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#yeah I don’t rly like this anymore
homefryboy · 2 years
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they accidentally’d a love triangle
(commissions open)
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mostlymaudlin · 1 year
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one thing ive been spinning around my head lately is that my birth name doesn’t have to die. i totally get why people call it a deadname, but i think i don’t mind if mine lives a bit? perhaps in a perfect world id kill it, but ive never been good at imagining utopia, and i think that it’s easier for me to let that name stick around in a sidecar than it would be to try to lose it.
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awek-s-archived · 1 year
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I feel so
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pepprs · 8 months
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ok two things. #1 i am IMPOSSIBLY exhausted. just took a nap for a couple hours and have been awake for a bit but i feel like ivr been whacked like a punching bag like good god. and #2 is gonna have to make me delete this post later bc i feel weird and bad and paranoid abt saying it lol but. it’s just fucking weird and bad kinda bc im literally 2 years older than / removed from the students who work closest with us rn (who i spent most of today tabling w) and it’s so awkward bc we’re at the same-ish life stages and ik we totally would’ve been friends if we’d gone thru the same programs together as students but they ignore me / don’t and can’t talk to me like we’re friends bc im a staff member and my attempts to talk to them are lame and weird so idk. it’s just a lot and stressful and sobering
#purrs#aldo one of the interns who will be working w us this year just found a living situation that is like… EXACTLY the kind of thing i think i#would want and she was telling me all abt decorating her apartment and getting / buying stuff for her cat and having all this freedom and…#RRAUGHHHH im so proud of her and happy for her bc her situation was rly hard before this and she told me all abt it and it’s exactly what#she needed and deserves but it’s just so WEIRD bc i need the exact same thing and still live w my parents and share a room and can’t drive a#and am literally like… ‘in competiton’ w students im working w for resources and also im about to be a grad student and idk how to act#arojnd undergrads or if i get to / should sympathize with them or like talk abt anything bc im also a staff member and a semi-supervisor of#theirs and i know things they don’t and have power over them and it’s like. aughhhh it’s just bad. i feel really horrible saying this but i#just need time to pass. i need to not be going thru the same life milestones undergrads are going thru. i need to be 3-4 yrs in the future w#where no one ever knew me as a student (a couple of them did just as a senior when they were freshmen etc!). so that it’s not weird anymore#and there are no blurry lines that make us confused abt how to interact w each other or make me feel so fucking bad abt myself lol#<- which i literally shouldn’t like i have no reason to and it’s ridiculous and childish to. but idk. imjust depressed and exhausted i think#delete later#also for the second semester ina row im about to be an instructor of a class with someone i literally… took a class with as a student in the#class 💀💀💀💀💀 like she and i were classmates in spring 2021 and my co-instructors were O UR instructors and nowi am also an instructor. and#its just so fucking bizarre and uncomfortable aughhhhh#i just feel very lonely abt all of it. and im isolating myself again which isn’t helping esp bc the guilt has been gnawing at me hard lately#not to say this but it’s even weird on here. like a lot of you guys are in college rn and… i work for one. and it doesn’t matter but also it#just feels weird and i feel weird abt complaining abt the semester or being like yeah the semester is so hard haha fellow kids. which im not#bc it legitimately is hard for staff too it’s just… a lot. idk. idk how to explain it
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paleode-ology · 9 months
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the fact that barbie is trending but Oppenheimer isn’t is SO funny to me
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coldvampire · 10 months
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trying soo hard to be normal and Good At Conversation this time
#i will make at lease One irl friend to hang out with regularly !!!#dont get me wrong taking time off work to do school was a great decision but like. i dont rly talk to anyone anymore#save for the two days per week i have class :/#and it sucks idk.#i havent had a Best Friend TM that i actually get to see more than once every 12 months in years#& im also struggling to control how i usually put more importance onto other people than they do me#like this week in particular im rly feeling the whole experience of labelling someone as a really good friend only to find out that i am#at Best just a pleasant acquaintance#which is fine yk not every relationship has to be something super deep#but still. sucks when it keeps happening.#like id rather the reaction to me almost just be actual disgust bc then thats pretty unambiguous#no room to get hopes up or create a narrative.#anyway i usually go with the strategy of just talking to someone like we're already friends bc ive heard thats the most effective#/least awkward way to get to know people. & im also only focusing on a couple people at a time so i dont get overwhelmed#bc last time I just. yeah it wasn’t the best moment#struggling in general with people and just pacing out of much of Myself is a tolerable dosage#recently I just feel like I’ve green falling onto the ‘over eager and annoying’ cycle :/#been*#I don’t want to be a Chore I guess.#I keep thinking about how nice it would be to not feel that way#like maybe I’m not the most exciting person ever and it takes me a minute to get used to someone but :/ idk I think I’m good company#(god knows I spend enough time around just myself lmao)#usually I can tell when I’m feeling like this again bc I start spending more money on hobbies and Stuff#just to fill time/give myself something to look forward to#but I can’t really do that rn lmao/don’t want to#I’m not rich I can’t just have retail therapy every time I start to feel lonely :/#it’d be nice lmao but no not practical#man I just want to talk to people. have conversations. feel like people are actually Happy that I’m talking to them.#that’s it that’s all#they say never trust your brain after 9pm but what if you’ve been sitting with it for weeks?
