Environmentalists//Kiara Carrera x reader

request:

summary: You are an environmentalist who moves to the Outer Banks. When Kiara hears about you, she knows she has to meet you.

warnings: language (1 word lol), fluff, kissing ig

WC: 1,7k

(not my gif, creds to the owner!!!)

You had been planning on moving for a while now. You wanted a quieter life away from big cities and cars honking every two seconds. You hated it. You absolutely hated it. You had known since you were a little girl that this wasn't the life for you.

You were luckily quite wealthy and you had enough money to start a new life somewhere else. When you talked to your parents about moving, they were very supportive of the idea. You told them about where you wanted to move and that you wanted to build your own house there. You had enough money so why not.

So, you quit your job in the city, packed most of your belongings with you and moved to the Outer Banks. Kildare to be specific. The decision to move there wasn’t hard. You had visited the place a few years back and you fell in love with it. It was the most beautiful place to you in the whole world.

When you first arrived there you checked out the property you had bought. The work there had already begun and the fundamentals of the house were already there. It was a good idea to start the process of building before you had even arrived. Your dad had helped you hire a group of people who knew what they were doing but you wanted to hire a few locals as well.

The one thing you decided on was that you wanted to stay on your property while it was being built. So, you rented yourself a caravan to live in.

When JJ and John B saw that there was a really good job opportunity, they decided to take it. The place they needed to work at wasn’t even far away from the chateau so it was the perfect job for them.

“Hey! You’re JJ and John B, right?” you asked the two boys who were walking up to you. They both gave you a confirming nod.

“Yay, I remembered your names,” you giggled. “So the guys are already working over there,” you pointed towards them, “so go over there and ask them what you have to do. And if you want to drink some water or eat some snacks, I set up a table for you all as well. If you have any questions I’ll be in that caravan.”

John B and JJ gave each other a look. It was their first day, they hadn’t even done anything yet, but you were being so unbelievably nice to them. It was something new for them since their other bosses in the past had treated them like shit.

A few months passed and the house was coming together. You had some finishing touches you still needed though. Like solar panels.

You were an environmentalist and doing everything in your power to change the world for the better. But it was hard because humanity had already done so much damage that it was really hard to make anything happen. However, you really tried. Change happens with one person at a time - a sentence you liked to live by.

“Yes, just put them over there for now. We’ll deal with them on Monday. It’s too late anyways. Go home, get some sleep.” You stood by and gave orders as the builders carried the panels one by one. Once they were finished, everyone went home.

“How does she have that much money though? That’s my question,” JJ said, opening the fridge and taking out two bottles of beer, offering one to his friend.

“Her parents are probably rich.” John B shrugged as he took the beer from JJ and popped the cap off.

“Yeah, but like solar panels?”

“What solar panels?” Kie asked as she walked into the kitchen. It was Friday night. That’s when they got together with the pogues to just drink and hang out. Pope was on his way as well.

She hopped onto one of the counters, very interested in the answer that was about to come. “You know that girl who moved here a few months back, our boss?”

“You mean the one who’s building her own house?”

“Yeah, her. She bought solar panels and they arrived today. We’re setting them up on Monday.” Suddenly Kie became very fascinated by her friends’ boss.

“What is she like?” she asked.

“Really nice. The best boss ever, for sure,” JJ said, taking a swig from his bottle.

John B continued. “Umm she’s a few years older than us. Sometimes she sits close where we are, watches us work and just talks to us. She’s an environmentalist, so the house we’re building is really energy efficient. And yes, she’s the best boss. She pays us generously and we get the right amount of breaks. She even gets us snacks and water. I don’t really know, that’s about it.”

“She sounds really cool. Can I come with you on Monday?” Kie asked, a hopeful look on her face. As soon as John B said that you were an environmentalist she knew she had to meet you. There weren’t many girls like you on the island. Plus, you seemed to be super awesome. She could use someone like you in her life.

“Uhh I don’t know.” John B looked at JJ and he looked back at him smirking. “Kie, you haven’t even met her and you’re already crushing on her.”

Kie rolled her eyes. “Ugh, shut up. Can I come or not?”

They agreed, so on Monday Kiara walked to work with them. She was nervous to say the least. JJ had been right. She hadn’t even seen or met you but she was already hooked. She had fixed her hair at least 10 times before getting there.

“Calm down, Kie,” JJ chuckled, patting Kie on the back.

Then she saw you and she swore her heart stopped beating for a second. You were nothing like she had imagined. You were even more beautiful. She loved the way your hair was moving in the light morning breeze or how you smiled and gestured with your hands as you were talking to your employees. It was like your smile was brighter than the sun. She was so invested in watching you, she almost tripped.

To her luck, JJ caught her just in time. “Relax, Romeo.”

As they walked closer, you finally noticed them coming towards you. You were a bit confused, seeing a girl with them. You smiled and waved at them. They waved back.

“Good morning, John B and JJ!”

“Good morning!” The boys said in unison, making you laugh.

“And who are you?” you turned to Kiara with a warm simile. “I’m Kiara,” she introduced herself, offering you a hand to shake which you did.

“I’m Y/N.” Kiara smiled as she repeated your name under her breath.

“Well, we better go...you know...do some work and stuff.” JJ and John B ran off as you and Kiara stayed back.

“So, what brings you here today?” you asked.

“Umm, I’m friends with John B and JJ and they told me a little about you. They told me that you are an environmentalist?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Me too! When they told me about you I knew I had to meet you. There aren’t many activists around here so…”

“They told you about me?”

“Yeah. I heard them talking about some solar panels and then it led to the conversation about you. They told me great things about you.”

You and Kiara talked for almost an hour before she asked if you’d been to her parents' restaurant. You told her that you hadn’t.

“Well, I can take you there if you’d like to.” She was really hoping that you want to.

“Sure, I haven’t had breakfast yet anyway.”

You grabbed your bike and told Kie to sit on the rack of your bicycle. You didn’t have a car and the reason was simple. You didn’t need one. Why buy a car and waste money on gas (which is harmful to the environment) when you could just use your bicycle to get around. The island wasn’t that huge.

Kie was hesitant at first but you told her that you’d get there quicker. Then she finally agreed to get on the bike. “Wrap your arms around me.” Kie’s heart started beating faster as she did so. You were so close to each other now.

You two rode to the Wreck in about 20 minutes. The silence was comfortable around you two. It was like you’d known each other for years. In reality, it’d been an hour. Well, that’s probably what it was like to meet someone you’re so similar to, someone you connect with.

After eating, Kie took you to her favourite places on the island. You two spent the entire day together. You really liked her. She had this specific energy that matched yours. You felt like you had found the one.

The day ended with you two sitting on the edge of a dock, watching the sunset. You leaned closer to Kie and rested your head on her shoulder. It was a beautiful moment. A one you were sure you’d cherish forever.

Kie smiled. She was happy. Like really happy. She hadn’t felt like this in a while. She liked you as well and really hoped that the feelings were mutual. It was a once-in-a-lifetime thing to find a person you liked like this. She had known you for only a day but she could imagine a future with you.

So when you rose your head to look at Kie, she shot her shot.

She pressed her lips against yours and gave you a short and sweet kiss that left her wanting more now once she’d tasted your lips.

When she pulled away, you had a shocked expression on your face. You weren’t expecting that. But you liked the butterflies it gave you.

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry. I thought-”

You shut her up by kissing her again, but this time deeper. The butterflies in your belly flew at a rapid speed as your lips moved against each other. She placed her hand on your cheek to pull you in even closer.

The kiss ended when you ran out of air and needed a breath. Your foreheads rested against each other as you were catching your breath.

This felt right. All of it. You couldn’t wait for what destiny had planned for you two.

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Hi Steph! Would you happen to have any fic recs that involve John meeting the Holmes family? I always think that's such an interesting dynamic to see! Also, I think this goes without saying but I love your blog and appreciate your contributions to the fandom! Thanks!

Hey Nonny!

Ah, thank you! I’m glad you enjoy my blog!

Oooo! Yes, I love that dynamic too!! ANNNNND!!! You’re giving me the chance to make a part 2 for a REALLY OLD LIST!!! So YAY!!! I found a bunch on a text doc I haven’t posted yet, so HERE WE GO! Hope you enjoy, and as always, everyone please add your own!

PARENTS AND FAMILIES Pt. 2

See also: 

Parents & Family

Meeting the Family With a Fake Relationship

Do You Love Me? by whitchry9 (K, 641 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Family, Epic Bromance) – John asks Sherlock perhaps the most important question.

Once Upon A Time by ProfessorSquirrell (T, 908 w., 1 Ch. || Family, Snippets of Life, Romance, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Implied Drug Use, Angst with Happy Ending) – There is a room in Sherlock's mind palace where nothing gets deleted. And it looks like this...

Crisis Averted by Spartangal22 (T, 2,188 w., 1 Ch. || HLV Fic, Missing Scene After Confronting Mary, Canon Compliant, Sherlock Whump / Mary Shot Sherlock, Family / Friendship, Hospitalization, Sherlock POV, Holmes Brothers) – Lying in the hospital, Sherlock receives some surprising visitors, and manages to deal with two problems he's been having lately. A missing scene from HLV about a formal introduction that was never made and a visit that was never shown.

The Only Available Transportation by blueink3 (T, 5,379 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Sherlock, Caring John, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Birthday, Family, Misunderstandings) – It’s possibly the desperation that’s seeped into his voice despite his best intentions, or perhaps it’s just a mother’s intuition, but she knows that whatever he’s calling about is Serious, hangover be damned. “What’s happened?” she asks, tone soft and as comforting as a hot cup of tea on a cold winter’s night. “Mummy,” he begins, voice catching. “I think John may be moving out.”

On the Steadfast Approach of an Oncoming Darkness by 2bee (T, 7,772 w., 1 Ch. || Apocalypse, Minor Character Death, Sort of Parentlock) – The world is ending. Not fast, but slowly, like falling asleep with a fever.

The Name Game by ItsClydeBitches221B (K, 8,958 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Family, Platonics / Friendship, Sort-of Parentlock, John/Mary, Mary is Nice, Five and Ones, Baby Watson, Mycroft Loves Baby Watson) – The names that baby girl Watson comes up with for her extended family. Or: how everyone—Watsons, Holmes, and others alike— just learned to give up and embrace their weirdness.

The Burning of the Leaves by blueink3 (M, 15,915 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Angst, Reichenbach, Parentlock, Past Jolto, Idiot John, Sherlock’s a Mess, Puppies, Fluff, Possessive / Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Matchmaker Sholto, Melancholic Feelings, Emotional Sherlock, Domesticity, Love Confessions in the Rain, Kissing in the Rain, Pet Names) – After the events of series 4, Major Sholto invites John and Sherlock to lunch one day. It nearly proves to be too much for their tenuous relationship as the past haunts the present, putting the future that Sherlock so desperately wants at risk.

Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch. || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier.

Dropping the Act by jadztone (T, 27,258 w., 10 Ch. || Parentlock, Fake Relationship, Mary’s Family, Post-S4, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bed Sharing, Pining, Christmas) – Sherlock and John are quite happy living together with Rosie in Baker St. They might be even happier if they didn’t act towards each other like their love is only platonic. Mycroft brings troubling news in the form of Mary’s parents wanting to know just what their grandchild’s home life is like. The boys decide to spend Christmas pretending like they are in love in order to seem more like a "normal" family. It's easy enough to pretend when all you're doing is dropping the act.

An Acquired Taste by kinklock (E, 31,059 w., 4 Ch. || Vampires AU || Vampire Sherlock, Misunderstandings, Bat!Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Humour, Magical Realism, Fluff and Angst, Blood Drinking, Holmes Family, Slow Burn) – At Montague Street when Sherlock was forced to sate his body’s needs, he was at least able to wander about the flat as much as he pleased. At Baker Street, it was mini-bags in a mini-fridge and bedroom confinement.

Chaperones by MissDavis (T, 34,114 w., 7 Ch. || 11 Years Post-S4, Fake Relationship, Parentlock, Disney World, Bed / Room Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Insecure John) – Right. Of course. Everyone assumed they were a couple and no one would question it. John put his elbows up on the table so he could rest his head in his hands. "You want to pretend to be a couple so we can chaperone a trip to Disney World with Rosie's class and you won't have to share a room with a stranger?" "Exactly." Sherlock beamed at him. "Don't worry about the cost. The Birmingham case last month paid more than enough to cover expenses for all three of us."

Where The Ghosts Have Voices by HappyJuicyfruit (M, 37,691 w., 12 Ch. || Supernatural AU || Ghosts, Magical Realism, Light Horror, Fluff and Smut, John Can See Ghosts, John Whump, Emotional Manipulation, Dark Magic, Coma, Injury Recovery, Blow Jobs, Anal, Happy Ending, John’s Past, Mr Holmes, Powerful John, Holmes Brothers, Sherlock’s Past, Past Viclock, Drug Abuse, Hair Pulling) – John has lived his whole life as an outcast. It is only when he meets Sherlock, that be realizes being a freak might not be such a bad thing, and that the curse he has lived with his whole life may be a gift after all. (TO READ)

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

The Hollow Woman by ScopesMonkey (M, 51,335 w., 22 Ch. || Post-TRF, Major Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Friendship, Family, Angst, Crime, Reunion, First Kiss / Time, Nightmares, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Jealous John, BAMF John, Angry John, Dub-Con, Rough Sex, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Villain Mary, Open Ending) – Forced to return to London sooner than expected, Sherlock falls into a case too close to home. Part 1 of the Hollowverse series

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) –  A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Asexual Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Flashbacks, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Case Fic, Sherlock’s Past, Awkward Conversations, Anxious Sherlock) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

The Wedding Garments by cwb (E, 105,390 w., 36 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Alternate Future AU || Alternate First Meeting, Dating / Arranged Marriages, Romance, First Kiss/Time, Heavy Petting, Cuddles, POV Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn / Falling in Love / Dev. Rel., Nervous/Anxious Sherlock, Jealous/Cranky, Hiking, Vacation Homes / Honeymoon, Sherlock’s Family, Horny John/Sherlock, Patient John, Massages, Hand Jobs, Assassination Plots, Hand Jobs / Oral Sex, Case Fic, Emotional Love Making, Bath Time Fun) – This is the story of a young consulting detective who wants nothing to do with marriage and an army doctor who wants to find true love. It's 2020 post-Brexit England and the British government is encouraging arranged marriages. Candidates meet through state-run agencies and date in hopes of finding love (and tax benefits). Sherlock doesn't need or want a spouse, at least not until John Watson shows up. Hesitant to give in to his more carnal urges because of the way they derail his mind, how will Sherlock progress toward the more intimate aspects of a relationship? The answer lies in a very special wedding gift.

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships) by ShirleyCarlton  (M, 144,688 w., 40 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending) – Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

Not Alone  (F/M)

Pairing: Jaebeom x Reader

Genre: Fluff/Soft smut, oneshot

Words: 2,264

Summary: Jaebeom invites you for a late night date at his newly opened photo exhibition. However, you were completely oblivious to the big surprise he had prepared for you, which left you speechless and made you fall for him all over again.

A/N: Yay I finally posted my longest fic so far! Took me 3 days to write and honestly I thought it was mindblowing when i was working on it for some reason, but I read it again yesterday and I was like “meh”. Anyways, the plot is quite good, so I hope you enjoy it, while I work on your requests! ^^

“Meet me at the cafe at 10:30 tonight" was Jaebeom's message you'd gotten earlier that day, inviting you for a late night date at the cafe which held his newly opened photo exhibition.

The chilly October night breeze made you tighten your jacket around your torso as you reached the small cafe at this quiet side of town. A place that would normally be left unnoticed had it not been for Jaebeom's exhibition. You could only imagine how many fans were gathered there during opening hours, but now there was this calm peaceful aura enveloping the whole building.

Walking through the front door that you figured out was left open for you, your eyes began wandering around. You knew very little of what he had been preparing, having only seen some of the photos he would be using, him not wanting to spoil you the concept.

Honestly you could have never expected anything different from Jaebeom. This was not your average photo exhibition: No fancy frames carefully arranged in clear white, or even dark walls under bright lights. There, you had photos hanging from strings on the ceiling, others being scattered on the wooden floor and some glued on the windows. The walls were plain concrete and looked as if they were once covered with proper paint. It all created an unfiltered, grunge vibe and that was Def, that was Jaebeom.

Lost in this magical aura surrounding you, each photo was now telling a story. Photos from his time on tour last year, which gave you the opportunity to catch small glimpses of life through his eyes, understand the little and unexpected things that inspired him.

"Alone" you traced the black logo on the wall with your hand, smiling bitterly, thinking how Jaebeom was for the most part still a mystery to you. How you hoped you could always be enough for him and wished you were able to take all the burdens off his shoulders.

"There you are" a familiar voice from somewhere behind you made you jump slightly. Turning around you saw him, simply standing there, yet seemingly glowing among his creations, his passion.

"What do you think?" he asked, quickly glancing around while casually walking closer to you, hands in the pockets of his baggy pair of jeans, an oversized white long sleeved shirt completing his outfit for today.

"It's amazing, really, I'm speechless" you spoke excitedly making him smile, his eyes turning into little crescents. You loved that, it was his most sincere smile, the one you knew was coming from deep within his heart.

"I could have never imagined the concept you were planning, yet this is absolutely representative of you." it was your turn to walk closer to him, smiling. The gap between the two of you almost nonexistent. You rested your arms on his shoulders and took a moment to lock eyes with him, no words just his eyes on you and yours on him.

He didn't miss the chance to snake his arms around your waist as he leaned closer, if that was even possible, catching your lips in a sweet and soft kiss, that had you both longing for more. Something about making out surrounded by his photos in the space he had so diligently arranged, intoxicated you, heightened your senses to the maximum.

Pulling away you gazed at him mesmerized by his impact on you.

"So how about we go get some drinks to celebrate your exhibition? I mean, the night is still young." you suggested as you slid your palms down stopping them on his chest.

"I've been meaning to ask you something...That's why I invited you here actually...besides showing you the exhibition I mean..." he was messing up his words, which Jaebeom only did when he was shy or nervous in front of you.

"What is it, baby? Tell me, you're making me nervous." you chuckled and caressed his cheek with your thumb.

You saw him searching for something in his pockets then getting down on one knee in front of you. The moment your mind put two and two together, your heart skipped a beat.

"Jaebeom, what ar-" you never finished your sentence as he opened a small box before you. You gasped, eyes widening, your hands flying to cover your mouth. This was really it.

"Because of you I'm not alone anymore. Will you marry me Y/N? I can't imagine my life without you by my side." he was looking at you with such sincerity, such adoration, that had you melting.

"Oh my God-" you where cut off by a sob as tears were suddenly rolling down your cheeks. "Yes, God yes, I will marry you Jaebeom" You kneeled down too, unable to stop crying no matter how hard you tried to collect yourself.

He took your shaking hand and slipped on the ring. You couldn't tear your eyes away from the shining small diamond on its top. Taking both your hands in his he helped you get up. Still a crying mess, you tried to hide your face away from him thinking you were ruining the mood.

"Come here" he let go of your hands only to softly cup your face with his, wiping away your tears, his features holding the warmest expression.

"I love you... unconditionally...to the moon and back, hell even to the edge of the universe and back." your voice was shacking at that point but you were beaming with joy.

"You're my everything, Y/N." he smiled sweetly at you before passionately kissing you. His hands stayed on your cheeks while your arms hugged him tightly and rested on his back.

"Any thoughts about what kind of wedding we are going to have?" you asked, having calmed down enough, him walking you to sit on some white chairs nearby.

"Something simple, not many people, just family and the boys. We could do it in spring to have the cherry blossoms." he shared his thoughts with you.

"Woah that would be amazing!" your face lit up with excitement at the thought of the fairytale-like scenery those pink tiny flowers created every year during their season. "I want something like this exhibition, simple and honest, because that's you and that is what makes me fall over and over for you." tears where starting to well up in the corners of your eyes again as you spoke and you were sure there were moments when his eyes were glistening too.

"We have all the time in the world to decide on what we want, but for now I don't want you to cry anymore, ok?" he chuckled as your lips began to tremble, but soon you were able to flash him a smile. Then, you pulled him in for yet another hot kiss, his lips molding perfectly with yours.

"What did I ever do to deserve you, Jaebeom?" you rested your head on his chest while hugging him.

"I could ask the same thing, Y/N." he said as he stroked your hair. "So how about those drinks you suggested?" he spoke again after a short pause and came to look at you. That earlier suggestion of yours completely erased from your mind after Jaebeom's proposal.

"I don't want to go now...I just want to be with you...all night, no distractions, just you and me." Jaebeom was able to decipher your words, his gaze instantly filled with lust.

