying. You think but you do not know that people wouldn’t accept you. Thou think but you do not know that you wouldn’t fit in. Internet queer discourse is poison basically and people in the irl communities are usually a lot more accepting. Online we kinda forget that we’re interacting with other people, but irl we can’t do that as easily (although dehumanization of minorities is a thing, so not impossible but it takes a lot more organized, structural effort). In Swedish we have this expression “provtänka” which roughly translates to “try-thinking” or “attempting-think” where we sort of say a thought we had to other people, usually friends, to try it out. It can be something beneficial like “wait isn’t it strange that inflation is up 4% but benefits have only increased by 2,6%?” and then we can all curse capitalism together. But it can also be (and this is a real example of a thing I said when I was 16) “there are so many bad parents like shouldn’t the government like make you take tests and and out a license for you to reproduce so no children get harmed” and your friends will rightfully go “no wtf??? That’s such an over-reach of government power what are you on???”. Like you try out a thought that you haven’t thought about that much or aren’t that invested in and you do a vibe check basically. Like that pregnancy thought was whack but I hadn’t really thought about it. Luckily my friends were reasonable people who asked what tf was wrong with me and explained why that was a horrible thing and I haven’t thought that way since. Online, you sorta either get jumped which has the effect of you doubling down on your not even fully formed opinion bc you get defensive, or you find other whack jobs who agree and that’s how radicalization happens.

So to the point bc I lost it bc that who I am as a person: people are a lot more forgiving offline and if someone has doubts initially, they’re less likely to voice them, and if they do they’re likely to get checked, and if they don’t just spending time with you will humanize you (which is why people from bigger cities are usually more open-minded, bc exposure to people different than them).

And a last point to wrap up: you write that you’re “envious of them for being able to have such a connection to their friends that I would never be comfortable having”. Relationships aren’t a hierarchy. Romantic relationships aren’t superior to friendships, and sex with friends isn’t superior to hook-ups or long-term partners, and partnered sex isn’t superior to solo sex. They’re different flavors and not everyone will like the same thing. I can’t stand olives but I love pineapple on pizza. I once dated a girl who despised potatoes. Neither is better than the other. I can’t really understand why she would hate potatoes and most people I believe find it strange, but like that’s just her preference. And I know many people find me strange for my choices in pizza toppings (pineapple, banana and curry).

That is to say: it sucks when you feel left out of some type of relationship you’ll never have — I’m an only child hand have always been envious of people with siblings — but that doesn’t mean that type is “better” or that that type of connection is “deeper” than what’s possible within the types of relationships that would fit you.

-mod liz

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>CONTENT LOADING....

hi hi hello! my name is strawberry (or strawb)! (i also use the name roz sometimes!) im queer, trans, 19, and neurodivergent, and this where i scream about robots and gay little nintendo characters. i use he/him, it/its, ze/zem/zeir/zemself, and co/code/codes/codeself pronouns! itd be so so sooo cool if you could please interchange these. thanks!

i dont know what my gender is and honestly i dont care (and neither should u)! just dont call me 'she' please! if i had to label it id say my gender is whatever the hell nintendo was doing with all those see-through consoles in the 2000s. look at these sexy sexy boys

my art tag is #strawberryscribbles, my tag for cool art made by friends or made for me is #talented ppl tag, and thats about all i consistently tag anymore (aside from content warnings. if you need something content warned, lmk!). my art blog is @strawb-artfolder and my oc blog is @cultivatingyourfuture (though that project is on an indefinite hiatus due to signifigant rewrites, lol). im not great at art but i like growing and improving and showing you all that process, so im going to keep posting it anyhow! cringe culture is dead and its decomposing slowly in my backyard.

heres some things about me!!

my main interests are computers, old electronics, adventure time, portal 2, and nintendo (particularly mario, splatoon, and the legend of zelda!). i also reblog half life, tf2, and mlp stuff from time to time. i am, in fact, critical of all of my media interests. fuck nintendos business practices and fuck the way they fetishize arabic cultures 👎👎👎

send me asks!!!! about whatever!!!! it makes my day every time!!!!!