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Also like w the amount of yuri I’ve drawn u would ve thought I’m immune to exclu bullshit but man.
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cattailtales · 1 year
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ngl you really don’t notice how pervasive the shipping brain-rot in fandom is until you’re scrolling thru a tag for a media in which you don’t “ship” anything
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mauxanhduong · 2 years
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idk if it was growing up and having to deal with shit or losing someone rly close to me and not getting much support but i feel like i’ve just been getting angrier and pettier and meaner !!! i feel like i’ve been becoming more bitter and a worse and worse person. but idk LOL
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thecompassinside · 2 years
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i hate that as a lesbian probably over 50% of the songs i’ve written are about a dude
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kuiinncedes · 8 months
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ah fuck
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midnightwriter21 · 1 year
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demon slayer hcs: douma & akaza as boyfriends
characters: fem!reader x douma, akaza
warnings: implied death, nsfw themes (no actual smut)
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DOUMA
god he’s so fine for what
first off douma has trouble understanding human emotions
and dawg prefers to eat women
so the fact that y’all are dating??
ur special fr fr
you are so spoiled
douma = sugar daddy
u have one of his followers from his cult following u around and taking care of any and everything that u want
u mention seeing something in a store that u liked?
douma will have it before the end of the day
you’re like a little doll to him
he enjoys dressing you up in the cutest outfits, experimenting with different hairstyles, and playing with your makeup
teases the hell outta u
he thinks your reactions are amusing
especially when u do that cute little pout
or the puppy dog eyes
and don’t even get me started on when he makes u upset
he LOVES that shit
he always makes it up to you tho
but let a member of his cult tease you? or make u upset??
there will be hell to pay
he’ll take their head clean off their shoulders right then and there
won’t even bat an eye
so touchy
glued to u
ur sitting in his lap during cult meetings
he’s holding ur hand
he’s got an arm thrown around ur shoulders
he’s running his nails up and down ur arms so he can watch u shiver and get goosebumps
ur mad at him? maybe yelling at him abt something?
not anymore
he’s got his hands on ur face and he’s squishing ur cheeks so u can’t talk
thinks ur expressions are adorable
now douma sounds like a great boyfriend so far
but this man is MEAN
low key only keeps u around because u entertain him
i mean he’s been alive for so long and experienced so much
mans gets bored
BUT!!
if yalls relationship miraculously progresses past this
he’s turning u into a demon
that way u can stay with him forever
and he’ll never get bored of u
how could he when ur the first person to actually make him understand emotions?
especially an emotion as complex as love <3
but his true nature
comes out in the bedroom
dawg is EVIL
100% will make u cry
humiliation!!!
he’s a biter
ofc he is
idk somethin abt seeing his marks on you rly gets him goin
biting down just enough to leave a mark but not to break skin
yeah
id let him step on me
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AKAZA
best boyfriend ever
no harm will ever come to u
protective asf
ur nocturnal at this point
bc ain’t no way ur leaving the house without akaza
so u gotta wait til it’s nighttime so he can come with u wherever ur going
such a gentleman ong
he’s holding ur hand to make sure u don’t get separated in crowds
or he has a hand on the small of ur back to guide u while u walk
he’s pulling ur chair out for u to sit down
he’s holding doors open for u
brings u flowers all the time
instead of looking for that blue spider lily for Muzan?
he’s picking u a bouquet of wildflowers
gonna get his ass kicked for that by muzan but oh well
100% the bf that’ll slow dance w u in the rain
with no music
ugh he’s such a romantic
god he loves u so much
and he makes sure u know it
words of affirmation!! all the time!!!