"Let's get back to my place then, shall we?" he raised his eyebrows, waiting for your answer. By "his place" meaning his apartment overlooking the Han river, that had become your second home, where you'd be moving in soon.

"Wouldn't want to waste another second" you got up eagerly, your hand in his as you walked outside in the crisp night air.

You hailed a cab and the ride seemed torturing slow. The tension between you and Jaebeom growing, with his hand constantly on your thigh.

He'd barely managed to kick his front door shut once you entered the apartment, before you were all over each other. He pinned you against the door, kisses burning like fire and you just wanted more. Soon, his lips were on your neck, hands on your waist, while you ran your fingers through his hair. When he pulled away, you quickly got rid of your jacket, then in between sloppy kisses, step after step towards the bedroom you helped undress one another, clothes scattered in a trail along your way, until you'd reached the foot of the bed in nothing but your underwear.

You climbed on the bed on your knees, back facing him as you moved your hair to your front. Jaebeom knowing exactly what you wanted, came right behind you and started kissing your shoulders, sliding off your bra straps, before you felt his hands unclasping it and throwing it somewhere on the floor. With his lips now just below your ear, his hands moved ever so slow over your body, one resting on one of your breasts, the other one making its way past your abdomen. He was giving you goosebumps, as he began massaging your mound, toying with your nipple, a low moan was bound to leave your lips.

You let out a louder moan when two of his fingers applied pressure on your clothed clit. "Are you enjoying it, my love?" he whispered above your shoulder and you sighed, once you heard that name, that name he called you only during your most intimate moments, that name which indicated he was focusing solely on you.

His fingers working in a circular motion, while his hand moved to your other mound, had you throwing your head back on his shoulder, giving him better access to your neck, which he wasted no time in littering with kisses.

You reached behind, between your bodies to palm his growing bulge, earning yourself a grunt from him.

You kept pleasuring each other, to the point where the arousal became unbearable for both of you. Whines, moans and groans all mixing together, creating an erotic atmosphere.

"Jaebeom I want you, I need you..." you moaned, aching for more. He listened to you, turning you around and lowering you on the sheets all while kissing you deeply for the umpteenth time that night. Within seconds you'd both got rid of your underwear and you were spreading your legs for him to rest between them, once he'd rolled on a condom, propping himself on his forearms on either side of your head.

You moaned in unison when he entered you, one arm traveling down his back, your other hand fisting his hair, while his lips trailed down from your collarbone to your chest. You closed your eyes, already breathing hard when he bottomed out, the feeling of him stretching out your walls was driving you insane.

He began moving yet maintaining a slow pace. "I was thinking...we could go...to Jeju for our honeymoon" it wasn't unusual to engage in small talk when he made love to you and tonight was no exception. "You know...just you, me and the sea" he finished his sentence with a grunt.

"You've...you've already thought about it all?" you moaned then smiled at the thought of him planning everything out in his mind.

"If you don't like that" he paused to kiss your neck as he re-entered you. "we could go...to Paris. After all it is...the city of romance...and I've always wanted to visit it with you." he continued in between moans.

"Well now you're making...you're making it difficult for me to choose" you sighed in pleasure. "But I believe...Paris would be better" another moan left your lips. "I mean...we could go to Jeju anytime, but there...we can be totally on our own...so far away from here" you held him closer to you as if there was still space between your bodies.

"Paris it is then...my love." he kissed you hungrily, his tongue invading your mouth, as his hips thrust forward making you whimper.

"Can we...like get a loft overlooking the city?" you were already daydreaming about the honeymoon.

"Anything you want Y/N" he latched his mouth on one of your breasts and began sucking it, the sensation: euphoric.

"Are you close yet, love?" he mumbled over your skin and moved to your other breaths repeating his previous actions. You hummed in response and ended up moaning because of his tender lips on you.

He picked up his pace and the sounds of  the two of you filled the room. The knot in your stomach getting tighter and tighter until Jaebeom's release with a deep moan send you over the edge, white blurring your vision. His name, being the only word you could say at that point, fell from your lips over and over.

You were both trying to catch your breaths when he pulled out.

"Do the boys know anything about all this?" you asked him when he walked out the room to get something to clean you up with.

"Yes and you should know they were over the moon when I told them I would be proposing." you both chuckled at his response.

After you were all cleaned up, he came to lie next to you pulling you into his arms under the covers. You focused on his steady heartbeat and soon you were struggling to keep your eyes open. "Goodnight, Jaebeom" you yawned

"Goodnight my future misses Im." he kissed your hair as you snuggled him.

RFA+Minor Trio Celebrating New Years Eve w/MC

I hope you enjoy it! It kind of sucks but it’s my first one...so pls bear with me! (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ 

                                       ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  !!WARNING!! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

                     !!PROFANITY AND SLIGHT MENTION OF NSFW!!

☆Yoosung☆

☆Everyone agreed on staying more lowkey for this year’s New Years and decided to stay home instead of doing their traditional New Years Eve get together party. Especially with the pandemic... it would be safer to stay home...

☆ Yoosung and you didn’t mind as you’d get to stay home being all lovely and touchy with each other. You two planned to chill playing LOLOL till 10 PM and have a mini party with just the two of you and Lisa waiting for the big count down on TV with an enormous box of fried chicken.

☆ Yes, that was the plan until...Yoosung had to whine about wanting to play a few more rounds. You gave in to his adorable begs and played a couple more rounds.

  ☆ Looking up to check the time after playing what only felt like two rounds, your heart dropped. It had past 12, the countdown that had only come once every year has passed as you stayed playing games- something you could do anytime, any day. Yoosung doesn’t notice the darkened expression on your face and continues to blabber on about his new favorite equipment. Yoosung stop...

☆ He stops talking, as he takes off his headset when he notices your silence and follows your heartbroken gaze up to the clock. The longer needle directly pointing at the 12 and the smaller pointing at the 20. He gasps, unable to close his mouth before shaking his head back into reality. He carefully reaches out to your cold hands before begging for forgiveness, “Baby I’m so sorry- I had no idea...” He knew how much you had looked up to this New Years Eve- the first New Years Eve you would spend with him, the New Years Eve you had talked about for 3 days straight on how perfect you wanted it to be. 

☆ You let out a helpless sigh before holding his hand, “It’s fine, really” you smile as he brightens back up standing up to lean towards you. He pecks your lips before a smug grin appears on his face, “It’s not too late to celebrate now.” You flush red as he pulls you into a deep make out session before he screams, “YAY ITS 2021!!!!” What the fuck, just ruined the moment there Yoosung... ಠ益ಠ

☕️ Jaehee ☕️

☕️ The timer on your phone rings as you and Jaehee jump up from the couch in excitement and rush over to the oven where the cookies you two have baked spread the scent of chocolate around the house. When Jaehee looks away to get plates , hallucinated by the sweet smell you reach out to the oven without second thought . “MC!” Jaehee yelps as she grabs your wrist, an inch away from the flaming hot oven. 

☕️ Startled you back away, “I’m so sorry I don’t know what I was thinking.” you reply still surprised on what you were about to do. She ruffles your hair, pinching your cheeks as she laughs, “Why’re you apologizing? Let me see your hand.” she lets out a sigh of relief when your small soft hands are clean from any burns. She grabs her oven mittens and take out the fresh batch of cookies.

☕️ You follow her into the living room where you put in Zen’s special New Years musical DVD. Jaehee holds your hands together quickly placing a kiss on it before blushing and looking away. “Be careful next time, I don’t want you to get hurt...” you giggle as you laugh at her adorable bright red face before nodding in agreement. 

☕️ You both sit down waiting for the plate of cookies to cool down as you both fangirl over Zen, a duvet over the both of you cuddling. You whisper a suggestive and gentle, “Happy New Years” before Jaehee places a quick peck on your cheek as she immediately looks away after, embarrassed. You giggle gently shifting her to look at you as you place a kiss on your adorable Baehee. ♥‿♥

🎤 Zen 🎤

🎤 You rub your eyes sitting up to see that you’ve been sleeping like a mess diagonally, thankfully though, the bed was a king sized and you were fairly petite so it didn’t really matter. Except, Zen was no where to be found on the bed. You brush it off as Zen was always an early riser. You head to the bathroom connected to the bedroom to freshen up. After brushing your teeth and hair, you wash your face. Looking at the mirror you blush, you’re wearing Zen shirt, only 3 buttons barely holding together from exposing your body. But you don’t remember putting it on after yesterdays interesting events with Zen so he must’ve dressed you when you were sleeping...

🎤 You get dressed in a comfy sweater dress because you know Zen will avoid you all day trying to contain the beast if you go out in his button up shirt. You close the bedroom door to be astonished when you look up to see the decorated living room. Lettered balloons writing out “Happy New Years”, confetti all over the apartments wide living room with Zen coming out of the corner with a party hat on his head. He kisses your forehead, “Jagiya good afternoon!~”

🎤 Something overwhelms you as happy tears swell in your eyes, Zen is flustered as he rushes to put down the plate of fruits in his hands and pulls you into his arms. “Thank you so much. I must’ve saved the world in my past life to deserve you...” He laughs as he brings your face closer into his lean build. You hug him for ten minutes straight and ask with a baffled expression, “But wait what time is it exactly? Good afternoon?!” He scratches the back of his neck wondering if he should really tell you, “3...PM...”

🎤 You stagger back before screeching, “THREE PM?”  He lifts your chin up to see your eyes, “To be fair I did keep you up all night.” your face turns red as you refuse to answer him. He scoffs before guiding you to the couch, “It doesn’t matter that you woke up super late. It actually gave me more time to decorate. Now let’s celebrate our first New Years Eve together babe~” He was right, and you didn’t really care that you woke up at three in the afternoon, just a little guilty he had to set this up all by himself. But either way you were super thrilled and touched that he’d taken so much time and effort to make your first New Years Eve with him the best. You kiss him thank you once again as he gets flustered, stumbling away to contain the beast.

🎤 Bonus: It took Zen 30 minutes trying to dress you in his shirt. One minute trying to dress you, another minute looking away with a flustered face as he apologizes to god. Back and forth, and barely manages to dress you...✌♫♪˙‿˙♫♪✌

♛Jumin ♛ 

♛ Let’s pretend the covid doesn’t exist here...You explain to Jumin about how excited you were for the first New Years Eve with him and you only. He doesn’t really see the point of celebrating New Years Eve. However regardless of what he thinks, he books a private jet so he can bring you to see the big countdown in New York. He’s just thrilled to see you so excited for something and is willing to do anything to make the day as perfect as you wish it to be.

♛ You’re SO-SO- surprised when he wakes you up five in the morning, telling you to get up and dressed for the private jet waiting for them outside. You haven’t known about this AT ALL! Either way you didn’t want to waste his money so you and Jumin fly to New York City first thing in the morning, barely keeping yourself awake.

♛ After spending the entire day eating delicious food, visiting intriguing landmarks, and relaxing at the luxury hotel suite it was finally around 11 pm when the countdown was soon gonna start. He makes sure you’re in warm clothing as he wraps a scarf around your neck. He holds your waist to keep you close to him as your eyes twinkle on the big screen of the countdown. He quietly laughs as he watches you without you noticing him. The entire crowd begins to countdown when the clock is at 10 seconds. You countdown along with the crowd as Jumin just watches you as he thinks you’re adorable. 

♛ “10!, 9!, 8!, 7!, 6!, 5!, 4!, 3!, 2!, 1!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!” You pull on his tie and stand on your tippy toes to peck him on the lips. You blush as you brightly smile at him and look away quickly after. He stands still startled at first before he gently pulls your arm and leans in for a warm French kiss. Before you know it you’re on live TV on a channel as a camera records the both of you. 

♛ When you go back home a couple days later, the RFA can’t stop making fun of the two of you, you’re embarrassed and hides from all of them for the next couple days while Jumin is just proud he had showed you off. (n˘v˘•)¬

👓 Saeyoung 👓

👓 You’re upset to wake up, Saeyoung not next to you on the bed. He’d probably stayed up working again...even if he was piled with work he’d always make time for you except for the past 3 days. You understood as you assumed work had become incredibly overwhelming this time. Although, you’re a little upset because you were hoping to celebrate New Years with him. You put a long fluffy cardigan over your strapped night gown. You freshen up in the bathroom before heading out to the living room. It was chilly in the house, worried for Saeyoung you go down into the basement where you find to see the door is locked. You bang on the door, “Saeyoung?” 

👓 He seems to be awake already, his voice sounds like he is genuinely surprised as he says “I’ll be there in a bit!” He opens the door blocking your view from the room. You frown crossing your arms below your bosom before bursting into giggles when you see his worried expression. “Come on Sae, what’re you hiding? Let me see!” you try to jump up in attempt to get a glance but he’s too tall. “Just a bit later!” he laughs as he bops his finger gently on your nose. You jokingly act pissed before muttering fine. Suddenly Saeran comes from behind Saeyoung screaming, “ARGGG IM SO DONE!” he shoves his way through Saeyoung and heads upstairs. You take the chance to steal a glance, you see balloons everywhere, everything themed galaxy. But before your eyes explore more Saeyoung hugs you as he buries your face into his red shirt. You can feel his abs through the thin cloth.

👓 “Woahh!! C'mon let’s go up babe” he continues to walk up as you both struggle to waddle up the stairs still hugging. He suddenly picks you up like a princess and places you back on the bed. “Promise me you won’t come down until I’m done with...something?” you sigh before breaking into a smile, “Fine.” He pecks your cheeks thanks before heading down again.  

👓 You chill watching TV with ice cream on the couch with Saeran. You flood Saeran with questions like ‘Can you pretty please give me hints?’ ‘What were you doing down there?’ ‘Did you guys stay up all night?’ When he ignores everything you say you pout and quietly watch the TV again. 

👓 Later, it’s already night and Saeyoung finally runs up the stairs to hug you in his warmth. He pecks you on the lips and blushes as he says, “Sorry I made you wait long.” You pretend to wonder either to forgive him or not before saying, “Depends, let me see what you did first.” you smile as he immediately picks you up in his arms. He whispers in a seductive voice, “Don’t open your eyes until I say so.” You nod and smile nervously. Saeran follows you both into the basement.

👓 You feel your bum on something extremely soft as he whispers, “Open your eyes.” You slightly flutter your eyelashes as you peak up and around the room. In front of you is a big screening of the galaxy. Everything is magical and astonishing, you can’t take your eyes off of it all. Then you gasp, Saeyoung kneels down in front you neatly in a suit with his glasses hanging on the pocket of his shirt. He takes a quick cute little breath before saying...”Will you marry me?”

👓 You burst into tears as you can’t stop crying. You take a moment to take deep breaths so you can talk. You nod furiously, “Of course!!!” He smiles brightly, his bright pearl teeth showing as he brings you into a hug before kissing you with tongue. You hear Saeran whisper ew in the background but you also can see a slight grin on his face. New Years Eve celebration? Psshh, you didn’t need that. You were so thrilled your heart couldn’t stop pounding. You loved this man in front of your eyes so dearly. He stayed up 4 days straight to prepare such a wonderful proposal for you. You held onto him so tightly for dear life as if he would disappear if you didn’t. You wipe his tears of joy before he wipes yours. You would never forget about this day...♪ ♬ ヾ(´︶`♡)ﾉ ♬ ♪

👓BONUS: MY OWN HEADCANON MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH SAEYOUNG EVEN MORE...Vanderwood is dead on the floor after Saeyoung forced him to help him with no sleep for 4 days straight凸(¬‿¬)

🌚 Saeran 🌚

🌚 It was 8 pm, New Years Eve you were explaining all the fun things you and Saeran could do but Saeran rather seemed indifferent as he slumped back in his chair, drumming with his fingers on the table. You frown at his rather uninterested replies, you had even dressed in a white ruffle nightdress despite it being unbelievably uncomfortable.

🌚 You’re slightly disappointed but you also don’t want to show him you’re upset not wanting to force him into doing stuff he doesn’t want to do. You gently whisper, “It’s fine if you don’t want to do anything. I’ll be in bed.” you don’t see his surprised expression when you walk into your shared bedroom with him. 

🌚 He walks into the room as you put down your phone. You were watching memes. He sits down on the side of the bed as you lean your head against his shoulder. He stutters nervous to say, “Um... so shit, how do I say this. I wasn’t trying to be indifferent I was just nervous...because I have something for you. Sorry...” Your eyes light up and you smile so brightly you can’t even hide it- you don’t even make an attempt to hide it. 

🌚 You startle him when you immediately don’t hesitate to jump on his muscular back, wrapping yourself on him. “Well? Bring me to this little surprise of yours!”  you giggle as he scoffs and holds your legs to secure you. He stands up to bring you up to the rooftop?

🌚 You notice to see a telescope as you gasp in amusement. “Wow...” you don’t hesitate to run over and peak your eyes through the telescope and watch the stars before you pull Saeran as you both fit your eyes through the big glass. You laugh pointing out all the interesting and astonishing stars. “Thank you” you mutter still amazed. He takes off his coat and places it over your thin nightgown as he attempts to snuggle into your chest but he’s too tall. 

🌚You eventually fall asleep on the bench on the rooftop so Saeran carries you back into bed where he falls asleep next to you. ★~(◡‿⊙✿)

♧ Jihyun ♧

♧ You feel someone petting your head on the table when Jihyun takes his hand away flustered as soon as you wake up. He clears his throat and pretends to read his book attempting to keep his composure. You smile gently pulling his arm to kiss him on his lips. “Sorry I fell asleep while reading.” you blush as you fiddle with his sleeve. “Why are you apologizing? No worries.” He smiles, tucking a strand of your hair behind. 

♧ You and V didn’t care for New Years Eve at all. You both just spent the day just like any other day, loving each other without missing out a single second. You then come up with an idea, “You haven’t gone out for a long time! Let’s go out to the greenhouse!” He laughs as he gently ruffles your hair, it’s almost ticklish at out lightly he’s doing it afraid to hurt you. “If that’s what you want to do.” You help him grab his cane as he opens the backdoor. 

♧ You can immediately smell the scent of fresh flowers, each one you and Jihyun have planted personally together. He did most of all the work. He holds your waist and carries his cane with the other hand. He doesn’t really have to use it because he’s already so familiar with the garden. You lean your head against his strong and tall build before crouching down by a pot. “Wow look we planted this last week! It already has a sprout!” you help his finger gently touch it as he smiles. “I’m going to go get the watering can, wait here!” he nods as you search for the watering can before whimpering in pain at your finger that has slashed against a piece of broken glass. He rushes over to you so quickly he is able to immediately find you with his hands and pull you into his arms. “What happened? Are you okay darling?” 

♧ “I’m okay. I almost tripped that’s all.” he can smell your blood and holds onto your hand before feeling a streak of blood. “Where are you hurt really?” You blush embarrassed from your failed attempt of hiding your pain. “I cut my finger but I’m okay.” He holds your waist as he guides you back into the house, sitting you down. He takes a quick breather before he smiles, “I’m scared because you always try to hide your pain from me.” 

♧ “That’s not true! I just didn’t want you to...worry.” He bandages up your finger, pulling you into a hug “But we said we wouldn’t keep anything from each other. However, there’s something I have also kept from you...” You look up curious and kind of nervous awaiting his next words. “I’m going to get surgery for my eye.” 

♧ You’re so surprised, you knew he didn’t want it at first, so why so suddenly? You caresses his cheeks, “Because I’m so damn clumsy, and you can keep your eyes on me?” he nods as you frown, crossing your arms with a small “hmph” he must’ve heard you because he didn’t hesitate to apologize, “Ah sorry, I was joking...” You’re so startled, why was this man so kind? You giggle, “I was joking as well.” he rests his head on your lap “Actually I want to get this surgery because I  want to be here for you, and I know I can do more of that when I get my sight back. Are you okay with this?” He’s so damn surprised when you fall to the floor next to him and slightly sit on your knees to kiss him. “Of course! I’ll support you no matter what.” he’s touched by your words and pulls you into another kiss. ★~(◡ω◡✿)

🧸 Vanderwood 🧸 

🧸 He’s a teddy bear just because “So why’re we doing this...” Vanderwood faces down in shame as you scoot him over to sit next to him and turn on the Boogle meet. “What do you mean ‘why are we doing this’ silly. This is a safe and great way to interact with other people during quarantine!” You turn on your camera and mute your mic as you enter the room. Jaehee and Jumin are the only ones on so far, Jaehee with her camera facing the roof of her kitchen and Jumin’s camera in his neat apartment as he sits with Elizabeth the 3rd like a statue. Nobody really wants to be here except for you and Seven but they all agree to because you desperately want to and they all give in to you.

