for the @wolfstarmicrofic prompt monster. 60 words. Text under the cut

My name is an omen. On my mother's breath, it sounded sweet: my Remus, my little wolf. Not so when my father spoke. My name: a curse. Sirius called me moon drunk, lunatic, his loopy loony Lupin. There was laughter in his voice. Every full moon I was remade, reshaped, reborn. Revealed.

I am who I was born to be.

Midnight Mooch

(bumping into a certain chosen one and greasy potion’s master)

the great gig in the sky is yassified remus as he transforms

hit those high notes wolf boy !!

whenever i study i just channel my inner remus lupin, like sure i just mauled myself the other night but that's no excuse to not do my writing assignments

So I was googling looking for a character I couldn't remember the name of and...

E n h a n c e

Ok... what obscure line about Roger Rabbit being a wolf am I forgetting lol?

OUGH Lupin realizing that not only is this imposter better than him in everyway...but realizing his friends liked them more, and are happier with them...it hurts. So whether the mask came off or not, he'd consider willingly giving up his title, his life, and his friends, because if they're happier with the "Fake Lupin", then he won't take that away from them--

- Angst Anon

Hehehehehehehe it’s literal imposter syndrome

A Highland Wolf for Christmas

Can I find enough Holiday Scottish Romance novels for the whole of December?

No. No, I can't.

Can I find sixteen Holiday-themed Scottish Romance novels for sixteen days of December? You bet I can!

Look at this mess. He's standing there, naked but for a wee scrap of tartan, up to his doubtless very manly thighs, in a literal snow drift. The giant wolf behind him is clearly no help, and it's not like they can take refuge in the miniature castle.

Being a Highlander does not make you immune to the cold. He'll be identifiable only by someone able to recognise his one perfectly preserved nipple, covered as it is with a sash, and his sporran-covered genitalia.

If Scrooge McWolf isn't visited by at least one ghost of a Christmas tense then I'm going to be super cross.

Also, my hope is that Calla Stewart seduces him into a sex coma and then spends all the money whilst he's still in bed.

I cannot stress enough how much I love that the synopsis just so casually goes "werewolf pack" and then moves on with a fairly so-far-so-usual romance synopsis.

So I watched that episode of Our Flag Means Death where Ed finds the bunny and thinks it's a wolf and thought, what if Remus was a wererabbit and Sirius had no idea? Anyways, have a drabble.

Here I Am (a rabbit-hearted boy)

Hogwarts Era. 654 words. Wererabbit Remus. G.

Remus' floppy ears twitch unhappily. He had been so careful—so careful not to let his friends see the monster he becomes every full moon. He thought he was sneaky, when he made his way out of the castle before dinner—after the other boys had already left for the Great Hall, but here is Sirius, standing above him with wide eyes. He'd seen the whole thing, the whole transformation—running into the clearing before Remus could even shout at him to stop. Before his body bent and twisted violently into a monster.  Remus' tiny body shakes in fear. Finally, after an impossibly long moment, Sirius seems to come back to himself. "R—Remus? Are you—you're a werewolf?"  …I'm a what now? 

"I thought maybe you were upset about Snape ruining your Potions final when you didn’t follow us down to dinner, so I came back to find you and saw you sneak out of the castle. I decided to  follow you, but I didn't think...Oh my God. You're so...so...cute."  Remus' nose twitches in a way that he thinks sufficiently expresses his shock and distaste. He’s not cute. He’s fearsome! An abomination! Sirius, unafraid, crouches down and strokes a gentle hand over the tawny fur on his back.  Okay, well Remus doesn't hate that.  Sirius scratches behind one floppy ear, and it makes Remus’ back foot twitch. Sirius smiles. "Are you a friend, wolf? Merlin, wait til I tell James about this! Our Moony—a real bloody werewolf!" and then as quickly as he’d appeared, he's gone, running off back toward the castle. It's just as well, Remus is dangerous like this. As much as he would love some company on the moons, one bite is all it would take and he could turn Sirius, too. He couldn't live with himself. Remus has just finished snacking on some grass, and is just about to hop into the underbrush to play chase with the rabbits of the Forest, when Sirius comes running back, this time with James in tow. Great. "See James! That's Remus, he's a werewolf!"  James, who is bent over trying to catch his breath, looks up at him like he's stupid. "That's a rabbit, Sirius." "No...I saw him transform—that’s Remus. He's a werewolf." "At best that's a wererabbit." He looks down at Remus, his face twisted in thought. "Sorry Remus, just a sec. Sirius—" he looks back up at the other boy, pinching the bridge of his nose. “—have you ever actually seen a rabbit before?" "Well, not precisely...Grimmauld is in the middle of London, not exactly teeming with rabbits and the like." "Babbity Rabbity? Surely you've read Babbity Rabbity at least." "I'm pretty sure Babbity Rabbity would never make it into the Black family library. Not macabre enough." James sighs. "Okay well, I’m telling you that's a rabbit." James points down at him, and Remus twitches his nose, hoping it conveys how tired he is.  Sirius stomps his feet, insistent. “But his last name is Lupin, not Lapin! He's Wolfie McWolf, not Bunny McRabbit!” “I’m pretty sure his name has nothing to do with which were-animal decided to take a chunk out of him, Sirius!” Remus tries to hop away while they’re fighting, but Sirius spots him and scoops him up into his arms. “Oh no you don’t! Come on Remus, I’ll sneak you back into the castle—get you something to munch on. What do rabbits eat, anyway? Hay? Flowers?”  Human flesh.  “They eat grass and, like, carrots. Good call though, better get him inside before an actual wolf spots him. Come on, Remus.” And that’s how Remus finds himself, a few hours later, in a soft bed, snuggled under the covers with Sirius’ hand gently resting on his furry back. He supposes being found out isn’t so bad, and if he wakes up in the morning—human again, Sirius spooning against his back, he thinks that might actually be even better.