now
he’s a sweetie
but y’all ever heard that one phrase
and it’s like
gentleman in the streets freak in the sheets?
mhm that’s him
dude strong as fuck
and his STAMINA?
babe u are worn out
so many rounds
so many positions
u can’t keep up
ain’t no way i’m sorry
but the aftercare is on point
when he’s done puttin u through the ringer
he’s drawing u a bath
and making sure u drink some water cause u lost a fuck ton of bodily fluids i’m sorry
gross
cuddle bug!!
and the pillow talk!!
he’s the best
i love him sm
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junicult · 8 months
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first, i am in absolute love with all ur posts and works—second, could you do headcannons of the bachelors when they get jealous?? could be smutty or sweet literally anything u give is amazing
!! how the bachelors act when they’re jealous
contains ; sfw! established relationships! farmer is noted to be outgoing / social. mostly fluff, but not intended to be fluff. majority of these take place in the city.
note ; i do love man that can get a little jealous. anon i love u ur gassing me up🤭
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harvey.
- overthinker ™️
- he’s his own devil on his shoulder.
- no matter what, he’s secure in his relationship. he knows you love him, and he knows you’d never even think about cheating on him.
- he literally remembers every single compliment you give him. he’ll just randomly think of when you told him his mustache looked especially neat one day like months ago, and smile.
- but there’s always that little shadow of doubt that appears every now and then.
- it more commonly happens after you’ve had an argument of some sort.
- he’s not insecure in your very committed relationship by any means, i’m not saying that any little argument he’ll just believe you don’t love him anymore & want to be with someone else.
- i’m just saying there’s always that thought that crosses his mind, and manifests quicker then he can push it away.
- i feel like one of his worst habits is that he needs to be reassured quite often.
- doesn’t have to be major, just an “i love you” will suffice.
- so if you don’t clear the air right away, he accidentally gives himself time to 🥁🥁🥁overthink!
- “i need to finish working, we’ll talk about this later.”and you close the door before you have time to resolve it—it leaves those few hours to be a living hell for him.
- the jealousy doesn’t creep in unless he actually sees it, or hears about it.
- he’s too mature for that.
- his mind doesn’t automatically go to, “she’s cheating on me!” when you talk about another guy or whatever.
- it’s more or less if he hears about him a little too much, or sees the two of you alone together.
- but knowing him he’ll never bring it up.
- he’ll bottle it inside if he feels it’s not worth it.
- or unless he’s given an opportunity 😊
- you’re laughing, wrapping up your day as usual, just talking to each other, “oh, and he made the funniest joke the other day—“
- “he is funny. i didn’t realize you two were friends,” he laughs stiffly, keeping his eyes on the plate of food in front of him.
- “yeah, well, he needed advice on a couple plants he has in his shack, so i helped him out a bit.” you smile innocently, because it really was innocent.
- he pauses mid chew, shooting you a glance.
- “i see…you’ve been in his house?” he clears his throat a little.
- you just blink at him for a second, before you have to purse a smile. “only a couple times. haven’t you?”
- “…yeah. i guess so.”
- u could practically see the thoughts in his mind. he really does go to the worst case scenario.
- you giggle, gently kicking his shoe under the table and leaning in to hold his hand. “aw, don’t do that. you know you’re the only one for me.”
- now he’s able to look at you, even smile. because really that’s how easy it is to clear the air for him.
- well, he might need a kiss or two.
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sam.
- ignorance is bliss for this man.
- the longer you two have been together, the more and more oblivious he gets to affection from others.
- especially when u live in a town as small as this one😭😭
- if you two went out of town or something, let’s say for one of his concerts—he literally wouldn’t think the girl that’s flirting so hard with him was even flirting with him. he’d just think she was a rly big fan LMFAO
- which has been the cause of a couple arguments between you two dare i say, but he means well.
- he’s the most secure out of all of them i think.
- when you’re in town, his mind just kinda goes to ‘everyone knows we’re in love so they wouldn’t even try.’
- and he knows you wouldn’t either. it’s not even something he has worried about before.
- he really doesn’t get jealous i think. it’s so unbelievably rare it’d get to the point where he’s actually upset about it.
- he’ll doesn’t think twice when he leaves you and sebastian alone together.
- i think it’s really sweet how much he believes in the two of you.
- i feel like the only reason he’d ever get jealous, is because he finds you’re spending more time with someone else besides him.