🧸 “Hi Juju! Hi Jaehee!” Jumin is taking aback as he quickly says, “I have told you not to call me that-...” he sighs as if saying ‘whatever’ when you pretend to be sad. He forgets to mute his mic afterwards but his house is extremely quiet and he doesn’t talk so it doesn’t really matter.  “Hello MC. I’d like to say this was rather quite an intelligent idea.” 

🧸 “Aw thanks Jaehee!” Jaehee also forgets to mute her mic afterwards, these two Boogle idiots. Soon after everyone begins to join and you introduce them to your boyfriend Vanderwood. Everything is utter chaos and you can’t help but regret this. Saeyoung even hacks the meeting at one point making everyone sound like demons. When Yoosung is drunk and begins to rant about V being here, you decide to leave. You look next to you, Vanderwood has left the chat his soul looks like it’s escaped his body.

🧸 “Thanks for doing this, I know you hate interacting with other people.” you peck him on the lips as his face flushes red. “It was okay...at least it was through a screen...”

🧸 “Still...I’ll make it up to you.” You kiss him as you push him down on the sofa until you’re interrupted with “MC! NO! ALL MEN ARE WOLVES!” You realize in fact that you’ve not left the meeting, flustered you immediately click ‘End Call’ You and Vanderwood awkwardly refuse to look at each other before he leads you to continue what you were doing. (●´ω｀●)

Genki: Mai’s Short Story & the Love Conflict

I’m really sorry for this veeeeery late update. A lot of things happened in between, however, I’m so happy to finally be able to share this to you!! I’ve been poring over this short story, rekindling my motivation and delving into the GH world again with a lot of nostalgia.

A heartfelt thank you to @csakuras​ for helping me with some blurry kanji a few years back (this really is a long time coming, sorry T_T). I wrote my thoughts posted after the Notes here about 3 years ago, and I still think the same so nothing much was changed except some elaborations. 

I will still be busy due to online classes, but I have restarted on Bou-san’s story. I will come back with his story next time~ 

Enjoy reading~ 

(Extra Note: The line breaks always disappear when I have people tagged correctly, so I just used dashes instead T_T)

GENKI

"Kazu-chan~" A penetrating voice chased from behind while she was walking the street. 

Kazumi turned around as she was pulling up her wet hair. She sighted a girl's figure, rushing over in a jog, illuminated by the street light. "Halloo, Taniyama~ Welcome back." 

"Thank you~" 

Kazumi halted and waited for the girl running up to her. 

"Kazu-chan, were you from the public bath? Going back home?"

"Yeah—You're back quite fast. Didn't you go to Narita?" 

"Nope, I didn’t. I just saw him off at the hotel lobby." 

She kept pace with the girl who walked alongside her. The young lady inhabited the same apartment as her. Her name was Mai Taniyama, and she was Kazumi’s junior in high school. After spending a year and a half across from each other, it felt like they were sisters already.  

"Isn’t that so businesslike?" 

"He told me not to come along with him to Narita." 

"How cold-blooded." 

"Oh, right. Lin-san and Mori-san went with him though." 

"Heeh—You look so cheerful."

"Hehe~ You can tell?” Mai said and smiled. Kazumi was a bit relieved after seeing that smile. Since Mai looked a bit down these days, it felt like a weight had been lifted off Kazumi’s chest when she saw the former’s carefree smile for the first time in a while.

"I can. Did something good happen?”

"Yup." Smiling, Mai went ahead into the entrance of their apartment building. 

Mitsuko the landlady, who flung the door of her room open and admitted the night breeze, greeted, "Welcome home."

"Thanks, good to see you~" 

Because the apartment complex was such an old building, they would take off their shoes at the public entrance, put them in the communal shoe shelf, and come up the hallway.

The wooden two-story building was furnished with six tatami mats and a sink in each room. There was no balcony, and it was not equipped with a modular bath either. Nowadays, not many people wanted to live in this kind of apartment building. If there were no contract between this apartment complex and Kazumi’s alma mater as well, it would have become a residence for old people living alone or for foreign workers at this time.

"Oh, has Kazu-chan also arrived with you?" the old landlady asked while stroking a cat.

"Yes, she's back too."

The old school was a 10-minute walk from the apartment. It was quite a large private school that taught elementary to senior high school.

There were no dormitories, but there was a system called specified lodgings; the school took responsibility for two-thirds of the rent at the apartment complex it had designated. This apartment building was that sort of specified lodging house too, and eight female students were currently living in it. Among the remaining four rooms, the landlady Mitsuko lived in one, and former students like Kazumi inhabited the other three rooms. 

"I have chilled pepos. Come and get some."

When Mitsuko said that, Mai beamed. The pepo Mitsuko spoke of was a melon, by the way.

"Yay~ Thank you, Grandma."

This expression must be what they call a ‘sparkling smile,’ Kazumi thought while gazing at Mai who cheered out loud and peered into Mitsuko’s room. It was a carefree, honest smile. In particular, Mai was not exceptionally beautiful, yet for some reason she drew attention when she smiled. Even when she didn’t smile, you wouldn’t get tired of her expressive countenance. Perhaps that was the reason she was popular among the boys, but it was funny that the person in question was completely unaware.

"Thank you~"

"You’re welcome."

Following Mai who waved her hand, Kazumi bowed to Mitsuko. Kazumi extremely liked the liberal Mitsuko who had a native Tokyoite temperament. That was the reason she didn’t leave the antiquated apartment building even though she had graduated.

"Let's eat it together," Kazumi suggested while climbing the stairs at the end of the hallway, and Mai nodded.

"Yeah, but can I take a bath before that?”

"Sure. I'll wait for you.”

"I'll go in haste. You can time me."

"Even if you don't hurry up, I won't eat your share."

"Since you’re gluttonous, I don't believe you~"

“How dare you say thaaat." She pretended to nudge her gently, and Mai dashed to her own room with a laugh. I'm glad she seemed to have cheered up, Kazumi mused as she opened the door of the room across.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Heh. Then, you can continue working there?" Kazumi inquired, while cutting the melon they received from Mitsuko into pieces; she visited Mai’s room whose owner returned from the bathhouse. 

"Yup."

"That’s a relief, isn’t it? It'll be painful if you lose that job after all."

Once Mai, who had been drying her hair, turned off the blow dryer, insect noises could be heard faintly through the window. "I can work something out just to support myself though."

"As I thought, you're thinking about college, aren't you?"

"Yeah. When I think about the distant future, I want to finish college at least."

Kazumi had no parents. She stayed at her aunt’s house, but in senior high she enrolled into her former school which gave a lot of assistance to self-supporting students. The same happened to Mai; she was born in Kanagawa, and she neither had parents nor relatives. Like Kazumi, she asked for aid to self-supporting students and enrolled in the old school. 

"It is better to graduate from a university. It's the only qualification we can count on after all." Kazumi also worked her way through college. Now she's working as an interpreter.

"Riiight?"

"Or else, would you rather become a medium?"

Mai held the spoon in her mouth and waved a hand. "No, no. I'm not at that level."

"But you’re not so bad at that sort of job, aren’t you?”

When Kazumi said that, Mai smiled awkwardly a bit. "I wonder about that."

"Stiiill. Didn't you perform an exorcism the other day?”

"Yes. I did. ...But you see..."

"Yes, and?”

Mai put her spoon down and leaned against the wall. "Lately, I’ve been wondering exactly how much of it was my own power."

"Isn't it alright as long as you fall asleep?"

"Yeah. That’s the case, but..."

"But?”

"About that, I... wonder to what extent do I owe it to Gene. I think about how much I'm capable of with just my own power and without Gene."

"I see..."

"Gene is no longer here... so I might return to being originally useless."

"That's not going to happen."

"I wonder about that~"

Kazumi flashed a knowing smile. "If that doesn't work, you can quit being a medium and become someone's wife instead, perhaps."

Mai let out a laugh. "Whose wife?”

"The younger brother’s."

"No, no."

"Maybe there's hope for you? How about you try to make a move? Although you gripe about him, he’s not that bad even for you, is he?”

“ ‘He’s not that bad,' you say?”

"Not bad at all, so as I was saying, don't you like him?"

Mai tilted her head. "To be honest, I'm not sure. I got angry at him many times, but I definitely didn't hate him," she said and stared at her face that was reflected on the spoon. "...Yet, I always prefer a kinder person rather than a mysterious one who may be surprisingly sweet..."

Kazumi gave a wry smile. She could understand Mai's feelings. Long story short, Mai was starving for tender love because she had no relatives. "A kind person is kind to anyone. You know that, don't you?”

"Yeah," said Mai with a nod. "For sure, I think Gene would help anyone even if it's not me. Actually, he went to comfort Masako before.”

"Being kind or not is a matter of the said person’s temperament in the end. You can’t choose a partner despite having some different standards. You yearn for a person who's kind only to you, but in reality there's no one like that."

"Yeah. It's probably different if it's your family though."

Kazumi smiled bitterly. "Even family members aren't always kind. I understand your longing for a family, but truth be told I think they’re not all that nice."

"Is that so..."

"Not to mention, it's not good to seek familial love from a lover. Especially since yours is an idealized familial love. That will just make you cry."

"Is that so," Mai muttered. Kazumi grew somewhat disconcerted because Mai became noticeably despondent.

"...Well, life is long after all. You'll meet a lot of people in the future, and someday the right person will show up. The time for marriage starts when you're nearly 30, so you don't have to hurry."

Mai puffed up her cheeks. "That's not the issue."

"Hm?”

"Well, I would be happy if I become so close with the person I like, but that is not what's important."

Kazumi blinked and returned Mai’s gaze.

"It will be laughed off as a girl's pastime once I speak about such a thing, yet when I think of the person I like, I somehow feel cheerful and so warm. I think it's amazing to have something to instinctively stick to."

"Oh, Oooh—I guess you're right."

"Wanting a boyfriend or a husband and falling in love with someone are entirely different, I think. Sure, Gene might be someone I can't meet again. But since there's no chance he'll become my boyfriend, I have forcibly resigned myself to that fact. So don’t you think it's preposterous to search for another person?”

Kazumi gazed at the girl who had straightforward eyes.

"I feel warm when I think of Gene. When I think that he might be watching over me from somewhere, I imagine him saying, ‘Do your best.’ That's why Gene is precious to me. I don't feel like it's necessary to forget him or to look for the next person."

Kazumi laughed faintly. "You're a child, Taniyama."

"Ah, you're horrible."

She smiled at the sulking Mai. "You're an honest, good kid," she said, which bewildered the latter. "You should stay the same when you grow up. Don't become an adult."

"Isn't it bad if I don't become an adult?"

"It's fine not to. That is if you can properly fulfill your responsibilities and think of other people's situations. When it comes to something like that, it's irrelevant whether you're an adult or a child. After all, it's equally necessary for people to continue living decently."

"That's true, but—"

"That's why, grow up as you are. You don't have to become an adult like me."

"Kazu-chan, are you complimenting me? Or are you criticizing me?”

"I'm totally complimenting you."

“I wonder if you're telling the truth~"

"I am," Kazumi said with a laugh. I suppose it might actually be an insult to this girl to wish, for example, that the right person will appear soon and make her happy, she thought.

Mai was a child who could at least seize her own happiness by herself. What Kazumi should do when she was unusually disheartened or when she became pessimistic might be to say, 'It's unlike you,' and pat her shoulder.

"I like you, Taniyama."

"You're being strange..."

"I'm telling the truth. As evidence, I'll give you this sliced melon. This piece is a P-R-O-O-F of my love for you."

"Ha, I won't be lured by that!" 

"Oh, you're hard-boiled."

"Hahaha. Even if I look like this, I have a cool and tough character~"

"Yeah. You may be cooler than an excited wild boar."

"Whaaat?"

Laughter resounded in that small room. From the window, a breeze that slightly smelled of autumn slipped in.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Notes:

Genki (元気)= means “cheerful, energetic, or healthy.” I chose not to translate it into one meaning only since the word itself carries a lot of nuances.

Public bath (お風呂)=the word can also mean “bath or bathhouse”

Narita (成田)=can either refer to Narita City or Narita International Airport (most likely the latter based on context). 

Junior (後輩)=means a younger student (it doesn’t mean a 3rd year in high school here)

Businesslike (ドライ)=can also mean “unemotional, unsentimental”

Modular bath (ユニットバス)=type of bath that is quickly and easily installed

Specified lodgings/lodging house (指定下宿)=a common system in Japan, the lodgings can either be built for the purpose or assigned by the school near it

Pepo (ウリ)=another word for “melon, gourd, or cucurbit” but used here as a general term for melon (メロン).

Native Tokyoite (江���っ子)=someone born and grown up in Tokyo

Kanagawa (神奈川)=refers to Kanagawa Prefecture

Naru is referred as the younger brother here, but as @csakuras​ revealed in another short story, that wasn’t truly the case

Preposterous (本末転倒)=this compound word also means “getting priorities confused or wrong”

The “I” (オイラ）Mai used in “I won’t be lured by that!” is usually used by old rural folks.

Hard-boiled (ハードボイルド) basically means someone tough or ruthless.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thoughts:

Hope—I think that is what Ono-sensei honestly wanted to channel through Mai's story. She'd said before in a pamphlet that she'd initially thought of Mai and Naru ending up together, and I don't think she’s changed her mind. (She didn't write that ending because she said she couldn't write a romance story, not that she didn't plan them to be together [she does have all those romantic clues/innuendos littered all over the novels lol and doesn't regret writing any of them]. Besides that, she didn't want to make it seem like it's the end for the characters or the GH world. You know those stories which end when the main leads get together? Yeah, she doesn’t want such a conclusive end.) What she did with Gene-Mai-Naru situation was look at it at a realistic point of view, as she always had despite writing in horror/supernatural/paranormal genre with usually Japanese schoolgirls as fans (some who were said to have sadly, literally threatened to burn her house when volume 8 went down the way it went, unsatisfactorily for them) before. 

You see, the difference between Mai and Masako was that Mai's situation was complex. If, say, Mai didn't dream about Gene and never met him, it's highly likely she'll still be gushing and whatnot when Naru smiles at her or saves her. Mai will still end up caring for Naru. She'll still be worried about him using his PK when it makes him weak. She'll still end up saving him even if she gets in trouble like in Akumu no sumu ie. Mai will still be Mai who has a soft spot for everyone and who sympathizes with anyone.

But Gene's addition to the story throws everything into the water and literally makes waves into the sea of certainty that is Mai's feelings for Naru. Gene is kind, and Naru can be too. Naru can be rude (not the sexy kind of rude or okay maybe that sexy kind of rude too, sorry XD), but Gene hasn't shown any rudeness to her. So, tada! Our girl is confused of course because she likes kind Gene & Naru, but she doesn't hate "bad" Naru (and literally flusters around him too). So yeah. She goes figure and we go figure. The tsunami of confusion washes over us and pushes us from side to side continuously lol.

As we could see in the short story above though, Mai's ideal person to love is a kind or tender person. Think of it like a balance: Naru is on one side and Gene is on the other. Gene has only shown kindness to Mai, unlike Naru who showed a mixture of kindness and some unkindness all at once. Since Gene has the traits of her ideal person, the balance tips in favor of Gene because that's what Mai wants—that's what her rational mind wants. (And before we say that the brain has something to do with our heart/emotions as well, let's not for now please so bear with me lol or the confusion is never-ending. XD) 

Mai only knows a side of Gene that she had seen in her dreams and labels/views him as a kind person all throughout. She gets only a few minutes of interaction with him through her dreams compared to Naru. This doesn’t instantly mean Gene might have a bad side, but it simply means that she doesn’t know him very much yet.

Who does she really love then? She's not in love, but she's fallen in love—the former being a current definitive state and the latter a work-in-progress. Infatuation, puppy love

—these are other terms that we can relate to when it comes to someone who’s “fallen in love.” Honestly, I think Mai has fallen in love with them both. They both have kindness in them that they showed in different situations, and Mai fell for their kindness in different contexts. But her love is just on the surface, on the kind smiles and gestures given and received. She doesn't love them for who they truly are yet (just like @flychansan​ once said), and that is exactly what I think Ono-sensei wanted to tell us: Mai has yet to love truly, madly, and deeply. She has yet to experience the kind of love that is "unexpected" before she realizes that the person she’ll love romantically isn't as easily hand-picked as one would think. That she won't get to say "a kind person is better" when she meets or develops love for a person who'll be a mixture of kindness and everything nice and not nice, a person who'll turn her views upside down and make her convert or do a 360—a person who’s human whom she’ll love unconditionally. That is why she is a "child," because she is idealistic and continuing to be covered in idealism would mean not being hurt and being disillusioned like Kazumi, her friend, was.

Does that mean Mai’s love was fake? No, I don’t think it was (though that’s subjective). Her love was genuine but it wasn't deep. She is capable of deep love, but she is not yet deeply in love. She's still young, and not all young love start deeply. What could Ono-sensei's whole message be in this story? Mai will eventually love truly, madly, and deeply someday—her ideal standards be damned—but let's cut her some slack. Real and deep love has a season, and people and feelings change like the seasons. Mai will never forget Gene, but she will not end up loving only Gene her whole life, realistically speaking.

So could you write one where Ash has a 15 year old sister and she’s getting ready to go on a date while Ash is going crazy and being protective. when she gets there she waits for an hour until she realizes that she been stood up and she calls ash and he’s mad and he and the boys bring her home and try to cheer her up!!

(Over)protective // ashtonirwinx little sister reader

Warnings: none

Summary: the ask says it all!!

A/n: sorry this has taken me like 5 years to write. I try to make my imagines to everyone’s liking! Please don’t hesitate to put a request in my ask box if you have one!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“Ashton?!”

“What y/n?!” Ashton, your big brother shouted from downstairs.

“Can you come here please? I need your opinion!” You said as you looked at yourself in your full body mirror.

Usually you wouldn’t care of Ashton’s approval on what you wear but today was different. You are going on your first date. After your dad left when you where five years old your mom became and alcoholic and started to neglect you. Ashton started taking care of you and was the father figure you never truly had. At one point you started calling Ashton dad but he had to explain to you that her was not your dad but he was there for you like one. At one point Ashton got three jobs to make sure you had everything you needed and to support you. He basically raised you and you two where closer than ever, his approval meant every to you.

“Y/n you know I don’t think it’s a go-“ Ashton stopped in his tracks walking into your room.

You are wearing a like blue semi-casual dress with white vans to top off the outfit.

“How do I look?” You did a small twirl for your brother and a small smile appeared on his face. The smile was because he saw how grown up you where but it was small because he didn’t want you to grow up and leave him.

“You look great y/n but I still don’t think this is a good idea.” He looked at you with worry in his eyes.

“Ashton I’m 17 it’s about time I have my first date don’t you think?” You held onto his forearms and looked into his eyes to tell him you where sure about this.

“Yeah it is, I just have a bad feeling about this.” His voice got lower towards the end.

“Ashton it will be okay, I promise.”

He pulled you into a bone crushing hug and kissed your forehead. He knew you really liked this boy so he was willing to listen to you and support you.

“Ashton can’t breathe brotha.” You said in a breathy voice due to lack of air making him pull back and let out a chuckle. You laughed as well.

“Can you take me now? If we don’t leave in the next couple minutes I’ll be late.” You said dying down from laughter.

“Yes of course. Lead the way y/n” he nudged your shoulder.

———————————-

You where now outside the restaurant the boy told you to meet him at and you had nervous butterflies in your stomach as you started out of the car window.

“You okay y/n? You’ve been staring at the building the last five minutes.” Ashton snapped you out of your daze.

“Oh yeah I’m just nervous but I’ll be okay. Can you pick me up in three hours?” You stumbled over your words but Ashton brushed it off.

“Of course I’ll be here.” He smiled and patted your thigh twice “now go get that boy” he smirked.

You laughed and got out of the car about to shut the door but Ashton caught it from the drivers seat.

“Wait y/n. You look gorgeous.” Ashton smiled and had watery eyes. His statement alone brought tears to your eyes.

“Thank you Ashton. I love you.” You smiled wide.

“Love you too”

You shut the door when he leaned back in the drivers seat and headed towards the doors of the building.

The whole time you walked towards the doors Ashton watched you just in case you changed your mind. He was very nervous about you getting hurt. You where Ashton’s world he knew it, the 5sos boys knew it, and most of all kaykay knew it she was like a sister to you and you where her world as well. That’s one of the reasons Ashton fell in love with her. The only person who didn’t know that you where his world was you.

————-

Walking into the restaurant the hostess asks you how many. Once you respond to her she takes you to a table near the back next to a window and says she’ll be right back with a water for you and you respond with a small “thank you” sitting down at the table.

