Slugs vs. computer 😘✨🖖🐌💫🤷

there was a story in a russian newspaper not all that long ago about musk saying that twitter was being controlled by the US state, and blah blah blah. wonderful headline. and there’s a footnote, I swear to god, at the bottom of the page that says “twitter is banned in Russia as an extremist organization”

peak lesbianism is tegan and sara hosting a webchat featuring sara’s ex and current wives

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Andrew Ross Sorkin

Yesterday, in an emailed newsletter to readers of the New York Times, financial writer Andrew Ross Sorkin effectively admitted that he has had no clue what bank capital actually is for the past 14 years so he just grabbed the phrase “rainy day fund” to describe it – notwithstanding that the phrase has no relationship to the factual definition of bank capital and serves only the interests of the banking lobby.

get jake’s milky shake

You can’t make this s&@$ up!

You see the shock and tender love in this smitten angel’s eyes ? That’s because his boyfriends calling him after breaking out of a max security federal prison for kidnapping and attempted assassination of the President of the United States of America… who was actually possessed by Lucifer who is hunting for his new baby mama

the way some men are reacting to the barbie movie is comical because they’re ultimately proving the exact point the movie was trying to make

So this was the funniest thing in my Starsky & Hutch save to date. They went to the park and started playing basketball. Then Hutch got bonked in the head, and they BOTH somehow wound up with a sprained ankle? So they went back to Hutch’s where Starsky proceeded to “gripe about fitness” which hurt Hutch’s feelings and gave him the sad moodlet, and then Starsky got sad because Hutch was sad.

Today my nephew touched my foot and asked what was wrong with it, so now I’ve introduced the concept of calluses. He’s pretty fascinated. He keeps squeezing my foot, asking why I made it look like that, and has decided it looks like a brick. Fantastic.

it’s SO funny to me that part of the culture with undoubtedly the worst food across the globe is withholding said food from their guests like it’s something good. like it’s something so delicious that it must be reserved exclusively for members of the family. if that ain’t hilarious!

Thank you, Galactic Starcruiser, for introducing us to long fruit. Now I see them everywhere 🤣 Spotted this guy sitting by himself on a bench.

Story time! Not my class but my friend’s class. She had a four year old boy who bit anyone and everyone, always leaving massive marks and bruises. His teachers had to write multiple incident reports every day and the families of the other children were getting pretty mad. Both the owner and the manager kept making excuses as why they were keeping such an aggressive child in the school. My friend got put on probation because she mentioned to the boy’s mom that he might benefit from a one-on-one caretaker (e.g. a nanny). A couple of months go by and then one day this kid goes and bites the manager. THE PARENTS WERE CALLED AND THE KID WAS EXPELLED THAT VERY SAME HOUR. We asked why they didn’t do that sooner and we’re told that “it just wasn’t a serious issue before” 🙄