- not even a another guy, just a person😭
- like let’s say you’ve just been around vincent a lot, especially since he’s grown so much of a liking to you.
- so every time you come over to see sam, you end up spending time with his little brother instead.
- not even intentionally, it’s just cute to see how excited he gets to see you, and you like hearing the things he has to say,
- “and penny’s teaching us cursive! cool, right?” he grins, showing his handwriting that definitely isn’t intelligible but you still smile and congratulate him instead.
- so you just end up preoccupied with vincent more then you even realize.
- because of this, you entirely miss the way sam’s all uncharacteristically quiet beside you, just watching his little brother take up your time together.
- although he loves to see how close you are with his family, he’s still pouting.
- it isn’t until vincent has to leave for school, or something other, when he’s finally able to get your attention.
- “so you finally have time for me, i see.” he hums, pettiness dripping from his tongue, arms crossed.
- you furrow your brows, mimicking his stance. “i’m sorry?”
- sam isn’t the type to pick a fight out of nowhere. i feel like, for him to actually get angry or upset at something, it’s have to be serious.
- and this just wasn’t serious enough for him to encourage a bad mood, so he merely gives you a side-eyed glance before he unfolds his arms.
- “you know…you’ve just…been a little busy…’tis all…” he looks down at his shirt like he’s all embarrassed.
- “please, are you upset that i was spending time with your brother?”
- “…well not anymore…”
- he can get over it fast. promise you, within minutes he’s all over you, kissing and hugging you like nothing even happened.
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shane.
- 😭😭
- similar to harvey in the sense that, he needs to be reassured a lot. (bold and italicized)
- tell him, kiss him, hug him, whatever it is. multiple times a day.
- he trusts you, but he doesn’t trust very many else.
- he knows the other bachelors let out a literal sigh on ur wedding day. he knows they all want u🤷‍♀️
- which, for the most part, makes him feel soooo cocky. he likes knowing the woman everyone wants fell in love with him of all people.
- during festivals, and gatherings at the saloon, he pretty much likes to stay attached at the hip.
- wraps his arm around you, resting at your waist while you’re both having two separate conversations (more like you’re talking and he’s just beside you).
- he gets a little clingy around the guys that he knows are into you.
- he’s gotta show them what they don’t have🤷‍♀️
- it’s kinda funny cus he’s not being subtle at all, and instead of outright bringing it up in front of other people, you’ll give him a slow glance, and he’s just smirking.
- that’s only because you’ve totally brought it up before in private.
- “you know we’re married, right?” you snort, going to tug on the pendant around his neck.
- “hey, that doesn’t stop some guys.”
- “well it stops me. i fell in love with you, not them.”
- he grins when he hears that. “s’true. but you’ve gotta see the way they look at you—“
- “and let them look. doesn’t mean they’ll get anything out of it.”
- he has to admit, he does kinda like knowing they can look but can’t touch—and he gets to do both.
- when he gets jealous, it’s all because someone is spending a little too much time talking to you.
- he’s a tad fragile.
- when he sees one of the guys talking with you, he’ll glance over a couple times, making sure the body language stays casual n stuff.
- last thing he’d want (for you) is to cause a scene.
- but if he were to look over, and you were still talking with the same guy for a while, that’s when he’d start to frown.
- what makes alex so interesting? what’s he got to talk about that’s better then shane?
- he is soooo fucking petty. to the guy that was hitting on you, and you.
- “miss your boyfriend?” after you’ve left and are you’re walking home.
- your expression turns to disgust. “what?”
- “oh i dunno…just, you and alex seemed to have a lot to talk about.”
- “don’t start.”
- “you’re being awfully dismissive—“
- those are the fights you have.
- immature😭😭
- if the argument gets heated, you’ll both probably limit each other to the silent treatment 💀💀
- no matter how stubborn he is, though, he hates not being able to joke with you more.
- eventually he’ll find it unbearable, and he’ll come up to you with a look only he gives you.
- eyes soft, pressing a kiss to your shoulder and resting his chin. “i’m sorry baby, i know i can get pretty jealous. i’ll work on it, okay?”
- he knows you’ve forgiven him when you turn to look him in the eyes, smiling at his affections. “good. you don’t have any reason to be, i promise.”
- and he’s suddenly the luckiest man in the world when you cup your hand around his jaw, pulling him in for a kiss he’ll never fail to melt into.