You were a little late so you were suprised your date wasn’t here before you, but you had gotten a late start so you just brushed it off as he had too.

Minutes turned into and hour which turned into two hours. You sat there embarrassed by the pity looks the waitress was giving you as she brought you what seemed like the 10th cup of water tonight. You were done waiting, feeling humiliated you stood up from your chair putting a 10 dollar bill on the table as somewhat of an apology for sitting there and taking up space for two hours and walked out. You fought back tears as you opened your phone to call Ashton.

“Hello?” Your brother picked up the phone on its second ring.

“Can you come get me?” You said with no emotion still fighting back your tears.

“I’m not supposed to be there for another hour?”he said worried.

“I know, just please-“ your voice started to break so you had to stop.

“I’m on my way.” The phone went dead.

You sat on a bench outside of the restaurant waiting for Ashton to arrive when not even 5 minutes later Ashton pulled into the parking lot.

“What happened?” He asked right when you sat in the passenger seat. “Did he hurt you” he continued and inspected your emotionless face. “Did-“ you cut him off immediately.

“He never showed up.” You finally broke and tears started streaming down your face. “I got stood up” you cried even more.

Ashton got out of the car and came around to your side and opened the door. He picked you up and put you in the backseat so he could hold you while you cried. He would hold you like this when you were little and fell and scraped your knee or when your favorite crayon broke, but this was different. Ashton was beyond mad. You were so exited for this date and he knew something was going to happen but he let you go anyway.

Your sniffles started to die down which caught his attention.

“I’m so sorry y/n I knew something was up about this I shouldn’t have let you go.” He held you closer.

“It’s not your fault Ashton I wanted to go. I r-really liked him.”

“I know you did bub. Boys are cruel” he comforted.

“Your not cruel.”

“I’m a different story.” He chuckled.

“Yeah I guess you are.” You laughed along with him.

“Let go watch some movies at home then at school on Monday when I pick you up you can show me who this boy is.” He said.

“No ashton it’s okay, let’s watch the movies though.”

“Alright bubs whatever makes you feel better.” He smiles.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/n: yay another imagine completed! I have 3 asks in my ask box at the moment and I’m so excited! My requests are still open but if you decide to leave one just know it might take me a bit to get to it! Love you guys!

-much love xx

Survey #387

“today i woke up, & i hate myself”

What common problem have you never experienced? The loss of a close family member (that doesn't include pets). Alternatively, what's an uncommon problem you have experienced? Homelessness. Do you know anyone who opposes marriage equality? I sure do. What was the last thing you got really emotional about? Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty premiering. What's the longest amount of time you've been ill for? I don't really know. I don't get sick a lot at all. Who is your closest male friend? Girt. Do you know anyone who hunts for meat? Sadly. I say "sadly" because it's not like they need it. Have you ever lived with a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes, although I wasn't a technical resident. I was there all the time, though. What do you wash dishes with? Sponge, scrub brush, rag, something else? A sponge. Is there anything you prefer to do the old-fashioned way? There's probably something, but I can't think of anything. Do you put your glasses and mugs right side up or upside down on the cabinet shelf? Upside-down. What was the worst part of your childhood? My parents fighting. Have you ever seen a high school relationship last long-term? (like 10+yrs) Yeah. Do you know any cancer survivors? Quite a few. Leftover pizza for breakfast... yay or nay? Good shit, man. Do you personally know anyone who's a psychopath or sociopath? I don't think so. What is your most used kitchen appliance? Lately, it's been the apple slicer. I've been on a real apple slices + peanut butter kick lately. What is something that you would personally like to be remembered for? For being a caring person towards all living things. Have you ever been diagnosed as clinically depressed before? Yes. Do you like bowling? Yeah, it's fun. Do you own binoculars or nonoculars? What do you use them for? No. Do you ever wish you had a telescope on the roof or attic to stargaze? Yeah, that'd be cool. Have you ever had to deal with someone close to you going off to war? No, thankfully. Who do you feel you have the most in common with? Sara, easily. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? My damn self lmao. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No. My parents didn't grow up in NC. What’s one thing that people definitely CAN’T count on you for? To remember like... anything. What about something they definitely can count on you for? Someone to listen to encourage them. What’s one food that you want to try but haven’t yet? I've always thought macaroons look good. Do you have anything planned for the summer? No. Do you walk fast or slow? Slow. Would you consider yourself an adrenaline junkie? No. What is a common slang word from where you live? Plural "you" does not exist. It's "y'all," lol. What’s the scariest thing you’ve accidentally found on the internet? *shrug* Probably something as a kid, going on those sketchy websites with loads of games and stuff. Thinking of every Halloween costume you’ve had, which one was the most creative? I don't think I've had any creative costumes for Halloween. What’s one random city you want to visit? It's not exactly "random" as it's a popular location, but anyway, I would love to visit Venice. What subjects do you or did you get the worst grades in? Math. When was the last time you ate cake and what type of cake was it? That's a good question, actually. Maybe my niece's birthday in February? I don't remember what kind of cake it was. Do you have photos to go with all of the contacts in your phone? No; I don't have any. Do you like snowy winter days or do you prefer rainy days? SNOWY! Name 3 things you find most beautiful in nature: Mountains, large waterfalls, and desert dunes in the wind. If you could ask one person one questions and get a completely honest answer who would it be and what would you ask? Jason. I'd ask if he thought I was emotionally abusive. What is your favorite winter activity? Building snowmen. Who is the greatest singer who is no longer living? Freddie Mercury. What is your idea of heaven? I don't know, really... I have to ask myself IS there a heaven in eternity? Living forever just... doesn't appeal to me. "Living" is an odd word to use there, but hopefully you get it. Existing on and on and on and on seems like it'd just be a drag, but at the same time I do like the thought of feeling relentlessly happy and peaceful with my loved ones. I guess that would be my definition of it, if it does exist. What’s one of the scariest things you’ve ever done? ODed. Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through? Just once, on my 16th birthday because I was at Jason's place and all of his family was watching it. I had absolutely zero interest, but we wanted to hang with the family. If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada. Do you watch American Horror Story? I haven't in years. It was Jason's and my first "show," and the first season was excellent. I lost interest in the second one, honestly. I'd be up for watching other seasons, though. How many relationships have you been in this year? None. What's your favorite cereal? Probably Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That's also the only cereal where I can happily drink the milk afterwards. Twitter or Facebook? Facebook. Do you like to paint your nails? No. What's the coolest place you've ever been to? Disney World, probably. Have you ever punched anyone? No. What's something you wish you knew how to do? Cook. :/ I really need to make an effort to learn. It'd be great to not rely on a microwave for the rest of my life. What's a celebrity that everyone likes but you don't? *shrug* What food do you eat the most? Probably bread in some form or another. That really needs to stop. Green or purple grapes? Either one, but they have to be firm. I cannooooooot with soft grapes. Have you ever cried over a text? Yeah. What's the background of your phone of? My lock screen is this pretty, simplistic periwinkle color with "work on you for you" written on it. It's one I plan on keeping for probably a long time because I connect to it so deeply with my stupid damn head frequently demanding I have to improve "for Jason" to prove him wrong. Which is a very unhealthy mindset to have, I know. My home screen is a cute lil Mark edit someone made with a very similar pale blue background, so my phone is just currently an #aesthetic. Do you have a Snapchat? No. What's your favorite sports team? (if you like sports)? I don't like sports, but I'm biased towards the Carolina Hurricanes hockey team because of my dad. Last thing you ate? I had Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast. Do you take a lot of selfies? Definitely not. I just hate how I look so much; it takes way too much effort for me to get an "acceptable" one. Do you prefer strawberries or cherries? Strawberries. I hate cherries. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Maybe like, three. -_- Our A/C is still out, and it was like, 87 in the house last night. It was impossible to sleep. Do you listen to music daily? Not EVERY day, but usually. Biggest insecurity? My weight. Do you play video games? Not as much as I used to. I'd probably play way more if I actually had a PS4 + the games I'm DYING to have. Do you consider yourself lazy? "Yes, but a lot of it is also health related for my lack of energy and motivation." <<<< This for me as well. What recently made you laugh? I was watching a bit of The Nanny with Mom yesterday. We love that show. Do you like gummy bears? Yep. What was the last song you listened to? I'm randomly hooked on "My Nocturnal Serenade" by YOHIO. Like, I've known the song for a long time, but NOW I'm bingeing it???? Describe your mom with one word. Selfless. What's the biggest turn-off? Probably being misogynistic. But being a cocky ass is definitely high up there, too. What fish scares you the most? Mfkng whale sharks terrify me. How do you feel about snails? They're cuties!!! What's your favorite app? Pokemon GO. Would you rather time travel into the past or future? The future, to see what's coming. I feel like you could come back with some pretty valuable information. What is the saddest song you've ever heard? I think "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade has to come on top. What insect do you hate the most? I was reminded that stag beetles exist last night, and omfg those. Well, "hate" is the wrong word, really, I'm just terrified of them. Would you ever have a wild animal as a pet if possible? I 110% want to rescue an opossum, emphasis on "rescue." I'm not plucking one from the wild or anything like that. I would be in HEAVEN raising one of those angels. Are there any decorations that makes you happy? (lights, candles, plants..) I love those beds decorated with fairy lights, and just Christmas lights in general. Halloween and Christmas decor tend to give me sparks of happiness when I see 'em. Does race matter to you when it comes to dating? Not at all for me. When was the last time you painted something? Not since I was still in school and took a Painting course. When was the last time you really felt alive, and what were you doing? I have NO idea. What is one question you would like an answer to? Why the worst things tend to happen to good people. Name one favorite thing to do with kids while babysitting. I don't babysit, but if I was to be in charge of a kid, I'd love to teach them to play video games from my childhood. Playing Pokemon with my niece and nephew is always a blast, ahhhh. Name one flavor you like. Strawberry is pretty consistent. Name one thing you are hoping for. Venus' new terrarium soon... big sigh. I can't for the life of me find one that's a reasonable price and also adequately sized. I'm willing to put the rest of my cash into it, but Mom is helping, so I can't just buy the first one I see. Then I'd need more substrate, I seriously want a temperature gun and hygrometer, a cool hide, sticks and stuff for cover... It's going to be expensive, but I want Venus to have a truly proper environment she can thrive in. Write the name of one of your imaginary friends from when you were younger. Oddly enough, I can't remember the imaginary wolf that was my "friend." I say "oddly" because his whole idea was important to me as a weird-ass kid. Name one girl's name that starts with a "J" that you like. "Justine." Name one boy's name that starts with a "J" that you like. Maybe "Jaxson." Have you ever been kissed? Yeah. Have you ever feared that you would be killed? It's never been like, a fear I actively worry about. I just acknowledge it's always a possibility for anyone. What is the last great opportunity you missed? This was quite a while ago by now, but I'd say by dropping out of school, I really let photography opportunities slip since I became the newspaper photographer...

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Greg Jones is the Vice President of the Chicago Real Estate Council and Director with the Rogers Park Builders Group as well as a Deacon at Christ Community Church in Lemont. When not working, he enjoys watching the cubs with a good cigar and a great whiskey in hand, playing poker, and riding motorcycles.

https://crumhalsted.com/

Fernando O. Angelucci is the Founder and President of Titan Wealth Group. He also leads the firm’s finance and acquisitions departments. Fernando Angelucci and Steven Wear founded Titan Wealth Group in 2015, and under his leadership, the firm’s revenue has grown over 100% year over year. Today,

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https://www.thestoragestud.com

https://titanwealthgroup.com/

Listen to our Podcast: https://thestoragestud.podbean.com/e/what-is-the-deal-with-property-insurance/

Titan Wealth Group operates nationwide sourcing off market investment properties for Titan Wealth Group’s acquisition as well as servicing a network of thousands of active real estate investors world wide. Prior to founding Titan Wealth Group, Fernando worked for Dow Chemical, a Fortune 50 company, rolling out a flagship product estimated to gross $1B in global revenues.

With an engineering background, Fernando is able to approach real estate investing with a keen analytical mindset that allows Titan Wealth Group to identify opportunities and project accurate pictures of future performance. Fernando graduated from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign with a B.A. degree in Technical Systems Management.

Titan Wealth Group was founded in 2015 with the vision of gathering individual investors that have the means to invest but lack either the time to find high-yield investment opportunities or the access to these off-market deals. All too often, founders Fernando Angelucci & Steven Wear came across investors who had deployed their capital only to regret the lack of consistency or degree of returns their investments were producing. In response, Titan Wealth Group provides access to highly-vetted real estate secured investments and off-market acquisition opportunities primarily in the Greater Chicago MSA. Today, Titan Wealth Group not only assists individual investors but has grown to support the acquisition goals and capital deployment of investment groups, private equity firms, and real estate investment trusts (REITs).

As a facilitator of wealth growth, Titan Wealth Group believes that success is not limited to the sum of our efforts and is infinite with what can be accomplished through partnership.

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Fernando Angelucci (00:16): Hey everybody, welcome back. We're doing a special Thanksgiving podcast here today. So on this episode of What's The Deal, the real estate podcast that gives answers, we'll be covering What's The Deal with Property I nsurance. Real estate is one of the few investment vehicles that you can purchase in property insurance for, you now, yay for hard assets. So joining me today to provide some coverage on the topic of Property Insurance is my good friend and colleague Greg Jones. So how are we doing Greg?

Greg Jones (00:51): Good. How about you, Fernando?

Fernando Angelucci (00:53): Doing good. I'm doing good. It's 72, 73 degrees outside in California. I'm glad I'm not in Chicago at the moment.

Greg Jones (01:01): It's not quite that nice here right now.

Fernando Angelucci (01:06): Okay. So Greg, on this podcast, we have all types of listeners from super professional, you know, multi million dollar portfolio, all the way to the new investor or someone that is trying to become a new investor. So let's back up a little bit and, you know, explain who you are and what you do.

Greg Jones (01:26): Got it. So my name is Greg Jones. I am a risk advisor with Crum Halstead Agency. So I work with real estate companies and developers as well as contractors around consulting around risk and placement of insurance.

Fernando Angelucci (01:42): How'd you get into the business?

Greg Jones (01:45): I was introduced to a guy that owned an agency shoot, this is probably almost 10 years ago now. Right place, right time. I grew up in a background of construction, both my dad and my brother owned construction companies. Had friends that were in real estate, didn't want to do construction for a living. So I figured I would give insurance a try and it ended up being a really good fit.

Fernando Angelucci (02:10): Oh, okay. I didn't know that about you.

Greg Jones (02:13): Yeah.

Fernando Angelucci (02:14): Figured it would come up in one of those late night poker games.

Greg Jones (02:17): Yeah, exactly.

Fernando Angelucci (02:20): Okay. So for people that don't know what is Property Insurance and what does a risk advisor do?

Greg Jones (02:31): So property insurance is realistically, it's a like a contract. So the owner of the property has a contract in place with an insurance company, say whether that's a Travelers or a Hartford or whoever the carrier might be. And in that contract, it will lay out in the event of a claim. Here's what the insurance company is going to pay out. And that covers both damage to the property as well as if there's an injury to someone at the property. So the contract States, what the limits are, what the causes of that claim are covered versus certain kinds of causes of claim might not be covered, unless you buy that or purchase it as an add-on, a good example of that is earthquake coverage. Earthquake isn't automatically included, but you can purchase it as an additional coverage line item, but it's all built into a contract that lasts for 12 months between the owner and the insurance company.

Fernando Angelucci (03:28): Okay. And then with those types of con, let's bring it into reality with some examples. So say I'm a new investor. I'm going to be buying a four flat property in Chicago. I'm going to live in one unit myself, rent out the other three units, let's say each units, 1200 square feet and the buildings' a hundred years old, what am I looking at for coverage? Or what should I be looking at for coverage? Where are the premiums going to fall? And what are some things that I should be paying attention to or looking for in those contracts?

Greg Jones (04:04): Right. So the first question you have to answer, especially because you're living in one of those units, is how are you going to cover the property? You could cover it on a personal insurance policy, or you could cover it on a commercial policy because it's four units, that's the breaking point. You could cover it either way. After you get to five units, it's always considered a commercial policy.

Fernando Angelucci (04:27): Okay.

Greg Jones (04:27): If you go the route of commercial, which is typically what I recommend the coverage form is a little bit broader in what it will cover you for. The downside is you have to treat yourself because you're living in one of those units as a tenant, you're a tenant within your own building. So your personal property as the resident, isn't going to be covered, but your asset, the building contents within the rental properties, those are covered under the contract.

Greg Jones (04:59): When you're looking at a four unit building, based on the square footage, there's typically a dollar amount that insurance carriers will look at in terms of we're want to cover this for what it will cost to replace it. If you have a catastrophic loss, right? Every carrier has their own algorithms they'll use for this, but typically it comes down to a dollar amount per square foot. The average we're seeing at least in Chicago right now, if it's joist and masonry or better is typically anywhere from 150 to $170 a square foot is what it would cost to completely rebuild. So we would look at what does that cost look like? Then you can set up whatever deductible structure you want. Deductibles go as low as, I mean, realistically, you can go as low as you use the $500. I never seen anybody go that low. Usually the average is, you know, 25 to 10,000 for a deductible. So then if you do have a loss, everything that it's covered under that contract is paid out minus the cost of your deductible.

Fernando Angelucci (06:00): Exactly. Now, one of the things that occurs quite often in Chicago is we have these pockets, these neighborhoods, where the cost of buy the property is significantly below the replacement value. For example you know, my partner, Steven?

Greg Jones (06:16): Yeah.

Fernando Angelucci (06:16): He has a property where, you know, it's 140 year old masonry and limestone building the cost to replace that type of building would be a 1.4, 1.3, 1.4 million, but he bought it for significantly lower than that in those types of situations, what do you recommend doing with the coverage amount with the policy?

Greg Jones (06:42): So it really comes down to as the building owner, what is your goal in the event of a claim, right? So you want to make sure you have enough coverage so that if there's a partial claim or a partial loss is what they call it. So let's say hale comes through and destroys the roof. It's not a total loss. You want to have enough to repair that roof.

Fernando Angelucci (07:03): Right.

Greg Jones (07:03): The question is, if you were to have a catastrophic loss, the building is completely destroyed or it's damaged so much that the city comes in and says, you have to take this building down. It's now a safety hazard, right? In that kind of scenario, what do you want to do? Do you want to rebuild something there? Or would you rather just take the money and go buy something else and sell the land after the debris has been removed, right?

Greg Jones (07:28): So the answer to that question really drives how we advise, typically in these situations, I find the investor really would rather just take the money and go buy something else because that coverage amount that you've got for that partial loss is more than enough to buy at least another building like it in that area, or maybe even more, right? So you get this dilemma of, I bought it for, you know, say 250,000, but it will cost me 1.5 million to rebuild it. Right? Insurance companies will allow you in some cases and it depends on the carrier, but they will allow you to do what's called a stated amount, or it's a, some carriers call it a loss limit. So, you as the building owner can say, this is how much I want to cover my building for. I recognize it's not enough to rebuild it, but I want to cover it. So let's use this building and as an example, you buy it for 250,000 let's say it's 1.5 to fully rebuild it. And you say, I only want to cover it for half a million dollars, half a million will cover any partial loss that happens. If it's a total loss, I'd rather just take the money and go buy something else. The rating for that is typically a little bit higher, but it still ends up coming out much less than it would be if you were to fully insure it for $1.5 million.

Fernando Angelucci (08:51): And when you say rating, what do you mean by that?

Greg Jones (08:54): So, the premium for insurance for property is driven by a rate. So whatever value is selected for that building. So let's say a million dollars for round number purposes. So you take that million dollars, divide it by a hundred and you multiply it by a rate, and that equals your premium. So let's say it's you're getting a 20 cent rate. So for a million dollar building divide it by 10, multiply it by 0.20, that's your property premium.

Fernando Angelucci (09:24): I see.

Greg Jones (09:24): Rates vary based on the asset type. So typically you'll see multi-family tends to be the highest rated asset class out there where retail is considered a little bit less hazardous, office and industrial tend to be considered the least risky. So you could have a building of the same square footage. Let's say you're at a 18 cent rate for apartment building, same size building would be a, what? 10 to 12 cent rate for retail. You might get as low as 8 to 10 cents on office or industrial, just depending on what the asset class is and where it's located.

Fernando Angelucci (10:06): Interesting. Now with, let's say someone in what situations would somebody opt for the full replacement cost is that if you have like a super custom property that, you know, you can't find anywhere else, or?