Rory the innocent and gullible Rhino Furrie was just up in the outpost near The Boar Village home of the Jungle Tribe of Big Boars when, unbeknownst to him, his nemesis Marston McWolf the scheming and greedy Wolf Furrie comes from hiding behind a tall tree. He plots to brainwash and exploit the simple-minded Rhino by casting a Hypnotic Spell that he learned from Spirol the greedy Purple Dragon from Medievilonia. Before he could perform his next move, however, scaffolding supporting the chubby Rhino eventually breaks, making Rory lose his balance and fall. McWolf gulps nervously when he knows what's coming. The great, big three-hundred pound Rhino Furrie falls down on top of the humiliated Wolf, flattening him. Before long, a whole crowd of Big Boars led by their jungle shaman Hoggart come to thank the confused Rhino for saving them from that greedy Wolf. To find out what broke his fall, Rory reaches and pulls a squashed Wolf out of his gigantic butt. Suddenly enraged Rory brutally beats Marston McWolf within every inch of his life. He then smacks the battered Wolf seventy yards away with his big booty. Grateful and impressed by his heroic deed Hoggart invites calmed-down Rhino to come stay with him and his family, to which he attends a large feast of thousands of fruits in front of The Boar Statue. The story ends with Rory the Rhino Furrie teaching The Big Boars to do The Bump Bump, a dancing move that involves mostly bumping their big butts🦏🐺🐗

sirius' initials being SOB will never not be funny. almost as funny as wolf john mcwolf and black dog. like???

Oh btw happy bday wolf mcwolf

“Hm, sure,” he responded, staring deeply into his eyes, “so, what's your name, pretty boy?”

“Sirius,” the stranger- Sirius - responds quickly, smirk still present, “how about you?”

“Lupin, Remus Lupin.”

“So Wolf McWolf?” Sirius says while smirking, “Sexy, I like it.”

“Ok, star boy” Remus replies, trying to hide a smile.

“Anything is better than Wolfy, darling. Plus, I prefer star man”

Now that, that intrigues Remus.

“You like Bowie?” he asks, perhaps too excited for his own liking.

“Obviously,” he responds with a playful eye roll, “I mean look at me, im the classic queer man stereotype, of course I like Bowie.”

Remus smiles at that. “‘The queer man stereotype’. I need a shirt that says that.”

“Any reason why you would want that shirt, moony?” he asks, smirking.

“Wait,” Remus says while sitting up in the chair, fully emersed in the conversation now, “what the fuck did you just call me?”

ff - last train home by ziggystrdust (me!!)

they actually drive me insane they’re so disksmskakskaksksksksk

Hc that Remus justifies his boggart as the fear the moon will fall and crush him.

Because I simply refuse to follow the idea that everyone is afraid of like spiders, snakes, monsters, etc. and NO ONE questions Remus having the entire moon as his??

Preposterous. School kids GOSSIP.

Better for Wolf McWolf to redirect the jokes before someone who ~literally uses Latin for their spells at school~ decides to put (1) braincell worth of effort into deconstructing his name and the dots connect themselves.

With this (1) narrative shift you get everyone kinda feeling bad for him bc his BEST FRIENDS call him Moony and mock his biggest fear. Poor Remus, we can’t make fun of him too, he gets a hard enough time with his dorm mates.

Headcannon that Remus' middle name isn't John, it's Lyall (following the wizarding tradition of having ur middle name be after a parent) but he hates that he's named Wolf Wolf McWolf so when his fellow marauders asked his middle name he said "John" be it was the first to come to mind and apparently Wolf John McWolf is better. But then the marauders proceeded to tell everyone that was his middle name and making fun of his “one normal name” so he was stuck with the lie. And then they got him a briefcase with his initials RJL bc “you're going to be a great professor someday moony I know it" and obviously he's going to use this briefcase so now he's really committed to the lie of his middle name being John

Everyone brings up Cho Chang and Wolf McWolf-Face as examples of JK’s weird naming habits, but no one ever brings up that Luna’s father’s canonical legal name was Monsterfucker Good-at-Sex.

Like. XENOPHILIUS LOVEGOOD. Was that his porn-star name? Was he a stripper? Was being editor of the quibbler a cover for his wildly successful career in fantastic beast shaped dildo production?