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sebastian.
- he gets jealous. lol.
- it’s definitely his worst trait, because yes he trusts you, but he still might think you’re doing the wrong.
- you’re way more social then him, that’s a fact.
- you talk to people every day that he hasn’t even spoken with in months. he’s always just a little on edge.
- that cloud of doubt always tells him you can do better, he doesn’t deserve you. but you’re good at reassuring him, so it makes it easier.
- not to say his jealousy doesn’t get a little annoying.
- at the start of your relationship, it probably made u roll ur eyes a little lmfao
- ur casually talking to sam, literally just listening to whatever he’s rambling about, and sebastian’s nearby with a frown on his face.
- “what were you guys talking about? should i be worried?” he crosses his arms when you walk towards him.
- as if sam would even think to do that to his best friend.
- honestly, the best way to get him to realize it would be to lay it on thick.
- “stop it, your overthinking is exhausting the both of us. you need to get better with that, or this won’t work out.”
- he might be a little upset at your bluntness, but pretty soon he’ll come around. you have a point, and he realizes that.
- so afterwards he’ll tone it down.
- he still has moments where he gets a little tense if you’re giving guys gifts, or talking to them for a while during festivals and things—but he knows it’s just your personality.
- you’re not even flirting, and if they would, you knew to shut it down.
- once he got better at controlling it, you guys thrived. cus really, that’s the only thing you guys would argue about.
- i don’t think he likes pda.
- like, at all.
- but you guys have a little routine when you’re in public to reassure him.
- if he’s standing next to you, not mingling because his social battery is out, & he doesn’t want to interrupt the conversation you’re having,
- it’s with a guy, but he’s been with you long enough to not get upset over the little things,
- you’ll just reach out, and give his hand a little squeeze to reassure him you’re still with him (if that makes sense.)
- like, yes you’re focused on the conversation you’re having, but you’re still thinking about him in the back of your mind, so you want to silently show that everything’s fine.
- after years of dating, and when ur married, his thoughts of jealousy pretty much go away.
- despite you being the only person he spends time with on a daily basis, he trusts you at this point. he should’ve from the very beginning, and he definitely feels guilty about it every once in a while.
- but now he understands you don’t give him any reason to feel jealous.
- just talking to someone doesn’t mean you’re intending to cheat on ur partner.
- he’s a bit stubborn, although i think it’s sweet to think he’s given you a heartfelt apology about it.
- “i’m sorry for not trusting you. i know you love me, and i love you too.” with a little kiss on the cheek.
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alex.
- he doesn’t really get jealous.
-…if anything, i feel like it’d be the other way around.
- his ego is skyrocketed😭😭 he thinks very highly of himself, and yes that’s a good thing, but omfg can it be so annoying.
- don’t get me wrong, he thinks very highly of you as well. sometimes he thinks you’re too good for him, honestly.
- but when you’re both out together, he kinda loves when he looks over to see some guy trying to talk you up.
- he’s not insecure in the slightest. he’d be devastated if you did cheat, but with his ego he just kinda thinks it’d be your loss LMFAO.
- what makes it even better is when you have a little scowl on your face, leaning away and dismissing the stranger to go find him.
- don’t get me wrong tho, he’ll always step in if he sees someone overstepping boundaries.
- anyways, when it comes to whenever you guys are together in town, he’s touchy.
- he does not fear pda😭😭
- he’ll be all up on you if you’d let him. he loves letting everyone know you’re in a relationship.
- so he’s not even given any opportunity to get jealous.
- i’m serious. if you guys go out somewhere together, for example a gridball game he invited you to, he’s not leaving your side in general.
- but while you’re still trying to find your seats, you end up sitting next to a guy that’s clearly checking you out.
- “is this seat taken?” you ask, purely out of politeness before sitting down, and it’s obvious that this stranger is excited you’re sitting next to him.
- and if alex sees the small smirk on his face, he’s instantly swinging his arm around you, speaking loud enough to turn a couple heads, “these are great seats babe! we can see everything!” and pressing a kiss to your temple.
- throughout the rest of the game, the stranger keeps finding chances to say a few things to you, all of which has alex involving himself in your conversations.
- trust me, he’s making a grand show of how you’re not single.
- leaving his arm around your shoulders the entire time, kissing you and your cheek.
- and after the team scores, he’s pulling you close after cheering, speaking loud enough for the guy to hear, “you’re their good luck charm, baby!”