Greg Jones (10:20): If you have a super custom property, or if the idea is I like where I'm located, the land has significant value. Even if I was going to take the money, I would rebuild something here. I might not rebuild the same thing. So another way that you can do it is some carriers offer what's called Functional Replacement Cost. Right? I seen this particularly with real estate related to older church properties and some need, especially you think about Chicago land. There is all of these churches that were built in the 18 hundreds, the architectures' crazy. You're not going to rebuild one of those just like it stands right now. Right?

Fernando Angelucci (10:58): Right.

Greg Jones (10:59): But you look at, if we were to have a total loss, we would want to rebuild something, same purpose, but we're not going to rebuild it the same way. And so you can use, what's called a Functional Replacement Cost, where you'll estimate based on, if we had a loss, what would we rebuild? What would the square footage be? Same questions, but you're not basing on what's there, you're basing it on what you would build.

Fernando Angelucci (11:24): Right.That's interesting. With the property insurance business, there's a lot of moving parts and it's one of those vendors in the real estate space that usually a lot of the investors don't actually know what goes on behind, right behind the curtains here.

Greg Jones (11:43): Right.

Fernando Angelucci (11:43): Walk us through. When I talk to you, it almost seems like every person that works within your organization, It's almost running like it's their own little business with inside of the organization. Almost like you're not entrepreneur or entrepreneur, some people would say, what is the day in the life of a risk advisor look like, what are you doing on a day-to-day basis?

Greg Jones (12:04): So on a day-to-day basis my time is usually split in a few different categories, right? So there's the time that goes into just the day to day servicing of your existing clients, right? That's helping guide through the process of whether it's an acquisition, that's coming up a disposition, a refinance, there's always moving parts, particularly within real estate. Right? And so there's a lot of day to day servicing. I mean, the interactions with a real estate client versus let's say a manufacturer is completely different.

Fernando Angelucci (12:38): Right.

Greg Jones (12:38): Right. Just because of all those moving parts. So part of the time is spent with that servicing with myself and my team. There's another element of it, of I'm trying to connect with new people. So before we hit a, you know, pandemic that involved going to lots of events and networking and, you know, all that came to a screeching halt in March. So now it's been a lot more time on the phone working through marketing, trying to figure out different creative ways to connect with people, to bring in new clients. Right?

Fernando Angelucci (13:09): Right.

Greg Jones (13:10): And then once you open that opportunity and you're starting to work on a new client there's a lot of time that goes into underwriting. So if an investor says, Hey, we want you to look at our portfolio. There's a lot of detail that you work through with them to gather the right information. And then you're compiling that information and really painting a picture for your underwriters. So, I mean, people have asked me before, what's the difference between a good broker in a bad broker or a good adviser, bad advisors is it's really making sure that you're painting a picture for an underwriter to make that client look really good versus here's 12 locations, here's all the basic raw data, what's my rate? You know, if you actually go into more detail and explain, like here's what the company does, here's what their practices look like, here's what they require of tenants of vendors coming in and out of the space to do work. You can actually derive a much better result than just providing a spreadsheet asking for someone to get you a quote.

Fernando Angelucci (14:12): Interesting. So almost painting a picture of the whole business, not just that one property, you're looking for.

Greg Jones (14:18): Exactly.

Fernando Angelucci (14:18):

To quote on.

Greg Jones (14:19): Exactly.

Fernando Angelucci (14:20): Interesting. How about on the other side? So that's, you know, that's your prospect side, if you will, but how about the actual carriers that you match up with? How do you find these guys? How do you know if a deal is gonna be right for a certain carrier? Cause I know there's hundreds of insurance companies around.

Fernando Angelucci (14:38): Hundreds.

Fernando Angelucci (14:38): In Iowa and I saw every one of the buildings.

Greg Jones (14:42): We're all headquartered there.

Fernando Angelucci (14:42): Yeah.

Greg Jones (14:42): Well, maybe not all of them, but a lot. So yeah. Every, so every insurance company has a different appetite, right? So there is some time spent with those and what those underwriters figuring out what that appetite looks like. So some carriers will, every carrier will say they like real estate in some capacity. Right? But the question is what kind of real estate that you like. So back in the day is when carriers would stop by the office and, you know, have a catch-up meeting with us, you know, they would talk about their appetite, what they've been hitting on recently where they've seen success. And so the first question is always, what kind of real estate are you writing? So in some cases, it's, they really like office and industrial, some carriers really like apartments, few carriers, like every asset class, there are a few. And then I would say in today's market, it's even changing beyond what it has been historically, just because of the unknowns of, you know, what will come of the pandemic and particularly around office and retail and what that's gonna look like. So we've even seen carriers backing away from those asset classes where they historically have been of the most appetite.

Fernando Angelucci (15:55): Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. So for example, how many carriers do you work with if you had to guess?

Greg Jones (16:03): So in the real estate space, I would say we probably have 15 or 20 that really focus in on real estate that specialize in that. So the team that I came over with that help launch our Chicago office has really put a lot of emphasis into partnering with the right companies that work with real estate because real estate is our focus. And so, if there's a market we've come across, that we find is really competitive in the real estate space, we do what we can to get a contract with them. So there's very few markets that specialize in real estate that we don't work with.

Fernando Angelucci (16:36): Yeah. And it's funny, we've worked with each other in the past and you really know which carriers have an appetite for what type of assets. You know, we do some niche style assets, not only the single family, multifamily, but also the self storage buildings.

Greg Jones (16:51): Uh-huh.

Fernando Angelucci (16:51): And you've gotten quotes to me not only quickly, but usually beating out almost all the competition on the premium. And I think one of the things that really helped us, is the fact that you do have a really good ability to paint kind of that picture. Here's what the company's like. Now I have, I'm somebody that always believes that you should get insurance and, you know, plan for the worst, but hope for the best I have come across a lot of investors that do the opposite.

Fernando Angelucci (17:20): I survived.

Fernando Angelucci (17:20): And swear by real estate insurance is a scam and the carriers never pay out. So for you, what would you say? Why should a real estate investor have property insurance? And on top of that, why should they use a risk advisor or a broker as opposed to just contacting a company directly?

Greg Jones (17:43): Good question. So I would say, why should they have property insurance? The short and simple answer is in most cases, if there's a bank involved, it's going to be required.

Fernando Angelucci (17:54): Right.

Greg Jones (17:54): Where it's an option is where you actually own the asset a hundred percent. There's no lending requirements. You can choose whether you're going to insure the building or not. I've seen this particularly be the case when you've got developers who are buying, let's say a vacant property that they're going to repurpose, right? So usually they'll in a lot of cases, they'll buy it for cash or there won't be a bank involved if you will. So they have a choice whether they want to cover that building or not. The, I would say the reason you want to is because you want to have something that protects your investment, right? And it's not just the asset itself, especially when you're looking at development projects, you might purchase a building for, let's say a million dollars.

Greg Jones (18:43): You're going to put a couple of million into it, repurpose it. It's not just covering that initial million dollar investment. It's also looking at what is the potential income that you stand to lose if you lose that asset. Right?

Fernando Angelucci (18:58): Right.

Greg Jones (18:58): So insurance is, I mean, if you think about it, there's not a product out there where you can spend, let's say, I mean, I'm thinking back to one that I did for a client a while back bought a vacant building for it was like half a million dollars. Once he was done with the repurposing of it, he would have been into it for probably about 2.5. And the monetary return on this was going to be over half a million dollars a year. Once it was all done, the coverage of insurance was like $8,000, but we were covering the building for $2 million. Right? So you're spending eight in the event of a total loss. You're getting all of your investment back minus your deductible for 8K to protect an investment of significantly more. So, I mean, being someone that's fairly risk averse I would strongly recommend it.

Fernando Angelucci (19:59): Yeah. And so you're talking about the significant income that, that property would bring in. Is there some type of a rider that you can get for say, instead of it being a total loss, but say something happens where all of a sudden you lose your income generating potential from that building. Is there some type of like loss of rents protection or income protection that you can put on as a rider?

Greg Jones (20:20): So typically you'll have a loss of income or what's called business interruption coverage that's built in. So once you have a stabilized asset, it's generating rental income, you can cover that two ways. You can do it on a stated amount. So you're stating for every location that you have, this is what our annual income is. And if there's a claim, so let's say there was a fire at the building, right? The tenants have to relocate because you're doing all these repairs, it's going to take six months to do the repairs.

Fernando Angelucci (20:51): Yeah.

Greg Jones (20:51):The policy will pay out that loss rental income for those six months until you're back up and operational again. That's based on a stated amount, it functions the same way. A lot of companies prefer to do what's called actual losses sustained, which means you report what the rental income is, but you're not capped at that number. This is particularly important on portfolios where tenants change, right? You don't want to have to go back and report every single time. Well, this tenant moved out, this tenant, moved in. The rents went up a little bit, you know, and change that number all the time. So having actual losses sustained what they will do if there's a claim, they'll look at at the time of the claim, what was the rental income? And that's what they start paying until the repairs are done.

Fernando Angelucci (21:42): And I know we're skipping ahead here, but what are your recommendations on the two methods stated income versus actual? What do you prefer? What do you advise people to go with?

Greg Jones (21:54): Oh, I always prefer actual losses sustained. If you can get it just because it makes it very clean. So, I mean, a lot of times when you'll have an investor that's buying a new asset, they're typically inheriting tenants, right? They might be doing things to the building, providing more value, updates, all kinds of things. Right? And with that comes typically at lease renewal time adjustments in the lease. And if you have actual losses sustained, it doesn't matter what those adjustments are. You can have a unit that's going forward $2,000 a month. You put a lot of value into it, updates, improvements. You're going to increase that from, you know, $2,000 a month to 2,500 a month or whatever the case might be. You don't have to go back and report it every single time. So you don't want to have a cap on what could be paid out for lost income. Actual losses sustained is a much cleaner way to do it.

Fernando Angelucci (22:49): Gotcha. So what are some of the decisions that an investor or someone would be faced with when choosing insurance, what should they be looking out for? What are the things that you're recommending they look for, or pushing them or nudging them towards getting, if it's additional riders, if it's certain types of policies, kind of walk us through that.

Greg Jones (23:13): So there's a few things that I always look for. First time I see a policy. So one of those things is co-insurance which is a very confusing thing for most investors, co-insurance has to do with how much you're going to cover your building for. So the average investor will always cover their building for replacement costs. Typically that's the most standard way to do it. So let's say you have a building that's valued at a million dollars at replacement cost. Co-insurance allows you to insure it for a little less than that. So typically you'll see either 80% or 90%, but if you go below that, there's, what's called a co-insurance penalty, which means, let's say the buildings' a million dollars in value. You have an 80% co-insurance clause in your policy. That means that you can be fully insured up to 80% of the value.

Greg Jones (24:08): So in this case it would be 800,000, right? If you are insured for less than that, and there's a claim, even if it's a partial claim, they will subtract a percentage off of what would have been your claim paid amount based on how far under that 80% you are. So let's say you're insured only to 60% value. Well, you're 20% below where you should have been any claim that gets paid out is going to be docked 20%.

Fernando Angelucci (24:38): I see.

Greg Jones (24:38):

So what we do is, we look at trying to put everything on what's called Agreed Amount, which waives co-insurance, which basically is stating, I mean, we've gone through the process to make sure we're insured adequately, right? But we don't want any risk of co-insurance or penalties. If there's, you know, evaluation difference between the time we wrote the policy and the time of claim happens. So we are going to the carrier is a green in their contract. They will pay out up to X, no questions asked if that is on agreed amount. So that's one of the big ones we look at. One of the overlooked coverages I think is sewer and drain backup. And it's oftentimes put at a very low limit, but if you've gone through claims before, water damage, and you're a lower level, that can cause a significant damage to repair.

Fernando Angelucci (25:31): 60 to $80,000 worth of damage. Greg Jones (25:34):

Exactly. So that's something that I always want to make sure is at a very good limit. That's included in the Chicago market the other one is ordinance and law coverage.

Fernando Angelucci (25:46): Yeah.

Greg Jones (25:46): So it's not automatically included, but it provides coverage for, let's say you have a catastrophic loss and you're dealing with a building that was built in 1912.

Fernando Angelucci (25:56): Right?

Greg Jones (25:56): It's been updated, but there's a lot of things that are grandfathered in, just because of the age of the building. When you reconstruct, you have to reconstruct according to 2020 building code.

Fernando Angelucci (26:09):

Right.

Greg Jones (26:10): And that's an additional expense that is not automatically covered. So making sure that you have those kinds of things. So we, I really focus on trying to get into the weeds on this kind of thing, to make sure you know exactly what it is you're purchasing, and that it's actually protecting your asset, right? Because there's nothing worse than you go out and you purchase a policy from your broker, you have a claim. And then in that process, something's not covered. And you're like, well, I paid for this policy. Why is this not covered? It's like, well, this wasn't included, or this was sub limited. So only a certain amount of it gets paid and you're left spending money out of pocket. The last thing you want is to spend money out of pocket after you've had a claim, and you're already dealing with that headache.

Fernando Angelucci (27:00): Right. How would you advise someone choose the right coverage for their building in a word? It seems like property insurance is kind of like this pull lever here lose a little bit on the other side, pull lever on the other side, loses a little bit here. Usually it's with premium or with, which coverage amount, you're talking about things that are, let's call them named coverages versus unnamed.

Greg Jones (27:26): Right.

Fernando Angelucci (27:26): You know, issues. So what would you advise for someone and how they should approach choosing the right coverage?

Greg Jones (27:35): So typically the way I've always approached it is, I want to lay every option out there. That's on the table, right? These are the coverages that are available. Here's the tiers at which you can get these coverages. Right? So think about sewer and drain backup. For example, I can show you if you want 25,000 of coverage, it's going to cost of this. If you want 50, it's going to cause this, if you want 250, it's gonna cost that. Right? And then based on the size of the building what's your lower level construction type, right? Is it all block and stone? Okay. You probably don't need as much as then you're looking at, you know, fixtures and things like that versus yeah. We have a frame drywall, carpeted, you know, lower level, right?

Fernando Angelucci (28:19): Yeah.

Greg Jones (28:19): That's gonna sustain a lot more damage. So there's a lot of consulting around, based on what you have. This is what's recommended, but here are all the options. And so you lay that out on the table, make a recommendation but at the end of the day, it's up to that investor to choose what they want to proceed with.

Fernando Angelucci (28:37): Okay. What is the most common mistake or mistakes you see real estate investors make when it comes to property insurance?

Greg Jones (28:46): I would say the most common mistake I see is that the first thing they do is they look at what the premium is and they make the decision based on the premium without actually diving into all of those little ancillary coverages. Right? So they'll look at what the premium is and how much is the building covered for, they won't look at things like co-insurance, they won't look at is there any limitation on what my business interruption coverages, is equipment breakdown included all of those little things that if there's a claim will have a big impact. They're just looking at my billings cover for a million dollars and it costs this much. That's the least expensive one. Let's go with that. Or also looking at, what carrier are you partnering with? How does that carrier respond? If there's a claim. Or they carry that really will push back and try to find any possible way, not pay a claim or do they have a good track record of really working with their insurance, right?

Fernando Angelucci (29:47): How do you find that information?

Greg Jones (29:50): So that's where I think working with a adviser comes into play, especially one that's ingrained in the industry by the industry. I mean the real estate industry. So someone who's worked with multiple carriers has been able to see claims walked out from multiple carriers, and be able to say, I've seen experience with this carrier, They're all willing to offer you terms. Here's the pros and cons of each one and what I think their strong suits are.

Fernando Angelucci (30:19): Gotcha. How about on the flip side, what are some of the common mistakes you've seen risk advisors make?

Greg Jones (30:29): I would say the two that I see the most would be not going into full detail and doing the full underwriting themselves on the front end. So, like I said before, there's a lot of brokers out there. I mean, there's thousands of insurance brokers, right? I mean, you can go to anybody, you want to get insurance pretty much.

Fernando Angelucci (30:48): Right.

Greg Jones (30:50): But if they are not going into that full detail and figuring out all of the things on the front end before they start quoting something with a carrier. There's a lot of things that can get missed. Right? Not actually doing the legwork to make sure are we covering the building adequately, are we running the right reports to make sure that this asset will be fully protected up to the investment level that the investor has, right? Are we including the right coverages?

Greg Jones (31:20): Are we asking for the right endorsements or add-ons right. I would say that's probably the biggest mistake because that's where you find they rush through the process, they get a quote, something happens and then there's an item that wasn't covered, and then it's up to that broker to make that right. So I would say that's probably the biggest mistake I've seen. The other is just not actually, like I was talking about before painting that picture with an underwriter, the difference that you can get for a client through that is huge. It's really, that's a way to create value for an investor when you do it that way versus just spit balling out there to any carrier you can to get a quote. And it's also a way to potentially lose the client in the long run, because you're going to get the best pricing when you paint that picture, versus you're just marketing it out to everybody and taking a shotgun approach. It's very easy for somebody that really knows what they're doing to come in and create that value drive down that cost, and then you lose the client. So.

Fernando Angelucci (32:37): One of the things that I have seen is trying to do everything yourself, as opposed to building out a team to help you with that. And you've alluded to it multiple times that you have a team around you that helps you fill these duties. What does that look like? What does your team look like? And what are they responsible for each?

Greg Jones (33:00): So on the team is built out of there's multiple advisers in my firm multiple ones of us that focus in real estate. I think one of the real advantages is the way we've built out this office is we have professionals that are focused not only within real estate, but within various aspects of real estate. So you have guys that are really focused in the multifamily space. You have guys that are focused in commercial, meaning like office retail, industrial. You have others that are focused in condominium associations, right? So it creates a wealth of knowledge that you can pull from. So let's say you're working on something that's a little bit outside of your wheelhouse. You have that resource that you can bring in to make sure that nothing's getting missed through that process, right? There's expertise there. There's also a service team that handles a lot of the transactional pieces that happen within a real estate account. So when you're going through a refinance there's documentation that the lender needs to see based on what you have on your insurance policy, you know, evidence of coverage, et cetera. We have a team that one processes, those changes provides those certificates when they're needed, helps process the day-to-day things of those transactions that you're doing on the front end behind the scenes with the carrier, so that people like myself, the advisers can really interact more with their clients and do the consulting piece.

Fernando Angelucci (34:31): Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. So let's move back to say new investor, new real estate investors looking to get involved, just saw this podcast. What advice would you give them when they're looking to buy their first investment property or start their first project? Let's say maybe it's inside of a rental, It's a fix and flip property.

Greg Jones (34:57): Right. I would say as someone new that's getting into it, the, I think the most important thing you have to think about when it comes to insurance is partnering with the right broker, because a lot of people are generalists that'll say, sure, I write real estate. I also write restaurants and I write manufacturing and I'll write a trucking company and they're not ingrained into the industry. And there are, there are brokers that really specialize within an industry like myself, that's real estate. Right?

Fernando Angelucci (35:29): Right.

Greg Jones (35:30): As a new investor, there's a lot of education that comes with that first investment, that first project, even the first few. Right? And so being able to partner with someone that is part of the team with you, that can say, okay, based on what you're investing in, or the project that you're doing, these are all the things you want to consider. Right? You don't have to go with all of them, but at least you have the information and you can make an educated decision.

Fernando Angelucci (35:58): And then how about on the flip side, what advice would you give to somebody considering becoming a risk advisor or an insurance broker?

Greg Jones (36:07): I would say if you're going to become an insurance broker or an advisor. The most important thing I think you need to be able to do is specialize in an industry.

Fernando Angelucci (36:15): Okay.

Greg Jones (36:15): For the same purpose. Right? There's obviously a lot of change happening within the insurance industry, right? I mean, online rating systems are on the rise. I mean, think about your home and auto insurance. Right?

Fernando Angelucci (36:31): Right.

Greg Jones (36:32): You don't have to go through a broker to get home and auto insurance. You can go online, plug in your information, the quote will get spit right back out at you. It's turning it into very much of a commodity. Right? I think in the commercial space, there's still a lot of room to bring value to clients. Right? But the only way you bring value is if you can bring consulting and advice and you can't bring consulting and advice on 12 different industries, you have to really be able to understand how your client's business works and speak to that versus taking orders or reacting to what they're asking for when maybe what they're asking for isn't actually going to protect them the right way. And you want to be able to bring value. And that's the only way you can do it.

Fernando Angelucci (37:24): I always tell people, especially new investors for real estate investors, it's good to be a Jack of all trades and master of none. But then you surround yourself with investor or with advisors that are the opposite.

Fernando Angelucci (37:38): Exactly.

Fernando Angelucci (37:38): The advisors is a master of one thing, not a Jack of all trades.

Greg Jones (37:41): Right.