im not a linked universe fan or a linkverse fan in general. i might engage with that content because i like the designs and want to support artists but dont ask me about it i dont go there lmao (bonus links fucks hard though i will say that)

i dont tag spoilers. sorry! youre free to unfollow or block me at any time :)

wanna know what music ive been listening to? heres my main playlist! maybe youll find something new!!! (and if you shoot me an ask saying u found a new song u like bc of me.... tell me! itll make my day!)

ive had people ask me a couple of times, so let me go ahead and say-- i like to refer to characters i have specific pronoun headcanons for WITH those pronouns! i usually garner confusion about this when i talk about oot zelda (he/she), botw link (she/he/they), and oot link (she/her). theres not really a reason, i just like to! (when i talk to people about their specific interpretations, i use whatever hcs theyve assigned them instead). if you wanna know how i hc any other characters, 🔫 me an ask!

im not going to sift through every blog that interacts with me or apply widely misused terminology to give an idea of what i do or dont want in my circle. im just going to say these things outright. i believe in radical queer acceptance (yes, even for whatever "weird" identity youre about to pull out as a gotcha), all transgender people and asexuals and aromantics and xenogenders and neopronouns are all valid, otherkin/therians are cool as hell, objectums are my friends, i want all pedophiles to die by my hand, youre weird as shit if you romanticize incest or pedophilia in any context, and i believe in reclaiming words like queer, fag, dyke, and tranny, which i will not content warn for. ok cool 👍

im a stupid broke college student and i can barely afford to feed myself most days so if you wanna help out heres my CA.

ermm i think thats all. heres a bunch of people i think are so so cool that you should go visit: b0nkcreat down-thedrain seagullcharmer syntheticspades trashedump basillica-gel dykevirgo cherrylavendertea localvoidcat thebleedingeffect gardnwater our-reality mackthecheese angstyvylene-i three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat unironicallycringe idiot-synergy michpat6 korokposting effervescentleaf pidgefudge avidcollectorofdust merriclo

it wasn't a hate speech, I wrote about it, I'm sorry that something offended you.

ok, I'm bad at writing. try again. short version - why of all social things its a transgender people? you write (I wrote same) you have no self-interest other than equality. You write about Ukraine one time, you write about Israel one time. You know what I mean?

I mean, you like Taylor - you post about Taylor a lot. You post cute gay couple a lot - because you love it. And from social - you post a lot about trans. Only trans you post a lot.. More than about women rights or bisexual people. Why? :-) You are a woman, you are young, you have your own life, friends. Why you dont speak about this.

I'm asking this because I don't know any trans people in real life (like you as I know) other than tiktok, yt. but I know people of all orientations. my governem doesnt have enough money for education and medicine. I mean that everyone simply has problems. but you write about them. I don't have a problem with them, and neither do you.

I just don’t understand why so many posts on tumblr about trans rights, especially from people who are not in the trans community at all. So yeah, the short question - why trans?

(you don't have to reblog at all about anything, but you reglog about trans. and yeah, if its a post about hp you only write on tags jkr on negative part)

hi! sorry it took me a moment to get to this, and sorry that i misunderstood your ask in the first place. it's a valid question, truly, though i'm not sure i alone am able to give you a full answer for it.

there's definitely a number of reasons as to why trans issues seem to be disproportionately represented on my blog and many others, some of those reasons are personal and some of them sociopolitical.

the first and maybe most obvious personal reason is the simple one of queer solidarity. i'm bi, i've dated women, and that makes me part of a larger group that is as diverse and colorful as it is littered with a history of prosecution. trans people are very much a part of that collective, and i want them to feel as supported as they have made me feel when i've met them at gsas and pride events and fandom spaces. while i don't relate to their issues exactly, their overall struggle against the cis heterosexual matrix still connects with me. we're all under one umbrella.

also (and maybe this is where a bit of the sociopolitics comes in) trans people are one of the most immediately and publicly threatened groups within the lgbtq+. while so many other sexualities and identities are obviously affected by current events and politics, the queer hate spread in right-wing politics these days is specifically anti-trans. i'm half american and have grown up in western europe, and the impact of this hate mongering is felt in my own communities. while i know most about us and some uk anti-trans politics, i know the sentiment is more widespread than just those places. it feels like one of the most urgent queer issues right now.

and because i am queer and because i am western, the algorithm and the news and the people i follow on social media are posting about this anti-trans rhetoric. i don't think i ever deliberately seek out trans supportive content, but it's what i see on my feed/dash, so that's what i reblog. if i saw as much disability support or ukraine support, etc., i would reblog that too.