- he’s full of one liners like that the entire night, each of which make you roll your eyes.
- “i know what you’re doing,” you tease, despite not doing / saying anything to stop him cus…honestly it’s so attractive how much he’ll fight for you.
- he just smirks, tossing a couple pieces of popcorn into his mouth, “oh, you love it.”
- and that you do.
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elliott.
- he’s also not the type to get jealous.
- or well, he doesn’t let it get to his head.
- his communication is too perfect.
- he’s not fragile enough to pout if you’re just talking to another guy. i think what he likes most about you is how welcoming you are.
- you’ll talk to anyone and everyone, and he definitely admires that about you.
- which is why i don’t think he’d think twice if he saw you talking with one of the other bachelors. you’re just striking conversation, getting to know everyone a little more.
- even then, you always tell him about it when you’re recapping your day.
- “oh, and then i dropped off one of the items shane requested today, got a nice chunk of change for that—“
- there’s nothing he needs to be jealous about. you’ve made it clear, and so has he.
- now being protective…that’s another story.
- he’s the perfect amount of protective.
- in general, he doesn’t look very intimidating. but he tries his best to make you feel secure if you’re out in public, and a guy keeps hitting on you.
- he knows you can handle yourself…i mean, ur the one who carries around a sword the majority of the time lmfao.
- but if it ever gets to the point where you’ve repeatedly shown disinterest, yet the guy won’t let up, he can step in.
- he’s so casual about it, swooping in by your side, sliding his arm around your waist.
- “you ready to go, honey? i called us a cab,” and he won’t even address the guy at all.
- “hey, we were in the middle of a conversation?”
- then he turns to him, gives him a bored once-over, before shrugging, “i don’t really think she wanted to talk to you, anyways.”
- whether the guy wants to press further is his own problem, because he’s hardly paying attention to what he’s trying to say.
- once you’re out of earshot and he’s finally let you go, he tugs you closer.
- “i’m glad you’re okay. sorry he wouldn’t leave you alone.”
- he’s so sweet you can’t help but smile, “don’t worry about it. thank you.” and he’s kissing your cheek, before actually hailing a cab.
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awek-s-archived · 1 year
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pepprs · 2 years
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meant to post abt this yesterday and ik it’s kinda mean but i think the counselor i have rn is the worst one ive ever had possibly even worse than (or tied w) the one i had over the summer who kept ending our sessions well before the full hour was up when i was going thru a horrible time and kept spending the sessions mostly talking abt herself and her own problems. actually no now that i write that out she was probably the worst (though she was one of the warmest / nicest and our personalities meshedreally well so i feel bad saying that she was the worst). but the one i have now is so…. lke idk. my experience w the worst counselor made me rly want to work w a clinical intern again bc i wanted someone who would like. actuallytake things seriously and give me the time i was paying for and spend all of it talki ng abt the things i was paying to talk abt and draw from the most recent / cutting edge info instead of entirely personal experience (WHICH AGAIN I FEEL SO BAD ABT BECAUSE. my work is all abt healing each other by sharing things like that and i realt did like her but it just wasn’t appropriate i guess bc it was a counseling relationship!) but my current counselor is so… rigid and restrictive. like i think he is trying too hard to apply what he’s being taught and he seems like nervous and talking out of his ass and he masks that by taking up SO much space and spending like 3 minutes responding to every one minute i talk and literally like strongarmimg the convos and deciding what we’re going to talk about and moving us on to a new topic abruptly before i feel ready to move on and like taking time out of our sessions to do paperwork / admin stuff so he doesn’t forget later (and a lot of the time i think he’s doing it while im talking bc i see his eyes moving around his screen and the light on his face like he’s not even listening to me). and it fucking sucks. i want to crack him like an egg so bad and make him realize it doesn’t have to be this way but i know that’s not my responsibility and in our session last night i basically gave up trying to create enough space for myself and just let him steer things bc i was having side effects and it was just rly unsatisfying