Fernando Angelucci (37:41): So, you know, I worked with you in the past. I know you, I know a lot of people that worked with you in the past, what can a real estate investor do to make themselves a good partner, a good client to you? So that is the interaction between the two is seamless. And you don't want to scream every time you see Fernando calling you on the phone.

Greg Jones (38:07):

Yeah. I would say communication is probably the biggest thing. Right? I was talking with a colleague about this a couple of years ago, and I was like, you can tell a difference between a client that views you as a vendor and a commodity. Versus a client that views you as an advisor and part of their team. Right? And the difference there is, they're bringing you into conversations about what the future looks like in advance. So I've got some clients that are really good at this, where we have quarterly meetings and we'll talk about this is what's in the pipeline. What do we need to be thinking about? Let's prepare for this in advance. They'll ask a lot of questions, and you particularly see this where if you've got an investor who's maybe changing their direction of their focus, right? So let's say I've talked to some groups recently where historically they've done a lot of work in the office and retail space.

Greg Jones (39:05): They want to launch a multifamily division. And so they'll say, okay, we're changing direction here. What do we need to be thinking about as we start looking at a different kind of investment versus what we've done in the past? With those kinds of conversations, the process is much smoother versus the I have a portfolio of office and retail and, Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you, I'm closing at noon tomorrow on a 80 unit apartment building. I need you to get this added for me, which if there was no conversation on the front end, who knows if the carrier that you're with, you could even add that location to, or you have to go and get something from scratch and you're on a you're on a deadline to do it. So I would say the communication and just having open dialogue about what's going on within the company and asking questions and keeping that line of communication open is the best thing a client can do.

Fernando Angelucci (40:03): Yeah. I mean, that makes a lot of sense with almost any advise you work with. You've got to really make sure you're, you're communicating not only often, but well in advance of when you need things to be done by a certain deadline.

Greg Jones (40:20): Right.

Fernando Angelucci (40:20): So with that being said, how can, you know, how can people reach you and what should they know, or what should they prepare before trying to contact you or reaching out to you?

Greg Jones (40:34): So I can be reached my contact info I believe is on our website www.CrumHalstad.com. I also can be reached by phone, email. I don't know if you'll have that information up later, but that's typically the easiest way to get ahold of me phone and email. As far as what to have prepared, I mean, typically I like to start just by having a conversation with, what is it you're looking for? What do you have? What's the plan? One of the things that I've tried to do that's a little bit different with clients is not just looking at what your particular need is right now, but also like what's the next 12 months look like? Right. So I was a good example of this. I was talking with an investment group that so far all of their investments have been in Chicago. Right? But over the next 12 months, they're trying to start investing in multiple States. And so, having an overview conversation around what the plan is, is really helpful because you want to set a platform that a client can grow from. Right? So as far as what they have prepared, just have a conversation and then we can kind of direct from there, what information we need.

Fernando Angelucci (41:55): Yeah. That makes sense. Come prepared, that I know you like to get involved a little bit earlier in the process and what most investors will involve you in the process. Right?

Greg Jones (42:06): Correct.

Fernando Angelucci (42:06): How many let's say I got a closing on December 30th, when should I call you?

Greg Jones (42:13): I mean, I would say as far in advance as possible but.

Fernando Angelucci (42:18): Right as you to go into contract then?

Fernando Angelucci (42:19): Yeah right as you go into contract. So it really has to do with, it's not so much what our timeline is, really. It comes down to what the carrier's timeline is, right? Because when we get that phone call that says, you know, hey, I'm closing in four or five days, there are some carriers that could be really competitive in that space, but they can't turn it around that quickly. They, because they already have so many files on their desks that they're trying to work through. They're not going to jump on the last minute one that just came in and push everything else they've been working on to the side typically. So as much in advance as you can is great. That being said, there's always options. I mean, I've done it before where I get notification two days before we put something together, it doesn't allow us time to go out to all of the options. Right? But it still allows you to provide some, right?

Fernando Angelucci (43:14): Yeah.

Greg Jones (43:14): And then you talk at that point of, okay, so what's the strategy after we move forward with this, you know, do we try to remarket it down the road at next renewal? Start the process earlier, et cetera.

Fernando Angelucci (43:27): That makes sense. Alright Greg, I really appreciate you coming on. Thank you for giving us the scoop in on Property Insurance and Risk Advisers. Everyone that is watching, they'll have a link to your contact information below as well as the website there, if with whatever you'd like to provide.

Greg Jones (43:50): Awesome

Fernando Angelucci (43:51): And thanks again, everybody for tuning in to What's The Deal, the real estate podcast that gives you answers. If you have any questions or if you have certain topics you'd like us to cover, feel free to comment below, and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. And that is our Thanksgiving edition of What's The Deal. Hope everybody has a safe and happy holiday.

Manga the Week of 3/10/21

SEAN: Has anyone else run out of time to read things? You’d think I’d be reading MORE in a pandemic, but…

MICHELLE: I have run out of brain to read things.

ANNA: My non-work reading and writing have suffered.

ASH: It’s strange but true.

MELINDA: What is time?

SEAN: Airship has the print debut of Failure Frame: I Became the Strongest and Annihilated Everything With Low-Level Spells. Also in print is the second ROLL OVER AND DIE: I Will Fight for an Ordinary Life with My Love and Cursed Sword!, and digital-first gives us the 2nd Trapped in a Dating Sim: The World of Otome Games is Tough for Mobs.

Dark Horse has a 7th Deluxe Hardcover edition of Berserk.

ASH: It’s probably no surprise that I’ll be picking that up.

SEAN: Drawn & Quarterly has a biggie: the late Shigeru Mizuki’s adaptation of Tono Monogatari, a famous collection of folklore. It ran in Shogakukan’s Big Comic.

ASH: My recent brief doesn’t truly do it justice, but I love this book.

MELINDA: Ash is persuasive!

SEAN: No debuts for J-Novel Club, but a lot of new volumes of beloved series. We see Ascendance of a Bookworm 11, Bibliophile Princess 5, the 2nd manga volume of The Engagement of Marielle Clarac, Girls Kingdom 2, Infinite Dendrogram 14, the 5th manga volume of The Master of Ragnarok & Blesser of Einherjar, and Slayers 6.

ASH: Yay, Bookworm!

SEAN: Kaiten Books has a debut with Welcome to the Outcast’s Restaurant, a manga version of the light novel we’ve seen released here by Tentai Books. A strong adventurer, banished by his party, starts a restaurant, and has to deal with his customers’ varied issues.

ASH: There seems to be a surprising number of these types of restaurants.

SEAN: Kodansha has some print. There’s Grand Blue Dreaming 12, Rent-a-Girlfriend 5, Saint Young Men 5 (in hardcover omnibus), and the 14th and final Waiting for Spring.

MICHELLE: I’ve been waiting for Waiting for Spring‘s finale for ages!

ANNA: I have the first volume and I still haven’t read it!

ASH: I’ve liked what I’ve read of Waiting for Spring so far, but Saint Young Men has most of my attention from this batch.

MELINDA: Same here!

SEAN: For digital, the debut is Shaman King: Marcos, which runs in Shonen Magazine Edge, and is MORE SHAMAN KING.

Also digital: A Couple of Cuckoos 3, Ace of the Diamond 31, Peach Boy Riverside 5, Saint Young Men 10, Seven Shakespeares 15, and We Must Never Fall in Love 7.

MICHELLE: A baseball binge is in store for me!

SEAN: Seven Seas has two debuts. The first had an anime recently, and it’s called Super HxEros (Dokyuu Hentai HxEros). Despite the Japanese title, this isn’t quite porn, but it does run on fanservice. Aliens are sapping the world’s lust, and only superheroes who can use their own lust to power up can stop them. This runs in Jump Square, home of Blue Exorcist, believe it or not, and is 11+ volumes in Japan.

The other debut is Wonder Cat Kyuu-chan (Fushigi Neko no Kyuu-chan), a 4-koma about an office worker who finds an abandoned cat that proves to be… a wonder cat! This looks very cute.

ANNA: That does sound cute.

ASH: It does.

SEAN: Also from Seven Seas: Akashic Records of Bastard Magical Instructor 11, Arifureta: From Commonplace to World’s Strongest 6 (manga), Arpeggio of Blue Steel 17, Peter Grill and the Philosopher’s Time 4, The Ideal Sponger Life 8 (manga), The Saint’s Magic Power Is Omnipotent 2 (manga), and We Swore to Meet in the Next Life and That’s When Things Got Weird! 2.

SuBLime gives us Caste Heaven 5 and the 2nd and final volume of Toritan – Birds of a Feather.

MICHELLE: I need to check out Toritan. Caste Heaven was not for me.

ASH: I haven’t tried Caste Heaven yet, but I really liked the first volume of Toritan. I didn’t realize it was only two volumes long.

SEAN: Tokyopop has Katakoi Lamp, a BL title from Rutile. A young man working at a coffee shop falls for a customer, but can he work up the courage to confess?

They also have the 2nd volume of Ossan Idol!.

Vertical has a 9th volume of Flying Witch and a 3rd With a Dog AND a Cat, Every Day is Fun.

Viz has Tokyo Fashion: A Comic Book, an illustrated guide to building your wardrobe and looking good.

ASH: Oh, that could be interesting!

SEAN: We also have Fly Me to the Moon 4, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess 8, RIN-NE 38, and Splatoon: Squid Kids Comedy Show 3.

Yen On has a debut, with The Executioner and Her Way of Life (Shokei Shoujo no Ikirumichi), about a woman whose job it is to STOP isekai protagonists – they keep bringing chaos whenever they arrive! Unfortunately, the girl she meets may be more than she can handle. Nice seeing more yuri light novels.

ASH: That is kind of a delightful and cathartic twist to the isekai deluge. And it’s yuri, too? I may have to check it out!

SEAN: Yen On also has Combatants Will Be Dispatched! 5.

Three debuts from Yen Press. I Cannot Reach You (Kimi ni wa Todokanai) is a BL series from Media Factory’s Gene Pixiv, and is a childhood friend romance sort of story. It looks sweet.

MICHELLE: I’m really looking forward to this one!

ASH: Me, too!

MELINDA: Okay, yes, THIS.

SEAN: SEAN: Play It Cool, Guys (Cool Doji Danshi) runs in Square Enix’s Gangan Pixiv, and features a bunch of cool guys who are secretly… awkward dorks! This seems more on the funny side.

ASH: Could be fun!

SEAN: Penguin Gentlemen (Penguin Shinshi) is a done-in-one hardcover about a group of penguins who run a bar. Sometimes they’re drawn as penguins… and sometimes they’re drawn as buff hot guys. This ran in Kadokawa’s Pixiv Essay.

ANNA: This sounds hilarious.

ASH: It really does, in the best sort of way.

MELINDA: This sounds amazing.

SEAN: Lastly, Yen has Happy Sugar Life 8, I’ve Been Killing Slimes for 300 Years 5 (manga), Kakegurui Twin 9, and Restaurant to Another World 4.

What series are you falling more and more behind on?

MICHELLE: ALL OF THEM.

ANNA: SO MANY SERIES!

MELINDA: I REPEAT, WHAT IS TIME?

By: Sean Gaffney

ewbts - my top moments

no i will never stop laughing at that abbreviation it’s beautiful. buckle in because this is gonna be long, and probably don’t read it unless you’ve watched/read kuroko’s basketball and like izuki lmaoooo

chapter 1: hatchling, awaken

Izuki swallows. “Why do you all think I can do this?”

Then Kiyoshi turns to him with steel in his eyes (that must be how he got nicknamed Iron Heart - he seriously never backs down!) and asks him very clearly, “Why don’t you?”

Why don’t I think I can be captain?

“Because nobody thought I could be until now.”

aka “ceru is a masochist”, exhibit 1/???. anyway lets hear it for insecurities!!

chapter 2: liftoff

Predictably, Kuroko drags him aside at practice the next day and says, “I have something to tell you, Izuki-senpai.”

Izuki smiles at him. “Is it about your five evil exes?”

Kuroko looks horrified. “My what?!”

i think im funny

chapter 3: crash landing

As Izuki walks off the court, he looks for flashing glasses and grey eyes.

He curses himself for the heavy sadness that falls over him like a blanket when he doesn’t spot them.

yay for “ceru is a masochist” exhibit 2!

Oh, he [Izuki] watched videos of Aomine, came up with strategy after strategy to corner him, but videos and strategies can only go so far. Aomine in real life is something else entirely, a flash of lightning setting the court on fire with the sheer elegance of his crazy street basketball. All one can do is sit back and watch, awed beyond belief. Nothing can curb the wild madness that is Aomine Daiki – unrestrained, gleeful insanity dancing across the court like it’s his playground.

i also rlly like this line, it has some pretty imagery and we all know im a slut for pretty imagery~

chapter 4: a broken bone grows back stronger

“All right,” Koganei says to himself, moving to stand in front of the hoop. “One more time.”

He jumps, raising the ball to just above his face and releasing it. It misses, and he lets out a cry of frustration.

Can he even do this? Is it worth the time?

Koganei bites back the wave of guilt that washes over him at the thought. Izuki, Kiyoshi, Tsuchida, Rinnosuke, Kagami, Kuroko – he’d be letting them down if he didn’t give this his best shot. They’re all so dedicated to basketball that they each have a special skill honed from years of practice and love for the sport. If he can’t bring anything of his own to the table, what will he mean to this team? Seirin makes him want to be a team player, to add his skills to theirs rather than shining on his own. The change is good, yes, but he doesn’t want to stop there – he doesn’t want to be useless.

He will not be useless.

a bit of context: in this fic, since hyuuga did not return, koga became the SG for seirin :D i think my favorite character to develop, apart from izuki, was koganei - it was so fun to imagine all the ways he could have gone!

chapter 5: spreading new wings

All too soon, the day of judgment arrives, and Seirin convenes in the gym one last time before they head off to the Winter Cup building. No one says anything; not Kagami, fresh from his training trip to America, not Izuki, not Kiyoshi or Riko. They simply stand there, breathing in the scent of cleaner and leather and something else that’s so entirely Seirin, and knowing that no matter what happens this Winter Cup, they will return to the gym different people than they were before.

Different, and better.

Then they head out and off to the opening ceremony of the Winter Cup, not looking back once as they do.

yay for more pretty words!!!

“Oh, no worries. The actual motivational part is coming. Anyway, as I was saying – Tōō was just better than us that day. It’s hard to admit, I know: far easier to blame yourself, say you didn’t give it your all, but you know; we all know. It was their day to shine, not ours. But I think we’ve worked hard enough and are in a good enough mindset to change that, today. We aren’t scared or apprehensive about Tōō and Aomine, because we’ve faced them before. We know what attitude they’ll walk into our game with, and that’s what we’re going to exploit!”

“You’re going to exploit,” corrects Tsuchida. “Unlike you, the rest of us aren’t manipulative bastards.”

That raises a bunch of cackles, which quiet down when Izuki gives his team a glare. It doesn’t work on Riko, however, who sniggers under her breath and smirks at him.

izuki highkey sucks at pep talks lmao

chapter 6: ride the storm

Kagami and Aomine were made for each other. Made for this rivalry, this intense competition that will push them to their very limits and carry them onto a plane that no ordinary human can reach. Neither can defeat the other per se - they’re destined to stand neck and neck forever. However, one has a trump card on his side; and that trump card can make all the difference in the world.

Aomine Daiki may be strong, but Kagami Taiga is just as good. And damn him if the power of Kagami’s determination coupled with Kuroko’s unshakeable support won’t overwhelm the undisputed king of basketball.

Move aside, light bulb, Izuki thinks vindictively. The tube light is here to replace you.

pretty words. gay words. i love them (aokaga + izuki being a salt man lmao).

chapter 7: eagle versus aegis

“So bitter,” he [Izuki] reflects aloud, answering Himuro’s question.

That’s the emotion in his eyes. That’s what I might have become, if I had let my anger grow.

And suddenly he isn’t seeing Himuro Tatsuya anymore, but a version of himself, a version with darkened eyes and a mocking smile and pain and rage bubbling below the surface. Immensely talented, but not able to break the last barrier. Because he’s an ordinary man, and it’s as much as an ordinary man can do.

Strong, so strong. But also so terribly, heartbreakingly weak. Weak in a way that today’s Izuki Shun will never be.

GOD where do i even start w/this scene its literally everything i’ve ever wanted to write ksjfhsfj

chapter 8: clawing through mirages

Izuki’s taken aback for a millisecond before he continues his mad dash towards Murasakibara, letting out a war cry as the center makes to simply toss the ball into the hoop.

“It wasn’t their intention,” says a quiet but familiar voice. “But, this is the result of Kiyoshi-senpai and the other upperclassmen’s tenacity.”

Izuki grins, feeling new strength fill him up.

Together, huh? Okay. Together.

“This is where it ends for you!” shouts the voice, becoming stronger.

Not one, but two hands knock the ball out of Murasakibara’s hands and onto the ground. Kuroko shimmers into vision, smiling at Izuki with all the happiness in the world, just as the final buzzer rings.

i loved writing this match tbh, yousen is super underrated!

chapter 9: catch the updraft

21 - 22, in their favour at long last. Izuki grins at Kasamatsu, who shakes his head wearily.

“Using my own advice against me. What a terrible student you are,” he says, affecting an old man’s voice.

“The true student is the one who beats the master at his own game,” Izuki says quickly, sliding back into their familiar banter. “I swore to myself, my drive would beat your drive today, kitakore.”

“When did you get so wise?” asks Kasamatsu with a sigh, ignoring his pun and receiving the ball from Kobori, who was quick to grab it once Koga scored. Izuki just laughs, not bothering to reply and instead focusing carefully on Kasamatsu’s movements.

Kasamatsu shifts his weight right, left, then right again. Izuki narrows his eyes, trying to figure out what the hell his upperclassman is doing—

But it’s far too late, as Kasamatsu successfully passes through his defence in his moment of distraction, ball clutched tightly in hand. The sound of the scoring whistle is shrill and unpleasant to Izuki’s ears, and his chest stings at the loss.

“What was that about the main course?” Kasamatsu teases, wearing an enormous grin as he comes forward to guard Izuki once more. 

izuki + kasamatsu banter is so so fun to write y’all have no idea

chapter 10: headwinds

This is your fault. If you’d been a better captain, a better point guard, a better everything, none of this would’ve happened. Seirin would have been well in the lead and controlling the game—

Izuki shakes his head violently, trying to get rid of his intrusive thoughts. He knows he’s a good captain, and doing this to himself will do no good for the rest of the team. He has to be strong for them. He has to lead them to victory, he can’t be a weak person overwhelmed by emotion. But it’s so hard to breathe, suddenly, and Izuki’s about to sink when—

“Don’t worry, Captain. I’ll take care of this match today,” says a confident and familiar voice, and a hand claps down on Izuki’s shoulder. He turns, a little surprised by the sudden contact, to find Koganei’s cat mouth set in a determined frown. “You can rest your hopes on me. I’ll be Seirin’s wings for as long as you need me to.”

kogazuki brotp feels man. kogazuki brotp feels.

chapter 11: cliff edge

Riko nods, sobering up a little. “I do know. And… I have to admit, I was a little harsh on you in the early days… I kept comparing you to Hyūga-kun.” She looks at the ground briefly, then raises her head to continue, meeting Izuki’s eyes with no hint of doubt in her own brown irises. “But then I saw how different you were. How you were never willing to give up, even if you were the worst player in the world. That’s what… that’s what made me truly believe in you.” She swallows thickly, taking a deep breath, but not averting her gaze from his.

The honesty and trust in her eyes is what shatters Izuki’s calm.

He steps forward, and she rises too, opening her arms. Then he hugs her tightly, murmuring, “Thank you for having faith in me.”

The “Of course. You’re family,” that she whispers back fills Izuki’s already overflowing heart even further.

Eventually, he lets her go, and she drops lightly to the ground, straightening her sweater and skirt.

“We never speak of this,” Izuki warns her, moving towards the door of the room.

Riko nods, back to her usual haughty demeanour. “Of course. No one can know we’re actually big softies who care a lot for each other.”

“To them, we’re just sarcastic jerks,” Izuki agrees. “And that’s the way it stays.”

anyone said izuriko brotp???? this fic is just platonic feels tbh

chapter 12: overcast skies

What should I do? Someone tell me! the voice cries out in Izuki’s head, a voice he hasn’t heard since the loss to Tōō. It is the same voice that whispers all his insecurities in his ear in the dead of night when no one is around to reassure him, the same voice that gave rise to all his fears and worries. It is the voice of the vulnerable and weak part of Izuki, the one that needs someone to guide him with a gentle hand, and he hates it.

It is a voice that, frankly, he never thought he would hear again. Yet, here it is, crying out for attention, screaming for someone to help.