sure, there are things that i don't reblog that i maybe should, but again, i'm not here to be an activist and i don't like reblogging content about issues i'm not fully sure/educated about. the palestine/israel issue, for instance, is so much more complex than 'trans people deserve to exist', so i'm not as comfortable hitting a quick reblog. not because i don't care about it or because it's not on my mind, but because it's not as black and white and i don't feel like a worthy informant. i talk to my friends and my parents about it, but i don't need my incomplete opinions to be posted publicly online.

and i know i keep saying this, but i'll say it again: i am not here to be an activist. there is a definitely a conversation to be had here, and maybe i should be doing more, but i also resent being made to feel like i have to weigh in on every world issue because my silly little blog about queer tv shows and taylor swift has 1k followers. i reblog what resonates with me, i reblog what i understand. i want this blog to be a happy place.

i’m inclined towards disgust and i don’t really feel disgust towards trans people, so i can tell you the role disgust plays in my radfem ideology. when i first got on the internet and discovered trans people, i was wholeheartedly supportive and did not feel disgust at all. in the intervening decade or so i hit puberty and was sexually harassed regularly to different degrees by strangers and friends alike, until i developed a strong and finely honed instinct for sexual predators. i’m not saying it never led me wrong - i can’t prove a negative, after all, if i listen to my instinct i avoid interacting with the person and never get the opportunity to be proven wrong - but when i do ignore my instinct for other reasons, i usually end up regretting it.

i was a rationalist first and a radfem second, and when i was younger i tended to look at things from a logical perspective and assume good faith when analysing what someone says instead of making assumptions based on gut feelings i can’t prove. this resulted in me being groomed and taken advantage of.

for whatever reason, a number of trans women trigger this instinct in me. it could be a false flag but out of self interest i choose not to overcome this bias. there used to be a sub r/itsafetish that documents examples of trans women fetishizing womenhood but it was banned. even now, on trans subreddits, you can see examples of transwomen being sexually aroused by things like wearing a bra or sanitary pads.

(its not fair to generalise trans women based on them, but i draw a line between my beliefs personally and my beliefs in the - for lack of a better word - realpolitik sense. for instance i think that trans people should be able to use whichever gender-specified facilities they feel comfortable with without fear, but i also think that realistically i think that homeless shelters, dormitories, prisons and such should be based on biological sex and not gender. there are enough examples of trans women raping other women in female prisons that i personally think its not worth the risk.)

but i digress. radical feminists as a whole are women who understand the role of instinct and disgust in keeping you safe. sometimes these instincts are a reflection of personal biases or societal constructs, and sometimes not. that’s why there’s also a lot of emphasis on resisting and noticing emotional abuse, in particular gaslighting, as well as validating people who establish boundaries over any minor reason whatsoever out of discomfort.

that’s the difference terfs have from conservatives. at it’s core, it’s still a kind of bleeding heart emphasis on emotions. conservatives use their emotions for rhetoric but don’t validate feelings the same way. terfs’ beliefs are rooted in their emotions but their rhetoric is less “isn’t this disgusting? do you really trust these people around your daughter?” and more relying on empathy/sympathy like “i knew this trans person and this happened”.

i’m sorry if my messages made you uncomfortable. i deliberately follow trans people in addition to radfems so i don’t end up in an echochamber. (i also follow r/sneerclub in addition to r/rational, and slatestarcodex in addition to r/catsaysmao.) i hope you won’t go out of your way to block me.

i mean...i think "i can tell if people are dangerous based on vibes, i dont hate [group], they just give me dangerous vibes" is like...one of the main types of prejudice? like. literally for thousands of years people have been saying "this group is going to harm our fragile women, we need to hurt them to stop that". like. i think it might be useful to take the outside view here, and think to yourself what about this feeling would be different than a white woman who thinks black men are a threat to her, and so shouldnt get to use the same train car or whatever. like whatever if trans women skeeve you out you shouldnt *force* yourself to interact with us, obviously. but like. i dont think you should accept that feeling uncritically?

i guess the core of this is like. i dont believe that your "instinct for sexual predators" is actually finely honed. i think its probably sending a ton of false positives. like maybe recall is high but precision is bad.