#purrs#i know it is entirely within my right to address these things both for my sake and for his / his future clients but im so scared lol like i#don’t want to tell him he’s doing a bad job and making it hard for me to navigate but literally when you keep steamrolling and silencing me#and cutting me off and forcing me around… yeah. also he has to record our sessions and show them to his profs / supervisors and it’s so like#idk. ive been recorded in sessions before and im totally fine w it but there’s 2 things abt this specific instance of it thst distress and#annoy me. 1) when we sign on to our session he says like 2 things to me then starts the recording and is TOTALLY fake and forcing it like#hello tess welcome to our session and he’ll repeat some of the stuff he said but in a more like.. extensive way so it just feels rly fake#to me lol. WHICH ALSO REMINDS ME 1.5) not related to the recording but every time he asks me questions he asks like… 3 questions but doesn’t#give me space to answer the two like it’s just a bridge for him as he&/ working his way to the thing he actually wants to ask me and i#fucking hate when ppl ask me questions and then answer them themselves or like don’t want to hear the answer. i had 2 profs like that in#brighton and it fucking pissed me offff so being around someone who does that again is rly agitating ik it’s just a nervous habit but yeah.#and 2) i am kinda concerned that none of my counselors profs or supervisors have seemed to call him on how he doesn’t give me space or let#me guide the convo. like idk maybe it’s just that all of my counselors before him were too loose w me but i feel like it s not supposed to f#feel this rigid and i am kinda scared abt the implications of no one actually watching these recordings and see how i try to speak but he#almost always talks over me and i just give up. lol. i like him he’s a nice person i just think he’s nervous and trying too hard and it#would be passable for like.. the little kid clients who usually go there but it doesn’t feel good for me a 23 year old who has had like what#6 counselors before him all of whom gave me space and didn’t shove me around. i miss the counselors i had from oct 2020 - jul 2021 and sept#2021 - feb 2022 they were the best ever and i am inches away from terminating here and just trying to go to wherever they are full time now#and working w them again bc they rly got me and i didn’t know how good i had it lol. i guess i don’t need someone as good anymore bc things#in my life are objectively better than they were during those times but my mental health is still bad so i would uhhh… like someone good#and don’t think that’s too much to ask and need to get it into my head that i CAN ask it. ok rant over#*no one actually watching the recordings has seen / pointed out to him how he steamrolls me etc etc
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jaywonjuice · 7 months
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hiii! i saw your requests were open! i was wondering if you could write a jake drabble/scenario where the reader and him get into an argument and instead of making him sleep on the couch, the reader voluntarily does so instead and the aftermath (apologies) afterwards? hopefully that makes sense ☺️ thank you so much in advance and i’m looking forward to it!!
~ 🩵
aaa my first ever request !! :3 tysm for this, i thought it was a rly sweet idea and i rly rly hope you like how the piece turned out !<3
timeless. ~ s.jy
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pairing bf!jake x gn reader
genre angst, fluff, oneshot
warnings verbal fight, physical contact, kissing, mention of drowning
wc 1.27k
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[00:00] you watched as the alarm clock on your nightstand ticked over midnight and beeped into the darkness. you hugged your knees to your chest, feeling as if you were glued to this spot, huddled up in the middle of the bed. a lump began to form in your throat.
he forgot.
you and jake had been dating for a year now, and to be truthful, it was the happiest you had been in a long time. through all the low points he’d been there, from staying up to cuddle with you on the sofa after the long hard days at your stressful job, to wiping away your tears with his gentle touch, refusing to leave your side until he saw you smile again. you honestly had to pinch yourself sometimes to check you weren’t dreaming, that he was really yours - your gorgeous, sweet, golden retriever boyfriend.
but he forgot. he’d forgotten your one-year anniversary. and you knew that it shouldn’t matter to you so much but it did. you’d waited hopefully all day for him to text or call, and when your phone finally buzzed you’d rushed to read the message excitedly.
jake🩶
should still make tn but schedule’s running late, prob won’t get there til like half 12 xxxxxxx
your heart had sunk. you’d really thought he might have something special planned in secret, a surprise date at a fancy restaurant maybe, so you hadn’t brought it up just in case. but now you felt like a fool, hopes crushed. he clearly wasn’t thinking about you. maybe he just didn’t love you anymore.
your spiralling thoughts were cut off abruptly by the sound of the apartment door opening and then latching shut softly. shortly afterwards a shadowy shape appeared standing in the doorway of the bedroom.
‘hey baby,’ said jake with a broad smile. entering the room he flicked the lights on, casually running his fingers through his hair and letting out a contented sigh, as if he hadn’t just crushed your heart. ‘i thought you might’ve been asleep. why are you just sitting here in the dark?’
his smile faltered as he took in your expression. you were staring at him dully with tired eyes. he thought you looked smaller than usual, sat hunched there, blanket wrapped around your shoulders in the middle of the bed. concern flickered across his features. ‘baby, has something happened?’
you scoffed, turning away from him. ‘“has something happened?” no, actually, as a matter of fact absolutely nothing happened all day.’
he regarded you, puzzled. ‘baby i don’t understand,’
‘today was our anniversary, jake,’ you answered him cooly. ‘we’ve been together for an entire year and you didn’t even remember.’
you watched as the realisation crept over his face.