He thought he had left it behind. It turns out he was wrong.

Izuki shoves it deep into his heart with more effort than he’s exerted all game, breathing a heavy sigh when he succeeds in locking it behind the glass wall that keeps his emotions away.

let’s hear it for “ceru is a masochist” exhibit 3~

chapter 13: nosedive

“I don’t know who you are,” Koganei completes his little speech, anger brimming in every part of his being. “But I know that my captain is Izuki Shun, not Akashi Seijūrō. The coach can bench you if she likes; we can fight without our captain, because we know he wants us to win for his sake. We’ve been fighting without him all the match, and we can continue doing so. We don’t need a player that can’t play with the same passion as us!”

Izuki looks at the ground and doesn’t respond. Somewhere within, something is stirring at Koganei’s words. Something that cries out to fill the gap inside him.

Next to speak is Kiyoshi, standing up and executing much the same move as Koga had by yanking Izuki up by his collar. However, Kiyoshi pulls Izuki into a standing position so that Izuki is half-leaning against him.

Brown eyes meet black, and Kiyoshi simply states, “I didn’t expect this from you, Shun.”

Then he rears his fist backwards and punches Izuki in the jaw.

“ceru is a masochist” exhibit 4!

chapter 14: bird of prey

“I just… I didn’t think you’d give up so easily.”

Koganei’s head shoots up. There’s fury in his eyes, and his face is white. His hands are shaking.

Izuki continues, calm and careless as he always is, “Really… after you gave me all that talk at halftime? I don’t believe this is you.”

Koganei’s jaw clenches, and he cries, “But I have done everything I can! He’s just too good—”

“And when has that ever stopped you?” Izuki keeps his voice quiet and even, but it has the gravity he intended it to - Koga falls silent immediately, eyes wide and riveted on him. “When have you ever backed down from fighting? You don’t know the meaning of giving up. You’ve never cared about whether someone’s better than you. I knew a shooting guard once, just like you, and he had the potential to be the greatest in the world. He was held back because he cared that he was worse than others. But you? You never blinked at it, just practised and practised until you could do the impossible.”

His words are getting louder with pride; he’s unable to keep it steady with the outpouring of emotion in his speech.

“Tell me, who can master Ray Allen’s form in one and a half years? Who can be such a rookie at basketball, yet be able to fight an Uncrowned King and respond to a shot that has left all its previous victims unable to move?!” Izuki leans forward and jabs a finger into Koganei’s chest demandingly. “Tell me, who the hell was that?!”

“Me,” Koga whispers timidly, looking down.

ahhhh yay for more platonic comfort and bonding. *izuki voice* yelling is the way to get ur team to get their shit tgt

chapter 15: born to soar

Izuki finds himself moving, barely thinking as he grabs the ball and bawls for an attack. He’s running faster than he ever has, flying up the court like there are wings on his legs. No one follows at his pace - they’re all too far behind.

No one but Kiyoshi.

The rhythm beats louder than ever, a heavy pulse in Izuki’s head and heart. He can feel Akashi on his heels and knows he needs to do something.

One second left—

Izuki’s hands move on their own, passing the ball to the one person he knows that he will always find.

Kiyoshi catches it and jumps.

Fortyfivethirtyfivetwentyfivefifteen—

The ball leaves his hands.

Fivezero—

The whistle blows to end the game. Kiyoshi’s shot hits the backboard and drops straight into the basket. Time stops as a shrill sound screeches into the air and the ref shouts, “124 to 123, Seirin High wins the Winter Cup!”

there we go. the most heartwrenching scene of this chapter ahhhhh

chapter 16: final flight

“We should go. Don’t want to keep them waiting too long,” Kiyoshi says, staring daggers at Hyūga, who to his credit doesn’t flinch but merely stares back.

“Let’s go, then,” Izuki agrees. He looks straight at Hyūga and allows a small, formal smile to play on his lips. Hyūga just nods, accepting the answer.

Izuki nods back, then turns around and starts walking away. But even as he moves toward the exit, something weighs heavily in his tired chest. For the first time in a long time, he isn’t confident in his decision.

Acting on impulse, he turns on his heel and yells out, “Call sometime, maybe!” before walking backwards out the door that Kiyoshi holds for him.

It’s an open-ended suggestion. Hyūga can choose to wallow and ignore it, or he can choose to pick up the phone. Izuki isn’t going to do so either way - he’ll be happy if Hyūga makes that call, but he won’t be terribly sad if he doesn't.

This time, he’s going to be the one that walks forward without looking back.

ahhh okay so this scene means a hella lot to me personally because... i had to grow, the way izuki grew. izuki’s now strong enough to sort of put the olive branch out and say, “take it or leave it,” and if it’s left he’s not gonna be upset. that’s something i really learned with a lot of difficulty and i think that that growth - in both me and him - is a lovely thing.

and there we have it! my favorite moments from each chapter of this story. *cries in a corner* god i can’t believe it’s over...

THANK YOU FOR THE JOURNEY!

Mitsuki Izumi Twelve Hits! Rabbit Chat Part 3: Request Hits 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 | Part 5

Mitsuki: Sorry for making you all wait! I'm fine now!

Tsumugi: Now that everyone has returned, let's resume the questions. There's still some left to go!

Tsumugi: Mitsuki-san, it's your turn!

Mitsuki: My request for myself is to read one extra bit of mail from the listeners!

Tsumugi: Mail?

Mitsuki: I can't do anything about the fact that there's too many messages for me to read, but I wanted to read at least one more than I normally would. I'm sure all the people who send mail put a lot of effort into it.

Tenn: You care just as much for your fans, then.

Mitsuki: They're basically like a treasure to me!

Mitsuki: But I guess I also wanna introduce them to everyone, so they can listen to the kind of mail I get!

Tenn: Your fans must like that, too. Knowing that the things they send make you so happy.

Tsumugi: Kujo-san's right! Thank you for a lovely request.

Tsumugi: Yamato-san, you're next!

Yamato: Tell us about your shady past.

Yamato: How's that?

Mitsuki: Uh... My shady past~!?

Mitsuki: I bet you typed that out with the smuggest look on your face, lol

Yamato: You've got the image of this cheerful and energetic guy, don't you have anything that could change that? (lol)

Iori: Wait. That's enough.

Iori: Our agency can't allow that, right, manager?

Tsumugi: Huh!?

Iori: Nii-san has no shady past, and we're not going to do anything that would mess up his image.

Yamato: Wait, how would you know?

Iori: I don't, either. Since I'm a perfect high schooler.

Tamaki: Huh? You don't? I bet you totally do, though

Iori: Quiet.

Yamato: Don't you wanna find out, Ichi?

Mitsuki: Hey, Iori. Why are you taking so long to reply to this one? lol

Iori: I-I'm sorry, Nii-san.

Tsumugi: As far as our agency goes, I suppose it would depend on what exactly his "shady past" entails! We should discuss this later, Yamato-san and Mitsuki-san!

Tsumugi: Yaotome-san, it's time for your request!

Gaku: Oh, my turn. I guess mine would be to give a message to yourself in 10 years.

Mitsuki: Aaaagh, that one sounds super embarrassing, lololol

Gaku: Why? Don't you have stuff you wanna do or be? Might as well let it all out for this show.

Gaku: I don't care if it's serious or not.

Mitsuki: Stuff I wanna do or be... Yeah, of course I have something like that!

Mitsuki: But it's embarrassing!

Mitsuki: First you ask me about my past, and now it's my future. Though at least you're not asking me to talk about anything shady, lololol

Yamato: Your shady past could involve something really moving, couldn't it?

Gaku: Like what? (lol)

Tsumugi: You're both very eager to know more about Mitsuki-san!

Mitsuki: I don't think I'll be any different by then!

Mitsuki: But I guess I'll think of something. Thanks, Yaotome! And you too, geezer!

Gaku: Yeah. You're welcome.

Yamato: No problem.

Tsumugi: That was a heartwarming request! Thank you, Yaotome-san!

Tsumugi: Tsunashi-san, are you ready?

Ryunosuke: I want some fanservice from Mitsuki-kun!

Mitsuki: Wha...

Mitsuki: I laughed so hard I spilled my coffee!!!

Mitsuki: Fanservice!? From me? To you?

Ryunosuke: When I see you do fanservice during lives, I find myself thinking  about how cool you are for  responding to each and  every fan. And your fans  look really happy about it.

Ryunosuke: I want to follow your example!

Mitsuki: No, wait, hold on..! Your fanservice is already so manly and sexy that it nearly makes your fans faint, so wouldn't improving on it any more than that be dangerous..!?

Ryunosuke: So you can't do it? I guess it would be difficult, since this is a radio broadcast we're talking about...

Momo: It's a great idea~! I wanna get some fanservice from Mitsuki, too!

Yuki: It does sound nice. Do something wild for me

Mitsuki: Wild, lololol

Mitsuki: Wait, I need to do it for Momo-san and Yuki-san, too!?

Riku: Me! Me! I want some, too!

Nagi: As do I.

Tamaki: And me.

Iori: You're all in the same group as him!

Riku: Ah... but he could do it for me during his unit song!

Nagi: Not for me, however... :,-(

Mitsuki: I'll do it for you guys at the dorm, lololol

Nagi: Thank you. You are a wonderful, service-oriented idol!

Riku: Yay!

Tamaki: 

Sogo: We'll have to build a stage in the living room.

Yamato: This is getting pretty serious (lol)

Ryunosuke: That's great, you three!

Mitsuki: As for Tsunashi-san and the others, can we just agree that I'll do it in case I happen to draw that request on air?

Ryunosuke: Thank you, Mitsuki-kun! I'll be praying that you draw my request.

Momo: (o'3`d)☆

Yuki: (o'3`d)☆

Mitsuki: Aaaah! This is all just so embarrassing... lol

Tsumugi: I'm sure it'll make for a fun corner if Tsunashi-san's request is chosen!

Tsumugi: Momo-san, it's your turn.

Momo: Okay! My request is that Mitsuki takes a crack at breaking my stick-and-ball record!

Momo: The two of us have been pretty into it lately~. It'll be a good change of pace, and it's fun, too!

Mitsuki: You mastered the around-the-world technique the other day, didn't you!

Momo: Yep! The combo! But I still mess it up most of the time~.

Mitsuki: The hole in the ball always ends up somewhere random the more you keep doing moves.

Mitsuki: I guess it's better to just do one move at a

Mitsuki: ...Sorry, lol I got way too into this, lol

Momo: This turned into a stick-and- ball chat, lol

Yuki: You're like a pair of boys

Momo: I am a boy, Darling lololol

Mitsuki: But about your request, I think it'd be difficult to do over radio. They'd only be able to hear me playing...

Momo: Ohoho! That's where your in-depth live commentary comes in!

Mitsuki: Huh!? I have to talk while I play?

Mitsuki: Wouldn't that be really difficult!?

Momo: That's what makes it fun~! We can practice together some more before your show (∩´∀`)∩

Mitsuki: I could definitely use that, lol

Tsumugi: It's an unexpected request, but it sounds fun!

Tsumugi: Yuki-san, we need one final request from you!

Yuki: My request is a cooking song

Mitsuki: A cooking song?

Yuki: Like a cooking version of those songs they use to teach kids how to draw things. You're a great cook, so I want you to sing some recipes I don't know.

Mitsuki: Sing, lololol

Mitsuki: Why do I need to sing, lololol

Momo: Because the parody song from Yamato's show was so funny to him, I guess? After he heard it, he was doubled over and shaking for a pretty long while, lol

Yuki: It was so funny I almost couldn't breathe

Mitsuki: Ah, that song, lolol

Yamato: Aaaaaaaaaahhh

Yamato: Let's not talk about that!!!

Yuki: Thank you for singing such a lovely song for me, Yamato-kun ^^

Yamato: You better watch out once your turn rolls around...

Mitsuki: I've never made a song before, but I'll think about it, lol I've got a few recipes from my grandma that use wild herbs, would that do?

Yuki: Wild herbs sound good. They're perfect for this time of the year, too.

Tsumugi: I'd like to hear Mitsuki-san's cooking song, too!

Tsumugi: I've got all of your requests. Thank you all for the fun ideas!

Mitsuki: Thank you!

Momo: So now it's time for Mitsuki to come up with requests for the rest of us ★

Sogo: Ask anything, Mitsuki-san.

Choices/outcomes:

1. Do you have a request for us?

Mitsuki: That's the thing, I don't have anything in particular. You eat everything I cook without complaints, and I love you guys!

2. Do you have a request for TRIGGER?

Mitsuki: I want to have dinner with all three of them! I get to see Kujo even more rarely than the others, so let me arrange something!

3. Do you have a request for Re:vale?

Mitsuki: Feel free to invite us on your show whenever! I'll think of some project we can do together, lol

Mitsuki: Just being able to keep having fun with you is enough for me, though!

Yuki: It's almost your birthday, so you could at least ask us to rent an entire island for your party.

Momo: Would you even go to a party on an island!?

Yuki: Yeah? But I'd only stay indoors

Iori: If that's what Nii-san wants, I'll look around for an island we could rent.

Mitsuki: I think a room at a karaoke place is more than enough for me, lol

Yuki: It's still a little early, but. Happy birthday

Ryunosuke: Happy birthday! Do your best at the radio show!

Momo: ・:*:・:(*P'v`q)☆ Happy Birthday dear Mitsuki ☆(*P'v`q):・:*:・ I'll message you about our stick-and-ball practice later!

Tenn: Happy birthday.

Gaku: Happy birthday. Talk to you again sometime!

Banri: Happy birthday, Mitsuki-kun! Thank you for being IDOLiSH7's cheerful mood maker. I hope you'll have another great year!

Rinto: Happy birthday!

Kaoru: Happy birthday. I hope you'll continue to treat our boys well.

Tsumugi: And a happy birthday from me, as well!

Mitsuki: Wow! Thank you! It makes me really happy that you're always celebrating with me..!

Mitsuki: I'm gonna keep working on becoming a new me, so I hope you'll support me!

Nagi: Mitsuki, I will not wish you a happy birthday yet. Our special night together has only just begun.

Sogo: A special night... When Nagi-kun says that, it kind of makes your heart race.

Tamaki: We're pretty used to it by now, though

Mitsuki: Thanks to you guys, too! I'll do my best with the broadcast!

On being diagnosed with ADHD in midlife

@campfiresbeerandcoffee got diagnosed with ADHD in their early 50s and I asked them to share their story. 

It’s kinda long but its a damn interesting read about a person’s experience with ADHD and a late diagnosis. It’s VERY well written and I’ve only spaced it out and bolded it for better readability.

Remember, it’s really NEVER too late to get a diagnosis.

I’ve known people with ADHD most of my life. I knew what it was, obviously. It was that boy who was socially inappropriate and weird, the one who got angry too fast, who touched oddly, who couldn’t sit still. 

It was the squirrel brained women I knew, that changed jobs, were super smart, had multiple competencies and could instantly grasp systems, but had so much drive they were always up, always working, always learning. It wasn’t ME.

It didn’t even occur to me that I had ADHD. I wasn’t a problem. I sat quietly in class, lost in my own thoughts, doodling. I could focus for hours on books, on coding, on the grains of sand on a sunny beach. I certainly didn’t have an attention disorder. 

My dad died in my 2nd year of uni. I didn’t do well. Well meaning counselors said I was high strung and should avoid all sugar and stimulants. Are you kidding? Caffeine kept me sane. Eventually I changed majors, and managed to graduate with a BA.

I even managed to get into grad school, and did entrepreneur things too. But eventually I crumbled again and didn’t finish my thesis. I had anger issues. I was high then low. I would rage and weep. I’d spend weeks in apathy, when I had everything I wanted: a business, a wife, wonderful family. But it was a long dark bleak tunnel every day.

Then I heard a radio show on chronic depression and recognized my symptoms. Got some help and medication, and managed to co-found a company.  The anti-depression meds helped, settling on Wellbutrin eventually. But things were still hard.

I got a straight job to help my wife start her career. I worked in an office, coding and structuring information systems. Prestige, recognition, it was great for my ego, good benefits and fair pay. 

10 years in this high performance position I crashed from accumulated stress when my mom died. I was prepared with Wellbutrin and counselling and even so I burned out with major depression and anxiety and ptsd symptoms.  

Took 3 years off work before I dared to take a job with minimal responsibility. In that time I had full on major ADHD symptoms but didn’t recognize them. I couldn’t say what I did all day. 

I couldn’t make a list, couldn’t go in the store. Couldn’t read. Couldn't feed myself. Couldn’t clean. Couldn’t listen. Just- floated in a fog of stress and anxiety. Developed skin issues, auto-immune issues, insomnia, eye twitches. Couldn’t even sit at a computer screen. I was completely useless. Couldn’t leave the house.

Eventually tho, as I worked through what I thought was PTSD, learning to accept the new broken me, I was able to watch a full 20 minute sitcom. Success! I was elated. Who could I tell? Who would celebrate that as an achievement? Yay, you watched TV? Pffft. 

But I was thrilled. And I could go to the store. Maybe even buy a few things. Often I’d just sit in the parking lot. But increasingly I could do some things around the house. Walk the dogs. Buy milk. So I accepted when opportunity offered me a lower-stress job related to my interests.

At my new job, I learned to make eye contact again, slowly re-learned to do simple math again. Cashing out would take me over an hour. I tried so hard to remember names and orders. Failed miserably. Tried to accept the new no-brain me. Found comfort in routine tasks. Developed coping strategies for memory. Accepted that maybe my purpose was to be a heart not a brain. My whole self-worth was always being the smart expert. Now I was busted. But that was ok, because it had to be! 

Medicated with prescription cannabis and started seeing big improvements in depressive symptoms. That led to being able to exercise. Exercise helped immensely. So I was bringing in a bit of money, I was leaving the house and interacting, and felt much better.

Met a co-worker who told me about her ADHD. I understood completely. Had my first “a-ha!” moment when someone asked me how was it that  I understood her. Oh. OH! Other people don’t understand her, and I do. Why?

But, I couldn’t be ADHD, surely? My coworker was classic ADHD in the way I then understood it. Changing topics all over in conversation, but I’d follow right along? We’d chat for hours after work. I grew to admire her strategies for getting things done, her tenacity, her acceptance that she could do things differently. 

And as I admired her force-of-nature engagement with the world, her acceptance of herself, I started to be open to the idea that there was more to ADHD than I thought. I really didn’t think I was ADHD, but how was it I could understand and keep up with her? And when I asked her about it, she looked at me like of course I probably had ADHD, and she thought I already knew?

So after working with her for 2 years I started to read about ADHD, because I was experiencing a little less stress and could focus to read again. But I hadn’t found out yet about the emotional dysregulation. I just knew I was functioning again, kinda. And so I embraced the feelings. I chased them, like an addict, seeking to feel good again.  

And boy did it feel good to let myself feel. I’d learned to build a box around my emotions, because I was always too sensitive, too happy, too sad, too worried. At my coding job, I just lost myself in matrices and code and denied my emotions.  My coworkers had affectionately called me Mr. Roboto. That hurt. But that was the old me. Now, I was going to LIVE and FEEL HAPPY, and it was great. I was elated. 

I partied and made new friends and drank too much and got stoned too much and talked too much and in my exploration  I left such wreckage around me. I was oblivious at first. But when I saw what I’d done, I was in torment. If I couldn’t be a brain, and I couldn’t be a heart, then what good was I? I desperately wanted to be ordinary, but I didn’t know how, and I was going to lose everything.

And then as I tried to get a handle on my behavior, some ADHD memes popped up on social media, and then they popped up with a funny story and I related. And again. And again. And I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Your blog specifically woke me up to the emotional dysregulation aspect, and following that thread of research made my likely ADHD undeniable. So I did the predictable thing and denied it for another year.

Finally I went in for assessment because if I had it, I couldn’t let my kids go untested and if I was going to ask them to try, I had to start with me. Doc didn’t even blink. Basically said, of course you have ADHD. 

This has been everyone’s reaction, when I share my diagnosis with my friends: “Are you really surprised, really?” Yes, dammit, I am! It’s surprising and hard to hear, yes, you are in fact broken. But it’s also freeing. I can stop beating myself up.  I can get appropriate help. I can try meds.

I am terrified of stimulants, because I’m super sensitive to caffeine, and even Wellbutrin was unsustainable for me, causing too much jitters. But I’m taking my Vyvanse and being hopeful. If it doesn’t work out, there is a non stimulant option.

 I know meds won’t solve everything. I know that I have so many of the strategies already, I recognize them in the ADHD forums, and books. But maybe meds will leave me enough energy to address things. Maybe I’ll be able to Get Things Done.

This medicated hopeful happiness does feel a bit like mania, I’ve learned to be distrustful of my happiness. But if it’s going to be helpful, I’m going to try it.  It’s early days.

I’m reading Gina Petra’s Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder. And it’s wrenching. I knew my latest crisis was hard on my family, but I didn’t realize it’s been the whole marriage, it’s been my whole life, school, college, career, midlife! It’s enlightening but hard to read testimonials from people living with untreated ADHD partners, and recognize myself in their stories. I had no idea of the extent ADHD was contributing to my personality and behavior.

My wife and kids deserve to be off the rollercoaster. I also deserve to be happy. I want to look forward to each day again instead of waking up knowing I’m going to fuck up again.

So it’s not a comfortable place to be, here in the spotlight. But it sure as hell beats being in the dark and blindly flinging myself in a new direction. It’s revealing. It means taking personal responsibility. 

But it also means hope. Hope that it can be better. Hope I can stop hurting the people I love. Hope I can be the person I want to be, the person I’ve been on occasion. It means hope for sustainable stable relationships and jobs. 

K I S S

Day 7 - It's New Year's Eve.

Warnings - Berry!AU, Fluff, Gabriel will be Gabriel

‘Castiel? Did you get the picnic baskets? We’re going to be late!’ Dean yelled, starting up Baby. Jack and Berry jumped into the backseat, the large dog eagerly sniffing into the front seat and nosing at the pie.

  ‘Berry! No! That’s mine!’ Dean waved his hands making Berry whine in discontent. ‘You ate an hour ago! How fast is your metabolism?’

  ‘I have the picnic baskets, Dean.’ Castiel appeared in the backseat next to Berry, and Dean jumped slightly. 

  ‘Good. Sammy!’ Dean shouted. ‘Hurry up!’

  ‘Yes! Dean! I heard you the first time!’ Sam jumped into the passenger side, then eyes opened wide in shock.

  ‘Dean.’

  ‘Sam? What’s wrong?’

  ‘Did you really put the pie on the passenger side?’

  ‘Oh, Sammy, don’t tell me -- you sat on the pie!’ The older Winchester exclaimed, and Sam made a bitchface. 

  Sam groaned. ‘How is it my fault? There is literally so much space in the middle!’

  He got out of the passenger side to get a new pair of jeans, and Castiel thankfully snapped the pie better, and Dean actually moved it to the middle this time. 

🌻

  ‘Your late, Winchester.’ Michael yelled from the shore, already talking with Adam, who gave a little wave. Lucifer was complaining to Gabriel about the barbecue, and Jody and the other’s had fireworks ready. 

  Dean rolled his eyes at the comment and placed the food on the large multi-colored blanket laying on the floor, as Jack went to recieve attention from the girls and Castiel went to go talk to his older archangel brothers out of doing something stupid. Sam was taking off his shirt, and pants, and Dean looked at him confused. 

  ‘Where do you think you’re going like that?’ Dean eyed his body appreciatively. Sam didn’t answer but had a smug grin on his face, spraying on sunscreen. 

‘Into the ocean. You’re more than welcome to join me, you know.’ Sam’s smile is absolutely filthy, and Dean has to control himself from pinning Sam onto the sand and fucking him senseless right then and there. 

  ‘I think I will.’ The older hunter is already taking off his top, and running into the ocean after him. The ocean is cold against his open skin, and he shivers. He can’t even remember the last time he was this happy. Where the threat of darkness was around every corner, someone always wanted to put them six feet under, or simply torture them. 

  He splashes Sam, and the younger Winchester yelps and turns around. ‘Dean!’

  ‘Huh? What happened - ack!’ Dean chokes when sea water gets into his mouth, and Sam, the little shit, is laughing and dives into the ocean and goes further out. ‘You!’

  ‘Me?’ 

  ‘C’mere!’ He growls, and their little game of predator and prey starts, splashing each other and playing in the ocean. Eventually, Sam slips up and lands backwards into the water and immediately shoots up for air, coughing and pushing his hair back. Dean latches onto his waist then, spinning him around and kissing him breathless. 

  ‘Hey! You two, it isn’t even midnight!’ Gabriel shouts from the shore, where he’s building a sandcastle with Jack [and it’s huge, almost a story big.] ‘Can’t you wait a couple of more hours?’

  The brothers break apart laughing. 

  🌻

  3 minutes to midnight. 

  The stars shine brighter than ever, Raphael’s made sure of it. They’re setting up the fireworks, so it’ll be one huge explosion at midnight. The whole night was a blur of colors, warmth touches, sounds of laughter and delicious scents. Charlie hung up string LED lights, and Claire feels like she hasn’t smiled that much in ages. 

  2 minutes to midnight.

  Castiel is trying to adopt the turtles from the sea, and drags Jack into helping him.

  1 minute to midnight.

  No one knows that somewhere, on the other side of the world, a cult has brought God back to life. Castiel is trying to get the turtle out of Berry’s mouth. Patience is teaching Adam how to connect the stars. 

10 seconds. 

  Castiel rushes to return the turtles to the sea. Everyone starts counting down.

  5 seconds. 

  Everyone is standing together, watching as Mary lights the fireworks. 

  3 seconds. 

  The fireworks are in the wrong direction, pointing towards them. Everyone starts running in different directions, and the brothers share a quick, chaste kiss before running too. It’s a promise, for more, for love, for forever. Laughing and dodging fireworks and screaming. 

  ‘Happy New Year!’ Jack shouts. 

  🌻

  It’s only 11 o’clock. Looks like Gabriel set everyone’s clocks on the wrong time.

He gets shot with a firework.  

—

YAY MORE BERRY!! i fricken love berry :’)

this entire piece is so warm and cozy to read! i loved everything about it, esp sam and dean playing about in the water. sam and dean getting frisky on beaches is a very weirdly specific kink of mine lmfao

AND THE ENDING!!! peak gabriel behavior :’)

happy new year to you, anon!! i hope you have a wonderful one ❤️

I won’t be the first or last person to marvel at how quickly February whizzed past, especially in comparison to January’s gauntlet. To be completely fair to February, it had the ongoing COVID-19 international epidemic, as well as the ABS-CBN shutdown crisis, the anti-terrorism bill, the reminder that historical revisionism re: the Marcos dictatorship is alive and well… and those were just the actual headlines.

I must digress before I spiral.

I read 12 books in February, half of which were newly released in this month. I’ve split my post up into three parts like I did last month: one-shots, parts of series, and re-reads. It seems to be working well for me.

  Prosper’s Demon by K.J. Parker

The unnamed and morally questionable narrator is an exorcist with great follow-through and few doubts. His methods aren’t delicate but they’re undeniably effective: he’ll get the demon out—he just doesn’t particularly care what happens to the person.

Prosper of Schanz is a man of science, determined to raise the world’s first philosopher-king, reared according to the purest principles. Too bad he’s demonically possessed.

After I read Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City last year, I knew that I wanted more by Parker. I considered delving into his back catalog, which I still will probably do, but I saw that he was releasing a new book in Feb 2020, so I jumped on that first. Prosper’s is exactly up my alley, what with the discussions of morality and the greater good with demons, and quite a bit of engineering. I’d admired the voice of the main character in Sixteen because he was dry and very caught up in doing what needed to be done, and the main character has the same appealing values. It’s a short read, but it sticks in the teeth and fills the belly.

  Paladin’s Grace by T. Kingfisher

Stephen’s god died on the longest day of the year…

Three years later, Stephen is a broken paladin, living only for the chance to be useful before he dies. But all that changes when he encounters a fugitive named Grace in an alley and witnesses an assassination attempt gone wrong. Now the pair must navigate a web of treachery, beset on all sides by spies and poisoners, while a cryptic killer stalks one step behind…

Kingfisher, also known as Ursula Vernon, tends to write capable and damaged characters falling in with each other and foiling plots. She also tends to write paladins very well, which is a personal delight. I always enjoy a Kingfisher story, because the characters do the sensible thing more often than not, and she deals with trauma very compassionately, from what I suspect is a personal viewpoint. Her books are also usually very funny, very disturbing, and no-nonsense, scratching that Terry Pratchett Witch itch when I miss him very much. Grace is along the same lines, with a good solid HEA that leaves everyone, including the reader, satisfied.

  Kindred, a Graphic Novel Adaptation by Octavia Butler, adapted by Damian Duffy and illustrated by John Jennings

I lost an arm on my last trip home.

Home is a new house with a loving husband in 1970s California that suddenly transformed in to the frightening world of the antebellum South.

Dana, a young black writer, can’t explain how she is transported across time and space to a plantation in Maryland. But she does quickly understand why: to deal with the troubles of Rufus, a conflicted white slaveholder–and her progenitor.

Her survival, her very existence, depends on it.

This searing graphic-novel adaptation of Octavia E. Butler’s science fiction classic is a powerfully moving, unflinching look at the violent disturbing effects of slavery on the people it chained together, both black and white–and made kindred in the deepest sense of the word.

Kindred, the novel, is on my Next 20s list. I had meant to read it before I read the GN, but picked up the graphic novel based on a friend’s recommendation. The graphic novel is searingly painful, and I enjoyed reading it, but there are parts of it that feel slightly disjointed. I’m not sure if it’s because of the time travel, or if it’s an adaptation problem. It made me want to read the novel immediately, which is what I am reading right now. I don’t think that I’ll be able to properly synthesise my thoughts about this book until I’ve read the original.

    Mirror: The Mountain and The Nest by Emma Rios and Hwei Lim

A mysterious asteroid hosts a collection of strange creatures – man-animal hybrids, mythological creatures made flesh, guardian spirits, cursed shadows – and the humans who brought them to life. But this strange society exists in an uneasy truce, in the aftermath of uprisings seeking freedom and acceptance, that have only ended in tragedy. As the ambitious, the desperate and the hopeful inhabitants of the asteroid struggle to decide their shared fate, a force greater than either animal or human seems to be silently watching the conflict, waiting for either side to finally answer the question: what is worthy of being human?

Recommended to me by a new friend who’d heard I was into sci-fi and graphic novels, who absolutely hit the nail on the head with this rec. The art is beautiful, dreamy, and layered, and it keeps you tied to the story as the authors build what is a magnificent construction in your head. The authors do some really lovely things with timeskips that I have no idea how to talk about without spoiling anything, and I only regret that we weren’t able to linger through the second volume. I’m don’t know why there isn’t more of Mirror, but I do appreciate how they tied everything up as well as they could in two volumes. Looking forward to more like this in the future.

  Heartstopper: Volume Three by Alice Oseman

In this volume we’ll see the Heartstopper gang go on a school trip to Paris! Not only are Nick and Charlie navigating a new city, but also telling more people about their relationship AND learning more about the challenges each other are facing in private…

Meanwhile Tao and Elle will face their feelings for each other, Tara and Darcy share more about their relationship origin story, and the teachers supervising the trip seem… rather close…?

You can read all of Heartstopper and its future updates here. Heartstopper is a lovely slice of life comic, PG13 at best, that really takes me back to my own mid-teens. The story is centered around the developing relationship of two young boys, Charlie and Nick, and it really deals with it respectfully. It tackles a lot of teen issues without being too preachy about it, which is probably the least inspiring thing I could have written about it, and integrates it deftly into the story. The art style is adorable and really complements the sweet story. This volume, just released this month, revolves around a class trip to Paris, and there are some shenanigans that you’ll have to read for yourself.

  Sixty Six Book 2 by Russell Molina and Mikey Marchan

Kuwento ni Celestino Cabal. Kabebertdey niya lang. Mayroon siyang natanggap na regalo na ngayo’y unti-unti niyang binubuksan. Ika nga ng matatanda, “Huli man daw at magaling, maihahabol din.”

The story of Celestino Cabal. His birthday has just passed. He received a gift that he now gets to open, bit by bit. As the old saying goes, “Better late than never.”

This is the synopsis of the first book. There isn’t an official synopsis for the second book online, and I hesitate to write my own. Sixty Six Book 2 was released during February Komiket, and since I had been waiting for it for a few years, I had to go to the event even though everyone’s been iffy about going into crowded spaces due to COVID-19. I was excited to read this but unfortunately, I don’t think it capitalised on the foundation set in Book 1. The artist was different, and I admired their work on a technical level, as well as their humorous use of WASAK as a sound effect. I don’t know if there’ll be a third book, but the author has made themselves a little leeway for that possibility at the end of this volume.

  Thank You, Jeeves, Jeeves #5 by P.G. Wodehouse

The odds are stacked against Chuffy when he falls head over heels for American heiress Pauline Stoker. Who better to help him win her over but Jeeves, the perfect gentleman’s gentleman. But when Bertie, Pauline’s ex-fiance finds himself caught up in the fray, much to his consternation, even Jeeves struggles to get Chuffy his fairy-tale ending.

This book was in my next 20s! So I’m accomplishing one of my 2020 reading goals, yay! But hot damn there is some racist language in this book. Every time I was finally sinking into the story boom! Racist language! And I know that it was because of the time it was published, like I know that academically, but oof. That aside, the story is solid. It’s a comedy of manners AND errors with Jeeves ex machina, as per usual, but this is the first full Jeeves novel I’ve read, the rest were short story collections, and it was good to see the characters take more space. It certainly made the comedic payoff a lot stronger.

But oof.

  Die Vol. 2: Split the Party by Kieron Gillen, Stephanie Hans, and Clayton Cowles

No one can escape DIE until everyone agrees to go home. Or rather, no one can escape DIE until everyone who is alive agrees to go home. The second arc of the commercial and critical hit of bleakly romantic fantasy fiction starts to reveal the secrets of the world, and our heroes’ pasts. Yes, they can’t escape DIE. They also can’t escape themselves. Collects issues #6-10 of DIE

CHARACTERISATION. There’s a lot more breathing space in this newly-released volume of Die and I live for that! The first volume was a lot of the characters running from one place to the next and we, as readers, were being given the sense of setting. But volume two, you can feel Gillen just finally branching out and hitting us with their joined histories. I want to see more of how these older players will be dealing with the actions of their teenage selves, and I think the third volume will really show what the comic’s capable of. I’m really looking forward to that.

  False Value, Rivers of London #8 by Ben Aaronovitch

Peter Grant is facing fatherhood, and an uncertain future, with equal amounts of panic and enthusiasm. Rather than sit around, he takes a job with émigré Silicon Valley tech genius Terrence Skinner’s brand new London start up – the Serious Cybernetics Company.

Drawn into the orbit of Old Street’s famous ‘silicon roundabout’, Peter must learn how to blend in with people who are both civilians and geekier than he is. Compared to his last job, Peter thinks it should be a doddle. But magic is not finished with Mama Grant’s favourite son.

Because Terrence Skinner has a secret hidden in the bowels of the SCC. A technology that stretches back to Ada Lovelace and Charles Babbage, and forward to the future of artificial intelligence. A secret that is just as magical as it technological – and just as dangerous.

The last Rivers of London book finished the first major arc of the series. It was a succession of explosions contained in a novel. So I was wondering what kind of tone Aaronovitch would be setting with False Value. Would it be all action, immediately? A filler story? I just wanted more Peter Grant. It could literally be an entire novel of Peter going to America to visit the Smithsonian museums and I would be on that.

False Value is a slow story but does a lot of table setting for the next arc. While the case of the book feels very small and contained, you can see that they’re being pulled into the larger world of magic. I did have a hard time with the first few chapters, but I’m not sure if this is a problem of the book, or because I sailed straight into it after the Jeeves book I had been reading.

I finished the book too quickly and now I have to wait for the next one. Bother.

    The Thief, The Queen’s Thief #1 by Megan Whalen Turner

The king’s scholar, the magus, believes he knows the site of an ancient treasure. To attain it for his king, he needs a skillful thief, and he selects Gen from the king’s prison. The magus is interested only in the thief’s abilities.

What Gen is interested in is anyone’s guess. Their journey toward the treasure is both dangerous and difficult, lightened only imperceptibly by the tales they tell of the old gods and goddesses.

It’s March now, so my friends and I are starting on the second book in our read-along of The Queen’s Thief. I wrote last month that I was worried about how my friends would take the series, but really I needn’t have thought about it at all. The book stands well on its own, and my friends all got into the story. I hesitate to say that they loved it because there are four more books in the series, but they were definitely into it. Some of them had a hard time sticking to the two chapters a day schedule because Turner’s prose really just pulls you in.

I still love Gen, and I’m excited to relive his character growth.

  The Farthest Shore, The Earthsea Cycle #3

Darkness threatens to overtake Earthsea. As the world and its wizards are losing their magic, Ged — powerful Archmage, wizard, and dragonlord — embarks on a sailing journey with highborn young prince, Arren. They travel far beyond the realm of death to discover the cause of these evil disturbances and to restore magic to a land desperately thirsty for it.

I’m reading Tehanu, the last book of the Cycle, now, and I’m scared of ending the series. It’s given me so much joy and peace these past few months. I slipped right into it after finishing The Farthest Shore, remembering that they overlap slightly, and that’s done a lot to soften the blow of the third book. Re-reading Farthest at this age, when things have been losing their colour and flavour, where I have to fight harder to keep myself honest and keep myself ‘good’, hits differently. I’ve been recovering, and the bitterness that Ged has over the loss of his mastery is too real to me. Of course, it’s a good book, but it hurts.

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All right, that’s it for now. I’ll probably be popping in to post a little about Komiket and some other things I’ve been reading next week or so, so please keep a weather eye out for that next post!

February Reading Round-Up I won't be the first or last person to marvel at how quickly February whizzed past, especially in comparison to January's gauntlet.

I actually meant not just 5, but all the multiples, too, so 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 450, and 50!

Whoopsie! I totally read that wrong, lol! Sorry. Onward to answering! :D

I answered 5 over here. And nooooow:

10. What’s the most hard-core smut or kinky fic you’ve ever read (be honest)!  I am not trying to cop-out on this one, but it was a Hannigram one. I read it back in like 2016 when I was pregnant with my first kid. I cannot remember the name, but man... it was so so so smutty and so so so kinky. Crap, I wish I had kept better records of fics I read back in the day.

15. What makes you pick up a fic, what makes it sound interesting? All. Kinds. Of. Things. I am a sucker for fake dating AUs, and “there was only one bed” in all fandoms. Certain fandoms and certain ships, I prefer different kinds of fics. Zimbits always needs to be a happy ending or them ending up together. I want fluff to balance out the angst in a Zimbits fic. But Hannibal/Will Graham, can be bloody and violent and dark and I’m fine with that.

So, based on what I like from my ships, is what will make a fic interesting to me. But I’ll never turn down a fake dating or only one bed in any ship. I’m also a huge fan of the use of magic in fics, any kind of magic. And lately, I’m in a big soulmates AU. If it sounds like a person spent a lot of time creating and world building their story in their descriptions or tags, I’ll definitely check it out.

I hate that my answer changes for each ship, but it does!

20. What’s the weirdest fic you’ve ever read? Describe it. Hmm... I know I’ve read some really weird Hannibal and HP fics. But nothing is immediately jumping out in my mind. Crap, crap, crap. Why am I bad at answering these questions? Lol. The Harry Potter fic definitely involved like plants and stuff. Weird magical creatures too, but I just can’t remember the finer details. I read it years and years ago. Damn my past self.

25. What’s your opinion on reading dubious consent or no consent? For me personally, if I see a fic tagged with either one, I won’t read it. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable and I’m reading fics for fun. And that isn’t fun for me, so I won’t read it. What other people want to read? You go for it. You do you.

30. How often do you read fanfiction? I am trying to keep up with reading books this year. I am also trying to keep up with being able to recommend about six fics a month on my tumblr--so I try to dedicate at least one night to reading fics before bed at the least. And then, if I’m reading fics every night, I usually make myself stop to focus on my book reading list at least a couple nights a week. Some weeks, only one day and other weeks it is like every night. xD

35. Name all the Work in Progress fics that you are currently reading. Yay! Finally a non-wishy-washy answer from me.

Little Aurora

Is This A Dare?

I have a spreadsheet of all the fics I’ve read this year. So, I can actually keep track of what I’m reading too because I always forget about my bookmarks on AO3. I just don’t check that as often as this spreadsheet. Just channeling my inner Holster and Ransom.

40. Have you ever written fanfiction or considered it? Yes! I really enjoy writing Zimbits, and I need to get back into it. I’m still terrified each time I share a story but I have a lot of fun writing them.

45. Do you read fanfiction about Anime? I have in the past. Loved me some Daiya no Ace, but I haven’t been focused on anime in awhile. I should get back into it. I miss baseball so much.

50. What sites do you typically use to read on? AO3 is my preferred though I’ll read on other sites and tumblr, of course. But AO3 is my favorite place to read fics.