‘oh gosh, yeah, it totally slipped my mind!’ he furrowed his brow, thinking. ‘let’s go to the movies tomorrow, hmm? a proper date, to celebrate,’ he offered with a smile.
‘no,’ you shot back without a moment’s pause. ‘it’s not the same. we can’t just do it tomorrow. it won’t be special, we’ve missed our chance.’
‘what do you mean it won’t be special?’ he scratched his head, clearly growing frustrated with the conversation. ‘we’d be doing the exact same thing just on a different day, it doesn’t make any difference.’
‘jake, this was important to me!’ you were shouting now, unable to remain calm with how easily he seemed to dismiss your feelings.
‘hey don’t yell at me!’ he put his hands up. ‘we can just go tomorrow can’t we?! seriously what is the issue here, all i want is to just be with you-’
‘well i don’t want to be with you!’ you spat.
his jaw worked. something about his gaze shifted, and his eyes hardened. you knew then that you’d hurt him.
‘just forget it,’ you huffed, pushing yourself up off the bed and making to storm out of room. jake stuck his arm out to block the door. ‘look, if you’d just listen-’
‘forget it, i said,’ you repeated yourself, pushing his arm out of the way before adding, ‘you’re good at that.’ with that you left the room, your blanket trailing behind you.
.❦.
[11:44] when you awoke on the sofa the following morning, it was to a sore back and a throbbing head. it had taken you hours to fall asleep and you felt anything but rested. your cheeks felt tight with the stains of dried tears, and as you sat up straight the events of the previous evening flooded your mind.
jake. as you remembered the wounded look on his face at your hurtful words, your heart ached, adding to your long list of pains. ‘such an idiot,’ you groaned, head in your hands.
berating yourself did little to relieve your discomfort however, so you dragged yourself up off the sofa and made your way blearily to the kitchen.
as you reached for the medicine cabinet, something stuck to the fridge caught your eye. a little envelope was tucked under one of your little puppy fridge magnets. removing it carefully, you turned it over in your hands to find your name scrawled on the back.
you opened it up and read:
morning angel,
you know i’m not good with words, but i need you to know how much i love you, and how sorry i am that i hurt you.
i should never have said the things i said. i know now how important this was for you and i should’ve been more understanding from the start.
it’s not that i don’t care, honestly it’s quite the opposite. i just want to celebrate every day that i get to spend loving you. you see, i think we’re timeless baby, no matter how long i’m with you i’m always going to be crazily in love with you, until we’re old and grey. no matter when someone asks me, now or fifty years from now, i’m gonna be telling them that you’re my baby, forever and always.
yours,
jake
p.s. i’m really sorry this is all in writing and not in person, but i had things scheduled all morning that i couldn’t get out of :( i promise i’m gonna make it up to you
p.p.s. i’m also sorry for my atrocious handwriting (you’re right, it does kinda look like a drunk spider slipped in ink and danced across the page)
the sheet of paper trembled in your hands.
‘y/n?’
you looked up with a jolt to see jake stood watching you by the door, his face fraught with concern. your eyes filled with tears as they met his, and he dropped his bags to the floor and rushed over to you. he pulled you into his arms, wrapping them tightly around you.
‘jake,’ you were sobbing into his chest now. ‘jake i’m so sorry. i’m so so sorry.’
‘shhh, i know baby, i know,’ he stroked the back of your head gently. ‘i’m sorry too.’
still a sniffling mess, you continued ‘i do want to be with you, i want to be with you forever and.. i want to be timeless with you.’
you tilted your head up to face him, eyes shining. ‘please,’
he held your face in his hands as he leant in to kiss you, his thumb brushing against your cheek gently. the way he kissed you made you feel like you were both alive and burning all at once, like he was a breath of fresh air, like you were drowning. when he finally pulled away, he smiled, running his thumb along your puffy bottom lip, before replying softly ‘yeah, timeless sounds good to me.’
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pls don’t hesitate to send me requests ! i love writing these sm ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
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©jaywonjuice | do not copy or re-upload my work on any platform
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